The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Psychedelics & The Psych Ward (w/ Shane Mauss)

Episode Date: October 8, 2018

The Bonfire welcomed comedian Shane Mauss to the show this week. He talked about his incredible journey taking psychedelic drugs that landed him a psychiatric ward and more stories from the crew.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon. And I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8pm on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Our guest, old friend, man, I've known our guest for quite a while. He should have followed us on all social media at the bonfire SXM

Our guest old friend man. I've known our guest for for quite a while in fact the first time I ever saw a cone in taping He was on it And I was hammered after a softball win in the park and I and I Kind of somehow snuck in and saw it. It's a wacky day damn. It's a fucking weird day, but Shane Moss joins the show Shane. Oh, good to see you, dude. You got standard science. The tour kicking off in Madison, Wisconsin, October 11th for all dates. And you can listen to his podcast. Here we are. Visit Shane Moss, M-A-U-S-S dot com. Yeah, dude. Thanks for coming on the show. Yeah, great to see you again. You have a documentary coming out called Psychonautics. It's East Coast premiere is on October 4th

and October 6th. It's part of the psychedelic film and music festival. A lot of open jaws at that thing. Are you the... A lot of the... Are you the president of that festival? You see this? They make a festival to show this movie.

It seems to get released. It's a little on the nose. I know, it was my producer called and he's like, you wanna do it? I was like, well, I don't know. But first off, I've been, so all that happened was I've been doing themed shows for years. I happened to put together a show about psychedelics.

It happened to take off like crazy. Like my other themed shows didn't. And then I just like got sucked into this world of psychedelic research and whatnot. Integration is a really important part of the psychedelic experience. You have a trip and then you spend the next three to six months thinking about that.

What the 100%? You don't want to have the trip come down and have another one like a day later. And I was like really trying to tap into the spirit of those worlds and articulate them well. And for a while, I was tripping like three or four times a week. Geez, it all went.

And mostly mushrooms, but I was like, I didn't have time to level in the documentary. And then I had a really strange DMT experience toward the end of it. And then I was like, I'm going to do ayahuasca, which is like a slower version. And your phone's full of shaman. And my phone's full of sh- yeah, it is no problem. They've been waiting, they're on a group text. Shaman's and your phone will give you more, like, well, okay, I'm gonna give you the biggest trip

of your life, so then they tend to overdo it with you and whatnot, and I just had some experience where it was actually fantastic. I never had a single bad trip. But the last one that I had was a little too fantastic. And then certain prophecies that happened during the trip that I was like, that was neat. You know, didn't really take very seriously. It seemed like I'm not saying this happened.

But it seemed to me like they were happening. And happening really quickly One after another and then I started believing that I was living in a simulation and then I thought I figured out time travel Hell yeah Two drugs Two drugs if you want to know that time travel motherfuckers, guess what? This is all a computer Doing that much DMT the only person that we know that does DMT on the rag would be Kurt Metzger.

I don't even know if it does on the rag at all. He's done it a few times though. I did it about 100 times. Holy shit. And yeah, it started getting a little weird after a while. And once that started happening, I was like, eh, I don't think I can be messing around with this stuff anymore. Yeah. And then I did it.

How's it going to be deal with not being able to sit in my dick's not bigger? That's what Kurt this stuff anymore. Yeah. And then I did. How's it gonna be deal with not being upset in my dick's not bigger? That's what Carpest tell me, things like that. All my anxiety. I like it. I like it that's hurt so I'll see you. I would say that DMT of all the psychedelics out there are it would be the last one you would want to use

in like a therapeutic way. It's just such a mind-fuck that like, what's my mirror? I don't know. I don't know. I saw colors I've never seen, shapes I couldn't describe. Yeah, but so how's that? That's what I'm saying. That's why I didn't take it. I mean, I was like, I don't understand how that really helps my problems. DMT is the single most fascinating thing I have ever done in my life and will ever do. There will never in my life be anything more interesting than a DMT

experience. She's been on the other side, he knows some shit. He said he's lived thousands of years. Greetings from the other side. I gotta listen back to that bonfire episode because of the clues are in there. And when I get the clues, I solve the puzzle. You did it, you did it. That is very much a period of time in my life quite recently. Really, it got that bad.

That's what it was like for a little while. It was ultimately, I mean right now I'm the best version of myself I've ever been I exercise regularly and like have a lot of things going on and had you clear that up I mean well I've had a trip to a psych ward okay that was a thing how did that. Did you, at what point do you, are you like, I have to go to the psych ward? Oh, well, I don't think you are. I was just gonna say, I don't think you're the one that's like, guys, let's go to the psych ward around eight o'clock tonight.

Yeah, I think. Like, I know the last piece. It's in my time machine. Yeah, it's in a psych ward, I bet. I had tickets for Roger Waters, that like a fan flies the inflatable pig for Roger Waters. That's the most psychedelic thing you've said,

including being in a psych ward. Then he knows the guy that flies the pig for Roger Waters. What pig? I go to the like Roger Waters concert. And like I, and then I ate mushrooms that day too, because we'd already planned on eating mushrooms and everything in my friends' place.

This is when you got committed. This is, this is right before. This is because you thought Roger Waters had your envelope? I, I, he needs it. I went out and then I, I have the best tickets for the best show imaginable, these incredible seats. And then like Roger Waters is, you would go back and forth on the stage and then you would come over and he's playing and he's like, looking, you know, in the audience always

thinks that you are looking in the general direction of like exactly me. And I'm like, is Roger Waters communicating with me? And that's when things took like a real turn. My girlfriend took me to a hospital once, then they sedated me. And then I woke up and I was like, OK, I know how to like talk to myself out of this and act like a normal person.

And then I kind of went crazy again, you know, within another 24 hours or so. And then I got the put in sedated me again. And then like, I talked my way out of it. And then my girlfriend had to like call my family and like that. And then they came and committed me against my will. So then I went into a psych ward and I was able to get out in about a week. I would say I was still tripping for about three months after that, but not like, you know, pretty manageable. What was the cleanup like? What's the cleanup like if you go to a psych ward? When do you go down the psych ward? It's horrifying because they don't they don't sentence you.

Like, you don't know if you're going to be in there for two hours or the rest of your life. You just have no idea. And to me, I'm like, well, this is a trick. I'm not even in a psych ward right now. I'm being like contained in here was they like try to like harvest these ideas that I'm having from and and everyone else in there is also like there's several people on my level. Yeah. And so we're kind of influencing each other. You guys are all trying to build the time machine.

And so I had already been talking my girlfriend's ear off about time travel and maybe it's the whole man there ain't nothing worse than being a girlfriend of a guy and I'm excited. Oh my God. She's so, she's so irritated. Shane, I love you, but I cannot hear about space time continuum again.

I understand what has happened is a ripple of something that Suggestion for dinner please Pad Thai or sushi I need to know Understand the Arnie made this decision and that this decision is reckless I know you would say that I already know the answer gets this happens and folded on top of itself a thousand times but right now I need in this fold in this fold I need you to please give me some direction. That tires you. That's exactly what that's a perfect impression of exactly what

of a slide. She's just like you didn't ask about my day. Yeah. But it's a time to have all of this. This verbate is like, you guys were there. It's like, I've been in a meanwhile. It's all time. You're doing it for me. Jacob said he started off his day today in very unmanly fashion. What'd you do, Jacob?

But I think I'm, I'm agreeing with him because I know the subject. Did you squeal? I know the subject of his. Yes. You squeal? You really did? I think I'm like and the agreeing with them. I know the subject. I know the subject of his I was very happy nobody was a look. I'm getting ready for work. Can you replicate the noise real quick before you tell a story? Was it this? It was a pitch for me. Was it this though? Was it something a little something like this? I'm putting that back on. What is it? It'll hit a little more base to it.

Hold on, hold on, let me get it. I was getting ready for work and taking a shower. Smelling good, looking good. Smelling good. Fuck you, you just said your crunch is in your underwear. You're putting my contacts in. Go ahead, and then. I'm telling you, out of the corner of my eye, I don't even know what, I just look on the floor to the left.

Past your protein bars, your protein shakes. Wait, your dumbbells you lift while you eat eggs. Tiger milk. Go ahead. On the floor, a giant roach crawling. Mm-hmm. And what did you do? You fucking pranced on it?

I froze like I normally do it. Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm sorry, can you do that again? No. Ha! Ha!

You guys stay on your toes, Witsky. It's gotta be from the heart, Lou. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right. Goddamn right. I know you're a method actor too. But this is what I do every time. I'm always darting my head to see if I'm going to see one of my apartment.

I can't relax. Right. You get to the front road. If you're going to starve to death in my apartment because I won't leave it. I don't leave anything out for a road. So it drives me nuts when I see one. And it was like three inches. It was good.

It was good to see a big one. It was a big one. That's why you told me Dan said that if it's a big one, that means they're dying, they're just kind of... Or they're getting out of the pipes. That means they got flush out of the pipes because of rain and it rained yesterday. It's a water bug.

Yeah, it's a water... This is our problem. Water bugs are just kind of like... No, but a big roach, I'm saying, when you have a small roach, there's usually tends to be a shit ton of them. Yeah, it was a giant. Every time I use the sink now, either the bathroom or the kitchen. Yeah, you know, I push the stopper. Yeah, down. They're gonna come out of the drain at you. Yeah, they're mad. I know. I was trying. I've been dramatized

since I saw creep show. Yeah, well, by the way, that one got me really bad with roaches too, for sure. But next time you take a shit, they probably will go up your butt hole. You feel it in your butt in your balls. You feel it as your little, all the hairs. They're getting your hairs. Yeah, the touchers weird. Like below the ball hairs you have and you're gonna be like a sum. And this was all me.

And you don't want to slap at it because you're taking a shit. I forget which one of my ex-girlfriends was pissing in the middle of the night. There was a roach in the bathroom and she just put us the plunger over it and walked in it was like hey, there's a roach Your bathroom under a plunger and I was like all right with the fuck. What did you do with the roach? Everyone wants to know America wants to know you thought it I froze and then by the time I unfroze it had crawled under my bed Oh my god, how old is your freeze for? A second, and then once I started moving, I mean, it was right by me, so then it took off.

It felt you, so it was. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, when I felt that? When I felt my man, that's the problem. It's still there. It's still there, waiting for me when I get home. Oh my God, it's probably using your hair product. That's probably wearing your underwear.

Just know wherever they walk, they also shit. That's true. All across your pillow. Why would you not dealt with that today? I couldn't get to it, I tried. But on your gladiator costume, you get to work. I put, I got a broom to try and swap it underneath the bed. So now I'm trying to get it underneath the bed.

It crawled in between some crack. I couldn't get to it and I had to leave for work. So I dedicated the show and I would say, I'm sorry, Cabrero, there's gonna be no bonfire day. I met war with a single giant roach right now. There's a thing I think I would probably say 80% of our listeners would understand. Yeah. I don't like what it turns me into. My mom, old generation, she's the type when she, I remember as a kid when she when we lived in the apartment in Queens and she saw a roach. She stomped on it with a palm of her hand. I talked to you.

I talked to you. I never became the man your mother had. No! I talked to Andy. I talked to Andy today. He said his dad was the same way. I get a credit to Andy. He said they really were the greatest generation.

They never were, they didn't take him a second. They just stomped on a roach with their hand. They understood where bugs were in the fucking. I've heard about people stepping on mice in their house. I told you man that fucking porter at DOS Camino's when I walked in and it was stuck to that rubber trap and he was like, leave it, leave it. And everyone's like, oh no, there's a mouse stuck.

He was fucking us. He's scissures me. And then the fucking, wow, that. And then he's just fucking threw it in the trash. I put it in a pillowcase and slugging against a tree. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's how Jason Vore he's killed people with sleeping bags. I feel it in a pillowcase and slugging against a tree. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's how Jason Voorhees killed people with sleeping bags.

I feel like I'm being singled out for this. Like I had no shoes on. What would you have done if you were in your bare feet, no weapons? Grabbed a shoe. Yeah, I tried but by that time. Oh, I would have kept, you went on into your bed. What if I'm into your bed?

Does it go like that? Is it going to another apartment or something? I paralyzed it. Paralyzed through a crack. I couldn't get to it. I try to be a little passive aggressive in bitchy with the cockroach I go let me guess you're gonna run off and then it stays there and then I grab a shoe I waited for it. Yeah It's like in the wall now there's molding crown molding separated from the floor

They wanted to mold and it went under the molding. Oh, buddy, there's more where that came from, dude. Did you plug that with? I'm in Steelwall. Steelwall? The whole thing this weekend. You didn't do it today? I didn't add any.

You wanted to come back. You want to face that one? See if you'll better about yourself. What do you have to end everything? You don't need to finish every chapter. Steelwall it, man. Don't let them come back ever again. You're in Steelwall the whole place.

In fact, we got to do all Steel steal wall when we got out of our mouse. I don't think it was so much that we got them out as we didn't let them back in it. One defense. We built up and up. We built up and up. I think our apartment is lined with steel wall. Dude, if I were you tonight, I'd sleep with that bug alpha hell yeah. And I'd just get ready to stab anytime I felt anything on my skin.

Yeah, sleep on top of the sheets Invite it in and in fact, you know what cover yourself in mud like Black Luke, can I tell this story? This is so funny after fighting after black Lou fought his dad. Yeah He moved to Missouri in haste after black blue fought his dad. Yeah. Uh, he moved to Missouri in haste. To live with a girl he met five years before in a Yahoo

chat room. It goes back to point. And she lied about her weight by 120 pounds. How much did she say she weighed? What did she say she weighed? So we can do that. She weighed 150. Yeah.

Yeah. You were hoping she was going to say she weighed like one of five I was gonna say like 60. I was gonna say maybe maybe you get lucky and she weighed 60 pounds She said she told you she weighed 60 pounds and she weighed That you know, I mean you're oh good. She's not emaciated right when she started goes she told me 150 150 270 That's an important buck 20 that goes from a skip That's a skill position to the line me mean with the quickness you go from fucking you go from returning punts to be on Fucking run blocks with the weakness. Oh, man. Yeah, that's a big. That's a big fucking jump up

Head so wait you moved out there. So you fought your dad up. So good. So wait, you moved out there. So you fought your dad, black loop. And then you're like, I gotta get the fuck out of here and you reach out to her tires. One. Yeah. You drop your dad. You're now the king of the house, but you don't want to stay in the kingdom. You want to go spread your empire. Yeah, king wants to conquer other land. Yeah, you're out of the great in this motherfucker. So you go to Missouri to meet up with this woman. How is the reveal from 150 to 265? She walked into the airport to pick up, to pick me up with her mom. No cart? There was no cart. No cart. She goes, I'm basically like a mule. And that sucks she had to she never bring her mom because it sounds like she could have picked

you up herself. Yeah. So when she showed up, how did you react? What could I do? Oh, I was stuck. How about what was the reaction you remember with the reaction? I was telling you to stuck between her mom and her. Yeah, she could move. Anyway, I'm gonna have all the time in the world to throw this ball. I'm gonna have 10 seconds in the pocket. She does hold the record for a heavy a squat at her at her high

I already know come on I'm off of the rock long legs the ox you're dating Kathy the ox That bitch says how you know she's like no she's lying so when she walked up with her mom was she like I Lied or was she like She's kind of like hey, how are you like oh my god so great? Still trying to put on a thin girl voice that bitch If you girls sounds hot but it's breathy hot usually that's fat. Yeah, I found it to be true in life when you hear first like Yeah, I found it to be true in life when you hear first like

That's always it's always a heavier broad Wait black. What did the mom look like her mom? really really cut a pretty for her age Great karaoke singer. Okay, I had a little bit of money because they own like 10kFCs. Hell yeah. The whole family has a problem like that. You really blame the 255? Oh no you're that. I mean of course I was like, what this girl have that made black

loom move from all the way across the country. Oh yeah. franchise KFCs. And lifelong free KFC. That's why I would just kind of just take off from fighting, what motivated him to fight his father to move the Missouri? If I had my wits about 10 franchise KFCs, got it.

Enough potato wedges to fucking die of diabetes. If I had my wits about 10 franchise KFCs, got it. Enough potato wedges to fucking die of diabetes. If I had my wits about me, I would have realized they also have free KFC for lunch. Oh my god. I never really wrapped that around. We thought you were going to fry chicken mecca. God bless. When I first heard her saying,

she took me to like a drive-through and she had, it was hard for her to drive because she had to sit so far back because of her stomach, but she couldn't reach the steering wheel because of her short arms. She happy to have an extra set of hands to carry the bags I can load you up. She has nine off the make-trip to the car from my McDonald's food Did he send you pictures of her like? This was the lesson that I learned about the chest up only yeah the chest up thing I didn't realize where you like this girl's course. She must be only one. Yeah

And how long did you make how long did you last in Missouri? She had a 120 time on a two 75 bottom hold on That's a lot of bottom you last a 10 months. Yeah What did you do I went down there too well the way for the hibernation season? Yeah, the way for winner when she shut down for a couple months. Oh get us something good He had a way for it to hit the cave again in April. I gotta get out of here. I think she's Ten months you lasted black glue ten months huge studies well no that was the no oh you lasted black glue ten months huge titties well no that was the no oh man but but not huge things but I bet huge nipples right I mean they were pretty big oh man Lew wanted the puncher in the face every time he saw her naked I bet we did it together yeah yeah

I had to move down there let me see that's the that's the one she centers out her now that was her after maybe losing about 40 pounds after a few squats. Yeah, you know, it's funny. You could see up top where you're like, it's not so bad. And then and then it's a lucky little buddy. I'm gonna tell you this calf. You could show a THX wide screen on that calf, buddy. That's a big calf for a lady. Get in the problem! Get in the problem! You dance up, hogging. That's a good thing. She is he-man, calves. Yeah, I can see easily how you got duped. Easy.

She's got a cute face. She's a very attractive woman. And her body weight does not reflect her personality. No, it's not. It's something a personality was weird and awful too. She lived with her mom and just imported black dudes from New Jersey. Or that's awesome.

She checks out. And she is out of the end. Uh, me buying a car and just trying to get back to Jersey to restart my life. So you told her like, I gotta get out of here. Yeah, she knew it wasn't a permanent thing anyway. I kind of said that at the beginning. I just want to come down there and like, you know,

get a car, make some money, and go back to Jersey. She come fuck me for 10 months. Yeah, if she was cool with it until it came time to go, she was pretty sad. We were watching like the OC, I don't know if you've ever seen the show the OC. It was like the last episode and everybody was leaving

and we were like sobbing on the couch watching it and then the next day I was out of there. Dude, I bet you watched so many TV shows at that point in your life just to wait until she fell asleep and hope to God. She wasn't gonna climb on top of you. Do you imagine if I didn't watch TV? How much of a fuckers, Dean?

Do you understand? Yeah. I've got out on a Tinder date with a girl who definitely was a lot heavier than her pictures showed. And we had, honestly, I made it. Didn't want to make it feel awkward. We had two drinks and I was just like, all right, I got to run.

All right, you know. Where are you at? Where are you at? Oh, one of your friends is here. I gotta run. I mean, that is a big deal. You might understand what I'm saying. I'll speak your language. Oh, this has been fun.

I really enjoy these two drinks. Oh, sorry, you probably don't get that. Let me say it how you would say it. In the sand now. Oh, I'm gina ha ha. Soul. In the sand now. I'm seeing that. Soul. Soul. Soul.

Soul. Soul. There was this dude who went to my high school who is a, I think, a senior when I was a freshman named Cyrus. He was this giant black dude terrifying. He drove a dodged rango and he had no money. So it was like cool, cool, dealing drugs, awesome. He took it.

No, he's had like a brand new Dodge Drango and everyone's like, nah, we know what neighborhood he's from. I don't think that that doesn't play out right. It's racist, but he, I don't know. I feel like he's sort of like in poor neighborhood. I don't know why it's poor neighborhood him driving a car. Sure. I don't think he got a job at the Dodge dealership.

Hey, what's up, man? Let me show you this car. He might want you to talk to Silas Cyrus and maybe be surprised for me. I didn't almost terrified of him. He was actually, as an image of my studies, I would work in a car wash overnight. I was saving up.

I really wanted to go to college. You know, sorry, sorry, man. I thought you were flipping yay. Sorry. Sorry. I thought you were moving weight. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I wanted to look up to you. Now I just think you're a doorkeeper. I'm thinking weight. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I wanted to look up to you

And now I just think you're a door I don't know you I don't know guys. I don't know guys carry was dude. It's so funny to double turn on that like racist motherfucker I was working at a job helping myself out you go cool. I thought you were Bork turns out you're just a fucking door Oh cool nerd alert. Yeah, everyone a black guy we can pick on But he um he got in carry's face. He got my friend carries face. I mean significantly larger than him and terrifying and gotten carry's face and Carry instead of letting him punch him in the stomach

Just started fucking barking him down. And it was like, if you hit me, you better fucking kill me. Cause I will keep, and it was all the point with all of our friends or friends with Carrie, we're all like, hey, what the fuck? You're like, you're seeing your friend acting away. You're like, this is terrifying.

I didn't know he had this level. He was just like, fucking hit me. And he was like, man, fuck you, I ain't gonna do that shit at school. And we're just like, what fuck what the fuck he just I mean Blackloo have you ever had to do that with someone picking on you just fucking shout him down yeah a couple of times Really when I was younger yeah I mean in high school I think we're like we were like 14 and he was 17 Well when I was in living in Columbus, Georgia for like those five years I was one of the only black kids

So I had to deal with a lot of bullshit. Yikes. That was those times where I had to stand up to people Like you should have fought your dad earlier You can go school with that's with that rap. It wasn't around. Sorry. Yeah Yeah, you can book the fight when you book the fight Jay might that punch me me cry when I was like 16 with the opposite way You know, I went on everybody too. Yeah, I dance class. Hey guys. Oh, dude You know I went on everybody to dance class. Hey guys. Oh, dude So I'm going through something right now. What about me am I passive aggressive ass with just never fighting Joe? Just being like guess I'll go to my room That's that's been eating it you for days now. Oh, look here's the thing. I'll take him in he fucked your mom

He bitched you out and it is called you called you a retard at dinner and there's no There's no rectifying that you got it He's living his life. I'll tell you what what if I tell you happy with that fucking they live thing Guess who just book a ticket to Colorado? Fight that old bald son of a bitch. He just show up and start So I went into show was going to open it like the end of the Sean Fury rape But you just raise your head he goes hey, you just damn Drop it a lot of might in there.

Has your butterfly stroke been club? Yeah, but that's unrealistic. So the real thing is, he has no idea. He's, I was a good run. He's the champ. He came in, dorked down the dish. Oh dude, he fucking made it, I got, I made her a master pee, made her say, uh, he goes, showed made it I got it because I made her a master P made her say

Goes showed you I guess didn't win when your dad died showed you're a bitch and walked out the day your sister died smell my finger smell you later I'll sit in tell you a slap but every day when you were school I'd fart on your pillow Everyone's holding back you remember your guys remember action figures? I stuck their fingers up my ass. I think I'm, by but fuck myself with their arms. You know my G-I-Jos! Dude, here's some real shit out here. I think I did this too, and I think you just gave

something away about yourself that I don't even know if you did. Did you call your guys? I'm gonna go play with my guys. Yeah, I called them my guys. I think I did that too. That's really funny. That is lonely only, because I was the only child

until I was 11. And then the rest were, you know, they were babies for years. So it didn't really matter. You're still the only like 11, 12, 13 year old. I called my action figures my guys. Am I going back? You pick up your guys? I'm like, yeah, got my guys.

You guys? That's just lonely fucking, only child syndrome. Yeah, you just fucking sitting there playing with your guys. These are my friends black lose not in his head Like roadblock you'd never let me down dude. I'd be like roadblock you come to all my baseball games Oh, thanks. Thanks undertaker for wearing your cloth jacket that I had yeah, look it up The undertaker used to come with a cloth fucking long coat. All right You want us to breathe proud that you took care of it? I took care of it. I washed it every week It's one of the only thing that folded it. You know how you always lose that cool shit on toys like you lose the hat of like

Yeah, or something that was like the one thing I kept on do that I was like good job, Dan Sorry, the most important in the network. I was like this is so funny The most important for me was to have that that GI Joe they had a one football Earlier one football.. One football. Yeah. I was always playing dolls. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's all it is.

That's all it is across the board. Yeah. But you cast a grayscale dude, dollhouse. Joe, I remember the only time I ever got something over Joe was I found out that in college at his frat, they used to make him when he was pledging, do the crab walk with salary up in his butt cheeks? Yeah. And if you dropped it, you had to pick it up

with your butt cheeks, couldn't use your hands. And if the team that lost had to eat the salary, but the best part was, we went to old Chicago one time, Joe hated salary. And one time they brought a pizza with salary and I watched him ignite and it was one of the most joyous days of my life. I sat back like this.

And I ordered no salary and I'm like, I want to be like, do you know why he doesn't eat salary? I don't know if I could sit up and be like, he had a lot of his butt. And by the way, best part when he told me this story, I go, how many did you lose? He goes, I never won. He eats so much butt salary.

Hey, a salary? Why do you keep calling it salary? Celery. Everyone's hearing it. You know, I was willing to talk to you about it. Hey, Christine, I get it with the woman thing. Thanks, Dan. He went back to the bunch, and I can feel Dan's energy going like, I'm going to say it clearly

the way I say it another time and check the faces in the room. And then when you really keep out, let's me go and say, and he hated celery. And I'm like, and I'm out. And that was the confirmation I go. It's definitely saying celery. Yeah, celery. It's definitely saying it. Celery.

Celery. Say it with everybody if you're driving. Celery. One, two, three. Celery. Celery. Say it with everybody if you're driving. One, two, three, celery. Celery. Now my other problem, who the hell gets celery on pizza? Did you say? There's old Chicago, so it was one of those dumpy ones where they dump a bunch of shit on it.

He took celery off it. I don't like celery that much in or out of butts. I'll do it. I don't like that you bite into it and the fucking pull guitar strings out of your teeth for the most part. Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app.

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