The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Muffulettas with Katherine Blanford

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Comic Katherine Blanford learns about the fat guy on the show "What's Happening?" She has a new special out called "Catholic Cowgirl" on 800 Pound Gorilla. Jay and Bobby want to buy pleather pants to wear for Christmas. Katherine teaches them about the part of the body called a muffuletta. She claims that she has a lazy, athletic body and bad stomach. Bobby refuses to believe her and stares at her form like a creep. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Is any of this true Eve married a billionaire white guy what a Philly glow up I like that. Let's fact. Let's fact-check that It's a bonfire everybody. We're back. What are you fact checking? That Eve, Philadelphia's finest Eve. Remember Eve? Yeah, she's short haired. Rough riders?

Yeah, short haired Eve. Tiger tattoo on her tits? I like Eve. Tiger claws tits? Yeah, she was in a movie too. She did a little acting for a minute. Absolutely. She was good.

She apparently they're saying married a billionaire, white dude, and lives in England. That surprises me. It doesn't surprise me. I'd do it in five seconds. Third marriage? Is it her third marriage? It might be. It might be a third marriage.

That makes sense. That would make more sense. She's like, no, I'm ready to stop working and rapping. Maximilian Cooper, it's his husband. She began dating him in 2010. They became engaged in December 2013 and married on 24 in 2014 in Spain She has four stepchildren nice for white stepchildren gonna yell that by Eve. It's pretty great throwing a fucking weave at him from Cooper's Prill could we see more on Maximilian Cooper? I like to find out everybody

It's the bonfire faction talk serious XM 103 big jokers and the great Robert Kelly sitting in studio with us everybody She has a new special out premiering on YouTube this Thursday everybody this week December 5th. It's called Catholic Cal Girl. It's on youtube.com slash eight at 800 pgm. It's the hilarious and lovely Katherine Blandford everybody Thanks for being you big Eve fan growing up? She was in Moulin Rouge, right? Was she in Moulin Rouge?

Yeah. She was. She was in Moulin Rouge. Maya was in Moulin Rouge. Oh, not the movie Moulin Rouge. The... The... Yes.

Seche-Fa. Yeah, thank you. Lady Marmalade. The most important... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The most important thing that came out of the Monroosh that was Yeah with pink pink Maya No

No, so you're thinking of the fatter blacker version of this song that was called ladies night And that's what happened they even wheeled out Angie Martinez's body on that one in a fucking wave runner. Angie Martinez is a radio DJ. Why was she in the song? Yeah, Lady Marmalade was actually all good singers. They were all really good singers. It was and then Christina Aguilera blew him out of the water. Side note, have you seen Christina Aguilera and Sabrina Carpenter sit on the couch and sing It's like the anniversary of what's Christina Aguilera's big song. Do you need a bottle? No dirty

No, come on. There's another one. You mean a third big song There's another one and they're sitting on the couch. You're certain. It's not changing a bottle. Nope. It's not it's something about and they're sitting on the couch. You're certain it's not Jeannie in a Bottle? Nope, it's not. It's something about, it's not beautiful either. You are beautiful no matter what you say. No, that's kinda when she got a little bit bigger.

This is before she got a little bit bigger. That was a big song. I used to sing that in the shower. Oh, is it Jeannie in a Bottle? What a Girl Wants. What a Girl Wants. I think that's it. I think it's What a Girl Wants

and they're sitting on the couch and you forget about Christina Aguilera because first Sabrina Carpenter goes out, right, and she's singing part of her song and you can see Christina Aguilera's face just kind of like, and then Christina Aguilera comes in and it's like, oh, this is what singing is. Like her pipes blow everything out of the water. Sabrina Carpenter. No, Christina Aguilera comes in and it's like, oh this is what singing is. Like her pipes blow everything out of the water. Sabrina Carpenter's. No, Christina Aguilera.

Oh, Aguilera's, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. ["I'll Be Your Man"] Do you see her sitting on the couch all smug right here? Yeah. She goes, this is cute. Man, Christina Aguilera though is the complexion of hot dog. She's Ozempic poster child.

Oh yeah, she lost all the weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She has a gold. Well, Kelly Clarkson did pretty good. Kelly Clarkson looks great. Kelly Clarkson looks pretty good. But do you remember her? She had a bigger face and like...

Oh yeah. Yeah, she got big. Of course, yeah, no, I do remember she got bigger. I don't like girls who wear nylons. Are you ready for this? Watch this. She's like, good try kiddo. Yeah. Oh jeez.

Good lord. It's night and day. Man. Damn. How much you fucking put a boot on the back of her head and pull that face back. Does not change that voice, huh? She's amazing. She looks like a different human being though. She has done so much surgery.

I don't care. Well listen, yeah, you don't have to listen to her face. You just gotta listen to her voice. She was always like crazy. That was a good big thing how talented she was I know and we forgot about how good she was but it's also it's like a J It's like a Christopher Walken impression. Everyone's doing the J more impression I feel like young girl singers now all we come out and they have they do like the same like Microphone treatment and that you know, I mean they're all doing like the same

The lip quivers. It's like they're all doing like a character of a singer they'll hold the microphone like they hate blowing guys yeah yes yeah is sticky stuff gonna come out just sing the song and then in the background they always have the big fat black girls that can really say it's so funny they said there he goes look at this little fucking pipsqueak up there singing. It's Taylor Swift has like four of them in every concert now. Black women?

Yeah, it's so funny. I know, but they got those booming voices. They got those thick necks with skin tags on the back. Some of them are moles, some of them are skin tags. They're all gross. And they all have their own stories. Each one tells their own story. Christina, like your Ag, what the fuck her last name is.

Aguilera, don't be racist. She always dresses like a superhero. Yeah, she is dressed like a dumb asshole. I will give you that for sure. She dresses like she has powers. Yeah, hey guys, I just got here from teaching space calisthenics. I'm back.

Yeah, look, Sabrina Carpenter. I don't know why. You know what? I do know why I don't like her. Vibrant youth and nothing but good things ahead of her. That's why I hate her. Jesus Christ, your dream is not dead. Your dream is alive.

It's her vibrant youth and nothing but good. All potential and success still ahead of her So sweet and she wears these tiny little dresses. I don't think she has a bedina. Can you say that on here? You say whatever you want The smallest it is bideous little dresses and nothing you never see anything. Maybe it starts way back a bedina What? Well, yes, I'm Catholic. Oh, I'm Catholic too Yeah, but Dina a bedina. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I'm Catholic, too. Yeah. It's a badina. A badina? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that. Yeah. But hers, I mean, it doesn't matter. Idiest, idiot, biddiest, teeny tiny. It might start far back. You know what I mean? Some people have a low butt. Some people have a low butt.

Correct me if I have a far back pussy hole. It starts in like the nape of her back. You're like, where is this thing at? He goes, no, the line's back. It's there, though. It's there. Do you not? Doctors usually have a far back. Where is this thing at? He goes, no, the line's back. It's there, though. It's there. Doctors really have a far back pussy. Do you not swear?

Do you not, are you really religious? Well, I don't, no, I do swear. But I like, you never know, you come, there's a, like I feel like every time I go to Phoenix, I do a radio show before the shows, and I go. Heisenberg? You can say ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, one has hair and one doesn't.

But one, you can say ass, you can say fuck, and then you say titties and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And you can't say titty. This is called an XL station over here, SiriusXM, we can do whatever we want. We were, previously before you came in, watching videos of people fuck themselves with nunchucks.

Fuck themselves with nunchucks? We're coming up with a plan in which we need to do some research. It was market research. Market research. Is it cultural appropriation? No. Cultural appropriation. Okay, you know what?

I said no quick and I really over and over thought it. Is it cultural? Will you tell me? Anybody of any race, man, woman, or other, would put one of the handles of nunchucks up their ass or respective holes and then fight against somebody else doing the very same thing while swinging their ass nunchucks around. It's okay as long as they don't have the rice hat on them.

Correct. Shit. I was gonna go full Jerry Lewis racestation with buck teeth and a rice hat. I was actually gonna put a potted plant thing on my head and just get really thick glasses. Make it the ultimate bad thing. I was gonna do the old James Kahn cowboy races.

Yeah, and then me or Bobby wearing a giant diaper will come out and bang a gong when the festivities will begin I think I told you before I watched the that was a funny moment. I was able to remember on that yacht rock documentary I watched on Max last night on an HBO. They had a whole thing about the episode Do you remember did you watch what's happening when you were younger? Yeah. What's Happening was a black sitcom. And um.

My closest thing to that is My Wife and Children. No. Way past that. Way before that. There was no My Wife and Children without What's Happening. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.

But What's Happening was a, because black shows were also pretty new back then. They didn't know how, like what stars to get on the show, like guest stars. And they brought the Doobie Brothers, is what they had on. They had the Doobie Brothers. And it's talking about, like, that's,

the black people commenting in the documentary were like, that was my, like, learning about, like, what this kind of, like, yacht rock music was, like, the Doobie Brothers on what's happening, which is pretty cool that they had them on. But showing these young black men be super excited about meeting the Doobie Brothers was what I couldn, which is pretty cool that they had him on. But showing these young black men be super excited about meeting the Doobie Brothers was what I couldn't believe even when I watched the show.

I'm like, I don't even know who the Doobie, I was too young to know who the Doobie Brothers were yet, and I was like, I don't think this is what the What's Happening guys, watch they show Raj. They wanted to see these guys. Yes, and you'll see them dancing to it. You'll see the, you'll see the What's Happening people like doing their little black people dances. No one's mouthing the words though. No one's

mouthing the words. Look at them. Rerun Raj, Dee and fucking Dwayne. Hey hey hey. The Plas, one of them is bootlegging the concert and they catch him. Is that true? Yes. I remember this episode. Oh really? They really put a black problem on the Doobie Brothers? That's fucking hilarious. There's also a white chick in the audience too that's with one of the black dudes. And Rerun went outside and started selling he made at home t-shirts for Doobie Brothers.

Hey man, why you gonna spend 30 bucks inside? Ten dollars right here. I would never believe four black high school friends in the 70s would be super stoked to go see the Doobie Brothers Or know any of the songs They thought it was gonna be reggae Doobie! Absolutely And they go wait, is this fucking 17 white guys? And why is there so many? And none of them are brothers

What is feathered hair? I don't recall. Doobie Brothers does sound so funny. They couldn't be blacker. The Doobie Brothers should have been the name of like, fucking Earth, Wind and Fire. This should be Earth, Wind and Fire. They put bongos up there.

Nobody's playing them. But Rerun is a dancer. Rerun can't even rerun dance to this. They just put him in a fucking fat trench coat. He's the guy who's playing though. But Rerun is a dancer. Rerun can't even Rerun dance to this. They just put him in a fucking fat trench coat. He's the guy who's always fucking pop-rock dancing. He has to put his hands in the pocket of the trench coat just to keep it down. Hell yeah.

It's been great performing for you 15 black people. We'll see you later. Look at Rerun with his hands in his pocket. Absolutely. Rerun was shot by the cops right after the show. You know how mean also talk about the times a change in two fat Fat re well he was recording it fat rerun the beginning of what bring up the opening credits of what's happening That's funny. He stuffed a radio in his jacket

Rerun was always in trouble but I'll tell you how they end the the opening credits of Where the opening sequence of what's happening? If you remember it's at the end of it It's all of them jumping on the back of a truck To like hitch a ride on a truck and then just fat rerun chasing after the truck because he can't catch it He's too fat and they just eventually have to leave him behind That's how the show starts it's so funny though, but rerun isn't today fat.

Not even. He's not even really. Can I tell you something? I've said I've always been fat my whole life. And then certainly in my 20s and 30s, I got fat. Really fat. But in my mind, I was always just a proportionate thing of what I always was.

And when I go back and look at pictures of me as a young kid, I was nowhere near what would be considered like fat today is how fat people are. But I was definitely like, it wasn't just me feeling fat. I was the fat, one of the fat kids in school. And it's nothing approaching what you see.

No one's picking you for their basketball team. Right, right, right. Yes. I mean, Dom DeLuise was considered fat back in the day, but if you go back and watch Dom DeLuise, he's not even that fat. You know what I'm saying? It's like, the fattest these guys are are like, I mean Dom DeLuis was considered fat back in the day, but if you go back and watch Dom DeLuis, he's not even that fat. You know what I'm saying?

It's like the fattest of these guys are like Kevin James at his lightest. Yeah, yeah. Like Dom DeLuis is my goal weight. I just want to get down to Dom DeLuis. I just want Fatso weight. No doctor would understand that. I just want to get down to Dom DeLuis weight.

If he's trying to catch you... Back when he was in TV, not at the end of his life. He would yo-yo. When he was in Fatso, the movie Fatso, he was actually pretty skinny. Yeah, he's not that fat. Look at him. Here? Up on the... Not there. Christine, if you keep bringing up the same picture he says no to...

God damn it. It's insane. Right there. He's not that fat. No, he's not that fat. He's not that fat. He's fat, for sure. He's fat, the same picture he says no to. God damn it. It's insane. Right there. He's not that fat. No, he's not that fat. He's not that fat. He's fat, for sure. He's fat, but not fat. But go to the beginning of what's happening, please.

This poor guy. If he's trying to catch the truck every time, if I'm director, every scene he enters in, he's out of breath. Oh, yeah. At the beginning of the show. He goes, damn, you got to start getting to the truck earlier? Go play play the song too. It's great. We're in your we're in you Wow Wow

That's reruns what weren't all these shows created by the white dude. I'm sure what's Norman Lear Norman Lear, right? Dwayne Wayne all right, obviously, stop trying to do white activities. He fell off a skateboard. What's nice, tennis right here? He's laughing though because he stole the skateboard. Yeah. Rerun Jump. Ah, poor guy.

They had to make him eat him first. That's too fat. Yeah. Yeah. They're hitchhiking? I thought it was so fat when the show was on. Well, they were gonna hitchhike But he's like I'm not picking up your big fat friend and they just start reeling off without him. He's running pretty well

And that's it. That's how the credits end every week fat rerun We almost got drilled by a car because he's running out of breath It's the only believable way He goes yeah, and then we run a catch up and you guys will get him on the truck. He goes, he ain't catching that truck. I know, every time they have fat people and stuff, they always have to make you do fat shit.

Could you imagine if you were driving a pickup truck and then three black guys just jumped in your pickup bed and wanted you to keep going? So scary of a moment, what's happening? You're like, they're ducking, they're getting shot at. Dude, also he had on suspenders, did you notice that? I went, what's happening? So you're like, they're ducking, they're getting shot at. Dude, also he had on suspenders, did you notice that? And they're not even just like, he has on pants

that are like almost up to his nipples. I always wish, I wish when I was at my fattest that I had balls enough to do the over the belly button. Oh my god. That's what they had to accentuate the fat. There's two fat, there's two fat, when you wear your pants, there's two styles. There's under the belly button, and then there's guys they have to accentuate the fat. There's two fat there's two fat when you wear your pants It's two styles this under the belly button and then there's guys who have the balls to bring it up over

There's not a lot of people have given up and they're and they're public defenders They always they have a briefcase if you wear your pants over the middle of your belly button and you're fat You have a briefcase. It's only got a sandwich in a ziplock bag inside of it Nobody yeah, you're a villain. Yeah, yeah. There's just no, nobody, yeah. Yeah, you're a mob boss. It was a nickname for you, exactly. He's the Orc.

When you ever get, when you're fat and you're good, fitted for a suit, they always go, you above the belly button or below the belly button? You're like, I'm below the belly button. You know what I am, you fucking asshole. You know exactly what I am. That's high, that's, that's high waisted. That's girls high waisted. Well yeah, but the thing, but the reason why that's good is because you am, you fucking asshole. You know exactly what I am. That's high waisted. That's girls high waisted.

But the reason why that's good is because you can kinda look a little thinner. You're kinda using a tourniquet to sucking your fat and pushing down your balls. On the second way, that shirt's coming untucked. Oh, if I go under the belly button. Is that the same man? Yeah, same guy.

But the second way, when it's tucked down, it's gonna untuck during the wedding and you're gonna look like a fucking slob. For sure, but I still say, go below. Go below. Well, you know what I think about go below. And then it looks like I go, yeah, look, my upper body's a little thing, but I am very shapely underneath.

You guys would be surprised. No, I know. I actually have a 56-inch stomach, but my waist is like 32. Yeah. It does look like... I've always thought that that was part of the guy's fashion. muffleto was hanging out it was like a part of the shirt What the fuck? Oh the muffleto the part of the muffin that

Over that got you. I don't like that a hot chick just told us what our stomachs are she's aware At sea she's aware of what's going on. She actually saw your muffuletto? She may have seen my muffuletto in a wee hour walking around situation. I saw it dancing. You saw his muffuletto dancing? By the way, Jay was still.

Yeah, yeah, the muffuletto was there, though. It made its own appearance. Yeah, fucking rerun. What a great character. I've never done the pants in the middle of the bellybuttons Muffletta was there though. It made its own appearance. Yeah, fucking rerun. What a great character. Yeah, I've never done the pants in the middle of the belly button. It's a nightmare.

I couldn't imagine what my... Carlta does it. Wears it over the middle? He wears it over the middle. That's just, that's... You either have to be rich and don't care and be like, I have enough money, she'll get past this, or you can't do it,

but I'm not like... It is, I tell you what though, it is more comfortable. If you're going to a wedding and you're wearing a suit and you pull it up over the belly button, or at least on the belly button, you just don't have to worry about the shirt coming undone. Yeah, but the problem is the front of the pants now are 12 inches away from my dick, so... You're getting camel toe.

My belly's gonna have this out here and there's gonna be nothing in this area between my dick and fucking the rest of the pants. You know, when I was at my fattest, I used to have them put an extra button on the bottom of shirts. Oh really? Yeah, because they never put the, there's always that like three inches of flop

and if you put a button down there, it doesn't come un-topped. Now it's almost like an elastic band down there. Why don't you just put elastic at the bottom of all your shirts? I would've if I even thought of it. I didn't know a hot white chick was gonna fucking clue me on my muffleto

and a great fat trick. That's aging things too when they say things that goes, and they have these new jeans that have that good stretch. Yeah Give me some stretch jeans Jeans with stretch I'm giving into all of it though. This is my first pair today. I'm wearing my lululemon pants, buddy I have we're not lululemons because those are expensive, but I've been wearing those style for a long time These weren't that expensive. Oh,? Lululemon's expensive.

These pants? Yeah, dude. You shop where fucking gay men and women shop. So? I know, I don't care. Be you, dude. Put it on, that's all I have to say. Put it on, try it on, and you understand.

You, it feels amazing, does it not? It's amazing. I have these. What is that? Is that TJ Maxx? No, this is. Fuck you, I love TJ Maxx. Bobby, what's that raw stress for us? I just spent $300 at TJ Maxx? No, this is. Fuck you, I love TJ Maxx. Bobby, what's that rough dress for?

I just spent $300 at TJ Maxx. I called my wife and go, you have to come get me. She's like, why? I go, I just bought everything at TJ Maxx. It's all $19. Bobby, what is that, Marshalls while you're waiting in line? I love Marshalls too. No, these are Under Armour.

Makes these the same type of stretchy like Sweat panty. Why is it Lululemon? Could you think you're gonna be judged? No, because I've never fit in Lululemon No, you wouldn't now if I would now but I don't you know, but Lululemon was at 150 bucks for a pair of pants I don't think so. It's expensive. Lululemon is expensive. It is so worth it. Yeah, look at her nodding her head Christine they feel lovely 50, but they her head. Christine? They feel lovely. I don't know if they're over 150, but they're over 100. They feel great. Yeah, dude, they feel fantastic,

but you can get the same feel. And when I bend over, you can see I'm not wearing underwear. Are you not wearing underwear? But it makes it look a little bit better. I don't know what it is. You're not wrong. I'll tell you the Lululemon, they told me that, talk about the exact time I got into doing CrossFit

for the two years I did CrossFit. How's your neck? I'm sorry. All fucked up. My neck and back. Speed weight lifting, it's not how you're supposed to exercise. Exactly. It's not what you're supposed to do.

But I would have probably quit that in a month, except there was that big news came out, this was years ago, and they were like, Lululemon's gonna have to recall a bunch of things because as soon as you bend over in these things, you see your entire like It's like your see-through pants basically and then everybody just kept buying them Yeah, and then my crossfit move was like post up behind and ass

You didn't always want to get behind the best ass because I might not have enough oomph Stretch the pants out to see through enough. So you went behind someone who's trying to get it together I love that you did physics as a pervert. Well, yeah. Just some hot chicks not going to stretch those pants out enough to see the stuff. So you got to get someone who's on their way down. And then, yeah. There you go. You're looking at a strained badina?

Yeah. Well, no, they usually wore underwear. You'd be surprised if people work out in thongs, which I feel would be uncomfortable. I really love her adorable words for fat guys and vaginas. Bedina and malfra- what do I have again? Muffaletta. Muffaletta. That sounds like something you'd get in an Italian restaurant.

Can you get two muffalettas, please? I know somebody whose last name is Muffaletta. It's her friend's name. Is it? Yeah. Are they fat? No. No.

They could probably eat whatever they want and they stay skinny. Are they like that? Yeah. I like those pants. You see the tags. And by the way, you didn't need much. If I saw the underwear tag peeking through,

you're like, ooh, not supposed to be seeing that. That's exciting. And it just get you through the stupid fucking part of the workout. Mm-hmm. That's all. Post it up. Oh, and they're showing that.

They're just showing their butts. Does look good though. You can see right through it. I mean, just straight through. Straight through it. It Oh, and they're showing that. They're just showing their butts. It does look good, though. You can see right through. I mean, just straight through. Straight through. It's crazy what they do. What are those pants that look like leather, but they're not? Pleather.

No, what is that? It's like a shiny. Pleather. No, stop. It's shiny. It's not leather, but it's shiny. I think it's pleather. Pleather.

No. Are you talking like, oh, I got it. Faux leather. No. That's it, that's it. That's faux ox leather. Are you talking about like this? Because this is, yes, what is that?

Is that pleather? No, no, but it's like a cloth material. Vegan leather. Not like leather, it's almost like, not like leather. Snake skinny. Pleather. That one's gone.

That's faux ox. Okay, hang on. Go to those Glimm's men's pants. That's faux-walks. OK, hang on. Go to those Glimm's men's pants. Bobby, there's got to be a day. One week we both wear these. I'll do it Monday. You'll both have to be standing up the whole time. Don't you tell me how I have to live, Catherine.

I'll wear those at the Christmas show. Absolutely. Dude, you want to both wear pleather pants? Buddy, I've always wanted to have pleather pants. I've thought about this. These things are very difficult to get on, apparently. Why don't they make a pair of them lined with some kind of fur, maybe a faux fur, and they slide right on them?

Mm. Because you're supposed to jizz in them, and then you slide in them. I don't think that's how it works. Our muffletos wouldn't fit in those though, do they? I was about to say, you're going to have to get some elastic attached to that. No, I don't know if you know this.

That hurts. I don't know if you know this. I don't know if you know this. My belly button in the back is about 67 inches, but my waist is only 27. So, I'll be honest with you, you're probably not gonna be able to see the belt loops or buttons on it. But, if that doesn't matter to you, you're still gonna see my knees and upper and lower thigh. You wear that on the bottom and then you get a TJ Maxx tunic on top. By the way, this is, you have like, when you get the pants that are buttoned on the bottom, I'm a girl, I don't have a great stomach, so this is what you do by the way. When you have to get those things that are like-

You just turned Bobby on so much by saying that. No, I'm not. He hasn't stopped staring at your stomach yet. Let me tell you the trick. I just think it's ridiculous that she says she doesn't have a great stomach to me and you. He's trying to trick you into showing it. We have a thing that's called a Muffalato. What the fuck is it called?

Muffalato. Muffalato. You guys wanna all show her Muffalato's together? Muffalato, that's the girl you hook up with just on vacation. Muffalato? That is a great name for that. Yeah. You're not gonna tell, hey, you don't live anywhere

near New York, do you? Yeah, it has to be a third world country though. Hey, where's home for you? Is a great name for that yeah, you're not gonna tell hey you don't live anywhere near New York do you be a third-world country though Hey, where's home for you? Where do you think Wisconsin perf? Quanta costo muffledo What do you say you don't have a good stomach you know you wear stuff like this you have's what you do. You wear stuff like this. You have a great stomach. And then you get a tunic. Why won't you let Bobby tell you?

Why do you not like compliments? Why can't Bobby tell you about your great stomach? You have a great stomach. You're fucking in shape. I'm just, I'm telling, I'm just, I'm letting you guys know our trick so you can eye it just so you know. What's wrong with your stomach?

When you take all my muffaletta. Did you have a baby out of wedlock and you gave it away because of your career? Well, I got a, I didn't. You're crazy. Did you have a baby out of wedlock and you gave it away because you career? Wait a second you're a kid. Why do you have a c-section scar? Why do you have a road max stomach? What did you do? I go see my third special You're gonna get him back if it makes money Just doing this till I go it's like stripping. I'm just doing something get my kids back I'm just doing this till I can get my kids back from social services. But here, let me tell you, if you see tight, tight, tight, tight pants like this on a girl

and then a flowy top, that's a girl with good legs and a not a great midsection. That's our trick. You just described my wife. No, for sure. Yeah, Christine's found out, she pointed it out. She goes, if someone's got a beautiful face and then every picture is of that beautiful face, their body is a dump of shit. Yeah.

We found that out the hard way more than once. Too many close-ups. We found the hard way. She saw it coming, too. She goes, this girl's gonna be a big girl. And I was like, seems like she's very pretty. And then she showed up and boy, oh boy. Boy, boy. Boy, oh boy. It was the only time ever me and Christine had a quiet discussion of like you finish her so over with

Make her some food and get her out of here. No, it's all we were Not bullied is the wrong word We were like it was too late to be like we couldn't think of a reason to be like we're not gonna fuck so we were just like me and Christine looking at each other while this to be like, we're not gonna fuck. So we were just like, me and Christine look at each other while this large woman is in the throes of passion in the bed, me and Christine are looking at each other over her going like,

you bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. Can we please, it's over with. If one of us doesn't finish this, we have to get out of here. Christine was like, hey, I'm gonna make a pot roast. Are you interested? Fuck yeah. Pot roast? I'm here.

You gonna make potatoes with that? He goes, yeah, it's out there on, it's out the window. She goes, the window just slams the door behind her, starts nailing it shut. I don't really want to fuck people I haven't met yet. You said that? I think we need to meet the person before we decide we're gonna have sex with them. We learned, we learned that the hard way. Send a 360!

Send a 360 up Send a 360. How young are you? Why do we not know any of these fucking terms? A 360 shot, but this is what I want in it. It's like a kidnap situation. You have to put a newspaper with the date. So it's not an old one. That's actually right.

He goes, hey, why is there like a new Camaro in the back there? That's why I have seven different catch-up sizes at the cellar. Hey, why I have seven different picture sizes of the seller. Hey, why does your car say Class of 75 on it? Hey, I don't mean to be a detective here, but this picture, the car in the background is got a Class of 75.

Hey, real quick, is that David Lee Roth at a Van Halen concert? Guys. Not a great stomach, come on. Is that her? You think that's me? It says on her Instagram. Dude, check out those biceps.

You guys didn't know that she wasn't one of the gladiators? Oh, you might remember Catherine as Zap from TV. What the fuck, dude? Why would you let that in your house? When I was a... American Gladiator? She's fucking chicken. Superimposed her face with the shittiest editing ever. When I was a when I was a Superimposed her face with the shittiest editing ever by the way guess what that didn't help ticket sales

I Was what is it American Ninja Warrior? Yeah. Yeah, I was that when it was raised. Is that what your stomach looks like? Yeah Mm-hmm. I freaking wish, man. Bobby, we could pull off these pants. I think. I would pull them off. We could definitely do that with the right shirt that hangs over enough. I think I could probably pull off like a shiny pant, but it couldn't be that form-fitting as little.

That's where it's gonna look weird on me. I want that, though. I want it to- You want a nice thigh grip on your fucking- I want a thigh grip. Okay. Thigh grip. I want a nice, I want it to look tight on my calves.

I can't wait till I- It's gonna have to be tailor made. Oh, without a doubt or else, the first time we bend down like Lenny Kravitz, our fucking wieners are gonna plop out. They're not gonna hit the floor. They're just gonna be dangling like little birds. Yeah.

But this is the thing, if we do wear them, no underwear. We have to take the risk. Oh, absolutely. 100% risk. Oh, 100%. You're going to get hose burns all over your wiener, though, for sure. You're going to have to get yonder bags

to collect people's phones. So you don't see my poke? Oh, man. Not green, though, either. I like green. I like the green, too. It's also in. Yeah, we go green and then black. What is that?

Does that like I would go with a louder color or black? Show get green if yeah, you get red. I'll get green. Okay, why don't you go shirtless if you're gonna do that? Are you out of your mind? We have mom flow. I don't know if you know this Katherine I'd never told you this before in our friendship, but uh, I don't have a great stomach Catherine and I had never told you this before in our friendship, but I don't have a great stomach. Yeah. Yeah. Remember we met in sad stomachs

in a sad stomach chat room? Anonymous. It'd be funny if she really did have a shitty stomach though. No way. Her belly button was an innie, outie. Dude, I'm telling you, this is a, it's a shape. It's like, what's the shape? It's like a negative hourglass.

That's what I am, these girls have the shape. You know what I'm talking about. We're looking right at you. Tiny limbs. Will you stop nagging yourself, you're insane. Tiny limbs. You're beautiful. Thin legs and arms.

You're in shape. Thin legs and arms and then your stomach's kind of like the Appalachian Mountains or something like this. It's a bit of like- We're staring at you. You're not. I'm just telling you, stop. Stop saying that.

Can I ask you what you're talking about? Are you talking about, I've seen this is an interesting thing sometimes. It seems like someone has a weird body, but like it's shape, like you're saying. I've seen girls that are thin, nothing to do with weight or being heavy at all, but like their body goes almost like that.

Yes. Like back, front, and it's almost like there's a stomach, but there's not a stomach, it's just the body curves. You have a lazy athletic body. You do? That's what it's called, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a lazy athletic body? It's a lazy athletic body. You're fit, but your body's like, but ugh.

Are you out of your mind? I'm telling you, go to Vegas. Your fit butt, ugh. I'm staring right at her. You're like this, ugh, yeah, I do crossfit. Look who you're talking to. Bob, stop drinking her in up and down. It's uncomfortable for everybody.

I'm trying not to. She goes, I got this kind of body. And you're like, come on, what's up? What are we talking about here? I just go to vague go to Vegas this summer go to the pool party And you'll see what I'm saying. I'm just saying we have tricks And this is the thing is you wear you wear a Long a long tank top with flowy and then short shorts, and that is a lazy athletic body. There's a lot of those It's a bit It's the outskirts of the Midwest

that have that kind of body. You're not wrong. It definitely is. It's how a meth addict will make you think she's not a meth addict until you check her teeth for about three years of meth. Always gotta look at the knuckles. You can get three good years of meth

in if you keep dressing a certain way. If you just never smile and show what you're tending to do. Look at a girl's knuckles. Yeah, why? Because if they got dirty knuckles. Dirty knuckles? Yeah, dude. What does they got dirty knuckles. Dirty knuckles? Yeah, dude. What does that mean?

Sign of a prostitute. Really? Yeah. Why? I don't know. They always have dirty knuckles, man. They got dirty knuckles and fucking bitten fingernails. You notice that when you see their hands wrapped around

your wiener, you go, what's wrong with your knuckles? She goes, I'm a hooker. No one ever has a real answer what it is. Are you doing backwards hand jobs? How is they how do they get dirty? Not me. I'm not giving hand jobs anymore. Not anymore. Do you know why? Why because I'm on the bonfire with you because you shop at TJ Maxx. I love you Maxx I don't know why you're putting it down. I mean you really are I'm a big fan of TJ Maxx if you guys want to see Katherine Blanford. She is not showing her disgusting stomach

Catholic cowgirl help her get a spare you she spares you looking at what can only be described as a Grotesque body you have to make sure you check your game Blanford I'm middle of my career Christine Aguilera right now. No, yeah, you just wait guys This specials gonna pop off I'm out of a lot of money for Ozembeck. I like this cell though I like this. I was gonna be like this girl's hot. She's not fucking fat. I don't even if I hate it I hate hot chicks you see Blamper watch your special where she's trying to pull herself together physically Yeah, watch a special and see if she's fucked up physically. Is she still the monster you remember from last year?

Yeah, or has she finally gotten it together everybody the new special Catholic cowgirl premieres on YouTube Thursday everybody December 5th YouTube comm slash at 800 PGM. It's 800 pound gorillas thing. Go check it out. She's absolutely hilarious and I'm sure stomachs fine We'll be right back. Thank you so much for hanging out with us. Thanks guys. We'll be back to say goodbye everybody. It's The Bonfire.

Robert Kelly everybody. He's going to be at the Gramercy Theater in New York City with the rags Joe list Dan Soder Lewis Jay Gomez and our own great Robert Kelly December 11th everybody get tickets for that now, but they are going fast after that He's gonna be in Beacon, New York, Kansas City in Batavia, Illinois And of course every Tuesday night including tonight 7 p.m. Fat black pussycat lounge if you're listening right now get down there to the Comedy Seller I'm going tickets and all tour dates visit punch up dot live slashounge, if you're listening right now, get down there. It's at the Comedy Seller. I'm going. For tickets and all tour dates, visit PunchUp.live.com slash Robert Kelly. If you go now, you'll make it because Bobby hasn't left yet. And make sure you check out Big J Comedy.

He's going to be all over the place, especially this Sunday at the Comedy Club in Stanford. Make sure you check him out. He's got one show, then in St. Louis, West Palm, Providence, all over the place. PunchUp.live slash Big J Comedy and big Jay comedy comm and his special will be out soon