The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Rammies w/Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

The great Greg Fitzsimmons has stories of coming up in the Boston scene and Big Jay counters with his early days in Philly. Their hell gigs include trying to do comedy in a mall, hotel, VFW, and Chinese restaurants. Both men have attended swingers parties that were not sexy. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly There's no way if you're in your car you're not bopping that this is an all-year-round Christmas song vibe right? Yes Yes This is an all year round Christmas song vibe, right? Yes. Yes. Yeah. It's just bubbly in a car. It's so good. I'm shoppin'. I'm gay. I'm shoppin'. I'm gay. The Bonfire Faction Talks Sirius XM 103. I'm Big J Okerson. Robert Kelly off with the family this week on vacation. But sitting in his chair everybody, it's America's amigo,'s amigo Pancho Mike the hilarious Mike Fennoyer and our guests sitting unimpressed it's like looking in a mirror dude he put the plugs up on the screen you're being so bad at this

He has a special coming out this week, where's that information Christine? What is this? What do you do? What do you go? It's called unimpressed. Yeah unimpressed He's gonna be in Louisville, Kentucky Louisville Comedy Club in Kentucky August 23rd and 24th and Comedy Works in Denver August 29th through the 31st Austin at the mothership in Temecula, California where Christine's dad lives. It is the hilarious Greg Fitzsimmons in the house Dude Wham a crowd we pulled out all the stops today If I feel like Wham is the even gayer version of the Go-Go's. Oh, yeah. It's the same kind of feel good if you're alone in your car, you're going to crank it up. Absolutely.

And they both fancied a nice long white t-shirt with rolled up sleeves and some really neon writing on the front. Oh, yeah. That was the look of Belinda Carlisle and George Michael scrunchy away from being the same person. And Boy George. Throw Boy George in there. Boy George, this is always a hard admit.

Bobby comes down on me a lot for this. My initial thing with Boy George was attraction, which I find to be strange. I just thought it was a pretty, I thought it was a odd looking girl that would like me because maybe I'm not classically beautiful. He thought it was a girl named Boy George. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get that. It meant nothing to me. He was pretty girl named Boy George. It meant nothing to me. He was pretty.

The look was so weird with the crazy makeup. I was like, this is a party girl who would hang with anybody. He was like Cindy Lauper meets Bono. Jay's like, that guy manned Steve. What a beautiful woman. Yeah. Yeah, Guy Jim. Yeah, right.

Boy George was awesome. Yeah. For that time, the culture club time. By the time he got to the crying game and he was just a balding guy. The same thing. Not in life. I don't like my life gaze flamboyant,

but my entertainment gaze, I like them really flamboyant. Yeah, if you're gonna do it. When Elton John came out at the end there and he was just slamming those little snossages on the thing and looking like he wanted to get out of there, it was over. Him dressed like a fucking ostrich and playing with his heels, the coolest thing ever.

Well, don't forget, our parents loved Liberace and they had no idea Paul Lin and Liberace were flaming homosexuals They just thought they were they're different. They're fun There was like a and Bernie someone I saw recently like in a magazine cover That was like how they man they really just didn't know and it was like Liberace he gives his five things to make a desirable woman or something like that And not only that that's the Liberace story was so great because not just gay, he was gay for himself.

So he just got a boy toy and made him get the face surgery, made him get plastic surgery until he looked like Liberace. Is that the gayest you could be? Gay for yourself, auto gay? Is that literally like the Mount Olympus of gay? I think all gay guys, gay couples, start to look like each other.

Yeah. Because they ultimately just want to have sex with themselves. Like, they start going to the same barber. They get the same kind of layer gel thing. They get the same, whether it's banana or public. You're right. It's like two bears or two.

It's very rarely like a twink walking around with a guy in a flannel shirt. You're saying Bert and Tom are gay? I'm saying that Bert and Tom are gay for taking any two duo that could be gay that's not out there gay. Could be Tom and Bert. Yeah. And some tells me Bert's a unaggressive bottom. I'd be a screaming bottom. I'd be like no I changed my mind I changed my mind I don't want to do this I'd be like, I changed my mind, I changed my mind. I don't wanna do this, I like girls. Does that hurt them or help them if they come out as gay?

Who? Bert and Tom. If they come out, does it, oh, it hurts. I think it hurts. I don't think a bunch of gay people now go all of a sudden like, oh, now I like him, cause he's gay. Do you know what I mean? No. No, I don't think it much a bunch of gay people now go all of a sudden like oh now I like him cuz he's good. Do you know I mean? Yeah, but no, no, I don't think so who could being gay save a lot of people Epstein

Harvey Weinstein had to do all those chicks, but he was really just closing up. Yeah his mind to his guy She's trying to prove he wasn't gay to his brother. He was always saying he's gay. That's the final grappling hook. You're like, no, no, no, wait, I'm gay. Oh, that's why you had kids in your basement. Well, I like the posthumous gay thing is the funniest. It just laid on somebody hard afterwards.

That was Aaron Hernandez. Remember, I was like, this guy's a vicious psychopath who had CTE and didn't care about anybody. And he goes, no, actually he was just fucking a guy who didn't want people to know. Oh God. His dad was like, no, he's a sociopath. He was a stone-butted killer.

This had nothing to do with fucking his guy. And then the guy in that documentary, wasn't the guy from high school, was like, yeah, we used to kiss a bunch Yeah, he called red lights kissing moments Yeah, that was crazy. Yeah, they tried to soften up Hitler a little bit with the gay thing. He's an artist He's gay. Oh, all right. Oh, you know, it's disturbing. Is it Hitler? We looked this up recently Fantastic artist now

They've brought up some of his work, very, very good artist. Really? Absolutely, yeah. Oh, is that it? Yeah. No. Unless like, these are all lies. But I mean, like, that's, yeah.

That's not possible. He's a really good artist. I've got such beauty complex. Wow, look at that stroke work right there. Oh, wow. He goes, you put in the happy little tree and exterminate them all! And then you come back here and you can make it a sunset if you want or a moon set. It doesn't matter.

This looks like a beautiful castle but notice the windows don't open? From the steam? It's one big oven. This is a river for the perfect race to swim in. Oh, man. It is funny to think of the guy who I've never seen doing anything other than like scream, yelling at an audience.

Stomping his foot. At some point, we was just doing like the thumb up to the thing like, no. Get me a Mielo. And all the Bob Ross colors. Cadmium yellow. Wow, that is gorgeous to the right there. No, by the way, landscapes, portraits,

the guy was a triple threat now. Now we know that. Yeah, he really was. Wait, what's the third? Let's see, painter, holocaustus. Public speaking? Public speaking. And, what's the third? Uh, let's see, Painter, Holocaustus, and uh, Public Speaking. And see what you will, the guy threw down his speech. Captivating man. He has Joe Rogan delivery. Speaking of delivery, did you see Obama make a dick joke about Trump

yesterday? Yeah, did something like that, I didn't see what the joke was Yeah, find that was fine Obama's dick joke killed. I went to the doctor today and The doctor came into my ENT and I went to see her older Indian lady. She's a sweetheart Knows that I'm a comic and she comes in room She goes you've been getting into all the DNC RNCC stuff? And one of the things when she says it, you're like, I have no idea where this lady falls at all. And I don't give a shit either direction. You know what I mean?

And she goes, all the speeches last night were just so wonderful. And then I just do exactly what I say on stage. I just go, I go, yeah, yeah, I mean, you know Obama, man. The guy knows how to lay it down. And she was like, oh, Michelle Obama. I go, she should have run for president. And then I overstepped, because she goes,

no, she doesn't really have experience to do something like, oh yeah, you really probably do when I have somebody in there. No, but I mean, look at Trump, he didn't have any, but yeah. Anyway, could you just jam that camera up my nose and make me do this? Make me wink uncontrollably? You know what I'm talking about.

You know what I mean. You have to. I talked to someone who I would have been 100% convinced was of Trump hating far left, and it turned out they were quite the opposite. And I love this person, but I don't love their politics. So I was just like, yeah, you know, it's all bullshit. I hate all of them.

We're all going to die anyway. So you know, I love you. Yeah, I don't know if I got it. I don't know, I love you. Yeah, I don't know if I go, I don't know if I buy the J thing. I don't care one way or the other. I really. You gotta care at this point. I care. But I just also am running out of people

in my life. No, but my, but my care. You know what I mean? I lost a lot of them to that guy. My care is extremely selfish in that, like what's gonna make everybody not be up in arms all the time? Do you get what I'm saying? And whatever the outcome to that is, is fine.

If it was Biden jumping back in and getting four more years, I don't care. You know what I mean? It really doesn't weigh on me. The most individual things weigh on me. I wanna buy a house, and I wanna pay a ton of tax on that. It's like, that's really the thing.

But you know, women should be able to get abortions. If I'm allowed to blow deep, thick, hot loads, right? Yes. Yeah, of course. They should be encouraged to have abortions. 100%. Well, I think it should all go up for a vote. I think that you should, just like having somebody

co-sign a mortgage for a house, someone should have to co-sign the baby for you to go forward with the pregnancy. Oh, a second person, one second at least. No, 10, 10 people that will support you emotionally, possibly financially. If it all falls to shit, can you move in here? Right, right, we don't need any solo,

what do they call, free solo climbers? No more Alex Honnold's in the world. No, no, Takes a village. You really should. I know it is crazy that people, like, I was watching something the other day where it was like, maybe in a World Star Hip Hop video, mothers proud that her 15-year-old is pregnant

because that's the age that she got pregnant. Yeah. Someone needs to stop this bloodline. Those aren't W's. Like, my daughter did it man let some guy come inside of her before she was old enough to drive Fucking pretty sweet Apple doesn't fall too far from the whore 30 year old grandmother Grandmother that doesn't even qualify for a

30 year old grandmother that doesn't even qualify for a Mike great news. I found out recently anyone can get a RP. Are you aware of that? Yes I didn't know that anybody they want people enrolled because they know it's a stigma of being the old person's thing Yeah, so now any age you get what's the benefit discounted car insurance discounted car insurance I think if any meals before five come in at a cheaper rate, coupons for the Outback Steakhouse and assorted things were holders conglomerate. Yeah, right? 10% off Outback Steakhouse.

That's all you'll get. You get the code to the Longhorn Steakhouse bathroom across the country. But I'll tell you what though, 10% discount coupon on Outback Steakhouse pretty much makes your Bloomin' Onion free. Oh, look at that. You get the park in by Radisson 10% discount coupon on Outback Steakhouse pretty much makes your Bloomin' Onion free. Oh, look at that, you get the park in by Radisson 10% off. By the way, have you been to an Outback?

My mom lives in Florida, and one of the early Outbacks was down by her in Jupiter, Florida. And they used to have these thick, delicious steaks, butterfly shrimp that were like the size of your fist. Now it's literally like Burger King. It's so bad. Yeah. But I still have a hinkering for it sometimes.

Really? On the road. On the most basic level. Well, they get you where they get you is there. And we found out, I think it's ranked number two in the world of table bread and butter. Their table bread's unbelievable. What was number one was a shock to me. Bobby Kelly called it from a mile away.

Never even tried this or had it. Could you mind to make a guess? Best table bread? According to- Franchise place, of course. It's a surprise, you said. Olive Garden. Surprised me.

Olive Garden was on there, but no. Cheesecake Factory? Cheesecake Factory was like five or something. I thought that would be higher, because Cheesecake Factory was what I was gonna say was number one, or Outback. No, it'll blow your mind. Texas Roadhouse.

Never been. I've never even been to one. But there it is. They say that table bread's the best. I'll tell you. Jacob, you've had it. Well, I think they call it Texas Toast, right? Is that what they call it there?

No, because it's like cinnamon butter. Outback Steakhouse's butter is out of this world. It's so good. Well, if you're a restaurant and you serve me frozen butter at this point, I'm ready to jump on Yelp like an old Karen. I can't, like, come on. Why are they giving me an ice cold piece of butter that I can't cut or spread without ripping the bread?

Yeah, it rips the bread. Yeah, exactly. I've been told it's a simple process to whip the butter up. And often it's the best steak houses that do that. They give you the butter with ice cubes on it in the dish. Dare I say, whoa, Peter Luger Steakhouse gives you a frozen pat of butter.

How dare you? Yeah. How dare you? You raised your steaks for years. What's the name of the cup that they put the butter in? Aramecan. Aramecan, thank you.. God damn I was trying to think of that word yesterday. Christine loves the word ramekin also and loves having ramekins. Do you have a house full of ramekins? We got three but I used to be a cook at TGI

Fridays and we worked a lot with Rammies. We called them Rammies. Little Rammies. Little Rami of jalapenos, little Rami of onions. I was the plate nacho guy, so I did all the Mexican food. Because we couldn't find a Mexican in New York. And that was cultural appropriation. Me doing the plate nacho station. Doing the Rammies. Doing Rammies. I love the short order talk.

Yeah. Rami. What was your shittiest job within comedy? What do you mean, doing comedy? While you were doing comedy. No, I'm saying- I never had a job while I did comedy because you're not gonna believe this

and I shouldn't even say it out loud because I feel bad for young comics. I started in Boston while I was in college and there was so many gigs because it was the comedy boom. Right. And I had a car so I could make 50 bucks a night. Yeah. And I was making a living by the time I got out of college and I've never had a comedy boom, and I had a car, so I could make 50 bucks a night, and I was making a living by the time I got out of college,

and I've never had a job. I stopped. I wouldn't have called it a living for a long time, but when I started doing comedy, I picked up a couple jobs here and there, but it was always like bullshit stuff that I'd quit in a few weeks or whatever. I'd be like, this isn't worth it, how much sleep I'm not getting,

especially driving back from Philly to New York. But I didn't, I was able to work the black circuit enough, and now it'll pay more in the shorter term. And then, exactly, you said just getting through on spot pay and everything and make it work. But yeah, I lucked out to never have to get a job job. It was like every Chinese restaurant in New England, New Hampshire, Maine, they all had like,

Chinese restaurants always had banquet rooms that they used two nights a week and so like every fucking hustler in Boston was like Tuesday night, comedy night in Nashua, or East Providence and they would just put up a sign that said comedy and it was so hot then that people just showed up and they paid 15 bucks a head, they get 200 people in the room,

and then they pay us, I got 200 to headline, 100 to feature, 50 to open. So they were paying us $350 and making 10 grand in cash at the door every night. There was these bookers that had, they had like, you know, on any given week they had 15, 20 shows. Yeah, the Brad Axelrods and the Dick Doherty's. Dick Doherty! Why'd you start in Boston?

Connecticut. I started in Connecticut. Oh, yeah, Dick Doherty was the guy I was thinking of, actually. Yeah, Philly had those guys. It was like, uh, Paul... What the fuck was his name? Paul Scarpatti. And all his gigs were like, hey, you doing the old spaghetti warehouse? Yeah, just taking a giggle at him. You guys did a lot of firehouses, too, right? the old spaghetti warehouse? Yeah. Giggle and everything. There's all these places.

Well, you guys did a lot of firehouses, too, right? Or is that a more recent thing? No, I didn't do too much firehouse stuff. No, when I started this, it was a black circuit. So these shows that were equally bad in the sense of how bad it could go as an empty show, but wild situations. The black ski trip shows were the most intense things

I've ever done as far as like, it's just set up to go bad. Black people sign up for a ski trip weekend and then they go realizing none of them ski. No black people ski. They're just going to dominate this holiday in, you know, this small holiday inn and dominated, they do. And then the main hall is just people dancing with like DJ and I mean, dancing. It's all black people, so hump dances, people are on the ground making out.

That weird Jamaican shit where they go to the top rope and elbow a fat chick. Yeah, yeah. It goes from purple suits to pajamas and slippers quick, dude. No middle ground. It's comfy. And then they would go, and we'd get there. And all the things that were happening at once was,

they're looking at me. I go, hey, we're here. We're the comedians. I bring another comic with me, a friend of mine, so some goofy white kid probably. And they'd look at the flyer and they'd be looking at me and going like I thought uh Will Sylvain's and talent were coming to be the comics because what the scam was ultimately and I'm gonna name Will

and talent other bazillion other comics did this this was the play was you get a young comic like me who is like $700 a show you're doing two shows and you have to go from Ithaca to Binghamton. That was sort of was the route of this. And then you just drive home if you want afterwards or spend the night at the place. Couple hours away, you make $1400. It was a young comic, it was crazy.

But you'd find out what they'd do is they'd get a budget for a name in the black circuit like Talon or Rob Stapleton, any of these guys. And they'd say it's like a $5,000 budget. Actually. And then they'd go, oh, and then these people wouldn't over-complain. They think they're sending a good comic, so like whatever.

But young enough to not know the thing, and they're probably not gonna complain. If they do, they give them back a couple bucks. Either way, they're making out, they've done nothing. They've just made two phone calls and stole money. That's beautiful. It was a beautiful situation. But those shows, so they're going in there,

one they're going like, I thought my man from Def Jam was gonna be here today. And you're like, nope, just us. Yeah. Just me and Warren Holstein. And Warren went on a couple of these with me. Me and Untalent. And man, we go in this thing and then they go, all right man, fine.

And then they go whisper to a DJ and the DJ goes, all right everybody, take your seats now. We're going to start a comedy show in a few minutes. And this is people have to come out of like aggressive dry humps to be like what harsh light turns on. And then they just sit at like banquet tables on the same floor that you're gonna be on with it with no spotlight of any kind and just going.

And I mean, they were hell gigs, but I mean like they paid so good. And the one time that I went there and I got there and it happened to be, it was just a white audience. It was like a white ski trip they did. And I went there. I was like, oh, this is gonna be great now I'm gonna go like kill with comedy Maybe I'll get laid. This will be great and I brought Kurt Metzger with me and this other guy Larry B ah, and

When we start the show these white people are the worst ski trip audience I've had at any, they're the most, and yelling out entitled, like the other crowd was just kind of like not giving it up, and they would like, you know, kind of turn, this from the get go, they were like, say something about my friend, blah, blah, blah, you know, and you're like, all right, buddy,

like chill out, and they're going, and at one point, and I'm getting way, I don't have the skills at this point in comedy to be like, how can I humiliate this person who's doing this with words and really make them feel like shitty? I'm getting angry, angry. And the guy goes, these three dudes stood up

and they turned their backs on me. I was always describing, like, remember the kumite in Bloodsport when he killed the guy? And the three judges stood up and turned their backs. And the guy was like, what? I've dishonored the kumite? and turned their backs. And I was like, what? What, I've dishonored the kumite? They turned their backs on me. And I was, I think I made that joke that nobody got.

It was the only time I've ever seen three men stand up and turn around synchronized. I'm like, oh, guys, the kumite. And also the kumite question. Did I disrespect the kumite? And everyone in the room was like, what? And I was like, I thought it was a great reference. And one kid pulls his pants down and pulls his ass out.

And I was like, I started making jokes. I'm like, hey dude, put your ass away before I come butt fuck you for the street credit or something like that. And then he starts walking backwards towards me with his ass out. And he comes over and while all his friends are laughing, dude, this took me back to being laughed at

in a circle in school, which I don't even know if that ever happened. I'm just picturing being a boy in school and everyone's pointing and laughing at me because he comes over and starts rubbing his ass cheeks, like, on my leg and my pants, and I'm just holding a microphone, and I'm like...

And I just whisper in his ear, I go, dude, if you just put your hands on me, I'll be happy to beat the shit out of you. Like, no microphone on that. And he turns around, and he was like, yeah? And he just, like, he's so drunk, and he just, like, pushed me on that. And he turns around and he was like, yeah? And he just like, he's so drunk and he just like pushed me like that.

And I just hit him with everything I had in his chest and he slid across like the tile floor of like a gymnasium or whatever the fuck it was. And then his friends were there and his friends were still standing up and they were looking over like what the fuck. I look back, the two things I see is funny funny Larry B. I don't see it all Kurt is still sitting with the knee to knee cross Like now but I was like Kurt

Hey bud, I think this is it we were in it now You want to look over you want to see him like rolling his knuckles and broken glass and the guys yeah Kurt's like slapping himself with a whip over his shoulder. I've been waiting for this. He's got chalk. Where did he get white chalk? Kurt's a little bit. He's slapping himself a little bit.

And his friend's sitting up and I was like, and his friend just went, it was just so funny, like they just had the back down line first. He was like, dude, if you do that again, dude, that's fucking, we'll kick your ass. And I was just like, again? Yeah. Like it's like, oh, like you do that again, dude, that's fucking, we'll kick your ass. And I was like, again? Like it's like, oh, like the guy, he's done. Like that part of it's over.

So they're just kind of went in. And then by the way, we still mingled. We still, after the show, we still mingled that night. Yeah. Cause you're still, it's still a crawl. You're like, it doesn't even look like. Talk about a time when you didn't have, I did. If I bombed, I wouldn't hang around

and hope that there was someone to talk to or something, but like, for sure, if I did like okay, if you still hang around and be like, maybe someone thought it was awesome. No, the worst was the seller used to do these comedy, were you around for the comedy cruises? Oh yeah. Dude, they were brutal.

You'd go out on like the line, basically, kind of boat. And you just cruise around and you just stand up and it was a lot of Staten Islanders and just drunks. Well, don't forget, Esti also, she treated it like, she wanted to be like Stravinsky. Oh, I know. So you don't even know, you're outside playing, two hours in you're probably like,

I guess I'm not going on, whatever. And then she'd be like, you're next. And you're like, what? Oh not going on whatever and there's big you're next Just be like that there was no line up It was just like she's gonna come and go and get you at some point and say you're on now Well, it is like for Esty is that's an interesting metaphor that she's Dravinsky because she's very concerned with who goes where and she would always say like, I haven't been a New York comic in a long time, but it used to be,

and Darrell Hammond went on and he lit a goat on fire and I tell he could not follow it. Grier Bonds went on, he got the entire audience stoned and Greg Wogll could not follow. Could not follow, he's always saying who couldn't follow. That's hilarious, dude.

That is so funny. It is funny though, those suburban stake in a giggle rooms where just everyone's so entitled, like you're talking about, just that suburban energy. What, did you get called, like, pick on this guy, or on the cul-de-sac guy. I think Boston had a lot of that, and Philly did too, because it's fun to go back and just think of names you started with.

But that could become so comfortable that you're like, well, I didn't really want to do more than that. And if you even have like a side gig, if you have a side gig where you just like, own a construction company and don't have to do construction and do comedy, like make a nice life for yourself and be a thing in Boston. I mean, people were doing it. So I said, that's why those guys,

there's legend names from Boston. The one most that comes up to me is always Steve Sweeney. And like, you wouldn't even know his name at all if it wasn't for like, Ann, like not a young comedian special, but one of those aspects, something. He did one of like the, Comics Come Home. Comics Come Home is what it was.

Comics Come Home and also the Fairleigh brothers have put. Comics Come Home, and also the Farrelly brothers have put him in a few movies. A few, as I was gonna say, so he's been in a bunch of their movies, the Farrelly brothers from up there, but yeah, he's just a guy who's like, and did he ever try and just go, it's not for me, New York, or? I think just for a minute, and Don Gavin's the same way.

I consider Don Gavin to be maybe top five comics I've ever seen in my life. Tony V's another one. Tony V's amazing. Kenny Rogerson's really great. I just did a Aruba with Jim Colleton. He was there, do you know that guy from Boston? I think he may be a generation younger than you guys.

No, these guys were older than me. But he was talking about those guys as like the Mount Olympus. They're still great. And then there's these guys like talking about having a side job, there was a guy named Paul, he had two names. One was he was a district attorney,

and the other one was a comedian. Like nobody was gonna figure out I was the same guy. Like he was Clark Kent. He had his comedy glasses. Well no, you see the comedian in me has a curl on the front. He doesn't wear a suit, he wears a sweatshirt with the sleeves rolled up. Comedy me wears my hat backwards. That's a strange crossover of occupation by the way.

How many lawyers ended up in comedy? Yeah, I know. Geraldo. Right. Vince August I think was one. Really? Vince August was a judge. Oh, was he? I believe, yeah. I think, was one. Really? Vince August was a judge. Oh, was he?

I believe, yeah. I think he was an actual judge. There was a guy, it was funny, when I first started comedy in Philly, one of the few white comics that were at the club, his name, he would go by Cousin Vinny, was his thing, and he, it's actually pretty funny, and he would always travel around with this guy named Rich Subio who was just a big white dude, kind wigger energy wore like football jerseys and big chain shaved head You know a jean shorts like a big kind of like it was a football player almost Traffic judge and he just hung out with this guy who was lightly mafia affiliated

But you know at all these are guys who just stayed in Philly So I remember this is this part of the story when I went back my high school crush said uh hey I'm having this beef and beer uh event. A steinhoist? I'm having a beef and beer if you want to come uh I'd love to have you come do comedy on it and this is a point where I'm like far be this is a big ask actually which is you know I mean but I'm like I'll be there and Christine's going with me this isn't about like hooking up with her she's

married with kids and all this stuff it was just like I got no attention from her let me go blow the roof off this beef and beer for her and it'll be pretty awesome when I come out of this it It's going to look really good for me. So me and Christine go down there, and Rob Mayo, our friend Rob Mayo, goes down to this gig. And we get on the end, this Cousin Vinny guy, she goes, he said he knows you, the guy hosting. His name is Vinny, he's using his full name now,

20 years later. And he's hosting the show tonight, actually. So I'm like, oh, OK, That's fine. He says he knows you. I'm like, and then I see him and I go, oh, Jesus. It's that guy. He's now older. I think his, he's dating this very young girl, but he was dating a very young girl before who died,

suddenly, which is strange. And then when he's bringing me up on stage, he was trying to tell me before he goes on, he goes, yeah, I haven't been doing comedy too much. I started doing boxing announcing now, boxing announcements kind of make my big thing. I go, cool. And he goes, so, um, he goes, how tall are you Jay? And I go, uh, six, three. And he goes, what do you weigh? And I go, Oh, I go, I go, why? And he goes, because, um, he goes, because when I do the

announcement now, I always do like the like the ring announcing your next guy, uh, six foot, whatever, weighing it, whatever the heavy weight chain, I'm gonna give you a whole the heavyweight king. And I was like, I could just say like Legion of skanks and bonfires

made comedy central. Dude, we're at a beef and brew. I'm okay. Yeah. Clubs and colleges would suffice over what you're going to go tell everybody my're at a beef and brew. I'm OK. Yeah, clubs and colleges would suffice. Over what you're going to go tell everybody my weight. But I'm sorry. Where I'm messing up the story was, he asked me how tall I was, how much I weigh.

And at the time, what's funny was, my heaviest weight ever was 340. At the time, I was probably 280. Damn. I was probably 280. And I go 280. And then he tells me why. And then he tells me why.

And I was like, oh, no, don't do that for me, please. He goes, no, that's a good thing. And I go 280, and then he tells, I go why? And then he tells me why, and I was like, oh no, don't do that for me, please. He goes, no, that's a good thing, and I go, I'm like, boy, if you could not, it'd be great. And he was like, oh, he said he wouldn't, and then he just, when he's bringing me up, we have a video of his somewhere, are you looking for it? Where he shows my, I know it's so far away, when he shows my face, because he's on stage,

and he goes, are you guys ready for your headliner? This guy, he goes are you guys ready for your headliner this guy? He was weighing in it or the six foot three weighing in at 300 pounds. He just added weight He rounded up my face go oh so I went up there I Had a real I had a really fun set like fucking with the crowd and everything was good It was like a cool thing was Philly and whatever is pretty easy to do She's running around like a with the crowd and everything. It was good, it was like a cool thing. It was Philly and whatever, pretty easy to do. She's running around like a maniac, the girl doesn't pay attention to the show at all.

So she's not being wooed by my comedy at all. She just like, sounds like he's doing good like I thought he would. And then when we're leaving, she's standing there and she hands me a check in an envelope. She was giving me 300 bucks or something. And I go, no, no, no, no, here, Janessa, keep. Oh, you got a dollar a pound?

I go, yeah no here, it's a key. Oh you got a dollar a pound I Yeah, fuck a pound I go no no no please Christine is not even looking at me when I tell the story She's so humiliated by hell How much this girl this girl from high school doesn't give a shit still and I'm I slide the check back I go no no you keep it. She goes yeah. I wrote the check though, and I was like Yeah, yeah, I already wrote the check though. And I was like, yeah, yeah, but I was like, but I'm saying like take it and just like rip the check up and just keep the money in the thing for the kids and the dance team or whatever.

And she's like, all right. And I was like, all right, well, thanks for having me or whatever. And we left and we get outside and Rob Mayer just goes, man, she still doesn't give a fuck about you. It's like so, she doesn't give a shit. Do we have drops from her? We have Janessa drops?

Oh, that's brutal. Hey, that's a lie. Yeah, you used to like Samantha Montevani. That is hilarious. Did you, were stag parties a thing in Massachusetts? Cause that was a Connecticut thing where it was like. Yeah, there was a stag party I went to out in Worcester one time and I drive out where it was like... Yeah, there was a stag party I went to out in Worcester one time, and I drive out and it was like a bar that had windows out onto the parking lot.

So I'm in the parking lot and I look in and I can see them and it's fucking madness. And there's a strip, like if you have a stripper, close the curtains. Yeah. Go in the back room. Because I want to see if you guys have the same thing in mind. Because when Mike said, he used to say stag party to me when we first started hanging out, I just assumed that was like a weird New England

name for like a bachelor party. And it sort of is, but it's very specifically a thing. Because you said it starts off like, the ones you said, it starts off guys and girls, and then it No, no, no, no. It divulges into a guys hookers thing. Well, like wives and girlfriends and sisters and stuff will come bring food, like and set up the catering and stuff.

And then they leave. And then they leave. And then they help set up like the, you know, like the there's always a raffle table. Wow. And there's like, you know, so the beginning is like pulled pork, sausage and peppers, you know, whatever.

And then the old guys leave and the kids leave and then the stripper comes. So the wife gets the assist on the unwanted pregnancy. This is your fault, babe. Why'd you make it so inviting for these prostitutes? But the women aren't like hanging out. They're there setting up and then they bounce. But I was thinking more, to me, bachelor Party is like, I've bumped into people I've been at bachelor parties with before.

I'm not talking about like Sal's where we all went to Vegas and it's like a beautiful time altogether. I'm talking about a place where it's like guys are going into a bathroom three at a time while there's these girls chugging cock in this bathroom stall. Yeah, and there's one person like pay phone calling for coke and shit. And when a guy goes, dude, I haven't seen you since so and so's bachelor party,

you go, eh. That never happened. But it was all to raise money for the groom, stags. Oh, that's right. So instead of going to like a strip club, it was like, let's have the worst, lowest common denominator hooker here. Yeah, no, this girl wasn like a strip club, it was like, let's have the worst, lowest common denominator hooker here. Yeah, no, this girl wasn't a hooker,

but she was a stripper. And I walk in and nobody, nobody, it was a surprise that there was gonna be a comedian. It's like, you know, nobody wants to go from a naked woman dancing around to a guy doing stand-up comedy. And I had like, they gave me all these things. Oh, you know, he know, he sells shoes,

so you could do like, Fush-Fed-A-Show. I'm writing jokes, I'm kind of new at it, so I'm like writing tons, I pages and pages, I'm trying out material. And I show up and it's like in a, like, McGuire's pub with a window. And so I parked the car and I go inside, and I go, yeah, I'm gonna do the comedy.

Is there somewhere I can put my notes? And they're like, no, no, just go out, there's no microphone, just go inside and I go, yeah, I'm gonna do the comedy. I go, is there somewhere I can put my notes? And they're like, no, no, just go out. There's no microphone. Just go out and tell your jokes and roast them. So I go out and I'm standing there and they had peanuts. And I just start getting hit like one peanut and then another peanut and then like a lot of peanuts and a lot of laughter.

And I go, hey, you guys are an amazing crowd. You know what, I bet you guys like props. Do you like props? And they're like, yeah, yeah, we like props. And I go, I'm gonna go, that's my car right there. I'm gonna go, they're in the trunk. I'm gonna go grab my props and I go outside and I open the door to my car and they're all looking

and I just fucking flipping the bird and I get in and I drive off. And they go straight through the window. That's fantastic. And you guys like. They're like back to the hooker. Yeah I got a slut in the car, I'm gonna fuck all you guys. Want me to go let her out? You guys want 30 pounds of coke?

I got it in my trunk. I performed for a bachelorette party once in a hotel room in New York. They gave me 200 bucks and I And if it was dudes I don't know if I would have had like the balls even to do because it wasn't like a shitty thing But just like the organization of like telling these girls I was like what you girls think you want me to do is a horrible idea for everybody. I go but I

Go everyone's sitting down. I go. Let me bring a chair here with you guys, and we'll smoke a joint, and we'll, tell me about your things, and I'll, I promise you, you'll laugh and have, I just wanna have like a funny conversation, like tell me your goofy story about the thing. Versus me going up there and goes, so, hey, where does that sock go in the dryer? Am I right?

I mean, I only have one dryer, it's in my house, there should be a, hello? That is weird, by the way. In a hotel room, too. Like, you're just straight up in my house, there should be a, hello? That is weird, by the way. In a hotel room, too. Like you're just straight up in like, you went to like room 413, to do comedy. Yes, yeah. In a room. Jesus Christ,

that's insane. And they put a mic, there's no microphone, but they had a microphone stand, really, and you just, so you can kind of stand in front of it, and so you know, so you have the feel. So you have the lean on. So you have the feel. What if I was like, no, I have my own,

and I pull out like the Titus? You know the problem. So you have the feel. What if I was like, no, I have my own and I pull out like the Titus? You know the problem with marriage is, it all leans towards the women's benefit. I did a benefit show and the microphone wasn't working and the guy handed me a breadstick. And he goes, at least you got something to hold. And when a joke didn't do well, I just started like eating the breadstick.

So I went through like six breadsticks. Some of my favorite phone calls I got from you, Mikey, on the road from like a hell gig because Mikey started after I did. In Philly? So like no no Connecticut. Oh right right right. What town? Where did I start? New Haven. Joker's Wild? Yeah that mob place. Yeah yeah yeah that place. That's where I started. Mike told one of those mob biker guys to not kill me Yeah, by the way, the guy didn't have a problem with me at all

He was just letting me know that he would kill me if Mike didn't co-sign for me, which was strange Doesn't my third time meeting Mike also, but With the road I called you on the road Oh the crazy cuz I said so I'm like here, you know I'm like reliving a lot of like the nightmare stories through Mike going through them at this current time when he was telling me with these. This is some years back. But where is the place when the guy was like at the end you were like, well, they're like, kitchen's done. When the shows were over, you're

like, I'm still hungry. Yes. Oh, I did the shows. I want to eat. And then they go, they gave him like a Ziploc bag of pulled pork. There's a place, it was called, it was a suburb of St. Louis. I get picked up at the airport and the guy who picks me up goes, the owner said you're going to bring me out to lunch and talk to me about comedy. And I'm like, I don't know what, I got a meeting and he's like, oh, New York comic, too big for us, road guys. And I'm like, I don't, I don't, sure, let's go to lunch. You know, he like guilted me into it.

And like we could have some bullshit conversation. We go to the club, it's an old strip club, mirrors everywhere still. Still has the whole motif of like a strip club. The owner gets up on stage in between the feature. Oh, this is the things on the table. In between the feature and me, and goes, everybody, if you notice on your tables

are those wands of light, you know, like at a circus, you buy like the waves of things. He goes, you know, my daughter, give it up for my daughter, she's the waitress, she's going to college soon, I can really use some money, so the more drinks you order, the, you know, it'll go towards her college fund. And now, real quick, let's do a prayer for the troops.

But you're not even saying, what he's asking you to do though, when you want to drink, instead of looking for those big kind of things, is take a thing of light switches and go like this, and then until you get their attention, which is definitely gonna get your attention. Definitely get mine, yeah. And then he goes, now real quick,

Table 15 wants a drink, please God. He goes, let's do a prayer for the troops. And then he goes, now real quick. Table 15 wants a drink. Please, God. He goes, let's do a prayer for the troops. And he does like Lord Jesus Christ and does like a prayer for the troops. Which look, I'm all four. But right before the fuck, you're going to do that as a guest spot? It's weird.

And then I go up and I go, I get off stage and it was a horrible show. And I get off and I'm like, I'm starving. Do you guys have food? Is there anything? And he goes, no, we're all done. He goes, let me see what I got for you. And he goes in the back and he comes back with a Ziploc freezer bag of just wet pulled pork.

With like a little bit of cheddar on it. And like not a fork, not bread. And he just slaps it against my chest and goes, there you go, buddy. Bring that back to the hotel. And I'm just having like a pillowcase of pork. You didn't even a thing, like a sad shit. He didn't even give me a fork. And I just had this pork bag. And I went to the hotel. I threw it against the wall of the hotel outside.

I was so pissed. And then I go in the next day. A guy who was a local comic goes, make sure you get paid cash, because this dude bounces checks like a motherfucker. So I go in. Remember I told you I asked him for cash? And he pulled all the waitresses in and goes,

everybody empty your aprons because New York over here needs cash. And they're all like, uh, well we need, and he's like, sorry, I'll pay you this week when the checks clear. And I'm like, you're making me steal from your fucking, dude, it was brutal. You go home with chains and ones.

And we're like, Wet dollars and shit. I love the amenities that have played. Paco was with me when we went to Jacksonville, right? That was Jacksonville last time, and they're like, you guys, free access to the buffet. It's a motel, the Jacksonville Comedy Zone. Yep, I've been there. It was one of the, it was, I think,

the first paid gig I got in my entire life. I still enjoyed it. One, the club itself is good. The actual comedy club is good. You did it before, yeah. Yes. It's a good comedy club. It's not the hotel that it's in,

which by the way, to their credit, you could stay somewhere else if you want. I'm always like, dude, drop me in Beirut. Let's watch it happen. Let's watch, let's watch abused women come there in the middle of the night with their sad kids. Everyone's got black eyes. Everyone's fat and thin. Nine year olds breastfeeding. If a door kicks in, they're all aware of the prostitutes

everywhere, but then they're like, you can have some of that buffet food. And I mean, me and Paco ate it two of the three days. And just with the things you're like, this is fine. And buffet food and I mean me and Paco ate it two of the three days yeah that buffet and just with the things you're like this is fine and it's they're really hyping like all you can eat crab legs and all this stuff all right and we're having at it I'm not going crazy we're eating and then we came back here on the show well you were here right when we looked up the when we looked up the Yelp reviews of that place and so it like, how did my steak have feathers in it?

It's like just things that don't even make any sense. Dude, I worry, that was my first, honestly I think it was my first paid gig. It was back when you used to mail out VHS tapes to clubs on the road. Wow. Yeah. And then you'd go on the road

and you'd walk into the manager's office and you would see floor to ceiling stacks of VHS tapes. You'd be like, oh, that's why the guy didn't get back to me. So I go to Jacksonville and I've never left Boston. I've been doing comedy in Boston for a few years, but I've never left, I've never gone on the road. And I get down there and I walk in the gift shop and there's this little Florida honey.

She's gotta be 17 years old. And I'm flirting with her. And she comes to the show. And then after the show she comes back to my room and she gives me a blowjob. And then she makes the mistake of asking me to have sex. I'm like, I'm one and done, baby. I'm like 24, but I'm still.

You already know you're one of the 24 And so she got mad at me and she yelled at me and I came home thinking like oh This is what the road is like you just always get blowjobs Yeah, well you probably set your standards too high man, I would I would go out with a tell when I was younger Yeah set your standards too high. Man, I would go out with a tell when I was younger. Yeah. And just, it was, I mean, whatever washed up at the very end, I was happy to be like, let's go. You're like, I'm not one and done.

I promise. Then when you're done, then when you are done, you put on each other's clothes by accident. Oh, God. That's a big shit. You're like, oh, this is your Tweety Bird shirt. Dude, I've seen some, what I can only describe is heaving backs when I've looked down at a blowjob and you just see like a...

It looks like you have to quietly escape while they're asleep still and not make them move. You're looking at dough rising? Oh, dude. Wow. Were you just see tension in big round shoulders? You know what I mean? You know if you push it it's just tight as shit. Just tire, like tire flip. The calves are really hard to find from pushing all that weight around. I want to hit her with with that thing that checks tires Nice things are good

It's got about another two seasons in it. She's made of radio. She's steel radio You're fucking the Michelin man at the fucking I learned I've learned though in life. I did learn a bunch never to As I would never want somebody to push me out of my comfort zone of like don't give me the like no Take your tank top off. I think your body's great. And you're like, yeah, but you're wrong. So I'm gonna leave it on. I've learned to never pressure someone like that. I go, I don't care, it doesn't matter.

And just took it off, he goes, oh, you're burned across your entire back. It would have been better if I didn't know that. You're like, keep your Patagonia fleece on, please. She goes, no, I don't like taking my shirt off, there's something terrible. You go, I'm sure it's fine and you're overreacting Oh a complete tuft of hair between your tips I was wrong and now I can't get out of my head. So putting the stuff back on is not gonna help

Well, is that the fire alarm? back on is not gonna help. Well is that the fire alarm? That is, by the way, not to go back too much, but the real moral of that story is if you're gonna have, first of all, you don't need a comedian at every possible event. It doesn't even happen. Amen. And at a bachelor party like you went and did the thing at,

you certainly don't need, like, hey, everybody wanna get worked up with boners and then sit and watch a guy shit on you for a little bit? Just like I was thinking that with your ski trip. Like, these guys are heavy humping, and then they gotta tuck their cocks into their belt and sit down. As promoters or people who ever put this together

would do a better thing if when we got there and got there and goes, we're paying you guys because we planned the thing, but everyone's kind of dancing now and stuff, so just don't even worry about it. Versus going like, no, we're paying you. Stop having fun and do something you don't like now. So then you're like, oh, we're going to make this fun by ruining this guy's day. Yeah.

Did you ever do one, like a hotel show off the highway? And I remember Wisecrackers in Allentown and the Precious Evenings Swingers Convention was at the same hotel? Oh, I did a furry one down in Houston about two years ago. And they were dressed. They were in full furry outfits. And I walked in, I was like, look at this freak show. And then every time I would see one, they'd look at me with their big rejected eyes,

like their whole lives they've been rejected and now they're accepted. And it was like, I've never felt joy. I've never felt inclusion. Like they would hug you. They would come up and go, do you want a hug? And I'd go, fuck it, you're a tigger? Yeah, I'll take a hug.

And so all weekend they just kept hugging me and I started hanging out in the lobby just to be around their energy. It was amazing. And I was like, maybe I need an outfit. around their energy. It was amazing. And I was like, maybe I need an outfit. Like, I had that gig, the House of Comedy in Minneapolis,

did a thing years ago. They'd always put you at this Ramada across the parking lot that was definitely haunted by native spirits. Oh, the Fort Hiawatha Inn? Yes. It had like a totem pole in the middle. It had like a totem pole in the middle? It had like a totem pole, and it was just very Indian themed and just one level, very shitty rooms.

Indoor pool in the middle of the whole thing. So the whole place smelled like old man balls. That's the only thing I relate that to. Because whenever I would be in an indoor pool with the Jewish community center when I was younger, I just related to the smell of an old man's balls as he's drying them and letting it all wing around. Bleachy sack.

Yes. Bleachy. Is the right word chlorine nuts. I used to go to the Friars Club as a kid. My father was in radio like yourself, Jay. Yeah. And he was he was a member of the Friars Club. So I was a little kid, he'd bring me to the Friars Club. And he'd bring me in the fucking steam room. I was like, nine. And it was like Henny Youngman and Alan King,

all these guys with their balls out. And I honestly was like, I go, what the fuck is going on here? Why are you making me look at this? And he's like, it's a man's thing. This is what men do, they go to steam rooms together. And now I'm like, no, that was weird. He goes, that's one guy convinced everybody else

that that was the thing to do. Yeah, some Russian. That is so funny. No, it's good. But this hotel, this Ramada, that's smelled all over, I found out when Dan Soder went one time to that gig, he goes, the Radisson Blue is open now attached to the mall and it's a much nicer hotel and it's right that you could walk through a you know air

bridge and or a sky bridge and you're in the mall well that's great then when I get there the guy picks me up and they're driving me to the manager of the club and they're driving me they drop me off for this Ramada and I was like oh I thought they're doing Radisson blue now and he makes the mistake. He is no longer works there. I believe He made the mistake of just going. Yeah, it's weird. He goes, you know the lady who books it It's just like every he goes to the beginning of the year She goes through the lineup and says like put this person in the good hotel put this one in the fucking shithole And basically I made the shithole lists. She was saying so that's sticking in my ass

Already then I get inside and I'm waiting 50th in line to check in because there's a furry convention there. In this very small motel, a furry convention. And I remember going back and almost teary-eyed demanding that they move my hotel because the first night when I came home from the shows, I went in my room, and Jacob, you know the story, I went in my room and I was like, I'm hungry and there's nothing to kind of get around here to eat this is kind of a four uber eats and all that shit was even available and I'm

walking and I go to the front desk and I was like is there like vending machines or anything and they're like yeah like down the hall I'm right over there and I went to the I was walking down this very long hall the vending machines and then two a couple I assume, one looked more feminine I guess in clothing, but they were dressed like pirate crows. And I don't mean like Brandon Lee's the crow, I mean like they had crow face on,

beaks and everything, but like pirates with rubber gloves. And they're looking at the vending machines and they're not talking they're pecking head at each other. I was like that's what I said I went in my room I was like teary-eyed and I was like I have to go somewhere else. They're pecking at the quarter. They're trying to peck A2. They were like they were like they're you know and by the way I'm far enough down the hall that they may have been saying like like do you want baked Cheetos or flaming hot? You know they by the way, I'm far down the hall that they may have been saying like like do you want baked Cheetos or? flaming hot

You know that you know these furries fuck. Oh, yes convention It's like squirrels with chimpanzees like all kinds of mixtures in the wild I'm tired of people making any kink sound like it's not Sexual when they do like the people like the like oh, there's all these guys are in my little pony like it's not sexual. When people like the, like, oh, there's all these guys that are in My Little Pony, like, it's sexual. Yeah, it all ends when you're coming. And they're like, well, no, you can't fuck a cartoon. He goes, you jerk off and think about fucking that cartoon.

It's sexual. You're into this for a sexual reason. What's the point? You know what I mean? No, it's not like being in the David Lynch movies. No. It's always so fun to venture out of your comedy world into whatever's going on in the hotel. I went up to the precious evenings main room

where they were having their, that's where you met and they had trays of keys. And that's where you and the people you were gonna fuck, that night you grabbed keys and went off into the room. And it was so wild to just grab a drink and watch everybody size each other up and shit So like one couple would look at the other whisper at each other And be like yeah, she's not my type whatever then go to another one

And I was sitting in the lobby and a lady came down just sweating mascara everywhere She's like we're gonna need a lot of towels in room 313 and I just got the gang I just got gang raped by the Rocky and Bullwinkle cast I just got gang raped by the Rocky and Bullwinkle cast. She's like, Inspector Gadget and Dr. Claw. I hope this to be right now. The unicorn hurt. You know, I performed one time for a, it was in New York City too.

I was, I think, oh, it's a, maybe Gary Veed or somebody came to me and was like, you want to perform for like a nudist thing? It was like a nudist night at this place. And I was like, yes, absolutely. And I get there, the nudism part started like after the show. It was like three people in the room or something, right? You went with me to that, didn't you?

But I told you, I was like, nobody was like, what a waste of fucking time. Like, hey, you wanna just perform for a bad crowd before they do something you wanna see? That you can't go to also. Actually they told me I could go to but they were like no but it's new to like you have to take your clothes off. I'm like no that I'm out like I'm not going to do that at all. No. I thought I was going to be able to stare at your dicks and pussies while we did this.

What if they let you Winnie the Pooh it with a tank top on would you have stayed? Just stood in like a like a like a statue at Caesar's in Vegas. You just have to stay still the whole time. Barefoot in boxer briefs in a tank top. What are you, a superhero? I hosted the porn awards a couple times. Oh yeah. Do you ever do that?

No, our podcast that I did was nominated for an award, so we went two of them ago. And I think I mentioned this to you the other day, that I'm excited to hear your stories. Is Dave coming in? He's coming in. Yeah, he's coming in. So Dave has, he's hosted it from before too, so that'll be a fun thing to get into. But when I went, Matt Rife hosted it, but there really wasn't much to hosting it, and

also the crazy fun of whatever. And by the way, maybe because I'm not aggressive or put myself in the right positions, but from when Norton is the only person I've heard stories from and he made it seem like when you go to this thing Do like bring condoms because you're gonna have to say no to getting your dick sucked when you have to do something Like it's so crazy. He did a train with Ron Jeremy. Yeah. Yeah, no, I know but mine by time it was to mine He did Yeah, right he time it was to mine. He did. By the time it was mine, they're all. What a strange train that is. Well, I think he was a boos. The ugly train, dude. Yeah, right.

He goes, who was behind? Jesus. Look at Thomas the skank engine. Yeah. Train came early. But I'm saying, but he was in a world. Tudu. He was in a world where that was like, this now,

and I even asked, I go, I even asked some of some people who I knew They're like the porn stars. I'm like, where are all like, isn't it? Just supposed to be like orgies and hey having room 367 there are you know girls are blowing guys for whatever and like I was like what happens to go? Oh, well now because everyone's their own boss Mmm, you know like content wise that it's like they just come here and film everyone's here. So then they go Oh, you've got it's like, they just come here and film, everyone's here, so then they go, oh, you've got, it's generally like, oh, you have 360,000 followers

and I have half a million, like we should do a podcast. They don't even call it fucking, they call it collabing, like they're making a song together. Yeah, right. Well, when I did it, it was still, there was none of that yet when I did it. I did it, there was 7 was none of that yet when I did it I did it Seven there was seven thousand people in the audience who's at the Venetian and I was hosting it with who's the one? She just died. It's a porn star that just died. There was a couple recently. No one was huge

She was like one of the fuck the blonde ones. Yeah, I know who you're talking about. Anyway, so um, Some coast cozy with first of all, Jesse Jane Jessie Jane? No, no, not Jessie Jane. Is it Sophia? No, she's not blonde. No. So I must exude zero sexuality because nobody has to suck my dick. Nobody wanna have sex with me.

And then my wife showed up and she was like, because I hosted one without her. And then the second time she was like, yeah, I one without her. And then the second time, she was like, yeah, I think I'm coming to this one. And so we get invited to an orgy up in the penthouse. And it's like after the show, they're like, yeah, everybody's gonna fuck. And I said to my wife, do you wanna go?

And my wife, she's from New York City, and she's like, she's seen it all. She's like, yeah, I'll go, what the fuck? So we go up to the penthouse, and there's a lot of milling about. There's a lot of people waiting. A lot of middle school dance. It's like the first person to go in the middle of the dance floor and start dancing. Somebody put on the electric slides so we can start fucking. Yeah, yeah my school dances it was always

like you waited for hip-hop and the black kids would come out and dance and then the white kids would join in. It was never the white kids first. And so we go up there and everybody's milling about and we're waiting and Ron Jeremy's there. And there's more and more people showed up that you go like, oh, I don't wanna see this at all. And so then like this one couple took their clothes off and they're making out and they were like,

they were both trying to stage a comeback in their careers by doing this. And me and my wife were like, they were both trying to stage a comeback in their careers by doing this. And me and my wife were like, we out? Yeah, we're out. Let's get the fuck out of here. It's like a rock-floating elevator ride down. Ron Jeremy's like the Gallagher of orgies. There's like three of them running around.

He's out somehow every year. Is it two orgies in different time zones? Yeah, yeah. We're hanging out with Greg Fitzsimmons on the show, everybody. There you go. I got a special coming out. Great news special. It's called You Know Me, premiering next Tuesday, August 27th on his YouTube channel,

youtube.com slash at Greg Fitzsimmons comedy. And again, he's going to be in Louisville Comedy Club in Kentucky, August 23rd and 24th. Comedy works in Denver the 29th through the 31st. After that, Austin, the mothershiphip Temecula, California for tickets and all tour dates go to Greg Fitzsimmons calm