The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Olympic Level Synchronicity

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

Olympic talk leads to Jay believing that he and Christine can be synchronized swimmers. Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com @BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com #CrackleCrackle

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocarson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. End of the Olympics. Though it's time I give a shit about a lot of sports, some are Olympics. Is it over yet? It's over. finished this past weekend

Oh, no, it was fun. It was always something to watch. I Don't know I got into so many. I think Jacob's the same as me. I got into so many weird shit synchronized swimming I said nice that is that's what we're gonna talk about. Oh, he's not the best Not the best I told you Waterpolo and same ping pong was insane BMX BMX was the funniest did I break talk about this on the show That Katie and I were watching BMX and it started with the women and we were like holy shit This is cool. They were doing like wall touches and back flips and I was like damn these girls are fucking awesome The girl from Australia. there was a girl from England

that was awesome. Then the guys came out and you're like, wow, you're like, oh my God, this is a different sport. They were doing like four flips in a row and you're like, oh my God. It's like half pipe BMF. Yeah dude, it was like appetizer versus. So they brought all the X games to the Olympics now.

Basically they just did the X games at the Olympics this year, which is fucking awesome. That's pretty cool. But then they added surfing, they added a lot of cool stuff. Surfing, just surfing. How do you know if you had a good surfing? I don't know. Surfing competitions are huge. How do you judge surf? If you ride the wave, dude. Yeah. Ride that curl. What's good surfing? Not falling down? Yeah. And then being able to like

carve a way. Difficulty of the moves you're doing. Yeah, you're doing. What does moves in down? Yeah, and then being able to like carve a way. The difficulty of the moves you're doing. Yeah, you do. What does moves in surfing? Yeah, they do. What moves the idea of guys? Have you ever watched surfing? Yeah, enough. Enough to know it's that there's no moves.

If you stand up in the whole time, it looks like even when you're great at it and you're off of it. Jay, do you only know movie green screen surfing where they're just honest surfing? Green screen. Do you only know movie green screen surfing where they're just honest Serving. Are you going point break green screen? I like doing this. Oh, you know, with the James, like you know, you tricks on those your friends chop on and play songs and then they jump off. Yeah, my name is Moon Doggie.

No, dude, they ride they ride the snake. No, they ride the wave. Dude, it's awesome. Surfing is awesome. Christine, bring up good surfing. Like Kelly Slater? Yeah, bring up Kelly Slater. He fucked Pan Anderson right in the prime. Well, there you go.

He gave her the old surf sushiege. What's crazy is when like a... The best dick always tastes it salty from the sea. It's like, it it's it's snowboarding Now it's not first things first you have to wait for a god damn wave to come we gotta go ride the wave in what it's not a wavy day Then the way doing ways aren't cracking bro. I know nothing about surfing. I just know it's it's cool I just don't surf it's just So should I do some good surfing. The best of Kelly Slater.

Here we go. Guys, a fucking world champion. Look at that, the guys in a wave looking at the camera. I'm already, already the fact that these shapes his head, I don't like. He looks like, oh, there it is. What? He's got the Mr. Clean look.

I like he surfing in a t-shirt. That makes me feel good about it. Okay, surfing. Look at that, the Mr. Clean look. I like he's surfing in a t-shirt. That makes me feel good about it. Okay, surfing. Look at that. Touches down. He runs. He can be your feet like stuck to the board with wax. I can't do, I could, I couldn't get on a surf board.

I'm just saying, okay, is that the winning one? I mean, that's pretty good. Is that for the win? But I don't, you know, is that the best? I don't, that's pretty good. Is that for the win? But I don't, you know, is that the best? I don't know how, my point is how do you, it's just like the judges what they feel? No, I think there's like things to look for. There's a lot of categories.

The American girl won the surfing competition this year, the inaugural. Yeah, she's from Hawaii, right? Yeah, from Hawaii. Did she lock out because they're having to be waves that day I think they had like a wave maker Really yeah, they had a machine that would like pull the water and give it a certain amount of wave All right, so we get the same wave yeah to write it. Yeah

In the stupid why is it Stupid. I don't know. What's the most you can do? You can't flip on it. No, but you can like very negative even off air about the Olympics. The Olympics are great. Run. It's international competition. That's finest.

Nah. I wish it would just be the ones I want to watch basketball. Oh, let me see. See it again. Yeah. Complete lucky landed on that thing. He's the best ever then. He's the greatest is ever lived. He's one of the greatest of all time. Well, we brought up synchronized swimming and you were critical about that.

I'm telling you, all of us right now can do as good a performance tomorrow. And I'm gonna play the game. I'm gonna play the game on the show. Absolutely. Because Dan, please say with the game you've tried to play and said you couldn't do it. Katie and I were watching it and she said, why don't we hold our breath every time they go underwater? And it's hard. It's hard to do. I bet it's easy. And also the camera that they have that shows the underwater and above the water,

they're like looking at the camera, not moving, holding their breath, smiling like cheerleader face. They have to have cheerleader energy in the water which is fucking crazy. I will look at you with a big old cheese on my face every time you go underwater. There's no way you'll be able to flip upside down and kick your legs the way they do. But you have not seen me in the water. I know there's no way you have not seen me in the water. Christine, do me a favor please tell dad that I can definitely go underwater and kick my feet. I can't hold yourself up like that You tell Dan that I can bicycle my legs while I'm a half underwater. I think you can yeah

Pretty good flips too if we can get a half underwater half a Water I don't think you could see nice one slice through the water like a fucking dolphin I could do it too Fuck both of you delusional idiots. No way you can make me. Me and Christine are going to be in a pool this weekend and I'm telling you I will record me and her doing a synchronized number. Yeah, let's do a routine.

I'll do a routine. Great. He does love to move his body. I heard. He loves it. Listen, I'm not saying Jay's not a body rocker. I'm saying he can't synchronize swim Listen Jacob and I are Olympic fanatics. We're Olympian Olympian nuts. We love it. We love international competition

We love the rings. We love the whole of some good. Bring up some good Bring up some good summer games that winter game shits for fucking dorks Huh, huh, actually, I like to I like the winter games too Right Jacob Really want to get into we're gonna have figure skating fit lose You get into the lose Very fun. Do you also get into what's the, you get into the, what's your call at Derby? The one you have to make the Balsa wood car and put it on the ramp

because that's all the Luzge is pinewood. It's people pinewood Derby. Yeah, but there's not people writing that you know, fast they're going around those corners. Yeah, dude. Can't be that scary. Jamaicans are great at it. That's a pop sled.

Different sport. It's not Luzge. No, Luzge. Oh, God. You know, I, you feel like you're having a conversation with someone in your real life. They don't know what they're talking about. Maybe this is the problem I have. I'm tired of getting Olympic shames. Yeah. Well, learn, learn the vast array of sports. Remember the Bob Slate? I'd say why the winner

Olympics were great. One of the great, I mean, I think by the way videos similar to just luze's like one person. Do the fucking, the girl, remember the girls ass blasted out of her suit in the Bob Slid team. Oh, her fantastic. Yeah, before you get into this, Christine, by the way, if I wasn't worried about taking a video with my shirt off for this, I would do the even the dancing outside of the pool with Christine.

I would do a even the dancing outside of the pool with Christine. With the way. With the way the different. I would do a whole thing with Christine. I don't know if she can keep up with my rhythm. But I'm willing to show. You guys will not be synchronized at all. Are you crazy? You won't be able to do it.

You're not. I'm a dancer. I don't answer, dude. Good luck. He's taking it to the water. Check it looks super girl. J.E.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L.L super girl. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, you're a lot. It's making me feel right about myself.

I would a great draw board. You have there, Lou. You're so good. I see me in Christie. Go ahead. Bring up the girl. First bring up the girl doing Bob Sled. The Blaster at you never saw this clip when they're going back.

You get the jump into the slip Look up Bob sled ass breaks through Bob sled ass probably will get you the video. Yes. It's great show a little Bob You've never seen this black blue and ask man like yourself a butt guy like you dude It's she's not wearing underwear and it blasts right open her big fat UCS couldn't be containing that one piece Bob's let out I just got excited about what's up. I'm gonna tune the sandwich in between the show UK Bob sled team splits her suit. Yeah, oh yeah This is it.

Oh, I guess she is wearing her underwear, but... But... But... WAM! Oh! Oh, it's so long! She got fat booty. This song's awesome. I don't know what this fucking EDM is.

Sorry, me bum break through. Yeah, keep it going. Bless your ass. If you were just a guy standing behind you're like, oh nice. If you were just like, if you just caught that you're like oh, this is so boring. You're like oh Look at the cheat go that you just take off on a bobslight after that. Yeah Hell yeah, dude That's great. We'll treat it out of the bonfire SXM

All right now go to this video of synchronized swimming, which Jane, Christine, will replicate this weekend. I rolled my eyes. I don't know if I'll do the same exact routine. I'm gonna put my own flare into it, but I'll lose. Please judge this for us. If you guys think they'll be able to pull it. At one point, here's where I'll even do a one point.

I won't point. I'll go in there. Bring it back so we can see the dance as something. I'm already playing the move in my head that I will go upside down underwater, have both my legs out in the air as as John Claude victim split as I can I'll straddle and have Christine spin me like a fucking helicopter now they can't you have to do it in the deep end You can't touch the ground. Yeah, that's fine Really?

Yeah, you cannot touch the ground. That may change a lot, but okay Still is still I'm standing kick my feet that way. You know you were standing in the pool. Yeah, no, are you fucking kidding me? This isn't bowling with bumpers. This is Olympic synchronized swimming. All right fine. Me and Christine will do as good as the champion Olympic Sincereized swimmers. You guys will not and this is the fucking this is also water dance Sink-Rice Swimmers you guys will not and this is the fucking this is also water dance No, this is this is yeah, okay

This is hard as fuck. They're just upside down with no help. I guys holding. It's not a problem at all Bam boom bam Look at that you guys hit that hit the water you're in now watch all of them mm-hmm Look at this they're gonna do a lift and out of the water you're in now watch all of them. Mm-hmm Look at this they're gonna do a lift and out of the water You guys the fact you even think you can kind of do this is bonkers you don't think I could fucking launch Christine across a pool She ain't doing that in the air. I think you can launch her, but I don't think she can do those say what you let me get my feet grounded Dude, I will send her onto the concrete. That move ain't happening with one leg. This bullshit.

Now again, they're not touching. They're all coming out of the water at the same time. They're not touching the ground. You don't know that. Yes, no, they show you. Oh, you don't see that. Now that can be totally right now. Now they're not.

There's no way you can do that. They're moving together. Oh my God, I can't wait to watch the video of you just yelling at Christine going, catch up! When I kick my legs, you gotta kick your legs. Christine, we gotta work on our routine. There's no way you guys can do any of this.

You guys have to touch the ground. No, I won't. Don't do that. Look at that. Look at that. It's all you can do is that arm shit. He's flying. Did they go down?

And then they go up? To me, Christine a hundred percent core You see how you feeling about this pretty good? You're feeling like you to do this yep Oh, man black a little whiskey am I crazy or? I'm a water baby I mean Christine is a dancer sure like she could when she gets thrown out of the pool could do those moves I mean I never doubt Jay They're gonna do it like that's not a live sketch. Remember that's an at-live sketch. Where are you? I know you I know you

Yeah, yes, that's what they're gonna do Hey you I know you There's no way you guys can do this That's definitely do that. Yeah, this is dumb. Yeah, but in sync, you guys won't be able to synchronize it. All right. Look, listen, I might say this week, we might get synced, but I will, I'll just do a solo water dance solo water dancing. We can take it to the Olympic committee. I think you can give her try and then we'll do a routine together. All right. But I just want to show you the things I don't want to

put over complex moves in our routine together Sure, but I will do I will nail every one of these big things you're impressed with right here There's no you will nail on my own. There's no way that you don't come up for air immediately You're like okay, I can't do it. Whatever. This is stupid I Say after 20 minutes of you try this I'm not holding my breath now I'm We're gonna start Muscle either fucking legs are Yeah, it's fucking walk now that hold my breath now. I'm No, we gotta start off reading I'm breathing right now. No, I'm breathing breathing breathing. I'm breathing breathing. I'm breathing breathing

So take it all the way back to the beginning of the routine and every time they're underwater I want you and Christine to hold your breath. I'm gonna do this. You go Yeah, okay, ready? They're dancing. Yeah. Uh-uh, shimmy, shake, shimmy, shake. Okay. Okay. All right, now you guys are holding your breath. You guys gotta hold your breath,

because one of you, Christine, you can undo it. Breathing. You can breathe, now underwater. Breathing. Breathing. Breathing. You guys can breathe, you can do it. Lots of breathing. Lots of breathing. guys have breathing lots of breathing lots of breathing lots of breathing stop The fact that they look like they're standing

It's crazy. There's so much leg strength involved in that they're kicking so hard under the whole the rest Yeah, you got hold of breath Jake you want it Jacob you want to get donkey kicked by me or them dude? I'll tell you what you're gonna wish it was them when I put the boots Christine we got this so ridiculous. Oh, but heavy lumber. You don't have this That right there you want to see me what you want to see me turn around like a little music box. Yeah, no Arm shit. I really do think I can do that Arm shit Just going all fucking crazy tentacles. I am so excited. I'm gonna get up and do that thing. I'm gonna do that thing a bunch

I have no party. Oh, I hate too much. This is falling apart. Yeah, I don't need you anymore. Fill me. I got it Maybe I get our own Look at our involved already might have that core strength. He does a lot of yoga. I think Joe the Rose or maybe too Joe no core strength Now you're right. He's got no core strength But I'm gonna be in a pool enough. I'm gonna be in a pool enough though that I Buddy, you're gonna be surprised When you see my leg stuff. Oh my twirly worlds. It's gonna be great

There's gonna be zero possibility of you pulling off an entire routine. I wouldn't doubt you're getting a move move or two I wouldn't doubt you're getting a move mover to I One doubt you get a mover to it Crazy kicks no the second you try to go upside down and do your legs But when you see my and you got a hole you see my twirly when you see my twirlies Yeah, my underground bicycle Yeah, and then I'm gonna be all like the fucking really go like forward and back to Then you're gonna come out of the water like Okay guys

Let's go back to do some crazy kicks But I want to do all this shit when I pop out of the water just my head. I'm like Just thing like the fucking You guys will be able to do a poking out of the water and zero chance of you and Christine synchronizing Wow, we can we can sink something Yeah, we haven't been able to sink our lives up that well And upside down bicycle kick like that is so hard to get timed right Christine is no problem and I say I'll do it while we're hugging What first of all you guys have even seen I wish I had under under-water camera. I'll just show a me and Christine to the double flip. The double flip

is more impressive than anything these fucking goofballs are doing. The double flip? Yeah, they look like they're standing in water and they go up and down in the water. Right. How fucking crazy. I have a human being on my back and perform a two person forward flip underwater. Yeah, synchronized? You can call that a single? No, she's holding you. She's not doing it at the same time as you. It's different shit.

No, I have to move, no, I have to flip too. It's a matter of flipping in tandem together both of our body weights working together. Synchronize is not coming one. Synchronizing is not touching. Be doing the same movement. Oh, okay, so like you're doing regular girlfriend on the shoulders Oh, it's not what it is. This is like it when you're saying what you're saying is crazy that you just said that seems like basic boyfriend girlfriend. No, it's not no, it's not a full flip. I've got somebody on your back

It's not sex. I bet they get a grip on to you. I bet Katie and I could do a triple flip What do you mean a triple flip in the pool three in a row without when they're not coming back up? Yeah, I'll Challenge you on that buddy Me and Christine may have done to a road we do two in a row. I'm going a row? I'm going after whatever dumb pool title you have. I'll tell you, we are the, I mean, you know how that? Teams of team, of team flips. I'm the flip champion, sir.

I'm the flip champion. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir.

I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. I'm the flip champion, sir. do that. They're water camera. I think one of the people go, my God, I would, I actually have a GoPro that I can bring on their water as a case. Sick. Well, I could nail it. How strong is

your arm? You can be able to where you guys are going. I think we, I think there's even cases you can buy for an iPhone where you could put it in there. It's called Bobby Kelly. He would know which one to get because that might be worth it to get me and Christine. I'll tell you what though. I'll tell you what you want a real ugly fucking video of me. It's going to be me curled up like a, like a fat maggot doing flips with somebody on my back. That is not going gonna read well.

I was just kidding for me. Christine's holding my tits like the cover of the Janet Jackson. Fuck. How are we gonna do? I mean, your face when you're trying to do those bicycle kicks underwater. Well, here's the problems.

Christine, if you want the flip to work, she has to grip around my like upper chest under my arms. She got it. You really got it? Cause you really gotta, yeah, she can't like come around my like upper chest under my arms. You really got to, cause you really got to, yeah, she can't like come around my neck really, or she might come off. So you got to grip under there, so it really is, like she's gripped right around my tit line.

Yeah, yeah, but still, we're just poetry and water. But we're getting away from that, because what you're going for is the synchronized swimming moves. Buddy, we're gonna be synced, we're gonna do the bicycles, We're gonna do the bicycles. We're gonna do the twirly worlds. Tell us in the Christine.

Christine is negative now, because you guys are bullying her. We're not bullying her. Tell her we're being honest. Me and Christine are fucking, we're like fucking ducks. It would be funny if I got a call from R.A. and he was like, it's magic.

What they're doing is unbelievable. It's magic, it's breathtaking. Oh, I can't wait to see it. And we agree on a time like you do a set two minutes, a two minutes or a minute and a half routine. A two minute routine? It's a long routine in memory. We're doing it in two days.

A minute routine. Minute and a half. Okay. About 30 seconds. No, nothing less than 60. Well, 30 seconds, Black Lewis giving a thumbs up because he's gonna put on social media. Well, then he can chop it into a two-parter.

Well, let's see, hello. 30 seconds, nothing to do. My breath's not gonna be my problem in this right now. It's gonna be a may, but you're gonna give us take away points, because you're saying, but not synchronized. But they do some moves where they just fire somebody up in the air. Yeah. So I'm saying Christine

Part of the routine can be Christine's spinning like a helicopter. You guys also need to start with a dance outside of the pool Carouseling me while I'm upside down in water. Come on man. Yeah You can't touch though. You gotta be lying if I say it's not an outside show We're gonna cheat and touch the floor, but well then you're gonna get some moves. You're gonna get docked So dock me so we don't win the fucking Olympics but we qualify for sure you do have to synchronize dive into the pool no problem I can't dive I can jump well that's fine we'll do so Christine you'll jump you'll leap over me like a parking meter and then I'll dive in

I tried to fly oh Christine if you could jump over me like a parking meter and then like fucking pole gash out like in the side, like pulling the pants inside and just fucking show everyone your winker and then go in, that's gonna get back to points we get, they'll lose, that's gonna take the points back that we lose for not being a sink or to the floor. But the IOC doesn't like exposed gash.

Really? Yeah, not competition. Okay, so I guess we gotta stop it fucking Denmark butts. I think say this the IOC doesn't like exposed gas really yeah, they don't Competition, okay, so I guess we got to stop it fucking Denmark butts right in the winter Olympics. Yep. I know the winter looks So cool that was an accidental but also the winter people they're just happy to see some skin. Oh, yeah Finally, oh, but we don't see but I don't think you're gonna lose points for showing gas Don't don't talk to me talk to IOC Christine not so much pull it to the side, but if you can just melvin it up a little bit You know, I mean just get it in there so when they go they'll call that I believe on the nip slip calm half half slip a wedge

No half half lip slip. They'll call that so it's like you're almost like is it technically pussy lip or is it sort of just the between your leg meat. You never know so could they call it like a lip floss? I'm telling you that's gonna knock your points up to points when Lou judges DJ Lou You give him a lip slip you give him lip slip for sure. Oh, yeah, well, he's a he's a dirty judge Absolutely both in the brain in the pockets. Shes some bugger. Yeah show a little bugger Absolutely both in the brain and in the pockets Shes the bugger. Yeah show a little bugger. Jay Jacobs all by the rules. Jacob's Olympic committee That's the fucking he's he's principal Strickland He's gonna want to not gonna fucking take shit on this. Yeah, he's the one with the with the

With the paperwork that really he's gonna stick to the paperwork and He's gonna make you not show pus black Lou. I believe we could probably grease his palms enough to hold us give us a good score We could probably lay some greases palms a little bigger. What do you need buddy? Let me tell you what I'm committed to the integrity of this judges panel. No, you know, Danny, you and Jacob are gonna fucking hold us to the coals, but I'm telling you, we're gonna put on a fucking routine. Jacob's got it. Jacob's got his clipboard. He knows what he's watching for. God, you guys get to pick a song though. You

guys got to pick your song or... Roddy Chop things and we just, and we, we're gonna be Bob our heads. You guys are gonna do this thing. We'll do this thing. We'll like, you know what, I would almost let you touch the ground to make it easier. If you would admit, if you can admit that you can't do it, not touching the ground. I'm gonna show you I can do things not touching the ground But in our routine no, but in our routine in our full routine there might be some ground touching you know What because Christine was very modest about it? The solo stuff that you do you can't touch the ground. I will allow it. I will allow it for the routine. Okay

It's gonna be a test used to teach dance. Maybe she can help. I will be judging on technique, difficulty level and synchronicity. No problem. No problem. Well, we lack in synchronicity. Sometimes we'll make up for in difficulty levels. I'm telling you, I'm gonna have Christine fuck it, launch me out of the water. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you.

I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna see you. I don't know if I have multiple people launch me though. It's so hard to get that height. Nothing would look funnier than a fat person being launched in the air to back flip

and landing in belly flop. Oh, you didn't make it all the way around. Oh, you get the full turn. Like, because you know why all those kind of things for a moment, you're like, I'm soaring to bitch. Oh, fat again. Do we try it? I think like refresh from your high school. There was a good pool where my friend lived and you had to like live in the development to go to the pool so we'd lie, but they had a diving board. And like all of the, you know,

like the girls from high school were there. And so you're like, try to, and everyone's doing flips. I try to front flip and just kicked on my back. Didn't get the four rotation, just that slap sound. And then when you go under water and the bubbles, you go, you go, you go, and you just sink. Oh.

You just sizzling to the water. Oh my God, I just remember fucking eating it on a front flip. A front flip into the pool and not getting that full hurts more than a belly flop. I jumped up a high die before it's terrifying. Yeah, you top pool shout out to the Utah pool It's a Colorado only only only feet first, but I mean like yeah, I mean, too You top pool was an indoor pool and it was like I think forced swim meets and diving and shit But you could go and recreationally like go off it. It was the only high dive I've ever been off of. It's pretty wacky about a high dive.

And I mean this, even your run of the mill, like public pool that has a high dive, I mean a dangerously high high dive. Yeah, that's what this was. Also, just a wet fucking ladder going up to it. There was no protection on the ladder. Like, it would be that grip stuff, you know, like that like... No grip stuff, but nothing...

There's gotta be Ford's high dive ladder deaths a year. I don't know man, you get to that top and it's so scary. Dude, if you get... And you're in the middle of the ladder, if you fell, it's definite hospitalizing damage. You're gonna hurt something. Without a doubt, if you go from the top, if the top if you get something your foot just slips on a A bunch of wet people climbing a ladder all day. It's crazy You know, it's funny. He's even thinking about it a little bit of that fear fucking comes inside me

Me thinking about climbing up. Yeah, there's like when I watch those crane chin-up videos. It makes my legs go Yeah, we were like oh Yeah getting to the top of a high dive and it was indoor it was in one of those big bubbles So the like the the noise is like all fucking extra. Yeah, and you're just looking down and you're like Feels like you're jumping from the top level of a fucking building. That smells like old man balls You're scared. Yeah, that was the worst part of having to go watch Joe and his swim meets. Was that smell of old man dick, old man dick, chlorine, brute, and you just hear the fucking feet slapping on the concrete. I went to the feet.

Yeah, but I said I did say that so, man, just the impressive nature of an old man with a huge dong. And when they do that towel scrub on their balls and their dick just keeps coming. I joined New York Sports Club. For that reason. I go into the, just to see the old band dick. And I go into the locker room and just washing my hands after I work out, you know, I just touch all the equipment.

And I go to wash my hands. Just old men just love being fucking fuck ass naked and they want you Yes They want it because they want you to look then They love they love you just getting out and they're right they just scrub their balls all aggressive But it makes their dick slap all over their forearm and stuff. It's so impressive. They've earned it It's their keychain they fought and wore look at my dick dude, it's like rock hard right now. It's like soft and gray. It's a context to be saying that in. He was saying it that

uh, Hayme said that to him. Yeah, trying to hear it to gay stuff. Remember when they're at the pool? Yeah. And they wanted to jerk off. He was in the movie. Oh my god. Look at my dick, it's like super hard right now. Look dude. Allow himself to be so demise. Oh god damn it. Dude if there ever was just a clip of you saying and then soda let himself be butt fucked. I would be I would haunt your whole family. Can I be honest with you? Can we make a blood pact and I will. Even the show doesn't last forever anything just our bonfire blood pack is that if whoever dies first The other one just writes a tell all about non-stop butt fucking from the business. Yes For some reason I feel like I'm gonna die first

So when you write the tell all? Mm-hmm. It was just coke Poppers in prostitutes gay prostitutes gay prostitutes and I was just coke poppers in prostitutes. Gay prostitutes. Gay prostitutes. And I was just a bottom boy. I thought and he's like he had he liked them to do it to him but it goes back he lost his father young and stuff so he could always go do that thing that buffer like it wasn't totally his fault. No, damn, it was a good guy. He was just a confused soul. Payed a lot of money for daddy play. Yeah, he would have guys come over

where clown wigs and noses and punch him in the dick. Yeah, it was so weird. He made them wear bowling shoes. He was so bizarre. Yeah, and Katie would just organize all of it. She wasn't really as girlfriend as much as she was. She was just one partner. She'd wear a top hat and a red.

She'd be my ringmaster. She's a ringmaster outfit. That was her name. I should change her name in my be my ringmaster. He's a ringmaster outfit. That's that was her name And I should change her name in my phone to ringmaster. So my mom looks like So I'm gonna go That's true It's true. It's all true. And then Shane's like that's gay, dude Yeah, if you go for me just I mean if you if you go first I'll say say I was

Insatiable though. Oh my god. I would say honestly you you go first I'll say I was insatiable though oh my god I would say honestly you you'd carry around a little pocket bag of cum just to take it out and put under your like a dip just just some gummers yeah you just gum come yeah I just gum come all day and then I was and you could say by the way on me go to town making non-stop passes at you that like the show almost broke up several thirty times because like I made you that uncomfortable. Well you woke up one time I was kissing your neck. You always wanted me to come to your old man party.

You wanted me to come and play and be the baby at your old man party. And you just wouldn't. You just guys do man. There's going to be one chance to put this past. Why don't we just let each other something. I can't wait to run around cash man. But the way I write it when I when I have it published it like there's gonna be one chance of plus pass fire. Why don't we just touch each other something? I can't wait to run around cash man He's the way the way I write it when I when I have it published It like there's gonna be that one chapter where I was like when things were good at the bonfire

They were great, but when Jay was in one of his moods It could really sideline the show. Come on lose Jacob you guys won't come on I don't want to check off in the same room for the show Well guys into the cup. Let's get the poison out Christina rub your shoulders. Yeah, she gets it No, she knows I just need my medicine. I call it I call it my I need a cup of medicine I know we did one episode that was giving that giving my medicine right from that meat syringe Yeah, we did we did an episode joking about it, but people don't know That was Jay that't know. That was Jay. That was Jay. He was letting the world see his real self that day. Makes me really

good about myself. Makes me feel it. Will you just start a rumor that I called my asshole the garage? Yes. And I would just put multiple micro machines up my butt throughout the day. 100% and then I would poop them out. Absolutely. I'm gonna say you actually made the move. The Arizona stuff saw bullshit that you made the move from Denver because you lost your gay lover to AIDS in the early 90s. Shock. Shock. And then you couldn't deal with everything. Everything in a rural remind you of him? Also, you gotta immediately, this is always great to bury someone. You immediately come out and you go, first off,

he wasn't 38, he was 48. He was 48, so there was, let's start there. Oh, I'm like, oh, I'm fine. And he has a life that he doesn't want you to know. He has a trisha, I don't think, I don't think Trisha is actually his mom either. It was like a lady that's in there.

You didn't even better as if my mom was like 15 years older than me and then Trisha was my grandma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's one of those things. But because like your actual mom is raped by your father is some wacky thing. Yeah, it's like a weird thing that's really said. By the way, take the snake origin story. Oh my god, that is sad.

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