The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Saving Dogs From Being Eaten

Episode Date: September 27, 2024

If Big Jay was on the old television show Fame, what character would he be? Christine plays a video of dogs about to be eaten and saved by a good dude. Jay's fear of insects leads to a clip of Bear Grylls getting stung in the face by a bee. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly DJ Lou is not ready to say goodbye to summertime black barbecue summer still in effect Lou stays in a black barbecue Lou stays right outside of a black barbecue while your black girlfriend doesn't let you into the party? She's waiting in the car? She's not my girlfriend and she's gone. She took her wig and left. Ooh, did she respond finally?

No, I told her it's not working out. And she just said okay? Yeah, she was cool. What'd she say? She just hearted my text message. Oh, you did her text? You wimp. But that's hilarious, she hearted it?

She's like, totally agree? Well, I called her beautiful. I didn't want to tell her your wigs are a problem. No Yeah. But that's hilarious. She hearted it. She's like, totally agree. Well, I called her beautiful. I didn't want to tell her your wigs are a problem. No, of course you couldn't. Buddy, I think of you nonstop now when I watch on Reddit, when I watch chick fights, different girl fight videos. I mean, there's one where there's, looks like a pretty black chick hanging outside of a

door at a dorm room, waiting for another black chick to come out the door so she could beat the shit out of her. And the other girl opens the door and just comes flying out and attacks her immediately. And they're both, it looks like two hot chicks with long hair. Immediately the wigs come off. And it's just, you're looking at like,

also that show Baddies, Isabella watched it. It's the new Bad Girls Club, but it's on the internet, but it's much more violent, like they beat the shit out of each other, these girls. It's the same thing, and they all go in there looking like porn stars to go like audition and twerk and show their tits and asses, and then they are encouraged to fight,

and then the wigs come off, and then it's just a bunch of ugly women with, like their bodies become bizarre even when the wig comes off. You're like, oh, you're like a bald lady shaped like a potato. Because the wig's holding everything together. Everything. It's all, it's the last piece of the puzzle.

Yeah, it's like they pull everything up to the top of their head, knot it, and then put, yeah, that's it. You crack the seam, it's over. It's completely over. So funny, did you see Anthony Comeo in that video? No, what did he do? Oh, you didn't see the video?

Did he have some thoughts about the blacks? I think he was, I think he's full racist. I think he said fuck it. Yeah? Oh my God. Well I mean his Twitter, if it's him, has been going off the rails. Like someone, it might have been Fanoia who told me,

he was like, is Anthony okay? He didn't even say what's wrong with this guy. He did the like, is he okay? And I think, was it maybe the National Convention or something? Oh yeah, or the Democratic Convention, I think when the Obama spoke, he was like, it's, oh hey everyone, look, it's asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk

like R night at the DNC. And you're like, holy shit. Well, because there's no nuance in that joke I guess, right? He put a, I put a video in the chat. It's, I clicked it, I saw his face. It was like a close up video. I was like, all right, let me see what Anthony's up to. Oh! He was like, this might be let me see what Anthony's up to. Oh!

He goes, this might be something really funny, he's so funny. Anthony got a time machine and went back to 1934. And Mississippi. I'm talking to you, Jim Crow. I mean, dude, it's just so funny that you were, that had to be in him the whole time. Like, you know?

Here's the thing. You're just sitting next to Patrice. It's a good question like this, though, but what is the thing? Like, it's... Can you be a racist? No. And also, like, an actual, like, problematic racist

and also engage and really respect and like some black people? Is it always all or nothing, or is there a gray area? I think there's a... apparently there is a gray area. I mean, Patrice had the joke even about the, you know, everyone should be a little racist across the street from the bald white guys, I'm not gonna think they have cancer and all that stuff.

Yeah, that was for safety. No, no, no, and I get that, but I'm almost saying, like, if that's a value, if that's a benchmark of racism, then aren't we all like to something, like, Black Lou wouldn't wanna be stranded in Camden, New Jersey at two o'clock in the morning. And it's because of the terrifying black people there. So that's what I'm saying, like you can acknowledge that,

but I've never thought of giving a shit about a person more or less based on like them being black or white in a meeting. Do you know why? I'm not racist. Yeah. No, no, I understand that, but I don't think, I've never thought anything of like black friends of ours

meeting Kumia or being on an episode where Kumia came on skanks or anything. I really didn't, because like, and he was always friendly and nice and would talk, even if he made the jokes, even if he made the jokes, he was still like cordial and liked talk. Even if he made the jokes, even if he made the jokes, he was still like cordial and liked them and laughed at stuff they said.

One of the most likable guys and one of the fastest, funniest guys out there. Sure. I mean, just great. But. One of the easiest people in the world to broadcast with. I think something in him just said, fuck it. But is he leaning into something he doesn't believe

or is this something he's like, you know what, I'm just gonna say how I feel? I don't know, it's a weird thing because you always, like DePaulo, like we were talking, me and Lou were talking about this, he's always trying to be funny. He's always trying to do a joke. He's always, as some minute that makes you go,

all right, like where it's a joke form. Correct, I agree, listen. The video that came, the video that was up yesterday was just, fuck it, right, dude. It was like, look at these. I was like, oh my God. Can I hear it? Yeah, I put it in the chat. It's right in the chat. It's, it's like, wow, dude, this guy's,

you don't give a fuck. There's no nuance. Oh, he lives in, he lives in. Is there no nuance? No. This was on the noser? He doesn't plan on coming back to New York anytime soon and walking the streets. My dad used to get drunk, he used to get incredibly racist and then when he was sober he was not. So maybe it's something to do with substances.

No, because the reality there is. You think he's allergic to booze, doesn't break out in a rash, he breaks out in racism? He goes, what does it do? He goes, well, all my small joints get tingly and I get wildly racist. But it's only against Indians, so it's okay. So it's okay.

Which Indians? Oh, like the, not the, the, the, the, the, thank you come agains. That was racist. I'm gonna say this, the doctors the casino people perfect there we go that's Being funny and not racist Listen these things are all gonna be like based on you can't make the judge listen There's also something to making jokes like that and kind of having like the wink with it

versus like, like DePaulo's even somebody who, DePaulo presents it very like, it's hilarious, but the presentation is still like, it's balls to the wall, which I respect. He doesn't give you a lot of, you have to go, I know he's making a joke here. Do you get what I'm saying? Where like, I try to, especially with stuff like that,

like over the top, I don't really say, I'm just speaking the truth. You know what I mean? I don't have a double down on it at all, because I'm kind of like, no, please laugh, because I'm just kidding. Well, what's his name? That's insecurity in me.

Paul Mooney was racist, but he did it in a very funny way. I mean, he did not like white people. No. But he would put up. Unless they were fucking bent over taking his wiener up their gay butt. No, you're gay, get away from me. I know, well I didn't say that to Paul Mooney.

He told me to get away from him. I guess I wasn't his type. I wasn't his type either, it kind of bummed me out. It's one of my favorite Paul Mooney stories. By the way, this could be pure urban legend, fake, but I don't know why it would be brought up if not, but they said at the Laugh Factory in LA one time when he was apparently quietly dating Leroy from Fame,

and you've heard this before, Lou? He was dating Leroy from the show Fame, and they had an onstage, offstage argument. Leroy was in the audience, and they had an onstage, offstage argument. Like Leroy's in the audience and they had like a bitchy, you know, it's like, you wasn't saying that when you was clapping my peaks last night, you know, kind of like that. The last gig I'd want to have a fight with.

Leroy from Fame. Athletic for sure. Athletic, he's probably wearing some mesh half shirt, looks awesome. He's no longer with us. Oh, he died, yeah. 2003. I don't know what he's gonna do. Leroy? What'd he die of? Come on you know he died from. Come on go ahead Jacob say it. Pneumonia? What was it Jacob? I'm looking. The common cold?

Yeah exactly. What was it? Sniffles. What'd he get a splinter infection? These are all killers in the in his world sepsis And said he remained a frantic partygoer and self-confessed weakness for drinking drugs. Yes Mm-hmm led her life for the list a sex Which led in the 80s to a 1996 he was diagnosed positive with HIV In 1996 he was diagnosed positive with HIV. Yeah! AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS! Yes, Lee, we're from fame. You're our thousandth AIDS victim everybody.

What's he win? Jacob, take him over to the prize closet. But it does say he died in 2003, age 41 from complications of a stroke. Yeah. He suffered. From AIDS? From AIDS. And complications of AIDS. Of course from AIDS, and complications of AIDS. Of course! Yeah, there you go.

Ah, let's turn it up a little. Hi! I've been in love and together people will see me and cry. We're having a party, man. Heaven, light up the sky like a flame. AIDS! I'm gonna live forever. Now you're not. Jacob, remember my name.

Remember, remember, remember, remember. Yeah, it's true. Leroy doesn't live forever, except for our... I think that whole cast is dead. We keep his... We keep Leroy's memory alive through stories of him having gay arguments with Paul Moody. He lives through us.

Who would you have been in fame? I think it'd be... Was it Michael or was that his real name? The Afro-Jewish guy on the piano? No, not the Afro-Jewish guy. Go to the beginning of the show, Christine, please, the opening credits to fame. I'll show you Christine, please, the opening credits to Fame. I'll show you who. Yeah, look at Kumi's face, though.

He literally. He doesn't like this talk. Dude, Anthony Kumi, literally, he looks like fucking De Niro at the end of Casino. He's like, well, I'm still the best handicapper in the biz. I'm wearing glasses now. Who am I to talk? Yeah, go ahead. There's Leroy and turn it

up can I feel this please? It's in Queens. Not Debbie Allen I wouldn't be that's who you thought. Bruno? I think it'd be Bruno. Pause it Christine when I get to the person. No you gonna get this. That's Jacob, Albert. There you go, Carlo Imperato is who I thought I would be. Danny, Danny. Definitely, you're definitely. That's you. That is you, 100% you.

Yeah, Danny, not Michael. Danny is the name of it. What was Danny's thing? What did he play? I think it was dance. Oh, is he dance? I have a feeling a lot of it, well they were all singing and dancing.

It was gay school. Play it. It's in Queens, it's called AIDS U. Or no, you have AIDS? No, AIDS U. Or no, U of AIDS? No, AIDS U. Who's, let me see Christine. Oh, we find Christine. No.

Who, no? Nope. There you go. There you go. Valerie Lansberg. There's Jacob. Jacob. Black Lou.

Black Lou. There's Laurie Singer. Oh, I didn't know Laurie Singer was in this show. I must have forgot. Carlo Imperato, alive. Don't alive don't interrupt. Is he Alan? Yes. Nice. I'm sorry. I'm Debbie Allen Is this school is this school still around? LaGuardia high right or LaGuardia school for performing arts. Yeah It isn't the city right

Jason Andors went there before he became a Mexican comedy sensation. We should all join. You want to go to that school? We should audition. We really should go at least to auditions. Yeah, I can do those moves. Should we all wear... Leotards? I want to wear those leotards though, the 80s.

I want to go full one piece bathing suit with shiny stockings that Richard Simmons gets appearance. Wow, what was he? You know what, can I say something, pause that? We'll go back to Richard Simmons, please. Not a bad looking guy. He actually had just a stupid whole look to him, but he wasn't bad looking.

No, that was the look back then. That was the Afro perm. The guy's getting perms, and that was a thing back then. I remember I wanted curly hair, and then it did go curly when I jerked off in the canoe, and God cursed me. Oh, he cursed you with curly hair. Yeah, when I fell off into the water. But yeah, remember, what was that superhero movie?

Curly hair. The Greatest American Hero. He had the same hair. Mork had the same hair. That was like a... Mork didn't have it. Mork had curly hair. No.

He had wavy hair. Wavy, curly. No, no, no. Curly hair is curly hair. I mean, Richard Simmons had a perm. William Cat had a jufro. William Cat, for sure, a perm. I guess you're right.

William Cat had a great ju... Yeah Cat for sure perm. No, I guess you're right. William Cat had a great Jew, yeah see, it's wavy. William Cat had a, I mean, a great looking Jew fro in the movie Carrie. Yeah. When it was like a little heavier even. Carrie was a good look for a lot of people. Son Sissy Spacek. The only person who looked like that.

Oh my God, yeah, he had great hair. I mean that is killer hair. Jesus Christ, he looks like Gabhaj now. Poor son of a bitch didn't even know he was tricking a girl and they're getting pig's blood poured on her. That's, I know I've said on the show before, but one of the funniest American dads when the dad has a flashback to high school prom,

and he goes to prom and they trick him and they dump, they pull a lever and a bunch of pigs fall on him. And he goes, what are you doing man? goes he goes didn't you see the movie? It's supposed to be pigs blood. He's like I read it and he goes and you study cuz I because I read I didn't finish It dough he goes you stopped at the word pigs Didn't get the blood in the same sense. You stopped at the word big Yeah, William can had great fucking dude 70s. I'll tell you if I can go back to a time We're gonna listen this community if I can I'll tell you, if I can go back to a time, we're gonna listen to this community thing in a second.

If I can go back to a time, if I can go back to a time, for sure, the 70s, I would have dominated in the 70s. As a young adult in the 70s, in my 20s, silk shirts, ambrosia on the radio. I like the 80s. I like the 80s, I Rock Z, Z Cavaricci's. I like the music, it went from rock and disco,

there was a fight, and then rock won, fuck disco, remember that? Disco sucks. Yeah, disco sucks for sure, but the 70s, but like the easy listening rock, like the rock stars in the 70s, like this guy was a rock star. Yeah. stars in the 70s like this guy was a rock star yeah

oh my nail in this or am I nailing this you know I need some lyrics It's gonna break but I'm gonna break away from you Just give me the stars and I will be there everybody. Lou I need you. That's how much I feel for you baby. How much I feel. I need your touch. How much I feel for you love. I'm awful. That's how much. That's how much. That's how much, that's how much, that's how much, that's how much. Oh my god, I like to picture if I was in the 70s I'd have a bulge in my pants, in my tight slacks. Damn. You'd have a fro too. I would have had long hair for sure.

Long fro. But I also would have switched looks too. In the later 70s, I would have gotten more into like a handlebar stash, long hair. Kind of like Almond Brothers music guy probably. Flannel, maybe a flannel. Yeah, I would have went pretty badass 70s. But in the 80s, would you have switched up

to some silk stuff? What would I have loved to be in the 80s? What was the other? It was a drastic change. It was a drastic change. Well, the yuppie thing came in, and then people started dressing up more. But what would my look in the 80s have been?

I probably would have went with a nice Billy Squire. Just some dungarees, pair of jeans, maybe a sleeveless shirt that's too tight. Thin belt. A very thin belt. Not the one where he'd gate off in that room and they completely ruined his career. Yeah, Billy Squire original Billy Squire The comedian Billy Squire working with me this weekend in Cleveland at hilarities very nice bill Squire shout out

I would address like you bill Squire in the 80s There you go. Yeah a little squire you, Bill Squire, in the 80s. There you go, yeah, a little Squire, a little young Squire. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Everyone looked like they would. Yeah, Squire would have been my look for sure. But he was always giving us clues that he was about to do something gay. And then he just came out of the gates and just said,

he goes, I'm here, I'm queer, and I ain't going nowhere. Watch this. And the bummer was, not even gay. You ruin your career by coming out of the closet. You're not even gay sucks, doesn't it? Hey, everyone, I'm here. I'm just letting you know I'm gay. And they're like, get out of here.

He's like, actually, I'm not gay, though. Do you remember when pinning your pants? Were you around then? I was a little young for it. When you? Roll your pants up and then pin them? It was, oh, well no, I had the cuff, the... The little cuff on the bottom. They called it pegging. You take the bottom and fold it over and flip it up two times.

We called it pinning. Yeah. Pegging was different for us. Really, you had pegging back then? You guys were aware of a woman putting on a strap on and fucking your ass? More than 10 years ago. I invented that. Did you? Yes. Ooh, you still have a name for it yet? You guys were aware of a woman putting on a strap on and fucking your ass? More than 10 years ago. I invented that.

Did you? Yes. You just didn't have a name for it yet? There just was no name yet. There was a pinning and then the half shirt. Remember the half shirt? Could never pull it off. I did.

Well, I did want, my father, when I went to his house one Christmas when I was young and I had stepbrothers and my first stepmother and My stepbrothers they were twins. They were a little older than me. I thought they were coolest. They were very cool kids For their time. I've got girls and stuff and he bought us all the same The twins and me the same button-down ugly Yellow it had paisley's on it some little blue things Which is a very busy button-down shirt.

And they wore it with jeans, open, sleeves rolled up, half-tops. I think maybe one of them even pulled off a nice fucking hat, like a prince-style-looking hat. And I was like, these guys rule. And then I went home. I don't think I did it to school. I think I did it around the house and everyone had to kind of like find the polite way to be like, do this.

Because I went home and cut a t-shirt in half and just had my little fucking pot belly hanging out. At 13. It looked like I was wearing a sports bra and an open shirt. I looked ridiculous. I looked fat and hilarious. And everyone laughed at me appropriately. I think I have a photo of me with a hat shirt

the The guy who babysit me named Chas used to wear a lot of half shirts and fucking rolled up to the knees both sides Sweatpants he was trying to get your attention No, that he would just hang out with his friends. I swear to you ironically listen to Billy Squire downstairs, they love Billy Squire and I'd go do homework up in his room that was wallpapered with, uh... I can't find it. ...hardcore pornography,

but not sex, like, hardcore, like, just girls, like, spreading puss and stuff. And it was... I would watch Inspector Gadget and do my homework and just get a confused little boner in his room. God, it was great. There was a guy with porn on the wall, and you would do your homework in his room?

Yeah, my mom would have him... And you weren't molested? No, my mom would have him watch me after school. He was probably 21 and 22 years old. Those were good old days. You just throw a kid in the room with porn, do your homework. Do your homework.

Just trust. And I was like, this is the best. And you know what? I never dimed him out. I didn't go to my mom's and be like, this is inappropriate or anything. We weren't rats back then. No, I didn't say, it's weird, there's a bunch of, I knew, I shouldn't have been seeing that.

I knew this guy was either being aloof and not giving a shit because he really didn't want to watch me anyway. Or. Or, he thought it was funny to put me up in a room with a bunch of porn. Or. Or, oh, he molested me. Nah, Chaz didn he molested me.

No, Chaz didn't molest me, Chaz seemed all right. You never got molested, right? No. That's sad, why is that sad to me? That makes me sad. No one cared, no one cared. Nobody wanted to touch a little Jay's ding ding. And I was so primed for the fucking, craving male attention when I was younger.

My dad left, I didn't know what was going on. My step-pop came around and then, sorry to say, Bobby, he also did not molest me, my step-pop. He never even looked at me funny. What a shitty childhood. Yeah. Got no attention.

Yeah, the guy never, oh yeah. What's his? Go ahead, give it to him. Mrs. J. Mrs. J. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Nathan, stop it. This is why you keep getting molested.

God, I should have showed you why you keep getting molested. God, I should have showed you such better episodes of American Dead. I showed you the saddest one when I tried to get you into it. Yeah. That's what you're showing. The dead dog. We were in fucking LA.

You guys were like, this is it. And I was like, all right, let's go. And it wasn't it. It was, it's a funny one, but there's a lot of also, sadden it also. It's like a weird. Did you see that thing where in Malaysia, this guy, they're just eating dogs?

Don't they eat dogs over here? Bobby, just try dog. Every week you got a new dog eating story. This guy went over here. Just eat a dog, try it, dude. This guy was like, let me buy all five of these dogs, and the guy sold them the dogs. Nice.

And the guy saved these poor fucking dogs. Cause they're literally in a cage, next to one of their friends, that's just being burnt. Yeah. And the other dogs, you could see their face like, fuck. Wow. This is gonna suck. Bob, you don't have to fucking Ameri-splain everything

to these other countries, dude. Let them do their thing. I know, you can't eat a dog, man. You just can't eat a dog. It's just completely, where's the, give us a list of the countries where that is just completely legal. It's just not.

That's so fucking gross. Wasn't there a thing in North Korea where he rounded up all the dogs, like all the family dogs, because there was a food shortage, and then made people eat their dogs? Is that made up or was that real? Let's just spread it like it's real. Spread it.

Spread it like, I mean, it sounds like something North Korea did. Do you guys know Kim Jong-un made everyone eat their own pets? I heard that, man. I saw that on Twitter and Facebook. And then the control population, he just, every father had to have one child with his own daughter. I actually heard that's completely true. Did you guys hear that also? I heard it.

Dude, I heard he's got 75 nukes and they're pointed right at where we live. Is that true? That is true. I heard Dennis Robbins is Secretary of State. Is there even a Secretary of State over there? Yeah, this is fucking, I mean, orders pets, dogs to be confiscated in North Korea, capital. The onion?

He said, no, this is a... I pushed the cough button a bunch for that, Luke. Oh, they're so... Eurogroup for animals, it's on a few different places. Hang on, hang on, Christy, Luke's giving me face. I get it too. What? I get the same look.

No, no, no. I... I usually don't, I usually don't, but this time I did. Well, I did it the same time as you when I was a little late getting back up. Jacob, you handled the cough button very well. Thank you. I'm trying to get time as you when I was a little late getting back up Jacob you you handle the cough Button very well. Thank you. I'm trying to get better. I know I moved the Michael I missed one cough that I knew I missed and he went like this Over dramatic like I want the room to see that I've potted his fader down

And it was I was I was feeling inside. I missed it once. He's an artist. They're coughing over punch lines. Um, I cough a bunch, too. That's gonna all change, though, Bob, because after Skang Fest, when I come home from Spokane, I'm gonna vape. That's not... What a real step. That's worse.

Huh? Vaping is worse. It's absolutely not worse. You're out of your mind if you think that's worse. It's a chemical that's going into your lungs that they don't know what it worse. It's absolutely not worse. You're out of your mind if you think that's worse. It's a chemical that's going into your lungs that they don't know what it is. It's water vapor, they know what it is.

Vaping, there's no way vaping can be healthier for you. Do you really think that? I think it's worse. Vaping's worse. The fact that you're saying that it's, that you're literally saying that it is. We know what cigarettes are doing, viciously and quickly. Okay, you know what cigarettes are doing, but vape.

They almost took out the whole cigar industry because of vaping, because they don't know what's in it. And they're just, there's no regulations on it. They're just, people are vaping this. There's definitely regulations on it. Buddy, I'm telling you right now, look up vape. It's not good for you. Well, you can look up three articles, I bet you.

Two say one, one says the other. First of all, there's only one thing that's good to inhale, air. Right, sure. You're taking a chemical from some other country that is not regulated and putting it into your lungs. Why do you think it's from some other country? Because it is.

Based off of? Based off of the facts. And facts are facts, man. Facts are facts, man. I'm willing to back you up on that. There's no way that, oh God, that's the clip I sent. I can't even watch it. Christine's gonna.

Let me see. It's horrible, I already saw the little. Did you see it? Yeah, I saw it. I don't even wanna watch this dog getting. It's delicious. That's a dog he's holding right there. Oh, it's dead though already. No, I know. I mean, you make a valid this dog getting... That's a dog he's holding right there. It's dead though already.

I mean, you're gonna... you make a valid point. Yeah, it's cooked. Too late for that dog. Eight minutes before this, it was alive. In front of his friend's dogs. That's old shit. That's eight minutes ago. I live my life a quarter mile at a time.

You don't want to play it, do you? No. Is it actually showing them cooking this dog? out of time. You don't want to play it, do you? No. Is it actually showing them cooking this dog? Because I'd rather not. The second one I hear. Well then everybody look down like little ladies and I'll watch it.

Because it's on a computer screen. It's not happening here and it's already done. I mean I've watched a lot of things. What's he saying? What's the subtitles? What country is this? This is my dog Mittens. Prepare him medium please.

Which country am I not visiting? This is my dog Mittens. Prepare him medium, please. Which country am I not visiting? This is Malaysia. All right. I'm going to send you this one. Christine, I want you to play this one. This is my dog Garth now, if you could. I want the middle kind of like medium well, and then keep the legs kind of like,

keep the legs a little loose for me. Damn, man. Husband. Yeah. He kills the dogs. Yeah. You know keep the legs kind of like keep the legs loose for me Yeah Yeah, was that the only bad part where they're holding dog the one I just sent Christine is the worst Yeah, I didn't send the one that I saw because I didn't want Christine I felt bad for Christine, but the one I just sent her is the worst thing I've ever seen Oh, look at these guys. This is him saving the dogs. Oh, I thought that was like when you fucking pull up like a crab cage. Well, the one I just sent her is the opening of this one.

It's the worst thing I've ever seen on the internet. It's just terrible. Worst than Kumiya? Well, we haven't seen Kumiya, so we can compare the two and then vote on it. We're gonna show the worst thing we think we could see. And then- And compare it to Kumiya's words.

Kumiya, Kumiya. I mean, this guy, love this guy, he saved this whole crate of dogs. I'll do the funniest thing, if he throws them, if he takes them out of that crate and throws them all in the boiling water. I don't like them fried the way that place does it. I'll cook it myself.

He has Old Bay sauce. He goes, these guys, he goes, that's the shittiest chef over at that place. I'll buy the dogs please and I'll cook them myself. He has Old Bay sauce. He goes, these guys, he goes, that's the shittiest chef over at that place. I'll buy the dogs, please, and I'll cook them myself. I like my dogs with corn and potatoes. Why is he in there with the dogs? Because the one dog is, he's trying to befriend the one dog and it's all fucked up.

They're scared? They're terrified. They just saw their friend. They know their food. Get cooked. In Malaysia, they know their food. And here's the thing, they just cook them out in the open. Like, that's the street.

Like, they're killing the dog on the street and then cooking it right there. All I wanna do now is make videos of me, like, you see me getting, like, cutting lettuce, tomato, onions, getting a bunch of stuff ready for a sandwich, and then cutting open, like, a loaf, a big hoagie loaf of bread, and then just go over to Dawkins

and put it on dirt on top of her. Look, this is... Dinner is served. This one is the worst. Let's see. Alright that one's already dead dude. No it's... Oh he's cooking him.

He's alive still. He's not alive. Wait though look at the other dog's faces. It kills me. It makes me want to cry. Oh Look at the one in the middle right there you're next I mean And what's the matter you hey what you gotta say oh What you about but up buddy? I don't like watching animals like each other in the wild even though that's what they have to do Well Christine you got a flip them or it's gonna be raw.

This fucking song. This is exactly what she's singing about. I can't. It's so sad that one dog looked over at the other dog being cooked. It was like, shit. These dogs would eat each other if they all crashed on a plane in a mountain somewhere.

And they had to survive? Yeah, they would. No, they'd make a pack and they'd go eat rabbits. No, there wouldn't be rabbits on this particular island. No. It's they'd turn on each other. No, they wouldn't turn on each other. Dogs are boiled. Do you even watch any movie about planes crashing in mountains and people have to eat each other?

There's one movie about a soccer team that did that. Then there was a show also about a girl soccer team who had to do that. They did not do that. They do. There was a girl soccer team that did it do that. They did not do that. They do. There was a girl soccer team that did it after the guy soccer team? Oh, you mean real life? Yes.

No, no, no. Even that male soccer team's probably a lie. But no, this is a show called Yellow Jackets on Showtime about girls who had to eat each other because, and not the way you're hoping. That'd be a good show. I watched the show, they go, watch Yellow Jackets, a bunch of girls eating each other on a desert island.

I go, nice, showtime, stepping it up, huh? Fuck that HBO. I was like, what was it, Last House on the Left? Was that the horror movie with the two girls in the woods? It's a torture, yeah. Torture porn. Yeah, I hate porn that's terrible and good at the same time.

I know. Where you have to fight it. I know, you're like, fuck, I know this is a fake rape, but I am getting a boner. Jesus. It's like, I know you're like, this is awful. Although I will say, that was a much younger thought, because I remember seeing the accused when I was a kid,

that scene almost held nothing for me other than like, holy shit, Jodie Foster, who I've seen in movies at that point, like naked, having sex. It looks like they're actually having sex. I was just not like the thing. When I saw that later as an adult, probably my 30s, like I was on TV one day, and that scene was like very like, ugh.

It's bad. It's very bad. Yeah. But I'm saying it's funny, when you're a kid, you're just kind of like, sex scene. Yeah. It's not a sex scene. The dog meat trade is most widespread in China,

South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia, and Nagaland, which is fictitious, in northern India. Ugh. But that's a lot of places. It's still, I mean, we're friends with a lot of these places. Would you try dog, Bobby?

No. Really? No, no, these places. Would you try dog, Bobby? No. Really? No, no, no. I would never try dog. You ate bugs? I ate horse. Why was that different? You ate a horse?

Well, I ate it by accident. Uh-huh, good backpedal. I swear to God. Dude, I ate horse, it was deliciously awful, Christine's face says I should say. In the Netherlands, they eat horse and I was in Aruba which is owned by the Dutch and I went to the market the supermarket over there and I bought a bunch of deli meat and one of them it looked great it

was like like really red and it looked like an awesome roast beef and it wound up being a horse. There's horse cold cuts in Aruba? 100%. You can go to the store and buy sliced horse. My grandfather ate it by accident. I am xenophobic, I don't wanna go anywhere. No, fuck that. You are gonna go and you're gonna spend some money

at our friend Aruba Ray's horse meat factory. Ray Allen, you heard it here first everybody, Ray Allen is running a horse meat factory. That's the sham. I mean, but a dog is our pet. I mean, I would never eat, I would never do that again. It was delicious, though. No, it actually wasn't.

You loved it. I ate tongue, I've eaten tongue. Would you eat sheep? Yeah. Fuck sheep. Well, that's usually what you do. Yeah, I know. I mean, I wouldn't, wait a minute, stop.

You're not supposed to eat what you fuck. I don't fuck sheep. I would eat sheep. I don't care about, I don't care about, stop. I don't fuck sheep. You're not supposed to eat what you fuck. I don't fuck sheep. I would eat sheep. I don't care about, I don't care about geese. I don't care about duck. I don't care about cow. So you say let the Haitians take them.

Well, I mean, the pigeons and the rats, yeah. I don't know why everybody's in upward, just let them clean out the city. That'd be fantastic if there was no more rats and no more pigeons in the city. I don't want these lanternflies to go away. The lanternflies are ridiculous. It's enough already.

Are you getting up where you're at? You have to kill them on site. No, but they're not up in like where you live. Yeah, they're up, and here's the thing. Really? I thought this was a pretty local, I thought it was like New Jersey, New York City kind of area.

It's a nightmare. And then one day, every year now, for the last three years, one day, it just stops. There's just none anymore. And then it goes away for a full year, and then at some point around this time. But they're, they're, they know, they've been stepped on so much that they have,

they have some type of kung fu they learned. No, I said this. I said this the other day. I go, these things used to be, yes, but the first year, they weren't. You could step on 50 of them in a pile. They just sat there and took it. And then we found out the next year

they'd jump a little bit, and so it was a little harder to get them, but you could still pretty much, if you were behind them, like step right on them. The other day I was on the phone outside, I looked like a lunatic having a drug psychosis because 10 of them I tried to step on, in succession they were just all standing around and I was, every one I stepped jumped away.

They got involved. They had a group meeting and was like, look man, we gotta get quicker, we gotta get faster. Yeah, they're evolving in front of us. Yeah. I mean, I tried to step on one the other day at the train stop and it just kept moving. And I looked like a fucking moron too.

People don't know what you're doing, but they're fast. I just had one on my windshield and the wipers wouldn't kill it. It just stayed there and was like laughing at me. Yeah, I think so. They're iron. They're actually beautiful, though.

I think they're pretty moths. They're pretty bugs. Yeah, it's a pretty moth. They're like ladybug moths. I wish they weren't invasive. I hate it. You don't like them. I hate them so much. I think they're pretty.

I think there's one point of our... Look how pretty that is. There's one part of our fucking... I think the red just pops. The last two years... It pops their whole outfit. Not this year, because I kind of saw this coming. So I'm keeping the window shut,

but when I opened the window in our guest room two years in a row, one day out of nowhere, there was like 15 in the room, and that is horrible. Yeah, I don't like, listen, bugs outside I'm fine with, bugs inside, different game. Bugs outside I'm not fine with. Out in, uh, when I was in Texas this last week,

like, every corner, seemed like weirdly the corners of the streets have 50, 60, like crickets, flying crickets, by the way, around, and they just, they jump on, they don't give a fuck. There'll be, I had one on the back, almost inside of my shirt that Fanoia had to get off me. I had one landed on my shoulder. They don't give a shit at all.

I had one in the elevator with me the other day. I freaked out, I spooked the dog. The moth? Yeah. I mean, I felt on me, I didn't know if it was like one of those water bugs or cockroach or whatever is one of these guys. See, the way they walk though, they look like aliens.

When they walk like they... It's Japanese evil is what it is. Evil Japanese shit that was sent over here in a potted plant to kill us. Huh? Chinese. I thought it was Japanese. No. You always ready to blame China though.

In this case, it's China. China, Vietnam, Taiwan. What is it? China? China did this. It's China. Fucking China. What did they send it over?

They got here in 2014. What, they sent it over in our GI Joe's? They've only been here since 2014? Yeah, cause they were put, there's something being done for the High Line, I believe. And when they like shipped plants over from China for China line. Yeah They were in there It's not China, Vietnam and Taiwan

No, it's not Japan. Yeah, China and Taiwan Taiwan It's not Japan. You keep saying Japan. I'm saying under my breath. It's not Japan. I get it. Okay And Japan. It's not Japan, you keep saying Japan. I'm saying under my breath, it's not Japan, I get it. Okay, great, it's not Japan. It's not Japan. It's not Japan. But mostly Vietnam. It's mostly Vietnam.

But they were in Japan. No, it's China. That's so fucked up. Uzing plants, oh yeah, because they kill all the plants they land on. And now they're not afraid of me at all. How do they kill the plant? I don't know.

They're so beautiful, who cares? Stupid fucking things. Did you ever see the moth that's the size of your hand? No. We had one up in New Hampshire. Don't ever go back. But the moth, it was so big, I fucking screamed. I thought it was a bird.

Yeah. Those moths that are the size of your head that are just ridiculous. Yeah, one, when I was younger, I had something, it may have been a locust or something, but it landed on my fucking leg, and I felt something heavy land on my, you know what I mean, it was like too weird

that I even looked down, not even like a what the fuck. It was so heavy that it had an explanation, I thought, you know what I mean? Like that made sense, I mean like that was made sense I'm like oh my something fell off and hit my I look down and I mean I thought I saw Eyelashes on this thing it was so big It just looked and I screamed like a girl and then it flew off my leg and for my entire block in Philly where I lived the entire block you could hear

It was that loud and big. Dude, we were up at the town, I actually picked it up. It was so big it had a wingspan. You picked it up? Yeah, it was a moth. It's a moth, it's not a. What are you, fucking Buffalo Bill? I know, dude, it was actually kind of pretty.

Yeah, you will ultimately, you will become like the beautiful moth one day when you evolve out of this skin and you start wearing dead hooker skins the way you planned on it. Bugs don't scare me, but the one that does. Would you fuck me, dude? I'd fuck me, dude.

The ones that scare me. Beedoo, beedoo. The Japanese hornet is fucking crazy and the, yeah, look at those things. Look at that thing. Look at the lady holding it. Look how big they are. The one in the middle, the green one, see the green one? That one was on our door.

These are proof of Satan. Buddy. If you ask me. These are sent from hell. Look how aw- that's beautiful, man. Totally beautiful. It was a caterpillar at one point, and it became a moth. Both things are ugly ones, just better than the other. Do you know like butterflies?

No. It's like a- Fuck it, and you're painting, you're polishing a turd. It's like a- it's like a retarded butterfly. Hey, oh look, hey that one's got fur and fucking, uh... That's beautiful, come on. Comic book eyes. That shouldn't be a real thing.

If I saw that, I'd go, that's from another planet. It's a Disney movie. Yeah. Dude, how beautiful, that's beautiful, man. Yeah, it's Bee Boop, my little friend. Hey, Bee Boop. That thing definitely talks. Hey, Jay

I'm a rare species of off Did you ever these guys have lab coats? They must they go Harry? Yeah, well come on dude pretty man pretty what it looks like a spider had sex with a chicken It's look at that. That's amazing. No. Come on. Okay, Bobby, then get a terrarium in your new fucking house. I would love a terrarium. It's just a bug terrarium? Look at the one to the left.

Oh, the dude holding it, that's fine. I mean, that's creepy. Bobby, if I buy you a gigantic, and I mean obnoxious bug terrarium, where you can walk, a walk-in bug terrarium, where you go in every day and hold your hands up and let yourself be covered by all these magnificent bugs. I'd put grape juice on my arms and let them all fly to me

and suckle on my shoulders. Feed from you. Feed from me, my minions. I went to the butterfly farm in Aruba. They have a butterfly flying. Where you going? And they fly all around you? They fly all around you.

They land on you. Oh, I genuinely, I would roll around on the ground and scream. I would kill many butterflies in the process. Wait, you don't like butterflies? You don't like butterflies, you sissy? I don't want it on me Why? It's actually good luck when a butterfly lands on you. That's good luck. Sure it is. I swear to God Oh, yes, when a bird shits on me also right off a horse fucking back kicks me in the chest

These are all signs of wonderful They're endangered Look at that Butterflies are endangered? The monarch butterfly, the one that you always see is is endangered These are all signs of wonderful. They're endangered. Look at that. They're endangered? Butterflies are endangered? Monarch butterfly, the one that you always see is endangered. I don't want to kill them. I also don't want to walk into a place

and have them fucking cover me like Candy Man with bees. Yeah. Butterflies are so gentle and they're beautiful. I love butterflies, man. Look how pretty they are. I mean, a moth a moth I get because it's kind of gross and it's not it's not Beautiful a lot of them are just gray and weird looks like a tree bark, but butterflies are awesome

Have you ever seen the cicada killer? No, what is you know the cicada bug? Of course I know the cicadas we used to get the shells and in camp summer camp. Well, there's a there's a bee that kills the casadas a casade what is it cicada cicada and Dude, they're huge Look at the guy's hand. Look at the guy's hand, buddy. Look over there right there. Look how big those are. It's too big I actually was going down my driveway, a cicada flew off of a rock.

One of those flew, grabbed it midair, and they have holes, they drag them into the hole. It fucked me up for a while. When I was in a- Look at the size of it. When I did Magoobies once, they were having, and they seem like, everyone there is just kinda like,

oh yeah the cicadas are back or so and it was like everyone's taking a very well but i'm like this is a cataclysmic like hocklips this is like biblical what's happening outside the hotel it was thousands of them dead but in the dead piles also some that were like like marine crawling like you, like tell my family.

It was like the movie 300. Yes, it was, it's insane. Like there were so many and everyone just like, yeah, I goes, I know it's a, every so, you know, a couple years, a cicada has come. And I'm like, this is something that would make like take to the streets with fire. I don't like, let's find a new leader. I don't like a lot of bugs, but one bug isn't a bad thing. I hate bugs all around. Every bug? 100% of bugs. You gotta like butterflies. You bumblebees, you gotta love a bumblebee. No. You don't

love a bumblebee? No, when they come around me then I slap them and when I make contact I've never been more afraid of retaliation in my life of something. You ever make contact with a bee and it doesn't go away Completely and you're like now. He's just pissed I've just angered him Good a bumblebee. I think I let a bumblebee land on my hand crazy. Did you ever see what happened to a? Bear grills, it's the best thing that's ever happened. So what do you just get? He was he wanted to get delicious honey. Oh, yeah, so he goes and takes from a Bear Grylls, it's the best thing that's ever happened to him. What did he just get?

He wanted to get Delicious Honey. So he goes and takes from a honeycomb. He pulls it out and he goes, oh, there's a couple still in here. And he flicks some of them out. And then one lands right here. And he goes, I'm pretty calm. He's like, oh, he goes, one got me. But not too much of a cost.

It was pretty low cost for delicious honey. And then he eats it. And then he goes, also the honey acts as an antiseptic. And he rubs a little on his little bee sting. And then it shows him an hour later and his face is eight times the size. He goes, oh man, the bee got me. Honeycomb isn't too bad.

You can still see the Little fella in there. Let's let him out. Do you ever see him eat the grub worm? That's my favorite, can you stand this video for people? So the bee's gonna fly on his head and sting him now? I think I already got him. He already got stung, so he's just eating bee lava. But he's like no big deal.

But also a good thing about this stuff is it can actually help for my sting. He's just making that shit up. I get a bit of it. I agree. I think he's making up. He's like, no big woop. And then rub that onto it. Yeah, little honey.

That actually made it worse. And that will help. That's bullshit. That sting. Ah, man. For such a small little flying thing. It's starting a hurt punch just does a star-swip

it gets worse worse than that? yeah. this guy's eyes are shut see out of this eye feels like bit of a price to pay for a bit. It looks like a lizard man Now it's too much of a price for a bit of honey Keep going. Yeah Honey bee So did you ever see him bite the grub born Bobby if you can get through that without

Standing up out of your chair and turning around, I'll do something nice for you. Okay. It looks like his face is about to explode. It just keeps growing and growing. Did you ever see the ones in Africa where the guy, they just go into the tree, the guy crawls up in the tree where the honey,

the bees are, and just comes down with huge hunks of honey hive, which is, and they're eating bees, they don't give a shit. There's one guy, it's his job to go up with like a stick that's on fire to kind of smoke them out, but it does nothing. He comes out and it's just his hair is full of bees,

and they don't give a shit. Fuck that. Yeah, I would. That's one of the funniest things in the world. On Jackass, was that Jackass 2? When everybody pulls up in a limo, and then they lock the door of the limos from the outside, like they can't get out,

and they open the fucking sunroof and just let in thousands of bees, and then they're in there all freaking out with bees inside the limo, and then they just pour marbles all outside the car and let the open get out of the limo and that was the best thing about Jackass it's always like they're already doing something fucked up, and then one more little like and then also you got kicked in the nuts That's the writers room. That's right. Can you make it through this? I think that's great, but what about with marbles? I'm at the one guy. They made him think he was getting kidnapped and they put dick hair all over his face.

At the end of all this thing he's like, oh my god, thank god I'm alive. They go, oh also you have dick hair on your face. Also one of the guys had crabs.