The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Overselling Joy (feat. Rosebud Baker & Andy Haynes)

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

Newlywed comics Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes joined the show and discussed the roles they get cast for and the hurt feelings that ensue. Jay is floored as Rosebud reveals what's in store for him at an upcoming comedy gig. Overselling your moan can have some long lasting damage.  

You're listening to Comedy Central! Hey, I'm Big J. Operson, and I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Hey, Cambridge Crackle Crackle, it's Black Blue, and welcome to the Bond Fire,

Spest of the Week. Newlywood Comics, Rosebud Baker, and Andy Haines joined the show. A conversation about the movie, I-Tanya, sparked a talk about movie roles Jay's been offered, and the hurt feeling that came along with it. I love Kanye Harding, I think she's badass. Yeah, her perm was crunchy. Yeah, dude. Have you? I'd say why I love why I like her. She walked through everything. She just walked through everything. She walked through the Olympic scandal with never really getting in trouble herself. I don't think ultimately.

She walked through, uh, then a second very early, probably even before we said like the Pam Anderson is dumping the first one. she walked through a sex tape scandal. No one cared. We wanted to watch it. Yeah. And and through all of that, all of that still resides at the highest level of Judy Gold's career. Both do world's dumbest true TV shows.

Both do world's dumbest true TV shows. Yeah, her crunchy perm makes me think that she always had a menthol on her. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, without a doubt she did. She did. I would rip both. Yeah. Now Rosebud and Andy for our fans that don't know were just recently married. Do you wish you would have done a ton of hearting theme wedding? That would have been pretty badass. I wanted to, I wanted to walk down the aisle with a black eye. I wanted to at least that, you know, just a nod. I just kind of did. I like the, I want to hit her. Andy on a whole

Jeff Galuli vibe, you know. Yeah. You just slick, slick this hair back. Yeah. Yeah, I got it already. Yeah, sure. You got to get a crusty thin, just upper lip. Tiny. I mean, a quarter inch of hair above the lip. That's good, because that's all he can grow. Perfect. Like everything I get asked to audition for,

I was asked to audition for or offered to audition for, I was asked to audition for or offered to audition for say the part of the guy who kneecapped Nancy Carrigan and I was just like it's one of those things with everything they go where they go like hey read the character description or look who the guy is we like you to read for him always like I don't want to be this fucking gross fat so like why do they think I would be this guy? And I just heard my feelings more and more. Every time I told you, Zillion, Louis CK came up to me the first day of the pilot taping for Louis

that I was in one scene of. And I told you I was on my way to a gig and I got a phone call and they offered me the part. They just offered it to me. Yeah. No audition or nothing. I was like, what? I've this never happened in my life.

I mean, this is amazing. They go, yeah, he goes, Louis said, he wrote the part for you. And I'm like, whoa, that's so crazy. I'm like, all right, great. And they go, we'll send you over to the script and sides or whatever later. And I got the sun for the whole weekend on the road where I'm drawing nobody in gigantic Pittsburgh improv.

It's 50 people audiences the most. And I read the thing, this character's description, whatever the name was, was like a fat, slavvingly greasy. He wrote this for me and was unprompted, by the way, when Liberty CK, I don't know where he heard, that's what it was said to me, but he came running over to me in the soon that they started. He was like, Jay, by the way, I swear to you, I don't know why I said that. I didn't write this character for you. I wrote the character and then we auditioned people

and I was like, oh, you know, I think Jay will just be able to just hit the line. We have a hard time getting somebody hit the line. And I'm like, okay. And he was like, why? It was a great lie. It was a good point of show. He just went to something here and goes,

Jay's really ugly and you go, what? It goes, no, my neighbor Jay and you just go, I want to believe that. You're like, I'll accept that because it's what I want to hear. That's why when anyone criticizes people in entertainment where they're like, you guys are sell outs and you're like, yeah, absolutely. I'll be upset by something and still do it. Yeah. I'm so desperate. They'll like give me a day rate and it's like in Europe. I have

to quarantine. And then the part is neo-nazzi bitch. And I'm like, cool. I'm on that far. Yeah, dude. Oh, man, I can't wait to play that Stanford swimmer, rapper. You're like, I'm looking for a barding cuck. Yeah. I'm there. I've been told by casting that I'll grow into my type by the time I'm 80. I'm like, okay, cool. That's the only old, the oldest soul. That sounds like such a cutting remark that a woman who runs a dance studio told you that. The reality of feet when you're dead, you sloppy bitch. Fuck. Yeah, we need someone childless, but with the energy of like a mother of seven. Yeah, problem is those flippers you call feet, you're tripping over.

Yeah, I could hear you. I could hear you, you're just rattling around in the elevator on the way up. You want to dance for me? It's just vicious. I told Rose bed that she has the energy of a woman that manages a lake bar. Yes. Dan knows lake bars. I know, dude.

Andy, let me tell you something. You just hit a bar. You just, I was born in the darkness, molded by it. My dad was a fucking bartender at a bowling alley near a lake. So this is, and let me tell you, you hit that one out of the park. I usually don't read. Yeah, I want to usually order a double rum and coke whenever I see Rosebud, just to her. I lead with a double rum and coke, more rums plasha coke. I just serve it up with my tits. Yeah, that's my tit.

Melok is whiskey. You always have a mystery wrist problem that you're wearing. Nothing better than a made in dress like a slot and then she has a wrist brace on. It's a thing. It's a thing to be all new when we said it. It's a real thing. Oh man, but I bet you that Rose, yeah, Rosewood's energy thing. It's a thing to be all new when we said it. It's a real thing to do. Oh man, but I bet you that Rose, yeah, Rosebud's energy is that she's going to tell you a story of bailing out one of her kids. You know, Junior, little junior got

mad. Big juniors away. So little junior. Yeah. Oh, you know, any acting is that he was a piece of shit, so I give him a pass. Yeah. There was a scene that we were watching from True Detective, where a mom says she hasn't seen her son in a while, because he stole her mic from Wave. I was like, that's my role.

That's it. That's the role you got. The mom's a play about it. I just want to make my microwave back. I kind of want to be in trouble. I just want to talk to him again. I made some. Oh, my wrist.

Yeah. Yeah. Jay was floored when Rosebud revealed what was in store for him at an upcoming comedy gig. Have you guys done driving shows? Because I did it once and I hated it. She has, I haven't. I did it once and, you know, it felt to me like anything else.

I was like, you know, once you get that the laugh is the, like the honking is the laugh and you like accept that, then you wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on Rose, but hang on a second. You just fuck my whole world and do, I'll put it in there. Hang on, I haven't done one yet, but I am doing one October 17th, me and David

Teller doing. Yes, go get props. Go get tickets. And I thought I thought it was people just in their cars and you'll kind of hear them when they come to their cars and put chairs outside or something. They're they're hawking as a laughter and flashing their lights. Flash in their lights. Yeah, fuck man. And Jake, can I ask you a question? Was it tell though? It's like you go, for the first two minutes, three minutes, I was like, this sucks.

And then I just start, it kind of allowed me to just have more fun than I normally would because I didn't have that pressure of like get a laugh every 30 seconds or whatever, you know. So you're just, you kind of relax into your own set, you just like have fun with it and it's not. I don't agree, I think you should be afraid. I think we,

I think the worst thing, the worst thing, the worst thing, the worst thing. The worst thing. I just want to walk it, I just want to walk it off. I have to be, I just want to walk it off. I just want to walk it off. I just want to walk it off. I just read it's gonna have to be a hundred percent jokes to I can't be like ah red Subaru I'm twice free as this guy this guy knows what I'm talking about with the utility rack on top this guy gets out utility rack on top this guy gets out. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, nice little brawn, that nice little brawn that I rock jag off. Was this guy excited for ski season? He's already got his record.

I understand all of this is going to work. Everything you just said is something you're going to say on stage with this. Speaking of tires, speaking of tires on the back, let's talk about my ex. So. I'm still doing car with you. I'm doing this with a car with you. How was it going? Am I killing?

Am I killing? Yeah. You know, let's listen to an oil check. More like a fucking highway robbery. Am I right? It's all going to be fine. Sir, I'm not. I'm not prying here, but I can see that your

inspections. Dup. Oh, look at this guy's got a state park tag. Well, then know you like to go into nature. You're home. Oh, I already was. Why does it like us to be over here? The PBA card to windshield. Boo. Oh, black cars matter.

the PBA card to windshield. Boo. Oh, black car. It's matter. Black car. You go, is that guy got a do caucus sticker on you? Yeah. My other side. My other side is for J's car.

Outdoor car. Car. You with the my other car is your mom sticker on the back. What? Okay. That's so fun to think you could just do that. We go anybody got kids?

Of course you do. You got an honor role student. You got to say. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, how do you guys do other bumper stickers? Yeah, we do from back and you guys seem to be making up, but you could

honestly, if you, it doesn't matter because you can't see them, they can't, they don't know that you can't see them. You can say whatever the fuck you want. So it's, it is fine. But it's even worse to perform for cars and there's no flashing of lights or honking. Oh, bombing to cars. And they go, anybody, not, not even one of you thought that was hawkably fun. You couldn't even lean on the horn. Dude, how perfect would it be for Gallagher though? No tarp? Yeah, all you got to do is make sure you have window wipe or fluid.

But what I'm also worried, Dan, what about all of my very intricate punch heavy setups? I'm worried that they're going to not hear over all that honking non-stop So anyway, I was talking to my ex-wife the other days I call her the bitch. Ha ha ha. And she said all right, okay, okay Thank you, thank you. There's more to it. No, so she says thank you, thank you. No, she says, okay, thank you. All right, guys, you've been amazing. Okay, guys, okay, guys, guys, I don't know if we're in a traffic jam or if I'm killing. Everybody's going to leave.

Is this you guys leaving? Am I doing well or are we bombing? What's happening? We got really fond memories of. Is this you guys leaving? Am I doing well? Are we bombing? What's happening? I got really fond memories of this show before you guys started acting out. All the nightmares. Yeah, honestly. I was like, yeah, it was a good time.

You guys start starting on your shit and I was like, actually, it was just like that. You were being part of the collective there. That's where you fell apart. You have to reall, we're all starting to do that. Where you go, that was actually a pretty good show. And then you have to, you have to still say dot, dot, dot for a rooftop and a bad neighborhood on a minutes notice.

It was really going to be with the caveat for sure. Like, you know, even if you have like a really good veggie burger, you're, if you eat meat, it's like you eat meat. So that's essentially what every show feels like now. I don't know why you I mean there's some really good veggie burgers out there. You know, like, you know, that's not that weird. I'll tell you what me and Christine got the impossible Whopper and we were like, it's delicious and someone went, it's just as bad for you as a Whopper. I don't know what that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. It's only for if you're a person who doesn't eat meat

for moral reasons, the other reason it exists. It's not better for you. Yeah. We're eating healthy. We try to do the Jared Fogel thing. Where we ate healthy, and it's kind of collected pictures of children naked. But I'll say, what the fuck?

And that ends on both Christine. For all our producing knowledge, cannot figure out the dark web. True. Moning is hot, but everyone on the crew had a story of Moning that was just a little too loud to be believed. Don't ever sell your mone. Keep it real. I have, I've had one of them, like,

it's always because of roommates, like, oh my roommates kind of, yeah, it's what I'm saying, but I'm saying what, but also where it's just like, if we were alone, it's like, but even if we were alone, it's like you're being a little over the top still.

What's funnier than that is having room so many roommates throughout the years is when a roommate brings a girl home and she's crazy loud and you're just a little bit, and you're just like watching TV and all of a sudden, you know they're doing that.

So, you know, you know, they're going to the room, but you're just like watching TV and all of a sudden, you know, they're doing that. So, you know, you know, you know, that they're going to the room, but then you just get like, oh, shit. All right. Okay. I have been together on the couch. I would probably say at least a half a dozen times when that Pete, when our handsome Pete used to bring a girl home, and we just remember he'd go the bedroom and then we just be like watching family guy. Yeah. I wanted my thing. You know, just feel like, yeah, I wanted my thing to see you. And you're like, whoa, all right, dad. You know, it's funny.

What are you hearing? Hotels a lot. Or whatever is also it's not it's very rarely like the oh yeah, that's up to all. Well, you know, that kind of loud shit and girl screaming. We want to hear just like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, by the way're just like someone. Yeah, yeah, by the way, it's an immediate mute on whatever I'm watching for.

Yeah, if you're any kind of movement in the other room, you're just like you're paused. You're like, hmm, start listening right up. I think that's when you don't want to get hit with the. No, I said that another after slow Randy, I'm working in there. I'm big. Oh, come on Oh, let me give me fucking grab something god damn it get it in there Nick multi-but fucking hell your deep in my ass

The guy that lived or the lady that lived above me and Tucson. I told you about that She just have different dudes over just your different dude moans before I get up from the path and beyond different thoughts different you can tell by the different space levels. This trumpet, I would said on Friday mornings, I had to be at the triple B by 8 a.m. So I would go, I would most of the time get hammered Thursday nights because that was the big party night at Arizona. And then I'd just wake up at like this is after I graduated So I didn't have class or anything and then I'd go do open My pile of delivered pillows. Oh man. Yeah during the day that happened a couple thought got caught doing that

But I would wake but you know she was a college student. So they're out on Thursdays So Friday mornings to them or like I don't have any classes that was gonna hang out would be fucking, you know, having like party still kind of drunk party sex at like six in the morning. And that's how to wake me up. It's just like a dude being like, you just hear like, creaking, creaking in the gut. And you're like, come on. Come on. I think a couple times I even grabbed a broom and was like, stop! Because I'm bad, you've seen me when I'm making that wake up, I'm a furious little devil, and I would just sometimes be like, shut the fuck up, shut up, because you'd be like, I'm just laying under the bed, and he's like, good.

Jacob, I would say you perhaps, yeah? Once, yeah. Yeah, a wild woman? Yeah, I mean, it was like, yeah, I had to say you perhaps, yeah. Once, yeah. Yeah, a wild woman. Yeah, I mean, it was like, yeah, I had to say, like, you gotta keep it down a little bit. Really? I was just, I was like, you're talking. What was the situation?

I'm on my parents' room. I was in my home. What, how old are you? This is like right when I started. I remember like really like right when I started. I remember like really like right now. And she was a teenager? Yeah, 18. 18 and she was just being too.

What she was actually on. I think so. Yeah, and that's what was actually getting angry because I don't. I was like, I think where she was that kind of learning, like thinking this was making me feel good. Yeah. She's overselling. Listen, that's fine. Of course, I think that's fine.

Of course, I think that's fine. Christine washed the life of the joy wash off my face once, the wise years ago, actually. We were hooking up with a girl, a bigger girl too. And we were doing, and when I put my, mykin she really did she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she went she Yeah, when that when you know when you know it's being oversold, you're like, hey, knock it off. Yeah, I don't just say, oh, only one woman. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,. My roommates have the, not roommates, sorry, but the people next door, me have the greatest sex of all time. Oh, yeah, we've talked about them on the show.

You've heard them, fuck. I've heard it for years and every time I have someone over and they hear it, they're blown away. Like it's, Can we do a listening party with, do you think there's, I I can I can put it on like man if there's a way I like that I'll definitely call you I'd like to

bring it's it's four times a week at least and it's down for them good for them with a healthy libido like that I love them them. It's fantastic sex. Oh, yeah. I wonder when they move out of here, they're going to be bummed out if they're like, it was lovely living next to you in second. I don't know how you do it, but God, your love is beautiful. Black who sex sex is a raptor in pregnancy? A rat.

Oh, yeah. Nothing's going down. Do you? Is she understanding of the like, hey, I got to head in the other room and go knock one out real quick, or you just do it, you doing a covert in the showers and shit. I'm more just wait for her to fall asleep if I'm not playing Call of Duty and probably drowning it. There you go. Yeah. And DJ, now you may, do you have a, from your past somebody who was just crazy loud and overselling or not even over selling sometimes just like because the over selling is usually verbal

with something they say, but the noise is sometimes you just like, what are you trying to do? I would love to hear from campers who have had that happen with that. And women and men, the moment where you know the other person is being disingenuous, like, is like, is selling you a different experience than where you're like, real like? I told you, I told you one of the most savvy things I'm gonna call it. I've ever been a part of and witnessed

on how great girls can be as something. I may have seen this in the show before, but it was amazing. The girl from the story that I told on this is not happening that me, my buddy Glenn and Kurt, oh, what the years ago. Yeah. It's not happening story. So another time I hooked up with her on my own or whatever it was, I think there was

more than one person there, but like it was just me and her hooking up. Yeah. or whatever it was. I think there was more than one person there, but like it was just me and her hooking up. And it was like taking a while, and she was at my house, my mom's house. And I go, yes, and at one point, like what I recall about her was being semi vocal, obviously, and like making noise, but not overselling that,

actually significantly underselling, if it makes sense. You know what I mean? Like she was just kind of like, yeah, this is what we do. And at my mom's house, she was being really,, yeah, this is what we do. And at my mom's house, she was being really, really quiet. She was really quiet at one point. And I was going, and like, and I was just like, oh man, like, I don't know what, it's like, it's not

like getting me like worked up. In fact, I think I'm not going to finish taking forever. And then I was like, she's what's wrong. I was like, nothing like that. I could be being so quiet. Are you, are you having fun? And she goes, yeah, she goes, but it's like your parents are here. Like, I don't want to be like too loud. And I was like, oh, I mean, you could do something. She goes, oh, you like noise it? She goes, you want me to go? And she's like, almost like she's describing it.

And she goes, you want to go like, oh, yeah. I mean, she's for it. She was for the noise. She's, ah. You see, bird called you. But she called you. She was, you want me to make fake noises like this and then she just did not what those that is what I man Oh, yeah, dude, she did this version she did the penis version of this move See the penis version of that

the penis version of that or Dude I it's working. It's working too good It's working. I would go as far as to say is 95% of men can be bird called I would say that the way we react if a girl If a girl really wanted you to come and choose to say oh my god You're fucking so good and you're like oh fast I'm gonna go I'm just overload the compliments. Ladies, talk to us the way we would talk to you about new shoes you bought. You know, I mean, like, where did you get those? Those are fucking awesome. You look great.

I think it's a great question for our guests today later. If he says something because I know he's definitely had to bed down some slags. They made some fucking wacky noises. And I we've been asked I've held DJ Lou to the end for a reason. I know DJ Lou is just bagged some bar rags in his day. And I bet a couple kinds of either not enough noise at all or or or or smoke the cigarette during. Yeah, you're a slugger.

I recite the averages of the Pittsburgh pirates in 82. It gets me there. He goes, all right, you ready to sing it into my mitt? Yeah, all right. Let's see what kind of pit. Let's see what kind of pepper your toss and well, I've always lived with my brother. So I don't really give a shit if he hears. Oh, shit. And you've heard will obviously. No, he doesn't, uh, he doesn't get as much action as old DJ Louis over here. I said it. But when I live, when I live with my parents, there was a lot of that

going on, you know, back when I was super young. But, uh, I was the one making the noise this one time. I was getting a HJ and she was whacking it so hard that she was punching me and punched me in the balls, punched me in the balls. So I just screamed screamed you're fucking hurting me And I woke up the whole fucking house because she was punched my balls out That's the good one Have you ever had the like stop a woman from doing something and actually just say what it is because it was going like so But you know, I mean like, yeah, for me, for me, I can't get my mind off.

In fact, I, I, Christina, back this up because I do it with her too. When you, I, I'm very big fan of girl on top. It's very well with my, with my, with my, I build. But girl being on top, when they start getting aggressive on that ride man. No, no, it's it's I I immediately go hands on the upper thighs. Yep. And clamp it up. I go, you are going to do the thing we've all heard of happening is that you're going to come up and you're going to bash down on my cock and you're going to break it.

Yeah, dude, I go, you're going to happen. I go full guard. The second she does that, I wrap up, I get my fucking hooks in. I don't let her. I'll bring it back in and I'll get contact because dude, I have got to test my thing too. I'll tell you what, here's the problem though. Someone will do the same thing. You bring them in, right? Yeah, bring them up. The problem. The problem and bringing them in is that Dick and Puffy at that point are in a very unnatural position with your definite. So you're fucking

punchin like that's when you got to get your knees bent up and maybe plant your feet and fuck up. Yeah, yeah, I'll fuck back. I fuck up. I can I would probably say that's one of my best skills is fucking up. I'm fucking up. Fuck up, fuck up, fuck up. I'm talking to you guys, how good I am, it's fucking up. I'm talking to you guys. Fuck up, dude.

Be a fuck up, dude. Be a fuck up. Be a fuck up. Let me stop trying to fucking go to the tip and slam back down. It does nothing for me. Stop! It hurts. Let us fuck up.

In fact, most women even state the better. Here's the thing. It seems to do well. I've had more women come this way than not, but it seems to be the motion that really gets them off is the dick completely in and almost more like the going forward backwards, forward backwards. That's what we're backwards.

And then all of a sudden this overzealous fucking thing comes we're all of a sudden you're doing like some kind of a weird like Russian weightlifting stance and yeah and before I knew it you're hammering your taint down on my beautiful board and also you're you're fucking believe me dude you're doing it close the fuck of that thing pop it out there's noises when you can tell when you tell bottom of head has breached The room air and you go No, that's weird. I do some re noises My god if the sweetness of my under dickhead hits the air and I feel that kill, I know I know it's getting dangerous. We're gonna leave it for ourselves. You know, it's

remember where we're at and who we are. And any time that's ever happened where it's popped out and hit and then it's like a five minute, are you okay? Are you okay? A lot of hand on the shoulder like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was like, I'm looking to hold you. Don't do this. And I'm like MMA, I like MMA and boxing too. You take, you take your full minute. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I watch off my mouth.

I get back in there. Even if it didn't hurt that bad. No, you got to take your time. I've had a clamp down. Even if it didn't hurt that bad, you just go out. It's like, you know what? Like here's the whole thing. It's like, I just need a mint.

Like think about what happened. Like we have to regroup. We have to calm the fuck down number one. It's a sexual fender bender. It's a car accident. You're just like, hey what happened, like we have to regroup, we have to calm the fuck down number one. It's a sexual fender bender. It's a car accident. You're just like, hey, listen, let's exchange some information right now. I'll be your little shook up.

I kinda want to know. If we don't want to go through insurance, I know a guy can bang that out for you quick. I got a guy that can buffer it out real quick, though, you're gonna need to listen to me next time. I need to fuck up. I like to fuck up. Here's the thing, with Christine,

and I've Christine's so long, so now you gotta go, it's like, whoa, whoa, you're going up too high, relax. And then like, but if it wasn't in my lifetime of like, when it's been like new, that goes on that's,

and that's why I believe I built the skill of fucking up. But also, I will say this, Dan, as well as, the Dic Pussy meet is an unnatural position when they're laying chest to chest, at least with me, because maybe it's a different one. So like, when they, I didn't really say that, like, I was sliding in there, because maybe it's a bigger guy or whatever, it doesn't matter. I didn't say that, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. But that's an untruth position, position too. So another one I do this how many

women in the world could probably recount this story of me doing this and Christine's gonna laugh which is even think when you think when they lay chest to chest Yeah, and then start doing the unnatural like just kind of like the ass like Fucking up is is one way to handle that. I'll tell you the other way to handle it. While you're kissing or you're like cheek to cheek in that fuck session. Let's go talk to fucking people. No.

I get a handful of tit and push up. I go, I'm trying to get back. I'm trying to get back up. You do it by the tit so it seems erotic. Yeah, that's it. I'm just grabbing a handful of two handles and getting you back in the position where you're at least It goes these on top of my dick instead of constantly in a state of my dick's trying to snap out of it

Yeah, I always whenever I feel uncomfortable in that situation You know if you're in a relationship you can just say it to your girlfriend But if you're in a new thing and you're trying to keep the fucking You know you're trying to keep the moment sensual. What do you do as you do like a, oh, hold on, let me show you something because you're like, you don't want to be like, hey, psycho, you're about to fucking break my dick and a half. Let me take over. Just go, oh, let me show you something.

Hold on. You just got to say that. You go, oh, let me show you something because then it doesn't sound like you're saying no. You're saying that you're moving along because dude, I don't want to hook up with a girl and then the first time you're hugging up, you're like, what's up my weeny? I'm gonna say that. Who am I weeny? So if they can't catch the rhythm on top, another great move, pull in for an aggressive

make out. Yeah, it's a street of Lego Roman. Dude, if you feel the right arm technical around you, you're about to get fucking full. You feel the fucking crack in arm? Coming grab you. You are getting ready to get judo toss

bitch. I'll tell you, two points to red, because that's a reversal. I'm fucking. That's Greco Roman homes. I'm fucking. two points to red because that's a reversal. Oh, fuck it. That's Greco Roman homes. That is so fucking funny to do that. And there's also very, very difficult in life, though, I say, to look any kind of cool if you are a naked boy and you are going from being on bottom to the top.

That is my, if you're like, what picture would you kill yourself if it came out there? It'd be me transitioning from laying down, they get to getting on top, they get just like, I do for like my first turn is an aggressive like, not a big ball. And then it's one of those great moments where I was never good at football, but I'm grateful I got to play football because that's just a simple seat roll in football, dude You just get up and fucking turn around you just get up get up to your feet and turn around just pop back up you get hit you fucking pop back up Seat roll, baby seat roll into it. I'll say another one. I don't like doing naked after fucking laying there deciding I'm gonna get up But the way especially me and Christine this happens

pretty much every time because there deciding I'm going to get up but the way especially me and Christine this happens pretty much every time because my where I sleep on the bed where I fall onto the bed just naturally is the inside towards the window so I can't just do like a side roll put my feet down and get up out of the bed. Christine has to watch me naked do the ooch-scooch like she can't do that the every and the day i would do that i would honestly rather just roll over her and just climb over and be like fuck it sorry i know i'm

inside this comes with a territory and i'm like i try to leave her sleeping so hoping she sleeps late so i can uh... call her a bum for sleeping late. Hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95 or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the bonfire at SXM. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. the bonfire at SXM.