The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Nightmare Cruise

Episode Date: December 29, 2023

Bob gets bullied on a cruise by his 9 year old son, who runs wild on the boat.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Oh, guess who is Bizzak? Hit my barbeque, back where he belong. Sit there, over across to me in studio that we call number three. Oh, Jacob and Gary.

And it makes me feel good that I don't have to pee. Oh, but if you do and you have to hold it in, the farts gonna come back, you gonna break wind. Jacob's gonna run out of the room. This place gonna become a stinky tune where me and PJ Blue is getting sick. Christine Rodden, so I'm Duke. What's up? Good to be back, buddy.

It's good to see you back. Oh my God. I bet it's good to be back for several reasons. Yes. Maybe the least of which being how much you've missed us and I think you missed us plenty. No I did. I am I I was looking for I woke up this morning looking forward to all day just let's go let's go on land. Yes off of what I did not want to oversell before you left. But what I could only describe as the worst idea for vacation ever yesterday. Yes. Yes. When you kept saying you were going on and I'd say like this you'd hear you can go back and listen to the episode I go wait just like a cruise like you're just going as like a guest like a patron and you're okay it was going I go yeah I go but it's like a charter thing it's

like Caltis cruise like no just a cruise like yeah and there's but some famous band is on it and it's gonna be pretty awesome you get to see this band on a small venue no no no just like a Sharon personator in a shitty comic. Not even. No, comic. There was a comic who I have his name. Please tell you remember the name. I do remember the name and I have a video of. Steven Scott. Now, his name, I think it was Josh Kent, a camp, a Texas comic.

Okay. This, let me tell you something first of all, this cruise that we went on was not a good cruise. It was, oh, let me guess, was it any cruise possible you would take except for a chartered one with something you love? You made it seem like it was the place to be. Okay, I'm. I have. Yeah, dude. You guys got to sell the dream.

Yeah, dude. You're an influencer. You smile all the time. All the time. You receive fire festival things. Those people are holding people are holding up in their little trays of grilled cheese sandwiches but their tits are hanging out. When I just look at me in the phone instead of the camera lens when I talk I look right at the lens like I'm talking to you

No, but I feel like all Bobby's pictures and videos were him smoking a cigar waiting for the sun to go down Dude waiting for another day to go by and he goes how many more of these? Okay, it's not oh the buffet again awesome The crew this was one of them. This is not a good cruise. This is not a good ship. What was the line? It was a celebrity and it was no celebrity. There was no celebrities whatsoever on this cruise But you'll be treated like a celebrity well apparently there's levels of ships and ours was the lowest level and It was it was dude. Oh, let me take some it was old. Yeah, it was old you were on the concierge level though So what does that mean? No, no one doesn't take a shower while you shit

Concierge met now, you know what I got I got a chocolate covered strawberry Okay, I had a split with three people. I know you can say that you could tell they've been laying around for a bit those Chuck covers strawberries We got a couple delivered to those they would give us little snacks every day. They give us hummus Who wants hummus. Who wants hummus is a snack in your room? That was sitting outside your door. It was terrible.

It was the tissues in the room. I got one right here. This is a little... No, it's used. Nope, nope, nope. It was not used. It's wrinkled. No, it's wrinkled.

Everything's fine because it's loose. It looks good. Loose got one for me right here. It looks fine, everybody. Bobby, please put that away before I vomit. It's wrinkled. I bet it is You saw me get it. This is this is an encased one This one would have been softer because I wrinkled it by the way that one's rough you've gripped it. I gripped it

I gripped it you have a lot of Sound of the paper that is pretty awful dude five seconds into this first wall culta who I love you know I love him as soon as this thing set off and you felt it, and everybody does the thing, oh, we're moving. We're moving. You were like, shit, it's happening. You'd already looked around the boat and been like, this isn't gonna be awesome.

No, not at all. I had full intentions of having a blast and it being amazing. But the thing is you cannot vacation with your family and you cannot vacation with other people's families and you can't vacation with four other families because it's too much stuff. My vacation is nothing.

My vacation is no plans, do what I want. I had to wake up where we going for breakfast, where we going for lunch, where we go for lunch, where we do for dinner, what do we do for, and the crew. And what time, well that's not the time I would do, but everybody else seems to want to do it at that time. I'll tell you, that was one of the nice things about the burk crews I just did was I had like friends on there, but not like my daily like brother friends. So I did feel beholden to no one

So I was able to dip out at one point go I'm gonna go watch this full six years game in my room I was beholden to everybody everybody everybody yeah, and my wife had outfits, you know women want to wear certain things Oh my god, so it's like you know that you have to go to the we're going to this restaurant this night because she has this outfit Which is fine. Oh, this is her Chinese outfit for Chinese food? Yeah, she work mono. She's like, I think a boogie makeup's like black face. I don't think you're allowed to do that. Honey, can you help me put these chopsticks in my hair to hold them up?

She has little red lips in the front of her lips. I had to wear a samurai suit. You dress like Jason Steinberg took four hours. He heard a hop with those little feet. Bound in his shoes. Dude. There's no Brazilian steakhouse. Everybody shave your genital hair off. It sounds like a nightmare.

Eight seconds into the trip were in line. And Mike called this lady the C word. There we go. This lady, she was around around 87 had so much work done She didn't blink for five years Well, at least you won't be around her nonstop for the next four days eyes wide open her husband Both eyes wide open and she yelled at him because he kind of was catching up to us in the line And she went hey, hey, and he went fuck you. I'm getting with my family

She goes you're not supposed to come he goes you're a Seawird and then he points to a husband. He goes hey good luck with that and then point He went, fuck you, I'm getting with my family. Because you're not supposed to, he goes, you're a seward. And then he points through a husband. Right away. He goes, hey, good luck with that. And then points through a face. Wow. Yeah, this is eight seconds into the line.

And then you're behind them in line for a while. Well, behind them in line for a little bit. Okay. That was uncomfortable. Definitely set the thing, I'll tell you what, he made an impact on those people. That's not gonna not be a thing for one more minute of that cruise Yeah, which we then and he made an impact on max too, which you know

He saw his dad just take it and my cult. They just give it to that lady. And then yeah once again Max thinks you are soft and because you want to hang out with fucking aggressive no-think maniacs Exactly so we get it. So Lewis with fucking aggressive no-think maniacs. Yeah, exactly. So Lewis, I mean, not the side track here, but just so these guys have some context to this. There's a video somewhere. I don't know if Bobby's got it, but do you have that one? I'm an influencer.

It's Lewis. I see. You hear in the background, Lewis, I mean dressing down and threatening the fight an entire staff of I fly. And he goes over and films Lewis's son James who's literally doing like the here we go again like shaking his head no face Bobby's making like the Jesus Christ Lewis face and Max is like he's like damn did I wish that was my dad? Yeah, I turn Max is so into what Lewis is doing just his Lewis's take no shit even if it's a misunderstanding attitude. I turn into the Max is so into what Lewis is doing just his Lewis is take no shit

Even if it's a misunderstanding attitude. I turn into the mom when I'm at Lewis I had to take the kids under my wing and go let's wait outside for your father Let's let's just go wait and a car when your father goes with this. What did I say Christine? I was like Okay, yeah, but those is a bell was we were, she was talking about the Carnival Combat fights. I go, Lewis, they're really good. I go, he trades much, he goes, why does Lewis always wanna fight so much? And I go, I don't know, I go,

because he's got the fury of a thousand lions. For some reason, he's always keeping it Bay, a little bit. So the max, when he found that he had a card, he had your room key and you can just get whatever the fuck you want. I caught him at the cafe with 17 declares and a coffee. You caught him. He's walking back with a coffee, like a, like a, and a pyramid of declares.

And he goes, dad, they got pistachio, he clears. I'm like, you can't just just you can't just get whatever you want He goes no you can you can you use usually Oh he's paying for it dude. I I I I did his bag today He had e clears in his bag. He was like store them like a seal in a bag loose No, no, no, no, no, he had snacks from the trip in his bag that he was just getting because he didn't understand That you know this is blows the kids mind, he just go and get stuff and give a card.

Give a card and you're in. And then we had to go to dinner the first night and we were all supposed to sit together in this, but, you know, he had his family and his wife's family and his brother has a whole brood of people. And his brother's just as big as him, just a big Italian. And they fucked up. So they sat me and Don and Max with this family.

That we didn't. Just some other people. Was it Habachi? Habachi dinner. You ordered Habachi with your crew? So dude, I fucking, I told Don I go just, I'll take the kids, I'll take Max and Billy, the Southern kid, and we'll sit with them.

Then one of the most uncomfortable dinners I've ever had in my life, we just had to sit with these people. After we were fighting with the people to get us with the other table, we weren't the asshole, were you the Habachi jokes asshole? Because I've been that guy and I don't lie, leave. Don't make me the Habachi jokes. Dude, I was the one trying just to get this family to understand that it's not my fault that this is happening There was and that we're interrupting their family. He was southern. There was sweet southern Jesus people and it was me

Max Max is got sunglasses on a hat sideways his hair dies He's bleached hair coming down his face and he's like he goes to the he's like yo Can I get a cappuccino? I'm like you can't get a cup of tea a cap a chin up. I can't get a cup of What dude? He went nuts. We just get a rehab I don't know what happened. Oh this dude. He shut down the cigar this weekend Dude he shut down the pool How buddy took a dump in the pool now the last day you had to break it up with a code hanger and the drain. The last day I'm there. I'm with the kids at the pool. That's another thing. You get stuck with the kids every once in a while. So you're

the one, right? And I was the one a lot. Do you know how terrible this was? Yeah. Because you're jumping so fast. Like you're already in the last day, the fucking pool. Yeah, there's still things from 25 minutes in that you were like Do me and don't broke up the first day. Yeah I just said you just said we'll get through this Dude I used to wear I used to wear it separated really I'm not kidding you told people you were separated No, I told her I go maybe we should separate. I mean separated Dude we got a nice parents are now separated

We don't fight the first day. It's not because of you, but it's a little bit because of you. We were up at the buffet. And Max was just, look, I have to understand he's losing his mind, he doesn't understand this. That you can just go up and get whatever the fuck. Oh my God, he's like, tuna fish, pasta. Oh my God.

Cheeseburger ribs. So all you can eat buffets on water. Yeah, all this a ship is. It's a buffet water. It's for fat. It's for fat. Fuck, it's fat people. And if you dream would be fat people with a gambling problem.

It's fat people and all people in gambling. Yeah, it's a bad. It's a bad cruising is for it's a bad scene. If you're trying to be healthy in spiritually, mentally or physically, it's old Vegas, it's a bad, cruising is for, it's a bad scene. If you're trying to be healthy and spiritually, mentally or physically, it's old. It's a bad scene. It's old. It's the,

why would you wanna go? You know that? It sounds like nothing you wanna do. I did not know that. I didn't understand the taxing, how taxing this was going to be on me. You're gonna blast on the Joker's cruise. I had a blast because you could stay in your room

and nobody, and your buddies were there and it was, but no on you're a blast on the Joker's cruise I had a blast because you could stay in your room and nobody and your buddies were there and it was but no You weren't again you weren't be holding to like plans with everybody. You'll be like hey Bob We're gonna go get dinner. You want to jump get dinner? I can't I'm doing this. I'll catch you'll be guys later You know what sitting there with Max on the first day and he comes back to the thing with all this shit I'm like max you can't I'm trying to be a dad You know, I mean but cult is like this other dad, I just brought 17 feet of rope chain from the duty free. He just had one spools. He almost got me to buy a Rolex. Dad, I just got a bowl of a watch. You know what I do is give him the room key.

He almost got me to buy a Rolex. I bought art. The guy brings out this Rolex. He's like, hey, sir, I have the perfect watch for you. Take all your sun, sir. No, he's doing it to you. Oh, okay. I thought every time you walk into a different place of the cruise, Max is doing something and I don't only would do it because,

let me take a look at the Rolex. Yes, sir, right away. Well, he brings me back in a day later. He goes, dad, come here, I gotta show you something. And he brings me into the watch store. And he goes, show him the watch again. And the guy's like, okay, and he brings the watch out, he goes, dad, get this one.

This is a good deal. I'm like, Max, not stop. I'm not buying a $6,000 watch in a boat. It's just not, he's like, dad, it's a good deal. You gotta get this. And the guy's like, sir, your son is smart. And I was like, hey buddy, don't play my son again. It got tense.

Who is this guy? The guy selling the fucking watches. And then I had to take Max out, hey buddy, don't play my son again. It got tense. Who is this guy? The guy selling the fucking launches. And then I had to take Max out, I go, Max, you can't be on the guy's side. You have to be on my side. Your son bullies you. Let me tell you something. Bobby, I want to tell you this is a friend.

You are not your father. You are a great father. Okay. Here's what he did. Stop letting your son bully you around your whole life. He came up behind me at one point. You're the only father I know whose son takes him aside for talks. Hey, he came up. I said I wanted this and you didn't get it. He came up behind me at one point. I really punished him second day in. He got out. He sat down for like two hours. Okay. He came. I was with the other cow just John. Mike has a brother

John. Same type of dude, big dude, right? Same type of family, big family. And I'm with them in the cafe. Max comes up behind me and pushes me in the back and goes, Dad, where were you? I was texting you and I almost hit him. Like, I turned around and I went, I'll be right back. I'll be right back. And I grabbed him, I go, I go, let's go.

And I walked up three flights of stairs, no fucking elevator, because I didn't wanna be around other people. And I walked him up the three stairs and I put him in the room and she's in the room. What's wrong? I put him in the thing, I sit down. I took everything off him.

His watch, his phone, I took he had like a hat. I took everything that I ever gave him off him. You know, I had? I took everything off. And gave him off. In a high hat? I took everything off. And I made him sit for two hours because I was so fucking furious that he actually came up and pushed me in the back. Yeah, he bullies you.

Anyhow. Your boy bullies you. You are a great father, Bobby. You're allowed to discipline Max. I can't hit him though. You don't have to hit him. I wanted to, Jay. No, no. I wanted to. Bobby, listen. Have you ever hit your daughter? You can't hit them though. You know the hit them. I wanted to Jay. No, no

I want it to have you ever hit your daughter. You can't hit them. What have you? You don't have any question is that give me a second answer that How do you mean? I definitely I smacked her on the ass before I'm talking Have you ever have you ever? Have you ever? Have you ever gone? Did you go in hand? Or you have a goon hander? What is that grabber behind the elbow and drag her somewhere? Yeah, riding your teeth? Yeah, no, that's what, when they called Child Protective Services on me, that is what I actually did.

They said I was dragging her on the ground and kicking her and punching her, which is batshit crazy. But that's what I did, yeah, I got her behind the elbow and I was like, let's go outside right now cause I was gonna, I, I grabbed Max from behind the elbow and Goon-Hander him up the stairs, cause he kept trying to, did you have it with the arm up? was up okay arm was up that's a good grab and forward up and for okay up for so he's he's following his own arm I like that I felt terrible

don't stop feeling terrible and then I got him in once that body dude he called me sir when we went up to the room He went yes sir. Okay, this is too much. He's begging for it He's begging for the discipline It was too much and then I bring him to the you're not your father I brought him I brought him to the comic and we're all sitting watching the comic and you know dude I'm I'm supporting this guy. He has to do a PG show. There's kids. There's 90 year old people. There's people in Larks, there's oxygen people. This port comics got to do a show. I will I'll give him my weekly check if you tell me Max Heckled the comic max just went. I'm out this guy stinks

He pushed his glasses back and the shades he had a shades on inside indoor shades. Yeah, it shades on the whole weekend We were at Mike's house the first day and Mike has a daughter the same age and She came out. He has a scene her in a year. So they've both grown. So she comes out. She's talking to him He's I'm out by the pool. He leans in he pulls his shades down he goes dead Julian is fucking hot and I fucking Dad, Julian is fucking hot. And I fucking hot. He said fucking hot. Jesus.

And I went, I started laughing. I was like, of course. Maximus. You can't say fucking, you can't say fuck. He's like, dude, I know that. I'm sorry, but she's hot. I was like, you can't, you can't. It's like a cousin, you can't.

And yeah, it's gonna hit a stride. I kept saying he goes, I need a boat girl I was like what's a boat girl you want to fuck for the duration of the boat ride classic dude it was great girl it was it was it was it was listen me and Mike can hang out the same way we both agreed it was like fucking nuts we're both exhausted from this trip it was exhausted. And you look over every five minutes with Mike and he's sleeping in the chair and dawn. And Mike forgot to see Pat machine at the security at the boat. So his wife, the boat started going faster

on his ex-hails. You know, I know I knew it. I knew it room he was in because you could walk by at like 11 o'clock his room, just like someone was flushing the toilet. Oh man. Oh, it was crazy. It was bad. What was, uh, darns take? Don't love it because don't have no expectations and she hasn't had a vacation.

You know what I mean, since the summer. So she has to go to the pool and- And look, I took over. Did you go to the pool there? I went to the pool, we went to the pool, we went to, I went to the shows. They had a rock show. What do you do?

What's a daily? I don't understand what you do. Every morning I would wake up and go down to the coffee shop to find cult of sleeping in a chair. Smokers cigar. Because his wife kicked him out of the room because he snore. Okay.

So I would go down and have coffee with him. He went on a cruise ship to go be a deck bomb. Deck bomb. Okay. All right. He was a deck bomb. And then I would. All right. He was a deck bomb. And then I would go back up and get them, and we go to the buffet.

And order way too much food. I can't, my whole body's swollen from the shit food. It's all garbage food. And we'd have breakfast, and then we'd have to, when we go back to the room, and look, I wanna go back to the room and sit on the balcony and just go to bed. I wanna go take an abs. I don't wanna do shit, but I had to go do shit every day. I want to go back to the room and sit on the balcony and just go to bed. I want to go take an apps.

I don't want to do shit, but I had to go do shit every day. We had to go do shit. We had to walk around. Max would not go into the kids. They had a kids club. They had a kids club, but his age was just a cut off. Well you walk in and it's just a bunch of grubby kids which shit on their face and Bougas coming out their nose.

He walked in and he goes, Dad, no, nope. The same way Jam, Dad, no, nope. The same I jam, give me the rock show. They don't have any burlesco to his bitch. I took him to the 13 and up. And I'll be in my room, get me a slice and bring it up. We walked into the 13 and up kids and I walked in and let he goes, how old is he?

And he goes, he's 13. He said he's 13. Talk about himself and the third person. He goes, he's 13. And they go, 13. Talk about himself and the third person. He goes he's 13 and they go Okay, well you can come in and he walked in and saw all the kids stare they look like zombies. Yeah, just staring at each other And he went I'm good. I'll be back. I'm gonna come back. And I'm like what you promise him he'd come back He's talking to the lady goes I'll be back. I'm gonna come back later. I'm gonna So he made him think he was like it's not you guys. It is completely you guys

But don't think that no, no, I's not you guys. It is completely you guys. But don't think that no, no, no, I just realized I forgot something but I am coming back. Don't close because I'm coming back. Course, you were back. You know, but that's nice. You made this cruise and Max was the mayor of the city. He had the mayor of the ship. It was all about him and Don had nothing to do with me. This was not my vacation. This was for them. I didn't I Go someone took a dump in the pool and everyone jumps out and then it's just he'd been there by himself Well, yeah, that was easy enough The last day there and I'm always one has to go in the pool too Don doesn't go in the pool I'm learning that has because she's she goes her African hair your father

Yeah, her wig She want to get her wig with. I just have to go in So I had to go on the pool all the fucking time right and the last day it was rough seas so the waters were it was yeah I've seen that it was kind of waves waves and he loved it. Yeah, I fucking hated it So I'm in the pool the other two kids come down Billy John's kid and Juliana Mike's kid so I got a tap, I get to tap out, I grabbed a cigar. Don went to the cafe to get a couple ice cappuccinos, right?

So I'm up on the top looking down, smoking my bat, the sun's coming down the last day. Everything's kind of alright. I'm finally doing what I want to do. I finally got like an hour just to chill, and I look down to nobody's in the pool. And then I look and I see out and nobody's in the pool and Then I look and I see Billy and Julianna walking out. I'm looking for Max. I'm like Max I'm like where's Max? Where the fuck's Max?

And then I see them walk it and then I'll be see Max running over to them and they're looking for me So I'm standing up like hey, and then they see me and Max comes up I Guess he opened his mouth and swallowing. Dad, before we freak out, she said you could breathe underwater. Okay, you're gonna hear some crazy things about me in a second. He swallowed like a gallon of old lady piss water, which is pretty much all a pool on a boat is.

Oh, a cruise ship, dude, it's fat piss. Buddy, you can smell these cargas. So much ketones in there. Dude, I actually saw an old woman come in and stand there and piss and look at me in the eye and then get back out scared it's happening but you said she was staring me in the

eyes like like I'm concentrating and get the piss out it's almost there it is so max walled all this water and it went in a throat and he threw up in the pool okay so we threw up in the pool on the side of the pool and then walked out to The deck is and he just So then the other kids had a run because they were gonna throw up Sure

So I looked down and he's like that I threw up and I'm like where and he's like over there and he's panicking So I got to get the guy and I'm like my kid threw up dude Hasmat suits They got has a dude in a hazmat suit literally comes out has Mac bags with the bio fucking thing on the bag Glove it up face mask. They netted the pool off last night everybody's by the pool. They shut it the fuck down The whole pool shut it down and had a clean Everything apparently max puked just Project Alvameded everywhere from the pool down the stairs over to the deck where people

You know windows the walls yeah Because they were apparently they were dragging him With the waves and the wave came back and he opened his fucking mouth and it just went down his stupid gullet. He was screaming fuck. And he threw up and I got a video dude. I'll send it to Lou. They just shut the pool down for the last night.

Nobody can swim in the pool. The idea that you wanted to leave and you can only go as far as the railing is a nightmare. It's, it, look, I would go on a cruise again. First of all, the cruise ship wasn't the best. The food wasn't good, it wasn't the best. It was like the lowest cruise ship that they got. I would go on a better cruise, a nicer cruise ship. Bobby, it's the same thing. It's the same thing. Well, you know what?

We went to Bimini. It was nice. What was that? Where is it? That's like some stupid island. But here's the thing too. It's not that far from America. It's not like you're,

you're kind of just hanging out in the ocean, like some nights, like you're not really going anywhere. So you go like Bimini and the Bahamas, NASA is like 20 minutes away from each other. And that we had a whole day at sea from from Atlantis to Bimini. So we just stayed in the boat

in between these two islands that we could have got to in 20 minutes. They're just like prolonging your shit out in the ocean. But for all that effort, yeah. Don't you think it could just gotten don something nice for my good friend Steven singer Ian just asked if Jordan could come in I

Guess they're together Ian and Jordan Guys you could talk. Yeah, what the fuck goes on in here man? The freeze up in this place But man, I've been away for six days, I don't know what happened. Nothing. Maybe you intumidate to shit at a Jacob. That's only so weird. Remember this argument? What's wrong with what I'm saying?

You must come on with it. Yes, yes, thank you, come in of course. Well first of all, we're gonna say no. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I mean, look at it. It's hilarious. We can't,'re gonna say no. That's what I was thinking. I mean, look at it. We can't, we should say no. No, you know. You should stand in precedent.

Say no, say no. Say no. 100% say no. Just say no. It's making me so uncomfortable. But no, you should say no. No, we need, listen to me. I need to get back into the show.

We have to send boundaries. Yeah, I do too, but I'm in cruise mode. Say no. Tell me yes to stay in the lobby. Say, it send boundaries. I do too, but I'm in cruise mode. Say no. Tell me as to stay in the lobby. Say it's, say tell him this. It's either her or him. I'm gonna say Bobby. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Say, we do, say, below no. We have plenty of room. We have plenty of room and plenty of microphones, but they have to pick one. Yeah. Can I just add it? Yes.

I still cannot get over like, if you just watched your Instagram, you almost convinced me that that was the next vacation. And I've, I've, I've, I would go on a cruise with us, like all of us, like a bonfire cruise would be awesome

But when you have too many people Like me and my my ex family would have been fine, but there was too many people and there was too many different things happening There's too much shit to do. I don't like to do shit when I go on vacation I like to not do some and if the kids if the ship was better The ship was garbage dude. We had to you and don't get to have sex while Max was off finding a boat bitch No, we didn't have shit. We didn't do anything. I jerked off on a cruise. Really? I masturbated twice. Oh no I think I whacked off once on the cruise yeah, but I was with the woman I'm supposed to not whack off with me too. Oh

I said I're off to go whack off. I thought we were definitely gonna have some sexy time not one second of sexy time Did you had separate rooms for max or you know he slept in the room with us? Well, then that's tough. Yeah, it's too bad. Yeah, you don't want to Wake up my mask gets sunglasses on his hat sideways daddy not like that You want to take control get a darky position dude you're going so fast Load down worker up a little pops Yeah, use the air use the boat rhythm it to help you out I'll be the arcade if anyone needs me. Okay. They didn't have a fucking arcade scoping out some bitches

Kids zone, dude. We went to the show. They had rock on show. And it was all rock songs, like, you know, journey and jewelry. But by the way, I always wanted to be Steven Scott. It was, um, what you would call it, you know, theatrical though. I'll just put you guys. Yeah, just don't stop. Believe and what? And they eyebrows would go up and they were smiling the whole time and their hands were all over the place. Yeah, dude.

I fucking loved it. Really? I would have chucked the faith food at it. Dude, I love it. I don't like when they fossy up a. Did you like rock of ages? Dude, it was exactly that except the worst version of it. And you loved it.

Dude, for the worst reason is I love the drag show I went to, but I hated it, but it was great. It's because it sucks so bad. It's so good. Yes. It's so good. Did a motorcycle come up? Oh, the gayest guy on it.

And everyone's Freddie Mercury. Buddy, and they did, they did Queen. Oh my God, did they Queen it? Crazy little thing called love. Oh my God, the guy, one guy though was fat. He must have been a real mess. You don't have to gay up that song. He's already gay. Crazy little thing called love. Oh my God. One guy though was fat. He must have been a real athlete. You have to get up that song. He's already gay.

Crazy little thing called love. Yeah, yeah. The guy had jeans on, but they didn't fit. So he had to pull them up to his nipples and put a belt on so he was separated fat. Oh nice. And a little flat ass. I was like, dude, there's no way he's comfortable

in the self fit. The guy singing. Being a fat guy, knowing that there's certain things. You're not supposed to wear that. You're not supposed to pull your belt up over your belly button. No. And then top. And then top.

He tucked his shirt in. Oh. Oh, great. Fungool. Fungool. I loved it. I love gay shows like that. You're so happy you're back on land.

I'm having exhausted, though. It was very nice. Was there Starbucks in the dough? No. No Starbucks, dude. They had a cafe. They had no, no Starbucks. What's the, what's the activities like, uh, you're right, you went to the pool. They had cornhole, they had one cornhole. Yeah, you're getting cornhole in a second. You got on that thing. They had one, they had one cornhole thing on the pool deck. That was always taken. They had a basketball court with a basketball with a tumor in it Oh, yes, they also by the way they have they have basketball courts outside

But they also and I understand the reason But let's just not do a basketball court at all they have netting over it. Yep. That is so low You can't shoot a jump shot. Oh, they had no netting over there. You're gonna hit hit netting. You had to be careful that the ball was in flying off the boat. Okay. They had that and they had, they had a gym, which was, gym was good. I went to the gym a couple times.

That was nice. I don't see a whale. What's that? I watched your workout post. Yeah, gym was good. I went, got a massage a whole time. I mean, listen, massage is, I just don't understand why it's not a thing

at the end where they touch your penis. It's just the natural evolution of a massage. I don't understand why it's a taboo. You got a massage with no hand job? No, you can't. Do they graze you at least? I mean, she was a little... Did you present?

No, I didn't present. I have presented before, but I didn't present. But she had a bamboo stick. I got a bamboo massage. What does that mean? She canes you? Basically, she just kind of sick shit. She didn't know it too well.

But everything is like, dude, it was like a $250 massage. It's like crazy expensive on a boat. No, like the whole thing, it's a, it's a, it's a tourist hotel on the water. It's, yeah. The buffet, the idea of the buffet, I said, it's never been quality of food on a cruise ship. It's quantity. Some you can eat nonstop, but I mean, it's just the crazy. It's like two different things of pasta, tend, it's like not a great buffet.

It's like a fine buffet. Some of them, some of them have a great food like a great like there's one my real Caribbean like hovels are probably pretty good Yeah, like celebrity the upper ones the newer boats have great food like the buffet is amazing We just happen to go on the boat Like seven layers of paint on everything. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's keep going over it. I know what you're talking about. The bolts look like they're fake because they're so covered in paint.

Yeah, there was a hole in the pool. You know, you did a steel? Is this a steel nut and bolt? Or is it just a fake thing? It's so great. The metal railing into the pool was worn out down to like, it was a hole in it from just people rubbing it. Just rubbing atoms off of it for hundreds of years.

It was not the best boat. Not the end, and they have art all over the place which is boring. And they want you to buy it. Yeah, they want you to buy art. Who's buying a fucking painting? They'll still mail it to you. By the way, I did like some of the art on the last cruise you went on. Christine said, no, is this the guy?

I was just epic rock. Yeah. yeah no this is not the right boat Bobby was on celebrity cruise line yeah celebrity cruise like oh no it was worse than that it was crazy and it was it was crazy and the lady who runs it was pretty bad the lady who runs it looks like Ursula from the little mermaid oh yeah she had a hunchback that was fucking so interesting to watch her head was in the front But her back was you could put a plate on it. You can stand on her back I don't mind that and she was crazy looking. I mean it was crazy and she directed the show She was the cruise director. She was the Julie But she was English and she smoked like seven packs a day her whole life and she watched you like hey everyone

We're doing some contest Everybody we're gonna do this now. I got one thing to say to you, I'm going right now jack Daniel. And she'd walk off, like little Joe's like that. Did you do, uh, did you gamble, though? I won 400 bucks on a slot machine. No, but slot's not fun game.

Yeah, it's a hilarious game. Buffalo. What at night you would go, where's Max when you, it's your time at night. What is, I don't know where Max was most of the nights. He was roaming around with the other two kids. Here's the other thing too,

is that you said, Calt is like an early to bed guy. Calt were a radio dude. Calt would go to bed. Yeah, he would gamble they gamble thousands Okay, but until what time to like 11 and then he was gone And then you're up for three more hours at least I'm up for a few more a couple more hours. Yeah Do you take some time you do a couple loops? Do you go smoke a cigar outside? I smoked a couple cigars outside, but the smog was garbage too because it was all cigarette smokers

Yeah, and it's all Vietnam vets and their wives. Yeah with their hats like I was in Vietnam hat Yeah, USS something. Yeah, USS something and which I love you know I love the veterans. I love them all but the one thing I know for sure you don't support is the troops I support the fuck you support war though. I actually do not support war I talked to Dave Smith and he said otherwise Port War though. I actually do not support war. I talked to Dave Smith and he said otherwise. He said you support war and Hamas and Israel.

Smokers are weird people. I love, look I have no, I don't care about it, but I wish they had a bigger smoking section because it was just like six seats and it was always just. You see, it's kinda the other thing about that. That was a horrible word. They should have a cigar bar.

They had a cigar bar and they closed it. The other reason. All the ships closed, all the cigar bars, because of, because fucking people, they don't want smokers, they don't want it. They complain about it. But it's kind of cool about the chartered ones though, and you know, because you did the Joker's one.

They actually don't enforce much of that there. You can kind of smoke wherever. The Joker's one had a cigar bar. No, but I'm saying that also when you were outside, they really didn't give you too much shit about where you were smoking. Yeah, but like, when the Joker's had the cigar bar, I was there every day. I would just go there, light up a bat, and hang out with it like Nate was there, Verzy,

we go in there and smoke late at night, just smoke bat, it was fucking awesome. I love the, that's what, and they told me there was a cigar bar on this boat. I really liked it. Which I would have been at, at least twice a day, relaxing, doing something, but they liked it. You still see the old signs hanging. And like, yeah, they close it down. Dude, Mike got into a fight the next night with the, the major D at the restaurant because our tables still weren't together for Thanksgiving.

For Thanksgiving dinner, they weren't together. So he was screaming at the guy, I got a video. This guy started laughing at him. He started calling more people's wives, cons. No, he did it, but he, he, he, uh, exactly. He, uh, he actually said to the guy, he goes, uh, he said something to the guy and the guy started laughing, like smiling and he goes, you think this is fucking funny?

And, uh, and he saw the camera, he goes, no, no, no. I do not think it's funny, sir. You knew this understood me. And, uh, yeah, it was crazy, it was a crazy cruise, man. I don't think I's funny, sir. You knew misunderstood me. And yeah, it was crazy. It was a crazy cruise, man. I don't think I'd do it again. So did you sit together for Thanksgiving? What's that?

No, I sat me, Dawn, and Max sat alone. Really? And the stuffing was like mush. It was mush. Are they coming in? Did they make a choice? Well, he said that, I told him what you said, and he said, LL Jordan Jordan and Jordan can kick rocks.

Damn, that's as easy as a drop. I thought of both. Now they can both come in but we're gonna let them know. Yeah, at least they know what they stand. Now tell them to come in, tell them both to come in now. We just wanted to know who he was as a person, what their relationship was. You should also be said to Jordan big. Jordan, like we could ever come in but we'll have to give Ian an excuse that he can't.

So is that okay with you? And she goes, I mean, whatever, yeah, sure. I would have called this cruise and I got a suite and that was awesome. You had a suite on the Berk Rouge, right? We ended up with one. Yeah, that's great. If I had room in the room to kind of be and hang out,

I would have been fine, but the room was like, big by any stretch, well, you have more people in it too with, but like our room was necessarily big was nice Very nice room. Yeah, dude. I had a sweet having a sweet I had a living room bar area to have balcony that you could go out on with lounge chairs Yeah, but did you have a balcony in this one balcony but two chairs? Yeah, it's all we have yeah, but if I had a little if I had a if I did this again, which I would do again, why?

What? Who describes it as a festival? I would just take my counsel on a cruise you get booked on to do something. I would. He has a cruise. He has a cruise. Yeah, he does.

But here's what, because my, because my kid loved it so much, you know what I mean cuz my kid loved it so much You know what I mean like he loved it. He had a magic card. I got him anything He's problem and I like for everybody else in the crew I say that our friend Lewis is the expert on vacations and he does seem to have something figured out with these like villas Like get a villain Jamaica. There's a staff just live life there. You mean Lewis Jay Gomez Yeah, he does have a thing with vacations I mean one thing for sure we share all over him for taking 800 vacations a year and bragging about it

But I will say this he probably knows good vacations. Yeah, I mean the guy knows what to go. He knows good vacations Yeah, I think maybe next time we get a villa I guess you know I would go to Bimini again Nobody knows about the island nobody goes to it, and it's like a very low-key island with a cool, awesome beach. I go there, get a little house on that thing, rent the golf cart, maybe do that, maybe I won't do a cruise again with the fam. No, no. Never do one thing, you're not booked and paid money to be on. You should be making money on the boat. Yeah. It's crazy. So just go and cruise.

So this is insane. Huh? You're still considering going back is insane. Well, Max had a fun time. He could take him to a mall, learn to terrorize people, they're the same thing. It can have fun on land. I got to apologize to Don.

I forgot the. I separated from him. I said some shit the first day. I just was traveling with your family, the getting to the airport, getting on the plane, getting to the airport, getting on the plane, getting to the place, getting to the boat. All that shit's too much for me. I get stressed out enough.

Me and Isabella. Myself, then to have to deal with it. And then when your kids fucking up and doing weird crazy kid shit, what you supposed to do, he's 10, I kind of failed at one point, which I feel bad about. I flew with Isabella for the first time, like a year ago, the first time I've ever flown with her.

Yeah, I refused when she was a kid and her mom's like, I'm going to take her to here and like have fun with that. No way. Yeah, it's stressful. Yeah, I'm like, it'll be a nightmare. It's stressful. Even on the plane home, the plane got delayed delayed yesterday. It was so bad. And then we finally got on the plane and max something happened and he was panicking Just panicking and undoing a seatbelt and I went I had to go max on this

Because I don't want I want I know I was like you gotta fucking I go you gotta chill and I hate that because I panic on I have anxiety when I fly. When I travel, I have terrible anxiety. And that's why I join every club and I do the love so I can stay, I don't wanna talk to people, I don't wanna talk to people, I don't want people fucking, cause I told you, I have two gears, I have first and sixth, I can either be cool

or I'm gonna fucking murder you. And I don't have the ability to deal with these people. I don't have like the person that cut the later that was yelling, I'll just ignore her because I'm gonna beat her husband up or I'm just gonna take it. There's no middle gear with me. And when I fly out my family, I'm so protective of them. If anybody fucks with them, I get fucking angry.

Like Matt, you know the seats in the airport? We kept, he kept sitting down and popping down and the old lady next to him, every time he sat down because he's such a big kid, she'd pop up like three inches. And he kept doing it like night and she'd look at me every time. Finally, I went max, can you sit down better because this lady is flipping, just staring at me like she fucking hates me every time. And I'm just looking at her and I'm about to tell it to go fuck off.

But it's like, I can't. I can't get that I don't need this I'm gonna go rip a shit in the bathroom Hold my sunglasses That's another thing, dude, you I don't like me. I don't know that Don Poops. I don't want to know that she poops You know now I know now dude my god. Yeah, I mean flush twice I mean I don't want wanna see the whatever the, I don't know, man, I went in one time and I went, who was this? And it was,

Oh, buddy. It was bad. And you accused me of that on the cruise. You were like, Christine, you gotta, I was like, I didn't go to the bathroom in this room. At all. Oh, she crashed on the other day. It's the world.

This morning was pretty funny. When I go into the bathroom to take my morning shit. Yeah, this is really mixed with you laugh. I usually turn on a Howard Stern. And that's also I'm looking I'm also across the apartment. I'm making the bathroom in the in the living room, not the one in the bedroom and Christine's in the bedroom with the door open with the dog laying in bed. And we got a text, a duo text today from someone we hooked up with before that goes, Hey, I'm like getting back with my boyfriend. So I'm not going to be able to hook up anymore. And I'm like, yeah, whatever. And then I just hear Christine, they go, well, it's just me and Christine now. And you hear Christine.

And you hear Christine. Puh. Puh. I was like, ah. So I was like, hey, no more sex for you. Oh, also. Puh. Such funny timing. That really made me laugh.

Girlfights are the fucking funniest thing ever. Well, because what it is, they're holding them in so long that when they think they have a free moment, they give, they've let it all out. But it's also their asshole just giving up in the middle of the night just Oh the middle of the night once yeah, yeah Christine really fucking blow some trombone now I Crunchyorn at night. I would definitely go. I would go on another one I think with a better ship like a big or those big fucking tower Should just they don't ever do it ever again. Do you mean a yacht? Yeah, you wanna go. I'm talking.

You know the ones where they have the indoor mall and the rooms are all fucking brand new. Oh, and Bobby. Why? The whole thing sucks. With younger people, this cruise is old. I know, but you have to, do you wanna, then you have to go on EDM cruise

with your families, how you wanna do? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the pool be a lot more exciting. It's going to be thousand fucking all kinds of shit. No, I want to go on the... Have it a rich Carlton yacht. No, I don't want a yacht. I need space.

I needed more space. I needed more places to go. I want to go on the... What's the Royal Caribbean biggest one? I want to go on the celebrity, the big celebrity one, the one up from mine, like it's a huge boat. The what? A lure of the sea is the biggest Royal Caribbean.

That's what I want to go on. Oh no, that's the Royal Caribbean. Celebrity beyond. Celebrity beyond is the one here. Let's take a look at the beyond. I would do the beyond. The beyond looks good. It's huge.

Let's take a look at the beyond. What do you want to do that you didn't get away from my family for a few hours like you do see when you bring your family on you're like I fully understand like one push over very low railings I will say for how what a short like line between you and certain death I will say it's pretty impressive that you did not all those people you went with that no one killed a family look at that looks good No, beyond looks good. Bobby. They're all the same shit. Yeah, but that looks fun, dude. What Christine? They're all the same. They're all the same. No, we did go on one the first one we ever went on was horrible like the food

I the food was so disgusting It was you could eat the pizza was edible and the fries are edible if you put salt on the food was wretched Yeah, it was really like MSC It's awful awful awful MSC cruise lawyers, but Norwegian and Carnival have both been like they're just Compromone totally fine. I would go on the big one. I would want to go on the big one that beyond looks all right I like the food better the allure what's the allure? That's the one with the mall. I would go on that one. That's where I'll Caribbean. I would go on that one.

That one seems fun. Well, Christine, hit things like things to do on this. I want to see. I want one way you can send your kid off all day and just go have fun with other kids and they take care of them. It's at the bottom, things to do. Nope.

Why can I see it? I don't know. Oh, here. I didn't even see that one. What is dinner like, Bobby? Is it buffet also? You thought I was at a buffet? No, no, no, no. Oh, here. I didn't even see that one. What is dinner like, Bobby? Is it buffet? Also, you can always eat up. No, no, no, no.

It's the buffet food. They bring it into the buffet food. Do you want to plate? I swear to God. No, they don't. No, they don't. I did. They do.

There's a dining room that you go to that you have your table. And that's where you go every night. You can go every night. And a side table. You have a they come over with a menu and you can have as many meals as you want. You can have three main courses. You can have 15 app, whatever you want. They just bring it over to you. It's smaller portions, it's not that big, but they're small portions.

They're big enough. You know what I mean? I have a baby stomach. You can order 15 of them though. You can order 15. You get 11 lobster tails. But these lobster's like hermit crabs. Then you can take another lobster tail.

The lobster tail is shrimp. It's shrimp. It's shrimp. the you the lobster tail is shrimp it's a shrimp it's an open up show tell you we got a leaven of it it's a shrimp it's fucking it's so stupid yeah the lobster tail is fucking shrimp it's got to be an international that's why you got to be an international water it's got to be a crime to kill a lobster this time exactly what it is you can't possibly pull a lobster that small.

There's no way they're getting these baby lobsters. They're not main lobsters because in Maine, it's illegal to bring a lobster that small out of the wolf. Of course, it would have to be. These are baby lobsters. This is a vial. Yeah, these are vial lobsters. Yeah, that's so small.

It's terrible. And you can't even, I felt bad because Mike looks pretty much. They went to the buffet after lobster night one night of course they went to the buffet to finish up By the way Bobby so much so far here is a bigger chandelier and an elephant statue seems to be the only difference No, I think they have more fun shit to do with the kids. Let's see what the entertainment is. I want to see click that Dude now featuring Bobby Kelly I felt so bad for the video. No, we'll see. Let's see what that looks great. Look at that. That looks fun. Here we go theater shows on beyond go down

Elements a journey through five elements utilizing state of the art technology mesmerizing visuals. I mean an acrobatic performances Stage doors and exclusive backstage passons of the heart of the biggest Broadway and West End musicals. I'm in. I love it. Kill me. I love it.

Art. Emerson's audiences in iconic works of art and a groundbreaking masterpiece that combines electrifying dance acrobatics. Oh my god. I mean, is this Rosie O'Donnell's cruise? I'm in the club a jazz club. That sucks. I like that. I love a little jazz jazz join two jazz clubs. Yeah Keep going come on brother Ian. Is this is a swingers? Bobby? What let's take dawn and Christine on a swingers cruise

We won't tell them it's a swingers cruise. Yeah, don't tell Dawn I mean Christine will know don't tell Dawn is a swingers Crew. Oh my god, oh my god, it's a swingers cruise. That's crazy. I don't even know that I'd love to see you're getting pork by a uncut Filipino waiter Cut Nothing to the waiters on this they weren't like I like the Philippines. How do I say this? I don't want to sound racist, but some of the crews are mostly Filipino, waiters and stuff. This was mostly Indian dudes. It's really smelled worse. No, no, no, no, no. But they-

We didn't try to say it nice. They weren't, they weren't as like, they're not as, like Filipino dudes nice smelling. They were smiling and, hey and hey hello and they sang and danced this one They were like they would throw you've been A friend of you clean yourself before you eat pig did we say that have one night we're at the buffet and our crew was just doing like a top 40 Run down along but it wasn't my I would have thrown I would have thrown pastries at him if I could have feel like they should have been like spoken to by their They should have been like spoken to by their man. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing.

First of all, these little ding-dongs are down. These little ding-dongs are down there singing eight-year-old pop songs. They're so excited. I actually asked the waiter one that I was like, hey, can I get the risotto with the steak? He goes, I guess. What? Like, what the fuck did you just say?

Sir, I got to bring this table over here, 75 lobster tails. Oh, my God. There you go. But the, the, can you go to the top? You know, those eating sea horses. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that boat.

The Alora. You, you were going that boat. Come on, dude. Look at that. Is this a real Caribbean? That's a, I want to see what the entertainment is. The Alora, dude. Look at, they got all kinds of awards.

Show me the entertainment. They go, dude, they get all kinds of awards show me the entertainment they got to do the best large large zip line ice skating rinks come on do they have ice skating rink they have a zip line I don't know how to skate you learn they had a rock climbing had a rock climb I skate on rock rock oh is there a high dive there's there's okay they got a kids sexy dancing children they They got a wave I mean that looks like the ship. It wasn't that it didn't look that good your out of your mind Tell me you want to go to nightclubs. You're super into going to nightclubs and dancing the night away I did dance a couple times. No, you didn't I did to don go no you went and danced alone for a bit

Bobby that sounds crazy. I danced there was one room that I walked and do and alone for a bit. Oh, no. Bobby, that sounds crazy. I danced. There was one room that I walked and do. And you danced a bit. I just danced a little bit. That is you dancing. Did you bob your head? No, I danced a little. You went and danced a little in the galutics. Stinting your arms out like a crazy person.

Oh, step aside, everybody. I'm taking over. It was this. It was me and around 13 old people. Oh. Grandma, give me some space. I'm about to do it. It was not fun, dude. I mean, it was not bad.

I was happy that they were happy. Dawn had a good time. Calthus had a miserable time. They cruised all the time. And they said, this is the worst cruise ship they've ever been on. It's nice to hear when you leave a vacation with somebody. Yeah. I had a miserable time.

I'll see you soon. Can you go, I want to see what the entertainment is on the Allure, please? What's it, you should see the entertainment on the celebrity ship I was on. That's what we did. Oh, the one you were on. The one I was on, you should see that.

I do want to see that also. The background on that. The Allure has a Colosseum. It just said rock on in the back. Just like written. It was a pin. It was said rock on in the back Just like written it was it was so bad What was the one I was on I forget what I was on Celebrity something I will never go on a cruise You're on the celebrity I think you're on the celebrity homestad

on the celebrity. I think you were on the celebrity homestad. So this is going to be a lot of you check this one out. There you jails. Look at that icon of the scene. Look at that. I'm asking all courts nice. Do they got a water park? I mean that I'd go on that in two seconds. Come on. Okay. That looks fun. All right. I do that. What is the entertainment? I don't think they have. I don't think public pools are fun. Dude, you have a water slide on the thing. That was crazy.

One time everybody got off the boat and me and Christine stayed on the boat and we went on the water slide. We had it ourselves for a while. I went down at four times and the marks that left on my back, you can't go on a water slide a bunch of times. Yeah, we just went over and over again.

It bigged up. What do you mean, it's big though? Because they built in sections. and the marks that left on my back, you can't go on a water slide a bunch of times. Yeah, we just went over and over and over again. It big up. What do you mean? Because they, you know, they're built in sections. Yeah. So eventually you start like over time, you start, you feel like that, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting,

like every couple of like inches, and it's like, you get up and if it's got whipped, it's crazy. Listen, I'm not saying this, I don't mean to be mean, but it's, you know, that's not the water slides fault. It's the water slides fault, Bobby. That's, that's slides fault. It's the water slides fault Bobby. That's Smooth the inside down. That's you that's you stressing the physics of the water slide out If I could fit in the tube

I should not hurt me. Yeah, yeah, you're actually you're making the rivets come apart In between sections. I've been in there, dude They would only let me go on when everybody else was off the boat It's too dangerous dude. I was in a water slide. I told you you this I didn't there wasn't enough water to push me to the end I stopped 15 feet from the end and then I heard the dude on the walkie talkie say We're gonna get the rope with the poem. Yeah, what do you want? We're gonna get the rope you'd be lasso down of a Water slide. I let it happen. I dolphined out. I said like a salmon up river ice I just I did this for 15 feet. I hurt my back and I slid out into the water and people like were like concerned. Max

was going, where's my dad? And I was like, I'm all right. Mac in the tube. Oh my god. My two boys. Max, I'm all right. I'm gonna, I'm gonna like a salmon salmon max. I'm gonna come out now Dad you're embarrassed you mean this fucking hot chick. I told you I shouldn't have done this tell your mom We're getting a divorce We're separated tell her I Said that On the cruiser on I'm talking everybody up with every other people they went all for it dude I was I lose I, the word separated. Maybe, maybe she was, she went what?

We're not together right now. We are, of course, we live together. We have to sort a lot of things out. She's just getting her mind. She's just taking what? What are you going, you fucking dumb of shit? You lost a little weight. You didn't lose that much.

You didn't get there for 30 years. Oh, yeah. Bobby, I know you're gal advancing around your Bobby the High Seas now, but we have a schedule to keep here and we have take breaks. Everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right.

And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates, coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo