The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sea Hunts (feat. Andy Fiori)

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

midroll- 29:22 Andy Fiori rejoins the gang and Jacob calls in from his Florida diving expedition!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey guys, make sure you go check out Dan Sodor, you know he's in London, England at the Soho Theatre tonight through June 18th. For tickets and all of Dan's tour dates, of course go to dansodor.com. Everybody I'm going to be on the Berk-Rachael Folliloted Festival for the next two weekends, make sure you check that out coming to a city near you. Some tickets still left in some of the cities. After that, I have Brick City Comedy club in Oklahoma and then Albany New York I think for tickets in all door dates go to bigjcomedy.com

and now the bonfire with big J. Ocasin and dance odor hey sometimes you forget the VOC shreds hard. This song rocks. I got this when I stole Blue Oyster Colts greatest hits from my CD store I worked at. And I loved this song and then it came on Guitar Hero. And dude, I shred this on Guitar Hero. Expert. Shred the song guitar hero Expert put her next part. Mm-hmm. Not now because the control was all suck, but Fucking wicked song is great. Hey everybody's the bottom fire

Faction talk series XM103. I'm Big Joke or Sint-Dan Soda is I guess now without voice He has no voice. He's canceling a show tonight. No, that's what his tweet said. Yeah It's from Dan for sure Yep, okay good. Those things got hats Complete with my voice to the night show is canceled damn Take us to be refunded or move to another day this week. You see a dog a doctor That voice damn, man. That sucks. Dan stop going overseas. Stay where you belong by my side. She's running off like a lunatic

Lost his voice that sucks ass to be in England and can't even talk. Oh, I got to listen to stupid England voices Enough being good with thingy you wouldn't know those you can't respond Kick he's speaking it out in a big creepy years could you you lost your voice in it Look at my ears. It's too big for me head And somehow I have not enough and too many tea not enough voice for your head that Dan Stop stop with these dream lofty dreams being an international superstar My motherfucker you're 40 stop

You're not gonna fucking leave it alone stop is God punishing you he wants yes He wants to keep showing I'm going overseas. I'm gonna use comedy. I'm gonna see the world And that's what this is all about, but it's not he's getting smited. It's stupid all these things You don't want to set up a Torah broad watch out fast With some of the by the way anytime someone goes, did you got to come to Italy? I go dude say the word? I can't wait and I'm not would never do that Comedy in Italy while and then they go well the expats will come see you I go I can't sell out a weekend at the Liberty funny bone you think I'm gonna fucking go smash it over there the fuck out of here

You seem like a stateside kind of guy. Yeah, man. I'm kid rock dude. I keep it here North America I go to Canada You do go to Canada. I do go to Canada. I was just talking to your agent about that He wants to set it up. I want to go overseas. You don't want to go. He wants to set up overseas shit. Yeah Beirotsy so stupid, but then I'll miss this show And leave it on like that No, yeah People in England Australia do you want me to come there?

And then we don't have show because I have to travel into the future to go to fucking Australia. Take one week off. So then I got to come back from flying 24 hours. And then you didn't say Australia. I really want to go to Africa though. Oh, yeah. I'm going to have to have my own rules there.

Yeah. Thank God I did BTs comic you three times. It's going to carry me their heart. While Dan is overseas, everybody, you know that voice. We got family in the house today. Everyone sitting in the dance owner chair today is one of your favorites, one of my favorites, all of our favorites, it's Mark face, Andy Fury. That's not Kang. Good to be home. Jacob is on a zoom believe zoom I think he said he would grace us with his presence in between his dives you pompous ass it is what it is sorry guys I gotta go see hunt peace out is that what you're doing yeah I'm

going on a night dive so it's only what you can see in front of your flat I's knowing you yeah you don't hear from me tomorrow? I'll have been eating. Is there a chance on this dive you find love? Under the sea. Under the sea. Is it just a group dive where it's strangers? You don't know? Yeah, what's the demographic? Oh, it's not. It's private. Why don't you go in a group so you could possibly meet a sweet diver. Socialize. I tried yesterday but it was it was it was closed out. The group was. Oh, they told you they fucking studio 54 year. I think I'm sorry

dude. Only hunks and finance hose on this trip. What if you brought out two girls with you? Would they let you in then? Get you show up with a couple of bitches. Yeah, these are my diving hose. I call them the flippers. Jacob in the flippers. Jacob in the flip flips. We got the rest of our crew in house right here. We got our black king, the black tiger, Louis.

John son, DJ Lewitsky Christine Marie zombie We're going for it our dog's name is already full name Dawkins van zombie Dawkins that's easy one because you don't even have to go through any paperwork for that. Yeah, it's fine She's talking to Van Zon. It is what it is But I'm going on legally changing my name to zombie is it it better? Before she's all in, what for? Yeah. I mean, a couple of reasons. One, I want to be able to just travel out

to outside Rob's Zombies property and tell them that we're, and Terry's Zombies kids from back east. And we want to come stay at the place for a little bit. That just might confuse him enough. Where it works. We're the East Coast Zombies, that makes me laugh a lot. Also, because I want my legal name to be Big J's zombie,

but I was still operating the name J.O. Kerson. I was gonna say that's gonna, you can have to hold, have a whole rebrand. And no, no, I won't rebrand. Everything will stay the same. It's just what I'm, like you ever do a thing with a comic

who uses a stage name completely, and then you, you're at the paperwork thing a comic who uses a stage name completely and then you You're at the paperwork thing with them. We're in the office with them and you hear their actual name I'm gonna like DC Benny and stuff like that. I find like what it actually was rob schweisel. It's gonna be funny when they go You legal name, please and I go zombie Big J and they go no dude. He's asking for like your legal. I go. Oh, yeah, no, that's my stage name big J. Okerson. That's my stage name. Well big J is kind. Did you ever and also my daughter has to go in Jewish sentimental fashion she'll have to go to my headstone and put rocks on top of a stone that says real big zombie

big J you think you can be buried in a Jewish cemetery with those tats absolutely You think you can be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Absolutely. Absolutely. There's rules, bro. There's rules. Maybe in a super orthodoxy one, but like, it wouldn't matter. But is that what you want? They don't care about me more. To be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Yeah. I don't give a fuck. You don't have to bury me at all. You could burn me up. I was going to say, are you going to cremate or go in the ground? They can cremate me for sure. I think so too. Yeah, I think the... It is such... It didn't seem that crazy to me. I guess as a kid, but as an adult now

It is a very antiquated idea of burying the dead Yeah, to take up land All the people thought so many people die every day I know and it's just like you're giving them a tiny house's worth of space for the rest of there for nothing. Yeah. Yeah. And you buy the plot.

It's just a weird. I'm like, what's the Jacob? Do you already have a plot bought me? No. I think you're supposed to because you'll put your family in debt. I heard it's like 20, 30 grand to bury somebody. Oh, it's probably nice. It's nice. It's nice 20 30 grand to bury somebody. Oh, it's probably a nice In nice little chunk for sure plus Christine's got to get me a 2xl t-colon

No That's you know that's coming in price My call is gonna be made by Fubu people But yeah, I think it's a it's a very antiquated idea elephants do it too. What they bury their dead? They don't know they do know they don't it's been observed. Yeah by who? Observers of elephants one wire perium. I Great Elephants. Yeah, how do they work a shovel with those big fucking feet?

I think shun bodies though Just be like buried back into the earth where they can like decompose and become fertilizer for the land Not like in a box right now. I feel like you would get a J some sort of J's ash tattooed into you though, Christine Ash tattoo You could do that they mix ash into the ink and they're nice to you. Real necklace. Yeah. What? A vile necklace. What your ashes? Oh, I thought you were going to say make a tattoo of a pearl necklace around Christine's body with my thing. But by pearl necklace, I

thought you meant the com shots. You know, I mean, I thought we were talking as easy top pearl necklace. Yeah, we're ready. Rip a line of your ashes like Keith Richards and his dad. Oh, yeah, Christine snort me. I'm sorry, she'll snort cocaine from some, from any dude. Some fucking Nicaraguan guy with James Earl Jones with James Woods face. You'll do coke with that guy but you won't fucking snort a line of your old pal Big J, huh? You don't wanna do a line of the Big Guy?

The old, the Big Cat. Fuck you. So, some one of my friends will snort me. Snort a line of your old pal big J huh? You don't want to do a line of the big guy the old the big cat fuck you So some of my friends will snort me I would rip one of you. Thank you. No problem If I you got to cut it with something else though right with ski fentanyl We'd all be joining you Storting me kills everybody else We snorted Jay. Jay's last will contest me. He asked us to put fentanyl in his ashes. That was really a thing Ari would do and none of us else would know about it. It's fentanyl's own ashes. In case anyone snorts it.

One last act of terror. Andy, you the Reverend, Andy Fury, ordained, I suppose. Yes, sir, Minister Fury. Because for the, is this your first time ever, you officiated your sister's wedding? Second, yeah. So second one you've officiated. I did two of my friends from college. That did look like a cool priest, though.

Oh, buddy. Like not the molester priest, like you like they'd see in the weekend wearing a leather jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You play guitar. You might pack a cigarette's rolled up in my sleeve. Yeah, but you still believe in the Lord of the Stuff.

I don't know if you want to rap later. Yeah, I'm here for you. Yeah, because anyway, I got some chickies down to bomb and go check out this. Why aren't you supposed to be a priest? Good, not the kind of priest. Right. What are the priest, some priest can do the whole

married and no problem, though? I don't know which religions. Catholic priests. Definitely nothing. But then there's like sex of, I don't know. Married and no problem. No, which religions Can't replace definitely is definitely nothing But then there's like sex of I don't know yeah Because there was that I had a kid where I was friends with and his dad was a priest But he obviously was married and it was his dad. I was like, I don't know how that works Now the year priest do you feel weird when you have sex?

Now the year priest, do you feel weird when you have sex? No, I'm not a priest. I am a ordained minister through the American marriage Ministry, I believe that's enough to hold the Bible up in yellow people in 10 But we could have you minute or dand in about five seconds with the whole crew. It's really Christine or Dame me right now. It's I think it's just phone number address and email the Reverend Big J. Oreson, zombie. Reverend Big J. zombie. But yeah, lovely wedding out in Jersey City. I need my kids' sister. Yeah, I said you, did you read religious stuff?

No, they wanted me to just like do my own thing. I wrote the whole thing. Really? Yeah. Did you throw funny into it? Yeah, a little balance of humor and heartfelt. You got to do it right. No, it's good.

But you got to know the room. To it's a wedding room. So you can't go too crazy. I'll tell you a thousand times if I've told it on here. I'll tell you a thousand more. Lewis J. Gomez is a speech at Gary Veter's wedding.

Like Lewis is such an it was such an insulated world of comedy right in his life at that point that he would do this thing and he thought I think Veter's wedding because he only sees Veter on standard comedy and comedians yeah was going to be I guess all comedians but it was very few comedians do you know I mean very very few comedians and Lewis got up to do his best man speech and he was like, you know, it was like, the whole thing was like, marriage is a lot like comedy. Webster's dictionary defines marriage as.

No, it was worse than that. It was like, it's a lot like, you know, when you're trying to get spots with SD and she's doing it. It's like baseball. It's like baseball. 100% inside baseball. And it's 2 a.m. and Greer just killed. And you want to take my terrestrial from the club, but you don't know if you have to pay because you

weren't necessarily the host and the host is the one who doesn't have to pay at all. But sometimes the white staffs cool and they let you take it anyway. Such is love. I was like, no idea that Gary were that close. I thought they were. I remember Gary being like, yeah, I think Louis is gonna be my best man. I was like, really?

Your friends know? You guys are cool, like that. I thought it'd be like Dan Chackier, somebody. Sure. Like, yeah, Louis was the best man. Gary was playing it so funny. If Louis the best man in my wedding would make far more sense. I mean, that would

make perfect sense. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, Jesus Christ, that is so funny. It's a love. Love. It's a lot like doing the late show at New York comedy club East Village location. Hawthorne's pissed off because you're running late, but you're trying to cram in seven minutes because you're trying to work on a set for counter. That's so hilarious. So got there hilarious. I had some great thing. First of all, I want to keep, Jake about on the, would Jake be able to see it if we show Isalia Banks thing? Because I saw this right up on World Star, but I don't know what she does.

Says she go, Isa Banks goes on a rant with her titties out and at some pride function. Azalea Banks is the one I believe that said, she fucked Dave Chappelle. You gotta fill me in on that. I don't even know who this person is. She's a rapper, I believe. Okay.

She did a video talking about how she fucked Dave Chappelle. Yeah. Dave Chappelle's married. Dave Chappelle went on his thing. I think one of those YouTube videos he did. And special. This YouTube special. He put one of them just like he was like 20 minute thing or whatever.

Yeah. And he says somebody's a little banks and he goes, you big mouth bitch. Like he kind of almost acknowledges that it happened. Right. But maybe him and his wife had like no one knows what Dave Chappelle's own life is. Sure.

Whatever the thing is because it didn't make any stink on him really at all. It was it was news for a day and then he acknowledged it in that special and like everyone was like, well, I guess it's not a problem. So or it's to whatever they know they handled it themselves. I have never heard of her since and I barely have heard of her before. Why do you think I push so hard on the trans stuff? But just run in distraction. I rampaged you to for sure.

But this girl, what's the rant about? I'm not sure I haven't. It's a Tidys out. I'm trying to find the uncensored version. Well, fuck all that shit. Yeah, because right now it's censored, but I'm not fine. Oh, are titties are censored?

Yeah. Oh, I don't care about that. That's fine. Fine. I mean, fine the titties, but you know what I'm not fine. Oh, or titties are censored. Yeah, I don't care about that. That's fine fine. I mean fine the titties But you know what I'm saying None of this is an audio medium the people need to hear it more than they need to see your titties out But I'll tell you looks like she has some big old titties guys if you're out there listening right now a lot of blur pull your shit out See your titties are round and they look wet

So sticky That's how she does shows Month and a half just being fuckers They're being fucked around with you know, she's drunk a shit Oh shit Yeah, she's had a few cocktails I mean am I crazy that her whole fucking Her whole hogs hanging out there. I mean she's got like a zipper just over a pussy, right? Yeah, it's like a chesty belt kind of like her I know she was fun the fuck she's batshit, huh? I like how she's fine. I don't like Keep quiet

Okay guys, so get this uh-huh I'm listening I'm peeing right now I'm peeing it's happening we're doing a show show your ass yeah really right all All right, five six seven eight. Guys, keep up. Try to keep up. Yeah. They cut her mic. Oh shit, you're right. So she threw the mic. It is so funny to have anything, but happened besides going out and entertaining in that outfit. Yeah.

She's literally wearing, she has her titties out. She's wearing like a, what do you call that? Boosty A. And then, uh, what do you call that? Like the... I think it does. It's like a backwards thong. That's how thin it is the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a zipper over her pussy Basically and squatting down and it's I said it's my favorite. It's why my favorite thing is 3 a.m. Halloween night

See hot chick dressed like a fucking princess, crying, holding her fucking shoes. It's just the funniest because you didn't even picture that being how it's going down when you agreed to be a lion, paint your face like a lion that night. Do you know what I mean? That's the best. And that's what's funny about that having a meltdown in your stupid stage clothes is so fucking funny. Just losing it in your stage clothes. So that was it. That wasn't that bad. She didn't say anything wrong

Well, that's what the Dave she pal thing. Let me try to dredge it up But I you she seems pretty bad shit. It's just out. I mean Dave she pal is probably stoked on this thing happening He was like yeah, this lady's a fucking psychopath. I wouldn't even call it a meltdown. This is all such hyperbolic. I'm like, she just got mad that they moved her set time around. I brought this too. Very unprofessional, especially for the idea that how about this? Azalia Banks, I don't know a fucking song by her at all, and she whatever this festival is.

Pride got to my end. Pride got to her. She's on at night. Good for you. That's huge. That's huge. John Popper played in Bright Shiny shiny son this fucking bass Sunday bright shiny son shiny slunch I pale guy pale fella are you fighting her her songs yeah these are her song man she has fucking yeah big

old bonkers now I gotta see the dude I was gonna say I'm gonna do some own research when I get home Let's see No, Christine doing fantastic. This is green dance not here. It's dance not here. It throws us all off I'm sorry guys. No, no, it's not you. I don't want to put anybody on the rhythm Great that you make Christine nervous for your sexual energy. You give us such man energy, dude. She wants to get spit-roasted by you and Zach Wilde while you both were fucking kiltz. I am a minister.

Can we hear her? Oh, so she got it. She got it like that Black Lou, where's the black community on this? Ever since she out in Dave's appell I can't I can't you garbage. Yeah, she's garbage for doing that. That was wrong Yeah, what did he do shitty to her? Didn't want to fuck her one day? Cuz she has skull jaw I told you any hot chick. I'll take you what's wrong with them for sure. It's really good at that. Yeah, man

Does she have fucking canelops though? Is it her naked? All right, give me a little oh boy Bam now she looks good naked. Yeah, she does. Good for you Dave Chappelle. What's that one there? Christine knew the one to go to a little beaver hair. We got a little beaver there. A little beaver. Get it? Beaver hair.

Beaver hair. I'm working on my play on words joke slow. I've been working on this. Yeah, I like top left. T-tons. She've been working on this. Yeah, I like Todd Bluffs. T-tons. She's a pig. Jacob. Jacob, you might not be wrong, but...

Did, wait, they now kind of look different. I think she had worked. Then, then, then, then, look good live to me. I mean, it all looked good. Sorry. Night dive. Well, I look, I don't know how you, well, were you seeing a version I wouldn't because they were completely covered up.

How could you tell that they were blurred? Can you see these though right now? Where she's getting slaps in the face with a cock? It's probably not her. Yeah, did you do, did you do a Zalia Banks fapeting? Cause something's telling me this girls got a fucking wanger in her somewhere on the internet. Foe show. I'd say Foe show. Got a fucking wanger in her somewhere on the internet faux Show I say faux show so she outed Chapelle and then

He said the black community did not enjoy that at all She's hot Am I wrong though they look smaller? Yeah, I think she got worked on just said that she slept with them never was mad about that just like Shut your mouth. Yeah, go back to what you now got to hear it. What did she said exactly? You're making me drug up his shit. It wasn't even my goal. What's up Jake? Every I cannot get over the amount of women that I Actresses I was into that turned out have a fapening like videos. Oh my God. The lower down, the lower down the wrong you go in celebrity actually the more and more filthy you'll end up

finding. Who do you like the CW girls Jacob? I mean, I'm surprised which one of those doesn't have a finger up their own button to picture. I'm a one of them. I gotta say I watch it was so fucking hot. I can't remember her name now, but I mean classy Yeah, I say anything right was stolen off her phone. So God damn man Poor girl. I can remember a name Jennifer I have actually

Poor girl. Check her remember her name Jennifer. I have actually fucked a lot of fucking very powerful fucking men and you will fucking get if I- Attorney General Bill Barr. I'm gonna see and ruin all the fucking marriages. Cause it's a lot of tea that I've been wanting to spill on your black necks especially like when you'll be seeing me getting attacked in the media or the media shit And y'all don't come to my rescue and shit like that like Dave should tell I should ruin your fucking marriage I should ruin your fucking marriage. I should tell the fucking world that we fought. Oh, it's crazy eyes there

They're fucked He's still even when he was like dammit no, and then he was like all right Yeah, that was good. I don't mind that at all Yeah, and get his marriages fine Marriage fine never better Because still killing it and now Zalia Banks is known for being a loop bonkers chick. Yeah, I want to know. Now, I'll ride stage.

Who are these other powerful dudes? Yeah, who else was on that pride concert? What was the lineup on that thing? Let's see who she got this respected for. And Gwen Stefani, let me tell you something. She thought she was the headliner of Zalia Banks. That is a list. I have to believe of low level. This at Rob Halford. They said I got to go early now because Tesla closing Five man acoustic jam. I don't even know Nelson. I Know Maya got together with Christina Aguilera and did lady Marmalade really? Yeah, I think that's this this pride

Not a sentence I expect. Oh there. Yeah, Miami Oh, wait, get you y'all. Yeah, there was one more than one I'm gonna show I'm thinking of California. Oh, when you got your gay newsletter You don't know what it is which pride. Oh wait, that might have been Indianapolis I'm not gonna stop rocking out for them. Why the hell would you? Never. Jacob, what are you looking for tonight in your dive, Barakuda? Ooh. Then, then, then, then. Mew!

Are you hoping the scene-eating particular? Uh, yeah, Seahorse is octopus. That's my favorite. Yeah. Seahorse. Jophish. Um, how deep are you going? Yeah. I want to see a shark, but from a distance, because I've seen one

there in the daytime. Really? How big? You don't want to see one coming out into the sun. The one I saw was about six, 20 footer, 25 at a baby. shut up picked up on the jaws reference Did you just punch it? Well, that was the worst piece of it. Do you even watch things about sharks movies by sharks? Everybody just punch the movie nose and they hate that apparently they don't like it They don't like when you punch those and it makes them know that you are now the dominant factor So what do you go down?

Doesn't have the jaw of a dinosaur Do you cheat you go down there with like a big flood light? Is that it? Yeah, you have to have a Flinking light on the back of your tank and then you but you have to have a flashlight dude. I would be Free that the entire time they would leave me behind at night forget it. Are you kidding? The freaked out the entire time they would leave me behind at night. Forget it. Are you kidding? 100% in no way. Yeah, these are things I don't agree to ever because what's worse than the worst thing and not doing it at all is

Going and then flaking I was talking today like why I wouldn't even say Let me get up there and I'll see when I'm up there. Yeah, if I'll do it. I'm like is I If I have a if there's a way to stop and I'm standing there do it. I'll just go it's like no and then I'll become bitchy I'll be because I don't want to it doesn't matter. I'll pay for it I said I don't want it. I'm an adult. I don't have to also that ride back I go he's the guy who didn't go. He's the guy who pussy now Everybody's just making exactly everyone's the ground goes that was exhilarating. I gotta go was it dude I mean it does look fun. It's just like I don't know Now I mean I was like you didn't miss that much. Yeah, that's what guy sympathetic. Oh what just feeling cradled by God himself through the air

No, I wasn't that great. I Can't I'll just stand the door that That airplane but oh God. Did you ever have anything like that when you're a kid where you went up to do something like the high dive or like a roller coaster Or some shit like that where you would get up and then they'd have to stop the whole operation and let you off I Had that when I was a kid I had to stop it and let me off but I I was the kid definitely like when a Like a good carnival ride like the ones that would like yeah Carval ride I'd be the C dragon the guy operating it for sure heard me tell me

I go stop God I need to get off Yeah, he's serious I definitely had an embarrassing Climb back down the high dive First climbing down those high dive Climbing down those high-dives there scary by the way My fight fall there is like right on the concrete area Because it's a way worse idea totally but then when you're going down you can't change your mind go back up

I'll just do it because then you're gonna get rid of this makeup your mind dude Get in here who's make up your mind dude. Oh Moving down the fucking high-dive stairs dude. I had some bad luck I would do one I wouldn't let my mom leave in like first grade one time like the first day first grade my mom Drop me off they had to distract me so my mom could leave I Just I love these memories of just spazzy kid totally And if anybody wants to call in Lou, we can get calls right? If anyone was calling with your spazzy kid thing like because I definitely made my dad Gary by the way good vibes for Gary work Gary at a surgery today and do a very

well. Absolutely. I was a thank everybody for all the nice words but Gary one of the reasons he probably carried me was made lead him, his new wife at the time, and her kids and me made his leave Disney world because I was so afraid of rain and weather. And it just Florida and it would just start raining and I was just wicking and I just had to go home. I think we did like two or three things and left. A Florida hard rain though, it's pretty scary

when you're a kid. I mean, that's the scary when your kid Yeah, I mean the sky's black Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure No one knows but now it's not just a storm. It's fine. Everyone's fine but I wiggged For sure. Yeah, but also I was telling just I don't know why I didn't remember this so much I have Individual stories in my head of this happening a lot, but I guess it was an ongoing thing then that, if I laughed too hard when I was younger, I'd piss.

I'd piss all over myself. I think that's that uncommon. Is it not? Like a full piss? Like I have to go. Not like a little piss squirt in your underwear. Yeah, like I know, like I gotta go. Like I have to leave.

Like you see piss on my jeans. Cause somebody was so hilarious. I know I would love go like I have to leave like I you see piss on my jeans Because somebody was so hilarious. I Know I would love to know what got you. We really got you I said I remember a deaf jam episode. Okay, that got me and made me pee, but I was sitting naked on my bed When that happened because that's how we watch deaf jam. No, it's a toast. It was a kid. I was after a shower. And I was like, the TV was on while you're watching. I would just sit in the style. Yeah, like drawing off for a second. And like it was just on. And I sat there was watching this guy set. And yeah, he had

a joke. And I just laughed and just what he said, that's his brother's. He said he'd be fucking bitches like this. Plano, Splish. Plank, clank, clank, clank. He's right back in the shower. But, um, yeah, where was I? Florida. Yeah, so I definitely spazed out on several things and made the thing go bad for sure. Yeah, leaving because of, cuz of I Used to also leave

Like if people are climbing like if that didn't happen a few times We're like we gotta go this way we're climbing this fence and I just like start a fight with a friend to be like Fuck you dude, but that I cuz I had the same thing. That's just chubby kid. Yeah, I can't do it I didn't have an arm strength. It was like I can't yeah, I just can't get my body over this thing I can't chin up. No, no that Pancing became a big things I went to a Catholic school. So did you get pants? Thurs that we all did That's what it that's what it was nobody was safe. You're constantly looking over your shoulder. Oh Jesus So pull up bar in the presidential fitness exam. I mean you were just sitting ducks you went up and the pants went down

During the presidential fitness exam No one got in trouble for this. They were worth it. They got a lot of trouble Dude remember I told you guys how that's why we didn't ever get to go to medieval times For such a bad guy most of it was because we were panting everybody Girls included. Was there girls? Yeah.

Because on Thursdays, we'd have gym. So it would wear like a gray t-shirt and blue sweatpants. And so Thursdays, it was just rampant, rampant pantsing. A girl, I, there was pantsing around a little bit of, where I was really, really young. I remember just hearing that was like a possible thing and do whatever and I I thought my version of it was lifting a girl's dress up and She was so so mortified. I just felt horrible right away. They like how I just do it up skirts

It was so crazy. I was like, what the fuck? I'm like, how old were you? Oh man, I kid. I mean, I'd say 10 tops. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like recess at school in that fucking concrete parking lot you'd see out there. But I remember doing that. That's only right away, like, oh, what have I done?

Yeah. I mean, what a horrible thing. She was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed for. No one's reaction to it was like damn nice everyone just got like people most people didn't even notice I don't think it was the thing that was like she was humiliating because a bunch of people saw I think just the at I don't think a lot of people saw it just seemed like a weird thing I did you cover you know I'm so sorry I'm

sorry I'm really sorry was anybody else lifting skirts or was that your own night yeah I think it started I. Yeah, yeah, before I don't know. I just it was fucking because that does also scream trying to fit in move Yeah, I don't respect me if I do this to Christina. Oh, yeah, I got Yeah, I got beat up pretty bad once trying to do that start a fight to the cool kids. Yeah, yeah, and then dumb fight to cool kids because cool and then dumb. Did you ever take anything out? You ever show off?

Like when you were a little kid? What do you mean? I took my dangling or out in kindergarten under the table. I knew in kindergarten my dick wasn't a shower. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You guys would employ your dangles like I heard the word dangle. Who's dangle and do we're in K Real man, I'm not at all pull your flopper My mom got a call that evening. She was like you can't do that You can't do that you can't do that. There is an age where it's like you just get like that where your mom will be told Yeah, there's an age you cross over there you just get like that where your mom will be told. Yeah.

There's an age you cross over there where they're like, oh, this is a crime. Yeah. Who goes, what? My mommy didn't say I couldn't. You were an 11th grade son. My mommy said though, have my mom tell me I can't. That's the only way it applies to me.

Damn. What about a homestick? Did you have a homestick? I was a big god I was a pussy what oh like sleep away camp or anything because I went to hockey camp when I was like I 10 or 11 I wouldn't Of dreams of sleep away camp not the million fucking years and when I'd have to go to my poor Aunt Linda who Christine's met now

Man, Linda and Uncle Frank they're my godparents and my mom would drop me off there once in a while. Yeah. Like if I love going to my dads, even though it was like, you know, getting used to a new family over there, I should always buy this, like my dad ruled. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, of course. But like, uh, fucking, yeah, I get what I go to my, as great, not my great up my, uh, my, uh, my aunt and uncle's place. Like I would cry the whole, I'd ruin their weekend. Yeah. They had to do things like, I can go in there above ground pool that would buy them an hour.

It's really, they'd be like, let's make a whirlpool. I'm like, okay, it's walking a circle, making a whirlpool, in a, a, a above ground pool for an hour. And then I remember that and I would calm down to watch the monkeys. Ah! episodes of the monkeys was some reason I remember watching it their house now would make me like comments I like the monkeys. Yeah, we were funny. Yeah

And then I and then my mom would pick me up and it'll be like picking me up from prison And my poor aunt Linda she just wanted me to be happy. They would anything I wanted to do They would be like what do you want to do ice cream? I'd still fat so I'm like yes And then I'll be like I think my mom was even like, I have to be good now for a little bit, but I'm going to bed crying tonight. Well, I go to bed tonight, I'm crying. Pain in the ass.

Major pain in the ass. I was a pain in the ass little kid. Like when my mom was still out and about, like getting a babysitter for me was a nightmare. Oh, yeah. I would let my mom leave Frower, yeahitter for me was a nightmare. Oh, yeah. I would let my mom leave it for over, yeah. I was apparently a mama's boy, because I would tantrum when they left.

I got much better when my step-pop kind of came around and then started having kids with my mom. Like, I was like a response, I had a responsibility in the house. You know what I mean? So almost, that was a force to grow up, so weird word, but like, I don't know, I just didn't really have that stuff anymore.

But my daughter shared that with me very much. She's fine now. It's weird. It really just changes. It goes away like that. Just one day it's over, but I mean, within me and Christine's relationships, she remembers getting calls eight times a day

because Isabelle was like overnight soccer camp. We had a great soccer camp and just every day just sat in the office waiting for them. They're only supposed to be able to call home once a day. That's exactly what I did. They're only supposed to be able to call home once a week and then she would call every day. They were like, if you promised to not cry for like two meals a day,

we'll let you call home every day for a little bit of shoes. I did the same exact thing. And Isabelle, I was like, she went to your mom's and cried the whole time. But I remember talking to Isabelle though, when I'm like, you're embarrassed though, right? Like, because I just always wanted to kind of be honest with her when I was going on, I go,

because she'd call and I go, Isabelle, I get it, but like I promise you like, when you get older, you're gonna be like, it was so stupid to like, she would probably think that now, she goes, with dumb thing, I probably could have like, talk to a boy or whatever, fucking, you know what I mean? Had like, just summer fun,

make your friends and everything, but like, she just didn't wanna do, but I was trying to instruct her to do otherwise, but much more than her mom that I have, that's empathy, right? When I'm feeling it also, when she's a way, I'm like, I know, like my instinct is to be like is it Hello, Ron

Oh Dude I would call at the fuck I would wake up early and just be in tears on the phone to my mom and my mom had that same thing Where she just trying to calm me down should be like it's gonna go by I so quickly if you just get involved with stuff It'll go make time go like that I go, but what if you guys get in a car accident on the way up here and you all die And I like that was where my mind was at yeah, I swear to God I was like what if I never see you again. I know that's what I should be thinking that at 11. No, it was gloom and doom Yeah, swear to God, I was like, what if I never see you again? I know. I should be thinking that at 11. No, it was gloom and doom. Yeah. It's funny when I've said this on Ari's podcast before,

but it's so funny when I got anxiety like bad in 2010. Yeah. Like that weird one where you're going to the hospital. Like heart attack stroke. I don't know what it is today, but whatever the, whatever the one I didn't have yesterday, I have the other one now. And when I was going through that, like so many people that knew me, Vecchio and I was

remember saying he goes, dude, you like the, really? Like you're having a problem like that. He goes, you like the most, take it as it comes, easy going guy in the world. And I was like, I know, right? Like I thought that about myself too. But then I really like dug in and thought back. I'm like, no, I was actually like a, like you're describing a kid that was like my my dude I went to visit my uncles my mom again sending me somewhere I'm gonna cry the whole time but I cousins there my age

that I knew in Florida so I can go there my mom sent me there it's my dad's brother way too far my dad's brothers my mom sent me to Florida but she was going on trip to the Bahamas to go be, let's call it 26 years old. You know, I mean, just gonna go there and fucking find some island dick and do it. Yeah. Yeah. And she went to the Bahamas. My uncle took me on the first night of the thing. This is like, you know, this is in cell phones or anything like that times, you know. And we went to go see jaws of the revenge. And there's a scene in the beginning, uh, they're on a banana

bomb. They're on a banana boat in the Bahamas. And the shark comes and eats everybody off the banana boat. I already know where you're going. No, here's worse. My mom told me that day earlier. She goes, we're going to go on a banana. Today. And I was like, my mother's day, you might as well just said, my mother's dead like I was watching a like news footage in a movie I never would have been able to come back with that I had a hard time going back when I got home and I couldn't get a hold of her the whole night I went to bed believing strong outside and they were going it's a movie it's got nothing to do with it I go but the movie shone what can happen

there exactly and that's what's gonna happen there. And also I noticed it was starting to drizzle outside, so we're all probably gonna die anyway. The skies are about to open, we're all fucking dead. Yeah, there it is. There it is, the banana boat, dude. I was like, well, my mom's definitely in the mouth of a great white. My mom's probably so delicious, too. That kinda looks like her.

It was, uh, man I remember that fucked me up But yeah, I was like And annoying I was in the worst way it was such the busiest way, but I'll always have to thank you my stepop He did come around and said where he couldn't teach me dude stuff About like fixing shit in cars. No, it wasn't his thing. It was just like, even as like the one,

one he's like a brilliant guy like educational, you know what I mean? Like he's like an intellectually like a fucking genius guy, but like, his big weightlifter guy, so he just got like weightlifting and talking shit and making off colored Joe. It just being a guy, you know what I mean? Don't be a guy.

Even though he didn't really also himself, his dad sucked. So he doesn't know all bunch of like, had a fix. She's in the house or doing like that, but he's just like a dude, and I did need that a lot. I need someone to be like, Hey, you got to cry over there.

Like, what's wrong with you? It's a tear. I know, right? So blame the cry. Fucking pussy. Did you make a fool of like, coddle you? I mean,dle you that would I was 10 almost 10. Yeah, you know, I mean so like right yeah, probably Do what he called you like a pussy your grandfather? Yeah, I was nine You know, it's weird though, too is that I was left alone

With the television so I was exposed to a lot of like shit like that like jaws I saw with you the shining I saw way too young and that I weirdly didn't have an issue with I knew something was wrong like I probably shouldn't be watching him but the curiosity I was like I gotta I think a problem with the shining growing up yeah for sure and that was my mom was dating a guy worked at an electronics store Kevin I think he came over to get the biz one night and The kill time till I was going to sleep was he brought over from his electronics store the shining it with a VCR I don't get a VCR yet. He brought a VCR with the shining I think it was a beta

Extended cut two VHS tips. It was a beta the small. Yeah, he's small Damn, dude, and it was all right. Hey now. We kind of want you to go to bed so I could pork your mom in this fucking two-room apartment and I was like I'm like I have to leave the fucking door open to my room I can't give me by the closed door that's smart to move on kev because if you know little I got a clown Stuff in my I don't know why I always a clown stuff in my room I still find it terrifying. I mean it didn't I'm gonna be bursting into my mom's room every 10 minutes if I'm watching the shining left unsupervised. Yeah I was saying that Pet Sematary was the one that like that's the movie that made me learn the squeaks and creeks and the floor and where they were to

sneak into my mom's room. I just watched it. I could tell you that I could probably, when I was younger, there was a point where I could probably run silently, run at full speed silently through my apartment with a track to my mom's bed. Just didn't dodge it. By the way, the funny thing is, to not know how, how sleeping works I guess when I was a kid, because like, you could have just walked no problem into the fucking thing. I can come in and do I could do the worm on the other side of the bed in Christine wouldn't budge. She's not a good gay. A good age. But heavy sleep or Christine. Yeah. When she goes in she goes ram immediately.

You open her eyelids dude. her eyes looking at her brain Did it Gonsky so what I've been doing recently? I've been reading Stephen King books for the first time ever and then and then why following it up with watching the movies. Yeah, man The movies are bad The books are always better. Dude misery is terrifying. Yeah. I did read misery of all the ones. I read that. I did read the shining because shining scary.

So dude, uh, Petsamitary is fucked up. The movie does not do the, uh, book justice at all. The movie wasn't even that skater. No,

I mean, it is scary, but that's sister, man. The sister is the other. And then they fucked that up big on the phone. What's Jacob? What do you say? I read app pupil Which was fantastic and that was such a shitty movie That's what the kids being tutored by a Nazi. Yeah, it's such a better book, but I just watch stand by me You get involved anything that's not Nazis in it? I mean, God. Really? What a sped it.

It's Lord. I watched that pupil, not enough Nazi stuff if you ask this guy. Followed up with a little higher learning. I would say, misery and stand by me are the only good ones. I mean, misery is so much more gruesome in the book. Like, she fucking cuts his ankles off. off like she cuts his feet off in the book Yeah, it's like fairy tales versus Disney. Yeah Oh, yeah, like that actually what it was no, you know, like the isn't like the is the a-sop stuff or something

I'm actually really dark and the way subs fables isn't like the thing like the the fairy tales are actually really dark and yeah Like it's interrelated. Do cut off her they cut off their heels and toes really? To get to try to fit them into the face. Yeah, what? Who's having that conversation with you? We talked about on skanks yesterday, but just a kid went on an anti-opera rant on some concert. And then they asked him if he apologized and he was like, that fuck Oprah. God love him.

Dude, kid rock rules. August what, 26 I think? We're going, dude. PNC. Oh, hell yeah. Kid rock foreigner. Ooh, great show. Nice.

Absolutely. We're going, we're going thick. PNC is my home court, too. hell yeah, we're on where a mag is shit Huh I wonder why he's hope for so much Probably cuz she's fucking pro life or pro choice like some dumb lib tard Toys she's like talking kid rock right. Yeah. Yeah, these are the thing. I'm gonna say to win kid rock over She's not getting kid rock right now. Yeah, yeah, these are the thing I'm gonna say to win kid rock over She's not getting in the pit. Yeah, she ain't loving anybody in the pit She's up there talking the royalty and shit. Yeah, you're right kid rock. Fuck oh bro

Damn dude, it does If he does this song, I'm like get on stage with me try. I'm gonna try to do it. Yeah, your buddies know now this song I'm a general stage woman try I'm gonna try to do it yeah your buddies know now I'm a I'm gonna have this how much buddy this how much we interact I think you're under selling it I'm telling this how much we interacted I'm good a kid rock is good to know that I'm coming to the show but it's because I'm gonna have Nate Bargatsy tell him because him and Nate are on a texting relationship thing and in fact my introduction at the kid rock show was Nate Bargats. He told me this guy's really good. And he goes, he goes, I was told

he was really great by a comedian friend of mine who's brilliant. He goes, Nate Bargats in the place goes, he goes, big Jay Ogrison. They just said over the cheering for Nate. He'd said my name. Nate by the way, I mean Jesus Christ talking a list. He said it was just amazing to see your friend just get Rorde it's just it's amazing. I'm so proud. I'm so fucking funny man. Yeah, that's all Jesus Christ I was saying could not look what happens to the great people man. Yeah, yeah for sure and it was cool seeing like the crowd that like they're so in It's beautiful. Yeah, that's great. It great really really fucking cool me. I'm doing fine I'm hosting the Berkweissher fully loaded festival Italy bro Italy Italy watch out here. I come Brisbane

Just named foreign places that people have asked me to come to a a little bit more. Big J's on the world tour. Dude, Big J and Lake Como. You're gonna give me a Lake George. What? Fuck some hose after that. If you don't like kid rock, you just suck my dick. If you don't like kid rock, you can suck my dick.