The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Pig Night with Joe List

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Bonfire buddy and hilarious comedian Joe List is back to promote his new special on YouTube called "Small Ball." Jay has just been accepted into the "Rogan Sphere" and Joe may also be a member of this private club. Jacob is surprised to learn that the violent homeless problem in Austin is thriving more than ever. | Jay watches the Netflix documentary "Trainwreck: Mayor of Mayhem" about Rob Ford who Jay calls Donald Trump on crack. | Bobby plays a video of a No Kings protestor getting run over and a Florida sheriff encouraging this behavior. | Hugh Hefner used to have a ritual called "Pig Night" when his people would gather prostitutes and bring them back to the mansion for sex. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Fire fashion talk series xm103 The Rogan seers own big Jay Okerson soon to be Fingers crossed fingers crossed Robert Kelly and Our guests very excited to have him in here as new special small ball streaming right now on YouTube premiered in theaters Yeah, correct. It was like, premiered in theaters. Yeah. Correct, it was like a one night only theaters thing? Yep, all across the country.

What I wanna hear about that. Two of them were full. Nice. That's awesome. That's better than anybody in this room could do, Joe. We're all excited for you. I had my live from the Village Underground premiered in a theater in Rhode Island,

and I went to it, and I just watched people walk out. Fun. Is that true? Yeah, it was at a film, we put it into a film festival. And we had a bunch of people show up. But then we were just sitting there, old people were just walking out like 10 minutes in, 20 minutes in, they were just like, what the fuck is this? I think that's who goes to film festivals. Yeah, that is so funny.

Well, his special Small Ball is available now on YouTube. Fuck those theaters. It's the great and hilarious Joe List joining us. I think that's who goes to film festivals. Yeah, that is so funny. Well, his special Small Ball is available now on YouTube. Fuck those theaters. It's the great and hilarious Joe List joining us. What's up, buddy? Thanks, everybody. Yeah, YouTube's the way to go. I decided I want to do YouTube after everyone said,

no, thank you. That's what I did. Yeah, I said, you know what? Fuck it. Yeah, well, I didn't even try. I knew that I'm not hilarious. I knew that wasn't going to be the case. I also didn't, Coda. I'm not hilarious. I knew that wasn't gonna be the case I also didn't go to I just tried Netflix. It was Netflix me too

That's the way to go. I think and they gave a nice old no, thank you But they make you run through the hoops first though, which is nice, right? That's always exciting Do you ever get a you ever get a why no, or is it just a no, thank you Why no home that was for Lou? I or is it just a no thank you? Why no home? That was for Lou. Thank you. I think they do, but it's a rig, I get it, their no gets translated by my agent, and then the agent is like,

ah, you know how they say bad Lou boop, and I'm like, you're not saying anything. What did they say? Like, it feels like he's- Oh, my favorite was, it goes, they said the next one though, like you should bring to them again, which is also a funny way to put it, because it's saying Oh, my favorite was he goes, they said the next one though, like you should bring to them again, which is also a funny way to put it,

because it's saying, now we're gonna do it, do it all yourself again, and then, you know, throw it to us if it's magical, maybe. Right, yeah, I think that's, yeah, similar thing. Because Netflix and Comedy Central said no to Live at the Village Underground, but then after we did it, Comedy Central bought it, and then Netflix bought it at the same time, and they after we did it, Comedy Central bought it, and then Netflix bought it

at the same time, and they both bought it. It was weird, like they both told me to go fuck myself. Is it not on Netflix now? What? Is it on Netflix now? It was on Netflix for two years, and then it comes back to me. What years?

Was it the years when they delivered CDs to your door? No, no. No, no. It was on a CD. Patch Adams and Bobby Kelly live at the Village CD. Patch Adams and Bobby Kelly live from Village Underground. Patch Adams. YouTube is better, though. I actually really do think YouTube is better.

You have far more control over it. Listen, it is. It's better in a lot of ways. It was better for Andrew Schiltz until Netflix was like, hey, we'll give you $10 million to do it over here. Well. You're talking about just blatant exposure. Yeah, I mean, I'm never gonna be a $10 million guy.

Don't say that, take that back right now. I will be a $10 million guy. You're on the sphere, dude. What's that? Wow. Oh no. He's, oh my God. Maybe he's not.

The thing at the Rogan Sphere? Oh, I'm in the, oh yeah, yeah, the Rogan Sphere. Big time, I've done it four times. Yeah. I have a legendary episode. Oh, yeah. Yeah the Rogan sphere big time. I've done it four times. Yeah I have a legendary episode man. Really? Yeah, it's considered to be one of the worst episodes and I was in the group I was also in the group that didn't make it when he went to Spotify. It was like Jordan Peterson Milo, Yoplin nopolis And me it was like seven seven like really controversial like N-word people and me and everyone was like, what's going on here? I don't know. I think it was because it was

so bad. So I got lumped in with all the whoevers. That's hilarious. It was, it was quite fun. And then I got, because I was there, I got tagged in all these tweets about like freedom of speech and stuff because people tweeted like these six people weren't in. And so everyone, I was getting all these updates being like, just cause you say the N word and think women aren't man, whatever.

And I'm like, guys, I didn't do that. I agree with the sentiment, but I didn't say any of that. These are my inside thoughts. I had a couple jokes bombed. Yeah, I didn't even do jokes. I just stood there and went, I know, good point. Absolutely, totally. It's true, that was a senseless war. I didn't even do jokes. I just stood there and went, I know, good point. Absolutely. Totally.

It's true, that was a senseless war. No, it was horrible. Scientists are still out on that. Was that your first? That was the first time. And then I think the most recent was the best. But then I went on with Louie also, which is a no-win situation.

Because everyone's like, he just clams up, he sits there, this guy sucks. And then if you talk, you're like, who's this piece of shit talking over two legends? And then at one point, I had to go to the bathroom, and I said, will you guys be okay carrying the show if I'm in the bathroom? And like 45,000 people took that serious.

And then I said to Joe, Really, like answering like, of course they don't care. If you go to the bathroom. And then I said to Joe, you know, who doesn't always yes and, we love him, but I was like, hit me straight, am I the worst guest in the history of the show? And then he was like, why do you do that, man?

You're doing great, you shouldn't do that. And I was like, well, I'm just doing a gag. You're in the sphere. You're in the sphere. What the fuck, man? So I blew it. You've always been in the sphere. I'm in the sphere.

Don't say that. Well, I voted Trump hardcore I gave money because Joe told you to he swung me How did you turn Dave Smith says you can't know you gotta go out? I know take your money back Trump was not quite as virtuous as Dave thought Son of a bitch unfortunately, I only listen to Dave Son of a bitch I only listen to Dave Political advice is fucking that is the funny thing I having on a show at Legion of skanks before we start the show

It's like Dave's like World War three just started He's like that Trump just told everybody to Fucking evacuate Tehran So so funny cuz they did to like the president from another country was like you better get out of there and everybody left if they did that if Iran did that to us you should leave New York something bad's gonna happen we wouldn't nobody would listen no I'd be like yeah I don't think so yeah don't we have the Patriot missile I think we can shoot it down no we don't have we're gonna get the golden dome soon

To protect all of our country. It's that what is it? We have the golden phone We had the golden phone the golden dome is that what Israel has that they the rockets come in and And it goes up and takes them out. It's like a yarmulke. Yeah, it's a big yarmulke I thought it was when little Wayne sucks your dick getting golden dome number the iron dome joke yesterday Same one, but it was different person Wait, is it iron dome or gold dome? What's iron dome? They have that's we want with America because it's Trump Israel has the iron dome America's gonna have the golden don't see. Oh, yes. I'm gonna believe when Post Malone gives you head Golden dome. Yeah getting that golden dome posty gives you head, golden dome. Getting that golden dome, posty.

My last Joe, I think, was better. I was more just chill and like, yeah. It doesn't matter at this point because you're in the sphere. That's the whole thing. I thought I was so excited to do Joe, but I showed up an hour early, which kind of fucked people up.

Because I just thought it was at 12, it was at one, so I'm just in front of looking in windows and the guy just pops out of a bush, he goes, can I help you Mr. Kelly? Some Navy SEAL. Yeah, he's like a rifle. And I'm like, I'm here to do. He's in a bunker?

Yeah, I'm here to do Joe's podcast, he's like, you're early, I go, how early? He goes, it's at one o'clock. It's 10 of 12. And I was like, oh God, he goes, would you like me to take you to get, and then he went on the walkie talkie, he's like, Mr. Kelly's here now, and they're like, you heard,

I'm like, shit, I fucked it up. I like the picture when you get close to Rogan's, like red dawn, everybody pops out of the underground things. Yeah, it's such a nondescript place. Well it's not a place. Show yourself! You can't like go, oh, I'll just walk to Starbucks, I'll be back. It's such a nondescript place. Well, it's not a place. Show yourself! You can't like go, I'll just walk to Starbucks, I'll be back.

It's like in a bunker. Well, this guy was like this, I'll take you for coffee if you'd like. So he drove me to a coffee place down the street and I go, you wanna come in? He's like, I'm okay. I was like, I just had to go sit for 40 minutes by myself in this coffee shop in this business district. And I'm just like, fuck, I'm early.

And then I got in the car and- You were driven there in an amphibious vehicle. It's been a crazy fucking Rogan thing. You kept hearing, the Raven has left the building. I'm like, who's the Raven? He's like, that's Mr. Rogan. Joe Raven. Joe Raven.

He's taking the Bugatti. He switched to the Chevy, the SS. He has to keep going to different parking lots and changing cars so TMZ doesn't find him. It's like Pesci in Casino. But I was expecting, I always thought I'd get the werewolf photo, but he had a run right after. I was like, I gotta, but he did show me the gym,

showed me all the stuff, and then he was like, I'm such a fuckin', looking back, what a fool I am. I mean, you were in the sphere when it was an orb he said he said he showed me all his stuff his his tank his you know cold plunge his sauna and all and he goes if I had to throw all these away I'd keep this sauna because that's the best for your health and blah blah blah so I immediately went home and bought a sauna right I just bought a sauna. And it was, I couldn't afford a real sauna,

so I had to buy like a Wayfair sauna. And then do it yourself, like make it into a sauna. Oh my fucking God. And I remember, it has to be 170 degrees, so mine only got to 140, so I bought a sauna heater, and then I sealed everything, and I put a mat over it, so mine's up. I'm just in this thing now that wasn't supposed to be 200 degrees,

just dying in this thing. It's melting, you're melting. Yeah, I don't think it's. Just plastic melting around you. It's probably not safe. But you still have it. I do, I use it all the time. And every once in a while I put a little video up

just in case Joe's following the old Kelstar. It looks like a candle though, it's melting down. I tried to bring up that I'd been doing MMA for a couple years to Joe, and he was like, oh wow, yeah, so anyways, the pyramid, like you can tell, he was like, no, no, no, you're not part of this. And I was like, okay, well.

You start saying words, yeah. I took a stab. I was like, yeah, you know, I'm a white belt, so, you know. And then he was just like, no. Arm bar, words just like, no. Arm bar. Words. Yeah. Choke. Well, it's, you know, I feel like I have the foundation

to be in the sphere. If I'm not, if I'm not, I might, the way he presented it to you, I might be in the sphere. Well, we should go to- What do you mean the way he presented it to me? He said, dude, you've been in the sphere, dude, you're there. You've been there, you've always been there. You're just not here enough. That's what he said?

He didn't say I'm not there enough. He said, you're not here a lot. Right. So that's all. I'm not there a lot. Maybe if I was there a lot. Maybe I have to leave Dawn and move to Austin. We should all go. We should just dump everything and go.

Should we leave our chicks and go, but come and join the Sphere full-time? Well, my wife's family is from there. But that's why it's so hard. No, no, we're not bringing our chicks, man. God damn it, Joe. No, no, no, no, I'm leaving her, but I'll hang with her family.

That way it feels close. Who taught you how to daydream? Yeah, dude, Jesus, you are a fucking daydream killer. We all go and get an apartment near Joe's studio. Yeah, but I don't like the homeless are very serious. Buddy, we don't live near the homeless. We don't live near that. Right. We get helicoptered right the homeless. We don't live that

We get helicoptered right to the back of the creaking cave Yeah, the creek in the cave is where I got my incident that place But then we have an underground system built to the mothership from the creek in the cave like the slaves. Yes Yes, this is why I'm not I didn't make it to Spotify It's Juneteenth tomorrow Seriously still really bad Joe Rogan actually got rid of it. No, it's fucking horrible. In Austin, there's like an article. They say if you get robbed downtown, don't call 911, call

311 and just report it. That's because they were like, you're going to wake take up our services. Call 311, let them know. There was a comedian whose agent, I think it was, or manager got robbed at gunpoint, and this is like four in the morning and he was drunk, but they robbed him at gunpoint and they made him lift the limit on his credit card, like on his phone, before they took his wallet, which I wouldn't even know how to do. I'd

be like, you guys gotta do it. I don't know how to do that. That's what they used to do in Brazil. It was like a big thing when we went to Brazil. They were like, if they take you, they're gonna just exhaust your bank account until you have nothing left and then they just throw you away. Well, that's happening in Austin now, evidently. And Joe's always like, no, it's, what are you talking about, it's nothing.

I'm like, well, you're in an armored truck with two Navy Seals, like you said. I'm like, I'm walking here. Everybody in his camp has like a Punisher style tattoo of some sort. I remember the guy said to me, what'd he say? He goes, we're not here to protect Joe, we're here to protect you from Joe.

Oh God. That's fear talk. Just FYI. If you wanna throw that out there in front of him, it might help. That's terrifying. You're trying to get in. Trying.

Yeah. If he hears that, maybe. Oh my God, Tim Dillon's story, he told on How did Tim get in? Vigorous Gangs was one of the funniest things I've ever heard. What's that? I mean how his opener, I guess, was bombing and Joe was like, this guy can't be here

and Tim was like, I agree and Tim gets most and he's like, you have to leave. You have to leave the club and not come back. And he's like, but it seems dangerous. He's like, I don't give a fuck, go. They're gonna shoot you in the face. I would send Max, I would kick Max out of the club. I was like, I don't like your kid. Bye max. Yeah, take it easy I'm gonna fix your fucking attitude. I'll meet you Mitzis. Have fun making it back to the hotel without getting raped

Yeah, good luck and we got to separate ourselves from Dan Soder by the way. He's he's been viral Yeah, what is that? That piece of seen that? We had a really separate us dickhead that I that? That piece of shit. You haven't seen that, have you? What a scumbag. We had a really separate lesson. Dickhead that guy. I mean, what a piece of shit. We hate him. Hey, first of all, Jay knows. Listen, here's the thing.

You don't have to sell it. Yeah, he attacked Joe, man. Really, when I had him hired? Crazy, just for being Joe. I don't know, there was like somebody clipped together a soda like Riff it like joking about the Rogan's and they put it together and there was no limits So the regs Joe is no there's no there's no right. There's no limits. You know, it's the end I did no topics on the regs. We just say what we say whatever well, we felt regs with a Z

Yeah, we're serious. Yeah, you guys don't fuck around around and we weren't fucking around that day and apparently Dan Was talking some smack on old Elon and Joe Rogan? Being being in this in in the sphere and wanting to be in this fear He's not in this fear we we we had a stick up for our friend Joe. Yeah, any line. I love Elon, too Yeah, I love you. I like what he's doing. I do space Space is good. And then the poor people they don't need our fucking money Take that away. Yeah, give it to him I know it's our last day. What is this show over? Yeah forever. I'm the last guess

Yeah, you're ruin this show over? Yeah, forever. I'm the last guest? Of the week. I'm Robin Williams? Yeah, you ruined this show too, Joe. Oh my God. I'm going to Spotify. He's in the sphere. We just got a million dollars each. G-Spotify, folks. Nice.

I want to get some of these stories before the week was over, and we lose some of them here. First of all, the Florida Sheriff issuing the warning to protest was hilarious. I did see that video. Can I ask you a question, and I don't wanna seem like I'm crazy, but when you see people trying to stop cars

and you see the cars just run them over, that makes me feel fantastic. Oh yeah, it's very satisfying. There's one where this chubby fat redhead got Weather's wrong or right. Yeah, this chubby fat redhead got in front of the car and this guy just said, you saw him make the decision? We was like, ah fuck, come on, ah fuck it. Vroom, and he just ran her over. She was still alive but she was definitely hurting.

And people were just like, oh my God, and he just took off, it made me so happy. Yeah, I love a good protest, but I don't understand protesting in front of a motor vehicle. Right there he's like, fuck it. You see the car bump up like a speed bump, and it just takes off. What's the context here? Watch, watch, ready?

And you know what? Fuck this bitch. Oh, it's a girl. Yeah, he just runs his chubby chick over. And then she got right back up. Was she trying, was the beef with this guy? No, and they were just trying to stop traffic because they wanted to you know cause chaos Yeah, I don't get what she's accomplishing there. I was to know Kings March and it's like hey We're gonna block a street, but in Florida accomplishes workman's comp

in Florida It's this guy you're gonna play this clip in this clip, in Florida they do not give a fuck anymore. They're like, if somebody blocks your car, we want you to run them over. No. Listen to this. If you resist lawful orders, you're going to jail. Let me be very clear about that.

If you block an intersection or a roadway in Brevard County, you are going to jail. If you flee arrest, you're going to go to jail tired because we are going to run you down and put you in jail. If you try to mob rule a car in Brevard County, gathering around it, refusing to let the driver leave, in our county you're most likely going to get run over and over across the street. If you spit on us, you're going to the hospital and in jail. I like that they start threatening

and beating the shit out of you. That's great. If you hit one of us, you're going to the hospital and jail and most likely get bitten by one of our big beautiful dogs that we have. A big beautiful dog. He's gonna go now happy protesting everybody after all that. Now let's get out there and have a peaceful protest.

This is like the big boss man current day. I mean really. A brick, a firebomb or pointed gun at one of our deputies. We will be notifying your family where to collect your remains at. I love this guy. Because we will kill your graveyard dead. Graveyard dead? We'll kill your graveyard dead. We've just got to stop. Oh, this guy rules. I love it. See, I'd vote for this guy.

Yeah. He seems cool. He's a Democrat, right? Well, I watched last night the Rob Ford documentary he just put out on Netflix. The train member Rob Ford, Mayor of Toronto, he smoked crack.

I heard about that. Never, was never unpopular for one day of his entire political career. They loved him, they fucking loved him. No matter what he did, he'd say he didn't smoke crack and then he came back and goes, all right, I smoke crack. And they kept voting for him. And then they were like, he smoked crack again.

And they're like, all right, man. Then prostitutes, the girl that said he wanted to eat her pussy. Looks like Tim. Is this Tim's dad? Yeah, who the fuck smokes crack and gets hungry? This guy's not doing both. He's doing one of them wrong. So this video footage of him smoking crack.

Oh, you know that? Oh, yeah. Multiple. Is this him smoking crack now? Is that why the sunbeam, the Jesus light is shining in its face? Yeah. Isn't it how to shut the shade?

Yeah, he's definitely in a trap house that can't close the window all the way. Yeah, there's tape on it. And by the way, where they found this video was in a raid at a gun runner's house because he just hung out with criminals and would smoke crack with them and then go to work in the morning.

Wow. I love him. But do you remember the, this is the guy that there was a girl because he just hung out with criminals and would smoke crack with them and then go to work in the morning. I love him. But do you remember the, this is the guy that there was a girl that said, that he said he wanted to eat her pussy. And he goes, oh, and as far as that girl saying they want to eat her pussy, I'm a happily married man. I got plenty to eat at home.

And then he went, Oh, hell yeah. Then he went and tried to fight somebody like in their city, you know, their government meeting. And he fucked, or their Senate, I guess it is. And he went over they went tried to fight somebody like in their city, you know, they're a Government meeting any fuck or their Senate, I guess it is and he went over to like attack a guy just bowled over an old lady He's a big fat idiot. I forgot about that. Is that that clip right there? Is that when he runs over? They're calling a friend of mine Apostitute Atlanta is not a prostitute. She's a friend and it makes me sick how people are saying this. So unfortunately, I have no other choice.

On the last one, to take legal action, I can't put up with it anymore. So I've named the names, litigation will be starting shortly, I've had enough. That's why I warned you guys yesterday, be careful what you wrote. Okay, so that's all I have to say for now and the next thing I want to call mayor Britannia It's in Hamilton and tell them that we're gonna have to spank the little tiger catch. Oh and the last thing was Olivia Gondak that says that I wanted to eat her pussy. They let me go on that. I've never said that in my life tour I would never do that. I'm happy married. I've got more than enough to eat at home. Thank you very much. What about drinking and driving in there? He 100% said it, because he said it there like he said it.

Oh, for sure. He said, I want to eat her pussy. What person says that? Oh, well, he said, he smoked crack one time, and Christine was pointing out that it was like the way he's holding the pipe is like this is all the time. He was talking shit and be like, you know, like anybody else. He's so comfortable else like a junkie is this him is this him going to fight and pulling the old lady over this is

fantastic this guy was a wealth and by the way until a day died he once he was disgraced went to rehab and smoke crack again and all this shit came out he then ran again for mayor I believe was winning then he got cancer and was getting too sick that he bowed out of the mayoral race and gave it to his brother who didn't win but he was like I'm not I can't be mayor but I'm gonna run for like City Council still and they just he won that too he never doesn't like they never didn't love him so he he is dead cancer he just bulls the lady right over caught him brought her up though the guy's an animal what I miss politicians

like that did it make you sad no no it doesn't make me sad I like fucking crazy motherfuckers oh yeah when they were just when you catch them doing shit This is he did the Trump thing before Trump they were saying he was the guy that came out and he would always go The problem is he got caught with everything too. So he'd be like they're saying I smoke crack show me a video There's no video and then his release of video. He goes I smoke crack, but I was in a drunken one of my drunken stupors He calls it. That was when I was in one of my stupors. I've done a lot of dumb shit in my stupors. They ask him in that Senate thing at one point, he goes,

have you bought illegal drugs in the past two years? He went, uh, yeah. He's like, I got to watch this. He's awesome. Oh, dude, Toronto doesn't give a fuck. And they just kept voting for him. And ladies, he didn't even have turned women off They were like look at him go get it guy. Let's give a shit. It's a guy every girl really wants by the way

Crazy crazy guy that does little meth and parties his wife his wife could have been far worse Yeah, bring up a picture of a was Renata or something, she was foreign. This guy is Trump before Trump. He fucking, as a politician. He's the Canadian Trump. But he's the real deal. I mean, Trump never even drank. This guy's smoking crack.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, all those people say Canada's not the more badass place. Their man's a smoking crack. Wow. I'd eat her pussy. She's far less attractive than I thought she looked in the thing. She's not that bad.

Well, I think that's a... That's a bad photo. That's her mourning, I think. It is also probably more recent. It's way better than the Prime Minister of France's wife, that dude. Macron? Yeah. What's his wife look like?

They just showed her in a bikini and she definitely has nuts. Who? The Prime Minister of, Prime Minister of the President of France. His wife is supposed to be trans. Oh really? Yeah. What? Really?

You didn't know about that? Yeah, there's a whole, yeah, that's supposed to be a guy. Oh wow, I can see it. And they have photos of her as a young boy What and doing this now because you know the girl that's breaking the porn record or whatever that only thing Bonnie blue or something I don't mean Bonnie blue. Are they saying she was a man now or something? Is that possibly true if that's a real picture that looks like her as a boy younger? What do you think type in boy her as a boy?

Her yeah that this one here the wife. Yeah that looks like her as a boy, younger. What do you think Paco? Type in boy, her as a boy. Her? Yeah, that. This one here, the wife of the French. Yeah, the- The wife of the president of France, boy. Boy. Boy, oh boy. That's what he said when he pulled

their pants out for the first time. Oh boy, oh boy. He had a quantum leap? Oh boy. Yeah, they showed a picture of it today. But you know what, this sucks now, because I remember back when the internet was new and you saw something fucked up, it was real.

Right. Like now, you see something like, oh my God, and it's fucking fake. You know? Oh yeah. I saw a pancake monster eating itself, and I was like, wow, I thought it was a real pancake monster. But there's so much. You hoped it was a real pancake monster.

There was a picture of her today on a boat in a bikini, and either she has a fat quiche down there, or it... she has a ding-a-ling. She could have a nice thick quiche on her. But pussies are bulgier than people think, though. Agreed. Yeah, there's a little bit of a pouch there. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they're more... All the straight guys are nodding. Bobby's shaking his head no. I don't know. Because my girl, I don't like a hamburger down there. Well, I'm not saying I want a hamburger, but I'm just saying... You want balls.

You want hot balls. I don't want balls, I want a penis. I would like vagina lips with the dick above it. You want vagina lips with the dick above it? Yeah, the best of both worlds. You eat the clit, and there's a little dick on your forehead. Can I add... No, there's nothing there. I don't know. You eat the clit, and there's a little dick on your forehead. Can I add... No, there's nothing there.

I don't know. It must have been fake then. It was a pink one. It was a pink bikini. Seems like a woman to me. She looks hot. A one-piece bathing suit with some human shoes. Is that her?

That doesn't look like her. Bridget Macaroon. She does spell her name like a dude would spell Bridget. She didn't configure it out. She didn't write it fast. Look, look, look. Maybe. Yeah, did they also meet, like she was a teacher

and he was a student at the high school? Yeah, she's way older than him. Can I also say too? Oh yeah, she's like, she's way older than him. She has her hair back. That could also just be the way, yeah, they dressed like a young girl in fucking stupid France. Well, here's the problem is that then there's this,

which is, oh crap, it just went away. What was it? Christine, you have a subscription to Daily Mail. I thought I did. Here, right here, see this picture with her as a little girl. Yeah. So she transitioned young.

Something tells me this isn't true. Well, can we see the Bonnie Blue one? Cause I do. He doesn't deny it. He's never said, you know what I mean? He's never been like, hey, my wife's a woman. Yeah, but he's probably like, I'm not giving credence to this business.

Yeah, answering that is kind of going like, I know it looks like she may have been a man. I think it would be great if he just ripped her cock out on stage. So look at this. That would be better. Is this what you wanted to see? Prime Minister Jim Norton.

Ha ha ha ha. Do you have Bonnie Blue? I'm finding being dispelled not. Are they saying it's fake? Very possible too. Yeah. Fucking AI. Is hermaphrodite a hermaphrodite?

Is that a real thing? They say it is. Jamie Lee Curtis? But I think she just has an extra chromosome. That's the story that we've always heard. This seems to be the only hermaphrodite on record that anyone's aware of is Jamie Lee Curtis. And I've talked to her a thousand times.

True lies, forget about it. Unbelievable. She's crawling and the thing. She was born with a penis and a vagina, and at a point they pick a sex with hermaphrodites. They pick a sex, and so you're more female than male. We're gonna make, we're gonna cut your penis off, make a little clitoris, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's what I've heard. But is there anybody, is there a woman,

is there a unicorn with a really nice cock and a really nice vagina? I don't think you can get really nice in both. Call it. Our 12th hermaphrodite caller gets tickets to... there it is is that it's not a pussy hole there is there But here's the thing also guys. I want to keep in mind. I want to keep in mind God delivers us a lot of different ways and sometimes a woman has a Large clit that does resemble a penis. I've seen it in pornography for years China China had a big one

China didn't have that big a one, though. What's the one I always... There was a famous one. China's looked like a penis, Jay. Maybe when she was still bodybuilding, like the one with the sex tape, maybe? Yeah, she had a... In the sex tape, maybe.

It looked like a little ding-a-ling. She stopped doing all that shit when she was doing actual porn, and her pussy went back. You'll be happy to know. She died with an intact pussy. Okay. Oh wow, here we go.

Wait a minute, but that looks like a big, well, the one down the bottom. Over to the left, that one. No, no, over to the other one. Down, down, down, down. Over, no, up. Right there, right, stop, down. Christine, stop.

Right there, yeah, yeah, that's a dick. I mean, the one that looks most like a cock. You mean the prettiest pussy and the prettiest cock photo? Yeah, that one. If that's real. The cock looks like an acorn though. Buddy, you gotta go let it get bigger. It can't be true, it's not real.

Yeah, Joe, let it get bigger first. Okay. Oh, China. Don't just run away because of the idea. Let it get bigger. Yeah, look at China. China's way over to the left. That looks like a little ding ding, see it? bigger. Yeah, look at China. China's way over to the left. That looks like a little ding ding.

See it? Yeah. That's a penis, dude. But aren't all clitorises penises that shrunk up into clitorises? How come none of them are hard? Our wives, our girls are. How come there's not a hard di-

I don't want to see a limp dick hanging over a pussy. I want to see a big, hard cock. So funny. I don't think, and I've never seen a picture of it that I would deem to be for sure real. I don't think it's real. I think it's a myth, like a unicorn. I think you'd have a beefy clit sometimes, and that's it.

Well, Mother Nature's a mad scientist. I mean, I think people have six fingers. You can't have a great cock and a great vagina. It's impossible. You cannot, because that, I mean, that would be. No one loves, no God loves anybody that much. What about a dick that you could bend and stick in your own vagina?

Yeah, that would be awesome. A gas pump, that would be great. You become a complete functioning system also. You can just live by yourself. You're a closed circuit, dude. Closed unit. Did you hear that Hugh Hefner, I sent that clip in, he used to have pig night.

Fat girl? No. He called it pig night. Now I feel bad. It was in the documentary where he would send his people out to get hookers off the streets of Hollywood. Okay. And bring them back to the mansion

and have his famous friends come over, and have dinner with these prostitutes, and he would call it pig night, and they were the pigs, but the butlers and waitstaff could not, he was like, you could not call them pigs. You have to, you do not call them pigs. And then each girl would have to go into the other room

and get physically checked by a doctor. He'd have a doctor there make sure that she didn't have anything crazy. A veterinarian if you will. And then if they passed the test, he would send them back in and fuck all his friends. What tests could you get in that quick amount of time? See if you got herpes, warts, smells, gross.

Just look you over. A dick. So I was saying, it's going to look you over. You're not getting like, there's not going to be like any fluids being in there. It's not like a pool test. They're going to stick a thing in your pussy if it comes out yellow.

It's like a popsicle stick. It's like the lice test when we were in elementary school. They put a little popsicle stick in there. You need more chlorine in this vag. This thing needs to be shocked. It's covered in algae. Yeah, the secrets of play. I watched that secrets of playboy documentary. Hugh Hefner was not that awesome of a guy.

I mean, if he was still alive and they found out he had pig night, he'd be done. I don't think maybe. But now that you have a new house. I could have pig night? We have pig night. We have pig night. Nice.

We have pig night, pig roast. Pigs in blanket. Pigs in a blanket. All pigs. Yeah. And we go out and get a bunch of prostitutes in your town. Where? Eh, maybe a couple towns over.

Well where the, oh there's a, what's the town out there, the bad one, Patterson? Patterson. Patterson, yes. Patterson probably has prostitutes, right? We all, where the, oh, there's a, what's the town out there, the bad one, Patterson? Patterson probably has prostitutes, right? Absolutely. We send Paco to get as many pigs as he can get with his cute little face. Paco, you are absolutely right.

There's no better pig wrangler than Paco, I believe. He's a great pig wrangler. That's what he did in the Philippines. Don't talk to anybody. He was a pig wrangler in the Philippines. Absolutely, for truffle pigs. Truffle pigs, and we get them all back to your house, right, and then we'll have, we gotta get a doctor,

maybe Dr. Gale, we'll have him come over. He's got some peptide pussy test. Something. Oh, you know what we'll do? He'll be like, pee on my tongue. You're good. You just rub deodorant on the vagina. If they scream, you gotta go.

The big one that Hefner did, or I thought was crazy, was Don Cornelius from Soul Train. Yeah. Like him and another guy took two girls, like Playboy Club girls, back to his house and tortured and locked them in cages and beat them and put cigarettes out on them for three days. And one girl escaped and got to a phone and

instead of calling the cops she called like the The bunny mother whatever the fuck they call like the lady who looks over them and they came over and they're like we keep it In-house we have our in-house doctors take care of it Like they can't report it and then the girl said a couple weeks later when she went back to work Don Cornelius Was just there like is they eating again like no big deal. Like, no repercussions. I'm like, damn. The good old days. You have to know there was a piece of shit. Piece of shit. Although you can't just start accusing

the black man at that time. Don Cornelius though, huh? Soul train. I don't think I would enjoy putting cigarettes out on a woman. I mean, you don't know until you try it. Until you try it, yeah, settle down. You don't even smoke.

I think that wouldn't be my scene. I could put a cigar out on her. Yeah, that'd be fun. That's hot. Like fucking John Bender. Yeah, just say, hey, we're all time high buddies. Yeah, there it is. Tying up sexually assaulting Playboy bunnies.

And then Soul Train on the weekdays. Now y'all have a soulful weekend. I'm about to go home and put a cigarette out on a bitch. It'd be nice to be that sick of pussy to get that much pussy in your life where you have to start burning it. Because that's the only thing that turns you on. I think he's got himself a couple of white bitches.

Take some fucking anger out on is what it was. There's definitely two white girls. But yeah, they call the... It's so funny they call like the bunny mother. That's the worst. The woman who the guys are able to like convert. The SD of the Playboy Mansion? Yes.

I want you to do Monday, Tuesday, blowjob on Wednesday. And please avoid cancellation. Please. And please take cigarettes. Please avoid hospitals and police officers. Please no officers. No, absolutely. I mean, SD.

So funny. But get the abuse of the chicks I've never understood. Absolutely, I mean uh Esti so funny, but um Get the abuse of the chicks. I've never understood like isn't this fun to be also celebrities who gets it like that that darkness I'm surprised. I'm I'd be curious to hear in your world Bobby like what's Dane Cook's darkest fucking like where am I? What is this happening right here is Tom Cruise jerking off right behind me right now It's some kind of weird party now. Dane just had a lot of girls Did you see him just go blank right there like he just forget all the stories? He goes no Dane only had sex with women because I didn't ask him he only had sex with me I assumed you only had sex with him. Why are you saying that? I have a suit a Sufi chip in my head that he implant

I assumed you only had sex with him. Why are you saying that? I have a Sufi chip in my head that he implant. I ain't had a lot of girls. I hope it is really shaped like that too. He goes pew. Sufi. Sufi of a life. Sufi.

No, he never did. He had, let me tell you something. I've seen a lot of crazy stuff, but he was just a regular, he got a lot of chicks though, man. I mean, it was funny to me because people- No, I'm not even meaning like a gay thing. I'm saying just like a weird situation.

Yeah, never did it. I mean, I don't know. There was a chick dressed like a stormtrooper. There you go. That was weird. That is weird. Was it Halloween or? No.

Just showed up just like a stormtrooper? She likes Star Wars, Dane loves Star Wars. How do you get noticed? Oh, a Star Wars stormtrooper. Star Wars trooper, Dane loved Star Wars. How did he get noticed? Oh, a Star Wars storm trooper. Star Wars trooper, yeah, a Star Wars storm trooper. Not an SS, she showed up as a Nazi. She showed up, I thought you were like, German pussy, you piece of shit.

That's the only way Dane could come. An SS. Yeah. Yeah. A storm trooper. Yeah, he, twins, walked into twins. Oh wow. Yeah dude.

Danny DeVito and, Yeah. Donald Schwarzenegger. There was something. Something in those hills. Buddy, I swear. Where he went into a room, and there were some bat shit things going on

with some strange people. Two things, two things Dane was. He was a nerd, theater nerd. Gay. No, that's the, crack me up. People would be like, Dane's gay. I'd be like, buddy, so many chicks were lining up for this dude. He's over-optimizing.

But he went from not getting any girls to getting girls like that and smoking hot girls, like the top of the top. Same here. Buddy, what? I remember. Since 2017, Joe List has been reading and posting on it pretty much every day. When my last comic standing episode came out,

I forgot about it. Buddy. Look out world. We did Cesar's, Celine Dion's theater for whatever thing it was, and in that tower there's two suites at the top of those towers, and they take up both, the whole building, one side, one side, and he had one of the suites,

and he invited all girls, just all girls, like 50 girls. And you had to put your phones in the bag and all that, and I walked up, but I was just like, this is like a movie. That's Jared Leto shit though. I don't wanna hang with 50 fucking girls. Yeah. Exclusively, I mean, that's such a weird like. No, it was weird, but.

You know, the runoff? What's that? You and Gary Goldman and what's his name? No, it was me and Aldo Bene. Oh, oh. No, I mean, look man, it was just weird, but he got chicks all the time, but he just fucked around with them,

didn't do any weird shit. And now he lives with AIDS, you told me hmm, and they say he lives with AIDS No, I said he was dying from and you said no He never got AIDS no HIV. It didn't transfer over. That's good. There's all kinds of medicines now Joe. Yeah, Jane's fine He's never done anything Well, you can't do too much when you have HIV Dan was a good guy. Oh No, he's tranced out again oh no the Sufi chip not only was he funny he was a great guy and a great friend Paco Taze Bobby I'm sad that you have to shock the chip

I'm sad that oh god he used to hit them Jay he hit them before I go back in he chokes him in front of me. He made me kill somebody Jay She's buried behind his house in a bush and right now day cooks in a cave going decommissioned Bobby Time to decommissioned Bobby shut him down Small ball is a new special by Joe lists one of the funniest stand-up comedians out there Thank you killing it way funnier than Marklific. Way funnier than Mark Norman. And very prolific. Funnier than Mark Norman, I'll say it.

Awesome. Listen to that, Norman Sphere. Should be higher up in the Sphere than Mark Norman. I'm gonna say that. Don't try to create dissension in the Sphere, dude. I'm sorry. You know what? I take that back.

Everybody's in the Sphere. There's plenty of room for everybody. Not everybody, but there's plenty of room for a lot of us in the Sphere. I mean, it's not definite. Listen, you can feel good. Nobody else's room besides me and Joe are in the Sphere. That doesn't make me feel good at all. Christine, Christine lives with me. No Sphere.

I gotta go to the weekend. I'm gonna be camping in the woods this weekend doing wood stuff. So hopefully maybe some of my stories will run by Rogans. You're gonna be Rogan-ing out by yourself. I'm gonna kill the squirrel and pretend it's elk meat. run by Rogans. You're gonna be Roganin' out by yourself. I'm gonna kill the squirrel and pretend it's elk meat. Small Ball is available right now on YouTube. Check it out.

Watch it again. Comment, rate, review, all that shit. It all helps. Please. And make sure you go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for all his dates. Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 25th and 26th. I'm in Charlotte in a couple weeks. That's all that matters.

Go to PunchUp.live slash Big Jay Ocasian and watch his special this weekend too. Look, we're putting a lot of stuff out there. My special's out there, their special, but make sure you go check out Joe Lis' special. It's brand new. Please. It's killing it. Killing it. And me and Jay are going to look at some quiches this weekend. Oh yeah, go enjoy the pre-record tomorrow and we'll catch you guys live.

Tomorrow is the uh... Huh? The uh...Juneteenth quiz. Juneteenth contest. Contest. Don't wanna miss it. Yes. And as all things involving black history, there was some cheating involved.

Well, give it away with host Lewis Johnson. Whatever dude, whatever, whatever. We love you Joe List. Thank you, thanks for having me. We'll catch you guys Monday.