The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Performing For Whales w/Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

Greg Fitzsimmons is back and Jay teaches him about an old beef between Anthony Cumia and Bill Burr. Bob remembers how bodyguard Club Soda Kenny had to keep Cumia (his old boss) away from his new one, Burr. | Both Greg and Bobby are from Boston, so Jay plays them a clip of "Battle of Boston" which was New Edition trying to outshine The New Kids On The Block. | The topic of boat gigs leads to videos of rappers like Lil Bow Wow performing at Seaworld. | UFC Fighter Dustin Poirier gets kicked off an airplane and calms down when he is arrested. Go to Gregfitzsimmons.com for all his tour dates and FitzDog Radio is available anywhere you get your podcasts! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now back to the bonfire with Big J. O'Cerson and Robert Kelly. Greg Fitzsimmons. He's going to be at Levity Live in Oxnard, July 11th. Greg Fitzsimmons.com for all those tickets. And make sure you listen to the Fitzdog Radio, wherever you get your podcast. That's not, buddy. You've been on it. You've been on Fitzdog Radio. Bobby Kelly was just on Fitzger Radio. We went so long that we cut it into two different one-hour shows.

Yeah. I didn't realize it. And I apologize. They didn't mean to keep you that long. No, not at all. I didn't realize. No, we just kept going. At one point, you're like, hey, we got to stop.

You were supposed to go like a half hour ago. And you realized I lied about my hard out. Yeah, yeah. He had a hard out for his 12, 15 at the cellar. Fidzy? Is that fair, so you having a hard out, and then having to let the person realize, they're like, yeah, I knew I was going to want to leave,

but it turns out I like you more than I thought I was going to. He walked up to me And I have this little new red jacket on He goes man, I really like that I have the same one Let me need he gets checks my tag And I was all happy that he liked my jacket He goes, yeah, no, it's different

Mine's not an XL Do you remember? Remember when Conan came in? Conan O'Brien came in and there gave us a firm Like he's 10, he has 10 minutes He has 10 minutes And then when he got the 10 minutes And you know, we were like

All right, so yeah we got to let you go He goes, what are you talking about? You know what's like, oh, your people go, you screw that. Like, he was just like, all of a sudden it was like, no, that's just their bullshit. And you're like, I think you were waiting to see if you like this first. Absolutely. I remember Steve Martin came on, I think it was Letterman. And he goes, and they, you know, he was the first guest and he's sitting next to the desk.

And they go, all right, well, thank you, Steve. Thanks for coming in. We know you got to go, blah, blah. He's like, yeah, yeah. And he walks off stage. They bring the next guest on and then half right through the next guest. next guest he comes walking out like all sheepishly's like, I don't have anywhere to go.

And he sat back down and hogged the next segment. On some poor road comic who was his big chance. You came in on a good day. I rarely throw things into the chat for some of the things I see that really that tickled me to the point of my after. We have a text thread with people. We just throw stuff in that we could talk about all week. With your listeners?

No, with us in the group that we can talk about on the show. and very rarely do you see something pop in and has Big J next to it. But when you do, it's real good. I try to come in with life experience and talk. And then Bobby's are Internet scrubber. He's the guy who goes to the Internet and finds all the little doodads and things that everyone's going to be talking about. You can always tell when I'm taking a shit because 75 things are going to get shot. Then Christine starts frantically putting them into a spreadsheet and it goes crazy.

Here's something you can chat about. Wait, you're going to bring something up? Oh, but go, please. I want to bring up the last time I did Legion Skanks, and I text Jay like maybe two weeks before, and I'm like, hey, man, I'm coming to New York. I love to come in on the show, and he's like, yeah, that'd be great. You're in.

Great. So I fly in, and I'm coming from Newark, and I text him. I go, hey, man, running a little bit late. Flight was delayed, but I'll definitely be there on time. It's at the stand. So then, like, 16 minutes go by. And he goes, great. And then I get there and Donnie McFarlane is there and somebody else and there's no fucking chair for me.

And then they wedge something in at the last second and I sit down. I think I'm sharing a mic with fucking stuttering John. And I'm like, and they go, they start talking. I go, wait a minute. I go, Jay, you forgot I was on the show, didn't you? Totally. You stone motherfucker. You forgot I was on the show.

And everybody starts. goes no no no no and everybody sold him out instantly immediately they were like he started texting us a half an hour ago I've showed up here and he's like what are you doing here I'm like you asked me to fill it was it wasn't it wasn't quite as as on the nose as that until it was because what happened was it Greg texted me goes hey I'm at the airport he goes I just want to make sure the time is the right I'm at the other I should be there on time and I went great and then I called I was like guys I fucked I told Greg he could be on the show a long time but I know the show's booked now

aside I go I go we can still have them on it wasn't much of a panic because I was just like we can still have them on because they're going to say yeah like they're like oh yeah of course yeah what was just funny what it looked obvious was the way this show is set up it's like set up for the three of us hosting and then like two it was just it was just a microphone

that was on the table like didn't have a mic stand and a chair next to the thing and it's like you're lucky it's Fitsy and not me and it sucks on your end because Because when you think you're doing the show, you're the show. And then you show up and you're like, oh, no, you're squeezed into the show. Very fun show, though.

And here's one of the things he wrote in the text to everybody. So I, but Greg, but he's a great broadcaster. Like he had to sell me to Louis J. Gomez. And then G. Mike just goes, I like Greg. We're like, this is not your choice anyway. You're a fucking producer. And then that became a running thing whenever we would say like, hey, have a at Sowns over next week, he goes, I like Greg.

I was so tepid. I like Greg. I love me some Greg. That's pure pothead stuff. I see it and I go, I'll handle this next time I see everybody. And a month later, he's like, hey, remember that? I go, I do now? You said that.

Let me go rearrange some things. Yeah, don't feel bad, dude. I text him all the time. I don't hear him. Hey, man, I texted you last Thursday. Yeah, dude, I smoked a. lot of pot. Once I'm done, I'm done with your face.

Legion of Skanks, every week. We have set tight. Besides, we all have now know the stand. 8 o'clock is the show time for Mondays live. We do Wednesdays. We do a Zoom episode. Wednesdays at 11 p.m. That happens at 11 p.m.

11 a.m. That happens two out of every five times we do it because someone goes, Lewis, I forgot I'm taking James somewhere. I'm like shit. I forgot I'm flying that everything gets chuffed because no one remembers anything we're all potheads

Yeah but I've seen Jay Just people walk up some hey yeah I love to come on Come on dude Just come on And then I know in his brain That's gone Yeah

Like that's that invite It's gone I came from the black comedy circuit And I don't know if I ever told That's the behavior in that world Because that day when I did White Boys in the hood That Showtime show they did

It was like one of them Showcase shows they tried to throw together And talent a comedian talent was hosting it you know talent yeah he was hosting it very talented the day's very talented the day of filming probably about seven comics that I know showed up that I was like oh you're on this and he goes nah town said swing by I'll get me up and it was like you need a contract looked over by a lawyer like he said to get me on town said he get me on if I showed up if I showed up show up camera ready dude Barry Katz one time asked me if I could

do the uh a showcase remember the m tv half hour comedy hour all right yes we do don't bring it up it was literally the lowest end cable show you could get but it meant everything to us back was there a host for it i think they i think wally collins okay and so uh so i couldn't it was like my first showcase i was so excited and i was booked to do some college shows in the midwest so i canceled one of the kind it was like a tuesday night you know come down cancel my tuesday night show I'm in like North Dakota, and my next show's in South Dakota, and I fly back to New York, take the train into the city, go to Boston Comedy Club, and Barry goes, what are you doing here?

I go, I'm on the showcase. And he goes, no, you're not. I go, you tell me I was on the showcase. He goes, it's all booked up. And I was like, what? And then he comes up later, and he felt really bad. He's like, I got you on 115 after 27 guys. I fly back to cell.

the cut. I'm like, fuck. We're here on this show. Opie, Opie was big on that when Opie and Anthony was happening. I'd see him like places where he'd go to watch gym or something.

And I'd be on the show and he'd be like, why wouldn't he had you on yet? I go, I don't know, I'd love to be. And he goes, we'll get you on real soon, man. And just never, like never happened. Yeah, that was his little thing he did. Yeah, get on the, we should have you on.

You guys were both really there for it. And I listened. shower listen today was a go back to the Bill Burr Anthony Coomy of Falling the Pieces thing. Oh, on the show? Where Coomby got like bumped out by Club So to Kenny. His very own security. The tables have turned. Now he worked for Bill Burr and like bumped him out of the cellar. Wow. I actually, that's great. You know about that? No. The thing though is that he went on his show and trashed Billy's wife. Literally brought a photo up and said how what an

ugly... He's because I find her unattractive. It's the best, she looks beautiful in the photo. It's like, it doesn't even make sense. She's like, really, he got the best photo of her ever. Not her at the park with a baby with a tit hanging out. You know what I mean? Just got like this gorgeous, daddy photo of his wife. He's certainly being inflammatory. Yeah, and he trashed it.

Then he goes, then he goes up to Billy at the cellar and goes, ah, man, I guess I got to say hi. And Billy is like, get the fuck away. No, you don't. And then Club Soda Candy had the chest bump. He goes, no, no, no. Get out of here. And he used to be QMia's guy?

Yeah. He was ONA's security guy. He was Dice's old guy. Dice's guy, O&A, then he went to Jimmy, and then he went to Burr. He really does fly around on the coattails of the famous people. But Kenny's the best, though, because he's so goofy when he taught. Leave, sir. He calls you, sir.

You got to get out, sir. No, sir. Goodbye, sir. Yeah. Leave Mr. William Malone, sir. I would have liked to see that he was like, it seems like a kind of guy that would cry while he's doing. He goes, no, don't make me door, Anthony. Don't make me door.

Kenny, I would get out of you. Did he ever get physical with anybody? Kenny, I'm sure, yeah. Kenny doesn't have to get, Kenny is so intimidating. He's big of shit. He will fuck you up bad, yeah. He's that guy.

I don't think I've ever... Swedish guy in the world, though. I've never seen him in New York. I've seen him in Denver. I've seen him in Tampa, like with different guys. He was with Norton, I think, in Tampa. You'd always see him in front of the bathroom. Because Norton, when he went to the bathroom,

with chicks with dicks? Yeah. No, occupied. Occupied. He would always wait out. Now he's Billy's guy for a long time. Yeah. Billy's guy.

He was going to be my guy for a second, but I didn't have enough money. I wouldn't hire somebody that I know. That's another echelon. I wouldn't hire some. I mean, I like the idea that they'll have the loyalty to me. But like if ever comes a day where it's like, someone else is going to pay you a little bit more, well, I hope I don't have a problem with them

and you beat the shit out of me. Hey, you're welcome for the millions of dollars. I've given you a fucking jerk off. That's how Anthony, I'm not saying Anthony didn't deserve to get thrown out by his fucking belt and fucking collar. I'm just saying it's so funny. He didn't deserve it. Of course he fucking deserved it.

No, no, I'm not saying he didn't deserve it. I'm saying the fact that just from Anthony's perspective, though, your old guy that would used to take a bullet for you is like, God, I hate you now. I mean, what happens is that they needed him at a certain point and then Anthony doesn't do appearances. Like Jim needed him at a certain way. He was doing theaters.

Yeah. You know, it's like you don't need him at Uncle Vinnie's. Right. You know what I mean? You don't need him. No, you need audience members in Uncle Vinny's. And you only need 80. And they don't even need, they can bring their own booze.

It's all you got to park a mile and a half away from the club. So it's like just where Kenny was needed, he went. Yeah. You don't really need him. Wow. And Billy does, apparently. I still don't. Yeah.

You might need him someday. That'd be great if you took him from Billy. You clips out of candy? I'm going to take them. Yeah. Will you die for me and then beat this shit out of me when I attack your next guy? Brogan's got like seven Navy SEALs. Man.

Oh, my God. And they're the nicest guys in the world, but you also feel that they could kill you, and are ready to kill you instantly. Oh, when you walk somebody in, I mean, they're a night. They are very nice guys. But even you go, they're cool. They're with like their production or whatever. And they still be like, you know, it's almost like the Terminator scan.

Like, hmm. Yeah. No weapons, no bomb fluid. I'm more scared of a guy in a brown suit, Kenny, scares me more than a guy with a full sleeve and some type of vest on. Just some guy standing, no, sir, you can't come over here, is frightening to me. Well, because you're like, why would you have him if you can have a Navy seal? Yeah.

And you're like, oh, it's probably because this guy's crazier. This guy will kill and bury the body. Oh, for sure, yeah. Unless you stop paying him Then he'll kill you and bury your body For the next guy he works for him Um Let's do a dealer's choice Bobby

I'm gonna let you pick What you think would be most fun To talk with Greg about here Yeah These are the things I sent you Little Man Jay List his medical conditions at a concert It's a club-footed

I think like handicapped guy Who does country rap I think He's actually in race face too Is he? Yeah Oh was he in the game? I didn't know I've been following him.

I'm a big fan of his for a long time. Oh, really? But his songs are always like, this song's called, My one arm looks like a chicken wing. My one arm looks like a chicken wing. Yeah, he's a good one. I like him.

But he listens. We have, apparently, Christine tells me that at SeaWorld, they've been bumping with some concerts, some free concerts recently. And there's footage of that, I guess. Sea World in San Diego?

San Diego, I guess. By the way, look at me and Christine's shirts. It looked like we're roughing. the next World Cup game. No, no way. The same fucking shirt on. No, it looks like you're teaching her had a sale on a romantic date.

My dad taught me and I hope to one day teach my kids. We're rooting for a team in the World Cup no one's heard of. That's a country? Dombakistan. What? I have an uncle from there. But so see where I guess has been,

I like to see some examples of it bumping with free concerts because Little Bow Wow goes out there, which I assume like everybody else, didn't he stop making music as a little boy? He still makes music, I guess, but he did a concert there and just watching him give... This is Fat Joe. Is he still...

Is he just bow wow now? Or is he Little Bow Wow? But he just goes and it's just when you have to perform at SeaWorld and no one's there and cares and is doing other things and carrying strollers upstairs just to get away from this, it's pretty funny.

So he was Little Bow Wow, now he's Bow Wow, and another 10 years is going to be Wow That's the union twins Oh okay I was gonna say a little bow-low But people are like twerking in the audience But people are but they're working

Can we hear it? The poor wheel The whales have been through enough I think they released all the whales And now they just do that There's no more whales I think they're gone Thank God

Yeah I think so I think it's like dull I see one in the third row Yeah Red sweater on Right sweater on Now go to

Go to a little bow wow. That guy's wearing white and black, too. That's hilarious. He does look like an orca. He's got fish breath. Now that place was pumping for those two, X. Who is this? This is bow wow.

Oh, that's bow wow? That's so sad. No one cares. Well, dude, you literally have an ocean in front of you. They worked for Fat Joe. It's really pumping for everybody else. This is like the dolphin pen. He's singing around.

Well, where else is he going to do it, Jacob? If you're going to pull the brakes on the show, at least ask a question that it's not stupid, would you mind? Does that answer your question, stupid? I wonder why they wouldn't have the dolphins of somebody jumping in out of the water just to entertain the people. The dolphins give them a standing ovation.

Yeah, who wants the performing for a lagoon? They still have eight whales there. They're just not breeding. Yeah, they're dead. People are just walking out, that's like, that's enough of bow wow. Oh, my God. Everyone realized you get there and you go, I don't know one little bow wow song. Yeah, they're not walkouts, they're swim outs.

This is a job for Aaron Carter, God rest of soul. Aaron Carter's going to brought him back to life. God, this is such a hell gig. You've been following in front of a net. I watched a guy, I watched a YouTube video of a guy that went to a... You have to be careful. I watched the guy who went to a... It's imagining...

The show must go on stuff for music. It almost hurts more sometimes than I think a comedy one. I think you go back and forth, but there was a guy who went to like a All-Star classic OG hip-hop concert, some YouTube video I watched, and he was talking about how, like, nobody was there. And just watching these bands, especially do those compilation shows,

they bring out guys like, oh, we had that one song back in 1994, so everyone's going to know when we come out. And you're doing it for, I mean, teens of people in a fucking theater, like a radio city-sized theater. That's a bummer. That sucks. And you got to go out there and still do it still? The audience is going to be like, yeah, please.

Yeah, but it still sucks when you look over into the guy in a kayak fishing from sea bass next to you. No doubt. That sucks, dude. When you used to be a gangster rapper and now there's just a guy out there with a fucking trolling motor. They need to be able to thrust on that stage, I think. But beyond that, it's pretty cool. We should have some sort of catwalk. Buddy, that stage can be float away.

Backstage is a houseboat. Yeah, dude. You have to walk over. There's no backstage there. You have to walk the plank to get to your fucking stage. Let's see all people performing. Oh, my God. What a shit show.

And you know it stinks. Oh, yeah, just. and the tides going in and out and you hear a hmm dude we had to do during COVID we had to do Colin did that show

over in Brooklyn outside at the drive-in but the driving was literally on the water so as you're on stage just the fucking boats are going by and then behind you was the New York skyline at night so it's like

you don't even paying attention You could see the people on the guy looking up at the skyline, like, wow, look how beautiful it is. And if you told a good joke, you hear him, huh, quark, and then a windshield wipe we would go back and forth. Fucking terrible, man. It's how pathetic we were as we needed that. The fucking comedy cellar cruise ship is the worst thing in the world. I actually loved it. Well, yeah, but you were just trying to get away.

You were running from things. No, I wasn't. I was actually having sex with chicks on that boat. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. I had gambling going. I was playing ACD. Ducey for hard cash on the boat. We're not talking about the hang.

I used to bring cards. Left right center. Left right center and AC Ducey for fucking big cash. And then I would, two of them, I banged a couple of chips. We played with $3, by the way, big cash. No, we played. Left right center starts with $3. First of all, left right center and AC Ducey, this is what he didn't know.

He has no idea. It starts out with a quarter, but it keeps going back. Bobby, keep your scaly cap on while you talk to another scaly cap guy when you tell me, I don't understand. He's nothing. He's not. Well, you're not. You know, you don't like gambling. You know what I'm doing. You were fucking... You were fucking... You were learning lyrics when you were...

We were gambling. You're like, play it again. Rewinded it on my cassette tape. Yeah, dude. It was fucking crazy. Jesus. I remember... That's how you got laid and pressing those girls with those big bets. Christine, while they're talking... Can you bring up that performance of new kids in the block with also new edition? So their little Boston weeners will get hard together.

And then I want to call them gay. It's called, oh, what the fuck? The Battle for Boston. I remember it. New Kids won. No, everybody won because they came together to perform. What was it, Kissing away? Remember the Kissing White?

Concerts these days that, baby? Hell yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, we used to, I like the cruise. I like the comedy seller ship thing. The performance. The performance suck, but I always had to go up last. So as we're pulling back into the dock,

you'd hear the boat. and then ropes being thrown. Oh my God. And I was still on stage going, Mashmellios. Do you remember? Do you remember? Mishmelios!

All I remember about that. All I remember about those cruises was the feeling of a dumb shit Esty would walk around. Like she had the maestro it. She couldn't say you go on it, eight, 15th, year third, year four, fifth, she'd come around and she'd find you on the boat.

She'd go, you, you are next. Like, she's like getting the vice. this. Yes, yes, that's the energy. You, Gary Goldman, you now. She did dress like a gypsy. She sucks. Did you even know the new kids in the block and new edition perform together? Because it blew my goddamn mind. I didn't. Oh, this was my whole morning the other day. When was this? Not soon, not... 2021. 2020. Wow. That the AMAs. And they all still got it.

Yeah Which one's gay? His brother, believe it or not Not him Nope, right? Wow. Crazy, the one all the way on the left And the other one All the way on the right's been 40 since they started

Oh, monkey face? Yeah He looks like Donnie Osmond now And the youngest one looks like the oldest one maybe It sucks to be in the boy band and be the ugly one God damn, doesn't it? It sucks Fucking monkey face sucks

Danny Wood, he had a shit name too. Yeah. Dan Wood. Hey Jordan, hey Jonathan. Hey, Dan Wood. Joey, Donnie. I had Joey McIntyre on my podcast. Good dude.

Great dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really good dude. I met him a couple times. He's really good-looking dude, too. Good-looking dude. He was the talented one, too. The little young one with the voice. Yeah.

He don't go girl. Yeah. But come on, all five of these guys bring it. I mean, six of them, if you count the ones that got kicked out together. Oh, this is a new edition? Yes. Oh, yeah. God, they make white people look so stupid.

But only one. They really do make white bands look gay. They do. It does look like a musical. Come on. This guy's straight falsetto. He couldn't look cooler. But he's the only one.

Who else? He is the one. Bobby Brown and him was it, but mostly him. Bobby Brown is just trying to get through it. his fat jacket. Bobby Brown's crack sweating right now. Look at him. He's all the way on the end, dying. He's trying to take that hat off just to have his head breathe. Nobody else said, who was the other people in the band?

You don't even know him, right? What? Ricky Bell, Ralph Trezvan, Ronnie DeVoe. Oh, Belle Bill DeVoe. Oh, yeah, okay. Michael Bivens. Yeah, okay. Johnny Gill joined when Bobby Brown left, but now they all do it together. Because why not? They all need money.

What's the lead singer's name again? Trezvon. He's great. He's the best. He's awesome. He's a man with sensitivity. Yeah. Yeah, Bobby Brown looks like Keith doing it now. I mean, he really does. Oh, candy, girl. I have too much candy. Now, I hear you talk like there. I need some wine. Give me a slow. Motherfucker, God damn. Where's Rachel? Where's Marina? Fucking Donnie Walberg. I told you to put a railing up here to hold me up. Dude, how hot is Jenny McCarthy still that she?

She talked to Donnie Wallberg going to get born again Christian in the middle of having fun again in his life. Did she really? Oh, that's all they talk about now. She's really flipped. She's done a bunch of different causes in her life. I think she's anti-vax, too, right? No, she was, not anymore.

Oh. She was for a minute when she was a Jim Carrey. Yeah. She certainly wasn't anti-abortion in her 20s. Nice. I'll tell you what she was always, though, pro-Bush. I respect that. Oh, yeah, dude.

Yeah, listen, you're not going to have a hairy pussy and get abortion. It's going to get a mess. I've never seen it. I've never seen it, Jay. She had to shut down the abortion factory, so she grew a Bush. She did Playboy or something? Huh? Oh, yeah.

She's from Playboy. That's what she's from. I've never seen it. So you know her, you think she's just from the world of singled out. Sorry, buddy. Sorry about that. My ear itched really bad. Oh, wow.

That's nice. It's the whole thing. I've never seen it. Bush from day one. Yeah, I've never seen it. Sorry, buddy. Buddy, you're not going to become friends with Donnie Wahlberg. Well, I probably am because I'm not going to...

I've never seen his wife's Bush. It's all I wanted to talk to him about when he was in here. Did you? No. Oh. Well, I can't. But I wanted to. I thought about it a lot, though.

At some point, he would say something, he goes, and that's when we, first time we played Radio City, and I go, huh? Oh, that's cool. One of these guys is gay, right? What about monkey face? Whatever happened to monkey face? Is she the gay one? Wow.

Yeah, that's back when the fake tits were really just trying to break out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to break the skin. Yeah, they go, well, only Cs will fit in here you go. So throw an F's. I told you, Don, the guy who did Don, my wife's tits back of the day, he went to jail because he kept getting girls to get bigger and bigger tits. And they made him so big that one of the girls' nipples just fell off after surgery. Bobby.

They were a wreck, permanently erect for two years. I want to look at that fur in the light. Yeah. I do like a nice little patch Come on, that's nice right there And it's brown Can you go to her later pictorial Because I think after she was like famous and everything

She may have gotten her tities fixed To not be like that She did, she took him down a notch Yeah? Yeah Good move Look at them right there Look at them singing together The two leads of the bands

Get to the end when they do the song And they all do the dance Bobby We're still doing this, boying white suits White suits And we're fucking doing this dance Um, the other thing I want to get to ultimately, did she get him fixed? Yeah. Is this a later in life?

They do look a little bit better. Oh, they get a little droop to him. I like a little droop. Yeah. She got the new saline. Maybe. The one that sags. I'll say what she still got, that beaver.

Yeah, a little bit. Um, the other thing I want to get to before we leave is, uh, for we leave. Jesus Christ. Can I ask a real quick question? When was this? Not long ago. Ten years ago? Okay.

Really? She came back. She jumped back in the game after all, yeah. But it might have been a little bit more, but it's not, that's her newest thing. God, I wish I had a body that I could just jump back in and do some nudes and make some money. You could, dude. You're promoting to the wrong people. Yeah.

Come me, dude, me and you, fucking sea otters. Seater's dot com? That fucking bear bear and the sloppy bottom boy. Absolutely, dude. Let's just fucking oil each other up and just have a, I'll tell you what, take the gay out of it? How much fun would it be to be naked on a thing together that's slippery and me and you just fucking fly? all over each other. I do a calendar.

So like December, he's an elf on your knee. Stavros already did it. Did he? Yeah, he does it. One day, I was in Florida, he was opening for me back of the day, and I was at Bailey Jay's house, and he goes, I have to do my summer shot. I'm like, what?

He goes, I do a calendar. I'm making a calendar. And he gets naked in front of everybody, and there's a cannonball in the pool. And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? You're embarrassing me. Calendar. Yeah, did a calendar.

He embarrassed you in front of a trans porn star? That's impressive. Yeah, he did. There is. Oh, my God. It's my favorite thing he sends me one every year now. Every year we go through the Star Rose calendar. You don't get them all for free, just a couple months.

Wow. He does it every year? He does it every year, and these are real photos, not AI. The Thanksgiving one is the best. He was a turkey on the fucking table, and he looked delicious. I wanted to talk to you about the... the Dustin Porey. Oh, yeah.

You watched it? I watched the whole thing. Did you see this at all, Greg? What's that? Dustin Poyer, the UFC fighter. I don't watch UFC. He's a Louisiana fighter, was the champ for a minute. He beat Connor.

Last Connor fight. Long-time vet. Big, like, family. My kids are the inspiration. God. God. A lot of God. When he retired, it was like, I mean, they gave him an ovation.

He's just like, you know, probably has a shot at like a long career, maybe commentating or something. He's a commentator, and he's actually, his career was he came from, they found him. Like, Dana found him. Oh, really? Brought, yeah, in the, like, the lowest circuits, found him. He was going for another guy, saw him, and then brought him up, and he had this career. And then he fought Connor.

It's a documentary about it. When Connor broke his leg. Yeah. Yeah, they had a big, like, Connor was like, your wife's in my DMs. I guess his wife slipped in Connor's DMs. Oh, shit. Ah, which is fucking, that hurts. That's a real good impression.

Your wife. Am I day? Nope. They lost it. It was good at first. I panicked. It was subtle. Nice, buddy.

Yeah, that's why. But he, um, but Dustin Porrier, so I guess he's drunk and was asked to leave. I don't even know if he's had a response to this. Yeah, he's in an airport, I believe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was drunk on a plane. They removed him from the plane. They kicked him off the plane.

Mid flight? Yes. No, no, yeah. They threw him out of window. That's how tough this guy is. This body care footage is amazing. He had a parachute, though. He lived.

No. Before they took off. Dude, that's what they should do. Fuck these people that lose it on planes. It should be a little ejector seat in the back. No, like, you know those slides you get in and it just shoot you down?

They should put them in a tube and it just shoots you out of the bottom of it, like shit on a boat. And they'd fall fast because 90% of them are fat fucks. You got to see, this is crazy. This cop... Big shoot. This cop...

This cop is terrified. Yeah. As he should be, kind of, because he's like, I'm going to have to do something too drastic because he's not going to be able to handle this. Yeah. You're going to have to shoot him.

Let's go, big dog. Let's go up, big dog. What's the wrong? What's up? Bought your hose. Let's go. Let's go. Relax.

You're lying, yeah, pulling off the plane. All my boys went to the f***. Crip, now what the fuck. All right. You dust and fuck you, bro. All right, just relax. If that was Jay, though, he would be like,

you know me? You know me? Hey man You know what You're probably right I got keeps off the plane I went like this I don't guess

I would be like Thank you Thank you very much ladies I'm sorry for calling you a ho Anyways Where do you know me from Fight you right now

No I don't want to fight bro I'll go with you right now I don't want to fight Bro I don't want to fight Let's go I don't want to fight What a fucking loser You know what he just said

He goes I'll roll with you Like he knows Jiu Jitsu Yeah He's using like Jiu Jitsu I'll roll with you right now

What a Fuck it Boreon Tell him, come on. Get a couple of weeks. It's going to be bad. Bro, it's going to be bad, my m-go. Bro, bro, bro.

That's so funny. This is so funny, though, Jay. He immediately went to his walkie-talkie. He goes, I'll roll with you right now. Guys, I need help right now. Damn right. Code, whatever the fuck that code is. It's now.

7.13, whatever it is, I'm panicking. Dude, damn right. Slides behind the two flight attendants. And so you guys deal with it. Pulls the taser out. Pulls the taser out. Pulls a taser. Several of you.

Several of you. How are you boys going to fight something? Behind the desk. It's like a cage. Relax, relax, relax, bro. Relax. Relax. Relax.

Relax. You want to take me? Relax. Relax. I'm going to bang you up. Bro, relax. I'm going to bang you up and roll you. Why don't all these white guys turn his team?

He says the N-word. Why do these white guys, yeah, they turn gangster rappers when they're going to fight somebody? It's a very lowest thing, too. Is it? Yeah. Well, he says. Okay. No, but I'm just saying it's that.

becomes like, you know, words he doesn't use in his regular thing all the time. You want to step? You stepping? I wonder if I do that. I haven't been a fight in a long time. I wonder if I do that. We dance it? We dance it?

You, you, eyeball me, bitch? I'll ball this motherfucker up right now. Come on, son. Come on, son. What's up, son? What's up, son? They never call anybody's son in my life. And then once they get one phrase, they just read just that one phrase over and over.

That's why I love the banties. That term is bitch. They just swing and go, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Yeah, it's like a video game. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. They kick them off the flight. This guy's a UFC. He does calm down severely when this guy shows up.

When you see a guy with a gun show up? Well, this guy's got a gun. I think this guy's security. I don't think he's a cop. cop is he oh I don't think he might be right I think he's just I think he's just I think he doesn't have cop energy he's got body cam he's got a body cam but I think he I don't think he's cop cop I think this well he shouldn't be if he isn't a cop cop cop if he isn't a cop if he shouldn't let him become one yeah he's like

remember the time that guy fought and you panicked and let him hang out behind the thing he just did there was there a bunch of them he goes just one guy remember when you put the two stortices between you and the assail it remember he was threatening those women and you got behind them. Remember you showed you was threatening women and then you got behind those women? And then this giant...

By the way, this seven-foot black dude shows up with a guy. He's like, what's up? And he goes, everything's crazy over here, man. Man. I mean, he looks like he's great to get him to shake his hand. He's like, now, now you're the real deal now. Okay, okay, okay. All right, player.

Yeah, I think they cuff him pretty quick. He does. He changes it right away. He just goes, all right. You're good. He's like, they're lying. You hear when he comes to him, he goes, these girls are lying. He told you, he became a white boy again.

He goes, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to fold you and a half and fucking bend you up. Murder you. You never see your kids ever again. Oh, hey, officer. Hey, he turned into Mark Norman. They're lying. That's crazy.

By the way, that's the condescending. You did a good job, though, man. You did a good job today. Watch it, watch. That's a way, dog. Hey, hey, pound it. Found it. Hey, man, you did a great job, you did a great job.

You did what you good. I don't know how much he said. He goes, I'd have fucked you up so bad, dude. You're lucky, man. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for not leaving and crying. Yeah, dude, you did good on that walkie-talkie, bitch. You remember I fucking tree you like a fucking bitch in front of all these chicks to work here?

Who have to call you? They called him for help, and he got behind him. It's made him angrier. Don't electrocute him. He's going to get angrier. He's like, King Kong. The real cops. shows up he offers up his hands for the cops

like fucking like Rich Voss with Bonnie We gotta watch his apology on Monday I guarantee Does he have one? Oh he's got to have one It's got to come out soon

It's got to be out by now You think he'd put it out by now We gotta watch it Did he say the N word? Oh yeah yeah he did Yeah Yeah but if he says it If he says it in his apology

I respect him Yeah No he does it with the A Like it's his vernacular Like he's calling the guy Yeah I don't think the guy he was even calling it was black

calling, singing to a white guy. He's become the full character at that point. My boys never, all back crib, hose? It's already here. I'm at the point where I need some help. No shit. He went right back to J.C., baby. They always go back to J.C. quickly.

Lord Jesus Christ, I need you one more time. Dude, Shaila Buf has had to have, has said to have help 65 times. He had to become a monk. He had to go to a monastery. He's an ex-po. But he's the same one. He had the thing with the cop,

or you got to rest, remember that video? He's cursing everybody out, and then he fucking... Dude, he lives... He's fucking up in New Orleans last year. That guy went on a mountain and had a robe for a year and a half. And then he came back down

and turned into a drunk idiot again in one night. At least Jared Lido fucks chicks. Yeah. Oh, I'm at the point where I need some help walking away from fighting. Hasn't been easy on me, and alcohol isn't the answer. It's ruined my father's life,

and I'm not allowed to ruin mine. My family deserve me at 100%. I'm trying to do everything I can to get my mind right and take the next steps. Meanwhile, his dad never drank. He's just throwing him under the bus. My dad died from me beating the shit out of him when I was drunk. Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be at Levity Live in Oxnard, July 11th, Mamba in Huntington Beach, July 24th, and 25th.

After that, Cincinnati, Columbus, Vancouver are all on deck. For tickets and all tour dates, go to Greg Simmins. Greg Simmons. No, I'm not black. Greg Simms. Jay was just a character. He was all heated up. Come on.

Come on, man. Go see Simmons. Greg Fitzsimmons.com. And make sure you check out Greg's show, Fitzdog Radio, wherever you listen to the podcast. Go check him out. One of my favorite comics to watch.