The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Mad House (feat. Maddy Smith)

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

Comic Maddy Smith comes in to talk about her new podcast Mad House and gets into: getting hit on by homeless, how to make a proper sandwich, and ejaculate. Jay needs a disguise so Corey Feldman won't recognize him in Loserville. Jay reveals his projected winner for Americas Got Talent this season. *To hear the full show and subscribe to SXM go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Maddie I honestly don't know No, you're fine. I honestly don't know why What am I doing? I try to he told me to talk. No you stuck your tongue away You know just prepping prepping yeah, I Don't know why when I try to think of a song, when we have a guest coming, I try to think of a song that's like, oh, this will be a good vibe for that. I'm not sure why Pound on My Muffin was the idea.

No, that's good. I love muffins. Yeah. Love Pound. That's not what she means. But it's a very black song. I'm on a black show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you censoring yourself? Yeah. We should try that. You're a dirty... I'm on a very black song, I'm on a black show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you censoring yourself? Yeah. We should try that. You're a dirty... With a hard K. You just catch the end of it? I'm on a black show.

Everybody, we have from MTV's Wild N Out everybody and her new podcast, Mad House, happening right now on guest digital, it's out right? Yeah, just tomorrow. Tomorrow's first release. This is live. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I can't, I can't, I fucking love her so much. This is why when I met her I freaked out because she was doing this shit and I'm like what the fuck is happening? And the only thing you do is go with it. He was like, I thought this was gonna be a dud. I did, I thought she was doing this shit. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? And the only thing you do is go with it. He was like, I thought this was going to be a dud. I did. I thought she was going to stink.

Bob, this is a dud today on a Chas Barmentieri podcast. What? Really? Well, I thought it was. Apparently, I was well liked when we talked. But no, I. Hey, surprise. Bobby left.

And everyone that was there was nice and said, great job. Oh, he called them on it and no one said no, you actually sucked, surprise, surprise. No, you were great, dude, I think you were super energetic. I swear to God, when they booked you on the show, I saw your face and I was like, blah. And you came on. That's not nice? No, no, no, no.

And you came on and you were one of my favorite people I've ever had on the show. I appreciate it. It was so fun. You did tell me that, you left out the blah part. It's okay, he told me, so I get it. I saw your picture, I threw up a little. I threw it in my mouth.

But now, I'm actually starting to see something. I thought you were just gonna be like, hey, how are you, I'm here, I went to college. Yeah, like low energy. I don't know, but you're mentally ill, which I love. I'm here to rock. You're the best, you are here to rock. I don't know about that. Yeah, but you're mentally ill, which I love. I'm here to rock. You're the best. You are here to rock.

Thank you. I like your camo pants. Thanks. And yes, Gas Digital, tomorrow is when my pod starts. What is the pod about? Dude, it's just me rockin' and rollin'. Moving, shaking. It's a mad house.

Did I dance with you at an AA dance, the Stay Away to Heaven or what? Yes, yes. Man, it's weird. We shared a cup of black coffee. A AA probably was regaling us with stories of AA dances, which had no sex or booze or fun. It did have sex.

It did have uncomfortable songs to dance to, like Stairway to Heaven. B-52s, Rock Lobster? I believe Mr. Roboto was in, there's all these songs. Okay, that's fun. I think Bohemian Rhapsody, everything gets fast, slow, fast again. Don't forget Meat Loaf by The Dashboard Light.

Yes. That's the one I took over the floor. Oh yeah, I bet you did. Yeah. That's not true. Little Meat Loaf yourself. Yeah, yeah. What do you dance for that?

What do you dance? You just run around and sing the song. And then people make way. Like a mascot? People make way for Bob Kelly. She just run around in a circle and start singing, like, doing the girl part. Will you love me for bad before you need me?

Will you never leave me? Got to know right now. But I'm running my life in the mirror way. Will you make me your wife? What are the odds? What, do you know that song well, Maddie? A little bit. If I heard it at a dance, I would get out there with you.

Yeah. Yeah, you'd do it. You'd dance to anything. Was there Hot Girls at AA? It was two. Yeah. Two. Bobby was one of them.

Two, two, two. I was one of them. Yeah, it was, let me say something. Here's the thing. When they were there, they might have been hot like out in the world, but in a church basement on a Saturday night, hot is relative. You know, you go up like 17 points.

Of course. I don't know if you watch intervention. As long as you have teeth. People think I'm hot in comedy. But out there, no one's looking. No one's swiping on this. In comedy, you're a 10. No.

In the mall, you're a four. I know. As a person who watches, in the mall, you're a 10. In the mall, you're a four. I know. As a person who watches, in the mall, you're a four. In Ohio, well. I was talking Tampa. Ohio, you're going back up. Oh, you're in Ohio, 19. Yeah, you're a.

That's a good point. Ohio, 19 is funny. Well, you know, I'm from Buffalo, so. Yeah. Same kind of area. You're a 35. Buffalo, 70. Especially, you're... Same kind of area. You're 35. Buffalo, 70. I know, especially because the guys are so drunk.

I know. Who is that? Buffalo people are... You're Niagara Falls, 104. Yes, I am. Oh my God, what a shithole Niagara Falls is, right? It really is a shithole. It is time someone just fucking took the piss out of Niagara Falls.

Enough. Yes, enough. Yeah. A lot of Asians. How many people die at the Queen of the Mist or whatever? Maid of the Mist. 14, 14 a year. That's a fact.

No it's not. Look it up. It's a Bobby fact. Nah, it's 100% true. Only a few people have tried to go over in a barrel. One guy made it. I know. That was crazy.

Pretty impressive. Really? Yeah, he made it. Barrel broke though, right? You ever see the video where the guy just jumps off and goes in the water and goes off the falls and people are like, yo, I think a guy just jumped off. Oh yeah, there's not much you could do.

No, there's nothing you could do. It's like seeing in the distance a guy on a rooftop getting ready to jump and you're like, I have no involvement in this whatsoever. Just gonna pour a glass of wine and watch this. There's a city question I asked Christine yesterday. If you saw somebody jump and you were on that corner, or across the street, we'll say,

you're not gonna get any guts on you, but you can see the situation happening, and they jump. Do you think the last second you turn away, or right away do you turn away, or do you get away from it altogether? I think I stay. I think I would, I think my personality is I watch and severely regret it the rest of my life that I watched.

Me too. I would stay and watch. I would watch and severely regret it the rest of my life that I don't I think I would stay and watch I would think I yeah see it's smart to walk away, but I want I There's that feeling I had that first one was the the first beheading video that happened Years ago the Daniel whatever guy and I was like there's a video of it's on the internet It was such a crazy concept you can go look at this thing and I watched and I was like Oh, that was like a real thing can't unsee it. I was I think it's very real. You just watched a guy like it's crazy I don't want to watch a suicide. I'll walk away from a rape I stay for that

Just finish already the trains. By the way, you can finish inside me, I'm on the pill. I have an IUD. She does that thing where the tongue makes me laugh. I would definitely watch someone jump out of a building. I've missed trains, like watching homeless people fight and stuff. I would never watch somebody, that's my fear. People fight on the train platform, I walk away, because I don't want to see somebody just get cut in half.

Man, that would be righteous. I kind of like it. They got to call their family and they come down before they move the train so they can. That's my favorite one, dude. I like chaos, like watching it from the violence. You have to talk to people while your guts are being held together by train wheels,

and you gotta be like, uh, my grandma's gonna feel like you're not gonna have time to get her. Tell her she was a cunt. Yeah. You'd be like, Christine, Gil's still getting everything. Yeah. Tell Christine, tell Christine, the will I wrote on air stands. She gets almost nothing.

Except the cups. Okay, bye, guys. Except my memorabilia sports cups. Keep producing the show. All right, move. Mm-hmm. All right, move. I'm ready. Have you ever seen it, somebody get killed? No.

Mm. I've seen people be shot. I saw a guy get shot at on the... the guy was on the ground, and I can only assume it was... but I was driving away from it. Oh, you didn't see... I've never seen somebody get killed but I was driving away from it. Oh, you didn't see, I've never seen somebody get killed.

I saw the flash of a thing, again, I'm only assuming, by the way, he could have shot it next to the guy to be scaring him, I didn't stick around to even kind of find out, but a guy was thrown on the ground and the other guy held the gun, and then like you heard like the, I don't know, maybe. That's the closest I think I've ever been to something like that.

I would never want to say, I hate that. I don't wanna be near it. I'm also icky. How about the guy, the way people, and again, you hope in a situation you respond with some kind of guts and show that you're a human being, but when they showed the people picking up the guy who got shot, the firefighter at the Trump thing, I was like, if I was sitting next to him,

I'd be like, eeeh! And he'd be making such an icky, like, aah! Eeeh him, I'd be like, eeeeh! And he'd be like, aah! Eeeeh! His body's so limp! Eeeeh! Gross, gross, gross! Oh god, oh god, oh god! Is your dad's brains on me?

Oh, is your dad's brains on me? Yeah. Have you guys ever had a homeless person like pick you as the one they're gonna berate that day? Yes. I had a hot Asian do it to me. Really? Yeah, over on Sixth Ave.

A girl? Hot Asian girl. Homeless? I don't know. I wish she was homeless. She was not well. Okay. I was such a pussy too.

I sat down, I was talking to Matt Frost, I was on the phone, and she came over and was just staring at me, but she was kinda hot. And I'm on the phone, I looked over at her. So what's up? And she went, you fucking motherfucker. Oh shit.

And I was like, oh shit, it's kinda weird, but then she's like, you fucking, you fucking. And I just turned. That is weird, no accent. I turned, no accent, spoke like you. You fucking, she was like, You fucking motherfucker. That's not Asian. You fucking motherfucker.

What are you, fucker. I just raise my voice when I try to sound Asian. 20, 30 people most of them suicides. Are you Rick and Morty? Yeah, looking to the moon there. No, she didn't speak English, she was kind of hot. And she kept going, you fucking. And then she started growling at me. And I was so weird, I was like, she's not speak English. She was kind of hot. And she kept going, you fucking. And then she started growling at me.

And I was so weird. I was like, she's not doing it to me. She's doing it to somebody else. Then she went, you fucking, I'll fucking kill you. You fucking look at me. I'll fuck you racist motherfucker. And then she came over to me. And she's going, you fuck, I'll fucking kill you.

You fucking look at me like that, you racist motherfucker. She had a French-ter. Everybody got up and left, and left me there. Yeah. Nice. So I'm on the phone with my agent, I'm like, yo man, something's going on. And I had a- I think I found our lead. Yeah.

I had just been given one of those cop badges, you know when you get the PBA card? Sure. But then the next level is an actual little gold badge. I had just been given one of those, which I wanted forever, and I had it in my $100 bill wallet, so it looked like a $100 bill, but it was a wallet, and I had my badge in it.

So when you flipped it open, the badge. But it was in the back pocket while you were riding on a Vespa. So no, I was not on a Vespa. So then, so she came, she starts yelling at me and coming at me, I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm like, back up, back up. And I flashed my mini gold badge.

I went and I held it open, I go back up. She went, you're fucking dead. And then I just ran, I just started running and she was chasing me and I I had outrun this bitch. I thought the badge, my little mini gold badge, was going to make her, he's off duty. I'm a detective in the tiny, tiny PD. Yeah.

I work at Candyland. I handle all small crimes. Yeah, I hate when they single you out. Dude, it happened to me once. No one helped either. Yeah, they don't help. Guy came up. I knew he was on drugs.

His eyeballs touched me before he did. A foot away from his face, and he called me the N-word, and then he said, I'm gonna shoot you in the fucking head. So he's familiar with your TV work. Yeah, I said, okay, I get how you would get me confused with them. Why are you always winning Wild N Out, bitch? You always on the black squad. You know what I do gotta say, I do understand

why you would say that to me, but. Yeah, I said you might have the wrong guy. Yeah, he goes, are you listening to Wild'N Out? Yeah. Yeah. It's got the audio version. Are you doing just the audio version? Because that's strange.

That's a pretty strange approach. He actually did come on the train and he wasn't following me then, but when he got on the train, he like slammed his foot through the window of the door and it shattered. So, yeah. What did you do?

Well, we all had to get off at the next stop. You ruined our whole night. Nobody helped you? Nope. They didn't help me until he walked away and then people came up and they're like, sorry about that. Are you okay?

Isn't that fucking weird? They said, we thought you guys were together. Yeah. That's what happened. The guy was like leaking foam. Yeah, that's my boyfriend. That's what happened. The guy was like leaking foam. Yeah, that's my boyfriend. That's what happened. The guy tried to stab me.

He was slicing at me with a knife. And then when it was over, all these old white women came by. Are you okay? Are you all right? And then the guy with the vest walked over. I'm like, hey, that guy tried to kill me. He was like, yeah, it was crazy. I'm like, what?

Yeah. You work here. I saw that. I mean, Christine and Rebecca were just jerked off, and depending on how you want to read it, jerked off at or jerked off to. Mm-hmm. Well, both. Against.

In New Orleans. Yeah, and then last night, this is another one, last night was such a driving last night, was such like a, I gotta get the fuck out of this city, like night. There was so many things. Headlined by, when we were driving up 10th Avenue. Thank God, only us in another car on the street. A fucking lady comes running down, I mean, diagonal down the street.

We're driving, she starts running down the street, screaming like bloody murder. And then when she gets past us, she just has kind of like a, fuck, I'm talking about thing. Just like, and then started walking. It was crazy. I had the really like legit slam the brakes Killed because the way people jet out in front of cars and this but she was saying she was running Look, she was trying to kill herself by car. She was running towards traffic. It was crazy. Oh

Fucking hate it. I went home and ate our turkey sandwich Ugh, fucking hate it. I hate this. We went home and ate our turkey sandwich. Turkey? What kind of turkey? That's good, it's on rye bread. Oh, I love rye bread. That does make me happy.

Sunny nannies, deli, they make you a nice thick. Mustard or mayo? Mayo, both sides of the bread. Nice. You have extra mayonnaise on the side? No, I didn't get that. You don't dip? And now my new thing on almost all sandwiches,

where I always thought vinegar was the big deal on sandwiches, I love vinegar on a lot of sandwiches, oil on almost any sandwich. Any sandwich. Oil and... Except meatball. No, no, for sure. That makes no sense, but any deli meat one,

or something like that. A turkey sandwich, a turkey sandwich. Except meatball. What? Turkey sandwich from the deli with, it was crazy to say meatball. That's crazy. That's why I said it.

Yeah. I'm adding two deli with, it was crazy to say meatball. That's crazy. That's why I said it. Yeah. I'm adding two. I'm adding two. You do it. I didn't know you guys were fucking checking my stats. We need so many sandwiches next week. Can I say something right now that you have to try that sounds fucking nuts but it's good?

And I had it in Norway and now it's becoming a thing? It's gonna be like pigeon. No. So why are you gonna go negative? Well, you said it's from Norway or something. The fuck is wrong with Norway? I didn't say Iraq. I didn't say fucking Turkey. I said Norway. Norway's a beautiful country.

No, that's like real life Asgard. It's gonna be weird stuff. Oh, you've never eaten an osh... You've never eaten, like, a peacock ostrich? Novalox. It's... Ice cream. Chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream? I've never eaten a peacock ostrich. Novalox. Ice cream, chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream, mainly vanilla, try it.

Olive oil and salt. Yes, I have seen this. That doesn't sound crazy to me. It sounds weird. I would have never thought of it, but when you're saying it, I'm like, all that shit, that adds up. Buddy, it's so good.

Because Bobby turned my life around, because I was always like, and I never even thought this myself. Yeah So he turned my life around because I was always like I never went myself. Yeah No, we were in Montreal last time Bobby would order a side of tuna fish and it was pretty good tuna fish Okay, and my favorite tuna when I would buy and make tuna fish the shit You don't get it very often is it shitty for you, but the best one was in oil Yes, the tuna in oil good. It made it almost like dark meat tuna. It was so much better than just like chunk the thick albacore.

So much better. They would give Bobby a thing of that with an aside of mayonnaise and a side of oil. Didn't realize the oil was the whole, adding your own oil to tuna is never even something I thought of before. Yes, you can just add it. Get the tuna in water.

And they always add. So most very short, the turkey sandwiches last night, now I throw on even a turkey and cheese, basic turkey and cheese, oil, salt, pepper. Always. Salt and pepper, always. This is how much oil I put on. I'm gonna say put on the oil, and then you say, just say. Oh, you tell me when I don't have enough oil, eh?

Oh wait, it's a sunny day. You tell me enough oil! How much oil you want? No, no, no, no. How much oil you want? How much oil you want? I give you all after charge you for oil. You keep using too much oil. It's Cleveland Jimmy Johns. Cleveland Jimmy Johns.

Oh, okay. Shit. What do you got? Man, I don't even know what that's about, dog. I want you to put oil on and just keep going. I'll tell you when to stop. This is how much oil I like. I got oil.

The olive oil. Yo, Rasheek. We got oil? I'm. The olive oil. The olive oil. Yo, Rasheek. You like to put that oil in there? We got oil? I'm asking for a guy. Yeah. Hang on. Word. This?

This it? Yeah, that's it. How much you want, man? Just keep going. I'll tell you when. Well, how do you do it? I'll tell you when. Keep going.

Hang on, the lid came off and it poured all over. I gotta start over from scratch. Yo, Rafik, I gotta throw this one in the garbage and make this man a new turkey and oil sandwich? Motherfucker crazy talking all that shit. I know he looking. Oil on turkey. What's wrong with you?

Just put the oil on. I'm putting the oil on the turkey, sir. Can you put the oil on? I'm putting the oil on the turkey, sir. Put the oil on. I'm putting the oil on. Well, keep going. Rafik, they don't pay me enough to deal

with this motherfucker like this. Nope. We're about to be on World Store Hip Hop. This ends in a World Store Hip Hop fight. You beat me with a sub. Yes, it does. Rafiq they don't pay me enough to deal with this motherfucker like this We're about to be on world star hip hop This ends in a world star hip hop fight you beat me with a sub I get I squirt oil in my eyes. I am put out they get annoyed where they're like, is that it? I'm like keep going keep going. I love it. I love a nice oil. Am I great This is gonna this might be the most unfunny

Just thing I've ever thought to say on a broadcast in my life. Hey everybody, if you're listening to the Bonfire as a podcast, you gotta know there's a whole second half of the show that you're not getting to hear. Look, if you love the Bonfire, which you know you do, this is just half of the show. Go subscribe to SiriusXM at SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire. Subscribe right now. at www.xm.com slash bonfire. Subscribe right now. But is it the idea that the oil brings out the flavor of everything else?

It makes your lettuce better, it makes your mayo better. You're dressing the veggies. The salt though. The salt. Salt is the necessary. You need the salt. The salt kicks the oil, kicks the flavor. You can't just put oil,

you need a little salt and pepper in there. Maybe a little bit of oregano. What? Oregano. All right. I don't know about that. Oregano. Oregano's a hard choice.

It's good to toss in there, maybe a little Parmesan cheese. Parmesan cheese, I'll go with the cheese. You're just saying crazy. Now you're getting. Dude, Parmesan cheese? On a sandwich? Yeah, on a salad? Yes, on a salad, yes. I take Parmesan cheese, every salad I have, I'll put Parmesan cheese? On a sandwich? Yeah, on a salad? Yes, on a salad, yes.

I take Parmesan cheese, every salad I have, I'll put Parmesan cheese on it. I was talking about salad. I'll put it on there. But on a sandwich, still good. Parmesan cheese and a sandwich. Next time you go to Jersey Mike's. Instead of salt, Parmesan cheese.

Parmesan cheese. And the oil and the Parmesan cheese. Because the Parmesan cheese makes the salt. So if you take the Parmesan cheese and put it on there, it replaces... It's freaking me out every time it does it. Parmesan cheese. Parmesan cheese, instead of salt and pepper,

it makes it salty but cheesy with the oil. Oh, God. But also still include your regular sliced cheese. Don't think it's a replacement for... You can't replace the regular cheese. I'm a white American guy. We know you yeah. Yeah, you are I'm fine with black cheese. Just I went over there I'm a white American cheese, but I prefer to keep my black American cheese

I don't like Prevlon is overrated. What is it called? I think it's great. Prevalone. Provalone. Prevalone. Prevalone. Nope, putting into the word prevalent. Provalone. And also provolone. Pro.

Provalone. Provalone. Pro. Provalone. Purv-alone. I'm saying that, provolone. Purvalone. I'm saying provolone.

That's what Bobby calls his Monday through Wednesday now. Purvalone as hell. I'm just purving alone. Yeah. Prevalone. I'm gonna go purvalone. Prevalone. Provalone. Prevalone. Pr-valone is else. I'm just purring alone. Yeah. Purr-valone. I'm gonna go purr-valone. Purr-valone. Purr-valone.

P-R-O-V. I don't say it that way, I say purr-valone. Oh good. You wanna hear Bobby's secret? You can say it either way. You guys wanna hear Bobby's secret? Yes. He says I tell everybody everything anyway.

You're gonna tell people? Yeah. Why? When Bobby's home alone, he whacks himself off of sleep by 8 p.m. every night. And I know because I call. No, no, no. I know because I call and I check on him

and he always goes, oh. And I go, are you asleep, dude? This is before spots usually for most people. And he goes, no, I go, you jerked yourself asleep again early, didn't you? Because no one's home and you're jerking with volume and I understand and I'm gonna let you go. And he goes, okay.

Well, there's something about being home, nobody there, being in the bed. And then we- No dog is big. No dog, no wife. I couldn't jerk off in my bed when Christine was gone because the dog would just look. Yep.

My dog would come in, see what I'm doing, and then she'd leave. And she'd go. Oh wow. She'd go. Can I be honest with you? Not mine. Mine would either do a weird thing

where she would get up there and hunt your back and just look at my dick while I'm jerking it and I'd be like, stop. Or she would do the most adorable thing where she walks in a circle three times and then just nudges like her ass in like a circle and just lay right next to me on my jerk arm is what I would do. I'm like, I can't. Even if she was on this arm, I could jerk off.

She's on my jerk arm. So when I'm jerking, you're feeling her moving. I can't. I couldn't do it. No chance. I would go in the other room, and Doodles would side-eye me from her dog bed, like ugh, you piece of shit. I wouldn't even try, I know the dog's personality.

I jerk in the bathroom, or the guest room when she's home, close to her. When you have, I mean, I haven't been alone fully, I mean, in the hotel, in the road, but still. But to be home at night alone, no dog, no wife, no time limit, I can take as much time as I want. How much time do you want? Around three and a half minutes.

Okay, I was gonna say. He goes, now I would love to make this like a real 45 minute or if I could. I can spread out, watch the videos I want. And I tell you, that new phone I got is perfect. I mean, it is my porn phone. The new Galaxy Fold. Oh, because it opens to the big screen.

Buddy, this thing, look at this. This is pretty much, when you, I mean. Was that your condom you jerk off into? I mean, look at that. Do you use magnums to jerk off so it catches all your jizz and doesn't stick to your wiener? Look at that, it's perfect. Oh my God.

That's a perfect porn. Is that the porn you watch? No, that's not. Enter the money flow. Just an old lady? No, it was a manifesting woman. Bobby, you enter those things that starts every porn video where it goes, fuck local ugly women right now.

No, I did, I got that. That's what you know you are in porn with, because the ad before it. I'll tell you what's happening to me, too much of my problem with porn. I definitely watch it enough that I don't know what their porn name is or who they are, but there's been a new one recently

in a new ad, who's a brunette, and there's an older one of a girl who's like, not chubby, but she's like a thicker blonde girl getting fucked on, and both of them are great. You can't find those scenes. They're just the ad girls. Oh, okay. But there are, they are porn stars for sure. I just don't know who they are, but I've-

Where are they? Yeah, I'm like, where's that girl? I wanna watch that girl's scenes. They gotta fix the ad thing, because the ad volume is 30 times louder than- Of course. So you have the volume where you know your porn volume should be, and then that comes on.

You like old women with dicks will come down, you know, it's like, what? Try not to come while this orc fucks this princess. Yeah, exactly. I know the video game. I dare you to not come. You like stuff in your ass too, what? I mean, yeah.

Or how about, have you watched this one? Have you been holding your wiener in your hand, or your respective vagina? And you see, how about the one where it's like, holding my vagina in your hand? I guess it hangs pretty low. Here's a couple of the ones. I'm gonna throw up. How about?

I'm just pictured her holding her vagina. It's prolapsed. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Hey, somebody wanna push this thing back in? Come on, help a girl out.

Hey, could somebody pour oil on this and some cheese? Some oregano. You make any Parmesan cheese? A little Parmesan. A little Parmesan. A little Purvalone. Purvalone. Oh, fuck, what's the note you're possibly writing for that?

Yeah, what is this, a clip? What is this, a clip that's going on my Instagram? What'd you say? We're clipping it out. Clipping it out. Porn ads. Oh yeah, porn ads. How about this, have you seen them one where it's like,

take this simple pill and then they just show you two cups and one's like, this is your stupid load right now, but if you take Semenax, your load's gonna come over a fucking rocks glass. No, they fill up like a cup. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a ramekin full of jizz. Fake load.

Yeah, it's disgusting. Glass load. Do you know's disgusting. Glass milk. Do you know they sell at sex stores, and I think women do purchase these. It's gotta be for OnlyFans stuff exclusively. They make dildos now that like squirt jizz on you. Really? Yeah.

Like a fake jizz they squirt on you. Yeah, it's sugar jizz. Do you have to fill it then? Yeah, you have to fill it. You have to go. Like a super soaker. Yeah. You have to go to homeless people and you buy the gist.

Oh, you get their gist. Or you can buy it at the store. Okay, cool. It's a real grassroots situation. I love that you made that, you made the homeless guy Chinese too? Yeah, you got some gist for you. I know what that is.

Ejaculating dildos. I don't like that. Oh, one's a strap on, Christine, so you can fuck me and come all over me. Did you? Yeah. Have you seen the game and come all over me. Did you? Yeah. Have you seen the game, and we should get it for the show, where you have to jerk off the dicks,

and it shoots a load, whoever loses. I think whoever loses, the other person gets a load shot in their face. Yeah, it's like a carnival game. Yeah. Instead of getting electrocuted, you get jizz on your face. But this is what we should do. We should put DJ Lou's jizz in it. Actual jizz. you get jizz on your face, but this is what we should do. We should put we should put

DJ Lewis jizz in it actual jizz actual jizz. Yes Now you're doing the regs too long, dude. That's a Lewis esque idea that everyone has turned down It'll be funny all of our jizz will be in the pie He was on the pie in the face game. It's the same thing basically It's like you know if it was once you get wrong like you don't answer the question One person goes but it'll be all of our cum in it. And I'm like, I don't want your cum on my face. I don't want a mixed cum. I don't want everybody's cum on my face.

By the way, I'll take one cum on my face. The burden of perspective is that I see exactly how funny that is. It's so funny. I'm just not the let's put your jizz on my face guy. I just don't want different types of jizz on my cheek. Just people. Yeah, I don't want your jizz

and Louis's yellow type of jizz. You can tell the difference. Then Dave's smart jizz. Well, James not allowed to jerk off. So I bet Dave's got a cork probably. Like first he shoots like a hard piece of cum. That's literally. Yeah, it's like toothpaste.

Ew. Yeah, yeah, yes. Exactly what we talked about on your podcast. It's the bad toothpaste. Comes out yellow and bleh. Yeah, yeah. You gotta do this to the hole to get it out. You're like, you're Dr. Pimple popping.

That's why I don't support no nutting. You guys gotta get it out. Clear out the filter. What do you mean? When guys are like, oh, I'm taking a break from jacking off. Don't do that. You gotta grease and clear the system. Maddie Smith doesn't want your old jizz that's been sitting around your nut bag.

First of all, plastic parts of your mold of your urethra or whatever it comes out of. You don't have to worry about that with me. I could nut jizz for a year. It would still be the same jizz Just come out like jello gelatin. Yeah, just comes out like the best parts of baked macaroni and cheese Just the tops Disturbing

Do we have to go I don't even like jizz what Do we have to go? I don't even like jizz. What? I thought I was looking at you. She had the plugs on. I don't like jizzing on girls. I'm not a fan of that. I like the jizz in my area.

I love jizzing on girls, but I am also, we could deal with it right away. By all means, we could wipe it up. If you have a half wet, half dry towel. Christine should just sit in it and just mill, it's fine. No, no, that's not an insult, I'm just saying. Like, we're a couple. It's not so much of a race.

It's not so much of a race to go. I'm saying, like, if I came on, like, a different chair, I'd be like, oh, God, I'm a piece of shit. You mean she could do some Skankfest work with a jizz still on her cheek? Yes, Christine. Hang on, I gotta get this, it's Lewis. Let me tell you something. Go ahead, why?

No, they're not coming. I know, I give Christine a lot of shit, but no one in this business can produce covered in jizz like Christine. She's got great skin. Everyone's familiar with the jizz walk, that trend on the internet where the girl gets come in her face and walks through?

Yeah, no one's talking about jizz walk, that trend on the internet where the girl gets come to our face and walks through. Yeah, no one's talking about jizz work, working with cum on your face. That's what Christine's entering in, ushering in the era of. You never heard of cum walks before? No. I love that he says it like you're an asshole. I know. I don't think you're an asshole.

You haven't, sorry. You've never heard of cum walks before? He asked me like, I heard that meatloaf song before. Bobby's trying to get us into a fight. I wasn't asking in a condescending way. I was saying, oh, you've never heard of this. I would never want you to be a fight with her. You're trying to, you want to be her favorite on the show.

I don't wanna be anybody's favorite. I can feel everyone here competing. That is fucked up. So it's all good. First of all, we know Paco's her favorite. Oh, geez. It's between, it's between Black Lou and you. Whoa. Sorry.

Oh, God. Wait, go back a second. Do I know her? No. Now, go back. Is that Kim Comet? Bring the video back. I want to see the videos called.

Is that Kim and Louis? Wait, is this... I swear to you, Cady West, I've jerked off to many of this girl's things. She always acts like she's out and about, and they convince her to come back and girl's things. She always acts like she's out and about and they convince her to come back and fuck, but it's always just, I just very recently

jerked off to this chick. What, congrats. Congrats, you're so cool. That's pretty impressive, that's pretty good, man. Thanks for showing us. Cady West, everybody, I didn't know, I didn't know. I just saw the thing and I was like, weird. Well anyway, she doesn't come walk.

Yeah, so that's her inches on her face. And then she just walks around with it. Yeah, so that's her inches on her face Yeah, but okay, this isn't like something to do it through a fucking mall Oh my god. Yeah, but that looks like something she just sneezed and she doesn't have a tissue I like caddy. She seems like a regular old girl, but she is a pig piece of shit So what is the thing that she's walking by a chick who's writing in a journal with her face? That she's walking around with come on her face yeah and they go somewhere where people are trying to enjoy it like a nice park and that's gonna take two washes to get that every shirt she's the came out of your mouth off your chin yeah just throw

it away yeah well I'll tell you what nobody wants that Robin Hood fucking shirt anyway I guess you know what you I wants that Robin Hood fucking shirt anyway. What is that? What is that? I guess that's, you know what she was, I don't care if Lode gets on this. My mom got this for me two Christmases ago. All good. I'm just going, yeah. Go ahead, come all over it.

That's so weird, dude. Do you want to come walk? I don't know, because she's doing a come walk, but nobody's there. Like, it'd be more interesting if there was like a bunch of kids playing around and some guys jogging with a dog. But I want you to picture is instead of it being Caddy West, it's Christine with load on her face and instead of walking through a park, she's putting together Skankfest. Yeah. That's hotter.

While she has load on her face, she might even be going, goes, oh I think Maddie would be great on this. Right, she'll send an email, which is... Oh, but Maddie doesn't want to do something too early because because she went, okay, so we move her around 3 o'clock. Hang on. And then she goes, oh, oh, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Am I burned? Okay. And then we'll put her over here. You know, it'd be funny if she did it at Skankfest. She came into the cigar lounge, just her eyes shut.

Bobby? Christine. Can you do a set for me right now? Christine, will you do a full day of cum work? Will you do a full one day of now? Christine, will you do a full day of come work? Will you do a full, one day of Skankfest, just come faced? You know what you should do? No response. For Corey Feldman, as one of your disguises,

we should have come face. Oh my God, listen, can everybody who's going with this, Paco, can you possibly work up a load so I can watch Corey Feldman? I don't want him to notice me. Also come face, yeah. If I have all of your loads on my face, he couldn't possibly know who I am.

Does that guy have load on his face? He goes, well, well, well, if it isn't Big Jay O'Kerson with load on his face. Oh, now the load was for nothing. Damn it. Hang on, Cory. I'll be with you in one second, dude. I got a squeegee my face.

You think I wasn't going to recognize you? That's the way I see you all the time anyways. Well, well, well. So I left you last. I visualized you with my load on your face. We're gonna see him next week. We're gonna see him next Tuesday. Really, so you're going to the whole concert.

Yeah, but Jay is a high percentage getting kicked out because I think we're gonna have Backstage, and Backstage, he's definitely gonna be there. All the videos. You guys should go definitely gonna be there. All the videos. You guys should go Backstage without me. All the videos that we showed. If you have a chance to meet Lin- Why, you guys have beef.

If you have a chance to meet Lin- Nothing I'm- You should, you know, Corey Feldman hates. All the videos showing- He hates me and Soder from years of this show just working him over. Got it, got it, got it, got it. All the videos of him on his Instagram is him Backstage

while all the other bands are on. Yeah. So if we have Backstage, he's going to be there. It's not like he's doing his gig and then going back to his trailer. No, he'll be there. He's enjoying Loser Fest. Loserville.

Loserville, whatever the fuck it's got. And Jay's definitely, but we have disguises. We're getting disguises for him so that he won't get recognized. Yeah, you should wear like a, yeah. Cumface? Cumface. Cumface, yeah, just Cumface. Can we get you? Why am I racking my brain? that he won't get recognized. Yeah, you should wear like a... Cumb face. Cumb face. Yeah, just cumb face.

What, can we get you... He's like, why am I racking my brain? The answer was right under your nose all the time. And then below that, your nose, your chin, and then below that, where love comes from. On the tip of my tongue. If we come tonight, let it harden on your face, you'll be able to peel it off and then reapply it.

Like a cum mask. Yeah, like a mask. Like a cum mask. Oh, yeah a mask. Like a cum mask. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what, I feel like, I'm wondering if that would be as satisfying as taking glue off of your fingers, because I just love that.

Yes, it would be. Same thing. So you think if I paste your guys cum on, you can't just load and let me let it sit there. Nope. I gotta get it on there and then let it sit. And maybe put your face in the freezer, just let it cool.

And then peel it off. Right on you. And then on Tuesday, put it back on. Put it back on. It would be great if it was just like splotchy, like pull it off. It's like a weird sticker. Do you just look like a burn victim? Yeah.

What is this? I go, Christine, stop fucking around. Does it look normal? He goes, yes, Jay. It looks like fresh load. No, but should I wet it a little bit to get it like fresh in the back? No. I wouldn't wet it. It's probably going to wash it off. I don gonna get a fresh load. No, but should I wet it a little bit to get it like fresh in the back? She goes, I wouldn't wet it,

it's probably gonna wash it off. I don't like the whole idea. It's perfect. Look, fucking come work is one thing. Come walking through Corey Feldman's another. Come disguise. I know, I wanna sit so close and I don't want him to kick me out.

You're 100% gonna get almost kicked out. But it's gonna be worth it. Where is it, MetLife or somewhere fancy? We're staying, right? We stay if he gets kicked out or we go with him. No, you stay. You sure? Yes.

Why don't we beat him up? I'd rather not go back than you get kicked out. I'd rather just stay out in the audience. I know this episode. What if he spots you from the stage? Oh, that'd be great. He's, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no.

That'd be great. Oh, I'd be grabbing, I'd be like, I'd be seeing the audience being this guy. Corey! Corey! No! Come on! And I'll do this with the audience.

Come on! You guys want me to do that? He jumps out and just starts kicking the tar out of you. Corey! Oh, I know we have to dance? He jumps out and just starts kicking the tar out of you. Cory. Oh, I know we have to go here in a few minutes, but can I show you my, I like to do this early in the season. Yeah?

Would you like to see my projected winner for America's Got Talent this year? I would love to, yeah. Yes, absolutely. I think, it's the kid. Is it the kid or the dancers? The dancers are who I would want to win. The kid's probably gonna win.

Nine years old, more talent than we could ever have cumulatively altogether. And no, he's not Asian Paco, stop getting all prideful. He's not Asian. No, he's black. Nine years old. Pretty crazy, this kid. He wrote, and by the way, he comes down and he goes,

he goes, I wrote it myself. He doesn't come out and go, I just, I wanna have some fun, my mom took me here, and then wails out some shit. No, he's almost like blank stare. He's like, okay, is that it? So, he has autism? Maybe.

He's got Michael Jackson's 70s hair. He's got like a weird, curly, twisty afro, but he came and played us a piano and plays a song He wrote okay nine. I would love to have that I'd love to have a child No, I'd love to have a prodigy one you get up top like Lou. I got you Just you know he beats the shit out of his father's You got it yeah, look at kid. Yeah, this is pretty crazy Am I had some alternate with somebody but All I see is purple clouds. There's water, but you cannot drown feels like I'm thinking out loud and the mirrors are broke

How can I see with all this purple smoke? Pretty weird music something cool. I am certain if he didn't write it though now Smoke I know you're thinking he's probably gonna wings. He's a kid and he's very talented boring. Let's watch some Chinese dancers That's boring. I think the piano is basic and I think once his voice drops, it's over. Yeah, he's done once he hits 15, right? I'm with you guys. Fuck this kid. Yeah, I like these Chinese dancers kid His poor mom's crying look at that's what he's gonna look like his older sister Who did the same thing ten years ago? And now she has to watch him take her spotlight.

It's probably her song. How to present, it's her song from 10 years ago. Man, Asians dance so good. Yeah, they do. They're nimble. Yeah, but they're forced to. Yes. If you told me these people were forced

to do what they're doing here, I'd be like, Christine, get this piece of shit kid off the screen, I'm sick of him. I hate him. He's pissing me off. Yo, fuck this kid, for real, for real. Is that Joe Coy? Yes.

It was a real rough Golden Globes. He's a triple threat. You can skip ahead to them. Air Hood Works. What is his name? If I was a real rough Golden Globe, he's a triple threat What is it Orange chicken Prevalent You know their agency knows gonna be fun taco you get so excited it's gonna be kung fu, right? Right they are yeah, yeah, obviously

All right so far It's I can do that. No, you can't do that. It's one of the most interesting dance performances. I've ever seen. Yeah Why is it interesting? I? Wanted I can do that. You can't do any of this. I can do that. I did that today. That was my workout. That's my Tuesday, Wednesday workout. Hanging sideways on a pole. I'll do it out front after the show.

First of all, they're perfectly in sync. Okay, just blew that kid out of the water. Fuck that kid. First of all, go to Harlem. You can see that. Pretty neat. What? Yeah, fuck that kid. First of all, go to Harlem. You can see that. Viva Miami. Pretty neat. What? Come on.

What? Oh, they have a girl. Paco said it's awesome. He knows. Paco doesn't know. He's Filipino. This is Japan. They all have the dance in their soul.

Anyway, just know these are going to be here. I do that in a closet. These should be your winners, but that little kid's going to win. They're not going to win. This is stupid dance. They should win. You're stupid stupid. They got core. They got they start doing they have great cores. We have to break I know we have the bread. We'll be right back We're hanging out Maddie Smith Maddie. Make sure you check out madhouse happening on gas digital. It starts. It's already started Tomorrow Maddie Smith everyone

She's gonna be at the funny bone in Omaha July 26 and 27th in the Tropicana Club in Jamestown, New York August 3rd for tickets and all of her tour dates goes he to Maddie Smith Maddie Smith comedy comm Maddy Smith comedy comm and get tickets She's absolutely fucking hilarious check out a new podcast starts tomorrow. Yes on gas digital madhouse Available on Gas and anywhere you get your podcasts, along with full videos on YouTube. Hell yeah. PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for all his tickets

and content, and of course, the Borgata this weekend. Oh, we still have 30 seconds? Yeah. That's hilarious. I thought we were wrapping it up right there. Shit. The Borgata. The 27th. The Borgata. The 27th.

The weekend. Make sure you go see him this weekend. His mom's going to be there. And then Portland. Come hang with us Tuesday night. If you haven't got tickets, we're going to the show. We're going to be hanging in the parking lot for a while. Come hang out.

We're going to have subs with oil. So much oil. So much oil and salt and pepper on those subs. Come on your face.