The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Noise Complaints Already

Episode Date: April 6, 2021

Dan and Jay review the movie Godzilla vs. Kong.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

Hey, it's Big J. Okerson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. You want more bonfire. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special three-month offer. The Bonfire! Man, do you think we're back in studio? We're just gonna do a bunch of face touching? Oh, totally. Yeah, like a special needs camp. We're gonna be touching face all over the place.

Just talking while I put my fingers on... I wanna feel your mouth move. I wanna watch you talk. I wanna feel your jaw. Can I feel your breath? I feel your breath on my talk right into my face. Yeah, I'm right in my face. We are this is a good new tone since you guys are the troublemakers in your new building.

We are apparently the troublemakers two noise complaints already. Man, you're the dose. You're the bad kids. But here's the thing we're watching TV. I can't help but but bad as TV thumbs You're gonna tell me to you're gonna tell me to dial back my surround sound system You decide to have a baby in a fucking crowded building suck my dick. I'm sorry I've got cinema quality sound in here. It's happening. You think I'm losing that thump

I paid for that fucking wolf That's right. You know me and Christine came home with that sound bar Dan and no wolf and we put on one thing I think I got one thing on television. No, no, no, no, I'm talking about our old department. Oh, yeah We put on one thing and we got the sound system and I went out at dammit We thought we weren't gonna want that wolf, but I want that wolf and we went back immediately and bought the wolf And now they're telling me the wolf is keeping your fucking baby awake Why don't you tell your fucking Queen baby To enjoy the thump. Yeah, I learned how to sleep in New York. You chwot. I mean, there's a guy open your door

If you open the window, there's motorcycles boats and fucking helicopters and airplanes like it's New York It's a while. It's coming from the outside of this building You're you're just a fucking sack of cute goo. Yeah're gonna take down jane christine watching the king of monsters fight king calm yesterday it was Saturday night live they called up what we were watching well you know maybe they do a point with that one the performance was sexually ambiguous saint Vincent maybe oh they're like this is too much sketch comedy shall not bleed through our walls it was we have con godzilla listen you know I felt it I'm but again I'm a good neighbor because that every good neighbor in that sense they'll

like I keep my finger on the volume button the whole time so but with the subwoofer it now that I'm thinking about it it does make sense because every time Kong and Godzilla locked up all the the noises were just, oorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You know how terrified that child must have been thinking Kong and Godzilla were outside its windows It's just a baby and it's just dude. I had I had a baby in New York apartments and guess what you deal with it man Yeah, and that's why I just do it. Why is a Bella doesn't that's why is a Bella doesn't flinch at all I'll throw I'll drop a book right next to her if you won't even blink nothing to her She's got no you could do that thing where you punch and like stop right in front of face and show us keep chewing gum Doesn't give a shit. We're gonna go eat Hand cool down

Top of all damn what you doing you're doing your crazy one inch punches again? Uncle Saughters do that thing again reacts like he's gonna hit me and then he does it What did you like come Bruce God Godzilla? I'm not gonna lie I said it was fun. I was enjoying you were gonna get mad. No, I was enjoying it. It was fun I even went I was like oh man mechagodzilla. That's mechagodzilla Yeah, and I know this my buddy John who by the way just went on his fifth deployment Everyone's senior prayers to him. I had fifth fucking deployment, I thought he was retired, but now he's back.

But he was a huge Godzilla fan growing up. So I just threw association like, by proxy. Yeah, had plenty of knowledge of Godzilla in Ultraman, for the truth. I was never into it personally. Have you ever flexed weird Godzilla knowledge in a situation where no one's not coming?

I mean, you're like a guy where you go actually it's funny about that is mothra did an attack until mecha Godzilla had already I'm pretty sure it's when I said the words mecha Godzilla to Christine. I think that was my first ever Flex with it. Yeah, so and by the way, it was cool in the movie the way they introduced that he goes it's a robot It's a robot Godzilla and then the kid goes now it's mecha Godzilla and I was like it was me Godzilla wasn't it it was cool man they did a lot of cool shit but I fell asleep before mecha Godzilla got working oh at all I was I was all I saw was a couple of have you watched it now I see there's a couple of little dust-ups I saw the whole there's a whole fight scene coming up that you're gonna see that the entire movie all I kept thinking about anytime

Godzilla Kong got near anybody. I was like how many people are dying Just in scenes where it's not even a fight where it's just like Godzilla getting to the city Well, that was a superhero movie complaints too. Yeah. It's like, so you're talking about the same thing. And they had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. Yeah, they had no rest that.

They had no rest that. Yeah, they had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that.

They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that. They had no rest that, and just no big deal. Well, thank you. But even the thing,

is anybody responsible for the damage Mecha Godzilla himself does? It's weird to think like, how did you lose your dad? And you're like, do you remember when Kong got tripped into that skyscraper? You killed my dad?

And his entire office? What the fuck? In memoriam, Ling Fong and the entire Fong family. F enterprise who are having dinner who are having dinner on the 27th floor of that building. Yeah, who is that a sailor moon dance festival And then got crushed to his hand going or there's just a high stakes business We're going on where they're like Americans want to bring over business that we must stop This is a fucking giant a-pan coming in and slapping him, slapping the 16th floor away forever.

Just like, RAAAAAAA! To the 70,000 children that were all in one violin class. Yeah, remember when Kong shook off that water and we thought it was cute? Well, his knuckles were crushing an entire none. Oh my god, so if I was again, yeah, remember when Godzilla flicked that that that Dirt Out from under his fingernail? Well, that was a boulder that crushed an entire none. Oh my god, so fuzzy. Yeah, remember when God's ill have flicked that, that Dared Out from Under's fingernail? Well, that was a boulder that crushed my entire building. Yeah.

Well, tell that to my father who's now a quadriplegic as he was crushed by some of that concrete. Not to mention, if you're, if, if a town over from you gets blasted with the radiation breath. Oh my god. You're getting cancer. You know, the splash zone, it has to be hundreds of miles. I feel like, dude, if you were living in 400 miles

and that dust up, Chernobyl, baby. Your tin. Your fucking baby's gonna be born bald, never grow here. Listen, ladies, we're cutting all your tits off because that fucking radiation blast is going to cancel. Dude, Joe lay it and fucking lock them bitties off it preemptively I'm telling you those things are

going radio those things are going full powder boys check your grapes yeah because they might be yeah they might be a little toxic right now boys keep you right in the marbles because I'll tell you get ready to have some children with

some thick skull. You know, Zika was bad. I live right here at Godzilla fight. Dude, like, what's wrong with your son? And you go, I was in college when Mothra showed up. I was like, what are you doing? Oh, yeah, that was when he premiered his radiation breath. He goes, I was, he goes, which fight were you there for?

He goes, the Geedra one, he so there's all four things we're shooting. Yeah. Yeah, you're not going to escape that with that's a little something. I see here there's a blank spot on your resume. You know, I was actually, yes, I was an assistant vice president and then Godzilla kicked away the building. And I was, I had a brain injury for two years. So I was a radio magnet until King Kong pulled my radio tower out and used it to just lightly

distract Godzilla for one moment. My entire life's work, my family shareholders, the whole nine, in one blink of an eye because King Kong just needed something to grab because he started to trip a little bit He was very strong. I was a cameraman in one of the news helicopters and I glow at night So that's dude, that's what I kept in the radiation splash So I mean It's gotta be a mile. It's gonna be miles wide that spray. Yeah, and the and It's gonna be miles wide that spray. Yeah, and also not only the dead people that got crushed,

but then just people that are not dead under buildings. Which is rubble. Yeah, because... Rubble people. Like whenever you see like, there's a lot of like Kong pushing Godzilla into a building and then Mecha Godzilla is cutting through everything with everything with a laser thing and that has to go miles Yeah, get past the reality the lack of reality of the Titans themselves

I will say I had a hard time when they got a When they got a key I like that. I thought I was neat looking what I got to say is where they lost me was Listen if you got a key. I know you got to put your main characters in precarious positions, the humans, I mean. You got to put them in precarious spots so there could be excitement in them getting away from these spots. One of those precarious spots was they were all in a ship

that I believe was hugged during a fight by one of the monsters, flipped upside down completely and then slowly but surely flipped back up right on the side. No one important hurt whatsoever. Hold on, are you talking about that scene where that scientist was flying like fucking Maverick and Top Gun? He's a scientist and he just gets this futuristic spacecraft and all of a sudden he's pulling

moves. Oh yeah, no, no, I wasn't even saying that. I was saying when they were in the water, when they were actually bringing, like when they were bringing Kong out, the thing they brought Kong out of, into the water. At some point, that whole thing flipped. It did a complete flip under.

He flipped it back side like a pool toy. Right. And in within that, nobody important hurt whatsoever. At all. I mean, probably almost everybody with things did anyway, from the action of flipping upside down. If they really wanted to rocket, they should have just had a bunch of float bodies

when he flipped upside down we can answer this question uh... Solomon L.A. wants to know uh... we don't think call but thank you for the question Solomon wants to know the favorite monster movie of all time and are you talking about like the Kong and Godzilla or are we talking? I think just Monster Movie in general. Right? We're talking about the big beast monster movies. I like Skull Island a lot.

Skull Island is awesome. I said that was cool. I hate the old ones because I can't get past the bad special effects. It doesn't even hold novelty to me. I would say, Chrissy, bring up the original Godzilla. It's laughably stupid. It looks like Do put like sock puppet theater, but bring up the first King Kong too. You're the same thing. I can't do it Those that's the Godzilla first Kong I want to see just two thirty stunt men who are used to being in big suits

Just fucking brawl. It'd be like mascot fights. Yes. It's exactly what it was like and it looked so bad and they and they're The articulation their range of movement learn that word on the show. Yeah, their range of movement was so limited and so That's it. That's it James now hit him with the right wing So that was funny my friend John used to get these Japanese video games Because he got like this you can get like your super Nintendo can get jail broken to get these like Japanese games. Maybe there's ones with like it's like Street Fighter games but it's with like the Japanese like Ultraman and God Zilla and stuff. Okay. No shitty of fighting characters they are those people they all have like just just blocky robot people so it's not like they're doing

cool like kicks and shit. Yeah. this is the original attack on Tokyo clip from Godzilla 1954, which is great for 54. Yeah, it's also, what do you get up against? 54 is they're basically going like, hey, Americans, remember when you nuked us, you might have given us a giant lizard that just fucks up our job.

Yeah, happy. So thanks. Hope you're old fucking dead. My grandpa was like, yeah, that's right. You know, that's for the America. You can a giant lizard 10 years later. You saved the Jews, but was it worth it? Yeah, now all the Japanese have to deal with all these big

moths. Is mothra a moth? He's a moth, right? That's why he's Mothra. Mothra. Was that a real question? I don't know, Mothra. Did you actually mean that question? No, I told you so much, man.

I did mean that. Because I was... Yeah, I'm dumb. Hey, idiot! If there was a cartoon character named Mike Saratops, would you be like, is this your right Saratops? You know, dude.

Sometimes it's called... It's a Bronosaurus, it's just Mike Saratops. Sometimes you just skip over Sometimes it's pranosaurus. Sometimes it's like serratops. Sometimes you just skip over the simplest things. And then you look back and you're like, well, you look at that. Where's that big mouth, Martha, right? Martha's a mouth.

You ask it so. You ask it so, come and just lost confidence in yourself. Martha's mouth, right? That's why he's called Martha, huh? Dude, my smile talks off. And then you get that. And you're a muscle back there. Have you seen that Johnny Algate or any Martha? Small, right? That's why it's called Mothra. Dude my small talks off Have you seen that Johnny Algate any more? Dude my arms with my small talk game is all whittled down to next to nothing your won't down my favorite monster movie If you start counting like the Frankenstein's and vampires and all that shit. It's always gonna be lost boys

I love it. I still love it. Mine's the original Halloween Yeah Mine still love it. Mine's the original Halloween Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's supernatural. What are we doing? He's supernatural technically this point Jason never much. Jason never got my rocks off me either except when he was a little when he was a little boy That's when I was afraid of him. Yeah, he jumps out of the lake My favorite was aliens aliens Yeah, alien or aliens aliens was aliens aliens aliens aliens aliens aliens aliens. The first movie I saw I snuck into the theater was aliens. I was just too young to have seen alien. Yeah. I saw them in reverse. But well that one's second one's been anywhere. I love

aliens. But I love them both. But man that movie. I saw the commercial on TV and I snuck into the theater it was packed My favorite movie experience. I was terrified What did you say you were gonna see do you remember what you said you were gonna see? I Don't remember but I Won't movies won't movie Christine look up what movies were out the same time as alien like literally the same like were out the same time as alien like literally the same like aliens 86 86 show this really quick. I could tell you what please call from 33. He's just swimming around in your daddy's

nuts sack. All right. I could tell you what movie if I see it. I'll remember it. Yeah, that's a that. Yeah, that whole special meaning for me. Also, King Kong. That was the other problem people were having again Real nerd issues, but they're like King Kong's not the same size Godzilla King Kong's like 50 feet tall. Yeah Hundreds I think of feet tall I feel like they made Godzilla morbidly obese. I like the slimmer Godzilla. I don't Very agile I do I agree with you also they did make him look pretty mean What if the Godzilla the Matthew Broadway puzzle was the worst looking ever hilariously terrible

I'm gonna go on a what if he goes back all ketoed out and just super slim Super slim god's Jacob Godzilla here. I heard I heard the critiques also. I've been watching I've been watching my calorie count I got my steps. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Aliens it's the part two, but yes, that same thing just for aliens It's also it's also under aliens to get off my ship Aliens to electric bubble of

We've got to save that is that though. Is that see I grew up? I'm younger than you guys aliens three I think is which is the one with the aliens aliens three is the The hunt for curly's gold. I'm so angry with that movie. But hold on because which was the trailer with the alien head and then the small mouth coming out. Was that aliens or alien three? Oh, that was part four citizens on patrol. Operation Miami Beach. Aliens five. Aliens five. Operation Miami Beach. Aliens five. New Orleans undercover.

Okay. Here we go. Max and Moverdrive. I got to move the chat thing. Wait, hold on. We've lined up Wellley Stadium. Okay. Flight of the Navigator.

I think it was Flight of the Navigator. Do it hard. I got to see more. I got to see Max and Moverdrive. Vamp. I get all right. That's Vamp coming up. Yeah. The Vamp. Flight of the Navigator. I think it was flight of the Navigator Dude, I got to see more The Navigator, hold on See maximum overdrive, vamp? I get all right. That's vamp coming up

Yeah, the parent trap. I had to see vamp at home too on tape vamp was pretty freaky, but Awful nothing in common very sad movie good movie. What about club paradise with Johnny Depp? Is that what that is now? No, that's Robin Williams, I thought. Yeah, it is. It is Robin Williams. God, I'm an idiot. I think I did fail to see that. It might have been that first lighter than that.

I don't mean to go back to this, but Godzilla, he's a god, right? No. No. Oh, God. Jacob, did you like Congress's Godzilla overall? No, I didn't see the movie. I didn't watch it. Oh, you haven't watched it. You watched it Lou now No

Oh really are Jane I the only two that got to watch the battle of Two colossal Titans. I guess no one else cared you guys didn't care about the fate of the world That's chill, I guess I guess it's pretty cool to walk around and not worry about hollow earth. I was worried. Dan said it was very fun. So I mean, I'm gonna watch the end of it ultimately. I just nodded off. You're coming up on the most fun fight scene. Yeah, but it's weird.

Yeah, it's just weird that they always end these movies the same. They all end the same where they just wanted them open an eye. Where they fuck up a city and then they like learn a lesson through fighting it's like King Kong is like no you know what I guess I will stay over here we'll just leave each other alone I like people people are all right certain people are all right but this one is like God's will just like all right just fucks off into the ocean and calm's like all right See you later, bro. See whatever are you done? Like every fight I've ever been into you throw out of breath going done Is that it?

You learned your lesson. Are you good? Have you thoroughly load your lesson? What are they saying? I'm getting the reads right now It's yeah, it's got are you doing the sign language goes Kong is saying fuck you bro bring it fuck you bitch ass bring it that you have to score one of those fight scenes with just that Your eyebrow and take what we want you have see it out Whenever we watch you have see I was do the thing where I would say, Owl, you know, in the hit of the low kick, I go, ow, ow, bitch, fuck Owl. Yeah, do that with Kong for Scott's ill. What's up, Jacob? I don't understand. Where's King

Kong's head? Like, where is he hanging out? Well, you'll learn that he actually lives in he's from Hollow middle. No, he's from Hollow Earth. Skull Island. I think farted out of that. Yeah, Skull Island's like the Dingo Berry from Hollow Earth Hollow Earth's pretty cool looking. There's mountains in the sky. I don't know the ground. It's basically a pink Floyd's home Middle Earth's pretty trippy bad Who is ready? middle earth's pretty trippy bad it's just bad O it's a bad thing buddy in there and then we'll put some upside down mountains

but they're really right side up there's no sky because I fell from the sky but in nothing and then gravity switched over and then the girl from stranger side but then they got splooshed back and then my dinner came and I went to the door and got it and I kind of forgot the red they farted back out and then my dinner came and I went to the door and got it and I kind of forgot the right part of back out and then Maccadzilla and then the thing it's a radiation poisoning dude if you could do an entire week. What if you were near the fight though and you were like

like something you were a cancer patient you go fucking cured. Yeah dude., I had like eight weeks of chemotherapy in front of me. I had ringside seats for Converse Godzilla. Walked away without a trace of cancer in my body. It shows now they're telling me full remiss. Full remiss, dude, honest, I'm taking the money I was gonna spend. Thank you Titans. Yeah, so I'm just saying, you know, sometimes the ball bounces your way. He goes, dude, I don't know how I'm gonna live. I can't goes, dude, I don't know how I'm going to live. I can't afford this scheme of therapy. I don't have insurance.

I'm dead. He goes, you want to go hang out? You want to go watch Godzilla face out? Yeah. He goes, I'll tell you what, it could probably, it can't hurt. Worst case scenario, you get crushed by an office building and your family sews the business. So I can't really see a downside to this yeah there Kong vs. Godzilla is a fun movie to watch especially

if you do the noises of come here bro it was fun Eric Andre's friend of both of ours what his new movie is so fucking funny it's great it's fucking great bad trip with Laurel and both awesome us. That's so funny. It's just like it reminds me of the Jackass movies where they just set it up so funny that you're watching a reaction. What was the one with Johnny Knoxville where he's the grandpa? Bad grandpa. Bad grandpa. Yeah, I was gonna say there's no way what you were just doing was comfortable for you.

It was though. I have to get new cowches. That was insane. You were taking a knee. You're sitting on my couch and you were taking a name right now I feel like a baseball catcher Yeah, it's just Catches make me furious. No, I want to sit next to Jay. I want to smell now. We have to be vaccinated We have to be near each other. I am dude. I'm fully vaccinated now look out people of where am I going?

Kansas City Kansas City and St. Louis. I'm coming the fucks yo Kansas City Kansas City and St. Louis I'm coming the fucks yo Yeah, man, I'm bringing the fucks to town and I'm glad he's vaccinated So now I feel safer when we're dual watching bad babies only fans. I'm ready to dock with dudes Fucking make out with everybody. I'm faxed Bad baby made a million dollars on only fans. No you made more of that. Why mean a million dollars like six hours, which is Dude every every one of those guys is like I'm just into today today is the first day I even found out about her and heard about her. Is there only no? Who was the tweet that was brought up Ray Sonny? I believe oh where she was yeah, check everyone's search history for anyone that signed up for

an only fans like the day before. Yeah, I mean, that's the weird thing about it. That's like, let me put them on a list. Yeah, that's like the weird thing about the Olsen twins too. Remember when Mary Kate and Ashley, I was in college and was like, there are 18. It was like the first clock like before like my space or anything there was a countdown clock for the Olsins to turn He's talking that shit. She had that was the homepage for my space She's like refresh she was gonna listen to sublime or maybe count down to the girls turn 18 and then once the clock strikes midnight

I can do a puppet show with both of them girls. I mean who knew they were gonna Look and they're looking like fucking lollipops with Google eyes. Oh my god. They got crazy looking They look like if aliens didn't try to look human They're like, yeah, it's quick quick quick quick. Let's just we dig our first break and then come back talk bad, baby Wait guys look at this bonfire Easter egg. Do you see that? Avoid appears to be a revenue the video is set to Fat Joe and Remi Maw's all the way up, really? I'm all the way up.

Nothing because how's that a murp for us to show? Are you sure we can do all I do is win? Yeah, you are. Oh, I am. Never mind. Sorry, I just learned Maw through it was a Maw. Yeah, don't feel bad for steam. You I don't think even if you didn't know Maw through it was a Maw, you wouldn't have

asked it. If it came to you in Moth, you wouldn't have asked it. If it came to you in your head, you wouldn't have put it out to the world. You would just be like, I'm just gonna ask like now forever that I knew for sure it wasn't wrong. I'm learning how to be around people again. You're growing. I'm showing. You're learning. You're growing and you're showing.

I'm growing and... Let's take a break and we'll come back. We'll tell Kashmia side. Brazil. Our old friend the brosho Brasio we'll be right back everybody. He's Mondays the bonfire You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM! you