The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Questioning Childhood Trauma (feat. Joe DeRosa, Shane Gillis & Big Jay's Mom)

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

One of the most traumatic childhood events of young Jay’s life finally gets closure when his mom calls in to reveal the truth about “The Jamaica Incident." Jay, Dan, Joe DeRosa and guest Shane Gillis are floored by a comedy trailer that leads to a discussion about “’the art of improv.“ The hosts share how quarantine has certainly affected their sex lives.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J.O. Chrison. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio, SiriusXM95, or on demand on the SiriusXM app.

Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Crackle, crackle, cambers, what's up? This is Black Loot and welcome back to the bonfire's Best of the Week. Jay's mom called into the show to finally put to rest one of the most traumatic memories from the bonfire host's childhood. Poor Jay. Curly Mowat to me always my mom's friends that had curly moats were either one gay guys or due to like drove sports cars with the top down all the time. Like that was always a curly mollot guy for sure. I heard curly mollots were early indicators for herpes in the 90s where they're like, yeah, permo wet mollot.

That's right. If you go to vacation in South Florida in the 80s, and you were a girl looking to catch that dick, you're probably fucking a guy with groomed chest hair and And a curly moat for sure tan wears wears to loose tank tops at the same time one's pink one's blue and And maybe some yellow shorts. I'm pretty sure a guy who looks like that just dug my mom out on one of her trips to Florida Dug her out, dude.

No one on my phone calls when I was a kid and she was in the Bahamas, actually, it was just in the top. I dude, like that in a teaky. Yeah. Absolutely. You're at your mom moms worrying about if you're going to have crust on your sandwich and she's doing fucking kamikaze at 1 p.m. with a guy named fucking Ethan. You know, it's funny. I think I may have said this on the show, so my apologies

if I did, but I know everyone had didn't hear this, but an actuality on that trip, I went to Florida. I was in Florida to stay with my dad's brother and my cousin, who I just, again, I didn't know them very well. And I was a very, as a kid, I was, me and Christine talk about this a lot, how different we were when I was a kid I did not like being away from home my grandmothers are my moms and that was it I did not like being away from The house at all and shit shit shit pothead losing train of thought I'm being in Florida your mom was in the mom is in the Bahamas. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, get in

I was already hating I was already hating being away from home. They took me to see Jaws for the revenge in the movie theater, which takes place in the Bahamas. Oh, I remember. And my mom told me that day, she's like, when I talked to her earlier in the day, she goes, yeah, we're gonna write a banana boat today.

And in the movie, Jaws eats a banana boat full of people. And I ran back home at nighttime. You know, it's like now it's like 10, 11 o'clock at night or so. Come on, and I'm frantically calling, you know, the number I have for her at her hotel. And she is not answering. And not only she's not answering

because she's not in the room. My picture is probably more, she's in the room letting it ring, leaving her baby to be afraid that his mom's dead from shark attack, a revenge shark attack, no less. And just probably just getting spit roasted by, she heads that have with shell necklaces, dude. But with another one of her whore bag friends, dude, and I know they were just getting it in, dude.

It was a role reversal in that hotel room. That dude's banana, but boat at your mom shark dude He turned the tables dude My mom shark ate his banana boat If she would have picked up you know me it was a guy with a boner would have told her it's okay It's okay. It's okay. Take the call you Michael my check all my mom and ask her if she boan on that trip Yeah, absolutely me time I'm laughing as I just picture your mom getting bones to Michael Jackson. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Hey, I have you on you're on bonfire right now. Hi everybody from bonfire. Hi You're on bonfire. I was talking about when I was a young boy. What year were we talking here?

1987 okay, your son was shipped off to stay with distant family. He was uncomfortable with so you your friend who I can only describe as remembering looking like an 80 slut, Joclan. Oh, yes. Yes. And then, oh, we went to the Bahamas. And then I remember the big story was the night that I couldn't get a hold of you. I was nervous because you were in the Bahamas going on a banana boat and then we walked.

Yes, and he thought I was going to be a guy of Shorok. Yes. Now, what I've never asked you before, is it a strong chance, Mom, that you were getting the old sausage from a couple of Bahamas shitheads? And be honest with me, talk real with me. No, because that's after I got home. What? After I got home. Oh, you were already home when I went to the movies?

Yes, oh, I was still in the Bahamas when you left that message, yes. But as an adult, we could all say, now, mom, you went to the Bahamas to get it in with some of the, you did. You went to the Bahamas. I did not. You didn't go to cook up. I did not. You didn't hook up in the Bahamas once.

Not once. The pictures only looked like I did. You're so foolish, shit. You're so stupid. No, not, I did not. Mom, you brought Joe home the first night you met him at a club. I did. And he is now my 30 plus year step father.

You see, yes he is. However, the Bahamas, no, I was a good girl and the Bahamas actually. What was your friend Joanne doing? Was she taking your portion? No, she was actually a good girl too. She had a boyfriend at home. I know. Actually, fiance at home. I don't know why you're lying to me like I'm your boyfriend. I know you guys were sluts down there. You were such sluts. No, we weren't. We were good. We just drank a lot. We're all fine with it. Well,

Sotar's disappointed in you, but the rest of the point at all. I think that's wonderful. I probably, if my luck would be the opposite, my mom would be like, I met several friends down there. Was actually, if I remember, um, yeah, me and Joanne ended up riding home from the booze cruise with those two guys. Yeah, I remember the OP tank top guys. Shout out, you know who wore OP tank top guys? Yeah, my father's Gary.

Let me think, it was a lot of years ago. Yeah, I respect. Yeah, really, it just came up into the day, just came up into our room of drink. You're really nothing. Oh, huh. They've been really tremendously, Jay, but she is lying right now. This story keeps changing. What were you about those, uh, no, you're right.

I wasn't home yet. That's right. I was still a little out of your stuff. Those guys, those guys didn't I wasn't home yet. That's right. I was still a lot of years. Mom, those guys didn't try anything in your room. They came to your room to drink and didn't try. Oh, I didn't say that they didn't try. There we go. There it is. Yeah.

I didn't say they didn't try. Did they present where they showers? You are such a sick human being. That's why I love you. Yeah. What are those guys do? I'll let you go in a second. But what are the, how do those guys try? What do they say? What are they doing? The old like you guys want to play troops or dare? I'm putting myself in the situation of the guys that I've been in a bunch of times in my life.

And you're like, what's next to, uh, hey, you guys want to like, I mean, anybody here? What are you going to make? How could they aren't making out? It's funny. Yeah, I just think it started out with making out and it really didn't get any further with that because me and Joanne were actually good girls at that. Well, she made out and she had a boyfriend. Oh, you guys are such sluts.

But I didn't have a boyfriend at her. He fell over at the end of the night. Yeah, remember when there were no guys? I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, so it was okay uh did you grab the any guys ween or over his on bros You don't think those tiny bathing suits were fucking. Oh, I didn't I was I was semi good Let me think was I was I Calm you keep changing even your level of You're adding more adjectives in front of it. It's all right

I had a 10 at a 10 on the horse scale. I was a seven nine. There's like a new word in front of good. She goes, look, I was Tijuana good. You know, I was actually really good. No, I didn't do anything. I wasn't a bad girl that day. Do you want to do it for that week?

That day. That was right before that was right before I started respiratory school. Right. You were trying to get it in. day ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I started, no, it was 80, when did I start? I don't even remember anymore. 80 rest of Atari school or fucking six? 86, you started rest of Atari school. No, I started rest of Atari school in 87. Yeah, that's where Jaws revenge came out. After you got plugged up on a vacation with your friends,

Mom, I know something happened. What did they guys do? They play with your boobs? Did you go to take a look? They go on. Oh my God. Wait, if you want me to make up stuff, I can. Oh, one of these guys, my father, talk to me.

No. You're already five years old. You were over here. You were worried about me getting eaten off of a banana boat by a shark. Yeah, you were getting eaten out and God damn hotel room instead. I was a good girl.

It's Don Johnson. I was with Don Johnson. Jay, can you ask for me? Jay just mean kissing her. Does she have home frustrated? Jacob would like to know if making out just means kissing to you, or would you send these guys home frustrated? I think Jacob's asking my mother if you gave this guy an HJ. Yeah, I did not I didn't I really didn't I was so good

You know what mom? I got you I believe you I believe you but the way you're saying it like you were so good You keep giving yourself a real pat on the back for finally one time in your life not jacking off every guy you meet So if a real pat on the back for finally one time in your life not jacking off every guy you meet. Tell him you I learned, I learned not to do that anymore. I did not. I did not. I was, I was a good girl. I bet your hands smelled like bleach and salt a little bit when it was all over.

You know what I'm saying? I'm going to do. Um, I love you, mom. And I'll talk to you soon. I'll call you later. I love you mom and I'll talk to you soon. I'll call you later. I love you too. Jay, Dan, our wonderful amazing third Mike Jodorosa and Gesshengilus were floored by the Netflix trailer for not one but three new improv specials from the comedy duo Middle Ditch and Swords.

This led to an in-depth discussion about the art of improv. Trailers are a big thing in comedy to me, I think. And I don't like many of them. So in fairness to them, I'll say that, but I mean, I'm always blown away by like, this is the stuff you picked for showing like these fucking moments. Like, yeah, well, here's the thing. The only people, this is improv is fake. It's a fake thing. It's like bodybuilding. The only people in that audience laughing right now are other improvs. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm pulling improv bodybuilding, my favorite thing you've ever seen. But do you know what I mean? Like bodybuilding audiences are all other bodybuilders being like that. You have no idea how hard it is. go up the, the glute like that. The improv audiences are all improv people that couldn't do it that are seeing there being like, you have no idea how hard it is to come up with a German cake shop owner routine. Like that. That's the only people that give shit. My ex-girlfriend is looking forward.

Who's asking for this version of comedy? That's what I'm saying. My ex-girlfriend who moved to LA, who we've told about stories on, I'm going to ask you for it. Who's asking for this version of comedy? That's what I'm saying. My ex girlfriend who moved to LA, who we've told about stories on, who's smoking hot, but just like an actress and like really acted like an actress, she joined groundlings in LA.

And she could just like, it's like one of those things where you could just pay your way to keep doing it, you know what I mean? But she like, the last thing she texted me, and we don't talk, we don't ever talk. But sometimes, I have to go, me and my class are gonna walk around and act like cats.

Dude, I swear to God, I swear to God, I was with Katie and I got a text and I told her, I was like, oh, my ex is texting me and I showed her what she text because she was like, it was like the week my HBO special was coming out. And she's like, I had a vision about your uncle. And I was like, it was like the week my HBO special was coming out and she's like, I had a vision about your uncle and I was like, what?

And she's like, I had a vision about your uncle and I'm like, I don't talk to that guy, so I don't care. I just shut it down immediately. I was like, he's a piece of shit. I don't talk to him. She's like, okay, well, I thought I let you know. And also like this week, I have my ground link show on Sunday, and it's just like, so I'm so stressed out. And I was like, bitch, I have an HBO hour special coming out on Saturday. What are you talking about, you narcissists? But you can prepare for that.

Like you can't prepare for the prov, you know? It's like you have to go, just, and be an open. I'm telling you right now, when I'm zips-zap-zopping, I'm just flying by the seat of my pants I don't know what's gonna happen. It's like what are you stressed out about? Whatever goes down goes down lady It's gonna go as long as you say words it appears any idiot who sits in that audience will laugh at it

Dude, it's just words stand-ups watching, standups watching improv really is like hockey players watching Figure skating, but that was the point of my ex-girlfriend stories that like she has no, she doesn't want to do comedy She's doing it because it's something to do. Some are saying she's the next ditto ditch improv is a fucking it's a pyramid scheme like you said you buy in and you keep paying in to keep going For Christ's sake look, I've performed many times at UCB. I've met some of the UCB people. They're nice people, but look at that facility on Sunset Avenue. LA looks like a fucking Scientology center.

You know, it's become a professional improper in history. This is the first professional improper thing I've ever seen happen. I would say, I would say improv is the Scientology of comedy. You can just keep paying to give you these weird different levels. Yeah, wait, wait, wait. It's probably like a muscle building tool to be able to right sketch with other people. Damn.

What did you say there's levels? There's levels. Yes. Oh, yeah. There's rankings. Oh, did you go like you do like UCB was like a rank up? Yeah, you can like you see me was like a rank up Yeah, you can like you get to pay like 600 bucks to do the first round of classes and then you do another like

201 where you're like oh now I know how to act like a true dude for real Yeah, you get to teach you keep paying until you get to be the teacher to take other people's money So it's so fucking dumb. And then they will. And then they will. And then they will. Dude, improv is boiler room. Dude, one of the really, it just phones on the ground and people missing money. They, I remember one of the most aggravated I would get was when I waited tables at Dos Caminos

and I would like, you know, be going to do these souljoul gigs on the weekends or just fucking eating it on the road is like a as a feature. And I come back and these fucking waiters that I'd be waiting tables with, they'd be like, yeah, stand up seems pretty hard. I'm taking a class at UCB and I'm getting into it. And I just like, I love it. And it made me want to just fucking power bomb them through a table every time. And by the way, by the way, oh, we did a thing. The crowds suggested that they loved it. Go fuck yourself. Get up at a soul, Joe gig.

Like you just said, and you shit the crowd doesn't want to hear and make it work. You know, fucking hard. That is it's always so like it's always like that too. Like like that's, sir, that fat lady you're talking to is my wife. I didn't know this car could flow. We're not in a car. We're in a boat. The thing Evan said though about like isn't this just a stepping stone for some other kind of car? Yes, Evans. That's why the most famous improvvers of all time or second city. They all became Saturday Night Live and SCTV. And the first thing the network said

to both of them were write something down. That's a good compliment there. They were like, No, no, you're not doing any of that. Write it all down now. The tenderloins were an improv troupe and that didn't tend to impractual jokers. Like it always felt to me like improv

is supposed to be like, scene-study. Wait, the tenderloins did improv? Oh, they're an improv troupe. That's like improv is supposed to be like. Wait, the end of the improv. Oh, they're an improv truth. That's like what they were for 20 years. And it's something like. I think so. I think so. You're like a stepping stone in.

I feel like it's supposed to be like workshop and the same way actors do scene study. Now for comics, you guys don't have anything to it's all just open mics and it's all just self-sustained. But I totally understand like the exercises and stuff to grow into like comedic timing with other people. Christine, shut the fuck up. That's insane. Do you stand up?

They're so sni. No, it's not so. I think Sal, when we were away, said to me, he was like, he's like, bad improv is the worst, but it's usually what you, he's like bad improv is the worst, but it's usually what you see. And really great improv is great. And maybe, but I don't know, I have not given much of it a chance because the even slightest bit of it I've ever seen is maybe when a headbutt of fucking nail. I mean, just I'm going to eat 70 milligrams of edibles and watch all three hours today.

You know what, Dan? I got a bottle to kill myself. I might match you with this. Well, I guess we'll see you on the other side. How sad would it be if you just started giggling? Like it just caught you and you're like, oh man, these guys are really funny. And I don't know. You know what would make me laugh? What is going to yield with these guys? know would make me laugh. What is going to yield with these guys? What's the deal? What do you mean? Never forget, Evans got her start and comedy in a club where magicians perform.

Every night. She's dated. Trying to put them over like she has money involved in the project. And the project actually, I listen, I understand these guys are talented actors, but they both remind me of like guys you work with that tell you to do the paperwork

They're like you need a paperwork. You're like by the way by the way absolutely then you're right. Just act You don't have to do both things Yeah, they're passive Right, man, they're passive straight went in their office guys. They're like they're the they're the bosses in office space You know what they are there. Yeah, I call those when you get to do, you know, when you feed the animals, like that part of the zoo, where they put you in the day animals. The petting part?

Yeah, the petting zoo? Yeah, petting zoo? God damn, Dan, you gotta cut back on that reefer son. No, I know. I'm gonna cut back. What do you call this zoo with the animals you get touched? That's happening to me. I don't know if you're hitting the roof.

You can rub your hand, you can rub your hand across there for... Mr. fucking nice guy middle ditch over here on the left is the guy that did the interview in Playboy like six months ago. Where he was making me like, I, as soon as I got married, I convinced my wife, I needed to fuck other women. You know what? It's really annoying, but I talked her down.

Yeah, yeah, she wasn't in it, right? Yeah, she was kind of like a real good move. Yeah, you know, that's rules. You just flipped a shame on middle ditch. Actually, I want to flip myself shame. He's putting his fucking snizz, if he's, you know, putting snizz in order, like if he's like locking it down and be like, I got to go work and then going on stage, he'd be like, bbip bbip bbip bbip. By the way, by the way, everybody,

chain reason, he's getting double blow jobs. He's going, give her some, give her some. And he goes out and he's like, well, that's a wisecream shop hasn't been open and we, she's a, by the way, she's not concerned. He's like, he's just getting, he's getting improv groupy pussy. He gives a shit. And really, he was on Silicon Valley. I was like, where did these guys come from that Netflix would just give them a special and I'm like, Oh, they're already famous. That's like what they do. Yeah. This guy's this guy's socials.

This guy's side pussy is wearing Elf ears as we speak. It's unbearable for me to watch. I think they're all faking it in part improv audiences. I think it's a great tool. It's a great tool. And they're great actors, but man, you should perfect that tool in privacy. I don't know how we've played it. We've played it in audiences. Yeah.

Improv kids really fucking hate me. That's great. I'll look at Twitter and shit. It's always improv people being like, remember Shane Gillis, what a look, could they all want SNL? Yeah, because you got the thing. I got the thing, the one thing they're all working for.

Yeah, you got the thing, that's the only answer. He probably, he probably didn't have any good characters. I like all that. He didn't even complete the third tier of UCB. Yeah. I can't believe I did it without their fucking classes. Yeah, you didn't pay $9,000 to get into SNL Hey everybody this is DJ Lou and on this week's quarantine loss tapes

Everyone's hold up in their homes and find out who's binge eating who's exercising Who's fucking? Check it out. I don't know about you guys. I have writers block like I've never had my fucking life dude. I think that's I think that's a I think writers boxes 2007. I think across the board two things that I've noticed comedians aren't writing jokes or most communities that I don't know aren't writing jokes. Number two people are fucking less. For sure. aren't writing jokes? Number two, people are fucking less. For sure.

Yeah. He says no, but also your husband lived away from you for seven years. Yeah, no matter what, it's the way. If it's like once a month, it's more. Yeah, Becky can't be judged because she's having soldier returned home sex. She's having a lot of fun there, though.

Kiss me in Times Square after we beat the JAPS sex. Dude, you and Dan, you and your chick are a relatively new relationship. Yeah. And what would you say if you could, because it's probably countable, unless I'm crazy, how long since you've been there 24, 7, have you guys knocked it out? Under 10. Under 10. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, me and Christine definitely under 10. That's on. You know what? Like I'll take the blame on that. That's on me. It's also like weird to get the timing. Like the rhythm of when you usually do stuff. It's like post-bond fires my best band time. That's what I'm like at a hoppin out of the room all fired up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's not me. I don't do the all the second half of the show with pants on. I just to mow over here plump it up. We don't we don't take showers usually before bond fire. So right after bond fire would be not a good time. We're nighttime fuckers, but the problem is by nighttime, it's like we got two slice of pizza and a donut. We already we already looked at each other and did the you and do some talk of

Eltonite and it was like yeah it was like well now the window now there's clouds rolling in the Cape Canaveral the long. It's really restricted. Yeah that's not it. It's not a get up and fuck me. Oh man are you kidding me? Have in case of Dia and Chalupa slosh around in your tummy trying to bang it out. Me and Christine historically in our lives, I tried, have tried to race fuck the delivery person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're like, and it's off. And there he is. James had a towards his nut and around the corner comes. Christine's had to answer the door in a robe several times because we

do not win. So funny, dude, so funny when you got to pull over with a fucking hard one and just go get your food. The best time part is how many times for sure. Could you know the way my apartment slayed out that Christine has opened that door and a guy just if he just looked over Christine shoulder just sees like a fat. With your tuss up in the air and you're stomach on.

Well, Christine's just run right out of the room and not reclose the door because she's wearing like she's covered now. And just my, like my dinger just spoke it up in the back. Yeah. Yeah. Well, hello. You just do that. See, I do.

I think for couples, it's gone down, but Joe, I would imagine if I were by myself right now, I would be masturbating like a son of a bitch like a circus champ. I will say this. I've had some interactions, not physically. Not physically, but yeah, I've had some interactions. No, the beat off, at the most, at the most once a day day and there are days where I don't do it at all. Yeah, but I feel like everyone's holding on to their nuts. Everyone's squirreling during this pandemic. I will say this, which is odd for me. My recover time is much faster now. Usually,

like I've always been the kind of guy, like, if I bang, I'm like, I'm good for, I'm gonna cruise about two weeks on this one, you know? I'm a camel. I could bang and I can go for a while. I go via Kong, dude, you know what I mean? I can go on nothing for weeks. I'll just go in the shit. But I late. That's a single guy's, uh, and I guess I don't feel like I have that at all. Like if I'm going to generally also if I fuck like I I think Christina back this up right with we fuck we tend to fuck for a few days And then maybe not for like you know four or five. Yeah, but you never really spent any time single

It's like you were either in a relationship or what you were doing was like kind of exciting by nature. I feel like when I was single, I would say like I wasn't a girl that would go out and like fuck a stranger every night at the bar, but about like once a month, I was like, I need to get laid. And so I think you can kind of just like, you know, you can kind of sustain for a little bit longer. Sure. I will say this, it is cost me, it's not every relationship, but it has cost me relationships. My lack of... No, dude. I've had...

I mean, I think I've had women get absolutely furious with me about it. I think that's something that's never discussed about relationships is that like the lack of sex and how there's like no communication, because I think guys are always expected to be like, the chick doesn't want to fuck, and I'm over here just trying to fuck whatever, but I've had relationships where I just don't wanna have sex. That's one of the relationships is over. The shitty one that was on reality TV,

I was like, there, but those were before she's on reality TV, we were dating, I was like, I don't know on anything to do with you. Yeah, that's rough man. And then I think it's me, I'm like, oh, I'm all fucked up, and it's like, I oh, no, that was just me not wanting to begin the relationship. Where they were bad at fucking. Yeah, I mean, like, there's times where I harass Katie,

like a construction worker in this where she's just like walking by and I'm just like grabbing at her. I'm like, Hey, what's up? Where you know it? And she's like, I got new stuff. But I'm like, yeah, sweet ass. I'm going to the kitchen. And I'm like, yeah, you have to do stuff. You're doing this stuff. And you going to the kitchen. And I'm like, yeah, you have to do stuff. You're doing stuff and you pull out your honk. You got those buns. But then there's also, there's also times where I'm just like, I want to be fat and lay on a couch.

We've had that now being in like a long, you know, I was never in a long term relationship before Jay. And so it's kind of something that you have to almost come to terms with and you have to figure out. It's like there's been times where if we don't fuck for a week or two, I'm very I'm like, you're you're not attracted to me anymore. And you're not this and you're not that. And I would put it all outwards where, you know, you kind of go, you're like, not every point in your life is a sexy time. And when you're in a relationship with somebody for years, there might be some periods of time in your life is a sexy time. And when you're in a relationship with somebody for years,

there might be some periods of time in your life, whether it's grief or you just have a lot going on where it's like you're just not feeling that. And it's not necessarily the other person. Yeah, it's really a good point. I think during the quarantine, it's hard to feel sexy when I'm slowly getting toddler body.

I'm just eating home, I like male definition that I have is gone. And now it's just becoming like torso with a belly. And I'm just like, I like peanut butter jelly sandwiches late. I you know, it's funny too. I was so ashamed of how like my big fat tits were getting and like, you just plumb, you just plumb me up, Joe. You just caught you just caught Gady a harassment getting all plumped up talking about your fat tits. I'm gonna get out there and be like

Like ashamed of it like I was like at that point where I was looking in the mirror like God damn it like I was getting mad as well and then I got back on Prozac and now I just look at the mirror I'm like what are you gonna do you're getting some titties? Accepted it I don't need to be ashamed myself proud of myself. okay. I'm just kidding. Holy excepted it. I don't need to be ashamed of myself. I'm proud of myself. Sorry, I'm so fucking thick and juicy. Sorry, I'm a juicy berry.

She's walking around. I'm eating pretty garbage for sure, but I get like such like eaters guilt. So like, I'll eat and then I like, angry, like angry at myself. Do like, sit up some push-ups. You know what I mean? You do like, you're an animal, it's wrong with you.

What do you do to yourself? This is barely doing anything now. You're done, this is worthless at this point. We were doing that, Jared. Hey, it's Big J. Elkerson, and I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday, from 6th to 8 PM Eastern,

on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bonfire at SexM. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ podcast.