The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Pervert Park

Episode Date: September 26, 2025

There is a park in Florida where convicted sex offenders go to congregate and it is no surprise that no one wants to live near there. Jay wonders if actual kidnappings are down because all the predators are online and getting caught by pedophile hunters. | Bobby meets mayoral candidate Curtis Sliwa on the subway in NYC. He thinks that Curtis would have a better chance of winning if he got rid of his beret. Jay tries to join the Guardian Angels and buys the uniform for Bobby so he can keep the subways safe. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Alive and kick it. I used to think the song said, I like to kick it. Which wasn't really appropriate for the time. Kick it! Hey, Lou, can you get me from just the tits up, please? I like a lot of headroom. What's the real line? What's the real line?

Alive and kicking. Live and kicking. Oh, I like to kick it. Is it simple minds? Yeah? Yeah, dude. This is my error. Dude.

Are you proud of me? I'm really proud of you. I've never seen you happier for me right now. In my mind, the show was going to start with me going, like, Bobby, do you know those things, and you were going to do a bunch of um-ums? And then my clue was going to be, this is one of those bands where we talked about when we drive together that you like, I show you that band's other song. This is their other song The other song The other song was in

Sadamo's Fire No, breakfast club Breakfast Club, sorry But yeah That's their biggest hit ever Is that John Hughes Yeah Who is a weird looking dude back then

Yeah they also said it was just weird It's always hindsight stuff And they're like Why did John Hughes want to hang With teenagers so much Why do you want to make so many movies But teenagers And the plight of teenagers

John Hughes Definitely dipped his fingers In that fiery crotch Of Molly Ringwald But it was okay back then. It was totally cool. It was a different time where things were okay. I was talking about that with Colin.

Like, I feel bad for kids now because the shit we got to do sexually back in the day. Just even getting molested was kind of... Cool? Yeah. You know what I mean? At least we have a story. Like, these kids are going to have no stories. No.

They're not going to have... Their face is going to be all over the place because they're that molested kid from the molester they call it yeah but they're not gonna have like max is never gonna have you know you know with some fat chick in a bush playing with his ding ding no no you're only to touch max's wiener next to i don't know just maybe for the story later in life so he can be like remember that time jay came over and molested me if you want i'll stay over one night we'll see i had to crash of your place okay and then i'll go into max's room but i'm gonna keep giving like the shush thing i'm like we're both gonna get in trouble if you like your dad and then i'm just gonna get next to him i'm gonna breathe on his

neck a bunch. It's really uncomfortable, but it gets an involuntary boner. Right. It's always there anyways. Yeah, yeah. And then just like, I'm not going to do anything. Just like, I'm going to take like a finger down his, like arm, up and down his arm a little bit. I just want to make him feel really weird. What if he, what if you don't go, he says,

he says to me and takes control? He shows his he and takes control of your bonner. Bobby, bad news. I went down to molest Max. Good news. Turns out I'm a power bottom. Max is the alpha. I got downstairs, your legs, you're just behind your head. Your son had me. You're wearing just my...

Max had me last night. Don't get mad at him. I was going in there to have him. You're wearing just my pocketbook? Put my dad's pocketbook on. Put my dad's pocketbook on. Go make his eggs in my shirt. I have to wear his lacrosse jersey and no pants.

You're going to come and go, Max. I go, no, hey, Bob. Hey, Dad. Can I call you Dad now? It's official downstairs. and Casa de Max We just broke in Casa de Max Something weird

Just the bottom of your toes showing Yeah Like an animal house If you wouldn't mind me A slight suggestion He got his ass knuckles sticking out Hey would you mind Don would you mind throwing

Some pattern sheets on Max's bed Because I'll tell you what The straight white's showing a lot But it is true Like I mean Out of all the crazy stuff we did sexually I mean it's better for them That they're going to have some normal sex life

But think of all the weird shit that we did early and now there's stories just in our lives that we tell each other to make each other laugh or to relate with each other but now kids aren't going to have those weird you know I think they are the time I dated the girl to do my homework and then she want to fall in love with my friend and then but she's still like me and she he was making out with her on the stoop and I was finger blank banging her while he was kissing her next will never have that story no I think you're wrong about that I think you have that, like, complete reverse wrong.

I think they're so overexposed. Now, maybe there's a pendulum swinging back. Why does it have to be completely reversed? Can it just be wrong? No, I think it's like, I think they're so open to stuff now that I think, like, girls faster than ever, like, come on my face. No. I was talking. Really?

Well, it depends on how you bring your kid up, but Max is never going to have my, Max was with his girl. Max is a come on the chest kind of guy. On yours. Yeah. that in Casa de Max, do you let him splat wherever he wants. That's right. He loves big tits. Oh, my God, he's so young.

Oh, God, it must come out like a goddamn fountain. Jay, what are you doing over this morning? Oh, it was drowning in Max's come last night. We made popsicles out of it. No, but it's, I think kids are not, kids are helicopter now. When we were kids, we got let out in the, morning and just came back at night nobody my parent my mom never went to the park with me or you know no once you were able to go out you were sent out and it was just i said if you were

if you said if you were if you said you'd be home in a certain time if it got two hours past that they would have just report you missing to the police yeah you were probably missing or kidnapped yeah but then when you got home they were like where the fuck were you i'm sorry and then that was it like if max didn't come i know where max is all the time i have a thing on my phone you didn't have parents so you never got punished i would get punished if i was late and You did? Yeah. What'd your cop dads do?

My, what? Oh, my cop dads weren't involved in my punishments. No, I was just like a grounded kid. It was just like a, you know, have to be in my room, couldn't go out. It wasn't really be in my room because I also had the babysit so much, but it would be like not. But I also had a bunch of leeway because I was so importantly helpful with my siblings. Yeah, dude. Do you know what I mean?

Like, I was able to, like, get away with a little more stuff because I was like, you know, If I was punished for like two weeks, they'd say, I couldn't go out. By the end of like that weekend when I watched my siblings for 16 hours a day for two days, they'd be like, go do something. Yeah, I was out all day with all my friends, and there was never a parent in sight, ever. You never, like if you go to the park now, it's all, it's all parents, it's all, it's all, it's all, you're a dickhead, it's all parents. There's no kids, you'll never go to a park now and see just kids. I know. It's very hard to kidnap these days from a park. It's terrible. You can't...

No, you've got a snag her right after school. You can't even have just a van at a park because people turn that in. I know, right. Now you've got to fucking steal kids in a sports car. That guy wouldn't steal a kid. He's got a Lambo. And kids have very fast e-bikes. Way easy to catch a kid on a regular bike. Yeah, it really is.

Yeah. Unless you catch a hill. Yeah. You know, easy to catch a kid on roller skates? It's fantastic. The 70s were so easy. to kidnap kids on roller skates. They have electric scooters now and just fly away,

do 30 miles an hour. You just open the van and drop a ramp in front of them. They go up and oh, whoops. That'd be funny just to see a pedophile trying to catch a kid on an electric scooter and just just some guy sweating out of breath. Man. Slow down. You had

to get caught from the kid turning you in or rumor mill in a town that you were a pedophile back in the day. I mean now like the feet again I'm always blown away I'd love to know the psychology of the compulsion to fuck

kids Jacob underage kids so Jacob if you could just answer that for me in full just fill us in real quick it all starts with their innocence I like stealing their innocence I'm taller than them no I'm

it's like it's amazing now by the way good because they should get exposed for sure I do believe that but that's not where you're telling me this afternoon but whatever you want to do now that's all fair dude i know off air talk on air talks two different thing but that was jay oakerson this is the character big jay oakerson that was jason that was jason that was jason michael o'gerson that was jason that was jason i had a babysit a lot as a kid and that's where i got into it yeah god my sisters were so hot um so no when i watched this like

what the like the compulsion must be so much because at this point if you're successfully have a teenager or a preteen texting you and telling you to come over and their parents are gone you go at this point knowing 97% at least it's a pedophile hunt it's a pet or you're being set up by some people who don't even film it just people who beat the shit out of you it's just like the success rate has to be so low and they still show up every time they still go maybe this is the one maybe this is the one super

open because again it's molesting it's statutory rape what they're going to do but in their minds this a 13 year old was going like my parents are gone and boy I would love to try getting it up my shitter like wow it's weird I've never heard 12 year old talk like that

but there are she's like yeah there are kids teens I guess who are into older people I mean Not 12 year olds I mean look I hung out with I hung out with young girls

You were molested Yeah but I have that Awesome story now is what I'm saying Probably no one's arguing You're super awesome molestation story I would have never been a comedian I would have probably been a regular person If I didn't get molested

That chick fist fucked you in a comedy It wasn't fist fucking I thought you said she got her entire hand Into you to the wrist My mouth Oh yeah I sucked at her fist Oh God Yeah and then she

She just tickled my asshole. I don't like anything in my ass, Jay. Well, she wasn't doing it for you to like it. Show you what a homo you are. Yeah. Bobby, she was raping you. She wasn't trying to make it nice for you. He said, she wouldn't have done that to me.

She was great, great lady. I just think that it's weird to me that you would go to the kids' house to, you know what I mean? It's like, that's not their house. That's their parents' house. That is so risky. That'd be like going to the, if I was going to get a hooker, I'd be going to the pimp's house. To fuck the hooker. Well, it is.

They go, I think actually a lot of times they do get, it's, they do the sting houses, and that is people believing they're coming to the house while the parents are gone. Most of the time, I think a lot of them are like, it's either meet us at Walmart. Walmart's a biggie. Let me tell you something. If a kid you're trying to, hey pedophiles, if a kid you're trying to fuck those, you're immediate Walmart, it's a pedophile hunt. Why Walmart?

But every place, I'll tell you what, every place rich in pedophiles, though, has a Walmart. No doubt. Superstore. Where is the, what is the state that has the most pedophiles? Well, it's got to be that place. It's got to be that pedophile park, like has to increase the population. There's a pedophile park? It's a documentary about it.

Oh, really? Bring up the trailer for, what's it called? Why don't they just shut this park down? By the way, there's a funny, there's an episode of cops or some kind of body camping I saw where people were driving through and talking shit in pedophile park, and the cops had to sit there and take seriously. from like the pedophiles going like look okay we just want to be left alone we did our time all right we do everything we got to do and they're driving through just saying stuff and it's just fucked up you know because like we're just trying to do what we can you know because this one

trailer park allows pedophiles okay pedophiles have feelings too man yeah yeah absolutely and those feelings must be most of the time thinking about fucking children because they will go even when they know for sure it's definitely going to be a pedophile hunt It's always a pedophile hunt. What if this, Jay? There's no kids who want to fuck you. What if they sectioned off a certain park for pedophiles? And if the kid enters the park, it's their fault.

Like this park, like if there's a pond with alligators in it, I'm not going to, if they say, oh, there's alligators in here. What if they put up signs, hey, there's pedophiles in this park like they do with alligators in Florida? Let's go there to film Max walking around in short shorts and a feather boa. Ben-da-da-da-da-da-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha-ha. You want to get some guys involved, get James. Oh, yeah, man. James is long and lean. Yeah.

James is shredded right now. Pervert Park, dude. It's called Pervert Park? It's Florida. Yeah, of course it is. Wait, wait. Yes. When I said it, I knew where the perversion was.

Yeah. We're asking which section of Florida. Yeah. It's got to be no Tampa. It's got to be Tampa. Tampa. 100% Tampa in that area, clear water. I'm with Jacob, though, somewhere

in Polk County. This is inland. Wait, though. This says that it's a Florida Justice System trailer park. Like, it's part of their release to reintegrate them. It's just a place that will, that doesn't question if they are. So everybody, they come out

and they all go to this trailer park. Oh, so it's a trailer park with reform, quote-unquote, pedophiles, go there. I don't know about reform. It's just they're released. Yeah, they're just. They just did their sex. They are released. Reformed?

I don't know. They might still love those kids. But at least we have them corralled. Can you ever get over a kid? Christine, ask Jay, not Big Jay Ogerson. It must be like that pull to stare at the arc, you know? Oh, yeah. Wow.

Go to see what's going on Perper Park. When you stare at your face melts, but your dick gets hard. I don't need a bad mouth when I was talking about it's true Be respectful Kids Beautiful beautiful children I want to talk about underwes Super hot children

What's like tricycles Yeah Wagons do we have any wagons The smell of young Young flesh and fear Yeah Stretch Armstrong toys? Do we have any of those?

Ah, that guy's got a truck, and he left. Ah, come on. I do that with a very select group of people. Yeah. Because some of it can be quite disturbing because I'd have to feel comfortable

that they're not going to... Rat you out and send you back to prison, you a piece of shit. I think it's not going to change their opinion of me. It's going to. Why do pedophiles have a look? Why? Why?

It's hard to get a razor when you're a pedophile They're all a little clammy Oh yeah You know what I mean Just a little No that's one thing I'm always surprised by too Like When I watch the pedophile hunts

And the guys show up at the sting houses Or Walmart or anything They're coming to meet Like they're getting pictures Of someone they find to be like hot In their mind You know what I mean And they go and they are

Like you said they're wearing like a who farted shirt And flip flops and whatever It's like a slubby fat guy with his belly hanging on he's like what so wait there's not a sexy 14 year old here to see me do can I his shirt's got like stains all over he's like wait what this old thing was a sham lamb do you think it's that it's easier for them because they can't get regular women or they have a fear of meeting women or they you know that meeting a kid is easier for them no I think it's got to be a it's a a mind chemical wrong

reaction to have to children. Now, what I do think, where that comes into play is, like I said, unfortunately, most of these pedophile hunts that they catch, I'd say over 50% of them are retarded people. And the thing is they're showing up... Wait a minute. Do you say 50% of them are actually mentally retarded? The people that catch. The people that catch a mental, like down syndrome?

No, but like walking the line a lot of them. Like autistic type stuff? And if not that, if not that, just like slow-brained. Don't you have to let them go? Like if it was like, I don't want to duck a dick. You'd have to be like, all right, you got to catch a release on this one. Well, you know, that's what the cops did with that, you know, the screaming midget that I show all the time. Jason, the screaming midget, when he gets caught, he goes, get out of here!

And he runs. And the cops are just like, will you leave this guy alone. He's a retarded midget. He will, like I said, all of the people that are, like, the retarded people are all fucking, like they show up. And they would have answered if it was a 90-year-old. if they said they were 1936 four they can't believe anyone's responding ever yeah dude you don't fuck around is that him no get when he's leaving the car you want to hear the screams that's he was he was trying to meet a kid this kid this guy's so retarded the this is the

fourth video on the first video they catch him when he leaves uh he they jump back online with him to see if he'll re-engage and he's like your uncle just kidding here that was pretty awful like so I guess I'm in trouble now or something and he goes and he says like crazy shit this guy he's nuts he's also if you look at he tells you can dunk he was dunking a basketball why is that hard to believe he's a midget yeah but you don't know his jump man I hate when little people bond together and try to prove you can do big things yes I'm sure with the help of acrobatics and trampolines you guys can all touch the rim I'm just saying it's possible well he didn't say he was at a trampoline park you said he was a

He said he was dunking at a regular basketball court. But they catch him again. And like I said, oh, he goes outside and he's like, they just start texting him again. Like, your uncle just came here. Or he says, your uncle just came here. That was pretty awful. And she goes, well, he's leaving, like, tomorrow. So, you know, it's fine.

We can just pick back up tomorrow? And he goes, oh, can I still put a baby in you then? Wow. So it's like, it is the fourth time they catch him. And the cops, I think at the end of this video, the cops were like, hey, I'm going to arrest you if you keep bothering this. guy catching him like he's never going to do it again that's what's interesting about the idea of these guys there where's the line like these guys think they're getting them you know like the grooming process online like I wonder if that has changed the numbers of like cold

pickups like on the street like a kidnapping pickup because you're like now you you can give a lot effort to see if there's a kid that's into it and then lucky for us 97% of it is pedophile hunters Right. So I wonder if that's what I wonder what the stats on that would be. You know what I mean? Since kidnapping, like outwraping, violent kidnapping is down because guys think they can entice them online now. Yeah. Weird.

Probably. I mean, well, they were. If it's a net positive, I wonder if it's a net positive ultimately. There were guys posing as girls on TikTok meeting kids setting up meetings. Yeah, that's for fun, dude. I do that for fun. And they were, they were, that's how they were kidnapping kids. they were finding out where they live

and then going to their house or being in that area and then just snatching them up and taking them on TikTok. Yeah, they were poses like sexy girls. I told you, Max had that. Some Smoking Hot Spanish girl was hitting up Max. He was dating her for like two days over Christmas

and then we found that it was some African dude. Motui or something. Oh, really? Yeah. I wound up calling the guy up and he's like, where's Max? And I'm like, yo man, he's fucking he's 11 you're talking to an 11 year old and he's like I want to talk to max I was like I love him he's my baby yeah yeah but they were you cannot keep us apart Mr. Kelly well that's they were at he

if you read the text and where do you live she was talking to him but it was really this stop calling her she yeah but that's what she was saying she wasn't she was look I still date her I actually hooked up with him he's I've sent her 150,000 dollars yeah I'm in it's gonna be fine but I own a diamond mind in Africa so whatever it's going to work out in a couple years Jacob what were you typing that you took a big deep breath when you were done it's not about the word retard that's okay again yeah okay just checking it's nothing worse when you start typing and then you got to do your breathing exercises with a broad the internet's rise coincided with a broader decline of violent crime in the u.s that began the

90s. The specific decrease in stranger kidnaps can be attributed to multiple factors including increased public safety boring. Advancement in policing and law enforcement is boring. The prevalence of surveillance technology. Those aren't the reasons I thought. I thought because they just thought it was easier to try to entice a kid online

than kidnap them. I have the brain of a pedophile apparently. I'm thinking of all the positive ways to make this work out. Well, the reason why they used to be able to take kids all the time is exactly what we were talking about the beginning. We used to just go out by ourselves. No cameras never no cameras no cell phones no parents and we would just go to the park no nonsense there was nothing and now you go to any park there's every kid has a mom on a cell phone i know now you

got to kidnap the mom and the kid what an ordeal that is my best friend was just saying she just moved in her new community and all the moms in the community have decided to do kind of like a let's let the kids roam free and like let them run off together and and and kind of not be completely on top of them and run around. She said it's been great for them. Yeah, we let Max... They live in West Memphis, so...

Memphis is dangerous. You know how that works out for three kids going off to play by themselves. We let Max go by himself. We let him just go, take off, and do his thing. But I track... You are tracking. I have his...

case something goes wrong. I looked at one time he was like four miles away from the house, but I was like, where is he? and I told Max I go if someone tries to kidnap you just grab their leg and hold onto it that's all you have to do

like you want it yeah like you want it and then try to unzip his pants because pedophiles don't like it they want to take it they don't want to you know what I mean they want to take it they don't want to give it like free they don't want it to be love

they want it to be like some type of aggressive no if you hold if you hold on to anybody's leg they can't run you know what I mean like you can't If you grab a kid and you throw him into your van, fine. But if you just grab his leg and hold on to it, how are they going to move?

By the way, with you wearing those headphones and those glasses, you seem like a coach giving a speech about rap tackling about like really getting in there. He goes, you stop a man's legs. His movement stops immediately. You take him off his game and the ball comes out. What you want to do, guys, you want to pray to Jesus Christ, and then you suck that man's dick if he's trying to kidnap you. What if you did that?

What if you, if one of these pedophile hunts? They just went with it. Oh, yeah, Pervert Park. Go back a little bit, so we get to hear this guy's story. Can I, so this is just a park where they go. This isn't a park where they get to. You can drop your kid off just to teach him a couple of consequences. Like, I told you, I told you, be home at 9 o'clock.

Absolutely. Now get in that park. I assume it's like having a piranha tank in your house. You know what I mean? There's always a threat for sure. You could always be like, I bet in that town of Florida, I bet Pervert Park is a threat you make to send you over to Pervert Park. Keep fucking up.

I promise you that said a lot, for sure. I want to, we should go there. Next time we go to Florida and we should go to Pervert Park. We got to find out where it's at. We should dress up. Like little kids? Yeah, we should just wear diapers. We should shave our body and just go.

Yeah, let's wear diapers, but then like have like, you know, like those pornos where they write stuff all over us, like, like fuckhole. with an arrow pointing up to my face. We can just shave Jacob down, put a baseball hat, I'm on a Hulk Hogan shirt. Jacob, you would clean up in a private of our park, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God. You could restart society

with the amount of different DNAs it'll be in your asshole. We'll go to Walmart and get him a bike with training wheels on it and just push him right into Walmart park. Jacob, they'll be able to make a person Jurassic Park from the DNA, solid

and ember that comes out of your asshole. Here's the thing, though. We should drug him, put him on the bike, strap him in so he just doesn't fall off and push him in and they'd be like he's out cold he's gone that's like throwing you ever see what the zoo where they just throw a chunk of meat over the over the top into the lion's cage st pete home of carnival of combat and pervert park you fly in Tampa let's go uh dude I'll absolutely go it's St Pete right I knew it I'm going I knew it yo I'm in Tampa I'm inside splitters like next month or something I think next

month? Yeah. Oh, dude, I wish we were going at the same time so we could go to Pervert Park together. We should go, we should go dressed as perverts and then bring Jacob, but bring him like a... As our boy? A little pup... What do they call it a Pupsoon or whatever in the front? A papoose.

We do need to say, we should... Jacob, we'll shave you down and let's walk you in there with like a baseball hat on it. And we'll go, do you guys have, like, open to the public room you could do this? Is one of these trailers just like free use for whoever? because we found this little guy

and he's game if you know what they say this guy's ready to partay Jacob can you fake a lisp no no no don't be gay that ruins it no just a little kid hey guys oh like a Cindy

just to walk down the center of the street with the charms a lollipop in my mouth yeah dude don't be gay or something like that yeah what if the kid is gay doesn't ruin it for the pedophile do they want straight boys right These guys want to take from you.

I don't want to ruin it for them. No. They want to take your masculinity. So keep your fucking lollipop at home. Yeah, keep you palm. Here's what I want you to do. What I want you to do is, no, I want you to be like a little like a boy who needs a dad. Like you have like a baseball glove and you're just doing this a lot with the thing goes, are we going to have a catch over here?

That's who they want to fuck. Yeah. A boy who thinks he's getting ready to play baseball. Not some kid who's like, what's up, boys? Who's first? Hey. Hey, who brought the cool kid? We want a comic book rolled up in your back pocket.

Yes, yes. Nothing but pure intentions. You and your friend are you going to play a little sandlot baseball, and then no one ever hears me again. I have my baseball glove and just throw it to the ball in my glove. We want you to have like a can of squirt and a box of crack-a-jacks. Oh, and we got to get you that dog, like the little rascal's dog or something. A patch on its eye.

Yeah, we need a patch on the eye. You need a circle, a black circle dog. That'd be funny if you just got a bunch of kids and threw them in there one day just to see what happened. That's scared straight. That would be better than Scared Straight. Just throw them in there.

I'd be like, it's cold outside. You boys want to come in? Oh, man. You know it rains here a lot in Florida. I can't find that documentary. The original Scared Street. I can't find it on the internet. Oh, really?

The best. I remember watching it for the first time. You know, I did that. Damn. They did that when I was in Juvie Hall. They used to take us to, they took us to the prison North Fork Prison

Did it work? Well we went in and they take you into a room You have to go through all the stuff and they take you into the room And then they bring the prisoners in one by one So there's a prisoner for every kid And there's one counselor And then they go through the room and they introduce themselves And one of the guys that came in was

I don't know he had to be like 6, 7 This big huge ball black dude And as soon as he walked in, everybody, even the prisoners were like a little twisted, like, oh, shit. But the counselor, the Broadest Day, was like, oh, this is a problem. And we were all scared, shitless. This guy walked in the room and kind of ducked through the door and sat down. And they're going around the room like, yo, Michael, second degree.

You know, I'm Tony, first degree. Tyrone, second degree. They were going through all their charges while they were in prison. It was all murder. And then they get to this big guy. He's, yeah, my name is Bob. I'm here for first degree murder and everybody

and started cracking up and trying to hold it in the 6-7 guy the 6-7 guy I'm in bubba I'm here for first-degree murder and we're like what the fuck I lost my testicles

trying to escape from the police but they would I remember the specific I mean there were always the kids you could tell which ones of them were going to prison because this doesn't scare me

and the other ones the other kids that would shit their pants these guys were actually nice. I was expecting to yell at us and say, well, fuck you in the ass. One guy I got, kind reminded me of my dad. He looked like my real father.

And then he got needy. Like, he wanted me to write him letters. And I was like, all right, dude, this is fucking... This is not what I was doing. I wanted you to yell at me and threaten to fuck me in the cell. The first person to break in any scare street program. The first person. Boy or girl, fat

white, that acts black. The fat wigger girl or guy is the first person to fucking start doing like what do they start doing like the full hand wiped tears like no no no I don't want to yeah it was like early 80s

I want to think scared straight I remember the one guy you can watch it on YouTube really all right I got to look at I tried looking for it the futures now do you look for it in encyclopedias no I did look on YouTube sometimes they pull stuff When did you look at YouTube 17 years ago at its inception? I remember

I remember one guy saying, a lot of you kids have pets, huh? Like dogs and cats? Well, this is my friend, and he holds up a dead rat. Christ. I mean, that worked on me. I just remember that. Oh, yeah, a little more pervert park, please? Oh, he's a Pats fan.

This sucks. Oh, my God, classic Pats fan. Couldn't it be a Jets or a Baltimore fan? No. I think pedophilia, I think Baltimore. No, not me, dude. Patriots? I go deep Massachusetts.

Deep mass? Not deep mass. Buccaneers. No, real kid fuckers up there, man. Go birds. You saw Tom Brady French Kisses boy. No birds fans are Jew haters, so whatever. That's fine.

Jews don't score touchdowns. Fuck ice. A couple Jews pay for it. I'm sorry. What a bitch. What a fucking bitch. Go birds. Fuck eyes, free Palestine.

What a fucking twat. You really looped the, I'm sure the eagles are kind of like, okay. It's like go birds, and it's like the start of Free Palestine now. Unbelievable. Oh, no. Oh, man, that would be hotter if she was thin and attractive. She was. Were you guys thinking that?

She was, though. Were you guys thinking of that? When she did it, she was hot. Oh. She became fat at this park. Because she's not When you don't have to be sexy to get them Addiction switch though too

She did an addiction switch Yeah like me with purses Yeah she doesn't have her son around to whack off anymore Wow that's so sad She fucked her son She didn't say fucked Well whatever I mean she fucked him mentally

It's different Do you think it's different No Put yourself in this position Dude if your mom does something to you That's gonna mess you up for life Let me get you there close your eyes All right.

You're in your room. Hang on, let me close them tight. Go ahead. I'm in my room. My room now, me and Donna, or my room back in the day? It's now. Okay, now. But you're a child.

All right, but can I go into my room back in the day because it'd be easier? Okay. Okay, thanks. Your mom comes in. Yep. She's looking to-a-te. My mom was kind of pretty back in the day. She saunters in.

Saunters? Yeah. Hmm? Now. Yeah. She pulls down your pajamas. pajamas pants and sucks your penis. Mom.

Okay. Okay. Now, erase that. Start from the beginning again. Okay, yeah. Close your eyes. Yep, close. And you're lying in bed. Lying in bed. Your mom walks in. Hey, Mom. Fucking looking fine as all hell.

My, you look fine as shit. Tits, the way you remember when you were a kid? I don't remember. Shapely. All right, dude. I'm out. I'm out. No, Bobby, hang on. I can't. I can't.

You took it too far. Why? I don't know, dude. When you say pitch you my... No problem with me. I made a whole... I did a whole gay scenario with me and your son.

Me and your son had full-on gay sex, hypothetically. That, to me, I know you'd be gentle. Okay. I know how you are sexually. You're not a piece of shit. I don't want my aggressive mom tits coming in. Okay, let's start from the beginning.

Okay, close your eye. Hang on. Okay, good. You're in your room. I'm in my room. You're laying there. Yeah, my toy box is over there. Your toy box is there.

I have a desk right over here. Yeah. You're Stephen Tyler and Joe Perry almost kissing at a microphone poster is over there. Right. Well, yeah. Your Dane Cook posters over there. It's on the ceiling because I like to go to sleep looking at it. You pride yourself on being early-level Dane.

You say that all the time. You were ground-level Dane. I actually have a photo of him when he was in Greece and he played Kidnicki. in Arlington High School Play. Your mom walks in. Okay. Do I feel?

I fake like I'm sleeping? Yes. But I can't, I'm looking out of my eyes. Yeah. Okay. She comes in just to kiss you good night. Okay. But she sees the poster of Dane.

Yeah. She gets worked up. Right. Fiery in the pants. Do I. She pulls your pajama pants down and she rides your penis. All right, dude, listen now, this is going, you go and you had me. Okay.

And then you took it too far too fast. Right. So it would be worse, point-proven, Bobby. It would be worse if she fucked you than if she sucked your dick. I know. Either one would be terrible. Yes. The one I would come quicker.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, because her VAD, she already had two kids by then. Oh, yeah, no. She also has a velvet mouth. How did you know that was her nickname? Velvet Mouth? Velvillette Kelly. Oh, that's Massachusetts lore.

Yeah, man. That was her nickname back in Medford High. Once I ran out of stuff about witches, I kept looking into Massachusetts stuff that popped up. Yeah. She really had a mouth like a reindeer's antelic. I'm the jerk-off party. God damn it, I'll never forget that shit. I was on the subway today, dude.

Taking back the streets? Funny you say that because... Vigilante justice? And then we're just coming up now? An hour into the show? Strange. Curtis Sliwa. Okay.

I look up and this guy is standing in front of me. going hey how are you and i and it's him in the subway on 14th street uh very small crew you know maybe i think maybe two guys one maybe him and he looks up and he puts his hand i shake his hand and it's so funny that like i'm not voting for him i wouldn't i don't know if i'd vote for him I wouldn't vote for him but as soon as he was in my face I was like hey man you're doing a good job

I just started talking like an idiot I was like doing a good job keep doing what you're doing and it was like all these young girls were around me and they were just looking at me like a dildo

and then he handed me his card you just caved into a guy in a red beret that's all they saw they have no context of this guy at all I just well we followed them for a while

I'm gonna go for a fucking Furcon Corkman What's his mayor, what he hates? No, it's not Furcon Kirkmoss. Ferkong Korkmos? I would vote for him. No. He's a pinpoint three-point shooter from Turkey.

It's so funny that this guy is... Perkong Korkmos. He's walking the subway. The thing is, Curtis is the only candidate for New York City Mayor who rides the subway. He's the only New York City Mayor. He'll be dead. Just like you. Just like you.

Just like you, except he's wearing a fucking red beret. And is essentially in some weird way. challenging the crazies to come at him Here's the thing with him If he just lost the beret He would get so many more people into him The beret is the thing that's He won't lose it

I don't know why Because he's had it since the 80s You never take off your patch dude Yeah but dude you gotta lose the beret No you can't we can't have a mayor with a beret You want to slash to take his hat off Yeah Yes I do

I want him to take that sweaty Should President James Headfield not wear his patch colors on his fucking motorcycle jacket? Yes. At some point, Jay, I want you to lose the fingernail polish. No. Later in life.

No. Not now. 60. I want it gone. You don't want to see me like putting like a putting some kind of gunk on my dentures

to stick to my things with beautiful nails? No. I want you to have like a, I want you to have like a gorgeous place on the water in Florida and wearing like, you know, like near it,

not on it, not at it, but near it, I mean, there's like a mansion on the water, have a boat, have some pullover hoodie thing. That's the guy I want to see later in life. I don't want to think about now is going to pervert park when I get down to Tampa. Look at this guy. Is Curtis still fighting crime on the subways? Well, 71.

You should try to attack an old lady, Bobby, and see if he did something. You should try to rob somebody. I tell you what? At some point. Firm handshake. I know, but is he battling crime? Dave, you got bitched up by Curtis Slee, on the train. Well, he is like Al Pacino and Devil's Advocate.

He's down with the people, you know, on the subway. And this is how I know he's not going to win. You ready? This is how I know he's not going to win. I shook his hand. I shouldn't be able to get to you if you're running for the mayor. You should have how dangerous it was, which is like a bunch of series of non-contact hits. You like shake his hand.

He goes, bro, pleasure to meet you, candidate. Slee, throat chop, temple strike, head butt to the nose. All these things, dude, you could have been dead right now. These guys, your team, they suck. Funny thing is, guess what subway stop? I saw him at. The one where you got killed almost by that guy when you had that fucking dance with one of the sharks.

Where were you? Two and a half years ago, you a piece of shit. Nobody wants to wear a beret. Nobody joins the... I'll do it. If they call me guardian angels, because they don't know the beret. I'll join.

Do you get a beret scent? Yeah, you get a beret. I'll never not wear the beret the rest of my life. I love for you to wear the beret. That's my point, dude. You can't wear... No, I will. We should all wear berets.

Well, I don't know. It depends if you're a guardian angel or not. Are you ready to police the streets? Yeah, look at the guardian... And now here... Join, please. Get involved. They have Chinatown Guardian Angels.

Oh, no, join us. It's up there, yeah. How many members are there? You get a red comedy express jacket? Yeah. Here's the thing, too. You get little pins. Hang on a second, dude.

Is this going to be like fucking Little League where it's like you sign up and then you're waiting for your... uniform and then they tell you it's like three hundred dollars for you to have to get it yeah it's karate belts you know the belt system's a scam of course it is christine do me if they ever sign me up for the guardian angels please make christine sign me up to if you get shot and but you do get flare for your beret do i'm gonna use your actual emails yes yes of course you do i'm joining the fucking guardian angels yes we just sit at home i thump my butt all the time when there's crime out

there but use don actually signed don up for me oh i like that i want don to be christian you know what bobby's right sign yourself up for this you need to be out there in the streets why do you want to help protect n yc because from to take back muslim mayors no to take back the beret tell them to take back the night to take back the night and a beret say are you writing this to take back the night and get a beret yeah i don't know how to hospital, but right. No, it's it. No, it's B-E-R-E-T. No, I thought that's what you wrote. What'd you put? B-A-R-U-T.

And then put at the end, and because I saw the Warriors when I was a kid. Also mentioned the Warriors. And me and Bobby's both. Yeah, and just say I saw the Warriors and I thought it was cool. And also I saw the Warriors. Okay. Oh, oh, wait, and red's my favorite color. Red's my favorite color. That's going to be yours, Bobby. Okay, that's fine. Red's my favorite color. to take back the night and get a beret also i saw the warriors yeah we'll get bobby your reasons will be next oh you this is you can only do one submission at a time yeah uh we're close uh new york city christina i want to get right to the heart and your real phone number yes absolutely uh hmm

hmm hmm hmm hmm is there a work number hey yeah give um marries give uh jacob's number no i i'm gonna give the comedy office number no no no you'll take my um You'll take my calls for me. Can we say, can we really? The Bonfire 800 number. Nah, don't get me any number. You're right. Can we, put my phone number, it's fine. Can we sign Lewis up?

I'm never going to get spammed forever. Can we sign Lewis up for real? Oh, yeah. Okay, change everything in that to Lewis's information and put his phone number, please. What if Lewis becomes the head of the Guardian Angels? So great. Are you doing it? I don't want to sign up Lewis.

Come on. Wow. He's got you scared. Well, I told you this. Remember I said? Wow. She'd go down with Lewis's ship before she fucking reached out of hand

and pulled me off a cliff. I'm wary to sign you guys up with your real info and you're sitting right here. Why? Put Lewis's information. You don't want a fucking safe street? You want New York to fall into the gutter? We're trying to save this city, Christine.

One man shall rise up. Yeah. And that man's name? Lucia Gomez. Tell them I'm not to use Nunchukes, too. Nunchukes expert. Criminals come out and play. Our fingers wouldn't fit in bottles, though.

Full two-leaders. The plastics are going to make the noise. Milk cartons. Tell them I have Chinese stars, too, if they need extra. Are you signing Lewis up? Yeah. Nice. I don't think she is.

She's theater of the minding us because we can't see it. Yeah, I know. She took it off the thing, but that's okay. I trust her. Christine, look at me. Are you signing Lewis up? Mm-hmm. Are you signing us up?

Uh-huh. Are you going to join us? Uh-uh. Okay, good. Are you signing us up? Jacob. Are you in? I'm not in.

Why? Why? I don't want to... Because you want Furcon Korkmasz is in our new mayor? Can I say something, though? First of all, Jay, you're not on the subway. You don't know what it's like. Doesn't matter.

Furcon Korkma's put in a lot of good minutes for the Philadelphia 76ers. I don't believe his intentions. Kirkland Korkmast? You have to have situational awareness at all times on the subway. Yes, you do. Buddy, I live my life 360 view at all times. Well, you know what I noticed.

When I, I can't live without the noise-canceling headphones. Especially, like, it's so noisy on the subway, but it will make you drop your situational awareness. You can't. You've got to have one in. I have one headphone on and the other one

out. I don't put both headphones in. But this guy... I blare music in both ears and I stare down everyone who looks on You can't have to sit up at all times, Jay. Never had a problem. This guy is on the... A man was spotted waving two knives. He had two knives.

Two knives. Yeah. On the subway, threatening to stab people. Now, he's also holding one of those pizza carriers. Now, I'll tell you, if him pulling those knives got your pizza to you faster and hotter, would you have a problem with this guy? I would not. You would not at all.

I would not. He's like, oh, man, you got to throw me a little bit of a tip, man. I almost stabbed two motherfuckers in a train trying to get this pizza here. Yeah. If someone delivers your pizza on the train, don't eat it. And that's the train I take. That's the FMBD shit. Nobody helped.

No, no. What are you going to do? They're all laughing. The guy has two knives. What would I have done? Yeah, what would you have done, Jay. All right, first things first. Go back to the beginning of this video.

He comes in with the double knives and he starts screaming right away. And I go, what's that? I take a headphone off dramatically. Right. And I go, pardon? and then he goes blah blah blah blah blah blah and I go if you guys don't mind I'll take this and the people start and then it would start slow clapping like this for me and then I would get in like that only the strong like the Brazilian kind of thing crap maga what the fuck is that

and then individually with sweeping like those kind of kicks where like my head goes almost hits the ground and the leg swings around I take out one knife and then when he's like you can't believe that happened I do it the reverse side other knife and then he takes off. You let him go. I let him go. What do you do with the knives? Huh?

What do you do with the knives? I kick him onto the tracks so nobody can get them. Right. And then I accept a blowjob on the train from the first not fat person. Guy or girl? Guy or girl? Nice.

You can't be a hero and then be homophobic. It's going to freak people out. So if a guy goes, oh, my God, I'd suck your dick. I go, I'll accept that, sir. Did you see the guy Because I believe in America There was a guy who You know that the spin kick

Where you spin And you hit him with one leg And the other leg comes around You hit him with the other one Yeah Black Lute used to do it I believe it was I believe it might have been a father and son And some guy was walking by them

And kind of was in their way And the father pushed him Like get the fuck out of the way This kid backed up And spun kick The kid and then the father knocked him both out Nice

It was one of the fucking craziest things I've ever seen. Because you thought the, at the beginning of the video, you're like, oh, this guy was kind of being a dick getting in their way, and the father was sticking up for the kids. I just really thought of me and Max on the subway. Like, hey, back off. Funk, funk. It's always the funniest thing is always if you and your son get beat in front of each other.

Oh, my God. You both catch a beating. Or just Max just backs down after you get knocked out. He's like, no, no, no. I've seen what you're capable of. Yeah, slowly just puts his thumb, and the guy, small pocket of his pants and walks away with him. Blackley, you can't do, you're spinning flip kicks no more?

It's been a while. He did a while we worked here, you were able to do it. He did a pretty good one out in the hallway when we, uh, years ago. What did you, was it kung fu? What did you know? Just a little karate. You knew karate? Jew roddy.

Yeah. We, uh, yeah. He could say that because you're a Jew. Did you, uh, why do I, when I say Jew, it sounds so mean. Um, Jewish. Michael Rap of what was right. We shouldn't say it. as you got one um you do you still do it can you fight i mean if the situation arose i think

i can handle myself would you but would you throw a kick oh absolutely as a short guy you need a good kick so what would you throw like a spin kick or a whip what would you do probably a spin but backwards you would you don't want them to see you coming that would be your first move yo dj loo you want to start cockfighting these little motherfuckers in our studio All right. You want to get him worked up on microphone, get them all worked up against you, and then was watching fight and we'll bet on it?

All right, good. Nice. Bobby, what's up? I wouldn't start a problem with Black Lou. He would fuck you up pretty bad. It would be embarrassing for everybody here. What are you talking about? And you have no idea.

Jacob, you're just not prepared. The guy's got energy and strength that you're not ready for it all. I'll fight both of them right now. You think you would. do it. You think you would fight them right now, but I'm telling you, you will get your ass kicked. Fucking let's do it. Well, listen, there's probably one way we can figure this out through individual three-minute

rounds, two-rounders, either way. You're good. If Lou just come over and swipe, kick me in the side of the head as well. All I saw was he was doing, like, the kick where it's like the one-legs bent. I just wake up at the next show. It's tomorrow's show. Yeah, Colin's here.

We do. We had Colin Quinn yesterday on the show. He's the best. I saw his hour. the other night. What if you guys have a falling out on the show before we recorded it? Like, we're saying this now Tuesday, even though it's airing Thursday. I've only fought with, in 25 years, almost 30

years, I've only fought with Colin Quinn one time. Damn, dude, you take everybody's shit. Jacob, Black Lou? God damn, dude, you're coming off on radio like a pussy. DJ Lou. He's so close to cracking. I've seen this. You can only push a Wahlberg so

far. Fuck, would you just call me? Huh? What did you just call me a Wahlberg? That's what I call people from Boston. You can only push a Walberg to the brink so far. I just stab blue in the eye with a pencil. His inherent racism is going to break out at some point. Yo, Black Lou said he's going to fuck your sister and your mother.

What? Yeah. I thought I was fucking my mom. Oh, oh, it's right. That's why you're jealous. That's why you're so pissed about it. That must be why you're angry. You're jealous at Lou's taking your fruit.

I'd be so happy if Lou fuck my mom. That would be great The first stepdad Probably working out We'd have such a good time Get her out dude Fucking blow her back It on Squam Lake

Hey Jacob Can I hook her with my mom What if Jacob and my mom Just hit it off I would love Jacob to be my stepfather That'd be so great Can you be Bobby stepdad I'd be a good stepfather

Oh you'd be a great stepfather My mom would love you Do you like like crooning music Like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin? Yeah Oh she'd love you Jacob's gonna be strict though Yeah

strict. In fact, he's going to be that strict step-parent that, like, the kid's going to complain it was real dad a couple times about it. I don't know. He says, I can't do that. He's dead. He's dead, so. No, you got to have. You have to have boundaries. You have to have discipline. You do need discipline. You know. You do. You will be going to bed at a normal time, Bobby. Too many parents want to be their kid's friend. It doesn't work. It's disastrous. We should do a bet where one person has to wear a full guardian, one of the guardian angels's outfit on the subway home Whoever loses the battle royale between you

Whoever loses we should come up with a bet Whoever loses has to take the subway All the way to and from somewhere one day Like I would have to take the train From Westchester all the way to Grand Central And then up here Or you would have to take the bus and the train from Wayne All the way to here

And Jacob would have to take it back to Queens That would be a great Mirrored sunglasses Yeah, but you have to have flare, like little flare buttons. Oh, yeah, they have to know you're like a third-degree guardian angel. Yeah, you have to have four gold stars going across your beret. Dude, I'd rather be Corey's angels than a fucking guardian angel. It would be disasters of an actual fight broke out.

No, Bobby. That's when you get to unleash, Jacob. It's when you get to go full Bernie gets on these motherfuckers. If there wasn't. I would do nothing. If the fight broke out and they were just looking at you, going, come on, man, you have a beret. You just go like this, you just take your bray off and go like this, hold it. Why is it, why is it a bray?

Why do they come up with a beret as a manly type of thing? I'll say exactly why. The movie Rambo, Colonel Troutman, that's what happened. Curtis Slewa saw that movie, tried to relate, thought it looked cool as shit, and now he wears a beret. It is no other reason. Because after that, all you think of berets is like, like, like, you know. fruity art guys who are wearing like you know all tight black clothes and have that i think it's a ranger right rangers had beret and green green berets of course had berets um and that's it what color were they

green okay that works out it was green jay yeah the beret is not an uh attractive hat no it's it's fucking it's two branches of the military and mimes i mean that beret looks all right but it's still a dumb Is it supposed to get wind go over your head easier? Sideways, aerodynamic. Yeah, what is it? Why? What makes a beret a good hat?

Why do they wear them? It has to be something. It may be, and Christine, by the way, I know fucked the bit and definitely didn't sign us up for the Guardian Angels, which is bat shit. But could you, instead now, can you Google shop and see if you could just buy Guardian Angel red berets?

We could just, we don't have to join, we could just be. I want to sign up we should sign up Can we sign up the history of hyenas To be guardian angels We can Christine won't be a part of it Sign up Chris

And Janus to be Guardian Angels You know Chris Chris would actually do it That would be funny Chris would love a beret I'll do a shift I'll do a shift to fucking

Guardian Angel and A guardian angel in A guardian angel about two hours a week It'd be funny if he did win If this guy won And he made every resident of Manhattan Have to do one shift

a year of being a guardian angel I mean the real answer here is because you do Jacob won't do this for sure Yeah He might be terrified of the outcome of this But I think you would for the amount Do you ride the train Because it's just like a couple stops

Yeah You do 10 minute train rides What four times a week? Yeah Roughly Yeah There should be some kind of bet We're in that

That's your punishment Is that you have to wear Every time you get on You don't have to wear it all day But when you leave us And you're going to the subway you have to fucking put your little beret on and then go in the thing

and then you have to film yourself bereting the entire ride. Yes! All right. Yes. Here's the thing. I would get the one with the tassel. I like that one.

Absolutely, the little fez. A beret is only 1799. That's nuts. Well, it's tactical gear. I can't believe that. And you can get it right in the city, right? Yeah. Do they sell the beret?

Can you buy? Christine, can you buy a Guardian angel? Oh, my God. See if there's a Guardian Angel outfit on eBay. I'm sure somebody quit the guardian angels and put the stuff up up. Yeah, drugs are the best of them. I'm going to sell my guardian angels off. It's time.

Put XXL, though. Whoa. You must have to return your beret. If I were a beret, though. If you leave, you have to return it. Yeah. Like the hell's angels? Yeah.

You have to return everything. You know they have to return everything. They even take tattoos off. Really? Yes. Do you know your hat size, Bobby? Yes, I do. What are you?

I think I'm a 17? No, no. Oh. X-L, I'll be a large. No, no, no. What? Like a baseball hat. Oh, this is a bit of a da-da.

7-15. Is that a thing? 3-5. Is that a 3-5? I think I'm 7-1-5th. I don't think that's a thing. I think so. It's not.

Look it up. You don't know. I hate when you say it's not. I don't think it is. I buy a lot of fitted hats. I know you do. I love fitted hats. I bought one.

Seven and one-fifth. Look it up. Is it one-eighth? Maybe it's one-fifth. I think there's an eighth maybe. Christine, is there a seventh and one-fifth Boston Red Sox hat? I believe there is. And...

Seven-and-one-eighth? Maybe seven-and-one-eighth. I just agreed there was a seven-and-one-fourth. And there's a seven-and-fourth. There's seven-and-threth. There's no seven-and-one-fifth? I'm not seeing it. Yeah, it's not.

Okay, seven-and-eighth, then. Nice. Maybe. Well, let's see if they have that. and go back to the berets. So if I wear this beret, what if somebody comes up to me and something goes down, can I not?

That'd be funny just to... I think you take immediate action. What if I don't? I just look at them. What if I help the guy? Oh, you should be like what you do is wait for problems to break out and then do nothing and go,

Curtis Sliwa said not to get involved. Tank it, dude. Then Furconcork Mons will become the guy. Ferkong Kerkermas is not his name, dude. It's not? No. So wait, I didn't vote for a pinpoint three-point specialist named Furcon Korkmos from Turkey? No, you didn't.

He was a star at 15 years old in the Euro League. You know what? Whatever. Too late, votes in. You voted for a communist rapper. Forkong Korkmots. Is there a whole costume? I'm not sorry.

Uniform. Thank you. So far I've only found one vintage shirt as a supporter and it's 500 bucks. Oh, I like that. $500 for a shirt? I wonder if they know you can make that for $10. Yeah. I wonder.

Hmm. Yeah, but you can't get Guardian Angel red. Yeah, you can't. No, you can't. That's only through that. You think it's a special dye? It's a special... It's his patented dye?

It's a special live. He's got a patented dye that he uses. I like the idea of that. He's wearing a suit, and he has his beret on. And he has the one with a little tassel on the back. And Hocus. You're going to have a hat. have one with the tassel. I want that one. That's the one

you're having. But it is sad because he is on the subway shaking hands. That's the type of dude you want. When what was I just saw somebody running for mayor who's actually on the subway meeting people shaking hands saying hello? Corinne didn't

go on the subway shaking hands. What are you talking about? She did? She did? Yeah, they met homeless people on the subway. She filmed a porno. You start all kinds of rumors now. It's over. Campaign's over now. She did a porno on the subway. Is the campaign over? Oh, there's a jacket.

How much is the jacket? Safety patrol. Not that much. What size is it? Large. I wear that. It'll be a little tight, but it's okay. It's just a Cardinals jacket.

No, Cardinals the brand. I think it's a Cardinal. Maybe, no? Look up Cardinal brand red jacket. Now you can make your own on a nice new one. If you saw the Cardinals logo, they actually just took out the stitching. That'd be great. And put that over it.

Because here's why back in the day to get your own little jacket was a lot harder to do than it is now. Bobby, that is the Cardinals Jack. It is. The Cardinal on the stick is the Cardinals logo. Yeah, that's the Cardinal, good. All right, yeah. So we just need a Cardinals jacket. They just took a Cardinal's jacket and put the Guardian Angels on?

Am I missing something? Full curtain pull. Oh. There it is. Is that it? There is X-L. Dude. But is that a, that has no imagery?

on it. No, you have to get it embroidered. We'll get the imagery put on it. But it is the jacket, see? Yeah, it is. Yeah. How much is that one? 61. There you go. Much less. I want the real one, though. Maybe that has, like, that might have blood or jizz

on it from back in the, you know, late 70s. Where are you thinking the jizz came from, exactly? When they were fighting the guy that was raping and he came over and he stabbed the guy, get off her, and then there was a fight, but he pulled out and the jizz flipped out on the jacket, and then he

He caught him, the guy caught him, and then that's the blood. Or, and this would be considered touch DNA, I believe, if you stop him from raping. Yeah. And when he gets up in a hurry, he's got a very big weener. Yeah. And it gets up, and like he goes, and his dick just kind of hits your jacket for a second. And then creates that kind of string effect. Like it pulls away, like opening a grilled cheese or something.

Yeah. The grilled cheese effect of Jizz? The Grinot Cheese effect of drying jizz, quick drying jizz. Now, if I wear this down, do I wear it up from somewhere to here? Or do I wear it from here down? Every time you get on the New York City subway system, you will put it on before you get on the stairs. You're going down. I'm not asking you to police anywhere else in the city.

Just your subway rides. I almost got killed without a beret. Well, they didn't see your beret. But you think if he saw the beret, he'd be a... He would have about faced and gotten a fuck out of there. He would jump in front of the train before he fought you because he knows you have the patch.