The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Reasons, Man with Paul Virzi

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Bobby's podcast partner and hilarious comedian Paul Virzi walks into some controversy. Someone makes an error writing his plugs and blame is thrown around. Jay and Bob argue over who gives Paul a better introduction. Songs that differently now that they are older that they didn't care about as youngsters. The guys revisit their first crappy cars they owned. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Who is this again ABC ABC, what was that an acronym for? None of the bad creation that was a bunch of black children already been chewed That's not what it's for, Lou. Could be. You son of a bitch. I feel so recovered. Oh, no.

Right here. That's going to be too much. Too much. Type in ABC band. Wiki. All my friends just might ask me. They say modern may be one way or another. Boop-a-doop.

There we go. That's Lou. That's Lou. Lou look. Best look. Look of love. Best look. From Sheffield. Let's see. I love when they tell the story over the song.

Bravo. Bravo. This is my favorite part right here. Right here. Ready? Right here. Ready? Right here. Who doesn't like that? That wasn't bad.

I liked it a lot. I like you doing it. I may have liked you doing it more than anything else involved in that. Why won't they just say Look up just a question. What is the band ABC? stand for It's gonna be like You know

Palestine It stands for Palestine. Oh, they're another bad creation. No, that's definitely that's the one in the 90s They swing their beat at the playground, you know Told for that. I'm a little too old for that. Aisha. I love Aisha Aisha was a great song it's but it's really funny to watch it was so adorable because first listen to our guest by the way He's got a new special out right now reasons man is streaming reasonable man Wow, what a failure. What a fuck. You know what dude? What a failure. Christine? How? She put this in here? You can put it from home, yeah.

Wow, he just threw her under the bus. She's sick. She has no fucking, no pivans at all. God, that would be a horrible name. Reasons Man. Reasons Man, yeah. Why are you doing this? Reasons Man.

Reasons Man. Although, it's not a bad title if it was used in the special properly. Reasonable Man is the new special. It's streaming right now on YouTube. And he's going to be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, November 22nd and 23rd. We're using the special properly. Reasonable Man is the new special. It's streaming right now on YouTube. And he's gonna be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, November 22nd and 23rd. Go to paulverzi.com for tickets, everybody.

You know him as the co-host of Bone to Pick with our very own, the great Robert Kelly. It's the hilarious Paul Verzi in the house. What's up, guys? What's up, buddy? So that was a failure on, not your part, on their part. What? That wasn't you failing on the intro? Reasonable man. Yeah, it was no I read exactly his intro nailed it. Yeah. Okay. Well, he always fucks with me. Oh

Bobby gives intros like a panicking Like a college show, can I try sure? Hey, all right. Let's introduce our guest here. He is the amazing Paul Verzi. No, it's the immediate thing you do wrong every time. Look how cool. You know, when we start the show sometimes, I say, this is planned coolness. You know what I mean?

Sometimes we start the show and I just come in with a sentence. No, not even like a what's up. I just go, you know, Bobby, this song always makes me think about whatever. We're just already talking. We're already going. So this is a good good out of the blue

The new special is called reasonable man streaming right now on YouTube everybody you can catch him all over the road November 22nd 2030 is gonna be in Providence, Rhode Island everybody. How about it for the hilarious Paul Verzi? Let me try it again. Let me just try one more time. You go Paul Verzi's now to special not I no, it's not that I did. I'm gonna try it right now. I'm gonna nail it right now. Ready? Ladies and gentlemen.

Nope, okay, wait one second. Here we go. Play that music again. That got me pumped up. Ready? Go. This new special, Reasonable Man,

is out right now on YouTube. You can go watch it today, and I suggest you do He's gonna be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island November 22nd if you're gonna do the I guess you do thing But stuff music will if you're gonna do it, and you really do want to do it You got to get that you got to bang the things out Reasonable man's the new special everybody you can catch him live on the road He's gonna be in Providence these dates if you want to do the dates first you can go hey he's gonna be in Providence Rhode Island November 22nd 23rd and a new special reasonable man I

haven't checked it out check it out right now on YouTube that's smooth Paul Verzi that's right one more time oh Rhode Island you're gonna get ready for this guy because he's coming the 22nd and 23rd to the Comedy Connection. He's also got a special right now on YouTube, Reasonable Man. Today with us, we have the pleasure of having my friend, Mr. Paul Verzies in studio.

Oh, that was good too. That was very good. That was good. Bobby, can you come over here with me for a second? Yeah. Can you come over here? Because there's some controversy right now going on Uh oh

There's some controversy going on with Reasons Man Hahahaha Okay Come over here Oh wait was it me? Oh shit You're going to see this Oh no no no

Incent 2 And then this is the thing. Yeah, yeah. So some reasons. Reasons, man. Reasons, man. Oh, fuck. From Christine. Christine, yeah.

Fuck. It's actually, buddy. Christine was probably thinking to herself, like, what a dumb fucking thing. Oh, fuck. This is gonna affect BlondiePic. This is definitely gonna affect BlondiePic. I'm sorry, Christine!

You, I mean, I'll be right back. It's my fault. Okay, okay. No, no, it's my fault, I'm sorry. I did it, you know what, I did it in a rush late. It's my fault, I apologize, I take it back. No, no. Christine wouldn't have done that, it was me.

No, you, like a typical ginzo, let somebody else take a hit for you. I did it. You farmed it out. You let Christine take a hot one in the chest. Christine, it's on me, I'm sorry. But you knew it was on you. What? No, I didn't, no I didn't.

You wrote it. I didn't realize it was a typo. It's a typo from you. Bobby, Bobby, but no one's understanding what's happening. It's me and you had a little confab over here. But what happens was Black Lou was so excited to show, by the way, he loves taking a white man down. Oh yeah.

Especially this type of white man. It's because Trump won. That's what it is. Trump won and he. But Jacob, what happened was, what Black Lou show was that, he followed the email chain that dials back to Christine saying, what do you want us to promote? And Paul Verzi sending forward my new special,

Reasons Man. Which I kinda like more. Now that we've said it so much, I really like Reasons Man. I really do, man. A comma, we should throw a comma in there for sure. Is it too late to get to the graphic artist? I know we're already running live for a bit.

I did it around five o'clock rushing. It's my fault, Christine. I would never take that. First of all, don't turn me into that. I'm just silly. I don't do that to people, especially good people like Christine. You did do a tour.

I didn't know. You did a tour. You knew you sent the email. And then when he sent it to, he read it wrong. And then he took the hit. And then it went over to Christine. You felt the vibe. And then your brain, you were like,

oh shit, did I do that? No, I looked at Lou and I go, it was me and he nodded his head. I didn't think Lou would do that to me. The way he came over with the water, the way he brought me to my seat, I was like, oh, this guy's all about me being here today. And then he was like, hey, Jay, look at this piece of shit.

Look what this piece of shit just did. He's wearing a uniform for a reason. That's the bonfire uniform. And that's why you, my friend Paul Verzi, are part eggplant. I'm just trying to get some piv are part eggplant. And you know what? You don't get a pivin. I think black Lou deserves a pivin for that.

Black Lou, killer pivin, my friend. You know what? That might be a dual pivin. You brought content to the show and you threw somebody under the bus. Two of my favorite things. Can I make a suggestion without losing one of my pivins? Could I?

Cover those pivots. I'm holding these pivots close to my heart. Christine was thrown under the bus. She's sick, she's home. Thrown under the bus for being a dummy and it wasn't her. It was not her. I think one pivot should be given back to her

so she's only down two. Christine, without even being present, has earned more pivens than she has when she's been out. It's our new system of reward, Paul. You see, Jeremy Piven flyers for a weekend ago. We're left in this room for some reason. But I'll tell you what, it's just a mindfuck. You put some value on anything that means nothing, people get very excited for it now. You haven't received a Piven yet, It's a mindfuck that you put some value on anything that means nothing. Right.

People get very excited for it now. You haven't received a pivin yet and all pivins come back home at the end of the day because every day is a new system. I don't get to take the pivin with me. Are you crazy? You can't take a pivin. No. But you'll see.

If you earn a pivin, it'll just happen out of the blue if you earn it. Okay. Feels good. Does it? Yeah. Watch. Jacob, honest to God, just for being like fucking pleasant today and smiling you get a pivot No way, dude, you're not getting See how much it hurts him

It's a stupid piece of paper, but he wants it more than anything. What are you still holding? No, that's the thing You know, you don't know what earns a pivot. It could be anything You could have be asked a question answer it right, and you get a pivot. You could say something brilliant and we all laugh and get a pivot. Whatever you do, you don't know what it is and then you get a pivot. So you can't think about it. Don't think about it. Can I sign it, I'm sorry Christine, and give her one that she keeps?

No, no. There's only one pivot we're writing on. I'm writing on it right now. In fact, Jacob, if you wouldn't do me a favor here, I do feel bad About waving that to prove a point because I saw a good your face get you are gonna get the loner We have a loan or emotional support pivot that I will loan out like a library card if you wouldn't mind just jotting your Name down there and the day and the time and then when you get it back I have to initiate or I will consider it stolen

Yo, Lou did Lou did some dirty shit now that I now that I'm picturing how that went down He was like this. Yeah, yeah He's like he went there he was like oh we got it. We got a that was fucked. He was standing with peepee pants Yeah, well, you know I fucked up I'm sorry I rushed you know what everybody has reasons man Hey man, why'd you fuck up your plugs reasons man So many reasons reasons man versus reasonable gets me more views go check it out. It's doing well. Fuck it Sure aka reasons man

I don't know how they're gonna find that just wanted to find it. Yeah. Yeah, how long has been out for now a month It just it's been out for well four weeks now So nice this week. Yeah, that's a month Yeah this week YouTube's YouTube releases are so so stressful for the person who puts it out. No one can understand that I guess Influencers do when you put it a special it's such a culmination of work. This isn't like dude Hey, I'm gonna go parkour today and or you know like Make fun of an old lady on camera. This is like, it's been a year and a half, two years or more of putting something together. And then it comes out and you get to watch every view crawl up.

You're like, God damn. Oh, dude, it was so nuts the night of. I'm like, all right, we opened up with 10K, okay. Then the next day I'm waking up in the morning, then my kids are like, dad, your special's at like 20. And I'm like, oh shit, but every day until, and then like producers and people are like, once you get to, you know, they were like, hopefully you get to 100K by like January, February.

I'm like, I wanna be at 100K like in two weeks. You know what I mean? It's just nerve wracking. You put up your own money, you do your own promotion. It's nuts, man, but I like it better, you know, because I had to wait, both specials I had to wait so long. The Comedy Central one, Netflix was like, yeah, so it's like April of 20,

and now you do it yourself and you put it out yourself, you do the artwork, you approve everything, so I liked it better, for sure. I have a concern, yeah, I said I have something over at Netflix, but it's like, they say it takes them a long time to say yes, they say no very quickly, so I guess it's good they haven't said anything yet, but also parties like,

if you say no now, I would have this out already. Like a month ago. Yeah, mine was nine months from when I did it. It was nine months. I think I'm gonna put my next special on PunchUp.live. Well, why not? It's your company. It's not my company.

No, you have a major stake in it, so why you push it to everybody? I do not have a major stake. Do you? No, I don't listen to him. But you have full kickbacks because you get, it's a major stake in it. That's why you push it to everybody. I do not have a major stake. Do you? No, but you pay. Don't listen to him. But you have full kickbacks because you get a system where you give people. I get nothing.

Yeah, you have your cue, Ponzi, sign people up. I get no cue, Ponzi. You motherfucker. I do not. Are you listening to him at all? No, no, I just. It's like DirecTV where you do another B. We tell the people to get DirecTV.

It's a comedy pyramids game. It's a cue. Ponzi, Ponzi Kelly. It's a QR code. It's a QR codeids game. Ponzi is, it's a Q... Ponzi, Ponzi Kelly? It's a QR code, it's a QR code, you understand it. Now... Ponzi says, ayyy, you're fucked. Well because when you put a special out on YouTube you have to, they will demonetize it

and they will not show it. Alright Arthur Ponzarelli. But if you put it up there, it's, there's no you put it up there, there's no censorship up there. You can put whatever you want up there. So that makes it funny. Really? Let's challenge that. I want you to put up a special where you slide

subliminally the N-word in every joke of yours. Every joke? 100% of jokes. But like as like the way Patrice would do it? No, rhythmically where where it would fit in. Do you know when we do this? Me and Fennoy had this conversation this weekend. Be careful with this one.

No, it's very good. Do you know when curse words or the N-word fit into a lot of songs in fun ways? I'm not talking about racism. I'm talking about like a black person would say it in a song, but in a song that wouldn't make sense, like Foreigner's Double Vision. Do you get what I'm saying?

Yeah, can you just do it without doing it? No. Okay. I can't at all. Double Vision, and right at the end? Well, that's more of a curse one. Okay. Where you throw curse words in.

I forget the point we're making anyway, but don't do that. Look in my eyes. Right there? I got double, where would you put it? I don't know. Sure. That's a good place for it. Absolutely. Well, after look in my eyes? Sure, that's a good place for it. Absolutely. Well, after looking my eyes?

Yeah, it's a good two syllable word, pops in there nice. It's easy, it's even. If it was three syllables, it'd be difficult to find a spot for it. Don't stop believing. Right there? Yeah. Yes!

Or no, no, no, more like after feeling. And then right before street lights Right I get it I love it Maybe like a little Bon Jovi you could put it in there, too Oh, I'm sure you know, it's nuts the older I'm getting I'm starting to listen to cuz I know you guys are talking about before the older I'm getting I'm starting to like eight dude the other day. I was jamming in my car flying on the highway blasting hysteria by Def Leppard Fucking incredible unbelievable song. It's an unbelievable song crescendo killer

Yeah, yeah, are you alone tonight? Killer. Oh my God. Sing it. You will. Yeah. Are you alone tonight? I'll tell you exactly why it's happening. It's pure nostalgia like anything else on TV. And it's, how old are you now? We're getting older, dude. 45. 45.

I'm a 47. 46, yeah. I'm 47 in December. Bobby, I think is 59, 62? No, I'm not fucking dude. I'm 54, you piece of shit. Bobby is 54. Jacob is in his early 70s. Lou is in his 50s. Bobby I think's 59 54 you 54 Bobby's 54 Jacobs in his early 70s losing his video and the thing is you drive around these songs hit you a different way now Even the ones you didn't didn't over harp on hysteria when I was younger. Yeah, but

Now you go see it takes you back. He was like, oh shit. I'm in my mom's car. I'm into Cuba I was I couldn't believe what was important to me back then and how far away I am from that. Well, my mom and dad used to listen to Steve Winwood. Remember Steve Winwood? Stevie Winwood had some bangers back then for those people. That was there. I'll tell you what, my couple,

Steve Winwood was a little, I looked at him like Rick Astley, even though I know he's more talented for sure. Billy Joel was big. What about Collins? I remember being at my- All day long. Dude, Phil Collins, grace. I was at him like Rick Astley, even though I know he's more talented for sure. Billy Joel was big. What about Collins? I remember being at my... All day long. Dude, Phil Collins, great.

I was at my uncle's house, and Billy Joel's Glass Houses came out. And they had this big party, all my uncles and aunts and my mother and everyone there, and they had this massive party, wine, and remember they used to have a... For the release of Glass Houses? They were playing the record all night long.

Oh, oh, okay. I thought you were saying the party was for that. No. Guys, Billy Joel just put out a new album, Glass Houses? They were playing the record all night long. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying the party was for that. No. Guys, Billy Jonas put out a new album, Glass Houses. I want everybody over here at eight o'clock. BYOB. It actually might have been. It might have been.

What are your parents like, One Direction? That was the one, that was like the first time I actually remember hearing music and like everybody loving it and And actually me getting into it was that album last night. It's a great album It's a good and also you can dance around while the adults tell you to dance and like look at little Bobby Dancing and you would just do I also remember that my feet stunk so bad They made me take my socks off and burn them in the fireplace Wow

They were starting to get drunk, huh? Yeah, they were starting to get drunk. What else can we burn? Did you guys have, I had a kicker in the back. Did you have a kicker in your car? What's that? No. You know what it, the-

No, a bass tube. Yeah, like a big, like your trunk is just the whole speaker. You know why? It just bangs and thuds. You know why I didn't have that? Why? Because I wasn't Puerto Rican. That's why.

No, listen, you're not wrong. The guys did this. I did not, never afforded a system. The most I got was I went and got speakers once at like Circuit City that they installed. And it was just a little bit better speakers and it wasn't very good at all. The first time I got a face plate you could take off I was too old for it probably. Like I shouldn't have had that anymore. Then you had to bring it with you everywhere you went. Oh, you mean the detachable where you put it in the case? You have to put it in the case then it becomes like a feels like a goddamn weapon in your pocket. Yeah I did have the Blaupunk where you could take it out and you had

to carry it into the club. You had to carry the entire stereo that was like the entire guts of stereo. You had the handle. Yeah you had the handle. It's like a lunchbox. You had to walk into the club and I remember I had the stereo on one hand and I had the cell phone shoulder pack. Yeah, remember the first cell phone? Oh, I had pioneer. It was actually a phone with a cord and a battery pack That you had a sling over your shoulder I remember I went into a sober nightclub with my Blaupunk in one hand and my Huge cell phone battery pack in the other. The first time somebody had a screen like a full screen Yeah

I got into someone's Escalade in like the late 90s when they first came out a guy We knew God and escalate and that screen that right now. I would call a piece of shit display on an awful car I would never want was like I felt like I was in a spaceship I was like is that the title track and album cover on the screen is that? and album cover on the screen. Ah! Dude, is that changing colors? That's fucking changing colors with the beat? Is that the bass going up and down?

It knows the bass? Dude, but I had the kicker and we would have all the hip hop, but I was the only kid in my high school. My buddy busted my fucking ball. I had Phil Collins' greatest hits disc on the floor of my car, and they were like, what's this? And I was like, dude, Phil Collins. Phil Collins was good. In the air I mean

Genesis? Phil Collins era also? In the air tonight on a kicker was kind of nuts. Well that's what's funny too is getting those songs because like obviously it was like rap so my friend my friend Danny Rossini was great name. How's Danny Rossini doing? I don't know I think he had a pituitary problem he might be be dead, but he was... Oh, Jesus. I'm just kidding. He's like... I mean, maybe he is, but he was about five foot tall.

He was tiny. Yeah. His mother was too, but her sauce was banging. Her sauce was bazooms. Danny Rossini's mother sauce... No, he was a very freckly... He didn't look like a Rossini, but he was. He didn't look very Italian, though, but just tiny kid.

And he was the first of us to get a car and our kind of buddies, and he got a Monte Carlo. Two bass tubes, five disc changer, and I mean all the speakers in the car. And I'm telling, one of the songs, the one that just reminds me, makes me remember the most was, because he would do the hip hop and that was great. He wrote, it was Dr. Dre, Chronic, first thing came out.

I mean, you go through down thumping that, it was great, it sounded awesome. But again, that was a time where everyone listened to everything. Mother by Danzig thumped on that thing. But to me, the funniest was Fade the Black, because you go through thumping it, sort of turn their head,

but the song is about nothing but suicide, and then the most emotional, it's a shred guitar solo, but it really is like a painful, the song's about killing yourself, yeah you can't take it anymore and just like four fucking wiggers driving around in a Monte Carlo going to fucking change price tags on Jordans at fucking Models Italian kids had the great cars right right? You probably had the Drakkar.

Remember Drakkar air fresheners? Yeah, the Cologne. Well, everybody, all the coolest kids that pulled off, they must have been cheap or something because too many people had them. And I don't think they look cool anymore. I've lost the look for them. But the convertible mid 90s Mustang, the 5.0. Yeah, Jay Moore had that car.

They started to make them like, circle-y, and that wasn't as fun. That was like, it was just like a different car. But that last one that was like kind of boxy. You're talking about the rag top 5.0? That was, yeah, that was fucking... That's the one, yeah, there it is. That's a badass car.

I mean, essentially one of them, yeah, that's 92. Even if you get to probably 95, they started to go like bubbly, like it looked like a fucking Hyundai by the end of the 90s. Remember the Horizons? Mm-mm. You don't remember the Horizons?

Can you pull up a Horizon? It was like the car? It was boxy in the front and then it had the back. My buddy would pick us up from high school smoking his cigarette just playing I'll Make Love to You by Boys to Men and that fucking thing. Oh yes, I do. Yeah, you remember that?

And his color was almost like the one on the far left? Or the red? My mom, I took my license test on a stick shift Chevette. A white Chevette, which is the same. No, no, it's almost their version. Exact looking car. And I mean, that car, my stereo was, and I didn't even think anything of it, it was a boom box in my back seat that I had I forget what the tape was but the CD no

I'm sorry like a radio a boombox Yeah, like a radio and I would have to reach back and I could play the CD was I believe judgment night soundtrack It was the first CD I ever got and then the tape I had the tape deck was on X back the fuck Oh, I could just alternate back in those but it was a real like and the tape deck was on, expect the fuck up. And I could just alternate back in those. But it was a real like, there's no auto reverse, so you had to like take the tape out

and flip it around, clack it back up. I had my- Bomb stick shifting a fucking shit. Tight clutch. I took my license in my uncle's 67 four door Chevy Impala. So definitely stick shift. Buddy, it was so hard to drive this fucking jalopy. I don't think it even had like it had like the power steering really didn't work

that well. And I'm going to start like Daniel LaRusso's mom. You push it. That's it right there, dude. But it was it was a box. It was a monster star. Did I remember I was at the beach with a in Revere Beach with a cruise up and down the boardwalk and I pulled up to this hot chick and I rolled my window down, but it just fell off the track and went sideways. And she went, get a new car. And I just had to grab the window

and kind of wheel it back up with my both hands. I remember that. Dude, having a girl you like get in your car when high hair was still a thing and it's touching your falling. And if the best thing, what you do is before you should get in the car, you would touch it to the styrofoam, so it would grab a little bit.

And then you just slowly see, like, one finger of it come down, and you're like... You're just driving, staring at that thing, like, hey. And you got to tell them, you know, you know you've lost the night, though, of being totally cool, and when you have to acknowledge it, and you go, you can just push that back up. Just mush it. Dude, I had a car. I had the Stas acknowledge and he goes, you can just push that back up. Just mush it.

Dude, I had the Stosky and Hutch car, the Gran Torino. Nice. But the wires got melted together. So to. How? The thing heated up and they just had the wires melted together. So I was on a date with the girl and she's like,

I'm cold, can we turn the heat on? I go, yeah. In the glovey there's two wires, just connecting together. and sparks would shoot out, and then the heat would turn on. It was bad. I had a 280ZX with no floorboards, so I just had the carpet over the floorboards,

and it started to rain, and we went through a puddle, and it just shut up. Buddy, remember the high hair? Her hair, she looked like this beautiful dog and then she just goes like a wet poodle. She goes, take me home. I'm over this. Did you pass your road test the first time?

I did the first time, yeah. No, I made, they didn't. You know, I feel like if they would have called it a K-turn back then, I would have done it the right way. They called it a three-point turn, and I was like, I did like if they would have called it a K-turn back then, I would have done it the right way. They called it a three-point turn, and I was like, I did it in three points, but my first move was a... I think I did it in two points, is what I did. I pulled all the way up.

So you were a better driver. I pulled all the way up and backed up, and went the other way, and I was like, two points, and he was like, right, but you've smashed into a car that's behind you now. Oh, shit. I'm like, he's like, you have to go, the idea is you turn forward first, then back up, then go. That's three point turn.

My immediate move was like, fuck that, I go, I can just back up and then pull out that way. Not because you're already driving. Not much, not much, it just made sense to me when I did that. I passed my writing one the first time, thank God. I failed the writing one twice, passed it the third time. I go to the road test and we had to pull out of this park

and it was a big four intersection. And I let it go from red to green to like, and he just goes, we could sit here, like I didn't even start yet. I pulled up and he just goes, so we could sit here all day if you want because the light keeps changing. And I never knew, it was like a really difficult one.

And then after that I'm like, I failed. And then I nailed everything because I felt like I could just, I was like a really difficult one. And then after that I'm like, I failed. And then I nailed everything, cause I felt like I could just, I was like fuck it, I just did everything. Three point turn. Yeah, yeah, I was like house money, there's no way he's gonna pass. And he just sits there, I'll never forget,

he takes a clipboard and he goes, well I suggest you get the manual and you really do, you read up on intersections. And then I go, he goes, but you passed, you had enough and I was like, fuck yeah. And I was like doomed from the gate. You know, and you grew up. Do you remember that back in the day though,

like we never, we all had buckets. Nobody had a good car. Your first three cars. Fuck a shit. Rich kids. Which is shit. But like now it seems like there's no more shit cars. Like even, like I never see a bucket.

Well, they had an idea when people said that bar mitzvah kids would still, when they were buying their car, it wasn't like a holy shit. This Monte Carlo was a piece of shit. He just got it and put this whole stereo in it. I'm sure it was like at the end of the day, a hunk of shit car.

When was the last time you saw a hunk of shit car? No, there's no rust anymore. You notice that? Well, it doesn't exist. No, there's no rust. They're plastic. Yeah, like remember the rust around the wheels? That's like you would flick it,

you could just, the car would disintegrate. That doesn't happen now. It would look better if you just kicked off some of that rust. Yeah, I had the 87 Honda Accord hatchback that everyone had. Oh yeah. The space blue or gray, whatever it was.

87 Honda Accord hatchback. I mean, that's car, I mean everyone has. I had the one right in the middle there is definitely the one I have. Those lights flipped up and I was like, yeah the futures now everybody It was like your Tesla Great Kurt Metzger got that car stolen for me. I had a Honda a Hyundai Tudor hatchback. Yeah, five-speed Hyundai Hyundai

But they really they never yeah hatchback and I used to my move was to bring the girls in the back And I would put their legs up on the back of the hatchback and fucking Go down. Oh, yeah, I fucking love right there right there Hyundai hatchback Chick in the back of that no, that's a mercury a Hyundai Day, well, I thought was really funny when a kid would try to soup up a car that was hilariously cheap like a fucking Dodge Neon with like fucking strobe lights underneath it. It's better when people would deck out the car that I had, which several of my friends did, made more sense that you're putting cool things on like an older car to get a brand new Dodge Neon.

You've committed that you wanted a new car over a cool car. You know why that was though? I swear to God it was Fast and the Furious. When Fast and the Furious came out people made their civics, they put wings on the back of their civics, they put fucking blue lights and shit. You're not wrong, it was pretty hilarious. I do remember that. Regular cars like a Ford Escort but it's got fucking big wheels in the back, small wheels in the front. That opening scene where the Asian kid was playing a video game in the car, kids were putting shit in. Look at it, tricked out Dodge Neon. That'd be dope to have now.

Like now it'd be awesome to have a tricked out Dodge Neon. One of the reasons also is the Neon put an SRT engine in it. So it was a four cylinder turbo, which is faster than it had ever been before. Nobody was racing their Dodge Neon. I've never had a fast car. Really? No, I never ever got a nice car. What about I know, I never ever got a, Like a speed, like a,

The only, the nice car I had, About Tracy Chapman's fast car. Remember Maxima? You had that fast car. A Maximus, is that what it was called, Maximum? Yeah, Maximus. No, Maxima. A Maxima.

I got a Maximum when I was delivering, Maxima, ma. It was Maxima. Maxima, Nissan. Right, that's it, yeah. Ford or Maxima, that was hot. Yeah. I remember that. Maxima was, people loved the Maxima.

My friend Mike Vada got a Maxima, and it was funny. It's when everybody started slowly putting things on their cars, and you could do a lot with, like, tape, the pinstripe tape, but they would do things on the windows. Flames-ish? Oh, okay. They would do this on the windows. And what he got done was, and it's funny, you know when some of your friends believe their nonsense

more than others, but everyone just kind of goes together, and it'll make more sense when I explain. I started doing comedy, and I wasn't around my day-to-day friends much anymore. And so while I was off driving to New York all the time, they were hanging out and they decided that these eight or so white kids and one black friend were gonna be called the second mafia.

Oh no. And I came home one day and I saw on the back of Mike's car It said 2m. I mean shittily written in thing and I was like What's that? He goes? But he started doing like I don't know. It's just some design I thought of or whatever ago 2m is very specific though I mean your name is not Mike anything with an M. So tears not 2m is there I what does it mean?

I just see him not wanting to tell me. He's gotta find the one kid who believes in him. He goes, second mafia, dude. That's our crew now. I go, that's your crew of, we all live on the golf course. Like we all moved to South Jersey to not be part of gangs and stuff.

You guys are starting a gang, and our clubhouse is walking around the pool or the neighborhood, beautiful, the beautiful fucking basketball courts we have. It was like, we all move to not be around this. What is it with Philly people that have to have gangs? It's not even Philly people. It's white kids, the 90s hit white kids hard in the corny.

And if you weren't prepared, if you weren't. Wait a minute, wait one fucking minute that's a thing you as well the greatest say I've ever heard it did it is remember white kids went from being used the 50s and the 60s and the 70s where the black kids were being like a dominating overpowered then everybody figured out they were way

cooler better dancers dress better big dicks the whole thing. And then white kids started adopting the culture. But if you weren't gonna adopt the culture fully, you know what I mean, like in personality, that's the thing for me. Like, I did the look, but I never did the personality at all. I did dumb shit. Like, I would sell weed,

but, like, just to, like, profit 20 bucks. Like, I remember I got in the back of this car, and this black dude sell weed, but like just to like profit 20 bucks. Like I remember I got in the back of this car and this black dude came in and he just goes, yo man, you're not gonna fuck me, right? On this, you're gonna get me my money? And I'm like, yeah. And like my buddy goes, dude, this is a horrible deal. Like I don't even think there's enough weed

to get him back his money. And I just wanted to sell it. So like I literally broke even just selling bags of weed. It was so stupid. But yeah, just trying to do this thing So it was we were trying to keep up in the 90s and we did we felt fucking corny So if you were gonna try to not be corny and also not be like a obvious like fake wigger kid Yeah, which is where you had to fucking get the show up with your car. Your car had to be tight That was a way so it's like people would go all out. I did every fucking thing you could do.

I mean, purchasing goggles to wear on my hat sideways on my head is pretty insane. That's top, yeah. I'm gonna leave. That's, what the fuck? Oakley goggles on the hat. Ski, ski goggles. What?

Not ski, I guess they are. Yeah, I guess they are. At a point, they were just called goggles because no one was using them for skiing. They were just a look for a minute and then The fucking those beach queefs fucking the offspring made pretty fly for a white guy And then everyone realized like holy shit, dude. We're all dressed like this joke. They're making Yeah, give it to me, baby It was so glad I never went through my wigger stage.

I had a buddy go, dude, should we all get white bandanas and put them on our belts? I did have the Def Leppard bandana on the leg, the thigh. Sure. What? I actually wore to a dance once the red bandana around my neck, like a handkerchief with a muscle shirt. No, it was the switch. We had it for a minute.

If you look at the beginning of breakdancing, when breakdancing, they were dressed like heavy metal people. Because it was like rock star type shit. Then it started developing its own thing and got away from that. So then you were corny if you were wearing. But that was the thing for everybody who's wearing a bandana around their neck

and tied up ones around their wrists and everything. And the breakdancers all did that. But once hip hop became its own style, baggy, the open boots, kind of like the urban, kind of winter kind of thing, that look came in and it really changed everything. And now if you were, no one ever talks about that. What killed hair metal?

Hip hop possibly. You couldn't, you were so corny if you dressed in tight pants like that. Did you see Fat Joe come out for the Yankees? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he came out and it was so New York because the Timbos were just open and he had everything and then we fucking got smoked.

I know, I'll tell you why. We got smoked and they said it was his fault. Why it was so New York is that like, the World Series is still supposed to be a family event of America's pastime favorite sport of baseball. And then right away, everybody, Fat Joe goes, I don't give a fuck about your thing. And you're like, yo.

OK. Yeah, because Ice Cubes was kind of LA and kind of laid back and cool. And then Fat Joe came out so hard. Pussy ass pussy. He was like, lean back. I'm busting nuts on your face. Lean back.

And there's a little girl with cotton candy with her dad. I'm busting nuts on your mom's face all day. Paul Verzi's new special. Oh, come on. I was gonna do it. I'll tell you right now, Reasonable Man is streaming. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 23rd. For tickets and all of the tour dates, visit paulversey.com and make sure you check out Big Jay this weekend. No, Bone the Pick with you two,

that's why I was gonna do it. All right, I'll do it. Bone the Pick is the podcast. You get it wherever you get and download your podcast. Make sure you rate, review and like it everybody. Bone the Pick, sweeping the nation right now. Big Jay's gonna be at Louisville Comedy Club this weekend, November 5th and 16th.

Houston, Philly, St. Louis, all other stuff. He's bigjcomedy.com and the comedy dojo with the Skanks in Jersey New Year's Eve. Bobby Kelly, Mars, Plains New Jersey, Beacon New York, and Kansas City all on deck and every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat, punchup.live, slash Robert Kelly. I think the show's over. Don't forget to get the, don't forget to get the holiday spectacular Tuesday the 17th, 7 p.m. Village Underground, New York City.

Reserve your tickets now, comedyseller.com.