The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Pump Up The Volume

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Jay loves the Christian Slater movie "Pump Up The Volume" so much that he impersonates the Hard Harry character throughout the show. Jacob and Bob always thought the movie was trash. | Jay invents the word "Qweenis" for the English speaking lexicon and owns the copywrites. | Bobby tells a story of when he met the acclaimed actress Chole Sevigny. It was years ago at a star-studded party by Louis C.K. It did not go well and he still cannot pronounce her name. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Does he do the ha, ha, ha, and all his songs? Yeah, does he do that? Yeah, he has to. It's contractual. That's funny that you said this guy hates Dave Smith. Yeah, this is going to shoot Dave. Why?

Dave's a shot by the stirrup. I'm sure it's real stuff. This guy's very Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. Dave Drayman Bergstein. Is that his name? No.

It's Drayman, I believe. but Dave's Jewish right or is he Dave Smith's Jewish Yeah I thought he Is he But he's not a practicing Jew No

I don't know And what does that mean Go to church on Sunday Believe Jesus is their saved Lord and Savior That's not what Jews do Oh sorry That's what I do

That's not what you do either How do you know You don't go to church ever You don't know that Yeah you do I went to church Sunday No you didn't Yes I did

No you didn't Yes I did I swear on Charlie Kirk's life. That's what I thought. I didn't know. You're going to bring God into it. I brought Christ right into it. You brought Christ into it.

That was funny. If Dave gets killed by the lead singer of disturbed. God, that would suck. But, man, what a story. Dave disturbed? The ooh-wah-a-a-a-a-a-a-guy? He goes, yeah, Dave was not, in fact, down with the sickness. It gets scary now, too, because people are,

It was like when people were attacking comedians on stage. Yeah. You get a little nervous now because now it's like there's other crazy people. I was one of them. Yeah, you got. But you didn't get attacked. Let me say something. I think there's a difference between, maybe it is not.

Getting shot in the neck and Yankton's on St. No, I know there's a difference between that, you fucking. We won in the end. But what did you do to piss the guy off? Huh? Why do you get mad? I told him that his sister was a race trading pig slut. No, that's not what I did.

That's not what I did, actually. You know what I'm saying? There's a difference between saying something that really is offensive to somebody to get them. I was like, I think I said blacks go back to Africa and abortions murder. And then the guy flipped out. Listen, Jay, that is not. You shouldn't say that on stage. Blacks go back to Africa.

Yeah, I said, build that wall. Age isn't real. Holocaust never happened. Yeah, and women are women. And when women, you know, they're dumb as shit. take their voting rights away and then I fart in a microphone which is the punchline

which does kill and then you and then you raise your what is it called again you queen cootsie and then I go pull out your queenesses queeness

queeness queeness queen and I'm like oh man that's really caught on queen paco tell all your young Asian friends

and they'll tell other Asians and before you know it apparently I'm told a billion people will know It'd be funny if you got attacked by a trans person with a queeness this weekend. I'll show you my queeness. It just throws you on the floor and rub for your dick in your face. All Calgary Trans, make your way out to the laugh shop this Thursday through Saturday

where I'll be looking at your queenesses. I'll judge them. You can queenis slap me across the face with them. I'll be looking at all queenesses, but only in lobby. I was talking to you yesterday because I saw a clip of you when somebody yelled out, free Palestine. Oh, yeah. And your response, man, I watched it like four times.

Your response was so funny. You were like, what? Yeah, you're like, what? You're at the wrong show for me to have opinions. Yeah, you went, yeah, I don't, I don't ever, what did you say? I've been, she asked me what I've done. She said Free Palestine, I ask her, okay. I was like, well, what's the step?

What do I do? You asked. You asked, you asked, what your, how do you get into this? What's the next step? I said, what's step one? And I go, what moves are you making? And she goes, what moves have you made? Nothing.

I've been aggressively silent through this whole thing. I go, I haven't said anything about either side. Whoever wins, that's who I was rooting for. Like a chick with football. It's so funny that you shut her the fuck up and you also made her laugh. She was cracking up at your response. How couldn't she? Yeah.

I was so like, what? Lady, wrong place. Yeah, but it makes me, it makes me, you handle it in a situation. a great way just direct humor and sarcasm back at that dumb twat what have you done i she didn't do shit either no nothing she accomplished nothing either but she is super stoked on palestine on free palestine would you say i'm jewish yeah yeah that's how it took so funny as i was jewish you're like free palestine i'm like yeah man sure yeah hey if that's your thing if you're able to pull it off i guess does it doesn't affect like where i'm at

That's not going to make me not be able to play NBA 2K26. I think I'm going to have a pretty good year this year. Free Palestine. So much crazy shit, man, what's going on with the world today? I'm back to pumping up the volume. You know, people are shooting people and political pundits out there. You just got to get out there and tell your parents, we're not going to take this shit anymore. I don't want to be you.

That's not a good. Talk on. Oh, that's right. It's time of good. You guys are out there getting sick of your stupid parents. What are they just out there working super hard? Make sure you can afford things like radio equipment, pirate radio equipment. It's like they don't even see you.

It's like you're a fucking ghost in your own health. He was bitching about teenage problems is the funniest of that movie. And then you go to school and it's like, you don't have the coolest genes. And then it's just like, man, society, right? What the fuck, and your parents don't get it? They're just like, eat your vitamins and say your prayers. But we don't want to say prayers. We want to write songs, man, and wear a flannel.

Was his parent Hulk Hogan? Yeah. Even as a kid, I thought that movie was so stupid. You're wrong, dude, it's the best. It was the dumbest movie. And that chick was so mediocre, good-looking. Stop. Oh, fuck it.

I hated it. Was it Samantha Morton? Was that hers in the movie? Wow, she was annoying. I want to say it was her, because. She became a fucking thumb of a lady. Just leaning into the microphone. I was ahead of the curve saying Kelly McGillis,

I did not understand why Tom Cruise was fawning all over her. She was the only chick at a military base. You fuck was there. Yeah. He had to fuck her get blown by Slider. You never got head at Skank Fess from somebody? Also by a guy named Slider. Yeah.

Samantha Mathis and she was hot. Oh. She was cute. Let me see her, though. For back then she was, she was cute. Let me see. She was cute. Let me see.

Now she's like 60. Swim this. Ew. Christine's doing it. Oh, she's not cute. She was very cute, though. Now, ugh. Talk hard, guys.

Now she looks like she runs a cupcake company in Portland, Maine. River Feet. She did have a five head. She had a huge head. When River Odeed. She was there in River Phoenix Odeed. That's who he was dating. Nice.

Good for her. Immediately single. She fell up. You know she reminds me of the girl in Crank. Cranked? Remember that girl? Amy Smart. She fell off, too, man. Yeah.

She fell off, but... I saw her in a green room not long ago. Doesn't she look exactly like her? A little bit, yeah. Yeah, right? That type of girl. A little bit. My first immediate observation,

she should take more kissy face pictures than the girl who got stabbed on the bus. But that's just observational. That's not an emotional thing at all. Maybe I'd take that back. No. It's that series of girls who were like They tried to convince you They were pretty hot

Amy Smart What's another wide? Oh there you go Chloe Savaney She's always looking like a goddamn Fucking puppet face Oh dude she was at Louis house At a party

Chloe Savaney She bitched me out real bad I mean bad She fucking bitched me out She has pussy hair You know that It's pretty dope Yeah she does

She was a great head too You don't know that I saw it No you didn't Brown Bunny bring it up That wasn't good What? You think she gave a good blow job there?

Yeah. I... Nervous. Looks forced. Yeah, but she was. It was a real blow job that the director made her suck his dick. That's uncomfortable. Well, the director was her...

The guy she was blowing. And her boyfriend at the time. Yeah. Yeah. But you're still blowing people. There's still a fucking key grip watching chewing gum. You know what I mean? I love that.

Yeah. That makes it hot. Christine, we've seen this a thousand times. Stop trying... You're never going to learn how to blow a guy, Christine. Doesn't matter how much you watch this scene over and over and over and over again. And he actually blows his load, which is nuts. Yeah, a big sticky gap.

I mean, that's crazy. And he's, yeah, he's covering his Stamankenev. Well, he's covering it with her head. Yeah, but his hand, too. He's holding it, making it sure it stays. I mean, that's nuts. Good for her, though. That's a movie.

That's a movie you could go to the theater. You know what, dude? It didn't slow down her Hulu starring film career. No. We were at Louis House, and he used to throw these parties, and he'd invite a bunch of comics of Norton. R.E., whatever, Nick DePaolo. Turn on my music again, Lou, the Leonard Cohen.

Everybody, all the Hollywood elites are hanging out. What are you guys talking about? Pedophilia, Epstein Island. It's like, come on, man. Things are bigger than that, man. There's things going on out there in the world. Children are dying, starvation. Your parents just coming down asking you to do your homework all the time.

And you don't want to do your homework, man. I want to hang out, man. I want to get experiences. Schools in my mind, man. It's not out there. Stupid movie. You should definitely go in your basement and do that one night on your live. Just dim the lights and just get a little thing, a hair to go down your front and just talk.

Just a piece of hair coming down? And just get a roadcaster and just get that voice. We got to make the myths, man. We are. We are the stories, man. You got to become the stories. Don't just tell the stories. I guarantee it goes viral.

And next thing you know, your parents are like, you're folding the fitted sheets wrong. You're just stuffing them back on the stories. the closet. It's like, man, I don't care about how you fold sheet. Do you think I'm going to be a sheet folder my whole life, man? Who knows what I'm going to be? Jay gets shot out front. Some, some dad who their son followed this loser down a fucking black hole. My 12-year-old son thinks you're awesome. Oh, nice. Thank, Thomas, I said, thank. Oh, so I was like you. We were at his house. It was Steve Buscemi, all his comics, Nick DePaolo, producers. You could tell, like, like, you know, older gay producer type guys are there.

Everybody's in the business, and I was outside talking to Steve Buscemi, and Matthew Brodrick was there, and I went to walk in the kitchen, and what are you doing? Standing? Why are you standing? I feel like we're fat sitting down. Fuck. No, you don't, though.

But you don't. No, I do. You don't? No. You know, you did this I don't say something right now Around a couple months ago We were doing videos

And I was watching the videos And you started standing up And I was always saying Wow Jay looks great And then I would look over at me And my stomach was all bunched up Because Paco doesn't fucking edit the stomach Out little fucking Japanese

He won't take the time No he won't take the fucking time To cropped it to where your tits up He always leaves your fat hamburger belly out Parker you have some thoughts Yeah but don't bow Bring the mic up to yourself

American. It's because... Talk American, he said. Yeah. It's because when I crop in too much... Now talk Japanese. It's because when I cropping too much. Now, talk like Bobby Lee.

It's because when I cropping too much. Now talk like every Asian comedian's mother. Oh, it's because when I cropping are too much. Paco, everybody. Paco. You cropped in too much. The camera isn't good enough and it actually makes it pixelated, adds a noise. Yeah, yeah.

It's like a Japanese board. Yeah, we'll get better cameras. You told me to get these particular. We'll get new ones. I've got so many of these cameras because you're like, this is the future. And you know what? And it was the future. But the future's coming fast, my friend.

All right, I'm having a relationship with my fucking phone. I don't know if you know this. Oh, yeah, I forgot. You don't know about technology anymore. These are brand new. These are two years old. We've had it for two years. Stop saying brand new.

It's not. It's two years. They have new ones coming out. We should get the new ones. Listen. Why, they're not very good. But those ones are the future, this guy. O'Opaco, what camera would be better for you to be able to cropped in

so I don't have to look like a fucking hamburger, and Jay doesn't have to stand up? Sony A-7s? The one that he has are really good. How much is Sony A-7s? He's made a decent amount. How much? I'd say like six PlayStation fives. Why do you talk in Japanese kid terms?

Because that's all he understands. How many Nintendo Wii controllers is it? I would say... That's about 317. How many seaweed-wrapped chocolates? Oh, that one's 1,000-604. How many ramen bowls? Oh, that one's going to be like 10,450.

How many Haddock-flavored Kit Katz? Well, those are rare, so 26. How many samurai swords? Who made them? That's the question. Hi, Ukiyaka, Kaka. Ooh, that's three and a half. It's house, wall house, is his name.

That's the character symbols, right? Samuji Makichi. Imagine how convenient it would be if we could use these $10,000 4K camera. We could just stick him in a room upstairs? I mean, there's four in the room. There's four in the room, and he could go upstairs, and because of his background, he would learn everything in minutes.

Oh, he'd integrate into the system, probably. He'd become the machine. I think we should wet-willy these things every day. Just put more spit on them. Fuck them. They're useless. No one's going to know. Control room base right by my office.

Break in. Yeah. Paco, break in there right now real quick. Paco, do you have a ninja outfit on you? I'll watch a video and figure it out. This is a ninja outfit, dude. It's just a hood away from being a ninja outfit. Do you ever see that hoodie that you pull the hood down and it's a ninja?

No, but I love that. Oh, my God, perfect. I don't remember ninjas having so much hair showing. I don't know. I'm a ninjas having such small. Oh, that's a surf ninja. Well, yeah. Surf ninjas must die.

You actually look Muslim when you do that. You do look Muslim. You don't look Muslim. Whoa. Wow. No, no, no. That was legit. That was the actual language.

Okay. So I'm at the party. I'm talking to Matthew Broderick, Steve Buscemi. I mean, you ever have a conversation with a famous person and it's just going swimmingly? Well, you're like, this is awesome. Not ever the way you say you do, but what I find interesting is these relationships never go anywhere.

You've got so many relationships. By the way, I believe it, this one party at Louis C. Kay's house, you've met every celebrity I think I've ever brought up. And you had a good conversation with all of them. Yes. And then have never had one more interaction with them ever again. I'm still stuck with Voss and you. Weird.

Yeah. I don't know what God's that. It's God. I would have to say it's God in another past life, me learning lessons in this life. Okay. I just don't have, I can't, I, I don't have the ability to go forward. I don't have the ability to cater to somebody's ego after that. You know what I mean?

Sure. And I'm also, I'm also bad in the initial, you're good at the initial. meet you're going to hang at the party i'm bad at that although i tried i had to stand the other day when i got off stage they were like seth green's here in the green room with somebody and i hauled in there because i really wanted to catch him because we went to the same like school like that kindergarten through 12th seth green went to that school and went like a prison we looked at yesterday yeah he was in that school till 10th grade yeah it's weird to see him as a man right i didn't see oh you didn't even he wasn't and when i got in there they were he was gone already i was

like fuck i kind of wanted to see that's one of the few celebrities i'd be like i want to bump in I did the same exact thing years ago at Montreal, I saw him, but I was like seven years in the comedy. He was in, what's the movie he was in? Dr. Evil. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right? Austin Powers.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know that Quinn was supposed to have that part? He's Scott Evil, yeah, yeah, yeah. They called Quinn, he goes, I got a part for you. He's like, no, I really, this is going to be, this could be big. He's like, I'm writing my own movie right now. Celtic Pride? I'm writing my own, no.

The movie never got made. I'm writing my own movie right now and I don't have time for this man he's like calling please he actually called him back and said I really want you to just could you just read it he's like I said no you're Scott evil he would have been a millionaire

from just residuals on that fucking what I make four of them four right three at least yeah so I'm outside talking to Matthew Broder I mean I'm having a great conversation making them laugh like they're in you know when you're talking to somebody famous and they

you could see they're listening to you no and everything's coming and I mean it was just awesome so I ended the conversation I was like hey I'm going to go to drink and we want to think they're like no we're good man thanks

and I'm going to go in and get a drink because I you know there's a point where you should stop talking and I never know that that's my problem there's a lot of times I'll just keep going until I fucking ruin it see I'm better just not starting at all

I'm good at I avoid them almost when there's celebrity I try to like not be around them at all I'm like uncomfortable if I'm gonna be like and if I see somebody

waving over he goes you gotta me Jay come here I'm like fuck Bobby's a very and I walk over like this hey

like I've been brought over by a principal hey and they make me meet and I shake hands like this okay nice to meet you all right bye can I go now

can I go back to drawing we're all impressed with how well Bobby's such a good I think anyone you got Chris Evans number you chatted him didn't pan out but I ruined it but just a girl that that super hot server at the B. Arthur in Vegas at the the pool party oh yeah you're the only one that was having a long oh bro's yeah oh it's chateing her up everyone was those stories buddy no I told I told Don about it you

out of your mind yeah I told her I still got it yeah as soon as I got home I go I still got it she said what are you talking about i go the pool chick smoking hot 21 everybody on her and i was she was all into me i totally could have got her she's like you shoulda she goes you want meatballs on the on the side or do you want it on the pasta and i'll be honest with you that was a more important question to you than rubbing it more in her face 100% yeah her meatballs have you done meatballs right here don't the meatballs they're unbelievable i have i did my i did my i did my mom's meatballs last night i wish you would bring them in i don't know why you mentioned it

if you're not going to bring them. I'd eat those cold. Yeah, they're so good. Oh, God. I just re-watched. Bring them Monday. I just re-watched the Barry Manilow interview and how masterful.

That was a great one. He tried to leave six times. Yep, nope. You wouldn't let him out the door. No, I would not. I love that. You had another fucking Manaloism to get him right back in the room.

Barry, a lot of people say that you also got pussy before you were gay. Come on, baby. Who says stuff like that? So I'm, now, Louis, he had a brownstone, a whole brownstone. It's over, right by the comedy seller. Give his address.

It's 147. Sure. No, he doesn't live there. He sold it. Now, when is he most vulnerable? Like, is he a heavy sleeper? Usually in the morning, because he stays up late. No, it's tourist good.

When he's out there on the road, no one's watching the place. No one's watching the place. No, and his favorite four numbers or what? 4477. Yes, of course it is. But he had the whole brownstone. Beautiful I mean the place was

The place you dream of getting In your brain someday When you're gonna have a brownstone in the city It's the apartment that you know They have in the movies You know the guys The Hoxtable's always Yeah he has like a regular job

Delivering flowers But he has a brownstone It was the Hoxstable house Exactly Right the steps in the front And then it's a row home But you have the entire house Right

Inside that house But had a back Terrible things are happening Downstairs in the basement In the basement women are being taken advantage of through a series of various Spanish flowers. Yeah, but there was a soundproof door

with a small window. You couldn't hear it, but you could just see a hand get up in front of the hole once in a while. So you could ignore it if you want. Okay. And there was a hole in the bottom where he threw Hammond.

I don't know what that was. She was crazy. But he had a backyard, which is unheard of in Manhattan, to have a backyard, right? And he had this party. We're all in the backyard. Everybody's hanging.

It is amazing. I just talked to Steve Buscemi, who I love, Matthew Broderick, who is, you know, oh, my God. You didn't love him? No, I loved him. He was great. But you loved Buscemi, but you didn't feel the same about Broderick. I love both of them. Both of them.

Both of them. So you told us twice you loved Buscemi. Yeah. And then said, and Matthew Broderick was there, which is there. Yeah, no, I did love Buscemi a little more. I didn't. I did. You did.

You did. You thought, and I, and this may have been just personal chap between me and you. you told me Broderick A little bit of a queeness Yeah I mean I told you that in private I didn't know you're gonna bring it up in the air It's just the fact that I want to let the world know that you are You have taken the word now and started adapting it

And now it is getting out there in the world Hashtag Queeness Well I mean he coined it His wife is paying the bills Yeah anyways Guys are real queeness Yeah Not anymore that show's canceled too

Yes No more movies Yes Oh my God finally stop They had the They're so few funny girl comics They had to just make an actor play a girl comic in it and do terrible girl comic jokes.

So look at Christine's face. Who is she? She says the show's terrible. I'm really sad they canceled it, though. I can't believe they did that. It's infuriating that show. It's like it's so, fuck. It's getting better.

It's never getting better. It's awful. It's infuriating. They're getting older and grosser. Yeah, grosser and oh. How do they get all this money? Her husband died. None of them can have sex anymore

unless they take a pill that's been. and hawked by Sally Field to make sure their hips are okay. Yeah. They have to use coconut oil and their vages just to get it in. They drink fucking Ensure martinis. Christine, please,

I'm nail on a couple of these. Ensure martinis. Thank you. Do something with Merrillex. Do that yogurt, that bitch. Hey, Miralex out there, everybody. So I literally call this conversation. I don't know if you've ever ended a conversation.

you're like, hey, man, you know, all right, cool. You guys want something? And they were like, nah. And it just ended perfectly. I just had a conversation with two, oh, my God, guys that have always wanted to talk to. And we're in the backyard on this deck, and it goes right into the kitchen and then goes to a hallway into the dining room, living room. So I walk in, and it's a narrow space.

So you walk in, it's a very narrow space. There's a table in there and then the sink. And so I walk in, and I look up, and there is. Chloe Servino, who I love to, right? Is that her name? No, what's your name? Seven-Ye. What is it?

Seven-Ye. Chloe, Seven-Yay? Yes. No, the chick from Brown Bunny? What's your name again? I thought it was Savvino. No? Were you talking to Mirro Servino?

No, is it Chloe? I hate you right now, Jay. Why? Because you are fucking, you love... Can man, if I correct you. No, no. But you can correct me I'm when you leave there

No Look at your face Look you got on film We got on film I got you a twat face And your condescending eyebrows That ever so slightly Go up

Well there right When you're fucking right And you got somebody Out of the fucking barrel Little Little Chubby Jay Eating on the floor You piece of shit

It's not my No it's not my faulty left Look at me it's not my fault okay i didn't have a dad too you cuck sucker you didn't help him come back though Chloe yes how's that so she she felt but her last name she she she's coming we get stuck in a traffic jam so she's there i'm there and i'm like i just had the great conversation with two people you might know i say hey i went hey and she looked at me like she looked at me like she looked me like, get the fuck out of my way.

And I looked at her and I was like, oh, you want me to go? Like, I was further along down the path where she should have, she could have took one step back and out of the way. I would have to take five steps back to go out of the way. And let me tell you something, this bitch is powerful. She looked at me like back up, fatso. And fatso, beep. I don't know if you know, she got raped in kids

So like she's been training since that Dude, I backed up She backed me out to the back porch I bumped into fucking Matthew Which I had to say, oh, I'm sorry So I ruined that Matthew Matthew Broderick

I bumped into Matthew And because I backed up into him I backed out all the way to the porch bumped into him almost spilled his drink So whatever I built with him was gone because I'm just an asshole bumps into him now. I know. You asked him and goes,

you guys want anything? I hope Steve Bishemi was like, just bring me like a mishmash of the hors d'oeuvres. So then she literally doesn't even say thank you. She walks, stays there until I'm backed up all the way, and then she waits till them, the path is clear, and then like struts through out to the back,

right by me, Matthew, Matthew, and then Steve, and then they just have this amazing conversation, now that I'm out of. She stole your business Stole my fucking soul

That's what she did And here's the only part that saved me Is that Nick DePaolo Got into a political debate With the two gay producer guys And got kicked out of the party Louie had to kick him out Thank God

I love DiPaolo Thank God for that DePaolo He's the funniest guy ever He really is That's funny I feel like this is just This isn't an attack In any way

Real quick Should I eat something Just to keep this going Oh Chewy Bob? Chewy Bobby? Chewy Bobby? Oh, Chewy Rob Kelly? No, you know what?

Let me see, let's just see. Chew and Rob? What's the name, Ed? Let's get Ed rowled up. He was all hopped up. He was all hopped up. I mean, I do keep looking at those sun chips. I can't stop looking at the sun chips.

I want some chips. We only got 15 minutes left for the show. And then you can have sun chips all you want. Am I right? You'll have sun chips too, right? I'll have some sun chips. Okay, good. What are you going to say?

What are you saying? You were doing something. Come on, dude, I got you. Buddy, come on. Look at my finger. finger look right here stay right here mm-hmm oh that's all just I'm coming

Chloe Savaney I'm going slow because you're high we had Chloe Savaney Chloe Savaney Chloe Savane what is that something you don't think you stay high for I don't know how long do you stay high I don't know I don't smoke like anything in the studio dude I think it's great I don't hope you don't take offense to me saying you're high should I just I'm just currently not high all right dude relax you get defensive about you're high I mean you get high

no hour one yeah but dude maybe maybe Yeah, but then you take off to the bathroom and you come back itching your arm. What's that? No, no, no. You ask me if I can go out during the breaks because you have to send encrypted messages back and forth to John Reap. I can't send them anymore, by the way. Well, not now because his phone's confiscated. But don't worry.

The paper trail will come back to you. How funny it would be if I really was involved in it? I'm going to be, dude, I was actually kidding when I said that. And they bring you into court. So you knew about this. I was thinking more just as a general discussion. It's, if you are telling a story, name dropping at all, which we all do at some point, does it make, it's, it's always going to make you look better to use full names than, I'm reading like a Josh Hed of Myers to, like, individual names. Well, I said, so then I bump into Steve and you're like, Steve and he goes, yeah, from the beginning of story, Stephen Tyler.

You know, it's like that also is with, I feel like you have to always say the full name. Yeah, if I was talking to somebody not in the business, I wouldn't have said Matthew. You're talking to, I can only assume, tens of people all over the airwaves that don't know. Ever since Dan left. Listen, tens of people. And one of them hates chewing on the air. And one of them is about his wits end with your chewing bullshit. On everything!

Every show. And everybody says something. You keep going. He was worked up. That was great. That was beautiful. It made me feel good. Damn, he was hyped.

No, I think you're right. You should probably, if they're famous people, use their first and last. Because you're going to eat shit no matter what. Someone's going to go, your name drop. You hate to do it, so you're going to go your name dropping. But better to just drop, because then it seems less formal even to you. Because you're still going, like, like I said, with Stephen Tyler, you go, you go.

So then I go back over, he goes, I bump in this. Stephen Tyler again. Right. But the reason why I didn't use Chloe, I say Chloe the second time because I didn't want to see your condescending eyebrows go up. What, you have her name. You know it. Chloe?

Yeah. Serviano. Servini. Serviacho. Chloe Savano. Savani. Savoni. Savani.

Savon. You get your, you're like, you're right there. Chloe Servia. I would say Savaney. Savaney. But it's, uh, seven, Jacob says it more pompous.

Yeah, it does sound. Jacob, go ahead, put your pinky up and you say it. Yeah, take a sip of this water. Hold your pinky up. Go on. Sevene-Yea. Yeah.

Sounds like a dumb wine. Yeah. Seven-Yea. I don't think it's seven-Yea. I think it's Chloe Savani. Sounds like a guy who writes her fucking letters on her birthday and one that she never writes back. Seven-Yea.

Seven-ye. Let me count the ways. That's when Jacob comes. That's the thing. he says right when he's done he goes seven yay yeah and then he flicks his come on the wall it's his seventh load he says if he gets shoot seven loads a day he won't get prostate cancer seven yay seven yay what how do you pronounce your name christine christine seven yeah he's right huh seven yay is that it Chloe seven yay yeah who am i thinking of the girl with the big buser servino i okay

romey michel's high school union it was actually mirror sorvino hey man we You got to really adjust this room for my dumbness. Yeah? Well, now the whole room's confused because now we don't know if you were talking to Mirosorvino or Chloe Savignay. It was not Maria Savino. Hey, man, I want you to adjust. It's not Mirro's Sorvino. It's Chloe.

Chloe, Savonier. Close enough. Oh. Sorry. I had a chip. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Chloe Savonier. Yeah, it was her

And I love her I think she's, I think she's hot You think she's not I think she's, that's my type of check She's pulled off sexy in many, many things Sorry, though She's pulled off sexy in many things She is not classically attractive

She's unconventionally attractive And I, she's the type of girl I would meet if I saw her in a party Back on the day I would try to get that type of trick I'm unattractive So I would absolutely hook up Chloe Savignet

You're ridiculously stupid When you say you're unattractive, you're dumb. Because you have probably the prettiest eyes in show business, in comedy. Don't say it in front of Paco. I'm going to say it right now, in front of Paco. He's got dead shark eyes. Yeah. Okay?

You have gorgeous eyes. Shut up. You have beautiful hair. Hair like Samson. Samson. You have this person. What is that? I mean, not...

A queeness. Is that a queeness? I mean, it is, by definition, a queeness. What is this? Why am I feeling? No, it's not. That's not. That's not Chloe Sevenier. It's a black woman fucking yourself of a dildo.

It's Sherrod's sister. Oh, do you know what it happened the other day? I'm going down. What is this movie? Oh, it's a movie where... I guess she plays a trans and she has a penis. What is this movie that I'm going to watch later and jerk off to? While I watch the one when she's blowing.

I'm going to splice the two movies together where she's sucking a dick and then she takes her penis out. She's had a pretty good body for a pretty long time. She has a nose, a pinocon. Pinocchio, ooh, Pinocchio nose. Yeah. That's a nose cock. Whoa.

Queeness. She's punching her cock. Her what? Her queeness. Bobby, please. Dude, I apologize. I don't have body brain coffee to push. All I have is words into the world that I can say I coined.

So the textbooks one day will read. And when a trans person has an operation on there, queeness, and then it'll have a little thing. Yeah. And then I'll be in the bibliography. Right. Cited queenis. When do we stop promoting this?

by the way what please no the body brain coffee i love her bush she does have a nice bod yeah nice bod good bush and i said she pulls off cute for sure but they like in the movie kids she was particularly i found her almost like kind of eh like blah looking and then that beaver shot yeah and then she of course gets date rape which isn't cool she has a very european vibe i think we could all agree in the room date rape isn't cool no except for reep loved it no he like torture pornography from the chats i had with him oh yeah from my encrypted chats oh the reapinator yeah that's what you called him yeah yeah you guys called him john creep the reaper you know so funny dude i was driving oh color pitch is over beaver i love that yes i was doing uh city bike the other day and uh you know what city bike is

riding the city bikes yeah you rent the bikes what yeah what i was i rented one of the city bikes i used the city bikes to get around the city did dawn kick you out No, because sometimes it's too close to get an Uber or a cab or it's too far to walk. So you just jump on a city bike. You're on the app, Bing, Bang, and you're there in two seconds. Yeah, but you, what? What? What is it?

I mean, the main problem with that is, I hope I'm pronouncing this right. You look like a jerk off. I'm pretty sure that's not one word. That's a sentence. With your Louis Vuitton's satchel flying behind you on a rented bicycle? In the front, baby. You look like a lunatic. I look amazing.

You look crazy. Do you put your thing on the stand-up? You get up on it? Have your ass in the air? Yes. Yeah, dude. I love it, dude. Of course I do.

Do you do this when you haul? Do you do like the, where like the bike goes side to side really fast? No, I, that's American style, a European style. Slow, constant strides. Oh, I thought that means sitting on your side like a lady rides a horse. I thought you were sitting side saddle. So, dude, I'm coming down. This is one of those embarrassing things that happened.

to me we want a city bike that and i'm coming and there's a guy coming on a bike in the bike lane towards me it's charade small on a bike so he's coming towards me i see him he doesn't see me i lean in as close as you could get as he's going by me i go show dog it wasn't him that story made me uncomfortable when I thought it was still Chirot. I just went show dog! And it wasn't him. I scared the guy.

Of course. Thank God he wasn't, like, because I was scared because he stopped his bike. So I had to stop my bike. And I look back, like, I was going to go, dude, I'm sorry, I thought you were my friend. But he just went, he went, gee. And I was like, I'm fine.

He's a black guy on a city bike. Yeah, I'm not. I fucked up. I made a mistake. He went, geez. And I was like, okay, I got to go. If he was the kind of black guy, you're working. about he would have took your city bike you'll run your city bike he would have

been on somebody else's bike yeah run that city bike son I was so embarrassed because it it scared like it was so loud but if it was Sherrod it would have scared him a little bit but he'd be like yo what's up it would have been funny but because it wasn't him but it looks just like it looks at you're bothering people I was you should have been you should have been talked to I was I was talked to in my head for the last two days you're a fucking idiot you're stupid eat something stupid stupid idiot do something smoke something buy another bag when we come back next week what do you think you think john reap will be found guilty or is he's out of jail he kills himself

260,000 dollar bail no kids does he kill himself doesn't have kids because he would have fucked them true but in-house pussy is nice he actually controlled himself a little bit he should get credit for that yeah i don't have kids because i think i might fuck him so i'm just not going to have him yeah it's good call We're going to find out allegedly, too, because we don't know everything. No, but do you think? Yeah. Before we come back? Sure.

There's a chance he kills himself. No. What would you do? If I got caught with child pornography? When? You get caught with child pornography. God damn it, Jason. You know what?

We're going to get the hell out of here. Bobby. When? Big joke. This is going to be at the laugh shop in Calgary this weekend, 11. Through the 13th. Then he's going to the Pittsburgh Improv, September 18th to the 20th. Toronto, on the 21st, two shows.

First one is completely sold out. So get that second show tickets right now. That's going to sell out to Portland, Columbus for tickets and all the tour dates. BigJ Comedy.com and YouTube.com slash at BigJ. O'Kerson, where he has his two specials. And he has this new live show that's taken off. I mean, this guy, everything you do is taking off. I don't stop.

You don't stop. Can't stop, won't stop. Robert Kelly's going to be here at the Port Comedy Club in Baltimore, September, 12th and 13th. He's going to let you guys know what time it is down there. Stop listening to your parents' bullshit. Come to comedy at the Carlson and Rochester, October 10th, and 11th, because fuck that, man. Let me take a sip. The system's going to tell you how they think it should be, and Bobby's going to tell you how it is.

After that, Tampa, Florida, Emaeus, Pennsylvania, and New Orleans, get the wisdom. Buckle up at Punchup. live slash robert kelly and check out bobby's youtube channel youtube dot com slash at robert kelly comedy oh yeah we'll see you guys monday enjoy the pre-record have a great weekend don't shoot anybody don't kill anybody crackle crackle