The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Perfect Timing

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Jay went to a fancy mall to reward himself with an extravagant new watch and ran away because of an odd reason. Bobby explains that exclusive stores are just an illusion. | Jacob makes a hand gesture during the show that stops the fun. | A sexy video with women in thongs sparks a debate over ladies' underwear. | Jay's crush on Boy George escalates to a new level. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Oh, I love this video. It's like a weird future post-apocalyptic and then just in it just super hot, fat-ass black chicks dancing. It's so great. I do like those tube socks that go all the way up to the thigh. That's hot. I'm going to tell you something. A sexy pair of not-thong underwear, I prefer over-thong underwear 100% of the time.

You don't like thongs? No. I'm with Jay. Why is that? I'm not talking about granny. What girls will call granny pennies now is bat shit. It's like, no, those are actually, I think, far sexier. But what's the reason for it, though?

I like the cut of the other ones. I don't even know how to describe them. I don't know what the name is. You like the cut of her jib. Bikini. If you show it, I'll know it. Bikini or even boy shorts like type is fine. Yeah.

I know you like the boy shorts. Yeah. I like boys in them. I like boys in shorts. Because you like when they come on your face. Yeah, yeah. Every pair of underwear here from the front at least is way more attractive to me than even the biggest pair. Well, what is it that makes you grossed out?

Is it because it's up the asshole? It's not grossed out. It's just, if it makes sense, it's almost that. It looks like uncomfortable, one. Up the bum. Two, it's what it's doing in there. Like, it's an impossibility to be, like, if there's any kind of that material, it's like, it's just really getting, like, twisted and crunched around your ass crack. day it's strange it's a strange thing and you wash them too there's probably a little mustard

smell on that little rope absolutely dude like the inside of a fucking maryland crab that mustard wash your pus in the sink by the way these are girls in like thong ass models so it's like of course that looks good but i'm saying in the most basic level see i don't think that looks bad yeah but this girl's ass probably looks fine and attractive even in like regular underwear just some haines her ways what is the where did the G string? Where is it? When did that become a thing?

Fucking whoreback sluts and we started letting these bitches vote. It's not a good look. I'm really wearing them in like late 90s. As soon as it became illegal to rape your wife, I guess. I don't know. When the shit changed?

Do you remember in the early 2000s like whale tail was a thing? So you'd wear a thong and then you're low riders and then you'd hang out. I mean, I wouldn't because I was fat. We didn't grow up in the barrio with Christine. What's a whale tail? Come on. The whale tail from the thong.

When the thong comes. Yeah, the top of the thing, yeah. Yeah, I do like a nice boy. Boy shorts. Boy shorts have got to be worked with something, though, but just regular underwear. But that chick had thigh-high tube socks. Yeah. Which I was at a thing.

I can't tell you where. I don't want to date it. Well, it's an ambly meeting? No, but she had them on backstage. And she came over and just pulled down her shorties with those on. Oof. Was it Earth went and Fire in 77? Yeah, it was 70.

It was actually 7. You want to tell us? 76. Is this journey to the Acropolis, 72? I like that. Yeah. Yeah, that, that's fucking smoking to me. There's another one.

This girl, the thong on this girl, points out that she doesn't have a fantastic ass. Or it's making it not look fantastic, where this girl on regular underwear would look better. Am I right, Jacob? Thank you. I believe you, too. Thank you.

I like a nice diaper on a chick. What? All right, I will say I like thong, but go back one. I will say I like thong better than I like whatever, when it's just, it's super high-wasted, that's no good. I don't like that look.

No, that looks stupid. That's stupid. Yeah. Just regular underwear. Low-cut, but covering a little cheek. The underwear that you could probably buy at a CVS in a three-pack of Haynes-Hurways. One of those five-and-under-under-under.

Sure, yes. Five-and-under-a. Hey, maybe little characters on them? Nobody likes the sock thing, huh? I mean, I smashed it twice, but nobody was really on board with the sock thing. She just brought it up. We're looking at it.

But you're into it? Do you like it? Yeah, why do you feel shame? Why do you feel shame? Why do you feel shame about what's happened here? I don't know. I just, you know. What happened?

I thought everybody. Was it a guy wearing them when you got into it? No, that's not what I'm saying. I just thought. Does it remind you of looking up at your coach's big heaving body over you? Because I said it, Jay. And there was no, there was no really pop to it. I thought, you know, maybe you didn't, you're not into it.

I thought there'd be more of a pop. Like I do. You want to all get horned together? Yeah, man. Yeah, dude. I do like that. Come on, dude. You guys hardened up, too?

Yeah. Is it cool if we all whack off? Don't look at each other, though. Don't make it about each other. Paco, turn the cameras off for five, actually two seconds. Do we do what Patreon, you think, if we all stand and, like, jerk under table, but just keep looking and talking at each other like this? Yeah, and at the end of the year, we can see who come the most underneath the table.

And then at some point when Jacob's talking, he was like, you know, I have a little bone to pick with the show from 30 years ago, and I'm going to go, I'm out, and then we all one by one leave the studio as we finished. What a shot, Christina. Just got to guys now. Why is that a shock? She likes men. Does she?

I don't even know. I have no idea. Does she? I agree with you. The thong thing is, Don used to be all thong, and now she's in the last, she's all boy-boy shorts,

which I like a lot better. It's almost that to say. Thong has to be reserved. The thong became a thing for a while, and it should be reserved for elite asses. Yeah. Well, the thong is supposed to be...

The thongs for panty lines is what it's for. It's to not show panty lines. That's the idea of it, but the problem is is that you kind of see the thong panty lines. You can see the thonged panty lines for one. You see that little weird, like, triangle.

But here's the thing. They also make... Don't they make underwear that it's just like... It's so flat that it's like seamless, like underwear? Yeah. Now... What were panty hose for?

Your mother? Your mother. So you don't bear a lot. Yeah, so your mother could find you a father. So my father, and then my father could rob a bank? Your father could successfully rob bank with one friend. No, but what was it for? What a pantyose for it to hide your legs?

Cover your legs, yeah. Why would you want to cover your legs? I think just modesty and then also, I don't know, probably hide barricose veins. I was going to say, I think a lot of it is also, because they were always, if you saw they were, like, nude color or tan. I think it was, it was like the spray tan of paint. You know, I think it was. I think it was to make the color.

And then people got carried away with it and then started getting like, hey, why is this white lady have borderline brown calves? Well, don't forget they were actually used in comedy back in the 90s. Oh, yeah? Yeah. In Philly. Oh, those are tights. Same diff.

No, it's not the same word. Same word. It's very close. And I thought maybe a girl would know that, you bold-yke. That's not true. Got to teach Christine about, um, underwear and fucking this. You can have nude tights.

Dude, you guys are so jealous that black people never liked you. They never liked you until last week. And some of them still hate you. Yeah, D.L. Healy seems like not a fan. Dude, D.L. Hugee's not a fan. Hugley. Hugley. I know. I've had to be... I was wrong on that somehow.

I had Hulie. Hughley. Because it's H-U-G-H. It's H-U-L-E. H-L-E. No, we did. It is. It's H-U-G-L-L-E. Yeah, Hughley, D-L-Hugly.

That's weird to me. It seems strange. Yeah. It's the only time that word uses the G-Sound. H-U-G-H-U-H-U-H is Hugh. No one's called Huger. This is my father, Hugo. But yeah, fuck him.

Well, for now, I did say after I said all of the hateful things I said about him, I did say afterwards, I am patiently waiting for his apology. Do you think he's going to call you an apology? I do. I believe he's a big man. Through Dane Cook? I believe through. I think through Dane Cook all things are possible.

I've always said that. No, I bet that's been me since day one. I've always said all things are possible through Dane Cook. WWDC. No, yeah. And Bobby, you know what, though? Good point to mention that. People hear it on Thursday, my Dane Cook interaction more.

But it is, by the way, you do know me well enough to know that it is D.O. Healy being like, man, man, I misspoke. And I did the thing wrong. And my editor shouldn't have put you up after we're talking about people being Nazis using the problems is going to be. He actually said, if you watch the video again, he was talking, he was talking about one guy. He didn't say guys.

He said, no, no, no, no. One guy. He said, that one guy, I would never catch me on stage with that guy. No, and he says, and I saw it. And I saw it, it's like a black roast. And he goes, and I see this line up of guys. And it's like, putting me up there and saying, it's me, Tony and Shane.

He's like saying, like, these guys are, it's like, fuck you, dude. I talked to the deal. He's not going to apologize. I don't think he is either. But again, that's the whole thing. He had shopping yesterday. Again, any research into the situation would have been a thing.

It's like, no, I'm there very specifically because I started comedy with Kev. That's literally the reason I was there. Oh, and, wait, don't forget, the main part, you're hilarious. Sure, that's subjective. I'm just saying, like, there's a rationalist. It wasn't just like bringing one of the most popular white comics now to do a thing. I'm not one of the most popular white comics at all. So it's like to bring, to bring, I don't know, it was a weird thing that kind of like.

And it said, just for a comic. To me, it's a comic. That's what got me a little annoyed of the whole thing. I'm like, dude, you're a fucking comic and you're calling other people Nazis, you fucking, you fucking do-do.

I do want to have a conversation with that where we sit in each other and do pontification, Malcolm X-Faces at each other. I'll give you a little... All right, brother. What do you think it's a bad? I'll give you a little...

That roast you did was the number one global show. And guess how many viewers it had? 200,000. What? I'm going to guess somewhere 13 something million 13.5 million people watched you

Yeah On that roast We should remember the five I saw this outside already Only 5% of them What have I been like, let me guess I'm trying to do some things It was shown here Then they showed it international

13.5 That's it Yeah You hit it You nailed it And 5% of those are black people That was just live No half of them were black people

but it's to dial back of the percentage of person if we're judging by, I just watch Django. All my references to black people right now about Django. Yes, I wanted to tell you something that happened this week that maybe D.L. He was right about me. Maybe I am true. Not a Nazi, but maybe I am just some, ugh, white boy piece of shit because... No, you are.

Yeah. But you're actually very funny. But also not a Nazi. Yeah, you have Philly trash 100%. Right. I mean, he's right about a lot of the things, except the Nazi. Yeah, I went, I thought to myself, I'm going to go. That's not me, by the way.

That's Christine. Yeah, the other day, I was like, I got back from the roast, it was done, I go, I'm going to the mall, like a nice mall out by me. Yeah. Oh, you got a really nice mall. Yeah. You have a mall that they have to have secure, like real legitimate Navy seal. Yep. Security at.

Yeah, yeah. I watched this thing about the other day and it was like security will, he goes, you have to get used to this place if you don't look

like you belong there, security will follow you around a store looking at you. And if you do not belong there, they will remove you pretty quick. They actually had a rule at that mall

that you had, if 16 or under, you couldn't be there unless you were accompanied by an adult. Because what was happening, it's such a high-end mall. Human trafficking.

No, no. So what was happening is, uh, What did you do? Oh, I'm sorry. Six more. Okay.

They were purchasing things and then people were robbing the people on the way out, grabbing their bags and just fighting. Damn, it's a good move. So, yeah, because they had so much security, they just wait, so now they have security. That's a high-end mall, man, really good mall. I said, I'm going to go. Maybe I'm going to do it today. I'm going to go.

I'm going to get myself a watch. Yay! My agent was like a... like up my ass about it, like, all week when I'd see him, he's like, he goes, you're going to get it before. He's trying to get me to get one before. And he's like, when you're done, he goes, you're going to take some of that money, though,

and you're going to get yourself. You're going to get that watch. You're going to get a watch. You're going to get, like, the watch. It's going to be your watch. You know, your agent and manager did. Yeah. Yeah.

I went, uh, my agent for sure. My manager's not really a stees. But, like, we, uh, we got to the mall. And, man, I went to the first one I went to, was a brightling, just walked by, first nice watch mid-level that's like a first watch guy really nice stuff I have one but not where you're at that they had one was back in the day they had one with like a real diamond bezel yeah it was a little kind of flashy that I would like and I kind of looked that but I really was

just kind of I was like I'm going to all the watch stores and look around yeah and see what I like I don't realize like when it's those kind of stores like when you go in you've made a little bit of unless you're ready to walk right back out you've made a little bit of a commitment and it feels like too much and I know it's done on the that's why they do it but right away it's It's like, sit, please. Water, you definitely want water, right? You're walking around the most, look, get you water. And then they bring over the things they want to show,

and you sit there and it felt like so much for something where I was like, I don't think I like any of these that much. You know what I mean? I wish we were stopped. You wouldn't keep bringing out more and sitting me down. So I was like, all right, man, we'll catch you later or whatever. And I'll circle back around. You feel guilty that you didn't buy one.

Because they treat you like such royalty when you come in that you're like, fuck, I should just get one because I don't want to think. I don't want them to treat me or think of me the way they first thought of me when they saw me come in. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like they felt exactly the same about me as when I walked in as when I left over Brightling and then walked a little further up, saw the Rolex store. And I was like, and right next to the Rolex store is the Omega store. They're right next to each other. Yeah.

And I was like, you know what, it's going to be one of these two. I mean, these are the big dogs right now. Well, not, you know, as far as you're going to get in that scenario. You're not an Omega guy. Maybe not. You're not. Okay. Omega is like a Louis C.K.

I have an Omega. It's like a Jacob watch. Oh, yeah, I know what you mean now. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, you're, dude, you're a Rolex guy. They were opening. That must be what it is. I see over there.

I don't even want a Rolex. Well, you can't because it wouldn't look good on you. You're not allowed. Bobby, this is the diamonds. Now, see that brightling right there? The problem with that brightling is that it does, they don't hold the value. Sure.

So that's, I have a brightling, and it's worth probably just a little bit more than when I bought it 10, 15 years ago. In case you have to sell it to go on the Oregon Trail. Can I say something, though? That watch would look sick on you. That watch that you're showing me, it's a black dial with a diamond bezel

with a brightling of, official leather band. That looks sick. The band is very neat too because it's a, it's the one that opens. It's called the deployment band. You click it open. It doesn't, it doesn't like come off, but it's still, but you still have to do the, you still have to do the hook and loop thing still.

But when you unhook and loop it, it never opens all the way. It's attached by, yeah, it's a deployment. Pretty neat. Deployment clasp is what it is. Well, hang on a second. Thanks, Jacob. Can you heat up my body brain so I can pour it on Jacob's face? Because it's not hot enough.

I don't think he'll learn. Do it with your breath. Keep it up with your piss. That brightling would, is a great watch for you. Can I say something, that brightling right there, dude? That, that brightling? Because I love brightling. I do, because it's such a big watch.

And it's, they're not expensive. It's a good watch to get in. Well, it's not. If that was a Rolex, it would be way more. Sure. You know? And it's steel, right? It's not a precious metal.

We're wasting our time down here talking about the Brightling store. I am going up the escalator. And I'm like, oh, look at that. The mega's right next to the Rolex store. He goes, all right. One of these two stores for sure. And then as I turn the corner, Christine goes, you got a bug. And I went, what?

And she goes, you got a bug. And by the way, we're standing, like kind of like, around the corner is the, It's like a red, what do you call that, a velvet rope. Yeah, for the Rolex. They don't let you, you can't just walk into the store. You have to, they have a guard up front, you have to wait until a person is available to treat you the way you're supposed to be treated. You have a bug.

So I go, oh, no, listen, you did the right thing. Yeah. You were supposed to let me walk in. Of course. I went. It would have been hilarious. I go, oh, shit, and I was like, no, it's still there. Oh, God.

Okay. Well, this. You did the entire brightling thing with a bug in your nose? and they just let it happen no idea I don't know that's okay in brightly but I go no it's like his nose ring turned or something whatever it was and then she goes you know it's like on the nose ring I'm gonna throw it it's like on it and I go like a stalactite I'm just going like some I'm like what is this and then I go can I have a she had tissue she gives me a tissue now I'm hurting myself because like I'm squeezing on like my nose rings so much so I'm trying to

get whatever she's like well you just got a uh like you just gotta kind of grab it and like Pull, I go, there's not even a fucking bathroom here for me to walk in the Where's the closest fucking bathroom? And then we're walking around, and then I just go, uh, I'm leaving. What happened completely to me was in there, I'll tell you what happened what it was. I'm not a Rolex guy. I'm not a fancy watch guy. I'm a guy walking around the mall with a fucking booger hanging off this fucking nose ring.

So in that moment, I lost any interest I've ever had in my life at all in getting an expensive watch. Because of a booger? Yeah. No, Bobby, I knew. I said, I go, you don't want to do anything else? He goes, no, I go, you know what? There's some spoons I want to grab at, Crayton Barrel, if I can just grab them. And I got my spoons and we left.

That is, dude, you were right there. You were at the fucking door. With a booger. Shut down. Just go. That's so, that's like. I wasn't shitty. Not shitty, nothing, but just shut down.

I didn't have a meltdown or anything. Nothing. Just want to go. I go. Done. But why couldn't you go get the booger out? It was gone. So why couldn't you go in?

What was starting? Because right before I walked in there, that's what I was, I'm like, I'm wearing shitty clothes. I don't think I took a shower yet even when I just went to the place. And I was like, oh, no, I'm this outside of the Rolex store with a booger in my fucking nose. Well, sitting in there to do what? To go be something I'm not? Where watched it is at me? But you're acting like, like, you're acting like, you're acting these people don't work at the fucking mall.

Like, who are you acting? You're trivializing. It's not, it's got nothing to do with the people. at the month's got nothing to do with that buddy so you it's me it was perfect timing it is not you this is the attitude you need to change do i need to read three 13.5 million people watched you kill it on the number one show not in america in the world well you killed it no 13 point 499 9999 9999 d o hughley watch did not enjoy it okay so 13.9999 plus it was the number show in the world and you're a little bit of a Nazi

you see so like a little bit I got to walk off with him a little bit of a Nazi after that what do you think they don't get watches it looks better to get molested to be in Hollywood I guess right I dressed nice I do have to say that short hills and I'd only been there one other time it is one of the stuffiest malls I mean it has to be one of the stuffiest malls in the world and we didn't even get in so like the people of Brightling were very nice we didn't even get inside the Rolex store but I thought that like Fifth Avenue was just more comfortable because they're

used to so many people just kind of coming in in looking around it being touristy. Like this was like, I don't know, that mall was a bit uncomfortable. No, they make it that way. Rolex does it that way because they want you to feel that. They want to keep. It's just an illusion.

Believe me, I used to feel the same way. When I was first buying my Rolex, I was scared to go in. And then when I, the time I went in for the first time, they tried to do all. I was like, I was just looking and I ran out. Now I, anytime I see a Rolex store, I walk the fucking, granted,

I'm wearing one of three. I mean, this is the Pepsi. Probably the most sought after Rolex is in the fucking world right now. It's not available. No, it's not available. It's not available. Well, what are you going to do? It's worth a fuck a house.

What's so funny about this is that like there's no one in the store. It wasn't busy. Everybody was free. They just still had the velvet rope. Because they, this is what Rolex does. And I love Rolex, but it's all, I would have fucking bought that brightling. Your first watch should not be something fucking outrageous. That brightling looked amazing on your.

you. It was outrageous. That's the thing. I looked at the price tag on it and I go, no, no, no, you can get a Rolex. Tell me how much was. Just tell me. What? 20. Which watch? You know what?

Because of the diamonds. But it's the diamonds. But it's not an investment. I'm like, why would you get a non-investment? Here the thing, why it's an investment, the diamonds on it, the bezel itself is never going to lose value. Those are actually cut, those are diamonds from Brightling. Like, when you get diamonds put, like a lot of people get a watch, what?

Nothing. What do you mean nothing? fucking making hand gestures. I wasn't. I shook my hand because it... Well, when you make hand gestures, we freeze. Oh, God, you too. That's not to do it, Jay.

Both of you. Fuck off. It's not Jay. Fuck off. That's me. What the fuck. Fuck off. With joy, I'm saying, please, don't make a thing out of this.

Well, are you making a heart attack? No, I didn't realize it was going to distract you. Well, because when you... Do you choose to sit directly in eyeline? Jacob, really quick. You both went like this. I saw you. Your eyeballs go like a Terminator.

Jacob, can I say something? In my defense, and I guess Jay's, even though he had nothing to do with this, when you make hand gestures, my friend, it usually means we're in trouble. Or it's time to break. Or it's time to break, or we're saying something we shouldn't have. No. You know what I'm saying? We're talking watches.

I'm enjoying the conversation. Jacob, now, wait a second also. Can I apologize for my outbreak? Yes, of course, but look at Bobby real quick. You can see me, right? You can see me. No, look at Bobby. Look at Bobby.

Okay. You see me, right? This really freaked you out going like this. I never said I was freaked out. No, he said nothing. It was all me. He both turned because he looked at him. No, I saw it too.

Bobby just chose to yell at you first. No, I didn't yell at him. I thought, what were you doing? And you were doing this weird pumping motion. Fuck off. Fuck off. Yeah, anyways. Fuck you.

It gets a bit much. So anyways, are you telling me to fuck off? Oh, like, Jacob. I was playing Jacob in the... Oh, yeah, okay, great. Fuck off. Okay, great. Pussy.

Fucking pussy. Jacob really. I don't know. I'm going to shake that one off. This guy's doing jit-sue training or something. This means wrap it up, shut up. Anyways. That watch right there, I don't even know where it was now, but that watch right there,

that would hold the value, those diamonds, because when, when, not to bore the audience with watch talk, but when they put diamonds in at the, they're called factory diamonds, they're fucking great diamonds. They're from the factory. It's not like when, like Cardi B got to watch an AP and she put diamonds all over it. Those diamonds aren't really worth as much

as factory diamonds. You know what I'm saying? Because the diamonds that Brightling gets or Rolex gets are better quality diamonds. Maybe, but I'll tell you what it are. I don't even think Jay saw it and it just seems like a high price tag for not a Rolex or a tech.

I was like, Jesus. I thought it was going to be like a... I saw a price. I get you. But I get you, but that watch is sick. But you should get, you should, my, can I say something? My watch person is in town tonight. Yeah.

She's coming to the pussycat lounge. Mm-hmm. If, if you would like to meet her. Trying to get me on your show? I'm trying to get you on the show. I'm driving down, though. Christine said she's going to go home and swim, so I'm not doing that. If you want to come down and do a little spotty-wadi and meet my girl.

Your girly-wurly-whirley? My girly-wurly-wurly. she can find that watch that you want at the price you want at retail and you can get the your watch should be the watch that you want not the watch that you settle for not the watch that you're going to get because it's easy not the walk you should get the one that you want and we all know the one you want I don't want one at all

what the fuck I'm a fat booger face and that's what I deserve I'm not going to disagree with I don't deserve it looks so good on you though Jay, that watch. I just said, I said no purchases. I go, well, we have to call Bobby. I don't understand this hard on for Rolex. Bobby is a roly guy. But I think that you use.

I have an omega. Yeah, but you put Rolex like their shit doesn't stink. No, I did not say that. The illusion, I literally just said the illusion that they put up is all bullshit. It's all bullshit. The only reason why I get Rolex because it's an investment piece. It's an investment you can enjoy. but I have an Omega, I have a French watch from Paris.

I buy watches. I'm going to buy a German watch. I like watches. I have all kinds of watches. I have a swatch. Biggs. A 30 bucks piece. I think that says Big J, the one he picked out.

I thought actually he found the one that I agree with you. I'm saying the same thing. It's amazing watch. And it's not about... I Irish goodbye to them. It's about you wearing it now and Christine having something later to sell. And I farted in... I farted in the display case before they closed it.

I did give her my info. I gave her, like, my email they don't use, but I gave her information. That's a sick watch. This watch goes with you, Jay. Did you see, like I told you, the guy, the day after the roast, I think I sent it someone. Yeah, you didn't. So we had... Six million.

Brady's watches were worth $6.2 million. Brady's watches were worth $6.2 million. Kevin's was worth, he had two. One was worth, I think, nine. One was worth... Oh, Kevin's were more. No. Brady's was worth...

Wait, not $9 million, 900,000. Brady's watch is 6.000-something million. One other person was over a million. Somebody else was over a million. It might have been Serena Williams or something. Yeah, there was a lot of crazy watches there. It was like the rainbow. It's a rainbow Rolex.

Her and Meek Mill Roar, the same exact one except for a different face color. You know, that one that first came out, nobody wanted it. That watch came out. There it is right there. Nobody wanted it. I think that's a protect. a protect right or is it api i like that with the see-through yeah that's that's that's kev's watch right there i believe yeah that one in the middle yeah that's ugly as shit yeah that was

his what that's worth a lot of money man it's stupid looking i look good on him did anybody tell him that was stupid looking that one that one's worth a lot of money too really yep yeah he's in now that's it's like fucking looks like things old ladies wear to go out to a nice afternoon dinner look at look at brady's watch go back to brady's watch though that's sick no dude i'd like to i don't I like to wear jewelry like black chicks. That's a nice watch. Yeah, that's what I would rock. Six points something.

I got the style of Serena Williams. You do. We both got fucking fat thumpers. That's right. And you're accepted by her now. You need a lot of ice up front and take care of this wagon. I'm pulling in the back. Jacob and Co.

The Rock's Jacob and Co. That one's nice. Sure. That's a day date. And Shane has this one. That's the watch I have. What's his? What did they say his cost?

His is only, that's $10,000. Shane's? Yeah. The Rolex? Still nice, though. It's worth $16,000. And Bert, and that's so much. My watch didn't make the even, no one talked about it, huh? Well, you didn't have, what did you have on?

Mavato? Oh, God. 1,200 smackers? Yeah, it didn't make. Mark down to 900? Yeah, it was a good deal. No, but I thought you didn't wear a watch. I didn't know that they didn't put your watch in there.

Maybe they did. I wore my Mavato. Maybe they did. Listen, they've already gotten to Bert who wasn't on the roast, so I assume they're not going to show my... Well, the next guy's... Who's the next guy? Jimmy O-Yang?

Oh, is he not on it? I don't know. Paco, call him. That's a Petek. That's the Batman. That's, yeah, that's a nice watch right there. It's a Rolex. That's, uh...

Yeah, that's the Daytona. I'll tell you what none of these people have in any of these pictures. A booger hanging off their nose rings. They all have had boogers, though. Wait, but Jay's not in any of these? No. No, they showed Eric Conjohns Cassia there. Yeah, the vintage.

Cassio, Pink Casio, and they didn't show you Mavato? No. Because you didn't show it, that's why. You think these people are showing it? Yeah, you can see it on their wrist. You have to see it. You have to see it.

That's Kev's bodyguard. Kev's bodyguard made it before me. That's pretty fucking hilarious. That's so funny. Well, if you had fucking got that watch, they would have popped it off, baby. I can't believe a bugger stopped you. A bugger saved me.

Well, I guess it's the way you look at it. at it that is how I will always look at a bugger saved my last night a booger saved my life a booger saved my life boom boom how stupid is to own something that expensive that you wear in your fucking wrist could I tell you something about my

1200 markdown to a 900 dollar me of auto 13 times since I've had it and I've warned it about 20 times it's hit a brick wall when I'm put my arm around someone or it's hit all these things I'm like get the fuck out of here why we do something that that fucking dangerously like to damage

you need arm security to walk around with these also. I don't know if you know this dude. My fucking people fucking wait outside of clubs

for me they're gonna fucking jump my ass. Nobody's gonna jump you. You see my eyes here. You see my eyes here. I can't even jump. I do. I keep it in the streets. I know.

They can't jump but eventually I have to come down to them. I watch a couple of videos of these guys that they're so happy with the multi-million dollar watch. They're wearing that they posted on Instagram where they are

and guys just followed them and jumped them in the parking garage. There's videos of it? That would be great. The whole watch. It's a big thing now. The whole watch thing is stupid.

I agree with you. I agree that it's all bullshit. They just had the AP, did a collab with Swatch. Omega, a couple years ago. Swatch. Omega owned Swatch. And a couple years ago, Omega Speedmaster did a collab with Swatch. So they made a Swatch version of the Speedmaster.

And now. Now they just did an AP one. And it's a $300 watch. It's an AP, which is very expensive. But in a swatch rubber, plastic casing, they had to shut down malls, the lines for these things over the weekend. I don't know if you saw it.

The cops were just macing crowds. This weekend? This last weekend, it came out. Pandemonium. It was literally all over the country, in the world, I think. It was pandemon. People were sleeping out for four days to get this watch because they bought it for 300 bucks

and they were immediately selling it for $10,000 because you can't get it. It was none of that. A $300 piece of plastic. Is it like a thousand Asian people? No, it was a dude. No, it was here. No, it was here.

It was New York City. The cops were amazing. There's just plenty of Asian people here. They weren't Asian. It was crazy. I'm saying it was all over the, but I'm saying it didn't seem to be like a bunch of goofy white people or a bunch of Asian people or all black people.

It was all over the place. It was all over the place. And it's not even a watch. It's actually, it's a pocket. watch. Wow, stupid. Yeah. So it's retarded to buy because in six months you'll be able to get one for $300. Well, I'll tell you

the thing. I feel like none of these people. That's Speedmaster is the coolest. The all-black thing like that. But... Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, that one's a hard one to get, but that's the dark side of the moon one they came out with. I got Mars which is red and white. Yeah, they did all the planets.

But the AP, the AP was, it's AP swatch. They did all the plants. I'm saying that's as corny as an idea, though, that somebody who makes $10 watches would do. But if you like watches, it's cool to have a speedy. I think it's ridiculous that even when I was in,

when I was walking around Brightling, when I was walking around Brightling, I thought it was ridiculous where it was like this watch and this one and this kind with this band and the titanium and the craftsmanship and the timepiece. And then it's like, and if you want, you can get it with the Kansas City Chief's logo in the middle.

I was like, what the fuck? That's Brightling. What the fuck? That's brightly. I bet there's Rolexes. There's one with the Eagles. No, there's one with the dominoes. But it's all, it's all, it is all illusion that create.

But I'm saying it's nothing. It's all illusion. But when you're talking about an investment piece, right, a Rolex is an investment piece. It is. It just goes up. Everyone, let me tell you, you've sent me on a lot of good paths in life. You've been a really good. I'm saying that.

You've been a really good friend. I am. advisor in many ways a shoulder to lean on and give me good advice until Dan coach shows up but yes until Dane showed up his things are a little different sure but besides that you get everybody who I regurgitate you're like why I have to uh yeah I should probably do a Rolex though because you know like Bobby says like they you know they they hold their value and their value goes up where a lot of the other ones lose value where they don't even maintain their value or or barely do and they go oh man yeah that's just the thing that the guy say to their chicks so

they fucking don't bitch too much when they buy it and I go yeah it makes complete sense no I've been falling for this whole fucking line like a bitch it's not dude I felt for this like a bitch it's an investment no it's not but when's why what's coming when's the apocalypse coming I'm going to sell off my fucking line I be honest with you yes I be honest with you it's not It's a little of that. It's mostly that. It's not. It's not.

You know why people get Rolexes? A lot of people bought Rolexes. To impress black people. No, because when they would get a precious metal Rolex, like a platinum or a gold or a white gold, so that if they were ever anywhere in the world and they needed to get cash, they could sell the watch, the actual gold of the watch and get cash. A lot of people got into it. That's how it kind of started.

But as it went on, Rolex, like Nike or any other brand, will make a certain version. Nike does the same thing, where they'll make this sneaker and you'll never get it again. So they cause this like this watch. They're not making it anymore. So you can't get a brand new Pepsi. Any Pepsi that's out there is the ones that are out there. So they create this panic that people get, which makes it this watch right here I bought for, you know, retail. Now it's four times the price.

If I wanted to sell it right now, if I needed money, I could sell it and make three times or four times the amount of money I want. I believe it's an investment in that regard, especially with that watch, the Pepsi watch, because by, I mean, and I'm sure I'm untrained eye here, I would just say, man, that's just a watch. It's just a fucking watch. But nothing strikes me about it all.

It's nice, obviously, but I mean, like, if you were like, if you were like, actually, dude, 30 bucks on Canal Street, I'd be like, yeah, man, sure. I know, I know guys. Or if you went high-end, you know, Tissot. I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you right now. Cassio or the calculator watch no that's a good watch I want that watch actually the Saco

Grandmaster is a cheap it's not that cheap but that watch right there probably has better time than Rolex but it's it's what about the calculator watch I like the calculator watch where the time is always boobless buddy I have you see Jacob on a calculator if you tell you know what Jacob Any favor? Bring up your calculator on your phone real quick. Sure. Oh. Did he really just figure it out? Let's do a little bit of math here.

Did you have any fun as a kid? Yes, Jay. Would you mind putting in real quick? Nice. Let's go five. Five? Five. Three.

Five, five, three. Seven. Eight. Eight. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero.

Eight. Flip it upside down. Boobless. Yeah, you went to... No, I wrote it right. It's just... Oh, it puts apostrophe's in, yeah, or commas. Yeah, you did it wrong.

Yeah, well, boobless. So the calculator watch... Let me go back to... Let me do... We're going to rewind the whole thing, we'll do all thing again. Just do it simpler. Nine. Okay, ready?

Zero, zero, nine. Everybody places... No, not even that. Just places. We all got... Everyone's good. Okay. How about that calculator watch?

I like that because it's always boobless a clock. I actually want one of those. I love it. That's great. Anyway, we've got to kill to get one of these fucking rubber pocket watches. Jay. But it's also, every watch that I have is a thing that I got it for. Like it's my skydweller.

It's when I did Killbox. I was like, I want this watch to remember. Every time I wear the watch, I remember how I got it. And I remember that time and the progression of, you know, the... Here's a $40,000 watch to commemorate my fucking mall bugger. This is my very first mall bugger. I don't think you should get a Rolex. I think you should get the watch you said.

What's that watch that you liked? The red one? That watch is so cool. Nobody owns it. I've never seen anybody have it. I got a great watch. And every couple of years, I update it. It's called my iPhone.

It tells time just fine. Dude, you're a ass. I don't have to change the battery or nothing. I hate that you... I don't have to use perpetual motion. I hate one booger fucking gave you some type of insight. The booger that shook the world.

It really bugs me that you got a booger and just really shit everything out the window. Why? It's a booger. Everybody has boogers. Right. I mean, not hooked to a nose ring at 49. Right.

But... Exactly. And that boogered nose ring belongs to a little person that shouldn't be in those fucking stores. It's not that you shouldn't be in the... You know what? Can I say something? You probably shouldn't be in a Rolex store.

Right. You probably should have stayed in the Breitling. But you could have went in Omega or you could have went in... What's the one you like? You said I'm not Omega. You're not. You said Omega is for local lady boys. I said Jacob, but I get your point.

And Louis C.K. And Louis C.K. is definitely Omega. It's more of a... Frivolous masturbators watch. Yeah. It keeps of great time. Yeah. It stays tight around your wrist so it doesn't jostle around while you're tugging. your wang. It's an automatic. You have to shake your wrists to actually get a color.

Sorry, guys. I'm not harassing you. I'm just doing kinetic energy. I would love Jay to do the... What's the one that you wanted, Christine? I have a great thing to say if you just jerk off on someone who doesn't want you to jerk off on him. You go, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to restart my watch. Fuck, that's a great excuse. We should have talked to him a while ago. Hey, Christine, what's the watch that he wanted? What was the one? What was it called? Are you talking about the red one? The red one, yes. What's that one? Hubello. Okay.

That's a great watch. And it's nobody... I don't see anybody getting it. Bobby? And it's red and black. You're backpedaling? Because you want me to be in the fucking stupid watch club. You're back on because when I said to you, the first time I said, the one that I like a lot, dude, Hubello.

This was your immediate internal gut reaction. No, that's when you showed me your Mavato. No? When I told you I heard the Mavado, you started laughing because you thought I was kidding. And I was like, no, I ordered it online. And you go, oh, and then you went, and you went and you goes, oh, no, they're good, though. If you like them, they're good. So he's first, no, you're right, you didn't go, thing, you started laughing.

When I said, Hugh Blow, you went. Like, and you really had a face of like, he still doesn't get it. He still doesn't get it. And I was like, I guess I don't get it. You're right, I don't get it. I got a bugger on my nose. We're just going to have to buy him a watch. Bobby Kelly's going to be at that Stanford, Connecticut Comedy Club, New York Comedy Club,

in Stanford, Connecticut. That is Thursday this week, the day after tomorrow, don't fuck this up. After that, he's going to be in New Orleans, Mobile, Alabama, Long Island, and Austin, Texas. For tickets and all tour dates, go to punchup. Dot Live slash Robert Kelly. And check up Bobby's new YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy.

And of course, every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. Fat Black Pussy Get lounged to comedy. So will I be there tonight? Depends on what this watch lady looks like. She's pretty hot. She's getting harassed. She's pretty hot. Good. Tell her I'm going to French right out of the gates.

Nice. That's how I closed business deals. Yeah, it was Frencher, and then she's going to whip the booger off her cheek from me. You're right. I'm not coming. One booger fucking took you out of the watch game It wouldn't leave

It was moving from nose ring to nose ring It was letting me know It was letting me know Don't Well Don't walk in there You don't belong You don't belong on this mall even

And then I just casually went I'm ready to go Okay Well there you go What did you get to eat that night Is that barbecue night? Barbecue Nice

Yeah Isabella burgers Nice Yeah That's what I am dude burgers on the grill with steak no one bothers

it was awful you gotta be careful you might never have steak anymore dude oh no some of the steak was really good some of it was good I wanna talk to you about something when we get back

yeah yeah dude there's some crazy shit going down there is crazy shit what should I get my boy Dan Cook on the phone I will be right you know what

I'm getting enough do we need a hero no I'm a hero he's not a hero he's a hero he's a fucking hero he saved a life of a good friend of mine

in fact named Robert Kelly Shut the fuck up. When he brought you from penniless and brought you to the precipice of being a thousand air. Oh, we'll be right back. It's the bonfire. Jacob, now.

Make crazy hand gestures. Now. Now's the time. Now, Jacob. Now. Spread assholes are for gay men. Oh, Christine, from your lips to God's ears. Paco looks like he owned a nightclub in Vietnam during the war.

Absolutely. Doesn't he? Absolutely. God, come on in, guys. Soldiers, come in, American, welcome. Or like a former Vietnamese, like, violent soldier who's now hiding out in plain sight. Well, both. That night, he ran a nightclub, but he was really working for the Viacom. Just a killer.

Stone, cold, cold-blooded killer. He made fun with all the GIs, but then they went into one of those holes, and they saw him down there making plans. They were shocked. They're like, not you, Ming-ho. Oh, he's me. Guys, look how beautiful of a woman. boy George was yeah well I don't know about that looks like fucking Peter Finity that I grew up with no it does you fuck Peter Finity no I didn't fuck him but he used to love mustard on everything

yeah yeah weeners pancakes that's not true yeah mustard on pancakes like mustard on everything pancakes he put crackers huh he was gay I don't think that makes you gay but I'm not Sure. I've never seen the studies. Yeah. That's weird. He was known. He loved mustard on anything.

Yeah, he was, I don't know if he's cute. I don't know if I'd call boy, I mean, feminine. I'm going back in the day. I can't fight this fight anymore. Guys, it's inarguable. You're gay. Boy George is a hot chick. I mean, he was.

Boy George is a beautiful, a beautiful pouty-faced girl. No, now he's an old bald guy. I know. I don't want to fuck boy George now, everybody. I'm going to fucking then. I'm an adult. I don't think boy George was ever pretty. Well, I guess lucky for me I wasn't old enough to fuck boy George

and find out the hard way. The hard way. Yeah. Can I try your pussy now, I'll keep saying. This is fun, but can I try your pussy now? Yeah. No, love. Stay right where he is.

Okay, your butt hole, that's pretty cool. but like can I try your pussy now? Don't worry about it. Should we go see Culture Club? No. No, because Jay will fucking want to fuck the boy George now. No, dude, I just don't play that gay shit. You know that?

Yeah, you want to go there and start bashing? You want to go there in 80-style bash people? But also, while I'm singing and dancing every single song, we get nothing but type. Get off me, queer. Get off me, queer. What's up? You love sucking dicks?

Suck on this. Suck on this right now. Oh, they're doing it. Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me... Get off me, homo! I would see Culture Club for sure. You'd fit right in.

Why? You watchless non-man. I have no watch. I've got booger-covered nose rings. A bunch of bracelets. Bing-ding-bing. You literally... You look like boy George now and then.

Boy George never liked American football You don't know that He called football It was soccer to him He liked their tussies Doesn't mean he went style a jersey Well you know Maybe if boy George's man

I, I e. Me, was super into a team Maybe he would wear a stylizer jersey Oh, he would He'd just bedazzle it Oh I mean with the way I would work his asshole over If I was gay, I'd suck a lot of ass before I fucked it I would be the top But I'll suck the shit out of your

asshole to get ready i'm gonna throw up why i'm just gonna throw up for what i don't know just visualizing you sucking an ass oh i mean like like taking my tongue and getting where it's like maybe burrowing into it a little disgusting it's fucking gross why i just you're a little beautiful eyes peeking up over some dude's ass oh yeah whatever's tramp stamp balls right on his nose the balls would be in my chin whatever he does not know how to eat ass yeah we know. Wait, guys have different size pebbles?

You've been begging her for years and she keeps saying no. Oh, bad, bad, bad, bad. Oh, God. Ugh, guy ass? If I was gay. If. I'm not. No way.

Guys don't take care of their ass good enough to eat it. Well, gay guys, I'd hope would. Maybe not, but I mean, you'd think. There's no way boy George kept his ass nice. Come on. No way. You're wrong about that, dude. You're wrong. He came right off stage.

I bet a bear, sweet, tight tussy. Yeah. That's my guess. That's what you are. Yeah. That's your nickname. Tight tussie? No, you're bear tight tussy.

Bear tight tussie. That's your gay, that's your gay genre. Bear tight tussie. Bear tight tussie? Oh, no, that's my club kid character. What qualifies for you as a well-kept asshole? If it's not, it has to be at least, I like it to be one color. Take it from bear, tight-tussie.

What you want is for it to be there! I don't want it to be like three different colors. I would say you be day, so I would say you have a clean ass. I be day, and I just watched a video on how to clean your ass. But that's not enough for you? We all know, dude. Fucking bottle brushing some ivory soap. Bottle brush?

Yeah, the way you clean a baby's bottle. A what? A bottle brush? What's a bottle brush? Some father. It's the brush you used to clean the bottles of your baby When your baby was on drinking bottles Yeah, I didn't do that stuff

Don did that because I'm a man Yeah, I didn't do it either Carla did it and then I would take the bottle brush And shove it up my asshole You didn't do it because you weren't there I was there You were there for a minute It was like a stay at home dad the first 10 years

I realized Yeah, yeah. I always forget you have a fucking backup over there. Behind the computer. He was there. He left at 11. Yeah, he left as soon as you should have, homewreck her. I left to 12.

Not right away. He was 12. She said not right away. Oh, he hung in there with a lie.