The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Rock and Roll Comic

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

Jay proudly reveals a sexy selfie from years ago and asks campers to "smash or pass" him.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app. Go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Yeah, man. We're so vacant. I'm depressed. What a what's a priest? I put my hoodie on and I feel ridiculous. Why do you look badass? Yeah. Nah. Nah. Kept it for a minute. Sometimes I like a hood up look. You like that? Oh yeah, let people know you don't fuck around.

You know what I mean? It looks like I don't really give a shit, and maybe a fight's about to break out. I look like I'm stealing hot dogs. I need bigger hoods though. When I put my hoodie hoods up though, it's like they're too tight on my head, so it doesn't look very cool. It looks like I'm trying to stay out of rain. Turn it up, Lou.

Give it to him. The people are driving right now. Get the finger to that trucker. Show your tits to that trucker. You, you know what? Stop the music completely, Lou. We should start a thing where people show their tits on certain days of the week. And really pioneer radio.

What about like a Wednesday? Ooh, okay. Okay. Cause that's mid-week, just, you know what I mean? Wednesday okay okay that's midweek just be you know I mean when people need that oomph Bobby I already got it what I'm an acronym guy yeah pull them out Wednesday's pow how I like it how put the song back up Lou Hey everyone it's Pow. Oh shit. Guys get ready for Pow coming up in two days when you're going to pull your boobs out for random people.

Pow. Oh Rob suck my titties suck my titties. I'm your biggest fan. Damn dude he is slowly working his way into my top 25 comics. He's taking a little bit of time but he's growing on me. He is slowly working his way into my top 25 comics It's taking a little bit of time, but he's growing on me. It's the delivery. I did run a fly pattern get the fuck out of there Damn it I'm hyped up Bobby sock Jacob right in his stupid fucking face. I'm gonna start punk Punk lives! Jacob loves punk.

I actually don't enjoy most punk. I do love this song. The Clash is the one Jacob loves. You know what though? And I mean this, Jacob loves the Clash and he loves the who. I could sit here and take a fat verbal dump right down their throats and he wouldn't get one-fiftieth as mad as Lou gets if you go, Eddie Vedder looks stupid in shorts.

What? What? Ha! Ha! That's not. Eddie Vedder has knobby knees. You shut up for his age, his knees are wonderful. You're a hip replacement.

He's wearing boots with shorts, what an idiot. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even like them. That's the guy that beat the new move. You talking about I don't even like them He's the guy that be a new move you actually don't even care anymore. I don't like him anymore I like the who but they're not they're not they're lacking something something there's something lacking Yeah, I agree with you drummer was probably the best drummer Probably one of the best drummers of all time and so I love his drumming and he kind of drummed with the words. Moon. And I like that.

You can hear the words through his drumming but I don't know. Roger was kind of goofy looking. Well P-Townsend is the most brilliant pedophile ever in history. Why is he brilliant? Because he got caught looking at child porn and kind of stuff like that. He goes no guys I'm doing this for research for a book. I'm writing about pieces shit pedophiles, and they were like oh, okay Yeah, and then the book never came out. No You know what I'm not a hundred percent any of these facts I've said, but I think they're all right

No, you're saying false Jacob He he didn't come over the book called who? They're all right. No. No? You're saying false Jacob. He entered the card. Didn't he come up with a book called Who? How to Catch a Pedophile? Who is that? The pedophile? What I think happened is that he, I think he did announce it to prove a very stupid point

that this was too easy. And so he put his credit card he entered his credit card and that was it oh because he wanted to prove he never downloaded how easy you don't have to download it you could straight stream it no i'm saying there was none on his computers because he didn't download it he wasn't trying to he was trying to stop pedophiles and trying to. He was trying to stop pedophiles. By doing it, by being his own army. It's literally with the pedophiles who show up for pedophile hunts. It's what the pedophiles say 100% of the time they go, no, I'm here to tell them this is very dangerous and you should be careful. Don't do this because there's pedophiles out there. But what if they were?

He did announce it to authorities ahead of time from what I remember. Oh, I rate him. Fuck those children. How do you call up the cops to go, listen, I'm rating fuck those children How do you call up the cops to go listen? I'm gonna sign on to a pedophile site, but it's he did he said in advance. I want to show you this is he called up the cops I think it was like I think it's their version of the FBI or something bull shit. I Don't think it's bull he called James Bond Yeah, he's just doing undercover work in child born do I don't know very good our player p towns and the guitar player of the who also does a little light undercover pedo work That's what I thought although you're a comedian

I'm sure more than a light light amount of pedo work. No, I do a light amount I've never put listen I've never gone to watch a child pornography to prove some point to the cops sure that's why he smashes his guitar every Contra because he's angry get get get down. That's why he smashes his guitar every time I check cause he's angry, he can't get kid tailed. Or that's where he keeps all of his fucking flash drives. He's always flash drives or in his guitars. Because I'm gonna put them in my guitar so I don't look at these anymore.

I think it's like I gotta get to those goddamn things. Oh, I wanna beat off the kid so bad. Lou, do me a favor, don't chop that out and use it by itself. I wanna beat off the kid so bad. I said it again for you. Let me give you a good it by itself. I wanna beat off the kids so bad. I said it again for you. Let me give you a second. Ooh, I wanna beat off the kids so bad.

I wanna beat off the kids so bad. I'm gonna miser technique this. I'm gonna beat off the kids so bad. I'm gonna beat off the kids so bad. I wanna beat off the kids so bad. I wanna beat off the kids so bad. I wanna beat off the kids so bad. I wanna beat off the kids so bad. All want to beat up the kids so bad. I got

enough you fucking perverts. Okay. That technique works though. That was a good miser little. That was some good misering right there. The who you know I'll tell you the problem with the who for me. Even saw Tommy liked it. Thought it was weird and scary when I was a little kid and And Pinball Wizards seemed very cool to me. And liked that a lot. And then caught wind of not Roger Daltry, but yeah, no, no, Robert Plant. Robert Plant was just like a way cooler Daltry.

Way cooler. That's cooler. The Mick Jagger way cooler. There's so many guys that were way cooler. And first of all pinball stinks. No, that's a good song. No the fucking game. Oh pinball There's a pinball zero skill to it. There's just stupid There's no skill to it. The ball goes randomly where it wants to buddy I've been on a pinball thing with one ball for six minutes and I've played an entire game where they say I'm done in four seconds.

You're a wizard. And you're a wizard. Yeah. Also, I'm dumb and deaf. You're a pinball wizard. And I'm going blind. Pinball's the dumbest game I've ever invented. I love it.

Oh my god, it stinks. I want to, there's an Iron Maiden pinball machine I want. Why? Because it's cool. You want to play pinball by yourself in your apartment? You want like a fun thing at your house? I have one. It's called My Wife's Vag.

Now, Sal, I will say Sal's got a pretty dope thing. Get out of the house, Bobby. Sal's got a pretty dope thing in his house. What? Sal Volcano. Japanese. No, he's got, because it was a prop on the show, I guess, once you got to keep.

What is it, a bear? No, it's a pinball machine, but it screens. It looks like a pinball machine, but the bottom's a big screen and the top's a pinball machine but it's screens it looks like a pinball machine but the bottom is a big screen in the tops of big screen it's got like 2,000 different pinball games like in it it's pretty neat I don't like pinball I think pinball stinks I hate you stupid index fingers going the board is artistic but what he's the whole layout is very artistic but what he's saying is is like the iron there's like two iron maiden ones on there and it plays like iron maiden tunes pretty loud while you're playing it's kind of neat. It's fun

Few minutes. It's art. I mean the actual boat the actual machine is art artistic Because you have to Saying is it's too much now. No, it's not art What do you mean ball machines are unique you have to design them true Okay, that's fine, but they're boring as soon as you get on one anytime you go somewhere you see a pinball machine like oh cool and then you get on it you like the creek in the cave state of float with pinball for about 12 years everybody there was fucking wasted fucking yeah poor nerds you can only afford 25 cent activities

yeah it was good for that I did I loved playing pinball there the creek yeah as soon as Pac-Man and that type of stuff came out I was out Pong was better than ping-pong you're not you're not wrong Pong is Pong is better than pinball Pong is better than ping-pong no Pong is still okay you know what I am taking it back Bobby I hate to turn on you like that one of the Pong is not better than pinball okay when Pong gets going, bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing b Boom. Boom. Let's boom. Oh that person stinks You got super great at Pong. Yeah, and then you think up bigger as you got more Mm-hmm. Pong was great. It wasn't great though. I mean pinballs more fun. It's two more blinky and noisy and I Don't like when it keeps your ball

And then shoots another ball out. You're not ready for it. Yeah, son of a bitch. Random stupid machine. Trying to work one ball at a time. I'm a lady. Pinball wizard. But I just handed my... Pinball stupid... Was there a movie about the pinball wizard? Yeah, Tommy. Tommy's about a guy who played pinball good.

No, it's about a deaf dumb and blind kid whose parents I think were rich and weird. They weren't rich. They weren't whose parents I think were rich and weird. They weren't rich. They weren't. I thought she was rich and then she took a bath and baked beans. I saw it when I was very young. I know Tina Turner was terrifying and her fingers were needles. She was the acid queen. She's always been terrifying in everything she's done.

Don't you dare say that. Mad Max? Yes, you're not wrong. She's always been great hair in Mad Max though. Show plays me pinball Jesus Christ. Yeah, I think they like what's the story of Tommy? I still don't understand to this day I mean Margaret has a kid. He's deaf and dumb and blind. Mm-hmm. I think something sucks at home Well, the father goes away El The father goes away, comes back,

finds a thing in, mom cheating. I really don't know. It's like the walls. He becomes deft, dumb and blind, but he becomes a messiah figure. Yeah, it's supposed to make you wigged out. Like, it's just like the walls, really about nothing. You have to take acid to understand it, I think.

I thought Tommy was about pedophiles, it's not. No. Tommy? What? Well, he is molested in it. Oh, nice. But his uncle, he's right. So I'm your wicked uncle.

Hey, whatever makes you good at pinball, right? It's called, the song's called Fiddle About. I'm gonna say something. The song's called Fiddle About, where his uncle Ernie molests him. A lot of whose songs have molestations in them. Nice, well, you know, they're being half written by Pete Townsend, who is on the hunt

against those molesters though, Jacob, we all know that. Well, he says he was molested. Well, he was molested, yeah. Who was? Pete Townsend. He was molested himself. That's why he was trying to... Oh, he was.

They made a song called Real Good Looking Boy. Nice. That makes sense. Case to Smith. That's nice. What's it about? Case to Smith. Anything.

That's not what it was. Gun gun. Gun gun. Pete Townsend Studios. Gun gun. This movie stinks. Ann Margaret also. Overrated.

One of my top 10. What top 10 what? Not in this movie. My favorite. She was pretty for sure. Anne Margaret was stunning. That's the very bad picture. She was very pretty, but not,

she's a little overhyped. With Elvis? Oh my God. Little overhyped, bro. Elvis was hotter than her. No, put Anne Margaret in there. Would you rather do Elvis or her at the prime? Well, Anne Margaret.

Really? Yeah. Idiot. And I'm a big Elvis. You're gay. Not me, dude. Him on fucking shaking those hips on Ed Sullivan, dude. I would have grabbed his butt cheeks and shoved them right into my mouth. 69 comeback. I would have reached behind him and pushed his butt cheeks into my face. What is this? What is this? It's a dance with Elvis. Yeah. She's a, listen. She's a... Body on point.

No doubt. You know when she was hot? Grumpy old men. Yes. I agree. When she was an older broad, she could have still got it. When she was older, she was hot. Young, not so hot.

Yeah. And I don't like her. I hate dance. She hates like George Clooney. Is she wearing nothing under that? What is that? She hates like George Clooney. Look at young Elvis though young Elvis come on I think they banged there's not even a thing he does she did confirm they banged on the set I

think Elvis fucked everybody look at how thin he was God he looks so good it's me sad he got fat and I are both Elvis fans, and we hate the Colonel because it destroyed his image. All these fucking movies that just tarnished his image. Speaking of music. He was so cool. Speaking of music, by the way, Christine and Jacob went to the Marcus King thing

at the Beacon. But it wasn't a Marcus King thing. It wasn't. No, no, it was a huge thing. It was a big benefit. Big benefit, yeah. But I heard it was amazing. Yeah.

Christine was sending me some videos and stuff. I heard it was amazing, but I also heard something else from it. What, Jacob complained about where the seats were the whole time? Nope. He said he thought Marcus King can get better seats.

No. I heard it was great, but I also heard, What, what? It was very long. Oh yeah, what, it was very long. Oh yeah, it was very, very long. I heard it was. Josh had a Myers-Can't-Talk in Christine's

that at one point Josh looks over Christine and goes, Jacob's time. Yeah. It was four and a half hours long. It was four hours long. It made the cure look fun. No, it was nothing. No, no, no, that's not true

because I think I would have enjoyed this concert. Four hours. No, no, no, I listened. It because I think I would have enjoyed this concert. Four hours. No, no, no. I listen. It would have been definitely a lot of downtime in it, but I mean, the things that were popping out after those down times, it was insane. Yeah, but nothing should be four hours. Dave Grohl, Black Keys, still Murray came out. Four hours is too... I'm too old to stand for four hours. Wow.

There's chairs. Wow, dude. Did you sit? Yeah, we sat. We sat for a lot of it. You're not supposed to accept it like that, Bobby. Too old to be going to a concert. I have plantifasciitis. And I don't want to keep getting up and down.

So old. At one point I turned to Jacob and I said, get up. But it was an hour, three and a half. Yeah. My defense. Fuck that. I heard Marcus killed it. I think he was the best for me.

Was he up in the beginning or towards the end? He came out like two or three times, but he came out, I think after about 45 minutes. And then he, everyone played two songs. At what point did you go, this is long? Hour three. Two hour mark, I went, oh, they must be wrapping up. Oh.

And then it was nowhere near wrapping up. I knew that it went from eight to 12. I guess I didn't share that. Eight to 12 is 30. Oh, they were changing. Well, start at eight 30. I heard at three hours 45 minutes in, Dave Grohl came out and just read

some of his homemade recipes for cookies. Well, it was a 20. You see now I use confectioner sugar. I heard Seth Rogen come up and made an ashtray. Bill Murray introduced a band. Yeah. And it's a 20-person band. So each person had their own little thing.

Oh, but they had to set up the drum kit for Blackheese. That was a time stall. Skiddy-bop, I do want to skip-bop. I get it. It was great. It was long. It was long. It was long.

I heard it was very, very long. Damn, dude. If I gave somebody tickets and they said that, I'd be. I'm so grateful. I loved Marcus. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a Marcus King concert. Who'd they close? Who closed? It was everybody. So that took a while to set up. You don't want to bring out... Well, the close was actually, Marcus King came out. Most people came out and did an original and a cover.

And the original was generally like a hit. So you kind of knew most of the music that was going on throughout the night. The black keys went on, and Marcus King at the end, they closed the whole thing, and Marcus King out and played with them, which was really cool. Guys, guys, how are we going to capture the next wave of Bonfire fans if everybody's so sleepy at 9, 10 o'clock at night? We have to get out there. We got to have our finger on the fucking pulse, man. I had a great time. And there were chairs. It was not a standing

room. It was not a standing room event. It was chairs. God damn it. 8 to 1230. 8 to 1230 is too long. I started at 830. It was a live stream and they were raising money. What time did you start at 8? For what? For For the God, I forget the name of the actual organization, but it's an organization that delivers. Four and a half hours of hearing and the word is called? God's Love. God saves? No, God delivers.

That's right. I guess you guys weren't paying attention the whole time, huh? I donated. God wouldn't take that long. Now let's get back to these aged children. Ugh. What was it?

God delivers what? Well, God's Love We Deliver is the name of the organization. God's Love We Delivery? We Deliver. They deliver medically specific food. Medical marijuana to AIDS kids? Food. Everyone gets catered food depending on their medical needs.

With weed in it? With AIDS? Why is it called We Deliver? You have to get AIDS to have this delivered to you. No, you can have cancer. You can have anything. It started as AIDS. It started during the AIDS.

It all starts at AIDS. AIDS started cancer, and now they give you weed. Now you've got everybody. Why is it called weed delivery? That's weed deliver. God's love, weed deliver. So you have weed deliver. Certain people with AIDS died before the concert was over.

Mm-hmm. Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey. My weed delivery joke isn't really catching the room. My age joke flopped. I saved you. This is why our audience is old. Our audience is not old.

They're staying awake for this. Wrap it up, boys. I want to go to sleep sometime today. I don't want to see anything for four hours. Yes, you do. No, I don't. What? Name one thing. For four straight hours.

Your son being happy. It felt like if you ever go into a festival. Bobby, your son being happy for four straight hours. Max would fall asleep. No, no, no. Just in general. You don't want to watch anything for four hours. Your son's happiness. I don't. Not for four hours. Not for four hours. You want him hurt at some point. I want to see him go through something and learn some lessons. Okay. Yeah, happy and sad. Lou would sit for an eight hour Pearl Jam concert. If they go, we're doing all of it. Ha ha ha ha.

Front to back, in order. How long is a typical Pearl Jam concert? We got some premises we want to do. Three hours. Well, I was at the rock and roll when they were inducted to the Hall of Fame and that was five hours, which was, Oh, God. Oh, my God. Fuck that.

I was not... I didn't care that they were coming on. I could give a shit. Who, uh, who else performed that night? Oh... See, the in-between's gotta be, like, good waiting for your thing on something like that. Uh, E.L.O. Mmm. There was a... Chupac was inducted, so... Alicia Keys came out.

Boring. I hate how they do that with the inductees that they had. Um, there was a two Poc was inducted. So Alicia Keys came out boring. I think how they do that with the inductees that they had, they should have like maybe one or one, it should be their night. They're going to share the night plus your mixing things. So certain people don't know who fucking ELO is. You know what I mean? And then they don't know who two Poc is. You know, it's like these, they should just make it one night for that person.

I agree, I'm going to, I just figured I'm not going to be able to go, just doing two shows in the area. It's a Five Finger Death Punch in Marilyn Manson, going back on tour. When is that? So curious. It's April, April or August 5th. I think it's August 5th?

I think it's August 5th and I... Why can't you go? It's Saturday, they're doing it in Hershey, PA. I have to go to Portland now and then they play Monday at PNC in Jersey, but it's, we do the shuttle seven. You play in the club in Portland? What are you playing in Portland? Club, yeah, Helium. In Portland, Maine.

Oregon. Oregon, sorry. I thought you were going to Maine. I would come over and visit you. No, I would love that. Instead of just going to Nazi Marilyn Manson. Speaking of that, we have a show coming up. We do.

Yes. And you can make it to that, everybody. It's a Thursday. You're not out of town. You're here. It's the Paramount Huntington, New York, Thursday, March 21st. That is a week from this Thursday, correct?

So we're not very far away. We're about a week out. There are some tickets left. Yeah. We keep telling you there's tons of tickets left. That is a lie. Luke, do the wink thing? Oh.

That is a lie. There's probably only a handful left. Maybe even two or three, which is a handful. But I'm just gonna warn you, if you have a party of 30, grab more people. No, you can just wait till that day and they might call you if you're on the email list and give you tickets. We're kidding. Actually, tickets are moving actually very well. So please get tickets too.

Let's fill it up though. We want to sell it out. If we don't, and it's big room. If we don't sell it out, Jay doesn't get a brick. I don't get a brick. Don't you want me to have a brick? Do that and also subscribe to me and Bobby's YouTube pages and the bonfires YouTube page. Stop being a fucks Subscribes and stuff. It's also free

Just hit subscribe so people like us. I won't be able to like me But yeah, go to big j commie comm or Robert Kelly live comm for tickets to that show as one night one show We're bringing some friends. I know Lewis is coming. Mike Finoy is gonna come. Other people have asked. Lewis Jacobis. He's coming to the show? Yeah.

I didn't know that. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, people wanna come out and hang. That'll be fun. Hop on stage. We'll do some fun shit. Yeah, we'll do some improv with Voss.

Oh, we'll have some Voss improv. Me and Finoya this weekend, we're doing Voss improv, like just as obvious as it goes, we're just like doing it, one person taking the turn, it's like, we have to figure black. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You did it. I didn't want to it's called love of the show It's called giving a little for the show, you know remember on throttle remember You guys wouldn't go live in a cabin together for a week for the show It's true Jacob is the only hold out on that Well, Jacob's just biding his time so he gets morning radio in Florida He wants to go work with Mike so he ends up on the sponge now

He's gonna go work for Mike Calta. So he ends up on the sponge. Now he's going to go work for the sponge, dude. What's the sponge? The love sponge. He's going to go anti-Mike Calta. Ooh. We're team Calta over here because of Bobby. He's not on radio anymore. He's on a podcast.

I want to do a podcast from a gun show and have shit go down. You do? Yes. Do you want to do it from this gun show show Jay just picked up his arms and flexed No one laughed in the room even I thought we would all laugh and then we would explain the audience I just flexed nothing Goddamn me. Um, I had Ethan supply on my podcast today. We got to get him on here. I want to meet him He is so I mean dude. What an interesting

I want to meet him. He is so, I mean dude, what an interesting career. Life career, he was talking about when he was on American History X, and he had to wear all those tattoos. And you know when you do a movie, they have to put all that makeup on you, and you work like a 16 hour day, and then you have to go in at the end of the day

and spend another hour and a half getting the makeup off. And I was like, is there any time you just went home with? Yeah, swastikas all over you. He goes, yeah. It was a couple of times. I was like, oh, you didn't stop for burgers. Yeah, yeah, what's up, Holmes? Give me a double Astro burger. And that was the night I accidentally met Lennox Lewis at McDonald's.

It was just like something crazy happened. The one night I'm covered in swastikas is when I bump in the Mike Tyson at a bar. Did he do surgery or was that? No. No, he didn't do surgery? I don't think so. He just started going like crazy exercise. No, he did not do surgery.

He just started dieting. He did like every diet there was for a while. And then he lost weight, put it back on, lost it, put it back on, and now he's finally finally putting it back on. I know he just got yoked. Well, he put it back on. He lost it for, I think, Earl, right? That show, Earl, he lost some of it. Yeah. Well, yes, he definitely got down from like, he was like, he was very, very dangerous around the time of America's three accidents. He was 560.

And then my name is Earl, he was like, he was a chubby guy, my name is Earl. He was 560 probably there. That's him in blow, I think, no. And then he came down on Earl to, he came down like a hundred pounds and then he went back up a little bit, then he took it off.

He's taken off, I think 300. Did he have to get the skin removal because he lost so much weight? He did. He did get he did get it removed. He had, uh, he had to because it was, it was bought. It was fucking with him. Well, it'll, at the, at the some point when you lose that much weight, skittier, because there you see in the beginning when he had it all and it doesn't

look like that anymore. Skin removal is, uh is sometimes medically like that. Insurance will cover that because of like how dangerous that stuff just flapping around, like the kind of sores and shit you can get. Yeah, but you have to sit in the same place for like six weeks. You can't move.

You have to like move very little. When you get the skin surgery. When you get the skin surgery and you have tubes coming out of you, like leaking stuff. Huh. And you get the skin surgery and you have tubes coming out of you, like leaking stuff. And you can't, you can't move around. So you have to have like six weeks off. Yeah, it's, it's really, it's actually worse than the surgery I got.

Like I was worried about that. And he was like, listen, if you don't have to get it, don't get it. Because it's this surgery, the skin surgery is bad. It's a tough one. You have like tubes inside you leaking out. Yeah, it's pretty bad. He looks fantastic now. He's so, he's so, he's jacked.

He looks like a different person. Yeah, he's such a sweet guy too, really great guy. But he lost a lot of weight, man. And he's ripping it right now. And he said he knew who I was. He knew you, brought you up. He said, big J. Pretty dope.

We were talking about fat comedians. That part hurts. But that he knew who I was is great. But he said he weren't fat. He said, you weren't fat. He said, big J, I don't- He just came up in the conversation. I don't consider big J.

He said, we were talking about fat people. And like fat famous- You threw me out and then he was like, you know. No, I didn't I don't consider big. He said we were talking about fat people and like fat You threw me out and he was no, I didn't throw you out. He said big J. I don't consider him fat Even though his name is big J and it was right. You don't we know what considers you fat We consider you big. I don't know how I feel about your thumb holes in your in your hoodie Wait a minute. You you're wearing mittens with no fingers. I agree. You can't, I don't know if there's a ground. I agree, but that's...

I don't know if there's a ground to stand on. You love thumb holes. Listen, I'm a big fan of thumb holes, dude. Uh-huh. And Don hates that I love thumb holes. I get it. And the reason I bought this CM Punk hoodie... Was for the thumb holes.

The thumb holes. Yeah. I'm a big fan of thumb holes. I love thumb holes. Thumb holes were just girls, but now because of CM Punk. They're guys. I like a thumb hole.

It looks exercisey. Like girl exercise. Like you're going to Orange Theory. Orange Theory. What the fuck is Orange Theory? Isn't it girl exercise? I don't know what it is. Do you go in and have orange juice I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the

I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the

I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the

I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the

I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the

I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a huge fan of the I'm not a No, I don't think maybe. Pilates? Sweatin' to the oldies. I mean, I think a lot of them are targeting women. No, but one of them's like four women only. I don't know if it's orange theory though. So you don't have to worry about like the fuckin'

exercise seat, the exercise bike seat smellin' bad. Know what I'm sayin' Jacob? Feel me dog? I mean these, I didn't create these thumb holes. They were made. I got you. I mean these are authentic thumb holes. They were made. I got you. I mean, these are authentic thumb holes. But just so you know.

Yeah. They're thumb holes that are meant to look like CM Punk. Yeah. What's up, man? Like that. Yeah, yep. That's exactly what they're for. Yeah, they're thumb holes.

Like that. I actually sit on the subway with my arms crossed like that. No, that's not what I, yeah, you see it on his, he wears those things. Yeah. Oh, now get not what I yeah you see it on his he wears those things. Oh now get me the CM Punk wrist sleeves I'll start wearing those. They're just thumbholes that's just wrists and thumbholes. That's my hoodie yeah. That's why you like it? It's nice. Thumbholes. Thumbholes Kelly., I'm gonna get some thumb hole gloves only. Why don't you get...

Exclusive thumb hole gloves. You should get thumb holes. You can lose the mittens. Then my knuckles can be out. Bobby, mittens implies that all my fingers are connected in one under one piece. They are not mittens. They are fingerless gloves. They're not knuckle gloves, because my knuckles aren't out.

Knuckle gloves are when they have the holes in the thing. Why don't you like when I say mittens? No, I think it's Solaris when you say mittens. I like mittens. They're just not mittens. Those aren't knuckle gloves? Those are knuckle gloves. Knuckle gloves, technically, are the holes in the knuckles.

Yeah, these are knuckles. These are knuckle. No, those are thumb holes. These are thumb holes. You have knuckle gloves. You're right. No, these are fingerless gloves. Yeah, but you look like you're gonna work out all the time.

No, because they're like... Those are workout gloves. No, workout gloves are leather or whatever. These are just like fucking like winter gloves. Where did you come from? Can I ask you where you came up with the fingerless mittens? How did that come about? When I was on tour with Korn.

The origin story of the fingerless mittens. When I was on tour with Korn, I was away from comedians for a long time. Three months straight. And when I was out there, they were like, you know, I just dressed how I dressed every night, summertime, somewhere, and you know, Jorts, black t-shirt maybe at the time,

something like that. And then they were like, yo man, you're up there performing in a metal show. You should put more flair stuff on, man. I don't think they use the word flair, but just like more whatever. Yeah, like you can do all that. Cause they, every day it'd be a new like, you know,

a floppy hat on one or just like I said, like the ankle part of a sock just cut and put around their arm or they would take, they would take any girl that they met after the shows that would give them any kind of jewelry, they would just stack and keep wearing. So they'd have a bunch of girl necklaces on or bracelets on of different kinds.

And I was just like, yeah, I wanna get into that. I wanna get into that. And then one of them took off, it was a dare, I believe, took off the, who's been on the show before, the dare from Two Cents and played my specials, the one at Skankfest. You met it there, that actually at Skankfest. He took off one glove. Yeah.

And he gave me, he goes, put this on for the show. And I was like, I couldn't possibly, this is crazy. And then I went out there and did my set at the Palms in Vegas and the set went well. And it wasn't that anyone was like the thing was awesome It was that when I put it on I was like it looks kind of awesome And then I went out there and did a set and it didn't like get attacked or even acknowledged at all

Yeah, cuz it's rock and roll it was like it didn't happen yet That I was wearing the glove and I was like oh so then I just started rocking it one glove all the time Right if you did that at a seller we would have thrown hummus at you. I did. I did do it at the seller, and everyone definitely went at it pretty hard. I came back from those tours with two things. Gloves? A glove, actually, for about a year.

And then I started, and then you know what it was when it got cold out? I went to the two gloves. Because you had one cold hand? And then it became a two glove look. You know what? You got one. That's the origin story of the gloves. Because you had one cold hand? And then it became a two glove look. You had one. The origin story of the gloves. It's solely.

It's solely. It's nothing awesome. This is for my dead father, and this is for my dead whatever. No. I daresid it was cool. And then I came home with, yeah, I came home with the gloves, the one glove, and a nose ring. And when I came back, I remember Artie Fuqua

saying to me one night, he goes, man, he goes, you really want those things, huh? You really want the nose ring? I go, yeah. I know, I had to make this decision before I came back to the cell or the first night coming off those three months of tours. I was like, all right.

This is you. It's an unveiling and people are gonna be like, what the fuck, Keith right away with the nose ring? What are you, you're in your 30s. Were you standing in front of a full length mirror at your apartment talking to yourself? Yes. You got this. Absolutely.

Look at that. I even took a sexy picture of myself that I've showed you before. My sexy picture? When I first got my nose ring for Wayne Yeah, I definitely have it somewhere if you don't this you'll love this. Oh god, you took it. Yeah mirror Did you take the a cab down in the outfit? No, no, no, this is just next I'm in a tank top. You're in a tank top? Just a tank top.

With the gloves and the nose ring. Oh yeah. And you walked into the cellar. Yeah, this is actually in a bathroom of the hotel that I got my nose pierced in the lobby of that comedy club. Right after the end of the, at the very end of the tour, I went from there to do Stanford Suns in Kansas City.

And this guy pierced my nose in the lobby. It's great. Do you you know what Christine? Do you have it? If not, I definitely have it No, I think I got it. I think I know where it's at. I think it's pretty early in my picture. Yep. Here we go He's really, it's for his gay friends. I sent this to Wayne. Oh, dude, this is so great. What were the accolades that Wayne said? Oh, also this tattoo I got on the tour, also the skull on my forearm. So I came back.

Luck going on. The whole luck going on. Did you get a Christian? Where you say where you say in the cell in the mirror? Oh? You got this dude You got this you gotta go I go you wanted it you always wanted a nose ring You never got it now you do and they're just gonna have to be okay with that What did you say about the mittens and now you're wearing a knuckle glove and you get time and then you could turn it on

Them like I don't know so you guys are so boring You know I was able to convince myself when I first got the tattoos, the stars on my arm, I never over thought there's such hacky tattoos too. A lot of people have those stars in that spot. But sometimes people who didn't remember my name or something would come to the cellar over and over and they knew me again from like just my look.

Do you know what I mean? Like I just like, it was like a memorable, more than just a guy in a T-shirt and jeans. So that's why I just kept doing it and stuff. Like, oh, nothing else will remember me for like, cause I don't go up there, I'm not like, you know, it's like Jason Rouse and those kind of, the rock and roll comics that go up there

and they're really like, you know, like Louis is more of a rock and roll, yelling on the microphone, move around and go around, kind of thing, how great is that? I'm gonna throw up. Dude, Lewis is more of, like, a rock and roll, like, yelling on the microphone, move around and go around kind of thing. How great is that? I'm gonna throw up. Dude, I was feeling sexy, dude. Paul Dan.

Paul Dan. Paul Dan right now. See if he can get it back. Great song, Luke. Tell Funoia. Who'd you fuck me? Tell Funoia his dream has come true. I'd fuck me.

I'd fuck me. Oh my God, Jay. Who? Jay, who is that? Should I tweet this out? What? Should I tweet it out? I thought you already did.

Get it out immediately. I'll tweet it out. Fucking smash your pass, Christine. Put it up on Twitter with a smash your pass. Listen to me. You need to make that a poster for the Paramount. I've never seen you like that. You need to. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, God. Fucking roll, Kermit. You're so cool. You have Brett Michael's face. Look at that hair, though, huh? That was a god. Did you lick your lips before you took that photo? Look how thought out my beard stubble is.

Look at your eye. One eyebrows up just a little. That's always the case. Oh, my god. My eyebrows are real sisters, not twins. You have a you have a you have a sweat band on your forearm. Oh yeah. Oh that's still a look. That's still a thing. Because you really sweat. No, no, no, no, no, sleeveless shirt. Just like someone to show off my fucking. He has more exclusively hoodies for the last five years, but when he wore t-shirts, he always wore a band. Oh man. I know you like to move your body.

You have a bob, you have a bob riot tattoo. Like Pam Anderson. Oh yeah. By the way, so Pam Anderson. I also love how small those gloves are. You can tell that they're really. Those are knuckle gloves dude. That was a dares glove dude.

He has smaller hands than me. You're, you're percing your lips bro. No I'm not. I'm not percing. Zoom in on your lips. I'm. No, I'm not. Look, I'm not percing. I'm not percing. You're percing. I'm not percing. That's the first thing I locked in on you.

I'm cock, I'm, I'm cock-eyed smile. You're a little like. Yeah, that's a purse. Yeah, that's a purse. That's a purse. Bobby, you, you do, you do purse a lot. Bobby, you suck your cheeks in in your pictures. I have to.

You go, it's in my blood. You fucking Zoolander every picture you take. I'm sick of I'm so this is me just going like you look pretty good here bro Dude don't give my good looking Oh hey, what's up killer? You're a hundred percent person can you zoom in on his piercing face? Oh God, oh my god. Look at you dude. Yeah Look at that guy though, huh? Look at that young stud. No gray in that beard yet.

Fresh long hair. Damn, my hair was great. Look at those eyebrows untrimmed. No, they were trimmed, all right, buddy. Those were threaded, bro. Oh my God, dude. You're highlighting your hair? Yeah. Yeah.

You are. Yeah, I had a couple of streaks of blonde going through a little bit, but you know what's up. You're a real cutie, patootie. Thank you, Jiggo. Somebody said, was it passed till I saw that tribal tat? Thank you. What's up, dude?

How else are you going to know that I'm in a new medal if I don't have that bar wire? Oh, shit. Look at that. Was that the first iPhone? That's the first iPhone. Yeah, I think it was first iPhone. A little wink in your eye. You have the raised eyebrow. It's not raised. My eyebrows are always like that. My eyebrows don't match. Either you're percing or you're having a stroke in that photo. You have a crooked smile. You're percing and your eyebrows up a little

This Jacob now you have to put your head back a little bit put your head back Wow You I bet what you probably said Now it's sexy No, it's sexier than that. Boom, boom, into my heart. You set my foot down, I'm in your heart. That is one sexy S-Factor. Are you alone on the road when that was happening?

Completely alone. Without comics with me. No. For three months. No. Dude, it was all corn in two cents. And then corn and Rob Zombie. And Five Finger Death Bunch and Lamb of God.

What did you do with that photo? What was that for? Any girl who wanted an attractive picture of me after I sent it to Wayne. Is that the same photo you took when you had your cock out? No, no, that cock was out well before this. That was this, right? Oh, that was over your head.

That was over my head. That was in a bathroom like this. Hands on the door jam. How many girls have this photo? I think Don. No, I don't think that many. I just think like, I mean, I realized the ridiculousness of this. You know what I mean? Right away. I said it to wings, it was funny. And it is hilarious. But I've always kept it.

You know you look good. Huh? You know you look good. In that picture, I would say look good. That's fucking DJ Lou saying that I look good. I think Don has this photo. Send it to Don. Say smash or pass. Oh, I can't wait. Give us smash or pass on this. Oh, God.

Ski bop boop. I'm gonna send it to my mom too, if you don't mind. Please, smash or pass. Beep bop boop. George Michael would have given me a fucking shot in the chops Then we both wouldn't have died of AIDS He didn't die from AIDS For you, go, go

Wow, your hair's wet too Oh yeah, buddy And let me tell you before this picture I definitely did I did this thing like 16 times To get all the pieces loose and PC like that I put a little behind I put a little on the shoulder and a little coming down in front of it buddy Fuck you suck a dick Casey Dutton That guy could be on Yellowstone right now. Yeah, they used to say Sodor was a looker of the bonfire game was he

See this picture. I bet they handle have nothing to him fucking looking rock and roll in a tank top And jeans am I sucking my gut in most death? I'm sure this picture just sold Twitter a dime bag of shitty weed Hey you girls gonna smoke one bone before you get out of here No, I look I could just bone before you get out of here. No, look, I can just sell it to you, but do you wanna hang out and like watch music videos or something ladies? Don't just look at it, eat it.

Those gloves are tight. Oh yeah. That glove is tight. Look, they're beefing, they're muffin topping my fingers. Let me see the whole thing again. Christine, zoom out, I don't get a taste of the whole thing.

Look at the hand. Look at the hand. Oh, you know what the hand, I'll tell you what the whole thing again. Christine, zoom out. I don't get a taste of the whole thing. Oh, look at the hand. Look at the hand. Oh, you know what the hand? I'll tell you what the hand is doing. It's cutting my gut off. In the world, it looks like my stomach stops right where the arm is, but there's probably some stomach behind it.

You're on one hip, too, on that. You're leaning on a hip. Everything is thought out in this. before this would go out in the world Everything had to be seen as Rose says why is he selling his shoulder so hard? One shoulder is so high the other one's so low well, that's the picture taking one the other one's got to let the hair drape Perfectly draped over the one we draped my god Casey doesn't does it every episode dude the hair is coming down on one it's flipped up on the other behind the ear on one side you know what's up dude

wow oh you know it's cool my armband there too is a rat whatever's called like rat something productions that's what I got it on the tour it's cool my armband there too is a rat, whatever it's called, like rat something productions. That's what I got on the tour. It's what Dave Grohl always has all the time. It's like a rat sound or something like that. It's cool. I lost it. What a dawn stage dude.

Smash your past. Did you throw it out in the crowd after your set? Like the rock? Then I did the elbow. You should do that. You should get them again and throw them out in the crowd at the end of your set. Can we talk about my consistency of wristbands for over a decade now? Can we talk about it?

That's a wristband? Yeah. That's a leather wristband in that one, right? No, no, no. Those are those? It's like these things, yeah. Oh, okay. Consistency. I don't mind the Madonna bracelets you wear.

I have my boy toy chain. It lets people know that I'm a boy toy, clearly in this picture. Yo, let's throw that bitch up on Grindr, huh? I bet that guy gets his asshole destroyed with cock. On Twitter, I got a fat meaty one, so you can really hear your pelvis crack against my shitter. If I'm being, what does it say?

Stevie Bongrup says, if I'm being honest with myself, smash and that hair is getting wrapped around my fist so I can pull it, hitting it mean and low from the back. Sorry I kind of lost myself in there for the moment. Stevie, I'm not mad at you at all, dude. You're having a natural reaction to a very sexy picture. Do not beat yourself up about that, Stevie, I'm not mad at you at all, dude. You're having a natural reaction to a very sexy picture. Do not beat yourself up about that, Stevie Bonlap.

You're okay with me, dude. Do you have that audio of Puffy fucking a dude in the other room? That's incredible. Oh my God. You should pass, that's a mean thing. I didn't like it. What did they say?

You should pass on a second dinner. Oh. That's mean. You don't know pass on a second dinner. Oh. That's mean. You don't know what I do on dinner. Oh. Last night I only had like half of a half of my dinner and I didn't even have the rest. A half of a half?

Yes. Was it a faction meal? No. What was it? Factor meal. No. Christine just picked a really shitty place to eat. Yeah, but I didn't know that Jay had already eaten there and knew it was shitty.

This is Jay. This is Jay in the room with Justin. Wait, what is this? You got to start from the beginning. What is this? This is apparently audio of Diddy. You know, I've been bringing up I've been bringing up P. Diddy, the conspiracy of him fucking dudes for a year. We were talking about it.

Well, this girl said that he definitely likes to watch her get fucked Which means you like peepee What if you like watching your girl get fucked by a guy mm-hmm you like dick no no I do Why have you watched Christine get banged? No, but I definitely see that's the porn that I watch is the husband's film and their wives getting fucked and shit Yeah, and no, I don't think it's the kid coming from Ivan that thinks that all the guys are bisexual because they've had threesomes with girls It's just she doesn't like understand how that's not bisexual. It's not by sexual. I would rather watch

people fuck than, why I mean I have a bit about this in my set right now, but I mean, then be like, even joining like me and another guy and a girl. I did that when I was younger with like, literally Louis and, you know what I mean? Like my friends did stuff like this. As did you with your friend, you know what I mean?

But like, I'm a, What'd I tell you? Have you never done it? Hi, guy! What I tell you in privacy of our own... What the fuck is that? In your lifetime, all the things you keep private? In your lifetime, you've never hooked up with...

You never like you and a buddy like... Had a girl blow both of your... Oh, I thought you were talking about something else. Sorry. I thought you were talking about something else I told you. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, I don't know that story yet.

You always break in the tears and I go, when you're ready, when you're ready. And then you show me that photo. And I go, hey, hey ready, when you're ready. You show me that photo. I go, hey, hey, wake back up, dude. Come on, get back to life. That's why I hate Don. No, so I would like. Just fucking answer the text.

I'd rather watch people fuck than join in on it myself. I just don't think it's something to just pass that time in my life for sure. But I don't think it means you to just pass that time in my life for sure, but I don't think it means like you like you like dick I think it would be a if I can get past like any jealousy of it. I understand why watching Christine get fuck would rule why? Cuz like I know her she's my you know I mean she's like my girl. So like I understand the tinge of jealousy That happens from it. I understand the one, it's like your chicks being like a porn star for you.

I think I might have sent that to Max instead of Dawn. What do you say? Do you say smash or pass? I don't know. Am I doing good? Hello? Hey. What's up?

Mom? Wait, you gotta tell them. No, you're on the radio, you're on the radio. I don't care. Okay, what? Mom's being annoyed about homework. Okay, listen, I can't talk about this right now. But tell your mom to look at. Okay, what? Mom's being annoyed about homework. Okay, listen, I can't talk about this right now. But tell your mom to look at the text, okay?

Don't call your mom annoying. I can't, no, I'm, she's gonna leave me stranded here. Oh God, no, I mean, but I have to, I'm on the radio, Maximus. Like I care. I mean, you make a valid point. What can I do for you? Can you call mom for you? If I if you call us to get so pissed off, okay, so what would you like me to do? Okay, Max you want to see a picture you want can I want to send you a picture of Jay looking silly

Want to send your picture of Jay looking silly? No, I'm just, it's just mom. Suit yourself, kid. Every time I'm doing homework. Yeah. All right, you're just doing a crime to yourself. She gets negative with me. She says that I'm negative, and then she starts yelling at me. OK, I'm going to call mom now and work it out.

So don't get mad. And I won't tell her you called me. And then she says take a break because I have an attitude with her. OK, I'm going to call her, but I won't tell her you called me. All right? Max, do you think if I want to see him her okay, I'm gonna call her but I won't tell you called me all right Max Yeah, yeah

She's abusive. And she got out of me from putting my head down. Because I had a bruise on the side of my head. For who? Tell you want to get emancipated. All right, I'm gonna call her and take care of it, okay? She's being annoying. All right, listen. That's your mother. That's your mother, all right?

I love you and I'll call you back in a minute, all right? Yeah, call my mom. I'm gonna take care of it, okay? Who loves you? You. Also, tell your mom what she's thinking about that picture. Yeah, tell her to look at the text message for Isentra, okay? Smash or pay, I shall know what it means.

Okay, bye. Oh, shut my... Okay. She wrote, I'll pass. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I thought, I thought I was gonna stir up her old fucking eighties, nineties.

Disciplining her child, she passed. Yeah, yuck. Damn, did she even throwing up one of those green growing up emoji faces? Do your homework and pass. Damn. Christine would have fucking jumped all over hot Bob. Christine might jump all over now Bob. I want to write my mom. Alright.

Would you have sex? This is gonna hurt too. Nah. This guy. I'm all good Ovie. Damn. I bet my mom will do you. Thank you. Yeah you look like good, Ovee. Damn. I bet my mom will do you. Thank you. Yeah, you look like Larry, my stepdad. See, what's the word on my smash or pass on? I mean, most people are smashing. Nice.

Let's see who, though, just dudes, because I know that already. Yeah. The guys love me. I think you look good, man. Do you want what I would do? You want what I would do? It's a funny picture. I would smash.

I would smash. Smash for sure. Thanks, Chels. I would smash you from the front. The lead singer from Creed wishes he had hair that long and awesome. MC Heavy Tits. Heavy Tits. When Ben Mee over and pulled my hair.

Okay. All right. I took this at a winger concert in the bathroom for sure. Selling that shoulder. I take him home for Thanksgiving. Wooden Smash was going to pass until I saw that tribal tat. You look like a local wrestler. Scott Sapp. I don't mind that. Smash, smash, smash. That's how you get backstage at WCW Monday Nitro.

You really do. The lead singer Monster Magnet, that's pretty funny too. A roadie picked by Hobb. Yes, Renegades Chubby Brother. These are all great. Vince Meal, love that. Vince Meal. Portley Crew. Portley Crew is where it fell apart.

I left that out for him because Vince Meal's hilarious. Mole just says sex. Thank you, Mole. Damn, Melissa. Nice, thank you, Melissa. Fucking smash. Hey, Melissa. Damn.

Oh, look at that. My only sexy picture. Man. Hell yeah. That is a sexy picture. Can we use that to promote the Paramount show, please? Oh a new Kraken Miko song. Yeah Two bears one cave. Oh, I bet that's funny. I That is that's a devastating picture I hope max hits dawn till she learns how to say the right thing I hope Max hits Dawn till she learns how to say the right thing. I love it.

Dad, I hit mom. Dawn's in the middle of this crazy shit with Max right now. They yell at each other, he won't do his homework, and she got that text that you wrote, She's sick. I'll pass. She's sick. She's sick.

She's looking worse right now. She's in bed feeling and looking her worst. She's sick. The kid's given a hard time, and our dog is dying as we speak. Well, I'd still fucked on. Why won't Max just do his homework? What? Why won't Max just do his fucking homework?

Just do your homework. I think he's like, mom's annoying, call. Come on, none of us in this room have done homework. That's why we're here. All right. If we did homework, he wouldn't be wearing mittens. I wouldn't have fumbles. Do you want better for your son?

I'll tell you what, if he's not doing cocaine already, he's doing better than Christine. Well, Bobby, I wouldn't have fun I'll tell you what if he's not doing cocaine already he's doing better than Christine well Bobby I didn't start till I was almost fucking Bobby's paid for three abortions by 11 three three I didn't pay for me that back then you just did them you just did them you think we do think I got that poo knife from? I got that cone hanger from back in the day. That's hilarious. We're using that if it's, he goes, oh yeah, the turd knife. Yeah, the turd knife is the same thing I used for abortion when I was 11.

Yeah, as you get older, you bend it in a different way. And so you always burn it to keep it sterilized. I was talking to Max, because Don heard the word masturbation this weekend. Out of his room, you said masturbating or something. And Dawn had a little talk with him. Oh, Christ. So she's like, she's like. That's not the right person to do it.

So she goes, you need to talk to my guy, cool. So I took him to play golf last night at the driving range. Speaking of choking up on your grip, I heard something come out of your room the other day. Who was amassivating? Talking about following through in your room. So we pulled up to the thing to the front. And I was like, listen, man,

I just want to talk to you about something. And we have a good, we have a good relationship. He'll, he's honest with me about a lot of stuff, stuff he won't talk to his mom about. He knows he can tell me cause I'm not going to mess with him. So I was like, look dude, where you can talk to me right now, but about master, about masturbation.

I could, do you know masturbation? He goes, yeah. I go, what is masturbation? He goes, when you play with your penis and you rub it. And I go, what does it do? Do you know what it does? When you masturbate, he goes, yeah, it makes you happy. Dude, I fucking, I hit the floor.

I hit the fucking floor. I go, let's just go play golf. Let's just go You don't think it's wrong at all. It's no dad. It's wrong. You play with my penis then it's wrong Yeah, it makes you happy. I was like does the greatest statement ever Let's go hit some balls you go home and jerk off in your bunk bed late tonight We have to take a break we have to take a break. We going to be at the Paramount coming up me and Jay the sexy tour. It's a sexy back next Thursday the 21st 8 p.m. There's only a few tickets available so get on them. Get on the

tickets. Get them now. Go to Big J. Don't look at the seat map. Just trust the ones they give you are the last ones. Yeah don't look at that. BigJComedy.com Robert Kelly live.com and go see Big J. Levity Live, West Nye at the 22nd and the 23rd after that, Las Vegas, Jacksonville, Virginia Beach. He is one of the funniest guys walking the earth right now. Stop it. Top of his game, killing it everywhere.

And as you know what, this is the thing. He's selling out everywhere he goes. So get your tickets. BigJComedy.com. I can't be on top of the game because Robert Kelly's still out there performing and he's going to be bringing those wiles, his sexy hilarious wiles to laugh it up. Poughkeepsie March 22nd and 23rd. After that, Houston, Texas, the comedy mothership in Austin, Texas, probably already sold

out this weekend. I got three shows are pretty much sold out at sidesplitters this weekend. Okay. I got Thursday night you can get tickets and Friday second show you can get tickets. And if they sell out he will do three shows on Sunday. I will not. I will not. I will not. I will not. It's okay. I won't fly. I know the state the extra day. I will not stay. And he'll add three shows that day. I will not. I will not. Thursday night you get Thursday and second show Friday. Bobby will also be selling posters of my sexy picture. All right.

Can I please? I'll give you. I'll give you all the profits. Man, we really should make a poster of two of our old sexy pictures. I got my. Or is like near each other. Like I got. I got my.

But your black. Do you have color ones of the sexy ones? You had to use to have the black and white. I have. I have. I have. Samurai Bobby. You've never seen samurai Bobby?

Say no more. Say no more. RobertKelleyLive.com, everybody, for those tickets, get them while they last. Follow us on YouTube, The Bonfire, SXM, all social media. We'll be right back. It's Monday, The Bonfire. Hey, everybody, thanks for listening.

That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robertkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap.

Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap. Crap, crap.