The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Ozempic Dreams

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

Christine and Jay fantasize about losing weight on the drug Ozempic.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on... What is the SXM? Yeah, Series XM. You can say Series XM. Thank you very much. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on the SMX app. No, say series XM. You can listen on the series XM app. Go to seriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J.O. Kerson and Robert Kelly.

Oh, it's magic. You know. Never believe it's not so. Oh Oh You know Make me believe it's not so Oh Jake can't walk anymore. Just needs it a wheelchair.

Oh, Zampic took us out, but we have thin suits in our coffins. Get in the elevator with us, draw. Just draw. Jay steers his wheelchair with his face. Oh, Oh, Zampic, you know. Sure, all those things are possibilities, but more than likely, I'm just gonna look awesome.

You're gonna look awesome, and I hope you both look awesome, but if one of you loses their feet from this, it's gonna suck. I'll get robot feet. To the blade runner, got a hot chicky killed. So if Christie, it's- You don't need feet to get pussy, dude. Just get-

Can you make a guarantee right now on air if something happens to Christie and wish you can't walk? And you have to like crane her into a tub to clean her that you will take care of her from the- No. Oh. No, no.

I won't be with her unless she's on a Zempic, and then I won't be with her if a Zempic hurts her. Christine's got a real window. So if Christine takes a Zempic, and she winds up getting one of the side effects. Yeah, yeah, and I'll take care until she dies. Until she dies, but you get good sympathy plus if you hang in there till they die.

You're just gonna make her watch you on a couch Just gonna hear Who's that that's my check and then one day we'll just hear the I'm gonna go oh He gets sick to give him back to his ex Yeah, what if jg it's hey you took a vow of carl. They'll take me she'll take care of me a thing She doesn't care about fucking she'll just take care. Give me soup all day You'll have to make the guest room J's medical room

Stop J's medical you have to be quiet Jason's going dialysis right now. You're gonna get a rock in wheel chair like a real cool one. Oh, yeah You're gonna skanks and bonfire stickers on it. No, I'm gonna be like one of those like I'm gonna be when they try to make a young crippled kid feel better like a young like a real cool one. Oh yeah. You're gonna get a skanks and bonfire stickers on it. No, I'm gonna be like one of those, like, I'm gonna be like when they try to make a young crippled kid feel better, like a young like a, they're a say retarded kid and like they make his wheelchair like super cool with like flames on the side, but it's still like you can't make that cool.

My wheelchair, my wheelchair hubcaps are skulls. It's still a wheelchair dude. Yeah, you know, I, it's getting a little different than what you're saying, but I always wanted Chris Evans to visit me as Captain America. Me too. Me in a hospital. Yeah, but I have nothing wrong with me. He gets there, but then gives me like a shield. And then you feel bad. No, I don't want to lie to him. I was like, I want him. So maybe they just don't tell him

in my mind. So he comes there, it gives me the shield, which I have always wanted. Yeah. To be presented by Captain America, but then he finds out I'm just a guy. He's a guy who looks like a sick boy. He's a very good friend of the guy. I just wanted the shield. I'm not, it's not a... Yeah, he thinks about it a lot. lot a lot. It's been in my mind Well, I must be consuming your thoughts too much to put on the jewelry we got you like the kids who are missing an arm Like Tony Stark came in one time made me cry because he gave him a Stark Enterprises arm Yeah, but that's

Look, we all have weird dreams. I when I was younger. I would daydream and I dated a girl who was Yeah, look we all have weird dreams. I when I was younger I would daydream and I dated a girl who was Deaf or blind and she was hot and she loved me for me because I took care of her. That's hot I could have echo that real I yeah, yeah for sure Jacob I could have had that dream until Jake killed my friendship with Chris Evans. Yeah, that could have been a possibility. Bobby probably would have a shield by now. The fact that he blocked my number meant that he still had, I was still in. You were in.

I was still in. And now it's all the block happened. When I called back, it was not, like I called once and it was available like it rang. Okay. It went, you know, to voicemail or something. And then when I tried to call again, it was like, you've been blocked or whatever it is.

Because it really, we're gonna really bring it back big, though, Chris Evans, I feel like. I have to wait for his career to tank. Now he's gonna, he's gonna be in a promo tour for something, Captain America and the Sun Bullshit. And he's gonna have to come through here. And we might have to come in nice and early one day and do a pre-recorded thing with your friend Chris Evans we're gonna get you two kids back on the same page

we'll make them on block on air please can I be in a in a hospital bed like in the corner yes you're gonna be I just take a self and you will be I think you should and see if you give you something just well yeah I was like this is sickly Jacob he was hoping he'd bring you to shield or something for that's enough don't say why he sick just sick. This is Christine she's she wasn't sick and that she took ozampic she's in a wheelchair. She's in a few years with her face. Yeah we anymore. It's my toes. Oh, I miss my feet So

Dude the side effects are my numbing of o's epic. So I think it's everything or my numbing if they get out of chocolate Yeah, big side effect the chocolate. What is it fat? I guess the very problem I get heart disease. I guess so. The very problem, my dear. Part disease. I was out front. You guys left and they were talking about doing those. I was like, look, all of a sudden I got into trainer mode. So hilarious.

I was like, let me help Christine and J.W. it slow down. Yeah, he goes, I'll get you guys in shape. No, no, you guys don't need those. You just got to do salad for a month. I get, no, no, no, you guys don't need ozampic. You just gotta do salad for a month. I go, yeah, and cut out half of your stomach. Also, that also helps. I say three quarters. Getting a surgery?

I have the stomach of a tick-tack. You let him open. DC young flies, baby's mom, I just passed away from surgery. I just saw the video. He showed me the video, my doctor's a friend of mine. He showed me the video of him literally pulling my stomach out of my fat torso. That didn't make you gag.

No, because it was so, it was like looking at, I'm afraid of heights, but not out of a plane window. It was so surreal just seeing this tub of shit on a stretcher and him pulling out this, it was like purple, it was weird is weird and he was it was a lot My stomach was very big. Yeah, ozmic is this is crazy these side effects are not that big of a deal at all really

It's the most basic ones nausea diary of vomiting stomach pain Constipation and the tumor the cancer term. Oh, let's say that. Oh, that's just in the rats That's in two rats. Oh, sorry. just in the rats. That's in two rats. Oh, sorry. The thyroid cancer is only shown up in the rats and not in the humans. Two rats. Yeah, you're fine. I thought it was three rats. Oh, you're fine. Three rats. But you don't know if you have rat in your blood in your DNA. But they tested, they tested four billion rats. That's not true. It definitely feels too good to be true. Like this magic drug that's just going to make me thin all of a sudden.

It's not that magic. It's doing something very scientific actually. I was very smart of you. Yeah, it's not, it's just not magic for sure. It is magic. No, it's, Ozevic was made by a wizard. I don't know if you know that.

Oh, yeah, it loved him. There's some minor sorcery involved in this. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's some minor sorcery involved in this, sure. Yeah, yeah. It's one needle a week, and a light Latin incantation. And you have to rub a crystal three times in the clockwise. Christine, did you go counterclockwise? Oh no, she grows donkey ears.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Zampakia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh Oh Oh The moons out Jay I'm changing Common side effects wear wolf Why are you looking at the worst things Kristen look up any drug you take now don't do that look up the one You're about to take think about it. I said look up any drug you currently take I don't do that look up the one you're about to take think about it I said look up any drug you currently take I don't take anything yeah okay I really said that county I'm very proud that I don't take any nothing well the rest of us

do me and Christine take mental drugs Lou does stepped on Jersey Coke. Yep. Jacob's a fentanyl addict. Yeah, I love fentanyl. I didn't know that about you. Sucks fentanyl all we've got, or you can't sleep. Wow, that's crazy. That's why you're so calm. My weekend started off pretty rough. Well, can I say something?

Your weekend, when we left, was pretty fucking amazing. Like, when you were like, I'm flying out on this, and I'm doing this, and I'm doing this club. Oh when you were like I'm flying out on this and I'm doing this and I'm doing this club. Oh here's what I said, almost pregnant, those just doing JetBlue mint on the way out to Vegas lay down seats. And?

And on the way back, United lay down seats. Great, flying back to Newark to a little closer to home. People don't know that mint is probably the best Mint it mint is jet blues First class first class. Here's a trick to you guys don't know this if you fly jet blue If you go to the counter an hour before Take off and you go can I upgrade to jet if there's a seat

They'll charge you like 400 bucks. For mint. I had that happen before. I had that happen one time before. Yeah. You have to go up before, you have to go in, check in, go to the gate, go to that person and go, hey, can I upgrade?

And usually when you buy the tickets, like expensive a shit, but you can upgrade for like 400 bucks, they'll give you the seat. Little mint, little mint for you. I thought I was gonna talk about that. I was worried about, a dance teacher means breathing. The name is cashtellS week on the show. He rides the mic.

I put him down when he's breathing too much. Yeah, that was wild. I felt bad I know what to say in the moment. He's like, he's always been that way there. No, he's not a heavy guy or anything. He's got been that way. No, he's not a heavy guy or anything. He's got sea captain breathing. Well, we're going to get to... There's Tasha.

We're going to go out and get to fish. I just got to get to fish. We're going to go to him wide. I get you rotten scumbag. I think it's to the nose. It was just yeah, it was a lot. I felt so I was like looking at Lou. I'm like, I can't say anything.

Hey, Dan, can you not breathe? He was doing his best to get himself off microphone. Yeah. Oh, David, that's funny. Well, I was having problems with my- Why are we think it's me also when it's happening. I'm like, am I doing another go over? I was having throat burps last week. Yeah, why? I don't know. It was did you hear it? It was going it was like

You think it could possibly be a side effect of your crazy surgery you got. Yes. Oh You think it could possibly be a side effect of your crazy surgery you got? Yes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, this, and this doctor. This crazy can't walk story that we heard is like, I don't know, I haven't read anything about anyone not being able to walk. Explained to people what happened though this week and because anytime you're gonna, look, I got the same thing when I was gonna get my surgery, I had some people go, hey, they tell you the horrors.

They tell, but 99% of the people that got the surgery that I know, did you hear that? Yes. I don't know what that is. I you have to say it like that little So But they tell you the terrible things that could have there was a couple people like dude I know this fucking dude that did this. And then his stomach imploded and you know, oh yeah, it popped. And you got it. You got it.

You guys talked to somebody because you guys are doing this. So it was that big kick that everybody's doing. And you guys, somebody, who was it? Some comedian talk, you talked to some comedian? Yeah. Oh, I'll tell you exactly who it was. I know she's listening.

She listens to the show. Tracy Carnazzo, I'm talking to you. She sends us a me and Christina message. Don't do a Zepic. My friend took a Zepic. Now, here's the thing. Tracy Carnazo was present for some of our last major conversations with our friend Michelle and Tim Dillon about possibly trying o's epic. Does Tim take o's epic? No, I think he's going to now though. But we were talking and she doesn't want to do it. So she's saying now it's bad. So Tracy then sends us a message saying my I want to read it. Yeah, I read it. I'm just going to read it. This is crazy. You don't send this to people. When you know when you know this is a crazy misinformation. Well,

if you care about them, you do. This is misinformation. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh The disguising parallelization with the song. If you guys both get paralyzed, we're gonna have a lot of fun. You ready? Okay, so my friend... Okay, so my friend... You don't have to take care of me, I'll take care of myself. I will not let you kill yourself. Oh my god.

We're gonna have like bathing day for you guys in here. We all wash you. It's my worst nightmare. We're washing you in a chair. Can I take her to you? She is going to treat you to us. Tracy writes, okay, so my friend was on ozempic and she lost weight and she stopped and now she's hardcore diabetic.

You know, this medication is supposed to be for pre-diabetic, but it works for weight loss. But if she stopped, I bet there's a doctor who will tell you the impossibility of probably what she's saying. Can I just say something real quick on that note that this company made this drug and if you're for, it's for something else, but it helps diabetics, right? It's not for weight loss, but it does. It's for diabetes, the way you process sugar. That's how you're going to lose the weight.

Okay, so it helps diabetics. What you take it for. So, if you are pre-diabetic or diabetic. Don't give it to you if you're pre-diabetic for sure. They will give it to you and you take it and it will help you. It's not a big deal. You know. Make me believe it's not so.

Ozanic, you know. Boy do I miss my big toe. Oh, dude, please let this be. You have brand new teeth in a wheelchair. She's a wheelchair. She's a great pushing my fucking face steering wheel around. Chippin' them on your steering wheel, strong. And I get this thing softer.

Um, uh, fuck, dude. So my friend was on ozampic. She lost weight and stopped, and now she's hardcore diabetic. Christine writes, seriously? because she's terrified now Tracey goes yep. I right back Linda is a liar Christine goes she became diabetic from it and then Tracey goes She's in she goes so they had to put her back on it and add met met from in and She is so sick with with the shits all the time.

The shits all the time. So so far two pieces of information from these texts. She's now hardcore diabetic. Now she's on another medicine with it and she's so sick she shits all the time. I go so she's fine now. Okay, because you're because you're positive, J. Yeah, you're a positive guy you punch out then she writes So she got neuropathy from her diabetes and she couldn't walk great and I write so she's suing the ozampic people I assume she said she could barely eat and she's so nauseous from the ozampic and she can't stop shitting from the whatever

Reforming and Christine's like, oh, that's I want to be thin, but I don't, I want to walk more. That's true, that's a good choice. It's fine. Walking's fun, Jay, especially a good dog. Of course it is. Who's gonna walk the dog, you? Well, wait, now what I said. He said, but thin, I said that's such a turn off.

I want to be thin, but that's crazy. Yeah, and here's what I wrote to Christine on a side note. I go, why are you seriously entertaining this? This would be a news story if it happened. Not just my friend's life is destroyed. She just found this out today that her friend is in sh heard about from start uh... she hasn't heard from since starting ozempic losing weight stopping ozempic getting diabetes bad and now can't walk all of this and she just found out ozempic is the cause

i mean for reals come on christine this is a fat person who doesn't who doesn't want to take it who doesn't want to take a try to convince you of something i don't think our doctor wants to sick It doesn't want to take it. It doesn't want to take it trying to convince you of something. I don't think our doctor wants to sick. The people I've talked to have taken it. Two of them doctors said if you take it properly and build your level,

you can stop, you can go back on, and then it works. And if it doesn't, stop. Yeah. Simple. Tracy, you psycho. Just call it chubby. No, I call her fat, but I forgot I wrote that and I just read it. It's just really, sorry Tracey.

You just go. I said Chubby to get you out of it. You did. And I'm fat person. I mean, listen, I'm fat for life, fat Jay. But I can get you that shape if you give me two months. That's the funniest thing Tim calls your fat Tracey. Tim just calls everyone else fat, which's the funniest thing Tim calls your fat trace. Tim just calls everyone else fat

Which is the funniest thing in the world? It's like fat Traysies at the house But so sorry trace that I mean that was I didn't mean to read it out loud You didn't mean to read out loud. Well, you know it's funny. I just see you know what I was thinking I go when I when I read the next three sent Being the sentence that says this is a fat person. I thought it was gonna be me saying this is a fat person telling you like me But it's not and I'm sorry, but I mean nausea Vomiting and diarrhea is the major side effects of it this of course this thing listen that sucks to

If it happens you can just become skinny if you do those three things. Listen, I take Lexa Pro when I first take it. That's how you get thin, that's how you get thin off of ozepig, you vomit, you have diarrhea, or you have headaches. Christine, look up Lexa Pro side effects. There's a zillion, I take it, I've been taking it for years.

If you get the side effects, you stop taking that thing, that's the idea that you try to something else. Yeah, I try something, but you have diabetes now. And they have that reason you can't walk. That's who cares, dude. Not walking is great. Yeah, if I could be thin and not have to walk.

Dude, you, oh my god. Dude, first of all, you sit down during your comedy anyways. It's not a big thing. Just come out in a chair. So there, it's all things I have. Is that all side effects of, just, yeah, it's everything you feel in the day sweaty sleepy I can't sleep I sleep too much feeling tired and weak

Well now bring on the shit's nausea who gives a fuck I'm already sleepy yeah paralyze my fucking legs Let's take my legs dude I'll just sit around and chew sugar-free gum or sugar or suck sugar-free sweets Because crazy thing is it's like it's an injection like you've to inject yourself You have to pinch your stomach and inject your belly. You can do it in your thigh You have to be within three inches in your belly button. Yep Really? Yes, that's scary because our doctor said you could do it in your thigh. Your doctor is a little bit. And now I'm thinking our doctor doesn't know anything about

exactly. I'm starting to think of Tracy's friend might be right. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Zabick. You know, Christine can't feel her toes. So you have to pinch your belly, you have to pinch your belly button fat and stick your stomach every day. Why not, doctor? It's once a week? No, that's not bad. Every day that would suck. Yeah, that would suck.

Because you forget your past on Monday, never mind your ozemic. Christine. I'll all remember my ozemic. Because you want to walk? Christine, please, could you text Dr. Pabbis real quick and say and say in an essay. We're on the radio talking about ozampic And he said that I thought he said you could inject it into your thigh or butt or stomach But that online it's saying it has to be three inches from the belly button Well, that was what the people from the chemist shop told me directly

Yeah, yeah, that wasn't something I saw online. You can just type it in. Type where you have to inject ozampic. Chemist shop? Yeah. What's that? She's just placed we go to. You got an old guy.

Okay. I mean this. Who's your chemist? I don't know. What do you go to a pharmacy? Yeah, you should inject under the skin on your stomach. Fire up a arm. There you go. There you go. I can do it anywhere. You have should inject under the skin on your stomach. Fire up your arm. There you go.

I can do it anywhere. You have to inject yourself. Our doctor's okay. He's specifically said within three inches of your belly. Well, maybe that's where it works best. What do you mean? And don't put it, don't inject, because the thing is you don't,

that's what it is. You don't want to get into your muscle. That's probably why it's the best. You know, they figure your thigh and stomach are probably fat if you're taking those ant pick. But they don't know. They haven't seen these yet Jacob hang from that swing like a monkey from this

Hurry up do it before I lose it That's gonna be great. We should make Jacob go and observe out of his epic and see how thin he gets Feel really terrible about calling Trace can also fat back. That's it. You did it by accident. I love you Tracey We're all we're all fat. You did it by accident. I love you Tracey. We're all fat. You're telling us a crazy story. And I believe your friend may have lied to you and told you this also. Or she had some pre-existing problem like diabetes.

Hope so. Hope so. Which is the fibrosis. The story was she went off ozempic and then ate to the point where she got diabetes. You know what? Maybe that's what it was. Maybe her friend is a fat piece of shit. Who doesn't have to control herself.

Good recovery, Jay. Yeah. Good recovery. That was a pretty good recovery. The friends of the fat piece of shit. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Uh, any who? It doesn't give you so funny. You guys gonna wake up on Sunday and do your ozemic shots before you coffee. No, Monday. It's going to do it Monday. Are you gonna do it Monday already? Play that out?

Yeah, I think it's a great idea. Is it expensive? No. It's not expensive. Mm-hmm. Okay. Not too bad. How much?

Well, less than getting your body opened up by a surgery team in a hospital. That hurt. I mean, that was right to the stomach. Substantial, less than that. I mean, you, I didn't feel that, by the way. I think with like insurance, insurance, right? No, I think this is not insurance. So what is it?

250 a month. That's not bad. Yeah. That's not bad. Shit, to drop that weight. I'll make that up in what we don't spend when we order food. Yeah, in a day. You know, sometimes we know we, I think we've lowered our portion eating a lot me and Christine and it's funny when they deliver bags of food to us that look normal for two people. I'm like,

did we get enough? Because we used to get things like, Christine is the great, if she answers the door, she like turns around with the bag and looks at me and just like does this like the Waying it with her hand like Jesus. What are we about to do and then we just do it It's usually two meals I've gotten in a huge fights with Don when I was a fat fat when she didn't order enough I mean like who what the fuck who what are we gonna do it's fine you can hit me she always do that you can have half a mine. I don't want yours. I want one fucking mine. You gotta force me to stare while you eat yours that you're only gonna

eat half and you don't change your mind at all. So I was hungry then I thought you bitch. It's so great now that they both eat more than me. Like when we order food, I'm like, I don't care. That's the best part about what happened to me is when we order food, she's like, what do you want? I go, I don't care. Get whatever you want, because I'm eating just a little bit,

and I'm out. I don't even give a fuck about food. Fuck food. Look at me. Ready? Fuck food. Sure. That's my new thing.

Yeah, that's all I'm gonna feel in a week. I walk by restaurants, I go, fuck you. Fucking food. Fuck you. I feel like you're too angry at it. Yeah, that's all I'm feeling a week. I want my restaurant. I go fuck you fucking food Fuck you. I think you're too angry at it. Sorry. Food hurt me hair my career. I think anger might be one of those side effects I've been road regions like a Sardz theo's Ampest. I don't mean the yell if Ozebik makes you angry and and you're screaming at us all the time. Yeah, yeah. Lou, Lou, come on with the drops.

It doesn't, it oddly doesn't say anything about mood at all, but it just sounds like it rips your stomach apart. Yeah, that's what it does. It rips your stomach apart, and it makes it so you can't eat, and that's how you lose weight. What, O-Zampic? It slows your gut down, that's how he describes it to me too. It just slows it down.

So you're going to feel full, like, because you're not going to be processing it too fast. Yeah. That's what it is. Well, the thing, the thing that I got is that those growling cells, when you get your stomach smaller, they take out most of those growling cells, which make you want to eat when you're not hungry.

Right. And that's one of the theories behind it is that it helps you after the surgery. Like, I don't want to eat when you're not hungry. Right. And that's one of the theories behind it is that it helps you after the surgery, like I don't have to eat, like I don't have that thing where I'm like, I'm hungry, I'm really not. I can feel. Didn't Ralphie may beat the surgery twice?

Ralphie may beat the band because he learned how to twist his body and do the... Yeah, the trick but the hot tea. Yeah, the hot tea and the acidic juu trick. Wait, what is that? I know the band doesn't work, but what's the trick? You can drink hot tea and it warms up the band. And then if you turn to the right, if you turn to the right, it makes it so more food,

you can get more food down your fat stuff. You have to eat like Scooby Doo, where you just push the whole sandwich into your mouth, so it goes down the track. You hear a, you're in with scoops. That's a sickness to have something put in your body. And now you're actively trying to defy it. Yeah, that's we are trying to beat the thing that you that you want it you asked for.

Other side effects of ozampic, which I've been told, and maybe we could talk to DJ Lou if we're having some good results here because it stops It apparently it interferes with all of your addictive stuff So it'll probably help me get off cigarettes and you won't want to go to a gay hand party I'll probably stop going to gay hand parties. It's good. At least I'll dial back to straight hand parties But it can make me help me with stop smoking and it says it helps you with alcohol too They're prescribing it's people for alcohol. This is such a magic drug, dude. Oh

Oh Well, it tells your body not to act stupid normal not to act stupid normal. I just think it's too good to be true. And the ozempic, the thing in ozempic that helps people not eat, they're actually, they isolated that one thing and they're coming out with that drug for fat people. Yeah. You understand? So that's coming out soon. I forget what you're all switching out. I'll switch it. Yeah, you know, so people do they go from Harry on the fence No, it's easier to get I tell us Jacob I mean I stopped because it couldn't get it anymore

So honestly what happened you weren't well in the suck that shit anymore Supplier just dried up you want to suck that shit? Supplier just dried up. You want to suck that shit? Too many people come handle their shit. Yeah, a lot of people not handling their shit, right? Dude my weekend your weekend Supposed to be laid out in flights Jeppelou meant Jeppelou meant is the best. Oh, they give you a good buy cookie Oh, it's the best they just treat you right. It's a laid out. It's the most comfortable laid out of those. And within reason, I know there's like bedroom ones cross country. The reason why Jeppe Lou is good is because they have two seats and then one. Yes.

And if you can get the one, that means you have the whole side of the plane, left side of right side. Especially you with a table next to you. In the middle with a table, it's like so it's two and one two one two And if you get that one you can close the door on it. Yes, when you lay down, it's like your below It's awesome. So when you close the door, so when you're lying down and you're my your chubby stomach falls out of your jeans Nobody sees it. Let me see your butt cracks sticking out your Jacob you're concerned for when you flip over But all of your fat clothes drag and then all the sun your butt cracks sticking out. Jacob, you're concerned for when you flip over, but all of your fat clothes drag, and then all of a sudden your side asses out,

and you know someone's looking at how this pig it in first class. Yep. They don't see any of that. They don't see that. Because now I have a blanket, a normal size blanket, over my tosy. I put it right over the middle.

Because I know that belly or that tosy's coming out. That's the worst. So I go that flying jet blue meant. And I go to the mint checkin'. You went to the mint checkin'. That was my question. The lounge is good. Which is the best lounge? Don't know.

They don't have a lounge. Oh, you didn't go to a jet blue that's now. They don't have a lounge. Do they have the mint lounge? The new one. Oh, wow. Didn't have time for that. But I went there, I get a lot of traffic going there. Got there.

Well, first in your car, not show it? Oh yes, first that's why I forgot about that. The car didn't show us why I was also running a little behind what I like to run. It wasn't running behind, but I got there like on time. You got to check your bag in an hour before or they won't guarantee you gets on the plane. So I get there about an hour and 10 minutes before that hour and I or before or whatever it is like where they close it down and I was first I went right to the lady at Mint and she's just looking at me and I go hey it was having a hard time checking it online so I just check in here and she goes oh, that's because they changed planes. There's no more mint service

And I was like, oh that sucks. I know besides mint Jebou has nothing. It's just like a little more space. They have even it's called even more space Yeah, and it's not that much it's not that much more space. It really is It's absolutely so you're like oh shit. I'm like, okay. I mean, I have to go You know, I mean? So then someone, they put her on the phone with somebody and she's like, yeah, she's barely talking to me and I go, well, can you just check me in though

because I want to make sure, like, my bag gets on the thing and everything. And she goes, it'll be fine. And I was like, okay. And I was like, I just want, and then the guy's kind of sitting there waiting for it. And I'm like, just check me in. And she goes, well, Ro, you want from this, this, this,

because all we have is middle seats. Wait, what? I was like, I just, you tell me I'm not going to be laying down. And now I have to be in a middle seat for a five something hour flight. Like, come on, that's, that doesn't seem right. I go. And at that point, you know, you got to go. She's like, I mean, is there a wind? There's no window at all? And she goes, last aisle of the plane doesn't

recline. And I was like, okay, like, I didn't really have much of a choice. So I take it and I go and I'm like, this fucking sucks. You, you're row fucking 30 something. 30 33. Yeah. That's the last on the left side. and 34 is the last on the right side. You went from mint. You went from mint to the last row. Last row. 34. 33 or something. 33 on the right side of the plane. It was a third cabin actually. It's like the, the the, the no man actually, but it was like the even more space and then a thing and then like behind that, it probably breaks off around like a, like 18 or something and then it goes

for a few more and then another wall with a curtain door that's the way way back. They put you in the place where it's no easiest so it doesn't bother the people up front more. You were next to a bag of chips. I got a little snacks. Yeah And also now you're not only not in mint now You're treated like garbage trash shit. Yeah, because now you're with the garbage

They're not gonna give you it's not gonna give you the amenities you had to did you board last? No, no, no, I was able to board early, which was good. That was good, but when the plane lands, I'm the last person off the plane. I almost wanted to take a picture of like the the aisle down the plane. It's just so crazy. It was a half hour at least, like waiting to get to like, and because there's that wall there, you just don't know until those people start walking and everyone was standing. The whole day was not with somebody next to you Oh, would you just have the seat next to you?

The seat next to me was open. I think maybe the only open seat on the plane because the guy sitting in the aisle Works for jet blue and I think they like hooked him up So you did have an empty seat next to you. Yeah, that was at least. Yeah, for sure Hey, but you couldn't rewindline. Couldn't recline. So I slept the whole time. The guy next to me watched my Netflix special and things as well as a sleep apparently. Why, it's on the plane?

No, he watched on his own thing. Oh, he watched you, will you, will you, will you next to him? Yeah. That's friggin weird, and he say something. Yeah, we took a selfie at the end Yeah. That's friggin weird. Did he say something? Yeah, we took a selfie at the end. But here's what's funny.

I would suck if he wanted to ignore you at the end because he hated it. No, yeah. No, he was very sweet. But he, uh, it's embarrassing. The guy, he's the famous guy he's watching on his fucking YouTube. His next home in the last year of the airplane. But I think I told him that I was like the mint thing.

And he was like, yeah, it sucks. And he's like an analyst. He doesn't like work for the airline where it's like, he's like, and he throw over that. You keep going, dude, I was in mint. Yep. Sure, you were. Got it. Not a day. You know, they change plans. Okay. I got it. Yeah, they do it all the time, I guess. I'm taking a, I'm taking a Zepic. You know that, right? O-O-O-O-O-ZMPIC! I don't know how you didn't have a seat for yourself in the front of the plane like how that section wasn't reserved for the people that had met. Well when I get to the line to check in or to go up to the thing, it's of course two women who have no idea what their fellow doing. They're trying the board and get everyone who thought they had a mint seat or seat some different planes switched around and

They're doing a bad job at boarding. So these These Jersey people came with two couples and they were like, you know, Guido Like guys and they right away. They recognize me, which was sweet at first But then other people go and like you'll fuck this. Let's just walk through the thing right now And they're like, sir, you can't, and like, there's an old man who was there like, excuse me, son, I'm trying to, and the guy was doing like, what the fuck can you do about it, huh? What's you gonna do, buddy?

What's you gonna do? I'm like, he's got to lose. He's got to just high-fiving me. I'm like, why are they being so mean to this guy? And then they get on the plane. When I walked by them, they said the same thing. They were meant. And by the way, the one girl wanted to keep

selling hard. She goes, we went from meant to lint. And she just kept saying that. Um, I want that shirt. I went from meant to lint. They I walked by them because they wave as I walk by them. They are still in the first three rows of the airplane. Oh, they got the more they got the even more that's the meanest people I sat there and ate the shit the whole time and I'm in the back of the plane. Yeah. Um, but so when I land, that's the best thing. So I, I opened my eyes and the guys like, he's like, Hey, I watched your Netflix thing while you were asleep.

Like, cool, would you like it? He was like, yeah, really funny. I'm like, cool, man. And then he goes, and then I turn my phone on and it's Christine writes, I'm so, so sorry and so much hate to text you this. But, and then it's a screenshot that was like, from a sorting issue, we didn't put your bag on the flight. Because of that bitch. But this actually said it was a sorting thing. That she got a check in before the hour.

So I think it was just like, it was just sorted wrong. And I'm like, no, and I tell the guy, I'm like, yo, this is fucking nuts. He goes, take to Twitter. I'll tell you if someone who works for coming, I take to Twitter, they don't like that. I go, fuck a Twitter. I'm gonna talk about it on my national radio show.

And he goes, oh, they want like that. Who gives a fuck? Because I'm sorry. Did I think of a beating from a U.P.S.A. So they lose my bag. I go, I'm like, I'm gonna go down to the offices, I'm walking, I'm like, I'm gonna go to the luggage office for JetBlue and I'm gonna like smash a computer.

And like, I'll say like I'm gonna break things until like whatever I'm like, you know, you're planning your crazy thing. I go I'll probably be able to bail out a jail two day But it's Vegas. Maybe there's so much overcrowd. I don't know I'll go to jail for the weekend till Monday in Vegas. Moutro takes you to jail Friday was a Friday Thursday Thursday. Yeah, maybe you get out maybe you might get up Friday But um and I was just like yeah, this is like how much shit do I have to eat on this one and Then I get there the lady was so diffusing. She just really had a good like. Oh, that's terribly good. That's That's awful. I'm so sorry, you know, and then I had to get a They're like all right. Well, it's gonna be on a plane that lands at 9.30 at night, which does me no good.

Then I had to hire a car, service guy to come and take me to go by clothing, toiletries, socks, you know, I mean, underwear, like everything. Yeah, but you was staying on Fremont Street. Mm-hmm. I mean, that's literally, there's exactly the shit you wear, it's not Fremont Street. Mm-hmm. I mean, that's literally... there's exactly the shit you wear. It's on Fremont Street.

No. You could go right in and grab a cool hoodie. No, I have to go to Big and Tall because I haven't taken my... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I miss my girlfriend's big toe Um Jay, well you walk the dog hey It's a dog eating my dead feet And see it what if one of you gets 10 and the other one doesn't oh, man Are you over Jew yeah,. I hope it's me. Are you over, Jew?

Yeah. Well, I'd hope it's her. I was gonna say it, but it's me. Because only Christina's was away. That's for sure. That was my plan. That's fine. I'll get off of it.

That's so bad, man. So bad. You had to go to Big and Tall. Yeah. Or was it DXL? Yeah, because I just want to make sure I can get something in my size. I can go to them all, and possibly,

but I'll just be like, I had to get like, I get like the most tourist. It was like a Las Vegas Raiders hoodie. And sweat pants shorts, because I don't want to buy like a belt and the whole, you know what I mean? I just didn't want to get like a whole crazy thing. So, like I was close to, I would look as possible. With the note about the bag, I did also send him like the directions to DXL

I think there is one She did I'm so glad I fucking hate I hate the Excel. I hate it. I hate it. It's awful. I hate it I hate it. We have some elastic jeans over here and maybe like a dad shirt and five X Yeah, they had some good brands in there. They have five cool shirts at every fact I have Agus has them on. Yeah, they're already being worn by somebody. Yeah, you walk ahead, it's up there. It's up there. Of course, of course.

Oh, I know that Guinness T-shirt. Yeah, I know that size Metallica shirt. I understand when you're wearing Reebok for fashion. Yeah, that button down a pumpkin shirt. I got that for Halloween. Oh, Harbor Bay. What fashion mag did you get that out of? Harbor Bay is pumpkin shirt. I got that for Halloween. Good. Oh, Harbor Bay. What's fashion mag that you get that out of? Harbor Bay is my shirt. Now, true classic, baby.

True classic. True classic. Um, now that we said I'll get more advertisements, show me a fat black guy with his gut hang out of his shirt and then show me how true classic has changed his life. Boom! Look at this. Look at this. Is that true classic? It's true.

I only wear true classic. Oh, I didn't know they had logo tees. I'm not kidding. This isn't. It's not. Um, I don't think you're going to call me out on air. It's so good. Oh, I didn't know they had Godzilla shirts.

So I did the show. They, uh, they delivered my bag at like two in the morning. To the hotel. To the hotel. And then I'm working out like fine ultimately. But like it was, uh, what a shitty day though, that first day. Freemont Street in Las Vegas is one of my most favorite like things to just go stand there

and watch what happens. That place is wild. So you know they have those circles where people, I guess they, what do you call it, like a lottery everyday to stand there and you get to do whatever you want in your circle Some people just make palm leaf art

Some people dress. Yes, some people dress like a character and you do magic magic. We've seen drummers some people take ozampic Watch me with her away But by the end of the day they're crippled But at the end of the day, they're crippled. My favorite one I saw this week, when I went to Starbucks, I came out and I'm looking at this guy. I'm like, wait, is he doing one of the circles? And he was.

It was just a good dad. It was like an older guy, maybe like 55, 60 years old. And just wearing a t-shirt and dad jeans and like new balance sneakers or something. And he just had a cup in front of him on the floor that said with this, what do you like, a cardboard sign that just said USMC Marine Corps. And he just stood there with his hand in his pocket drinking a beer. He didn't do any, he didn't know talent, no like,

I think there's lunatics out there in these circles. Like there was a girl dressed like a Trinity from Matrix, but not like to dress like her, just like how this lady dresses. And her sign says, fuck off, dancing for cigarettes and vodka. And then she wears headphones where you can't hear the music,

and she dances like a bat shit lunatic all over the place. It's, I mean, in people's way. That girl, later on the last night, I went out and watched, I don't give a shit out these guys, Spandex Nation, they play, I guess, late night on Fremont Street, like right by the circus, and I went outside the Smokas cigarette and like they were playing, it was pretty awesome. They just do a cover, it's like Steel Panther. They just do a cover of, and shout out the Steel Panther, around one of AGT. We don't have to watch it, Jacob.

We can watch it as long as we describe it. Yeah, these guys were great. And then I was walking back towards the hotel and as I'm finishing my cigarette, there's a guy walking around, he's a midge for sure, a little person. And he's got... How could you tell? Oh, he's got his wallet in his front upper pocket of his chest.

He had no arms, but he did have hands. The hand just came right out of his shoulders pretty much. And so if he cried, you have to help him. Was his tears? Oh yes, no, no, no, you wouldn't. Cause this guy's me. His neck was so short and fat. And he just, he was doing, was holding sunglasses

the whole time and a vape and he would vape like he'd go, and then he kept putting his sunglasses on and off but it's just like right there, it's like they're right below his chin and he snaps him on and he starts having an argument with the Matrix lady who's doing her batching with her headphones on and she keeps going,

I can't even fucking hear you Like I have my headphones on I can't even hear you and he says I don't know what he's saying to her, but he's mad And he's just yelling at her with his little flappy hands and this is where I said I've got to learn I guess you're taking my phone out and filming things. I don't do it enough I did the last time I did I think because I saw a couple fucking on a car and they were just very open about it. Besides that, I never, every time I should pull my phone out, I go, it'll be over by the time I take it out.

And then five minutes later, I'm like, why did I take my phone out? I should have taken my goddamn phone out because he's doing more. And the time that I would have taken it out, when she stops paying attention to him, there's a big spill of like beer or something in the middle of that street. He goes over, he's wearing flip flops and socks. He kicks

off one flip flop and then just like on purpose. Slips. No, not slips. He's just like sopping up liquid with his sock and then he puts the flip flop back on and then he takes the other flip flop off and does the whole thing. Goes back to screaming at the lady. Then I'm like, I should take my phone out now, but it seems like he's probably done the thing. And then he starts walking away and I'm like, yeah, good thing I didn't take my phone out. He does a hard like, you know, in like those, those crotch rocket motor cycles turn, like their knee hits the ground. Yeah, he does a hard turn like that We put in the glasses on and off and then walks directly up to I don't know they know each other still a clear junky Crackhead like bone thin like girl walking in the street and his goes up

She's not been around at all. She is fresh new. He does that hard turn turns around and just starts make out kissing with her On the street. It was insane. How did he get up to her head? She was short. Oh, okay. But I mean, she went down though for it was, and then she went on her way and he like went off the other direction. He had wet beer feet. It flipped flops, yes. Yeah, he saw the all that beer up and then he yelled at the lady, the Trinity lady one more time. Who's just, I mean, who's literally doing like this? She looked fucking crazy. That's crazy. Arms flapping around like a dip shit. Maybe that's how he drinks his beer. Maybe he drinks it through his feet. He drinks it through his

socks. He sucks his socks. He goes, oh oh no like I get wasted because someone rings his socks out and they'll a cup look Man, I can't hold a cup. It's too big for my hands, but I could suck a nice bruski out of my sock dude him vaping With a little fucking little widget hand, but you had to so you did the weekend the club was great wise guys Vegas new club Killed it for a club. Yeah. A lot of bonfire fans. A club cool staff, a lot of bonfire fans out there. And then you did it to the coming home. Can I have some fun people? Craig gas was out there. He came by and brought a Chris Kale, the bass player for five

finger death punch who Jacob may or may not have asked me if I have a hookup yet for the second night of Metallica. I said no I don't. Gave me his number. Interesting. Right? Now you might not miss any song. Yeah. Because it's dual. It's the separate playlist. That's right. What do you mean they said they're doing two different? No set is the same. No sets the same. Different openers own each one. Wow. So we're going to Panteraers own each one. Wow. So we're going to Pantera. Okay.

Night. Great. That's Friday. Sunday night will be five finger death punch. In Rutherford. Same place. Rutherford, okay. Great.

Four different set list. Can I ask you a question? You had this crazy weekend. You had this crazy flight. But you'll come at home. The flight home must have been the best. Because had the lie down, you had lie down United, which is old school business class coming home. You had a, I mean, at least, at least you had that.

No, no, no, the United Flight plane had changed too, I guess, because, but this time I was in the front of the plane. So United doesn't get the full, go fuck yourself for this one. But Jeb Blue, that was insane. When they say they canceled it, I mean, the service doesn't exist anymore. The plane changed so they don't have it on that plane. It's not on that particular plane. No.

That's what you're not every plane has it, but the cross countries were supposed to. Jeb Blue fucked you, man. And the fact that she treated you, if you were a man, she probably would have treated you, you would have got a whole different thing. The fact that she's treating you like shit at men, because men's not cheap. No, I'm saying I still have a reaction, which is like, and this is what we could do, basically. And you're like, how did you not hold the front section of the plane for the mint people?

Oh, but actually, I can tell you why that happens also is because it's what's available at the time because there's no first class, but there's not like everything moves backwards. They just give them the same seat. Like they have to, like if you're in the first couple rows, that's still gonna be row one, do you know what I mean? Like if you... They give you anything though, do they give you like a voucher?

Did you get anything? Audita. I was a winked joke. You left my winked joke, will you? They were gonna, I like chatted with them and they said they were gonna credit him the difference in the flight. The difference? That's it. Because I was like, this entire flight should be refunded.

Is the difference a thousand and four hundred dollars? Like, look at that difference. The last seat of the plane. And then I went to when I went to go check on that credit was when I saw the bag issue. So I actually need to follow up on the credit and see what's going on there. Oh, bag.

I was like, oh, an email. By the way, the emails of your bags lost is so like, there's can you believe still like it's happening? You're probably cool though. So like we'll just send it out as soon as we get to it. you're up that's cool if not we'll just throw it out of the car Everything's just kind of like we don't really give a shit that much. Yeah That's terrible. There's a airplane going by

You're so good So can I hear it again? That's one of my Voices that I can do so good. Here's a airplane going by. It's cold. Is there a horse in the distance? Oh my god. Jacob, you said that you also had a moment where you thought, like, damn, I should put a phone out.

Yeah, I always do it too late, but this one was, I was running in a story. From somebody? No, prewill, just running in there. From yourself? Yeah, just running pure excitement and gainess. Yeah, I love life. The weekend. Almost done, so I see a guy ahead of me,

so I start to slow down. Actually, it's clearly an old homeless guy and this is like on the on the regular right in front of a building with there's families walking by it was Saturday broad daylight packed the guy has his pants around his ankles and i see he's got this boxers on that look like they're twenty five years old tattered but the back of them

all crusted shitstein and he's like going to you're underwear is your toilet paper He wasn't homeless. He actually was on ozepik. Oh Maybe you have a guy going through the ozepik crash Maybe he was epic was Cruz ozepik crash and he just shit his pants he had cramps and headaches. No But yeah, he was shitting his pants like, right, like standing

still, right, and staring at the front door of a building in front of me. And I regretted deeply, because I would have sent it. I was like, oh, I thought of you immediately. Oh, God, oh, God, I was like, did the Frado Corleone with a gun? I'm like, fumbling the gun. I did it with my phone, but by the time... Dad! It sucks. Hey everybody, thanks for listening.

That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to SiriusX dot com slash bomb fire for a special offer that's right and go to big j combie dot com and robber kelly live dot com to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you i stepped on the crackle crackle i think you