The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Old Creeps

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

Jacob reveals that most members of his family tree prefer young brides. The crew examines a list of famous couples with huge age gaps. Jacob defends his love of Olivia Rodrigo and Jay recalls when Miley Cyrus out of control. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. Fuck you bitch! Hey nerd. Hey nerd. Hey nerd. You're a summer bird. I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me She's the fuckin' bonfire you do She's the motherfuckin' bonfire you do Ha ha ha Ow

Ow That was Steven O. His submission for the theme song for the bonfire. The theme song bonfire submission. I like the vibe of it. I do too. If I had to give a critique, obviously I know he wanted Lou to pop drops into it,

but it sounds like the drops, doesn't sound like it's part of the song. You know what I mean? Yeah. I thought Lou was hitting them, like in the moment. Well, they all have the word bitch in them. No, no, it's a very entertaining song. Do you get what I'm saying? It's like, the sound isn't even.

It's fair. The song is like, it's lower and then the clips come in and it sounds like you're doing drops in the moment. I enjoy art, so I appreciate, I appreciated all of it. And there's no, I'm not a critiquer of art. What? Alright so let's use that know if it needed the drops. Oh, it needed the drops. Did it? Because it was just that phrase over and over again.

Bonfire, bitch. Yeah. I'm OK with that. Just a little bonfire, bitch. I like the drops, Lou. I like the drops. I love the drops, Lou. Wow.

All right, that's the winner, then. No, no, no, no. Bobby declared it. No, no, no. I didn't declare it. Bobby's new guy on the show, so he declares it. That guy's the winner and everybody else can suck our dicks who sent songs in.

That's just, I mean, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that, you know, when art meets art, I appreciate it. As an artist? When two arts collide? When two arts collide, exactly, Jay, now you get me. Now I understand it actually. I'm digging it.

Digging that vibe, yeah, yeah, music y'all. Yeah. It's the bonfire, Faction Talk Series XM 103, Big Jay Okerson, the great Robert Kelly. Gang's all here for the Lost Tapes, our Thursday pre-record. We have so many things on this sheet to talk about. Oh, okay. Kristen Wiig got all kinds of surgery, but hers worked.

I tell you what, I saw her. Kristen Wiig looks young again, and her body was killer. I saw her at the airport after she did Wonder Woman Deuce. Mm-hmm. And I was looking at this woman, and I was like, my God, she's beautiful. I'm standing next to her waiting for a car and And then I realized it was her she is hot in person. Has anybody told you you look like Kristen Wiig?

Alright what what what Who's that? Yeah, I'm saying she's coming out of the gates like she's, she had her face done, whatever she did to her face. Worked. Worked perfect. Yeah. It's so rare, she didn't go too far it seems. Yeah, she's pretty hot.

Now. When she came on SNL the other day, I was like, whoa, she looked fucking amazing the other week. Yeah. But then go to that. And I mean, but when she was in Bridesmaids, I didn't overthink it. I was like, nah, she's fine.

Yeah. Hottest one in Bridesmaids. No. Who was the hottest one in Bridesmaids? I didn't overthink it. I was like, eh, she fine. Yeah, hottest one in Bridesmaids? No. Who was the hottest one in Bridesmaids? Hmm. No, she was. It wasn't her. She was.

The hottest? The hottest one in Bridesmaids? No, I'm a McCarthy. I'm a Melissa McCarthy guy. You're like a shit that. I like when a girl takes a turd in a sink. I think it's this one, Rose Byrne. No, definitely not Rose Byrne.

No, not Rose Byrne, no way. Rose Byrne is too, no, she's too pix to now Rosie yeah she needs too much stuff to make her hot Maya Rudolph to me is just looks like Someone face diarrhea on somebody with speckle shits. I don't know something about her does she looks like a turtle She looks like he played for the Celtics in the 80s That's probably why she's so funny well That's probably why she's so funny. Well, to me, she does the one thing all the time. You don't think Rose Byrne's hot?

No, not at all. I mean, she's not unattractive. She's not the hottest one in, the hottest one in Bridesmaids is Kristen Wiig. Oh, Ellie Kemper? I don't remember Ellie Kemper. Redhead's off. In Bridesmaids, it's Rose Byrne?

No. Maybe, maybe, keep going, keep going across. Kristen Wiig, look at Kristen Wiig, she's gorgeous. Kristenne. Maybe maybe keep going. You don't keep going across the way. Look at Kristen Wiig. She's gorgeous. Kristen Wiig does look at her little nose or teeth or mouth. She's beautiful. Did it.

She didn't in that movie. I would. By the way, great news, Jacob. You know, Isla Fisher and such. Baron Cohen are getting split up or splitting up. Yeah, they're getting divorced. So now you're in divorce news. She's I just want you to know she's available now.

I always liked that couple. I was like, oh, bummer. Any couple that's in Hollywood is gonna break up. You think? You can't go and, yeah. I don't know, dude. Goldie Hawn, fucking Kurt Russell. They're not married.

You sure? They're not married. I don't think they ever married. They're not married. They've been together forever. They've been together, but you don't think Kurt got some fucking turd on the side Does that mean other girls? Yeah

Like do you need to take an improv class Jay, I think some ass Yeah, then I'm married there's only funny things fifty five pounds Hahaha she put on The blonde from the left Rose Byrne She's too thin She's too thin She's too thin She's too thin

She's too thin She's too thin She's too thin She's too thin She's too thin She's too thin I'm gonna call it a hundred and fifty five pounds The blonde from the left She's too thin all right, they had to put her sideways So that's my I don't like your fucking her eyes are too far apart too much fucking felt between my eyes between the pockets Limp hair the scene she did in x-men when she's got to get into the lingerie. Yeah. Yeah, she also

I agree with you also Bobby thin hair thin hair I don't like thin hair. Yeah Rose burn on the right. No, she's got thin hair Yeah, like Kristen Wiig has a nice fluffy do now Kristen Rigo also has thin hair, but she's rocking it Well, yeah, but she fluffed it up. Melissa McCarthy's got thick hair. Yeah, she's got She's got Maya Rudolph thick ass hair. Look at that's got, huh? Yeah, she's got. Maya Rudolph, thick ass hair. Look at that hair. Who's the blonde?

What's the blonde? Right here, she's from Reno 9, when she's so funny, what's her name? Her name is hotter than most of the other people in that picture. Is that when Melissa McCarthy lost weight? Or was she fat in that? She was, no, she was fat and played like,

she played like a particularly fat, gruff lady. Right. That was her thing. That was her first introduction to everybody because everyone was like, she's so funny, and then I know, it's that Chris Farley effect. She had to start making herself beautiful because she was just hating everyone going,

only, you're so funny, you're so hilarious. No one ever is like, you look great, ever. So she made herself look good. She's very pretty, Melissa McCarthy. Like, facially, she's very pretty. She was um. Jacob just stared at me. Yeah.

You don't think she's pretty? She is pretty. You don't think she's pretty? She's got good features. Yeah. Would you invite her over to your house and make dinner for her? Sure, I'd have Melissa McCarthy over.

Are you worried you wouldn't have enough food, you piece of shit, because that's not the thing anymore you wouldn't have enough food, you piece of shit? Because that's not the thing anymore. She's lost the weight, you piece of shit. Bring on Melissa McCarthy now, Christine. I think it'd be a story to tell. Melissa McCarthy was in my apartment in a story. She ate me out of house and home.

This is a girl that's from Reno 9-1, Wendy McLendon. Absolutely. So can you bring up the thing I said? I have it over on this window. Christine? You can just make up your own choices the way you wanna show us. That was already up.

Christine, don't fight it. Just flow with it. Oh, she looks way better. DJ Lou, you would. She's holding, they put a cannoli in her hand. What a fucking hassle. She's wearing a cannoli purse. No.

As part of her outfit. Oh, so you don't wanna fucking be fat, but you take a cannoli purse. No. As part of her outfit. Oh, so you don't want to fucking be fat, but you take a cannoli purse to a... Well, now she can, because she's like, it's not my thing anymore. Yeah. That cannoli looks crazy. Lou, you would spend a weekend at Melissa McCarthy's house looking like that. I think I would.

You look like a leather snack. She said she... Her and the guy from the movie are actually married. The little guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the guy that she... They just got divorced. From what movie? They. Yeah. Yeah. The guy that she, the, they just got divorced from what movie? Yeah, they divorced. That's such a, but no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

It's the guy that plays like the TSA agent on the beach. He's in every movie she does. Yeah. Oh, the British guy. No, no. Oh, then I don't know. I don't care. Uh, I'm out of guesses and I don't care anymore. Let's not look into it. Every movie she does, he plays something in it. Yeah? Yeah, she's in it. He's in it. Commercials together.

Yeah, there he is. Oh yeah. Nope, no idea still. I don't know why I said oh yeah. He's in the movie. I believe you. I saw Bridesmaids once. It didn't speak to me the way it spoke to you.

Jesus Christ, I watched it on a plane once. You remember everything about everything. Not fucking all girl comedies. I try to forget they ever happened. It really did speak to a lot of women. It was one of the movies I saw, it was like Bridesmaids. And then I watched it, I was like, okay. There was like funny scenes, I guess.

It wasn't a mind blow of comedy. People loved, huh? It was a funny movie. Yeah, because you're a girl. Yeah, because you have a vagin. You have a vagin. Well, there's a lot of us. Right, and that's why the movie was popular, against the fact that it wasn't as good as people said it was.

You don't think Bridesmaids was good? It was better than the Girl Ghostbusters. Do I have to say something nice? For sure. I said Melissa McCarthy's pretty now against Jacob's will. Jacob's angry at me for that. Yeah, Jacob's like nah, dude, we don't like pigs in this fucking studio. And I'm like, that's not cool. She's funny. Where's- Yeah, you're the first person that made me feel good about

about Bridesmaids. I mean, I thought it's a good movie. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. My sister called me up and said you have to see this movie right now And I did it was okay the only movies I tell people they have to watch like I'm wrong Like yo, it's amazing is like drama that like hits you in the guts Tropic Thunder didn't even like it No way simple jack scenes and then I'm Altsky. You didn't like Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder. After it was just played itself out. You didn't like the opening scene. What was the opening scene? Was that Simple Jack? When they did, yeah, they did all the movies. Simple Jack, absolutely love that scene. The priest, the pedophile priest with Toby Maguire.

I totally forgot about this and we have to, Christine, go to the Prime video on Shudder and show you, did you ever see the joke on Family Guy? It was a couple years back. I may have showed it on the show. And Christine, you could probably find it, because this is real. He goes, oh no, is this gonna be another one of those movies that has every production company involved,

has their own little thing? And it's just like, you know, it'll be like the Earth and it's a global films. And then the next one is like, you know, whatever it is, like, you know, like long walk films. And they have like somebody walking and then it turns into a silhouette and there's long walk film.

And then one was like almost a full storyline happening. And it's like, oh, okay. So I guess this father and son's going fishing and they forgot their picnic basket. And it's like father oh, okay, so I guess this father and son's going fishing and they forgot their picnic basket. And it's like, father and son go fishing, forgot their picnic basket films. It's like, each one was still, we watched this movie, Late Night with the Devil.

That was saying, that's what it was, right? Is that the new movie, right? Yeah, yeah. I forgot to tell her to bring this up yesterday when we were talking about it. There is, it's like the joke. It's like the family guy joke. There's so many and one of them is like,

this is a weird start to the movie for like 20 seconds and you're like, and it's whatever that is production company. It was like a head fake every time. It was wacky. IFC Films. One. No prob. Shudder.

Knew that. It's a Shudder original. Heartbeat. shutter knew that the shutter original heartbeat now the image nation in Abu Dhabi Abu Dhabi now let's get to this movie huh that's some money all right so they go three oh wait hang on okay what is this now Now let's get to this movie, huh? That's some money. All right, so there you go, three. Oh wait, hang on. Okay.

What is this now? Vic screen. Got it. Okay, now we're in the movie. Let's get to some movie. Here we go, this is the movie. Oh, it starts off with like an animated claymation thing. Ooh, he's looking through glasses

and sees everyone's a monster. He runs, the glasses fall. Good fiend films. Okay, so maybe it's a monster he runs the glasses fall good fiend films okay so maybe it's a short film festival now this is the beginning of the movie right nice here we go big intro nope turns out it's just This is it though right here, right? Nope! AGC Studios! It's only six. Future pictures since 2068.

Another one! 2068? Another one. 2068. Spooky pictures. I mean, is this, are you kidding? That's it. No, no, this is the beginning of a movie we just watched. Right. But there, this is a joke. No. No, no, no. Now it starts. This is the beginning.

Go back. Go to the Family Guy thing. The Family Guy thing does it. That was fucking crazy. It takes a lot to make a movie now, Jay. No, it doesn't to do this. Why does every, goes, hey, we have to leave a little extra runtime in the movie because every production company has a 40 second introduction thing they have to do.

Did you see the Family Guy one, Christine? I'm getting it. Movie openings, it's so wet. I was like, when we were watching, I started laughing. And then I was like, now I was like, and for the last four, I was like, but this is gonna be the movie now. And then not, and then not again.

It's wacky. Yeah, is this it? Yeah. All right, come on, hurry up, Brian. I don't wanna miss the movie trivia slides before the movie. Those questions are the easiest, most pandering things in the world. Does Zach want to ask a first portrayal of Forrest Gump?

Oh, oh, Tim Honks! Tim Honks! Forrest Gump, I win! Tim Honks. Tim Honks. Oh? Ah, good. It's starting. Yeah, that's what you say. I can never figure out when the hell the studio logos end and the actual movie begins. Alright, let's see what you got, Fox.

Oh, I bet that's a sea monster. Oh, that's... Underwater hat productions. Here we go. Movie! Once upon a time... studios. Alright, someone's coming to town. Airplane lands, arriving flight productions. Oh, all right, period movie.

Indie 1853, country and date productions. This guy's in trouble, can't wait to hear his story. Oh, come on! Panting man wounded shoulder films. That's great What the fuck? Panting Man Wounded Shoulder Films. That's great. And that movie was exactly, that was wild. It was crazy. You don't think they were making fun of that?

Not at all. I think everyone who was part of that movie was like, well, you got to give us our little title card there. We put a lot of work into this. Oh my God. Future Productions, established in 1963 or 18, or 2063. We gotta add that into something we do live when we intro the show.

Oh yeah, everyone's gotta get their own, like a Jacob Batat joint. Yeah, and then we do one with all of us. Yeah. The crew. The crew productions. Crackle Crackle productions, Fat Robot productions. That was so wacky.

Tackle productions, fat robot productions. That was so wacky. Do, we should talk about these celebrity age gaps, cause some of them were blowing my mind when I was seeing some of them. And again, it always goes back to what do you talk about with this person? With the video of all the people, yeah. It was pretty wild. The end one was great. Oh, I didn't see the video even. Oh, you didn't With the video of all the people, yeah. It was pretty wild.

The end one was great. Oh, I didn't see the video even. Oh, you didn't see the video? Of all the different ages? It's wild. Is it? Do you have that up, Christine? Hang on, I got a guy from text.

Ah. It's pretty wild, but the last one was like, what the fuck? It's wild. You have to have a lot of figurines. Well. Like, you know what I mean? You gotta occupy them? You have to have Xbox, you have to have a lot of figurines. Well. You know what I mean? You gotta occupy them?

You have to have X-Box and, you have to have Sony and X-Box. Yeah, it's like Dane Cook's gotta have a laser pointer so he can keep his girlfriend occupied while he does stuff. I was gonna say they're the couple that makes it work, proves it can work. Oh, shut up, Jacob. Jacob, why don't you shut the fuck up?

Why don't you shut your mouth? Why, you grandparents met early? Oh yeah, yeah, he's like, he knows when it's true love. When a 40-year-old man finds the right 13-year-old girl, he can fall in love. I recently found out, I've said the batats, now we're talking generation ago batats, not current batats. One generation ago. Jacob's dad.

Your father. No, two generations. Your grandfather. And then further back than that. Your grandfather. Yeah. You love him? But then it was great grandfathers and earlier. But your grandfather.

They all. I can't comment. They all, listen, they all dipped their toe in the illegal pool of young chua. The great grandfather was 38 and married a 12 year old. I'm sorry, what'd you say? No, I'm sorry because I thought you said... Another one was 50.

No, no, give me the first one again. Bobby didn't fully drink in the first one. I didn't hear. I thought you said 38 and 12. Yeah, possibly older. The guy was probably older probably the guy was older yeah oh no the women's age I've got straight twelve twelve yes so somebody in your family was not well adjusted for her whole life apparently yeah but you know

what Jacob's family says if there's grass on the field, ew. She can tell them about the dolls. If there's grass on the field, yick. If she's not into lollipops, ew. What, she wearing adult underwear? Yick. Does she not wipe her own ass? Ew. She wipes her own butt?

Yuck. Blech. I don't want to get touched with those hands that have wiped butt. She doesn't believe in Santa? Ew. Modern Brutats are horrified by this. Sure they are.

Sure they are. We all evolve. Yeah. People evolve. Doesn't seem like you evolve. I don't like 12 year olds. Yeah, so you and your dad go out there and smoke cigars and talk about it,

he goes, the laws were different, boy. If Mexico wasn't such a scary place, I'd move there tomorrow. Leave your mom in the dust. Yeah, and then another one was 56 and married a 13-year-old. I'm sorry, what did you say? Yeah. It was 56 and 13.

56? So I'm getting older. That's not older. That's fucking on the tail end of life. And back then, guys died at 56. It's essentially. We're not arguing. It's essentially we're not we're not arguing It's essentially Bobby if you started having sex with max next year

Now I forgot except it wouldn't be as gross cuz you wouldn't be 56 56 is fucking yeah, you have years left in your life And you never remarried those she... Oh, how could she? She was fucking... Loyal. She was mentally disturbed. I think she was a widow by... Ten?

Seventeen. Because every guy she was attracted to was dead by that point. She's been focused only on people that are 45 years older than her. Did he really die when she was 17? Yes. Right around there, yeah. Did he really die when she was 17? Yes. Right around there, yeah. Or no, maybe she had all her kids by 17.

So she died before she was legally able to be fucked. He died, he died. He died before she was legally able to be fucked by him. It's like the guy was fucking touched by Jesus himself. That kind of luck. He's like, oh, she's going to be legal next year. I'm going to die. I hope I die. She started reading on her own.

Yeah, the 12 year old was. She's not into cakes. Oh God. Next year she's going to be sitting at the adults table at Thanksgiving. I don't want her around all my friends and family. She's going to order from the regular menu next year. She's gonna want six chicken nuggets instead of that four. Shut up! Shut up! I'm trying to pay the bills. Oh then why don't you get a job? Yeah that's what I thought. Yeah that's what I thought. You're not legally able to. That's why. Yeah that's all you do

is sit there and cry. Well I gotta go out there and bust my hump you look at me you stop crying you look at me okay better yeah now suck my peepee she likes it she likes it she likes it so much I can see Jacob while your family was so how rewarding oh yeah she's kissing it a bunch are you making kisses on it who's a good girl who's a good girl you are you are look hey I'm taking my wiener in your head. Look, boop! Boop! Boop! Yeah, tickle monster! Who's the one-eyed tickle monster? Who's the one-eyed tickle monster coming in for the tickles?

Have you ever had an inside tickle? Let's try an inside tickle monster, baby! That's the Batat's family tapes. You should put this sound behind it. I've recently come into some new news. New news? That there is another early one. It's in your blood.

Another 12 year old to...I don't know the age of the... Was it older? Older than 30. their 12 year old to I can't I don't know the age of the old it's was it older than 30 older than 40 oh is there a way to ban people from playgrounds because of their family lineage Jacob you shouldn't be allowed near kids he's apparently why Jacob's not having kids yeah you got the edge he's afraid he'd fuck them hey how's the new baby, Jacob? She's beautiful. What? What, Jacob? No, she's, I've never seen anything like her.

What do you, why? I tell you, a lot of babies aren't born with such a great body. Wait a minute, what are you saying? This is the olden days, in the old, you know, old countries. Way back, like the 60s, 60s, 70s. Yeah, before. Early 80s.

It was after the, everyone was on coke. Can I ask you a question. It was after the- No, it was great. Everyone was on Coke. Can I ask you a question? Was it after the Constitution? It was after the Constitution. Billy Squire was topping the charts. And an old man Batat was fucking dorking down children all over town. Your great grandfather was Freddy Krueger.

Yeah, his grandfather had a bandana around his leg like fucking Def Leppard. Definitely the old man. I think it didn't go past the 1930s. Oh, you bet it is. Really? Early 40s. That's impossible, if Def Leppard wasn't around then for him to be in his cover band. 40s, that's World War II.

I think it was late 1930s, was the end of the... Oh, it was far away. The rapes? That, it was... The child? Yeah, today it's called rape. 30s was the end of the oh that the race that The child today it's called rape. Yeah, I think I think it is I'll tell you Jacob. I'm pretty sure back then back then It was encouraged back. It was called convenient That's just what they did. I don't agree with any of this I gotta be honest with you Jacob You're starting to make me feel as a Jew myself that Hitler may have been right Was he trying to stop this from happening?

He goes these Jews they keep going out then making sex to 15 years younger girls 15 it was 30 years younger 50 I said Driver at all no What he said Driver at all no One I put me and Fanoia going to the airport from San Diego this weekend I Paid for you know I set the car up the night before yeah the uber you could set the schedule and I was like just cuz it's more like likely to not cancel and show up I got the SUV like the black black one to the airport and I set that and I never again I never set temperature preference I never set

most importantly conversation preference whatever I'm like I'll go out my headphones on or me and Mike will be talking and it seems weirder it seems like someone would come with a weird attitude if you're like don't talk to me do you know I mean like if you could put that. Do you know what I'm talking about? The choices. No I don't. On Uber? Yeah.

When you get the black cars, the nicer car, it gives you, it says, you get a choice of temperature. Like you want to cool, warm, or don't care. I leave it on don't care. Conversation. And it's like, you know, love to talk, blah, blah, blah, or don't care. you can put love to talk Yeah, it's fucking wild and

Something like that They have to talk if like what if they're not a talker if you put I love to talk Do they have to go? Hey, how is your night? Oh my god, that would be a nightmare But I me and Mike I didn't we were just talking I Don't know what we were talking about at all even that could have brought this up But it was this guy first of all we're facing away from him because I'm in a seat looking back Because Mike's in the third row because this dude is morbidly obese Gigantic didn't get out of his car. You know they get out of the car usually to put the bags in the bags in he didn't

Get out of the car at all. He just flung it open like you know they get out of the car usually to put the bags in the bags in he didn't get out of the car at all he just flung it open like you know from the inside yeah and then Mike got in the third row and I got in the second row and we were just talking about whatever I don't know what it was maybe about like the pretty girls like didn't how beautiful that place is San Diego and the guy was like you gotta go deal Tijuana because that's where the party's at and I mean that kind of crusty like old swarthy yeah and he goes he goes the girls crazy because these girls today are crazy girl the other day coming here begging please oh please let me suck your dick let me suck your dick I was

like I know I know how that works you're gonna say that I rape you and no way goes That's why you go to the Tijuana He goes 12 13 year old girl a woman there. They woman 15 16, whatever you want Virgins, whatever you want is right there because I go I go all the time and but I mean Mike are like This is the highest price uber you can possibly get Mike are like this is the highest price uber you can possibly get This is what I get for going I go I don't have any preference on conversation I do have a preference on conversation topic with a stranger. Yeah, go to Tijuana make sex to 12 year old woman You should type that he said that fucking he said Girl got my car. They're they begging to suck my dick? I said no, I go, no one's ever, ever begged

to suck this guy's dick. He smelled, everything was bad about it. Motherfucker. Did he say 12 year old girl? Yeah. He said they're women. He said they're women down there. Down, as long as you cross the border near Tijuana,

12's a woman. Are they different? Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, they're women down there. Yeah, oh you didn't know, sorry, the old Batats migrated to Mexico. They're from Mexico. That's where their lineage is from. Oy vey, it's hot. I can only use the icy cold stare of a young girl.

I don't know, Christine always looks at me like I'm guilty. I'm telling you, generation. It's because of how much you love Kelsey Cook. It's in you, that's why. It's in you. It is in you. Kelsey Taylor. You dress like Kelsey Cook now. Jacob, you dress like you like young girls. What? That's hilarious. You dress like- There's already a Kelsey Cook. Now there's two Kelsey Cooks because a woman named Kelsey married Dane Cook. Yeah. That is funny. One's famous. Her name's Kelsey Dane Cook. Dane's girl's more famous. Kelsey Dane Cook.

Wait, Kelsey Cook the comic or Kelsey Dane Cook? Kelsey Dane Cook? You mean the famous one? Kelsey Dane Cook? I feel like you wanna take an 18 year old bride. No. Now let me ask, what's the youngest girl you've ever been with You did sign didn't you? That pause I say what?

18 when I was in my early 20s when you were your early 20s. Yes, did that hurt? That hurt what did it hurt to go with such an old woman? Was it sad to you that she was all fully matured? Do you hate that her, that her big girl boobies came in? Yeah. Did it bother you that she brushed your teeth every night by herself? No, it lives in you dormant and one day you're going to hit, you're probably getting close. You're going to get to your mid to late fifties and 50s. You're gonna go you I have to fuck a preteen

And then we're you're just gonna vanish off to your fucking ranch where you can keep them where no one could hear them scream Yo, Bob, you might if I come by Max's birthday party this summer. Yeah, I got my eye on a couple of Upstate fucking fine-ass biddies. I think it's 30s and up for me. He goes hey I bring a date to Max's party. It's okay. She's the same age as Max. Yeah, so she'll be fun She's actually Max's friend. They know each other Hey, man, so I hope you don't mind dude I'm a little tipsy so my chicks gonna have some cake with the kids and then we're gonna get out of here now I'm gonna fucking get my dude sucked on the way home

Yeah, you'll Bob you get one of those little gift bags you gave the other kids? My girl didn't get one. She wants a kazoo. Yeah. He goes how was the ride home? He goes let's just say there was frosting in my dick hair. What? That happened when I was like 18 my best friends started dating my school friend's dad but I didn't know it was my school friend's dad until my school friend showed up at the guy's house and was like, hey, dad. Jesus Christ.

Jacob's gonna come one day, he goes, guys, big step for me and my girlfriend. She's sitting in the front seat now, it's okay. She actually took a step. She's allowed to sit in the front seat now, so no rules. Hey guys I saw my girl take her first steps today. I had to miss my girlfriend's first steps for this fucking dumb job. Don't worry she'll grow out of that lisp.

Jacob's got to save up to get his girlfriend braces. It's heading that way Jacob. You're gonna be an old creep. Hey, what's up? I'm BK Burglar, Bob Kelly, AKA The Rooster. I'm Big Jay Okerson. I only have one AKA. I'm a cowboy. Look, if you love the bonfire, which you know you do, this is just half of the show. That's right.

It's the podcast version, everybody. So if you want to hear the whole thing go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire to get the whole thing. Yeah, you get tons of other entertainment too. It's not just us. You got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show. You go to all kinds of other shows and you know what? Tell a friend. But most importantly this show. Yeah, this show. Just go to this show. Do something resembling anything? this show. Yeah, this show. Just go to this show. Do something resembling anything. Jacob has the... I'm an old creeper one. I do love Olivia Rodrigo.

Oh my god, there's more. But Louis loves her too. So... Who's that? The little Wednesday? The little waify singer. There's another one that goes... I don't know any of her songs look at her face so sad you face just like Sydney Sweeney yeah Jacob loves do face go to pictures is no way know that's a good teenage girl jumping around now he's 21 I'll have you know 21. Yeah, oh Then you're fine. That's only the age of my daughter my daughter's 21. Ah weird Jacob likes to braid hair on stage you would date her Bobby if you know I wouldn't I want nothing to do with this now Now I don't like little I don't I like a woman. I like one tit bigger than the other I like a little droop to the booze a celebrity

I'm obvious can miss himself that he likes these fucking I get up old fucking tornado I do I like shit, but they also Jacob. I like can not this also. I like cancer freckles I like a chick who never used ever in her life used anything She's healthy, but she has a lot of biopsy scars. I just like a chicken. Every couple years I gotta take something off her skin and have it looked at. Yeah I like that. But she's fine.

I like a faded tattoo. Go to some pictures of her. Pictures are fine. Oh god. Jacob, clearly she's a pretty girl and all that. It's a child. It's the one child you're into. What are you not, she's 21.

Why are you not yelling at Lewis? I'm not yelling at either of you, I understand. It's hard to view. You're signaling me out. You can't see it the way I see it because she's taller than you. It's not in his blood. That's why.

It's not in his bloodline. It's in your bloodline. It's not. There's just no, I'm not going to be with Olivia Rodrigo. You wanna stay home on the weekend. I don't know what we're arguing about. You wanna make a macaroni vase with your girl? Why don't you go meet her fucking family

and see how weird you look. I admit things, Bobby doesn't. What do you mean I don't? Bobby lies. I'm not lying, what am I lying about? I'll tell you, this is it. The one thing always stuck in my head, when you told everyone in the room how religious you were, because you wanted to

be invited to go to church with Mark Wahlberg. I am- You're not religious. You wanted Mark Wahlberg to invite you to go to church in Boston with him. Mark Wahlberg is an adult and he's got a much more feminine body than Olivia Rodrigo. Look at this. That's an eating disorder. Jacob, that's disgusting.

That's a stickish kid. That's disgusting. That's not, I think that's photoshopped. That's an anorexic person thing that's not or I think that's a photoshopped person I think that's photoshopped it's her Instagram right she's disgusting you think she photoshopped it to be more creepily gaunt I do not see the look gross she does that that's unattractive to me well he don't think that looks 21 but her body looks like she's 12 there it is you found the

loophole found a loophole you like a nice 12 year old body. You probably tried fucking midgets for a while, but that wasn't doing it for you. Yeah, those chunky fucking elbows made him throw up. But you like to rock on the sleep. There you go, Jacob, how about her? Look at this fucking hot chick. I don't like any of that.

Yeah. Christine's just showing anorexic teenagers now. That's what it looks like. That's a horrible picture of her, I don't think what it looks like. That's a horrible picture of her. I don't think that she looks like that. It's a picture she took. Why is it on her Instagram? By the way, Jacob.

Go to her live concert. Lou, back me up here because I'm getting singled out once again. I really enjoy her music. You're throwing foolish shit. In fact, he brought it up to me. I didn't even bring her up. Don't throw Lou under the bus. You threw me under the bus with God. Now you're throwing Lou. You're not religious, Bob. I didn't even bring her up. He brought her up. Don't throw Lou under the bus. You threw me under the bus with God.

Now you're throwing Lou. You're not religious, Bob. I pray every day and every night. You pray that Mark Wahlberg will invite you to go to church with him. That's what you pray. That's not true. Listen, first of all, I would go if he asked me.

Of course you would. I'm gonna get the app prayed up, but I pray every day and every night. You do pray? I have a prayer on my arm for God's sakes. Do you pray? Well, he's got the cliff notes of a prayer. She has a song called Dry For A Fast.

I need it. Blah, blah, blah, serenity, blah, blah, blah, courage, something, something, wisdom. Thanks God. I don't know her songs, Christine. Well, here's one where she's super gaunt. And imagine how you could be so open Christine well here's one really good where she's super gaunt She does why these girls so sad

Why are they so sad? Fake sad it's Tori Amos was sad. Yeah, it's like Taylor Swift sad. Yeah, I agree not sad I don't think she said she's 21 and a millionaire God Fucking ass. Oh God Fucking asshole. Look at her fucking fake tears Well, she has them. They're on it's like makeup. Oh, those are tears cuz she's starving. Oh God I Don't know how we've gone on to this topic because you know you brought up the potat family Yeah, because you're a very very very very history and then you were like, you know up the Patat family. Yeah, because you're the only one with Olivia Rodrigo. Ancient history.

And then you were like, you know what little kid I'd like to fuck? Olivia Rodrigo. First of all, age and history is mummies. 21. Okay, the pyramids of age and history. In the late 30s is recent history. By the way, there's still guys alive from that war. Yeah.

Jacob. I don't know what word. Jacob, she's a beaut, by the way. I'm agreeing it's wrong to, you should not have sex with the other girls. No, this is wrong too. You believe the law is the law, but it's not. Look at that little kid's body. She's got a little kid's body, Jacob.

Lou, why are you into her? To be fair, a lot of people were obsessed with Arianna Grande and she's a 12 year old. I think same thing. Another one. Kids body. Listen, but by the way, both of these... Well, here's the thing that makes sense to say. They're both beautiful girls. They're beautiful. Little girls. But they're girls. They're little girls. Yeah. Those ass cheeks. See right You said she's hot. I'm with Jay on this you want to sleep with her and teach her how to read better. Yeah What would you talk about oh you would show her all of your old Nazi books and You could talk about how your great-grandfather just like you wanted the fucking child and now she's bringing it all full circle Then you can make her pancakes.

Oh, then you can make her a wide variety of culinary treats. Oh, I thought that was this. I thought she was singing this. That's the sound in Jacob's head. Every time he sees her. I just, she's a little kid, man. Your legs open and shut. Your legs go open and shut. She's a little kid. Is she on my top 10? No. You brought her up out of nowhere.

Brought her up, and you said you like- In context of the- That you like children? Your family. That your family likes to have sex with children? No. Well, you're just not going to talk now because every time you say something it's worse and worse?

Oh, Jacob, are you simply not going to say anything now because every time you do it gets- What's on the age gap age gap of celebrities? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you guys want to explore some other pedophiles? I do. I do know that one Anthony Kiedis was on was that because it was a thumbnails dating a 20 year old. Yeah And apparently he was from 2014, but I mean look at that picture gross. That's Jacob's dream right there The whole of shaking. That's Jacob's dream. To carry a girl into a restaurant. I would never say yes. This is because she was throwing a fit and wouldn't go to the bathroom before they left. And he's like, you're gonna go to the bathroom.

You have to go poopy before we go. Ugh! You have to go. Ugh! Get in the bathroom right now. Ugh! And poopies. And you have to learn to wipe your own bum.

Ugh! Their lovemaking must be beautiful So these are some other but that was what was that 56 and 20? She's 20 52 and 20 Jesus crazy 52 and 20s nuts Yeah, this is 2014 so this is ten years ago that picture of anything he just was ten years ago Yeah, and this that's more of an age gap than you and Isabella That picture of Anthony Keaton was 10 years ago? Yeah, and that's more of an age gap than you and Isabella.

Nothing wrong with that. What'd you say? Nothing wrong with that. Why would you say that? Why would you say that? There is something wrong with that, Jay-Z. There's definitely something wrong with that. I love love.

So this video, this is, it starts out with Jay-Z was 28 and Beyonce was 16. But not when they hooked up. Yes. Is that what it's saying when they hooked up. Yes. Is that what it's saying when they hooked up? Yes. Yeah, they are saying, this is saying the age gaps in celebrities. I think it's from when they met.

Everybody claims that they waited till the girl turned 18 before they fucked her. Of course you did. Of course they did. Nobody's like, yeah, I totally was hooking up with a 16 year old, but he probably were. You don't meet Beyonce as Jayay-z and not fucker Yeah, that's for your namesake. That's what your namesake thought. You don't hang out with a lea and not fucker R Kelly

Yeah, exactly. They don't even show a lea. No because no, but can I say something though rappers are known for patients Sexual patients all of the songs All the songs about patients. Sexual patients. It's all of the songs. And just being all around good guys. All the songs about patients. Yeah, that's one of my favorite songs. Actually, one of my favorite Tupac B-sides is Never Even Try to Fuck a Bitch Till the 7th Date. Let's go out and see some of these.

Okay, I'm gonna try to pause this because it goes pretty quick. Pato Hollywood. So this is Beyonce 16, Jay-Z 28. Yep. Someone doing a skank sign behind them, by the way. Nice. Who's Jay-Z 27 while Foxy Brown was 14, 15? Jesus Christ. But he waited there too.

Were they a couple? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's just saying age gaps. No, they were together. I don't remember Foxy Brown being a couple. They were together. They made that one song. Word on the street together. I don't remember Foxy Brown and him being a couple. They were together. They made that one song. Word on the street is that she fucked everybody.

Foxy Brown? Yeah. I liked her, she was hot too, but I was more of a little Kim guy. She fucked everybody too. Jacob. Easy. Look at all these little girls, Jacob.

This is nuts. You love it. We should put something on Jacob's penis to see if it goes up and down. Oh yeah, penis meter. Go ahead, put it on. Bobby, you have to put it on. I'm too old for you.

I'll put it on a penis meter for 20-year-old girls, nothing. All right, go ahead. OK. What a dick move. That's funny. 26, 27 P. Diddy and 13, 14-year-old Usher. When were they a couple? I don't remember that. I'm sure it was come out about that.

Listen. What do you mean? Not about like being romantically involved with him, but basically being like, why was I taken around to clubs when I was 30? He's like, I'm not a grown woman. I wasn't ready for any of that. I just want to be a musician.

What he said was, it was a Stern clip, I believe. And he was talking about the P. Diddy flavor camp that you have to go to. What? You'd go live at P. Diddy's house for like 14 weeks or something. And he would, apparently, I guess he would have sex with you, but it seemed like he was just there

to teach you flavor. And I guess the flavor of cum, yeah, I guess, I know one salty well, I know one flavor good, salty. Bleachy and salty, that's the only flavor I got. Have they actually found him yet or is he still? Nobody knows where he is. No, people are filming him all over the place or whatever. He's doing whatever he wants. He's not in the US. He's out of country.

I think he was in the US last time he was seen. He's like, they haven't arrested him yet. So Usher and P.J. That makes this kind of funny. My God. Jimmy Page and that 13 year old girl, that's an old story. That's the Batat life right there. It's a different time. This girl was a 13-year-old slut, for sure.

That's actually not as bad as Jacob's family. It's not quite as bad as your family. It's actually, in fact, it's better by about 30, 40 years. You guys stop listening to Led Zeppelin now, Bobby, now that you know this? I might. I do. Never listen to Led Zeppelin again.

I stop listening to the solos. I won't give him his own due. 13, 20, 13. I start cutting out all the solos. I go, if there's a bustle in your hedgerow, and that's why I throw down the road. I just skip right over all the guitars Ketus and that girl 25 and 16 so when he was 25 he was with a 16 year old what the fuck I mean, that's bad, but it's not as bad as 56 and 12. It's bad. No, it's there's no not as bad

26 and 15 is bad. It's bad. No, it's, there's no not as bad. 26 and 15's bad. It's definitely like, it wasn't mega uncommon, I guess, when we were teenagers, but I mean, like, it was weird still. Especially in LA. 25. What's the law in LA, though? Isn't it 16?

No, it's 18. Old enough to bleed, old enough to butcher, I think is the law. That's from the People versus Butcher. When there's grass in the meadow, it's time to play. It's a precedent-setting's from the People versus Butcher. When there's grass in the meadow, it's time to play. It's a precedent setting case. People v. Butcher? Old enough to bleed, old enough to butcher.

So Butcher won. Elvis. Elvis. And that other, and a different girl. It's not even Priscilla, is it? That's not? I think that's Priscilla. That's Priscilla. Wow. She's just so young in that photo, Jay.

You can't tell. Her face hasn't matured yet. She's her baby fat. Remember, he waited too. He did. He did though, I believe that for sure. You think, you believe Elvis waited? Oh, it's the king, dude.

You think he waited? Yes. Dude, he doesn't look like he waited. He was getting so much other ass that he was like, I'll wait four years and just fuck other people until you ripen on the vine. 24 and 14. 16 sunny and share Lied and said she was 18 so so it's our fault small scumbag Armenian thing she did lie

Yeah, piece of shit scumbag Armenians. That's what they do. Yeah, the gypsies tramps and thieves Yeah, this was Wilmer von Balambas and fucking Mandy Moore. 21, 16, if I was father of 16 year old girl, major problem with that, doesn't hit my radar too hard. No. It sucks. It's not that bad. If I was her father, no, if you're the father, it's bad.

You know the difference between those two. But- It's high school bad if I was her father now if you're the father it's bad You know the difference between those two but I school and end of college, but it's also it's also It's also Hollywood. He's also not much more mature than Mandy Moore is at that point Yeah, 21 he's also been famous since he was in his teens. He is they probably knew each other as kids Yeah, that was the age gap in both my relationships. I think like five years 15 and 20 16 and 21 22. Yeah Yeah, Christine's pictures coming up in this, you know Christine's coming over this with two different guys five years My ass that's for love when I was 25. I waited for a girl three months

To turn 18 my and then on the finally say she'll fuck you and you let her go. At midnight I just ate her ass. No. This is a weird thing though. It's like on this day you can go do whatever the fuck you want and nobody says shit. Yeah, it just happens to be, it's like, okay, now we can fuck. Now you can lick it.

Here's my butt. Now. Here's my penis. Put it in your mouth right now. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. How old are you today? How old are you? Sing it, idiot.

You become like Turner on her. Keep going. Jacob's buttoning up his jacket. I know. He's getting, he's getting. He's hiding his boner. Because I wanted to put the other jacket on and I forgot it upstairs.

Who is that? That's Hannah, right? That's Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus, I don't know who that guy is. Fucking thick eyebrows, dickhead. You can tell she got banged early though, the way she is now, she's just a dirty hoe. She probably had three abortions by 17. That girl, when she turned 18,

couldn't wait to pig out so hard. She was a pig. God damn, she had a few years of like, I'm telling you, it's the best as a father of a daughter who you end up getting stuck watching, or any kid watching the kid shows shows the payoff she gave to the parents by as soon as turn 18 going like by the way here's me taking a piss yeah you want to see my hairy pussy take a piss and I'm like yeah I'll look I'll take a peek mother I guess you're gonna show me you

taking a piss I'm not gonna pursue you. But listen, I'd watch Olivia Rodrigo take a dump. All these people, but I'm just saying, as far as attracted, like, dream girl, their bodies are kids. Yeah, it's too thin, it's too small. You know, it's like, you see it in sports so much when these guys, from, from draft to, like, multiple years in, like, they grow.

It's like they're still, like, growing and getting, like, their, uh, adult shit. Yeah, I don't want to look down and see her biting her fingernails while she's blowing me. Yeah, dude, this was right away. She's 18. She came out on fucking SNL. No, this was at the Grammys, I think. It wasn't the Grammys, MTV Awards. Yeah, with Robin Thicke. Is she 18 in this? Yeah, Robin Thicke. Was she 18 in this?

Yeah, Robin Thicke, and that's when she starts like just pounding, like punching her snatch the whole show. When did she come out with the wrecking ball? Was that 18? That was after. That was after? That was like when she was on her way back. No, cause she was naked in that. Look at her with her tongue. Oh yeah, she was big on the tongue.

Oh, she's got a nice tongue. And then everybody was sticking out their tongues and pictures But I mean there's a video where she puts her thing out and lets someone in the audience like stuff his finger in her pussy Oh, I went nuts. She only nuts for a minute What it's like her moves aren't very sexy She's a goofy white shit But she wanted to be pop and I get that she would have been a She wanted to be pop and I get that. She would have been a humongous country star and never had to wear anything besides jeans

and shit. But I remember watching this with Isabella and being like, what the fuck? Hannah Montana? Hannah Montana? I mean, I'm telling you a year or so before this, Carla took her to Nassau Coliseum to see that it was called the Hannah Montana slash Miley Cyrus concert and Then this is a year later, and now she's getting banged from behind by Robin Thicke fucking Beetlejuice She's 18 in this video I believe so yeah, it's 2013

Robin looks like his dad. Oh my god. She's sucking on his neck. Yes And then she shoves that in her snatch. She's a big piece of shit She's very pretty She's also got pageant face though. She has the same like that my pageant face. Yeah, she's born in 92 So says she was 21 21 there okay. Well that's not bad. You can be a ho at 21. It doesn't matter what it was. Whatever it was, it was overnight.

That's what the difference was. There was no warning of this being the new Molly. She came out and you're like, damn that's a fucking sexy outfit. And then it just, all of a sudden she's like, take that little foam finger and she's like smashing it in her twat. It was crazy,, all at once.

I wasn't ready for it. And then I was really judgmental of her until those peeing pictures and then I kinda softened up to it. I've never seen her pee. Can I see her pee? Come on. I've never seen it.

No. I swear to God. I've shown that to everybody I've ever met. There's no way, dude. If you're friends with me for more than five seconds, you've seen these pictures of Miley Cyrus peeing. Christine, if you would, please. Thank you.

Oh, God. Maybe I did see this. Oh. Christine, I've ruined it. No, go to the ones where you see her. There it is. What the fuck? This is full gash. There's one where she's holding a beer bottle, giving peace signs. Yeah, drinking. There it is.

Look, she's a complete, she's a perfectly functioning system. She's pissing while she's drinking beer. How does she not gain weight? Because she's a tube. Isn't that crazy? Where is she? She's just out in the desert taking a piss.

Yup. Wow. She was so fun for a minute, I bet. Everyone who hung out with her got a piece, I bet. I know somebody who did. Look, there's a picture of her taking a dump. No. Where?

Oh, right there. Mm-hmm. That's kinda cute. Oh no, pissing in a sink. Whatever it is. She liked to piss. It's great. Oh yeah, there was the girl who pissed on the guy's face and everyone had to apologize forever. That was the

funniest. The singer? Yeah, the girl just whizzed on a biker's face and she ate so much shit for that. Oh, because it was at a concert with kids and shit. Well, don't keep your kids there. What? Listen, that's how it works. It's like Arj Barker, dude. Why is your kid here? Yeah, Arj Barker. why is your kid here when you know somebody might get their face pissed off? Who's this show this? Okay, so that's Miley Cyrus and some guy that's 21 Kobe Bryant his girlfriend 2260 that's the girl he raped oh 22 and 16

Wife Vanessa something yeah, That's Kobe Bryant's wife Vanessa something Vanessa Bryant Oh yeah She was a dancer in his music video His rap video Really? Mmhmm

He was a good rapper He wasn't though but 25 and 15 who's that? Rick Springfield? No I have no idea who that is Yeah Is it?

No, looks like Ricky Let me see get closer. I think it is Rick Springfield. I think I may have nailed that Jesus Let's see. Oh Man great Christine now you ruined everything for everybody all the time It's alright Christine. Don't worry about it. You're doing good. Hey, he's right. You're doing good. You could be doing great. A little better, but you're doing good. But it is good.

It's great. What you've done is good. Look at all the hashtags on this ad, by the way. Hashtag Pato, hashtag Pato Wood, hashtag Hollywood, hashtag Disney, Nickelodeon, Amanda Bynes, Ariana Grande, DiCaprio, Jay-Z Diddy, Jaguar Wright, Exposé, Epstein? Hey, throw an Epstein in there. Even Epstein's like, this isn't my thing.

I had an island I did. Steven Tyler's, I'm 14 year old. Is that when you fucked Drew Barrymore? You hate to see it. You hate to see it. Keep to see it Keep going 25 and 14 29 and 16 oh Milo Ventimugaga and and the girl from heroes really no that's not Milo It is too. It's Milo Bob the Dupuvo I figured out that that was Rick Springfield and it was Linda Blair Linda Blair fuck the demon He was 15 and he was 25. That's right when she filmed Exorcist.

Wasn't it? No, she was younger than 15. She was younger than 15. How old was she? 12 maybe or something, I guess, pretty young. That's what she was real hot. Right, Jacob? Right, Jacob?

That's gross. No, not at your Thanksgiving table. Who else? Milo, 29 and 16, that's pretty fucked up. Milo, like the guy that is on This Is Us? Yes. Oh man. He was in Balboa, he was Rocky's son. Absolutely.

He's got that thing that a lot of actors have that people don't, that crooked mouth. Yeah, he's got a Rocky's son mouth. And that's Hayden Panettiere, Panettiere, however you say it, they were both on Heroes together, that's what this is from. Oh. So he fucked her on Heroes? I guess so, she was the cheerleader. Wow, Panettiere, how ever you say it. They were both on Heroes together, that's what this is from. Oh. So he thought they were on Heroes?

I guess so. She was the cheerleader. What a hero, right, Jay? That was the- That guy's Christine's hero. That was the thing of the thing. Save the cheerleader, save the world. That was the tagline of the show.

So fucked, how do you know that crazy shit? I watched that show. I didn't know this age gap was that crazy. Doesn't matter. Anything Johnny Dips turns touches to legal 16 and 26 hit a chick there are some dudes though, you know, it was like that's I Johnny Depp you're like, yeah lucky ass Winona Ryder I'm more I'm more impressive when owner Ryder got a 26 year old Johnny Depp

Yeah, Johnny Depp is hot he He goes, when I run you lucky bitch. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, you know that was gonna happen when she was in Cape Fear and she sucked De Niro's thumb. Yeah, well then they were in that movie together where they were like a gross like fucking like couple. Yeah, that movie when you watch that scene when she made it when he put his thumb in her mouth. Mm-hmm. Hey, that was a hard one. Even- Well, they made her such a little girl in the movie, too.

She was like a ribbon in her hair. Yeah, I remember being in the theater and every guy just kind of looked at each other like, is this all right? Is this all right? If you start wagging off, if you wag off, I'll wag off. Is everybody else hard? Guys, this is crazy, right?

How fucking flaming hard I am right now. Oh, God. I mean, come on. That right there where she covers the thumb. Unfortunately, at 14, 15 years old was the last time Juliette Lewis was pretty or looked like a girl. Now she looks like Robert De Niro. Good actress, though.

I got to say, I like Juliette Lewis in a lot of shit. How do you do that as an actor? What? Put your thumb in a child's mouth? Yes! How do you let a, I mean how many takes? You know what guys? We should find out, here's the thing. We've got actors here.

Jacob, would you mind putting your thumb in Christine's mouth real quick? Just do a scene, just do the Cape Fear scene. Oh! I forgot they kissed and everything. Oh, she had to be old. She had to be, she had to be older. You can't just. I think she may have been like 17 or something. She had to be legal.

You can't just make out with a kid on fucking film. Yeah, you think. How old was she in that movie? Brad Pitt got mad at her afterwards. Fucking whore. She was 18, there you go. Okay, that makes sense. Okay.

So it's fine. It's fine, yeah. Happy birthday to you. Stick my thumb in your mouth. I know we can wrap it up. We've learned a lot today. Maybe too much about Jacob. Hollywood's gross.

Hollywood's gross. You can't fuck kids anymore. Hollywood's gross, Jacob's gross. Jacob's family can't gross. Everybody's gross. Jacob's gross. Jacob's family caros. Everybody's gross. Jacob's gross. What did I do? You're gross.

It's not you. It's what runs through your veins. Yes. That was bad. You just missed like the Sixers. Sorry. I'm sorry. Jay? You say goodbye.

Jay? No, no, no. Jay, I'm so sorry. Read the... Alright. Big Jay, this weekend I'm so sorry. All right. Big Jay this weekend. He's going to be a Raleigh improv this weekend, and he's not going to miss. He's going to win, unlike the Sixers. April 26th, 27th, Friday, Saturday night, then San Jose in Los Angeles at the Comedy Store at the Netflix is a Joke Fest.

Friday, May 10th. That's his show for tickets and all of the tour dates, bigjacomedy.com, and we're also gonna be out there doing the Bonfire live. I think we're gonna get a show where you guys can actually, some people can actually come in, watch live. We're figuring that out. There's definitely gonna be that.

We just don't have any information about it yet. Yeah, well it's Thursday, Thursday, May 9th, to two before. But it better come up pretty soon, some info of how people can get a hold of us, because why don't we open up, if you have any interest, if you're in the area out there you have any interest email at the bonfire or email the bonfire at serious xm calm and we at least get like

We just know that it's gonna have to all go through serious It's fine, but we have to gauge interest in if we open it up more days I want to be if we're gonna do it in the garage more than once we should go live on the bonfire Instagram while we're at the one of those nights and we'll hang it out all of us yes yes and Bobby Kelly of course is gonna be at laugh Boston this weekend Friday and Saturday after that Sarah so is God smack coming out this weekend good question don't know Sully usually comes out with like 18 people That's this Friday and Saturday go there see Bobby But stay for God smash stay for God smack and his huge Italian family after that

He's gonna be in Sarasota, Florida Atlanta Georgia Stanford Connecticut for tickets and all other tour dates go to Robert Kelly live Comm or check out all his content and buy tickets over a punch up lot punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly Still not on that sheet. Make sure you check out our YouTube page. Skankfest Vegas sale. Tickets probably still on sale. If not, you fucked up. But get them while you can.

Still don't have my new artwork. And Bobby's still Fat Robot. I mean, everybody loves Fat Robot so much. Dave's still Gay Alien and I'm still Bed Head Jay. Hey, why don't you dress up for your space cosmonauting? What an asshole. We'll catch you guys back live Monday. See you Monday.

Have a great weekend. Have a great weekend. Don't bang kids.