The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Resistance Bands with Aaron Berg

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

Big Jay is on a cruise ship so comedian Aaron Berg guest hosts and has a problem with Jacob's workout equipment. Aaron does not believe that you can get super pumped using resistance bands and he demonstrates them. Bobby thinks that there is a secret meeting happening with the Bonfire boss behind his back. Aaron goes to the presidential inauguration for Donald Trump and has some funny observations. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly Damn Marcus King So how old is he? 28 28 years old and sings like a southern god my god, I Mean he is so badass and sings like a southern god. My god.

I mean, he is so badass. He's a little chubby and he's still cut. You don't even see it. He's got that baby face smile. He's got that little smile, those big teeth. Cute little face. He wears those red glasses. Can't see his eyes, what he's thinking about you. Dr while he's up there is he I is he off he's drinking oh

I don't know what I saw in that class. Oh my god. You're a rat There he is right there Ladies and gentlemen it's the bonfire faction talk 103 with Bobby Kay not Dan aka not Dan Robert AK not Dan, Robert Kelly, Big G. Oakeson is on the cruise right now. Shipwreck. Is that it?

Rock Shiprock. He's out there with, uh, doing his thing butterly and, uh, Fanoia. Yeah. He will be back next week, I believe. And, uh, but we're here. We're here, we're here, I'm here with the boys. DJ Lou, Black Lou, and Jacob, the cute little boy that he is. Hi buddy, and Christine just came back.

Christine, are we getting fired? They had to do a big office. Jacob made a big, you know, we have to go see Big Jim. And he wouldn't tell us what it was about. It's nothing. It's nothing. You were gone the whole time, gone the whole break. And then you came in staggered. That means she had to stay after to get a talking to about something. And you came in and you didn't get your lunch. I didn't eat my lunch. Everybody. We got the great Aaron Burgess here today. Aaron Burgess filling in.

What a treat. He's gonna be Ottawa this weekend, the 25th and the 26th, for tickets and all of the tour dates. AaronBurg.com. One of my favorite people. Thank you. Not because he looks like me, or is what I want to look like. Not that he's my goal physically. If I could just be you. Come on. You're doing great. I'm doing all right, dude.

Yeah, you don't want the problems that come with this, man. What, fucking abs, being able to tie your shoe? Yeah, the abs are a problem, man. You don't want none of this. You don't want the abs, dude? You don't want this. I don't want to be able to take my pants down and not have anything flop out of my underwear.

I'll start scratching my stomach now and I'll just pull my shirt up on stage and scratch it so the girlie see a little bit of the abs. If I did that, I'd hear a gasp from the, oh, oh God. When girls see an elderly man with abs and he's up there calling people autistic and bunch of racial slurs, they get all turned on.

I'm getting wet right now, dude. You got abs, don't you? You got abs don't you get the I got top four top two aren't in I'm ready I'm ready to go next level. I'm ready to go Back to being fat. You look like you want to go fat. No, I don't it's winter. It's a good time to do it I can't I cannot do it. No, what do it? Oh my god. It's not a health issue You've cleaned yourself out. It's like a fast. You go to pizza Christine get some pizza Here's a smash burger. I can't get fat. I I went back to fat Eating this weekend and here's a problem Dom went and she made chicken lemon soup with rice That's not hang on, I'm getting there.

Okay. Then she got some chips. What type of chips? Costco big bag, family style, where you just reach in and it never ends. I hate a bag of chips, because you know it's gonna end. You go to Costco, it's like when I used to go to McDonald's,

I used to get three large fries, put them in the bag. Not that I could eat all three fries, but I would never ever get to the bottom of it. Yeah, you don't wanna be at the end. I don't wanna be at the end of a fucking McDonald's french fry. No, it's a labyrinth of fat. So I created a way never ending french fries.

Three large, dump them in the bag, never ends. Anything else or just those fries? You can, no, of course you get any. These are double quarter pounder with cheese, dosa, and then 10, shut up, I've seen you eat. I've seen you and Jay fucking throw it down. Yeah, and then I'd get a 10 piece McNugget because again, I don't want to get to the end of the McNuggets.

When you get McNuggets and you get to the end, oh, God forbid you let somebody have one. And you know what I mean? I just like, I like never getting to the end of it. So I would just order so much that I would just eat until my feet felt wet. And then I passed out somewhere like a fucking dirty pigeon. That's not good.

Not good. But since the surgery, since my surge, Yeah. Since my gastric slave, I can't eat. But the fat fuck still lives there. What do you mean? You try to eat and then you're like, oh, I don't feel good.

Dude, I throw up. That's hot. Yeah, it's kinda hot, right? Yeah. Have you thrown up? Dude, I threw up Sunday night. Like,. Have you thrown up? Dude I threw up Sunday night like and she where do you do it? She made the soup. Yeah, and then she made we got a rice cooker which I recommend Get a rice cooker if you like rice as much as I do I love rice

I love rice. What do you put in the rice like a chicken fried rice or just plain steamed basmati? No, dude dude jasmine Jasmine jasmine. Yeah, but here's my trick Chicken stock instead of water cook it in chicken stock The rice comes out nice and salty and tasting good and there you go And then the little butter on top just to add things butter makes everything fucking better even sex masturbate with butter Whatever you gotta do with butter. Slap a guy's face with a fucking thing of Fleshman's.

Yeah, Fleshman's. That one too. Yeah. And yeah, so I have the, she had the rice, we had the rice cooker, which is, oh I love it. Jasmine rice, took a scoop of rice, put it in the soup. Then she made roast beef sandwich on the bulky roll, cheese, pickles, mayonnaise.

Sweet pickles or sour pickles? Come on, son, sweet. Sweet, you don't go roast beef with a sour pickle. Sour pickles for something else. Sour pickles on the side. Sweet pickle on the roast beef with the mayonnaise. Yep, plain mayo or like a horseradish mayo? Mm-hmm. I mean, you could go horseradish,

but we're not going horseradish. We're gonna go avocado. Avocado mayo. Avocado mayo in the squeezy because I don't like scooping it out. I mean, if you have a mayonnaise that you have to take the lid off and get a spoon, you're fucking mentally ill.

I feel like I live in section eight housing when I do that. Yeah, you have a flip phone if you have that. I do, I have it right now. Oh, it's fucking terrible. I have it, it's horrible. Everything should be in a squeezy bottle. Everything.

Everything. They never put ketchup in a scoopy bottle. They used to, you used to have the glass bottle, you had a slap on the side and have a technique to get it out. Remember that? Yeah, well the knife on the top, you would still, you hit it like that.

Yeah, it's just barbaric, it's fucking barbaric. Yeah, this plastic's good. The plant, you squeeze it, that. Yeah, it's just barbaric. It's fucking barbaric. Yeah, this plastic's good. The plant, you squeeze it, throw it away, some fucking turtle chokes on it a year later. Do you get to throw your plastics away or does Dawn stop you? No, we stop. We have the recycle behind the trash

and then you gotta take both out and blah, blah, blah. But luckily I have a young boy who I pay to do this now. So I'm at the age, he's at the age. Aside from your son, you just hired a boy. I hired a young Indian boy, I call him Ganga Din. He's eight and I own him. Mr. Kelly, I do take out recycling now. Yes, you will, and don't bother my son

or look my son in the eye while he's playing his video games. Mr. Kelly, I can do playing with your son now without having done my working. You're done, after you get done rubbing my feet. Mr. Kelly, when I'm done rubbing under your feet, I can do wife's hair with shampooing. I would like you to do wife's hair with your wife's hair. You please shave your wife's head and give it to my wife.

Mr. Kelly, I paid many cattle for my wife as dowry and she's beautiful. Can she come in from shed to eat soup with rice? No, she can't. She can eat soup on the back. she can eat soup on the back she will eat soup and back in the back by graveyard thank you mr. Kelly I'm doing recycling um you're welcome thank you and I appreciate you I love you so much come here let me kiss you thank you you know this reminds me of back when I was in a river in Mumbai swimming dreaming of one day moving to America and hoping to take out Richmond's recyclings.

I'm glad I can make your dreams come true. You do everything. How come the President Trump told me I must go home? You don't go home. Not you. But he tell me. No the other ones. I will do stay.

Yeah you keep that accent up you stay here We can do watching Harrison Ford and Yellowstone prequel. Yeah Yeah, he was I before we got into gunga din I'm so fucking I want one now So I I want a oh chicken soup rice ball of rice Chicken soup roast beef sandwich. Now, when we usually eat, she'll give me a half a sandwich, couple chips, I mean, I'll share with her. We share now, we're old, we're fucking dumb.

We share. That's nice. You know you're a fucking finish when you just go out to eat and you get one main course and a couple appetizers and you share, and you can see the disappointment on the waitress's face because you're not a fat fuck that her tip's going down because I had a food problem.

But she gave me that and then I ate the whole soup and then I ate the whole sandwich and then I ate a bunch of chips and then I felt sick immediately. The mouth starts watering. Mouth starts watering. Oh my God. And the stuff that's in your stomach gets pushed up. and then I felt sick immediately. The mouth starts watering? Mouth starts watering. And the stuff that's in your stomach gets pushed up. Nice.

And she's like, she looked at me disgusted. Not concerned. I can only say it was disgusted. Yeah. She's like, like, are you all right? She made it for you. She was like, are you all right? She went, you ate too much, didn't you?

I'm like, yeah, you saw me do it, you fucking clown. It's not her fault. It's part her fault. I would say 10% her fault. 10% her fault. And I told her, I go, I can only eat a half a sandwich. And she was, I'm sorry. She said, I'm sorry.

Yeah, she owned it. Yeah, that's a battered woman. That's an abused woman. She twitches, she says, I'm sorry. She said, I'm sorry. Yeah, she owned it. Yeah, that's a battered woman. That's an abused woman. She say, she says, I'm sorry. She's had her face to the glass too many times. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you food and make it for you

and make you soup and then hand it to you while you sit on the couch with a blanket over your lap. You fat fuck. Why don't you not eat it when, hey, when you feel something, stop. Listen to your body, you tone deaf dumbass shit. It's unbelievable because I enjoyed it so much because I love the taste of food.

Sure. I love food. I love it. And I don't love it as much as when I'm puking it back up. It's not as good. No. You don't like it, you're not going like, ha ha, I did it all and. It's not as good. No. You don't like it. You're not going like, haha, I did it all

and now it doesn't even count. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. Round two, my lady. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't.

It doesn't. It doesn't. It's just phlegm and roast beef. I have a sick enjoyment out of it. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. I did, I felt like a fat model.

She kept going, you all right? Of course I'm all right, asshole. Where were you, bathroom? I was in the upstairs bathroom. Toilet. Toilet, of course. What do you think, I puke in the shower? And then push it down my feet?

Who does that? I puked in a sink once when I was drinking. And I don't know why, but it was my friend Matt Wall, wall. He owns that. How's he doing? He's doing great He was the laugh shop. Yeah, and he used to live in Vancouver So he was away because use my place and it was this great condo and it was back when I was partying a pound Red wine then I guess I just In the sink and I left the next morning and he's like, did you puke at my sink? I'm like, I don't know did I and he goes yeah, and I'm like dude, I'm sorry

I love that you fucking you drink like Chrissy from threes company and he's like, did you puke at my sink? I'm like, I don't know, did I? And he goes, yeah. And I'm like, dude, I'm sorry. I love that you drink like Chrissy from Three's Company. I'm partying, red wine, by myself in a big glass. I was patting a fern tree, fucking old queen. I puked one time when I was young, I was 10. My 10th birthday, I used to hang out with this guy who was like 30. And I know, it was weird. And I.

It was like a foster home story? No, it was just a dude, Dickie. Oh boy, it gets worse. We call him Dickie. Street grown up with a nickname for what he loved to show. It was this girl, Patty. Patty, blonde girl, kind of trashy. She used to hang out with Dickie

because he would buy her alcohol. I like Patty, so I would hang out with Dickie to get to Patty. And we would go, he would get us boo, like a 7-7. And he would get us shit-faced. At 10. At 10, and me and Patty, as soon as Patty got drunk enough, she would make out with me.

So I was like. How old was Patty? Patty was like 13. Ooh, look at you. She had cans and F. Yeah. And I remember, I went one night on my birthday, Patty didn't show up, so it was just me and Dicky was weird.

And I went back, he took me back to his house with his dad, who was like this fucking, just this old, decrepit man in a hoarders house. Hey Dicky! Who's the boy you brought with you? That's Bobby he's a good kid. Hey Bobby you're a good friend of Dicky's? Yeah. Hi how are you? Good. Well you know what you like 7-7? Yeah I mean I know what that is, but yeah, I'll take whatever you got I'm just trying to make out with Patty, but she's not here. Where is all big cans Patty? I don't know. She didn't show up tonight. So I'm just hanging out with your son, sir dirty slut Nikki I told you that girl's trouble. She's running around. I mean I don't over in the South room in Boston, but

Her here coming down here to West Medford, Massachusetts. Yeah, dude, I went back to my house. This is crazy because I'm 10 and I was out after dark drinking with this fucking grown man. Yeah, this. I believe my mom's age, because my mom was a slut, got pregnant when she was 15, had me when she was 18, had my sister when she was 15,

had me when she was 18. So I think there was, my mom might have went to high school with this guy. So, I went back to the house. I fell asleep under the front porch in the dirt. And then when I was sober enough to go in the house, I went in, just dirt. My whole front side was dirt.

And I went in and I had to shit, and I shit, and then I had to puke. So I puked in the sink. I just leaned over and puked in the sink, all noodles too, because my mom made me pasta that day. Bobby, you have a nice dinner before you go out drinking with your 30 year old friends.

She came in, I had my pants down, I had a big load in the toilet and I was scooping noodles out of the sink into the toilet. Good for you. And she came in and punched me in the face into the hamper. Your mom did? Yeah, knuckled me right in the toilet. Good for you. And she came in and punched me in the face into the hamper. Your mom did? Yeah, knuckled me right in the face.

This, you're... What? I mean, sometimes I talk to you about things in my life that I think are bad. Yeah. Because I think we have so many similarities and then I listen to your stories now and I'm like, we have nothing in common.

Yeah, you're Jewish, I'm Catholic. You're gorgeous, I'm not. I mean, your upbringing was horrific. I had a fucking weird upbringing. But I think, here's the thing, I think that it's, I think back in the 70s and early 80s, that's what they did with kids. They didn't care about us.

It's not that they didn't care, they just didn't know they were supposed to care. You know what I mean? Like, I was talking, like, max. I didn't know they were supposed to care. You know what I mean? Like I was talking like Max, I don't know if I ever said this before, but one of my greatest things ever is like at night, Dawn usually goes down and puts Max to sleep and lies with him and talks to him

and then he goes out and she comes up. But once in a while, I'll do it, because Dawn wants to go, I'll go down and I'll get in the bed and Max will grab me and pull me over to him and like give me a, like hold me and talk to me. And it is the greatest feeling I've felt in my life.

No drug, no anything. Fame shows has ever given me this holy shit feeling of happiness, just pure, I fucking, I love this kid so much. And I realized, one of the reasons why I feel so good, I never had that in my life. Did I have a dad? Ever. I never had, this is gonna sound a little gay,

had a man in my bed that I could hold. You know what I mean? I never, ever, not one time in my life have I ever rolled over with a man, a father figure that loved me or held me. I've never had that. So it's me knowing that my kid loves me, but it's also me kinda reliving my fucking stupid childhood

going, I finally have it. You know what I mean? It's crazy, crazy. That's the greatest part about having a kid is that you get to fix all the shit that happened to you. Everything that was ever done to me was done to me. I didn't do any of this shit. Didn't do any of it.

All of it was done. And in the 70s and 80s, they just didn't know. They didn't fucking know. They didn't know to, you know. It was such a great time, wasn't it? Yeah, you got to jerk your friends off and not tell anybody until you go on a podcast later in life and tell everybody,

and then everybody knows, and then they come up to you at the end of the show, you really jerked your friend off? Yeah. We had a secret for years. Yeah, now it's out there. So anyways, we were doing a show, and they got sucked up to the upper echelons of Sirius Satellite.

And you know, things are a little, I mean, you know, Norton's gone. There's people getting fired, you know. What's that? It's a bell. Yeah, what's the signature? They're making me use that now. The bell.

Yeah, they're like, you have to use that. Like morning zoo radio? Yeah, they want, hey, we're back. Anyways. Look. And they got sucked upstairs and then they're back. Anyways. Look. And they got sucked upstairs and then they come back. What happened? Nothing, Jacob just has energy of like everything.

I was gonna say, Jim wants to talk to us. He goes, Jim wants to talk to you, but just coming from you, it seems dire. No, you're wrong. No, it's like, it's your personality. The whole room like, what, what, what? I said nothing. How about this, how about this?

This is the way I would have done it. Hey Christine, real quick, Jim wants to talk to us for two seconds, no big deal. You. I did say that. You went, you went, Christine, Jim wants to talk to us upstairs. About what? I don't know.

I don't know. No, I did tell you, I told the whole room. You didn't tell us. Yes I did. No, what'd you say? I said it was about scheduling guest scheduling. That's it No, and I said because no big deal. So I didn't want to he was mad that Aaron's here today No, he doesn't like jewish people

He's he's he's he's free palestine. This is a whole thing now with this guy I mean, I mean he's been doing it non-stop Aaron I apologize First of all, you're my guest and I'll take the hit if I get Fired cuz you so be it Viva Israel Thank God the hostage is the back. How excited are you? There's three What was missing a bunch of fingers it's two and three quarters Five I'm sorry. That's terrible, I apologize.

They're gonna be coming back every day. He said that yesterday, and I was like, no they're not. How do you know? I mean, this thing's been going on too long. Trump is in. Yeah. Hang on, really quick. What was it?

You got fired. Exactly what I told you an hour ago. It's scheduling an ad sales, we can talk about it after the show. Christine and Jay supposed to move. You might have a meeting in another month. This is It's scheduling an ad sales. We can talk about it after the show. Christine and Jay supposed to move. You might have a meeting in another month. This is the problem with the ad sales. When I first came on, they were like, oh,

we do these Zoom meetings with ad sales where you guys go on and make everybody laugh, and it's great. And then, oh, Dan and Jay used to do it all the time. We did it once. They did it twice. Yeah. OK, good. In seven and a half years.

Yeah, and you're doing another one. That's all I wanted to hear. You're doing another one. It's tentative in March. This is good. So this was a good meeting. There's literally nothing bad. It's just Jacob's energy.

Jacob, your energy. It was you being, all of you going, what, what, what? And I don't know how many times to say nothing. I think you like it. I think this is your power move. This is why Louis Gomez is always late to things. It's a power move.

Louis J. Gomez. I specifically told the entire room what this was about. I don't wanna get in trouble with Louis either. He listens, or he has people listen. Listen to the show, if they talk about me, write it down. Well, you, I don't wanna change the subject. No, there's no change in the subject. You're, listen, you know.

I have a delightful energy. Okay, we have a- So optimistic. Oh, God. It's just sunshine. I have a delightful energy. When we do a little Zoom thing every Monday. Right.

Which I just found out about. I was like, oh, I guess it's boys only? That's crazy. You're not up at 10. I'm up at 10? I was up, oh, I guess it's boys only. That's crazy. You're not up at 10 I'm up at 10. I was up at 9 today, but you're not up regularly at 10, you know, you're right I don't want to go your stupid. That's why Boys rule or comedian hours. Well, screw you guys. I'll be laying in bed with my dog and my boyfriend It's not that we don't you can we'd love you you're welcome to

Listen first of all it started very when we we started it Just to get the all my it's first. I started when you started Yeah, it started when I started because of all hey, you know what? You don't even deserve to be there because you don't fucking pink any of my videos Anyway, you don't talk about your videos. Yeah, we get pinked when you talk about them We do talk about them and they get pinked not all of them. We've I'm sorry if I've missed one or two No, you haven't let that's why you know I'd rather take curmudgeon face. I like our one-on-ones. I

am I This attitude, I'd rather take, I'd rather take curmudgeon face. I like our one-on-ones. I am, I actually, before I sent you the spreadsheet today, I went through and I was like pink, pink, pink, I had to make sure it was updated. You updated pinks? Okay, good. People who don't know that little context before we have to go back up the office, uh, little bonfire context. We have, I send, we all send videos to a text thread of things we can talk about on the show topics maybe if we wander off the path and usually we just go off but once in a while we'll go to a topic and things we need to you know get out on the show current events whatever and Christine

has a big what would you call this a spreadsheet of all the topics and we go back through them and apparently I only my things have only been pinked three or four times out of hundreds. OK. Of them. Because we don't. OK. These by the way are it's mostly reels. And we did we talk. What does mostly reels mean. We did, we talked. What does mostly reels mean? I don't think anyone's actually focusing too much on the threads.

I can give you an example yesterday. Yes. Lewis Johnson sent a clip of Theo Von falling over in a chair. And then 45 minutes later, you sent a clip of Theo Von falling over in a chair. Okay, now let's look at this. Let's look at, now talk about, your tone's good on this one? Is this your tone you're talking about? This sunny disposition you're always in?

Yeah, okay. Okay, thank you. I'll give you that one. Thank you very much, Jacob. I appreciate that. Man to man. Here's the deal, is that he sent that, my phone was not with me. When I picked my phone up, I saw it and just sent it first, and then noticed later that it had already been sent.

Do you understand that? That I don't hold my phone on me all the time, like some people in here. Whoa. How do I know, I mean, that one time, you didn't have your phone. I didn't have my phone, and when I got my phone, that came up, immediately sent it over,

because I'm doing my thing, my little influencer thing, and then I looked and it was a double, so what? It was a double. It's not a big deal. Well, it seems like a big deal to you. I'm just using it, it's a good example. It's not an example. I send a lot of stuff.

I love the stuff, and we go over it. Oh, I hate when he backs out. In our boys' meeting. He really does get you going, and then he backs out. In our boys meeting. He really does get you going and then he backs out. He really gets you fired up and goes, what, what's wrong? What did I do? You know what, Jacob?

All right. Christine, turn the heat down. He doesn't. Turn the heat down and turn the lights off. He doesn't like this stuff. It's so cold in here. Well. You know what, I just turned it up

because it was a little cold. I know. I'm with you, Bobby. And then Bobby. Down. Don't you ever turn the heat cold. I know I'm with you body and then Bobby down Don't you ever turn the heat up? I? Just cuz Jay's not it doesn't mean I'm not the fucking button So you went upstairs and what happened and Jim went over

How the how he wants us to go over? guest hosts When one of you is out. Yeah, this is about me. It's very clearly about me. I'll tell you what it's about. It's about Jim. It's his power. He wants power.

It's Jim. Why is Aaron Byrd coming in? Were they mad that, you know, let you guys know, the pre-show Thursday, the great Jim Norton was on, was that what it was about? No, it was about? No it was about letting him know ahead of time because we didn't give him the guest he doesn't care about the guest it's about when he gets it. I sent stuff very late this week. Yes.

It's about me. No. It's not about you. Everybody knows I'm persona non grata over here. You are. Whatever that means, you are that. It means person not free. Is going, it was just working out,

he wants a timely schedule for a two week window for guest hosts. When Aaron Burd comes in. He wants a what? Two week window for guest hosts. So that we can all go over the guests when that one of you are not in so why? Now I got to do better Doing because you guys are the hosts of the show. I mean the pressures on me. So this talk is boring

We got to elevate this show. Let's get it. If I don't kill this show. I'm done here You don't kill the show if you don't do it today. I'm fucking done here You're done here. you'll never be on again because Jay doesn't like you. Yeah, then she's done? No, she'll never be done. You sure? Yes, Jay's chick, they live together.

Oh. They're not married. This is gonna be me and you, Don. That was supposed to be me. Well, I'm Bobby, nice dig. What, you're not married yet? Let me get to the fucking good part. And that's shown you. I was trying to set you up that you should be married. Are you Jay?

The guy opposite Jay your face is always replaceable. That's why they got rid of the guy before you They're gonna get rid of him. I think he left. No, they got rid of him. I heard the whole story Oh, did he did they they fired in? Yeah They brought you in. That's interesting. They did that so that you know your position's not safe. So what you're saying is that Christine and Jay are really the ones running the show. No, I'm.

You are my leader. I'm what? You are my leader. You and Jay are our leaders. Can you say that again? Just the first part? I don't know why I like you and Jay are our leaders. Can you say that again? I know I like Kind of hot Good friends check saying you're my leader. Yeah, I really turned me on my boyfriend's away on a cruise. You're my leader

Look at me leader Lead me where you want me to go Bobby Mililiter. It had a nice ring. It did have a nice ring. Well, we've learned- He's your leader too. What? Yeah. He's your leader too. I knew a fucking leader too.

What? You were talking about your weight, and then, but I wanted to say that the Bonfire boys did a workout yesterday, me, Lou, and Lewis. I heard about this fucking workout. You guys did a Zoom workout with rubber bands resistance bands. This is stupid We did that once in the pandemic Again, but you guys didn't do it for a bit you guys did it to actually get it to break a sweat resistance bands on zoom

First of all you guys who put this together. I've got Jacob right everybody I'm Lou and today. We're gonna work out and I'm guessing nobody recorded the zoom. This is crazy. You didn't record it It's not about we were on show contents about getting huge I'll have you know James Grange yeah, yeah we follow. Yeah. Jacked just because of resistance. Just resistance bands. Nothing to do with steroids or food or just working out. No, it's the opposite of that. Show me a picture of this guy.

You can't build muscle with resistance bands. Don't dare say anything against James Grange. We're going to say a lot against him. First of all, were you wearing a half shirt? Because if you're not wearing a half shirt, I want nothing to do with this workout. I wasn't wearing a half shirt. Yeah, like a tank top with the bottom cut off. Yeah.

There's no way he got that. This guy does not just do resistance. He's got a hot wife. Sorry. That's his good friend David Moran. Sorry. Yeah yeah these guys are tricking you. Do they sell these bands? He sells those. Yeah. Exactly. You're an asshole. Jacob, you are an asshole. Not about the sales. You're like a major weightlifting regiment. This guy's a bodybuilder. No, he got in, James got into a car accident and could only use resistance bands, and that's his body on resistance bands.

That was his body after the car accident when he did juice and lifted weights. He doesn't do juice. Buddy, so he was already in shape. You don't know. This is his maintenance. Buddy, I will give you a- You do not get legs like that with resistance band. The guy on the left is not the

resistance band. They're both resistance band guys. No no Dave and Marin his good friend is only there as a guest. There's no way he got that jacked with rubber bands. No he did. He did not. No! Oh, Lou has his band. So you guys have his bands? No, I have my own band. Do you have his bands? I want... This is one of them?

Yes. This is one of his resistance bands. No, that's a resistance band, not his brand. Why did you give me the little one? Why'd you give him the strong guy one and me the little girl one? That's kind of... That's kind of that's kind of that's kind of messed up he's like Bobby you take this one I take to take your shirt off I mean it's a good it's a good pump I'm not gonna lie it is gonna get

huge yes you are you can't get big off resistance band you can own you get tone no you can get Luke James Grange huge you cannot get that big are you crazy he did he did not already that big no go he crazy? He did. He did not. He was already that big. No. He was a weightlifter and then he got into an accident. And then he trained, this is like a year and a half only on bands. So he got into a car accident and then... Severe car accident. Just keep doing this. Keep working out the music.

How can you guys ignore Aaron working out? Look at his fucking arms. Can you please play this in the studio so we can get some really motivation going? I have to turn up your mic. There you go. It's hot. I like it. It's hot. Christine's into James. Tell me.

We're all into James. Look at him. Yeah, you want I do want to look like him. You're never going to look like him. It's not. like him it's not a you're not I'm not but I'm telling I look good you look good you can get a pump with these you cannot get that muscular with these you're wrong you're 100% you're out of your mind you do it then I have been doing it and I am in shape for how long four years How long four years? It's a 20 year ride

What is getting crazy in here guys, I had to switch off of weightlifting because of my surgery what So everybody that's doing these bands something bad has happened to him He knows and say that's not true. He doesn't say only do bands. You're really pissing Aaron off right now This is not against weight training. He does weight training now He does of course he does before that's how we got big and then he got a bunch of But he didn't lie about that. That's the shame. I mean this guy this guy's in good shape What do you think I look like this in a month of parenting? He is not gonna sell these bands to a bunch of alpha males He had to create something for a bunch of beta males who follow him yeah we're

gonna go on a zoom together I said this is so you can't work out I'll do this workout with you I want to see you complete I want to see you tell me it's easy afterwards I mean it's not easy no tell me it's not easy I'll tell you you got it Bob it's not easy but I'm telling you you're not gonna look like a champion bodybuilder I will do this with you. Yeah, but he's dieting only he's dieting of course Only if we can record it I Don't care if you record it Christine but I did this because I want to get Lou wants that he wants to exercise

Yeah, should exercise I would just say it like that cuz he should all right. Why would you say it like that? Because he should. All right, relax. Don't say it like that. He's right there. Everybody should. Okay, chill out. Everybody in this room needs a little bit except for you, Jacob.

No, but Lou quit smoking, so now he's getting into health, and so we did the workout yesterday, and he was a trooper. Who was the leader? Jacob. I did, I am. I'm a fantastic motivator.

Let's go, come on, ladies. Can I hear a little bit of yours? You got it, push. I am. I'm a fantastic motivator. Come on ladies. Can I hear a little bit of yours? You got it. Push. One more. Jacob, don't forget Jacob moans and groans when it's tough. Well, I'm really sweating while I'm doing it. How do you moan? What do you sound like? Yeah! What is it? What is it?

One more! That's he a rat does. Does he use words like Hey fellas, let's get it going. Fucking pussy. Nobody gonna kick sand in your face at the beach this summer. Look, I'm not saying it's completely

effective over Zoom. You wanna ask the girl to the dance? Follow me. Three weeks I'll have you tip-top. I, let her go. I feel that Lewis and Lou got my authoritative personality came through the zoom. I didn't even have the bands and I was, I was flush. Who are you using? Fucking elastics.

Well, I had the medical medical bands. He had the wrong band. He had medical bands last time he was in rehab. He had Thera bands instead of the band resistance bands. But I ordered them from these guys. Of course you did. They're in my house now. How much?

$180? $40. I wanted the cheapest ones. Jacob had some expensive ones. I sent him three different versions. Really? How much are yours? They don't have mine anymore.

That's why I want Christine's. Christine's what? We went out of business. Christine's what? Bands. They ordered the bands that I've been with for four years. Christine, you and Jay have bands? Yeah. Really? Yeah, we ordered them and we all did the workout together during the pandemic, but like one time. I would have done it every day with you. I didn't quit on you. Probably should have. I didn't quit on you. You quit on me. What are they doing now?

Are they holding chip bags closed? They're just wound up in the bomb drawer. I just had to check the gym. I started going to the gym again, but I just looked and I was like, wow, I feel like I haven't been in a while. It was a month ago. It's amazing how quickly you can just have not worked out for a month. I'm going to tell you right now, what a great gift for Valentine's Day. A nice set of bands.

A girl loves that here. Use these. Yeah. Get in better better shape back to the show You love me well that of course that goes without saying I love you too even you have an attitude and you're you have a Disposition my my workout Leader mentality like I think I'm very inspiring Leader mentality like I think I'm very inspiring Wait till you see me lead a workout Lou. Give me your impression was I I? Didn't want to do it and I wouldn't do it if Jacob didn't push us to do it I bet you Lou wouldn't have done it either. So that was great. And yeah during it. He's pretty good

I gotta admit he's pretty good at what going one more because more three can't be a I gotta admit. He's pretty good at what? Going one more, two more, three more. Because you can't be a jag off. You don't wanna like push it, you push it. Like you don't wanna turn them off. Like one and done. I didn't want anyone to be one and done.

So were they keeping up with it and you were motivating them? What would you say? Yes, I thought. What would you say? I thought they did fantastic. Who did better? Which Lou did better?

Well that was his first time doing it. So let's go ladies. So he was not as good. And he didn't have bands, so I can't say that. He was. He was just using his underwear, his wet underwear. No he was like. It was as if he had invisible resistance bands,

like he would go like this, but there was no actual weight. You were doing fucking pantomime workout pantomime workout two other men you guys are the guys in a box and I have to do these bicep curls you guys are the guys people of you you've done nothing today I told them there's non-band workouts you can do why would you band work Why would you? I'm gonna go to the gym and mime like I'm bench pressing this. There's so many calisthenics.

Because he told me that he had the resistance band so by the, when we're all set to do it and he pulls out this, this thera band that's four inches wide. He just went to Rite Aid real quick. And I said, I don't want you to get intimidated. I want you to do what you can. That's a leader right there. Let me just say something. Jacob, you'll never have to worry about that.

About the workout, not me, please. I don't want you to get intimidated. Bobby, I want to reiterate because I feel bad. I admire your confidence, but I have to say this every time. Bobby, you're one of us. What? You're one of us. Whoa.

You're not tall. You call me a? You're one of us. I'm a short man? Yes. A short king. You have the, you come off like you're not, and sometimes it's good, and sometimes it breaks my heart

Is that like I gotta break it to you buddy? I want to tell you something right now. I'm 5'8 I am you're not I'm what maybe you were I That happens. Oh, you call me old and shit happens. I used to be 5'7. I'm like 5 4 and a half now I've lost height Bobby no one under no man under'9 is a real human being, a full human being. This is your hangup. I'm 5'8, I am perfect movie star height. You're a full inch, look, under the human being height. No, that's your weird, that's your weird shit.

The cutoff. Fooky, young white coined the term short scene. No, Bobby, this is what the world says. I had said before that. Wait a minute, wait a minute. First of all, I'm five eight and a quarter No How do you I just got measured? I'll bet you a quarter. You're not I just

I just got measured last week at the doctors Five eight and a quarter and your weight loss is going great. Just make sure you don't throw up any soup this weekend. Oh, look at these notable short kings. Danny Glover. Bruno Mars, five five, what up? These are all, listen, how tall are you, Jacob? Five six. I'm sorry, did I do that?

I apologize. Yeah, but I don't lie. You can't lie. I know I'm not tall. You feel like, you think you are. I don't feel that I'm tall, I just don't feel that I'm small. I carry myself tall and I'm very small. You are small Yeah, but I carry myself you do it because you're huge. Yeah, you look fantastic

T-shirt god damn it. You look good when you were working out. I couldn't stop watching your arms. Yeah Yeah, you can yeah it's like when another man's like working out and his veins are all there and his muscles, you just look at him and you're like, I don't want him, but part of me wants to be him. And it's like, look how good he looks. And then you start judging your body against his, knowing that you could be there if you really wanted to. You just stare at him, longingly.

Picture him covered in oil, like your picture him covered in oil like your body covered in oil we really need to have like talk to Jim like a couple weeks out about the guests I think I think this meeting was actually a good thing by the way I reject the term short king it's a mock it's a mock term and there's no such thing there's no such thing as a short king. It was a tall person trying to put down a short person by saying short king. First of all, short kang with an A is the way I say it. Short Kang. Well, it says it's coined by a comedian anyway, so it is a joke.

That's what they say, but Jaboukie. Who did it? Jaboukie Young White. Who? Jaboukie Young White, son of Jaboukie who did it Jaboukie young white who Jaboukie young white son of Jaboukie old white Or Jaboukie not white He was a comic in New York for a while and he kind of blew up real quick I think so he was he look like

I'm at the age where I have to see somebody's face I mean he was nothing in and out of the New York scene in what? Like a year probably that's him. No, that's not him. That's L. Roker. Oh, so it looks like you're boogie old white That's jaboukie old black There's your missy He used to come around he was uh, he had some very What it was like alt comedy, but I like his hair though his hair is adorable I like a nice he's a cute fella I think I think he likes the company of

men yeah well who doesn't I mean sure doesn't like the company of men it's a Paco he's good he's good I like his hair is he Spanish he's gonna be Spanish right half white half black half white half black playing gay is a great mix isn't it half white half black what Half white, half black. Grappled with playing gay as a straight. It's a great mix, isn't it? Half white, half black. What a good mix. I mean. I wish I was half white, half black. I'm half white, half Turkish.

You gotta, you could be anything. What are you looking at me like that for? You're not Turkish. No shit. You're not Turkish. Aaron, you went, this is crazy. You went to the Trump inauguration, right? Yeah.

How did you, did you pay for tickets? Did you get invited? I got invited, here's what happened. Who invited you? One America News. Do you know who they are? I don't. Few years ago.

I wasn't on the Kumiya network for four years. Listen. I'm sorry. That's actually how I found out about you. Of course it is. How are they doing now? What? The Kumia Network.

They're doing, I don't know, are they still around? That sounded like a setup for me to say something bad. You piece of shit. I don't think they're around. Doesn't he have a new network? No, he does his own thing. He has a new network or something, right? Like speakfree.com or something? I don't know. I think he just does his own thing. He doesn't have a new network or something right thing like speak free calm or something

No, I think he just does it. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways One America news a couple years ago when Trump was president the first time he got mad at Fox He was like, I don't like Fox anymore. And then he doesn't get mad like a child No, he really does. I don't like Fox. I'm gonna stop my own thing. That's exactly it. So One America was like, hey, we love you. And he's like, I love you. And so he started going on One America News. He has fat chick energy. I love you, I love you too.

And then. I'll buy you a cappuccino machine. They were this network that blew up because Trump endorsed them a few years ago. And so they got White House access and Chanel. They got what? White House access and Chanel. They got what? White House access. They were the number, they take all the questions.

They'd get to ask more questions than MSNBC. Just the way you said White House was a little weird. Cause I had White House subs last week. They were so good. Anyways, go ahead. White House, how do I say it? White House. So Chanel Rion was like the number one correspondent.

She'd go there all the time and then COVID happened. And they're like, hey, we think hydroxychloroquine would be good. What was the thing that Rogan tells everyone to take and now people take it and it's normal? It was glue. No, it wasn't glue. Elmer's, no?

It was a The horse thing. Peroxide. No, the horse thing. Alcohol. Like a horse tranquilizer. No the horse thing alcohol Ivermectin Ivermectin Ivermectin they were like Ivermectin school and I thought it was you who's Sure, they go this is fake news you're canceled they canceled the one American news So now what American news is still in that work and I do like news hits with them once in a while

And so I was on Trump's email list. I donated some money, and then Trump goes, hey. What'd you vote for? I voted for Trump, very clearly. And then he sent me, like, not him, but whoever asked for the money, they go, hey, here's some passes. So I post on Instagram, I go, I'm going to the inauguration. Then my friend at One American News goes,

you gonna be here? And I go, yeah, he goes, come do some news while you're here. So I went and I went to the place where all the news things are, right across from the Capitol. You, would you have a fur coat? I had my fur coat on yesterday, I got pictures of it.

And then I did like a news hit and I got to watch a thing and then we watched the speech and then at 2.50, I was like, all right. Were you inside? Not in the main rotunda, we were in the press. And that was capital was its capital across from the Capitol building, but he was in the Capitol Yeah, but there's a big rooftop where every news outlet is right and then so Karl Rove was there you remember him Yeah, yeah, all these people. I just said yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm not a news guy It was like from the bush the busier Karl Rove

So you were there doing news, you were there as a, do you have a press pass? Didn't have a press pass, but I went in the area where there were like no civilians and I go, hey, I'm here for One America News. They barely looked at my phone and they go, okay, go ahead. You just, that's great security. Yeah, you could have just said that.

That's all, little bald guy with a fur coat in. I had a Trump hat on, I got a Trump hat right when I got off the train. They were two for $35. Yeah, really? Yeah, they were great. They were selling like Aussie t-shirts? It was some African guy that clearly got kicked out

right after he was done selling hats. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And it was exciting. Did you have your Trump sneakers on? I had my Trump sneakers on. Boy, my feet were sore after about five. They're not comfortable?

They're comfy for an hour. Yeah. After an hour, you're like, oh, they made these in China. Of course they did. China, no after they're not comfortable. They're comfy for an hour. Yeah after an hour. You're like, oh they made these in China Of course, they did. No, it's not China. China. China. Yeah the gold the gold Yeah, I have them too, by the way. Do you really yeah, I got them. I got them just to have them Yeah, I have a bunch of stuff from when Hillary and him anytime I see something Election wise I always grab it. Yeah. Yeah, anytime I see something election-wise, I always grab it. Trump's seat is a badass.

I wear them and sometimes people stare at them angry and then other times people go, how do you wear those out? I go, no one cares. They made a real gold, did you know that? Yeah, they are real gold. They're real gold. You know he sells watches now? Yeah, I have one.

Do you? I don't know. Oh, he has a whole merch department. And then he goes on his commercial, he goes, it's a beautiful watch. You can wear it on your wrist. And it's like, where else are you going to put this watch, you dummy?

He really just says shit. He says some of the dumbest stuff. When he was doing the speech, you can tell when he kind of got, was waiting for it to scroll up because he would just add something. Yeah. It's going to be good. We're going to be great. He says really dumb stuff a lot of the time.

So I did it, and then it was, we're all cheering, and we're in One America News in their main office, and it's up on these TVs, and then there's a whole bunch of Asian people there, which made no sense, and I was like, maybe they own half of this network, you have no idea. And then a whole bunch of foreign oligarchs and stuff are walking by, like women upstairs, like,

there it is, there is capital. And you're like, why are all these people here? People came from all over the world to see this thing. And there was this sense of excitement, and when he's doing the speech, people yell, we're so back, baby! And we're all clapping. It's like the Olympics.

When he said, there's only gonna be two genders, you could feel all of Washington go banana. You could feel all of Seattle crying. I mean, my sister, my sister goes, what's gonna happen? It'll be a state, I go, I think people can still get the surgeries. I just think when you go on like Delta and it says, when you're checking in male, female, that's gonna be it

Yeah, or he could be like we need to shoot all of them There's only two genders well we went we went to Gary Gorman's one-man show on Sunday me and dawn instead of the inauguration. Yeah Doesn't even know who the fuck is the fuck about anything. No, we watch Psych and fucking Banshee and then we call it a night. We went to his show, first of all, Gary Gommich, unbelievable. He's brilliant.

It was one of the, probably the best one man show I've ever seen. Come on. I was in tears. Really? Laughing and then crying like a fucking blubbering asshole. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't even go to the,

I just left after, because I didn't want, there was like so many people in the industry there and I was just blubbering asshole. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even go to the, I just left after, because I didn't want, there was like so many people in the industry there, and I was just blubbering, and I didn't want to just be, yeah. But we went, but after the, after the show, in the theater, Dawn had to piss. She had to take a pee-pees, and I had to pee. So we go upstairs in the theater,

and they have coed bathrooms with urinals. Okay. So Dawn's sitting there, look man, I get it, okay, I don't mind a bathroom that has a stall, they had urinals. So Dawn goes to walk in and goes,

oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was the woman's bathroom and the lady was like, they had urinals. So Dawn goes to walk in and goes, oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was the woman's bathroom and the lady was like, it's co-ed. Wait, so she walks in, there's urinals there first. So this guy's pissing. There's two guys pissing and there's a woman taking a piss in the stall. Yeah, I thought you were gonna say a woman

taking a piss in the other urinal. That's never heard of that. Buddy. Ever. So Dawn goes, I don't know, she's like, I have to go to the bathroom. She's like, yeah, it's co-ed. And then some woman's like, I'll go in with you. And she's like, no.

Yeah. She's like, I don't feel comfortable with that. And I'm like, it's okay, babe. We'll go soon. She's like, I don't feel, I'll go in with you. She goes, I don't wanna go in with men peeing with you. I don't want to go in with men peeing Yes, you don't want to walk by and see two other guys with big huge cocks compared to her husband That that was a thing that I didn't think of probably that's what she was thinking

I mean that was probably in the mix to seeing what she doesn't have nice hogs fellas good show Huh, you guys cry too. It was so uncomfortable though. Like these women were going in There's just these guys pissing at urinals is gonna be no more than thank God The new second city and I it said that they were like all gender restrooms And so I walked into one and it there were urinals and there was a guy washing his hands and I was like Okay, and I just like went in this yeah, that's not okay It's not a but I went out though and I looked at the signs and the signs on the door are like,

please use whatever restroom you feel comfortable with, all gender. But then it says like very small, with urinals. Like one's with urinals and one's without urinals, but they're both all gender. No, no. Look, if you want an all gender bathroom, you have to have all stalls. You can't have a guy with his, you shouldn't have urinals. No stalls with a private door on each one.

I'm fine with that. Yeah, but you can't have guys with their hogs out shaking their wieners in front of my wife. She was like, I just don't feel comfortable. And she kept saying it over and over. I'm like, shut up, we're in a fucking, you know, relax. I get it. You have to keep saying.

We're here watching my buddy's lib play. She kept, exactly, exactly. There's a bunch of fucking alternative. You know relax. I get it. You have to keep here watching my buddies lib play she kept You know how hard it was for Gary after November 20th for three weeks Yeah, I wore fucking earth tones, so we didn't stick out asshole I thought it was absolutely wild to have all gender urine here's what she kept doing though She kept saying it over and over because she wanted a woman. There was a bunch of women. She wanted another woman to go, yeah, that's crazy. She was like, I just don't feel comfortable.

And nobody, they were looking at her like she was an idiot. But it's like, you can't have it. There's no urinals. No. You can't have your wiener out and have girls walk by your wiener. Walk by. No, that feels wrong.

No, even though there wasn't a straight guy in the fucking batch. Right. You know what I mean? We have the gender neutral bathrooms here, but it's one person, that's it. One occupant. Absolutely. That's fine.

The Comedy Cellar has gender girl guy, but even that has stalls. I've been to clubs where they have five bathrooms, but each one has its own door. And girls have to go and sit down on guy piss, if it's your fault, because you know what, but that's fine. You fought for this lady.

When it's a gender, when it's men and women, I piss all over the seat. Oh, I fucking hate it. You like having your fucking job now? Yeah, you wanna be equal? Well, sit in my piss. Sit in that piss. Wipe my whiz up. Look, I'm dehydrated. It's brown.

Yeah, I bet you wish I was calling you Toots still, huh? Yeah, it was unf- I can't believe- That's insane. It's insane. There's gonna be no more of that. But it's weird to me that these women would just go in and they have no problem with it. No, cause they're woke. It's not woke. It's like you're beyond morals.

You know what I mean? I mean, this is the way you and I think, but some people would call that common sense. But there's other people that think different. I get that they think differently. I get that they think differently. I don't look. I don't look. I don't get it. I understand. But I don't agree with it like they have nude

beaches in Europe and nobody cares about titties I get it that's fine I care about titties I don't want to see a hog though I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to see a hog on a beach you know what I like pregnant tits me too veins in them and stuff they got. Make you think of Jacob's arms when he's doing resistance training. Right, we're gonna take a break real quick. We got Aaron. Aaron Berg is in the house.

He's gonna be in Ottawa this weekend, January 24th through the 25th. Then he's gonna be on the Crossing the Line Tour with Brian Holtzman. That sounds interesting. Yeah, Holtzman's hilarious. You guys gonna be doing edgy stuff? No sounds interesting. Yeah. You guys gonna be doing edgy stuff? No. You guys gonna be saying, hey man you know piss with chicks are pissing. These chicks are trying to piss next to us. Hey you earned your job. You're not gonna get it because the color you're scared.

You madman crazy bitch. We're gonna send them all back. Anyways, for tickets and all the tour dates, visit www.AaronBerg.com and check out my stuff. I'm gonna be Robert Kelly, punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my tour dates. Go to youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy to watch my special and all my comedy. I'm gonna be at the Kansas City Comedy Club this Friday and Saturday. And make sure you check out my partner in crime Big J Okerson he's gonna be in Orlando Syracuse Los Angeles Ontario California for all tickets and tour dates bigjcomedy.com and of course punchup.com slash Big J Okerson we'll be right back it's the Bonfire