The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Noah's Smelly Ark

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Bobby learns history lessons by listening to 80's music that Jay plays him. He learns about Noah's Ark and Jacob wonders where does all the animal waste go on the boat. | Jay plays a great comedy club in Jacksonville Florida but stays in a hotel that has crime scene evidence throughout. | Bobby's wife is sick of him and his son is hanging out with hot women. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Yeah. This is what Dawn sings to me at night when I'm sleeping in my ear. I hear her whispering this in my ear. You're a heavy sleeper, my man. She really wants me gone, Jay. You know that? I think she's mad that I got my health together.

She's bummed out that I'm working out, eating right. She almost had it. She almost had it all. new lease on life. Four years ago. She thought you'd be dead by now. She thought I'd be Gonzo getting a nice go-fund of me going, maybe a benefit for a couple years, move back to Massachusetts to hang out with Karen and fucking Tracy and all her friends that she doesn't get to see anymore.

Yeah. Fucking Tina down and fucking... That's the idea that they'll get to enjoy their old age without you. Well, yeah, of course. She can have it. She can have it. I love it. I love it. I love being. married. I love being around her, but I think she wants me to die, motherfucker die. Yeah, she wants to die. She wants it.

She's fine being married until you die. This is why I know she's done with me. We fight now. She gives up. Yeah. When they give up, when they go, okay, you're done. Oh, yeah. When they don't put up a fight, when I'm like, you knew you do this

and then you did that and that's why you got to stop, okay. Okay, okay, I'll do that. Okay. Well, all right, I'm just saying. I'm sorry. I'll do that. Okay, she's done. What is it?

Me and Christine don't fight at all. Yeah. But we have nothing to fight. We don't, like, communicate enough to fight. Yeah, you have to communicate. Which is better, though. Well, you know. One giving up?

One gives up. I think. Or that both people are just like, fight about what, for what? Like, who cares? I think you're in the better fucking poll position, baby. Yeah. Yeah, just to be around and not even have it. be an issue

sure yeah I'm leaving okay see ya all right I'm back for a minute I'm leaving again alright bye yeah see you later I'm taking off too okay yeah it's because we

just to see a woman just in her face just go yeah I'm sick of fucking I'm sick of you yeah okay yeah I'm okay we used to fight

we used to have good fights I like a nice fight. I like a nice argument. You know, you get to the root of it. You kind of, she lets her shit out. You know, she would get to the point where she would be like mad enough. And, you know, because I let shit out. I'm an open book.

I'm a vulnerable fucking sissy. You know, I feel this. And I feel, I go to Allen too much. I've been doing at AA meetings. I express myself too much. But she's, you know, she's a fucking old Paulock from fucking Everett. She just buries it and holds on to it. But when it comes out, it comes out like a volcano.

And then we get somewhere. We can hold each other and it's nice. I like a nice fight. I like the nice makeup after the fight. But now she's just going, okay. Okay. Do you guys always have resolution at the end of the fight? We used to.

This morning we didn't. This morning we had, you know, we had a little argument, you know, with the way she, here's the problem. I don't like the way. I'd rather have somebody yell at me than give me tone. I fucking hate tone. I hate tonal. You know what I mean?

Like I have you. Dude, stop being a fucking idiot. Rather than stop doing that. You're doing that wrong. That's wrong. Stop doing that. I don't like that.

Just, you know what I mean? Have a consequence. Fucking tell them to knock it off. And move on. She raises her tone up to the point, but she never yells. So she can always be like,

I wasn't yelling. Yeah. I wasn't yelling. And you were yelling already. You, but there's different, there's different time. Listen, there's fucking yelling. Go fuck yourself.

Fuck off. You know. And then there's tone yelling. Passive aggressive yelling. She tone yells. She tones yells. So in a court of law, if the cops do have to show up, and there was videotape of it, they'd be like, she wasn't yelling.

You were freaking out your arm for breathing. I was fucking. And you hand talk. Yeah. I broke the, you know, yeah, I fucking grab stuff. You know, I do that. But here's my plan is that I've been slowly eliminating yelling out of my life. Okay.

So I'm not going to yell anymore. Right. And I'm going to give. tone back. All right. How's that? I like that. I'm slowly with Alan, the help of Alan and BetterHelp.

I love BetterHelp. Okay. Code Bonfire slash bonfire for free stuff. Yeah. Probably right. Something like that. Eliminating tone. I'm going to give her back which she gives me.

So let's practice a little bit. Say some stuff to me that would usually set me off. Bob, you're doing the thing again. I asked you not to do already once. Yeah, but I, I, I'm sorry. You're right. You're right.

I messed up. You're right. I won't do it again. I'm seeing other people. Thank God. Thank God. Can I watch? I just want to jerk off.

Can I watch? I would love to watch. Can I be there for it? Can I be there for it? Me and Max. I do it. This is crazy. Yesterday, Max, he calls me up.

He's like, yo, dad, I'm at the park. He just goes out. I'm going out with friends. Okay, takes off out the house, which I love. Turns out my new friend was a pedophile. Come pick me up. Well, he said he wasn't a 15-year-old kid. He turns out it was an adult with a van.

A math teacher. Junior high math teacher. Hang on one second. I guess how this. I want that little boy to come in my face. I want that little boy to come in my face. Oh, thanks, little boy. I can sing that, but not the other word.

Yeah, so he calls me like an hour later. He's up at the park near our house, which the only thing you have to worry about is a pedophile. Okay. You know, it does have trails in the back where old dudes walk their dogs. I go a lot. I've caught nothing.

I've come up empty-handed. Have you worn your short shorts? It's really like a dog whistle? No, I haven't done that. Damn it. I didn't even think of that. Have you thought about dressing like a clown in the woods? I'm just dressing like them.

I'm wearing a couple sweaters and a vest. You're right, I've got to start dressing hotter. You're not about possibly a van and a full clown costume. I've got to start dressing hotter and zoos-up doodles a little more. A little jush. Zillooz and fluff her out a little bit. Everybody loves a burn a doodle with the long hair. Who don't?

So he calls me up and he goes, he goes, you can pick us up, my friends. We want to go downtown, but we don't want to walk. It's a little far and cold. So I just zip up. I'm like, yeah, whatever. I zip up to the park. I pull over, don't even look.

I just see him with two other people. Get in the car. You get in the back seat. I'm kind of giving him shit because the back seat's messy. I'm like, dude, you know, you got your gay back there. And all of a sudden they hear, hi, Mr. Kelly. It was two hot chicks. Okay.

Like hot girls that he was hanging out with. Don't call them hot. They're kids. No, they were 28. Oh, then yeah. Yeah. Okay, then yeah, they were hot, I guess. You're right, I can't call them hot.

They were pretty young girls. He was two hot chicks, dude, hot to go. I can smell them ovulating. I could see the heave of their fresh bosom. They have volcano tits were turning into real boobs. They were becoming women before my very eyes. They were pretty young girls. Well, usually not, you know, the girls he's dated have been like, you know, goofy little theater girls.

you know, whatever. These were like, you know, for that age bracket, very pretty young girls. He wasn't dating them, though. I don't know what he was doing with him. He was hanging out with two chicks in the woods. Probably spinning his mind. If I...

Yeah. I think if I have any... If my guess would be, as someone who's been in this position, and maybe Max is a player baller. Yeah. What that reads to me, if I'm putting myself in that when I was younger,

that was the girls going, he'll pay for some stuff. for sure. And I would get caught with that a lot. It's like, of course all the girls want to go out for a pizza after school and some French fries. And then when the bill comes, you know,

they're going to be like, I got it. Yeah. Well, that's your childhood. They want everybody to think you're cool. My childhood, I was banging at like 10 or 11, Tony Q in a bush. So if he's anything... I have a feeling Max is going to be leaning more towards my thing.

I don't know, dude. He's getting shredded. He's going to the gym. You can't call him shredding. He's a 12-year-old boy. He's got a big huge bicept. Mm-hmm. No, he got in the car, dude.

He knew he was in the car and he winked at me. He liked that. Really? Yeah, because he knew I thought it was boys he was hanging out with his friends, but it was two girls. He got in the car and he gave me an old... He got your dirty back seat with two girls?

No, he got in the front. The two girls got in the back. Let them get in the back. Yeah, I'm not having him in the front. In the dirty back seat. I'm going to drive around my town with a young girl in the front seat of my car. Max should have thought better up.

Mac should hit you up and been like, yo, dad, sorry about what's going on in the backseat of the car, I know, but like, can you flush all that out and come grab us? So they don't have to smell my geese sweat? You have to teach me how to hang out with these girls, dude. You can't just have them bringing around to your fucking stink-ass backseat of your car. I go, where are you guys going? He goes, we can just drop us off by the grocery. When you like to know. Drop us up by the grocery store.

I go, but there's nothing over here except for the chikos. Yeah. You see, we're going downtown, and then they're going downtown, if you know what I mean. They're going to double suck my cock. High five me, Dad. I hope not. They didn't. I called Don immediately.

You keep an eye on him. We got a tracker on him. Yeah. Keep an eye. If he goes behind DeChicos, you go down there and fucking, you pick him up. Dawn. Yeah, I told, I called Dawn. I had to go.

I was leaving. Go find your son getting his dick sucked by two adults? Well, better her than me. I don't need that temptation in my life. Just jump in there with him. That's not how you do it Max, you got to hold their hair and fuck their face

Me and him would just fucking high-fiving Oh my God Yeah It was a different time, right? Yeah, well, no, no Back in the day when you were able to have sex with a 12-year-old Bobby You wish for those days so much

The 1846 When was that legal? Whenever Jacob's grandfather was a lot I think that was 1892, right? I think so I think he was on the Santa Maria No, the Pinta, I always get that wrong The Santa Maria

The Maria, what was it, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, and the Nina? The Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. Where are those shit? Are they still around? No, no, no. Are they gone? They maybe never existed for all we know. Like the arc?

They're still trying to find that's a stupid thing. Yeah. Yeah, there was an arc with two giraffes, two fucking dark. Shut the fuck up. The only thing we have historical remnants of are dinosaurs and the Titanic. If you tell us, that's just the two errors of life. I love that they had all these animals and then a bunch of lions. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. You showed up at, when the flood was done, there was just two fat lions. A bunch of dead giraffes Yeah, the ark Let's get them all together That's fine Yeah, the arc makes No sense at all

No, it's stupid There's somebody building it on No, it doesn't make sense No, it doesn't make sense at all The fucking, with the double animals It's also not enough genetic Diversity Here he comes with the facts

He's right It's not enough genetic diversity What do you mean there's not enough? There wouldn't be different breeds of things Everyone would be inbred Within one One cycle the animals

yeah okay that's right how many people were on the ark was it just no one his kids his kids his life so when he was done with all the flooding who do he have sense of your favor can you put on the third verse of all you zombies by the hooters please because i don't think bobby remembers the song

this was taught to you not weeks ago all you zombies by the hooters no one ever spoke to noah no one no one they all laughed at him is that why his name was noah Noah Noah No one

They just shortened it That was great That's the way That's the way What's her name Maria Minunu Says no So they would have

Howard's number To remember A prank call People named Noah And just have it Noah He's like This is Noah

He's like Yeah Speaking Turn it up Because Bobby Only learns Lessons Through songs

I know It's true It's how I learned To jump Places rain's going to fall on you They just laughed at them Bobby

Because they were doing I guess whatever else you do in those times Besides building arc Have fun Working all by himself I think you can fuck 12 year olds then You could You had to

You actually had to Only Noah saw it coming 40 days and 40 nights That's it? Yeah, the flood. Took his sons and daughters with him. And do you know who they were, Bobby? If they were the Israelites.

Thank you. Now, wait a minute. Thank you, Hooters. 40 days and 40 nights, he was on the ark. And weren't they in the 40 years? They were in the desert, right? Yeah. I mean, 40 days and 40 nights.

Music has taught you all these things, for sure. Remember we were just talking about the Nina Neon and the Santa Maria? Yeah. Lou, if you could please put on the beginning of Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden. please because then you learn that story also well I'm in for history class you are in for a history class did I be the coolest history teacher I'm like guys we're gonna listen to fucking

we should we're listening the first half of somewhere in time by iron maiden today oh there it is this is not about the is this about the nina and the pinta and the Santa Maria well it's about the white man coming over here to fuck shit up this is more about later oh one they yeah this isn't about when we first got here. White man came across the sea. Okay, there they are. He brought us pain. Disease. By the way, he says us, like he's a Native American. He was he German? He took a game for his own need. Took the Buffalo. They tried. They tried to fight him. They did. They tried to fight him well. And on the plains, they gave him a little hell. A little bit. A little hell. Did you see Yamanikas? I sent it to DeRosa today.

What? I don't know. People are just putting up clips. I don't know what the hell they're talking about anymore. Yeah. What's happening with Iran? She goes, Iran. I'm going to join Iran, motherfucker.

I'm about to join Iran. If Iran come up in this bitch. I got to talk to her. I don't know what she's talking about. She's going to wait until after comedy camp comes out before she joins Iran. She's going to settle down. I think she's under the impression Iran's coming here. I don't know.

Call me strange. Well, Godfrey is, I watched a little bit of Godfrey today, too. He hates us. I saw, no. Oh, you mean whites? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I met us in general.

Oh, yeah, yeah, in general, not individually. I saw him at the Delta lounge on Friday. Yeah. I said hi to him. We were shooting the shit for a little while, and then I heard someone go, Godfrey, and he goes, Sherry Shepherd. You know Sherry Shepherd? I went, no, this got more important than me.

I'll see you later. And I left. Because you know Sherry Shepherd, I went, no. I see you later. I shook hands with her, reluctantly. She took Wendy Williams' throne, and I don't like it. I'll always hold that against her. She pushed her out, if you ask me.

Bobby has me thinking, like, it must have stunk on the ark because all the animals and all the people have to make a duty, where does it go? You duty right there. Everybody smelled like shit anywhere. 40 days of duty? Yeah, 40 and 49th duty. They didn't take a shower in between his arc build days.

He was already stinking. I'm sure. I'm sure. Noah hung his ass over the side of the boat. You couldn't even open it. There were no window. I don't think there were wind. Is that how the ark worked?

It was like a little tank. It was closed. It was enclosed. Really? How did you know? Where did this smell go? Just went into duty, man. You went into the...

I assume up. You just shit, dude. I'm thinking maybe God took the duty away. Well, you got to think about it. It's not 40 shits. It's probably, you know, they're not eating a lot, so it's probably cut that in half. It's probably maybe 20 shits. With a zillion different kinds of animals.

Yeah. Dude, you got to, I worked on a farm. Certain animal shits are worse than others. Like a sheep shit is the worst They had all of that They had elephants Elephant shit Oh here you go

Christine found the ark encounter You can go see an ark Oh good Does it smell like shit? My nephew has snakes Snake duty stinks No Like really bad

Snake snakes smells awful Well there were snakes on board too Where did it go 40 days and 40 nights Of snake duty You're gonna have all cut You're gonna have lion shit You're gonna have tiger shit

You're all these animals Indigenous to wear Noah was, by the way. I could not deal with that. How did he get them all? God. Yeah. Wait a second. There's interactive screens in the arc. My God, this guy was great. Yeah, he was fantastic. What was Noah's last name, Jobs?

And it must have sucked for some of those animals. Noah Musk. Because when they were hungry, it's like, you know what I mean? The giraffes are like, no one's eating a giraffe. They're going right past the giraffe. They're going right over that little goat aisle. I'll try giraffe. You tried giraffe? I don't think you can eat giraffe. No, you're not allowed to eat them

Not allowed, but can't Do you think people eat giraffe? I'd try it It'd be too much Delicious, delicious, delicious giraffe You think it'd be too much Giraff steak? Probably tastes like chicken, right?

I don't know I could even begin to this Christine, can you Google where the Arc duty went? Is that a thing? I love some clarification I mean, we're going to get You're going to get hearsay for sure

I mean, isn't that a legitimate question? I don't see they have a ring video doorbell camera shot from the inside they are. Proposed models, the animal waste in the ark was likely managed through slatted floors, gravity fed shoots and pits, sending it out to the ocean. Polluting the ocean,

by the way. Well, that's what they do now at cruise ships. All the shit, they just open it up and dump it in the ocean, make a fish food. Nice. I like that. Yeah. Eat my turds, fish. Yeah. They just dump out, they dump shit out in the ocean, on the boats, all the boats. And then every once in a while, we give them a person off the boat. Yeah. There you go.

Guys, you've eaten enough shit. Here's a human being. Here's someone's unwanted wife for husband. You never went into the ocean with a, you know, take a dump and then go right into the ocean and clean your ass out in the ocean and make fish food. I went on a, my nephew, my brother took my nephew on a fishing trip and on a just a little bass boat and the keys and they hired a captain and he had irritable bowel syndrome and he just had an attack. This is in the middle of the mangroves in broad daylight. and so he just pulled down his pants and shit over the side. And my nephew started hysterically laughing as you do.

And then the guy just took a rag and wiped his ass and then continued the fishing trip like nothing happened. Did he throw the rag back in the water? In the water, I get, you know what? I got to get clarification on that. My little brother was a gill net fisherman in Marblehead. He used to shit all the time. They had a five-gallon bucket on the boat. They would just shit in the bucket and then dump it over those.

side and then there you go and toilet paper is biodegradable it just goes away I hate all of everything you're saying yeah yeah no but I mean you see somebody taking a duty and you can't you're on the boat with them a little boat yeah

you know like a 15 foot yeah it's fucking disturbing I look everybody in their eyes as they shit off the edge of the boat and make them feel bad about what they're doing like they say like hey do you want a sandwich and they hand you a sandwich afterward yeah out of the cooler you're horrified You think they had a cooler in the arc?

Not on the ark. I don't think they had the arc, to be honest. They had interactive screens according to this arc. When I went to Iraq, on the bases, they had no doors. They just had toilets. I mean, I remember shitting. By your second tour. By your second tour over there, you got it.

My second tour, I figured out. But the first tour, I did do two tours. But I was just staring at a Marine. He came in and shit. He's like, what's up? Good show. Just the way it is, dude. And he's like, any luck on those coordinates? I immediately tuck my little ding-ding inside the seat.

I just didn't want to see my little mushroom sticking out. Oh, yeah. I occasionally pee on the seat sometimes. I would lean forward to make sure my dick didn't come out of that little fucking space. Yeah. I'd be like, yeah, my dick's touching the water, actually. You don't even know it's right now? I'm shitting on my balls right now because that's what I got a baby wipe so I can shit

on my nuts on. Take me a second because I have to wipe the bottom of my dick and balls off. They always get mushed up into my ass because I have so much coffin balls and such tiny asshole. Yeah, dude, we didn't start shitting the way we shit. It was like 100 years, maybe 100 years ago, maybe less. I never even thought about this. I watched the YouTube video on pirate ships and maritime ships because they never discussed this in the movies, like how they had to shit on those ships. I know.

It was a take away from Captain Jack Spar if you saw him ripping a crap. It was horrific. One second, one second Sometimes it would rain forever So they just set the shit inside Someone's in here Someone's in here There was no bathroom

So they would just shit down the stairs And it would just collect on the bottom Yeah And it's why people died at fucking 28 That is why That's why everybody died back in the day Because they just shit Did you see that video?

I just know that people died Because of shit Didn't that happen on BET's Old school hip-hop cruise, carnival cruise. Kid and playing, everyone running around their own ducky. Yeah, there's nothing worse than when, like, you're in a, something happens on a ship and the stuff gets backed up. Well, the best ones, like the high-class ones had a little hole that just basically

you sat in it and the duty fell right into the sea. But then, now think about it. How did they wipe their ass back then? they had a long string that was dangling in the water. They pulled the string up and they scrubbed their ass with it and that every other person was scrubbing their ass. Yep. Yep. I couldn't do it.

Yeah. Of course you couldn't do it now because you have baby wipes and bidetes. You lived a better life. You can't go backwards. But if the world ended tomorrow, if everything ended tomorrow, there was no more running water, there's no more electricity. But luckily you've been building an arc. Kill me.

Luckily, you've been building an arc. With baby wipes. There's thousands of babies. You have no food. Yeah. I need a bidet on my ark. Yeah, but there's no running water. Or electricity.

I can't. What are you going to do? First of all... You got to go back to Bedrock, dude. You have an elephant, suck water up its nose, and then blow that up your ass. That's your bidet. World's starting over, dude.

We're back to Bedrock. You could find your creature comforts, but it's going to be done by a creature. Yeah, you want to listen to music. You're going to have to get a bird with a long needle beak. You're going to have to listen to your records. with a terror deck will be yeah for sure that's just the way it goes buddy i'm sorry sorry

when was toilet paper invented what year i don't understand like life before that was when uh when we stop being able to domesticate these elephants to blow water up where they they had they use they use towels for a long time and you would clean the towel yeah i mean look you go to they still fucking off they still offer you when you uh well at least when isabella was born they still offer you the service do you want us to come pick up your cloth shit diapers yeah i'm like i'm all right, we're just going to throw them away like normal human beings. I'm not going to fucking

ugh, it's so gross. Dude, there's a lot of... A lot of the world still doesn't use toilet paper. Still? They just shit. Yeah. Yeah, dude. A lot of the world?

Yeah, do you think people in Africa, like in the jungle, you think people in the desert who don't have houses and shit live in Afghanistan? They have fucking bounty and soft cloud? No. Hey, look at me. You?

Yeah. I do think they have. They don't have toilet paper. I'm pretty sure they do. Not anymore. That's one of the things we, that's one of the tariffs, dude. Did we bomb it? Did we bomb the toilet paper?

That's the first thing you bomb, and we bombed in Iran. We bombed the drone factory and the toilet paper factory. Once you get rid of the drones and toilet paper, they're pretty much defenseless. Just shit ass with no surveillance. 1853 we started using toilet paper. And that didn't come to everybody for probably another 50. years. Here you go. Moss, they used often. Wool and hay were plentiful. They were convenient to use, allowing them to keep themselves clean,

even in the coldest weather. Cowboys had to make do with whatever was available in the wild. Grass, soft leaves were common, large soft leaves of the cottonweed plant. If nothing else is available, torn pages from yearbooks, newspapers or catalogs could also be used. Or wanted posters? Native. I like that. I like that. Native Americans used leaves, grass, soft moss. Corn cobs. Yeah, that was a good one.

I like that. Moss must feel nice. Corn cob would be fantastic. I'd rather use a corn cob. Oh, I mean, I'd get the itch out? Absolutely. That moss, soft moss? I feel like soft moss is going to be mushing around where it's like, I'll go for the soft

moss after I get a good scraping with that corn cob, you know? Oh, you're going to scrape it? I thought you just pushed it in. Oh, you're trying to lollipop it. I'm going to lollipop that. You're going to leave some behind, dude. I would use it as like a digging. Dude, it's going to look like a honey hive when I pull that out.

Stick it as far as I can and then pull it out and it's just going to fill with whatever and then use the moss. I don't think that's how it works. Well, it could work that way. I think you could do that. I guess it could. I would have been an innovator back in the Indian days. You are an innovator. You think they just scrape their assholes with a corn cob?

Yeah. And the thing is you can go back a couple times. Until you get all the big pieces of shit out, you can... really like the way you eat corn you spin it yeah like I'm buttering it yeah just butter it with shit your shit buttering it yeah yeah right I put a corn cob holder on one side I spin it around well I was thinking about this when you're because I'm watching all these westerns and stuff like when you having sex with girls back in the day it must a suck it just sucked oh yeah the smell yeah I mean you get the smell of you also the whole

thing was gross. Yeah, but you're, the smell of you get used to, right? The smell of somebody else is shocking. And to be on like a wagon train with somebody, like some girl for a while, and then have to make love to her, start your, your breath must be. Yeah, but she feels the same way about you. That's what I'm saying. Right. It's both, it's disgusting for everybody involved. It was just gross. You're doing it just to get, just to do something fun during the day. Besides just sitting and waiting for TV to be invented. Mm. The hottest women had bad breath.

Oh, God. I mean, nobody went to a dentist. Bad breath, hairy armpits, and fucking corn cob cleaned assholes. Yeah. Just dirty, smelly. Don't forget the blood. The good old days, right, Christine? Oh, the blood mixing with the poop.

Back in the day. Back in the day. A nice blood poop smell? Blug. I want to tell you about my weekend. Yo, what's up? I was in Jacksonville, which I could not have oversold. About the hotel.

Is that Jacksonville? Comedy zone. North, south or north? Or is that Florida? Florida. Florida, okay. Do they have a Jacksonville, North Carolina? Maybe.

It's on the borders. I don't know. Is that where that town is, right? Where the old town, what's it called? Is it Jacksonville? Isn't that where that is? Like the first... Where everybody is swingers, that thing?

It's the first city in America. In Jacksonville, am I crazy? Isn't that right? What's that town called? Augustines or something? St. Augustine. St. Augustine? Isn't that the first city in America?

Am I correct on that? I don't know, maybe. I think so. I've been there. Nice city, nice town. The first city in America? I think so. Isn't Philadelphia the first city in America?

No. What is it? Yep. It's currently considered the oldest continuously occupied European established settlement in the United States. Yeah. Founded by Pedro Pascal.

Pedro. Free Palestine, baby. Stop war. And then it predates the English colony at Jamestown by 42 years and the pilgrims by 55 years. Wow. White man came across the sea to bring his pain and misery. This doesn't rhyme. But then he left us a cute little town you can go to for lunch.

A little St. Augustine. No, I was in Jacksonville. This should be the last city in America. It will survive like the roaches. It is. I'm always going to give credit where credit is due. The club is fantastic. What's the club called?

Comedy Zone. Okay. It's in the Jacksonville. It's in the Ramada by Wyndham. I don't know if their quality control is over Ramada, but they're not keeping an eye on this place. I told you, I always stay there at the motel. Because you love the chaos. I love the chaos.

You love chaos. I do, but a couple of things I wasn't expecting. One, how much chaos? Really? And two, yeah, I feel. You're the manager of this club, Leah. She is the sweetest. She loves comedy.

So I always push. You don't have to stay there if you perform there. They offer, they go, I don't know, we'll get you a buyout. Stay somewhere else down the road this night. They know. I say, I'm going to stay. I woke up Friday, or I went to bed, actually, Thursday, feeling kind of under the weather. Started to feel shitty.

Yeah. Woke up Friday feeling like ass. Oh, it sucks. So bad. And then I went to the airport. I'll sleep on the plane. I didn't sleep good, so I'll sleep on the plane. I felt terrible.

Landed, just blow my nose every five seconds, just going through it. I land. I get an Uber. I go to the hotel. And they're like, yeah, this lady's going to meet you. Give you your keys for your rooms. Okay. I meet her.

I get the key and the room. They give you a room key for the green room. It's just a hotel room, like on the first floor. Oh, the green room for the thing They just get a... For the comedy club. It's just a room. She's another hotel room.

Does it have a bed? Yeah, just a hotel room. It's wild. When I get to, the girl hands me the, uh, hands me the cars from mine. She goes, now, I goes, there's two rooms you could choose from here. She goes, this one's like the sweet, like the two, you know,

living room and bedroom. But it smells a little bit like smoke. And I was like, I mean, I smoke. It's fine. That one, yeah. I was like, uh, but she meant cigarette. smoke. I don't smoke cigarettes inside. But, uh, and it did smoke cigarette

smoke. I was like, yeah, I'll take it though. Fuck it. I go in the room. Can I ask a question? You don't smoke, you smoke weed inside, but you don't want to smoke cigarettes inside? Because you don't like cigarette smoke? Cigarette smoke? Cells like everything. You don't like that. Okay. It just stays. I agree.

I smoked a cigar in a room once and it sucked. I hated it because it smelled. It's just there. Yeah, it's not even like the, it's not the smell like cigarette when you're smoking cigarette. It's what the smoked It just sticks. Right. And then lingers, it's bad.

Just even for my clothes, I bring, I never travel without a full Fabriz fabric. Because when I take my clothes off at night and everything, I just spray them all to so it doesn't. You spare your body? No. You spray your naked body? No. When you get out of the shower? Yeah.

You just spray yourself down. Is that what you want, Daddy? Yeah. A nice fresh fucking sack. Do you want? Just my body is drippy. Shh. I got a complete, sweet come on from a male fan on Instagram.

Still felt nice. It always feels nice. It wasn't even like, I want to fuck you. The guy just goes, he goes, you're really handsome, man. Big fan. I was like, thanks, dude. He's right. You are very handsome.

The picture is him and his husband getting married. Oh, bear, bear, bear. Oh, bear, bear, bear. He felt nice. Always feel nice. It's nice to be wonders. Yeah. Would be nice if the girls we live with did it?

Once in a while? No, that'd be weird. Got a nice handsome out of you? That'd be strange. Where's the last time you said he's handsome, Pristine? All right, moving on. I think we've complimented each other looks good, randomly.

I don't know if I was like, you're such a handsome boy. No, no, no. He is fucking good. No one's ever taking a, we're not taking second looks at each other emerging from the stairs. I wouldn't mind a fucking,

I wouldn't mind every once in a while before I'm leaving going, you look so cute, baby. Yeah. I don't know. I ask, though, so. But I don't even ask, do I look good? I'm always like, do I look all right?

Yeah, which is not the same as, you know, catching her looking at you, And just being like, what are you looking at? You know, those days are long long. You look good. You look good today. They catch each other looking at that. I told her she looked thin today, very thin.

Yeah, he did say it looked thin. He's like, you've been sick, so you probably lost more weight. That's not how I put it. First thing I said, I go, I go, I go, I said, I go, I go, you look really thin. Yeah. You know, you lost like a bunch of weight. She looks great. I go, you look thin.

And she goes, you know, and I go, I go, we both been sick. So I go, I'm sure that helps, too, for days not eating. That little last part does take a little bit out of it, just to be honest. Okay. Yeah. I mean, we both have AIDS, so, I mean, it's going to happen. I'll live in it. I'll live in it.

I still thought it was very nice. Yeah. But so, anyway, I go in the... So you take the suite. I take the suite. I go in, mistake. I always... I got to remember.

I only do it for, like, three trips after something in my hotel room sucks. That I go, don't unpack. Check everything. Never unpack. Check sure the AC works. Yes. Make sure the fucking TV. sure the internet works make sure everything the the showers turning on everything i leave my bag in

the door i do all that stuff i leave my bag in the i walk in leave the bag in the door and i check everything make sure there's no duty in the toilet make sure there's not some rusty tub shit i'm i check behind the bag no bedbugs i always check bedbugs i don't like a did you get all the stuff bed bug i don't like any of that and then i i check the remote make sure the remote's not a fucking hunk of shit and then I turn the TV on the Wi-Fi and then I go because I've I've I've been in the bed going what's that smell and then repacking up well fucking move in a hotel sucks yeah you've got packed three times I want them to come up and be like I touch nothing yeah nothing well of all places I should have learned this lesson it would have been here yeah

at the two hotels that combine one to make a hotel no it's three it's three buildings no Ramada and Windham? Oh, Ramada, Windham. When Wyndham had to come in and save Ramada. Yeah. No one saved this place. They tried. Every time I go to there, they go, we got rid of the prostitutes and drug dealers.

And I go, then who are all these terrifying people and prostitutes here? Really? Because what are these guys mean mugging me? The people doing drugs in the ice where you dip off to get ice. And the stuff he goes, there's all of these things are still very much here. Is there a, there's a lobby and all that? It's just. So when you, the bill.

of the rooms, it's like a sea, it's like a big sea. And then, yeah, then there's the main building as a lobby that's got a restaurant and the comedy club. Now, do you go outside the building to get to your room? So people can just, anybody can just walk up to your door. 100% from right from the outside. That's crazy, dude. It looks nice. Doesn't it, though?

That little, that looks boutiquey right there. Uh-huh. That looks very boutiqui. Holy shit. What? I don't like when the rooms look like some family, when it has like, uh, I promise you, these are... Has personality to it.

These pictures are so old and stylized. That room looks nice. Is that the lobby? It's the lobby. There's a comedy zone. Okay. Listen, I stand by a thousand times over that... I love the club.

Right. Dude, when there's a tub, I get nervous. I'd be happy to do the club again. No... No hotel should have a tub. Can I just say it? Who the fuck is... Unless it's really clean and you have a big tub,

like a big jacuzzi tub or something. You should have a shower, walk in, and if there's some other... Yes, some type of tub that's an option. Like a thing, yeah. When I walk in, there's just the tub, and I have to step over that dumb curtain that's been jizzed. You can't, they don't clean the curtain every time.

You think the guy's aiming his jizz into the drain? I do. I do, too. We're professionals. Yeah. But there's some randos that just jizz on their curtain and it's getting on our shins. I treat the drain like it's an open mouth. I go, open up, bitch.

Oh, there it is, you dirty whore. I don't get it all. I actually try to finish every drop. I travel with a screwdriver and I undo the drain, so my jizz goes right down. And there's no, like, jizz, fucking blockage. It's not getting filtered. Yeah.

Yeah, it's not getting strained like pasta. Jizz pasta. So, I unpack. I turn on the light switch in the room, which is, I don't think I took a picture of that. No, I didn't. So don't bring it up yet. Don't bring these things up yet.

But the light switch was a broken. like actual switch. The switch itself was broken and there was like a little Christmas light sticking out of it. And that was you can push up and down to turn the light on. But that's not.

That might have been a decoration they forgot to take down. It's possible. And then, so I think it was just to give grip to the switch. Function? Yeah, function. So then I unpack.

I lay everything out, put my soap in the shower, my toothbrush, toothpaste, all my toiletries because I kind of just... stack my toilet trees in front of the TV. But it's like it's still a thing. It's like the sort of what my unpacking is. I don't take my clothes out or anything. Right.

But shoes, everything out of the back, one side of the bag is out. My shoes, my everything. You're ready to go. Ready just like, you know, when I have to get ready that night. And I was like, and what I need right now is to lay down. I feel so sick. Right.

I'm gonna go to sleep. Right. Um, not a better feeling in the world, getting in a hotel room and pulling that tight sheet back, flipping it over. I didn't do it. I get right on top. Oh, you go right on top.

I go right on top. I like to bask in the jizz. Well, I like to get under that little tight sheet. No, dude, I like to feel their people's semen's getting inside of my body. You go on top of the comforter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really get a good barrel of jizz on myself. So I lay down on the bed, tummy time.

Oh. Set up my computer. And I go try to get on the Wi-Fi. And I've always remembered about this place. There's no pay-for-it extra Wi-Fi, but the Wi-Fi was fine. It works good enough that, like, I could watch shit. Right. I'll be fine.

And so I'm like, it's good. And in fact, I've been in this exact suite before. This is the suite where I stole food last time from my neighbors. Right. If you remember that story. Yeah. So, like, I've been in the suite. I'm like, it's fine.

As soon as I'm walking, actually, I'm leaving a few things out. As I'm walking up to the suite, you can show these pictures. Here's what I see before I walk. This is right after it was announced to me, hookers and prostitutes gone. Go to the very bottom, that one. Broken acrylic nail. Now switch to it. Now switch to it.

There's not going back to the other pictures. Where is that? Right out front of my door. Oh, my God. And then keep going down. That one there with the black. The little, yeah, that one there. A weird or broken acrylic nail.

A different one, though, from a different person. You sure that's not an arrowhead? Nope. It's an acrylic nail. It's an acrylic nail. And then go back. Jesus Christ. And then, hang on, is there.

Yeah, I'm right there on the end. And the needle cap for the heroin needle that's not being used there. Well, people do Ozempic now. It might be people trying to get their life together. Possibly Ozempic. It might be Ozepic. It looks like a heroin meth needle. Maybe it's Ozempic.

That could be the light switch in the other room. Maybe that's what they're using in the other room. Very possible. What's next to it, though? So wait. Is that a zip tie? Oh, maybe. It's just a zip tie from the hostage.

From the person who got away. From the person who got away. So, all right. Don't go to any more. Yeah, get off this page here. So. This is before you went into the room. It's before I went in the room.

But now I'm unpacked. Now we're back on the bed. So you discovered a hooker fight and a drug addict. A hooker fight that ended in everybody being fine and just doing heroin together. And then the pimp had a zip tie one of the bitches because she was getting out. She wouldn't calm down. Absolutely. I got it.

There's definitely been a chainsaw murder in this motel. Right. So I'm laying down on my tummy trying to log into the internet. it keeps going like nah having a hard time it's like having a hard time logging in or not being able to log in try again

all right try again turn my computer back off and on turn the thing turn off my VPN everything why is it not picking up this internet it's it's registering

that there's a signal for the internet so I call and I go I start I call the front desk and I'm like yeah I go I uh

the internet's not working in here. And she goes, okay, I'll send up a person. I go, for what? I'm like, what are they going to do up here? I go, I think you need to reset the router or something. They go, yeah, no, we'll send somebody up. And I went, okay.

So then I just go, and I go walk over. I go, let me go see the living room part of this. Whole thing smells so terrible. Let's walk over. And as I start walking, I go, what the fuck? Oh, I'm in socks, by the way. Oh, soaking wet. My socks immediately soaked from a wet carpet, I mean, drenched carpet.

Where the hook is first started fighting. Yes. Yes. Where the hooker knife fight started. Where you started where it ended. Yes. And now you're where it all started. Now I'm at the epicenter.

Of the epicenter. So my socks now soaked. So I got to take my socks off. With what? You don't even know. I hope I think water. You hope it's water. Probably piss. Jizz.

Blood, tears. Blood, tears, everything. Could be all these things. Right. And so I'm like, fuck, so I've got to take my socks off. Now, I've only brought, again, this trip, it was two-day in-and-out trip. I only packed two pairs of socks for that night and the next night in the next day. So, again, I usually always do pack an extra pair.

And this is what? So what? So quick. I also didn't expect to have a wet carpet in the room. So I take my socks off and I start trying to figure out. I'm like, all right, well, I can't stay in this room now. So I get a hold of the manager and I goes, oh, my God, they're going to change room. Then they also inform me to go, oh, yeah, also, there's no Wi-Fi in two of the three buildings.

And I'm in one of those buildings. I go, why would they even offer me the, well, can I go to the Internet building? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get you something in the Internet building. So now I've got to repack. Everything. Everything. Change socks. Nope.

You kept the socks. No. I'm holding on to the socks, and now I'm wearing no socks in my shoes, which I hate. Oh Just to get You know What is this? The middle ages

Yeah Just to get over When I was younger I used to do that a lot Man that would It would smell so bad When it got bad Yeah it smells bad

Is the issue So like But anyway So I Go to this other room We didn't even put that Into account With the dirty

Pussy's asses Moles back then The feet Oh yeah Oh a chick's feet Oh Just in those shoes Yeah

Ugh Gross Smelly foot. So I go, I go, I know, Jacob, you're right. So I go up to this one new room, and I go in there, they go, all right, so I don't think the air conditioner in this one works. Jesus Christ.

So I'm going to bring you back a new air conditioner. And I went, okay. So it's not central air. They actually have ACs. Yes. They're going to throw in a window. No, not a window, but like the units they have in hotels. That's not that crazy.

Well, it's usually attached to the room. It is. So they're going to... Well, but you still take the unit out. He's going to take the unit out and put a new unit. Yeah, it was going to be annoying. He's like, it takes three minutes. Okay.

Maintenance guy was very, yeah, that was. Maintenance guy is very, very nice. And then he goes, so then I'm in my room for a minute, and then they come knock on the door again, and they go, actually, two doors down, there might be this. How about this room? This room look good, because I think it's already set good to go.

Oh, that's nice. Okay. Now I go in there. What's funny, missing from almost 100, in the room is smoke detectors, which is hilarious. Just wires hanging out of the wall. Doesn't matter. If you're going to smoke crack and have hookers, you can't have things beeping all the time. Completely agree. The cops will be there every five minutes.

I say, saves me the time of ripping it down myself. Right. So, because I could have reached it, so I would have taken it down, but it was just wires hanging out of a wall. Then I saw, here's the thing that I start going in this room. Bring up the door jam I have up there. Is this normal? All the way to the bottom. One of the bottom. Yeah. Is this normal? Why are there so many wires behind where the door takes? touch is closed. No, that's actually legal. That's against fucking code.

There's just wires behind where we were going to have metal touching all the time. You're not supposed to have a door touch metal wires. You're not supposed to have that. There's just wires. But what's more scary is how many times that door has been broken into? Oh, yeah. That's frightening. Look at the steel

reinforcement they put on the backside of that thing. But that thing's been kicked in by the DA, FBI, like 15 times. Just criminals themselves. Yeah. Go out pull back out here this is great then yeah that right there the one on the bottom right there no no no no next to it next to it right there's my socks drying on the air conditioner so but I go in this so this is the next room right yeah I go in there and I and he goes come over this other room two doors now I go okay and

then he's futs him with the thermostat on the wall because he's in the new air conditioners so he goes like let me goes but something's wrong with this thermostat here goes let's I'm going to go get some batteries. I'll be right back, and I'm going to fix the thermostat for it. So he comes back, he's futs him with the thermostat again for a while. And then he goes, I don't know. He goes, I think I'm just going to bring you a new air conditioner unit here too.

And I was like, okay. And then I just pushed the button on the actual unit. And it came on. He goes, oh, I guess it's not attached to the thermostat here. All right. You're good. So then he just leaves because now I'm fine. Okay.

My air conditioner works. So is it okay? So then I go over. Is that the wires? that are connected through the door that go to the AZ. Very possible. Possibly, yeah. They definitely somewhere, that part of wires you saw right there

is somewhere in the ladder of leaning to a guy's ball bag through a car battery or something. Whatever torture's happening in one of these rooms. So back out again. Then I go over, I go, let me see this room. Here's my bathtub. That's just, you're going to have to take that. That one you're just going to have to eat.

No. Well, it's good. I have tough actin tanactin with me always on the road. So I just, my feet were dripping with tanactin when I was done showering. It's dirty. We're looking at my tub that looks like I don't know.

Like some kind of like it looks like They have grip. The bottom of it looks like what a person throws up when they're being like exercised. Like when they were trying to get a demon out of somebody and it's almost coming out and they start puking up like shit.

It looks like that happened in there. There was an exorcist. I told myself this was the way to get a demon out of a little girl so I'm not going to make a big fuss about it. It looks like the bottom of like an old lady's foot. It's insane. You know what that is? That's the grip that they put down on the thing. Of course, yeah. And then it's all people's dirty, disgusting feet. Asholes and bums and

prostitute and come. That gets stuck in the tread of your, and no one's ever throw a little Ajax across that some bitch. Nobody's ever scrubbed that. I forgot to mention, by the way, after I saw the two acrylic nails and a needle cap and I went in my room, the room was wide open because there was, what I can only describe as an obese black lady with nothing but gold teeth, only gold teeth, in the room, fluffing a pillow. The floor was wet.

The soaked carpet. That's why the door was open to air out the floor. They're probably trying to air out the floor. Trying to air out the floor. That's fair. So, close this out. Do you wear flip-flops in these?

No, I just, tough acting to inactin. And then, so then I go on my room and I lay down finally and I go, all right, let me get a couple of things. hours sleep yeah and I do oh that's good I wake up feeling just as bad really so bad oh terrible and I'm like all right I got to get through these shows and God bless these audiences were so great this weekend they were bad with me so much I was like almost delirious on some of them um because I was just so like I just had a headache and everything felt

about stuffed and sneezing and coughing and God's bad weekend as far as that goes to know you should have light in that tub it would have cured you penicillin the penicillin the penicillin I could have. I should just scraped a little fucking off that little floor there, get a little pen of silly. Should have sucked on one of those fingernails while you were on stage. So now...

Like a zin. Put that fingernail in between your teeth and suck on it. So now it's night outside. Oh, you know, when I get up to get ready for a thing, it's getting dark. Yeah. And I walk by the room, click that video. I walk by the room next to me.

Oh, this is terrible. Pause it, pause it. You don't need sound on this at all. Wait a minute. Is there a window into the room? on the outside? Yeah. So if I'm walking by the rooms,

you're walking by my room. If I don't have the curtain pulled, which you can pull awkwardly almost over the front door, it's kind of weird, which could inhibit you from closing your door if you don't realize that the fucking curtain is like blocking it.

Right. I'm sure a lot of people get robbed there. So I can look right into your room if you don't have their curtain drawn. You would see me, I mean so close, how close you would see me. But now I'm like,

so if you recall, they put me in this one room, told me, do you want to come two doors down for whatever? So there's one room in between. That room happens to have its window wide open, and no one's in it the entire time I'm there. But this is what's going on inside that room. If you could play this video. Let's take a peek here. Pause it?

Oh, wait, you guys could go ahead a little bit. I'm sorry. Pause it there. It is trashed. wide open window completely trash there's a trash bag with a bunch of garbage in it electronics bashed up all over the

thing a play a styrofoam cup from a place called dailies that I've never heard of it's a good place is it yeah no oh maybe you know it's a fast food thing I've never heard of they have by the way they have in this room on the floor

if you could see it under the desk there try to point to it Christine right there yeah right there the only and I mean this The only do not disturb sign the entire hotel is in this abandoned room. What's on the floor? Trash.

It's just, the white things? It's, where? If you go back a little bit, there's white nuggets on the floor by the door. Right. See, that's, what is that? Oh, it's like busted up plaster and shit like that. It's just, yeah, it's like busted up holes in the wall.

Okay. There was also a hole in the wall of my room by the bathroom. So pause it there. How about this, nice touch? Bed stripped, there's stains you can't see all over the bed and like ash and shit all over it. That light you can't probably see in the video is flickering. Like evil.

That's a haunted room. And then the other one, I don't know if you can see it, click it the other light has no thing on it at all. There's just no. Wait a minute. I see the flickering. Oh my God. What's on the bed? I don't know.

Is that like raisinettes? It looked like other like needle stuff, man? I don't know. I don't have any idea. That's in between... That's the room between the Tuesday trip we're giving me. So you have to sleep next to whatever's in that room? Oh, yeah.

Wow. The horrors. I mean, how hard... That is like a fucking ghetto zoo with the window. It's crazy. You just watch people do shit. It's... Oh, yeah.

There's people... When it gets night out there, you could look at it and look through the whole courtyard. There's just people, like, walk around with their shirts off, doing whatever. Smoking inside. No one gives a shit. There's a little dude. On that bed. It looks like rabbit doo-doo.

Every time I, the last couple times I've done this club, it keeps changing hands, the ownership. Right. And every time they do it, they tell me, they go, hey, for some reason, the owner seems to be there when I'm there always, the new owner. And I meet them. And they never are like, they're always like, yeah, I guess we're the new owners. I guess we have a comedy club now. So they're enthusiastic about it. Right.

Oh, that's good. No, you want that in a club owner. This guy, the new one. Yeah. The new owner, whoever, it's just some guy. Yeah. It was just like, last time was a couple. Now was this guy.

Fred? Yes. What? On my life, I'm pretty sure his name's Fred. I'm almost 100%. I think it is Fred. Fred's new in the business. I heard of what he's doing, he's doing good things.

Big things. I think he's a hotel guy. Yeah, he just got a room in Bangor, Maine. He only works during the potato when they pick potatoes, those two months. Potato Fest? Yeah. this guy he was standing outside with me the first night and the manager lady who i feel so big she's getting so sweet so she's trying to like almost like hey this is the new guy so i had john cardin

with me opening and he's on stage and i got the owners out there talking i said i feel sick as a dog still i'm just smoking a cigarette like it's nice to meet you blah blah he's like yeah he goes you know he always gives me the speech he goes he goes yeah he goes i heard you were uh disappointed she said you were disappointed because we're turning the place around or whatever. Like, she said that she was making a joke. Right. And I said it because every time I come, they go, we're getting, we got rid of the prostitutes. I go, well, that's the whole reason I'm here. Right. The prostitues and the drug addicts, man. I want to watch the chaos. And then like, yeah,

sorry, it's changing. It's not. That'd be funny if he brought all that shit just to make Jay feel happy. Maybe. The place was amazing and they fucked up all the rooms. We need fingernails, needles, tops. I want you to shit in the tub. dude listen to this personality This guy goes He goes yeah I popped in The guy who's on now

It's pretty funny He goes but I've come for a few of these now I don't really think anybody's that funny Oh that's good I don't think that's funny at all He goes back And he goes I haven't seen you yet

But the guy on's pretty funny So he's motivating He's giving you goals Which a good club owner should You believe the wording of that He goes Yeah I haven't seen you yet But you know

I guess I'll reserve judgment Well if he came in And he just kissed your ass you wouldn't have tried as hard as you did. I didn't try it all, dude. I'm surprised I didn't pass out on stage that night. I was so fucking sick. Did he come up to you after and give you a thumbs up?

There's nobody to come up to me after. I was jetting out. You went back to your suite? I got caught. Oh, regular room, sorry. My suite? Yeah, it's a regular room now. You went back to the wet suite?

No, no, no, no, no wet sweet for me. Maybe that was a water thing. Like some, you know what I mean? Like, some people like to have, like, themed rooms? Maybe that was, like, a water room. It's possible. Like, people who love the ocean? It's possible.

We wet the carpet. So, what is this? Is that him? Is that Fred? No. Wait, when is this? This is from 2011. No, there was another guy named Fred, though, did own it before.

That was the guy who owned it forever. Only Freds can own this place. You might be right. Do you know that? That guy was the guy who did a weird, like, he owned it, and he had a, like, a mandatory workshop on Saturday mornings he did. Not for the car. He would always ask us to come, like, speak at it.

But it was like, what it was is him and three other, like, local but older. Like, like, gone nowhere in comedy. I would have loved to have done that. Just woke up and just shown up and gave a speech. Like an AA meeting? Not even. No, what they do is they just sit there and they make the young comics go up there and do comedy. And then, like, the whole thing is you have to go, here's my jokes, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And so it goes, yeah, that second one, have you thought about maybe not making it a girlfriend, making it your mom? It's like that kind of insanity It's like material fixing You've never done a workshop You're damn right You've never been voxed You're not wrong So I mean

Maybe you should have went down And tried the workshop Absurdity is my favorite style of comedy If you can be confidently Not funny You're still gonna get away with it Oh Christ That's true though

That is true That is true I think we'd overdo for a break We got to get a break When we come back I have one more thing to tell you that was crazy. Oh, my God, dude. But you love this.

I do love it. You're not wrong? You can never not go to this place. Oh, I'll always go back to the club. I'm actually going to get booked there. I don't know if I'll stay there again. You have to. But I might give it one more role because the thing with this time that made it so bad.

Yeah. I did with Paco last year. We had a blast. Yeah, but Paco comes up a third world country. He sleeps in a bush. True. No, but we had a good time. Is that the buffet place?

Yeah. Okay. But the buffet is down. Oh, thank God. The buffet is down. down for uh... until until easter. Yeah,

no shit. Well, I like the buffet a lot last time. It's like a seafood buffet. You ate seafood at this fucking place? Yeah. What's wrong with you? It's Jacksonville, dude.

Are you trying to kill yourself? Look at the corner. Restaurants nice and the comedy club is nice. The hotel is a shithole. It's so weird. You think Wyndham would have fixed it up. Vermont. One of them.

You think somebody would get involved. It'd be funny. But, uh, well, yeah. Let me do our plugs. We'll come back. I got to tell you. One more thing. Big Jay's going to be, uh, he's going to be at a better place.

this weekend because it's the number one club in the country. I told John Carnus this week, I go, buddy, think how boring it's going to be next year or next week when we're in fucking... Comedy on state. Comedy on state. And a nice hotel down the street. Beautiful. Walking this is the club.

It's a really nice hotel. Rooftop club, bar. Oh, really? I don't even know. The name of that, it's just like the place itself is the clean, nice hotel. That's right. And that is boring. Boring.

For us. For us. It's boring. And, you know, it's got a really clean bathroom. No fingernails. Thursday Friday and Saturday. Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Then he's going to be in Phoenix at another nice hotel.

And then in Tempe and St. Louis at two other nights. All of that will be nice hotels. Yeah, we're not going to talk about it. Why would you talk about it? I never bring up the hotels ever because they're always just fine, at least fine to good, really good. Fine and no fingernails. No fingernails. For all the tickets and tour dates, go to bigjeecom, YouTube.com,

slash at Big J. O'Kerson. And Bobby, if you want to listen to the background, you're hearing the story of Moses, which you might not know either. I'm going to check that out. Bobby Kelly is going to be learning about Moses, and then he's going to be at DeVerve in Somerville, New Jersey this week.

Thursday, March 19th. Christine's coming down to that, everybody. There's only like two tickets left, so. Come meet Christine, get some pizza. Yeah, we're going to pizza before if you want to show out. Christine's available for paid photo opportunities. She has $10 a shot. Damn, do you should set up,

a booth. Just take a picture with Christine Booth Yeah, it's $10 to take the photo And 50 to get it Because it's all on my phone And you can also feel her up for $100 Yes, that's true And over the clothes feel up

How much do you get into that? None. None, okay, great That's not my body. Her body, her choice. And then of course you can see Bobby at Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut April 17th and 18th after that

Uncle Vinnie's in New Jersey, Cleveland, Ohio, New Orleans all on deck after that for tickets and all of his tour dates Go to Punch Up. Live slash Robert Kelly's YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge to Comedy Seller. Get your tickets now. Yeah, make sure you check out our podcast, everybody. It's right on the app.

We have a little podcasty thingy. Make sure you go to the app and check that out. Working on his arc. Urk. We'll be right back. It's a bonfire.