The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Recine's Revenge (feat. Shane Gillis)

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

@thebonfiresxm

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. One of the things I was bummed about was run the jewels open for rage against the machine, but you were out of town the whole time. I know, I want to see that. And I would say you got me into two musical acts that I love very much, which is run the jewels in Mac Miller. Mac Miller, dude. He's the best.

Mac Miller is the best. He was truly the best. He died, didn't know him. On the road with Shane, Shane introduced me to 2009 and then that album's swimming is one of my favorite albums of all time. Yeah, shit rules. Some believe we'll walk back to the bonfire. Sirius XM, Faxi Talk 103.

I'm Dan Soder, guest hostin. It's the young bullshane girl. Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah. Big J in Vegas with Arisha Fierran Kim Kong Kong and big J comedy.com go get tickets to see them tonight There's some tickets left for the late show some a few a few tickets left season two of gillian keys at gilliankeys.tv It's coming soon. It's not there yet. Yeah, Addison should be first week of October Dallas by tickets this weekend For my shows dance order.com Thursday through Saturday my tickets this weekend for my shows dancehunter.com Thursday through Saturday. Before the break, we were talking about athletes trying to do commercials and freaking out. And black

Lou, you said you got one at Jordan. Yeah, he's not freaking out too much, but he's trying to read the script for Gatorades. Is it in you commercial and he just sounds like an idiot. Yeah, the outtakes. That's where they're always gonna get you hit play. Ready? Gatorade, is it in you? The Gatorade, is it in you? Gatorade, is it in you? Is it in you? Gatorade. Is it in you? Is it in you? That's right. No.

I got to hear it. In you? Right. Ready? Is it in you? Ready? Ben there, dude. Gatorade.

I've been asking that question a lot. Kiss my neck if it's in you. Is it in you? Is it in you? Is it in you? In you? Please, whoever has sex tonight, say that. Is it in you?

Do the Jordan raid. Is it in you? I was so happy to find out say that. Is it in you? Do the Jordan read. Is it in you? I was so happy to find out how much of a psycho. I mean, I knew he was a psycho with that documentary of him just like alone in a mansion. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah, and the part where he's like, yeah, the only really nice part of my day was just when I was in my hotel room because no one could come in there and I get to smoke a cigar and hang out, and then I opened it.

Yeah, that. He's the best. But then they did it. Now they started doing those documentaries with all of them. They tried doing the Geter one. They did one with Montana. The Montana one, of course, I love. Yeah. But they're just like, they do one thing now.

I still haven't seen it. You haven't seen the Montana one? I haven't seen the Montana one. The Notre Dame part, without a doubt, will get you fired up. I can't. The cool part was it came out on peacock and it lined up right at the end of the 49er season. So it was like week we beat the Rams or week 18 we beat the Rams. Oh you guys were on a run and then we beat fucking cowboys

Packers go to the championship game. Remember that Remember when the Niners beat the Cowboys in the playoffs us here I try to forget you remember when Dak Prescott couldn't get to the line and snap it in the 49ers one and snap it in the 49ers one. But it lined up perfectly with the run, where it was like, I would watch an episode, Niners Playoff game, another episode, and it was like, what's fucking, and then they're gonna do it.

Yeah, yeah, fucking Aaron Donald, you piece of shit. He's pretty good. Yeah, real good Pennsylvania, let's go. Izzy, yeah. Man, what's up with, I mean, that's me, it might be the, this was a debate I was having with Adam eget that scumbag

Drunk fucking loser Adam eget Well, he argued no, we're arguing well Statewide pencil man is not the best, but it might be I think it's the best quarterback Well, you have marino Montana United's name is cozar Nameth was from oil city or some ship. Yeah, beaver Creek. Oh, okay I mean quarterbacks from Reno Montana and Name it in United. It's that's what California's got Brady Rogers L.way

Yeah, all three. Yeah, that's a battle. Yeah, that is pretty good. That's pretty good, but I think. Brady beats Montana. Rogers probably beats. I mean, California's also got like a big. It's all like it. You know that Alex Smith, former quarterback of the 49ers,

he's on a high school team with Reggie Bush. They're junior year. That was their backfield. That's fucking insane. Yeah, that's terrifying. Our guest is here. Do you want to yeah bring him in? Okay, just time for this awkward football talk. Yeah, dude. He does not follow long. That's all right. Let's talk waps

I'll talk. We'll talk it. I time for Wap talk You're not using that welcome to Ginzo corner the only racial slurs were still out use is Italians are the only ones that one are their Italians in Florida? We were talking about Florida a lot yesterday because of Jacob. They're, I mean, they're fucking vermin, they're everyone. Yeah, they can't wait for some guy with an Italian horn on just to be waiting for you

after a show. The guy that runs the union and whatever theater is going to be a respectful thing. Mr. Gillian. Yeah, it's just Tommy Pope. Yeah, you gotta listen to me right now. I listen to a lot of satellite radio. I used to love the ONAs and those types.

And I listen to the modify. I use A&S for pretty disrespectful shit. We went on a scenes podcast and completely addressed him. You said nasty things. Oh, Jane, you were right there with me lockstep. Drink all the tiny waters. I like the tiny waters. I like the tiny waters. I want more tiny waters.

When you go on Rogan, you drink 18 beers and you come off of a giant, tiny waters. You drink a bunch of tiny little waters. Dude, there's this video that, I think it's a video, is it the Florida, black lives,

is it the Florida man who was trying to leave the party and everyone was fighting him? Yes, no video though. Oh, dude, there's two stories that I love that will wait for Racine to get in here. One of them is I read today, there was a Chinese food takeout order that went to a family and it wasn't marked and the sun just ate the food and the dad was like that's my food and

started fighting them and then the sister jumped in on the dad side and they both beat up the brother. Whoa. For Chinese food. Whoa. Because it wasn't marked. That's fucking crazy. To have a family brawl like that.

Mike, Racine in the studio. You got no applause, but you got the love of our hearts. Yes, yes. Take a seat, Mike. Thanks. What's going on, buddy? How you doing good? So you've been here the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was that? I thought we were all kind of You know, you're the nice guest host and you're the guest. Okay. So now we shine the spotlight on you What is that why are you coming in do the disrespect? The disrespect you didn't have us on at the same fucking time. No, no? Why are you coming in and do this? I'm sorry. The disrespect. The disrespect.

You didn't have us on at the same fucking time. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying anything. You just, you know, I thought it was, uh, I'm telling you, I just wanted to be sure. I'm so lucky. You like to be certain here. The world is lucky.

You're not an organized crime. Why? Because the way you just did that good fellow's leading question, you've been here the whole time, what do you guys got a thing going on? No, Mike. It's nothing like that. No, Mike, Mike, Mike, it's not like that. I swear, you got to understand. I was just, I was trying to do the whole time. What do you guys got a thing going on? No, Mike. It's nothing like that. No, Mike. Mike. It's not like that. I sleep you got out of stand

I was just I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to what they say I was just trying to give you a spotlight baby booby no because I posted I said I'm doing the bonfire with a dance odor in Shangilus Yeah, so I thought all the three of us are doing it together. I thought we are. I was we are Yeah, I swear to God. I thought so too. I was kind of like and this might this What is this and this might like it's like broken? I just come in here you threaten me you threaten me on my own show You break up Shane and I had a fun had a fun thing going on and talking football dude the place was going You hate football. No, I don't hate it. I'm just you hate toxic masculinity yeah I do yeah I like I like the idea of a boss see I love a mafia boss that's also super lefty where he goes listen to disrespect that people a

color of felt the long years yeah well I'm also a jets fan I guess so are you though kind of the part what's the jet record right now? Yeah, it's a one-on-one dude. All right. Yeah I've seen a few yeah after that bra I don't watch the game the brownies dude That was fun. Oh, that was I mean that was a clash of the two biggest losers of all the Prouds versus the jets to design a quarter bet for two hundred and fifty million dollars in a lose them to rub and Tugs Rub and Tugs Rub and Tugs You ever done a Rub and Tug? No, Yeah. Is that something? My wife got molested. My wife got groped by a massage. Partly and Ridgewood Queens. The place isn't open anymore, but it was called

a just relaxation spa. And it was just was it a male masseuse? Yeah, he hit titties or but he like videotape their asshole What I was and I was there filming it. She tried to steal my gold chain the lady that massaged me Wait, why did you told me to take my chain off and so I took it off? I was like, they're professionals. They know what they're doing only in Queens are they're like we can't do it with a chain Yeah, take your chain. Here's a chain bucket for your chain Yeah, so they she was like take your chain off And then she took like 300 bucks out of my wallet. What? Yeah. And then meanwhile your wife is having her ass hole filmed her film. How was it? Was it up in the was there? No, she he's got his phone. He's just going like this.

He goes, yeah, you're relaxing. You're spreading it. You go. You would think, but no, he was just using his cell phone. He had the sound on. Wait, what? Did he heard the boob boob? No way. And he was just trying to film, and she was naked. Yeah. When did you find this out while you were there? After, yeah.

Wait, so you left? Yeah. And then you found out? Yeah, I'm sorry to make this not fun. No, this is extremely fun. This is way fun. But wait, I liked that their plan was to take your chain and money Yeah, with you in the room. Yeah, like you're not gonna put it back on. Thank you. Yeah. How did they try to think? Yeah, how did they try to take your chain? They she said she said take this off. Yeah, and then I put it in my pocket

Sure, so she must but I had I had a bunch of cash in my wallet I had like 300 bucks cash in my wallet. When did you discover the cash was going the next day? It was like after I was like yeah, so she was like so we cuz the guy got arrested and everything and then we and then And then I went into my wallet like this fucking $300 missing when did he get arrested the night of? What was it like a bust? No, we we called the cops and they took him out in handcuffs damn because he was filming yeah Debs asshole yeah yeah cuz is that when you called the cops because we did you guys leave and she

was like he filmed my asshole yeah and you were like well we got to call the cops yeah we call the cops and they're like this guy we got him yeah did she did she have to go like go But they're like not allowed you're like not allowed to search a Chinese guy's phone Kind of law on the books. Yeah Dude that is fucking crazy that they weren't allowed to search it. They weren't allowed to search his phone Yeah, and she wouldn't and that you know how debbored. She's like let me see your phone Yeah, and he's like no andish, she's like, let me see your phone. Yeah. And he's like, no, and she like tried

then he like ran away. He was scaring me away. Yeah, I was scared. Yeah. Damn, we love family, that's whole. Yeah, I see you. I see you sneaky eye. I feel me with my, yeah.

Yeah. Damn, dude, he fucking, I didn't know that it was like then and there that you're like, did she turn around? I was like, what the fuck are you doing? It was like after it was over. Cause you don't want to be like, you know, you want to trust the people that are massaging you. Yeah.

You know, you like to think they know what they're doing. So when she got dressed, was she like, hey, were you filming my asshole? She's like, I think he, yeah, she's like, I think he, I heard his phone go off and he like videotape to me. And you, and you're just in the lobby all, and you're just freshly relaxed $300

Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I don't even know, but you know not a thorn. That was great. Yeah, it's really worth My show I feel good. Yeah, I feel good. My lady was awesome and no stress It is just melted off. Yeah, and then you walk out she goes that man was filming my asshole. Yeah, did you try to assault him physically? No, yeah, I wouldn't need that just be like yo, yeah, that's a tick-tock That man was filming my asshole. Yeah. Did you try to assault him physically? Um, no. Yeah, I wouldn't need that. I'd just be like, yo, yeah. It's crazy. You never even did that.

That's a TikTok. If he fuck it, if you just get couched. You really believe your lady. Yeah. She's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he goes in a, he goes in a drunken monkey style and just fucking lays you the fuck out.

Yeah. He's like, I did film your girlfriend. What do you do about it? And then you fuck a one swing you're done. Yeah. So is it the car ride? Let's go, let's just go, honey. Let's go.

This place is, you guys have, you got a lot of to work on. I'm pulling the fucking cops. I don't know where you got those certificates. But this place is BS. I'm out of here. So on the drive home, where you're like, let's call the cops. It was like outside the place Oh really? Yeah, and the cops showed up and they arrested him

Was he did he give you any heat was he like I didn't do that you're fucking no no he like ran away Did they chase as my wife was yelling at him. He like ran away. Yeah What that can I long goes is this is not like two years ago, and when you say he ran away, he like, I feel like ran to the back of the spa. Oh, he didn't like, so we left and called the cops. But the thought of him trying to run away just on the street where he's like, yeah. And we got it.

We probably oiled up a little bit. Yeah, did he? But there's another part of the story. There's another part of the story. I kind of want to say what happened, but I don't know if I can. Whatever. All right, so a couple nights later. We like went to the um Through a brick through the window of the Hate crime and I yeah, I guess Deb's like a little crazy because we went to the massage probably

We saw the guy leaving and she like chasing down and punched him in the head And he like ran away. I don't know if I put that on the stories. Don't come with that all right But dude she fucking just ran outside damn do you Debs really like Staten Island. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's most Staten Island girl out there. Yeah, so she just ran up and she was like What are you doing? You shit. Yeah, it's like oh, I know I'm never you from your better. Yeah, they're wrong guy. Yeah I'm sorry that wasn't me those my brother's Yeah, I'm sorry that wasn't me those my brother

So what it were you with her were you like yeah, yeah, I was like never know yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, you got it. I don't want you don't want you know, you know you're really getting slapped. I could be dangerous or something Yeah, I could have a knife on it. You couldn't be big right? I was not big. Yeah, yeah Crawl over you. Yeah, you over you Newro make you fucking bust Oh Fuck oh, how did you know it's right? It makes you your wife Don't you

Dump any other pictures? Let's call it even It's so funny that it's like hey guys don't you put your hands on it he grabs her and she's like Get your hands on the heat grabs her and she's like oh fuck you isn't it get your hands off my wife jeez is mister oh god oh your grip is fucking good come and bust and he delete the photo that took out the financial

uh... you know that like you know that's the only thing and then they couldn't prosecute them because they they didn't have any like evidence to they couldn't you know they couldn't prosecute

but the but it's shut down now uh... it's not in business anymore I think they had a lot of complaints. I think this is a Tuesday for them. Yeah, yeah, did you film a asshole again? Like that's what we do here. That's crazy. They did all that which is it. I'm just jerking guys off if you want extra money just whack some all black guys off. Yeah, and everybody's got to come in. They get whacked off fire fighters that's only puts cops and firefighters get along yeah but there's so many decent there's so many decent hardworking Chinese slaves in the city that make

iPhone repairs yeah and they're given them a bad name damn dude the thought that she just rolled up on him and he's just walking up. He's like another successful day of filming as her. Yeah. And he shows up to go, Hey, mister, what number is? Oh, you hit my head. Oh, dude, that's so- So I'm always like, should I have done something?

Should I have like hit the guy? I mean, was it the height of a stop, no, right? It was at the height of stop Asian hate. Yeah, you gotta let a lady, you gotta let a white lady do that. So, you gotta let the white lady do that. Don't have been seeing that, dude. Yeah, if you would have fucked that dude up,

you would have been a pariah. It was right after the massage parlor shooting, right? Yeah, I think so. Oh man, oh man, what a bad timing. If you have a problem with a business and a similar business goes through a mass shooting, at that time, you're like, fuck. What am I gonna do?

Maybe a mass shooting. Maybe you're gonna nail your 15 and show these people what's up. But dude, your wife, when you got back in the car, were you turned on? Like the way that women were turned on? You know, sometimes men are violent. Women are like, I fucking need you.

Was, did you get in the car? And we're getting home and I'm slapping those tits yeah I guess I don't know this kind of I guess I felt like I should have done more you did what you weren't holding your purse no okay yeah fine if you were holding your purse when she punched them then you got you got a you got a kind of with you dude if a lady's going nuts dude I'm not I don't support it yeah yeah you got it here's the I'm, I would have supported her punching. I would have been like, yo, that's fucking nuts, getting the car. Yeah. But I wouldn't be like, I don't know, stomping them out as a couple. He feeling that maybe you should. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. If my

girl punched a guy, I don't know. Now, if he hits her back, it's over. Yeah. But if she had, I mean, it was Goldberg spear on the side of the jacket. And I'm going to knock myself out falling to the ground if I'm going to have a goberg spear on the side of the jacket, I'm going to knock myself out falling to the ground. I'm going to have him up. I'll have him holding him up. I'm moving with the body weight. I'm like, I'm going, Katie, I'm still holding him. I'm sure if you saw on a security camera, it would just look like she was doing a hate crime. Yeah, because he's like just a hardworking immigrant being on the dance. That's how this, that's how this, yeah, this or C&N would put it up where he goes, I'm a suicide attach by a woman from Stagnaut.

And then you didn't know that he was filming her asshole. Yeah. Damn, dude. And then did you guys get like a Google notification when it went out of business or did you just search? No, hey, how did he? A place on our business yeah but it was in business for a while it let me be a few months after yeah yeah yeah it's weird because you think that like you're like I'm gonna take this to

social media and get some Joe I went on Legion of Skanks and talked about it they were all probably like real-ass dude of the week yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely he's probably on payroll at the hour the week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. He's probably on payroll like that now. He's got his podcast. Yeah, yeah. He does, what's up? Welcome to Feming Asher. It's me with my co host, Louis Jacob. It's amazing.

All right, today we're going to show a look in a couple assholes that fill film. Oh my God, dude, that is fucking crazy. And the $300 is like, did I spaz that because I thought someone took weed out of my bag at the stand Like I got real mad. Oh, I was there that night. Yeah, I called you were there, but then the next day I went to look for my weed and I was like I had a half ounce in here. It's gone

Yeah, and I like got mad and like called Joe and I was like I think someone stole weed of it made it a whole thing that night at the stand I was like telling people about it. Yeah, I remember. Yeah, and then I got home, and then I got home, and I was walking in the bedroom, and I kicked the t-shirt, and I was like, what's in that t-shirt? It had unrolled in, it was half ounce of weed,

and I went, son of a bitch. And there was a part of it. I got a sound stroke and so much weed. And then there was a part of it that's like, do I just, you know what I mean? It's similar. I'm here and about this. I just, you know what I mean? It's similar. I'm here and about this. I thought that I'd open my dude, stole your shit.

Now, man, it was in my house the whole time. Told me, too, bro, you were hot as hell. I was so mad, and you know what's funny about that is, it becomes like a similar thing when you got COVID, where you're like, do I say anything, or do I not say anything? And I was like, I had that thought, but I was like, maybe I just don't say anything.

I would have never told anyone. Maybe I just lived with this life. But then I had the text Joe, and I was like, hey, call off where I was like, maybe I just don't say anything. I would have never told anyone. Maybe I just went this way, but then I had the text Joe and I was like, hey, cough, search, I'm gonna have a full. Because every time I got mad about it, especially to him, I'd go, but there is a chance to tap my house. I'm not ruling that out.

I always put that as a caveat, but there might be at my house. But you had suspects. Oh, dude, I was like, I want your whole kitchen staff lined up. Holy shit, you know what I did say? I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I thought it was like I want your whole kitchen staff lined up. Holy shit. I didn't think the staff. I thought it was in the room. There were some you know. Well they were coming. All right the white ones can leave. All right. I go what are you Polish? I go what

are you yeah. No there was there was a couple guys where I was like there were some guys I knew where I asked them. I just like damn been being like did you see anybody take my shit and someone like no I didn't see anybody go near your backpack and that's when I was like, there were some guys I knew where I asked them. I just like, DM'd been being like, did you see anybody take my shit? And someone was like, no, I didn't see anybody go near your backpack. And that's when I was like, okay, I had a laptop and another backpack too. That's when I was like someone would have ganked that.

But then, nope, just went home and kicked the t-shirt. There's a half ounce in there. With the second I felt that I went, fuck, my heart dropped. I was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Sorry. And then you got to scale it back and you're like Anyways All those racist thoughts I had. Oh sorry. I'm sorry brain. Well, dude

You got really mad at that cab driver that one time who he didn't want to go to a story Yeah, yeah, he dropped you off your psycho move. Yeah, whole fucking heal it. He'll hit every cab driver and every uber with directions Yeah, I stopped doing that the last year. Well, that's good. Cause you know why? Cause that makes me uncomfortable. We would get newvers together. You'd be like, take the bridge right now. I'd be like,

I need you to drive. Dude, when I lived in Queens, I had a such a specific way of going home. Where I'd be like, upper level to 21st Street. Yeah, upper level. Down to a story of Boulevard. Take a ride, I'll get off at 31st Street. And they would be like,

I take a lot of love with my friend. And I be like, you're going to take the upper level. You're going to take first avenue up to the upper level. I mean, it was bad. And then Uber, I got out of control. I didn't say anything. Katie was the one that was like, what are you doing? Yeah. She's like, let him go.

They're going to get there the way they're going to get there. And I was like, it's got to be, and then in the last year, I've stopped doing it. That's good. It's been very, you get where you're going, right? It's very rewarding to not be a tense ball. You definitely feel it though. When you see a guy take a turn, you wouldn't take it, and you definitely go.

I'll go like this. Where's he going? That's the first side of my anger I go. Where's that? Hey, excuse me, which way are you going? Mike Lawrence, he did that one time. He asked a cab driver. He was like, you're not going the wrong way on purpose, are you?

And he's like, I never stand up for myself. And the cab driver flipped out. He was like, get the fuck out of my cap. That's great. That's great when you're like, I'm finally going to stand up for myself. I'm just going to fold it. You're like, fuck you.

You're like, ah, fuck. God damn it. Dude, I remember one you're like, ah fuck, god damn it. Dude, I remember one time being like, oh, this guy's trying to rip us off. We'll go BQE and then we hit the word, the guy was trying to stop us from getting into traffic. This is before smartphones. And he's like, dude, I'm telling you right now,

you don't wanna take the BQE, traffic's bad. I was like, this guy's trying to make fucking more money. Go around, take the BQE, was in an hour and a half a pack. I listened to half a Howard Stern show in this guy's cab. I was like, oh, fuck, dude, we really fucked up. Yeah, getting mad. Yeah, but I mean, something like your situation, you get first your wife, you have a thing with the cops,

and then the next day you realize money, once the money was taken where you like, I can't report this or else, this is gonna look like I'm trying to pile on well I guess I was like the cops didn't do anything about the you know her asshole being filmed Maybe I don't be like I was by the way you mean her butt her butt cheeks her asshole was not spread I think you look spread yeah no yeah spread her asshole Why do you spread your spread a gay brother? You got a gaping home and I think you got a gaping what?

How are you not let it laying on your belly going And I think you got a gaping hole. What? How are you not laying on your belly going like? I guess you could. What are you doing? My, she's gonna be like, Mike? Yeah. What kind of brasser's massages are you giving? You could give this a boy or a bus.

You could kind of, they get you. That's your cheeks. You get cheeks. Let me tell you what you have to do. You'd have to thumb under the cheeks. Yeah, my wife's a whore. No, but you're not. No, I'm just wondering.

Yeah, she's a whore. Where, but she's a whore. Where her butt cheeks open up, was she not like, what's going on guy? She slipped the guy 20 bucks. She's really good at it. Rob my fucking pussy husband. He's just set up. He's not gonna do it.

If anything I'll do something. I'll make it look good. She called him later, she goes, hey, sorry I had to hit you, I had to make it look real. Dude, me and McCusker went and do a thing. If anything, I'll do something. I'll make it look good. She called him later, she goes, hey, sorry, I had to hit you, I had to make it look real. Dude, me and McCusker went and got a massage. We got a massage together. In the same room? In Australia.

And same room. No. Okay. But my lady came in first and she was an attractive woman. I was like jackpot. Yeah. And then his lady came in and it was a big dog. Really? Monster, we both started dying. We were sitting in the lobby just laughing. She came in and it was big dog. Really? Monster we both started dying

Laughing she came in and she's like you're miss you miss Archie's ready You're the man I'm gonna be up the bright We've got hands that can rip open a coconut, but every massage I get I'm thinking like is she gonna am I gonna get whacked off? Hmm, and I don't I've never done it and I've never obviously I've never even I was in Austin getting it would have been odd to get whacked off? Hmm, and I don't, I've never done it, and I've never, obviously, I've never even... I was in Austin getting... It would have been odd to get whacked off there, it was like a hotel spa. Yeah, I had a, I had a like a problem with my shoulder,

a year's back and I was working in Cap City and I went and got a massage during the day. Yeah. And the lady, there was like a very normal massage parlour, but then I was on my back. Yeah. And she started touching my upper thigh on the inside and I went, dude, if she just starts whacking you off just let it go

Just let it go and then she was like flip and I was like fuck Yeah, at that point you're like kind of really wanted that so no How do we do but dude did Shawn Watson was just like let go he would wait till he was hard and then give him the old flip a Roo Do you believe so he'd get hard on his tummy? I think you would get hard on his tummy, Would he just like dig down into the table? That's what I mean. You see those hips flexing and you see his butt chin. But I think he was also bringing girls in. He would like Instagram DM girls. I'd be like, I'm gonna fly you to my fucking house.

I mean. And then they're like, I don't give massages. He was like, who cares? You can just give me a massage. And they'd be like, okay. Dude, come on, dude. Yeah. Come a massage. And they'd be like, okay. Dude, come on, dude. Yeah, come on. I thought they were like licensed masseuses. He was just not- I think there's a lot of them.

I think there's a good dozen, that is. There's a good dozen, yeah. That are like, I'm just here to work your shoulder loose. And he's like, yeah, but dude, the putting your dick on their hand, move, of being like, that's such a high school teenage boy. Yeah, it's a wild move. You're thinking that like the second they touch your penis

they're gonna turn into porn stars. And then we're like, let me fucking milk that thing. He might mean, but instead they're like, okay. And then like, huh? And then a begrudging whack-off has to feel terrible. Yeah. A guy I know said that, he said that he was trying to ask for one and he didn't really and the girl didn't really speak English and he was like he was

trying to insinuate and then he just went like this and she was like you have condom and he didn't have ones that she like got a plastic bag and like holy fuck his blew him over the condom. He sucked him over a ziploc? Yeah. It's like a freezer saver. I feel nothing. I sucked them over a zip lock. Yeah. This is like a freezer saver. She hates that dude. I feel nothing. I feel a little warmth from your mouth and besides that. I think I've talked about the Philly dudes that I'm

friends, they all got whacked off. Did you all get it? I never did. I never did. We have one in mechanics work. Well, here's it. By the time I got here, I was kind of like, I have mechanics works getting a Asian massage point.

Yeah. They got feet on their signs. like a mechanicsburg's getting a Asian massage Feet on their signs that mechanicsburg's getting gentrified. Yeah, that's how Bobby Kelly would always bully me You'd be like you know fucking day. Yeah, go wishy-washy go go go wishy-washy. You know, I'd be like I don't know I've never really been a thing where I'm like I have friends that love it and I'm like, I don't how do you pitch it? Yeah, I think my caska got a fucking new ruin Really I could be wrong. Oh what? and I'm like, I don't, how do you pitch it? I think Micasca got a fucking new ruin out of the house. Really? I could be wrong. I what? Fucking like full oil body on like a air mattress.

Lady like sliding on them on a fucking motel. Six. That's so fun. I think. Can you bring up with a new room massage? I can be wrong. New massage is not. Do you bring it back onto that?

No, bring it in a new room massage. I'm surprised. You're gonna wanna whack off to that. Here's the thing about with when Jay's not I learned about more sensual things Jay. I just hear the hardcore fucking. It's Central outlet mixed in, but I want to know what a new room massage. They just oiled themselves I don't want to put my my bra out there, but he was out and one time he went and it was a transgender one and he

He knew from the start. Yeah, he like walked in it was like clearly this is a dude. And he knew from the start. Yeah. He like walked and it was like clearly this is a dude. Yeah. And then the Craigslist Hooker went to the bathroom and was like, he was like, oh shit. And so he was like, I'm just gonna head out. I'm gonna get out of here.

And they were like, the hooker was like, why? And he was like, nothing, I'm just, I'm good. I'm racist actually. Yeah, I'm actually racist. Oh, my father served. And then he got in the car and the guy called him and was like, why, what gave it away? And he was like, you cleared your throat in the bathroom.

It's like a bitch, dude. That's so fucking weird. I wanted to take a leak, but that's so funny. Standing loud pissed. It was like, I gotta show you. Oh yeah he's just sitting on a hotel bed waiting for it he hears the water splashing on his face you can do this dude that's so funny what that's like the only undercover where it can get blown and then you ask what happens like when

they do it the mob they can't be like what gave it away it's like you weren't Frankie's cousin and he goes oh this one is like you got mitts You got big fucking hands and I don't I feel comfortable throwing a tent and out to you You cleared your throat pretty loud. Blackly you finding out what a new room is osj. Yeah, it's pretty fucking hot Yeah, brother. It's very nice. What is it me likey? They what do they do they just put in this is all on YouTube so I can't be What do they do? They just put in this is on YouTube so I can't be too sexual. What about mobsters? They think the prostitutes and FBI agent but they don't want to be transphobic. That's true. They don't want to get the mobs real worried about getting canceled.

Yeah. Oh, this is, oh, wow. So they really just oil themselves. I was jealous over their back and entire body. A good rule to follow is soft tissue on hard bone and hard bone on soft tissue. themselves. Come on dude. Come on dude. What are you doing? You guys get me rock hard in here. This is wonderful. It's just the lady in a bikini. This is on YouTube? Yeah, you just whack off to this. Is it like I's birthday or something? I don't know, but I love having vanilla day here at the Bonfai. I love when a butcher's sensual vanilla stuff

is what we're getting into. Usually it's hardcore fucking, but right now, it's a sensuality. Do you have my butt cheeks rubbed by a lady oiled up? Would make me laugh. It does so, not. Yeah, I mean, I laugh, dude, I laughed every massage I get. I laughed the entire time.

You can. And I'm like, is this normal? Yeah, twice, I've got it. Twice. I like that. If she goes, no one's ever done this. Ever laughed. I had a lady say no one's ever done this.

I go, it hurts. I was getting deep tissue massage and I'm like, jeez, I was shaking laughing. Yeah, you don't want them to think you're like a pussy or anything. Yeah, it hurts. I'm gonna tell me if I'm going too hard. It's too hard and I'm always like, no, it's fine. When they touch my show fucking bad. Yeah, when they touch my side bacon, and they start rubbing the bacon me,

give my fat ass. That's what I usually start getting. I'm also looking sane on a tape. You're flat. Oh my god. I probably look like uncured beef. It has to look scary. Yeah, just my torso, hip to tip.

Flat, hip to tip. Flatting out. Looks like just a butcher just dropped it off. It just looks like it's like, well, this is some fatty meat. Yeah, it's a nightmare. Yeah, and then I'm a very, I'm a take-lush boy on my ribs.

So if you get in, but dude, that Nuru? Nuru's very cool. Shout out McCusker for having. I don't wanna put it on McCusker. Don't put it out there. He's a father, dude. You can't put it on that. He's a responsible member of society.

But I'm fairly certain, I vaguely remember him telling that story on a podcast. Are you gonna ask for that for an anniversary pro? I'm a father too. I just talked about my son's mother's asshole getting hit. Yeah, well, I mean, you know, you're a little loud. You're the one saying it. Yeah.

Yeah, he's not, McCusker's not a good one. McCusker's not here, he's here in spirit though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I mean, you know, you're a little You're the one saying it. Yeah, yeah, he's not because he's not He was here in spirit. Yeah, yeah, always But yeah, Neuroo that would be neat. I would like that but the clean me greased up. You'd be sliding Human slip and slide If you're trying to grab dry ankle It's like I'm gonna try to grab whatever I can. Do a cleanup on that seems awful. The shame. The shame.

Oh, we've covered in oil. And you feel it in between your fingers and pose, and you're like trying to do regular stuff later. Can I help you just drop and shit? You're like, I'll fuck the fuck up. Your phone just keeps slipping. You got, can't even text. My thumbs are too slick.

Yeah, I always think that when you see porn with like, oils and stuff, you're like, or especially in porn when girls, when like they're baby oiled up, and then they blow the guy and you're like, you have baby, you sucking baby oil? Yeah. They're never like,

push that. No, they just fucking go for it. Right before you walked in, there's a story that I found today about a family fighting over Chinese food because it was unmarked and the son ate it. And then the dad started fighting the son and the sister jumped in and choked out this brother.

Nice. Yeah, check it out. He looks like Dan Campbell from the Lions. So this was at their home? Yeah. And they ordered Chinese food and it wasn't marked. And the son just dove in and then the dad beat the shit out of them. And they said that it was a mistake, but dude, family fighting over food.

I'm an only child, so it's just me and my mom. Did you guys ever get it? Like would Phil bring a hammer down if you fucking if you thought you ate his delivery food? Uh, yeah, I'm still in film. I'll take food off Phil's plate. Well, he's, cause he'll be sitting down. He just come over and say, God damn it. Damn it.

Fucking dick. You're a fucking prick. You are a prick. Is it on a TV tray? No, he sits at the table. Oh, dude, I love it. But snatching food from Phil is pretty wonderful. But, yeah, no, we never really fought over food

because my parents never got us anything good. Never, you never got like takeout. Nothing good. Was it always your mom was cooking in the house? No, I mean like, what about Taco Bell, the Grande meal for like 10 bucks, remember that? You get 10 tacos. You can get Taco Bell, but we got it.

We get 10 tacos, Mexican pizza, and not just a big, wonderful, $10. I love it, and I know that. Taco Bell rules. Taco Bell rules. Taco Bell rules. Taco Bell still rules. It's still my, oh man. Yeah, let's talk about it.

I'm gonna get a crotch wrap supreme. Did I my idea? Come on now. Oh my god, dude. I might have to get Taco Bell tonight. Yeah, that's a good call. With a Pepsi, a little night, a great. Later night is the only time I've munched it.

You ever done it like two in the morning, back at the hotel. You've ever done it? It's the only thing open. 9 PM dinner? No, I don't think I've ever hit it. It's like a real dinner. It's like this is what I mean. I've never, I don't know if I've ever eaten it sober.

Let me tell you, as a man, the longer drinks. Yeah. You eat Taco Bell at 9 PM. It's great until about 10 PM. And then it's not even the diarrhea that you think it is. It's not even a scared shit. It's just the heartburn. The malaise that you feel the general sadness in your body. Now me starting to get great deep meat is very bad. Yeah dude

dude this guy this Mexican dude popped off when we were leaving the 9 year C-Hawks game. Yeah you get the? You get the lads, the San Francisco. I can't believe I didn't talk about this. I can't believe I didn't, we were leaving the Seahawks game. This fucking dude, his Niners fan, and his son. It's like everyone's filing out, it's like by Graham Erickard,

we're walking on the street, and this guy just starts yelling at Seahawks fans. He's like, fuck Seattle, we just beat the shit out of him. 27 and 7. He's like, fuck Seattle, but your tiny dick mother fuckers Thought he starts yelling at this lady. He's like a joy your fight only stupid bitch And he's just doing all it. He's like going off on everyone. Yeah, and he's yelling and finally it was like it was enough

That nine fellow nine or fans were going hey Lot of that I don't know where this Mexican dude is just on my left and he goes it does a Infra no V son the sod is respect for He's like I have four years. I never do that in front of them. That's so bad I'm like, you know like uh-huh, and I turn around and he's like what were you in that Mexican dude talking about? A big of a piece of shit that guy is and she's like that's hilarious It's a song walk me up to you go I was like, I think I'm gonna fucking do talking about. I was like, I'm big of a piece of shit that guy is. And she's like, that's hilarious. Cause she just saw him walk me up to me and go,

he's in front of his son. He was talking to me like, we went to the game together. I was like, I don't fucking know. I was like, I don't know this guy. But I liked him. He was doing a fucking, I think he was in a Jeff Kersey. He was in a city. I was like, this guy fucking rules.

He's just a little Mexican dude. Yeah, but dude, that when you're fan, when you're fan base turns on another player And you got to turn on your own fan base as a place that's very I've I've had it happen a couple times leaving sports games You're like all right what sucks is leaving Seattle. They were nicest shit after they beat us They're like hey, thanks for coming. Yeah, then this guy's like enjoy your flight. You stupid bitch Get a Russell Wilson jersey on you guys you don't even play for that team anymore You fucking idiot. Yes, I rules his son was his son had a nine or flag up

He's like maybe nine or ten years old's going like yeah, kids You do it. Yeah, dude kid was loving that kid's gonna be a problem. Yeah kids gonna be a big fucking pro You ever worry about that with your son that he's gonna emulate you're like when you grow older? You ever worry about that with your son that he's gonna emulate you're like when you grow older? Maybe Deb said she thought she heard him saying fuck the other day. Do you say fuck around him a lot? Yeah, how old was it 16 months? There's no way he's dropping. He's saying fuck. Maybe he's Italian. Is that when they started when did they talk? Probably around well, he said he says like words. Yeah, yeah, and his babbles getting more like conversational You can set you could tell he's he was getting there. Yeah, he's got words to say. Yeah, I heard once they go mobile It's incredibly difficult. It is yeah, are you are you there?

Calling his difficulty Hendrix is walking. Yeah, he's walking. Is he talking? He's almost there. He's saying da Is the same fuck? Oh, shit. Not yet. Okay. I think there I wonder if Ben and yeah, Ben and Hendrix are probably the same exact age. Yeah, 16 months October, 10th, I think nice Man, you should we should set up a fight 10 years down the road I think my kids gag because he likes brushing his teeth. What like he enjoys. Yeah, I like that I like that theory. Yeah, you look I like that you're looking. Yeah, I want to make it Why are you doing that when you gay? You like brushing your teeth? I don't even brush my fucking teeth. Just receive, but just receive leaning against the door while that would better brush your teeth.

You're gonna fucking feed your, you're gonna feed your with the chain on. Yeah, why does he like doing that? What is he gay? I got signs of fucking fruit. He disgusts me. He got signs. My own signs.

I got scratches in his teeth. He got scratches in his teeth. He's like a fucking footballer. You guys my own son Dude that's so fucking fun But yeah, once he starts talking I wonder if it's if you two are gonna be annoyed in a year You know cuz when babies are like You're like what do you say? Yeah, this is fun. Yeah, and then when they're like, dad! Shut up! The cartoon on now, asshole.

I want to watch Paw Patrol, you fucking morons. It's the answer. Yeah, dude. What's the baby watching these days? He's watching Elmo. He likes, there's a U.T. fireman called. Fireman called. We're going to take him to see Bros. in the air. That's so funny.

He's watching RuPaul's Drag Race. What does he pop for? He's sitting in Mike's lap. Well, he's like kind of loud. He likes dancing. He's a fucking interesting guy. He's a baby. Babies dance.

Babies don babies dance. Yeah, babies don't dance Tab comes in with leather pants I think we're just gonna put him in these pretty funny to equate babies to gay dudes. Yeah Dancing in colors They want to go up a lot They they who in all the irrespective of neighbor They want to go up a lot Get it girls every time I see a baby I'm a pretend their little gay man every baby. I'm gonna go. What's up girl? Oh boys and little boys are gay until they come I Think it's over first bar was gay as hell when I was young. Oh my god. You know much joy

I used to would I see a puppy you do the fists under your chin And then you start kidding. How was it that guy? That might have been last week I think I'm gay Then you get a boner and you're like fuck that I want a fucking girl look at those Girls and kids this thing start missing mommy's on the hook. Give me those eyes Fucking baby. You guys are about to kiss.

You guys are about, oh dude, we got, this is the thing I wanted to talk about. Speaking of gay or gay for, Tom Hardy. Just, he's kissed guys. Yeah, yeah. He randomly just entered a jujitsu tournament in England and won it. He's pretty cool, I guess, huh?

But then that cool. Yeah, I think he's cool. I think that's so cool. I's cool as hell. Dude, it's a three of us tried that, you know, quick We get choked out and beat up. Yeah, if you're like Shane Gillis if that just came out where they're like while he was in Australia, Shane Gillis opened just goes arm broken by a 16 year old girl by fucking Brazilian kid that fled crime I'm like a Brazilian kid that fled crime. Flipped my fat ass over. Yeah, I'm like, oh my god. Dude, our crew, maybe Rogan would, Rogan would go hard.

You know, Rogan would, of course. Rogan would go hard. He's trained. There's like a couple guys that would do well. But just like think of our friends being like, Lewis maybe could hang, Lewis could hang he trains. But like us, us three, just being like, I'm gonna get new to get to turn it.

And then the video of me crying, holding my elbow. Yeah, it's suck being like, Hey guys, I'm at the Audison Improv, this Thursday through 7. I would tap like from the wrestling. Oh, no, no submissions, I'm so tired. I've never told this story before. You're talking about being a gay little boy.

Yeah, I've never heard, I can't believe I told this, I'm maybe early years of Bonfire told the story. So I wrestled when I was like five and six, which is gay, but I loved wrestling, and then my mom was like, I wanna actually wrestle, and she's like, you know, there's a difference. They're not pro wrestlers. King of the Rose, which I, of course, I wanted to do.

But I got, I actually knew, and was like, yeah, I want a wrestle, and I was like five or six or whatever, but I didn't have that dog in me I didn't have that like I'm gonna fucking drive you into the ground and fucking work You know what I mean? And I wrestled this kid just from like Eastern Colorado And he's like a six year old from like farm country and this kid's a jack six year old. Yes I like to build up this other kindergarten Now I know you're thinking he wouldn't be. He's tough as nails.

He's tough as nails. It's fucking kindergarten. I'm trying to explain it. And you know, because there's rural people, you're from Jersey, you're around city kids, but you're around rural. They got some farm freaks out there somehow. They got some farm freaks.

But like Eastern Colorado's like the native blood on the hands is fresh. It's a generation or two down. So these kids are like, they have like cauliflower year by the time they're in fifth grade. And you're like, and do this kid, he was in a tournament and they were like at a high school. And I was six and I was just like,

you know, doing my little wrestling stance. And this kid shot on me and just destroyed me to the point that I just remember his shoulder being in my chin and pushing against the ropes. And I was like, I got dominated. I just got the shit kicked out of my chin and pushing against the ropes and I was like I was upset I got dominated. I just got the shit kicked out of me and he won or whatever and I'm taking like the blue strap off my ankle And I was like try not to cry I was so hard. I was trying not to cry and I was like you know

I like shook it did the little kid handshake and I was walking back with my coach and I was like That sucked I sucked It was like and I started crying in this other I didn't have it. I was in my coach and I was like, that sucked. I sucked. And I started crying in this other, I didn't have it. I was with her with my mom. This other dad, this fucking dude who used to be a Taikwondo instructor near my house. His son was on my wrestling team and he was Asian. And he goes, are you crying?

He goes, whoa, baby, gonna cry? Like, what? Dude, I was blown away by it. Does he kill him? Yeah, I'm sure I'm punching him. Yeah. But by the way, at the time I was like, he's right, I'm a pussy. I just remembered being like, that's fucking insane.

Is that crazy? I was walking around with my coach and he goes, what are you crying? You're six? I'm six or seven. And he was like, now I'm six years old. And he's like, the baby old and he's like the baby cry And I was like dude you're an adult dude. That's fucking nuts. What's funny is I went to high school with his son And sometimes his son comes out to my shows at comedy works nice and I always see him and I'm like

Hope you're fucking prick dad's dad. I hope your dad followed my dad. I hope he's alive in it hurts And he's just in pain all pain. Hey, you know, I're listening to the show right now. If he is, I, but also he was a Taikwondo instructor, so I don't think I could do much. You can use a firearm. Yeah. I'll tell you we can't do a Jones style. Yeah, dude. I was like,

I love Shane plays the second amendment Uno card. You go reverse. Why they put that in there? I found it a father's new High condone structure just a bunch of men and powdered wigs going if they can kick we should shoot If they kick above them here We got to take our final break. We're hanging out with Shane Gillis and Micraseen. We're seeing what you got coming up I'll be a Caroline's on Broadway this Saturday at 7 p.m. I'll be a Caroline's on Broadway this Saturday at 7 p.m. And when he's at the M show my precinct in friends Caroline's this Saturday the 24th of September

Also don't forget is get his podcast this podcast out for smokes It's through a minute Out for smokes podcast go download it Gillian keeps dot TV season two of Gillian keeps on the way Big J comedy dot com. I keep almost throwing up. He's in Vegas tonight. I don't know. It's, you know, a drink fast, I got excited.

BigJComedy.com Vegas tonight. Few tickets left for him and Ari. Go get those and then he'll be in Columbus at the funny bone Friday, Saturday. Addison and Prov. I'll see you tomorrow through Saturday. I love that club. I'm very excited to come back. DanSoda.com.

We'll be right back. Shane Gill is the mic, we're seeing hangout. It's the bonfire. Good morning and full shows, always on SiriusXM!