The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - One Million Pennies with Bret Ernst

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

Jay and Bobby get competitive when introducing the great Bret Ernst. They try to outdo each other in giving the comedian the proper greeting. They pose Bret a question about taking a million dollars in pennies or a lesser payout. Bret brings up the 80's classic Porky's and other dirty movies from the era. Jay brings up a nude photo of a young Demi Moore that has the whole crew questioning its sexiness. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. I thought we were talking on air and then realized I hadn't put my headphones on with Lou's signal. Bobby was just living in headphones. I live in headphones. Just in case, I put my headphones on and then we kicked this thing on air. But then, but I put mine on and I think Lou made a, he made a move, but then he stopped when he saw your headphones weren't on. And he was like, oh, it was just, I even started talking to the microphone

and he didn't turn it on. I was like, oh, you need the signal that I put my headphones on. You need the J signal. Brett Ernst is here. Brett Ernst, the great Brett Ernst, he's got a new special Uncaged, streaming right now on YouTube.

This Wednesday night, October 23rd, Brett is gonna be him and Ernst and friends will be at the stand in New York City with an after-party oh that's so hip-hop for the release of his new special sponsored by Superbird tequila how great is that dude you excited it's got a brand new special aren't you doing the show? I thought you were doing One of the friends hang on one second. I wasn't invited on the fucking show first of all and numbers to Jay has his His field goal hands up for some reason I that was a crazy intro

That was like you were like a bad college introduction. I every do you went you went Brett Ernst is here. No, I said new special I know clubs in college. I did not build it up to bright buddy I went like this now this you always do this to me. Okay, you always do it when we have a guest I'm ready to listen and I fucking took notes from last time. Okay, cuz I went hey, whatever this time What Brett Ernst is here? The great Brett Ernst is here and he's got a new special uncaged I built it I went bread Ernst is here the great bread and I built it up all the way to the end can I try one yeah go ahead yeah whoa whoa whoa whoa mind you yeah you've been a professional broadcaster for eight nine years I've been a professional broadcaster professional broadcaster 103 faction talk the bonfire on with you the great

Big J. Okuson don't say that I will say I'll fucking say it to your face. I'll look right at you. Look at me Look at me the great Big J. Okuson, okay, this makes me so uncomfortable one and a half years. Yeah, that's fair You know Bobby and I'm not Christine energy was right Christine I don't need your shit right now Jim says this is not podcast Godfather New York City podcast you were podcasting when kids were coming in from playing stickball Godfather New York City pocket. Yeah, you were podcasting when kids were coming in from playing stickball

Hey guys, I gotta go sorry pops is calling me a doodie. Oh podcast, you know, you gotta run fucking Javis doing little kid walk. Yeah, that was a little kid walk to you radio. Here. Let me give it a goodie Let me give it a goodie. I'm right Everybody our next guest Wednesday night October 23rd is gonna be doing a show at the stand with some friends in New York City There's gonna be an after party for the release of his special sponsored by Superbird tequila the new special uncaged Streaming right now on YouTube. It's the great bread Ernst. Okay. I'm gonna say this You first of all you you did some fucking tricks. You did some fucking broadcasting tricks. Nah, you took the end, you stuck it in the middle.

I'll tell you why. Yeah, I know. First, you make the one mistake and one mistake big. I don't know how long, how many, a year and a half or many years is going to take you to realize Christine can't act, she also can't write. So she does not give a fantastic introduction as it's always it's phonetically wrong sometimes There's a there's no periods or too many periods a whole thing is capitalized She whiffs hard on these a lot. Well, you were on his side five seconds ago, which he

Now he's right now you know what you're I't hit her. I told you not to. I hit her now. Christine, god damn it. I don't care if she has a helmet. Listen. These are body shots. This is the helmet. But now I hit the body shot. Helmet, body shot. She'll learn. Let me try one more time. Yes. All right. Ooh. I am excited. Today's been a great show. And now it's getting even better. And I didn't think it could, because we were having a fun time. Having a good time. It sure is.

How do we kick it up a notch? I'll tell you right now. We kick it up right now with this man right here, the great Brad Ernst is in studio with us live he's got a special Superbird tequila sponsored his special it's on YouTube right now it's amazing it's called Uncaged streaming now go watch it do yourself a favor because you'll be laughing your ass off he's also got an

after-party the 23rd at the stand. He's also got an after party the 23rd That's sponsored by the tequila She separated it she separated she did She started she did start flipping and flopping on you just put it back She's a saboteur she sent it from one page to the other page. She saboteur she sabotaged She's a so Brett's new special super bird tequila If you drink tequila, you'll laugh at this special This Wednesday night, he's gonna be uncaged

At the stand with friends. He's in YouTube. He's in UFC in the cage Doing his new special with Superbirds. YouTube! Catch you at robertkellylive.com. Brett, thank you so much for being here buddy. Hi buddy, how are you doing? Good man. Good to see you, you good looking Italian.

Thanks man. God damn it, you're a, I mean come on. That's hard for an Irish guy to have to say. Well I'm half Italian. Yeah, but you really lean into the Irish house. How the fuck do you think that? Your last's Kelly and my little my I thank God my motherfucked a German What yeah, yeah, cuz I got the height now Well, you get one you get the height and as long as though that's one of the ones if you're a town if you're half Italian

You want mom to be Italian, which is what your situation is, right? My father's Italian Why that's cuz dad doesn't keep the the cooking culture alive as good as the ones going to that's wrong That's wrong real Italian dads do the cooking Yeah, how yours of the cook and then beat the shit out of you? I thought that was the second dad the first the first dad the Italian dad I didn't know to cook for somebody else then she hooked up with some weird guy I don't know what even I don't know what the for the second guy was South Korean no, he was North Korea The third guy

Larry Borsetti full Italian mother great grandmother did his grandmother did the cook mother did the, he took the cooking over to our house and he was the, he made the sauce and the, the joe. I gotta say, I'm with Bobby, on this too, I mean my mother cooks great, my grandfather, my stepfather, all the men, all the Italian men, they love to cook, I love to cook. Yeah, I was gonna say, you know,

I second thought it when I said, when I went to Vecchione's house, which was the most Italian household I've ever been in, his parents' house in Florida, when his dad, his late father who passed away, going in there, that Sunday, you gotta come over Sunday dinner, and his dad was exactly what you were hoping for, a white tank top, sweat, his chains. Little stain on it. A little stain on it, and an apron, but but like it's been his apron forever and just watching football and like slapping meatballs back and forth and his thing and

Also checking on the homemade calzones. He made it and it was just and the mother was not taking part in that Yeah, and the sauce is down the stove for two days just simmering down I've had a lot of it in my life my stepfather's Italian no, but I'm saying I've had those experiences of like a good Italian Like fucking Christmas meals and shit like that. Yeah, I'm crazy We're like in my place if after I clean it because I love the smell like I'm really Vacuum lines I used to have in the carpet like, you know, that type of OCD shit you and Jay But then I would just fry up I would just saute garlic just to have in the carpet like you know that type of OCD shit you and Jay But then I would just fry up. I would just saute garlic just to have the smell

Can you can you come to my house I need somebody to cook garlic so the fucking vampires from the backyard Oh, yeah, I don't know if you know Bobby found he just moved into a house his backyard is graves in Woods. Where is this a Jersey? No, it's up in Westchester, Bethchester. There's a lot of that man Yeah, it was like Civil War things. You just you know, yeah mowing the lawn Youth knife stabs you in the shit here a Bobby steps on a Civil War landmine. Yeah, a couple graves, dude. I guess they moved the bodies and they left a couple.

You keep saying that, but there's no, they didn't move, no one moved the bodies and left the stones. They moved the stones, too. It's illegal. Why am I getting more Italian now that Brett's here? Look at me, look at me. It's fucking illegal.

Hey, chooch. Wait, so how do you know they moved the bodies? Because they can't, it's illegal to leave bodies What are you talking about? I made that up? I'm Italian It's not illegal leave bodies Underneath the gravestones you just want to believe that they're gone you take the gravestone and leave so there's no mark. Yes Yeah, that's what makes more sense. They did they did most all the gravestones are gone except for a few But that means I know but there's so many bodies under there

So they said they moved the body they moved the headstones, but they never moved the bodies I'm and then Bobby's gonna build a fucking pool. I'm gonna bunch of caskets are gonna come up He's gonna start talking to him. I'm gonna build a little pool Yeah before you know only one can't you before you know it max is in the TV and you gotta go and come out covered in some goop Don't go find a midget that that's a medium. No one's gonna get a grace to hear. It's a whole process I say this I if max gets second to the TV. I'm just gonna have another kid. Oh, yeah Yeah, start over. I'm not fucking going to a TV to get fucking max. Yeah, once that lady comes over Yeah, you're saying like we have to go into the unknown

Now if you just write a note though cosign that my child is in the netherworld that I didn't kill it Yeah, I have to have some local police come over and be like you here is that she's in the TV, right? Tell him where you're at, honey He goes you see so I can't do anything about that babe real quick. What's the code for the bank? I don't think it's a pickle. What is it? It's Sapphire five to six Hey, hon, where'd you hide those savings bond grandma got you there in the bag? That was such a big thing when we were my hope change

Savings bonds. Oh my what is this savings bond saved my life That was such a big thing when we were kids. My hope chest. Your grandmother giving you savings bonds? Oh my. What is a savings bond? Save my life. They would give it to you when you're younger so it matures when you're older. It's kind of like a trust fund for like lower middle class people. Kind of like molestation. These weren't big deals but I'm telling you when it became a big deal.

Nothing on that one. I'm just having it up there. I didn't hear what he said. I said he says it matures when you're younger and it matures when you get older. I'm like kind of like molestation. Yeah, yeah. You mature into it. Nice talking to you. you younger and it matures me get older. I'm like kind of like my molestation Yeah, yeah, all right. I'm sure into it. Nice talking Let's move on. Thank you

Jacob you dirty fucking molested child. I appreciate you No, but the bonds your grandma would give them to you and then it's supposed to like come into money So when you turn a certain age, you can catch bought me a bunch of grandmother ones like $25 ones and $50 ones and then when I was, right before I moved to New York, I was 18, I think I got a car that was, I had to buy my only car, my first car ever. And she was like, oh, I have those savings bonds I got you and cash them in, it was like 1,500 bucks.

Got myself a little shitty Honda Accord hatchback. They matured that much? Yeah, from like a bunch of $50 ones, it ended up being $1,500. So it wasn't like that crazy of a thing, but they just did a crude money. I have savings. When I got out of jail and kind of became a success story,

wherever, I won an award called, I think, the Devereux Lux Award for being one of, out of hundreds of kids that made it. Made it through. Made it out of the system. The program. Out of kids that made it. And they gave it through, made it out of the system. Out of the system. And you know, I actually was working for one of the places at the time.

And I won this award and I got savings bonds. I don't know where they are. So they could probably be, I mean. Two, $3,000 at this point. That's just, hey, better than a poke in the eye. Just put that in a porle. You're good. Were you, you grew up in Jersey?

North Jersey, mostly, and then I went to Florida for ninth, tenth, eleventh, mostly high school, and then moved back around. Were you a bad kid at all? Yeah. Really? What do you mean bad? When do you say bad?

I guess there is levels, for sure. Because Florida bad is like, you know, you and your friends conspire to kill a bully. We, like, you know. Here's killing somebody or having somebody kill. No, I just stole, like, I stole cars in middle school. Really? Okay. I grew up in, like, Pasek Patterson area.

So let me ask you, because I've stole cars, but we used to wait in front of the store, and when the guy would run in to get cigarettes and leave the car running, we would just jump in and take it. But did you know how to steal a car? No, my friend did. But I would ride shotgun and laugh the whole time. Yeah, yeah.

But I also had a, we also, like like if you broke into houses and there were keys You just take the car but sometimes my buddy would you know? He would know how to get rid of him But a lot of times it was just spur-of-the-moment shit and then we're just driving around in them And you know you were left unattended like kid a lot. Yeah, you're not both work. Yeah, she worked two jobs Yeah, that's right young. Yeah, how'd your father pass away? Suicide actually. Oh Jesus Christ. We were talking about it last night, I was gonna bring it up. It was funny, we were really making fun of suicides and then he goes, and then Brad did

see a tinge in his face going like, yeah I know a lot of people who took their own lives and were like, really? Anyway, back to this bit. God damn it. Jesus Christ, Jay. No, you know what, I was high. They got me high last night, man. I'd never been high in my life. Ever. Never tried. God damn it. Jesus Christ, Jerry. No, you know what? I was high.

They got me high last night, man. I'd never been high in my life ever. Never tried weed or nothing. And then last night, I don't know where I was, man, because they were all smoking. And then I just started zoning out. But I was so fixated on the pennies, like the counting. And then I was, because I wanted to see how many seconds it would take to do a million pennies.

And I couldn't get off. I couldn't stay stick things rich boss there. No, why were you? It was a Lewis asked a question. It was a pretty good question. It was a pretty good question Would you rather I think the answer is the pennies though still but do you take? Untaxed a million dollars in pennies. Mm-hmm, and you got to figure out what to do with that or a wire transfer right now five hundred thousand on tax as well on tax as well on tax as well both are on tax both are clean I take the million in pennies but I still say take the million in pennies take the million and Dave Smith's right I underestimated I still stand by the fact you could probably and Bobby I think

you'll back this up maybe we're old men but I say a thousand bucks you can get a migrant worker to roll up a million we're old men. But I say, a thousand bucks you can get a migrant worker to roll up a million dollars in pennies. A thousand? That would take too long. 150? I got a guy at my house hanging shelves right now. What are you talking about?

But I'm saying it'll take forever. It will take forever. You gotta get a fleet. It's not gonna take forever. It's gonna take one day. You're gonna bring- No, no, no, no. You gotta see, there's a picture of what a million dollars in pennies looks like.

A million, what is it, one truck? Buddy, it's two plus tons of weight in pennies. What is that? That's not that much, it's two elephants. Yeah. Yeah, that's not that bad. Yeah, but. You get two trucks, you bring them down to shop, right?

Yeah, they did it here in Rockefeller Center. They said that, who made the joke that was a tribute to. Hanukkah. Hanukkah, that's like, you know, they do Hanukkah decorations. That's actually. Behind the tree. The Palestinians put that up to trap Jews. They're all around... Yeah, I bet you everybody on the outside of that railing is Jewish. He just passed by and goes, what's this over here?

He goes, wait a second, was that a real leprechaun I said this to? How deep is that though? Is that just one level deep? Oh, I don't know. You should go Scrooge McDucket when you get a check in a second. That would be cleaned up. I'm telling you right now, that would be cleaned up. It would probably cost you a thousand dollars to get that cleaned up. That was my argument, but I think Dave Smith made a better point. He's absolutely right. What? Untaxed. This definitely is a problem solved. Click that thing to the right.

That's just one million pennies. That's one million, that's different. But I'm saying, here's the thing, is that it's definitely a problem that is solved for a hundred thousand dollars or less. Oh, dude, it's way less than that. I would say... Probably. You're gonna need a crew though. You're gonna need a crew to hand roll those. You need a crew, and I said you also need to run it like Nino Brown did the Carter like everyone's got to be naked

And someone's gotta be watching them. Did I tell you the time? I'm in Vegas if you could fit as I'll say as many rolls of pennies you could fit up your ass. I'll allow that's loss I'm pretty willing to accept this. I was in Vegas. I just put this back in the day at the hard rocket And I just teachers I put yeah $20 into the slot machine. It was a nickel slot. That's when you got nickels out. So I was like, fuck. I had to go, I had to get a bucket,

get fucking $20 worth 400 nickels in a bucket. So I'm miserable. Because I got to wait and there's a line, the show's starting. I'm sitting there, Steve Byrne walks up to me, he goes, hey, what are you doing? I go, I just put a 20 and a fucking nickel slide, I gotta get 400 nickels back.

He smashed it out of my hands. It went, shh, the sound was almost beautiful. And I went, shh, I went to walk away, and the security guy goes, pick those up, that's littering. So I had to pick them all up. So I'm on the ground, picking up 400 nickels, I look up in front of me, the guy in front of me pick them all up. So I'm on the ground picking up 400 nickels. I look up in front of me, the guy in front of me is going back up.

I go, hey dude, did you just take some of my nickels? He goes, no. I go, you didn't take a fucking nickel off? He goes, no. He got mad at me. I go up, $19.90. Cock sucker. Fucking twat took two nickels.

And that guy, what if he built his empire off that? What if he just rubbed them together? What if he went rubbed them together? What if he went? On a second five cent crank, he won like fucking $6 million. What was that say, if two nickels are rubbed together? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess that's it. He's gotta have two nickels. Maybe that's what he was doing. That went over, whoosh. All right, I have a question. Can you, because we never answered this, how long does it take to get to count to a million? Because there was this thing online to show you perception

Million it's like a year or two years. No way. It's some ridiculous No, I said the difference between a million and a billion. Yeah, it's crazy. Well the different three days That's not good. Yeah, it makes sense because I said the problem is not Everyone's thinking in the realms of like hundreds and thousands. Yeah, and you're not thinking at some point you have to go to like 23,000 100 100 111 dollars 111 So counting to a billion is over a it'll take you a hundred years Jesus you couldn't do it. No, but I bet you can get a Mexican to count to a billion for $1,000. With your pennies.

I'm prepared to pay a Mexican to do anything for $1,000. If you're going to get an extra $500,000, that's half. To solve the problem. Why would you not do that? I'm going to agree. I take the pennies. It's just a problem. It's not a problem because it's going to be a problem for a day. I think it's a I take the pennies. It's just it's a problem. It's not a problem because it can be a problem for a day

I think it's a long. I think it's longer than a problem It takes 33 days to count to a million now you got to take a million pennies roll them up And are we doing a hundred dollars, but you're not doing any of this you're not doing any of it's still time It's still my time. I just know you're gonna be doing all your same shit. No, he's gonna be making a sauce Well, there's a crew of people Fucking rolling pennies in a way. I'm gonna get robbed. Am I crazy that every penny roll is simply one dollar. Yeah Dollars no, no, it's one. It's a dollar. It's a hundred hundred pennies. Yeah a dollar $10 but first of all to ten dollars are what the quarters are are rolled you don't roll pennies any look they have machines

You can only 50 J you don't roll pennies anymore guys. They have the machines you go to Costco or wherever you dump it in They took what a dump truck, huh? Shit you have 500,000 extra you're not giving them 2% of that Come on my ghetto I gotta give them a little a little receipt. I got from the machine here I'd like my 1 million dollars in cash, please and the place has to shut down Do you remember your grandparents said I don't know if they had the we had this like jug that they would always put their change in

And I still have one Then they would go to Atlantic City with it. I tell you what. That's not when I was just crackin'. I did that, my parents had one, I went over to their house one night, this is well after being sober and getting my shit together, went over to their house and played cards with them one night

and then I taught them AC Doocy, you know AC Doocy? Where you have to get the card in between, you put a card down on the left and the right and then whatever's in it, you have to get the card in between. You put a card down on the left and the right, and then whatever's in, you have to bet what, what is going to be in the middle. I took all their money out of the whole change thing. They just kept losing. Damn.

And they kept betting. They got like frustrated to where we got into a fight. My mother yelled at me cause I took, I don't know. It had to be like 110 bucks or some shit. I took it all and I was taking it because I won and my mother like this is fucking Don't ever fucking come over again. I was like what you is a fucking game with me and my father got no fight my stepdad It was crazy Lucy Lucy Lou AC do see that was my mother Lucy Lucy I'm not robbery saw in battery room no structure trespassing break. I think you told me that story

Yeah, we'd like you guys went to a store or something, right? We robbed a mob don't pizza store. Yeah, we're lucky you went to jail. That's what the cops said But didn't you go to jail? No, I went to well I was we I was gonna go to a camp but I got a what they had a camp up in Pennsylvania You know those ones where they eventually abuse you and rape you I think I'm saying like they did like there's there all those things coming up there's like You might get caught you might get taught to dance those campers up there to Grant theft auto but the the two are two friends that got caught they stood tall and then the one kid they ended up Shipping up there and then he broke out. I love that stood tall, and then the one kid, they ended up shippin' up there, and then he broke out. I love that, stood tall.

I've always wanted to use that. Yeah, kept his mouth shut. I tell you, when I got arrested up in Rochester, I kept my mouth shut, and I thought the two kids were gonna keep their mouth shut. The cop opened the door, and they were just. They rolled. They were crying like little babies,

and their fathers were standing over and just smacking them in the head, and I already lied. So I went to jail They went home. It was the last time I got arrested. I had a friend that kept his mouth shut and the guy that they were protecting Rolled on everybody to take a lesser sentence And then they ended up getting more time than the guy that they were going after. Damn.

Jim, you would row on me would you? No. Never right you take the hit you do the time? I would definitely take the time. I'm uh You do you do 20 years for that for Bobby on my head 20 years if we got caught doing some hijinks and they caught you and Tom Fulary mind you If we were being Randy at a club one night. Yeah, probably stirring up some hubbub, some mischigas.

And you got back, you got whacked, and they were like, look, you tell us what happened. And it was me. Whacked means I got murdered. If you got, you got, you got. Pinched. You got pinched, I mean, come on. I've been out of the game a long time.

So was that the, did you do anything else happen? Let's just say everything we did, we were under 18. Let's just say. Anything else? Everything you did under 18, no. But my Global One got taken away because I didn't report my childhood stuff. I thought that got erased.

Not when you went to another country? They got everything. Well, I thought it got erased, and apparently the Global One, they want to know all that shit. So I had it, and then the next year when I tried to get it where you get it there They they took it away. Sorry and they wow, I got it fucking sucks global entry, but I just was a good Jewish boy I just came back. Yeah, you really were I was a nice Jewish boy prisons a scam by the way

Goes oh Christ scam by the way. Oh, you're one of those. Oh, Christ. Again, I hate being vague, we could talk more detail afterwards. But I had a few friends go away. And then the thing is like, number one, you got to go through Amazon to send them everything. They got a contract with Amazon. They have this thing called Cory links, j pay where you can't you have to send them emails, you have to pay pay to send the emails. Oh, yeah, it's just a fucking scam. Oh, yeah, it's a private business Yeah, they're making money hand over fist over everything even commissary contracts back in the day though

I mean my friend was in Salem jail, you know Salem where the witches are and the jail was a Fucking it was like a hundred-year-old place. He used to shit in a bucket in his cell. And put a cube in it. Yeah, you can get no problems. When I went 60 days in, and it still looks like a nightmare. I mean, I'm not saying that it looks good or fun in any way, but I am blown away how violent it still is,

when now you can just go, you know what, man? Fuck y'all, I'm gonna go be on my tablet and headphones watching HBO Max. Like, I mean, that's what they can do now And you're like well, what's the fucking yeah my friends that were in jail? I mean these these were fucking you know like a trash 23-hour day locked down with nothing to do is like that sounds like this is more our generation all right What do you mean like the shit cuz you a scarier like we talked to younger people

I don't think they had the experiences because I'm 52. What are you 54? Just turned 54 47 thanks for the birthday. Thanks for the happy birthday birthday. You were in the woods I did that I mean my phone works out of the woods. It doesn't work I tried to call you you could attend you were running you were running from Yamanika in the woods And you hung up on me. She was chasing. Yeah, you'd run to she found you By the way, you said yamani is coming I have to go you said happy birthday whether by the way They never bought you anything in their lives. They uh You sound like yamaha was holding a fucking like like Jack Torrance like she was holding an axe and going

Just found me I gotta go you know what she was doing what I can't tell you Anyways, I was saying oh it just seems that our generation was around a lot of that type of nonsense Well, it was I think like the 80s all that stuff It is your stealing cars like we so I think this is a much more for the most part well They have like I think this is a much more Like a soft soft is the wrong word. They're just thankfully I think not as exposed to so much I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Um, I think goes either direction I think I really get away with the shit that we got away with back then now

No, but I say my daughter definitely hasn't seen so many things. I definitely saw at her age I mean my son is gonna fucking Create a come den in my basement. Yeah I don't know if you know Bobby gave his 11 year old son full run of the basement with a beautiful area. So he's gonna make some kind of a local. Well you know the deal. I think he's gonna make some sort of a local, what grade's he going into?

Some kind of a local porn? Children's porn? No he's not. I was talking about this, because it's all blending in, like how hard that was when we were growing up. Like, because my grandparents were like a big part of my upbringing.

Oh yeah, me too. There's no porn, like you you know now it's great. You can log on have fun But my grandfather had nothing of anything No, he had this picture in the shed of like a car like one of those like drawn It looked real like those old coca-cola, but like this girl with her tits out, but he had a screwdriver That had a girl on it And if you turned it upside down like the sand went away You can see it and but I was serious. I jerked off to a screwdriver when I was Just had it upside down Robin went out in the guest room Take it easy you slut we got time

I was almost in hindsight. it's sad to realize I was happy to find this out when I was younger but how many adults who I just thought were like you know a pipe smoking friend of my grandparents who were like watching me for the night and then you find their pornography and you like nice yeah like everyone loves this creepy shit, like I was lucky enough lucky or maybe unlucky We'll say but to definitely be able to find porn pretty my grandfather was super in the entertainment stuff So he had a book that we actually repurchased not long ago just to have it in our book collection Is it called the history of sex and movies and it's just a basically a coffee table like picture book

and it's just of all like the movies from like the from the fucking 30s to the To like the 70s or 60s and it's just got all like the naked pictures early 80s was strong those HBO movies again We were talking about this with Norton, but like Porky's all that stuff man. I remember rub, you know rubbing out as a kid I know also because the timing was right. Well, back then you couldn't rub out the Porkies because it was in the theater. That's it! You had to wait to go home.

Oh yeah, there you go. Is that the one? No, it was a brunette, but it looked like that. That's hilarious. You had to wait till it came on TV, which was a year later. Yeah. I remember watching Porkies in the theater, just being like, oh fuck, I wanna. Like, I remember watching Porky's in the theater,

just being like, oh fuck, I wanna live it out. Well, the 80s also had, the 80s was the end of the time where it was gonna be a lot more exciting, what you saw, because there was a Bush, dare I say. I just saw that movie, The Substance, this weekend with Christine, and that girl, Margaret Qualley and Demi Moore are naked. So much of them, I'd say 70% of the movie, they are butt-ass naked.

And that wouldn't be quite as exciting if they didn't have bushes. Because you're not gonna see actual vagina. I like... I like a little bush. I love bush. But it's also because it's very... It's the same thing. Like, every pussy looks the same

when it's just shaved on top. Yeah, it looks like a fucking squid eye. Yeah. Yeah. You should like a fucking squid. I yeah Should have a beat coming out of it Yeah, no, I I like that I like I tell you who and porky's had that when the shower scenes and porkies It was all the cutest girls from that girl Wendy's group and they all turn around. They just had those brown bushes It was fucking great. But here's the thing, Demi Moore's bush, back in the day, went to her butthole.

How do you know this? It's on the internet. Oh, you're right. I swear to God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a candid shot, and you just see it's really hairy, straight up the lips.

It goes all over. I've never seen this. Don't look at it, because you'll never unsee it. You don't have to unsee it. It's fine. I don't want to unsee it. That's fine. You want to see it?

Bring up... It's absolutely fine. Bring to Google Demi Moore's Bush Yeah, just bring up fucking animal bring up animal for the drummer from those pictures There's pictures of Madonna with a bush so hairy that it's got bedhead it's like It's like just matted down in spots and wispy over on early 2000s It's got Dan Cook Cook's vicious circle hair. Too much. Too much. No, I'm fine with that. Too much. Is that real? Too much. Look how beautiful she is though. They've always argued that this isn't in fact real. Is that real? That's not AI? No, it's not AI because that

picture's been around since like early celebrity sleuth days. So was she doing a Playboy thing? It's too much. It wasn't Playboy. Maybe it was Playboy? It's too much. I don't know. That's to that right there. Go back, go back. It's too much. I don't know, that's, to that right there? Go back, go back. It's too much. Here's where it should stop. Right there it should stop. Okay, that's the too much part.

I have no problem with everything from up there. Her asshole looks like a munchy cheek. I think that might be a shadow. I think there's a lot of shadow, and I think whoever did this did a little playing with it. Can you zoom in? Because you're right, this might be like a Playboy or a modeling thing. I don't think that. They're not trying to show pussy lips.

That can't be real. No, Bob, you can almost see the middle. I think they, I think they. Stop, you can see side hair on the gully going into the asshole. Look how beautiful she is. That goes into her butt. You're right, you're right.

It's a lot of hair. I don't know if that's real, that can't be real. It's real, it's real. That's not even a lot. I don't know if that's real. That can't be real. It's real. It's real It's not even nudity. I don't even remember when this was out to that lady. Her pussy's wearing a hat I've never seen anything like that. It's bad on somebody that beautiful But then also taking the consideration The biggest letdown of celebrity pussies in my entire life was when they dropped that-

John Rivers? No, not John Rivers. That was exactly what I expected. The Britney Spears. And you're like, God, they got a bald pussy on a girl who's very pasty skinned and she's just sitting in a car chair. And it makes her pussy all mushed up.

It looks at the top of a soup dumpling. I that's it huh that's it dude it's bad then strong Sarah Silverman does that great bush scene in that movie fantastic Jennifer Connelly and Requiem for a Dream it's all about the bush it's I like the bush it shouldn't go on musty it shouldn't go beyond the ass the vagina oh you're right it shouldn't also get wet like a bum's beard Do you know I mean we're like? patch of wet Looks like a dog a dog that just jumped out of a lake. Yeah, yeah your dog just

Biggest I think she was like who her you like Demi? Oh, yeah, even I mean look how gorgeous She was I like the chick too from fast times at Ridge of my high when she came out of the pool I've cool now Phoebe Cates Phoebe Cates was strong Phoebe Cates was strong. I never over thought to me more She never like struck me that hard now Also, because by the time I was an age where I would have been looking at her that way I got hit with ghosts and then you're like she does my mom's haircut Yeah, that's when she was cute when she was coaching softball. Yeah, she was still cute But you were like in the most like few good men know she was cute. That's when she was coaching softball. Yeah, she was still cute, but you were like in the most like.

Few good men, she was cute. She's always pretty. It's an argument, I'm just saying. The point of being like a girl you're really giving shit about. Now if you've been with a redhead, to me, they need to have a red bush, or else now you're just having sex with a pale girl. Agreed.

You know what I mean? That's the novelty. And then that discoloration of like that that we're kind of olive khaki combination of freckle and Skin, it makes me sick Yeah, you can see the veins pumping into a vagina. Fuck you eating fucking your blood bitch. You better grow a bush everybody Uncaged is the new special

It's streaming right now on YouTube everybody and this Wednesday night October 23rd Brett and friends are gonna be at the stand in New York City with an after party for the release of the special Sponsored by Superbird Tequila. It's gonna be a great night over at the stand Wednesday night October 23rd, which is tomorrow Make sure you check out Robert Kelly on all of his gigs coming up everybody. There's so many. He's going to be in Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. That's October 26th, Saturday. After that, comics come home everybody. The big show at TD Garden.

It's happening up in Boston November 2nd. After that, Miami with R.A. Shaffir, Wichita, Arkansas, Morris Plains, New Jersey. And every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat lounge the Comedy Seller You can see Bobby running his hour for tickets and all tour dates go to punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly Yeah, I'm gonna be in here big Jay shut your face. Oh, you just took a pause. No, I was just waiting politely Cuz I'm trying to be a good host Big J. Okus alright big jokes, Big J.O. Chris-

Fuck it, wrap up fingers. Fuck, I took 20 minutes. Big J.O. Chris- Helium Comedy Club, the 25th and 26th, Brick Town Comedy Club, Oklahoma, in Oklahoma City on the 1st and the 2nd. He's gonna be doing a wrap up party, meet and greet at Stinky Lulu's, what's it called? The Red Dog. The Red Dog dog down the street That's a documentary on it check it out any being Austin Louisville, Houston, Philly tickets and all of the tour dates big jay comedy.com Please go check out our YouTube page go check it out. Why are they watch uncaged?

Yeah, what can I can I just say go to Brett comedy? Be our ET comedy comm all the links and my schedules up there, too Go check the two residences in Vegas as well if they want to. Don't tell Vost that he'll kill himself. We'll be right back to say goodbye everybody. It's the bonfire.