The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Peep Shows with Jim Florentine

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

Jim Florentine is back to promote his new special "Jersey Trash" out now on Prime Video. The guys talk as old friends do, about peep shows and working girls. Jim hung out with comic Keith Robinson in the early days at the Jersey shore where Keith was relentless in his pursuit of female attention. Jay once got robbed by a lady of the night and Bobby negotiated a bad deal in a scary hotel room. Jim knows the reason why it's so difficult to get busted in a massage parlor. | Bob finds an old clip where he's roasting Big Jay and plays it for the group to relive the fun. *To hear the full show go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Damn. This kind of music makes me want to do DIY housework. What? What? Fix up an old car. I wish I'd do anything about cars. Bob, you have a hilarious habit that I don't know if it's on purpose, but if it is, it's awesome.

If it's not, I want you know you're sending a message. What is it? You exclusively push your glasses back up with your middle finger. So when you laugh and you go, it looks like you're going like, fuck you, dude. Give you a finger? Yeah, it looks like it. Well, is that what it is? Maybe.

Oh, okay. Maybe. I'll live in the mystery. I'll let you know every time you do it. Maybe. Do you notice it too, Lou? He's a middle finger finger push-upper? No.

Well, can I tell you why? My index finger is not as strong as my middle finger, and one time I tried to do it, and it didn't work. It was, you know, my index finger is my strongest finger, so that's the one I use. Oh, okay. The other three fingers don't work as well. What? And go fuck yourself. Oh, that makes much more sense.

It's the bonfire. Faction Talk Series X-M. 137, I almost whiffed. Yeah. Can you do it fast? Yeah. Go ahead. Hey, what's up?

It's Bobby Kelly with the great Big Jay Ocasin on Sirius XM-137. We didn't say the bonfire. I was going to say to the end. It doesn't make any sense. I thought the 137 is what you wanted. You want the whole thing? Well, the beginning. It's the bonfire.

You want the whole thing. You want the whole thing. What's up, everybody. Welcome. It's the Bonfire with me, Robert Kelly, and the great big Jay O'Kers. on Sirius XM-137. Action talk. All right.

You want the whole thing? You know at this time? Do you want the whole thing? Swing for it. Okay. I would like to get our guest on before the end of the hour. Gotcha.

If you could, this could be the one. It's a miscommunication. Listen, here's the thing. What's up? We're back. It's the bonfire with me. No, no.

We're not back. We just started the show. Yeah, but we're back from what we just did. Okay. So, I mean, if you're going to get fucking crazy. Nope, I won't. I take that one back. If you're going to fuck with my art.

I won't. Hey, it's the Bonfire. It's me, Bobby Kay and Big J. O'Kerson, and we're on Sirius X-7-137. Welcome to see you. You know what? It's okay. You know this show. But we have a great guest sitting there.

It was for the whole show today. He's got a new special called Jersey Trash available right now on Amazon Prime, and his new prank CD, terrorizing telemarketers, volume 8, is out now. And streaming on all platforms, it is the always hilarious Jim Florentine. Thank you guys for having me. It's good to have you on the show. Don't be gay. It's not terrible.

Hey, it's Jim. I do an okay one. It's a little bit better right now. Well, let me try. I've got to get into it. I've got to get my voice going. I don't know what you were doing. I don't know what you were doing.

It's getting further away. How about this? How about this? You know what they have out there working in the fish ball today? Who's out there, Jay? Sebastian Madiscoe I don't get it I don't get it

I don't get it Why are you gonna be you? Just be you Why do you get to be let us every I don't know what it's in front It's an impression of something It's not Jim Florenti But you're killing it

I hear somebody else It's not you No stop being engaged Oh it's a little can tell you what Ardy Lane Samarrel Oh It's a little bit If it a little more

A little more base into it You got Sam Marell Do you know there was There was like six months where I did it. Now you lost it now. I did it. Sorry. Oh, this wasn't the impression.

It was me. There was six months. This is fucking the weirdest things ever happened in my life. Because I'm not an impression. I'm not a voice guy. You lost that guy. I did it for six months, six to eight months. I did a dead on Artie Lang.

So good. And one day I just did it. And it came out. I called my agent, who was Artie's agent, as Artie. And he talked to me. for a half hour on the phone. No shit. What was it like?

Because I can show you my Artie. Go ahead. I always just do it because he always uses full names. So it's like, some of you only have an impression of somebody doing one thing. Yeah, my friend, Mike DeRookie, was over there and, uh...

Here's the problem with my Artie Lang. I lost it, and I could never get it back. Oh, you got this. I know, dude, it's... I swear to God, for six months, I was calling people as Artie, and they were like, hey, what's up? They were talking to me.

And it was just this thing. I think I was listening to Howard a lot. I close my eyes, could be a sucker for it i'll tell you Craig gas called me years ago and i literally told everybody in my life that david lee roth just left me a voice message because he's hanging out my friend craig and he was like and then i called him back i go hey man what's up and he goes did you like that impression did it sound good and i was like fuck just told everybody that you had diamond david lee roth call me i just believed it completely the voicemail he was hanging out with uh dice and what did

dice said something about me what do you say i was talking him on the phone before and he said i said him doing the your guy show, the bonfire. He goes, I love those guys. He goes, how is Bobby Kelly looking these days? He goes, he's looking good. He goes, tell him I like him a little plump. You can't tell me that.

The last time that happened, I gained 130 pounds. The last time you thought you could fuck dice? No. The last, when I booked that FX show at Larry, I showed up for the pilot, I lost 40 pounds. I was losing weight because I was going to be on TV. And they told you they wanted you fat. We were going in for the fitting.

And he walked up, he goes, what are you doing, you fucking ass? So I wrote like 500 fat jokes for you on the show. I bet you see you at craft services. I was like, done, sir. And did you go, no problem? No problem at all. Someone's going to go home. I'm impressed by your, Jim, you've never been fat in your life at all.

But, like, it's not so much. I was fat my whole life, and I did overeat substantially. But when you talk about your feats of eating, Bobby, like, I'm impressed with them. You said something yesterday that stayed with me. I brought it up late in the night. While you were eating? It was about you complaining about having to share personal pizza with Dawn. Yeah.

And you go, Dawn, I could eat two Joe's large pizzas by myself. And I was like, that was never something for me. I could definitely have finished a large pizza by myself. But at that end of that large pizza, I felt the pain of those things. I would be like, oh, what did I do? And it would hurt. I couldn't fit two pizzas in. I was eating it to kill the pain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The more food that I got in there, the less pain I felt. Oh. Are you talking 16 slices, ate a pie? Me and, yeah, I've eaten two Joe's pizzas. I've actually, me and Janice went in one time. We ordered a Joe's. We ordered a Joe's pizza.

Then we got two slices each. Then we got two more slices each. Then we got two more slices each. And then we just kept getting slices, like two slices. We just kept eating them. And then our pizza came. And then we ate that pizza. So between me and Yonah,

10 slices of piece. We ate three pizzas between me and Yannis. That's 10 slices apiece. Yeah. You ever have Joe's though? It's good. Yes. It's real good.

Yeah, pizza, ice cream, dude, I can fucking... Dude, I could eat so much ice cream. I could eat a pint of ice cream. Oh, I can eat the... What is it? A quart? Half gallon. I can eat a half gallon ice cream, not even fucking faze me.

Mother fuck. Yeah. That's insane. With stuff. I used to get ice cream like a half gallon and get the... You're going to get... magic shell. It's the chocolate sauce that free, it becomes hard.

Right, Jim, this is how Jim talks about pussy, dude. Yeah, you guys are fed. You guys are gay. Why, why would you do that? I don't know why you'd just eat the ice cream. But Jim, were you a watch your weight guy ever, or you just kind of naturally slim and didn't really care? But you strike me as a guy who never over gives, gave a fuck about food. Like, sure.

No, I never did. It was just food. I always say there's another meal in a few hours. I don't give a fuck about food. I just need energy to come. So I never, yeah, I never put on a ton of weight. I was never a big drinker. I was, if I was a big drinker, drinking beers and stuff, I'd be fat. That shocks me that. You told me that the other day.

I always in my head thought you were like a drinking dude. You have like the fucking energy of a guy who, you know, goes back to his garage and cracks one open. I've never seen, but you never have read publicly like inebriated anyway. No. There's no stories of Florentine came in all fucked up. I always wanted to get a nice buzz on so I could talk to. girls because I was always shy so I just got a nice little buzz and I was it I never wanted to drink till five six in the morning get fucked up and pass out you know on

stage don't hold the microphone dude look at you I'm just trying it down I mean hold on you're getting nervous now I wish I had my glasses like that are you upset because by the way the thumbnail for a new Rich Voss roast clip is just it's Florentine standing up at the podium and your head popping up in the back and it just says on the screen it's the joke it's like forget stand-up forget stand up try doing a sit-up did you did you see the one they sent me today

he was yelling at me he's like what did i do to you i go it's a fucking roast well dude i'm a fucking great straight man on the roast my off roasting is fucking almost being furious come on now yeah dude come on i watched the old did you see the one they sent me to me i remember Colin Quinn called you chinese clemenza you remember when calling

calling called jo to roaster you're just a dud that was my favorite line ever There was, oh my God, where is it? They took it off. Wow. Got removed because you flagged it? No, there was a, there was me roasting you. They put it out to them.

Oh, really? Oh, dude, I fucking hammered you. Yeah. Oh, my, I mean, it was fucking great. Did you send it to me? Oh, I. Look in the text. You may have sent it to me.

No, I'm, where is it? What's that company? What the fuck is Brian? Oh, no, no, no. It's Brian Voqueweiss's company. Oh, comedy dynamics. Comedy Dynamics. Yeah.

The, the buyers of every special it's ever been made in history. Oh, my God. Every time I click on any special where I'm like, oh It's like, and it'll say things like, you know It was like, shot on one camera in the back of the room At Helium Comedy Club And I got to watch this, you know, just a few minutes to see how bad this is going to be And no matter what, right before that thing starts,

Go to it The Comedy Dynamics logo comes out Like, damn, they fucking buy all of it And they're all on YouTube too, like all those old specials You want to hear it? For free. I do. Can I put my phone up to it?

Here we go, ready. It's going to hurt my feelings? No, it may not. It's fucking annoying. You should have no self-esteem. Hang on, hang on, let me go back to it again. Speaking about big fat lesbians, Big Jay. Could call him.

Your confidence bugs all of us. They fucking annoy. You should have no self-esteem. You and your fucking tight hoodies. Those are just regular pants, fatso. Big your shorts on. Big Jay doesn't wear these fingerless mittens that bogg. It bugs everybody.

I'm glad you didn't wear them tonight. I thought it was just to be an annoying dick or a fashion statement. Actually, they're just, they're regular mittens when he puts them on in the morning by lunch, they're fingalus. You fat fuck.

That's just mean. It bugs me. Big Jay, fuck you. This is fat on fat crime. I know that. I'm fat too. Game of Thrones. Bundy.

I get it. I'm a fat fuck too. But Big Jay, he is not big. You are a fat fuck, my friend. Big Jay, I'll take fucking obese. Jay, disgusting Jay, mediocre, small dick, self-centered, medial, maniacal, J, but not Big J.

This is your good straight man, too, because the whole time you just nod and you hang on, that's true, that's true. It does at all tracks. That was the greatest roast ever, by the way. That was a great one. I'm glad we have, so much fun, man. I'm glad we have that on video, though, Pacco,

so on Paco to go, watching you stage mom yourself as the first joke was playing, you've listened to it so many times, the day that you were mouthing the words where you were looking away you were listening you were going no no no no that's I've only listened to it once but that's a weird thing that I do and I did it in acting in like when I got roles on TV dude like I had people come up to me going you can't mouth the words I would mow the other people like the well they're

talking I'm doing their words it's like a weird thing that I don't want to take well that's a funny thing I don't want to take a shot on anybody says it's not a shot but there is a comic or really any I've seen this several comics who do a thing where they have to do a read with the audience yeah the audience come read something with them but it's a bit they do all the time when they read their part

like they read their part they know and then it's so timed in their head that they mouth the words of the audience members saying every time you watch and you go oh it's such a weird like someone should say something like it's not doing that dude I was getting I was like on professional sets doing takes

just doing their lines staring at them and they're like you're reading why are you reading that you gotta stop that I was like oh I know I know oh no I just do I did one take like that and then I get the rest yeah what is this

oh that's just the TMZ oh okay sorry do want JTT news yeah I do with some JTT news I thought it was dead I know I thought that too when I saw the picture detained for resisting and obstructing a cop

What does that mean I guess they tried to arrest him and he tried to not be arrested yeah But how did you obstruct them? Here we go. Let's read it. Law enforcement says the formal child star was the passenger to vehicle that got pulled over on Monday in Westlake Village, California.

All these fucking L.A. quips. Who is this guy again? J.T.T.? Yeah. He was the middle son on home improvement. Oh, okay. The good-looking one. Yeah, millennial heartthrob, for sure.

The other two were kind of goofy. Well, there was the one that was too blonde and then the one that was too little. Yeah. They always have the Goldilocks kids on shows. Yeah, he was, JTT was right in the sweet spot of hot. Yeah, he was like Devon Sawah. Yeah, he was cute, I remember him now. It's like when I was younger, I liked Candace Cameron full house,

because I was like, well, but then her face just kept getting bigger and cheekier and like kind of that moon face. Yeah. So then I just swung over, then I know a little Steph Tanner was growing up a little bit, so I just swung my love over that direction for a couple years. And then I got older. And then I realized Urkel was the hard throb of the show. he exited the vehicle after deputies told him to remain inside he refused was uncooperative oh he was drunk he's drunk it was that simple man yeah being a celebrity once that's got to be the scariest thing like you see it with some uh mcnab uh justin timberlake when he got pulled over romo when like they take forever to finally they realize right away they're not being treated special they're almost doing like to look at my face look at my face and then when they keep going through the motions normally when they finally

have to get to like the yeah i mean like you know i am right and then just kind of like yes mr timbre like of course i know you are i need you to stay on this line right here and follow my finger and you're and that feeling and then when you see them go like oh shit they're no longer a fan i'm now the example like i'm gonna be like the i don't just give people a pass because they're celebrities uh i go one way or the other i feel like every time i get pulled over i do the face do you yeah i'm like i'm hoping maybe they'll recognize you from a podcast yeah i remember we were I try to say things like, dude, I'm sorry, dude. Dude.

You know what, dude? I was speeding, dude. Fucking Dennis Leary is always saying I got a lead foot, you know, when we were on the set together. Yeah, dude. When I was on a tough crowd, I don't know if you remember that show, dude. It's going to lo-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-h. Anything hit you? Marshmellios.

Is it him? Dude, I was just trying to get home to get my marshmallows and Hotchapalopolis. Dude. We were, we got pulled, or we didn't get pulled it. We stopped. Ari's, Arii-Shifier, always. It was me, Sal Volcano, Ari. and like two other people drove down to do a show in D.C.

And we were driving back, Ari's like, I have to piss. I'd piss really bad. So I just pulled behind, like, you know, a closed restaurant or something. And Ari gets out to start pissing, of course. It's when, like, a cop pulls into the fucking parking lot, starts coming around. And I remember going, like, oh, fuck. Like, Ari's going to get us all fucking in trouble for pissing. And I go, Sal, you may have to work your magic for this.

And I go. And then I was like, I'm just kidding, dude. I know that sucks to even BS. He goes, if it gets us out of trouble, he goes, all we're down the window and go, That was one thing, Jim Florentine told me a long time ago We've talked about this before on the show, I think years ago. Ultimate Wingman, I forget what it was. I called him.

I don't think it was to do special ed voice. It might have been just to like, don't you know somebody? No, maybe it was special ed voice. It was probably special. And I was like, I was like, dude, that's so fucking weak of me to ask that. You know, once I was empty bald and clear, I was like, that was such a gay thing they asked he's like, anytime, man.

He goes, if I can get the assist, you call any time of night, I'll do special ed, I'll do whatever you want me to do. He goes, if I get the assist. Yeah, as long as I get the point, it's like hockey. Sometimes there's goals, sometimes there's assists. You're probably the manliest man I know. No, it's just like, of course I'm going to,

if that's going to close the deal, I don't know how long he's working. I can see myself until I now see that that is the right way to handle things, sometimes it's got to be shown. I can see somebody calling me and be like, Jay, do this thing you said on whatever. I go, dude, fucking,

Don't bother me with this. But I'm like, no, what would Florentine say? Yeah. I see a glowing Florentine like Obi-1 on the corner. He goes, no, no. He really is. He's a coxmith. Yeah.

He is a high-level kung fu coxmith, and he's so confident about it. But I see it in Jim. Here's the problem I always had is somebody who wrote up from Philadelphia with Keith Robinson. Is it Keith Robinson who always appeared to, he must have been in his 30s when we started driving up with them. I thought he was already in his 50s. Like, just the way he conducted himself? The music?

Just, yeah. Gladys Night and the Pips. Mahalia Jackson. Some real spirituals maybe on the way up, the mighty, mighty dells. But he would tell the stories of Florentine, and it was like, I don't not believe him, but I have a hard time picturing as, oh, we'd go down to the shore, and we would have, like, contests, see who, you know, by the end of the weekend, who got more pussy? And it was like, and by the way, I think he would say, it's like, it's the shore, you know,

so, like, Florentines pulling more tail down the beach. But I'm like, Keith, were you in a fucking multiple bitches in a night? I just never see that side of him. Of Keith Robinson? No. Oh, yeah. You crazy. Dude.

Not that he wasn't, no, no, listen, the guy ditched me at Patrice's house to take my car to go fuck some stupid Hispanic comic a million years ago. He had a stroke. He had a stroke and was still trying to go get that pussy. Yeah, that's right. That's crazy. I got to grab myself home. I got to get that pussy. Dude, I remember I was at the airport with him and he, I think I told you this.

Every woman in the airport he'd walk up to and talk to. And then he walked up to the ugliest human being I've ever seen and was. He was like, yo, and got her number. And I go, what the fuck are you doing? He goes, practice, motherfucker. He would talk to every chick anywhere. Really? Yeah.

It's numbers with him. Yeah, it's an all numbers game. This was down in Wildwood, New Jersey, back in the 90s. So everyone, all these girls from Philly would come the weekend there. I had long hair at the time when long hair was still in. You had long hair, you were fucking. Yeah. And in Pennsylvania, that long hair lasted until like 2003.

Hell yes. You could still have it, and they think it's in style. So I was cleaning up. And then we'd have these. contest who can hook up with the most girls in the week and Keith was so dedicated he would get up at like 8 in the morning he played video games till 5 8 in the morning and then just

start walking the boardwalks a huge ball and goes I gotta work the board I gotta work the boards with free passes to come to the show any girl he saw started 8 a.m. walking up and now here come to comedy show is a comedy show tonight it's somewhere between that was probably in his contract too by the way somewhere between Comedy Express and the Keith I met was like this sword swinging

fucking Dixman down a while I never saw that side. I said, I definitely saw the horny, let's get pussy side of Keith. Oh, yeah. He wasn't old when I, I said he was in his 30s probably. He was such a piece of shit when we were in Brazil. He was so mad that we were kind of, we liked these girls. We were like taking them to lunch.

She's like, they're hoos. It's a hookah, stupid. You don't get her chicken and rice, you dumb, dumb. It's a, but in her face, like she's right there. It's a hoar. She's a hookah. Dude, when he got arrested and I came, I showed up to, help get him out and I brought him out I remember the face of being like man there's so many times in

life where I could have just been in the same situation I felt such sympathy for he's coming out of jail he was just in you know the jail for hours like since the night before it's late night the night after and he's comes outside and it's two girls that he's like hooked up with or hooking up with that are there both the help that didn't know the other one was coming maybe don't even know about each other at all and then his brother the pastor shows up in like full full I mean, this is all right outside of the jail house. He was like, oh, oh, buddy Bolton's there for some reason. What?

With a sock full of sakajua coins for his bail that wasn't going to work. But I swear to God. And then his pastor brother shows up and he brings his kid's mom who's going to have the ultimate like, and look at you, motherfoy. And it was just like, seeing a guy be like, I need to go back in for a little bit. He goes, this has to die. And I think I helped him escape. It was like, he told him his brother, he was like, get her out of here and hit this one out of it.

And then we just fucking got out of there and then went to the cellar. He told a story as he sat there, Commando, because they beat him up until he shit his pants. He had to sit there going Commando while everything in his life fell apart outside of jail. It was all at once. And then we got in his, I had to pick up his fucking jalopy car with him. He had a Ford Focus at the time. But he had a jalop. But he had a jalopy to like a tan shit one that he would bring most days of the week if we drove his car.

He would bring that most of the time. And it was that one. So it's like just coming out of jail, everything's falling apart outside of jail and you're just getting your shitty car, like, g-g-c-c-c-c-c-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac. Keith had a great move because it was back in the beeper days. So as soon as he was done having sex with a girl,

he wanted her out of his room. So if he was at their hotel or back at his room, he'd be like, damn. God damn, you gotta be kidding me, man. My manager, I gotta be in New York City at 6 a.m. I got an audition. I gotta get out of here, man. Why you bother me?

two in the morning. Sorry, I got to get every time. He goes, I just go to the beeper. I miss the beeper. Can't cheat anymore. Fucking phones with fucking... They have cameras you can film movies on. Because the nerds...

Beeper day, you can fucking cheat on anybody. The guys who set up the phones never got pussy. So if Charlie Sheen, I would say if Charlie Sheen hooked up, set these phones up, everything would be blocked and you could be able to cheat because he knew around it. But these guys have never got pussy go, oh, no, we're going to reveal this. We're going to see who you're... following all this other stuff. No, he goes, the cheaters come later on third market products,

like privacy screens or what's like the picture folder holders, you know, the things that's like, oh, it's like a calculator, but it's actually like dirty pictures inside of it. It's called safe. Huh? Oh, sorry. I don't know what that is. I don't have that.

Oh, the app's called safe. No, I had a different one. Didn't Lewis take you through the recently deleted, too? Oh, God. Because you delete your text, but it's just really easy to see. Recently deleted? Well, he found that out. Somebody showed him.

Somebody showed Lewis. He's the guy, I can't find it. He goes, oh, it's over here. It's all these photos that recently deleted. He goes, those are saved? It's the moment. His heart fell out of his asshole. I just watched some other clip video the other day that was taking a shit on a Christalia.

And I have no opinions, really. I just watch, this just goes on my algorithm of YouTube. And, oh, fuck. The point of that was, it was something he did that was very, oh, when he got the photos. The photos, the Snapchat video is very funny. Oh, what he finds out, you can save it. Because it really is, like, cartoonishly, like, the face he makes. He goes, I don't know, but how is it they found those?

Because I'm pretty sure Snapchat, everything gets deleted. He goes, you'd think, right? But no, it's all saved in there. He's like, I got to get out of here. I got some phone calls I got to make. It's so real. And, like, it's the fact that they capture that moment. He goes, and the rest of the conversation, he goes,

no they keep odd stuff so anyway he says to the girl and he's just in the background going oh shit is that possibly true he has what Lewis found out he goes dude you're recently deleted text messages they're just sitting there and a thing goes what who's been trying to hurt me oh is this it yeah yeah yeah it's you don't need you don't need even sound to see his fucking yeah turn the sound of those the best when they say it he's kind of like Yeah, what's the big deal, right? Shots. You got to know that that's going to happen.

His eyebrow goes up. He's like, this is an interesting development. Yeah, because all you need is a second phone to record it. Like, you should be able to figure that out. Yeah, well, that, or you can screen record, I think, things too. Snapchat tells the person. It tells the person. Right, right, but you just do another phone, yeah.

Yeah, you do an old phone. That's so fucking funny. There's no way nothing doesn't like... Dude, I got bagged... I got bagged with old school. Like the first video... The flip phone, man when it had a video on camera. I got bagged with that.

Like, just... It's so pixel, you couldn't even see it? It was just... I mean, I wish I still had those videos. It was all grainy, fucking weird shit that I just kept in my phone. Dude, the girl that I got all the shit with. The naked picture.

Yeah, the naked picture girl. When I was still living in, like, Queens... I was going through, you know, well past that and old phones. Going through, I found that, I was like, oh, I found a charger for, like, that phone. You know, when you find, like, an old charger for, you know, oh, I wonder what's on this phone. And I go, that picture was on. Everything, I mean, I don't know how I could have possibly, I don't think I really did much jerk off to phone porn. I think it was enough to get you, like, excited, and then you had to go to a computer.

Because a girl sitting in a picture, it was, like, it was, like, made up, it's like the mosaics when they make it. It's, like, it's like made up of a thousand pictures of her somehow. Yeah. It was always so blurry and not sharp and shitty. What they've done for pornography and phones is absolutely fantastic. 4K sharpness. Because I used to carry magazines with me on the road. Like I bring hustler and penthouse.

Sure. That'd put in my suitcase. Absolutely. Because I wasn't going to pay for the movie in the room that was shitty anyway. That softcore porn, so I would just bring the magazines. Now the cameras, if a girl takes a closer picture of a pussy, you can see the dots where hair is going to be tomorrow. You can see the root that a hair is coming up. Yeah, yeah, yes.

It's like a little gray under the stuptu. that's going to burst through tomorrow. It's like that Gillette commercial when the thing. The first razor went over and then the second one pulled it up. And then the third one cut it. You could see what the one, yeah, you can see what it leaves. Oh, God. The first one lifts, and the first one cuts that.

Then it lifts again. Holy shit. Yeah, it was like, yeah, back in the day, what were you? I never jerked off to, I didn't like magazines. What? I used to look, Pan House form. I always read, even though I know it was fake. Oh, see, I know girls mostly have done that

where they can jerk off to like the written word. That's never going to work for me. I have to see it really. What was like my foreplay? And then I'd go to like the centerfold. Once I found out that there was places you could go and pay money for massage. Like I was never into getting a hooker, hooker.

There was a time I was. I did. But I always liked that it was like set up as a massage. Yeah. A legit thing. There was one in Boston. Austin called the Old English Health Club. So it was called the health club.

And when you got, like, so you went in, it was kind of like a men's health club. And it was just, you know, hookers. And you could go in, you get a massage, and then you negotiate whatever. Once I found out that existed, fucking game over. I'm not fucking jerking off the magazine.

I really, I did all those things, but I learned all those things. It's different. Like, it's your extreme personality, which is an interesting thing where you just jump, like, full on to the thing. Like, then you get in the hookers. And when I found it, you can go to massage part.

It was like, My massage parlor time at a time I felt like I did it a bunch. I probably did it under 10 times and all in a matter of like four years or something. And then a couple of hookers over the course of the years, but again, probably five, six times that ever happened. I felt bad about it like right away, almost like for them. You know what I mean? I'm like because, well, yeah, because again, that's the difference. We've talked about this in the show.

Like Lewis has, if he fucks a prostitute, his mind has gone, this is great for her because she has to fuck guys in wheel, chairs and gross fat disgusting and she's getting this is her work this is like finding out you know your delivery job like the you don't have to get out of your car even that that's has truth to it by the way sure I guess most guys they have to fuck are disgusting I I know but I still felt like I was like now she's like coming in it's it's all so methodical and it's like everything always felt like even if they're putting on the show there's the element of like there's a time limit and you have to be done and you're going to get done and I'm gonna I'm a machine to make that happened. So I just felt it's my own insecurity.

Yeah, no, I feel the same way with that. It's own insecurity. And even with the massage parlors, like, I've done it a few times, but I remember this guy, like, that was on American Isle or something like that. Maybe his dad, the guy was really famous. He got busted in a massage parlor, getting jerked off, and he was all over the news on TMZ. He's like, I had a bad back. I went in there for

a massage, and nobody believed it. So it's got to be really pathetic if you're on TMZ because you got busted in a massage parlor. Getting jerked off. Yeah, I mean. In your 20s or whatever, but now it's like you can't. There is the element of massage, though. You are getting a massage.

You are, but they are doing a 45, like a 40-minute back rub, and then they ease into the other stuff. It depends. Sometimes they just do it right off the bat. I always pretend like I've never, they always go, you've been here before? I'm like, no. I pretend like it's my first time.

I role play with the lady. And they go, but you, you custom of the month. I have coffee mug, what name on it? My cop friend said, unless you, if they walk, the cops walk in and you're actually. coming. That's when you get busted. Like if you're naked on the table, they have cameras set up

and stuff like that. They know when they're coming in. They're getting raided. So even if you're naked, you're okay. Yeah, I think they more want the guys like, they try to scare them to just flip to say like, yes, this is a prostitution place. Right. There's no real big deal in bringing the guys. Well, they have a place right underneath my cigar lounge and the cops are. Convenient.

It's the best. Just watching guys from the cigar lounge come out with their hats down and then go up. Hey, what's up, guys? What's up, dude? How you doing? I bet it's not the best cigar. I bet it's not the best cigar lounge, but it is the best massage bar. But the cop up there, he'll come in and be like, hey, guys, don't go, don't go downstairs for the next couple months. You know, because the FBI's, they're watching it. He'll help everybody out.

Me and Lewis are going over for some shows we're doing overseas. I think we're going to be in Amsterdam at one point. And, like, by the way, I think Amsterdam would be fun to go walk around. I feel like this time would be the time I'd walk around and be like, oh, let's go see stuff. Because I'm always like Red Light District. And now I'm just like the idea of that. I'm like, I'm not walking into a fucking thing. Like, God forbid it.

Anyone recognizes you, one. Two, again, it's such a skeevy. But when I was young, the skeviness meant nothing to me. If you were like, dude, you're the 15th guy who's walked in there. I'd go, does they get me a discount? Can I pay less then? If you tell me I have to pay more and I'm already there, I might pay more. The last time I went to Amsterdam with Louis, I didn't even go to the Red Light District.

I was so proud of myself. You got to go. I went to a terror museum. I would go to a sex show still. I went to all kinds. I saw all of Amsterdam. I've never seen. the last time I went to you know Anne Frank was there I went to the last guy that makes wooden shoes I talked to him for a while I swear to God I didn't go and I and I was so proud that I didn't go because the first time I went I literally me and Keith were in the lobby of the hotel we said hold our bags and we just went straight before checking in and we went to the local one which is kind of worse at like fucking 1230 and then we went in we got we're done for the weekend we walked like

like 15 steps and went in again to another place. I think his chick had zits. Like, I remember her face was all zitted up because it was the local afternoon crew. Yeah. Oh, it was terrible. I was there over the last summer I was in Amsterdam. It's like $125 to girls in the window.

But they're like young and I don't know. It's just. I'm saying there's something about you age out of like... And his family's walking by in these alleys and shit like that. So it's like just constant chaos. So you're standing there and everyone's like, look at these fucking creepers. There's a guy walking by with his family and shit like.

that so it's it's not as dirty as the girls over there though have like families like it's a it's a it's a it's a job like I went with one lady she's like yeah I do this my husband is a teacher and he's like I'm like he lets you do this he's like over here it's not a big sex isn't a big well you know that's famous story that um was it boss that went in uh for a prostitute in Amsterdam and he started talking he told her he goes yeah I'm a comedian from America she goes do you know Patrice yeah she knew Patrice from being in there so much I've never seen any buddy go into trees she went into five of them and he kept coming out going it's not the one it's not to find the one and he found the one and then she turned the clothes sign on a window she was

like i'm dunts he wasn't something like old lady yeah i don't know there's something about again when i was younger i couldn't tell you what the age is in anybody maybe it varies for people but there's some point in life where it's like i wouldn't even thought twice bobby it wouldn't be weird if me and you had a we don't me and you particularly but i mean i've i've stories with patrice and a bunch of stuff with Lewis and stuff. Just stuff where it's like a girl, like someone blew us both, or we double teamed a girl,

or we fucked her both in the same, all kinds of different things. Like that other guy in the room kind of laughing about it, same while it's happening, whatever, or just even sinking into it, which is weirder. All of it seems so foreign to me right now.

And it was like, hey, you want to get a blowjob from a prostitute? And Lewis is going to get blown just across the room by another prostitute. I go, not, dude. I'm not looking over at Lewis

and we're both like, All right. This is happening. Me and Chris, Chris were in the car with Ian on the way down. And he was like, do you want to see this girl I may squirted for me? We were like, no.

Why? I don't want to, why would I want to see some fucking girl? This poor girl, though, has no idea that you're doing this. Did you guys ever go to the peep shows in the U.S. A show world? Never with the live action.

It was gone. Oh, yeah. But I got here was gone. Okay. I did it. We were in there a lot. Me and Norton going a lot. Yeah, I actually hooked up with Norton one night

with this. this girl and uh she was into it though she was just into like she wanted to have she was a us and uh

I sent her is that what you believed I was just like I really want you guys all right guys she says she really wants us but I sent her to Norton's place first and I was going to come meet it

but the time I got there they were done so I was just in like he was he had all the lights out he was on his computer typing something and I was just in his hallway and I remember I just

took all my clothes off and I just kept my black slack socks on I don't know I had slack socks on right and I just put my leg up on the wall and she was like eating my balls and ass and then he he just heard her to go and no one just started cracking up typing he went oh god dude I was 19 when I was 19 driving driving through shitty shitty shitty New Jersey jay like down on south You know, all those peep shows down there? Like in that Cherry Hill. Sure, yeah. I was in Camden.

Yeah, somewhere around there. Me and Norton would just take gigs just to go down there so we could hit the peep shows after the gig and spend all that money. And they were live sex ones too. Live sex? Well, you get on the window on the phone. Yeah, yeah. And you could jerk off as they're playing with themselves.

But yeah, you'd see an actual person, though. Yeah, it was actual person. One time I went in there and I pulled my pants down because I was in there so much. He goes, I know those balls. I knew I was a regular. I know those balls. I know those balls. me and Norton did a gig

up in Delhi and I was like dude can we stop I'm hungry I'm so it was late at night and I was starving we hadn't eaten yet he's like no I want to get back to New York I just want to get back to New York he wouldn't stop to eat all of a sudden we just see a adult sign and there's like a video store with peep shows cuts through the

cop part of the highway spins of you he goes in goes into the booth I'm just sitting there waiting for this guy to jerk off in the woods it's like in the middle of nowhere and then he comes out he goes motherfucker fuck I go what He goes, this fucking, this gay guy kept knocking on my door. Jesus Christ.

I would have never thought that was going to happen. What are the odds? If I was going to lay money, I would have said that wasn't going to happen. But, you know, football's back. Wow. So, yeah, I wouldn't fuck with my friends. Wow. That was great.

That was fucking, I mean, come on, dude. That's top radio right there. We slid. I slid it in. You slid it in, dude. I just slid it in. I would still go to, if they still had peep shows in New York? No, I'm saying I would go.

If I said when I go to Amsterdam, I would absolutely, I'd be almost bummed. I go, yeah, we should go to the Red Light District and go see what, like, the sex show, like the live thing where everyone's in the room. And, like, I would do that. That's, like, fun and funny. You can kind of laugh at it and do it. But, like, just like the idea of, like, all right, I'll be back in a few minutes. Like, I'm going to go. And, I mean, me and DeRosa did that, I think, at one point.

I'm going to hear you going here. They're very, they're very sexual at the window and very, they really like that. All business. As soon as you get in, they're like, okay, wash your penis. Right. Wash my penis. Wash your penis. Wash your cock.

Wash my penis. Wash your penis. Yeah, I'd have a hard time with it, Dale. I said now a time where I could probably, like, you know, getting a prostitute wouldn't, like, cut into a third of my entire net worth, like, anymore. But I'm just now, I'm like, I don't know. I said they're either, I feel like they're either nefarious people, because I got robbed the one time, which was the last time I ever tried to have.

somebody come to like the room. Why you said that weird. Was it Venezuela? You went to Venezuela? Where the fuck was it? Fuck, I don't remember. I can't remember. Trinidad.

Trinidad. Definitely was. There was Trinidad. And yeah, and like I called, like I just broke down. I went to the, by the way, it was the horniest you could possibly get. They sent me down there. Carnival was happening there. And they had us do what was a black show, like set up from the black circuit.

So like I got down there and you, it was in like a nightclub during carnival. I mean, these gorgeous naked fucking... Those outfits. Trinidad women. The feathers and the hats and their asses out. A little of that, but also just the girls were just decked out, like half naked, just looking hot. And then in another one of these situations, I'm like, stop dancing, everyone.

We got a comedy show. And I did, you know, whatever to bad. And then left, I mean, with such a... Nobody was going to talk to me after that set. Nor did I expect them to it all. I just left immediately because I'm like, well, that's that. that these girls are not my thing. I got back to the hotel room

and I was like, I wonder if the, this is before you'd have the internet in your room, right, but I was like, I wonder if they all have, like, you know, one of those like, Trinidad Weekly magazines. They always have some projects right back. Trinidad Weekly. You know, there's always, I've got

the village voice type thing. And so I went down, they had something. And I, they had the village voice. It was actually just a village. Yeah, the voice of the village screaming. He, uh, p. I went in the back of the thing. and I had them come and they said it was $100,

which was cheap as shit. Because I was like, oh, I was like, oh, American money, or whatever, and they were like, $100. And I don't know if there's a transfer, but I was like, sure, and the kids, I was so horny. Then before they came over, I just started getting nervous as shit. And I was like, oh, I don't know, I don't know, I was like, I don't know if I want to do this.

And then the door, knock on the door, I open the door, it is a bull dykeish-looking stud, they would say right now, of a woman. I mean, I got a cango hat, like a bowling shirt. She looked like you. Yes. She'll have me and Voss had a kid. She had a wallet chain in nowhere.

Yeah. We're in jorts. She was so just like brutish woman. And so I went, I go, oh, are you the girl? And then. You thought she was security? Listen, she thought quicker than I've ever thought on my feet in my life. She just went, immediately went, no.

She goes, I just collect the money. and I went, oh my God. I went, here you go. And she goes, all right, the girl will be back up in a second. And then as soon as the door went, I went, like, there's no girl. That was the girl. Yeah, that was the girl. You insulted her.

It was like that, she was just kind of like, she just thought quick enough to go, like, no, no, no, I just take the money. Yeah, yeah. We send up a girl to make sure everything's safe. One time me and Bob Levy doing a gig upstate and he was all coked out after the show and he thought some girl from the comedy show was going to come back to his hotel room. He's like, I'm staying at 123 to his hotel and I was staying right next door to him.

And I'm like, Bob, she's not coming back. He's telling you, she's coming back. I can't wait. He's setting everything up. And I knew she wasn't. I saw the interaction. She wanted nothing to do with them. So I ordered a hooker to his room.

And this is like, so he's up. It's like four in the morning. He's up. He's all coked out. I hear it like, I'm half asleep. I hear a knock at the door. I just hear an argument. I don't know who you.

I didn't order you. You got to pay me. No, I ain't paying you screaming. I'm going to go get my bouncing, and there's a big black dude trying to kick the door down. Levy has to call the front desk. Jesus Christ, dude. I told him in the morning, and it was me. Jim, did you ever have so funny?

Did you ever have... He thought the girl was showing up from the comedy club. He literally could have got killed. Like, that's no... I had a funny story, though. I had a girl in L.A. Very funny story. If you kid, if that's why he died?

Well, yeah, I mean, you know... I ordered a girl to L. and I was sharing a room with a friend of mine. And when I called, I was like, we're sharing a room. There's a friend here. Is that okay? But he doesn't want to do anything.

He's just going to be in the room. And they're like, that's fine, no problem. She'll just come up. You do your thing. I was like, are you sure? Yeah. Shows up. She's like, if he's here, it's more money.

I called and they said it was fine. And she's like, no, I'm not doing it if he's here. I'm like, listen, they said it's fine. He'll go in the bathroom. He'll just be in the bathroom. No, it's more money. And then she wanted. She already took my money because they come in, they go, I gave her the money in good faith.

And then she goes, I'm out and she leaves. I called back and complained. I was like, you fucking rob me. This is bullshit. What the fuck? You said it's okay. He goes, sir, sir, I'll get her back. They made her come back.

Really? Wow. They made her come back with an attitude, by the way. Made her come back. She goes, he has to be in the bathroom. I'm like, fine. And then she had a, she had a, so I just, I just, she goes, we're not touching.

I'm not doing anything. I'm just going to get naked. I'm like, that's fine too. And I just looked at her and masturbated at her while she was getting naked. Like, fuck you. She was all right. She wasn't a lady in the photo.

No, I mean, she was disgusted at you. She was so, it was like if I did it with Dawn today. That's how, that's how angry her face was. We're sending her back. If I jerked in front of my wife today, the same face. That same face. But I remember that. And you still had no problem coming.

No, not at all. It was an angry, spiteful cum. And then, but the guy came back up and he literally showed me his piece. And he was like a little one of those fucking redneck guys, dangerous looking, you know, with a mustache. And he's like, we good? He was mad at me too. I was like, fuck, I didn't know you were here, but yeah.

Did you ever have when you're on the road with somebody? And by the way, on either side, I've been on both sides of this. And they both sort of like sucking away where you've been the guy inadvertently pulling a girl away from somebody else or watching a girl that you kind of are into completely be into like a different person. Yeah, I've hung up with Godfrey. I've hung it with Godfrey and Artie. Does that happen?

I was just thinking more, one of my favorites was, I guess what people were new, when it went opening for you, you know, I remember it was opening for so many people, like, there was nothing worth it. When I was with a tell, especially all the time, as much as I was with him,

it was one of those like, well, I don't want to make any waves at all for this guy. You know what I mean? Like, and if, like, he was talking about, to a girl and like that girl kind of went over and was kind of starting saying something about me. I would like hide in the green room just to be like, I'm not gonna be the reason she's not going back with him.

You know what I mean? Or I'm not fucking that up. And when Nate Bargatsi was kind of brand new here, I brought him with me, we drove, we became friends, and he would open for me on some gigs and I brought him down to open for me in South Jersey, rascals in the Crown Plaza down there. And they would work me there.

And I went there, there was a girl that I'd already, Not fucked, but like we hooked up. You know, we fooled around a little bit, this girl. And she came that night. And she just, I could see it happening. She was still, like, hang with me, but I could just see she was super into Nate. But Nate was, he wasn't married or anything yet, but he just wasn't like, I think he was still, he may have still been with Laura.

But, like, it didn't matter. He wasn't, like, going to step in that position anyway to be. I was like, hey, this is a girl I hooked up with him. So, I can see she's kind of like in that whole way. And then we ended up not hooking up that night. And she left. And when we were driving back home, Nate goes in his pocket. of his jacket and pulls out a piece of paper.

He's like, what? And she, like, slid him a note. And it was like, hey, my little southern gentleman, like, blah, blah, bye, my number and all this kind of stuff. And I was like, really great meeting you. And I hope to get to see you. And he was like, oh, look at that. And I was like, I better check in my stuff.

See if I have a note before I go home to my ex. I better see if I have a note. And I start going through my stuff. And I start, you know, it's probably goes, maybe she broke into the car and put it in the glove compartment box. Check the glove compartment box. And Nate sings him sitting there in the passenger. seat feeling like, please find a note.

He was like, please, God, don't make it just be like she was like, I'm pulling her away from him. That's so funny. Just never picturing that perspective of, like, him going, like, I wanted him to find a note so bad. Nate's thinking about when I go to the bathroom or something, like writing a note himself, and putting it goes, hey, I think there was a note, dude, I found it. She says she likes you more than me.

Sorry. It's nothing worse than being with somebody, like, famous, though. And hook at, like, meeting a girl, hanging out. that happened to me all the time with fucking Dane Just some girl Hey oh my god you was so funny Blah blah blah

And as soon as Dane would walk in the room They just stopped talking to me It's like ah yeah fuck you And Dan would be like hey how you doing Nice to see you I gotta go down here for a second You want to come sure And just fucking just sitting there

Fucking eating green room food by myself Oh that's a tough dude I opened for Steve O like his eighth time doing comedy In my 18th year Of it And like I did well on the show and he

he was back when he was when he first started he was doing hosting he was like host the show yeah steve oh and friends and I did a show of carolines and there was a gorgeous girl came up here for him and by the way like right into his fucking arm essentially like you know interested in him and but you know he's like

do you see jay like jay was fantastic out there right and she was like yeah you were great and then she's like you know turns a ride back to him and like whisper something kind of in his ear and like a dog talking about a glutton for punishment I don't know what I thought was going to come of this I went, oh, we're already keeping secrets from each other. And then she just turns around and goes,

I was just telling him, I thought that he was way funnier than you. And I was like, huh, okay. And that hurts so many reasons. Because, by the way, and you mind, it's his eighth time doing comedy. My said 18th year. So he didn't do better than me on stage. So it's just the thing where she's saying that. But I don't want to take a shot at Steve.

He's great. He was not, it wasn't his fault. So you want to take his thing. There's no fucking way you feel that way, lady. But I just was like, she said, eat it and just suck it up and go, yeah. Yeah, man. Well, it's subjective art, so people kind of take it as they, you know, you like who you like. That hurts so much.

Why did I ask? Hey, what is secret? It was clearly something about me. She went, yes, you were very funny. What the fuck else could have been? We did live through the best time, the 90s. No cell phones. No cell phone.

We were doing comedy at the best time for pieces of shit like us to do comedy. The 90s, the movies were down. It was perfect. It wasn't perfect. Well, we should have been with 70s comics who fucking maxed out of giving a shit about pussy in like the early 2000s. You want those 30 years to have been the thing because you get the 90s at the tail end of it when it's at its fucking peak. Yeah, but if it was the 70s, none of us would be alive.

We'd all be dead. Yeah, we'd all be fucking dead. Why? Were you going to try gay shit? We didn't want to fucking heroin. We were going to get 1980s gay AIDS because that's a killer. We would all been fucking each other at one point. Didn't all those comics fuck each other?

Oh, yeah. Was it like Richard Pryor and Paul Mooney? Yeah. No, when I first started, Boston and Levy were ready headliners. So they would take me on the Rokes. I had long hair. They'd take me to like Pennsylvania. I was like a fucking 15 on a scale of one to 10.

In New York, I was a four. Jersey, I was like a five and a half. But in Pennsylvania, I had a VFW or a firehouse. So I only had like 10 minutes. I was working like six nights a week because I would attract the pussy after the show. I remember Boss and Levy come up I'd bomb and they'd kill for an hour And I'm talking like three hot girls

Like did you see his set Did you see what he did him? Yeah but we saw your teeth And your fucking rat tail That's wet on the back of your head You remember Voss back of the day? Oh yeah When he had the long hair

He put in a little cigar But it was wet And he had those weightlifter pants on Those teeth react His teeth were all jacked up These teeth were fucking whacked You wear a wife beater His little fucking T-Rex arms would be out.

Oh, boss is the worst. Have you ever pulled someone's like a wife or a girlfriend away from a audience member and hooked up? I still feel bad about it. One of the worst things I ever did was come on a wedding ring. That made me feel bad. Like ceremonially? It was just like she was. Jacking you off and it ran down the ring?

What a fuck, that's a cover of a book. I just Because we were Just running down a hand With a We were in there He was rich He was rich

He had a lot of money He was like a really nice apartment In New York City He had like guitars From bands that he probably You know Met or no It was just such a nice pad

And he has no idea And then I looked down at her ring And she was like Oh she was trying to wipe it out Of the fucking nooks and crannies I was like I don't like this at all What a piece of shit for leaving it on

When she jerked you off Yeah Take the ring I don't get it off Yeah it's going to hurt your dick. I made her wear it. This is the only way I was going to come.

Oh, you did. I come down a crucifix once. That made me feel terrible. Right on Jesus'... Well, this chick... What was the kink? It was just this Puerto Rican chick. I loved her.

Oh, I think you're going to say Christ Abs, particularly nice on this statue. She was blowing me, and I came, and she pulled it... Instead of, like, shooting it on the side, she pulled it down to her chest. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then it just went right on Jesus' face.

You see, Bobby, I thought you were talking... I thought you were talking about hitting one up on the wall, which was impressive. She had it around her neck. I was like, no, no, no, no, don't do that. I'm Catholic. And then right on his little face and it just ripped down his fucking abs. There was some comic that had a story.

I don't know if it was about agreeing to it or finding out that, like, the husband was in the closet. But, like, because he was into it, like, he wanted, like, to watch her, like, the comic. I've had that. So he hid in the, I've had that, too, but never the guy appearing at some point. Yeah, that's weird. That's like, ah! He goes, he likes to watch. she, ah, my dick's out!

What is this? That's nuts. It's crazy. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. Wow. I couldn't imagine that happening. It was all above board. Yes, I was with a tell one time,

he was a, he was a, he was a, he was a, he was a, he was a, skinny guy, had a pretty fat wife. Yeah. A fat pretty wife. That's what I mean. She was fat, but she was like a pretty fake. And he was like, he wanted to watch her, like, blow me. And I said, it's one of those things like,

the problem with those situations all the time is like and I found that to go haywire more than once is where it's like you got to me the girl's got to be on board completely and not doing it to make him happy yeah yeah and it's that's when that's happening so this girl was blowing me and I think he wanted to do more and she was like well now you like to her husband

kind of like well you do something that you know what I mean and he was like uh all right you know I mean and I was like ah you guys we should probably get out of here I was at the stress factory. I was at the stress factory. This was like one of my, you know, when I was in shape and riding off something, I think it might have been whatever. It was show something I was on and it was sold out and I'm doing the merch and everything.

And this fucking smoking hot blonde with great tits comes up to me in line. And she goes, me and my husband wants me, want to want, want to watch me blow you. Is that okay? And I just, yep, absolutely. Go in the green room. I'll meet you in a couple minutes. I have all this merch to do. I did all my merch to do.

I went back. He's in the corner. She goes, can he watch from them? I'm like, absolutely. She winds up, getting down her knees, give me the fucking best blow job ever. I kept, I had to be eye on that little green room. I had to keep my eye on him.

I was like, you know. Yeah, bye. In the corner of that green room is like, you could touch him still. Yeah, he's close. Hey, bud. Yeah, it's not the best green room to do this. Hey, bud.

I need you to stop looking down. I need to look right at me. Hey, bud. Hey, bud. Hey, bud. I need you to look at me. It was, I mean, she had the, took her boobs. It was so, and they, thank you so much. And just left.

It was like the most cordial, professional. It was awesome. So then cut two years later, I put on a few pounds, one of my fats. They're there, not selling merch, not as popular as I was, just shaking hands and kids and babies. You know what I'm just trying to get people to come back. And they come up and I'm like, fuck yeah. I'm waiting for the because it was such great time.

And they come up and like, I have throat AIDS. I go, hey, what's going on? and I was like, eh, it was nice, and I go, what are you guys doing? He goes,

yeah, we got to get out of here. We'll see you later. And they just, great seeing you. They just walked out, and I was like, no. Your wife's supposed to suck my dick,

mister. Hey, mister. I know they had to, they had to have a conversation. Nah. Yeah. He's not, I don't know.

Yeah, what do you think? Yeah, nah, he didn't look as good anymore. Oh, I got a thousand more of these stories are great. I had,

I was selling merchandise, and, I was where I went in another comic. and this girl comes up, can you sign your CD to the blowjob queen? So I'm signing, I go, what does that mean? She goes, I get the greatest blow jobs. And I go, says who?

She goes, says everyone. And I go, yeah, right. I go, any woman that says that is no good at it. You just, she goes, no, I. And her friends are like, no, she's known for that. Really? I go, you're lying. She's like, no, I'm not lying.

I go, how can I prove it? She goes, well, how can I prove it? I go, let's do it right now. We can go in the office right over here. The manager's office. She's like, right here? I don't know. I go, see, she's making excuse.

The whole line is laughing. The whole merchandise line is laughing. I go, see, she's, you know, I call her bluff and she's like, no, fine, let's go. I said, watch my merch. I go, can you guys just hang for like 10 minutes? Went in there, like five minutes later. It came back out. My arms out, like, Rocky. To the merch crowd.

You know what? And she wasn't that good. On a scale of one of ten, it was like a six and a half, but I said she was amazing. It wasn't that great. But you did the right thing by her because she went and did it. She tried to show you. That's big. It gets an extra point or two just for being, like, on a whim, just doing it.

Yeah, you should have wrote B-plus on her fucking... For sure, though, at least in this room, all three of us, if we started comedy to 70s, would be in prison now. So I do think maybe we could start the right time. You're right. We got old at the right time to be like, oh, hey. Could you imagine any young comic right now

doing half the shit we did? No. No, they're too much of nerds to double team some random fat girl. Fucking nerds. Jim Floreth, these new stuff, Special Jersey trash is available right now on Amazon Prime Video. And his new prank CD, terrorizing telemarketers, Volume 8 is out now in streaming all platforms. Every terrorizing telemarketer volume is funnier than the late.

It's one of my favorite things ever in comedy. Jim's also going to be at Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant this Saturday, September 26th. Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs, October 9th, and 10th. For tickets and all of this tour dates, go to Jim Florentine.com. Make sure you check out Bobby this Saturday at the improv in Brooklyn, New York. After that, poor Charlotte, Florida, Boston and New Orleans For tickets and all tour dates Go to Punchup.org slash Robert Kelly

Check out his YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy You can check Bobby out, of course, every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussy Get Lounge at the Comedy And make sure you listen to listen to. So you know what dude, end the regs, his podcast, streaming wherever you listen to podcast. Make sure you get tickets to my special. And tickets to the special. That's more important.

Punchup.org slash Robert Kelly comedy. December 12th. December 12th. Uptown Theater in Providence We're shooting the special. Tickets still available. So make sure get those tickets. Every seat in the venues. Yeah, out of show.

That'd be great. If not, that's fine too. Big Jay, you know what you're going to be. Magubes. Magobs. Magobs in Baltimore this weekend, Friday, September 25th and Saturday, the 26th. You'll see Paco there milling around. He's recently quick comedy.

Buddy, he's a filmmaker now. You're going to look, your clips are going to look fucking like a movie now. I didn't realize I was being used for a location shoot. after that he's going to be in Cleveland, Seattle, and Denver for tickets and tour dates. Go to bigjeecom. Make sure you go to YouTube.com slash at BigJ. Oakerson and be sure to check out Legion of Skanks and Story Wars wherever you listen. We'll be right back with Jim Florentine.

It's the bonfire.