The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - No Fear

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

Dan and Jay are back from their road gigs over the weekend and the discuss dealing with drunken fans, trying to get food, and the possibility of still getting Covid.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocarson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Glad to be here. We're all on Zoom. Dan's not over today because there was a whole COVID outbreak, a guest,, well outbreak, two people. I feel like I have a cold. So I was like, just dear, clear, but I got rapid tested and it says I'm good. My vaccine superpowers

may be a safety in this one. We'll see. We'll see. I get the overnight test results back tomorrow, Dan. And maybe I'm done for maybe I'm done ski don't go saying that don't go break a game uh-huh will you hold my hand while I go while walk to the light well yeah dude I will be there I'll go Jay what do you see it's glorious oh man what if I had to go in for like fucking ventilator dude I don't know I wouldn't start freaking yourself out now right now he said you feel you know pretty good and you're your rapid test is negative fine I have a cold just you know if I have a COVID I'm yes no right now there's no fear in my heart I actually said that I was pretty happy to hear

that when I heard Bobby Hutch got it that I was like I'm my first thing didn't like I feel kind of shitty I was like oh man I was like I hope I don't have it but I'm not like, it's not panicky. I don't think I'll be fine if I have it. I just strong man, Jason, you're a big, strong man. But sorry to all the road butts I've been yelling into, all those old holes you've been screaming into. Yeah. How was spoken? And they were really, they were like spit my asshole. And I'm like, but that's one of the big carriers and they were like doesn't matter get those droplets in me Put your penny in my well, I'm like what a dirty little whore

Pooey, I'll play a game you slut. I'm off the side Poo-poo I'll play a little game you pig. PASE Come here, come here you little spitoon butt S-PLEUE If a girl told me to spit in her asshole I THINK I would do it, but I would be like What kind of spit would you go? Would you do... there's multiple times you can...

You can bring this kind of spit where you go And you guide it You know like that? Right You could do the... Put a little... Put a little English on it You could I'm trying to put it. I would try to put in I can't eat I can't do that

But I would go for a as much saliva as I have in my mouth currently Try to wait a little bit. You'd haka. Lugi. No, I'm not gonna don't call it a lugi a lugi contains not dude And that's there's not if I spit a lugi you, it's definitely, that's all we're doing. It's fine. The girls like spit a lugia on my butt, I go, I'll spit a lugia on your butt, but then you gotta leave. If we gotta fight,

like if you think that's, if you think that's for play, it ain't happening. Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna give me a wedgie, huh? You're gonna give me a wedgie. You're gonna tell me I'm a stupid dork. Spit in my butt though, I would, I would comply.

I'd spit in a girl's but if that's what you wanted But the soft spit though you'd give a nice Yeah Thank you Jacob I will but once it gets once it gets gross gross like lugs Yes, Jacob what But spit in the butt you mean like In the hole just on the outside. Yeah, I mean, I don't have iron lungs, dude. I'm not going to be able to fucking break the barrier with my spit.

But I mean, something like a bidet, like a human bidet. Yeah, human bidet. That's why I did that's what I do. Me and Dan still of all episodes of the SDR and all the crazy shit possibly the most infamous was when we convinced we convinced the porn star that Mike Harrington was a human enema and she goes what does that mean I go he could well up water in his mouth and spit it so hard that it will go up your ass hole and and give you an enema and she was like no way let me see and then the joke was going to be obviously that Mike Harrington was gonna come with a mouth full of water

and then go buy her butt hole and then it's gonna go over his face. He clearly can't do that, it's an impossibility. Jacob, I couldn't tell if you could tell if it was an impossibility. It would never happen, it was gonna be funny because the water goes everywhere. Then she says, do you guys even have a straw here? And then we realize that, oh, she thinks,

like she actually wants him to blow water in her ass from his mouth, which he did. And then she laid on the table, and then me and Dan, the funny sunbitches that we are curse our hilarious natures. We made her laugh, and then she just volcanoed a brown turd water out of her butt out of the straw. Dude, I still remember what it looks like with it when it came out of the straw. It was a

cough of water. Yeah, it just looked and it was around and it just shot up and then it when it breached the straw, I wrote it like, she was on a towel, Jacob, it makes you feel any better. But dude, the best part was, the best part was, I've talked about this so many times, the best part of that is Laney's PR for porn stars. Sure. You know, our friend Laney and she does the PR for, so she does not ever want them to be seen in like a light of like look at these dumb horse are doing so So it was great. While we're all sitting there laughing our ass off at her just like shitting basically through a straw onto the

Tow on a table while we're all laughing that Laney's going oh my god, Peyton like how do you even like what's the muscle control Oh my God, Peyton, how do you even, what's the muscle control that you have to do that? Can you tell us a little bit of the experience? How are you able to take the water in there and then no one to put, I'm like, Lani, my character in blue water operas and we made her laugh. That's the whole recipe. That's what you're looking her to say.

That's like someone falling down drunk and being like, wow, you hugged the earth so hard right there. It's exactly what you did. It's exactly what she does. She's like, wow, you hugged the earth so hard right there. It's exactly what you do. Exactly what you do. She's like, yeah, exactly. He goes, now wait a second. So how are you able to, what's the magic behind shitting your pants? What is it that you do?

What do you do? Do you just like, do you lick like a subway poles or something? Like, how do you get sick enough to do that? Yeah, that was an insane, That was an insane thing to be a foot away from Peyton's and Claire. Mike is a Cooper. I don't have that in me. To blow water the woman's butt. It's the right thought you would. It was a lot. Peyton's and Claire are almost an arguably as hot. She's just like goofy as all hell. How was, uh, I was spoken. How was your cross country trip?

Because when I talked to you, you were having to fly. We were both flying, but you had to fly all the way across. I wouldn't look forward to that. I think my next big bad one is Edmonton, uh, cross country again, but besides that, now I have some California stuff too, I think. Yeah, I got some stuff like California. I think most of it direct yeah that's big Spoken being not direct in fact I think I'm staying out west the week I do

Spoken in December and I'm just gonna go to LA and do the serious shows from there are you doing it in September but December December oh nice that's uh you're gonna love it out there dude. The crew, the, uh, the staff at both club, both same owner I guess now of Tacoma and, um, Appleton, when I was just in Tacoma and Spokane. But I will tell you, they do a cool thing at the end of the weekend. Dan, at his clubs, I guess, it's their thing. When they give you your check and everything, they give you a card that like the whole staff signs and guess, it's their thing. When they give you your check and everything, they give you a card that, like, the whole staff signs and writes a little something.

And it's like, it's funny to know working in the restaurant industry that someone was slammed, someone was in the weeds, and they're like, hey, you got to sign the headliner card, and they're like, that's your fuck not. Hey, Grisha, thanks. See, you know, they're like, I got to get these notches at the 38.

Well, I'll tell you a really fun thing would be to be to compare cards with people from the clubs. If you guys compare, cut clubs, because one more, just a lot of people, if everything just a lot of like, thanks for coming. Like what I think's nice is most of mine are pretty personalized to like what they like. You know, I mean, they were like, they were like, oh, man, so funny. They couldn't stop laughing at this bit. You said or this that, you know, I mean, like, they like, you know what I mean? They were like, they were like, oh man, so funny. Like couldn't stop laughing at this bit you said or this, you know what I mean?

Like, there's ones that are just like, you know, thanks for being here. Yeah. Jerry. I have a feeling that if I got those generic comments, it would just sink me for a month. If they're like, good show, come back next time. I'm like, oh fuck.

Well, I do so much for the good of the staff by changing my set every time that I'm like, please, guys, like don't just be a bunch of signatures. Like, oh, man, like, hope to see you next year. That's it. It feels so good when the staff likes you at the Addison improv after the there were, there was a late show after my late show on Saturday. So there's a midnight show on Saturday nights So the staff had to still work or most of them did and it was cool because like a lot of them in the green room While I was like getting my shit ready to leave they're like hey, can I have a picture? And I took pictures with like five or six of them and some of them were Skanks fans a lot of them were campers

And it was just awesome because you're like hell yeah This like the staff hears it every weekend. The staff is like bored with comedy. That's why I always love it. The seller are the stand when you see the server's laughing and you're like, all right, cool, all right. This joke works because they hear a lot of horse shit. Yeah, yeah, a lot. And they have to sit through like acts that aren't comedians,

but they can sell tickets at a comedy club. So they have to like sit there through five shows of that. Just being like, cool. Do the club was great. The host guy, uh, what John Cardin open for me again, who, uh, I, he's been on the road me a few times now. Great dude. Does a great job on stage, uh, and then the host, I forget his name, but

it's probably for the best. Anyway, my stance. He said he said, uh, watch the bonfire and Legion of Skanks. I think he called it Legion of the Skanks once her choice. It's always hilarious. He also, he said he thought he didn't have a good set on the late show Saturday. He didn't like a set.

When he came, I was like doing like, it was like too much. He was like, he was like too bummed about it. Yeah. And he was like, I know what I can do. So it just sucks when I go there. I was like, I sounded like it was going good. Yeah. And he was like, I know what I can do. So it just sucks when I go like, I was like, I sounded like it was going good.

Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I go, also I go for whatever. I go, it's not like, it's not like sold out at all there. Either really, you know, it's big room. And he was like, he's like, there's not even close to sold out. Yeah, all right. All right.

All right, guy. I want you to chill out? All right. Now you're hurting my feeling. Hey, you're stinging me a little bit. I'm like, okay. Dan, can you imagine if you sold out and there weren't this many mouth breeders in there? And you're like, all right, guy, number one, these are my fans.

Why don't you fuck a chill out? Why don't you just relax a little bit? It's really, yeah, it's very bizarre. But um, and the crew there was fucking great. It's next to one of those play. It's like next to but the crew there was fucking great. It's next to one of those places, it's like next to an affiliate with one of those places. That's like an arcade. Oh, like a one up, like one of those bars just has arcade games.

Yeah, it doesn't have a ton, but it's got enough that it's like, I mean, I didn't go in it. You know, I'm an outdoor cat, dude. Yeah. I went in, I bought a smoke and a beer. I bought around the shots. Smoke and beer. I bought around the shots for like some fans

and the people working. And I was like, oh, time to go smoke a cigarette. Never walk back in the doors again. Two nights. Two nights ago, so I was like, but when I was starving comedian, I'm always like, I'm so hungry I have to go find food. That didn't work out for me at all.

I missed food both nights, but I kicked it with the thing. Here's the thing, and this was funny. Probably I missed food both nights, but I kick it with the thing. Here's the thing and this was funny should probably shouldn't say this publicly, but I will. If there is an area where I can go like after the show like without walking through the whole club and going out front of the club to go at least smoke a cigarette maybe a little bit of a joint right yeah after the show. I just want to go just decompress for a second The thing is I am gonna smoke weed if you could find me where I'm at odds are As long as there's time between the next show. We'll just I'll just talk on stuff. I get very chatty and Yeah, but it's like fun. I like but you think it my question is at the end at the very end of the night They caught me dude. I was out there

They caught me they caught me up back and I get in a circle like He's one as hell. I mean I did that cool. I like it because like I'm like it's like yeah It's like but I like when it's like that. It's like 10 20 people and they're all like In one big sir, you know, I mean people are passing around do but everything Yeah, do in the do doing the the line thing is Weird because then you're like you don't know when you just want to talk to people sometimes and then like the next guy Waiting's got like line energy and you know, so that comes up and he's saying like this like a sad sweet thing or like how much to show He's like and I said yeah, the lady behind's hey, my faggot ass boyfriend wants to take a

Yeah, you know where that is right? You know where that happens a lot is American comedy company the way they used to do those Well, because those people come up and you like get to meet people and you're like trying to talk to them And as you're having a conversation you look over and the next guy's like all right, you're like, I'm hold on I'm having a moment. Did you see the next guy, make that face like, hey, all right? Do it. If somebody steps up and he goes, love billions, I'm like, God, I didn't even want to talk to you.

Fuck you. You don't even care. The most soul crushing thing would be, I don't know if I've ever seen this because I've done so few like organized meet and greets. Yeah. If is the, if somebody leaves the line, if you could see, like you're taking so much time with somebody that two people would just go like, I don't know if you could see that you're taking so much time with somebody that two people just go like I don't care that much That's how I hope that's how I always hope

Fast food restaurants feel when I get out of line when it's too long you're taking too long Yeah, you guys are dragging ass and you seem like a terrible staff. I'm out of here. Yeah, I want them to take care of that Yeah, I know I know I absolutely know they don't give one down Yeah, cool line just got shorter One down that's pretty sick That's mad sick, but Yeah, I didn't get out of there two nights. I didn't make it in time for food. It's crazy Friday. I said it I was a little bit more meal

It's a late show. It's a late show. And then I said, I gotta talk to like some people. You know what I mean? It's not my whole thing. I don't think it's not. My whole thing is not to not meet people. It's just like the bulk thing going out there and just like organized whatever. Like picture move on, picture move on, picture move on.

It's so impersonal to me. And it's like, I feel like. Yeah, that won't work. But my question to you is when you know it's gonna happen, when it happens Friday night, do you not kind of prepare for it Saturday night? To be like, all right, I'm gonna get out of here late. Let me grab a food in between shows or something.

Oh, we left a little bit earlier. Yeah. But then to get to the restaurant, there's a gauntlet of people still at front of the club. No way around it. Maybe there is. But I don't know. I didn't know it.

No, but you're also a polite guy, and I understand why seeing fans is awesome. I, uh, yeah, it's great to sit around and talk. What's funny is I think because of you, people knew where to go for me at the Addison improv. I knew where I was going to be smoking weed because this guy came back. I was like, Hey, it's for J. The backstairs. Yeah, they were like, Hey, and I was smoking a joint. I was like,

what's up guys? And they were just like, hey, what, both night or Friday and Saturday. Thursday, maybe as well. I don't know, but dude, I went to a diner in Dallas, and I walked in and you could still smoke in this diner. And it is the closest to wanting to smoke. I have came in years. Just smoke out. Crazy. Yeah, I guess there's a rule in Dallas that if you had a smoking thing,

you're like grandfathered in. I mean, I'm not talking about a smoking section and a non-smoking section. I mean, people were ripping butts like it was the airport in the 70s. Like, they were just fucking smoke it. It was incredible. I really, at one point,

reached for my pack of cigarettes. At one point, I was watching the guy next to me and I was like, where am I? Camel, my god, it's been nine years. You start unfolding your shirt sleeve. But, I wouldn't. Yeah, I wouldn't. Those socials come in here.

We're gonna have to rumble. You care, your smoke's like Snyder? Yeah. I'm gonna come in here. We're gonna have the rumble. You care your smokes like Snyder. Yeah, I get that reference. I get it. No, I got it from one day at a time. One day at a time. Son of a bitch. I didn't get it. They're just better references. That's our age gap. But smoking, but it also had the most delicious, like, diner food. I think it's probably because I was starving and very high, but man, even with the smell of smoke around you, really gives the flavor.

Yeah, I had one guy who I was trying to, like, make the escape to go get food before closed. Like one guy, like, like a teary hide. When I was sulking, I was like, you can't just bail on that. Can't go too long. Sorry I I hate to do is Mickey D's is shutting down in about a hot 15 We have a lot of people that say like you know, like I don't I don't like oh we obviously don't ever think it when we do it What a pressure that would be but you know when people go through like loss in their family like they still listen to the radio

So I mean there was a camp we make a laugh for a few hours, like, one a day when they're like, going through some shit, I guess. So, I get being that like, like, thank you. So, I'm saying, when someone's giving you that like emotional thank you for that, to go, it's like, that's great, man. But here's the thing, like, this place,

I got a Buffalo chicken sound on the brain. So, sorry to hear about your band. So sorry, you lost your three. I'm so sorry you lost your three kids. Yeah. That Wendy's, I can, I think I'm so sorry you lost your three kids. Yeah, that Wendy's I Think I got maybe 20 minutes to get there. Hey goes. I'm sorry that you're I'm sorry that your wife went to this Quantum psychosis and murdered your children and our show is you might seem to be able to get you through that however

I gotta be honest with you man if I don't eat I am gonna get hangry I understand that you watched your brother drown in a river and you guys both listen to the show, but major bag alert Do we have a that we have a Wendy's today Lou? God what's fresh segment? This is where the great was fresh thing was constantly telling people said shit, but we have to go to Wendy's The great was fresh thing was constantly telling people said shit, but we have to go to Wendy's. That's a big get fresh segment, dude. So your stepdad kept you locked in a basement only for anal sex and you got out after 14 years and our shows what kept you saying. Listen, hate to do this. I need a juke in your bacon cheeseburger like yesterday.

He goes, I got two baconators that require crushing by this guy. So I got to escape this conversation so I can just go anally rape this fucking spicy chicken. Yeah, speaking of fucking, I got to fuck my mouth with a couple of days, big classics. So if you, if you wouldn't mind just wrapping this story up, man. Okay. Dude. All right. You're alone. You're at 22 years old. You're an orphan. All your families did. That is pretty sad. But I hate to say this. I think they were on a taco salad before they actually closed. So I'm trying to get in there while they still have busted up burgers to make a taco salad. Honestly, I've had a frosty on my brain since 3 p.m. so I'm going to skid at all.

But I hope you visit the grave. I hope you bring flowers. I love you. I like you saying stuff to you and all you're thinking of is I'm going to dip my fries in my frosty. And he goes and that's when that's when we learned that she was going to die and you went, hmm, hmm, hmm. Yeah, yeah, because the baby was born with cancer,

didn't make through the week. And you're like, I need your head, you just go and like, I wonder if they'll melt cheese on the fries if you ask. You go, I wonder if there's a burger king close to the Wendy's, I could probably get a whopper and a frosty. Yeah, they don't walk on a frosty. And that would just turn my whole,

what were you saying, man? Oh my God. My father murdered my mother and then, I'm an incest baby. I didn't know until I was 17. He goes, oh man, that's fucking wild. That's fucking wild. He goes,

I go, Oz-Yago chicken ran spicy. Yeah, I can record your home style. I think there's a sacrifice for a quality of chicken if you get the spicy. But, you know, the worst breast, but a better sandwich. And I was getting ready to jump off the ledge with my headphones on and you guys just said something

made me laugh and I go, you know what? Everything's gonna be all right in the world. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, man. This is all I, you know what, you know, it'd be awesome. Is if I put the square hamburger on top of the chicken sandwich, you know, they probably have to have some secret off-amp menu items. What's that?

Okay. I'm sorry. This is actually a stone thought though I go, oh, I'll call it a surf and turf. You know, wait a second. None of those are surf. What would you call a cheeseburger chicken sandwich? And this guy's just prattling on still. He's like, what I knew, she fucked my own father

and got pregnant by him. Oh, oh, and then you just come back in with going, I'd call it a fat farm. What? I'd call it a fat farm. Sorry, not that. Oh, God. What are you talking about?

He goes fat, the burger, the chicken. Was I not saying that out loud? Yes. Was that not our conversation? Oh my God. What are you saying? Oh God, what? I'm telling you right now, go back to the Addison Improv.

Had a fucking blast at that club. The staff was great. The shows were awesome. The campers were great. Had a problem with the camper night one and then also had the nicest email I've ever gotten in my life from a camper today My manager was like hey this guy reached out and wants to apologize and I like read the email and the guy was like Saturday at Saturday night late show

Dan was talking about something and I screamed out big Johnson. That's all he did. He screamed out big Johnson, which made me think of the shirt, so I talked about it. In no way, did it disrupt the show, it was, you know, he yelled it out,

sure they don't like you yelling, but this guy wrote the sweetest email where I was like, buddy, if you're the kind of fans we have, we have done a very good job, because he was like i fall kid i'm sorry but then quite the opposite thursday night anyone that was at the addison improv on thursday night saw a drunk lady these two ladies in the front row were hammered

and they were kind of chatty throughout the show which whatever we know how to ignore but after a while it gets to the point where you're like, all right, shut up. So I, you know, I was like, what's going on, ladies? What are you talking about? And I found out just through a couple questions that they were both married to twins. They were married to twin men. And the one of the one of the drunk women was literally saying it to me like this, Jay, she was going, they're the exact same with her hands like that. She's going, they're the exact same with her hands like that she's going they're the exact same and i'm like how do you guys know they have the same size cocks and the other woman was like that's discussed i apparently she's the camper

and she was upset anytime i would go to ask a sex question about them having the same looking husband exactly the whole question i mean i, I wanted really what I wanted to ask was, do you guys ever done a hoots? Do you guys ever done a Coke taste test? With their nut? I feel like that's not it. That's cool. But then, dude, this is where it's like,

you know what I mean? And you do a lot of crowd work, so you know this. You know when someone's a problem, so you bring them in to be part of the show to shut them up and then you move forward most of the time They stay shut up most of the time. They're like all right. We had our interaction This it wasn't the woman that said she listens to the bonfire It was the other woman that just kept talking and finally I was like lady what is it and this is in my closing bit

So I've been on stage for 55 minutes at this point. She stands up. I don't even the brag about your long end I'm doing 98 minutes of just pure new stuff. Fucking jerk off. No, no, 45 dude. 45. First off, I was gonna say 50 and I was like, 55 did I do that? What did I do?

It's an extra. I was up to 55 minutes, you know, because my clothes are 25 minutes. And you know, if you're doing an hour 25. You're coming to see me. When I hear comics that do over 60, I'm like, that's just fucked up for the staff. But this lady stands up, tries to get on the stage.

And I'm like, lady, what is it? And she goes, come here. She loves your radio show. This isn't the middle of my closing bit. And I'm like, what? She's like, she loves your radio show. Do biggie. I was like, what? She's like, she loves your radio show. Do biggie. I was like, what?

That's not even a top 10 voice. What are you talking about? And then they kicked them out. They're in the middle of the fucking bit. They just fucking kicked them out. And I was like, and they kept doing the thing when they were leaving. She's a fan of yours.

And you're like, well, no thank you then. I guess. I don't know how we're playing that. It's not as worse than a zany bitch. It's the roses, right? But you know what it is? It was one of those, you could tell that both of them were extremely hot their whole lives. So they didn't understand no. It was such built up hot girl energy of being like, now he's gonna do this.

Yeah, they're hot. They were hot, there's like, he's your fucking friend. Yeah, and that was the energy they were giving where they're like, you're lucky we're talking to you. You know they paid for trick, you're saying it's drink, dude. Our fans are the ones that drink.

The ones that drink, I'm telling you, it's a lot of like, again, also understand that's a bit of the thing, because I don't understand that. I don't understand coming out to a place and getting fall over drunk I don't but most people the drink do get like that when they go out and and and party So I'm saying I get it But it's like that's the other part of the thing too is like conversations a lot of them are great

But then the then some people wobble over and you're like I'm gonna keep saying on Saturday. I'm gonna keep saying the same thing this drunk guy on Saturday He was he was hammered that we couldn't get a high, I was trying to get him a high five because I was getting out of there and we just couldn't coordinate it. And I'd be like, I would go up for the high five

and he'd go for a hand shake and then I would like change it and he'd be like, yeah, whatever man. Those are those things where you're like, all right, well, we tried. We were. I said, good, we had Northwest Ken dude, he was ripped.

But it's what's funny about the people that drink is, they're always, except this lady, most of them are very apologetic in some way with their like, ah, shit, ah, shit. Yeah, yeah. And then what's really funny is when you get the people who are like, hey, what was that book you read to quit drinking?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, just out there. Yeah, man, in Dallas, it was, it's still illegal.

I mean, I don't really think it is, but it's like not as plentiful as this in Washington. Yeah, it's, yeah, Washington is really. You could just smoke out in front of your hotel, right? I think so. Cause I didn't know. Yeah, I did. Yeah, you can, it's like legal.

You could just get that. Well, in first in Colorado, when they passed it, they were like, you can buy it, you can have have it You just don't really go out smoking it and then kind of now that it's been seven years It's like I think people are just smoking just walking around smoking a joint Like Jacob just put things in the chat that for sure I'm not gonna talk about The last thing I told you. Oh, yeah, what yeah, that was now Yeah, damn Jacob if you ran this, you would fucking, you'd be, I almost, I almost didn't want to talk

about the second the last one, but, yeah, it's, but, yeah, that's hilarious. Dude, I had another, oh, I was at, people in the audience, stuff still, I've had, recently I think it happened twice. If they're like, Christine, you were there for one of them where I was going back and forth with somebody. And like, I'm asking the questions

and getting to the funny stuff. They yelled out something that they thought would be funny. You know, they interrupted the show and then I did it. You know, it's like, what's up? And then it's like this thing, I'm going back and forth with them. And like, three, four, back and forth? And then it's like this thing, I'm going back and forth with them. And like three, four back and forth,

but they go, I don't want to do this. They just said the words like, they go, I'm sorry, I don't want to do this. A guy this weekend, God, so far. Cameron was his name, but it was going to start. He yelled out something a couple times

and I was like, I'll make what's up? Dude, I'll talk to you. What are you saying? And he's like, he said a little less confident last time. We went, it was like two back and forth. And he was just like, I don't know man. He was great. He was great. He enjoyed the whole show. But it was like, what's even better or what feels even worse is when like after Thursday, the whole staff at the improv was like, beyond it about people yelling shit out. Yeah, because they felt bad.

They had let that lady go four or five times, but I wasn't mad about it. I wanted to talk to her. So you're not mad about it. It sucks is when you talk back to someone in the crowd, and then you see the staff come over and talk to them, and you're like, nah, nah, nah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no're doing like, hey, watch it. Remember, Gil, remember how Gil would be at Stand Up New York all the time? Yeah, I talked to the audience. When I talked to the audience, he would just stand behind the bike directly behind the person I was talking to.

He's trying to make a point down. Yeah, he pointed it because he'd be like, bro, and I'm like, Gil, I just like, talk to him and his lovely wife. So I remember that I remember because I used to always, when Stand Up New York was like, you know, thriving. When Wayne booked it and it was like Patrice and you and a tell every weekend or almost near every weekend like Nate was starting to do weekend spots.

Justin Lewis and Dave, Lewis would do the late shows. But I would go and watch you and I'd go and watch Patrice and it was always fun to watch, Gil specifically on you and Patrice, it was always fun to watch Gil specifically on you and Patrice just get like ready to jump on people. Patrice also talked to the audience in a casual way and Gil will do the same thing and Patrice will be like, Gil, what are you doing? Gil can't turn it off.

I know, it's great when he comes to see how funny to watch a bouncer like that. When I would do like Caroline's shows and stuff, he would like like he's policing it unnecessary like the same thing I am talking We're gonna and he'd be like bro, and I'm like, Gil, what can you do? You're just you'll just be a patron attacking a person This is a salt, Gil you can't just go up and silence someone you don't work at the club settle down you lunatic You know what you can do is go I'm ready to die bro. I'm ready to die for you bro Well, you can do is go harass the Wendy's to stay open later Yeah, hey, Gil can you go just make a scene in Wendy's so they have to keep

Making you go find a couple of the fried cooks so that they have to keep it open now This is a good diner. I went there for breakfast twice. It was really good. I was excited to try their dinner foods, but never happened. So one that I got sliced. Never got it. One that I got sliced pizza the other night for dinner, I had, I swear to you, a vending machine bag of Doritos. Cool ranch, though. Ain't that the road.

Just listen to Seager, you use crying or hotel room. I bet. You know what I was like? Now we know what it is. It's a fat dude. You get those and you go to bed and you're like good good good good you deserve this you deserve this you little piggy you little fatso go to bed the whimper and wake up treat yourself with a breakfast you get breakfast the next day at the airport no no no I had a I just slice pizza that that Saturday night. I was able to get to the pizza place.

I would always that's what I would always do if I think I've missed food like once or twice and I just the next day just overcompensate that McDonald's in the airport. Yeah, it was spoke hands of place where it's just like at nighttime even if you like the McDonald's delivered, but I didn't want to do McDonald's at all. Uh, and that's it. McDonald's delivered? One McDonald's delivered at that time, yeah. He would've just done it.

Yeah, I would've done it. I would've absolutely done it. You have a better body than that. McDonald's are no food. I would've gone McDonald's. Your body's better than mine. No, it's not. Yeah, it is.

I mean, both about the same, I mean, I'm catching up, dude. Not gonna lie, my fucking arms are pretty awesome, but... You've been listening to... SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes, every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM! The sex app!