The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Mouth Trumpet (feat. Sean Patton)

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

Big Jay has a big announcement and Sean Patton learns about face instruments!

On Big J. Ocarson, I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to full two-hour long episodes of the Bonfire? Two hours! That's a real commitment to us. Well, it's on Series XM or with the SXM app. It's easy, just go to SeriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, the bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Moe, he was in the building today. We did it, get him.

We didn't give a shaggy. Mean Ralph introduced, we interviewed him on STR, show him Zoom. Awesome. Awesome guy. Really good dude. Good sense of humor, laughed at everything. Sense of being able to cover the dolphins I've been singing to a dog of Lovah. To a dog of Lovah. Mystic. The new special is called number one.

Available right now on P-Cock everyone. We have a guest in studio. It's the hilarious Sean Pat and everyone back Sean. Don't you'll have a minute. Yeah. You want to do the hour like this. Yeah, you're going full shaggy mode. And I'm going to find out we doesn't talk like that. We never know what he is.

That he's like, yeah, it's, I was in the military in America. And then that's worse than finding out. Sand is not real. Well, shaggy's not, yeah, shaggy. What the the fuck the shaggy's from the Cleveland Jamaican. No, he like is from Jamaica But they grew up here. He doesn't have the accent. It's the He doesn't have a hard accent. No, he does he does have a little accent. I think it's all right to go back wherever you're from And speak I want to do the accent of my my origin I just watched a miss Cleo documentary where she was faking. It's all fake.

I mean obviously the she's not a psychic but also her powers are fake. Her powers are fake and also her accent is fake. That'd be hilarious if her powers were real. You must be an accent fake. I can only access them with my Jamaican accent. Look, look, this is me, Gloria O'Neal, nothing. Nothing, now watch this. Carmin' out! I feed the spirit in. If you had a white dude who was psychic, but only when he was doing black voice. Or just the most efficient, like Mickey Rooons.

They all think. Where he goes, hopika problem. Oh my god, he's actually telling the future. Like Mickey Rooons. Off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the off the I'll say I'll say I'll say yeah, I thought this is a Louisiana thing probably more A. Just a sloppy. I'll say I'll say I love it dude. I love how fun. Did you go up? Did you have any like real rubbed cousins and her uncles that were like real? Oh, like that like you know he's like a water boy with a water boy guy. Can I say this? You know you know Sean sisters a huge bonfire. No. Oh, yeah, she was she was I my sister was legit like I want I might flip out on on Dan Soder if he's actually at this normed wedding. What's the matter? Oh Jesus. She's awesome. She loves the ship. Really? Oh, it's awesome. It was great. I ran my mom. Oh, yeah.

Chris. What? What's your sister's name? Aaron. Aaron. Fuck. Yeah. Oh, she really gets so mad. She's gonna be now. J's her favorite. Fuck. Aaron. I'm sorry. I can remember that'm gonna get so mad. Yeah, she's gonna be now. J's her favorite. Fuck Aaron. I'm sorry. I can remember that He's gonna remember. Yeah, my sister's I would remember. No, you wouldn't of Do you rather be all over it? No, you wouldn't I would though. That's just that I'm the kind of person Well, she's gonna shake up the most She loves Jacob the most. She was legit like she's like can you introduce me to Dan and just be near me? I don't get weird if I start. And sometimes, because you would like when friends,

a family of friends or whatever, they're like, oh listen, you're thinking you're like, oh, you've listened to a couple episodes, maybe told your friend about it. And I was talking to Aaron about it. And I was like, oh, you have listened since day one. She knows, I didn't know Andy Fiori was called that face aunt.

I didn't know Andy Fiori was. I didn't know he was like, she was, I just saw a merc face. And I was like, oh, hell yeah, all right. I was like, what kind of shit you saying on Andy? Wait, but that's that's a thing that as a comedian gives you like faith in your siblings when their biggest fan is your friend Yeah, who's good who's not a dipshit. Yeah, who's not like a oh my god I love you know fill in the blank with someone who sucks. Yeah, but they're like real good is Steven Scott

And you know man, I've had a lot of that in my life me too. Who Steven Scott? You don't know Steven Scott is voice from analyst. We. I'm ready. I'm ready. This happened. I know this is a bit I feel like Christine's given a production now. No I just said I'm super glad that Sean doesn't know I can't get it. That makes me so happy. Oh really? Because the problem that's just created for the listener at home is our subject. I now have to go through showing you who Steven Scott is because it's so great. Yeah. So let me just take this right here.

So let me hold on. Let me go back. One of my favorite moments was remember when like stand up New York and Wayne used to book stand up New York. Yes, you're like Wayne Raida. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Remember that? Like everyone was there. Patries York. Yeah, sure. Like you can wait. Wait, Raida. Yeah. Do you remember that? And like everyone was there.

Patrice, Big J, Tell, everyone was there. I remember one time just waiting at the bar trying to get a check spot. And Kurt Metzger came in and did a shot of vodka. And he got a drink or whatever. And Steven Scott was on stage. And it was back when it just was the fucking curtain. Yeah. You know, the heavy curtain.

And Kurt just listened for two minutes and went, no, can't, gonna leave. He just walked outside because it was so loud in the car. That's who you're about to learn. Steven Scott is the, he's the son of I think a local news guy. Okay. That was here in New York forever. Right.

He, to give some insight on the personality of this guy. He was a comic strip comic only ultimately and he did a cruise ship. Sure. Because that's what he does and came back from a cruise ship with cornrows to white guy put on cornrows. But he's not like he did more like like he wanted to keep telling people like this but that was when you fall asleep in the Bahamas because I watched him do that to 15 people Yeah, yeah as his excuse for it and he is He's pure cheese, but he's apparently like an egomaniac because the other Defining story of him was there was a girl who used to be around the comic strip who fucked every buddy.

If you went on a good date, it was gonna happen. And he took her on a date that started. You know what, give him a little taste of his stand up first so that it's, yeah. Yeah. Also, it sounds like you need a guy like this in life just for everyone to learn what not to do. We're also just from the fucking jam or just to jam. If you just want to watch a man fucking rip it,

yeah give it give it give us a little shot of his stand up. Here we go. I need a taste. I need to be informed. Can you taste the good stuff? Yeah. The blue that keeps our talent show moving along. You guys still have energy, you're fired up. I'm so happy to be back over the festival.

I love it here. I'm just happy to be back over the festival. I love it here. I'm just happy to be, you know what? I'm from New York. I've been suspended the last month in LA, so I'm so happy to be back on the East Coast. I'm not a big LA fan. I just, I can so hard to believe in a entire city can have attention deficit disorder. Is that possible?

I mean, people. I came up here and I love coming up here. You guys are so cold, you know what? I was just one of them. I was just one of them afraid that my joke, I'm terrified this is what my joke sound like. No. Yeah, like in my head. I'm like Yeah, what do you got Amy?

He is a silly similar delivery You button your shirt all the way up. You're right. You give the vibe but we have to stop white kids from talking like black Yes, please drop kick You can frame that I'm diving into old soda bit Christine give me when he does a little comedy on so he does wait You do give him a little bit of his comedy go up to On America's got talent That's a goody

This is same guy. Oh, yeah, he's aging Jesus. Wait, when was that that's the same guy? Yeah, yeah, that we just saw I'm with a hair in the yeah, now he's it's happening it's happening to him that's fun that's life here we go quick you turn it up i'm steven scott i'm a comedian from new york city oh look at that little love for new york in the house good i'm having a little forward to see what you're gonna do good luck

thank you guys you gotta be like yeah fuck and my mom's adorable DJ Coway. It's a joke. Every message of her start out like this. Hi sweetie. It's mom pick up the phone Are you there? I have a story for you. I was going into his classes Most people I do call them back and then tell you the story. She leaves the entire story right on the boys the story, she leaves the entire story right on the boys' wall. So this joke, I remember back when I moved to New York, he was doing that joke, and it was all about answering machines. So it's interesting watching technology update.

It's interesting to get to the back doing the impression of the answering machine. It's weird when you hear jokes update, like they don't get rid of the joke, they just update the references in the joke. They go.'t get rid of the joke. They just update the references They scroll yeah, he telling the joke. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you guys ever have a pen pal So he's emailing with this person that I email with a lot. Don't know what you call them these days Yes, an instant messaging a friend of mine I don't I don't like the there's a thing that is a Prevalent and if that's the right word and all stand up where it's like Stand up mode that's a lot of comics go into it's like you know what I mean folks right are like some people the way

They deliver a punchline where they just say it and they don't move it's like and so it's two feet Yeah, and they have that pause oh the look the look both ways. Yeah, the sort of like people like people just like It's like they don't ever actually want to be themselves on stage. They want to be this version of a thing they've seen and been like, I can do that. I don't know, I think they want to. I think they want to be them.

I think they don't. They stand up shell. Yeah. Yeah, there's no go to go. I'm up there. I'm up there like sticking for them. This is what they mean when they go. Is this in your sticks?

These are his sticks for sure. But um, it was as we say, he went on a date with a girl so you could go to that, but I gave his personality. And uh, their date was, he, first things first, we're going to meet his mom. Cool. In Jersey. Step one. Step one. Step one.

If I'm going in, if I'm going in your push, you guys see the push I came out of. Keep saying, yeah. I have a habit of it. Correct? So you know my expectations. Mom does it. Mom, do the thing. Cut the banana.

You cut the banana. See what she has. Mom, call the dog. Mom, call the dog. She's good for your baby. See. So, feel the warmth. Then they go to a carnival where they can't spend much time

there because they're supposed to go to a carnival where they can't spend much time there because They're supposed to go to a Yankees game Pretty big day. Dude. That's by the way, that's a crazy day. That's more stuff than Katie and I have done in three years I'm gonna say that's a that's a that's a day That's a day then they go they go to a Yankees game He parks over a mile away from the stadiums. He's gonna pay for parking only in the South Bronx Todd Todd She get what they get there a guy who looks like a mugging training doll

He looks like the guy that he's doing like guys who weren't gonna do any mugging today see him and like oh shit Is it mug day? Yeah? Oh? Fuck he's here. This man inspires me to create violence when they they get by the stadium, there's a cart that has hot dogs in water. He gets two waters and he gets himself a hot dog. Great. Didn't ask her if she wanted to think she starving. They get in the stadium at the seventh inning.

She was just like, he didn't offer to get anything yet. So she's like, hey, I'm gonna go get something to drink. And she goes, do you want anything? And he's like, yeah, grabbing a gusota and some else. And then when she's walking up the steps that he's yelling for, and he goes, do you want anything? And he's like, yeah, grab me like a soda and some else. And then when she's walking up the steps that he's yelling for, and he goes, hey, it turns around, he goes, go grab me a hot dog too.

And so she does. Then they leave and go to do his set at the comic strip. She stands there while he does his stuff. Make her watch you do your art. And then they're supposed to go to a movie afterwards. It's a crazy date. They're supposed to go to a movie afterwards. It's a crazy date They're supposed to go to a movie afterwards. They go to the movie theater He goes you buy the tickets and I'll buy the food, right?

And she goes that's already weird. She goes okay She buys tickets and they go in there and when he went inside just to wait in line for the food when she came and he had no food And was like I'm actually not really hungry. Do you want something like I'm good though? Wow, and then she was like now you know, I'm actually not really hungry. Do you want something? Like I'm good though. I think she was like, no, you know, I think I'm gonna leave and she left before the movie. She did not fuck him. But our favorite thing about this guy,

like the favorite performance that we have drops of at everything, Christine, if you could, is why I get excited to show people this as a performer. So just drive you nuts. Really quick. That just sounds like it was a game show.

Like the log is date. Oh my god. How long will they last? By the way, she hung in there for so much. And at any point of that, if he was like, you know what, you want to not do this and just go fuck, she'd been like, yeah, until he was just like the last thing was like, I'm not getting food. So this is. This is the craziest. He's a cruise ship guy. That's the best pause screen I've ever seen and He comes out with a real band. He's the one you said he's a cruise ship. You misspoke It looked like he was a guy like I'm a cruise ship No, it's not far off. I'm a cruise ship He goes there with the with the house band for the cruise and does this jams with it

He jams with them, but because he doesn't have an instrument. So how does he jam, Sean? You're probably wondering, Christine, back it up a little bit. How does he jam? I don't want to give it away. How I just want to experience it in real time. How are these possibly classically trained musicians going to live up to a guy with, what, what instruments? And my favorite is when he starts jam with the actual band and they do a slow fade on the video from him explaining What he's about to do and then going like okay? All right like he's clapping his hands over his head and it's is he the

Yes What yeah, dude you should have wrapped me for this today When he's a vessel yeah Black loser to give you the show diaper So when you shit your pants I would you the show diaper. So when you sh- your pants. I would rather the show helmet for when my head explodes. Come on, let's see it. We've got all of his brain matter collected.

We'll be fine. Christine, give him some. I'd be like, could you imagine sitting through this on a boat? See? That's always my favorite hyzm. I didn't have a trumpet, so I just tried to imitate what he was doing and we'd be like on this invisible trumpet be like I Tell you what that's kind of a good trumpet if I was super fucked up It's not terrible if I was super fucked up that would have made me pop

If I have been out all day in the sun drinking I'm drinking and I went and I know Okay, I'm gonna drug me and Dan I mean Dan differ Oh Shit Me and Dan have had this argument for Dan me and Dan differ in this day doesn't have any belief himself in simple tasks I have very little belief in myself for difficult tasks. Yeah, what I would but this Absolutely all three of us can do with minimal effort

I've just I've already had a conversation with Dan with ventriloquism saying we're all ventriloquists 100% of the people in this room can do it as good as any ventriloquist But yeah, I'm just talking. Oh, oh, oh who's saying that? Sean's mouth isn't moving evil evil evil evil he controls the voice and you know that that's a Louisiana no no shot is his sister don't turn around I'm standing right behind you this is your sister Aaron that was very bad that you doing the very criticalism on the show you know my sister don't come right out to buy you born out of alligator mind you You mean Jonathan, his sister is super crazy, oh, he's so bad.

He's gonna show all of you dumb make that water bottle talk. This is a shoulder head looking bigger than a boat that didn't tip the wall. He was smiling at some mosquito spray on him, you know, white paste of shit. I'll tell you something about Sean. Sean go and do the replication of the voices. I like to deal with it.

Do we hate more the crawford the Crawford boy you Right back with the big old here for James tell me So easy Even he's terrified. Hey, I'm black. I'm walking out of the door right now. I don't even care at this show at all black Lou Why are you saying that that was me Dan? That's mr. Michael wins that's mr. Michael wins that stands fucking that's Dan's Jackie Robinson And satchel page heual Page. He's all, is everybody around? He's a historic.

But Jay, I'm just telling you right now, with if I would have smoked a joint on my balcony in my ship room, after I had been day drinkin' all day and I was sunburnt and I was in a nice air conditioner theater. And this guy busts out his scales. He's your state room. Why are you lying? Just this right here. Just right here. The water bottle.

There you go. There we go. This would probably like. I'd like I mean it's not bad. I would lose it. I would react exactly like I'm reacting now. I'd like. All right. I was going to do it. I was going to do it. I was going to do it. I would react exactly like I'm reacting now like Oh Yes

Wait, mine sounds like a rooster As giving you taste the strings Oh Oh I see how this kill So you know you throw it back. That's my favorite one. Oh, yeah, so he always comes out of these when he does these impressions You guys comes out of this like suck my dick. What else? How may you should be because oh, what's up? You guys say it's your pussy would probably should be

No, basically watch. Mm. Oh yeah, I see it's working. And a few of the ladies. That man don't put a voodoo hex on of a guy. Oh, my Christ almighty. Imagine being in the room next to him with his practicing Shuts your fucking face

How did you get an instrument on the boat? How did you have all that room? He's like hang on me for my imaginary headphones on You see here I mean if he would actually if he would actually, if he would actually like, I would love that. I think it's particularly worse. Oh, okay. Everyone knows that this is a bonfire. We fell into a fire.

We fell into a fire. You got the transition. We fell into a situation. I need the transition when he goes to be like, all right, now the show starts, y'all. There it is, the back, back. Man, we really fell into another Steven Scott hole. We did.

And we take a few minutes. Katie came on and we were like, something Steven Scott. She's like, Steven Scott. Oh my god. Now in our house we do. Woo-hoo! That's true. Oh, this has been done, but this is like Neo finding out

I'm the 44th iteration of the... Yes. Of the one way. There's been others here. This has been done before this is like fight is like neo finding out on the 44th iteration of the There's been others sometimes we have to sometimes two things will come up Steven Scott gory Feldman and if someone shows Interest we just have to take a whole year for the Cory Feldman. Yeah, yeah, we walked through that That was our yeah, but this is this okay sometimes a Sean Fury sometimes a army of a baby, but Always Steven Scott actually shall I be here for a new or a man to PLZ? Oh, we got to watch that after this. Yeah, but but please the journey continues, but this Steven Scott This is where it kicks in okay, let's wrap in You can do these weird instruments as you're're just a weird kid who could do something weird instrument noises

But when you're doing it with real musicians with real instruments it raises it the bar to a hole up So you guys ready to hear us try this? It's rude to the musicians Oh boy, I really love this word. Sorry He's done it. He's done it a hundred times Two, three, four There we go. Let's start out with little trumpet. How about that? Let's see how this goes. I'll be into it.

If you guys say you like this, I'm gonna take... I'm gonna go to the bathroom. If this guy just walked up on a band jamming and started doing it That would be fucking hilarious But making him set up is the worst part. That's the worst part. Dude the musicians Hate him. All right. He's like it looks like it's gonna be okay. It looks like okay. Oh fuck off. Wait, but he's got an action You want him to pass out you want him to hit his head You don't have anything in his to the the air of Erickett if he was like well, just wait. I thought you meant I thought you meant the recycled air of the accruciate

Come on out here. Believe me embarrass you now usually peace standing up, right? Peace sitting down you're a lady now Because now I'll actually do the hard thing. Yeah, now Philippe is going to play an actual guitar that almost looks impossible. There you go. There you go. Hey, champ. Alright, let's go to 2. There we go.

I don't know. I think Sean's enjoying it too much. I know I'm thinking I'm thinking of all the ways in which the like how they could fucking harm this guy How man would you be if your wife went on a cruise and you found out you cheated on your with him? Oh my god, it's exactly the guy who does it though He's an eighty-seven. I would only I would only accept our cheating on yes Like because you were clearly serenaded the guy who does it though. He's an 80s dude who you're doing. I would only accept her cheating on. Yes. Like because you were clearly serenaded.

But this is the worst part. He's bringing out a fake intro. That's what I mean, dude. It's disrespectful to these guys that, who's dad probably, what's that? It's your favorite part. And just to be clear, I am enjoying this in how much I'm hating it.

Yes. And enjoying the experience of hating it. That is the taste. Yeah, I'm like, oh, this fucking sucks. Can you imagine just having to like see him around like when you did spots out and about in comedy? Could you imagine getting a person doing it? Could you imagine getting criticized as a musician on the ship where he goes, Hey,

uh, next time when I do that, like you really go for it and you go, I'm okay. You know, back this up. You can't not show us this is best when he do it remember his fake He's like, oh no man. You can't use the mute for the thing and then he uses it. It's So ham do it. I hate it so much do it go I'm actually playing it. Here we go. Oh shit. Oh, you're kidding me.

Dude, how do you get all the toys? Like this thing hard enough. Like... Dude, I want him just to fucking haul off and drop it. He's like, oh shit. Oh, you're kidding me. Dude, how do you get all the toys? He's like this thing hard enough. Like... I

Did I want him just to fucking haul off and drop it and just start beating the shit out of him from behind I hope he's a spy I hope he's a Russian spy and he's worked his way into the American zeitgeist because he currently working Christine Tell you check his tour date. He somewhere in the in the Christine Check his tour date somewhere in the in the in the in the Bahamas right now. He sold out though that the end of that thing where he's on the floor and he's like Oh, dude, that is awkward Not supposed to leave your calendar up man Maybe it's just not filled out here. Yeah.

Oh, you know what? Now that I think about it, it's probably just not filled out. Yeah, you're right. It's probably not updated. Why don't you go to his like, uh, like if that was a character, some like, like on Mr. Show,

yeah, or like kids in the hall. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, you, or like a Saturday night live like it's shitting on himself. You know what I mean? Now dude, he's a very, very, and I also heard like a Saturday night live like this shitting on himself. You know the mean like now dude He's a very very and I also heard like a shit hit of a guy also well if yeah, but like it's the air like if he was like a like a listen I got this dumb fucking talent and like

Treated it like my kids. Yeah, the guy talks to you that this smile like cheese painted on the whole time Yeah, yeah, one of my favorite things with him that I don't, you can really find online, but like, he did the, everybody went out for the new star search when he came back with Arsenio Hall. Short lived. No. One season or two of a star search with Arsenio Hall and everybody went out for it.

I remember that. That was like, that was like, the judges. Yeah, and the judges were Ahmet Zappa and some other people at Ahmet Zappa. Him and Brad Trackman both, he like shit on them both. And Steven Scott, while they're shooting on just like points

and like smiles, but he just such like a hammy. He doesn't have to have like a real mic. I've never talked to the guy and felt like I wasn't anything I say he's gonna go like, you know, like smack everything around him and shit like buddy. It's the relax. No way, how many was he got 490? Oh, he got a dry bar special sickness I know buddy that might be my next weekend

I need some people this one The name's it's called voice mail. Oh, there's a trailer for sure It's called voice mail. Oh, there's a trailer for sure Is he doing the turntables does he do in the vocoder? With his voice naturally Yeah, hugging kiss. Yeah, we should. Is that what it is? Amanda hugging kiss?

No. It is today. Oh, Amanda. Yeah, that's a little sus... I like Amanda hugging. Is that the girl he went on a date with? You back to everyone? No, I'll say her name after.

Sean Patton is one of my favorite human beings. One of the best comics out there. His new special is out on so good number one out now on Peacock. Check it out. Big J going to be in San Diego, December 29th through new years after that Chicago for tickets and other two dates, big J comedy.com. And Dan Soder is going to be in Sacramento Friday Saturday, second through February, second. Sorry wouldn't eat it

Oh, you took off January right? Yeah, I'm gonna see I'm hoping the Niners are Mike big playoff playoff Can I throw one thing out? Yeah, this Friday December 23rd two shows at the Holland Wolf I'm sorry fuck that not the hall of at the dragons den in New Orleans It was last minute thing but we got two of them dragons den Friday The Friday if you're in New Orleans go check out Sean. Hell yeah and then again Dan Sacramento February 2nd to February 4th after that van Coover Salt Lake City Toronto for tickets and all tour dates of course go to dancoder.com We'll take our last break we'll be right back it's the bonfire. The bonfire. You

really could do a deep dive on this. We really could do a deep dive on this Yeah, DJ Lou you're so hot for Lizzo. I am not Does fucking cranking the headphones. Oh, that's on the rules. Yeah, it's my shirt. I've got the shirt maybe 100% that bitch The wrong headphone she Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. It was the wrong headphone. She, uh, man, she has, she has Burk Chrysler level lack of body shame. How about being a really impressive?

Tigger shirt off. No, not her shirt off. I mean, just like on SNL, she wore a thing. I said to Christine when I was looking at it, her big slit up the dress, so her legs out the whole time, like pretty much to her, like upper thigh. Is she on quad? Yeah, the whole quad.

And it's like, it looks like she was just shot by like a bunch of babies or something. It's just like, there's so many little dense in it. Got that hail damage. Yeah. It's really, it's a rough thing. And she's very pretty. Like her face is very pretty. Pop that so talented.

Pop that quad out. Pow. Buck shot from just far away Sniped by a quail hunting gun Shwear orange Do you have the I got dad on my ass. Do you who doesn't have nice little fucking cottage cheese on the on the dad on my ass. Do you, who doesn't have nice little fucking cottage cheese on the, on the, on the

egg? But I have my ashes, a mess. I'm sure my thighs and all that, but I wouldn't rock. Day school stain. Get out wearing a full slit. Yeah. I am not going to be like, I got a bed at one. I go to, I usually every night I sing the Jessica Rabbit song before I go to bed.

So I'm a slit on. Do we have the, do we have the rap song, Amanda? PLZ. Yeah, before the, should I make the announcement? At all, you know. Make the announcement, dude. Oh, the announcement. Big man.

And also, he'll be getting a pretty hilarious apology video. I made the people of Indianapolis. I will not be doing, I have to move my date for Indianapolis. Helium coming up in a few weeks. Okay. Did you announce it already today? Maybe. Did I not say it before you may have it?

If not, it's okay. Indianapolis Helium, I'll be rescheduling because the SDR show. What are the dates? The January 5th through 7th. Okay. You have 5th through 7th. Me, Ralph Sutton, the SDR show Shannon, Shannon Lee, are heading to Vegas because we are nominated for

Best Adult Podcasts at the AVN pornography awards. Oh, yeah. Jay finally gets to have his dirt dangler moment. I'll tell you what, just keep on rocking her own. I'd be lying if I say it isn't pretty cool that I have a reason to go to the avian awards once in my life I've really enjoyed porn since a young child, so you really get to see that you're gonna you're gonna see I mean a lot of the stars They do miss you. Vegas resorts world Where's resorts world? I think it's big, but it's big. This is the first one since COVID Okay, first live. I've got a lot of effort in essence and there's going to be a lot of

can in ancient. I went to in 2018. It was still held at the hard rock. Yes, which is now I think the Virgin, but it was at the hard rock. And I went because I was in town doing the Vegas seller. Like I'm going to the avian award. How was it? Well, it was just the after party thing, but all I know is I bought a drink from dude a bartender and he goes I Know you I was like oh, do you like a senior work? I was like okay, and then he had to go serve someone else. I'm like, does he think I'm a comedian or porn star?

porn star because you bang I wonder which one I Yeah, you fuck women in van I think wait, which way? Oh, my hair short uncleiper, the sleeper fucker? And you're like, no. Uncle Piper, the sleeper fucker. If my hair was long, I'd have to sleep.

Or the sleeper creeper. That's it. My hair was long where I get Ron Jeremy. Ron, you're out, shut up. Shut up, man, you beat all those counts. Shut your fucking- I bet you have a lot. I bet you have a high, like you probably have porn star fans,

right? People are not- I mean, the ones we've had on the show, a bunch of them have stayed like friendly, I guess. But no, not a ton. I think they, a tell has told me before, like they won't like me and my comedy because they take their world very seriously.

Yeah, yeah. And that's what's annoying. So he's like, cause I said for years, I'm like, I'm gonna throw my hat in the ring for the A.V.A. Awards and a tell has been like, what you're gonna do is not gonna, like they're gonna like turn, they'll turn on you. But now you're gonna be there with Ralph doing SDRs.

You can have your podcast. So it's whatever. And we'll, do you get tickets to the event? Yeah. That's what we're going. I have to buy a suit, dude. I'm gonna get a suit. You should get a tux.

I'm gonna get a suit. Yeah. Get that slit now, fine. Yeah, fine. Get that slit up that, you gotta get that. Yeah, we gotta get that. You know what, Lizzo's right, everyone. Look at my thigh dance. I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a

I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a her likes it a lot. It's Christine's boss. It's a butt munch. Was it you? Remember yours?

No, they never let me even. I'm still, I think I got sour grapes towards HBO for not letting me call my hour butt munch. I still over. We were in, we were in Edinburgh and Dan, it was like, he just learned, I took Shadow Lunch. I was like, he just learned he was gonna live for 30 more years.

Like, whatever he had, he thought he was dying. It's not, I'm not dying, and it's called butt munch. You were so happy. So excited to call it butt munch. And HBO went absolutely not. We will not call your special butt munch. And I went cool, then I'm gonna call it Columbine 2, the electric chudaloo.

No, we can't let that either. Wait, I don't know if I've told this. Let's try chudaloo and puss it. Well then, what are we gonna call it? It really was a thing. 9. 912 life moves on. Yeah, I think I think we've talked about this before But I want to do it again was it living in Edinburgh where I was the only one that flew over with weed pens There it is confessing the international trafficking. I was at I was at his door every day So like I'd be just in my bedroom just fuck around thinking about the show and Dan would come in be like man What's going on dude?

Anyway, bro, I was like hey there and I know why he's there and he's like man Scotland man to Haggis Take the pen I'm like take the pen by I would ask a couple questions I'm like, but if I go on what if I take crazy weather here? Fortes and a row ago What is in haggis? Think I can. Is that Nick a teen or is that a weed vague? I think I can put a lip to pen right now. And I would set it like closer to the door just to be like to take.

Finally, just start to be like, I'll meet you when I'm done with my show and you can give it back to me. Thanks, Sean. Have the pen. And then I got regular weed and left them alone. But you're changing. Have you have an announced the name of the special, right? No. Okay. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. of my show and you can give it back to me. Thanks Sean, have the pen. And then I got regular weighted and left them alone. But you're changing, have you

haven't announced the name of the special, right? No. Okay, and then you're gonna, I mean, I love it. I love that you're using that name because I think you have recorded an amazing special and I think that name will be great with it. Oh, the one you did at Skankfest. Yes.

Oh, the one that I fucking was like, I'm gonna be there and woke up Yeah, that's what Skankfast does to you. Yeah, get up at 11 a.m. Not a problem. No, I'm just now. Don't worry. Yeah, I mean time It is don't worry a clock. I mean ever last made it but whatever he did And Jan him shared a real moment at the end of the show It was it was beautiful. Were you back there for that? Yeah, what he came back? Yeah, it was great I did the guy who directed it who Eric Abrams shot it As well Eric Abrams did he really yeah, director as well. Yeah, look at that

Love that guy one on Pcock chase J's on the way. Yeah, he does not pull punches or bullshit He tells you how he feels and he was he said with dance and he's like oh, it's fucking beautiful I went backstage in told Jay. I was like there was like six times right where with dense and he's like, I was fucking beautiful. There's a lot. I went backstage in Tolgera. I was like, there was like six times where you laugh and you're like, I've know him so well and that still made me laugh like I'm just a fucking fan of comedy, which was great. Without it becoming out in 2023, now that I'm in, but now that you're in A.V.N.

So should we say, is there a thing where you put out Christine the thing to people to vote? People still vote for us to win. To win. You should have won. Put it on, skanks. First fan it. Put it on skanks. First off, you put it on skanks, you put it on bonfire, you get the votes, you win, and then you give the dirt digular speech from Boogie Knights.

The problem is, plug talk is nominated also, and that's what I would guess we're losing too. We're not a porn show. We're a comedy show. What's plug talk? Plug talk is Adam 22, the no jumper kid, and his girlfriend or fiance, or whatever, lean to the plug.

They interview porn stars on a couch, and then she, no, like then like she blows him and like lines her, his weiner up, and he fully fucks the porn star, and he blows a load and they move on with their day. And I gotta say, that's better than the SDR show. Pure product. But I do want to read someone that's funny. Christine enjoyed this. Christine, do you have that page with the, I got to find that with all the,

let me find this real quick. It's worth reading these to you. What we're up against the SDR show, the names, it's like 30 nominees, by the way. God, we're going to have to. For best podcast. Yeah, I'm just glad we got in. Best sex podcast. Let's go. Let's go. I hope it would be if you won. I'm gonna be in Central America watching a childhood friend get married.

Which country? Guatemala. Guatemala. I'm going to coach the region February. That's fun. Well, you got to marry a trainee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Finally. Single now. I don't know if you got to get out there. Yeah, I got to get it. I got to spread those wings. We gotta get out there. Yeah, gotta get it. Fuck, I gotta spread those wings. As I said here, this might be it. I hope so, because these are so funny. Okay, yeah. 69 whiskey couldn't tell you what that is.

This is what we're going against. The American Sex Podcast. And now we drink. I don't know what that is. That's, we might be drunk just they fuck each other. Maybe. Possibly. Ah, you're inside me saying. Yeah, keep pumping. We don't know about this. They're's we might be drunk just they fuck each other. Maybe. Possibly. Ah, you're inside me saying.

Yeah, keep up it. We don't know about this. They're gonna be there in your tuxedos. Oh, Jay. Oh, it's a different network. Well, we put it behind a paywall. You weren't supposed to see. Fuck me, a big slot.

I'm gay, told you. But tell me for years, come on hold me. Bow chick a wow-wow. That's a podcast. Consenting adults with Lena Nguyen. Pea Lee, biggest guest. The biggest community guest on that one. Cooking with Nathan Bronson,

cooking with adult stars, new episodes every week. This is the one I know we're gonna lose, too. I've cited this all week, and this is my nemesis here. Dangling after dark with Dick Dangle. No way you're beating him. There's no way we're being dangling They should they should cut it down to like five so you know if you're in the top five He's feeling right demon seed radio network. I kind of love that one. That's me right. Steven seed radio network Yeah, dirty CEO with fit Sid and I gotta tell you I'm looking at Sid. She doesn't look fit

CEO with fit Sid and I gotta tell you I'm looking at Sid. She doesn't look fit Maybe ironic, maybe a in quotes, but down the rabbit hole dudes do better with Lisa and our friendly sand up competing against a friend egg Plampa-fe written in graffiti. I have a feeling you know that they're not big voters Their fans aren't big voters Embrace girls on porn. Illuminary original, guys we fucked. Whoa. Oh, that might be the one you lose too. I don't even know if they know they're in it

or if they're even gonna push. Do you think they even care? Or do you think they're like, yeah, we can nominate for that every year. I don't care, I'm excited to go, but if we win, that would be awesome to have an avianne award. Will you do?

Because if you win, you might be like that dude who that Broadway actor who won for best actor mark rilance Thank you one for some movie that guy. Well if you look up his Tony award-winning speeches. They're never like thank you. They're always like when you're walking through walls remember keep your possessions He just he just fucks with people that's great so if you guys when could you might you might Rylance this shit you should go up there. I would love to do 10 minutes. Oh I will still talk about this business. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is your win? I'll say we say to all these girls after my shows get your life together. This is not the way to live. Yeah, if you go up there and then preach Christianity, like hardcore Christianity, go up there and really be like,

give your life to Christ. You guys need to give your life to Christ. Yeah, you still gotta buy a suit. Let's get you a Bolo tie. With Janiez Go Boss Hoggett. Now some of you ladies might be wondering what you're gonna do for Wokely. Damn, I gotta be honest,

it would really be fun to go like in big cowboy before you go out with your suit. And then, you know, I'm not going to, but I it would really be fine to go like in big cowboy But you know, white and then you know, not going to but I have a handkerchief wipe yourself like this is my spagrag by the way Oh, this is sweat for the Lord juice the cum seems back in me and gives me a restores my strength Kendra and Julian uncensored that seems like it's a MMA fighter and a porn star together. That's what is that? Kendra and Julian uncensored Sensor lifted up Christine. The Kinky Cocktail Hour. Love laughs with a lot of love, I know a lot of. I've also watched a blow a guy once.

Okay. Mystique Talk X. What you're gonna call it? We just had her in the studio. Mystique. Oh yeah. There's a lot of Ebony. Ebony and the Stubborn Outup podcast.

There's a lot of podcasts. There's the panty nectar podcast like that like that name a lot panty nectar panty nectar is fun phone sex with Lily show Fun, it's I like panty I'm like that's good. That's actually pretty good pillow talk with Ryan Plug talk. There it is. That's your big one. Who do you think is your biggest rival? Plug talk or dangling with dangles?

If dangling after dark with dick dangles doesn't win, then what is this business? There's private talk season two of the Lexus Texas. Hey, shout out to Lexus Texas. Welcome back. Amber Lins, and sexy uncensored. Now that seems like it's a very like crossover thing. Rock and sexy. But yeah, but Amber Lins was hot in 1992.

I bet she is a rough, a rough stale down right now. Tonia Tate presents skin fluencer success. Sluts and scholars. That's good. That's good. Sluts and scholars. I bet it'suts and scholars. That's good. That's good. I bet it's a good podcast. That's a fun one.

I bet you are walking away with some sort of knowledge. Oh, yeah. And I hope it's like actual scholars, like Neil DeGrasse takes him up there. Scholars talking to fucking, you know, look him up in scientific America. You're going to find some good stuff about it. Talking to Alexis Texas.

Spliffs and giggles podcast. Starring Adrienne Amaya, stripped by Sia. Marcella Alonzo Sunday, Funday, the Angel Long podcast, the Dirty Blonde podcast, the Ham Radio show. That's big. The Happy Hour podcast,

the Mystic, the Misfit effect. The podcast by Martin. Can I ask you a question? I'm not really sure. I don't sound like there are other porn stars. Yeah, they sound like podcasts. Are there any podcasts you're excited to meet Podcasts. Yeah, is there anybody on this list that you're like? Yeah, I want to meet Dick Dangler for sure now Dangle SDR show the slutcher pinoir podcast. I like to meet a slutcher pinoir for sure sure I mean, I think panic that there you got to meet there. Yeah, yeah, I got to figure it out Well, dick dangle give me a t-shirt. I have something about Mary carry Mary carry. She was pretty big news

She's back. She's back. Wait, who is Mary carry? She's the blonde that went like she tried running for president or something Rounded off by horrible decisions But yeah, it's far as puns go. That's not terrible decisions, but yeah, as far as puns go, that's not terrible. You'd be funny. It'd be funny if there was like an opposite of Spanish for I, where you give somebody something and it makes them not horny. The salt Peter, and that was called. Is that what it's called?

The game is like in like recruits or yes, soldiers. Just dose, just dose all the podcast. Just dose the AVM. You're a fucking idiot. It's just, you're the asexual predator. You don't want anyone else to fuck me. I want you guys have a long reflection on what you're going through Just do some with non-sex stuff I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't too late to call them and say your sorry I know you you have one of my favorite jokes about a lady's ass pulling a guy from insanity Oh, yeah, and that's what I feel like what would happen at day VN where they'd be like, I'm not horny anymore listen to me

I smoked too much crystal meth in feta means I don't want to fuck multiple minute ones. Please help Please I don't need to smoke this many splits a day It's too many. It's too many. It's not panting nectar. It's piss. I'm not squirting. It's all piss We have this we have this our last week to figure out what I'm gonna wear Oh, do you say to check in tomorrow on the live show right now? Go check out Sean Patton special number one is out now and available on peacock. Also New Orleans Friday night you could check him out live at the dragons layer. Dragon's in. Oh, Dragon's in. Oh, it's all top of my dome and I got pretty fucking close. His sister Aaron's

gonna be there. He'll come out. He waited me because he knew that that's gonna favor points. I just want to let you know that was a dirty move. Big J's gonna be a, uh, in San Diego. Big J's gonna be a a, uh, uh, in San Diego. Big J is going to be a San Diego December 29th through New years and then Chicago, bigjcomedy.com and also go vote for them for an AVN. Yeah, go vote. You were in that Christine.

Dan Sotas is going to be a Sacramento February 2nd through the fourth after that Vancouver Salt Lake Toronto dancotor.com for all tickets. Peace out. We love you. Motherfucks tomorrow. I love you Sean. Thank you.

Thanks for listening. Don't forget that Catch you mother fucks tomorrow. We love you Sean Blake. Thanks for listening. Don't forget that the Bonfire is a radio show. A full show. We got a studio and everything. You can listen to us on SiriusXM or on the SXM app. It's basically the same thing. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. you