The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Roller Disco

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

Jay and Bobby recall childhood activities like sledding, ice skating, and roller disco!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. I don't want to be buried in a pack cemetery. I don't want to live my life. I should have gone with our thing yesterday about a song for the movie written about the movie, but I will say this, conceptually the movie is hitting it a little bit wrong.

You're not going to live your life again. You come back as some like weird zombie monster. I mean, that's's pretty technical but yeah. You're not living your life again. Well you are as a zombie monster. Very limited amount of time. It seems like those zombies aren't long for the world when they come back. They're not long for the world, especially with fucking pussy humans around getting scared by them. Constantly. Constantly. Constantly. Constantly screaming.

Just give me a brain you fucking you wanted your wife back She's back. I'm sorry her eyes still hanging out. Yeah You know, it's Why do people think zombies are real? Oh, not that that's real. That's a demon. That's a demon. That's a demon. Yeah, the demon called rock and roll. Yeah Damn Man demons jam everybody if you did if you ever did have the balls you have to let it She just had headphones in and she was playing all those songs as loose put this You know funny enough

The guy who made that song is a demon It's actually a terrible person. Oh Really? Oh, yeah, that's very glitter. Yeah, he's fucking nuts. Did he die? Jail less than I heard oh no, I thought he was out. What a guy glitter. He got in trouble for pedophilia stuff here. So then he ran to Vietnam to live where they love pedophilia. I'm not gonna look that up and double check that, but I'm just gonna say flat out blindly. Vietnam pedophilia is legal.

Allegedly, allegedly, there he is. Yeah, he actually looks better as an older. Vietnam. He went nuts in Vietnam with the the kitty touching, I think. But you can. Don't they have a kitty touching like a museum park there? Yeah, yeah. Six flags over young, young dick. It arrives with six flags. It's called the budget. Six flags over boy butts.

Petaphal Payto file that's how they say it overseas Former pop star recalled the prison. I'll say let him out for a while. Did he get back into it? His recall commas just over a month since being freed Upon release he was subject to license conditions including having a GPS tag The pop star 79 was one of the biggest music stars of the 70s. That's not true. He was jailed in 2015 for attempted rape,

four counts of indecent assault, and one of having sex with a girl under 13. Geez. I know. I don't know if you can fuck those children. Okay, Christine. Wow, Christine. I mean, you love the animals, but not the kids. Am I an asshole for saying? Am I an asshole for saying this got, I don't know why

it struck me when it was a girl and their 13 ago. Well, he's not gay. Well, there is something. There is something to if it was a 13 year old boy. I'm not saying both are terrible. Sure. I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't know what I'm going to say. I'm just saying. You're trying to say it's I agree with what you're going to say. I know. In some countries they marry young girls. It's like legal to marry a girl. Yeah. What's Jacob's backwards floater grandparents. Oh, in the old country, yeah, the swamp people that he was from. Oh, you're going to judge them because you know who you love at 12

when you're 42. Um, tops are world famous for their spreading their seed into the miners. age disparaging disparities. Who likes that? The batat. AJ, nothing but a number, number dude Alia said it best See who knows that oh yeah, oh yeah, oh everybody that was the big R Kelly reference because I was her song AJ nothing

But a number I guess when a 30 something year old's fucking you in your 15. Yeah, my mother was 15 Yeah, but it wasn't archa. Yeah, but your dead wasn't that archa. I Help with your sisters dead Yeah, but it wasn't arke, yeah, but your dad wasn't that archailey How was your sister's dad What like were they close and when she was 15 was was she pregnant by a 15-year-old your mom? Oh, no He was um, I think he was 18. Okay. I think he had no he was probably When when he had me he went to Vietnam, so he was old enough to serve same dad My my dad went to Vietnam. Oh, was old enough to serve. Same dad. My dad went to Vietnam. Oh, so your mom and dad, biological dad were together

through you and your sister? Well, he went, when he got married. Different dads for some reason. When he got my sister pregnant, I think they got married. Wait, what? My mom pregnant. When he got my, no, he had sex with my sister

and got her pregnant. No, she's later in life. No, she's your sister for the precious Kelly. No. When he had sex with my mom, when him and my mom had my sister, he, they married. And then, yeah, well, they had to. It's they're all Irish Catholics.

You know, his family was Irish Italian. His mother was off the boat, spoke Italian. My grandmother was, she literally worked at the rectory with the, the, the the the priests. So it was like, you can't fuck around back. So your dad much like Gary Glitter went to norm to escape had a feel your charges. I mean technically do no. Hey, gang gang gang gang. Hey, my Bobby just to inform you, my families. Now, you know, these are a few generations back Bobby. We stopped all that oh yeah, but

They just have fucking children. They just started pulling out early They can't get caught One of the guys is my great great grandfather. He met 37, 38, and he married a 12-year-old. Okay. This is legal. Totally. Legal. That matters. Where? Where was that legal? The late wonderful end of Oz. Was he a pilgrim? It was legal because laws weren't a thing yet. Yeah, they still, it was legal if the king said it was legal because laws were in the thing yet they still it was legal if the king said it was okay i can legal legal back then i i mean not not to meet

always illegal these family members have names like joe zahia and stuff like that jabba dhaya age of consent eighteen and vietnam okay so yeah it's illegal over there too what that's not what gary glitters to be went there. That's not when he put out the newsletter I get Where is it? Where is the younger where's the young? Feely today our maps getting smaller and smaller What the youngest place don't type in my name on this fucking search?

Yes, right right Robert Kelly wants to know no, no, no, it's okay. They're gonna think it's our Kelly. Yeah, you find put it Nigeria's 11 Kelly. Yeah, you find, put it in. If Nigeria is 11, 11. Okay. Philippines is 12. I think Nigeria is 11. What's that other place? But wait, before you judge Nigeria for 11, just know the age of being enlisted in the military is nine.

So you've been in the war for two years, you might as well fuck. 11's young man. The Philippines, that's where everybody goes there. Yeah. The age you can sit in 13. I really wish they would change the way they spell Nigeria. It's 13. Well, I really well, by the way, Nigeria is the least of our problems. The age of consent is 13 in three countries. One of them being black Lou, if you wouldn't mind. The age of consent is 13 in three

countries. Black is us up Camoros Bukina Faso and It's a softgy Niger. Yes It doesn't matter. There's no soft cheese when you're a wica on the radio. They really get a they really got to change that one too Yeah, softgy hard are still Yeah, I wish the place was called Nigah I wish the place was called Nijia Nijia Why I believe is 14 until recently

But it says lost South American countries Brazil Columbia Peru Paraguay 14. Yeah, I mean that's where you go if you're I mean if you're a You guys you just go to Brazil all the time First of all I mean, if you're a fellow, what? You guys used to go to Brazil all the time. What was it for? For those workers. First of all, how I'd weigh six workers. What'd you put? Did you put little noise makers and friendship bracelets in your gift bag?

You'd give them? Hey, clean your pussy and put on the odor. And then here's a little something to play with on your way home. Here's a chalkboard. I need to think about that. Here's an edge of sketch. It's from the future.

Phru, Paraguay. Where's the safe Brazil? Brazil is what? 14. 14, yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right. No, no. No.

I took it. Oh, you shave your pussy and they go, sure. That's what it is. I just don't grow pubes yet. So, one of the last days I was there, there was this old woman hooker. She was older than me, but she was heck but nobody was picking her so I just picked her I like that. Yeah, but you okay Okay, that you just fell off the chair

All thought she's felt here. I guess it's Rosebud. Wow 11 is check in 12 is not 14 is I mean woof 14's not to 14's not but it's not 11 Oh 14 is puberty at least 11 is not even are you having any kind of Think that's the interesting thing of Isabelle being 21 right now. She's getting in the teenage. Oh, I don't know What's his things right now. And the teenage, oh, I don't know, but says things about my mom. She's getting down. Yeah, she's getting it from both ends. Okay, Bobby. I don't think that's true. No, but I say as a Christine, you know, Christine's like drug problems, like

started at 15 and went until she was like 18. Yeah. Where it's like dark shit. Do you know, I mean, like real dark like fucking for drugs and all this stuff. And then man, how far you get removed from it to see how young it is? Like think that you've told us stories that you were fucking around with chicks and doing stuff when you were 11 years old. Yeah.

Well you're mad, you couldn't possibly fathom max doing that. No, because I was left alone a lot. I was left alone a lot. I was home alone a lot. My mom worked every day pretty much. Me too, I was latch key kid. Yeah, so I was home alone. My max is age, I was latch key kid,

but since for three years, eight, since I was eight or so. Yeah, I was, I think I was, I think second grade, I was coming home alone, making tea, you know, you had a key right in your neck on a shoelace, that's why I didn't know that wasn't that fucking silly, your neck on a shoelace, that's why. I don't know if I was an act of art can silly, but I was a dork, dude, yeah, for sure. Yeah, so no, I mean, Max gets dropped off at school, picked up from school, goes to, gets driven to,

Jetsu gets driven to his toater, you know. You kiss him on the mouth every time you drop him off. I do give him a kiss every time, yeah, 100%. But I'm saying, you'll see, he's getting close to, dad, don't do that. Well, 100%. But I'm saying, you'll see he's getting close to, Dad, don't do that. Well, I'm getting close to it. He likes it still.

It's weird to me. He's opening his mouth, so I think I'm gonna stop. Yeah, I don't think his macho gym teachers are front with tattoos and shit. Dad, give me a kiss, relax, right on the cheek. Come on, do me right. Yeah, it's a little, it's a little. Come on, Dad, give me some sugar.

No, I mean, that is coming to a halt, all that's... Is that Rosebud? She's not coming. Yeah, it was just a fuck-up, so I said we'll get her back in. No problem, no problem. Yeah, so it's... I know, you have to let that shit go, though. I can't think about it, because I have no...

I can do everything. I know cases of people that had great Families mother father always home mom home stay at home mom and they still wind up on dope and fucked up So you it's it's I think it's the individual kid his personality that he's sure I'm just saying but I'm just talking about the immaturity yeah of A child had 11 years old and you were fucking that's wild. Yeah, but it's your different your different 11 year old. I completely agree. But where are different generation too? I mean, I saw the I saw somebody put a thing of the pedals on bikes that we grew up with. We just metal with spikes on them. Spikes to keep your shoe grip. Yeah,

you know, hit your shin and you'd fucking scream and pay. Oh, you know, I mean, The flat out could cut you. They're not still like that. No, there's plastic pedals and they're just flat and ridged for whatever. Every kid has a helmet now. I mean, we would drive on the highway. You know, Dom was giving you all right.

Yeah, look at those pedals dude. That's just claws. It's pretty much two saws that you put your foot on. That's crazy. Look at that. It's crazy. It's two saws that you put your foot on. And got to be, got no accident.

It looks like a bear trap. It does. It looks like a bear trap. That one is a bear trap. Bear trap pedals. But here's the funny thing, dude. I remember we used to build ramps. We had this hill on the dirt road over in South Medford

that went, I mean, almost straight down and we would have a ramp at the bottom of it and jump over other kids. Oh yeah. And it was no thing. And we were doing it without like, there was no shock absorbers. It was just a straight up bike,

shwin with a banana seed, with big hand-obos, and we'd fly down the hill, jump over the ramp, evil, con evil, that shit. It wasn't even thought of. The helmet wasn't the thing, the helmet to me, I would say, for that kind of activity, came into existence with rollerblading coming in.

Because that's where you'd see kids like young, when we were young, someone would get rollerblading, and shit, they also had to get like elbow pads in a helmet, like the hoof, the knee pads for falling. But bike, and again, my grandfather told me I had to ride a bike, didn't even think it was not even in the idea that like you're gonna get a pads or knee pads or a helmet, it was like just learn how to ride a bike. You ride a bike. I told Don, she was on Max about wearing a helmet.

And I'm for helmet, I know somebody who died from not wearing a helmet, this kid's father fell off and he'd gone. But. A comic just passed away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sad. Yeah, very very sad.

When I was a kid, I lived in Medford Square. I used to hang out in South Medford, which was not that far away, but a good, you know, 30 minute walk, 20 minute walk, 15 minute bus ride maybe, right? I used to just grab in the snowstorm, or when it snowed out, I would grab the back of a bumper and just have it drag me to...

On your feet? On my feet, there was called mushing, we used to mushing. Dude, back in the day in the 80s, just sucking exhausts. You would just grab the back of a bumper and it would drag you and then usually the guy would, you know, feel it and then get out and you'd have to run and grab another bumper.

But we used to do that all the time. That's what I did. Looking back to the future, dude. Well, even in California, which I think is usually ahead of the game on that type of stuff, like I, when I was a little bit... One type of stuff. Just like safety laws and health stuff and all that nerd stuff on nerd stuff. I grew up like we would soybean shit

We would write our bikes around without helmets and we would hop in the back We'd pound to the back of my friends dad's pickup truck to go to the beach and like what'd you say pound in the back? Pile into the back. Okay. Sorry. I was okay, it was Peru. And in my childhood, probably around like 95, 96, it just changed. Like we had to wear helmets and we couldn't do that. We couldn't ride in the back of the pickup trucks anymore. So Christine got out of the cycling game and got into heavy cocaine use?

That wasn't until a one. She got out of the safety game and we're just walking away. She walked away from the scratch test dummy game and got into heavy heavy narcotics. Take this helmet and fill it with coke. Man, I forgot those old pedals were. Now, I'm telling you, as we're looking at them, I can feel them hitting my shins. Oh, man. And I remember that thing, I didn't even think about that in the longest time,

but I like the muscle memory of going like, it would, it want. Oh, you know what that got a little bit later When I started like when I got like 10 speeds and shit because The first bikes I had for the longest time I always like the What are those breaks called when you push the wheel back? That breaks the break on the on the on the actual gear break. No, no, no, no, no The gear you you I had the breaks where you pushed the wheel back a little bit and that was like sort of the break. It was very strange. Yeah. But that was my first go of bike. So I don't even have the pedal thing. But when you had a

10 speed and the wheels were just and you put your foot on one like too much and it spun the other one around just really in the leg. Me and Burr when we first moved to the city, we used to play Rollerblade hockey at the park. You didn't roll the blade? To we roll the blade with. Do you currently not roll the blade? I'm assuming it'd be muscle memory, but dude, I had hockey rollerblades, no breaks. And we would go from 97th Street and Lex,

all the way to Chelsea Pierce, up through the park, down the Westside Highway, Chelsea Pierce, Street and Lex all the way to Chelsea Pierce up through the park down the west side highway Chelsea Pierce and then come all the way back no breaks Come in I mean we'd be flying down Lex down the hill and we use the front wheel as a break And we were we didn't give a fuck about it. Get them and shower together. We got on the shower dude dude dude I'm not a dead. I'm not a great host dude We got off the shower dude dude dude. I'm not dead. I'm not a great host dude. Do Why don't you do it? Do you do? No breaks this terrifying dude? Yeah, I didn't I didn't realize how terrifying it was and so I wrote a bike in New York I was like I was fucking mental patient. How would I do it? It's crazy, but uh, I'll tell you this Bobby

I will because I don't know how to I cannot do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do.

Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do.

Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. jerk and he said they're off in the shower. No, no, no, that's how we celebrate after I'm telling you, I've never stood to feed on a skateboard in my life. I've put on roller skates and an ice skates and held the, you know, the barrier of the skating thing still falling.

No control. No idea how to push. I just don't get the motion and I've never even put roller blades on. I will try one of those things with you. I will do roller skating. You won't be able to roll bleeding at this stage of the game. Too late. 46. It's too late to fucking be on four wheels that are straight. You need at least four wheels that are like leveling you off a little bit. Roll skating is that it has to break in the front.

Oh, that's gonna be when I go ask overhead when I put that break in the front. The toe tip. I can never roller skate, but I can roller blade it. I can also ice skate, so maybe that's why. I can roll, I used to roll skate all the time. My big thing was- I could get backwards skate too.

Dude, man only, fucking at the balleroo and Medford. I used to date a professional roller skating man. Man only huh? Yeah, these two men only dance they'd be like girls only and then they'd have men only and you go out and they have couples Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, I got this. I got you. I got seven just the men. I thought you went to men only like roller rinks like Stupid girls are out here. I just want to skate man That's pause I go to those now I'm just looking to skate dude. Yeah, we I remember going into the roller skating ring you go get your skates And if you know who the cool ones were because they had their own skates they had a skate bag and

They'd be lacing up. But I had to go get my skates and you sit down, usually a circle, little bench and you put your skates on. God forbid, they play the rolling stones. Well, you didn't have your skates on yet. Stop me up. That was a good roll skating song. Stop me up. I went to Radner Rolls a couple times.

It's a good roll skating song. I'd go to the pub Rolls a couple times. Hmm. Good roll skating song right there. I'd go to the pub and they have birthday parties, people would do it at the skating rink. And I'd go and I'd put those things on man, but I mean, it is terrifying from the second I put them on. Ah, I used to. I don't understand my feet not being in control of the movement.

A bike, it always made sense to me. I don't know why that wasn't a problem, but I cannot stand on a skateboard. I don't know how. I don't know the pro, it doesn't make any sense to me that it will stay still while I get on it. I went to a roller skating disco.

I did, I'm lands down street. Where were you born in 1952? That lands down street right on Fenway Park, right? I left the soft hop early and went down to the malt shop where they had a little speak easy in the back Fenway Park on lands down street was all the rock venues and disco. They had a big disco like a two-floor disco and at night It was a roll on one of the nights It was a it was a roller skating ring and then turned disco, but one of the nights

It was a roller skating disco and this is back when I had my collar my polo popped Okay, and I had punk hair But I had a cowlick so it went crooked so I was straight across it was like this goofy Couldn't get it punk Totally with the long in the back and I was young man. I had to be I had to be 10 or 11 And I was young man, I had to be I had to be 10 or 11 Somewhere in there and we we went in we snuck in hot we got in somehow and I just remember roller skating around at night smoking cigarettes and

Just trying to talk to girls, but they were all older than me. So I was just this young fucking idiot Mama, mama What's up? You can looking pretty foxy out here at the skate right? I haven't seen your foxy S around here before. Yeah, I remember that. And she goes, well, I just moved in there. You go groovy. Groovy did.

Here's the thing about the girl skating disco is that I remember falling and just feeling like a asshole sliding on your ass with your feet up like a dead roach. What's up? That's not hot. Someone helped me up. I don't know how to get up like a dead roach. What's up? That's not hot. Someone helped me up. I don't know how to get up with wheels on my feet.

What's up? I will go try that with you though, but if you would have filmed a thing of us, because I'm telling you, it will be, if I get it, let's say I just commit to, I'm gonna try my best to get it. The freedom I might feel if I pick it up, roller skating, you might see the biggest,

glorious smile on my face you've ever seen. Yeah. Because I've 46 years old, I've never been able to do it. There's nothing funner than going around in that circle with the little disco ball going and then a song comes on and you cross your legs back and forth to the song. And then you make that turn and you kind of leaning into that side.

Sounds fantastic. So blackly you know how to skate You do of course he does just a little bit We're bleeding not skateboarding you know how to roll but you had a roller skate on the four wheels like the four Yes, but not as well as I can rollerblade. I did a lot of street hockey growing up But that means that he could definitely go to a rank. He'll doing fine do you know how to skate loop I used to I don't think it went away I'm pretty sure I could still do it okay he really he got the baller play go sorry bad it'll be what easier than roller bleeding I have when I lived in the group in mallboro New Jersey they had skateway nine and it's funny Bobby you mentioned

the one out of the two songs that i remember they play come dancing by the kinks and start me up start me up and then your blood would get pumping when start me up came on to start that's it was a little younger than you guys so mine would be more like come back home baby back home come what they think is that a sturdier for one day and my friend that my friends saw Metallica play there before kill mal came out at the ring at the ring Metallica played skateway 9 and all pretty awesome. That's pretty are you gonna get me pink roller skates? Dude roller skates. I remember that's all I wanted because I dated this girl who was a professional

Rollas skater They used to have like, uh, the competitions. They used to have competitions like dance, you know, they were dance and span and do all kinds of stuff and she was part of the rank in every. The 70s are wild. I think it was the 80s. I think it was the 70s. No, it was the 80s.

I think it was the 80s. Early, late 70s, very early 80s. But, uh, I remember going with her one night, she was so hot, she had the cleanest mouth too. I think she brushed her teeth 75 times a day. I remember her mouth was always clean, but she used to take me down there, but she could roll a skate really good.

And I remember she left me on the sidelines because I wasn't as good as her. So she hooked up with one of her partners, which was this shredded black dude. Who could do splits and backwards and jump and twist and all that shit. Like girls, a cunt. I, uh, you heard it here first. I don't need to wish treated you. I'll tell you what, it really was for being such a silly thing. It is pretty, especially with Dan organized dance too. Black culture for being so rooted in like machismo and like tough stuff even like you

know, like wrapping, you know, it's like music, it's still like aggressive and kind of hard. Yeah. Black people love skate, roller skating. They love it. Roller skating rinks. I mean, they've made the toughest rappers have made movies. Wasn't there like a roll bounce with roll bounce, yeah, or T.I. or something, right? Yeah, no, about.

And yeah, but it's like they have a couple of rappers make movies where and they clearly Roll bounce with roll bounce. Yeah, or T.I. or something right? Yeah, no bow out and bow yeah But it's like they have a couple rappers make movies where and they they clearly are roller skating in the mousse They know how to do it black people always the best roller it was a roller skaters. Well, cuz it's like yeah, it's It's very rhythmic Not like a dad I roller skates are so much cuter than roller blades But I I find rollerblading much more easy like I think it's way easier to do than roller skates are so much cuter than roller blades, but I find roller bleeding much more easy. Like I think it's way easier to do than roller skates. The time between roller skating and roller blading for me was so long I have no idea. And I never went back. I never roller skated ever again. But um, I would

like stop. Like I couldn't get the glide on the skates. I would like stomp forward. Yeah, you'll you'll have a much easier time with roller skates, I think, because it's roller blades here. I wouldn't try to roller blades. When I've put on ice skates and held them to just pull myself around the rink, holding onto the side, it's not only am I not doing it, I don't know how to project myself forward

or balance myself. Also, it hurts a lot. Yeah, ice skating. Because it's right spiked there in the middle of your foot. I don't like it feels like they look. I don't like ice skating. And I don't like, I'm so I keep max away from hockey because I don't want him. I first of all, I just don't want to be at a smelly skating rink. They smell like balls. They all smell like balls. Oh, yeah, and I hate it. And it's cold. It's that it's not cold to

where you like, but it's cold enough to be like, Oh, fuck my knees hurt. It smells like balls. Yeah, I really, I say it's why I feel about Jim locker rooms always smells like an old, it smells like an old man really drying his nuts aggressively with a towel. Yeah, it's moldy nuts. Just really getting down there and giving a good hunk of it. We should find a roller skating ring somewhere and do a weekend. Bobby, my dream is that I learned how to roller skate

and then me, you do the thing where our feet are turned out where it's and we hold hands and we just keep going in a circle. How about my dream would be that you pull me through in between your legs and I'm backwards now and we're just going Absolutely, I like that. You pop back up Can we get like roller derby jackets like bonfire roller derby jackets? Sure, oh that sounds hot. We get the elbow pads too. Yes. Oh, I'm gonna need all the pads

I'm telling them going down a lot. I don't know how to do it. I will you'll see me It why I'll be fun video, you'll see genuine like fear in me, like as I said, I don't like falling, I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling, always this is so, once I'm out of control, you'll see, even though it's just a fall down to the ground, my legs will be like shaking and then, and then I will and then you'll see me do a lot of times in your life is when I just choose to eat shit because I'm like, I don't know what's going to happen, so I just kind of accept a fall and just fall for no reason. You'll be like, why did you fall over?

I go, I don't know. I think I was going to fall, so I fell. You know what's wild to me is that rollerblades have come so far from when they first started the technology. Roll escapes are pretty much the same thing that they've been for they haven't updated them really that much. No they have not. And my mom bought me roll escapes. I was like I really want to pair I really want to pair she bought me the metal wheels. Oh yeah. And you're going down the pavement and your teeth are falling

out because it's just sucked. And then there's dense in them. I mean it was fucking terrible. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- and he goes, man, taking the rollbades over the warning strip. Good. Just make your whole body hurt. Yeah. That's crazy. But I've never snowboarding. I've strapped myself in and the same thing. I go five feet and then I just almost choose wiping out. I might be trying to stay up because I feel I'm gonna fall and I'd rather control it.

Yeah. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't want to do any of that shit. Lewis wants to go take the boys to a mountain next week for like Some type of ski adventure and I'm not skiing It Lewis is gonna hurt him so Lewis is gonna get hurt cuz I mean already skis a ton and Has gotten hurt. I think at least twice since I've known him like long-term many months Injuries, yeah, I've seen Ariha like, like, Lewis do.

I'm not, I'm not doing it. I don't want to go down a mountain. You wouldn't go and just take a lesson with the boys. The last time I went to a ski mountain and there's, I told you, I shared you the video of that with the snow tubing. Yeah. So on my Instagram.

I love the tube. I, I went down the, in the tube. And I broke ribs. I broke the two ribs. That's hilarious. It, it sucked. It was the worst thing ever, because I knew ribs, I broke two ribs. That's hilarious. It sucked. It was the worst thing ever, because I knew the second I was in the tube

and I was going down, I was like, this is way too fast. And I was spinning out of control and I was going down a mountain. And there's no button. The only choice I had was to dive off of it and hope that... Well, swap your hands in the the ground like my zipper would get caught in the snow and like make like a hook And slump me down

Dude when I hit when my snow my tube hit the dirt Because it went past the snow and hit the dirt and it just stopped Fucking dead and I went fly off of it. I went flying in the air did fucking dead and I went flying off of it. I went flying in the air to it. I would have been cool. If it just stopped and it flung you up and you just walked off. And there was a fat guy before me that he went further than me. And he took those like a big red balloon that's supposed to block you. But he took that with him.

Balloons out. He went, hit the balloon. That's gone. So there's nothing there to break my fog. Except for solid ground that's frozen. You could get me to a ski resort if one of the options is to tube down the mountain. You don't want a tube. It's exclusively what I want to do. Dude, tubing's too dangerous, dude. I'll tube face first. I'll tube on my belly like that.

Dude, you will not tube, man. You got to do the physics before you fucking tube, man. You can tube, look, listen, you could pat your hands on the ground and control yourself a little bit buddy There's no good buddy. I thought the same thing. There's no controlling you didn't try Look at the video dude. I was trying I was screaming to God Yeah, don't scream to God use your hands and slap the ground Oh you and your belly or you're back. I was on my butt your butt

I was on my butt trying to use my hands and my feet and all it did was made me spin out of control. I like it. I'm gonna go down one of those saucers. This one's literally fly. It's the plastic trash can lid basically. You'll fly to somebody's house. Did you actually go down like just a mountain because when I went we went me and Isabella and Michelle and her daughter actually went to being it was like a range almost like they were lined up and you know it was a little hill it was a mountain you're telling me Jay that you could put your hands down it's top you your hands are gonna stop that you can't I would try I'd probably kick my

feet down a little bit you can't too fast you can't you can't you can't no buddy you can now for sure you can you can't you're your leg will snap and two have long arms everything's fine But you'll do nine. I mean it's so fast. I thought the same thing five seconds down the hill bro Why? Look it's over. Yeah, no, I was fine. Yeah, I wasn't I was Yeah, you were in the log it's flung you into a lodge bathroom It was it was flung you into a lodge bathroom. It was, it was horrifying, man. It was horrifying. It mounds, I don't like mounds.

If you can't stop yourself, you can continue and go. What to say, that was one of the funniest. We had, we went sledding where my mom lives at the golf course. Mm. To these big hills. And we moved there. One year, the hill was a, froze ice, almost pure ice. Yeah. Down

there from other kids sledding so it made like the actual sled part. There was like a snow-ish area on the side of it. You can like get up to the top like walk up. Yeah. Yeah. But then it was pure ice going down. And we had no sled or anything. So we asked a neighbor if they had a sled and they said they had a boogie board. So we got the boogie board. So now there's zero friction. The boogie board just slick plastic bottom and this ice. So we all said to each other,

we have the roof of a Toyota. You want to fuck that? We all said to each other, hey, when you're coming down on this thing, because you're going to go face first on your belly. When you start getting halfway down, just start like pounding your hands in the ground. Just to slow yourself enough, because at the bottom of this, if you do keep going, which there was no friction, it's like a little wooden bridge with like the creek that kind of goes across. And so we were like, we didn't want anybody to go and that's kind of dangerous.

So we would have you start slowing yourself down halfway down. And then enough that when you get to the bottom, there was like four or five other of us that would just grab you. Just grab your jacket or whatever, so you would stop. No big deal. Our one friend Ed, who was just like,

a bit of a show off guy. Not like show off though and like nail the thing though. It was like I'll just do the craziest thing. There it is. And he goes, oh is this you? This is that's Max's head and that's Don filming and that's me in the circle right there. That's me. But wait a minute. Now that's the, you understand that's the bottom level. There's three more levels that you go. I got you. two ribs. That is a range what it is like a ramp that you're just on like a free mountain Don't you are range range like a part like a tubing park. It's a tubing mountain that they made into like a you know to have tubes go down But it's it's mental. It's it's not those are breaks right there. It's not, those are brakes right there. Yeah, those are dormats, Jay.

They're not brakes. That's a dormat. To break you. It's not a break. And mine, if you look at mine. You flew over, you do have a lower stack. Buddy, I was three something, three 55, 360 in this fucking. You're got the embole coming down that thing.

Buddy, I was going, look at, I was beating people that went a half hour before me. Fucking scud here. You did? Scud missile. But I was going look at I was beating people that went a half-hour before me You're good-missile. Well, I mean if you watch this I want to watch it It's it's all my Instagram for you guys the listeners at home, but it's it was I knew right here that I was in trouble See me trying to put my feet down. I do watch this right over every Oh shit I really I got you I got you you want to see what happens join the patreon if you are sorry about that guy it's okay you could let us know they're not going to see it I'll give I'll have what's his name put it up on the bottom I stopped my story for the video that was the

thing I didn't pull it out. Sorry. So this kid, Patreon.com says, Rob, Kelly. This kid, Ed, who I said was a little bit of like a, like I'll do the dumb thing because like I'll look the coolest. And so we were all doing it. It was going great. Everyone was having a good time and Ed went up one time and at one point we go, he's not like tapping his hands on the ground. And then someone goes like, I don't know, what happened to me? I was like, okay, no, he's tapping his hands on the ground. And then someone goes like, I don't know,

what would it be me? I was like, okay, no, he's tapping his hands now. And then as he's getting close, you go, he's not tapping his hands. He's like, he's giving himself, like he's trying to get going. And all of us, like one and idiot, I think it was his brother maybe,

like stood in front of him and just got completely wiped out. We had the rest of us were just like, if he's going to be a dick like that, like the none we could do, I'm not gonna get hurt. I'm not going to get hurt. Well, we did all got in hurt jumping in front of him. He was coming to go bullet and then just seeing guy vanish into tree line and then having to go over and see him laying on a frozen creek with like blood coming out of his head. We had to take him to the hospital.

It was fucking nuts. He got hurt bad. Fuck this face up pretty good. Yeah, he had a big face, was like swollen like them. He went in the trees and a frozen creek and a bridge. That's why it's like you think of kids today. Like in the winter, I will make a little ski thing in the front lawn for him, but I'll be in the street.

You know what I mean? I'll make a thing that it blocks him. He thinks it's great. But when I was a kid, we used to go to the top of a hill and just go down the street, the middle of the road, way for no cars. They were called things like Suicide Hills where we went on so far.

Yeah, Suicide Hills. Everyone's got a Suicide Hill. And the winter you go to Suicide Hill, you go down the street and hope that the kid was paying attention down the bottom. Tell you those cars coming from, yeah. Car. We would sit on a skateboard. We you this car is coming somewhere. Yeah. Car. I'm too that we would sit on a skateboard.

We were friends Megan and Jacqueline. And we go down this big hill, but at the bottom of the hill, like the cross street didn't have a stop sign. So we was just like, risk it. We'd be like, oh, there's no cars. And we just like go down on our butts on our skateboard. Yeah, that's why it's like, I'm so certain that if you're supposed to die, you're going to die because I did so much shit that you

should be dead. You could just die doing it for sure. Yeah. Going down to suicide hill on a on some plastic toboggan with four dudes. And there's no, it's just like four eight year olds flying down the middle of a street. Well, I don't know if Christina's, but I'm still in so-or-you, Bobby and Jacob and Lou for sure. I'm of a street. Well, I don't know if Christina's, but I'm still in Soar, you, Bobby, and Jacob and Lou, for sure. I'm of the time. I remember my first sledding experience as being on that...

Toboggan. The Toboggan. The wood. The wood with red metal, like slicers on the bottom. I mean, it just takes someone's legs off. Speaking of someone that didn't show up, I remember Rosebud, the sled, the metal red sled. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I had I had one of those and the like if if if the bottom of the thing

Well, you just dig into the dirt if that that oh yeah pointy things and you had to steer with the piece of wood that never really Word didn't do it and the steering was nothing It was that was a looser piece of wood that make you feel like you're doing something I remember this kid he got these they came you know, because back then they would just make a toy and they wouldn't test it on any kids. As soon as, you know, this like 30 kids died, they stopped making it, right? That was like, that's how they tested it. He came with plastic skis, you just put on your shoes. So we're all there with sleds and this kid comes, no poles, just skis, little things you put on your shoe you

snowshoe and he strapped them in and he went down fucking the street dude he just whapped into a fucking Buick you have fucking boom pure steel pure steel Buick you see this he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he, he, he, oh, God. Is this what you had? Yeah, we had that. We had that red rose bud shit. And so fun. It must be so fun to like play in the snow growing stuff. Type in the plastic skis on the boot. I mean, we had some dangerous toys back in the day, dude. Well, this is my buddy, John,

was the one who got the, while we tried the snowboard, you could just go buy a snowboard. There's, there's no thing like, yeah thing like yeah figured out like it's such a Series piece of equipment. No, I'm 19 1980s kids foot sled Foot sled Yeah, man, we were fucking dangerous

Jacob I don't understand from Florida. What does that mean what you're doing with your hands there? No, you're on different hemisphere now. Oh, it looks like you're saying break. I thought you were saying put it back together. I was watching the negative before you were doing. I thought you were doing this. Good break. I thought you were mending something.

We do have to take a break, everybody. We'll be back to say goodbye, but we'll be with you tomorrow. Big J. Ocusen is going to be in Pittsburgh for New Year's the whole weekend the 29 through the 31st So please go celebrate the New Year with one of the funniest men walking He's gonna be in Liberty, Ohio He's gonna be in Salt Lake City Denver for all these tickets. You got to go to his website bigj comedy dot com and Denver's gonna be in Salt Lake City, Denver for all these tickets. You gotta go to his website, bigjcomedy.com. And Denver's gonna be crowd work special taping.

Ooh. So that's gonna be very exciting. We're only a few months away from that coming out then. Bobby Kelly is gonna be in Fort Wayne, Indiana for New Year's Eve. One night only, two shows on New Year's Eve bringing the New Year with Robert Kelly the right way. After that, he's gonna be in Saratoga Springs, New York, Wisconsin, and Chicago, all on deck for tickets and

all other tour dates, which it's never ending. Also in the New Year me and Bobby are talking we're gonna go do some stuff together for sure. Do some some bonfire shows stand up. Stand up shows. Have some fun maybe get on stage together. A little fun just a little riff just a little riff session. Yeah. Make sure you go to Robert Kelly Live, watch a special Killbox available on punchup.live. Watch my special on YouTube, it's all free. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show.

If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcommy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.