The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Running the Light (feat. Sam Tallent)

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Comedian & author Sam Tallent tells stories of tripping with Doug Stanhope.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com@SamTallent www.samtallent.com Get a copy of Sam Tallent's audiobook "Running the Light" here: https://www.audible.com/pd/Running-the-Light-Audiobook/1705297765Chapters of the book are read by Dan Soder, Bert Kreischer, Doug Stanhope, Tim Dillon, Marc Maron, Ari Shaffir, Chris Gethard, Kyle Kinane and many more.#CrackleCrackle

Hey, it's Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning Tuesday through Friday You want more bonfire? You can hear our full show every day on serious XM You can go to serious xm.com slash bonfire for a special three-month offer The bonfire The BOMFIRE! Yeah, it's the bonfire on Faction Talk, Sirius XM 103. I'm Dan Soder, that's Big Joe Christian. Guess where he's going to be? San Antonio, Texas. Didn't give you much time to guess.

He's going to be there this Thursday through Saturday at LOL. So make sure if you're in the San Antonio area, you go get tickets. That's this Thursday through Friday Then he's gonna be at the funny bone in Liberty, Ohio March 25th through the 27th for tickets and other tournets visit bigj comedy.com I got a major concern Dan that somebody may have just joined in for the first time ever Could you start those plugs over again, please? Absolutely Welcome to the bonfire show of two comedians Where we just kind of watch videos and riff. Yeah

Two kids from the 80s and 90s. They're just having some fun Dicking around hooting and hauen you can list a podcast You can list our podcasts which is now releasing new episodes Tuesday through Friday on all major platform Forms download rate review and subscribe. I don't know. It might be tighter than this. Well, you know, chance to tighten it up. This is live.

Uh, Dan's going to be back on tour in May. What he's done doing is billions thing. Any thing? Yeah. Uh, you could follow him of course at Dan Soder for all updates. Uh, our guest joining us whenever he signs on, you know, we're doing good and ready. We'll plug the book before he gets on,

so he doesn't have to hear it. I don't know. I don't know if it's different. He's a hilarious comic from Denver that I met years ago, who has a book out now called Running the Light, Sam Talent. He's fucking awesome, dude rules. And, yeah, we'll wait to, we'll wait to always plug the book book more

Because once you see what does that every momentum really you really I can't send the invite and put the plugs up at the same time It was crazy It's it's down everybody Whatever you decide, come on, we'll talk to him. There he is. What is here? Sam Talent did join us. Hi Sam, I just plugged your book and it was a very awkward moment of silence. Oh good. We thought you were about to get on the air. Sam is a fucking great comic and this book's awesome dude running the light It's gonna be out. It's out as an audio book on audible calm now available. I read a chapter Stan Hope Tim Dylan

Canain well Dan you actually read two chapters thankfully cuz Mark Norman God bless him he I don't know if he's ever read a word in his life before Oh, this is I didn't think about this Sam, but you got the real test of who's the literate or not in comedy. Yeah, I mean Mark's very funny and he's a charming handsome guy But good God it was like he was reading a language that he'd never heard before But I gotta ask you Sam. I gotta ask you this damn pulled it together though. Oh He and did voices and sound effects. He played the body drum. He was doing everything Really so he got loose. He got loose. He got loose in the studio. I get it now

Black guy voice he had a blast Because Dan because Dan looks like Like an Asian kid that's been beaten into spelling bees by his parents when he has to read a commercial Yeah, they just bind his feet tighter and tighter whenever he blows it. Yeah, just panics. Uh, I gotta say, Sam, we had, uh, we had Doug stand hope on the, uh, on my podcast, Legion of Skanks last week. And he was, I mean, singing the praises of this book.

He said, it's the best book about stand of comedy he's ever read. And, you know, he absolutely loves us. We gave it a big, uh, a plug over there plug over there, but I can't wait to read it. Well, thanks, man. Yes, Dan Hubspin. Uh, he's been the real driving force behind any success this book has had. So I owe him a tremendous debt of gratitude. And, you know, I can't wait to speak at his funeral in a couple of weeks. He's prickled. He's not OK. He's going to pass out and get a scorpion bite.

It's not good down there. All right. You will. You went down and stayed down there when our good buddy Shane Gillis was down there. You guys both with with Stan Hope. How was that? I mean, it was great.

We ate mushrooms and then sat on his roof. And whenever he tried to talk to us, we just laughed in his face. It was very nice to be really rude to a person who invited you into their home. You guys were just drunk, dude. Oh, dude, yeah, like he would try and say something to us and me and Shane would just be like,

we're gonna have to leave. And he would connect, he would be like, at one point he was like, do you guys know Danny Robito? It road headliner from like 1991. None of us either heard of. And he was, he did some acu to a bit of rubito's and we just couldn't handle it. Man, I literally pissed my pants laughing at stand up. Dude, that's got to be what a great place to do mushrooms and with

the company of Stanhope and Shane Gillis there just to get that laugh going. Don't forget Don't forget it. Don't forget an unhinged bingo bouncing around the house. Oh, she was not allowed in between the hours of like two in the afternoon. She's too much man. She belongs in a cage. She should be behind glass. So how long did you make? How long did you stay down there with stand-hook? I went for a week and then I went back for a week later. So two weeks total this summer. What a hell. Yeah. They've never been there. I've heard wonderful stories of

the old, of the old combine out there compound. Oh, you guys would love it, man. Yeah. I don't know. You know, it's just, it's the stories I hear sometimes. It's a little like too deep down the rabbit hole for me. I feel like, you know, I mean, I heard us stories of like, uh, there's piss and a squirt

gun. And I'm like, like yeah that's like I check out on that. I'll do I'll do I'll do the Molly and get fucking goofy and mushrooms and whatever and have a good and but I mean yeah once it's getting in the piss guns. Yeah, Colin Sam up Colin Sam up after we visit and I go I need a goddamn scorpion sandwich. That's funny. That's a bully technique. It's not awesome fun. It's not like all good old fashioned goofs and gags. It's a lot of like him being wasted at four in the afternoon and you haven't really, you know, look yourself in the face and wonder if this is the life you want to choose.

Well, I mean, that's the probably the perfect cosine for this book, which I've read and it's fucking awesome, dude. You You really man when people do shows like TV or movies about standup, it always fucking blows it all because they try to Replicate it. They try to like well This and you kind of explain in the book with the character Billy Ray Schaeffer You get to see like, this dude, me and Jay and you all know a guy exactly like him that is done a little bit in the business and then you've watched out kind of burn out with drugs and drink. Oh, yeah. So do you know Troy Baxley, right? You mean, that was the first guy when I started in laughs and Tucson, Troy Baxley was the first guy

that I saw that I was like, this guy is fucking unbelievable, like unbelievably funny. And now people have the she was food form. I mean, being in stand up for a while is like being in a graveyard. It's a nightmare. I'm very afraid of growing old in this business. Jason Rouse too. Did Jason Rouse pass away ultimately. Yeah, I think he swallowed his own tongue like the cellmate and silence of the lamps. It's just. There's no long-term. Jason Rouse is still alive, isn't he? Oh, no, Jason. Oh, uh, Sean.

Sean Rouse, Sean Rouse, Sean Rouse, I'm talking about. Yeah. Jason Rouse is still alive. Yeah, it's surprisingly. Yeah, absolutely. So I'm in LA. Um, he, yeah, it's, it's a weird thing when you see, and Jay guys and Philly now that you started with, you know, you've probably seen going, you're like, Oh, Jesus Christ. I mean, yeah, nuts, I mean, I started in there, it was only the black circuit guys. So what I've just seen is a lot of guys just stay local. And I don't know what's like their alcoholism or drugs affects their situation at all. It was more like into New York, seeing people just kind of go by the way side like that.

Like Rick Shapiro was like such a revered name at one point around, but Rick was just like so like self, just so like use the term even if he's if he sober he was like just pickled by the things he's done to his body for like so many years so he's not gonna be right do you know what I mean but he's not gonna be like all right guess we'll get that house with a yard and whatever you know he's not gonna pull it together you know he's gonna stick with essence just our selling stuff he goes guys I got a three bedroom, two bath that you're going to shit about. Haven't touched your socks. And it does make you realize it does seem though, interestingly, like,

if you're like a person who's deep into the comedy, though, if it all fell to shit, I'm more likely to go that direction than just be like, I know people who like were lifers and then like hit 50 or 50 something and then they go like, dude, I have to get like an actual like, I'm gonna get my series seven, take the series seven test and just start doing that shit, like because I've seen that,

but that's not usually attached to like an alcohol problem person. That's a person that's like, ah, I do have to eventually, you know, put a kid in college or something. And they just kind of walk. But I said, even though I don't really have like major drug issues, that's the way. If I got like, if I got embittered,

it wouldn't be to leave and go get a job at like home depot. It would definitely be doing heroin in a cab and somewhere. You're not going to start managing a lot of things. Stop it, I'm managing. Yeah, I would be to be my blue vest. I'd be like, guys, you guys came in on the right day. We got a lumber special that's going to make you shit. Sam, what are you doing? What I love in the book.

Sorry, go ahead, Dan. Oh, are you saying over? No, I mean, you said you were afraid of seeing yourself years from now on the business. What specifically? over. No, I mean, you said you were afraid of seeing yourself years from now in the business. What specifically? I don't know headlining the loony bins over the age of 35. There's a lot of shit that you do stand up. It's cool when you're young and it's exciting and you're like still inspired. Then you see those same guys doing a 20 minute t-shirt pitch at the end of their Sunday afternoon show in loonies and fallout of springs. It just gets bleak, dude. It gets really scary if you don't like

have a certain level of success. That is bleak. We always say the bleak is to me and that is when people are selling merch that aren't even attached to their set. You know what I mean? Well, I sell keychain, yeah, but not even that, just randomly. It's like, also I sell keychain toenail clippers out by the lobby. I sell exploding wallet. I think it's, yeah, actually my buddy does. I know a buddy that sells firewall. It's, but if you, uh, what do you think is more bleak? The end, the end of a rock and roll career, or the end of a comedy career? Oh, comedy. Easy and comedy. There's something bleak about how

much had a rock and roll or God Yeah true True, that's very good. It's also the idea that that a musician though to like Can still play and entertain like on a smaller level even even it's like one-on-one. It's like you really It's not a crush. Just like you could be a funny guy, but like being a comic does require the actual like stage and Performing it, you know, I mean Because the musician you could just play you could just play and entertain people and like impress people Still yeah comic if you're just like I'm never was and now and also then life becomes very very serious When you realize it didn't fucking happen

Do you know I mean Unless you can like real some people though I'd be but I've never met never met somebody who's gone career cruise ships and I've met a couple who are happy at all in any way. Not that they don't smile ever. I'm just saying like they're just overall their thing is like I went and found the nine to five version of what this was supposed to be. Yeah, you would need a special needs love of the ocean to enjoy being a carnival comedian. You'd have to like, I fucking, I love the ocean, I love dolphins, I want to learn everything about them and you're like, this guy can't live on on. I think I've said it before, I think I've said it before too, in the ultimate nut kick

of having to be a, because what I would have assumed when I was younger, like, I think I would even say that. Like, what happens if you don't, like, kind of pop every, like, I guess I'll just write a set that I can do it colleges and make some money and do cruise ships and make money. But man, it's a crew in his elite. If you fuck or hook up with anyone of the passengers, you will be removed from the from the boat right then and there, like they will helicopter you back to shorts. That much of a breach of contract. What? That was the whole point. Well, that's if I've done, I've only done me and Dan have done the impractical jokers one. And we've, I've only done me and Dan have done the impractical Joker's

one and we've done a bunch of the rock ones before doing comedy on them, but on those, it's a charted boat so you can do whatever you want on it. It's a different thing. If you work for like carnival or royal Caribbean or those kind of like work for the actual company like that, yeah, they will, there was a famous story of a comic who got helicoptered off the ship. What? What a cool way to leave a ship for fucking someone on there like you're leaving like a president that had to resign You're like I want to think I want to thank Amber for sucking me off after the buffet of my afternoon my afternoon

Clean show because I caught a beat cut a beach on the poop deck now. They're fucking winging me off this thing because I caught a beach on the poop deck. Now they're fucking winging me off this thing. Now I gotta get that in here. It's worth it. Yeah. People ask me, was it worth getting your dick sucked as you watched just an endless ocean? And that answer is yes.

Time for something. Time for something. Well, I mean, dude, if I were to start, I think you're right, Jay. I'd be similar. If I'm going to end, it's going to be boozed soaked and just torpedoing down. I don't want to have like the, I don't want Sam to be a successful author and walk into a home depot off 225.

And I'm fucking rolling big fucking orange bins like, hey, Sam, things ended up all right. Yeah, I walk, I walk into this into Sir Lo loin off of Anna and you're in there cutting the roast beef You fucking sir loin is what's up? That is a You were probably conceived there. I knew you would love sir Dude sir loin rules. That's an Aurora fucking. That's an Aurora temple. Was it roast beef? Yeah That's an Aurora temple. Was it Rose Beef? Yeah. It's like a Rose beef place. It's like a thing. It's the Arby's dude. Stan, fancy Arby's trash.

Let me tell you something. This guy likes regular old dumpy Arby's, so I'll give Sir Loan a shot. Yeah, dude. I'll take, we'll stop by Sir Loan when we're in the Denver area next time. Hell yeah. One thing I love about running the light, the book is great is I, as someone that's from, that grew up in Aurora, but went to college in Tucson and started comedy in Tucson working that area. Sam does an awesome job describing gigs in these shitty Colorado towns and small towns in the area

where you're like, man, you fucking nailed the feel of it, of just sitting in the back of a restaurant restaurant being like, fuck here we go. These yoga idiots are going to hate me. But it's you captured the one nighter perfectly in this book. Thanks, man. Uh, yeah, I was, I was in Vegas when I wrote the book and I was just like missing Colorado so much it was a love letter. Those moments where you're like in the weird little auxiliary room, waiting to go out and perform for a bunch of people who you hate on paper, but you have to bought a bullet and rented a gun. Like, there was no

thing to keep going, dude. Yeah, you're like, dude, another one of these gigs tomorrow night with people that are unimpressed while they peruse the buffet. Yeah, or your feature is like a juggling hypnotist who's killing. He just buries you for a weekend. Yeah, dude. Having someone do magic before you would all do was another like thing like, oh man, man, I can't imagine. And as a comic who used to do it, especially when I was in the black rooms,

but having a feature that closes big on a musical piece. Oh my God. W. Nightmare. Good luck. That's a long night in a hotel with your arm behind your head. Like you're staring at the ceiling fan like an assassin. I heard a saying that they went out here man. So fuck it.

So fuck it. So fuck it. So fuck it. So fuck it. So fuck it. That guy closed on a fucking Obama would probably rap like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You fucking get crushed. There was a guy in Denver who would close on a rascal flats parody. And no one could follow him. Like the funniest people in town would just eat shit after this guy. Man, it just changes the room. It changes the DNA of the room. And it's fucking well, you know, something we were talking about on the show before you signed on Sam as we were talking

about DUI as we watched Johnny Damans DUI video. And those gigs, especially the more West you go in this country, when you do one nighters, a lot more driving, a lot more chances of DUIs. Sure. You have to be boo-soaked to make it from Tama, Iowa to River North, Minnesota. Like you're not doing those sober. If you are, you're probably molesting kids. That's the only way. You go, sorry, dude, it's those soft bodies that really don't get me off the road in one piece. Yeah, I like it. It's like a crab that just schlepped a shell.

That's the kind of. Yeah, dude, but I mean, the amount of alcohol you drink on one nighters, and you ever get a Dewey? No, dude, I haven't. And it's remarkable that I haven't, because I've been doing standup on the road real hard since I was 19. And I mean, there's been nights when I would drink

a bottle of vodka and then ghost ride the whip in the middle of like downtown North Dakota. So, yeah, you know the top drops by, he's like, oh, you rascal. Did he have a good show? Yeah, yeah, they're like, some he's like, oh, you rascal. Did you have a good show? Yeah, they're like some of the town folks think it's a parade. They're like, look, the gin soap to man is doing his little dance again. He's doing that Obama wrapping bit.

Oh, it kills. Oh, the staff loves it. There's nothing worse than when a staff says how much they loved a guy that you know is a hack. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God, especially because you go in there and that you you start to even overstep not realizing thinking like they're going to be cool because they like you in some way. Yeah. There you go. And they go, how is so and so when they came

here, they go, oh, my God, what a doll. just the nicest and the best fan. And you're like, oh, yeah, you're there cool You got to roll with it. Yeah, no, I think they're cool. So that's what I was good. That's why I brought it up Because I think the guys really cool when I certainly wasn't looking the shit talk at all I wanted to commiserate about how great he was that's I got all of his albums the The guy's pro-lific. I'm actually selling his merch this weekend, so fuck a lot. One of the first weekends I got sober and I stopped drinking,

and I went on the road and I didn't know how to hang. I was hanging out with a staff at this club, and they were like, hey, there's a girl that's working the program, and maybe you guys can get lunch, and she was cute, and I was like, oh, awesome. And again, I don't know how to hang without alcohol. So I'm just kind of choppy and like, my energy is off. I'm just like, oh shit.

And I'm talking to this girl and it starts going well. And I'm like, oh yeah, she's like my favorite comic was here a month ago. And I was like, oh, really? Who? And she said a name of a guy who stinks. And it just immediately, I was like, oh my god? Who? And she said a name of a guy who I who stinks. And it just immediately I was like, I'm I got back to my hotel.

It just immediately deflated me. Where's I? Can I go to in and out and then back to my hotel? The sucks. I don't want to go eat bad. You're making me upset. I had the same situation where I was hooking up with a girl. And after where she, I like, she like turned the lights on.

And she had a sticker of this awful comedian right over her bed. I was like, oh no, oh no, what's happened here? Oh, she's like, he's my favorite. I've actually got a, he gave me a, I was stalking him and he gave me a restraining order. That's right. I only have eyes for you and Jeff Dunham.

That was a, give me your jalapeno on a stack. I knew like a dummy. Yeah, she's like you and Jeff both love fisting and that's why I'm here. Well, Dan, I remember when you would come home for the holidays and do our shows and it was like, we'd all be like, is it true what they say about the big city, Dan? All the ladies have big bassoons and everything. There's no prayers. It'd be like, sure is kids. Sure.

There's a thing called a check spot and it makes a man out of a boy. Yeah. I met the hotel. You know, there's real Jews there. No way. Yeah. That's true. What they say about the smell.

Yeah. It smells like pee and there's a sandwich at all times of the day. Asians as far as the eye can see. They got different kind of latins there. They got Puerto Ricans and Dominican's. Not all their boots are pointy and curly like out here. And if you believe it, they don't think the greatest athlete of all time is John L. Way. I don't believe those silly.

We got to catch forks out. We'll kill them all. L. He's definitely got, he's definitely got a steakhouse, right? Yeah, of course. L. Not only that Mike Shanahan has a steakhouse called Shanahan's. You win a, you win a Super Bowl in Denver, dude. You can print money. Yeah, not only that Mike Shanahan has a steakhouse called Shanahan's You went a super bowl in Denver, dude. You can print money

Even even Justin Timberlake didn't name his place Justin's Couldn't get what did he call it? Justice outy. Yeah, it's because P. Diddy probably owns the right to Justin's Yeah, Justin's boots Justin boots is a is that only Colorado company? I don't know. I'm not a expert in regional boots, Dan. I'm sorry. Well, Sam, we haven't have one here. We

have one here. Jacob our producer knows a lot about cowboy boots. That's a national brand. See? That's it. And That's been the boot update. Yeah, guys. And speaking of which are boot segment, this today is sponsored by running the light by Sam talent. Pick up a fun book that you can read while getting custom fit in Justin Boone. Only at Justin's boots. Not to be confused with P. Diddy's son's place. Justin's

the first. The first sentence of Ryan the Light mentions an ostriching cowboy boot. So that's a, it makes sense. It all comes back. It all fucking comes. We almost bought cowboy boots as like, you know, a, a, a site gag of us being super western when we performed in Austin, Texas together.

And then realize that, uh, that would be like a $400 joke or something. Like cowboy boots are no bullshit. I thought we're gonna go in there and grab like a pair like, I'll spend $100 for the gag. You could probably talk me in the 120 if they're like flashy, but goddamn. Yeah, that's four. Remember those in four seconds.

Yeah. Yeah, just to walk out and go, we bought these. Also, probably me trying to go with any kind of like gear where I'm like, oh, it's in the funny word dressing like the thing. Generally, it looks like I've just chose to dress that way. Like, if I can buy a cab of this, you go, oh, you're doing cab-boy boots now?

I'm like, no. I'm supposed to laugh at how stupid these look. But then I'll go, but why do they look good? It's just that wear and go boy boots Like we talk about you slip into like undertaker costume very easy The lights can go out of the Grammys Yeah, I'm like, oh dude look at Jay's fucking cutting edge fashion Sam and I just salmon. I just look like guys. We hated growing up

Fuck that they called you glitters waiting for the bus I just salmon. I just look like guys we hated growing up. Fuck that. They call it. You glared waiting for the bus. Yeah, dude. When you're when you're from Colorado, the cowboy look is you know, it's a choice. It's like growing up in a gang neighborhood and you're like, I don't live that life. I don't want that life. Oh, yeah, you don't have to be a cowboy. Where you have the small cowboy hat and then you take off the larger cowboy hat to reveal the small cowboy hat.

If I get a little bit of money, I'm pulling that as soon as I get an opportunity. I think in cowboy hats are a million dollars each. Yeah, do we bought, we got a cowboy hat and it was a, we looked at it as a four year investment on the Moon Tower Comedy Festival rebooking our radio show. And it's been, it's, it's really paid in dividends. It really has paid off. I'm not going to lie. We went on quite a run with Moon Tower before the pandemic. Those had no shirts, those hats and those shirts really made the trip a few times now. But the rumor is now in Austin, you got to trade your hats for, uh, for kettlebells. That's the

rumor. And Rogan's Austin, you got a kettlebell. And don't work. Get rid of your hats and go to kettlebells. Gotta go to work those shoulders up. Gorilla faced kettlebells. Yeah, you want to go to Austin now. You better be ready. You better be in fucking shape. Yeah, you have to fight your way in.

Yeah, you got to beat Tony Hinchcliffe in a two round exhibition. Well, just an ins. I would break Tony in half. My God. I imagine all the actual, the Texas locals just seeing these LA guys move in and they're like, well, if it goes physical, I know we're going to put the body out by a lock heart. You might be wiery though, that Tony Hinchcliffe takes the Jetsu.

He could be wiery. I don't know. He has a physical body. I think he might just be a ghost. I don't have any faith in him. I have a core portal form. Because that's where I got you. I exist.

I exist on the Astero plane. You figured out my one secret. I'm a lantern. I'm one of the lanterns. But I am trained by Joe. I'm one of the ranchers. But I am trained by Joe. Sneak up on you. I choke you. That's right, gang.

I chained my own green lantern. My justice league, the Joe Rogan justice league story. Rogan has Hinscliffe and Tim Dylan on chains. Back boys. Uh, the stand hopes, posse you and Shane just drugged out laughing. There's going to be a real mad Max area, the fucking Texas in Arizona. Oh, man. I hope stand up never moves to Austin. He needs to stay and I mean, I love him.

I just it's it's concerning how good he is at drinking and all he eats his caviar too What is it? I am eats caviar starts drinking and then his toilet bowls are just streaked with the most nightmaric messes ever in the world Wait, so he's just howard using the end of his life? Is he wearing like clinics boxes on his feet and shit? No, he doesn't wear shoes or shirts very often. He's just out there tiny little naked body. Is it dare I say at least mildly clean or is it only just a shit storm? No, no, he's a insanely generous host and very, you know,

it's great to be there, but just knowing his diet is It's he's fucking eating like a Russian oligarch. It's just all Right, but it's not just like He's every where all over the house and shit is not like like no one's like no one gives a shit It seems like every time I see it behind him and the thing loads. It's pretty cool. No, it's pristine It's not like camp nowhere situation. He also has like three people living with him who, you know, make sure every one of his needs is met. But yeah, you're right. He does. He's like a king. He's like, today I shall have caviar and start the drinking at 6 a.m. He just squeezes a fish right into his mouth.

I'm going sea world today on. He goes on the tap. He goes full tap. He thinks that caviar squeezes right out of their bellies. I don't even care if this one's fall on the floor. caviar and booze. What a fucking what a awesome way to go out. Forever. He probably cracked the code on some kind of like ancient Ukrainian health secret. And now he's not live every one of us. Yeah, you don't

realize that in the morning, he does that weird breath meditation. He was like, and then can just sit in ice water for fucking three hours. I mean, already, I mean, already laying, already laying walked through years and years of heroin addiction, I mean, Arty Lang walked through years and years of heroin addiction, COVID, he's still going. Arty Lang is still alive. Some people just cracked the code, like you say, they just, they got the extra, I wonder if at a certain point in talent Keith Richards just calls you and he's like, this is how you make it through.

He caviar every day and drink smoke cigarettes at 2 p.m. 2.35 p.m. 5 p.m. Take the charcoal pills. I'd love to see stand-up and Keith Risser. That's just like two skeletons talking on top of the roof. It looks like a grateful dead poster. Just them kicking with top hats on. And then I somewhere in there, just Johnny Depp shows up. Hey! You know, whole flock of crows delivers Johnny Depp to their compound. Keith goes, oh really, I had to summon you. I had to summon you because I knew you would have been here in the zero on time. That's okay, it's good to see you, Doug. Keith.

Hey, we're the pick, We're the pickled boys of entertainment. Hey, we're just about to ride Maryland Manson around the living room. You guys want to wear open, open button down shirts with no shirts underneath meat. Hey, do you want to see cool trick? I can, I can suck down this cucumber and shit out of you guys want to go out? Hey, you guys want to go out and get our eyebrows pierced today? Okay. Yeah, cuz Sam we, uh, Jay and I during quarantine started a podcast with Irish affair will rewatched 21 Jump Street from the beginning. And you see, yeah, dude. I know I hear about that.

Well, not a lot of people did and that's why we're not doing it anymore. Say I'm fun One of the things you see is you see Johnny Depp being completely going into like Hollywood hunk phase Where it's clear no one told him no on anything. It was just like yeah, whatever you want You just fucking have whatever you want and if you lived like that just with fucking drinking all the time If you showed up hammered and did your job and they're like, you fucking nailed that. You'd be like, another round of margaritas. So let's fucking go. Well, yeah, he just gives the, he gets to act like Jack Scalikin, you know, it's like he's like half man half witch doctor. Just kind of

puppeteering himself around the world. It looks like he's on strings. Yeah, that is, that's got to be a long existence. Just when you wake up and you're like, sorry, it's time for Friday morning absinthe. Mr. Depp, it's Wednesday afternoon. I have a nail appointment, then a bloodletting, and then after that, a spiritual, a spiritual connection with a young lady friend. I need a bag of adrenal chrome and eyeliner, staff. that spiritual a spiritual connection with a young lady friend. I need a bag of adrenal chrome and eyeliner. Stacked. Yeah. Also, can you give me the L'Oreal, the other kind burns my eyes

when I put it on. I need a shallus of diet, Dr. Pepper. I mean, at least, at least you have to watch, watch stand-hope with a makeup pencil put on eyeliner. And he's like, what are you guys giving it to? What are you guys doing? at least you have to watch stand-hope with a makeup pencil put on eyeliner. What do you guys get it to? Guys, I do a little Chinese-wise thing or no?

Smoky eyes today? Yeah, you got any money on the Rangers game? Hold on. Yeah, guys, I'm reading that bear's rams over and I'm thinking we take it. Also, let's put some caviar and some graham crackers. Let's see what that does. Sam is one of the funniest dudes going back to Denver. You know, I started I didn't start comedy in Denver, but Sam is one of those guys in Denver. You go back and you're like, holy fuck, please don't move to New York, where I'm gonna have to try a lot harder, but he's an awesome comic and he wrote an awesome

book about comedy that's a it's fiction. So don't worry. It's not him telling you his process like every comic on a podcast It's him. I'm not Richard Belzer Yeah, yeah, make sure you check. I'm not wearing bat I'm not wearing blackface on the back cover like bells It's an awesome it's an awesome awesome story running the light. It's available at Sam talent That's T.A. L. L. E. N.T dot com. You can also get the audio book now available at audible dot com. Myself, Berk, Chrysher, Doug, Stanhope, Tim Dylan, Mark Maren, R.E. Schaffer, and more red chapters. It's a fucking awesome Sam. Congratulations on the book.

And thanks for coming on the bonfire, dude. Thank you both. Thank you all very much for having me. You've always, you've both have been very generous to me throughout my career and I'm grateful and thank you. Also, hey, Colorado Springs, Springs three East comedy club this weekend Come on down. It's a black room watch me figure it out. Yeah St. Talent dot com dude go there for tickets and go check them out if you're a Colorado You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM! you