The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Park Comedy with Colum Tyrrell

Episode Date: March 12, 2026

Bobby is caught in traffic so Colum Tyrrell moves from the guest seat to the co-host chair. When Bob comes in late, he is pretty upset that he was replaced. | Colum just had his honeymoon in Thailand and there were plenty of prostitution and lady boys. | T.I. is in the SiriusXM hallway and Jacob tries to corral him into the Bonfire. | Jay plays a video of a street comedian performing in the park, and Jacob recognizes him to be "Noogie Lamont." For all Colum's tour dates go to columtyrrelltour.com and @columtyrrell on socials! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. We are rolling down one host. Bobby Kelly stuck in traffic on a bridge coming from the Bronx to Manhattan, he said, I hope there's a body. Did we have any update what's going on out there? Christine, you're in our traffic copter. We got a chopper out there. Christine's hanging out.

Oh, man, where's Sherrod small and I need him. I've never said that out loud. We're Sherrod when I need them. I need somebody to do with a fucking... He does a great helicopter. My helicopter sucks shit. Yeah. You really feel the chopper when he's on stage. Our guest today is here.

He's sitting in Bobby's chair until Bobby gets here. We don't know if Bobby's even going to make it. Don't mention. Don't mention. Let's just see if it's a common mistake. Like, I was like, oh, did I? Oh, yeah. Well, then we'll all be like, oh, it seemed normal. Oh, I just jumped.

Oh, yeah. Let's see if he gets me out of there. Yeah, you just sat down. He goes, well, he sat down. And what were we going to tell him, like, not to sit there? It's like, you know, it's only me and him here. I've got my shits all out. If Bobby wasn't coming in today and you were co-using with me, that is where you would sit.

100%. 100%. Well, who knows if you'll even make it in? We don't even know he's going to make it in. I love he's going to try. The funniest would be if he gets here and then it doesn't get, like, in. And I also don't know if Bobby has serious XM in his car. They even hear this.

They don't give you. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. They do. But some people don't give a shit.

Soda never gave a fuck about his. Him and Bobby never took advantage of it. I've offered. Jacob, you have a free subscription. I hit Jacob up every six months when they boot me off. And I go, Jacob,

can you fix this? And then he sends me a thing with it. It's like so easy. Just push a button on your phone. Yeah. And it loads everything back up in the car and everything. Like it was never gone. Bobby doesn't give a shit.

So now he can't hear us talk smack about him. What an idiot. Ask Bobby if he has Series 6-7 in his car. I got, when I got a new car last year, we got free satellite radio. And I was just put on like comedy sand. like stand-up all the time and I would just be screaming at people like true to radio going

you fucking heck fuck it's like the most fun I'd guess where it comes up I know where this is going you idiot that pleasantly poisonous venom is coming out of uh one of my favorite people in the new york comedy scene good friend he's going to be at the riot river wall comedy club in st antonio march 6 and 7th that's this weekend after that he's going to be in new brunswick new Phoenix, Columbus, Knoxville, so many more for tickets and all tour dates that you go to his website. It is the great Columterill.

Yes. Columterill.com for all those tickets and dates. I got to the points. Anytime, I think we've had this conversation before because you're, when in the time, like your credit is your podcast, and your podcast is called the Colum Terrell Show. It's like you're always saying the person's name first.

You might know him from the Colum Terrell show. It's Colum Terrell. It's Douglas. His producer. Yeah, and it's like, Columterill.com for merch, columntero.com for tickets, Columtero, Columtero.

Merch, merch, merch, merch. And also check out the Cockfight podcast with Columtero, Drew Dunn, Levfer, available wherever you listen to the podcast. Drew Dunn's very, very funny. He's the person I know that he's out of there. Drew laughed. He didn't, he couldn't, he didn't like us.

Really? He left? Well, you know, if you listen to the Cockbite podcast, it's mostly about us, like, fucking, like, blowing dogs and stuff. Okay. He's, like, out there trying to, like, get real jobs, like, in comedy. Oh, he's going mainstream?

Yeah, like, he's, like, he's auditioning for, like, voices for, like, you know, Madagascar 7 and all this type of stuff. Oh, you know, we're talking about how, like, Epstein had some good, a good thing on. Yeah, he came and got me all of it. I promise you, there was a time where he looked out off of a fucking weird balcony of, like, an island palace. Yeah. He just looked over and just saw sucking and fucking happening all around, and he looked over and he was like, It's a good day to be alive. Yeah.

It's good day to be alive. I'd say they're eating. I think the, what was the food on the island? Children. And I think they, but I think also it's like the thing, like they are in that moment of like it's never going to go away, like this is the fucking life. Yeah. Whatever their high was on that forbidden fruit of baby flesh and teenage pussy, whatever their thing,

like, I've never been that high. Yeah, you haven't felt that. Because I've never quenched an itch for an urge that was so, dark, depraved that like, do you know what I mean? Like, you had it's like, I did it, dude. Like, at some point at the first time, those guys go home and they go,

fuck, I fucked a fucking kid. Dude, that's crazy. We ate a baby. There's like a guilt in their stomach kind of, but it's like, it's like a fun. You need it again. Yeah, you can't. You can't go back to regular

consenting adults. Adult pussy? Honestly, yeah. Like, I've, I've knocked, I've rubbed them out to like tranny porn and stuff over the years. I feel like that's a little bit of I'm like it's like more disgusting than it is enjoyable but it's still the that same

scratch yeah you're like this is crazy this is a nutty who am i what do this is not this isn't okay the only tranny point i've ever jerked off to it's tranny is trans fucking an actual woman and uh that's what i said and in my mind and in your mind you go exactly in your mind you go it's like well i'm watching this for the woman i mean it's actually less gay than watching a guy have sex it is that's the argument it's just it's regular porn but more than more Tits, really. That's all that is. It's just regular forum.

That's the argument in the forums. Every time I go to these meetings, that's what I tell them. Damn, look, Christine just removed Drew Dunn's name just like that from the thing. Go mainstream. I was just in Thailand. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, honeymoon, my lovely wife.

But the lady boys over there are pristine. Passable. Oh, yeah. But, like, they're so hot. You know that they're lady boys because they're so fucking hot. Because they're so plastic. The fake asses. Oh, and also they're doing too much at like 11 a.m.

Why are you wearing a ball gown at 11 a.m. in dirt covered streets? Yeah. Why are you just like a crazy supermodel like trying to grab my cock on the street? It's the most fun to go over there. I wouldn't say honeymoon is the best idea, but I would go with the guys and then you just go to like a red light district and just have beers and we're just watching old men. Yeah. And then the funny thing is the prostitution over there. They all kind of have agency.

It's not like they have, they work for a company or a pimp. who makes them, you still have to kind of get them. Well, yeah, no, I wonder if there's also, like, because that's what it's, like, red light and, like, Amsterdam and stuff. It's, like, a taxed profession. Yeah, but that's, like, they'll, they'll just take anyone those guys, I think.

But at least in Thailand, you still have to convince the girl to like you. So, there's, like, a good chance you can go to Thailand, and the process shoots won't fuck you. Like, so there's a lot of guys that are so gross, they're not. Last night, last night we had, uh, on the show, uh, Addis Fouchet is a porn star who's doing an engagement that Jacob's going to go to on Thursday. Just doing recon for us. But he's going to go.

It's called How to Date a Porn Star. And I don't, I mean, I hope that the actual seminar or the show is going to be a little more into what I thought it was going to be, which I thought it was going to be more like, how do you deal with your chick being in porn? And make that way to work or whatever. I thought it was going to be more. get over your self-esteem. I thought it was going to be more, I thought it was going to be more about that, but almost immediately, Jacob, did you know, that made me laugh so hard.

She didn't really give an answer. She was talking about that. She goes, look, if you're going to date a porn star, she's like, just things you have to know. $5,000 will probably do go anywhere with you. And, but you have to, you know, it's like when you pay that money. And I swear to you, for the first, like, 10 minutes of it, I just kept going, like, wait, is, are you just going to say, hey, guys, you want to fuck a porn star,

pay them their day rate? I think they knew that already. It's not what this is, just how to hire a porn star is what this is. It can't be just that. It can't be. I always kind of like how to get a porn star. They tried to turn Jacob, like they give him a fedor and like get some confidence and try to be the type of guy that pimps him out. Oh, Jacob has like a pinky ring?

Yeah. Pinker with your initials like with J.B. Just a fur coat. I tried to ask her because she said, you know, they don't last too long. They're okay at the beginning. And then reality sets in that they, you know, she just came home from a gang bang. Yeah. and she never really answered what she's going to teach the guy to be okay with that.

Squelching walking in the door. I think we need to fucking like Marines, like break you down and rebuild you as J.B. I like that for you. Yeah. We've already seen Jacob. And I did not. Let me tell you something. As much as it brought me great, great laughter.

And I mean it brought me great laughter. When you were sitting there for the entire interview with that porn star and then 30 minutes into it, Jacob goes, um, when you got and she went, whoa, when did you get here? You can see it Yeah, that happened The ghost I don't like that I'll tell you

Who wouldn't have that happen to him J.B. J.B. J.B. with a pinky ring That says J.B. With a slice With a diagonal black thing going through with J and the B and next to one of the letters

just one little diamond Like a small one. Yeah. You got a J.B.T.M. Oh, dude. I want to draw it. I'm going to draw your ring. She knows you there.

She knows. You go, you know I'm here. I'm just thinking, Yeah, maybe like just a mustache, but I'm saying you're gonna, we're gonna reinvent you as a whole different guy. Yeah. Let's incorporate some of the cowboy shit that you love. You know what I mean? Well, incorporate, but not too.

You don't want to be like urban cowboy. You'll start to laugh that too much here for that. Cowboy pimp type thing? But maybe like a little bit, I think of like a tank top underneath. Like live show, Jacob. I know to turn it on. Live show Jacob. I'm thinking a tank top underneath like an open, like plaid button down or something.

You know what I mean? Like you're doing a little bit of rugged work. maybe some leather gloves in your back pocket just gardening Jacob oh Jacob this ring is going to be beautiful Steven Singer's going to make this for you yeah box of matches that you leave on the table it's just a good look

oh absolutely no vaping for you you got to smoke fucking cigarillo's oh dude a little tobacco jar maybe or something this pinky ring is going to be the fucking best dude You have to be okay with a lot to date a porn star. No, why? Because they love gangbangs?

Kind of. Yeah, I had a million more questions I could ask you. I said, that's the ring, Jacob, right there. That's your ring. Can I say, I love that design? It's a nice looking ring. Yeah, could you see it there? That's a decent sovereign right there.

Yeah. See what I mean? That's it. That's all your pinky right there. So, bitches, no, J.B's here. You leave the print. But that's don't have a crest. I leave the print.

But the dots don't have a crest, so. Hmm? I like that as a. Your family crest. Your family crest. You're getting a tattoo on your arm going straight back to... You probably have a great family crest. No.

Is it garbage? Well, the one, I hate, when we did the thing, if you look up family, it's like websites. Yeah. Talk about a thing that they don't even try a little bit. Like, if you look up your family crest and you don't really have one, like a real, distinct, unique one, it just gives you like different colors of the same exact shitty one. It's always so lame. Well, I don't know if it's real, though.

Ever? I really don't know I would have been raised to believe that it was just like tourist horseshit that they just some guy just goes Oh wait what's your name Oh I've got your crest right here

And just hands you the same one He just handed everybody else And he goes The shield means bravery I'd like to believe in a developed place Like you grew up Did they still hand you a shield When you were younger or something

You need this wooden shield wooden and metal I had to joust I had to joust the local challenger That's the bar mitzvah Yeah you want my sister's hand You must jose I said I told that I said I told the 30 years what historical research he'd print out your

crest give me your last name and they were all warriors yeah yours was no my friend whatever he looked up the last name they were all oh yeah they don't have the he was a coward oh no shockton seas were a cowards and a rapists I was talking we were talking to Addis yesterday about that with the thing it's like you have to be it's such a weird line If you're going to date a porn star seriously, a party who has to be into what she's doing at work. Yeah. But then, like, that's, then you're also, like, your relationship's like a fetish, maybe.

Do you know what I mean? Only. And she's, like, doing it. And she said yesterday, that's what I think I got. I was like, are you always loving it at work? I'm just like, no, like, it's work. You know what I mean? Like, it's work.

You know, sometimes it could be fun and so, you know, I try to have a good time with it, but, like, it's work for sure. And you're like, damn. You know what I mean? Like, if she was just, like, a freak in life, I don't know why I find that so less, like, more damaging. But, like, for a guy to, like, deal with it, like, I said, you don't want to have your guy on set all the time either. That's weird if he's always there.

Yeah, and he's giving you support and stuff. Giving you support? Or he's there. Or he's there to, like, build himself up with, like, anger. Oh, he's checking stuff out, going, that was too deep. That's too deep. Yeah, yeah. You told me it was fine because your pussy doesn't even go that deep.

You told me everything was fine to get that deep. We have an eight-inch limit. We agreed on an eight-inch limit. You start running over and you start running over and tape measuring guys' dicks. Babe, this guy's not even fully hard still. Yeah. O'Re. Like an ocean.

I'm shutting this down. I'm shutting this down. Shut this production down. She's breaking house rules. Yeah. No, it's like your guy can't be too into it or not into it at all. And I don't know what the medium is.

I don't think personally I would be like against it. It's just like I'm not that guy. I'm not in the world of like, fucking porn stars. So it's like, that's not my... No, it's hard to wrap the head around. But if I was like, yeah, if I was like that Adam 22 dude, who that's his, like, kind of his life and that's why he's doing.

It makes more sense. But I'm like... It is his life. And I said now, like, the slow rollout of, like, her fucking guys is even, like, weird. It's like they're getting past things on video. And, like, they are going to break up. Have you ever seen... I went to Amsterdam a few times when we were younger,

but we would go to, like, sex shows. Oh, yeah. And it would be the most, at the beginning of the night, you go into this, it's like on the hour, every hour. And they have the same 15 minute blocks of whatever the thing is. And at the beginning, you were there with all the guys and there's like, oh, the bachelor parties. And it was like, wha, yeah. And the first girl comes out and she'll do like a dance. And maybe she'll do something like a little ping pong trick or something.

And then the big finale is they fuck, two people fuck. And they could not have more of a glazed look in their eyes. And like, every time the music changed, they would change positions. and this guy his dick is not just just glazed look too but glazed look and the audience is also like

it almost feels like we were made to watch this now you're like oh like we're at first you're like and then there's slowly starts everyone that's like everyone's like

everyone's like looking for the check yeah you're like I guess they're having sex up there and you can tell this guy's just like and but he's not even hard but his dick so big that he can fuck with it

type of thing he just mushes he just gets like a quarter of it in and then just goes in and out with that just dragging fucking numbing cock in and out and she's just like looking and like like at the distance and they change the positions and yeah it was a no for position number four I went with a I was

really I was like probably 21 or so and went to Amsterdam with two Marshall brand and Tony Roberts we went to Germany and Amsterdam and by the time we got to Amsterdam which was after Germany we were out of money we were fucking all broken it was a It was like a black promotion show thing. Like the money was goofy on it. We weren't getting paid in the timely way and we were just stuck out there. When we were in Amsterdam,

we went to the live sex show. And it said, a girl comes out. The novelty girl comes out, the fat lady who does a bunch of weird shit. And then a couple pretty girls come out. Then never got to the sex show that time because when the guy came out, because then they just do a straight-up guy stripper.

Oh, wow. And then they were going to have a couple come out and fuck. But when the guy stripper came out, he came back in an executioner costume. I remember Tony Roberts saying so loud, he goes, that better be Zina Warrior Princess. And then it wasn't. It was definitely a guy, a black man with a huge cock. And those black comedians left that show so fair. We never got to see the sex show.

But then I went back years later, and it was like me, Marina Franklin, Rachel Feinstein, DeRosa. And we went, the same thing. Everyone was having like a good time, like drinking, laughing. Like, oh, look at the big fat lady. She's, you know, smacking her tits on this nerds face in the front row. And like, oh, I was like, oh, the male stripper, that's for you girls. That's guys here for you. And then as they start fucking, everyone's like, I'm sorry.

It's like, you want to apologize to the couple, like, I'm sorry. They make you do this. It's like if someone's in a fight and the other guy's knocked out and they just keep punching a little too longer. Yeah, you go, hey, hey, excitement's over. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Because exactly, because it's full on, there's nothing simulated about it. You're like... You can tell they're forced to do it. The chick is so detached from her fucking pussy. Like, she's just like, I just go lay out there and, you know, I look at a person in the audience. I look at the front row and decide who they look like in my head while a guy just pounds my snatch in front of people watching. Yeah, she's thinking about a TV show.

I'm like, wonder what happens next. It would be... I almost feel like they'd have more fun. Everyone would have more fun if they're... They always say the other countries, like, wow, they're much more casual and everything about sex. but I go when you watch this, it doesn't seem like it. It seems like they do a sex show, but everyone, I could, I couldn't imagine if once a month the sex show people walk off in there.

You know, that crowd was hyped. Oh, yeah, you know, high-fiving. I feel like it always shuts right down to like, that's why we do this. That's why we do this. That was it. You see that kid in the front row? You see that kid in the front row? They're a new girl.

There's a fucking why we do. I heard you, I heard you're up next. I heard you're rising, yeah. Everyone's talking about the new girl. It's just that It's my first time getting fucked on stage That's the fashion that we need Any advice

Any advice for a new fucker? Yeah I mean what a stream Again it's all of it But porn too And we've met a couple of porn guys And so it does Even for the guys

It eventually like pulls the Yeah excitement out of the thing Do you know what I mean When you're just to go fuck And it's like Everyone's all right He goes

All right I need you guys to flip around now like how much are you ever really sinking into it and they're holding positions and stuff while the guy is gone can you fucking get your can you squeeze your ass bit better please and he's holding and he's like come on that said they're getting yelled at by some director that said and we've watched it on here before there's some sometimes it's labeled uh miss russia porn but i don't think she was a miss ruff but it's this girl who's gorgeous and it's like a behind the scenes porn clip so it's like it's that it's the guy like getting like semi hard and her holding his dick and just posing with her mouth open.

Yeah, for the tongue there. And then they see like a thousand photos happen. And then she puts it in her mouth, a thousand photos happened. And then at one point he's gonna like, it's like, literally it's like him like he's shoving his dick in her ass. And then once it's in, he just backs up and like to not block the picture. And then, and then he starts coming at one point. And it's him like, she's just sitting like, she's like trying not to blink with her,

with her tongue wide out or mouth wide open and tongue out. And while the guy's coming, and just like, uh, it's like Jordan shooting free throws at the line like as soon as the comments start you go because they're looking for stills for a magazine so weird yeah but the guys are like I'm gonna come now get the shutter ready and they don't did you get the shot no is that it you found her did you get she's wonderful it's like did you get the shot no now we got it we got we got it make them fucking whack off again let's see if this is it no it's not it's not it no it looks like it's almost like 70s what is she wearing is they don't a green screen

that out or something I don't know what they did it Type in Miss Russia behind the scenes porn. Maybe that'll work. I've seen it a thousand times, but like different header, you know what I mean? Different headers all the time. They get you with those headers, though. I told you, the reluctant star, we talked about that. The girl we always watched once a year, at least, the girl in the party porn, like the stripper, male stripper porn, and she, like, blows a guy and he comes over her face and then she gets up.

And they say these, those videos are like a bunch of girls who just agree to come and hang out and party. And then there's porn stars that are going to fuck the guy. And they hope that some of the girls jump in and do shit and pull her tities out and stuff. But it looks like one girl, she sucks the guy's dick and he comes on her face and then she gets up and kind of makes like a, oh boy, I fucked up here. I did really bad here. And then the other week, there's like a 30 minute video of that. She sucked and fucked everybody. She was like pushing other girls' asses down on cock.

I'm like, fuck this chick. I felt bad for her for years. They got you. They got you good. They got me real good. Sons of bitches got me real good. Are they ever going to legalize prostitution here, you think? I still think porn stars get arrested for prostitution.

Not Nevada. Not there, no, no, no. But, I mean, those places. There's no, I knew a couple girls who worked there a long time ago. And I assume if you talked to anyone else, it's sad. It's, they're not into it. I've read the reviews recently. It was, like, the famous one just outside of Vegas.

Yeah, yeah. Huh? Could be the Bunny Ranch or something. It's right as soon as you drive out. It's the one closest to Vegas. And I was reading the reviews on everyone's like, terrible not worth the trip they barely look after you they said there was a free breakfast there's no free breakfast because you stay for the like you spend the night you spend the weekend

it's like it's like going to stay a le Quinta like and then but there's a room for the women who don't want to fuck you and they're mean to you and the thing is like they also the other thing about prostitution it's all a lot of it's about the cell yeah because these girls are like made up but they're not all like very attractive girls and there's like and this is the lovely sienna or whatever and And you just see it's like, he's just like pounds and pounds of makeup on. But I know girls who used to work there and stuff, and it's like a complete, yeah. They're all like, it's like living with Corey Feldman.

Afterwards, they're always like, yeah, well, I was on opiates. What are you going to do? I had to fucking support a habit, you know what I mean? What am I going to not chug fucking Lamar Odom's sack every night? But, you know, if you're going to go get prostitutes, I do think you haven't just been in Thailand, you're better off saving your money, go do a trip to, like, Colombia, go to fucking Thailand. Where they do it right? Where they, yeah, make the good bang for your buck.

They're, like, into it. They're not just some fucking... Well, because it's probably their level. It's almost like their level of porn. Like, there are a lot of gorgeous chicks who go into porn. So it's like you would go into that. You know what I mean? Like, ugly chicks go into prostitution a lot.

Do you know what I mean? That kind of prostitute. Because, like, what you're talking about essentially in Thailand, it is, like, street prostitution still. You can get great-looking girls here, but it's like you're paying $1,000, and you've got to get them, like, from... you know, it's like she's a confirmed porn star

that you are paying, the five grand. The special email list or something. The five grand, whatever. Over there, those girls are like, they're gorgeous already. Amsterdam is like that. There's gorgeous girls in Amsterdam. There's like, there's gorgeous girls in the street.

So I went out to this one... In Colombia? I don't know as much. I think in Colombia, but I haven't been in. But in Bangkok, there's like a strip where they all just stand on the street. I've got a bunch of photos because I just went out drinking one night

and just sat there at a bar, just watching people get picked up. And they all stand out there and then all these chicks coming over to me and they're grabbing me grabbing my cock and stuff like that

going, I like, I like you and I'm like no, no, and I'm like, Sean the wedding ring in the wedding ring. I bet there was this one girl she was African

actually, but she said something like I want to suck you off or something and I go, I'm married and she goes your wife's not in my hotel room and I was like, God damn that's a good point. Like she isn't there.

That's true. Are these all lady boys or are? No, no. They're not all lady boys. No, no, no. The pretty ones are. The majority are.

The ones that are like big fat asses and yeah. What's the, what's the violence rate to the prostitutes out there walking around the streets like that? I don't think hi I don't think yeah I think they they will fuck you up if I if you were to mess with a chick over there all the deal of the prostitutes come in and just beat the living fuck it's where mama comes from yeah you get Thai kickboxed exactly you try to fucking you get a shank kick to the face try to get a little frisky with a chick and she spin yeah eight eight points of

contact she broke my collarbone yeah she didn't suck my dick and she broke my collarbone But there's different types. There's like there's broadels you can go to. There's a lot of them that are just on the street. But then there's also this kind of you can get these girls and you go have a drink with them and you kind of flirt with them and you have to buy them some drinks and then you go home with them. So there is still this kind of a catch. That's how Bobby describes Brazil.

Brazil was that. Brazil was essentially go hang out at like one of these places and all the girls there are like, you know, almost like if you could wear like some special glasses that would show you over their heads as like their amount. You know what I mean? It was like that. It was like, go me. And not like even like a dollar amount necessarily. It was like, that's the thing is like you buy them lunch.

You take them to lunch. You give them drinks. You throw a couple bucks in their pocket. You know, you put this in your pocket. So you have some cash on you. You know what I mean? Stuff like that. Now what's funny is I don't have that swing dick personality at all.

Like this is the idea that I go into a place where like they used to try to get me to go to Brazil. And it's like, no, you don't understand these women. Like they'll wash your feet while you, whatever, like worship you. I'm like, I don't know, man. The whole, like, the whole realm of that doesn't seem fun to me. You know what I mean? Some girl, like, you know, everything she does too, it goes, he goes, I suck your dick, you give me $5 bring back my family?

And you're like, uh, sure, sweetheart. You know, I mean, I don't have like, I don't have like the kingpin fucking gene in me that, like, wants to do that. You promise. You can leave Rio and come live in Pennsylvania. Forget about the beaches of Brazil. No, you know what it is more? Like, and this is why Lewis has gotten many more.

with Jay Gomez, we're talking about, has got many more prostitutes than me. Because he still is of the mindset. He's going, and no matter what level of, like, in shape he is or not, because he's not like a, you know, he's a good-looking guy, facially even at any point, it's like, he's like, well, she's excited. Yeah, he believes it. That this is, like, a thing.

And I just worked with them enough to know all I would think about, and all of those was those Brazilian girls going, like, afterwards and after the girls, like, and I have to touch his fat pig feet. And I have to, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Think I was great. Think I was cool and nice. He bought me a shitty lunch.

Yeah, yeah. You brought me to a shit restaurant. Yeah, the shittiest restaurant in Brazil, and he wants me to kiss his fucking feet. He handed me $20 and said, you're welcome. Oh, I will suck your dick if I could find it under your Fupa. Oh, I don't know how you say that in Portuguese, but I would hate it. But there's got it. There's got to be some sort of a, they show up and then they see you and they go,

oh, right, he's, I'm still not happy to be here, but it's, but it's, better. Some people they show up and they have to go, oh, fuck. No, absolutely. People, you know, old guys in wheelchairs and freaky things and people that smell terrible and all that. So, no, you're on the level, right. You are in the tier of like, but you're still part of that, you know,

brillo padding, you're snatching a shower and crying later that your dad still hasn't talked to you and Thanksgiving just happens. But they're not, the foreign prostitutes are crying. They're just, it's the job. that they're not right but there's still i mean something's still strange send you into the work you know i mean like something fucked up sends you into the work so i'm sure they're not all together born in a poor country and that's like a great way to earn some yeah no what's i'm saying it's probably like much more like uh like morally open there too i don't think if you say this is

a play they don't have shame i no a fucking prostitute it's kind of so open i think in thailand they're probably saying it's like oh it's like this place is dead now but at 10 o'clock the prostitutes all roll in then this place starts jumping like they love it Yes, speaking of it. Yeah. Yeah. What's going on? What happened?

What happened? Is this your seat? I didn't know that was. But what? Relax. What the fuck? Oh, what's that? What do you do?

Oh, what's his eviction? What do you do? He's a citizen now. He's allowed in our country now. My headphones off, you piece of shit. The fuck is wrong with you, Jay. How dare you let him sit in this seat? I make people sit in black,

Black Lou's seat when they go host. We didn't know if you were going to meet. I told I'm going to be here in a half hour, at 5.30. I love you, buddy. I'm sorry about that. But some people have to be taught a lesson so you know the fucking line. Coxsocket just said that. This seat is wanted.

I just had a walk by a Wu-Tang and a Bugs, bones, thugs, and harmony. Whatever that is. Dude, you know who's out in the hallway? That means black sandbraids. Dude, I just walked. I panicked. I'm walking down.

down the little hallway, you know, that little one we're going to take the right to come right here. It's just like 20 people coming down. Really? Yeah. All black. Yeah. All different shades. Wu-tang. Wutang. I'm coming down. All of a sudden I see a camera. Guess who's

here? Who? T.I. No, uh-uh. Yeah, he's right on the hallway. No way. Swear to God, and I panic because we just trashed his special. Does he know we saw? Because I'd like to was my, that's one of my favorite new impressions. I wish the special was more popular because he goes, it's all like set up of do you want to hear a joke.

90% of the joke is that. He goes, now I'm going to tell you now. You want to hear it now? Because I'll tell you why, man. You can't put your kids out there and name them crazy things. I'm going to tell you why. You already know why you want to know? I'll tell you why. But don't do that. But don't do that. Actually, do that. Take the beating. Pretend that's your voice. Yeah. We'll take a beat. Well, hey. Well, hey, we'll take a beat. What's up? What's up? What'd you name your kids?

Maybe it's not a good idea. Why that be? That's disrespectful. I'm not going to tell you why. Who that is? 13 of them and a lot of them are big... I'll tell you what it is. I'll show you what's up.

Tell him we're coming. He's a comic. Yeah. Oh, dude. Buddy, if somebody Googles us, we're fucked. Buddy, look at me. Oh, fuck. They don't have the metal detectors downstairs.

They're used to. No. They don't even have security out there right now. I want you to go out there and do this and go, Tia, let me ask you a question. He's like, what he goes? Would you be willing? Now, I'm going to tell you the question now.

Would you want to, would you have any interest in the hang on for it? Now, are y'all ready? Now, you got to get ready for it now. Do you want to come? We have a show. Now, hang on now. You're looking, you're paying attention, you're listening? Write it down now.

I'm dropping the knowledge. If you're going to write it down, you got to write it down now. All right. Now, you're listening? I'm going to break it down for you. I got to go. And then just leave. Never get to it.

Yeah, he's right there. You can hear me? No. To get TI in here? Oh, dude. Think about it for a minute. Mull it over. Think about what we've done in the last two weeks.

You've done a lot. We've done a lot. A lot. I'll take the beating if you take it. And it's going to be, it's going to be a beating. Here's what we run into. It's the problem we run into, especially being a serious sex hour. There are celebrities out here.

Yeah. We act like this show is just like us in a room. And the people like, you know, who are working, listening. to it. We don't have, we don't think about repercussions of crazy things we say, or the fact that at some point they're gonna go, you want to meet T.I. And then my radio host, a snarky

comedian, goes away for a second, I go, oh my God, I want to meet T.I. so much. That's T.I. But then I go, I'm gonna continue to do this bit though, beyond meeting him. So am I an asshole for meeting him? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You know what I felt that way? I pointed out that Donnie Walberg

singing so hilariously bad on that Howard Stern performance. And we had him in and the guy was a doll. He was so cool and so nice and just a sweet guy and willing to talk about anything. Interesting fucking dude. And the whole time I'm doing it, I'm like, I trap. And I hope he would laugh at what we were laughing at. Do you know what I mean?

I think Donnie would. I don't think T.I. and his 30-man posse would find it fine. Now, hang on, Phil's. Let me tell you why I said that now. Before y'all get angry me, let me explain something to you. Now, I'm going to tell you first, first and foremost, now, Hang on now.

Now let me explain. I'm going to explain each one the individual. Especially when he sees me in Colum's face. He's going to be like, this is a racist shit right here. That's true. He watched. Yeah. We look like peaky blinders.

Yeah, dude. I mean, I say do it. Go get him in. And we just pretend like, you know. I mean, just the fact alone that we're going to send Jake about to fucking. What do you think you should? Do you think you shouldn't have them on because you've made fun of him? No, because we just.

We're going to have to pretend like his special's funny when he comes in. We don't say shit about the special at all. We don't say anything about the special at all. You just talk about T.I. The same he didn't hear about it. And you go, it's like, and you're doing comedy now. Oh, we heard you do comedy now. And then we're going to have to promote his comedy special.

No, he can. Oh, you got a special out? Is that good? Did I do good? Yeah, what's it about? What's the theme? Yeah. Bring it up.

What's the theme? He goes, uh, if you wouldn't mind, like, hit us with one of your jokes. Give me the elevator pitch. Now, the special walks a path. And that a special start out. I'm gonna show you how to special go It starts off with some opening

Now you're gonna listen I'm listening Because if you're paying attention I'm gonna tell you might learn a little something I want to teach man I like to teach the young people Let the people know Now I'm gonna tell you

If you want to find out Tune the next week If he comes in and says Anything even similar to that It's gonna be impossible not to fucking I'm gonna shoot snout out of my nose Yeah He comes in and does any of that

We're done We're done If he comes in and goes Let me tell you Yeah, we go. T.I. I enjoy New Yorkist. I'm going to tell you where I feel better than I.

You know, now you want to hear how feel about in New York? Because New York's a city. And I'll tell you. I come here a lot. I got some talks. A couple of comics chopping it up. This is this. This is what it's all about.

Remember when we started out? Jay. A week ago. I don't know if I could hold back his outfit, though. We'd have to talk about why he wore. He saw his outfit. No, Eddie's he wore Eddie Murphy's a delirious outfit in his special. Now I'm going to tell you.

Yeah, but we don't even have to point that out. I can't. How much did the go good outfit? Just go good outfit? Does he pretend like he didn't know that that was a thing? Is this homage? Is this homage? Yeah.

And was it hot? I have to know if it was hot. It's a good question. What if he pretends then like he goes... Jacob, go get him. No, that's totally original. Go get him. Oh, God.

No, shut up. Get him. Get him. Get him. Well, hang on. Before you go get him, let me just say, what I'm explaining the issue is when he comes in. We're excited to meet you. We are.

Of course. So that's what I'm saying. It's like we're excited to meet it. And then we go, ah, fuck. he if he leaves and then hears the fantastically accurate impression yeah oh

who just why did black loo just become because he had to he had to go out and ask he just went yo black loo black loo just got black he got circled by

black guys and yellow jacket he used to go answer for you now he used to go answer for jays I think a wuchang clan they called him out and they go hey answer for your boy are you nervous why was your boy talking like that I'm gonna tell you my problem with it

who's he doing the Well, what did you not like that he said? I'm going to tell you what I didn't like. First thing I didn't like, you know what I'm talking about? You hear somebody, something say they don't like it. I'm going to tell you now. Hook her up. Did you get a new bracelet?

No. What's that bracelet over there? This? Yeah. Had this for a couple months now. Oh, I never seen it. I'm sorry. Spiky bracelet.

Dude, such a big accident, dude. It was so... Bodies? Dude, one of the cars looked like a bouncy house inside. So every airbag... in that car went off. Really? And it happened in the middle of the highway, Henry Hudson.

Was there a family in it, I hope? I think people are hurt bad. There was, I mean, there was three fire trucks, four ambulances. Now, if you're true New York, did you go by when you got by and saw all the bodies and the things, you still do this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Where'd you lend a fucking. Or did you go, of course, a chick. It was a Tesla, too, which I love, because they're supposed to be the safest car in the world. Oh, you think it self-drove? self-killed-it-soul. It was either that. Asian kid hacked it. Yeah, that's why you don't want to have self-driving cars.

What if AI learns how to get sad? It was either that or one of those. They always have on the sawmill on the Westside Highway is that little Toyota, that little shitty Toyota with a loud muffler that thinks it's an indie car. Every night when I go home, that guy's on the highway is zipping in and out of cars. It was either the Toyota or the Tesla self-driving shit, yeah. It was bad. It was pretty bad.

They had some dude, too. They have, like, National Guard guys there now. How many lanes did it take up? It happened in the middle, so it took up all lanes. So you had the way to it was clear before you could move at all. I didn't move. They didn't even have it off to the side. No, they came up pretty quick, though.

They did a good job. They came up with one of those trucks and just dragged them to the side. And then cleared the highway, so. Yeah, it sucked. But your pep talked helped. Yeah, good. It was a nice one. We thought maybe you would hear what we were saying before the show.

I didn't. before you got here, but we realize I always forget that you don't really listen to the product of Series 6M. Oh, I do. I do. It's just a bit expensive, right? I do. It's a bit expensive.

In today's world, content's free, right? If you tell them that, if you tell them it's... $60 a month is a little too much. Yeah, that's up over here, right? If you tell them it's too expensive, they will give you a deal. If you tell me you're going to leave for that? If you go, if you go, I can't, I'm going to cancel. They'll go, well, hang on, hang on.

How about I give you the next 90 days? I can't believe I still pay for it. and you have it I have it so you just chose not to listen to the show you're on no because by the time she's texting me

I was here I was walking over okay yeah two of the time I was walking in like an 18 wheel I was parking

outside and just ran over like a fucking divider like one of those like outside one of the hotels like metal divided he just ran he just drove over

it just terrifies me and it burst a tire because the thing spiked up and the tire and all All these women were like, ah, like jumped on the ground. I'm just waiting for like that, like that shit to happen, like terrorists. But this guy was.

Everything is terrorism in me now. Yeah, it was just a real bad. Bobby's ready for an active shooter because of that one active. Are we sure this is terrorism yet in Austin? Well, he was wearing an eye heart, Iran shirt or something crazy. Oh, he did. They had some, I'm a terrorist shirt. It's shirt.

Definitely. Don't read into it, I said. You thought that bar was the bullpen for Kill Tony? It's the guy you follow Now there's no show That's the guy who fought Lewis He's come back All the comics are jumping in front of the bullet It's open

Paralyze me He wants another taste What if Jacob comes back With a bloody lip and a black eye But with T.I I forgot what he went to do What if they keep him on? He made him do blood in blood out

To get T.I. in here All right you can have me But you got to run through my gauntlet Oh, it's his property of Allah That doesn't mean he loves Iran Oh, that does It could be he went to jail for 15 minutes Property of Allah is not a good thing.

The last thing you want to hear is Allah when someone has a gun shooting into a crowd. Well, we're all property of Allah. What would you like to hear when someone has a gun shooting into a crowd? I'll say what someone pulls out of a gun? I'll say what's very close. You left this, son of a bitch, woke assholes.

I'll tell you what I'll tell you what's very close to Allah that I would like to hear when someone pulls out a gun. Walla. They go, voila, and then they shoot like a flower. I would actually like to hear Tada, and the gun disappears. and turns into a rabbit, but a fully cooked rabbit. What if that was his defense in court? He goes, well, I'm a magician.

I'm just not good yet. That gun was actually supposed to turn into a rabbit. All the bullets were supposed to actually turn into flowers as they hit people's chests. I was supposed to load real bullets, and then you would see the bullets turned into flowers, but it turns out I don't have magic powers. All the people that were supposed to show up didn't show up.

Those were real people. Jacobs out there trying right now. He's doing a little down. He's getting blacked up, black looing out with him. He's dabbing them up. It's a radio program. You think Black Lou? What a fool?

You think Black Lou blacked it up? You think he's out there? You can't. He can't. I like the idea that Jacob out there and he goes, What it is, blood? Hey, J.B.

J.B. here. Oh, that's something I'd like you to be involved in very much, though. Gay sex? No, the way that... Whoa. Here he is. Oh, both of them have sad faces. No dice.

Oh, wow. Here we go. A little too long to debate. He just left. We just missed him or else he would have come in. Really? That's what he said? He goes, I woulda, but I got to go tough.

I got to let me tell you next time. He goes, look, I'm going to tell you why I might be able to come in because I like comedy. I do comedy now. And it's like, I'll tell you why. The point I'll come in. I'm going to tell you why it's a good reason for me to come on and do your show. T. We have to go.

Oh, sir, I got to get out of heating that. I got a story to start. He had 30 guys with him. The story didn't ever finish somewhere else. They left. They wouldn't have fit in the studio. As many dudes, usually it's like five or six. It was a double Wu tank. I would have enjoyed like a little posse, a little entourage, a little...

Well, we put it in, you see he's going to come on. I believe he will come on. What? Well, we don't want to... We don't have time to Google us. What the fuck you do? I was about to just show column and trash his comedy again. Yeah, I told the Liam that.

He goes, I know. He goes, you do that with everyone, but they have a love affair once they come on, they love you. His love affair once they come on. Did you... Does this happen? We love T.I. We don't love T.I. The comedian. What you know about that? What you know about that? I'm going to tell you. I do love all the songs.

Name me one guest that came on. You didn't completely trash prior. The director of. Corey's Corey Feldman documentary. Edie Falco. We're not going to trash Kelly Clarkson. At least I won't. What? Sure. Well, sure. She's a heavyset lady.

Stop it. No, she's not. Brett Michaels, we did. Yeah, but that's why that played out for us. He hates our guts now. Yeah. I don't think so. No.

He was going to take Lou to a Mets game. And he never did. You know why? Because when he left, his manager listened to the whole show. And the manager said, right in the lobby, those guys are not your friends. That was a quote we heard. Really? But we are.

What is he fucking getting involved for? They're not your friends. Well, because we did trash Brett Michaels and then did the same things we did just hear. They went and got him. And then they played in. No, no, no, no, he came in, and we had a, he was a sweetheart. Great guy, fun time, fun talk. And then he left, and as soon as he leaves, because he wasn't here before,

his manager had listened to the whole show at this point and said, those guys are your friends. Wow. And he made promises to play sports with all of us. Do you think you heard his feelings? You think he got hurt? Yeah. Because you think he thought he made the, he's like, those guys are the coolest people I've ever met.

Soder said that he couldn't come in because he was having, he's in the fishbowl, having his hair and bandana lowered down like Darth Vader's helmet onto his head. I think that got him. Yeah. I think it's a guy where I believe is bald that got him. Oh, 100%. Yeah, he's bald. But we were talking about T.

What if he comes in and he wants to talk about how good his comedy special works? But we don't have enough time now because he never gets to it. We only have an hour left to the show, dude. What do you think he's going to go? What do you guys think about this bit now? This. Oh, good. I've been looking for it.

some honest critique we're gonna have to someone prove to another we're gonna have to watch it and get at least one or two bits that we like so that we can bring those up yeah still my favorite the way that bitches be tripping still the best still the best celebrity doing comedy

moment that I saw was David Tell's reaction when he was on stage at the cellar oh yeah and the piano was still there and John Mayer had bumped the show back and gone on and did this thing and then he came down the watch Chattel, John Meyer, and then he started breaking John Mayer's balls a little bit, you know, he was like making jokes about him.

And John Mayer eventually just goes, he goes, come on. He goes, come on, Dave, we're all just comics here. And Atel started punching the piano keys, and he goes, re-hees. And then he points from around, he goes, how long was your really? I'm so glad John Mayer got out of his comic face. It was a phase.

They still got his head shut up at this, Ella. It's like, before you go on stage. It's him. Of course they do. I wonder who's like, what real comic did they take off? Ornie Adams. Some of some mean fucking thing to do. Yeah. Jeff Dunham. I love, that was my favorite.

They should leave some of those old headshots up there, the old old ones, because when I was getting intimidated by the room when I first got in there, and I was like, on a nightly basis for like the first week or two, and I was like, fuck I'm not having great sets and I'm just like panicking when I go up and and then I was up there it was a it was Frankie Pace and Mark Wiener and Mark Wiener has his puppets and his eyes are crossed and Frankie Pace is pulling on his like side hair like Danny DeVito was like and I was like you know

these motherfuckers worked here yeah and they definitely are terrible yeah then you pass by Colin Louis right but right next to them Frankie Pace and whatever you got some guy with the mic to his head like oh yeah Even William Stevenson with a little caution tape over his mouth while he's peeking in. He's peeking in from the side of the picture. Did you ever see him do comedy in Washington Square Park? No, no. I did.

I did. He was doing it while he was hosting at the cellar. Not as an old man, though. Not at the end, but while he was hosting at the cellar, he would go in the afternoon to the park with a five-gallon bucket. I walked through one day. I was hanging out with him the night before. He was hosting the show. And he was like, hey, you guys want a show, gather around.

There used to be a black comic did it, right? He died of AIDS or something, Charlie Barnett. Charlie Barnett. He was good, though, right? No? I don't know. He was good at that. Did you know?

He was good at the park. I came in right after him. He was good at the parks. You wait until the AIDS was gone to show up? No, then I hooked up with Norton and it was right back. Yeah, he was the guy. That was the famous, he got SNL. Yeah.

And then he couldn't read. He couldn't read. So, so that Eddie Murphy got the job, yeah. Yeah. So weird. He was good in D.C. Cab, though. He was. What was his statement?

Do you have any Charlie Barnett comedy? It was ridiculous. I've seen him on the, because there's definitely footage of him at the park, and he's going, ageing people, walk like this. And he's scurrying around the park, and he has a crowd of 200 people go, woo! It's 1992. Everything's better.

He was good. He was parked in a hurry. He was park good. He wasn't club good. He's like, this is a fucking huge. This is massive. Yeah, he used to make a lot of money, too. Whoa.

This is like, let me see, turn it up. We got a nice crowd! Why kids get time out? I love a New York audience. I mean look at this crowd. We're in the village. I love the village. We got a nice mixed crowd.

I mean look what we got. We got white folks. We got black folks. We got Puerto Ricans. Oh. Puerto Ricans. Puerto Ricans. Oh, shit.

We got a lot of folks. We got a lot of fucking Puerto Ricans. But I'm not going to fuck with the Puerto Ricans, man, because y'all born with knives. You cut me up, and I won't even know what you're saying. Me, to meet him to the casino, empire. And when you finish, you go, What Pasa, bro?

Because I got into a fight with a Puerto Rican kid. This is why I don't know. He's good at the park. He's crazy. Jesus, Chris. Half the battle is just half the battle is just This is why I don't like watching people Who I've heard are great

And then we finally watch them 20 years later And you're like, ah, this guy sucked. Oh! I assume there would be like a mic and an amp. I didn't know he was just screams to the park. Oh, my God, could you imagine? Could you imagine if someone did like Tom Cotter or like, you know, Kathleen Madigan

or that kind of like, or even like Schumer like the Wendy Leibman little kind of humor you have to do it, you know. Real dry. They'd be like to dry, but almost like to play on words, you know what I mean? It's like, I like on the first day when a guy pays for sex. You know what I mean? That's like a good joke.

That's exactly what you hear, just the sparrows chirping. It's like you have to like the misdirection doesn't work at all. So finally I said to what I said, mom! I caused my landlord He was in a total record He was in an episode of T.J. Hooker. What do you think he played in that episode?

What do you think he played in that episode? What if all his roles were cab drivers? Six episodes of Miami Vice. Did you know that? Oh, that's right. He's Nuggy Lamont. Oh, easy. Jesus Christ, Jacob. It's not in 1994 anymore. You're a T-I for five seconds. Yeah, yeah.

Nuggy Lamont. Oh, I know Nugie. He's my favorite Nuggy. Luggy Lungie Lungie Lowe. That's what Sonny called him. I feel like I've earned the right. I get it. What was he a little annoying sidekick guy?

He was an informant probably. He was an informant. That would be my guess. He seems like the guy's an informant. Slick. So he could, how was he able to do that if he wasn't able to read? They just fed him what they need to feed him. Yeah, memorized his lines.

Yeah. And soul food. And also soul food. Yeah. Catfish, I think. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I got to say. Let's hear this. Let's see this last. We've got to see really quick. We've got to see how these Japanese toys. We got to call him.

Call him build it up so much. I came in. He's one of the best. Top five park comics of all the time. Now he's going to go, now you want to see how, you want to see how age of people walk to work? I'm going to show you now. You want to find out, gather around. Let me see your purse first.

William Stevens had less energy than this. Oh, I know. What the fuck, William Stevenson? I know he's like, nah, y'all. He's no way he was yelling into a thing. No, no. He's very, like, Artie for a lot of... But Chappelle also famously did this.

Yeah, he did. He did it with a microphone. I think he had a microphone. Yeah, he did, yeah, but he did it for one day, and then Barry Katz took him to start him. There you go. And he's a... He's a good. I least it worked out. We're hanging out with Colum Tiro. He's going to be at the Riot Riverwall Comedy Club in San Antonio this weekend.

After that, New Brunswick, New Jersey, Phoenix, Arizona, Columbus, Ohio, Knoxville, Tennessee, and so much more for tickets and all tour dates. column tyrell t y r r r e l column tirl dot com and check out the cockfight podcast with column tirl and lev fir available wherever you listen to the podcast we'll be right back it's the bonfire