The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Origami with Lev Fer & Tristan Bowling

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

Jay surprises the group with his origami skills and has a funny story behind it. | Comedians Lev Fer and Tristan Bowling are two thirds of the Cockfight podcast along with Colum Tyrrell. They share stories of getting caught being intimate while alone and Bobby's lewd act involves Vaseline. | Jay wonders if school teachers were taking advantage of students in the past as much as today. | The rapper Mystical gets a long prison sentence. | Jelly Roll files for divorce and Bobby thinks that Ice T's relationship is in trouble as well. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Check out Cockfight with Colum Tyrrell, Tristan Bowling, and Lev Fer anywhere you get your podcasts! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. That's right. I had a Japanese friend for a little bit. His sister taught me origami, and he called me masturbating at my grandmother's house once. And when he came in, all he said in his Japanese accent was jerking off, and then he left again. I didn't finish. Did he scream, no shit? No, no, no.

He called me jerking off. And he said jerking off. Oh, no shit. No shit. No shit. I apologize. It's all right, dude. I think it was a whole commercial between here.

I got all origamied out. You did. This is so impressive to me. This is what makes me sick about Jay. Not only is he like a fucking one of the hilarious guys in the world at this point. In the last couple years, I would say the world. Three years ago, I'd say, tri-state. But the last couple of years, I would say.

Greater Northern Jersey area. East Coast. I got to be big up there. It's mostly diner comedy. But he has so many fucking hidden talents. Remember we did the drawing? thing I literally went to art school I'm like I'm gonna smoke this then this asshole reveals his drawing and it's like fucking Michelangelo you were doing drugs and getting

pussy when I was fucking drawing alone as an only child using my imagination for things you're not a bad drawer either I'm not a bad draw but Jay is like an artist which is weird well we had a trans girl fucking doing the old what do you call it when you slap your nuts and she was doing 30 second dog behind your legs 30 second poses yeah and then we made it into seven minute poses. Welcome back to the bonfire. Faction Talk series XM 103. We are hanging out with two very fun friends of ours

right now. They have a podcast called Cockfight that they do with Columtero. It is the hilarious. Lev Furn and Tristan Bowling joining us. What's up, dudes? Great to be here, guys. Check it out my origami. My origami? I picture that Japanese guy walked in on you using his origami to wipe

your jeans. He's like, not to my scorpion. Oh, not to broccoli. He was, it was awful. We stayed at my grandmother's house the night before, where we often stayed, where I was at most of the time, and I thought he'd left in the morning,

and I put in, all my grandfather had was a book that actually, we re-bought not long ago called the History of Sex and Films, and that was a whack-offable thing, but he also had VHS tapes. You jerked off to text? No. A book?

You painted it like, Oh, pictures, okay. I thought you're painting, like, a word picture in your head. No, it's a coffee table book. Coffee table book for sure. And then she came into the room and her breast and Ariel. I just imagine. Just unbuttoning a blouse.

This book right here. I just picture checking out at the counter of that. And is this whack-offable? Would you say, it's only 3.73 on the whack meter. But it was good. It had a bunch of, like, a lot of fur, for sure. A lot of beaver in it. Because, yeah, it's from like, you know, movies through the 50s, 60s and 70s.

Oh, look at that. Look at that. Look at that. 1860 muff. Yeah, that's a Yellowstone pussy. That's not from this book. That's some Japanese crazy shit. That's what Jacob likes.

She's got a pussy that'll turn copper turquoise. She has oxidizing pussy. She has a chain just in clean silver. She has a statue of liberty. But he had this and he also had and he was, he passed away at this point also my grandfather, so he left behind in his VHS collection.

He would make his own, like, you'd get blank tapes and, like, film, put things on them. So one of them, he had, like, the Playboy videos, which were, I mean, talk about whatever they mean by the term erotica, it's that. It's not jerkable, really, unless you're a kid, because it's so ridiculous. But, like, Lady Chatterley type shit and the cow hand. And then just girls kind of, like, you know, just posing around with their pussies out. But, man, it's all I needed. But I was going to work and just lost. full track of the idea that he won't be in the house anymore.

I thought my friend Mark Shariwa had left. That's his name? His Japanese name? Shariwa. Shariwa? Shariahua? Shariahua. Shariahua.

Shariah, buddy. He came in and he had an accent but very little, but he, as remember he came in, he saw, I pulled the covers back over, like, oh. And he just grabbed his bag and goes, jerking off and just like puttered out of the room and left. He's the Japanese weasel? Yeah. He didn't come in after you and clean up As the Japanese must do

If they catch somebody that's honorable To clean up your jizz They treated like a stadium Yeah I got caught by my stepfather Wacking off once as a kid Never again by anybody ever I got caught jacking up by my mom

She said Me and my sister go to the store You want anything? You want to come? I was like no Yes When you got those The answer is yes When you get that time alone

When you're like 11, 12 when nobody's in that house. Yes. I would get fully naked. Yeah. And I remember I lied in the bed and she did all the sheets. It was just the mattress.

And I was lying in. I was jerking off. I had Vaseline. We used to use Vaseline. You're jerking off bare mattress? She did all sheets. You're describing the age and everything that your son

is actively doing right now. Oh yeah. I know. I'm not going to do in his room with a black light. Yeah. But I remember my mom, I was fucking into it.

And all of a sudden she opened her. She went, boo! Oh, God. And she scared. the shit out of me. And then she went jerking off. She laughed so hard. She fell to the ground because she didn't know it was jerking off. And then she just went in her room and

started folding clothes. And I went in and I was like, hey, she's like, what's up? Just trying to hold in the laughter from kitchen. To laugh at you. Yeah, she was laughing. That's fucking tough. Yeah. And then like two weeks later, we missed just to go to a fight at the dinner table. And she goes, well, at least you don't jerk off with the Vaseline, weirdo. And I was just like, oh, she knows. too. My mom told my sister.

What a fucking rat. I was going to say, can you tell with like, do you pool cue it? Well, you guys might be, you guys might be actually too young that you, somehow that that information would have trickled to you, that Vaseline, although it was often described as like the jerking off thing, is not to jerk off with at all. What do you should dick like a duck pel? I did what you said, though, though. I tried to just fuck the tub. And I was like, it's not working.

And then, I said, using it on your hand, I think one time it takes before you're like, what, this is a mess, this is a problem. You're making Ben and Jerry's. It's a cookie dough core. Coldstone? Yeah. You got to say, happy birthday.

My mom would never buy the big one, so I just stuck my head in it once. Because it was just got my head. That's for your lips. Not for my lips. For my mom's lips. So my association, your mom's blowing? Your mom would suck you.

Yeah, my mom. my sister. What a player. Yeah, one family's lip chapsdick is another man's I just remember getting in the shower and your dick was so waterproof you couldn't clean it like soap

would get it off. That's what I'm saying it became you had like a layer on it then. Yeah, you'd get like dishwashing detergent. And it would look like a painting of a wave coming off of it because like the you're done like you pull your hand off and like you'd pull some of the Vaseline

so it would like cuff over like this. You need something that takes the oil off of ducks. like the disaster's like Don soap Like Don soap Yeah Or that one that you're like mechanics

Got it you gotta grab some borax Oh yeah like the one with the grit in it The soap with the grit DJ Lou You and your brother are twins Do you ever catch each other whacking off Because I assume just mentally you know When each other are

Uh No Do you see like a Do you see like a cardinal? We're jerking off now What's wrong Lou Uh nothing He just leads back, you start spasming.

He also comes. Will! Stop! Never caught each other? Never, even when we're younger. Ever? Did you make a thing? You shared a room, I assume, right? No, I had to, you freak out.

I had my own room growing up, and my mom definitely caught me. Really? We were allowed to have naked posters on the wall, so I had Samantha Fox. Damn, dude, you are trash. Yeah. Nude tits, Samantha Foxx. How fuck if we not had RU Garbage come in here and do Lou? I mean, Lou is got to.

be up there. Lou traveled to school. Lou has a shout-hood that Tristan looks like you should have had, like traveling the school with varmin in cages. His dad was like an exterminator. So he had to go to school with like, but they make him ride in the back of the van with like the angry squirrels. You're riding bitch with a wreck. Yeah. With no windows and the pesticides were back there too. It must have been raining pussy on you guys. That's good. You like two little Eddie furlongs. I got caught as a kid. Because I was like 11. I was typing into the fucking. computer I was like boobs tits anal like you know made it jumped on the third one quick yeah he goes he was a leap he's not doing it it's like the day I discovered porn and then

my mom was like I found where you've been looking at I'm gonna tell your dad you're in so much trouble and so my my mom put me in the room sat my dad down was like look what he's been searching and my dad goes I don't see anything here and then he closes the browser yeah the wallpaper was now Jessica Alba to bikini so he turned the monitor off and never talk to me about it again. Yeah, because he bookmarked all those things. He's like, thank you, son. He did a lot of heavy lifting for me.

I've been looking for this type of anal for a long time. That's pretty cool. That's a cool move. My step-pop, when he caught me, I was, we were in an apartment in West Philly, so it was just a hallway at the one end of it. It was like my bedroom, my mom and step-pops' bedroom. Me and my brother

shared this room. The hallway and then it would just be like a living room slash dining room, basically one thing with a little, like, you know, tiny kitchen, very New York apartment feeling. And we had the love seat would look down the hall, and it was next to the TV. And my parents, I realized that they had rented a porno

from West Coast video. And because I wasn't there the night before or something, so I guess they watched a porn together, which is an antiquated situation, huh? It's bizarre. It is bizarre. But I don't think it's that uncommon back of the day. It was kind of like,

so but I put it in... I just nodded antiquated. I think I know what that means, but I'm not true. Thanks, yeah, just say old. Let's dumb it down. Indubidably. I know what that means. But I hit play on the VCR and like I was just, you know,

and I'm looking down the hall to make sure he doesn't, like, you know, he's supposed to be asleep. I'm looking down the hall and I'm looking at the TV, and I'm jerking all, and I'm just doing the back. And then at one point, you just get too invested in the jerk and forgot to fucking check back. And by the time I look back, he was like, everything was weird about it too.

I think he was naked wrapped in a blanket coming out to like get something to eat. To jerk off. And I'm... You're jerking off in his jerk off time. We had two of the same like shitty blankets. They weren't even blankets.

They were like comfort or like where you put over... Throw a blanket. No, not even. Just like the thing in a hotel you're supposed to take off. Yeah, the jerk off fucking blanket. Yeah, he had that wrapped around him and I'm jerking off underneath the other one.

Like, so we're both... Hard? But he just came out and like walk by. He knew it was happening for sure. the porno was on, I hit stop on the porn, I just sat there, and like, he didn't I'm asleep hard sitting right home. He came out

to make baked beans. He went to make himself some baked beans, so he puts them in the pot, and he's like holding his towel, or, you know, his blanket like this. So you're fucking cowboy? Yes, and he's making the baked beans. I'm sitting there in dead silence with the VCR, everything's off now. Making gravy. But I'm just

sitting there, you know, with my dick covered by the blanket, too, and he just did his thing for, like, whatever seven minutes that took, we just kind of quietly sat there not talking and then he took his baked beans and went back in the bedroom he took baked beans into the bedroom that's fucking wild having a bowl of empty bowl of beans on your nightstand why did you just sit there he was probably gonna sit in a country this fucking pervert was jerking off neither of us knew what to do i see you're making yourself yourself a man hope you don't mind i'm gonna throw it against some

vittles i ran out of tinder and i could make a fire in the bedroom i was gonna come out here and do the same thing, but I guess I'm going to have some beans now. My step-pop had a weird thing about it. They're going to say dick. Maybe it's not that weird. A huge dick. He had a big dick? Yeah.

How'd you know? He still has it, I think. You saw it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was a... Caught him jerking off too? No, no, no.

The only time I saw it, two stories out about my stepfather's huge, huge dick, was me seeing it one time the way our, again, my bedroom was the end of the hall. There was a mirror in the middle of the hallway, and then the living room. and I saw him coming out of the bathroom across the mirror. One time just looking down the hallway, you see in the mirror, and he turned around, and it was like, I mean, it was like, Dick came out before him in the room, and then it wasn't like hard either.

It was just flopping around, but it was big. It was like about as wide as a can of baked beans at you. You remember that girth? It was like the intro to spacebowl. It was cock for two and a half minute straight. I love that he went into the living room to have a jerk, and his consolation prize was baked beans. He's like,

He would have jerked off in the bedroom. My mom wasn't home or nothing. No, he came out literally to make baked beans and didn't know that I was out there jerking off. But my stepfather had a weird, like, he would get into, like, these jags of things where it would be the only thing he'd eat a lot for a long time. The weirdest things,

whether it would be like turkey from the deli and then at one time I'd be like canned peaches or then something else, like, just odd shit. But the other dick story I have of him was his brother-in-law, his sister was married, married a dentist. and they were all weightlifter, like semi-bodybuilder cokeheads, not my stepfather, but his sister and the dentist guy that she married.

And then the sister left him, the dentist, but my stepfather and him were still friends, so he called us over to the house one day. He bought a big house that they could living together, and then she just kind of left him one day. So he was going crazy and all, like, coked up in his own house. So we're basically there watching this guy go through a Coke spiral through his house, showing us this big empty house that he lived. He also bought the mom.

model house. So he's living there alone and they have a room that's made with like football theme for a kid. It's like these like children's rooms for children that don't exist. Which is so fucking fat. Yeah, other families and picture frames. He's got an IKEA display house? And then we go on his bedroom

and he just puts on a porn, which is strange. I'm probably like 16. And I'm like uh, and we're kind of sitting there like me and my step probably this is weird. And then he goes to take a piss with the door open. His brother-in-law. And he goes, he goes, he goes uh and i think he turns around like wags his little fucking weaner at us and then he goes

joe i can't believe we're friends for so long and i've never seen your dick everyone says your dick is so big but i've never seen it and he keeps like goading him to see it and my step-pop keeps going like now get out of here stop it come on come on he goes come on roger and then he finally just like to shut him up he goes all right you want to see that bad and they go behind like a half wall and i just see my stepfather's motion of like more shoulder than you would think you would required to pull a dick out like you got under and he fucking pulled it out

and this guy was like coked up and excited he goes he goes oh man I can't believe and he just saw him immediately go like oh oh that's a really big fucking dick Joe everything got weird he turned the porn off

and we went downstairs and ate sandwiches quietly it's so big he got sad it got made him sad it oh that is big fuck I gotta rethink a couple things and you're gonna have to fix

that floorboard he's like I'm gonna have to get He goes, I got to get your sister back. This is the last thing. He's like, damn, I got to get your sister. Dad put on like a weight lifting belt before he took it out. I got to stop doing Coke. Dang.

That's such a crazy. I could never imagine a world where my dad would pull his penis out for another adult. Why, you got to someone's got to shut a guy up. Our dads don't have big enough dicks to go. You've never been pulled over with your dad in the car? Oh, officer. Let me think is, I think I forgot my PBA card. Is this look right?

He's like, that wasn't my foot on the pedal, actually. Cops not yelling. Get your hand off. Get it off that. He's reaching. He's stroking. I remember one time my mom, or my dad was out of town, and my mom got a phone call on her cell phone back. That she had like Motorola razors.

And fucking, I go to go grab it because I'm like a 10-year-old kid. And I look at the little picture on the front camera. And I'm like, what the fuck? And I open it up, and it's an overhead shot of my dad's dick from a hotel room that he's and my mom said it as his contact photo. And I'm just 10 answering like, hey. Your dad definitely had a small dick. The overhead is the small dick shot.

Oh, yeah. You got to go underneath. Underneath a good small dick shot. You laid over your wrists like a lot. My dick is exactly the size of what that dick was. Your father's dick? Yeah. I have my dad's dick.

Me too. I think I have my dad's dick too. I got my aunts. You have your aunt's dick? She left it in the will. My dad, yeah, I saw my dad's dick. dick just that one I've had the I mean a long time ago I got a joke about seeing

his dick like going into the room like I thought we could break someone's breaking into his house his apartment and I like busted his door open to be like that someone's bringing it and I just saw it and I still remember being like fuck isn't weird that you remember those those are burned in your memory like little I remember I slept over my friend's house Jackie around the corner

and I went into the bathroom in the morning and his father was a truck driver a real rough dude and I went in and he was just pushing out of shit and I just went get the fuck God, he just screamed at me, but I froze and just kept staring at him shit. And he goes, well, I'm only going to ask you to leave once. And I just froze.

You just reach in your pocket and start putting on lip stuff. Hey, Jackie's dad. I just burned in my memory. I just remember Jackie's dad taking a shit. But did you admit, Bobby, I suppose Lev and Tristan may have this more. I would surprise how much like after me none of my school stuff there was nothing in my school of teachers hooking up with students or anything sort of like that at all and that's like a thing across the board there's only a couple like I guess like dozen stories come out a year but like

that's the people who get caught like it probably happens tons of times I just found out my seventh grade teacher uh Mrs. I don't want to say her name doubt fire no but she was she wasn't that attractive she was all right Right, but she had long, like, gray hair. And she was cool, but she was kind of a bitch. I think the last time I left school, I was like, go fuck yourself, and I never went back to school. It was the last time I saw her.

Man, what a bad boy. Did you pop your leather jacket collar after that? No, I did. I put my bungaree collar with no sleeves. Greases never say sorry. You never understand the greases, lady? You just got got by the Vaseline boys. Come on, Johnny, take me out of here.

I just found out I couldn't believe it. She was fucking banging kids. Really? Yeah, she was fucking... Just not you. A friend of mine that I still... Like one of the only kids I know

from that era of my life, she was banging some of the students. She was fucking popping them. We had a girl that she was like the lacrosse assistant. She was a student. And the teacher was this guy named Coach Ioreo. And all of a sudden, like, on a dime, it broke out to the whole school that something was going on.

And like a news story picked up that he was sending her, like naked pictures holding like a wine bottle just in front of where his dick would be and then all of a sudden the kids got to her car in the parking lot and there was he left he just bailed out ran out of school there was a note on her windshield that just said all caps delete everything so he was like i'm leaving town delete everything i'm just gonna keep driving that's well the era of the cell phone that's what i said before i you know when you find out the kids when you can fuck a kid and not get caught well No, but how about even just like...

Just the days, right? Yeah, I would have a quick... You just frug your teacher and there's no evidence except your jizz on her dress. Quit reminiscing, Bobby. I think it took a law and order S for you thing that let me know that if you're 15 and you and a girl in high school are sending pictures back for each other and you get called with that,

you have child pornography. You get tried with like child porn. That's fucking like a scary thing. I would have had nonstop that when I was... Any girl that would have semifference. I've been friends with me, I would have convinced in some way, for some reason, you should let me see this.

And then I would have, I would have been bad, that's what I'd say like, yeah. I bet it was also much easier than for, like, a teacher to hit on a student and kind of feel out of thing and let it happen and there's not much evidence. Did, I just watched a... It's just a Polaroid. I watched the body cam thing the other day.

You could probably find this. In freshman year, dude, one of my, it was like a loose adjacent friend that, like, when you get the high school, you just kind of stopped hanging out with. He's like, bro, I will buy your exes nudes off you. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he just had a whole folder in his phone that was like everyone in our grades nudes that he had purchased. And like, he got in massive fucking trouble. I was going to say, do you think he thought it when he got caught? He goes, go ahead. I bought these.

I have receipts. I nickel and dined this. Listen, I'm writing this off. It's a taxis. Your Honor, I got the paperwork here. Everything signed and dated. How old was he? He was like fucking 14, 15. So it was 14. So would it still be illegal for him? Yes. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

You get charged for, now you're underage. Oh, I would thought you have to sell. Like when you're 18 and look, I got to sell these. I'm going to sell these off. I'm going to put these on Facebook marketplace. I got to get rid of these. One very cool phone. No context for my.

I'm selling my iPhone. I haven't wiped it and you shouldn't either. It's $10,000. There's a pretty big body camp thing out right now. This guy is he's a school counselor. and he's fucking a student or he's trying to and he meets her out in the woods

but the parents like tractor did you ever see some of that at all? It's a blonde-haired guy and he looks like shit to dildo he's just got like dangly earrings he's got like you know like boy band hair

and he showed up on a fucking like sport motorcycle so he's wearing like the I think I've seen this guy and he just come and by the way but he comes up the cops wait for him he finally emerges

the girl's gone the parents have already come and gone and then he just emerges out of the woods like and he goes hey what's up guy? Whenever they just got to come out of it, he's like, in his mind, he's already thought, he goes, all right, I'll just go out there now and just be like, hey, what's up guys?

What's going on? What's the problem? They're like, you're here to fuck a student? He goes, that's crazy. Why would you say something like that? I'm here to enjoy the woods. Yeah, and then they just show them all the evidence and he's like, yeah, this is pretty bad. It's pretty bad, huh? I said, I don't know. I worked at the juvenile hall, one of the places I was in later in life when I was like 18, 19. And I used to the overnight where I would just make sure they didn't run. They didn't take off. And me and the Southern.

I would split the night. Just know if you're about to tell us that you had sex with the underage girls, you're on camera. It was boys. Oh, okay. But one of the old staff lady, she had like cotton candy hair. She was fucking old, kind of like a few teeth, you know, talk like that. Hey, Bobby, I'm coming in. Crazy head.

She would take the kids and bring them downstairs. But at like 1130, at night would come in to counsel certain hot young Puerto Rican detention kids. Dang. And we didn't think any other. Like, oh, maybe she's helping him out until we found out she was bringing them downstairs and just fucking the shit out of them. Well, now there's something to be said for, like, young people,

when you get in, like, high school, now there's a chance your mom's done fucking only. I mean, the amount of, there was usually to be, like, a handful, or maybe, like, say, a hundred porn girls who, like, would have children that would be embarrassed by this. And now, I mean, like, your mom's shit is out there. And that was another one that was a strange thing.

Chris DiStefano has. that story but that became like a more common thing too like someone's mom having sex with someone one of the friends in a group and that's like we had people call in a long time ago and tell stories about that like we had my mom remember one was like my mom fucked somebody at my high school party in the car out front or something and you're like oh my god dude i couldn't imagine the scene i said i never had that we talked about what christine before i never seen my parents like weak at all i've never because they're not drinkers and nothing like that so i never saw like that kind thing so again that would be such a thing that have them fall off of to be like you were mom

you were french kissing fucking glen like my dumb friend it's summer break jane what do you want for me he loves my eggplant lasagna you don't ever eat it if i give him um nobody would eat a jewish ladies eggplant lasagna if i give him um so darn fucking around with one of max's teenage friends You start whacking off. No way. I might just slowly roll in. Pull up a chair. You started without me, dude.

I would have left earlier, dude. I swear to go if you fucking tell Max, dude. Don, where's the Vaseline, Don? Could this guy be more sad boy just got caught trying to fuck child? I thought he was going to be older. So who is this again? No, he's only like 25 or something. I thought he was going to be like, look like me with a fucking leather jacket.

No, no, no. disturbing no no he's like a total but my point is almost being it's the same thing like why do you why when you ever you see a rapist gymnastics girls gymnastics coach look at his face before you hire maybe they always look like it why would you hire this guy at 24 to do he's the school guidance counselor so that's what he's doing he's praying on them when they come in and they're like my parents just don't understand me he goes i understand you we should probably talk in the woods alone and wear that tight-ass thing i like yeah i always say you have to see the girl before you actually judge the guy fully.

I'm also wondering, is this the woman? Because this looks like a woman. No, by the end of it, though, he's so like, uh... Well, a lot of the times I feel like they were such losers when they were in school, and now they're trying to get back and replicate, like, here's what the hot guys would have looked like.

So they're, like, mentally stuck as, like, a 13-year-old. That's what I do. I was going to say, but I held back. You know how bad ass I would have been in fucking 96? Like this? Hell yeah, dude. They would have thought I was in Poparoche. He used to wear girls blouses back in 1996. Oh, mystical gone.

Damn, 20 years, we just got for forcible rape. Oh, damn. Yeah. Wow. Who does what's mystical again? What does he do? He's a rapper. I said the same thing.

I was like, what? He's a raper. He's a raper. Sorry, he was a rapper. Take a pee out. It's really just one P away. It's one P away. I woke up and forgot the job description.

You know I can't read motherfucker? I thought I was a rapist. Me and Christine came up with an idea for Jacob that we could probably buy him a Japanese girl for like five grand.

Are you trying to procure a Japanese? I think we how, yes. Right now is the time they're here for the World Cup. Yeah, we could probably, while they're here here Jay, we could probably grab one of these women for probably five grand to live, you know, she could walk

10 spaces behind you. Just take her phone away until her Godzilla came to Japan. She won't want to leave. She won't want to go back. I think we do it. I think we get him a nice Japanese wife that lives in your house. You come home, it's clean every day. She's bowing. Tire feet up. Yeah. Make her walk on those wooden shoes

around you. Just going to take the doorknobs off and put in those sliding doors so she feels comfortable. Absolutely. Yeah, make her kill all the rats around with like some type of bone hour she made out of a broom. She changes behind one of those like kind of A-frames that's all white linen. You can see the reflection through. Absolutely.

And maybe her bottom half is dragon. It's possible. It's possible. Now everybody who has friends of them is like fucking ludicruses has to be like, oh, I didn't see that side of them. Man, we've done that before. I know, but it is a pretty hilarious, like, this move, bitch get out.

It's like aggressive music, too. Remember you were telling him to move, bitch? I know this song. Oh, you know a bunch of his song. Shake your ass or else? Shake your ass. Now, bitch. All his songs have our else in it now.

Shake your ass. It was in a question. Shake your ass. Oh, he does warn you. The other song is called Danger. We'll get to the mystical part. Okay, with the ends. Jesus.

Oh, him saying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are we going to watch the video? Remember mystical? Yeah, I know this. He sounds like a rapist. Yeah. Oh, that was nice, so.

It is what he does. It is, in fact, what he do. That's what he do. What are you doing? Damn. Gone forever. Well, if anyone out there can get word to mystical,

let him know I'm keeping his pussy warm. He'll know what it means. No, know what it means. Yeah, come. Dauggo. Oh fuck, that's right. Jelly roll filed for divorce. Do you believe that? Yes, I can.

Wait, doesn't he have just like a jerk off parade for his wife every concert? Yes. Where he's just being like, this woman pulled me, I was in an alligator's mouth. Down in the bayou and she pulled me out. I saw, I think that he was like, I was saying, I was facing Galactus one-on-one. Galaxia. I still think that he was like, man, you pulled me back into the darkness. Oh, maybe.

Maybe she put him out. She was, what, only fans and a hooker, right? She was a stripper, but wouldn't she a call girl too? I thought she was a call girl, no? Yeah, she was an escort. Yeah. Escort, yeah.

And now he lost their weight. He lost that weight. You lose that weight. I know, and I think he plateaued, so we just got rid of another fucking 160 real quick. Yeah. Well, I got to tell you, Jellyroll's a sweetheart.

When I did his roast, I said she sat next to him and literally didn't smile or laugh at anything. I was like, she wanted to do this roast, and then, of course, everyone's going to go up there and be like, jelly roll's fat, jelly rolls fat, and she would just sit there and be like, I don't. And you're like, well, this makes it look good.

Surprise, surprise, that never came out. That roast never sold a way. Speaking of Whitehorse with big tits, iced tea got divorced too. No. Really? Yeah. That's not true.

Yeah, divorced. Coco? And he's so badass. when he did it, he slowly took the ass back. Took all kinds of money and shit away from her. I guess she cheated on him. This is a lesson. Don't have a food

name. Ice tea, jelly roll, cocoa. It all goes bad eventually. This is her not getting divorced. It's new. Did you get fake news, Bobby? No, they were... Damn. He was... Maybe maybe they repaired it, but he was taking all

the money. He took the house. He'd kicked her out of the house. I guess he cut her fucking around. So he was like, fuck that. And he had all these contingencies she didn't know about in the marriage

where she don't get shit. Like, she has nothing. Yeah, what did she do, though? Was she ever, like, a singer? No, I think she just met a hot fucking chick with baby shit. She was the original, like, big booty white girl, like before anybody.

Oh, Coco. It was the smooth magazine cover. That was everything. It changed the way women pose. Go to find that. Is it smooth magazines? Is it? S-M-O-O-V?

It's smooth. It was a, it's her, it's, you know, it's face-down ass up, but the ass, you know. Oh, the ass is eclipsing? Mm-hmm. Oh. I heard of very. I mean, that was literally. That's a white woman?

Yeah. Yeah. Was. She's doing blackbody. Was when she lived with her parents. She's doing like that Ariana Grande. She's not anymore. Get enough tan to get like vaguely Puerto Rican.

It looks like a fucking other guy's shoulders. Yeah. That picture was like viral before that was a thing to have had, like, everyone. Talk about that at cover. That's like a chest and a bowflex ad. It's not real. My friend told me a really funny Ice-T story. He's like this old head Chicago DJ.

And like coincidentally, Ice-T was in town promoting something. And they have the same birthday. And it was that night. So they were like, Ice-T's like, we're all going out to celebrate my birthday to night to some weird club. Let's all go. Like, you can come along. So he's like, they walk into this like strip club and they take him down to the basement.

And in the basement, there's just like a table in the middle, like a round table. And they, like, 10 black dudes sit around this table. and guys come down giving them goggles. So everybody goggles up. All of a sudden a girl comes down, sits in the middle. The table starts spinning and she starts squirting on everybody in a circle. Just pissing on everyone. Pisses all over iced tea.

And then he apparently was like, that ain't even cold, man. And he got up and left. And they never saw him again. I appreciate you making me not pay for it. I can imagine you're like relatively like you're nicer fucking wearing clothes black guy. You're just like, that's a thing I want bodily. Louis. Maybe they mention it too.

He goes, you guys might go out to the fucking Piss Fountain? No. I think I'm good. $5,000 a Louis

Juan jacket I'm wearing right now. He goes, don't get it in your eyes is all they worry about. She turned me into an Arnold Palmer player. Put that lemonade of tea.

Well, I mean, that's just the thing. Bitch, I'm wearing suede. I'm not going outside if it's raining. You want to get your piss on my shit, I'll kill a bitch.

I think especially in like the famous world, though, like, whatever the jelly roll and her thing is the cheating thing is like

it's not what breaks them up no they were in an open thing he was like let her I mean they say they're an open thing but I don't know it goes back and forth but she says that they cheat he cheated one time

and when she went on stern she really oversold like it was the most devastating thing that's ever happened and he goes you were a prostitute yeah yeah you know how to

you could if you could explain to anyone that you can separate emotion from sex She said, no, but I loved all those guys. Each one was like a little micro-romance. I kissed every John on the lips. I insisted.

Oh, shit. Each one took a little bit of me with him. I don't want to shit on your friend too much, but, uh, I mean, Jollyroll, this is going to make the next album so funny, like, depression rock. Oh, yeah. Because he makes, like, hope music for pillheads. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but I don't think he's going to, you saw the thing, I mean, that video of him

meeting the disabled kid. You see that? Which one? I mean, the one where the kid, like, my favorite is when the mom translates for the kid. I, that just, she's guessing. And everyone just has to, those situations where everyone has to be nice. Or else you are a raging piece of shit. And the only person who's a genius is the person filming it to make sure this can happen later.

Us laughing at it. If that kid had a neurochip in, it would be like, I hate jelly roll, that fat fuck. Get me out of here. He wanted to be here. I hate him. I mean, it looks like he. really hates him and he's screaming that he's having to need. Get him away from me! Country sucks!

Before his father died, he asked him, he goes, if you ever see Jelly Roll, kill him. He's like gus fring and breaking bad. He's like rigging his bell to blow up. But this mom, God bless this mom who has had a very difficult life of taking care of this kid. And I'm looking like that. She's like 25. But I'm saying she has that life and then she says, if you turn the audio up on this, he just you know he screams like a vowel

and then she goes he says he's completely blown away meeting you and really loves your dungery jacket that's not what he said at all that's like some Helen Keller Translater shit he goes I don't think what's emotion and by the way poor jelly roll

wanted to leave this situation so fast and he's like jelly well wait before you go do you mind if he spits all over if he sloppers all over your jacket and he goes oh man I've been honored yeah sure can I put M&Ms in his open mouth I love looking at rotten teeth. You got me to sign his molars? I don't know what to do here.

The kid is just like jaw on the floor. He's like, I'm doing an impression of your wife when your friends are around. He's being shitty. His old looks being shitty. Go back to that whore back. You go look at the black security guy in the back. He's like, this is some crazy shit. He's like, this is white people shit.

What bug me about this video is it seemed like the mom is the one that really cares so much. She wants to meet Jelly Roll and she's pawning off this kid. If I had a kid like that, you know how many people I would meet? Yeah. Are you kidding me? I'd be at every concert. He's a huge kid's fan. He's a big fan.

What if the guy calls Joey Roll, he goes, and he goes, Kill me. Dude, I'd be a... Oh, holy shit, man? I'd be at Disneyland every day, front of line. Everywhere I'm going, bro. Absolutely, dude. I know.

I felt, uh, that's what was the girl that got everything? Gypsy Rose. That's the best story ever, dude. Her mom just goes, like, I'm going to shave your head and treat you like you're retarded and we're gonna we're gonna go to Disney World every year for free and then she just eventually thought she was retarded that's so funny oh poor jelly roll poor jelly roll lost all the weight and he lost his hot chick I have a feeling he's just a fine yeah yeah like his next album he's doing stand-up now did you know this oh god have you seen this he started yeah he was

there and that he started it the Netflix festival yeah I did that show what he's he's been going up in the mothership and stuff but they also they just canceled stadium shows he was doing for music really I think Now he's like, all right, I can make some money doing this. Oh, my God. I'll have to find work for Josh. Oh, my God, Josh out of ours. Josh is going to have plenty of work when Jellyroll's headlining.

Yeah, he's going to open for jelly. He's going to open for Jelly Rolls. Scootooot and Scootoo. Yeah, not in Scootoo. Oh, give me my favorite Josh drop. How much money do you make a year? He is the fucking best. Lev Fur, Tristan Bowling.

The show is called Cockfight. They do it with our friend, the lovely Colum Terrell. It's available wherever you listen to the podcast. Make sure you check them out. Two of the funniest guys. Make sure you check out a Lev Special too. It's on YouTube right now. It's called Patchworked, right?

Yeah, patchwork. How's it doing? Good? It's doing all right. Yeah, it's doing all right. People like it. Check it out. You just put it out.

Make sure you support it. Like it. Subscribe to it and get in the comments on that. See them live. Yeah, see them live. See them live. Big Jay, where are you at this weekend? I'm in Buffalo Helium this weekend.

And you are in the... Levitown, Long Island at governors. One show Friday, one show Saturday. Sorry, if you bought tickets to the other shows, return them. Get your effing tickets now, everyone. I was promoting other people's shows. Fucking dickhead. We will be back tomorrow with you.

Tomorrow, baby. Until then. Crackle, crackle.