The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Saudi Cheesecake Factory

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

Some comedians are returning to the states from the Riyadh Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia. Jay would never travel that far for comedy but Bobby would go because he believes it promotes change. Jay and Bob go through the list of performers to see who actually needed the big payday from the festival. | Jay watches a documentary about Tekashi69 and can no longer defend the beleaguered rapper. | The Bonfire performs a special show in the SiriusXM "fishbowl" studio and it has some technical challenges. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Turn it up. Put it up in my cans. There goes Spotify. Got the stiffy. Spotify's off the table again. Oh. Come on. You don't like Takashi? I actually don't mind him. But I just don't mind. I hate him personally. What? Why?

He's a good Yeah, he's a douche Fuck it I don't know Because he's always angry No that's his thing He made a choice to be that character By all accounts he was a good kid

And then he got really wrapped up In some fucking horse shit Like he wanted to be affiliated With gangs And all kinds of shit He's a dumb motherfucker for sure Yeah he's dumb

And he acts like he's not dumb I think the greatest video Is when he got his fucking ass ass whooped in a gym bathroom Oh yeah was that or they pulled him out of his car and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't see that one.

Oh, it's great. They're pulling him out of the car. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. They just kidnap him. I love when he was going over all his cars and watches and money on this video. He's like, here's a house. And I'm like, I know the watches.

It's not a house. I mean, it's a house in like a fucking upstate New York. Yeah, Brazil. Yeah, Utica. Where he goes. I mean, he goes, he would go. He goes like third wall countries and, like, throws money up in the air and gives stacks of money to people it's like he was he's a very interesting

dude but he's done some deplorable shit uh i had him playing this morning because uh that's him getting beat up that's him getting beat up in the la fitness oh that's the one of the yeah that's just so funny to get your ass kicked in a gym bathroom stinks oh yeah because that's the only thing should go out of gym bathroom is poop and sucking dick gay sex gay sex for sure yeah and also a world class beating apparently yeah so pause this yeah so i was uh i want to see the video of him getting ripped out of his car out of the car oh yeah see if you find that real quick what you watch that first is it him whoa whoa whoa yeah yeah they're they're pulling him out of his car they're robbing him it's like he just he handles it very i'm not even judging it i'm just saying based off of the person

that he seems to be you know the character he was kind of putting out there it seemed like like daniel the art the uh artsy fartcy kid came out there very much so it wasn't Takashi 6.9 getting pulled out of a car. It was him. It was Daniel. It was Daniel Torres or whatever fuck his name is. Who he really is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, guys, hey, whoa, hey. Isn't it funny?

Hey. Oh, you're letting these neck tattoos and face tattoos to paint a picture for you. It's not really real. I'm wearing all these colors because I'm happy. Not because I'm crazy. Got the blicky aunt. You got him? Getting yanked out of his car? I like that rap. That song's good. That song particularly is great.

It is a good song. And I'm not... It's hype. I'm not crazy in the rap. I don't know if you know this. Yeah, I do. I do. I don't know if you know.

I don't know. But I do like that. I don't think he has... I've tried to go through his stuff and enjoy a bunch of it. I don't ultimately. But any song he's on, he's on one with like Nikki Minaj, right?

Like when he comes in, it's just exciting. He's got that crazy energy. Does it bother you that I have my headphones on like a rapper? No. Right now? What do you got? I started the show with gumo, man.

You feel thugged out for sure. I just want to say this. I'm getting hot. Well, then you don't have to stay thugged out. We don't have any guests today. Looking thugged out is a hot job. Looking thugged out is genuinely a hot job. It's hard.

You can't be a thug and wear, like, you know, light colors and Bermuda shorts. You really have to keep it going. It is a look for sure. I've almost committed completely to thuggery. I really have because I go hoodies all year long. Yeah. Like, I've really committed to the look of, like, I look like one of the guys. I dress like one of the guys who drove Ice Cube.

do the drive-by shooting maybe like sucking on a fucking pacifier what was it yo dog they got them to come around the corner right now roll up on these motherfuckers get to brick you on

it's so funny how cool black people are that sucking on a pacifier was actually kind of terrifying it was terrifying that guy looked that particular guy looked terrifying could you imagine a guy that guy could rob

me with words and pull us and while he pulls like a pacifier's mouth and go you know my man what you got in your pockets that's something terrifying nothing about me would go do you're sucking on a fucking passive I'm like yo this guy is crazy and just you give it no point fight he could do the full baby he could do the diaper the pacifier and the bonnet and I would still be terrified full baby he could do full baby he used to be like a bib a small bib with blue with blueie yeah you know you're motherfucker put that my bib yo you'll put all your money in my bib front stuffed that stuff that stuff those keys in my my god damn diaper in the front i got poopie in the back yeah here play this is him getting uh kidnapped i just go coffee

my tit whoa whoa guys guys guys let's not just go kidnapping everybody now oh tombering i like when you talk like this let's talk like this as long as we can i want to go fulking Guys, let's do a... Let's do a... It's called the Bonn Fire! Can you play the Josh thing you played for us before the show when he says, what does he goes?

What do you do for a living? Sounds like, money do you make a... Yeah, it really tickles me. There's a guy on Instagram I follow because you know I like following all these weird guys. It's a guy who dresses up like Michael Jackson and sounds like him, but he takes He takes up everything

And he's like This isn't what a This is what are we How much money do you make the year? That's what you remind me of Have you seen the guy who does Eminem on social media Eminem doing things

Like daily like Eminem going grocery shopping He's got the orange juice And the tangerine and you've seen It's really Bring those up Christine Boswell First you could play Togashik's not getting it But you have to bring up

Mout They AI'd Martin Luther King as a stand-up but he's pretty funny but it looks like him I mean really looks like him but his first joke is so funny

he goes I had a dream he does that whole dream he goes but I was late something like that is funny you gotta they're doing crazy shit with AI you know go show Tukashi getting pulled out of his car he says I'll give you everything

I promise you by the way I don't disagree with this behavior it's just nobody's really selling in the thing dude I've watched a lot of robbers this weekend, like black dudes, the way they rob you. There's a guy who walks up, I don't have you seen it.

He walks around with black neighborhoods. He's a black dude, but he has like a Rolex gold chains, and they'll walk up to just like crips or bloods or whatever, gangsters. You know, I'm looking for Best Buy. You know what Best Buy is? They're just looking at it. I'm like, what the fuck?

It's almost like when you see a lion, a group of lions see a human being walk by. They're looking at it. Like, is this real? and then it is as fast as lightning they get up and just fucking guns guns come out of sweatpants yeah i don't know where they had these guns they just flip out and they're just in his kidney in his liver and his fucking like yeah man take that you take that off right now motherfucker they and they're so fast and fucking smooth robbing a motherfucker it's like wow that's great

like white guys are loud there's a i've seen people there's some really stupid fucking youtube pranks that are like they go haywire immediately it'll be like a young black kid like I'm gonna bring this clear book bag with like he has like fake like $2,000 in the back

and it's like they don't even care if it's fake even the guy goes it's fake it's fake they still like they throw them on the ground and take the bag anyway they're like yeah whatever man later and he's like all right got pretty crazy that was a nutty prank prank it wasn't a prank I was a guy who did it with a brand new

the brand new Sony PlayStation that you couldn't get and he was walking through the hood with it he's just walking down the street with a brand new Sony place box it is crazy though that like it is pretty crazy that they set up that situation

and it does happen if you're a goofy white kid and you walk through the hood with a Sony PlayStation like someone's going to try to fucking take it they're just going to go yeah this is just an easy one

to pull off. Yeah, I mean, you got to take it. You'd be dumb not to take it. You can't get it. No, you're not dumb not to take it. You're moral to not take it. But I'm saying... You don't live the streets, son.

It's true. So don't talk to me about what's moral and what's not. What am I, Seth Green? The fuck you're doing, man. Look at me when I talk to you, motherfucker. All right. You understand me?

Yeah. Motherfucker is going to walk down the street with any goods in his hand. Wait, you're coming at me crazy. I don't know if you notice this. I'm stuck in a pacifier over here. Oh, shit. I didn't know you were that motherfucker.

God damn motherfucker's wearing a, he's wearing a bib. Tall to kill us a $100 dollar bill is. It is so terrifying. It's terrifying. He was so terrifying. A grown man sucking on a parent passfire is terrified. I don't know how it works. It only works.

If I saw a white dude doing it, but this guy's mentally ill, fuck him. You see a brother sucking on a pacifier? I'm out. Yeah. If a white guy stuck on a pacifier, you're like, oh, I just found this guy's like a baby fetish and, like, he's weird. Yeah, yeah. You see a black guy sucking on a pacifier. It's like, I don't know why he's doing that, but it's scary.

He's doing, I always assume it's like when you see a black guy, like a thuggy guy get like, I always thought the Jerry Curl was somehow indicative of that. It's like, you're daring people to make funny or stupid fucking hair, so you have an excuse to shoot them in the face. I mean, those gang guys would get the hair, they'd get like Rudy Huxable haircuts. I always thought the pacify. When they have, like, the bloods, they'd have, like, big braids, like, coming off their head, like four big braids coming off their head. They look, they look like an American Indian.

squaw. Yeah, yeah. They're trying to tell you, because I'm waiting for you to go, hey, Rudy Huxdwell. Who, Rudy Huxdable? Yeah. And then shoot you in the face. Yo, bitch from the butter. What?

God, he's saying, Shah, please. He looks like he's being robbed by somebody he knows. Because Shaw's saying get in the car. Takashi 6-9, Daniel Hernandez is saying, Shah, please. Let me open it. I love that he's being polite to the guy that's robbing him. Look, he goes, Harve.

Chill. Let me open it, man. Give me a sec. First of all, he's being robbed by somebody named Harvey. Harv. He goes, Harv, you know, I'll give you everything. Harv. Harv. What do you have Jewish gangsters behind you?

I think his nickname is the cheese. Hoverati. Yo, Hoverati. I like Havarotti cheese. What kind? Oh, God. Who cares? Havarotti.

Come on. Havarotti? Havarotti. Havarotti. I might be wrong with this. You're wrong. You're wrong. It's Havarotti.

It's Havarotti. No, no. No. wrong. You're wrong. Havarotti cheese. Why would you come at me so hard, but I'm definitely right. I don't know. You came at me hard, so I came back harder. I didn't come hard. Yo, man, put your finger down, bitch.

Yo, I didn't come hard. I came to you. Oh, shit. I didn't come hard. I came here like this. We do the thing, and then I get you, and you're going to get it. I got it. It's Havirotti. Christine? Havardi. Havarotti. Havirotti.

I always said. Havari. It is spelled. how it is spelled oh i don't know if you know this about me i don't go by it's spelled like bobby saying it look at it is where's the roddy ha there's no hobarotti it's havarty oh yeah you're right it's not buddy what did you just see did bobby just brainwash you in the thinking you saw havirotti buddy it's havirati here's why it's the old english text of riddy which is from greece which is the roman text of rati which means party

so the cheese that they make is Havarati, which means have a party. Yeah, except here it just says phonetically, Havardi. Yeah, that's what it says. But I'm going by the old text. Havarotti. Favorite. Oh, oh, that must be what the famous opera singer Havarotti is named after. Exactly.

Now you're getting it. He spells his name the same way. Havarati. Havarati. Havarati Christine, can you look up if Shah Who's the person

Who's the person who kidnapped? Havarti? Havardi. Can you play or look up Who's the person Shah who kidnapped him? Because this might tie into the video I wanted to show you

about Takashi 69. Can you silence my mic so I can take a sip of my body So your brain and body start working? My brain works better so I know it's Havarer. What is it again? Just Havardi.

You're complicating. it for no reason. You're a Harvarty. Why would you attack me when I'm just trying to, I'm simplifying it so you can. Hurt people, Jay. I know, but I'm, I'm, I help. I know you do. You're a help. You're a helper. Your vocabulary is going to be nuts by the time you're out of here. By the time I leave here, I'm going to go teach school. Yeah. In Pennsylvania. You're going to walk away from all this to teach school in Pennsylvania. Harvriti. Havardi. Listen, you're not going to teach dairy. You don't have to teach dairy. You're fine. Jacob, stop typing you, bitch. What are you doing? Are you typing Bobby's dumb to put on the... What's the thing? What? What?

What's the thing on the screen? By the way, everyone tells me that's what's on the screen a lot. It says Bobby's dumb on the screen. What the fuck, Jacob? Bobby doesn't listen to the show on the radio, so I see what you write. Like I tell you, it's hilarious, sure. Great, great, great. You know what?

We'll see you at HR, buddy. I have HD HD. And on the show, when it goes back to it, like each show, the topic comes up more than once, Bobby's Dumb. And so it'll be like, Bobby's Dumb, parentheses, one. and then Bobby's dumb and sometimes it goes up to like five Hey why don't you do this

Why don't you type Hey Bobby this is the voice in your head Bobby's dumb Why don't you put that in this So when I read it It's like the radio's talking to me Hey Jacob what is your problem You're just trying to break him or something

What the fuck is wrong You fucking five shirt guy Fucking got enough shirts on Oh he don't take no shit from you dude It's spelled Havarti Well you triggered my The Poverati

I looked at when you Havarotti Havarotti so I thought Poverati and I remember that he was like, you know, the enormous fat opera singer, but apparently a pussy hound. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

She did it a bunch of times. But it just goes to show. More like pava naughty. You have an olive oil voice. Pavenotti? Yes. Pavenotti. Oh, God.

I think I'm going to pava puky. Oh, now Bobby's got toothpick hookups. Everything gives Bobby hiccups, by the way. It's not toothpick, it's actually that hot meat she got for lunch. What hot meat? spicy meat she got a spicy italian did you yeah it was spicy meat i got salami i got salami i got salami i got salami i got you guys like it i liked it very much i got salami that's good she really does talk from the neck yay oh god i'm looking up stuff right now

i gotta buy your stuff on tabs that's the voice in my head did you look up yeah so i found And the other guy, Harve, was sentenced to 24 years for the involvement, but I'm trying to find what happened to Shaw. Yeah. We did 10 minutes on Havarotti. Who was Shaw? You are a talented young man. By the way, Harv's real name is Anthony? Yeah.

Of course, dude. You know that. He goes by Harve. Hey, my name's Jay, but I go by Dorcas McFucking dickhead. What it said was Harve was his bodyguard, and Shaw was one of Harves' association. It was his ex-bodyguard Okay, it's just Shaw Because the guy

So what I saw today was And they give you a little recap Takashi 6-9 I watched You know, I knew his shit was out there In the ether I didn't really pay attention to it much And in the documentary came out

Three parts about him on Hulu Yeah And I watched the first two parts In one night And I thought it was I thought he was very interesting And I kind of liked The stage energy

And the stuff he brought to it I thought it's pretty cool Puerto Rican Yeah and I thought he was like I was like oh it's pretty cool in fact so much so that I go this guy would be an awesome like if we could afford him

like we should have him come play skank like he would love Skangfest and Skank Fest would love his energy his thing it would be pretty fucking dope and then I went on all my shows and said this I came on here and sang his praises I went on Legion of Skanks and set it on Legion of Skanks we need to have

this guy at Skangfest this guy rules and then I went home that night and watched part three where he, I think, fucked a 13-year-old and tied his chick up to a radiator and beat the shit out of her for a while. And he pretty much just admits it anyway. So then I had to go back and really do it next day, like run through of like, hey, hey, hey, he's not that cool. I'm sorry.

I really sang his endorsement. He's rich, right? I don't know. Why does he have a radiator? Was it in 1985? I think he chains her up to something Maybe the bedpost or something It was a fucking radiator

I had a radiator until about I had a radiator until about five years ago Yeah does he live in the Bronx on 126 street Maybe Yeah man get that bitch up on my radio At this time maybe he may not have been rich at this point When that happens yeah I don't know I'm just saying a radiator is like a poor person thing

But he has Yeah because you're poor They're loud You're that's the poorest by the way Loud radiators? Poor people You have to watch TV Cranked because you hear shh oh yeah me and billy used to call it me and bill used to call it the angry snake because we

had one pole that went up in the living room and it was always it's right by the couch so you had to be careful when you whoever sat down on that side because you'd burn the back of your head in the winter yeah and it was so hot you just hear it in the middle of night because they we were on the first floor so they turned that thing on in the basement and you hear it would scare the shit and i would always come up billy's feet would be out the window he'd just open the window have his feet out fuck let the rats in this thing was hot the radio i had that the long pole yeah in the in the bathroom that all the all the hot steam went up and they didn't insulate it and a number of times like i'm drying myself and had like a burn mark on my ass cheek

just sizzled yeah and that's the only way you could come after a while yeah you had to just I just, uh, her. Oh, God. But yeah. I had a bunch of them. You just forget. That was definitely one of the, like,

I have to get the fuck out of the city, like things before we moved to Hell's Kitchen. We were in the East Village. It was being in my, like, 40s and just listening, like having to turn the television up in the middle of a movie or something. Because, oh, he just kicked in. Oh, yeah. This building's from the 1800s.

Why is that a selling point where he goes, pre-war? Pre-war. Yeah. That sounds awful. Falling apart. They called it. Hey, why is the shower in the kitchen? Pre-war.

My neighbor. Exposed brick, which means no insulation. Great Depression. There's nothing insolating. This wall from the other dude's wall on the other side of it. Oh, here's a walled-up fireplace. There's definitely a body in. I have a pre-war building, and I had a neighbor below.

that would take a broom and bang on the top of the stealing because I made the mistake of walking. Because this... It really is a cunty way to be a neighbor. But the steps... I'm sorry, the flooring is so old every time you move... E! There's a creek.

E! Yeah, that. And so, what could I do? I don't know how to walk any lighter. We were on the first floor... There's nothing I can do. I have to walk. We were on the first floor in the...

On, what was it, 97th Street between Third and Lex, and it was a pre-war building, and our floor in the living room. Which war? Desert Storm? No, the big one. The big one. Korea. No.

No, it was in Korea. It was the big one. I thought that was big one. That was a big one. That was not a big one. That was mash, but not the big one. Grenada. Close, bigger.

Bay of pigs. You got it. Right before the bag of pigs is a bay of pigs. The bag of pigs were. The bag of pigs were. The bag of pigs. The bag of pigs of 127th Street.

Remember the bag of pigs? We were fighting with the superintendent who was like a Polish dude, just this fucking piece of shit. And he would, I'd look down, there's a hole in the floor, we could see him in the basement and hear him yapping to the other guy

and be like, hey, be quiet. And a broomstick would come up and just hit the bottom of your feet. And he would go, ha, ha, ha. It was like this fucked up game this dude. It was like. Yeah. There's literally not a step in my apartment I can take that doesn't sound like a coffin opening.

It was so bad. 325 a month, though. 325 a month. That was pretty good. I said the first apartment I lived in in Astoria. What? The first place I lived in Astoria, we were like, yeah, these windows here are great, but like they don't stay open. And he goes, oh, yeah, no, and he came the next day, and he gave us, whatever, there was like five windows in the house, six windows.

he gave us a nice laminated stick. Yeah, yeah. So your window, to be open, your choices were all the way or not at all. Because he didn't give us various size sticks. We had a two by four that went in the window. There was no temperature control. It was either hot or not. Hot or shit or fucking winter inside.

It was so fucked up. I just remember Billy. these feet sticking out of the window in the middle of the winter and s and i i walked by him he's like it's hot man it's hot dude like he was paralyzed from heat crazy oh god uh so yes so i went on this tirade about takashi six nine being so great and then you're gonna stop going on tirades i know and turned it around uh that he's actually a bad dude yeah this is him doing a interview now now he's he cut his hair he doesn't have the crazy hair anymore he just dyes at a color and You said he didn't get fatter, but it looks like he got a little fatter, but it might be just the hair.

Maybe a little chubby. He's just getting older. His hair looks weird now. I love when real thin guys put on weight. Yeah. Makes me happy. It is great. But he, this is him essentially defending why he had to put hands on his chick.

Well, let's hear him out. So, yeah. I mean, you know what? You only hear the girl side a lot. You're not wrong. I got hit. He hit me. He did this and that.

Lying bitch. What did you do? What did you do? So you were just walking in and you went, hey, baby, love you. Nonsense. Can I get you something to eat? You're the best.

Thanks for doing all the stuff. And he hit you? Do you remember, though, in the Michelle A. What did it call it, like a docufilm or whatever? Surviving Compton. Yeah, remember that? She was like, I was laid home and be so excited. He was going to come home.

And he would just come in and he goes, she goes, hey, baby, how was your day? and he would just straddle her and just start punching her in the face like Jesus Christ She goes And then I felt bad for him She's a good person

Sometimes he just shoot at her Yeah He just shot at her Holding a baby While she's holding a baby Dr. Dre was his shit It's the greatest movie You should have done it with a pacifier

Dr. Dre That is one of the funniest movies of all time Like there's no way this could all be true like this I believe everywhere He's like hey I told you not to wear that blazer on this video shoot. She goes, I thought I looked at this.

He's like, why don't you just come right behind this thin curtain with me real quick? And he just beat the shit out every while. The rest of NWA sits there and goes, it's a damn shame. Yo, I'm going to silhouette beat you in front of the other people. Like a puppet show. You know everything happened that is real because she's not in straight out of Compton. She doesn't exist in that.

Yeah, they got her out. I bet they filmed those scenes, but they were like, man, you're going to take that out. He's like, you know what, dude, it's not actually reading that good the way I would come home or just punch her before I took her piss. Hey, guys, Drey, the focus group didn't like when you would just punch her for no reason

and shoot at her. When you would just walk in and decide to shoot at her feet and then just sock her in the face for merely existing? Unbelievable, man. Did you stop hitting women? Me? Yeah. Yeah, I gave that up a long long time ago.

It's good, buddy. I'm glad you got to that point. That was good. But, you know, maybe she had done something. I mean Yes They put her in straight out of Compton I think he would have

Wrote it that It was He was really nice But it just didn't work out It just didn't work out But and then you know She would say She would say something after that

So best leave her completely out Like she didn't exist Guys she could be lying She could be lying I think if any of the comedians At this point Were like hitting chicks Like that would come out

I know. If you get any kind of history of that, that comes out pretty quick for people. That, like, that rumor goes out quick. What I mean, it would, because I'd make it happen. I mean me. No, not you. No, Christine knows. She'd rat out other cars.

Loose lifts and ships. I've only heard one. Huh? I've only heard one. Lewis? No. You've only heard one, what do you mean, ever, that was like. Yeah, that I can think of.

I don't, I'm not sure. No, no, no. Burt smacks Lian in the face. You've heard of here first, everybody. You know what? Bobby pulled off the band-aid. I'm just going to let flow too. Do it.

I've seen on many, many occasions, Burt Kreischer beat Leanne unmercifully. Yeah, it's crazy. Nothing wrong with that. It's crazy. Nothing wrong with that, Jacob. I don't know if I agree with that. I think there is something wrong with that,

Burt Kreischer is, everyone thinks he's the fun drunk. Nope. That's the one you see. It's funny, too, because two bears, Tom hits his wife, too. Also, it's, yeah, completely true. And the weird thing is, like, Burt waited until the kids were kind of like out of the shot to take his punches to the end.

Tom, I hear just, he makes the kids watch. But he did it on the podcast. I was on the podcast and she said, so when is your special coming out? And I already told him that it is out. And he literally cracked her, whack, and went, it's out now, dumb, dumb. Wow. And then she actually composed herself, didn't even cry, smiled. They added it out.

and edited out of the magic of editing it's crazy wow you heard it here first you know Adam Carolla I don't want to say this for Adam Carolla touches me under the table when I do his show what I feel brave enough now to say it really that's fucking oh my god oh my god what a purge day I'm really enjoying all of this burr crusher is an abusive husband Tim Dillon made me suck him off to get on his show oh my god that's actually could be real oh my god um that's a reality um that's a reality um that's a reality um That's real. Dude, I would blow anybody to get to Saudi Arabia.

Did you watch all the people that are coming back from the Riyadh comedy festival? Yeah, dude, it's getting confusing to me because they, okay, everybody went and accepted these outrageous. I mean, how do you say no offers, right? It depends who you are. Well, I mean, look, it doesn't matter who you are. If $2 million. No one got $2 million. Chappelle got $2 million.

It's 1.6 was the highest cap out, they said. Okay, whatever. I'm over, let's just say a million. It's a lot of money. Not to so many people are there. All right. To some people. To some people.

To Jessica Kierston, for sure. But she wouldn't get a million. No, how many did she get? I don't know. I'd assume she was like in the lower six figure ones. I mean, Tim Dillon was 375. I don't know what the... I don't know what the...

I don't know what the other ones were. I heard it went from like 150 or something, they said, to, like, 150 up to 1.6. Okay, that's still, 150 is a ton of fucking cash for somebody like Jessica or. I don't know, man. It's a weird thing. It's like, I wish they would just all go. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I went, and I got the money, and it was a good money, and I went.

Going to Saudi Arabia. I think some people are. But Saudi Arabia is not like a shithole either. It's like this, a lot of people who are going to Saudi Arabia for a wrong. They have a cheesecake factory. What do he say? I heard Bill's thing that they have cheesecake factory. The problem with Bill...

The problem with Bill is that he was giving somebody else shit for going there and taking money. Of course. I think he also says in that same thing that there is money he would go for for sure. He went for it. I just think it's weird. Like, that is... The thing I didn't think of it all, because I don't get into the politics of it more. I was just kind of like it's a weird...

I guess that is the politics of it, but it's like a weird look. And also, I just personally just... want to go. I don't want to go to, like, Australia to do comedy, and Australia's lovely. You know what I mean? I just don't want to travel that far and go on the thing. It's not my name. I would go to Australia. I had a, I was all set to go. I was just for laugh. But they wanted a flaming coach.

And I was like, I'm not doing 24 hours. I was in coach. No way. I just can't do it, so I didn't do it. I regret not going, because I've always wanted to go to Australia. You can go to Australia, though. Not the way I would want to go. It's great, but again, I do want to go to Australia. I don't want to go to Saudi Arabia. Did you see, I would, I would definitely love to go to Saudi Arabia. I would really? Look, I would love to go

over to an Arab country. I've never been. You know what I mean? I mean, I want to like, there's just no way to be there for the day. I don't want to, I don't want to stay there for a week in a fucking bedrock. I would love to go there just to see Dubai and Riyadh. I would, I would

like to see the world. I would like to, you know, I've been to Iraq. I went to the Ziggarot. I went to Abraham's house. to me, that's fucking crazy that I got to go up the Ziggurat. Sure. You know what I mean? I don't know what that is at all.

It's a pyramid in Babylon. Ziggarot. Ziggurot is in Babylon, which is where... Bibimbaub. Where life started, supposedly. Abraham's house is over there, supposedly all the stuff. Oh, I heard it was like a nice split level.

It was actually in the ground. Oh, I heard Abraham's house was so nice. But I wouldn't mind going. I mean, it looks beautiful, and it's, you know, when do you get a chance? to go over there, and I love Ari Spears, Ari Spears, did a video in the first class flight again,

which is, I would love to do that. That's a, what is that, a $20,000 ticket? At least. So it's like, I don't, I don't care enough to give a fuck. Yeah, I know these people, here's the thing, this is what makes me, and I don't want to get too crazy with it,

but here's the thing that flips me out. Okay, so these people go there. I know that they are kind of fucked up the way they treat people. They kill a journal. freedom of speech women they treat like shit got it right illegal to be gay i think illegal to be gay got it but in order to change right if in order to change you need to open up to these things so now they open up to they open up to laugh right thanks jacob thanks for saving me on this

point i just forgot where i was going i had a full set of steam and then i saw jay whispered something the loo and I'm like oh boy but what I'm saying it now this is how people change this is how people become free because they want something other people have and they start to get it they like football they like golf they like comedy they like all the stuff and I just think that a few people here in Saudi Arabia can come together to listen to me talk about my six fat Then I think I think if you can change and I can change my waist size

Everyone can change dude Everyone can change them Just to take devil's advocate's side, right? You start sending comedy over there And they let a gay woman go over there They were letting a gay man perform over there they were having no restrictions on her what she can say

that's not true no they did they she didn't have they had a bunch and then they she said you can talk about being gay they let her talk about being gay that's huge she said that was her preemptive thing before she went there right but they said okay which is crazy which is great so that means all the gay people in this country who are hired got to see a gay woman perform that's fucking inspirational they offered me a million dollars said fly coach i it's not i understand that they just didn't offer jessica a million dollars for sure and she said she gave all the money away whether she do what i'm saying let's assume she did but let's assume she did i'm saying give it away then what was the point of the whole thing

it all to begin with now if you do believe you were on like some sort of uh diplomatic mission like sure i guess she said that she said that she said that she was important to me to go there and she got emails from people this from her she got emails from gay people over there that It was like, thank you. Thank you so much. Which, even if that's five people, that's pretty crazy. I genuinely am not, like, I, I'm morally opposed to it in as much as like, yeah, I hate it.

No, I'm morally opposed to performing at it, like, as much as, like, the layman. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm just like, yeah, why would you go fucking perform for, like, the architects of 9-11? But, like, when anyone's like, oh, we're trying to build bridges and blah, blah, blah, like, sure, I guess. That's what I'm saying. I don't have, like, a strong, hard opinion. about it all but it stirred up so much shit

it is pretty funny like a weird place to want to go yeah but the people that were our enemies back in the Japan fucking Germany we hated these people I still do you hate Japan the Japs I call them yeah you heard here first no I feel you do I've never let it go I hear you because of the Japs you understand my birthday is always marred with memories of the worst what I still consider to be the biggest worst attack on U.S. soil

Pearl Harbor. Suck on that 9-11. Why wouldn't they let me come, why wouldn't they invite me to Riyadh with that kind of logic? I don't know. I just think that it's... I think, what was my point that I was making? If you can change, everybody can change.

But they... No, no, that, that... No. But Bill Bird doesn't need the dough at all. And, like, what is his... I don't know. That's what I'm saying. Like, what is the fact-finding mission?

Russell Peters has been gone out of there for years. Sure. The comics have been going to Saudi Arabia and Dubai for years. Absolutely. My thing is, what someone pointed out that I thought was most interesting. Is that a bomb? Was that a plane flying into the building? You hear that?

I do hear it. What is that? It's something Ron Bennington, which, by the way, we walked by, because I don't know if you knows it after our show in the fishbowl today, Ron Bennington is doing a show in the fishbowl today. of which everybody had low, comfortable, wide chair. We took pictures. They said they couldn't change that for us.

Nope. But as soon as we left, super comfortable leather couch chairs. They looked very comfortable. I took pictures of it so we can put them up and you can tell us what you think. I mean, they look, not just one, too. There was five. I asked about this, not last minute, Bobby.

Yeah, I know. I asked about this a day ago. Well, I have an explanation from the engineering team, which is that Marcus... We're not worth shit. couldn't play guitar on one of those comfy low chairs one sure he could have two we could have put him in a chair could put him in the front we could have put him we could have put all sat in chairs and then have him just stand up when he was going to play he could have gone over and played and sat on a stool and like been center of the room

we were treated for a change like jerkoffs but can i just say this we deserve it yeah i guess No, we do. Ron Bennington has paid his dues and is, he's, you know, he deserve chairs. We deserve stools. Let's earn it. I guess we'll earn it. For all of future shows, I know which chairs you want now and I'll have them. Well, why don't you just do what we ask? Because maybe we want, we want stools at one point. I was just told gray chairs, so I put in gray chairs. No, here's got gray stools. Here's the thing. Ask us or ask us. And then when we tell you what we want, do that.

Listen, I don't want to absolve Christine from any responsibility here for our show and having. She keeps saying, like, she had this real commitment to gray chairs. Gray, gray is worthless. They're in there. There's gray. There's brown. There's all kinds of, so the color. We don't care about color.

She harped too much in the color when I told her to get the message out that we wanted the comfy low chairs. Did you say gray? No. So why is gray a thing? I don't know, but she's kind of locked into that. Why do you keep saying gray? Why is that you sticking? Because that was a fuck up.

I said gray comfort. chairs the chairs were gray and i jacob i already told them i go my fault because when i came in for the check i didn't realize they weren't the right chairs then but why gray because they're usually i'm actually i feel like that's first i've seen the black ones the chairs those chairs have always been gray as far as i know i didn't really i didn't like i wasn't factoring in the gray stools i thought the gray just latched on too much to gray you should have said you should say no you should said words like comfy low i said comfy low uh like full size chairs i said great the big ones big chairs is also what i could have used yeah comfortable chair would have been

nice now me and bobby have fucking belly burn from our fucking pants and our bellies hanging over our pants yeah we i had to suck in my stomach for me they looked comfortable i had to put my hands in my couldy pocket and stick my thumbs in my belly button and push my stomach in the whole time You happy? Jacob, you'd be comfortable sleeping in a matchbook. You're a mouse. We are large men. Yeah, rat tattooy.

We're large men. We're large men. Bobby's not that tall, but we are large men. Yeah, which is worse on a stool. My feet are dangling. Now I know which chairs. I know that you want the bending chin of shares. Which from now on be called the bonfire chairs.

Are we going to get fishbowl again? When's that going to happen? Ten years? Never. Our whole audience was fucking, uh, was black, was black, barbecue guests. Yeah, they did a fucking giveaway for two tickets on the show. In-house. Oh, God.

Two new employees, which this company never has. They never have new employees. They never have new employees. That is true. There's two Indian people confused at Marcus King. Oh, my God. When you were making a joke about something, his wife, or that guy's wife was

like, appalled. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, good, good. Well, they work here. I look forward to her strange stairs in the hallway. Oh, that's sandwich. Anyways, I think that, I don't think, I think it's all bullshit. Who cares? Move on. And it's like you said, people, people want to grab something and

attack that, like the sides now, I guess. Like, there's, I don't know, like, they had this back in the day, I think, in the 90s. Remember alt comics? And then there was club comics. And the alt comics didn't even know where a club comics. We just, you know, we talked about pussy and farting and shit. worked where you got paid yeah where they paid us we just went and you know they made this whole big thing and it was all horse shit until hey's this until they started getting paid and then they shut the fuck up and they started doing animations when they called that a sellout now they're all fucking have set for life money because they played a chipmunk fuck them this was personal i feel like

who me yeah that went on a real thing i'm reading that off my phone Your suicide note That's from Nick DePaulo Now this one just I said I have no real like Heavy moral objections to it And everybody went to go to it But I just don't understand

Like if you don't need that money Why are you opening yourself up to the fucking thing But what do you mean you don't need money I don't understand Gabriel and Glaze They just don't know $1.6 million that he can do without fucking getting on a

17 hour phone I understand that but $1.6 million Even if you have $40 million is still $1.6 million. Agreed. That goes into something and that's still, you know what I mean? When you have that much money,

your bills are kind of the same. Right. Is it enough to have people fucking lose their shit? Jessica's panicking, her fan base is like running away from her. Well, because she, well, her, because. Stand up for your own convictions, by the way. I believe Jessica, if she wanted to go,

good for her. Jessica's funny. She went there, and she went and represented women. She represented strong women. She represented gay women. I don't know what she benches. Dude, she benches 375. The fuck out of here.

I swear to God. Does she use a bench shirt? Dude, I just think what she did was great. If it changes them just a little bit, it's great. I think it's great. I don't know what it's good. The fact that a gay woman can go to Saudi Arabia to do comedy now, which wasn't the case a year ago.

I don't know if that's going to be the thing. It won't be now because these fucking assholes are making a stink about it. Could she talk about being gay? Yeah, she said in the contract it was that you couldn't, but then they changed that and they're like, all right, you know what you can talk about? Just don't make fun of the prince

and don't make fun of the religion. Don't make fun of the royals. Don't make fun of the religion at all. Yeah, which, listen, you go to India, the same thing. When I was going to India with Keith back in the day, they said they had censor police in the crowd. If you talked about the government at all, in a bad way, they would shut the show down and arrest you.

It's just a different culture, dude. Different laws. Right. That's just what it is. I hate other cultures. So I don't want to spend time there. I think that comedy breaks walls down. Let me tell you something.

I've just before, too. That's what you meant the whole time. That's what I meant. I was trying to get to the whole time. I said this before also, but I've fucking. I feel uncomfortable performing in English in other countries. I feel awkward performing in other countries.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Without hair gel? I don't know if the point's going to hit anymore. I don't know if, but I don't like performing in other countries because of, like, that speak English, English-speaking countries that all the differences is they have accents because I still feel like they can't understand me.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I feel still awkward in that. So going to Saudi Arabia, I'm like, I wouldn't know the timing or rhythm of what to do. I'd love to hear what Josh did. They love, oh, we can talk about that, but they love everything we do. They love it. They love golf. They love our movies.

Everything that America does, they love, and they love stand-up, and they want it stand-up, and they have enough money to buy our souls. It's everything. Yeah. Because they love everything we have, golf, movies, and stand-up. Josh Anna-Meyer's all we have. Oh, yeah. Bahrain.

No, Josh did not get asked to go. Josh materialized like he does. He wasn't on the bill, but he went to Saudi Arabia? Yes. Just to hang? To open for Bill. No, no, no, no, no. Wait.

Is that true? He didn't go to open for me? I thought he found his way out there. It was very possible. I think he found, I think he got a magic carpet ride. Jelly roll. I think jelly roll took him out there. Yeah, he went with jelly roll, which is convenient, and then hooked up with Bill,

and then he did his thing. Josh has that magic ability To get on You know It's fucking nuts I'm gonna do it in front of the Saudi crew That is funny I did hear about that

Chappelle said that comedy's easier in Saudi Arabia Man what a disconnected doofus What a disconnected fucking dummy Chappelle He's smarter than that If that's a real exact thing If that's not out of context

I understand what he means. Do you now? I understand him. Really? Where is it easier to be a journalist? Because they just killed one of them over there. He was asking for it. Dude, the guy who got killed?

Oh, my God. He was fucking the guy. Listen, he was fucking the guy's wife. You understand? Now look, if he was fucking the guy's friend's girl, That's a thing Stiffy got the blicky But he was

Stiffy got the blicky I don't know I don't even know I don't even know any of this shit About journalists got killed Yeah well right now in America Chappelle says right down in America They say that if you talk about Charlie Kirk

You can get cancelled I don't know if that's true But I'm gonna find out And it's just like You get canceled That's not the issue It's like a place that's like Getting canceled isn't really your problem there

You might have your hand cut off I thought he's canceled me That's what I'm saying Somebody's buried me in a fucking sandpile. He's just called me the N-word a bunch of times and then fucking cut my head off. He's just completely, yeah. But this one's so out in the open.

That's the problem. Everybody else's got to do it under the radar. So, like, Beyonce and all of them would go out there and perform for someone. You don't really know their things. They laid this all out. Yeah. Well, that's why Billy has a, I think there's a clip of him saying,

does she need the money and stuff like that? And now it's so funny. They just go back and find you, which sucks because they could do that with all of us. Just go back and find you. Because there's no point where I'm saying there's a price that I wouldn't go for. Of course there's a price I would go for. Absolutely.

But I'm going, it's going to be a high price that would mean something to me because you're like, yeah, everyone's going to give me shit and going to a place of awful people. It's not like I'm stoked to meet the fucking royals. I don't give a shit. That doesn't like hold me like I don't. They're good people. I'll be excited. Like I'd be actually excited.

If Bill Barr is right and there's a cheesecake factory, that would be awesome. And that's where you would find me at 3 p.m. every day getting a Renee's special. René's special. I'm getting the turkey chili. I love the turkey chili. I don't know, dude. I don't know. I just think that all they need to do is own it.

Just own it. Yeah, I went. I fucking, I know, it might have been the wrong thing. It was crazy money. Always wanted to go. They offered me a sick deal. Well, Ari Spears is doing that. He goes, you motherfucker's broke.

I know. I love it. I love it. He goes, broke people complaining to me right now. But that's what's funny is, and the clip I was watching kept going back and showing Ari Spears, complaining about not having money and not having Kevin Hart money.

Now he's got Bob Kelly money. Now he's got it up to Bob Kelly money. Is this the Saudi Arabian Cheesecake Factory? Yeah. Wow, it looks great. Actually, Cheesecake Factory looks like everything in Saudi Arabia anyways. Yeah, you know what? I just realized that Cheesecake Factory is an American Saudi Arabian restaurant.

It looks like the Prince's living room. Oh, my God. Yeah, but it's like goat cheesecake. Oh, the meatballs. Cheesecakes made it as like Oreo goat. Oreo goat cheesecake. Ooh. Look at that.

It would say jihad? Did it say jihad on the fucking brownie Sunday? Very well maven. Happy birthday jihad. Jayda. Oh, sorry. Happy birthday jihad. I don't know.

So let me ask you a question. So, Billy, who are the people that shouldn't need the money? Chappelle, Billy, fluffy. Fluffy. Who else? Joe Coy. Yeah, he doesn't need the money.

He went? Yeah. They really just did really. They didn't need the money. They took all our... Kev, obviously. Do we say Kev? Kev don't need shit.

Who else didn't need it, need it? Louis? Louis. I don't know if Louie might need it. Listen, Louis might need it. Yeah, here we go. Tom does not need it. Tom definitely not.

Sam needs it. Pete? It looks like Kurt. I know it's not Kurt. I thought it was Kurt, too. It's a Middle Eastern guy. What's his name? Didn't go.

That dude on the right? He wanted a bailing. Did he did? Yeah, he left. He was like, I fucked. I didn't want to... I'm pretty sure he wound up leaving and saying, I don't want to do it.

We didn't go. Normand. Is that the chick from... We got fast cars? Tracy Chapman. That's not Chase. Haddle Baris? Oh, I fucked up.

I thought it was Tracy Chapman. As is, Stan Sari. You got, uh... You got Chrissy D. Shultz doesn't need the money. Chrissy, my brow, is caveman-like D. But again, also, didn't, like, Schultz and these people have already played out there?

They've already gone to Dubai, which is the same shit. Yeah. Jimmy Carr doesn't need the money. Bill doesn't need the money. Russell Peters doesn't need the money. No, Russell needs the money. He got a fucking crazy divorce. Russell Peters?

Yeah, he got whack. California divorce. Really? I think that's the worst of all divorces. It's the worst of all. We should do a go-fund meet, too. That motherfucker got whacked. Really?

Ah, dude. California divorce is the worst. worse yeah but like i mean didn't like bezos get whack too who what fuck is that i turn my listen i turn my phone on to find that thing just turn your

sounds off i can't i don't know how to do it you don't put your phone on son no i turn my phone off during the show and i just turned it on to send her that photo of the chairs because you were like oh the chairs so i sent it and i forgot to turn it off by the way we have a ring video doorbell now oh i love it i don't know if I do. I find it. I mean, I haven't really, I shouldn't even say that because, like, I haven't gone to it at all. I thought it. But I think it's very strange to be able to, like, again,

it's only outside. I think it's very strange. Just watch the outside of my house seem strange. I mean, it's like, I want to only be know if someone's trying to come in or get in, like, the constant monitoring of it is strange to me. You can turn it off and you can turn, you can change all the settings to, like, human beings or there's all kinds of settings you can do inside of it to make it so it doesn't go off at all. Do I have to buy the service? I do. You do.

It's like nine bucks a month to get where it records everything all day. So I have it up country. I need it up in New Hampshire. I'm sure you're going to have bear attacks and shit. Well, not bear, but a lot of, dude, I have a... Not your fat gay guys. That's what I'm there. A lot of bear attacks.

That's what I'm there by myself. It's called the bear attack. Oh, Zarbel gargwent. Zarbo goobo gobs? Garble garbs. I want you to be my friend. You've mentioned this before. I always, every time I see Sebastian Manuscapul's headshot, the action phase pose is taking in every one of us.

Oh, it was going over to Saudi Arabia. What do you mean you guys don't have maramale? You guys use rice instead of pasta. But you have to hold that face for a photo. Why do your women have their eyes? showing only. Cover it all or cover none of it. They should do that in Chicago.

Those women are fucking ugly. Where can an Italian park his camel around here? You guys have camels. There's two humps. Why just one? This place has no provolone. There's no, I'm in my god. Where do I take an Italian guy while I'm at here being Italian.

I like a shirt with a color. Man, the comics that have taken the simplicity of the white people do this, black people do this. And it's trickled out to the Indian people do this. When someone cuts white down into Italians, oh, it drives me bananas. It drives me as to a Nazi. We should have an Italian president, eh? Because things then would be Italian. We should have an Italian.

Imagine the wife on that. And then he'd have a gumah. Ah, bah. Hey. Oh, shit. You got a canoli in the White House. Yeah, the first black president, Clinton, Gabubaguga. On a poster of 15 headshots, he does stand out, Sebastian.

Yeah, I know. It looks like, Jessica looks like she's going, coming to dominate, like become a dictator of the land. Yeah, she does. They should put, like, big stars on her shoulder, like a general. I mean, fucking Schultz looks like a native. Yeah, Fluffy looked like they said We don't have any more Moco loco How did Ari Spears get in?

Everyone's in the poster except ARI Spears He promoted himself, and nobody would have known Aery Spears away, he kept promoting it. I think he filled in for somebody. Chris Tucker? I think somebody who bailed, whoever bailed, he filled in for it. It says there's 50 comedians and there's only like 26 on the poster. Dude, I'm going.

The festival's over. Listen, I know, next year. You're just going to go. Hey, yo, you know, whatever they say. pick me 150 grand dude not even you'll go for less i'll go for no i want to go this is what i want to do i want to negotiate my thing i want you to pay my house off oh and then also you want to be able to rape freely while you're there not freely i want to fight oh you want on the fight pat yeah i'm not going to rape freely is just chicks right did you hear right jacob oh you know what let's

remember we were talking about rape the other day