The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Mittens & Shoe Horns (feat. Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Mike Finoia praises Bobby's teary performance and Big Jay has old-guy problems with shoe horns, mittens, and back pillows!

I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app. Go to seriesxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly.

Well, that was for the first word. and Robert Kelly. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, me, step inside. Bobby, one of my favorite, it's the barf everybody. J. O'Carson, the great and hilarious, powerful, Robert Kelly. Hello. Powerful, just felt that power in the elevator. He really made a boy of me. Hanging out in the studio today. We have Mike Finoya, the great America's amigo, Mike Finoya. He's going to be a governor February 23rd and 24th in the Comedy Connection March 1st

and 2nd for tickets and all tour dates. Go to mikefinoy.com. Mikey and me, when me and Mike live together Bobby When you guys were a gay couple we were a gay couple when you guys sucked each other's old teeth We used to link our old teeth up they fit together perfectly That's why we got fake to you. We didn't know that our kisses is exactly how our teeth shifted But they didn't say it when you first met, but all the kissing you did, they wound up just clinking together.

But so one of our biggest laughs. One was just doing the flat out the 80s voice that the 90s it became everyone did the Eddie Vedder voice and I'll give him the first credit on it. Eddie or how does that go for sure other here and I'd say things that you know issues and shit the dog's are old-time in the sun and they they got no eyeballs gonna take I care too much about a problem in Tibet. I don't want to make the money I'm making is too much. I'm overly concerned with foreign issues. I pretend to care and give a shit about women stuff. Sorry. He's not rock rap It's Halloween every fucking

He sure isn't shots fired Do you think are you saying the island thing it's Halloween every day? Oh my oh I'm saying your musical taste everybody's gloomy and has makeup on We just listen to a very your musical taste everybody's gloomy and has makeup on. And they go, ooh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, 80s voice, which was, you know, like the bands like ABC. Yeah, I don't know the answer to that question. Yeah, I like ABC. I like that guy. Well, look how I love. It was, uh, I called that like, uh, manly gay. Sure. Right. It was like, you know, like, what is that dude? Oh, general public, every one of those bands the same voice manly guys It's in my stomach and now it's on you I know this much is true True, true, true Can you do it?

I have to sing it every time the song starts to play This much is true I gotta take it to the road But now I've come back again I gotta tap into my molestation Feel the pain again and again Fucking soupy wine voice. Yeah So that was that so we used to laugh at that a lot

Yeah, you can see it I knew you jumping on these Bobby right away because the other one that just killed me was Mike told his story. Go ahead, Mikey, please. I don't want to take your story. Well, no, because we were talking about how, like, stepping out we would always do. Because you told me, what's his name did it first, right? With you. Who was doing it?

Was it you and Joey who were doing it? To someone's name? And I said we were doing it to my boss. I thought you just brought it up out of the thing so Ted Boosat stepping out would go step in step in out put it back on this guy I worked with started in my

boss's name was Ted Boosakis Ted Boosakis into the night into the night, into the night. Teddy, Ted Busacus. Turn it up, Lou. It's so fun. Into the night.

That name makes me laugh. Ted Busacus. Teddy, Ted Busacus. We used to do that all the time at work. And then now, Mike, when I call him, he found him on LinkedIn so whenever I call Mike It's a picture of Teddy Busacus He looks great Very rarely does somebody look the way they sound

Do the if we say you've come in you guys will go to any tab guys will go to And he go what's up, dude? He was fucking awesome He always last name you always go hey, what's up Ted Ted Busacus? Then Ted's I think music trigger started her initial Angriness beginning of hatred for Legion of Skanks when she came on one time That was when we were at the creek in the cave Still and she came on and then we all the whole show we keep going Lisa

Lisa Trigger Into and she was at some point was even like guys. I don't even get why this is funny. This is stupid. It's not funny I'm like killing me nothing is better when it when a name fits a salamically fits What is that Dessert a Greek dessert. Yeah. Hey you want some bullsackers doesn't have raisins in it. Yes, the fresh of bullsackers It has ray. My mama didn't make a raisin busacas busacas I don't do the busacas with the raisins I don't like a sweet with my busacas do you have a real Greek honey to put on the busacas

Teddy what's up dude Ted busacas I don't never hear I never hear the song now and not in my head I'm singing Ted Busacus. If I'm singing it full volume by myself or with Christina next to me in the car, I'm always going. Tedding! Ted Busacus! It's the a-cuss that gets me. Yeah, of course. It's the heart, yeah, the a-k-i-s. Because you go,

BUSACUS! It's very rollercoastery. Ted Busacus! High top, dude! Into... KIS It's very roller coaster Into the night Shout out Teddy B He's a great dude man. He was a he was a great guy to work for I don't know, I haven't seen him in a hundred years but... Hey guys! Looks good on you! What's up dude?

You know, Tom from Gas Digital, I'm surprised you didn't think they had the same voice because you're doing a fantastic impression of Tom from Gas Digital. No shit? Really? Oh no. Hey guys! What's up? It's Tom.

I thought he was doing a Bobby. Tom by the way, one of the heroes of the night last night, the stand. This guy went fucking off last night and was like, they kicked him out for being loud and he did a thing, he was like, yeah, let's kick me out, try. And they did and I guess this is while Skanks was going on out in the lobby, the guy was in his face like poking him in the forehead, like you go fucking,

whatever, and Joe kind of like you know like When it him because he's like touching and then Tom like choke held the guy out of the club and the guy outside and Yeah fucking pretty awesome. He was doing the Bert no, I think all the cops came I think in like separate But like it's pretty fucking wild who's Joe which Joe not the roast her a Joe Harari the super super skinny manager going get this through your head you fucking you this through your bugs me

dude you're in the city cuz of me who's having his arm like a marionette honking his horn I think I show you Bobby the raging bull the raging bull with Bert nerdy Listen you motherfucker you motherfucker you Lewis Gomez is calling me right now It can't be good here. These people know tell me something about fuck no don't

Gonna say the n-word right away something. I just, he doesn't care. That's so funny. One of the guys from the skanks goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's gonna pick it up and say something. Can I say something very nice to you, Bobby? Yeah, what's up, buddy? I was, I was like, no, I know. Right now in my stage of life, I only like mean shit because I am challenging myself to be better.

This weekend, I was reminded of how incredible an actor you are. Why is that? You're an excellent actor. OK. Thank you. And it was season one of Louie. OK. When you guys went out to dinner with your mom,

who was a new lesbian, and you were blown away that your mom was dating a hotter woman than you'll ever date, and you're looking across the table at her, and you're like, mom, you never said you loved me. Never. Tell me that you love me me and she wouldn't do it wouldn't do it man I got choked up you were fucking unbelievable dude I mean I've always loved your acting but Jesus Christ I had to like turn it off and like walk away for a minute it was acting as what Walt and me take away my second

co-host I will not look at me look at me me. Look at me, dude. I'm going to tell you right now, Jason. Nothing, not when fire rain, fame, money, glory, women will take me away from you. He's auditioning in this to get a better job than this. Sign them up. I'm here for you. And you know what, Jay? Look at me seriously in the eye. Jay. You. Complete me. He didn't blink that whole two minutes, dude.

He's so good. I know. Son of a bitch is so good. Did you was acting always easy for you? Or did you have to take classes like doing that scene? Was it to take a million takes or was it like no I was abused as a child so I always had to act just to you know not get hurt emotionally or physically so and in jail I don't know I think I would take your entire childhood if I got to fuck at eleven. Nothing comes for free, man. You got a fucking 11.

Look, did I have a couple of fucking wacky foster care homes and a couple of group homes? You experienced some violence? He goes, no, but I was fucking dunking dick at 11. Not bad. I have three names of belts welted into my back. Somebody else's dog shit, somebody else's orange. I'll tell you about this, Mike. This scene, Louis called me up two months before we filmed it and

did something you're never supposed to do to an actor. And he treat, he said this, he admitted he, he treated comics worse than he treated. He was very coddling to actors because they needed, he goes, the only way he said, I treated comics worse and a little rougher because they needed comics are competitive. If you say you can't do something to a comic, they'll do it. Or if you give them a little shit, they'll do it.

But I'm not like that. He actually called me up and he goes, hey, can you cry on camera? I went, what? He goes, can you cry? If I wrote a scene and I needed you to cry in it, could you cry? I was like, yeah, dude, I can,

but now that's all I'm gonna think about is not being able to fucking cry. Like if you say, hey, don't think about an octopus, that's all I'm fucking thinking about. Right. So I was so paranoid to film this. Bobby, don't say the n-word. Nickel's Times Quarters. Creamy Nougat.

Okay, thank you. Nathala! Although Black Lude just did a great job. I... Creamy Nougat. Okay, thank you. Ah... Ah! Nutella! Although, Black Lude just gave us a pass yesterday to start saying the term sand wigger as he himself coined the phrase. Bobby, can I ask you a question?

I'm looking you in this. Yes, buddy. You look great in this scene, by the way. What was your... There's a real question. What was your fluctuation at one point like a short amount of time? Because you look so much, I wouldn't think that you were that thin in this in the time of Louis.

Yeah, the first episode of Louis I ever did, I was actually coming into my last and sixth fat. So I was on that 2008 thing with Dane and I was shredded. And then I started gaining, you know, I got off the road, things were happening. And then when I got onto Eluy, I started to get a little fatter, like that first episode on the diner scene.

I was actually pretty much in shape. Yeah, like, no, not that one. That's the last fat. That's the, that's the, that's the- You got there. That's bang bang, right? That's bang bang. That's when I was a tub of shit.

I love that episode. Oh yeah, I'm fatter than Louis. I mean, Jesus. Yeah, and that one you really. Is it God Cry though? I wanna see him cry. No, no, no, he cries in this one. Yeah, so that one is when I was going back up to be my biggest ever.

Yeah, that was my climb. Well, because Louis, season one of Louis, I think was like early 2010s, right? Like 2010, 2011, something around there. Yeah. And then when I got sex and drugs with Leary, I dropped weight. I was, went back to the gym, I was losing weight,

and we did the pilot. If you look at sex and drugs, I was actually all right in shape in the first episode. We shot the pilot, and Leary walked up to me the first day, he goes, what the fuck are you doing? I wrote, you know how much fat jokes I wrote for this thing? He goes, dude, I'm gonna see you at the craft services eating donuts and shit.

So I, the fat, the fatso inside he was like, okay. And I gained like 30 pounds by the time we shot the next, the episode two. I got bigger, I'm exaggerating a little bit. I gained a lot of weight back and then it just went out of control because then everything went away and I was gonna kill myself But this is just in Christy lower the lights and let's have a tremolo with dramatic Bobby here dramatic Bobby here

We go such a great watching. Yeah, this is Louie and our mom and hit her girlfriend and her letting us know that she's a lesbian That's great, That's really great. Hi. Hi. Can I start you guys off with a drink? Yeah, I'll have a vodka on the rocks. Oh, perfect, me too. Just bring in my water, please. No fun.

You just, you are so good at not blinking, dude. Asman has been introducing me to a lot of new things. He's been very good for me. So let me get this straight. My mother's married to a girl who's younger than me and way harder than any chick I've ever dated or ever will date in my life. Robbie.

I would think you'd be glad for me. Aren't you happy that your mother finally found love? Finally found love. Mom, I've loved you my whole life. That's all I've ever done is love you and you didn't even notice. Come on, who doesn't love their mother? Louis raises his hand. Louis raises his hand. Louis raises his hand. I love that so much. Such a great, it's so great. He's so fucking great. He's great.

Am I wrong to say that the mother is not killing it in the scene? Okay, can I give you a little backstory? Do you want it now or do you want it at the end? She was dying and this is a make-a-wish. I want to watch the scene and then and then yeah, yeah good You I love you for you ma How many times that I told you I loved you? I try to remember when you said it to me and I just can't

No, I'm sure I said it when ma when I've never felt your love ever No, I'm sure I said it. When, Ma? Oh. When? I've never felt your love, ever. Mike, does your mom not love you? You know what that's like? Don't ask questions you already know, because you're her mother.

That's why I'm... my life is just so messed up. Don't blame me for that. I'm sure I said I love you somewhere down the line. So you're saying you do love me? You love me, Mom? Stop it. This is a restaurant.

I asked you a question. Do you love me, Mom? Robbie, don't go there. If you do, if you love me, just tell me. Robert, I will not be held hostage like this. I do not play this game. Game? What game?

I'm your son. I'm just asking you to say that you love me. What game, ma? So you're going to school? Ma. Don't just say it. Look at his face. Look at Louis' face. So you gonna, you gonna school? Ma! Don't just say it. Look at his face, look at Louis' face.

Say you love me. This is it, this is it. I lost it right here. Ma, please just say it. Please. No, you stay. You just did to me tell me you would never leave the show. Look it, look it, look it. This is a total bummer.

I think there's a, uh, amazing. Great work. Absolutely fucking amazing, Bobby. Great work. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. I want to thank, first of all, my agent, Maddie Frost, and Justin, and my wife, and Max, but I really want to thank my gang at the bonfire

because you know what, you took me in and I wouldn't be able to do this type of work without you. Jacob, Blackloo, DJ Lou, Christine, producer Christine and big, and big, and big J. I want to say thanks to you. Love you. Because you could have, you could have just called the quits.

I went on on your own. But you came to me and just fell out on your bed. And you asked me what I do with you. And I said, I'll do anything. I'll do anything with you. And I fucking love you, man. Thank you so much. He's getting me.

Son of a bitch, this is it. You would do anything with me. Son of a bitch goes, I would do anything with you. Wait a minute, Bobby. What's up, Bubba? I'm the one that came in here and said how good you are. Yeah, but I'm going home with you tonight. Did you know what, tell me.

I can't. Tell me you love me. You're always going to forget somebody in the speech. Tell me that you love me. Oh, shit. I'm the one that came in here and fucking said that I love you. Oh, shit, Mike. Mike?

Yeah? I love you the most. Thanks, dude. What's my last name? Your piece of shit. Fanoia. There we go, you did it. Fanoia. And he sang it.

My name is Mike Fanoia. How do you remember it? You sing it in the shower knowing he's coming today. Mike Fanoia, Fanoia, Mike Fanoia. Fanoia. I was gonna change it to Fiona. I-ah! That's gonna change into Fiona. I was gonna, I'm gonna legally change it. I just, you, congrats, Fiona.

Beautiful, beautiful acting, buddy. I'll give you a little backstory, so he tells me that, now, Louis is big at this time, this show is fucking epic. Sure. And he gave me the first little... I was in a couple episodes. Well, he did put everybody in, which is fantastic. Okay, not me.

I thought he was looking for some unique and rare talent, but okay, maybe he put everybody in it. RIP. The bathroom it bends right totally. He used to have a bathroom He put everybody in New York because he said New York He gives the comics in New York are so talented and nobody gives him a shot And they should be putting stuff because they're not just community There's there they're well-rounded holy shit actors. And he put, I love that he put, and this is the sad part, he put so many women comedians who probably wouldn't have gotten jobs in acting.

If they wouldn't have let someone jack off in front of them. That's correct. And Jay and me did that. But the lady, the mother, so he calls me, he goes, you're working, this is like a few weeks out. We casted a Tony Award winning actress, Broadway actress is going to play the mom, you have to have your shit together.

I'm just letting you know that you're working across a really great talent and that freaked me out. So now I'm freaking out because I gotta cry on cue at this moment, I gotta build this whole scene up. And then, and the only way to build up a real cry is to run the scene full. And he would do that. He would always run the scene like a play.

Well, you know what I mean? So you could back and forth, back and forth, and it builds and you get there, and all of a sudden it's there and you go, right? And you got it. And once you got it, you're good. Whatever other take is fine. So we get in there and I'm so nervous I'm gonna be working.

She sits down like, you're good. Whatever other take is fine. So we get in there and I'm so nervous and I'll be working because she sits down like, oh my God. And we start the scene and it gets to her line and she goes, what's my what's the line? Oh, I'm like, just shocks you out of the scene. So then we go for a little bit. She's like, the, uh, but what is, uh, what is it? What is the line again? We're in four things. Buddy, I was so fucking twisted. I'm like, fuck you. Really? I worked my twat off on this.

I was working with her, you know what I mean? And you know, she didn't, she just kept breaking the moment. That's rough. It was a little rough. She's like, son, can you hold your cry for a second? Can I get some water? It was... Can I get some water over here? Son, you're acting your ass off. You're doing fantastic.

Hold that emotion. Man, I don't do TV, I do Broadway. Anyways, listen, tell this tub of shit. Wow. You're like, mom, tell me let me just... Five, six, seven, eight, hello my son Robert. You can sacrifice your sacrifice and in the back row. Makes the scene even more impressive. I know, really.

It was really hard because when you run the scene full back and forth, you can kinda get there, but we kept having to stop cause she was forgetting the lines over and over. What's up? Tonight I think on, you know, she was a message on social media and stuff or get to Blackloo. Some maybe some names, some some tour name ideas.

And we also need we really need. We need a tour name idea for this for this show in Long Island that me and him are doing. It's going to be the Paramount, which is one of the great theaters. That's a great theater. So great theater. Also major ballet. I mean, there's venues where it's like fucking cool bands played their history.

But we need for this show so much for live shows. But maybe if we start doing this tour, we need a bonfire theme song. We need our own theme song. We need a theme song. So we just skanks has had one forever. Our our wife and there's no reason there's so many talented people in our audience if you would like to in which we tell them to email it to email the bonfire at serious xm.com we'll get with you more details shortly as we know but basically basically that's it. We need a full song.

What does it be? Like a two verse song. We need a song with at least two verses, something that at least two verses, something to play a hook that hits, but also use your create. Maybe there's not a great hook and it's just the song rules. Um, whatever it is, we want you guys to use your creativity, like involving the fans is a good one. Um, whatever it is, we want you guys to use your creativity, like involving the fans. This is a good one.

We need, we need, our rejoin music can always be our fun songs we pick, but we want a fucking open that great fucking song that brings the show in. Could be hilarious, could thrash, just know when we're all smiling in the room, it could be getting the show. Everyone sang along the stepping out today. It could be Yacht Rock. Anything. Could be Yacht Rock. Yeah, you can have clips from the show in it, saying stuff, give guests on the show. Could it be a song parody? No. Okay. No. Yeah, because then it's gonna run into issues anyway. No, it's not we have the rights to play anything want more serious XM Do what bang? It's only right? Yeah, that's all we really got so now if we ever get booted off serious XM

This song will go with it Okay, that's it we can't play it then again anywhere else But you'd rather not have them do like a loveboat parody or something not have them do like a loveboat parody or something. Like a bonfire. You know what, I want an original like that. I'd love an original if possible. So I'm gonna have some fun with the original. Oh, by the way, and then we say,

Yacht Rock, Hip Hop. Anything. Rap Rock. All full. Neil Young sounding. I'd like a spoon solo in it. You can steal though. Fully instrumental as long as those instruments speak the

words of what the bonfire is. I'd like some Satanic backwards message. Oh yeah, if you can do by the way, electronic music where you take things from the show and have fun, have the fuck at it. Make a deal with the devil too. Whatever you want. Little satanic messages in the backwards. Maybe you can put some, maybe the whole thing said backwards and you have to play it backwards

to understand the evil, evil words. Yes. All of these things are possible. Maybe it's not evil, maybe it's actually inspiring things. So yeah, so the theme song contest is happening and also at the same time, like Shoes and Tomorrow,

maybe we'll do a call in segment where you guys can give us Names names for the show tour and why yeah the place needs what the reason why we're doing that they need a Show name. It can't just be you know Bob and Jay or Jay and Bob They want a show title to put up out there and to promote with so we need something cool something Something awesome and before we look like fools, please let, I mean it takes a while to make music obviously. Make any mistake on that. So again, The Bonfire at SiriusXM.com and let us know if you have interest in entering to be part of the song making content. I don't think we're going to have thousands of people.

No, don't kid yourself. We might. Maybe. A lot of talented people. Maybe the, we could call it, here's my little throat. Maybe the tummy time tour. Ooh, nice alliteration too. And it's just me and you and our time with our Feet crossed at the end. That's nice art. I don't mind that.

You have mice. You know what? I'm away this weekend, and I just unnecessarily spend $150 on AI programs. Let me see what I can put together with us. Are you gonna bring your lower lumbar support pillow that I got you on the plane? Been thinking about it. Also been thinking about the optics of that, and it's not making me happy.

What do you mean optics? That's like him, why'd he just carry a CPAP machine with you this weekend, too? No, bro, let me tell you. But I will tell you it's changed old guy code sitting in the car telling you Mikey brought me we took a we did You know three-hour drive up and back to Maryland this weekend Mikey brought me a lower lumbar support pillow for my for my car chair and I gotta tell you game changer It was real. It's one of the first I gotta tell ya. Game changer.

It was real, it's one of the first long rides I've ever had to take where I didn't have to do like crazy stretches in the front seat or just shift my ass a bunch. It's right there Bobby, it's the, I got in the Neo Cushion. Jay had the Neo Cushion, I had the one with memory foam. But Jay didn't get it.

Well why do you need that? I don't know, it just, my ass hurt less when we were done drawing. That one right there, Christine, you're on it. That one right there, nope. Nope, you were on it. That one right there, that's the one I got Jay. And I hurt less when we were done. That one right there, Christine, you're on it. That one right there, nope. Nope, you were on it. Next to that one right there, that's the one I got, Jay. And I just got my cell phone, cause I'm kind of.

So wait, wait a minute, we're at this point? Yeah, bum. So there's no more like, hey, let's go to a strip club? No. Here's a. Nope, those days are behind us. So we're buying us, we're buying like knee braces and support systems and shit.

Lower lumbar support pillows. Nice. I bought that for Jay. I bought an extra, I bought one for me and I bought one for him. This show is definitely changing. Old Geico. I'm gonna get one too. We should all have our own with bonfire logos on it. I'll get you one. Absolutely. I'll tell you what, maybe a paramount if we could do it. Maybe we'll have some bonfire lower lumbar backpillow merch. Exactly. On an epidural with a, I can get, so it'd be great, dude, the bonfire. We should sponsor shit like that, like bonfire sponsored CPAP cleaner.

Yeah. I gotta talk to Max, but maybe me and him could talk to Pillow Cube, and maybe they'll sponsor this bonfire, or Lumbar Support Pillow. Bro, I'm telling you, it's a game changer. You could buy tickets with your insurance deductible. Yeah, it is a game changer. You're definitely not getting young pussy

with those in the car. Hey guys, hang on one second. I forgot my lumbar pillow. Nothing came from this, but there was a chick who said she was one of the hangout with me and Christine last night. And she didn't end up showing up, but she was like 28 or nine or something.

And when we got out of the car at Legion of Skanks, I stared at that pillow and I was like, I don't know where to move it, where it's not gonna be obvious, but if this young, pretty girl gets in the car, it's already enough like Christine's gotta like, look at me getting into that, but we've seen each other at our worst.

Just like you said, new pussy, seeing you have a lower lumbar pillow is not a good look you have such a beautiful car it's like it looks nice bobby it matches the seat dude he has a an insane car he's like one of the top of the line cars a macintosh it's like holy you get in jay's car you're like wow if there's a lumbar pillow why don't you get that thing around the steering wheel that helps you with your fucking car you Fur. Fur. You know what I told Jack? You know what I told him? If he liked this, I was going to get him the wooden beads that go along the back.

You should get the wooden beads on your seat. What are you, a truck driver? You're driving eight blocks. No, no. She was three and a half hours. Three and a half hours. And it ain't that bad bad. Yo, I just, I got-

Your car has a massage thing in it. Dude, but it doesn't have lumbar support. It doesn't have lumbar support. It doesn't have it doesn't have Actually that car no Mikey just so you know that car does have a button you push that puts something out in your lower lumbar But it's not like this is different. Hello. This touches this really makes contact Why you gotta take your wallet out of your back pocket never I haven't done that in 13 years you have a chain. Where's the chain go to? Directly to his dick hole. Nothing.

The chain go, you're a fucking illusionist. Loop to loop. Jesus, right? Oh my God. You guys didn't know that? It's not real? No, you didn't know that? You're a fucking phony chain guy.

You saw the wallet, I got him. I knew it all along, guys. I thought he had the chain wallet too, there's just the chain? Front pocket wallet, you're always supposed to, it all along guys. I thought he had the chain wallet too. There's just the chain? Front pocket wallet, you're always supposed to hurt your head. Remember when I told you I got him a wallet and you go, how's he gonna attach the chain to it? Do you remember that?

We had that conversation in the lobby and I was like, oh, he doesn't know that it's not a, I never told Jay, but. This is shocking news. It's always been, I've known this. Is this a big expose? All my shows are letting me down. Well, it used to go to a wallet, but the back-ass pocket wallet thing is, I think,

did major. Mikey was with me in San Francisco when we flew one time when I was still back pocketing, when they told me not to do it anymore. And I got that sciatica pain, it woke me up in the middle of the night, like crawling on the ground. He crawled, can I say something? He was sleeping like saw.

Do you know how you fix it? You just take the wallet out of your back pocket before you sit down. Yeah. Yeah, that's all you had to do. Yeah, but instead I just- Sad on it. Put it in the front. Yeah, you don't need to put it in your back pocket.

You could have it attached and just take it out when you sit down somewhere. Yeah, but you know instead I could just Clip the chain the two belt loops that is it's the Spencer's GIFs version of a clip on time That is gay The last way I think back remember I got you that to me wallet and I had them put a hole in it for the wallet chain Oh my god, we have had leather punches done before so I could we should call hole in it for the wallet chain. Oh my God. We have had leather punches done before, so I could call it to. We should call the tour.

It's Bobo Spoons Kelly and Gay J. Gay J. Jacob, you seem destroyed by this. Your face. Dude, I am in shock. It's not real. Yeah, it's not real. You're not real.

You're not real. Yeah. I really let Jacob down more than anybody, I didn't know. If you tell me that blue just comes out of your hair with like a napkin, I'm fucking leaving the show. Pretty much. I could take it out with a napkin. No!

That's not dyed? No, it's dyed, yeah, for sure. Oh no, it wouldn't be like super easy, yes, to get out. It's dyed, it's dyed. It's a dye job. Like you went and had somebody, you know spray that in before you leave the house. No, I wish. Wow. She's like, no, no, stop, spray that in before you leave the house. No, I wish.

Wow. She's like, no, no, stop, stop, stop. What, what? They would stay for longer. Hang on. Now, if I did that, it would stay longer. That'd be great. But now this is a good old play.

Yeah, they bleach it first and then put the color. Underneath that though is not as dark. It's blonde underneath there. So you would have a vanilla ice thing if he. No, I wouldn't. This happens every time. It fades out and then it's just blonde stuff over there. I can't believe you. I can't believe your wallet isn't connected to a wallet. That's so great that nobody knew that. Have you showed off the wallet that I got on first birthday? I got him a wallet too for Christmas.

Your chain is collect. You thought there was a hole poked in there? I thought he had two wallets. I thought he had a cool Gucci wallet and then the chain. I'm a badass motherfucker wallet and he has just the chain That is an illusion that is setting something out there that we are looking at that dude has a chain wallet. That's pretty alright He's in a weak pimp Almost didn't wear it for a special and I was like you have to put the chain on well now everybody who watches the special No, there's no wallet connected to that your chain is connected to lies special no there's no wallet connected to that your chain is connected to lies it's a chain of lies Jacob that's great a chain of lies I'm a fake cool guy riding a cool car with a lower lumbar support bill a wallet chain connected

to two belt loops crack and rock in the Mackinac crack and yacht rock behind closed windows you could shop at a pharmacy for Jay's birthday. We should really be having 40 plus threesome's. Oh man. Yeah. Someone who understands. Someone who gets in the car and goes, do you have one of those for the backseat?

Hey, I brought mine. Oh, thank god. You get a house. You're going to have to get one of those chair stairs things. It's gonna take you guys 45 minutes just to do a threesome. Me and Christina are fucking girls wearing wrist support. She goes, hang on, I just got a bad carpal tunnel so I just got like. You take Advil and put on an egg timer for when you can start the threesome. You tell these girls, oh you make me feel young again. Oh my god You made me feel you can actually swallow all your vitamins with one little sip

Sometimes I throw them all back up in my mouth and have to swallow again. It's the worst. I'm bad at my pills Five pills at once some days. I could take it down easy some days. It really gets stuck in there Fuck is wrong with you guys? What's happening? Old guy, totally buddy Well, Christina refuses to rub my salves and creams on my back at night I'm the oldest guy in this room right now I'm 53

And I would never use a back pillow I would rather feel pain No, you wouldn't Yes, I would Have you ever had sciatica? Yes, you have I have it right. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. Have you ever had sciatica? Huh, yes. You have? I have it right now. No, you don't.

Yeah, I'm looking at two of my problems right now. They're giving me fucking pains in my ass. I hate... You're having two pains in the ass, seriously, speak. I don't like that you're making my friend Jay give up. I'm no, I'm not. I'm no, I'm not. I'm not gonna tell you something, though.

I'm gonna tell you, Mike is the youngest of all of us, but Mike is very accepting of old man comforts. Yes. So he's, so you're right. He makes me feel like it's okay to have these things. And I didn't think it was either. I would never, ever, ever purchase a lower lumbar pillow, but it was handed to me and it made that trip a delight.

It was great. It was six round trip hours of driving, no pain, singing at the top of my lungs. Jay, look at me, men get sciatica. I do. My hands always hurt. I kept asking you, I'm like, you like the pillow? I do my hands always hurt. I kept asking you. I'm like you like the pillow Yeah, it's a great pillow Bob. Yeah, it's a great pillow. He's had a little Mikey's had a little cooling gel on his mind had cooling Joe Dr. Schultz. I'm happy to get you one of you Look at me look at me. No Mike now Mike. I do have to draw a line Do not make my girlfriend some old fucking rag please. It's a funny guy.

I don't want her dumping around. She already dresses in capes like Mrs. Roper. Yeah, she's gonna start wearing skin color bras. No, I think they're too young for capes and then Jay's like, oh no, you already have a thousand of them. Yeah, too young for capes. Stanley.

I'm like, I'll get a cape when I'm 15. Will you bring girls back to the place of the thing you guys like she's Dracula Oh my god for sure. Who's this Jedi walking through the halls? Yeah, oh man. Oh god Don't you have the bed that goes up and down to what the fuck yeah, and you put in your that's why I don't do your back anymore Because you go into zero G every night What's zero G? She doesn't offer to rub my back ever I go in zero Zero G is what he is zero G

Just a zero now because you have a back support You're gonna see level zero Christine says we don't pull it out in front of company And she what she means by that is if we ever have a girl come back with us. Yeah, that said I Absolutely zero G with that's how you sleep Isabella I have zero G with Josh had a Myers at my house when Christine goes away the cat will play and everyone's zero G With me all my boyfriends come over You got mail and zero G We Josh have spent a night watching TV and zero G in my bed. Yeah, but he's near your feet with his head

Let me ask you question. Do you have to hide all your medication when you bring girls over? I? Think about that a lot too. I do think that they're gonna see a lot of pills. Jay just has pills when I excels in cross-phone. You don't wanna see a hot, chixi, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. We should get all of us. Every time I'm setting up a hotel room,

I've always just instinctually set up a hotel room with the thought that I may have company. And at a time, a female company, you know I mean and when I put my instant when I put that pill case when I take that pill case out of my shoe that I pack it in and I lay it on the right next to the TV or wherever I have my toiletries in the hotel room I'm really going like this is not cool. What do you I ask you a question seriously what do you put your shoehorn you have a shoehorn you dinosaur brings everywhere with him it is but wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute you have a shoehorn shoehorn sir oh you were joking look at me you don't have

look at me Jay don't look down Jay look at me do not. Don't look down. Jay, look at me. Do not look down. Jay, look in my eyes. You have... Look at me, Jay. Jay, you have... Look at me. You have a shoehorn? We have a short and a long shoehorn. Oh my God. I bring the long shoehorn. Oh. Because the shoehorn makes boots slide on really easy. You know what? You know what? If you don't use a shoehorn... Oh, here he comes. slide on really easy you know that's dude it breaks if you don't use a shoe horn oh here he comes miss the English what break the heel why did you why were you born here why weren't you born in Oxford how big is the big how big is the big back you on the shoe is it like a upside-down cane and it's like that you wow it's like a man

the back of the shoe and you that's where. That's where I draw the line, Bobby. I'll never use your shoe. Okay, I'm not. I'm gonna get you a shoe horn. I'm not, don't get me wrong. Wanna know what my mom got me? I'm gonna tell you why, Jacob. A shoe horn is for fancy shoes.

His shoes. His boots. His boots are boots. Yeah, but Jay doesn't even tie his shoes. Just slip them on. Well then. Right, but I like my jeans to stay down in the boot. Use the shoe horn to tuck the jean in.

The shoe horn helps hold the jean in? The shoehorn helps hold the jean in place. I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. I can't, you have no wallet. I bring two. The little one's Gucci. That's cool. I'm in. I bring two. You're not gonna get me, Christine. I'm a fashion whore. I bring two hair creams. Oh, God. Skin. So many creams and ointments. Ointments. Why do you do this at every other syllable? Because I'm telling you my things I bring. I bring a fancy shoehorn.

How many pairs of? My pocket scarf, yes. How many pairs of mittens? Two. In case you get sauce on one, I get it. You've been saucing your mittens. No. Actually, he's wrong, wrong. I mean, I did is a good backup to have but it's actually it's my traveling mittens and my show mittens What is it was a fucking travel meeting and what's a show on the winter time I will wear my mittens to the airport Oh, so they have full mittens. No

You never worn full men. Are those are those your winter mittens to the airport. Oh, so they're full mittens. No. You never worn full mittens. Are those your winter mittens? Can I ask you a question? I believe these are my show mittens. Is there a Sunday every other month where Christine has to sit down in front of like a TV show with lunch where she has to cut the fingers off mittens

that you ordered? Nope. Is there a- They make- We got a sock man and it has his mittens that he likes? Okay, so they're pre-sh- My mittens brand? But before you made money, did Christine have to make the mittens when you were- No. But I did stitch underwear. What? She said you stitched my underwear before?

Yeah, because they're like $30 a pair. Why was he stitching? What were you- Just like there's a little hole, so you don't stitch it up. No, come on, everybody's underwear ripped, Bobby is that's called the time to throw out the underwear Well, not when you're poor now. It's now. That's what I mean now If I feel like my tank tops your little stretch did I go time to throw these out and get 20 new tank tops I have two pairs of blue lemons that have rips in them I keep saying I'm gonna stitch because I can't bear to throw them out because Instead she just shows her inner thigh to strangers constantly.

Christine, I have two pairs of Lululemon's that like the crotch is ripped and I want to throw them out but I can't. Looks like when you when you're making biscuits you have to turn the little thing a little piece pops out of the side. Yeah, some of Christine's uncooked dough comes out of her fucking Some sugar cookie if she bends your leg the wrong way all of it comes out Great if it's right over it's right over an ingrown hair. She gets a C-deck peeking out Looks like an albino eye peeking out of her fucking pants. Hey, you see the root When I got that when I had that herniated disc my mom got me a thing

Herniated Street fighting Same injuries same injuries Sylvester Stallone has. But my life would stop. Bread butter and sugar really fucked up your back, dude. When you spied it out of sugar. Bread butter and sugar does not make for strong bones. The food pyramid fucked you up. The food pyramid fucked me up. You know my mom got me a thing that like, you pull your socks on with it.

It's a put sock on machine. Okay, what? Have you seen that? Is it like two hooks like you're bailing hay? Can you put on like put sock on machine? It's basically looks like that. It looks like two shoe horns. But it's a sock horn.

That's too much, Mike. I'm not using it, I threw it out. Before you know it, Jay's gonna have sock suspenders. What? It's that thing. It's the sock machine. The what? It's for people where it hurts too much to bend down.

That's what my one needed to suck. You gotta get back at a DDP yoga, all of us. No, no, no, no. There's no need need for GDP yoga because they make sock putter on her Can I say this how about just stop buying these things? No, my mom got it for me. I didn't use it She didn't even I told her keep it. I don't want it because this is Something I got a bad back in I've never enjoyed a shit more Then when you're in an old person's home or something and you shit and it's got the two that's the one she got Christine the one you just

clicked on the two hand on the two bars yeah on either side of an old person shitter oh why all that happens we're treating it's old things these are just they figured it out right no totally because society's not judging them for having fucking two armrests next to your fucking toilet You have a lot I Chair so we had handicapped I tell you so fantastic my lucky Chris Christie. You're so lucky your mom had rare ms That kills you Your mom had rare MS that kills you. Grew up spoiled.

Grew up spoiled. Rare did gender with MS. It was too good for you. I had to make myself a poor man's squatty potty the other day with books. I had to put books under my right leg to shit. You just lost me. I had to put, I can't.

I don't squatty potty. You don't have books either. What? I had to do it with old blue rays. You don't have books either I do with old blue rays You have to do with kiss posters Bookshelf we bought a ton of books J. That's how it works look Sling and then you put your fucking sling and your socks

The only reason I won't do this Bobby and I tell you that I won't let you It's a it's a middleman step. It's not necessary. It's actually making the process I will tell you I like to get my feet away quick But I will tell you when you get when you with this sciatica man, it fucking hurts to I can't put my socks on yeah But you did something you should be able to do to relieve it right kill myself. Okay. Well, let's not do that I mean you'm an epidural I had an epidural I'm not working yet myself too but I think both of you really need to go back to yoga yeah Christiane they told me to take my time so much better they told me to take my time with it right now I'm going to physical therapy my physical therapist I've got a lot of pills you could hold

I'm going to Aruba Sunday and I called Delta and asked how do I properly bring all my medication to Aruba that's the how old I am well what what what do you get asked them just put it in your bag they don't check why I was afraid that because it's like narcotics and everything else you have to shoot it up you have to light it on fire like it in there yeah just me dude I bought a spoon for my trip to Aruba spoon you want to go to Aruba I love Aruba Ray what a good I'm doing Aruba Ray's for the first time any tips for me, dude Here's a deal don't have you comic Eager where you got to do no just do the shit that works stay

Don't be too dirty and just go do your set do all the killers Nobody gives a fuck Bobby's nobody's there and just do it and then because I've made the mistake a couple times We're like the last time I went I was like I had a bunch of new stuff that I was whatever, whatever. And I said, cunt. And it's like there's an eight year old with his aunt. And Ro. Oh, it's that?

No, you can be a little dirty. No, it's not, you can watch Ray. Everybody's a little bit, you know, Tony Woods goes, it doesn't matter. But you just do. Oh yeah, by the way we still took. Don't do new, don't try to work out a bit like it's the seller on a Wednesday

I got you just go have it's a vacation swing for the fences You do a couple bit you do like a couple minutes and then you get a free Aruba vacation That's what you do Tony Woods said He almost died in a room because they try to make him swim somewhere and they convinced him by saying Bobby Kelly did it He went somewhere scary. He swam in a ruby. He went to the Natalie Holloway water park. How funny is that? That guy just killed that girl. He just admits it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's crazy. You know what? Again, his brother, it's so hilarious, is like. Can I go there and visit, like, where they dropped? They actually have her bones. I swear to God, like the Titanic, under glass. They have her half a skeleton and the rock

that he did it with. Yeah, some of the- Do they have Titanic skeletons? I don't know. I tell you what I knew he was kidding. I don't think they have Titanic skeletons anywhere. He goes, just like Titanic. He's gonna take the submersible to see Natalie Holloway.

Just like Titanic. Yeah, there's a rock with blood, gage. I gotta know where to go eat and all that shit. I'm gonna text you afterwards. Ray, just do Ray, but I'll help you too. But Ray knows everything. It's one of the, I don't like doing, I've been going to Ruba for 20 years. I went there for 10 years

before he even did that stuff there. And the place where he has it is as good as it gets as comedy clubs. And it's all New York, Boston people, and some Dutch people, you know what I mean? And the place where he has it is as good as it gets as comedy clubs. And it's all New York Boston people and some Dutch people, you know what I mean? And it's great. You're going to have a blast. I can't wait.

I'm excited. New York Boston and the Netherlands? Yeah. Well, you know, a Ruber is Dutch owned. It's all Arabians and Dutch people. And it's, I'm telling you, man, a Ruber. Corey Cahaney? Yep. I knew she was alive. We got uh, she's not it's me. I think it's me Ian Lara and Jim

Collaton, which is a Boston guy, right? Jim's fantastic. Don Gavin. Yeah. Don. I mean, Don's a Don murders. I think this is why Don's the old man, right? Don's old. He does. He does the audio video showed. He was like skunky beer guy. Isn't that him he drinks, but he's not he was neither Bud Light guy for a while go way back. I think he beat Keith on Star Search. No, that's not him Okay, different guy now different guy but Don Gavin is a Boston legend He's one of the funniest human beings ever to walk earth and he you know, he's you know at the end right now but he's I mean ask burr about him he just fucking heard her talk about him a million times he's just the because what happened back in Boston when there was no comedy clubs

these guys created all that stuff and there was all so they were so individually themselves like Steve Sweeney there's nobody like him Don Gavin there's nobody like him. Don Gavin, there's nobody like him. Tony V, nobody. They were just so... I never ever get invited to a Ruba Reyes. I met Tony V. Well, because of Ruba Reyes, you gotta kinda take the hit, dude. Like, you know, I love a Ruba. You have to take the hit.

I wouldn't go. Yeah. But I've never been asked. Why wouldn't you go? How come you wouldn't go? Because the... You didn't ask me this year. So... Yeah, but I've never been asked why would you go how come you wouldn't go yeah, Jason was the he didn't ask me this year so well it's January yeah, it's all I assume oh you mean last year no I went last year he didn't ask me to assume the money this

year money's not good but it's a vacation here's thing, it's a $6,000 vacation for nothing. And Christine doesn't deserve that. I have to go there, I have to go there and do a show, it's not going to be good by all accounts of what you're saying. Yeah, I ordered my pool float that's got like the safety net underneath it, so I don't, no I'm kidding. I have an idea that I want to make in the next couple years that is going to probably wrap me up into the sunset as a millionaire. That's what's going to make you leave. It's not accurate.

I won't leave. I will still be here, but I will be a millionaire. I will be dressed different and you, my friend, will have a wallet on the end of that chain. Nice. Made of gold. I would like to have a full robot here, just a you on a screen is the head. Like you are here. Yeah, it's fine.

AI. Thank you. AI Bobby, yes sir. Jacob, yes. I've been sitting here, Stu. Can I just say one last thing about a shoehorn? Please. I can't.

You use it on boots or shoes because it doesn't break the heel counter, which is the stiff part in the back of the shoe Yeah, apparently Jay knows this Kirby Allison sells a magnificent one apparently use it to shoehorn a bit back in to That was funny, but the point still stands a shoehorn does stop that from happening. Thank you. And I can answer your question. Yes, I do use it on high top sneakers or sneakers that now I don't use it on these sneakers

the duck boots because they have a grab on the front and back. Okay, so you could pull it up. So you have you have a shoehorn that you sometimes choose not to use. And let's not forget, my mobility and Bobby, if you ever want to have a, an agility slash, what do you call that, flexibility off?

Yeah. I'm extraordinarily flexible. I would not do that against you because I believe you are. I believe you've had to in your life really do some extraordinary things. I know when you're a hairless fat boy with tits you have to stop a lot of adult gropings. Yes. You have to hide in a lot of shafts. You gotta be able to be able to screw your way out of a situation. Just screw your body out of it. It's like an alligator role. You gotta grab it and roll. Crouching Tiger Tiger hitting Jay we're hanging out with Mike Finoy everybody's gonna be a governor's February 23rd and 24th in the comedy connection March 1st

and 2nd Mike finoy comm for tickets. It's Everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show if you want the whole thing Go to serious XM comm slash. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robberkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Clap your hands.

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