The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Rose-Colored Memories (feat. Joe DeRosa, Luis J Gomez, Joe List & Justin Silver)

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

The gang ponders if Dan would end his sobriety in the zombie apocalypse. Joe List joins the show and tells stories about his drinking past and why they led him to becoming the sober comic he is today. Luis J. Gomez is all fired up with a bone to pick with Justin Silver. Jay, Christine and Joe DeRosa test positive for COVID-19 antibodies and Dan wants to be part of the club.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. O'Kristen. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio, Sirius XM95, or on demand on the Sirius XM app.

Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the bonfire at SXM. Hey cameras it's Black Blue and welcome to the bonfires best of the week. It's no secret that Dan Soder has been sober for many years now. But Jay enhanced him quarantine third Mike Joe Deroza, wondered what it would take for their friend and co-host to put aside his sobriety and lead. Jay if I could do a little tale of the tape as a former alcoholic, I'm like one of those former boxers that talks about it, where I go, it's a very exciting matchup.

You see in two guys that I would love to get in the ring and trade with. I was gonna put out there and you're never a former alcoholic. You're always an alcoholic. Every day's a struggle, every day's a new day. Yeah, you know what? Who says that? People that relapse.

I call you a dry drunk. That's my favorite one. What is he gonna say? I'm using an anger at you. call you a dry drunk. That's my favorite one. I see you're angry at you. Dan, you dry drunk. Just converted to marijuana, the cryptel of alcoholism. Pai off. I could have asked for a big coin of alcoholism. I love it. When people in A.A say that, when they go, dude, I'm just I'm acting out. I'm being a dry drunk dude I'm on this twice this week. It's like you mean you're just living your life The first time I've heard that was my mom calling her cousin that she's like I just a dry drunk and I was like what the fuck is that?

What is that? You just have done you do other things compulsively? No, I think it's me. It means you're acting drunk without having any alcohol, right? It kind of means that you don't. You haven't worked on any of the issues that cause you to drink. So being a dry drunk, it's like, if you're in recovery, there's constant action that you're taking to like try to

better yourself and figure out why you drink in the first place. Great. We upset DJ Lowe. Evan's pretty much nailed it. It was, it, it's like, it's the, it's when you do the behaviors that we're leading you to drink. So it's like, that's why it's always sex or something. They go, I, I keep having one night stands and being a dry drunk like that's, that's across the day. Dry drunk is like, you quit, but like nothing gets any better. It's like, you just don't drink. You don't really, you're like sad about not drinking.

So she's, yeah, it's what Christine saying, the signs and the symptoms are saying are sent towards friends or family, anger and negativity surrounding recovery, depression, anxiety and fear of relapse, jealousy of friends who are not struggling with addiction. And you not feel those things, you're hanging out with a bunch of fucking nerds and don't drink.

I'm a dry drug. My God. I'm realizing how much of a dry drug I am because it says romanticizing their drinking days, being self-obsessed, replacing the addiction with a new vice. I'm like, oh my God, I'm a dry drug. And I'll tell you this, not because I wish any bad on you ever, ever. I'll understand when I was going through my fantasies of this pandemic, ultimately, uh, cartwheeling right into the apocalypse and we have to eventually take up our arms the way we said. I was like in the apocalypse, even if we plan on living tens of years more, in the apocalypse as fighters and survivors, as they call them on the, uh, the walking dead, as we are walking on survivors,

I do picture you though going back full till rip and butts and drink it. Let me say that's, let me stop you right there. It would be smoking cigarettes. I'll come back to smoke cigarettes. I think, um, and pick in the apocalypse, dude, if we're just fucking, where by campfires every night, there's no more thing as TV anymore. Like, really? When I run out of weed, yes. I just can't believe you wouldn't let fun back into your life. So what was that thing? Honestly, what I'm thinking about, I'm feeling like one of those NFL players that retire and then

goes on to speak about brain damage. Because I just remember the hangovers. And I don't want to go back. I just remember being fucking rocked by hangovers at the end. I was fine for a while, dude. It really is like Roy Jones Jr. Like all of a sudden I had a chin out of nowhere and it was just getting lost. You just kept losing.

When I was doing I was when I was like people like Bert, when like Bert and other people I know that have that Mickey Manel gene that they can just drink and don't hangovers. I remember feeling that when I was young, but you don't realize most people can do that when they're young. Bertson is fucking forties doing that and I'm like, that's insane. Damn, I can't stress this enough. You're not gonna survive the apocalypse belly ache and like that, dude. You got to tough it up, son. You know what?

Then I'm gonna drink a fucking leather pouch of chin and the weakling. You got a cow's hide, a cow's hide full of booze. He goes here, take it, take the gas water. Because we storm it. We storm and we grab their food and their women. And I go, hey, Jill, did you ever work helium in the, was that a good room? It's just us having long conversations in the apocalypse. You're the dashing lead man.

So you got to smoke butts and do a shot before you give us a fucking speech about how we're going to move forward and get society back up to you. All you want to scavenger, huh? You are a leader. You are born later. Your your your faces to is too, you're a leader, Jim? I'm trying to say this in a good way. Yeah, but you do, you have such sharp features that it's like it's too, you

couldn't be number two, dude. You can't be less, unless, unless we go like those walking dead people that wear the dead, the dead people's masks over their face, like dead people skin over their faces, then you're hiding that it doesn't matter. And it's no better. Or then if you say your personality is to be the number two is great, but I'm telling you, you have a hard time of fucking like, you know, me or fucking Joe being a goddamn leader when you're standing next to us, everyone's like, what are we with that fucking tall

handsome son of a bitch thing? Dan, I'll lead and you can be my second. I totally want to lead. I know, these two fucking fat net goofs is over here. Told me what they feel about, but I'm curious to hear with that sharp, bagular face, some of the big things about all this. Let me tell you how much trouble that would get us into,

because behind this semi-truck is a child driving it. We would just bang into the side walls almost instantaneously. All the money that he needs to hear Jay is Dan refuses to drink the team juice, which is what we're going to call whiskey. And then you know what? And they're not going to listen to what Dan wordy says. But there's that moment where that flash bang goes off, you know, like, and then you're like wobbled and

your vision's uncorrect and you're getting seaged on by one of the cannibal tribes that hit our establishment. And then you're doing it. And then obviously you just look over and just see me walking with a shotgun and a bottle of whiskey. Just like, get away from my friend. We got a sick ass face scar that really just makes you look more masculine. Black Lou again. You know after Dan Christine, Jay and Joe told some crazy drinking stories from their past, comedian and friend Joe Liss joined in and told her few great drinking tales of his own,

most of which helped him make up his mind to finally get sober. Old drinking stories can't beat it. Brothers and J are drinking beers because we were we were swapping drinking stories for a hour. I also made a little pickle back. Joe you are an alcoholic. Maybe he isn't who's to say. So you are an alcoholic. Hey, maybe he is, maybe he isn't, who's to say? Joe, let's, by the time I was spending any kind of time with you, like the clubs and seeing you and hanging out with you, I think you'd already stopped drinking. So there's some people I never really saw in that state

soda included. I did see soda, I guess. He's saying just from our time of friendship, I've seen him drunk before, but I also, my daughter was young, I used to leave kind of early and everybody else was kind of rolling and hanging out later. Anyway, so I missed a lot of it in that regard, but Nate, obviously I said, and Joe said that he said when he's gotten, when you were drinking, you got hammered, you had that similar thing. Christine's got a two words like a very definite corner is turned in.

a very definite corner is turned. You know, I think, which I thought was such a hilarious way to describe it. It was so true. And Christine was saying her friends and I'm turning into the werewolf. And I said, Nate's that person too. It's like there's just one sip that he comes back from it. It's like, ah, this is the new guy now.

Yeah. Yeah. My uncle Dale, who's so does trinket with, who's basically my age, I always say my uncle Dale who's so does trink with my who's basically my age I always say my uncle and it sounds creepy because I'm like my uncle and I we fuck two chicks and Drop people like your uncle so Porter so Porter you can have you But he's like three years older me, but we used to always laugh about like the next day What I was be like dude you got like really unreasonable last night?

say what I was like dude you got like really unreasonable last night like like a handle of rum you're like all of a sudden you got disagreeable man and maybe it was a tense shot what was the jet Joe because you've got some you've got some real war stories I mean he's got one he's got like legendary drinking he went for it he was a hollow famed drinker. What was the one that? That tipped you because sometimes people go you know what my last night drinking wasn't even that bad I had two beers and I just got sad and I was like I'm done. Did you have like a legendary like okay? This is it I got it One of those guys like my last night drinking was that helium and Philly. And I had like three beers and a whiskey.

It was kind of whatever, but I was just sad for like a decade. But yeah, I mean, like I shit in the girl's shoe. I got herpes. I was a, I mean, I was a horrible vandal. Like I just vandalized every night. I would steal street signs and like the, the arms on parking garages. I would snap those off, I'd kick it windshields and mirrors.

Yeah, and I would I would piss everywhere in public restroom. I'd piss all over all the toilet paper and stuff. I remember the night. I think I'm having it hold on Joe's describing himself like a soccer hooligan because I would sing songs loudly. I wear scoffers and warm weather. Yeah. Old school Irish drunk.

But I just find I find interesting because where is that same thing? When Christine would get obliterated, it was just like you're talking to a completely different person. Do things, say things that she doesn't, but there's some element of that in the person. You are, I'm described as mild mannered. I mean, overall, I don't mean any kind of a bad way. I'm just saying like, you're pretty like a, like you don't seem like a little bit.

How long have you got? You're the guy yelling something out on the street, like telling a story, you know what I mean? Like, and I did such a weird thing that he or that wild side, like ripping and breaking things I'm like, what? Well, I'm so out of character. Well, I have a lot of anger.

It's all just built up. I'm trying. But yeah, I'm filled out of character. Well, I have a lot of anger. It's all just built up. I'm trying. But yeah, I'm filled with rage. I mean, dance success. I just think it's appalling. No. No. OK, but no.

I do have anger issues. And so I would drink and just lose my mind. I also at that time, like, wasn't getting laid. I wasn't in a relationship. So I was angry about all those. And my career was shit. I had no money. So I had a lot more anger than that. You remember the night we did this Also at that time, like, wasn't getting laid, I wasn't in a relationship so I was angry about all those, and my career was shit, I had no money, so I had a lot more anger than that.

You remember the night we did, this was gonna say earlier, that we did the, when Yannis used to have the show at Block 4 in Brooklyn, and we did the Chris Laker Awards. Clark, yeah. I remember we got real fucking tuned up before we went on stage, and then you went, I just remember you going going on stage. It was a I'm not saying this to stoke you up But it was a wall to wall bomb you were shit face

You were bobbing so bad in the middle of you just go I got herpes this year to the audience. It was so classic. There was no part of me that was like Joe's got a problem. I was just like, sometimes you have one of those sets, man. I remember eating it so hard. I thought, because I wanted to, it was like an award show. And I wanted an award for shitting in a girl's shoe, the gentleman's gentleman award. And then I just gave it to you. And it got zilch. It was such a bummer. And then I came to the back of the room. And Sarah, we weren't dating at the time.

She was like, I think it's great that you're open about having herpes. And I read that as like, oh, this chick's got herpes. Like, I should try to fuck her. And it turns out she was just like a nice person. The firehouse show that I love was we brought our own beer. We're just drinking like PBRs and the guy got pissed. It's like a VW and the guy's like you can't bring outside beers.

And he was like yelling at us. And then Dan and I did the, what do you call it? The raffle. And because it's like Boston firefighters, one of the raffle prizes was like a 30 of bush, a 30 rack of bush. So one of us won and, we just started cracking up and drinking him and at the end of the night

after the guy had scolded us, we thought we were helping. So we took all the empties and just started putting them on the bar, like, he found empties and the guy was like, what the fuck is this? He's like, we're gonna lose our liquor license and we sincerely were like, we're helping you clean up, bro. Yeah, dude, we thought we had a... Fuck your clean the place up a little bit.

Dude, the Lewis story is one of my favorite drinking story for that there? No, but it's one of my favorite stories, regardless. That one, I had appendicitis, I had my appendix taken out in New York and I just went home to recover in my parents house in Whip and S and so I was on like pain pills and boozing and then like I don't know if it was social media or something

Nate texted was like hey I'm at Stone Hill I'm at Bridgewater State College and I was like that's like a mile from my parents set like you're down the street right now and they were like what so they came over to my house but the crazy part was my parents had gone to bed. They were like, all right, good night, Joe. And I'm like sick, my back hurts,

whatever I just had surgery. So they go to bed, Nate and Lewis showed up at my house. We're sitting in the back porch, just boozing it up. I got pain pills, so Lewis is eating those, like, you know, cereal and all banged up. And then Lewis is like, where's the bathroom? And I'm like, first door on the right. And somehow he goes to the second door on the right, opens the door and it's pitch black.

So he's got his hand and he's just sliding it around the wall looking for a light. And my dad springs up on the bed. It's like, three in the morning and he's like, can I help you? And Lewis is like, look at the bathroom. But like, the last my dad had seen was just me with like an ice pack, like, piled out, and like, in that pop. And now there's just like a 200 pound water.

And that voice in the dark too, I'm looking for a bathroom. Give me your wife. Who do you think a home intruder looks like? And you just describe Lewis. the scar. No, it was fun. Those those those tellin' those stories is like I would love to get hammered but I know for me where it leads. It's not pretty. Following Joe lists Lewis J Gomez story, here's the Puerto Rican rattlesnake

himself who came on to the show all fired up. I got a bone defect with Justin Silver. Boy. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Real ass dude coming in here. Is it about how he trains horses and fucks dudes?

Yeah, I'm not kidding. That's just my uncle and his roommate Fred. They're good friends. We kept saying these. He's European man. Now he's different over there. It's European. He's traveled the world. Oh come on dude kissing another man's actually A greeting in some country It's the birth of dinner

What are you gonna say Lewis? What's your bone to pick? So yeah, I tried to join his Instagram live last night to I tried to join his Instagram live last night to literally give them some shine. There's those pathetic. There was 11 people watching him like, fucking do a dog video. It's like Justin, you fall, it's a real fall from grace. I mean, I remember being at the premiere for his prime time CBS show. And you were there drinking. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, we were. Yeah. Wow, dude. Wow, he did it. Justin, we're looking at him in awe. I did. I remember sitting outside of that, they were talking a cigarette with Lewis and we're like, he did it Justin we're looking at him in all Do it outside. I remember sitting outside of that dude was talking a cigarette with Lewis and we're like he did it man Got a CBS show. I really look at this look at this motherfucker

Yeah, and last night he's having this kind of love there's 11 people on it And I was like you know what I feel bad for him. Let me join his Instagram live and fucking bestow some of my Go mites and real ass dudes on him. You wanna give him the LJG heat? Give him the LJG bump. Yeah, give him the LJG heat. But so Lewis, you were trying to give him a bump on his Instagram what happened?

He wouldn't let you on because you had a shirt on? Yeah, he was like, it's like, it's shirts off or you're not in. It's a pants off, dance off, get it off and let it fly all dude Instagram live or no go so that'd be so funny if you found a burger account of Justin's and that was he was promoting what's up it's lipstick boy Wednesday getting your ham Instagram. Show your ham Graham. Yeah. Sorry. What happened when you got anything on Instagram live? There's not really

much else to it. He wouldn't know about. He snubbed me. He snubbed the fuck out of me. And then I went online and 150 people joined immediately like that Cuz they're fucking rascals. They know I got shit to say all right Yeah, so then I'm like I was like hey guys led just to know that he's a fucking pussy and that he's a gay bitch And then everyone over there and now he's mad at me because I'm also calling him a gay bitch calling it calling his dog gay

Call it, call it his dog gay. He's mad if you call his dog gay, which is hilarious. I don't know if he's so funny. I'd say what happened better that makes that way funnier. And it's, it's sadder but funnier. You were having them call his dog gay. Okay, because what happened was his dog that he was falling in love with while was there was ripped away from him and given back to the owner who came back to him for it. The child protective services got involved.

He was a new dog. He was so sad about it. I mean, sad like a family member passed away. He was very upset. So you having people over there, they're like, hey guys, that was me hanging out at the place. Am I sure it off of you? My dog, I don't say things about my dog. What happened was Lewis, he was adopting the dog and they thought that it was like an abandoned dog or whatever. And then the family,

they turned out the people have lost their dog and they went to the adoption agency and they're like, oh my god, we think our dog was placed here accidentally. We've been looking for him for six days and they had to call Justin and say, like, you're not going to believe this, but you can't adopt the dog. Like it actually has a family that's looking for it. This is a horrible, horrible mistake. We're so sorry. So Justin was in pieces. He was shattered man yesterday. then he had Christine, uh, Christina Hutchinson over to Instagram live with him to therapeutically get over the hard break up dog. And since you're a dog.

You're just getting a hand at people going, you dogs gay. Dude, he's like, my dog was not gay. He's straight and we still keep her contact Crackle crackle everybody. This is DJ Lou on Thursday's lost tapes quarantine show Jay opened up with some pretty great news about coronavirus concerning him Christine and Joe Deroza check out dance reaction to hearing it Dan. I don't know I did I tell you the news that they the big news what big news any big news this week

no i didn't hear any big news uh... i don't know how to joderosa uh... went to the doctor and got his results back last week that he is that he is positive for the covid antibodies what what does that mean? It means that in theory, it means that you should not get it again.

You should be okay, but they're still selling everybody, of course, and I think it's responsible to say anyway. Like whoever turns up with that, it seems pretty important. Like still keep doing things the way you're doing them. Just, you know, he said, like, basically give you a little piece of mind, breathe a little easier maybe, you know,

that's that like somehow this went through your system, especially for Joe, who was never really very sick. So when we heard about Joe's thing, me and Christine made appointments at the same place, went, good news, doctors a fan, that's a big deal. And didn't know that walking in, like he didn't know who we were, you know what I mean? But we went in and we got the blood test.

And then yesterday morning, I got a phone call, rare phone call that I answered in the shitter, dude. Yeah. It was a 212 number, though. So I thought maybe that's what it was, or something from the state, or some kind of just information or news. I thought it was.

Two and two always gets you a pick up, especially if you're in the shitter and it's on the red phone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, if it's true, it will me and Christine and we went and the doctor called us and let us know that me and Christine also both carrying the COVID antibodies. Hey, look at that. So that's pretty, uh, pretty exciting. I mean, it that means it's about the best news you can get only right now i i didn't even know you guys were doing that because

kati now i went to a test and we are hiv positive so yeah it's a big week for us to get you found each other i'm pretty sure it was me that affected her i'm a needle drug user and that's not funny. That's not funny. It's not funny. It's life. And if you use drugs intravenously, I know it hits your system the fastest that way. And look, now she has it. She can't leave you now, dude. You're good. You lock them up, dude. You lock them up with the yeah. I used to know it with her. Joe, you want to know why you're alone is because you're not willing to give your partner a deadly disease. Well, I mean, I'll say that's not true.

HPV could be deadly, Joe, if doled out the right way. It's like throwing knives. I'm coming in there with a halitzer. Yeah, yeah, Dan's spraying down the room down here. Joe, you're just, you know, you're just firing off little like potentials. Every 18 needs a knife, man. room. Joe, you're just, you know, you're just firing off little like potentials. Every 18 needs a knife man. All right. You can't all be fucking Gatlin guns, you know. It can't all be explosives. You gotta kill with a little finesse.

They'll see us coming. You need somebody with different skill sets everywhere. I am genuinely jealous that all you guys are COVID antibodies. You guys are the hard bodies of the bonfire because. Yeah. Black Lou, Jacob, DJ Lou and I are all over here vulnerable. I'll say it severely increased the chances I'm going to do that gig in Indianapolis. I'm going to get these wonderful tests. Three blocks from my house. It was so. It was were very ugly. I got a venture into the I.M. legend city. I was in the neighborhood. And now I bet there's like a walkable urgent center probably.

Well, I don't know if they're doing it in Jersey though. The urgent care thing, it's funny. So they're doing testing in a hundred and set 170 urgent care locations in the city. Whenever I've told somebody who doesn't live in New York, that I got this test, they're like, wait, how? How did you get a, I'm like, oh, they're not doing this everywhere.

I thought they were just doing this everywhere. You're kind of right, weirdly enough, like, they're having my parents who work in a hospital having a hard time getting that test. There was a just with the inside of track, no one were to go, I'm gonna migrate back in. I'm gonna go stay with Becky out and just to get my test to see if I got the bodies. And then. I'm going to go stay with Becky Owen just to get my test to see if I got the bodies. And then I'm going on a kissing spree. Oh, buddy, I just

licked storefronts all night last night. You could spit into your hands and just rub it on your face and then touch a door knob and then touch your face again. I've been fingering my eyes and mouth the way I like to outside again. I did. I like to get a good eye rubby on the street. What's up, Joe? It's a trade-off, Dan. I mean, you can move to Jersey for love and die. You can stay alone like me in New York and live. Right. I mean, which, which, which side you on? So your glasses are broken. You're full of room full of books. I'm going to go. I'll go with the sweet, sweet blaze of death.

I'm going down rate and I heard you paid houses. I'm going down rate and I heard you paint houses. Yeah. We know the books you want. I'll be and I'll have a blaze of glory as I enter Valhalla. That's definitely what I'm calling death from here on out. Valhalla. Hey, it's Big J. Olgerson and I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire.

You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95 Eastern on Comedy Central Radio Series XM 95 or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bonfire at sexism. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. Now!