The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Mellencamp Thorogood

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Jay reviews the John Mellencamp concert and pays tribute to George Thorogood.

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of the Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. Now the Bonfire with Big J. Alcarson and Robert Kelly. She threw me out just as pretty as you please. But it's soon I'll be back for me.

No, no, no, Bobby. Hi, buddy. Let me say, yes, it's a very definitive statement. But if you love, if you genuinely love the music of George Thurgood, you are an asshole. Well, that hurts my feelings. No way. There's no way you like this.

I'll tell you where it hurts my feelings, because Max. Uh-huh. One of his favorite songs right now? Bad of the bone. Bad of the bone. Of course, come on, he's a child. I don't begrudge him that. Okay, okay.

George Thurgood wasn't making songs for nine 10-year-old boys. Yes. I mean, let me ask you a question though, to be serious. Welcome, Bonfire. I'm Robert Kelly. That's Big J. Oaksin. It's Monday, Monday, and we're back. It's a rainy Monday afternoon out there in New York City. Hope you guys are feeling good out there. It is 503 on the dot. Whether looking a little crazy out there. Southbound we got about 15 minutes delays. Hidden into the Lincoln tunnel. Northbound is crazy. Buckle in, get a tune on and sit back and relax. It's gonna be a long ride home to Katona. Take smoking back up because here we go. George Thurough could bite. So he is music music for I think I pinpointed this he's

music for adult ginger mechanics who have adult cheek acne or any any Patrick Swazie movie ever made sure sure yeah that's fair enough because it is mall it's mallet rock for sure, but it is uh, I don't know How he did the again the thing about musicians having nobody funny or like a genuine Funny mind around them to curb the ideas the song What's it called one bourbon one scotch one beer? We listen that last night in the car Mm-hmm. And most of it's him talking.

You know that song well, I assume. Yeah, he's more of it. I listen, I don't hate it. Let's just put that. It's so shitty. Hey, man, you're taking me to the fucking cure. I'm not taking it. You know what I realized about that guy?

What's that song you were singing on front? What's that song? Oh, that's us doing it. We're never on with you. Yeah, I figured out all his songs he's singing to food. For sure. Yeah, that's him singing to a hamburger and fries. Kate was crazy.

I've looked at pictures of him recently again. He's not actually fat. He just looks like he's supposed to be fat because he's grisly looking. He looks like he died. They found him in the water and then revived him. No, that's true. He does look like dead flesh. Thank you, Jacob. His flesh looks bad. His flesh looks bad. Yeah, but George Stero good. That's when he's talking.

In that thing. Okay, you know, I get he's doing like a blues thing, but he is a ginger white guy with big horse teeth. And when he talks to his friends and he goes, look man, I don't know why that bothers the shit out of me so much. That's a look man. Come on man. Turn it up. You're gonna ruin another fucking, you're gonna ruin another musician. You gotta doubt.

I come home one particular evening. Fuck, it's even a ruin another musician. That's out of town. Damn, he's a jerk off. He sounds like somebody who came up with a riff and was trying to come up with words to the riff. And he just went with the first things he went and figured out. I said but I'm telling you. I like it. I'm a walking old D. I don't know what I went. I'm having a rune. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went.

Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went.

Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went.

Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went. Now I have to do what I went riff. Yeah, it's all song. Oh wait, back it up. No. Because he just, this is great. So I go to my friend's house. You back it up a little more than that. That's a little bit, because I go to my friend's house. He's gonna ask his friend if he could stay at his house.

And he goes, I said, look man. Ha. So I go down the street. And I'm a good friend, South As a look man I'm out, don't you know Come on man You said, uh, I don't know, let me go have a wife You said, uh, let me go and ask my wife

This is the worst part Look about that house, I can see the space I know it was no You said, uh, I don't this face. I know it was no. I said I don't know, man. She got a funny, no. I said I know. Everybody funny.

You funny too. So I go back home. I said I laid it. I got a job. I mean, this is bad shit. I said yeah. I said oh yeah. Back it up. That's another one.

That's great. I said I got a job. She said yeah. So yeah. You're ruining it. I said yeah. I said all yeah. And then she was so nice.

Lord, she was lovely, dummy. Lord, you were lovely, lovely. By the way, and then he just says, I went in and grabbed all my things and bailed at the back door and fuck her in her back rent. Listen. Oh Down the streets I go She are hollering about the front rent should be lucky to get in the back She get none Yo DJ Lou probably think has a boner right now. He probably loves George Thurough. Good dude. I'm not I'm not hating it

I'm not eating it's bad shit come on Look man come down. I wish I talked like that in real life I don't give me a big man with a large fry and get me a 10-piece McNugget with a special sauce right here Hello, welcome to McDonald's go take your order. your order yes a look man I want a happy meal but I'm an adult and I don't care come down now give me some apple slices with that because my carol of color is very high go to Starbucks can I help you let me get a comma my key out of here I'm on the streets I said look man a much of Frappuccino a much of Frappuccino to go oh he's back he's back

I think everybody should talk like this for one day. We should be listening for one day. You should go in and go, hello. Welcome to work. Look, man. I need a large. Do you have a large? Sir, what size shirt do you wear?

I go, I wear an extra large. She says, yeah. Oh, yeah! Oh yeah! It's a double-egg, sometimes triple in the stomach. It depends if it's your opinion. I like it. So I come on with Christine.

It's like a fire. She says, yeah! It's a low-yeah. Look, man! You ought to pick up a couple of your ships in the comedy club now the door I went Came in the studio and it was a bit chilly so I grabbed my blanket and I said who touched the dial Christine man Don't touch it. Hmm. We're gonna go to the

So I'm wearing a blanket. I'm wearing a fleece. I'm wearing a shirt. Still cold. I look at the thermometer. I can see it was down. I said, oh man. So yeah. I tell you what I wasn't wearing. My necklaces. Oh yeah. I said, look man.

Probably to see my... Just a guess change. My... My double bracelet. Oh yeah! I said look man! Probably didn't see my... Just a guess change. Oh my, my double bracelet. And then when Christine realized she didn't touch the thermometer at all, she was so nice. How nice.

Long, you love it, Debbie. I love it. You love it now. Come on. I was doing it. I love it. You love it now. Come on. I was doing it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love want. I said I want to teeth. He said, uh, I don't know, I don't think I could do that. New thing.

I said I want the teeth. And out the door I went. I couldn't chew for three days because they put to a placement here. I was nervous on stage I say what they fuck out I know in the front row everybody nervous Now you know Damn George. I love it. I love it. I'll do it all day. I'll talk doing it. I'll talk like this for a week

I didn't go hat-and-hand to a friend Jacob, I have to stay at your house I said look man, I'm out of the streets. I need a place Cuz they're your house. I'm warm as some of your Titanic stuff. I promise. Why you got this Hitler book here? Why is this book got a big ol' swastik on it? You with some crazy white supremacist stuff? I said look man! I got a black trumpet player. I said Jacob.

Why the reach so small? Make it big, I gotta learn a disability man. I said look man, the priest is small. I asked him to pick a double space it. I can't read things, why don't you the period man? I can see by his face, it was double spaced. He double spaced it. I can read the reads. I went on my way and there I go with another Now the door Bobby wet

The funnest thing I've done all weekend. Let me ask my old lady You said a little later Oh, you're at the song part now. We just need to talk and shit part Yeah, it's so shit. I mean that's when you go These back of the bar This is what you drink it. I said look man I don't want to stress oh with a little bit of cream not heavy By the way, he goes look man drinking a bump in I'm drinking a scotch. I'm drinking a beer. One beer man. The lyrics are light. Hi ever. With me

you'll be one egg roll, one rice, and a number two. A number two, a number three. Hey you you guys have any of them there at home made? What, mustard sauce, the hot car, the Hurt your nose nostrils? You said we only got the packets. That's a look man. I'm a little stuffed up. Chinese man, so let me check it in the back. So they all leave every left? Charlie's man, so let me check in the bag. So they all leave, every left? Every left, they all left.

So it's already, so fixed. Oh man. Come on. I want everybody who heard that to do that for a day. Look man! That's so unbearable. That's fucking great. I went to Chick-fil-A.

I didn't know a Sunday. I wrote up to the window and nobody was there. And then I knocked on the window, I said, look man! I'm being myself a sandwich. I can see the black lady in the cashier was not like in my white bullshit today. She said, hey man. I said, oh yeah, it's the Lord's day. But I'm tired.

Jesus is tired. I just want some chicken. I can see in the face. I knew it was no. She told me to take my wife and say, you ain't getting chicken from before you ain't getting chicken. Never done chicken. No, never. I keep thinking it's going to be the not the door I went. Why is that you ain't getting chicken from before you ain't getting chicken ever done chicken? No never

I keep it's gonna be that not the door I went Shit He is just who loves George Thurough good max No, he doesn't he looks bad to the bone which everyone does because it came up in a cartoony watch or some it's the most commercialized song ever It's a good song Now think about it. It's not what how does it go? What is it all about? It's about being bad to the fucking bones? It's written in the 80s. I think pay the bone Maybe the 70s, but let's say it's written in the 70s. Yeah, it's written in the 70s for Yeah, it's written in the 70s for guys who still dress like their drag racing for

Paint ownership papers in their cars This is comb in your back pocket yeah Rolling up your cuffs on your pants Showing your socks Put on your short sleeve button down shirt over your t-shirt when you were playing stick ball for a little bit. Me and the boys getting crazy. You know the nurses look at my hog. Everybody knows this in a pool. This is a song song for Max The song is four max You want to put on Oakleys and go gain on in on me on you

Let me say something. I don't sing this at the top of my voice in the car with him when we're driving at all 100% Yeah, I feel there's a wink coming on that one You don't do you know, I don't I don't put the windows down and go on the highway and just scream this song at the top of our lungs. Sure, no, listen, it's a, it's a, I would never do that. It's a, it's a,

but I'm sorry, I think you do it. It's so funny, like those songs, for sure. If I never hear don't stop believe it on my own time again I'll be okay for the rest of my life but If like there was some situations where me and Isabella were singing it in a car and I knew she knew all the words now I would be like that'd be fun to do with her, but I don't give a shit about that song I love that song when that song comes on you don't sing it in the car

How can I? It's somewhere in the background of 100% by LaDame. This is why the song is, why I love the song. I feel like, I feel like, and feelings aren't facts. I'm gonna say that. I feel like, I just wanna say that. Feelings are not facts, but I feel like in my heart that I can sing it, that I actually sound pretty steep

peri- Steve peri- Steve peri- Octaves. Christine, I know you're making a face, but I feel in my heart that I pause for a second. I don't want to steal this moment. Yes. That's why I went to song pause for a second. You turn me around completely and I'll tell you why. This is what I say myself. A lot. The only reason if I don't do it, it's because I didn't believe in myself in the moment. I didn't believe that I could in that moment. It's about knowing you can do it. It's about believing.

It's about believing. I'm telling the world for the thousandth time. Yeah. I could do a Kip up off the ground. I can roll back and Kip myself up on my feet. Yeah. But I don't believe that. That right. I'm some died dead bullet back. I think I can. I think I can do a wall flip. What's a wall flip? Run up a wall and flip backwards.

He the fuck could do that. Lots of people who believe they can. What are you? Professional parkourists. German you, professional parkourists? A German dog? Professional parkourists to me. I think I just get how to do it. It's just a momentum. Yeah, I think it's just about the way you swing your body and believing you can do it.

I think a lot of it is believing, 100%. If you, you know, it's the same thing when people like fall off of like a diving board It's because they go up there and they get like scared last minute and they kind of like that waver Yeah, cuz they're like oh shit. I can't do this. Yeah, but if you if you go up there and just do it You can do it. I think you could do it. I think you run up a wall. I could do a wall flip I think we should both do a wall flip or we could definitely sing don't stop believing 100% and sound pretty good I'm not about today cuz of my throat. I think you can I think you can 100% can

I you to get more about new teeth flying out They're not gonna fly out. I don't know the porcelain. They don't want the shatter Hit the note and it's shattered My teeth just shatter You can say good there you can do it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH crazy like I was never a journey fan. I mean I actually like the more now than when I did as a kid. Yeah I get that. It's like a bit of a police. When this song comes on summer time around 6.37 o'clock driving home, windows down, road opens up and you then you like oh god here it is and then you turn it up just a little bit more

So you can still hear the outside a little bit But then it comes on and all of a sudden you're in it and you buy yourself and people around you, but who cares Listen to that. Oh This is just instrumental. It's such a build up. Oh, it's hilarious. I thought you were gonna play the song Right there Oh, it's hilarious. I thought you were gonna play the song song right there I just point at you. What's up? So this guy You have to go on you dude voice. Yeah. Dude. Dude. Dude.

Dude. Dude. Somewhere in the night. Dude. I think you were right in key. Thanks. That was pretty great. It was pretty good. Thanks. I love you the crowd seems to think they get out of here crowd Get it now. Come on stop. We're doing a show now. Please. Please get out get out of here

Better than the cure the asian is not true. I've heard nothing but good reviews about this tour I think you're gonna have a good time about the cure curator. Yeah, I'm gonna bring friends that have gone the curator. The curator. I'm gonna bring my travel pillow. Wrap it around my neck. So when I fall asleep, I'll be fine. I'll hurt my neck hang yourself my door and whack off. I'm just hanging myself.

Maybe the worst. It's a long show. I just a long nice long. No, it's not long. Is it? How can he go long? I think it's pretty long. Does he sit down halfway through? I think it's 29 songs. I'll throw up. But on course are like five songs each. What? How many on course? Two. No, just one.

Two right low ones. No, what the hell is this? Oh, but the second on course, where he's going to go. The spider man is a fucking hot. Oh, no. I think I'm gonna pick up the pace there. Not. B-b-d-d. How do you, how do you even date like?

How do we're gonna see Metallica? We're gonna see KISS. Yeah, that's fun. I'm into KISS. I showed Max KISS videos this weekend. He was loving it. Yeah. Yeah, he's loving it. Metallica, he's fun. I'm into kiss. I showed Max kiss videos this weekend. He was loving it. Yeah. Yeah. He's loving it. Metallica is great, but in his

max lives outside the box too. You could be surprised Max starts rocking a full gene sims demon makeup to school. Yeah, I keep up my hair in a top ponytail and put this demon makeup on me real quick. Yeah, just as long as he doesn't dress like Edward Cesar Hand ponytail and put this demon make a bummy real quick. Yeah. Just as long as he doesn't dress like Edward Sizzorhand after the cure concert. Just because, Max, you just covered in black tape. Yes. Why?

Because sorrow, dad. Just his belly button sticking out. He has a poem written in it. So the spider man's having me for dinner tonight, dad. Oh, God. He's very excited about the cure. Him and Donna are very excited. I'm going to have to-

She's gotten him into it. That's kind of, that's got to be a cool thing of like there. Well, him and her are in the car a lot. They're in the car a lot. Sorry about that. That's my wife cheating on me. Oh. I have an alarm set up.

That's cool. It's nice though. Doesn't it, it doesn't it the ears rough. It's like a wind chime. She goes, ah, good for Don. Good for her. Good for her. Skit and banged out by the plumber. It's good for her. You know, have a very busy schedule. Yeah, good for her Good for her. She deserves a good. Max says but good for her Max firing. He's on the trampoline. Listen to the cure. He loves the guy thinking about suicide

Why can't I tell daddy these things Daddy's never around. He's always with big J and Christine. The spider man is having me. Fuck him, dude. Dude, that would suck if Max becomes a spooky goblin kid. I hold you fully responsible. I hold you, if my kid goes from being cool and- I'm a child of swaying out of that.

You better sway him out of that. You better sway about it. You don't want Lewis to make him too much of a lunatic psychopath. Well, I went to Lewis's house yesterday. Lewis has a, I mean, his new house that he's got. Great house. It is unbelievable. Great house.

He did built in pool. Great backyard. He built his saltwater. Great neighborhood, which, you know, which is great. You know, it sucks when your friend moves into a crappy neighborhood and you don't worry about your car getting broke into a little kid. He lives in a great neighborhood.

But I'm just back there in the kids. I mean, I gotta let go around Lewis because he's a great dad. But at one point I look over and he's dancing with his girl to a song, but really dancing. And then I look at the kids and they're knife throwing. He has six throwing knives with a target in the backyard. First romance in front of the children. And then I look over at Max and James is just hucking knives into a board and just bouncing

back like, like centimeters away from their shinbone. Well, dawn wasn't with you, right? No, Dawn got sick. Dawn got sick. Couldn't make it. Dawn got sick. Sorry, this is the wink. Sorry.

Man, when Lewis is feeling it. No, Dawn said, I don't really feel that well. Would you mind if I don't go to Lewis's house? I was like, of course not. You okay, honey? She's like, I don't know, I think I am. We'll see if I don't go to Lewis's house? I was like of course not you okay honey. She's like I don't know. I think I am We'll see if I make it through the night I'd love to sit down and talk with Lewis's new girlfriend that's a dancer

I'm a 50 more hero one more than premenopause that should be fun. I bet you has a lot of great stories at a ripe old. What's that? 23 I Love to look at pitches of Lewis's penis. T. I, uh, nothing I'd love more than a tri-colored penis. It looks like a Italian ice cream. Here's what I appreciate. Or I, I say don't appreciate, but he will. God bless him. Just go for, is plenty of PDA, even if it's in a situation of others discomfort, for sure, without a doubt.

What do you mean PDA? Like he'll like go, like you said, those start dancing, it's just you and children in them. Don't have a romantic dance. Jay, I need you to dumb it down. It's Monday. Which you little acronyms. PDA. I don't even know what that means. What does it stand for? Public displays of a photo.

Hey, dude, don't do that to me ever again. You set me up to look stupid on the radio again. I know what PDA means. I was kidding. Right, guys? Come on. Huh? Wink. I thought you didn't know. I thought you didn't know what PDA was. Of course I knew what PDA was. Oh, fuck. I fuck you.

Damn it, Lou. Anyways, yeah, I don't mind it him and his his girl was great she was great with max I can always tell when some how they are with the kid you know he she was great she but here's the problem she's so smoking hot it's hard I mean she's ridiculous and even Max, I caught Max checking it out. Like Max is 10, he just got nine pubes. I caught him looking at, she's wearing a outfit that is just barely on. She's like in the 11.

And Max is, I saw him looking at her butt like as she was walking by. And I was proud. But I was still like, dude, dude, dude, chill. You go over and you go, hey Max, why don't you get a bite of that apple, dude? I'm dead. But he put on a great party. Good time.

And Max and James are, they're just perfect. They're the best. They've known each other since they were babies. I have a video of Max and James as babies sitting together and Max just takes a little whiff of all that and smash bat and smash it. Yeah, they're great. Great time. Great, great. But his, those two, man, he, I'm saying if I, if it was, I don't know your answer to this. But if it was like, hey, Jay's coming up for dinner. Christine's out of town. I feel like you and Don, what

starts like a make out session. Like what, and what we were all hanging out. Me, if you said, if you said, hey, can we take Max for the weekend, you guys would stay home together alone. Don't want to start a make-out time. If we're alone in the bed, naked together. I know it was just a good question, but I started asking it. Let me tell you something, kissing your wife. After 16 years of marriage and a kid, is like kissing your mother. You can just see and arise, like, I hate this guy's mouth.

Yeah. I've tried, like, we used to make out. Like, I remember, we used to passionately make out. Now it's just, that's it. Like, and then, you know, and then we do sex and then, and that's like, what are we gonna eat? You know what I mean? It's very, you ready to make fucked on?

It's not even, it's like, let's do this, you know. I've tried now that I've lost some weight. I feel like I need to make some different moves. I think I was a little insecure too. Back of the day, but I think I need to try to make some move. But when we kiss, I feel like she wants nothing to do with it. Cause I pride myself, dude, on making out. Making out is my thing.

Show me on Jacob. I'll show you right now. I'll fucking, I'll literally make Jacob wear pink tomorrow. He'll come in with a pink face. Show me on this trans penis tomorrow. Can't wait. I mean, I said that, that come out. Tomorrow's a big show.

Tomorrow's a big show. We got Mr. Jim Norton, which I'm very excited about from the Jim and Sam show. Jim and Sam show. And we have Kurt Kreischer. One of the biggest comms. We'll be coming around in the world right now. Tomorrow and we're going to be sketching a transport star.

All natural. I think a minute, the called minute sketches. You sketch for a minute, and then they change position. Right? Okay. Well, I actually went to art school. I went to art school. I did.

And I did. And what they do when they do sketches, when they do nude models, it's 30 second or minute poses. So they pose for a minute. You can do a three minute pose. We can do a three minute pose. Might be a better. You do a three minute pose and then they change position.

Because you don't want someone just standing there for an hour and you want a detail. You can make this thing. I want it detailed. Okay. Yeah. And then we have to talk through it. We have a minute, when a minute goes off,

Ding, somebody says something that she changed his position. And she could do whatever position she wants. Like my first new drawing was, man, which I was kind of, I was kind of like shocked by, not bummed out, but a little shocked. Well, how good you were drawing dick. Well, the actual teacher came over to me, he wish me to my ear halfway through the class, he goes, but a little shocked. Well, how could you were drawing dick? Well, the actually did you come over to me? You wish me to my ear halfway through the class goes you have to draw the penis Robert

You just let the blank space. It was a big piece man, and he had he had a lot soft. It was It was not so anger. It looked it was half it was had it kind of came down like a banana It was very big and it had a little stuff at the top which was grossing me out What do you mean? He had like pre stuff No, he had some glisten. He had a tear. He had a tear coming out. He had a tear coming out of it and it It gross me out. That's what makes your underwear hurt when you When you pull your underwear out to adjust that little pre-come stick in your underwear and it pulls right out of your dick hole I just didn't know how to I don't know I didn't know I was a fun fact everybody if it was like a booger

Do you hey you got something you know? Like what a lazy model it was just came in there with pretty cut. I just pose. I just he didn't know I didn't know you know Jacob. I mean take a shower first Well, you think that's lazy modeling. I don't think it was a shower. I think he got a little, I think he got a little a row. A row. He was a little row.

Maybe a little roused from being. It's preco. It wasn't like old precom. He just had like the, you know, when the tear starts peeking out sometimes. Yeah, it was a soft on it. It looked like his dog was crying. Yeah.

He's completely soft and he's precoming in front of the room. It was not completely. It wasn't because it was crying. Yeah, he's completely soft and he's pre-coming in front of the room It wasn't it was like a banana like he was it was a really large penis It was probably it had to be a nine ten-incher when it was hard So it was like it was like a seven-incher soft kind of hanging over and he had a little pre-come So I wasn't drawing the pre-penis for the first maybe 20 minutes with it He went to make sure you had enough chalk. I was front row too, which was a little pre-cumse. So I wasn't drawing the penis for the first maybe 20 minutes with the him. He went to make sure you had enough chalk. I was front row too, which was a little really.

Really? Yeah. And he did a weird thing. Whereas veins like a tactile, were they up and raised or could you see some through it, through the skin? Oh, you saw. Yeah, you could see it. So it was a very white penis. It was a white penis with a with a with a pinkish helmet.

Okay. And um okay. What he did was in so when you change your sketch when they the it was like it was three minute drawings and one minute drawings. Okay. So in so when the there was a bell that would go off a very soft bell like ping and he would have to change positions and in between positions he did this weird thing have to change positions and in between positions, he did this weird thing where he would motivate himself and he would just go. Really? So he would run in place and pump his fists. And pump his fists and then just jerk into a position and land it at heart.

Land it at heart and then stay and then stay and every time being and he would just land in it. So the thing was kind of flipping around a little bit. Do we have any insight into who the. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh,. Yeah, to him, but to us, it might be okay. Yeah, he's a size queen. I heard. Oh, he was just the last part of that. Oh, man, I think it's told you all last week about a John Cougar melon camp. So we were talking about George Thoreau good almost in a similar thing.

John Cougar melon camp did. He was great. I had a ball at the show. He arranged a lot of the songs differently and not very well. Well, you did Jack and Diane Acoustic, bomber. But when he got ready, he was the thing. There was only a few times where it was a few songs you don't know before one you knew. But those ones you didn't know, he made you earn those because that's when he would go story time. And you were right about that lot of heckling, a crazy amount of heckling. And he does acknowledge it. He's like,

Hey, man, why don't you shut the fuck up? Like he feels it because he prattles on with these mindless stories. Christine, maybe, oh, damn it. We can find online at some point maybe him doing the speech. I'm sure it's every night and he tells a story, some song about Portland. Oh, is this it? On that album, you want the Portland one? You know it, you know the album? I mean, George Thorough, sounds better than this. Yeah. Well this, I don't know what the hell that shit was. You don't have to play the...

It's more than the song I want to hear. The story about the song. Oh, he'll keep this beat going and then... No, no beat it all. Nothing. Dead silence to him talking and I swear to you, he goes, it was so much virtue signaling and jerking himself off and the crowd was so excited to do it on every minor detail of the story that went nowhere.

So he's like, I was in Portland one day, so I was love about Portland and I was in a diner. He just does all bullshit. I was at a truck stop diner eating like, where are you, John Cougar, Alan? No, you weren't. Were they heckling like that where they're going where yeah Sort of all around this they were but he was only catching a few But there were some loud people like saying some shit for sure like that interfere when you talk about some he goes

That's my mother I have a story. I just can't get it where you can see it But you'll be able to hear it. Oh, this is nuts. Is it from our show? No. This is John Cougar Melon camps concert that he's in now that you guys want to see. Yes. And he's so he's telling stories. No music. They're not stories. This isn't like stories for story. This is such a farcical made up bunch of nonsense. Good word. From the get go. As soon as he starts this this story but it's in design to make the crowd click tells you how great he is several times during the speech you have it you want to play Christine we have the audio

flattie about five or six years ago I was there and I was playing and I was having a Fancy lunch and a fancy restaurant. Oh, yeah, it's right. It was a fancy life forgot it wasn't a truck stop It was a fancy like but he wants you to know food was so fancy I don't even know what the hell I was eating because I'm from the country I thought I had a cube and but he does start by saying, have you ever been to Portland before? Yes, fine. You like Portland?

I did before, became fucking walking dead, zombie, homeless junkies everywhere, but the weed's good in the club's nice. As I'm eating my lunch, the whole front of this place, this place I was eating was all windows And I see this girl about 25 years old like this and she keeps going back and forth The back and forth the back and forth the back and forth very man very man And you know I watched her do it and her face was all dirty and

Airbus man. It's called the crack war the crap. Yes, the crap starts going the crowd the crowd at this point. Arlington starts going Oh Jesus Christ. What a So he's in a fancy restaurant having a $300 lunch and there's a crack or a front pacing back and forth Got it. Got it sounds a little affidot crack heads Clearly especially when they're panic walking back and forth in front of a fancy restaurant. So it more I say stands though. So who's gonna intervene in the situation? John Cougar Melon camp who sees this woman. I gotta do something.

I gotta quote my leftovers. I was gonna take home to my dog. I'm gonna give it to this young woman. It's that pompous, what does that start say? It's a half a $500 hamburger and two fries. But I gave her one because I ate one on the way out because the fries are so damn good, they were truffle fries. Sarasweet Harla said, I ate all the onion straws off the rodeo burger. You like salad with salad dress and all it already? It's a little wicked.

But I had half the salmon that's on top. Here's a cocoa. Those aren't by marks, those are from a fork. There's a cocoa cola with no ice, because it melted, because it was on the table so long. It was already pretty flat. Now it's flatter. I'm going to go back in and have some dessert. If I don't finish it, I'll bring that out too.

Suck it on, chuck it on. Jack it out Jack and Diana acoustic really was deflating it was deflating is all that's what you realize like all the drums the one that came in the greatest thing ever I mean the only song acoustic that's good is more than words that's a good acoustic song oh sure that's a that's acoustic signs was pretty good when Tesla did that It was alright, but it's still not everywhere signs still not when you I want to he when I go to a concert I want to hear the song a lecture pounded in my chest. Yes And let's and let's use that the fucking village underground

He wasn't playing this part. He had to start singing for you to catch what was happening He's playing recognize the what would you say? They play the heart is like the harmony. He's not playing like the melody right who's playing the heart So he's just doing like the you know jang jang jang jang jang it's not like as it go Jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang jang Thank you. Thank you young genius prostitute. You're right though. It's that drum that comes in that makes you go fuck it's the anthem It's iconic. Yeah, it's as iconic as like Phil Collins song

Mm-hmm. Cut it out Kenny Arnoff. Yeah, let's take the good part of the song and drums. Cut it out. Kenny Arnoff. Yeah, let's take the good part of the song. It's actually very similar to the song called Ro. Let the bottom back come out, save my soul. Hold on to 15 as long as you can. Change the ground real soon. Yeah, something is

Thank you Now cut the drums out almost sing it just me By the way also making the crowd do most of it all it was it was I Guess you missing a long or something song off forgive him. I would rather have somebody in the background doing what we were doing Just go and some to get doom Psycho-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-d Jay, Bob, I'm sick of the jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank of jank Please it's so Jacob you're particularly gonna love this. It's so self-agranded. It's great He's one of the fancy fuck it. I excuse myself from these fancy people By the way the story I was like why am I with these fancy people? They're your friends you asshole? You're rich for years. It's your agent manager and publicist With him you're planning how to make more money. I don't know what you guys are talking about all this business

I just want to be a guy Hey, I'm gonna go talk to this drug addicted young dirty lady out here I'm gonna go give her a half a handbook on an apisa tomato. You're gonna have any more of that fog raw You're gonna have any more of that vlog roll She goes out and tries to smoke the frog walk No, no, no, no, you eat that baby girl eat that. No, that ain't H baby girl. You got to go a and I go, well, let's go buy a bus ticket. Pause a pause. He's learned how to milk this story.

Oh my god. I'm not Christina. I'm not exaggerating at all. He goes, what's wrong with this? She looked at me and she goes, I wanna go home and the crowd goes, oh, and he goes, but it turns out. Wait, that might be coming.

The real story is she went, what's wrong, baby girl? And he went, I can't find my baby, I left it somewhere. My baby, I don't know where it is. I start, you can play it because I'll see where he's, because I thought he's cutting out the how far she lives. No, because he's here.

Good. He went home and she went, but I can't go home and I go, why? She goes, because they don't want me there. Yeah, no, pause it. He skipped. His first thing he goes, I want to go home. But home was 500 miles away. So I said, all right, well, let's get you home and go.

I said, let me take you to a bus station or an airport. We'll get you a flight and the crowd goes like, yeah. They're so cheering for him. And then he goes, she said, I can't go home. I said, why? Cause they don't want me there. Listen, man. I said, look, man.

Look, man. I said, you want to go home? She said, yeah. I said, oh, yeah, yeah, why can't you go home because I help my baby by naff point to get some crap The second I listen in second I let her get arrested and sit right away for my five years my baby said look man I'm not going back there My baby's gonna scar on her neck. And my husband has got no penis because I don't have to cut it off. Yeah, oh yeah.

Well, let me get you home. I'll take a home. Why not? Because I help my baby for ransom. She said, man, I've done some bad things. I said, I know. We all do bad things. I don done some bad things. I said I know. We all done bad things. I done bad things too.

I done bad things too. I don't want your fog wall. Oh, your house is a little bit... Man, I got a peanut allergy. What's in this? Almond chicken, you trying to kill me? She says? And that's a door I will.

Hey man, I'll suck your dick for $20. So we're at the part of the story where she says, I can't go home, they don't want me there. Of course they don't want me there. Then they oo and all again. Because you're paying back and forth and you smell, that's why they don't want you there. Take a shower and relax a little bit. You either have to be in your son's life or not,

but you can't do this back and forth wave right? Yeah, 500 miles away. Why are you here, stupid? Go home. Pace in front of your house. They'll let you in eventually. I've done it. Yeah, take the fucking stupid homemade piercings out of your face. I've I've I've gone down on guys for money and don't took me back in It takes time, but it happened. So look man. I'm in a stick Look dude I suck that dick See my face she didn't like it I don't like it. I love George's no good, guys.

It's funny, funny, and funny. Look, man. Oh, yeah. So I know. I know. And I'm funny. You fight too. I want to see Max.

I know I'm done fucked up. But I promise I'll never suck a dick again for money. I'll just do it for pleasure. Yeah. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I've done fucked up But I promise I'll never suck a dick again for money. I'll just do it for pleasure Then I will upstairs go on my belongings Snuck at the back door and I was right back to sucking that mean dick on the streets Yeah, dude, this is a this is a terrible story this make sense. You know, you do go out and give her a $10,000 or go bring her home with you

Well, here's what you teach her how to paint. Yeah, here's what he does instead. Oh, okay. He does something This is good I This is my daughter Kills Bobby Kills like a closing bit at a fucking comedy show. It's a good bit. It's not a good bit. I like the best. It's a terrible bit. And I will tell you that rock stars get a lot of leeway with their funny. They don't

have to do very much. Of course. Of course you should see if you go to Skankfest this year. Put them on. Called Storytelling with John Cougar, born in camp. John Cougar, born. See how long the crowd will last. John's snoozer, Mellon camp. Also the beacon really seems to draw a hoity-toity audience. Conti crowd. Conti crowd.

Go ahead, keep playing. Or I'm bad at what name when I was her itch and So I talked to you a little bit and I said look okay, you know, she didn't have me fucking shoes on me It was fucking rainy and cold Feep of filthy dirty. I said how about if I just gave you some money then and And she just do I gotta have sex for it? God damn right, you do. I said, look, man.

I said, look, man. You guys. A deal. A deal's a deal. I can see my face. You said we're looking at, yes. You need responsibility. And I'm gonna give it to you.

You're gonna earn this $500 around the world. You're feminine one, two, your boyfriend didn't want you. None of them. You're gonna be able to buy a shoe when you're done with me. Maybe two. Swing it down to seven, they make it some of them pro kids. You say yeah. So yeah. And after Shreet she went. And after Shreet she went. I would have rather heard this, I'd rather hear one for everyone's touch with your story in this story for sure. I'll turn your around on this dude. A little bit on that one.

A little bit on that one. This story's thanks. I mean, he played it. It's not over. Yeah, it's almost over. She has no shoes. What an asshole. By the way, he also, he's added some more virtues

signaling the story since then, too, because he now also, before she says about this, let me give you some money. Yeah. He says, in our story, he said that he always goes, let me take and get you some food or something. Let me buy you some food. And she says, I really need his money. Yeah.

So he goes, so he say, I pull out some money and that's the thing that's right here. Because you're not supposed to give homeless people money or drugs out drugs out of money. Yeah. Especially if you're John Cougar mellacamp, you can give her a 10 grand. Yeah. She's just going to murder herself. She's just going to go by 10 grand worth of heroin. And you're going to have 50,000 deaths in Portland that night. Yeah. Just people doing. I like the things she went off and found 1950 summer camp love with that money. All the things I sing about old time stuff and a

jukebox everywhere. And a crack hit a girl with nappy done hair. I was mowing a small town where your father built some part of your house in a small town. Only fags get mechanics in a small town. Change your own breaks of small town. This girl is pacing her front. This guy's going to savor just so we can have a story to tell in his stupid. What a hump to use this stupid story. He may and he's telling it in front of a crowd where he's probably getting a million dollars that night for that show.

A million take home. And there's some girl at no shoes. Now, she's just part of that. Well, any song about the home was just great because they also, they also painted shitty picture of the person talking to me. It goes, crusty face and ugly mis-in-t, then he's got a black eye all the time

and his face is super gross and nobody wants to do it. And then it's always like, but he's a person. But he can't stay at my house. Or any of my five houses, my pink one, my blue one. Never let him sleep by the school yard because he scares all the people with his gross face and stinky body. And... She had no shoes and a... and a pregnant bellybutton. Yeah, yeah. I think she shit herself too. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hey, everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcommy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on. I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.

Go on, go on, go on. I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink.