The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Salmon & Kip-Ups

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

The Bonfire crew are separately snowed in, but broadcast live from the comforts of their own homes. | Bobby continues his influencing online and Jacob can't believe the access he gives his social media audience. Jay wants to own the idea of an Instagram page that only shows Jacob doing kip-ups and eating salmon. | Jay pays some youths to shovel his property but over-tips them because he doesn't know any better. | Bobby had a stuttering doula when his wife was pregnant. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Can the people hear me? Yes, but they... You can hear me. This is not a warning. We'd like you to be turned up a little more, Jay. Me? Why don't we say this when we were fucking...

Well, we did, but... Check, check, is that better? Someone called it a farce and left early. Check, check. Who called it a farce? You said, can we stop this farce? I am the big friend. We are alive right now.

Sirius X-M. Oh, man, we got to keep Bobby. We got to keep Bobby away from his house. I'm controlling Bobby. Bobtron 2000. It's the bonfire, everybody. It's... We're coming from our...

We're coming from our respective homes. It is, uh... The Great Blizzard of 2006 is here. I'm ready, dude. Are you ready to head out to the woods together, dude? Are you ready to do it yet? I don't know.

I don't know. satellite dish out there i found out you know what i found out jay what they have a serious xm studio in Vegas at the win yeah at the wind dude yeah it's uh it's a see-through it's like a fish bowl we should do january february february we get sweets at the wind wind at the wind i was just watching some Indian television show called Dark Wind, I think it's called. We do that. January, February, me and you, we get suits, we go out there, and we just rock Vegas for two months without the fam.

I hate Vegas, though. I know, I know, but we can make it, we can make Vegas what we want it to be. We could? Yeah, dude, we become high rollers or medium rollers. We can have some, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, Just hook up with high play. Like, you know, we'll just hang out with famous people. Vegas famous, not, you know.

Vegas famous people. Oh, yeah. The guy's like, yeah, this guy's won like the most money in three card poker ever. Yeah, some Asian with like nine rings, nine world Siri rings. How many inches do you get, Bobby? Dude, we got, we got two feet. Yeah, I think we got close. We got two feet, maybe a little over.

It was, it was so daunting. You know, last time on that last one, I went out and shoveled in the middle of the night or whenever at night. I shoveled and then I shoveled again the next day and then I shoveled again. So I made it, you know, I shoveled three times, but it was easy. This time I was like, nah, I'll just, I'm going to wait it out. For some reason, I didn't believe them. Because it said it was.

Because it took a while to start. It started way later than they said. And it didn't stick for like the first four hours of snowing. So you were like, oh, this is nothing. Then when the temperature dropped, it was immediate. Buddy, it was so, like, we were up in New Hampshire, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. We got a snowstorm up there, which is fine. That's what you want.

Max was snowboarding. Me and Dawn, with two old people farting around town, having, you know, splitting a sandwich and a soup. You're Kelly Clarkson and then the fishbow announced that she's, that she's getting divorced. Yeah. Yeah, I know. So that's why it wasn't the time, dude. She's getting divorced. Like she's looking now.

Yeah, but if I was there and I discussed this with Dawn and she agree with me. Okay. If I was there, it just wasn't the time. She's still too close to it. I got to let it have some air, let it have some air, let her get out on the market. And then, Jacob, what are you laughing at? I don't know. Do we have to say legally she, I did not hear that she's getting in any way divorce from her husband or if she has a husband even?

I don't know. I think he passed away, guy. nice then you do have a shot i think he died did he die jacob i think he's dead he passed away i don't know her ex passed away or something something happened take a look who's our researcher christine christine what you think because you're in a fucking las vegas port nobody can hear you dip you get your mic off i can't call you names because i love you but jay call her a name for me you say the sentence and i'll say the end you god damn fuck face get the fucking thing up right now you dip shit

hurry up you fucking godless piece of shit am i jumping i may be jumping she does not have a current husband she was married to a guy then they got divorced and then he died yes yes yes she has two kids which i'm great with kids i love kids

fantastic with kids She's probably going to need you to completely turn your back on Max and Dawn. But I'll be honest with you. You've done a good job with that already. So I say it's time. I think Dawn's done with me. Yeah? I think she would not be...

God damn. It wouldn't be a problem with Don. What's that? How great would that be? If she was done with you? Yeah, she... Oh, she... I just spent the whole weekend with her.

And we've... She just left me on the couch every night. Yeah. That did. She tucked me in like a grandfather on the couch. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And crawled up to the bed by herself. You're 70 years old, dude. Yeah.

I told her, I shoveled, I have a driver. I have two huge driveways up in New Hampshire. And I said, I shoveled the whole thing by myself. Just went out and shoveled it. You know, and I walked in. I go, I just shoveled the whole driveway by myself with a shovel. Will you touch my ding ding? She goes, I'd rather walk through three feet of snow. Did she say that? Yeah. Oh, well, I don't know.

It hurts me. That you know what it's bad when Jacob feels something. Oh, God, damn. Three feet of snow. So what are you going to do? If you were independently wealthy, you could buy the house next door. I wouldn't even buy the house next door. I'd walk away.

I'd just get a fund for Max. Be like, dude, I got you. Come see me in Vegas. I'm there in January and February with the Jay. And then I'll be wrong. Jay and the fucking batch pad. Yeah, the batch. Oh, dude, you think about the, we just get a suite together.

Forget about the two rooms. We get some type of wind suite. Yeah, a two-bedroom apartment. Two-bedroom apartment. But we got to be in the wind because I want to be when we walk into the valet, Jay, Bobby, you know, we slip them a little bit of something. I mean, of course, you don't slip them anything because you'd be dropping the way you tip. We'd be out of money, brother-fucking first month.

I don't know what to give people. I give them the value of what it would. take for me to do it yeah be three thousand dollars is it what i didn't give anybody three thousand dollars well here the thing jay we had the big snowstorm the blizzard of 26 and it dumped two feet of snow everywhere they it was the it was terrible but not only was it snow the bottom was wet the top was light it was it was shit snow to shovel and so i went out today with my myself and started shoveling then max came out then dawn came out we did all the shoveling together we we shoveled i have a i have a whole system i do one side i get it over to the other i clean off the end of the driveway i put the

cars back there then i do the other side the top of the driveway then i take the cars out in the street i clean all the cars off and then i pull them all back in right it took around three and a half four hours to do mother fuck j you have a i mean the top of the line snowblower that doesn't work on your patio or your rock or your whatever they are. The brick. The brick. You hire somebody to come to your driveway. Driveway, outback, and all the walkways, yeah.

And they did it. And then you tip them, you paid them, their fee, which they get paid. I don't know what their fee is. They're getting paid their fee. What a company is getting paid their fee. These are three young dudes. Well, the company gets a fee, but they pay them. through that fee they get a percentage it's like a massage parlor you know sure they get a

percentage of that 70 bucks if i knew it was 70 to get one of those there's no way it was 70 dollars it's more than that substantially more can i just ask how much it was to get everything done just for the fee um well i think it was because i think the money changes also because it was two feet of snow uh i think it was like four something 400 something which i would pay to have that done without having to go out there and do that by myself i'm gonna you know i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna take all this back because i shoveled today yeah and for four or something dollars sounds about right just about right sounds about right but dude it sounds about right i came in i felt like i just went to vietnam and i was coming home exhausted you're at long john

your fucking shoes are wet dude i had long jill i had to take everything off everything was wet my bones my hips hurt i don't know why my hips hurt because you're throwing your fucking hips into it dude oh oh god and i felt bad because my neighbors to the right they're a little older and they just had shovels and i had my electric shovels you thought it was going to cost a lot more than it did you realize now how reasonably good of an idea it was to do that it's the the the fee is great but the tip you gave is but that's not you don't have to do that you could have been cheap it's not cheap i wouldn't have been cheap i'm never cheap don't ever say i'm cheap i'm a big tipper i'm a i'm an I'm always tip good.

You're what they call, you're a nervous tipper. Sure, that's fair. You're a nervous tipper. You're like, ah, ha, ha, here, just take it all. You may feel like I'm over-generous, too. You got me, you're right, you're my, you got to be my frugal Jiminy cricket, dude.

When you were like, I forget it was, you were setting up guys to go on the road with you, and you were like, yeah, you'll meet him, he's a good guy, you'll drive up there together, and then you'll share a room all weekend. I was like, damn, Bobby's figured it out. everybody I bring has their own room. Well, out of my pocket, I think most of it.

You're out of your mind, dude. Part of being an emcee or an opener, a feature with somebody who's like your caliber is, you know, you share a room. Oh, yeah, sure. I did. I did plenty of times. Plenty of times.

That's the fun part. You share the room. The problem is Jay's not going to make Dylan and Mike share a room. Yeah. No way. like friends my oh you can't oh no you couldn't do that to mike i'll go to pieces i mean it would go to pieces but it would be a whole nightmare well you should you should just put a camera in there and record that it would be funny oh my god that'd be great but yeah dude i can't i can't josh and dylan oh josh and

mike oh that just wouldn't happen that just wouldn't even happen that should happen mike would Mike would sleep in a car first. Yeah, I, you know, you can't. You get nervous. You should make a phone call. All you have to do is chat, cheapy-t. Hey, I had them shovel. How much should I tip them?

It will tell you. I did what felt right, man. Dude. Jesus. Just call me and Lou next time. We're going to come over to your house. We're going to shovel for you. Okay.

That's going to suck for you now that I know that I've overtipped, so. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, chat, GPT. What should I pay Bobby and Blackloo to shovel my place? And what would be a fair tip for such price? I do want in on this. You said you take, you take three people. You guys are breaking it up three ways.

But you said that's what you tip today, three people. Yeah, yeah, but Bobby's told me that was outlandish what I've done. It's a 70% tip. It's crazy. Bobby, Bobby, thank you for telling me that I've overpaid and overtipped. I will be paying you in Blacklough.

And now it appears Jacob. Oh, no. Your wage. All right. Listen, what I'm saying, no, no,

what I'm saying is that you're very... I told these guys to raid the fridge. I'm like, yo, beers, white claws, whatever you want, man, have had it. They're in the garage already. They only have to do your house next snowstorm. The garage is still open. They could have robbed me blind.

I have no idea. I just gave them money to have robbed me blind. Toilet cams in. They're probably watching me take shits now. Did you guys toilet cam me? We were never in your house. Now, you guys are toilet caming me. I'm going to give you on a show.

I'll give you a show. Take that toilet cam. I don't know how they did it, but they did it. I had a far button. I couldn't get to it quick enough. You cracked ass on the internet this morning. Yeah. You know, it makes me happy that you guys follow me

because there's so many friends of mine that never, I mean, you never like what I do, which bugs me. I mean, I like all your stuff. Anytime I see something of you, I'm just like it, boom. Let me tell you who that never comes back to, me. I don't look. I don't look at those things. And by the way, when I see you,

thing I just see it and I move on like everything else that's put in front of me I don't uh I don't like anything okay like I mean I mean I'm not saying that I don't enjoy it I'm saying I don't push the buttons in fact when I've accidentally just because I'm scrolling and the page stops and like you you hit something and you do like it I don't know if they see this I then unlike it you unlike my stuff no no if I've like hit it and yes if it liked your thing I because then I feel like I'm setting a press it that I'll like things and then people start doing what you're doing is complaining that I'm not liking their things. Well, if you like, if you're not saying, when I like your stuff, my people go to your stuff.

And if you like my stuff, your people come to my stuff. Like if we, that's how the algorithm works. It feeds it. Is that how? I mean, are you right about that? I don't know. I just said it. I didn't think you know. Oh, you might be right. If you're right about that, I would think more. If that's the real thing, Bobby, I would think more to like your things when I see them. Well, here's the thing because I get nervous for you because if it helps you, I will, I will click the thing. I don't want you to help me. I want you to like, if you like it, I want you to like it.

I don't want you to help me like I'm a fucking handicap. Yeah, but now the pressure is on. Because now if I watch a thing and I go, I was all right. Now, now, now it's like I have to like it or else you're going to go, oh, I don't, I genuinely don't think it's good. Now, listen, we have a lot of side conversations about people's internet on their social media. right no shit i got a mute fucking people i hate the internet i mean not the internet i hate social media so much i mute a lot of people i hate what it shows me i hate what it shows me i'm like oh my god i i know it dude i saw some stuff this weekend that was in fear like almost ruining

my weekend oh you realize you've become friends with someone with a personality that you've always just made fun of yeah yeah i thought i got away from all those people in my life nope but apparently i have it it's just no no no now the fart may i say this the fart in my video was for you was it well think about it we're doing this little thing i'm waking up i'm going you know because i'm an influencer and i'm going out and wow look at the snow right oh my god it's a lot of no and then the fart was the little cute part for you there she is a little funny part god um and then i wrote i wrote i wrote i wrote on the screen i wrote on the screen drew attention to it that was i appreciate it worked it i thought it was i did think it was funny but i also said i get

to you and me again i'm not a good i'm not against i'm not against i am a good friend i'm not against i'm not against uh you're a dude i'm kidding you're one of the greatest friends of all i didn't know i didn't know i was going to hit a cord fucking sensitive snow j christine's not around you're all alone in the house you're hanging out with mexicans all day yeah but i'm gonna crush white calls till i fall asleep i was gonna go for it you are a great friend you are a great friend it would just be nice to every once in a while to see a big Jay O'Gerson thumbs up or a heart. You know what I mean?

It's almost like winning a social award. A heart? Yeah. You went a Hardy? I want a Hardy. I want a J. Hardy. This is so genuine. I get to love.

I'm so fascinated by Bobby the influencer. I'm fascinated by his videos. You're the first person in my life who's complained about this thing. I got to tell you, I genuinely. I don't understand social media. I just still don't get it. I don't understand the fact. I understand putting out a product and hoping people enjoy it.

I understand you put out a special or clips even, and you want to see what it's doing if people are enjoying your work and stuff like that. The day-to-day stuff, I don't get personally, but I understand that I'm a minority in that. Most people do put up like their daily goings on, and here's when I'm eating for dinner and look at the steak I just crushed. and holy shit I'm driving by this mountain. That's Bobby.

I don't live like that at all. I get that for sure, but it's like, it's just not my instinct at all to do that. And so, like, just in, that's why I said before. Like, I wouldn't even know. I'm like, does me harding your thing make it better for you? I treat it so, like, it has to be done. People trying to contact me directly

if I get to the messages and stuff. Like, I do try to, like, get back and stuff and write little things if I can. I can't get to everybody, obviously. But, like, I try to make, that as personal as possible, but like, you know, when my clips go up, dude, that's Dylan putting up my clips. And then just, like, leaving it there as you could enjoy it. I do enjoy it.

So the engagement of the thing I just, I never like, I said, but again, that's me. I know, like, before, like, I'd be doing probably better on social media if I was like, look at this fight I'm watching. Look at these two bums just started fighting, and they're fighting in the middle of the street. It's just my instinct is to go, I'm, like, recording it with my brain. So I can go, all right, I got 75 hours of broadcasting to do this weekend, so this will be something I can talk about. The bum fight. Maybe get a picture so people have an idea, but I'd almost rather like relay it. You get such access with Bobby.

You're like part of the family. Part of his family. He takes you to his world. You think you know, but you have no idea, dude. This is a diary of Bobby Kelly. I'm fascinated because it would be horrifying to me that allow anyone that might. much access. Yeah. But he's in his home living is you're living with the family. Hi, I'm cooking salmon again. Yeah, yeah. No, it would be a bummer for sure. I could do pull-ups.

You could you could kip up into cooking a salmon, which is pretty dope. I would say that could probably catch on if I'm being honest. You know what? Trademark. I'm hobo trademark. You can't have it. There's things I could do. If you do it now, I get a part of it. If you if you if you if you if you if you kip up kip up every time and then made salmon you would be the kip up salmon guy and you have millions of followers millions but i'm not i don't have but you also but you owe me but you owe me a piece of that now because i is my idea though so you just know that and any i'll accept any kind of motion into cooking salmon i will say as a derivative of the idea it might seem boring but that's no jacob just i just know that i will fucking i will rip you apart in court just to understand

Listen, we're going to go back to our regular conversation about being friends in a second, but I will fuck you in court for months and months, maybe years. So play the game or don't. Bobby, I'm sorry. I'm just saying that I came up with the idea, so I feel like I should have not as much as a percent

as you, but a little bit of a percent because I said cooking salmon. As an influencer, I gave him an influencer. Well, you see big mouth. You see big mouth, Jacob? Now Bobby wants a taste. You happy? And I'm going to use Jay's lawyer. So you're fucked. Oh, my God. Do you. This is litigious out the dick hole he is he can't wait to fucking jam you up in court oh man you are so

fucked i'm pretty sure jay has a collar and a leash on him to hold him back i do that's how fucking he had have cecil lamont little whatever the fuck that guy sees that what the fuck is i almost said lambs that's that's pregnant pussy stuff right it's pregnant pussy stuff yeah that's pregnant that's when you're a pussy you go with your wife to do that i'm just i'm just saying if you're a pussy that's what you go with your wife to do learn how to breathe i think we took do did you take did you do any of that stuff the the the the the dula and lamont all that is not the dole i think they make i think they made us like might have even been for like insurance or something like we had to go to like a class of like the breathing thing i think we went and was like

in and out like they're like we'll see you guys next week and we're like yeah yeah sure Don hired a dealer Don hired a dealer for the house And I showed up She was a black chick Smoking hot

I mean fucking ridiculously hot And I remember I showed up Your wife's pussy's about to blow She was doing Santa Rio of Don's pussy She was burning her pubes. No, she was smoking hot, and we were sitting there when she had all her stuff laid out on the table

and I sat down and then she had a stutter. I didn't know it. She went, okay, the first thing we have to, I want to tit-tat-tat-tut-tut-tut-tut. And me and Dawn just laughed in her face. We didn't know she had a stutter, dude. It was fucking wild. And then she took it on the couch and she put a relaxing breaths.

That's jarring every time you hear. It's terrible. Now hold her. Now hold her. Now hold her hand. She put Dawn on the couch to, you know, on all floors. And she goes, okay, now I'm going to get. get behind her and this is the position you're going to be in and she was just rubbing her ass

i was just standing in front of dawn like with my penis in front of her mouth i was i was looking down at dawn like is this what you want is this like you're rifle towering her with your lambs yeah yeah i was like is this a thing like you got the right booty for fucking there don yeah i didn't do any of that shit when she gave birth either i almost threw up it's disgusting Do any breathing shit either. No. I panicked. I remember the nurse kicked me out.

She's like, she's like, she pushed her way. Tell her she's going to be all right. I was like, you're going to be all right. I don't know. I just sat there and stared at Carlos Cooch until it was blasted to smithereens. Oh, it's so gross. That's when you say the word bloom. That's what I think of.

Just a head blooming out of a vagina. It looks like an eye socket without the eye afterwards. It does. It looks like a whale eye without the eye. You can see the back of it. You can see the back of the cave. It's so bad. It's so bad.

Men should never have to fucking see that. They told me. They told me almost not to watch it. And I was like, I'm watching. And then I was like, I was like, this marriage is over probably. I'm like, man. I was like, fuck you, I'm watching.

Yeah. This marriage is going to end one day, bro. It's true, man. After seeing that, it took me a long time to get that visual out of my head. Oh, gross. I remember Don pooped. I was like, what? And I was like, what's that?

What's that? I thought it was like a twin brother shitting out of her assholes. Oh, my God. You thought you had a black baby. You racist. You were racist. a year order yeah do some people not poop when they give birth what I don't think a bunch of people don't poop when they give birth yeah it's like when you're going for surgery they say don't

they tell you not to eat or drink for 12 hours so you don't shit yourself in the dentist yeah when you go in the labor though you can't really control that but I don't think look out look it up you have a computer for you man you get out of that the thing is out of that series XM studio she's everything just look anything up anymore. She gets comfortable and she's in a kitchen. She's sitting back on a kitchen. You goddamn. Stupid fucking.

It is extremely common. Cocksucker. What's that? It's extremely common and perfectly normal. Bobby called you a cocksucker. Extremely common. I know your voice. No, no, no, I said it for Bobby.

I can't say it. I can't call you a stupid dumb bitch. Jesus Christ, you are a dumb bitch. Yeah, I would love it. every once in a while they're looking right in your face when you're judging me and go you know what you twat twat what stop looking at me with those fucking i met up with my aunt the other day she goes i just don't like the way he talks to you on that show i see are you she's he joking did you do the maybe he's like he's fucking around

You make me out to sound like a real fucking scummy slob. Scummy slob. That was just a bad day. That doesn't happen all the time. What? That you make her out to feel like a scummy slob. No, no, no. But that day, for sure, probably was.

I love how great me and you look. I know. Christine, do you ask your aunt to help you escape? I need help. I just need help getting away. Christine, where are you? I'm in Torrance. She's in California.

Can you tell by all the steel or stuff on the wall? Is Torrance like, you know, a lot of low riders and stuff? Some, yes, some parts. Do they think you're a fucking essay? Do they think you're one of those Spanish ladies that dance like just dancing up of 7-Eleven parking lot? Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. Christine put on a flannel and buttoned it up top She could fucking go out in Chola

If she went to A little lip part of Yeah, show us some moves Yeah, it's got to follow your hands Yeah, come on Christine It's the motherfucker C or E Da da da da da da da Da motherfucker C&E

Yeah, it says right here You should have tipped $40 Would be a generous tip On a $450 bill 40 to 70 no 60 total total total if you're given a on a on a crew split amongst the crew I should have gone 40 apiece yeah 40 a piece would have been holy shit this guy well let me tell you something let me tell you something the black gentleman who I had the money to really had

like a whoa whoa man yeah and can I tell you something that was worth it you know what dude it is worth it when you get that oh man you just changed my life yeah i can i can i can i can buy that car i wanted right now no i assume he's going to use it for studio time but look it's one step closer to realizing his career of being a hip-hop legend what if i just helped the next conier west what if i just started the nazi revolution the black nazi revolution I also know we had the money from the sale of the gym equipment and it was 100 so I also know you didn't have change and that was part of the decision oh yeah yeah I don't have changed there might have been a few chonzo's in there but yeah

Jay did you sorry go ahead Bob no go ahead no did you get the the new swall academy arrive no oh god but don't worry they told me they told me on Instagram after I got a couple form letters back. They did say that they've now forwarded my thing over to the whatever you always keep saying. I forget the words like the proper department. Oh yeah. He just keeps saying the relevant. The relevant department. He said now my information over the relevant department and should be shipped out very shortly with no information, which by the way, my fear was like this thing's going to pop up like I felt like yesterday and I couldn't get it inside before the storm happened or something. But it hasn't yet. Or I thought I wasn't going to be able to get home.

That's what I said. I would come home to like a rusted out fucking thing. Well, it comes in a, like a wooden box. You have to unscrew. Like you have to own a drill to take it out of the shipping container. It comes in. No. Yeah, I've watched videos on people assembling them.

No. Makes sense. That's what the handyman does. He takes a box. No. Yeah. Yeah, I watched the couple. Because I wanted to see if I had to hire somebody,

if I could just do it myself and you can't. Look it up. Major Fitness B-52. Yeah, look it up you. Set up. Jay, I'm not, I'm gonna get you. You're fucking not looking up, dip shit, yes? I'm gonna get you this.

My pull-up bar. Jacob, your artwork is that of an old woman. Oh, yeah? You're gonna get me back, you said? It's all you need, man. Wedget between the doorframe. Yeah, you think that's gonna hold me. I was gonna say, dude.

Yeah, you're gonna, yeah, you're gonna help me. out when I fucking push my tailbone through my brain when that thing just slides right down the door jam when I put my weight on it no I've tested we're all not field mice Jacob 400 down test so you're way below it's not going to hold me or jay we're going to have to pay for a whole new door jam it'll hold both of you no you don't know how door jams work or body weight I'm gonna wind up I'm gonna wind up on the Mexican table on an ease you they can't they can't put a a number that isn't right they can't exaggerate and then you know they can't They can't.

You want to bet? Well, it works fine for me. Bobby, it comes just like I thought in a bunch of boxes with those fucking, those strap things that you have to cut and it blast apart. What's up, Padrefam? So we just got- I promise you don't need screws or a drill. Maybe I was looking at the new one.

You were watching Operation Dumbo drop. That was an elephant, dude. You have to have it screwed in. I swear to God, the ones I was watching the dude had like a, I swear to God, the ones I was watching came in a wooden box. and the dude was unscrewing it. Type in build major fitness B-52, pro-smism machine.

This guy just called you. This guy just called you part of the Hydrofam. Call it unboxing, right? No, no, no. Major Fitness B-52, unboxing. Here we go. All right. Still keeps coming up. Same thing I just said.

I know. We're trying to find another one. Prove Bobby Wright. She's doing this right now. Type in the new one. What's the new one, Jay? the B-17 The new one

B-17 All right you know Bobby I'll be honest with you That was her being a little cunty Hey Jay you know what I expected out of this That was a little cunty Is it this? Instillation video I mean that's the thing for sure

Too tall A little too tall But there's not an unboxing of it Building Let's see Because it's fucking bullshit He's right he's right

what do you think the pictures behind jacob's couch are i think all the way on the left is frank sinatra's mugshot am i right yeah jacob has the apartment of a writer that was like an unsuccessful writer i know your bonfire posters fucking permanent midnight over here yeah bonfire poster yeah that wasn't as fun as i was hoping sorry sorry i have pride is that a picture sorry to bum you out with my pride picture of what people believe the third picture is billy the kid the real billy the kid and jelly roll there you go right there so i found somebody it's like a piece of gym equipment

that comes in a wood box so do you understand her passive aggressiveness with the a this fucking this fucking it's not the major it reeks of my uh wutan clan thing yeah look at Bobby, you did need a drill to get into that one. There was a thing you have to drill a box to get into. Yeah. But I want you to understand, I wasn't arguing that there's things that will be delivered in life. I'm just saying they weren't sending me fucking missiles in a rocket launcher.

I hope it all comes in a fucking wooden box. Me too. I hope I have the crowbar to open it. I don't have crowbar. I know, it comes with his own crowbar. I have to pickax that shit. Oh. I bought a pickax.

What am I ever going to use it for? I'm going to kill Christine, I guess. You bought a pickax? I used it to get the ice sludge when I kept slipping around my car because I only did your side of the driveway. You got a bang. You have to just use the weight of it.

You shouldn't use the spikes on it. You know, fuck our... All of our brick up more than has. Oh, Bobby, I showed you yesterday. Yeah. I was going to cry. This winter has really fucking... I mean, given a world-class

Mick Foleyish beatdown on the Undertaker beating McFoly it's done to my house this winter it's fucking crazy all stones breaking the major stones part

almost all of my steps unattached at this point almost all my steps have no attachment to the other steps our entire like the entire panel came up what's it called not panel

I don't know it's like a long yeah like a long slab it's like completely it's not even in the ground. I'm saying all the front steps aren't connected anymore either. So it's a whip. When you go down,

it might just fucking go full slide. Everybody's careful. Can I ask you a question? Did this guy get all this work done before he sold the house? Or has this been there for a long time? I don't know. Sometimes they tell you,

oh, it's brand new kitchen, brand new bathrooms. Everything's been remodeled. Kitchen was the newest thing for sure. The backyard, I think, four or five years. So the backyard four or five years But the the slate work out front Is that like oh we just got that done? I don't think so

For a long time Yeah Well dude I mean I'm sorry to say That every time you buy a house That it It's always something Yeah

It's always something As soon as you get the house And you're like dude We did everything This is awesome Something's gonna fucking break I think if I sold now I'd make money

Christina I move back to the fucking city She doesn't get a fuck Dude don't move back to the city dude come on you love you love your he's got it she misses it she got the it you can't move back to the city and if you do move back to the city don't move to where you were that was too far away that i'd rather go to your house and wane than that fucking wind tunnel i would never live on 57th street again i'm sure that was the thing i'll never live on a

two i'll never live on a two lane new york road ever again never again it was like uh going into the uh The Exorcist bedroom is just like 20 degrees colder. The second you get on your block, it was insane. You're just slapped with the fucking wind. Yeah. But after this winter, I could be talked back into the city pretty easy, I think. Yeah, we just move into the city, like with like buildings protecting your street. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember going to your house and parking in the parking lot and then having to take a breath and pray to God before I stepped out onto that street and made that. five second walk to the front door god forbid you how dope god forbid it was raining you'd open an umbrella you might be taken out to sea so bad i mean it was punishing when it was the kind of wind you can lean forward into sometimes and it would hold you up it was i would have just i would have let fucking doodles just shit in the house and then to fight that win to go across the street to a a movie theater where we were treated like absolute shit by people who were furious about their jobs You had everything right around your apartment, but you just, you didn't want to go to it. I was like, yeah, the apartment, too, is like, that'll be my thing about New York.

I'm like, none of them are made good. You're really paying for the location still and like the facade of something that's nice, but it ain't really nice. No, it's just like a regular hotel room. That apartment that I lived in, yeah, anything that was in it was like the floors weren't particularly night. Nothing was nice. It was just like clean and newish. Yeah. That's it.

It was, and the thing, too, you have to go up, down, take a left over some sky bridge. Yeah. And then down that hallway. Yeah. And then you get there. It was very easy. Potty training a puppy. Yeah.

Yeah. It did seem like a nightmare. And the maze and 27 floors. Oh, you're just praying on the elevator. She doesn't take a piss right on the elevator. I'd go back. I do fucking. first floor or bullet train to the penthouse yeah my last apartment in New York was

first floor but you don't want that either because then you become the first floor police anytime something happens somebody's boyfriend gets into a fight and they're banging on the front door at three in the morning I remember I went outside one out I heard just banging we had this beautiful grated door it was a wood door it was all like um rod iron grading beautiful And I just hear three in the morning just banging on the front door. I go outside and you could see this older gay gentleman shit-faced screaming this guy's name.

And I went out and all the grates were broken. And I saw him hiding the grates in like the front grass by the tree. And I went out and I'm like, what the fuck? What the fuck are you doing? You broke the door. And he's like, I didn't break the door. I didn't break the door. I go, I see you hiding the fucking evidence.

He was just hiding the evidence, the broken door. And I was like, oh, this fucking blows. You don't want the first floor. The apartment was complete ass. I mean, it was so bad, but like a shithole of an apartment. But Christine's, the apartment that I moved into there, when we first moved in for those years, was like situationally ideal. Where was it?

It was like, well, situationally, I mean, obviously not like, You could have a big thing with a balcony, but the outback of it was just the back of stores that really no one was ever out. But it was also like grown over and ugly to look at the window. But and then like almost a moat of like, you know, just like a space between, not a moat, but like a concrete moat essentially though. It was like a space between the building and like where anybody can get to it. So it wasn't really dangerous either, like the back windows.

Like nobody could really get to those back windows. And they were covered in, you know, whatever, the cages and shit, all that New York garbage. But it was back of the bill And you walk in from the front of the street On 5th Street It was like down You don't know if you ever came there It was down the hallway at the end

So it was just back of the building So you didn't hear any of like It wasn't a real like sirens Going all night place But far more when we lived In the high rise building Did I when you open the windows You were opening yourself up

To the sounds of the city Yeah So on the west side highway This was great And honestly for an East Village apartment It really wasn't that shitty Like we could fit Queenside bed

punk of shit like it was pretty it was made it was made of fucking wood paneling it was so bad it was so bad it was so they gave us a hot plate at one point when they said hey get no gas for six months here's a hot plate well that building and then when you ask when you ask they went they're like okay we'll take like a hundred dollars off right okay so they made you basically did you went camping for six months in new york city and we just kind of started. That's almost when we became habitual completely order because we were still like, you know, not making money enough

that like we cooked a lot actually at one point. We were cooking. I mean, we only made like a handful of things, but it was like once a week we made like the fish and then the stuffed peppers and then a pasta, you know, but we cooked a lot and then it just became, couldn't even do that. So it was like we became complete order out people.

And then my culinary skills dwindled. I tell you what, they did. myself grilled cheese last night i'm making a stofers lasagna with dawn don't slaved over last night she made a chicken corn chowder yeah i mean it's one of my favorites it's on my instagram if you want to see it yeah um it's on the stories the whole post it with it did you do the thing where you go boy i sure i'm hungry then touch your hand to the screen and then pull your hand back and all of a sudden there's soup in front of you i'm an old school influencer where i kind of just show the process and tell a story um i don't do the they

call that bells and whistles i'm not really into the bells and whistles i appreciate that um but do you pick out music do you pick out music for the background of your thing i try to pick out yeah like i try to pick out uh royalty free music i don't even i couldn't even guess how to possibly do that on instagram whatever that's why i love i always love getting credit too i get i do get i do get messages sometimes that are say things or a thing that just goes like uh dude i thought no one knows this fucking song dude but you fucking killed it with this and then i just like what i don't know what the fuck are talking about. And it's just like,

they're talking about the background song of the clip that I didn't pick. All my songs are, you could actually hear when Apple introduces a new product.

Those are the same songs. Do, D-Do-Dum-da- bump-bit, do you go 8-bit, so people don't sue you. So last night, Dawn,

I mean, she's cooking this thing. It's one of the greatest shoutters of all time. I watched her cooking. Yeah, she's cooking like, you showed us. Three hours.

It's on my Instagram. and then max comes up and he goes christine take the hit and bring up the goddamn instagram jesus christ she falls asleep when she's not in studio i mean unbelievable she's just a dumb sleepy twat but max comes upstairs he goes can you can you have j makers the stromboli don't was like what i just made this coin chowder it's awesome because i want that stromboli is there any way you can make call jay and see how to make it tell you something buddy yeah the grocery stores open yeah i might run out i mean everything's shoveled and stuff now so i might run out i'm gonna be talking to throwing a stromboli bring a couple pieces in buddy it was so good i didn't really

have much tromboli last time it was it was it was just enough but i wish there was i wish we got some to take over i'll play the music christine oh this is don't making the chowder celery Takes you into his world. Really, too. Does she like being, I don't have a better word for it, used for your internet fodder? Well, I very rarely will Dawn. I'm sorry, that's Bobby, I know she's your wife. She's not being used.

I choose a better word. Does she know she's being, um, exploited? It's more like she's being cast. We call it cast in the business. Paraded. No, I don't really, I don't show Don in my videos. I know. I keep talking, I said, I keep saying a couple friends of ours that like, you know, even like Lewis and stuff.

Like, Dave doesn't do it, but like Lewis, like, just like having your kids, like, grow up on the, like, on their social media showing. I'm like, all I would think about it, all I think about is the people who have been like, I mean, irrationally furious with me about, like, comedy stuff or something, you know. lunatics out there that have said some crazy shit that I was just like I'd never want to be like all right dropping my daughter off at school this is her school that seems like that's I just really kept Isabella kind of off the internet until she and still I don't think she's like we don't cross over on the internet still much anyway as far as like uh I'm not even connected to don't on anything like we don't I don't know anything she does and she doesn't know anything I do really I don't know if I agree with that statement.

I don't really put Dawn on a lot of videos. I don't put it. Let me clarify that. Can you do me one quick favor? Can you just sit up in your chair? Because when you slouch, it makes your face worse. Me? Oh, you are sitting up.

I apologize. So I don't put her face. Very really do I put a face? Her voice might be in it, underface. How about this? She doesn't have a star. She doesn't have a starring role.

You know what I'm saying? Okay. She's the background actor in a lot of my things. I'll give you that one. Yes, that's right. She's a background actor. Max is a featured player.

Max is a recurring character. Yeah. That's true. She does not appear as much as much as much. i'll say that she's a day rate yeah your 12 year old son definitely appears more oh he's a star i mean he's a star are you i have you done this like so i have my my photos hooked up to my TVs and all that shit and then when you don't want when they when you pause your tv to check something or do something all your photos will start coming up all of max's little photos are coming up when he was just this

little mush ball thing and i i a photo came up of one of our parties my people my parties you were every you were there christine was everybody was there dave was there um this was before dave was with uh his wife now i mean i can't the parties the parties i used to throw were fucking epic like everybody was there like as far as comics there was like 60 people at the i was gonna say you're like it was epic i go what the fuck do you think we did there we shot fucking firecrackers off the roof everyone got laid it was epic with people for sure great people there yeah they were i mean do my parties were great yeah yeah epic's a weird world though but epic considering the guest list the guest list is epic yeah the behavior is not epic well the one time that i invited your group

it got you understand i have i have i have i have three groups of comedians that i hang out with we have my Louis got naked and then we threw his clothes away. Yeah, when I, when I have the, the Keith, Colin, Norton, you know, my class. And then I also have another class. I'm with you guys, right? With, you know, Lewis and you and, you know, all those guys. And then I have the younger, you know, the younger people, the Danny's, the Kelly Fistookas, the blah, blah, blah, right? And we sent bad examples for them.

Well, one year I invited, we had a party for just your. class lewis um you know stavi you dave and you guys fucking dylan was there it was uh yeah we fucking raged yeah you raged you guys went fucking no enraged nobody got like drunk or anything like i mean no one's really drinking even but like uh my 80 year old neighbor dolores who said use the pool and we went in and you guys used it and took got naked and no no no no no lewis got naked We then took his clothes and hid them so he had to run around your neighborhood naked. So there was a naked Puerto Rican running out of Dolores' driveway, which is fucking not good for the neighborhood. I told him not to get naked.

And then he ran out front of your house and then you yelled and screamed in him and he came back. He was covering his dick with his hand, though, for what it's worth. Yeah, Lewis is a fucking wild card. We did the regs last a couple weeks ago, and he showered at the studio. How? Where is that possible? Just like a hose? That is ironically called a Puerto Rican shower. No, there's a bathroom in the studio, but it is a shower, but no, it's not a shower to use. Like nobody uses it.

Yeah, what's it there for? It used to be an apartment, I guess. It was no, the studio, the comedy seller studio used to be Nome's apartment. That's when Nome lived. Really? And yeah, he lived there when his father was a, when his father ran it, Nome lived upstairs and he ran the W. And so when his father passed away, he moved to his father's house up and archly. It was great. Oh, those apartments are huge up there. They own the building.

Well, the studio doesn't seem huge, though. Well, it went, the studio has a bedroom off of it, and then the studio. Okay, that's not all of it. I got you. It went all the way back, but then they put a wall up when he moved out, and Rose and Tony live on the other side of the studio wall. They have an apartment. That goes way back.

Like Ava lives on the top floor and she has the whole thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. I don't think the people listening in Phoenix trucking note, what we mean? Well, I thought I described it pretty good. He goes, yeah, and they're like, they goes, well, that's great. Ava lived upstairs. Who the fuck is Ava?

Ava is, that's true. Context. Ava was Manny's wife or girlfriend. Guma. Guma. Ah, and yeah, so. No, I was his girlfriend. Yeah.

She was sweet. She reminded me and my grandmother. She was a very sweet Jewish lady. I heard, though, until you get on her bad side, then she can go off. Yeah, you feel that way about everyone. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, thank you, my mom. No, Av, I've had, I really have nothing but sweet things to say.

Ava was a doll. She was always very, very sweet to me. Always very sweet to me. George. You got it, honey. George, always very sweet to me. Yeah. Tony.

People over there. One of the part owners. over there um i don't know who tony is yeah you do who he's the spanish guy that makes everything fixes everything oh oh yes yes yes yes no no that apartment that apartment is great my apartment the apartment i lived in on 47 street was nice but the first floor it was a duplex place remember that place yep that place was nice i know yeah your full body shower full body shower full body I still have one. How great is my shower here?

You saw my shower here. I saw you. I've never taken a full body shower. I've never seen a shower that shoots my dick with water. Dude, come over. Directly. I don't want to come over.

Just to fucking get my dick wet. Just come over, dude. Get your dick wet. What does that mean? Full body shower? I have shower tiles. They shoot right in your dick hole. My dick hole.

Your eye, Jacob. Not just one on the top. Like multiple ones. Yeah. Our dick hole. Your face. That sounds nice. Bobby, you're not one of Jay.

Am I on fire today? You're always on fire, baby. Yeah. Yeah. You got one too? Yeah. What is this? I understand.

So, it's... I have shower tiles. They shoot out of the wall. Shoot out of the wall. What? Where? They shoot out of the wall. Over to the left.

See it? So I have a rainfall on top. And then I have these shower tiles that are, when i when i made the shower and they made when they made it i oh oh stood in the shower and i make sure it hits hits my ding ding and my face and uh jacob what are you watching on a flip phone he's like i don't see what you're talking about the water's shooting forward out of this out of the pressure oh yeah why you're looking up the installation well i can't wait i bet you that comes in a wooden box no no small boxes

Oh, Jacob wants this is all to stop so we can go jerk off on him. Jacob, do you. Check out our Patreon where me and Bobby jerk off during the commercial breaks. Sign up now for a free bonus. We'll do some solo shows. We do two guys stuff, whatever. Maybe Jay will be in my shower.

He'll take a shower and wash his dick in my shower. Do we have commercials? Can I go smoke for the first time in a long time during the show? Ooh, you can go smoke.