The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Make It With Me (feat. Monroe Martin)

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Monroe Martin joins The Bonfire and Dan and Jay show him a powerful female police force.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

And now the bonfire with Big J. Oakerson and Dan Soder. Just the dog, my- Sorry, the young nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom Not that's Jewish, you're making fun of them. What? Dog, what? Dave Draining is a Jewish man and you're making fun of him Because you're anti-Semite Because you are an anti-Semite I realize that fucking That heaps like you I call him Rails

I didn't know that Couple of Rails? Couple of Rails? I don't know, a Christ killer who is behind down with a sickness? This is the, we're watching a video of this with the godmother of drumming is playing drums an old lady It's really I thought I was a pretty impressive Jacob said she sucks ass He said she's such shit sideways. She's only in the paradiddles which I thought man kids Paradiddles. Yeah, I like to do a little paradidadiddle in myself. That means I diddle kids with two hands. Oh I'm a dual diddler. Yeah. Oh me I'm a quadrordiddler.

I get all my limbs involved. I usually that means you're only diddling but from the side eye. You're gonna go get Monroe. Aw, sweetie. Good time. Get out of here. You don't have to look at the sweet lady's face. You just shittled over her art.

No, she's not your thing. Would you be with her? Would you make love to her? Would you consider love to her? Would you for her talent? Would you consider being with her? If she threw her drumsticks to you in the audience? I want him. Jacob. Jacob? Would you have her? Jacob, would you have touched my tits? Take me. Jacob. Take me, Jacob. Jacob, fuck me right on this bass drum. Let me see your birthday. Have me. I want you to nail me against this soundproofing.

Yes. Make it with me. Also, do you like Lasagna? Jacob, I want you to take me all the way. Jacob, when I'm done playing these drums, I want to strip off these jeans and I want you to suck my purse. I'm going to rip through these fattles and then Being a big deal. The paradader. I'm gonna paradidle mr. Jacob

Damn dude, she does rock world treated at the bonfire sex out I'm gonna when Monroe comes in my tell Mrs. Old White women appropriating black culture That's how you drum you fucking. Oh, yeah, I want to hear talk. I've been drumming my whole life and every one of these experiences have happened to me through. Jacob says you're wasting your time grandma. I hope you had kids because you're worthless. Fucking pussy. Oh, how good you are, how old you are. We're all still part of a drumming family. There's probably a radio producer right now Criticizing my techniques

And I want he would like to get up here and try himself. I want him to know he can go pair dinner themselves Crazy I'm not as good as Dorothy. Yeah, I'm sure he's a rock Dorothy rocks goodar. Dorothy Rock. Dorothy Rocks. Good pack, Peppa. Dorothya? Yeah. Oh, fucker. Fucker.

Yeah, dude. Ro Martin in the house. Welcome back to the show. Somebody. Ro Martin. Good to see you, dude. What's going on? How you doing?

It's gonna be at the laughing tap. And Milwaukee, August 19th and 20th follow them on twitch at twitch.tv slash Monroe Martin with three eyes Monroe Martin you doing twitch video gaming yeah man what do you play video games well right now I'm on Xbox I've been trying to play UFC for oh I can't figure it out. I've been playing I'm replaying God of War. Yo, that shit is great It's what a fun because the new ones coming out in November really I had it on PlayStation So I've been playing I've played it like twice. Yeah, but I had to play it on easy first because it's so fucking hard Did I did I played it on medium So I played it on medium. Yeah.

I've beat it on medium before. And when I came back, I haven't played it in two years now. Yeah. And so I was like, did hard. Let's go. And the first time I put on easy. This is for the play. The first time you run into a villain, you know?

Yes. I died four times in a row and I was like, I'm going back to me. Yeah. I switched it back to medium. Yeah. I think Deroza sets me a while row and I was like, I'm going back to me. Yeah. I switched it back to medium. Yeah. I think DeRosa sets me a while back and he was absolutely right. When you get a game, it's always like, you want to do like, God, whatever, or even like the normal mode.

Yeah. And when you find yourself doing that and you're dying 16 times in a row, it's like, he's like, he's like, he's just putting it on easy. Yeah. But he's like, he's not on beginner, but like, he's doing it on easy. I'm like, he's absolutely right.

I have fun here. Every game I've had where there's aim where you can choose where if it just like you tap it over it goes like boom boom boom. I'm like 100% of the time. I'm like gonna play. I'm trying to relax. Explain you explain twitch. I don't fully get twitch. I know Lewis twitch is basically like you know like YouTube for video games And you can just like play video games people chat with you and people have made a career out of it like Ron Funches tea pain Ron Funches doing well Ron Funches doing really well on this shit. Yeah, um, just play a game Yeah, it's people because people want to watch you play on a watch. They want to talk to you Pee pie was like the first one to do that. Yeah, yeah, Yamanika Yamanika Mateo

Switch and they have like fan bases Yamanika Mateo, they twitch and they have like fan bases. We watch and play shit. Yeah, y'all should do it. But it help ticket sales at all, they're different from Tony. Yeah, like one, it's a whole different income, but it can help boost ticket sales. So they make money off of it? What's the money? Well, I don't know, I haven't got to that status yet.

That's why I'm promoting it. That's why I'm here, motherfucker. That's why I'm promoting it. That's why I'm here, motherfucker. That's why I'm using your platform because some of your fans to pay me to watch. So that it's Lewis, I've watched Twitch before. I've watched Tim Butterley Twitch. And Christine Hangel is gonna go to Ron Function in a second.

You just make jokes. They like joke around, they play like Fortnite like this. Yeah, you have your friends on like Ron, I watch Ron because he does what he's playing right now He just plays and answer people in the comments and they pay him and like even if they don't pay you You still get paid for like subscriptions and like half feeds and stuff so you could put on ads while he's playing. Yeah So weird and then they just yeah, it's like super smash brothers, but with everybody and some people use it for DJing like I know a DJ who like Like he'll do like something every Sunday and then this DJ on twitch

Damn, so I could do like WWE 2k 22 Twitch stream on my Thursday and invite people to play with you. You can make fantasy matches. Let's do that shit All right, little kids also like watching YouTube videos of other kids playing with toys. Never understand that. I don't understand that. I kind of equate it to that, but Lewis has told me a bunch of times.

He's like, Lewis has yelled at me that I haven't done it. But he just goes, Lewis does it all the time. He's like, when you put, I really only play like 2K. NBA 2K. So today we're like,

just play 2K. Yeah, one plan. And when you go to play, just turn the camera on. Yeah. You know what? Because it would be be fun cuz I am a weirdo And so when I play god of war I love to do my my infamous god of war character gay of war Where he's goes boy?

suck my ass As I'm killing trolls and stuff. I'm like I want to watch you be with that man when you're putting your game public Though you do have to go back and remember if you put anything like racistly funny and that, you know what I mean? I try to make something off color joke. You're like, oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, don't look at the name of that horse from Red Dead Redemption.

I didn't know anyone was gonna see that ever. Oh my God, I didn't know people were dead man. You can put it by a line like an alarm. I want my horse. Yeah. They what? You can put it just for like adults so to do like a parental advisory thing and then if they're

Younger than a certain age. They can't even get your content some chicks is be sitting there with bikinis on like I'm filing or Titties enough while you're watching you play On there, which oh yeah, I got that that makes sense to me. I don't I wouldn't subscribe to it Doesn't make sense enough to just watch you just watch porn, but I know that's a big thing is like twitch girls Yeah, you can't achieve plays too. Yeah, I just I thought you should have a lot What six thousand for it for twitch if she has six thousand followers She's already monetized. She averages like what like a thousand views Really? Yeah, so pretty well. Yeah, no, she's doing it. She probably got a for you get into it

I tried during the pandemic and I was playing with Mateo and Yom but Yom yelled too much for a headset That's you know, I mean like this in my head I'm not that passionate about yeah, well that's crazy because I was thinking about during the pandemic when I played ghost Isushima. Yeah, I had like a bunch of comics that would get on and we do the online game We tried to do that, but I suck so much that I was like I'm holding y'all up now It was fun and I play Rocket League at night and so I know Tim butter Lee like streams. He twitches rocket Do it then plug it. You see I do NBA 2k 22. Oh, I circle back So I have to say about you do NBA 22. That's my video game to play

Yeah, you could do like your tournament. You could do like your turt Tuesday night fucking 2k I would I genuinely don't know how to operate any of those I bet Lewis could show you in less than an hour Yeah, probably what system do you have? PS5 you have? PS5. You have the camera date? Did you get the bundles? You got the camera? No camera.

So if you get the cameras like 60 bucks, that's all you need. That's it. Yeah, you put it on top of your TV. When you need a headset. Yeah, you need a headset. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. That's the thing. Yeah, you can use your app for your AirPods.

What are you not doing? I'm not online gaming. You know the fucking headset. Are you your AirPods? Yeah. You can connect Bluetooth to the PlayStation. Yeah. I'm telling you, it'd be really fun.

It's future is now, my friend. But what you really need to, oh, you know, but Jay, what you need to watch out for is getting upset about losses. What do you mean? You don't handle losses. Tell some of you, I mean, he's the kid I think about him, he's a stupid country. Yeah, you don't handle to lost as well video games.

You're gonna get back. Why don't you go eat a cat, you little fucking mohoma. Yeah. All right, Jay. Lot of lines crossed there. And I'll tell you, you know, this is Jim Twitch. I'd like to speak to you, sir. You know, I'm gonna snap on Twitch if anyone, you know,

forgets my name or, damn, you know what's gonna, it comes here to 60. Of course it's cheeky. Yeah. Hey guy, guy in the blue. Excuse me? What, you know what's gonna it comes here to six. Of course it's cheeky. Yeah. Hey guy, guy in the blue. Excuse me? What? You little fucking pussy? I do have to say that over the years, I don't feel like I've gotten J's like, like, oh, you're

mad at me now because of the game, like I haven't felt that in a long time. That's good. That's good. Dude, when I played Call of Duty during the scene, sentence to sentence. Yeah, that's crazy. Dude, I remember it. I remember it's gonna sit with that. I remember I remember when you would do that though I remember when you get mad at Christine for losing at video games when you would lose when we play UFC back in the day Christine will walk by the TV and you go if I beat you back fucking Christine's enjoying this and I'd be like what? I don't know. Oh, that's probably though more based based off we were arguing and she was probably enjoying

We were arguing something else. I'm related to that before I showed up And that's what they're saying. I think it's like remember you lose the game and then blame me like I'm on the bulls And it's just not the case No, no, I'm just saying that you would be losing a video game and then all of a sudden like I'm catching attitude because you're upset at the game No, it's loves to happen? Shane loves pointing out it makes me laugh because it's just not again like he's making it. I think Christine said something like that again like I'm getting that right. I'm yelling at me around. That's good.

I was not a bad Christine. Yeah. And then I couldn't tell like eyes closed. And then she had open eyes and I was surprised I was. I wanted to go to the kitchen for something and she had a knife. I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised I was surprised And then because she had already said the thing about that shame is shame. Yeah, so he goes damn dude You're gonna yell Christina about it night because you're mad about the game He just made it about that and just and that's when again when someone says it. Yeah, Lewis did that. Yes, today was pretty funny He goes to me he goes I know the things to get under Jay skin like I know the things that you could see like you get

Subssediped but he goes like jagged defensive if you like talk about his clothes Which I do say is not true And I go that's not true. I don't give the fend you go See you're it's like really is no way out of it because they go if you say yeah, I'm actually not defensive about that Like there you go again. Yeah, it's like just defeats itself Someone that's incredibly as someone that's incredibly defensive. Yeah when they when I'm not being defensive And I get accused of it. Yeah, I get angry Because there's nothing you can do to prove that you're not being defensive

Yeah, because you have to say the sentence. I'm not being defensive You go I'm not being because it's the thing I go I make fun of my own clothes They go there he goes again here. It is like wow make fun of my clothes, guys. I don't care now You have to say you don't care because you then you actually you're being defensive I'll have that like sometimes like we'll be playing Katie Katie now play rockily together And like something will happen to you like miss or something and I'll be like ah and she'd be like I said I'm sorry and I'm like you're not mad and she's like now you're getting defensive and I'm like look I How do you but what's the remedy to that? How do you get out of that because my wife does that all the time? Yeah, and I try walking away that doesn't work

Because they don't like you walking away from them. Yeah, yeah, so what do you do? I don't know you can't hit them Kristina fall in the room the room that is the funniest when I go to another room or it's like sitting Maybe smoking out the window or something and they just hear the door like Please God stop Don't crawl on my back. Are you like, hey. Should we like, I want to crawl on your back? Can I eat one and be boo-boo-boo?

I'll do the best. The best is when I get caught being passive-aggressive about being late. Like, Katie and I'll be leaving and we'll be late. And then I'll come in the room to say something. And she's like, just say that we're late. And I'm like, oh, I was gonna say that The Brit is full of water. Yeah, take your time actually I'm like clearly doing that and then we get called out for it like

Is it yet anything you need help with so we can move this faster? Is there anything going on? Did anyone call in more about gross products? Not one of their phone call just the guy with the vacuum sucker There's what the vacuum sucker do I know it's a wound sucker a wound sucker. We were looking at the disgusting Products because I saw the commercial for the first time for thinks period panties that are just to, it's in place of everything else. It's in place of tampon, pad, or diva cup, whatever. It's just, there's like bleed into these.

Is it like dry fit panties? Sort, yeah. But they'll absorb five tampons worth of blood. And then we're not, we're not not really sure can you look up Christine the I think that's yeah, dude. It's underwear that can clean up a gunshot wound Yeah, really you probably just got to clean the all your period panties together I guess odds are you're gonna wear seven pairs. Yeah that week You gotta get seven pair of these depending on the flow is this really what women what is this like?

I think I think women are I think women are moving towards free bleeding as they call it. That's just, but that's just disgusting too. Like you want to ruin your furniture, right? I think you're supposed to help you not ruin your furniture. But why do you want to just bleed on yourself? What's wrong with wash? You can't wash. Fuck you, sis.

Is this like being washed Washington just throw it in with the rest of your laundry. That's crazy. You can't do that with normal panties. It says your other clothes will be fine. No way that's true. You got blood on them. Yeah, that's period blood.

That's like concentrate. When I washed a red hoodie, that's orange juice concentrate. Yeah. Yeah. You had water to make it regular. Yeah. When I washed a red hoodie, my, that's orange juice concentrate. Yeah. You had water to make it regular red blood. When I washed a red hoodie, it put a red tint to my black tank tops. The first time, you know what I mean? The first time I washed it.

Imagine if that was period blood. Oh, yuck. So this is like the system? Hang them dry. That'll be nice to see around the house. This is a fucking, it looks like fucking paper dolls of Christine's period bannings. Put them out the window like old school in New York. Yeah, as I say, they're all connecting to each other.

Yuck. That's so gross. What was the thing that guy had, Lou? Oh, he got a new version. Yeah, he's like, I do it with my mouth. Yeah, yeah. I'm a human, I'm a human diva cup. No, Austin in Arkansas is just explaining an external catheter.

Oh, he. What does that mean? You just pee into something? You got to aim into a little too. You just pull the air in. You just put it in a bottle. Don't put it in, watch this. Yeah.

Look at the aim, look at the aim, look at the aim. Not a drop. Not a drop, sir. Is that a Gatorade bottle. Yeah, you could piss in this giant water bottle and I call it an external catheter We see if anybody else can we see it or not external catheter. Did you look it up Christine? Because I really want to talk about I want to see before you have this cop police force. Yeah We also never talked about Craig Robinson in Charlotte. Oh, yeah, we do have to get to that Wait, so what if I get that? There you are in collection. There it is. Look at those in those tight briefs, dude

Looking like Wolverine weapon X I'm your piss up Tommy John Tommy John catheter. That's what you have to that's what my mom had to have What other kind of catheter is there, but this one don't go up you dick ever had a catheter? No, it's yeah, no, I think I did but I was a twilight it one don't go up yet. Yeah, I've had a catheter. No, it's yeah No, I think I did but I was twilight it so I didn't feel it. Oh, I was awake Yeah, I was very awake what happened It is awful because it also takes all the joy away from me Really? Yeah, because I after my shoulder surgery there like I had to pee and I couldn't pee and they like you can't leave the hospital

So you can pee on your own and I was like well, this is a problem I have to pee and they brought a lady into do a catheter and they stick it in your pee hole And then they push down on your stomach and you see the pee coming out, but you don't feel the pee coming out You just feel being relieved, you know? Pushing on my pee It sucked so much. It sucked so bad that when she pulled it out, I was like, I'll pee.

Next time I got this and I just stood in the bathroom until I peed. Did you feel like you had at least get it like half hard for her to stick it in? Are you gave it to yourself? I didn't know it was coming. I was in my hospital bed and I was like, I'll pee.

Did you say earn your salary, baby? I go, are you one of those erotic nurses? You're a 14 year old boy. Right, right. I'm sorry, mature. Does that change anything for you? I'm a latchkey kid, so I know a thing or two, but a thing or two. I've smoked cigarettes for two years.

You can suck me out. Now, when I was all fucked up on morphine, she was like, do you want anything from the store downstairs? And I was like, Chewy Runtz, So I couldn't be like, suck my dick. Chewy Runts. Chewy Runts rule. I'm gonna stay bring those back. That's so fucking hard.

That's the one on the rope, just watermelons. Hit what's that? That's the one on the rope. Chewy Runts? Yeah. It's just Runts, but Chewy, but Chewy. Huh? You're thinking of the Nerds ropes.

Oh, okay, yeah. Taking the rope I stormed. The Nerdrobe gummies. Yeah. What? I didn't of the nerd's ropes. Okay, yeah. Taking the world by storm. The nerd robe gummies. Yeah. What? I didn't know that it was gummies. It's shout out to you, Ron. They're insane, dude.

Are they still, are they trying to say they still make them? Oh, somewhere. Dude, I'll buy a fucking box of chewy runs right now. Dude, do yourself a favor and get the nerd things. Oh, I get them. Gummi clusters? I told you. Gummi clusters.

I know. The crazy thing about Katie said something on her podcast about it and then nerds sent us a box of fucking gummy clusters. So these things are so you're so really good. I mean, talk to me. What are you doing? I know, right? I love fucking high shoes. Give me high shoes. I love legally addictive. Have you ever tried them? They're like cracker cookies. They're so good. What's legally addictive? They're like crackers with chocolate over them. You call it legally addictive? Yeah. I know the name sucks ass. That's suck ass. That's so soft. Self-righteous ass hole. Yeah, they're so fucking good, dude. There they are.

I would have walked right past them because of the packaging. Yeah, yeah, it looks like health. Yeah, it's I am It's so good. They're good. I fucking love it. This this fucking hot lady made him huh? Yeah, that's what you like him now. I'm safe from it. I'm a dude you brought and some of that What? Hey, hey, what do you like you like a little crack is you see chocolate on it? I don't want to lose the subject. Yeah, all right before you get to it because this is Insane Christine look up where it's at exactly. Oh, blackly looking up. It's conquered conquered police Melchus anything what goes with the word conqueror and ham sure it's definitely a white

Massachusetts no No, no, good That's the way to quick Massachusetts. Yeah, it is Massachusetts. Wait, but Dan was saying that because of the girl's name Carried. Yeah, no, uh, man, choose man choose so man choose so in Paladino They know Lansky Conquered Massachusetts police, uh, force has a now all woman shift since they make history violent history

uh... i would say because why would they announce that number one well hold on little bonfire context sure for those of you at home and also for Monroe little bonfire context big jay has a theory okay that no female police officer could arrest him physically one-on-one one-on-one J cannot be arrested by the I feel the same way and then we've seen several if I'm trying to get away by the way I would let a female officer arrest me

because I just yeah submit to that I'm not gonna be I'm running from the cop like big no I get what he's saying you you got to think of adrenaline makes with the body type. You can't, I shake this shit out. And that energy of mine going back to jail. Yeah, I'm saying that. Bring on your problem. Bring on your problem.

Shrek, stupid. Bring on your biggest girl cup. But I'm gonna shit you say to her, you go, who's a little fucking bitch. She's like, what? You're like, get the fuck off me, you hell. Get the fuck off me. Try to arrest me, those little bird bones.

I'll put the cuffs on her. Yeah, dude. I'm about to Frankenstein you and fuck you. I'm gonna get a well. I'm gonna cuff her. I'm gonna cuff her. I'm the police officer now. No gun though.

She has to fucking, she has to end to watch me. You know, I mean put the fucking gun down. And fuck the fuck you do, yeah. Maybe a baton. You wanna let her use a baton? You can get away from her. Maybe a baton, you won't let her use a baton? She's a good away from her. Cause you can still, you know, I'd say what, baton might,

it may be to equalize you. You can get caught with a baton. Yeah. There's a girl cop with just baton that can take me, for sure. But we're just going mono. She's been in it like, but we're just going mono.

Mono, mono, one mono. Yeah, straight up. Now, you don't even think like a, a Samoan woman or like a woman that's like bigger, because you look up the biggest, scariest female place. On the end, bring up those four, these four, the one in the middle and the, the, the black girl, you don't have to

definitely get busy. Yeah, the one with the, the one with the lineman face, the O lineman face. I'm gonna make these girls dike out. Yeah. So I let them go. The one I was gonna get out of here,

okay? The one in polyester pants and kiss each other's pussy. The one all the way to the left would get Jay because you do that librarian thing or she take off her glasses and her hair. Oh, I pull the chopsticks out of her hair.

And I'm like, who is this? You know, you know, let her rest you. Let me rest you so you can suck on your wiener. Please have a 24 or their entire shifts. Tell me how I could log into their body cams. I wanna see the amount of problems they don't solve. If you're out running them, jumping fences they can't handle.

If you're a criminal in Massachusetts right now, you're like, well, I'm gonna do that, my dirt during that shift. What shift do you the middle look like like two different versions of Andy Richter from the early Conan days and the late Conan days that's fucking funny the two on the outside are pretty well tweeted out at the bonfire sxm.com that's fun what if one of them just fucking shook like what if you didn't know the one all the way to the right is like the daughter of a boxer and she just knocks you out? It's possible. I think I'm gonna hip toss her.

That's what I'm picturing when I see her. I'm going under the armpit. And whoop, yeah, I'm just judo tossing. Now see, I'm thinking the one second from the left. I'm gonna have to come down and break her like that. I'm gonna have to smash her arms off me. Why? When she grabs me, I'm gonna have to fucking boom. Does grab that poop. I was gonna say Dan look at the

Fooble you gotta do is you gotta kick that Foopa. Yeah, get the Foopa above the belt. The belt drops hooks around her knees. She's out of the way. She looks like Curly from the three stooages trying to figure out in the corner spinning in circles. Second from the right. Second from the right looks like she's good with the baton. And then all the way on the left, I keep going over to put my hand on the wall next to her head and going. So where were we? That's crazy. What made you want to be a cop? I just keep going back. So, sorry, what's your friends, a real cop block, son? What is it? Is your family and law enforcement?

Because you want to get out of here, get a drink? We can take the car. We can take the cruise. Can you take the car The lights will go fucking cruiser this one's walking around go It's Larry moan curly ready to pipe down try to kick game Yes, the one all the way to the right though, she gets your hand on you and it could be power bomb central. I don't know if she looked like the rot. Yeah, you might be right about that.

About the matter. The more I look from the distance from this picture of this horrible, horrible gathering of women, I gotta say on the left, what I mistook for very, very pretty is actually pretty masked and she might be sneakily the toughest. Look at that jaw. Get in there. See what I'm saying? You got to zoom in. She might be, she might be the surprising. I see pretty. She's pretty, but she might be the surprising. She's got the J. Neck. But I don't think it's solid. Next little thing too. Look at her neck.

My, I think she would get J. She would. Yeah, she knows She would not she should secretly be a fan and she'd be like, can I show you my nudes in JB like Are they on your phone the second he grabbed the phone cuff? No way dude. Hands behind your back. Go on a coffee Custody I'm picking you up by the collar and I'm gonna put you through the car Yeah, so I was gonna say cuff me and then you're getting Yeah, and then I'm gonna go home and Christine's gonna say cuff me and then you're getting you're getting the whole smash against the car. You're the whole smasher? Yeah, and then I'm gonna go home and Christine's and Christine's gonna bolt cut me. That's the second one from the left.

I gotta evader until Shane shows up then I gotta have him lock horns with her. Oh for sure, that's definitely her and Shane. They probably smell each other's asses before they fight. Dude, I bet, I mean I gotta have Shane go back to O-Lineman phase, the blocker from me. And then next to her is the girl of's working at a pregnant at his house.

No, the second from the right looks like one of the girls from Faxalife. But she is like Natalie. It looks like Natalie. It looks like Joe and Natalie hit a kid actually. Goiles! Goiles! He's going to be police officers. Yeah, I'll say the girl all the way on the right definitely has a brother who will

fuck you up. Oh my God, absolutely. She's probably also the way on the right definitely has a brother who will fuck you up. Oh my god. Absolutely. She's probably also the leading scorer in UMass history. Yeah, absolutely. But here's the thing, you know, a prime physical condition, Reggie Miller, probably with my ass. But you know, Cheryl, but Cheryl. She's any of you? Cheryl Miller.

Yeah. I'll put her through a table. Yeah, like a TLC match. Speaking of wrestling, but do you have wrestling Monroe? Yeah, I don't watch it at all, but I didn't know they changed characters of Bubba Ray Dudley somebody else now. Wait, what? Bubba Ray Doug, he discusses my different name. What is it? Oh fuck, he's on Boston open. No, he's like, but he got like in shape like mostly. His name's bully Ray. He's like bully Ray.

Oh, what's it? What is it? But he's like Jack now. He was on Jack for a little bit. Really? Yeah. He was like a fat guy forever. Yeah, he was busted open with David LaGrecca,

David LaGrecca and Mark Henry. They had fucking rules, dude. Yeah. And Gabby, that's a great show on series. Very nice. He really got like in shape, man. Yeah, they're talking to Conrad Thompson on that about Rick Flair's last match.

Yeah, Bully got it in shape. At TNA he was super in shape. Yeah, he's in shape. Well, Devon, did Devon do anything? I don't know. I think Bully's just staying in, he just stays in shape. I like you respect him and call him by the new name now.

I didn't call him old names. No, I don't call him old names. I respect the art. Oh, I don't call them. I respect your respect the art. Oh, y'all get the table. No, no, no, get the tables. What we saying before that, oh, the female police. You ever seen Halloween where Michael Myers fucked up all the cops. That's what I think that shiflo. Dude that movie. Yeah, it's where he fucked up the fire for it. He fucked up the firefighters That was the end of the movie right where they all showed up and then he was just like the whole town was fucking them up

And then he's like it opens with him killing firefighters and police officers then he kills the rest of men in town I'm pretty sure that's what that town When is the new one come out Halloween kills that's supposed to be the final one right? That's already out Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about yeah, what was the third one? I didn't like Halloween kills. Yeah, I did That was pretty good. What's the third one's coming out? Yeah, I don't know what to do with it But I think it's supposed to be the end of the trilogy. Yeah. Yeah, once he got out the house I'm like I just Forget the jokes for a second of an off female

Police squad It's dangerous on so many fucking actual levels. Looks like that Adrian and I have a luchy joke. Yeah. Well, yeah, so let's think, dangerous for them. Everyone's thinking immediately about the danger for them as I am too. You're like, it's dangerous for these girls.

Here's where it's also dangerous. Overnight, dude. Much quicker. Oh, it's over nice, Jeff. Where is it really? Much quicker, much quicker. I would have to assume out of genuine like physical fear and genuine fear to pull a gun and shoot it.

Because it's like, they think they're gonna pull the gun and shoot it. Way better. Yes. Because here's the thing, if you start coming towards a male cop, there's, depending on the cop you get, but there's at least a chance. Yeah.

That like, you know, you're gonna tussle with him. You pull out your belly clover whatever and go for it, but like, they gave these to a bubble. They have, they're shit. They have to. They have to. It was a child's birthday party. But how are they gonna protect them?

So I'm saying, I think they're gonna get a little, I worry they'd get violent quicker. Yeah. Because they feel like they have to to match the situation. I got a close call for a female cop. Really? Yeah, I was like 16 years old.

I was on the South Street and I was like, Did you get Irish whips too? It's funny. I took a Larry. She was big and shit. Really? Yeah, and I was running for the bus and you know how South Street is,

very busy place, but it's always like a fight breaking out. So me and my friends were like trying to run and get the bus and you know how South Street is, very busy place but it's always like a fight breaking out. So me and my friends were like trying to run and get the bus and she just sticks out her fucking arm. Just like, but I didn't like fucking trip up. Like I still gave her some, you know? Yeah, still. She still took a hit to his slowed you down. She's like, I didn't know that was gonna go.

She's like, what are you running for? She's like the fucking bus, dumb dumb. That is crazy. She's like, I don't like you. I can't see what to do, copy. Because just to think dumb dumb. That is crazy. I don't like you. You can see I do a do copy because just the thing dumb dumb, she's, yeah, I am. It is. I'm so stupid.

I'm a stupid girl. I love horses. I love, I love going home and coming by horses. Who do they date? Do they date just like a not cop to come home and hear your wife talk about her cop shift? Would also be, I don't know what the guy has to be doing to live with that getting Pegg. He's like I had a good day at the office myself, hun. And she's like yeah, I was after she took a little demon pulling this little piece of metal in my arm here. I gotta get

up. Dr. Says it's pretty shallow, so I don't have to go to the hospital. If you just pull it out for me, I gotta kink at the angle. I had a 403 downtown. It's strapping all in me. Oh, yeah, I got a call on a 115, I showed up. They didn't have the gun, but I did. I get fuck a female cop, I definitely couldn't date a female cop. You could date? You could date an unperiod panties. What's this point?

She could say, Jay, mind if I, mind if I teach you this new move I learned, did the academy? I think it'd be hot to fuck a female cop. Yeah, you know't watch the point Just just those two girls. Yeah, and they're like I do like that. They're attainably chubby. Yeah, I do like that But they're realistic, but they are it's just those two every time It's two girls. They don't have no diversity on that force. No, it's it's a it's, it's a, it's a blonde and a brunette chick that are like sort of mom bodies, but like good enough

and just fucking. And it's like dick black and Hispanic guys there. You haul trucks. Yeah, that's it. It's so funny. Did you guys see this looks like, it's another police department saying they had the first ever whoo. And that's how it should. Hey, we were stupid first. Shhh. This is what happens with police reform. be. Hey, we were stupid first. Shucks. Outside of Chicago.

This is what happens when a police reform. They're like, we got less budget. They got less. We got the funded, and now we can only do lady pay. By the way, they can only do $0.70 on a dollar. Even this argument, by the way, they check the grand bitch. I also love that. He's like, I'm not going to lie.

I was a detective in the man, Teo, police department, for over 40 years. And then now it's a bunch of chicks Are you fucking me? You want me to go into Shy Rack with a bunch of ladies at my side? How is this Zena warrior princess? Oh? My god, and by the way, they make it like it's no problem at all on TV shows Stabler and Benson everything, but I'm telling you, on your day there, where this is your part of this girl, you go,

so I have to constantly protect somebody also. So not with the protect society. I gotta protect you. You gave me someone's gonna slow me down a whole bunch. You wanna give me a plant? I gotta water all the time, too. I thought I was here to protect and serve, not fucking babysit.

Yeah, also she's gonna run much faster than me, so if we do have to run from a situation, she's gonna get way away. Yeah, come back's gonna run much faster me. So if we do have to run from the situation she's gonna get way away Come back. Yeah, Lisa Lisa Lisa one sec. Hey officer one moment sir, please Lisa Looks like you're all alone motherfucker guys. I seriously stand back for a sec. Lease! Lease, my partner's coming back. Yeah.

You see the thing that where I go, is that her? Yeah, that's not her. Now it just looks like she's wearing a pleasy uniform. No, that's not. Yes? I was gonna say, you were like, it'd be a sentence. Look, they were so dramatic looking. All right.

I was gonna say, let's take our last break. So we still have some work, because what we do is we push too late, and then we have to come back and be like, it's, I don't know, we're gone. I like then we have to come back and be like, it's fine. I like that they're fighting over which one had the first police department. But I mean, that's normal though.

But I mean, for a copy, it's not crazy. Do you think that's absolutely like insane? It's dangerous. But it's probably not like, they're probably not like, on a force and like a dangerous part of the sub-roops. Yeah. They're like, hey, you're gonna have a cat in a tree and maybe some. Yeah, a coplan coplan was supposed to be safe.

Coplan was supposed to be safe with all the cops lives in that movie, but they, they all fucked up. Yeah, when I think about like her most of beach like where I grew up, like if it was all females patrolling and be fine. Yeah, it's just drunks. Yeah, but that also sounds like a cinematics movie called Beach Babes. Yeah, hot that also sounds like a cinematics movie called Beach Babes. And it's Beach Babes. Yeah. Hot Miami Nice. Do you guys remember Pacific Blue? Yeah.

That was all, it was on USA. It was all hot lady cops on bikes and a couple dudes. I remember silk stock. I've never seen it. That unrelated. I could show you. You do think as a girl, do you think it's progressive? That's like a good move?

No, I think that should, I don't think there should be like all female. I think it should be like mixed in. I think I do think it's important to think two females in general should be partners. I don't. I mean, I follow a question. What if they sync up? Then one of them runs out of their period underwear. Yeah. What do they do now? To the floor. You guys both get in them together, and you freeble eat. I feel like if I had something I had to go to the cops

for, I would like, like it make me feel comfortable if they're really. I feel man and show. Oh, really? Yeah, if I had something, I had to go like talk to the cops and like if I had to like go to the cops for help. You feel more comfortable if it was what? A woman? Yeah, no male cops. They assholes. Oh, oh, okay, I'll tell you what. Yeah, right. Yeah, you got raped. Let me smell. Yeah,

you know, the rape show. Although Christine wasn't fully gay with there. There was a girl cop trying to that we got into it too with on my old block. Oh, yeah, she had a fucking. I mean, I fucking it was so great because like I said, I just been, it's been years. I think Steph had any like, like, like, warrants or unpaid tickets or anything like that. So like, so you was fresh. And I spent a lifetime, I spent a lifetime genuinely of being overly ridiculous, like not overly, but like as much as you should be respectful to police officers Yeah, and yes, man, even when they're fucking me over or like trying to say something

You know, I remember everything like you have a radar detector in here. I'm like I don't he's like can I look? I'm like I guess I Ripped in my fucking car apart but first I mean it didn't exist A radar detector? It was so stupid it was just like a legal there? He was so stupid. It was just like a legal. Yeah. I also didn't have one. I don't didn't didn't make sense to me. The constant beeping was terrifying. So like I never had a, but so they fuck on me. But now that I just I know I don't have anything I'm worried they're

gonna look up or anything. Yeah. Man that girl cop I ruined her fucking day. I was like you I was really just disrespectful. Boss, you're a dumb bitch. And she was like, I remember screaming y'all and her main guy was like, sort of new us. And he was like, hey man, look, just. He's got, he's got, yeah, he got two more bitches left. But he's always, I swear to you, it's so funny. No, but he wasn't even like saying,

because I wasn't doing anything that they can arrest me for. There was like, I was just saying, I was just like, she was arguing over, they were trying to save a parking spot on the block for like a cop car Oh, you can't do that. I know you live. Yeah, but like but you can't do that You can't especially for like I'm like now you guys have a whole lot. There's a lot there They choose the park on the street. So I was like I'm parking here. They put cones there to block it And they're like then they were making up reasons they go

One of the like we are transporting a very dangerous criminal. We need to park right in front. Like, well, why don't you park right in front? Are you afraid of those yellow lines in front of the bill? Like, is that dangerous? Yeah. Don't even cross the street with them. And what did I say?

We're going to ask the legal. Huh? Linda Christine jumping. No, she was just kind of, no, Christine was trying to do the thing, but I just told her I was going, I'd be like, Christine, you're over working on this shit. And I go, watch, watch this. I I go why don't you shut up you stupid bitch

Like I like it's fine. He's calling me a stupid fucking bitch, and I get a car. I go good on you You dumb bitch why you You can't say it to me. I go. I'm just I am though. Isn't that crazy? You're a stupid, but just ruined her fucking day. So you were calm about it. Like you, I have to say, that's so fun. I've been so, what is this? I said, why do I feel, I said, I like turned them when they're cops, I was like,

why do I feel like I'm in a fucking chick fight with this chick? Like, she's a police officer. The guy with, one of the male cops, when she's like, move the fucking car. Like I just, I was just, shit on all. She's like yelling. He's like, move the fucking car. Like I was like, I was just shit on all. She's like yelling. He's like, move the fucking car. I'm like, you're yelling at me to do something.

Yeah. That there's no reason I don't accept you just want this to be convened to park the car. No, good. They were brand new cars too. They weren't even like our regular block cops. But I'm just saying it's also the thing. Like I didn't move the car because technically I go,

they can't push back on it because it's no legal reason I have to move. They're just saying like, I want a park. Yeah, it was. How did it happen? Yeah, how did they just walk away? I put the, I went, on the car, I was like, go inside, you stupid bitch.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because yeah, she was getting, she was getting Matthew with Christine. So that's why it just went back at that. What is the thing she snapped on you for? I forget, but it was something where she was getting mouthy with Christine. So that's why it has went back at that. What does the thing she snapped on you for? I forget but it was something where she was really she was

Oh, I know what they open they they showed the rest is what it was that's exactly what it was Okay, because she was saying at first She was like they were like we need to park here and something like that Yeah, and you just move the cone she goes and they just say maybe if you would have asked we would have moved the cones And I'm like, but you can't really put the cones here. Yeah. It's just like having a person stand there. Maybe if you would have asked nicely. I'm like, oh, so you don't need it for a dangerous criminal

that you're transporting over there. You're just like, I'm like, where is she mad at me? I gave her the, I gave her the, you know you fucked up, right? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know you fucked up.

Oh man, that's great. No, no, I came in at one, and then it was 12 to 12. 25 maybe? That's so funny. But she was, yeah, so when she just showed her ass as well I was just like fuck this thing but that guy so like the one guy wants to be friendly with me all the time And he like even does this like on the window of my car. He's like he's like he's like, god, yeah Like like come on like give her a break, you know, and this I go It's crazy the way these cops talk to us when it's like I'm always like officer. How are you like I just don't I'm not that pertinent every time

It's like they go is move the fucking car You know that's how you start yeah, yeah, and we were like excuse me. Yeah, I'm like I had a real fucking white lady on him Well, I like this is like two three years ago our car got stolen from in front of our house So my wife like called and it's her car So she's like talking to the cop and they're speaking Spanish. And in Spanish, he asked her. He's like, oh, so you don't fuck with your people anymore. You only you only deal with black guys.

Desk it said to her in Spanish. What did she say? But she like what the fuck? She just went, what the fuck? Can I get my car? It's like it. He was so uh Yes, I don't that grow. Yeah

On that ground You like them uh moey grande He's like yeah, you know, anyways, I'll get you your car back if you if you let me take you out for some Dinner Some drinks man. Yeah cops think but whatever you gotta call somebody Yeah, no, I actually what I realized in my life is that I have never once called the cops for anything Never when anything got stolen nothing. I've never actually gone to the police I've gone to them when I saw like a drunk st into the street to say, hey, maybe go help that guy, but for my own help, not once.

You know what I gotta meet? I gotta meet a fucking investigator or detective on the force or something. The only ones you really ever meet are the guy, even looked up, we even looked up the one guy who I videotape the one day who was fucking with us and when we look at that guy up He's got like 7,000 complaints like articles and tweets and other people filming him for just being this fucking asshole guy and it said like What do you say when he's arguing with me at one point? I go this while you're a fucking traffic You're giving tickets like a fuck is this your dream when you became a cop to hand out tickets you fucking bum He's like actually it is they offered me a sergeant public. Yeah, there he is. They offered me a sergeant position, blah, blah. I said, I didn't want to go, you said you didn't want to because you want to give parking tickets. Get the fuck out of here, dude.

We didn't just go just jolt a bunch too, but fuck this guy. Yeah, he looks like an asshole. Yeah, he was standing on the corner to ticket bikers. Look, yeah. I think I turned his, but he, he, he's one he's one guy he took his body came off while I was talking though Oh, so he's about to squabble with you Oh, I thought I was gonna have to take it off dude Okay, and then his guys came out and brought him and suck he took the body and I go take it off dude

I don't I fucking hate these guys. They were such living across the street It was there a constant abuse of power man. We watched them Fuck up this black like crazy homeless guy. We was in homeless. He was just drunk out of his head. Yeah, maybe homeless, but like Definitely crazy a cab dropped him off there. Yeah, I think the cab was saying like this guy's in my cab He's not gonna pay blah blah blah. So eventually there they're're the guys saying a bunch of crazy shit and they're laughing at them The cops. There's like these to change shift and they'd be like 10 cops outside Yeah, and they're laughing at this guy and then they tell the cab driver like Drive-off. Yeah, and the guy keeps sitting there and he's saying like crazy shit for sure

But it's he's the guys that come by and send shoot this place up That's that kind of shit and but they're still laughing. He's like, he's no harm. He's no threat. And then they just decided the guys that are going in are ready to go in here because they're in the car. And they go, I'm telling you, they were like, they were like, all right, man, so get out of here now. And the guys like, I just went and they went over

and first move, first physical move at all was put in this. No, they shoved him in his fucking chest, like smashed him against like the like a wall now the the cop van there was a van parked there and then he turned around and he was like I said get the fuck out the guys not fighting back at all then he pushed him where he like you know falls bet fell on the ground like he's down the ground and then they're like all right buddy that's it that he fell on the ground from them pushing and then they flip him over and start putting cuffs on them I'm like what is happening was such a wild thing, but if they're ladies

Yeah, and I'd say I did see that I felt that thing from the cops do I felt that with me in Christine's me Interesting stopped and we were like when he went on the ground thing. We were even like, yo Yeah, the cops looked at us were like the what and you were like not bad. I kill him dude I have to live in his watch What is this? I'm not much. When I walked out and the guy was shitting on our stoop, like actively shitting, I went over there to be like, there's a guy shitting on my stoop and that's when they were like,

not illegal, call your mayor. Yeah, they're laughing at all. You got it all, you're mayor? They were like, I'm on it. They're like, I'll come over. Mayor having shows. Oh, is it Jimmy? Shitting steps again?

Uh, this at least solid. We got to take a break, I know, though. We come back probably with no time. We're hanging out with Monroe Martin every day. Yeah, yo. Make sure you go follow him on Twitch at Monroe Martin. I-I-I at twitch.tv slash Monroe Martin. I-I-I-I.

You can also catch him at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Get some curds. August, August 19th in the 20th. Big J going to be in Montreal. All the rest of this week and next week we're off the next week. So you can catch him at hosting the dirty show.

He's also got the worst. Go to bigjcomedy.com for all the ticket dates. And Dan Sodor is going to be at the Coma Comedy Club Washington July 21st to the 23rd after that Oklahoma Phoenix coming up Partickets and all other tour dates go to dansoda.com. We'll be right back What's he gonna do? You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!