The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Poop Slime with Farrah Abraham

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

Adult star and former Teen Mom talks to the guys about her new foray into stand-up comedy. She makes her comedy debut at the Spearmint Rhino in NYC tonight, and who better to give advice than Jay and Bob? Farrah reveals that she had some realizations on ketamine about her time on Teen Mom. Her daughter had to be taken out of school because of her mother's adult content. She tells of the dark times she had in porn with an abusive co-star. Jay asks her about his favorite scat video of her and she has a surprising recollection of the event. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly You know Whoever put the music together for the film Footloose nailed it Three songs in that movie. I could think of off top my head besides Footloose that are fantastic songs this song They play bang your Head, Metal Health. One of our old Bonfire songs plays. That's a thing. Is Christine leaving?

She's here? Our guest is here? How lovely. Nice. Put on I'm Free by Kenny Loggins. That's a good one. This was the song that played when they decided they were gonna have to fix up the barn so they could have a prom. Oooooh.

Hey, why don't you turn my mic on? Son of a bitch. What a son of a bitch you are. Is that your dream? You and Jay talking about songs? Fucking loser. You were doing tech time. Ah, well. Turn my damn mic on. I'm kidding, you know I'm kidding.

I love you. I love you. I love you, buddy. I love you. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Looking into your eyes, I know I'm right. Bring up this song from 1986. Let's jerk each other off with our knowledge

of songwriters and drummers and lead singers. Oh yeah, just obscure songs from Kenny Loggins. Oh Jay, I can't tell you how much I get wet every time you bring this up. Oh I get to do my job, what I was meant to do in my heart. Bring up songs that nobody knows but only you. Let's drop the extra weight of being funny and talking about horse shit. You know, they were just talking over each other last time, Bob and Mike yapping, now we're in the midst. Some people are moved by things other than Kelly Clarkson. Dude, I'll fucking slap your face. Wow. Jay. I'll slap his face. You may be sure to slap his face I don't I'll go to HR for this Give me your check. That's all right cuz you were you want me to pro gym now

I know where the line is I stepped over and I apologize. Okay, you know what? I'm a man. I'll accept the apology and I didn't really mean that because I had in my back pocket in case you attack me again Okay, sorry. All right. We'll jump the gun. He just jumped the gun. We're back. We're back. I love you Lou. We're back Go ahead go back to your songs Man fair Ava would be a good person to put through the gauntlet, but no one knows what the gauntlet is yet till tomorrow What is it go I'm nervous why am I nervous When we put her through the gauntlet no you know the dance oh I thought our guest a gauntlet was a thing that you do

No, I'm not gonna make her poop on you Bobby so you're worried about I thought that was another term for gauntlet You think I'm gonna have a poop on I'm not gonna have a poop on I'm a little I'm nervous I want to ask her about the poop You have to you have to I'm going you know, but like into it I do a minute do I do I how do I I don't know how to play this? I back you on MTV twos a team. I wish Christina put the fucking things up She has the fucking stupid chips to picture the chips up there. I know I do and man fairy abraham's goddamn thing. Oh shit. Okay. Okay. I worry Very where she's gonna be making her stand comedy debut. Okay, okay

It's called diary of a teen mom. They do a piece. It's a full piece. I thought it was diarrhea from a teen mom It's cuz you can't read I can't read but I did poop Don't say the gates up. You can fart all you want in front of her. She's not gonna mind She doesn't care that she's like why, though. You can fart all you want in front of her. She's not going to mind. She doesn't care. She's like, why you should, man, you should be bottling that. The Spearman Rhino in New York City tomorrow. Okay, she's going to do stand-up comedy.

Stand-up comedy debut. Good, good, good. This is the first time ever? It's a whole show. That never goes good. I've never seen you so nervous. What? I've never seen you so nervous.

Me? You look flustered I'm just going through the things effects. Give Bobby. No. No I'm Saying it's her first stand-up comedy debut buddy first and I'm coming stuff. It has a tie as a type We can talk about my first our first stand-up things we should are you doing fun? Hello? How are you come on over here? what That's the way that's a funny way to say get over here joining the show MTV's team I Mean an MTV legend at this point everybody should be making her comedy

Debut with her new show diary of a teen mom debuting at the Spearman Rhino in New York City 10 p.m. Tomorrow night March 13th when you get tickets to the Spearman Rhino NYC comm slash fair everybody it is fair Abraham I'm just gonna say we're nervous Sorry, did it come out? Thank you for coming on you are you nervous about doing your first day Is this your first time doing stand-up ever? Yeah, all right, so you're just going up first time doing a whole show. I think it's great well

Weren't you batting around doing this for a bit guys? I believe you were fair we met briefly and You met to Christine didn't you if you were working on David Tell's comedy underground? You were one of the celebrity people in the audience when Dave had the remember that when he was like I did it Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah. Yeah, didn't we do it the same night. Maybe yeah, I did it the same night Yeah, that was great. I don't remember cuz we're all egomaniacs and we just remember what I remember I was great that night. I think you were there. I mean, I remember I was great I mean I killed it you did kill it. I think I called Dave I said he looked like he dresses like he's a locksmith

It's a big laugh big big laugh He kind of I think he always says he's Syrian he's Jewish and I'm like David's he'll could play my father and like my remake of my life So I might cast him for that and that really hurts his feelings about when he hears it though You could play my great great grandfather. Yeah, my dad, my Syrian dad. I do call him my comedy zaddy though, from that experience on the comedy underground

because like I didn't know what SAG was, I didn't know what like continuous paychecks look like cause you know, union. Neither do we. Oh okay yeah. Well I got fired from Teen Mom and then I just started receiving these checks and you know the best kind of zaddy They just send money and they don't talk the saddest part about the checks

Oh as as the year goes by they still come but they get so much smaller I just got one for 17 cents from law and order and it made me sad I'm never gonna do law and order then you don't know that don't say that. Why wouldn't you? 17 cents that doesn't know I mean milk no that's the later and I got paid more than that I got sag okay Bobby you really feel you you ruined it there your chances with it but I got 17 cent checks coming in constantly do you think she walked in and I had a chance yeah I think for a minute when you walked in she was all about you.

She saw me with. It was your game to lose and then you lost. She saw me with dirty golf pants and a hoodie. Yeah, and don't dress up, I wanna see how you really are. Where are you from? Iowa. Iowa, no shit. Nice, Slipknot.

Slipknotville. Yes, me and Sophia, my daughter, we love to go to their concerts. I have the best time. Oh, really? They do their big Knot Fest, their big festival there. That's interesting. I wouldn't have taken you for a heavy metal person at all. Yeah.

I've been in it. I've been in it. My daughter loves it. She's goth. And I'm just, I love it. She's goth? Yeah. It's so funny that it's back now.

My daughter's sort of goth, too. She's kind of goth, yeah. She's 22. Am I right? How old's your kid? 16. 16. She's like literally wrapping her truck in like bats, like black, it's gonna be all black with like bats on it and like

a goth license plate thing. Yeah, she is totally into that. So's like not a like a fad How does she it's how it's 16 does she like like you being from the MTV shows and stuff does she love that? Did you think it's cool? Well, she's the reason why I was on there I always say like I always think of her making me famous and doing this ride with me So yeah, I don't know. We're good We don't really like talk about it, you know? We just live it. It's making me nervous that you're not nervous about Tomorrow Night.

As a 30 year veteran, he's 25 years in standup, this is our bread and butter is standup comedy, and you're going up Tomorrow Night doing a whole show, and you aren't nervous at all. No, and my old bosses and producers keep adding themselves to the guest list and that's more concerning than being nervous about anything else. I'm like are they trying to shoot me for like the Teen Mom show and then not pay me and then stop by my comedy show? I just said do we have

cell phone lockers because for a celebrity fight they like went around me I was trying to like record me I flew to the Maldives I was like ha ha bitches I didn't know what you just said can you not hear no no no he just didn't he never heard those words before I'm a boomer I'm sorry how long are you doing of a show? So it's only 30 minutes. It's not even that long guys. That's not bad. Yeah. It's not even that long.

Can I hear one of your jokes or is that you don't want to do it? Cause we could help. We could, if there's something you need. Let's workshop this. Okay. So let's workshop this. Let's do it. Something that I noticed today on different news segments, like anchors were like, oh Farrah, you need to work on your timing

because you really had a hard time with your parenting because you were 16. And I'm like, I don't regret being 16. I got energy to go do like a comedy tour. Like I'm straight, I'm good. I don't like, I love my daughter. And I think like that's the weird jokey like story vibe of like hey I'm not trying to talk shit but you guys talk shit to me a lot and I have ADHD so

I'm just like I must have time blindness I don't care if I was really like 16 and pregnant maybe I'm just blind to the time though so I've been trying to like not sound like a bitch in my edits and keep cutting things. I like it. What do you got? Jay? What do you got? Was anyone here a teen parent? I should even ask.

My mother was a teen. She had my sister when she was 15. Okay. Wow. And she had me when she was 18. Okay. And this was back in the day where you had to go away. I know.

They shipped you to a hospital. Yeah. Exiled. You got exiled. You had to go to like a hot like a hospital stay there And then she had to go move back in with my grandmother with my sister Yeah, now you can be a teen mom and induce and be on TV. Yeah, how cool is that? Huh, no, but she she was That's my point it's like, well that's the thing,

I've been dating guys and they're all- Hang on one second. Did you think I thought you was a teen mom now? I did. Okay, that's not you. I'm out of 16. Okay, I'm out of that one. Yeah, so I've been dating some guys

who are older parents, young kids, right? Like four and five. And I don't really think that they get it like from coming being a teen mom and like I'm an empty nester now they've just started being parents it's so much better yeah it's so much better I actually think like the guys get envious of me and then they like we get in this like I don't know if it's right here I had a kid when I was a kid now. I get to enjoy my my 20s Yeah, and my daughter also gets like Well, I will say good. I thought that was pretty good. I get I get to go I get the facts

In comedy facts are funny, but there is something I'm not gonna be like how Howie Mandel was like, Farrah, two guys walk in a bar, and I'm just like, probably not that. I'm like, no, I really like, was at the Peninsula Bar, and then like a billionaire came and forced himself to sit down with me, and then we ended up at the Gentleman's Club,

and I was dancing. Like, I just am like, I have real stories. I don't need to like. How does that one end? I got booked at the Comedy Club club where I randomly brought their biggest Spender in oh yeah Wow nice a billionaire. Yeah really paid off for them. All right sounds like it Do you work my out to spearman right now? I had my My daughter was born when I was 20 24. I guess or just turning 24 and she

So said now she's 22. 22. So it's, I do like that I did that young. So now at 47, which is an old, old, like, like you know, I could do things with her. You're not old. I could do things with her, you know, she's an adult now, you know.

It's like fun to kind of do those things. But would you, I'd make, my daughter's 22, so in two years. That's great. In two years though, I'd even be worried Would you worry your daughter now being 16 would you freak out if she got pregnant in a situation now not at all I actually am never even Concerned about my child. Do you see that? Do you see now being?

Shitty way like I don't even think about this little shit You know, it's weird is I have my kid at 42. So it is different. I'm going to have like six good years with her. And then I'm going to be gone. You can use that. Yeah, I mean, I like it. Like how you say it, you're just like, yeah, this is great.

Like this is what it is. So you don't care. Like, this is a good question. Like if your daughter got pregnant next year or something like that You really can't you have you can't say anything because you did it and you have a good daughter You can still say but I'm on my question is more saying do you now see? Like it's funny when you're in it when you're the those ages It seems like when you were 16 and pregnant you were like, yeah, I got this I thought but you see I never had it to myself

You didn't feel like that. But the idea that 16 now, when you're not 16, doesn't it seem so young? I feel that way when I see 20-year-old kids now or someone they're like college age. You can do so many things. You're legal in every possible way. 21, but it's still like when you meet them,

you're like, oh, that's a kid. It's still a kid. It's very interesting. I had a full circle event during winter and then I started ketamine. That's fun. Because of this. And I think it was, I'm actually enraged

to think how my parents allowed me to be, what they put me around at 16. Yeah, I looked at my daughter and I was like, I would never put my daughter around that or have her even think these thoughts and like be so disconnected from me like I was with my family. And I think I was just like,

I know why my daughter doesn't like me talking to my mom and my dad now. And yeah, I feel like I've been way too nice, but I also was like a different situation. It's like I was forced to be around toxicity longer than my soul could stand. And I think like when people are like, oh my God, you're famous and you're a teen mom.

It's like, yeah, but then there's like the real you that needs to get out of like a psychedelic parenting simulation and like go be a real parent and like go really do this. And that's what I focused on. I think like being young and trying to find yourself and do like personal work actually benefited my daughter because She's seen me do the personal work. She got the benefit of it and I don't have to worry and that's why I'm saying like She's the least of any of my worries. She is so much wisdom so fun

We just got back from like Germany and London for her sweet 16 and she has it all. I really wish that I had a parent like myself, like she got. It's good that you got that. I'm sorry, I was a little distracted because Jacob was typing on his computer and it sounded like chipmunks

fucking digging through the floor. I love chipmunks. I mean you had me. What a beautiful moment, I was really into it. And then I hear, mark this. Jacob, flip your computer. Let me see what you typed. Flip it. Yeah, what'd he type?

He's looking at porn. He's emailing his father, pop, look at the cans on this one. Jacob, Jesus Christ. Can you fucking please have some goddamn fun? You know, there's been a lot of people FaceTiming their dads with me today. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you with me today. Really? Yeah. Well, you got another one. Sorry about that. I apologize. Yeah. One of my publicists of like 17 years, she's like, my dad's going to be pissed if we don't FaceTime him. And it's like crazy.

It's like the people I have known for 17 years are like acting like they're remitting me. And it's true. I've been tidied up in my own world for like five five years just being an online mom I just didn't really like to go out anymore How did you make money being home? Oh my god. How do you make money being home guys? I oh Well, I actually make earrings pornography Robert I make Indian earrings American Indians you got an Etsy shop. No, I know that earrings for Native American Indians.

You got an Etsy shop? No, I know. I was joking. Sorry. Yeah. Over too good. I don't. I'm myself. I have small wood carvings. I would love to make an Etsy shop. That's my dream. Yeah. We'll see how much money you get. Not a lot. We'll have a race. Do you? OK. Can I ask you that question with. So you did. I'm sorry. I'm not familiar. I'm just trying to get familiar.

What are these cigars? Oh, those are suppositories. These, I have, I'm backed up. Is this how you get through parenting right here? What is this? This is actually my new dildo line I'm putting on. It's my replicated penis that I'm putting on Etsy. Oh, that's exciting.

That's all I can handle, what a pussy. A little stimulation. Do I? No, thank you. Farrah, do you, have you had to have, what age do you have or did you have the conversation with your daughter about doing adult work and stuff? Or did you have to at all or has it come up?

So, that's when I took her out of public school. She was five years old and I don't know. I don't know, it was like why are five year olds coming to public school talking about my sex life to my daughter? Jesus. Yeah, and I have to say that is totally fine. I actually think like it was okay.

Like at five I was like that is not age appropriate. This is when that's age appropriate. And yeah, so she knew like this is so disturbing and these like weird little boys And like it was just like I don't even know what to do. She was weirded out that they knew yeah It was like okay. I know I took over this whole community of like couples and their brains But for it to go all the way down to five-year-olds Yeah, so I got out of the suburbs. By suburbs, it was not gonna happen anymore.

Did you do homeschool or just different, like private school? I mean, we tried private school. Again, I didn't really agree with, let's just focus on putting all your eggs into having a boyfriend and not developing yourself. And I think I just taught my daughter self-worth, value, self-esteem, all the things that I didn't have.

And so yeah, we decided on homeschooling and. Public school, let me tell you, like when you show up, you probably remember this, if you go up to first day or class, you gotta go, I'll go there. And if she walked up, every dude there would be like, who the fuck is that mom yeah because most moms look like me in a wig and if you walk in my daughter owned her own children's boutique in the neighborhood I had a frozen yogurt

store and then we have like a furniture store in the same neighborhood as the school system. So, and being on TV, just taking over, I was sponsoring football teams, cheer teams, whatever, hiring high schoolers. I was like God to the kids in my child's class and other classes. When I walked in- It had nothing to do with those other things though.

Yeah. She she was she's really wonderful in the community also I'm at her tit level height so that's pretty exciting I have no idea but there it was a lot of ruckus when I would go into a public elementary school no idea no idea I mean there was a lot of ruckus when you walked into this room same ruckuckus. Let me tell you something. Well, that's all I was going to worry about. Lady, we used to follow this lady, Mrs. Poindexter, is that what she was called? Mrs. Poindexter.

She had a, we followed her from the story that came out, I guess it made national news to a degree. Her kids were kicked out of public school. Kicked out? Not public, private school because she was doing only fans stuff. And it was interesting. But I think that trickle-down comes from the issue of the person who can't find out in the neighborhood, it's probably good for the performer but not good for your living situation, is when the husbands find out.

When the wives find out the husbands are stoked looking at naked pictures of another kid's mom. Yeah That's when I feel like the shits gonna stir up. It's the women start getting pissed off They're always listening to I'm sure the kids didn't look you up I'm sure it was the dumb dad or had to be talking to the mom. Did you see the fucking dude and They figured it out from there. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie I do blame the stay-at- in the suburbs, like the craziness, like a mom taking my joke on my OF,

which unconsensually, about me putting poop in jars and then I started selling poop slime and then it sold out. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you gotta stop. You gotta bring me up to speed, I need a little context. I'm sorry. I blame these stay at home moms for their kids knowing. No, no, no, I got that part, I got that part. I got that part, I'm talking about it. There's a thing between- Damn at home moms. No, no, no, I got that part.

I got that part. I got that part. I'm talking about, there's a thing between poop, poop, poop stuff. What is it? Poop slime. Poop slime. What is poop slime? So it's just like putty that looks like poop and then we like made the poop emoji on it

and then we put my fair face on it and then we sell it. Oh, so it's not real poop? No. The video of you pooping is not a real video? I didn't poop and What it's a jar I'm fully clothed and it's just me like talking it's like a pure joke So my other friend she was selling her farts. I was like, I'm gonna take this up a notch I did what I should do that. Yeah, and so I did but like I didn't do anything

I was shamed out of my father's a'll tell you what do from that man right there Start jarring them and that man right there shame me out of my toots. Yeah, that's a net see shop for you though I had toots Kelly. Yeah Go Kelly's toots for St. Patty's Day. Yes smells like a million smells like a pot roast dinner I thought there I saw a video. I thought of you pooping It's one of my favorite videos on the internet I will say me farting on my OF does make a lot of money I have no idea why I tell you why the weirdest thing but it smells like ladybugs and flowers Yeah, even my pits not good. Let me smell. Okay, bro. Tell you exactly what

Chick doing gross hot chick doing gross stuff people juxtaposition to that. I don't know what that is What is that? That's not deodorant. That's some mixture of witch oils and Something that what is that you make that extra drive you crazy sexy. I'm like, yeah, dude. You gotta smell her pit No, please you're lucky buddy That's not the order that's the odorant something else Right. Hey, I was so good. Tell your wife tell your baby mama I'm smell this I have one of those now. I have one of those stay-at-home moms that fucking would rat you out I might just show up make would be all over the show. Dawn would love her. Then don't tease me. I might just show up, make an affair, all on your wedding photos.

No, you wouldn't. You saw my wedding photos. I look like Dawn Ho. We got married in Maui. Look like this hot chick with a fat Hawaiian. I love it. I would, no, Dawn would love her. Dawn would love her.

Her and Dawn would get her. Because Dawn doesn't make friends with these people either. We've been in two suburbs in the last 13 years, or 11 years, 12 years. She's never really made a friend because she doesn't like those because they're always gossipy. You're trying to make weird inroads here.

I've seen this happen before. You better not. You better back up and be my wingman right now, you fucking prox sucker. Back off. I've seen this go bad. It's not gonna up my wingman right now you I've seen back off I've seen this go bad. It's not gonna go bad. I tell you let me let it go bad you Let me tell you something jelly let this happen when I was told the jelly roll in his and his bunny his very lovely You're friends with Shane. I want to be friends with her Former former Las Vegas prostitute

Let it go down. Former Las Vegas prostitute. I was on Bunny's podcast. Yeah, yeah, Bunny, and when they tried to say that, oh yeah, Jelly Roll and Bert Kreisch are best friends, and Leanne and Bunny are best friends, like no way Leanne and Bunny are best friends. Right, that's true. Mother, they're no way their best friends.

They just don't wanna do the same things at all. Why don't you let the universe do its job, Jay? You're right. I'm sorry you're not you would love each other You're not God back off. I'll give you a number. Here's the problem. Here's the problem You're like so I know what is Birth wife she wants to friends with her well are they in Austin I saw them on Austin, Texas magazine recently You're in LA Oh Bert and Leanne. They're in LA. Oh. Bert and Leanne? They're trying to take over Austin. That's my city.

Do you live in Austin? I do. Why did you think she pooped? I saw a video, I swear, unless it's somebody else of you pooping, standing up. It was awesome. Oh, well, okay. I'm talking about the one of joking that I sell my poop. Oh, yeah.

He's talking about leaked scat shit. Wait, what? And you are in trouble. Why? You should be like, I'm going to report this. This is non-consensual. I feel like the internet is very rapey. I promise you I will report it every time I see it. Thank you. Watch that and report that.

I'll find all of them and get rid of them. Thank you, sir. He's going to have to quit this job just to be a reporter on your shit. You know, I have like an AI thing that actually tracks people all the time stealing and doing stuff and they've taken down over 200,000 like god damn like rape behaviors on the internet Well, so you so you did poop on a private thing for somebody private Well, if you know the history of OF it used to be allowed then I started doing it went mainstream Then they had to cancel that because it was blocking their pay their visa like cards and stuff so what and everything changed

It is crazy because I'm there for five years and everything just has changed from like big celebrities and things getting out So somebody would say I shit. I will real shit. I'm fucking pissed Somebody would say like I... Bullshit. I would... Real shit. I'm fucking pissed. Fuck that. You should be allowed to poop on camera if you want to

as a consenting adult. Yeah. So I could go on and be like, yo, can you just poop for me? I can't. No, no, no, but I would pay you. This is a scenario. Oh.

Right? This is what would happen. I'm gonna give you $5,000 to poop. And you'd be like, all right, cool. Like you negotiate. And then you poop and that's it. But that was for that person. Right?

Is that what I'm getting? And then it got leaked. Well, yeah, then they would be like, I paid so much for this and then they would. Why can't he get, why can't the person who bought it? I think those guys were like, oh my God, how do I recoup these thousands of dollars? I'm going to just distribute it. But that's what, but how do they not get in trouble if you don't know who you sent it to? So they only just take it down, a DMCA take down if anyone's like, so that's it.

And then I write in, my legal team also collects money from people. You have to have a lawyer call, you don't want to make that phone call yourself. There's a video of me taken down,, why? How do I explain this? Well, I can get it taken down. My lawyer's down to just go make money. I've only seen. But he's like, cool. They wanted to steal her shit literally again,

so we're gonna go get money. Stolen shit. So you get money from stolen shit. No pun intended. Yeah. You should. Or you can go to jail, either way. You should get money, Stolen shit. So you get money from stolen shit, no pun intended. Yeah. You should. You can go to jail either way. You should get money because I will say

the video has brought me a lot of happiness. Now not. You know what's really crazy? Not sexual. I don't understand. No, no. I feel like it's like, what is that movie? Not another teenage movie.

Sure. And like yeah, there's shit scenes in there. There's like nude foreign girls. I feel like my life is kind of turned into that Well, it's it I'm tell you what it is. It's not It's not pornographic in the jerking off kind of sexual way. It's exactly it's you're a pretty girl You're from something. That's not like adult films at all. You're from a mainstream world and then Pooping and then also can I just say this?

And this is the compliment I want to pay you. Thank you. Since the day I saw this. For paying me. This is great. This is a compliment, it's gonna be good. It looked like the most satisfying thing that's ever happened in someone's life.

First of all, I don't know where you put it all, but when it came out, it was, I was, when it was done, it wasn't sexual. I was just like, God, I wish I could shit like that. That looked like it was phenomenal. Did you shit like a dog because you just pinched it off and you didn't have to wipe anything? If I think it's what it is, I just feel like,

well, I shouldn't even talk. I say it's two full connected feet, no breaks. Yeah. Impressive. Healthy. Healthy. Healthy. Like a torpedo? Like, you would be impressed. I don't know why. I don't know if you guys have friends like this, Yeah. Impressive. Healthy. Healthy. Like a torpedo?

Like he would be impressed. I don't know why. I don't know if you guys have friends like this, but my girlfriends and I like when we have a healthy movement. We'd be like, oh my God. This was like the craziest thing. Come look at this. Can I ask you a question though?

Here, check this out. And I have to say my cats, my dogs, every time I'm on the toilet, which is either, no, they come over and they like to look around the toilet seat. I'm like, my animals are impressed. They want me to look at their poop and shit. They want to do the same to me. You and my son have big, big shits. Well, no.

So guys like to have you eat certain things and then that will happen. And that poop, really? No, I'm really, usually like a little rabbit, like a little goat, you know? But that one was different. Can I ask you a question? You gotta share it. Not really. Not as a novice,

because I don't, I'm not in, I don't, I throw up, I don't like poop at all. But. I'm kind of the same. Where does? In the room, in the room with it, we're all, this is horrible. But if I shit.

You're like, I'm stuck with my shit, just eating out of my butt. Oh, oh, you just puke while you're shitting? Oh my god, you're poor wife. As soon as you shit, you can smell it. Where did you put the shit? Did you have a setup to, oh, I'm gonna shit right in here. I thought I went right in the toilet

in what we're talking about. Oh, so the toilet, oh, so you're shitting into the toilet, so it's going in the water. So you were prepared. Okay, great, that makes sense. There have been other situations where, yeah, I was vomiting and I was like, the people who wanted me to do it out of that toilet,

receptacle, it almost reminded me of like, Porter Potty situation, I'm like, do these people like Porter Potty? Like, I just, I am so weird about Shit like yeah, me too. I'm clean. I've had to clean up a lot of shit being a mom Me too, and I need a break. Yeah poop makes me hit. I throw up. It's like watching old people eat. I'll throw up Yeah, I can't do it I'll fucking but again. I think if it's like an impressive thing What that's what Jay's saying your friend it was impressive. I'm gonna share it my son tonight. I'm a show. I mean my wife. I'm sorry

I think my son showed me dad check this out. Yeah, it might be a family home video Oh, yeah, me and Christine have watched it together. It's fantastic. It's really you're saying it's impressive It was like a real thing or if it was like the two you hear the two girls one cup like put stuff up there and you're like is this real or not? Kurt Metzger's joke about that is so great he goes uh he goes he found out the two girls one cup was fake like they preloaded it. Really? Yeah. It was still shit. It was like chocolate mix. No no it was some other kind of thing they preload but it's coming out of their assholes sure yes, but whatever was If you stuck chocolate up your asshole and then It's still up your asshole. Yeah, so it's technically a version of shit Yeah, you wait a minute were you stuck chocolate bars up your asshole chocolate syrup in your asshole. Yes

Piece of shit. They hear? Look, I'm a problem solver. You hear this? Yes, I'm sorry. I'm a problem solver, so like when O.F. banned just regular nature, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna put something sweet up there. It's gonna look just the same.

And I posted the chocolate syrup, and they banned that immediately. And then they banned anything that is not a sexual item or toy is not allowed on the entire platform now. So I literally have to go get like, I don't know, there's like creatures now, like dildos that are like dinosaurs. Like you can shove a dinosaur up anywhere, but you can't just like have syrup.

Apologies Farrah, let me point out the, I just like to ask why when you said this Black Lou started nodding his head like you were talking about changing laws. You were like they have now monster and dinosaur dildos and he was like yeah sure do. Are you in a market, is this what your Etsy job is? Are you making dinosaur dildos? No I just recently found that on the internet basically. A girl that like holds them in there There's really big ones long ones like octopus tentacles. Yeah the octopus II. Yeah, tentacles tentacles

You get a chocolate chocolate bar dildo and that was that will go up there Yeah, and it will melt and make you know make it chocolate I used to have so much more fun. I'm like in my private life of sexualness I was like dude. I used to have like hot dogs bread like I used to do so much more fun in my private life of sexualness. I was like, dude, I used to have hot dogs, bread, like I used to do all sorts of crazy shit. And then you're like, oh my god, it's against policies? It's not against the law? It's just like...

You should have taken this all the way to the Supreme Court. I know. I'd like to see you sit there fighting for shit porn. For shit porn? If I can't shit, what's next? This guy can't shit. And then your kids aren't shitting before you know we're all constipated we're gonna constipate

people I wish you could do that I wonder you worked with James Dean in films before is he he's like contrary like I know like he is a woman abuser Izzy and that's what that time in my life was oh Man guys, I don't know what you were looking at in my Sex tape, but it was a really sad version of Farah this era of Farah is like way happy Oh, that's I didn't realize that you kind of like turned around from that time really yeah Suicidal had a chin implant I wanted I had faced dysmorphia at the time and I think like when your self-esteem is so low you will call a porn star and you'll be like I want to fuck a porn star um so watch out for that

everyone. Oh yeah I do know another girl so that I've been there I got no girl who got caught by the sometimes you just want love so much you can be abusive too yeah I'm gonna go the other way and marry a chick who doesn't want anything to do with you. So that guy's awful. Oh, that's nice. So that guy's a terrible dude. I think he's kind of out of porn I think now. Yeah. I just remember because of the name.

Yeah. He went by James Dean. I think he killed one of his girlfriends. Jesus. Yeah, he was also like honestly probably not straight. I don't know, there was a lot of... Did you not get along with him in the moment or you didn't realize how bad he was? I actually didn't realize and I also didn't

realize like the manager that I had at the time was in this whole adult entertainment world and but she was a failed porn star and still to this day like celebrity industry allows this horrible woman who tries to latch on like celebrities and tries to like ruin their careers and so that's where like this whole thing of fair as a porn star so now I just say I am whatever you guys think I am but I know who I am I am that I am but yeah that was a interesting time. That is funky so it's funny when I went to the podcast that went to the AVN Awards

one time. AVN shout out, I have three awards. Didn't even try. She's like, I love she gave us, she's giving us emotional speech about not being a porn star. AVN shout out, three awards. Didn't even try though. Didn't even try. Isn't my life ironic? That was fucking crazy. Not even going for awards. Call me whatever you want to. This list of porn stars that have accused him of sexual assault is pretty crazy. Yeah, and if you'd like to see also, like I just turned in a rapist for like 16 other women. You know, I think like what I learned about my life and looking back at it in a light happy way. I don't, you know, if you want to do porn,

that's awesome. I'm going to go see Alexis Texas tonight and we're going to do a porn star podcast, okay? I got no problem with whatever you want to do, but I don't like when people pressure, change me, push themselves on me. And it's, yeah, I wasn't in the right state of mind. I was going to say you were talked into it, you feel, all that? Yeah. I mean, I know who I am today and I know who I don't work with. And it's just, it's like really odd how much therapy I've gone through.

And again, I know you said like looking at our kids at 16 and what they went through. I'm also looking at myself like at 20 and 21 when this happened, where I was. And it was really sickening where I was. You were 21 in those videos. Yeah, or 20 or something. So yeah, I wasn't in the right place.

I had all these mommy issues, like maybe some of us do. And yeah, I needed serious mental help and I'm so grateful that I got that. Well the fact now you can kind of control your own destiny with like OnlyFans. I know there's actually people who try to come mozy on that, too. And there's people who say they're managers of OnlyFans

and stuff. But you can kind of control that yourself. You've got to really watch out. But the fact you can do it yourself is great. Because that industry, the podcast I used to do interviewing a lot of the performers and stuff, like, no one's out unsc skates at all like no it's all and by the way so many of the girls are like it's naked and afraid but they're

not going they're not going to the AVN's and it's like why it's like because the person people who were the shittiest in the world to me in my life are somehow still there and like still making videos and movies and directors and stuff so it's like it's a funky world yeah it warps the girls as much as I think the guys get warped too They don't see Ron Jeremy's behavior publicly was fucking bat shit I'd see that guy just like living life and like, you know Like a girl would come over with her husband and be like, oh my god, it's Ron Jeremy

He just like squeeze her tit like meh He's like I think this is what the world wants me to do. You're like, whoa, bro I'm doing that back in the day, though. I wasn't down for that. I just think, I don't even know, actresses, comedians. I saw a lot of my friends when we were younger who are celebrities, and they were just allowing the grab and the, like, right on recording for everyone to rewatch.

So I don't know. Weird times, but. Yeah, but it's funny that you you seem right now you got your shit together you got a plan you're doing your stuff and you don't you seem you know you got a kid I mean everything seems you went through it and you you seem to have gotten through it and out the other side and yeah I scan my brain went to a trauma center for 28 days nice you've got a don't worry the show is sponsored by BetterHelp.com.

Yeah and use co-work slash bonfire for a discount. I'm slashing that bonfire. Oh is it your um. Diary of a teen mom. Is this gonna be is this a one-off thing you're doing or you gonna start hitting like the clubs and trying to like work out like comedy officially? Yeah so I literally I mean we have like comedy tour agents coming tomorrow night. We have a lot of people, so if I mess up, that's gonna be hilarious. So yeah, 200, I wanna do like a 200 stop like tour. 200 cities?

200 stops, I could do a multiple in a couple cities. But yeah, I just feel like. You need two openers? We feature for each other. Yeah. I don't even. You need two openers? We feature for each other. Yeah. I don't even know. What's another joke? What was that?

If you want, we can boot Paco and you can host for us in Niagara Falls next weekend. Oh my God, that'd be great. By the way, I love Niagara Falls. It's like I've already toured to every city from everything else, so I love every city. Why don't you come up and, you can do 10 minutes up there. We're gonna have hairdryer salmon after the show.

Hairdryer salmon. That's not a code for anything, by the way. It's just a comedy. Tell us a kiss scene. No, it's salmon made with a hairdryer heat that Bobby made in his thing. Wow, you like a raw. You thought it was a code? So, are you gonna have anybody open for you?

Yeah, there is, um... Was it Tracy? Is Tracy Canazzo doing it? Yes, Tracy is. And by the way, she does do like Teen Mom trash talk. So I'm really not scared of anyone who, if you have anything to say, you go right up and say it before I get on stage. So it's going to be a funny dynamic. No, it's going to be good. Tracy's great too. She's very funny. Where is it? It's at the Spearman Rhino in New York City.

Tomorrow night, 10 PM, you're hanging all night afterwards you're gonna meet people and laughs and laugh dances nice Mm-hmm and lap dances dope is there a price you was shit on someone's lap just say is there a price maybe it's 10 grand Okay, well bring those stacks 10 grand Go tomorrow and keep throwing money. Maybe she'll ship, maybe she won't. But you'll definitely, but you'll say you tried and that's what's important. Yeah. Farrah, so great to meet you.

Thank you so much. The Spearman Rhino NYC.com slash Farrah for tickets. Go see her tomorrow. It's the debut stand up show at the old Spearman Rhino at a strip club. I've done comedy strip clubs plenty. And make sure you go check out Big J's new special right now, them. It's on youtube.com slash at Big J Oakeson. It is probably the best special that has come out this year. It is up there. Everybody's loving it. You go love it and if you saw it, love it again. I want you to subscribe to the page,

comment, share it, make clips of it. Put it on your own page, get it out there. I'm taking all your clips, Jay. Take them all, take them all, and then shit on it. Post a share of them. And make sure you come see us in Niagara Falls. Seneca Casino in Niagara Falls. We're gonna have a blast.

I'm gonna be this weekend, where am I, Jay? You wanna read it? Go Robert. Yeah, you're gonna be in Seattle. Laughs Comedy Club. That's this Friday and Saturday and then of course we're gonna be up in Niagara Falls next weekend. After that Tampa Bay, Austin Texas on the horizon. You can catch Bobby every Tuesday 7pm to Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the comedy seller for tickets and tour dates. Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and of course check out his YouTube. YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly comedy and We'll catch you guys. Is that a wrap? That's a wrap. We gotta go. Catch you guys next week everybody. Enjoy the pre-record tomorrow

Thank you Farah