The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Senior Discounts

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Age 50 is when you can join AARP, so Jay tries to get Bobby and Jacob to join by informing them of all the senior discounts they can enjoy.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on SiriusXM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the SiriusXM app. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Papadude! Robert Kelly. Bobby, you were already past all your drugging and booze and dancing by this song. I was, but I still like it. It doesn't hold any nostalgia for you though. It doesn't.

Badabada badabada. That part does. I like that part. It doesn't. Ba da ba da ba da, sweet! That part goes. I like that part. This was prime time MTV for me. This was prime DJ Luke. I would play this and they would all go crazy. Oh, the Rump Shaker.

It was all this when you could still... When you could still, I'll say it, objectify a bitch. The good old days. The good old days. Good old days, dude. The good old days. The 50s and the mid 90s. And the 80s. The 50s to the mid 90s.

Awesome. Everything was so great. Everything was great. Pull out your tits, slut. Movies were great. Movies stink now. Movies stick now. Because everything's got to be okay. Everybody's got to be involved and everybody has to be good.

In the new movies, but all the way everything has to be represented is pretty funny how it still hits you though. Yeah. It's like a doctor in a superhero movie. It means nothing and then all of a sudden they're like, my husband's picking me up and you realize it's a gay couple you're weird weird the superhero doctor the superior doctor's got this is a gay relationship but he just crowbar in like a gay relationship what's uh I think that's funny to see the Boston movies like I just saw that Jason Statham new movie the B the beehive be keeper and

It's like a boss. It's from by this Boston and the it's Jason and then the lead FBI is this black chick This is Boston. Yeah a black woman climbed the ranks through that's not the Boston Bobby grew up in Should be a good fucking clock sack and be keeper Fuck the bees and the honey you bitch should be a good fucking clock sack and beekeeper. Fuck the bees and the honey, you bitch. It's not capturing the city properly. No. Well, it's afraid. How do you make a movie?

Like even like a person like Quentin Tarantino. Yeah. You know, he makes the movie Jango Unchained about the time of slavery. And then he catches shit for like writing a script that has like the N word in it a ton.'s like but the guy was a slave owner but I think why don't you African-Americans get back to work hey guys it's a little hot out why don't you come in for some lemonade what's Mastadouin boy slave your wife

sure is attractive I won't cross any lines though. That's the CW show I told you about. Walker 1880 or something, it's the most politically correct western town you've ever seen. The Sheriff's Black. There you go. Gays, I guess, walking around Asian people. Everyone's accepted for who they are. The only time you had a black sheriff in film was in a farcical comedy like Blazing Saddles.

The entire joke is, what if there was a black sheriff? I just watched Taylor Sheridan made the TV show with a black sheriff. What's his name? I just watched it. It was pretty good. What's his name? I just watched it, it was pretty good. What's his name? Does it take place today? No, it took back then, there was a black sheriff. After the Civil War in the North,

there was a, you know, it wasn't as, it got bad again. Like racism got bad in the like turn of the century. It started getting fucked up again. After the Civil War, black people were kind of, all right, up in the North at least the century it started getting fucked up again after the civil war black people were kind of alright up in the north at least you know what I mean so what are they bitching about I guess it riddles the question my vision about the walker Lou there was a pretty sweet run from the Civil War until the 1920s. For 22 years it was pretty cool for you guys.

I wonder what that was. The walkers. So enough already. Bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass And it's actually a pretty good show. Really? I thought the movie Posse was a complete farcical work of fiction. Mario Van Peebles and the coolest cowboys. If they were black cowboys, how do they not defeat the white cowboys? They were so much cooler. It's because they're wearing leather cowboy shirts

and 100 degree heat. They all went down trying to look good. Because their boots match their hat. Question Gary, have you ever seen this? 100 degree heat. They all went down trying to look good. Cause they should their boots match their hat. He goes, I can't reach my gun, but I look fly though. Draw. You hear all the creaking of the, of the hard leather. God damn it, dude.

That's so funny. Um, I'm so excited we're on live today because I, dude, that's so funny. I'm so excited we're on live today because I, I saw a commercial this weekend, I learned something I'm unaware of that I think we should look into for some of our, dare I say, aging members of the group, specifically Robert Kelly and Jacob Battatt. Are you guys aware that in your 50s? Oh, Jesus Christ.

You are both, uh, you're both eligible for AARP benefits. What the fuck is that? Uh, it is, I believe, do I want to say the association for the advancement of retirement people? Is that what it is? I don't know. Because the AA and NAACP is that, it's association for the advancement of colored people, which is hilarious. You can't say that.

It's an acronym. It's a good thing. AARP is formerly the American Association of Retired Persons, got it, is an interest group in the United States focusing on issues affecting those over the age of 50. The organization which is headquartered in Washington DC said it has more than 38 million members in terms you guys are in good company. What is it? What are my joint? What is it? Is it like the Italian American? What kind of benefits? I get to eat earlier? Oh for sure. No, and probably all kinds of coupons for shit like that. What's the benefits? What's a bag? Tell me one benefits of AARP. Okay,

restaurants on average people spend $60 per week at restaurants for a total of 3000 per year. As an AARP member, you can save $450 a year, bringing your total down to $2,550 a year on Restaurants Jacob. That's nothing wrong with that. Your duty is a mess to kick in there a little bit. Pretty much. I want to pay a lot of money. No. I don't want that. I don't want that either.

Guys, here's the news. You can get something expensive. It would just save you money because of your advanced age. But do I have to show a card? Oh, probably. Oh, that's hot. That's really hot. I know you get a card and AARP card. That's the last thing I look at.

And you just give it to the hot little tight-ass waitress. You know, like, I'm an older gentleman, please. Would you mind taking this? I'm gonna go P for the 50th time this hour. Fuck yeah. Yeah. I'm a lot harder than having to whip out your AARP. I'm not gonna have dessert, but I will have a Manhattan.

Yeah, definitely. If you don't mind, I'll be here in my robe petting my cat. What are some of the AARP rewards? Well, you can earn 50% bonus and points as a member. On average, reward users earn 12,000 points per year by completing various activities. We have to find out what those activities are, Christine. Also, what restaurants are we allowed to go at and what time? You have to go at 5pm?

Absolutely, you do. For sure, yeah. I don't mind that. I'm glad. I just wanted to make sure. I don't mind that. I like eating early because I get tired. I just wanted to make sure. This is everything we that. I like eating early because I get tired. I just want to make sure. Look, this is everything we always and I do this too.

We fight our aging things and then someone tells you, which I'm trying to do for you guys right now, it's okay. And then you realize it's made life easier. I felt that way with a pill case, my reader glasses. These are all things you have to accept and go, okay you know what though, but now I can see so much better with those reading glasses. Yeah, but you have to accept and go, okay, you know what though, but now I can see so much better with those reading You get to visually combat that with blue hair and mittens Do you get a wallet chain? You can paint your hair blue, you can paint your head blue

We can't do anything with that hair and I'm not wearing fingerless mittens and a wallet chain. It's not happening I want other alternatives. There's other alternatives. I mean, these are pretty great alternatives Yeah, these are pretty great alternatives. Yeah, these really are. These are pretty great choices. I think they make you look so much younger. I think your AARP card is revoked if you put blue in your hair. It's very possible. They don't like that because you remind them of scary teenagers. Oh, so I can go to Denny's.

Okay, these are the restaurants you can go to. Wow. Denny's, the Bonefish Grill. Nice. Which I believe is attached to an improv in Toledo, Ohio. Yeah, me and Jacob can go to Mo's because we'll be two Mo's Yeah, five o'clock you go to Mo's Caribbean and do your Mo shit Outback steakhouse, okay

Carrabba's Italian grill, which is C plus Italian food No, and Annie Anne's which Argue Annie Anne's and I have a problem with you The pretzel dog the pretzel nuggets the pretzel the cinnamon never done a sweet pretzel in my entire life But I would try a cinnamon from cinnamon You get both you get the salty buttery one and the sweet one and you mix them in your mouth Shut up by the way to the pretzel Can I give a shout out to the pretzel re the guy, to the pretzelry. Shout out. It was my fat days. It was my fat days.

Can I give a shout out to the pretzelry? The guy who owns the pretzelry came from Philly. That guy? Lives out in Denver. Joe? Joe. Joe from the pretzelry? Do you remember his name, Christine?

I'm fucking whiffing right now, I feel like a dick. But he brought boxes and boxes of pretzels for the crew and everything we were filming this weekend in Denver Also, thank you Denver for fucking making a the weekend not only Super easy and smooth, but I mean what fucking great crowds man. Yeah. Yeah, I said your name in front of the owner a few times Yeah, and she turned away and threw up she never responded She didn't fire anything back about you a little,

it equips, but I, you know, I kept, we were doing the show together and then when we'd go on the road back in the day, cause she sat down and just had a gab sesh with Christine. Okay. Here's the deal with you. There's two clubs. What? How dare you? Here's the deal with the two clubs. I don't care if you don't like me.

There's plenty of clubs that don't like me, right? I just care when I don't know why. You know what I mean? But why do you know some of the ones that don't like you, why do some not like you? Well, when you, when I don't know, like DC improv will never, ever, ever book me. And I don't know why.

Like the person who books it has something, like I did something somewhere, you know what I mean? And then I worked the comedy works. And I literally said to my agent a couple of years, a couple of times, please just find out what it was, what's going on. And something happened and I just, I don't know what it was. Could it be two, any more of the best comedy rooms

in the country? The Denver Comedy Works and DC improv. It's like the two most notoriously loved clubs. I hear you. I never worked DC in my life. Patricia used to work there. Never worked there. What'd you do?

Did you leave come on the, Never worked there. In the kitchen? Never worked at the comedy works. Never worked, no I worked at the comedy work. Never worked at DC improv. What did you do in that condo, Bobby? I don't, maybe it's that.

I look at the last time. Did you not paint a picture? You have to paint a little picture. What does that mean? They had the little easel with the little. No, I was there before the new condo. I was there at the old one. And I remember I showed up

and I don't stay in condos, but that one you do. That one you do. Okay, I showed up and I got in, I was exhausted. I got into the bed and the thing, the comforter was wet. Okay. So I was like, I was exhausted. I got into the bed and the comf, the thing, the comforter was wet. Okay. So I was like, ugh, like, and I told, maybe that was it. I was like, dude, the comforter was wet.

It was like, oh, maybe I didn't dry it enough. I'm like, well, come on. This is why I don't like staying in a fucking car now. I gotta say to you though, Wendy wouldn't do that. She would make sure that was dry. She's, her attention to detail is, I know I, I, nothing but nice things about Wendy. I, you know, she was always nice to me. I mean, sweet. I never really met her, but she was, I worked there three times. It was great. Well, they've tried and they just say

not interested. This is another thing that's weird. I've told my agent, just go find out what, what happened and he for three years will avoid it. Well, he's an autistic goof. for three years will avoid it. Well, he's an autistic goof. Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna say that, but it's just a, it's a fucking mystery. You know what I mean? And I would love to- I'll say, you know what?

He still has to make phone calls for me. Make the calls, son. But you know what I mean? I would just like to know, oh, fuck him, he sucks. I don't care. I have clubs that don't use me over the years. It's fine, I know why. But tell me a club that doesn't use you and why

Okay Like I don't have a I have a Royal Oak, Michigan What's that called Mark Ridley's comedy castle? Book me once went fantastic. Me too every year. I've Every every time I have different different people over the years call from different management every, every time, I've, and by the way, different people over the year's call from different management to agents. And every time I call somehow magically, you just, I booked the whole club, the whole club in one day.

I booked the whole year in one day and you had two days late on the day. I did it. Same thing. I did it. Somehow we always got in there two days after. I worked at club one time, great weekend. I had, I've hooked up with a cop.

Nice. Yeah, he was hot. I bet dude. Did you get a PBA card? And a bullet. You get a bullet? No, I did. I hooked up with this hot blonde cop.

It was crazy. And the same thing, never. But I understand that. Cause he runs like a clean, he likes clean comics. I know why. I know, cause he runs like a clean, he likes clean comics, I know why. Does he? Yeah, he's a clean comic type of dude. I had a good time talking with him.

I thought there was gonna be no audience cause it was, it was literally the week of the collapse of the big three car companies. And I was like, no one's coming out. But everyone came out and they said they came out because they're like, we'll just sit at home and kill ourselves. And we just sit at home. We have to come out and do something.

Like everyone lost. I didn't realize also at that time, I don't like follow that shit enough. But that big three collapse was, it wasn't just the car companies that was fucked. Like everyone there, when you ask them, had a job that somehow connects to the car companies that was fucked. Like everyone there, when you ask them, they had a job that somehow connects to the car companies. You know, someone's like, I make spokes for hubcaps.

Like it's all like when they're all going under, they have no jobs. That was pretty crazy. But it was a great weekend and they never brought me back. And I don't know why. Yeah, that's the, I don't, I just like, yeah, we don't like them. Not my thing.

I'll tell you what though. Yeah. Sometimes when you find out why, like I've gotten that for other people. I've had like a club like owner or booker say something about a comic who like, I know and like, you know what I mean? And that was like a, I was like, oh, how come you don't have them?

And it's like, because I don't get it. I don't get them and they don't sell tickets. You know, you're like, oh, I didn't want to hear that. Like now I feel bad. Like, I don't want that information. I don't want to know I don't get them and they don't sell tickets. You know, you're like, oh, I didn't want to hear that. Like, now I feel bad. I don't want that information. I don't want to know. Don't talk shit to me. Yeah, don't talk shit to me.

So if you find out, yeah, it would hurt if you just go. They just said they're not going to put the effort and the advertising to sell tickets for you. OK. I was going to say she probably, you almost want to hear. You remind her of her ex and she hates him. Like, that's good. but it's always like, she doesn't think you're funny at all would hurt.

Yeah, I'm good. Don't find out. It's probably gonna be something like that. Last time we was here, he sold three tickets. And we actually tried to paper the room. Nobody, we've nobody wanted it. A lot of people came back to return the flyer that said free ticket. Yeah, they came to the club and like, well, you're already here.

You might as well go in and they go, I'd rather not. There was a birthday party that changed their birthday week. To see Eric Rivera. Think of all the fucking extra scratch you guys are gonna have now that you're not spending full price at Carabas and Annie Ann's. Rissy, can you please go back to the...

Six restaurants. Well that can go to... And more. And more. And more, but they back to the six restaurants. Well, that is and more and more and more. But they're all the same caliber. Yeah. There's not like one. It's not like, you know, Del Frisco's is in there. I wouldn't go to $60 a week on restaurants.

So I wouldn't go to five out of six of those places in the Annie Anz. First of all, I have to make them bake a pretzel without butter. Damn. I would have to go to those by myself. Don wouldn't go to any one of those restaurants with me. Except for the, no. Last time we went to Outback was in the city and the cockroach walked across our table.

Well, you don't go to stuff like that in the city, but because that's the least cared place in the city, but it's suburban outback steakhouse. Never. I'd rather go to a Texas roadhouse. Way better peanuts and the steaks are better. Texas. They are. That's true. Texas Roadhouse. Way better peanuts and the steaks are better. Texas Roadhouse. That's true. Texas Roadhouse has way better steaks.

In Texas. Yeah, Texas Roadhouse. When I'm talking about the one in Texas, we're talking about franchise. Franchise Texas Roadhouse, I'll go there before, like a fancy steakhouse sometimes. Over Outback. Oh, Outback is disgusting.

I'd say if I'm going low end steakhouse, Alpac's probably my first choice. No, Texas Roadhouse. You walk into stakes or in the freezer, you can pick the steak. They're much better. You tell me. And the buttered rolls at Texas Roadhouse?

No, you're gonna argue table bread over Alpac Steakhouse? Buddy, the table bread at Texas Roadhouse. This'll be what tears us apart. This is gonna be what it is, because you've never had the, You're gonna argue table bread over Alpax Steakhouse? Buddy, the table bread at Texas Roadhouse. This'll be what tears us apart. This is gonna be what it is, because you've never had the, you don't know what you're talking about. You haven't been there.

I haven't, it doesn't matter. Okay, no, no, no, no. Alpax Steakhouse, best bread in the game. It has 100% not, Texas Roadhouse, Texas Roadhouse butter bread, sweet butterbread, and you get it immediately when you sit down, is dessert in the beginning of the meal, and it's so good, it's the best.

It blows anything. No. Nothing beats lobster, Red Lobster's cheddar biscuits. Sure, I'll tell you what I'll tell you. What do we, you can't just throw that in the mix. Bobby and I ain't go there anyway. What're talking about? What're talking about?

Steakhouse. I'm telling you, listen, you guys make sure, it's not on the list. You guys make sure you bring your AARP cards in, and I'm gonna show you guys what to order. I'll pay full price, it's fine. Outback sale, but I'll show you guys. Bring out Texas Roadhouse, I mean, the butter road.

Dude, the butter, is that the outback? Yes, it's outback. Ugh, fucking Pomponnickel bread, what are you doing? No out at Bow back? Yeah, it's out back fucking pumpkin bread. What do you know honey? We honey wheat? It's so good like cheesecake factor. It's also great bring up Texas Roadhouse Right there click on that click on oh look at it shiny I mean that does look really are you out of your and it comes with the butter is sweet cinnamon butter, so you Cinnamon butter. Yeah, dude. I'm out of the whole thing. You're out of your mind. I didn't use any butter.

You're out of your mind. I will do a taste test. Cinnamon butter before steak is insane. Yeah, well, you didn't do it yet. So try it. You've never done it. No. Yeah.

I won't. Yeah. That's my hard line. We're doing it. We're going to go to Texas Roadhouse. I'm going to Texas Roadhouse with you. And by the way, I'm not saying I won't enjoy it. I'm just telling you, your poo-pooing of Outback Ste Roadhouse with you. I'm by the way, I'm not saying I want to joy it. I'm just telling you Your poo-pooing of outback steakhouse is insane. I would have first of all, it's not even who Australia really

Yeah, I'm known for steaks. They know do you think you're getting this stuff from Australia shrimp on the Barbie dude It's a pure theme Yeah, they act like they're the steak place. They're not it's not known for steaks at Texas It's no who's known for steaks Australia or Texan, Texas In America. Yes in in the world in the world Just look up if look up if Australia is known for steaks. No, they're known for this stupid I'm going her by the way, you guys can go to chart house. Oh, do you feel shitty now?

Cuz that's nice place or Or Bubba Gump Shrimp corporate company. That's it from a moment. That's all you get 10% off there for dining and to go orders, Jacob. 10% huh? Yeah. That's not bad. Okay. The meat industry in Australia produces what? Some of the best state cuts in the world. And they don't send them to Outback. You don't know that. 100% I don't. You don't know that.

I will bet my left ball on it. And I'll eat my left nut. You can cut it off and then cook it. I promise you the steaks are not being sent up from Texas, Texas Roadhouse. I guarantee that they're a better steak because here's why. In Texas Roadhouse, you can just order off the menu like Outback or when you walk in, you can just order off the menu like like Outback or when you walk in

You can pick your steak in the window and that's the steak you get okay like like a real fancy steakhouse. Mm-hmm Yeah, that's it. Yeah, it's that and you get much better Yeah, and you get you get peanuts unlimited peanuts at the beginning Peanuts because you watch my game. Yeah, I love peanuts dude You live to open some peanuts throw it in your mouth, a little salty, noog it. No, I agree with you. I bet you're gonna discount Texas Roadhouse too.

You gotta discount Chart House, which is nice. What is it? Chart House. Corner Bakery is one of my favorite chains. Cinnabon, go on and act like you're not excited about that. Denny's, I'm excited about it. Denny's, local restaurants. Joe's Crab Shack, which is gross.

Joe's Crab Shack? It's awesome, what are you crazy? It's grotes gross. Joe's Crab Shack? It's awesome. What are you, crazy? It's grotesque. Why is it grotesque? It's that basket of shit. McCormick and Schmitz is awful. McCormick and Schmitz, high-end steakhouse.

Oh, so now do you guys want to go to Texas Roadhouse or McCormick and Schmitz? I go to McCormick's and Schmitz, whatever it is. I would not go to Outback. Outback is the McDonald's of steak. You don't have to. That argument's over. Because now you're getting 10% off. Ooh. I would not go to Outback. Outback is the McDonald's. You don't have to. That argument's over. I mean McDonald's.

Because now you're getting 10% off. These are all like Johns. Mall, this is the mall cafeteria food. This is all the same company with one restaurant. Schlossky's, fantastic. Schlossky's is not fantastic. I don't know what it is. Rainforest Cafe.

You don't even know what Schlossky's is. You just said fantastic. Rainforest Cafe is good. It's not good. Rainforest Cafe is good. It's not good. Rainforest Cafe is not good. And you can get exclusive. You can also get exclusive life insurance. You guys are poo-pooing this idea too hard.

Christine, get out of this. Get out of the restaurants. And let's go back to. The stupid bread, that big loaf of brown shit bread. It's the best bread. It looks like an elephant dumped on a table. I made this argument. I made this argument. I made this argument.

I told Taste Buds when they were asking for topics, I said you should do best table bread. And I think Alpac weighs his hands down. I bet it's all, you can type in best table bread from restaurant and Texas wrote how it will be a number of top five and Alpac will not be in there. Won't be in top five.

Won't be in top five. Will not. Best restaurant table bread. The ultimate ranking of restaurant bread boom here we go ready Bravo Cucineta. Oh, this is no no no bravo. That's it. No, you're wrong cuz look Karabas is like it's a face franchise shit Karabas, I mean geez Ruby Tuesday's biscuits, which they I won't ever know about that because they got rid of their salad bar and I'm out. Bucca di Peppo, okay, it's family style Italian. Panera bread shouldn't even count.

No, it shouldn't count. Longhorn steakhouse. Oh, fuck these people. Oh, Bobby, it's getting close. Okay, Outback made number seven. Wait, did I go to Texas or Longhorn? No. Jacob, Jacob, don't start back at Balanel.

You don't fucking leave me. Rosemary, Breds, Gross. You stay right there. No, maybe it was. Cracker Barrel. Or now we're in the top five. Bobby, hang on. Slow down, Christine.

Did you type in redneck choices? This list is a little... It's shaky. Thank you, Christine. I don't know what Christine's thinking. She is very contrarian to me. She's not good. Five. That's five. Five is Cracker Barrel biscuits and corn muffins go down. We were from ten. Okay four red lobster cheddar biscuits

Okay, we didn't doubt that keep going cheese. Okay. Okay. That's a good argument number one good argument there number two I'll have guard off. No, no, you're wrong. No, that's not number one number two. Okay. Good number one number one is That was you guys didn't see that... I didn't see that coming. I didn't see that coming either. And you know what? I take the list is pretty good. Eat your simple and biscuits. Cheesecake Factory and cheddar biscuits are my favorite. Uno, na maruno. Number seven. Wait, does the write up on them say anything about cinnamon butter? Ugh.

God, that's the first thing I won. I didn't feel really good. That first thing I won in my life. I know. By the way, I don't know if you saw... Kay needs to find something now to tear it down. No I had an ear-to-ear grin I was happy for you guys that you were so excited that I got jumped into it too I was like it was Texas Roadhouse's rolls I've never had them I don't know I'm not married to it finally we come to Texas Roadhouse rolls not just any butter hang on it might not have the prominence of its free bread competitors.

It doesn't stop them from achieving baked greatness. In a mashed pole of best free breads, they came in second despite being a smaller chain. And when a similar informal pole was conducted on Reddit, their rolls came out on top. The rolls are light and fluffy, come in generously sized rectangles. They're basically buttery pillows. The rolls work on their own, but also come with butter, not just any butter, but cinnamon butter. Oh God, it's so beautiful. It's almost as good as honey butter. This doesn't sound like before steak bread.

You can get regular butter. But here's the thing Jay, it's salty sweet. It has like salt on the tart, and it's sweet, and it's shiny, and then when you put it in your mouth, it's warm and wet, and sugary and salty and wet. And warm. I'm here with you. And your hands, you can feel it on your fingertips. The warmth, when you grab it, and your hand warms up,

and that heat goes through your arm up into your chest. And you just kind of like, you just touched your tongue to it for a little tease it a little yeah and then you put your lips get on it and then your lips all of a sudden they're wet and desirable and then you push it in and you bite it's like a pillow is it in my mouth I can't even oh there it is then you have five then you have five bites of steak and go dump in front of your whole family Jacob when did you know all that buttery goodness go up hang on of steak and go dump in front of your whole family That buttery goodness go up hang on guys I gotta go dump

Well Bobby's bail out to dump in Vegas was one of my Jacob didn't even see it happen. I saw where to go Yeah, you saw I'm kind of go and I was like what's good? He didn't say a word Bobby just was like Bobby was like I may have done too fast And then he just turned his chair around and darted out into the hallways. That was in the Hawaiian restaurant. Hawaiian restaurant. Hawaiian people, man, they eat, they don't fuck around. You were talking about Hawaiian food in Vegas? We went Hawaiian. I love Hawaiian food. One of my favorite fast food things. And anytime I go somewhere, I'll type in Hawaiian and Yelp. And right near the hotel, they had a Hawaiian restaurant in the other hotel. and there's a huge Hawaiian population

in Las Vegas. The Binyons and the Binyon, right? Yeah, Las Vegas, huge Hawaiians. They have a lot of Hawaiians. They moved over back in the day, the 90s, a lot of them came over. So major gambling issues. So, so fun.

Getting off their reservations and coming here. They don't have reservations. That's Indians, that's American Indians. That's where we went, the Hawaiian place. We went to the Hawaiian place and I love it because they have rice, meat, gravy and eggs. Anytime they put eggs like Japanese type of shit, I love it. Polynesian is my favorite. You threw it up while eating it.

I almost threw up in the hallway. You had some weird sales. It's a weird sales picture, Megan. On the memo when Maui burnt down, I almost threw up on a table of t-shirts. They were selling to raise money for Maui Oh, I was literally I had a I had a like Duke out of the way Yeah, I like and I went into the thing and there was a guy in the bathroom While I was throwing up I felt kind of disrespectful. Yeah. Yeah, well you were there I just turned the whole thing over I started slapping people calling volcano fuckers and shit like that

On a scout, I just had to like throw up in a bunch of random Vegas Museum casino you guys were no zempic Just eat and vomit right away. We're all dumping at the same time Really eight shit on that fucking Texas Rolls situation. You should have listened to us. You should have listened to us. Seven. Yeah.

Well, I could tell you, maybe I don't know the best bread. Yeah. But I can tell you the best hottest color right now. Ooh. Stephen Singer's coming on soon and I would like to, I'd like to get a price from this guy

on this chain that I want. I know we gotta ask him if he can do the link. What do you want? The Cuban? Yeah. You want the Cuban? I think so. You want the Cuban necklace or the bracelet?

Necklace. You want a necklace. Dude, but here's the thing. You got a Cuban necklace around you. You can't just wear it around the city. We could do whatever I want. Challenge me. Oh, anyone want to come snatch my chain?

Come test me. They just grab it, snatch it, and you my chain? Come test me. They just grab it, snatch it, and you go, all right, cool. Good choice. I have my two friends from the AARP here, if you guys are interested. Kristen, can you please go back to the heat? Restaurants, by the way, it said up to 15%. And the only restaurant that gave 15% was Denny's.

Papa John's gave us 20%. I do like it. Papa John's are trying to come back. Don't tell Black Lou you're ordering. He's racist. I like Denny's dude. I'll get 15% off of Moons over my hammies. I really like Denny's and also last time I ate it shit my pants. But worth it at the time. No. It was the only place open. It was after a show. So bad. And it felt good going down and later you shit. I wear really tight underwear too. Ooh.

By the way, Bobby and I break the mold as far as our age group. We're in better shape. We work out. We don't do this. We don't need AARP. You've only heard the restaurant benefits so far, Jacob. I'm not gonna throw

I'm not gonna put everything on culinary when you're involved. You're very picky about your foods So let's get it away from all that let's talk about the resorts and hotels you guys can be a part of the Hilton's the windows the IHG hotels and resorts and on average hang on People spent a hundred a hundred twenty five per night and stay seven nights per year for a total of eight hundred seventy five dollars Jacob you can save twenty percent on your stays at these places J it says save a hundred and seventy five dollars per year no what yeah the very top line yeah yeah because one of my say what's

it's almost nothing. It's because most people only stay seven nights a year. Jacob when you're on a fixed income. Oh, that's a lot of money. Okay. I didn't see that the average is seven nights per year. Okay. Yeah. What are you doing? Side work? All of a sudden this guy doesn't need 20% off. I don't mind this. I don't mind this. The Radisson, the best Western is the Red Roof's. Motel six, Hampton. Oh, this is good. That's good.

The Red Roof's actually switched around. It's not a bad hotel. Not bad. If you don't care about not having carpet and your bed being on wheels, it isn't bad. No, it's not that bad. No, it's not that bad. No, it's not that bad.

I laid onto a bed and a red roof in with Christine Ones and the bed moved 75 feet, just on completely unblocked wheels. What magazines can we get? Well, let's find out. You see AARP the magazine? No, it's AARP THE magazine, where you can get trustworthy advice on health, finance, and more with America's most read magazine It's America's most read magazine the AARP magazine as a member Christine

As a member you receive I'm trying to pitch this to these guys and you're zipping through it as an AARP AARP member you receive the AARP magazine at no cost. Oh Totally free you get that magazine. I love pooping with a magazine is my favorite. You'll never shit lonely again. Nice. Anywhere you're at. You're bringing on a plane, maybe you thumb through it at a park

while you're looking at pretty young girls. Yeah. Let's see what's in the magazine. Can you learn more Christine? My dad gets this, so I know the magazine. I am familiar with it. Okay. So you dip it into it a little little bit I mean this is like the woman who was a Angie Dickinson will be

on the cover oh yeah you know Jacob if you sent for a police woman you sent for this for a RP I swear to you I will throw in whatever it takes to get you in this oh yeah'll get you a... Henry Winkle is on the front. That sounds like an interesting... I'd read that. I'd read that. I'd read that. Oh, there you go. Oh, Ringo Starr.

Oh, Ringo Starr. Peace. Peace. Natalie... Nat King Cole's beautiful daughter, Natalie Cole? Well, Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford. They're all peaceful.

They're all in their 80s. You haven't mentioned somebody in their 70s yet. I'll tell you what. I don't know how old they are, but I'll tell you this. They're not paying full price at Mo Mohs Caribbean or Caraba's Italian Grill So Harrison Ford is giving his AARP card at Alpac Steakhouse. Yeah No doubt for sure without a doubt Tom Hanks Tom Hanks every time he stays at a motel six George left that bad boy down George Clooney. Oh

Is that Helen Mirren? Of course. Yeah, Helen. Great. This is that Helen Mirren? Of course. Yeah, Helen. Great. This is good. Jeff Bridges. He's cool. Steve Martin. This is great. Halle Berry. Look at that. Oh, come on. Remember you were talking about all that shit, Jacob, and how good you and Bobby look. Halle Berry looks really good. Adam Sandler. Adam Sandler. That's great. He's over 50. You'd be in company with Adam Sandler. Maybe you guys were into each other

when you're picking up your magazines monthly. Oh, is that Tom? Who's that guy? Is that, what's that right there? Is that, no, the other guy. Michael J. Fox? If I could get on the cover, I would do it. Why is Michael J. Fox,

why is Michael J. Fox's picture blurry? It was not blurry. He was holding the camera. He actually, he's lying on the ground because he fell out of the chair. Matthew McHoney. It's a screen capture of a video they had to make because he never stopped moving. Matthew McHoney.

Oh, he looks great. Oh, buddy. Look, Yellowstone's on there. That chick, Tom Selleck. Michelle Obama. You're in great company, guys. This really is great company. I'll tell you what, if you call all these people up, John Goodman and Roseanne before.

Yeah, that's a while ago. Before she said that crazy shit. Now she has to call ahead at Alp X Day Castle and be like, is John Goodman there? Dr. Dre, you guys think you're cooler than Dr. Dre? I don't. I don't? Christine.

I'm not as violent as Dr. Dre. Christine, all right. He wasn't okay. No, he was a Frump Compton, you know that, right? Well, we saw a movie that. Easy, he gave him the street cred. No, Jacob, it's fine. Black me up. You're a man.

Black me up. Lou, black me up. He means violent against women. You're a man. I meant violence against women. You don't have to worry about it, Dr. Dre. You're a man, dude. He only beats the living shit,

unmerciful, ever-loving shit out of women. That's a whole different thing. That Michelle A movie, which you should watch Bobby for the shits and giggles. Surviving Compton. It's a watch along piece basically. It's saying the movie straight out of Compton. It's about the NWA. It's Michelle A who's got a crazy high pitch voice. I remember her song was put it on. Don't even say what it is. I'll tell you right now. put it on don't even say what it I'll put I'll say it right now oh oh I do boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo Straight out of Compton movie on the side he was beating her up. Yeah, she's like hey They forgot she goes I was right there in the whole time and I'm not in that movie Here's what was going on with me And it was like he was walking the door and she's like I'd be in bed because I was tired from a long day

And he would go home and be like Hey, we just did that thing from the other movie about us anyway. I'm gonna beat the shit He would just come in and just be like he'd get on top of her and just punch her in the face And then cry and lay on her like belly and she would rub his head. Let me turn it up a little. Let me say something. Ah, good sign. I mean, she did not fight back at all.

No, I mean, she did not. Wait, this is her voice though. Remember her voice? That's also how she talks. I mean that's a little annoying. Yeah, and I'm saying I might have got under my skin. When you have a woman who has an annoying thing You want peas with your uh, potatoes? Nice video! Wow, that hurt. That just came out of fucking Lua was on a building a mile and a half away and went Look, Christina only has an annoying laugh and I still cock my fist back three times a week. So funny this weekend I was in Wisconsin. Shout out to all the Bonfire fans that came out to

Chicago and Wisconsin Milwaukee a lot of them But I knew there was a lot of fans because in my act I have a thing where I talk about having a barbecue and making s'mores and I went when we reached s'mores with my Schmelio's and so many people erupted with Only could be bonfire fans Hell yeah You got the yeah bonfire fans. I was like, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, Wow. Christine, what are some of the rewards that Jacob and Bobby can expect? I think the next one Bobby's gonna really be into. What is it? Massages? It is airfare.

Okay. I do want to know about this. You can save up to $200 per person on round trip. British Airways flights, guys. Pretty cool. Why? Why? If this is it.

No, that's on economy. You can also save $200 per person on British Airways Club world business rates But what is this an American and you can bring in companion? We can be lonely old swingers And you can book on Expedia also hate this fucking underground nightclub music. He's playing from the 20s I'm sorry Lou brought his phonograph in for this bit Lou Play me a little something on the phonograph. Hey, my name is Nicky Kelly. How you doing? This is my partner Jacob Jacob's got a Jacob's record player has a pterodactyl touching his beak to a record

The elephant trunk shower. Oh, Expedia, don't worry, that's a third party service. It never takes responsibility when they fuck up. Jacob, you're going to have probably able to save money on that. $12, your first rear of renewal. Okay. Well, how much is it to buy into this? I love this British Airways, nothing in America. I'm treating you, I'm treating you guys to AARP

memberships. Books. Oh, let's not jump ahead. We need books. Car rentals. Oh, cruises for Bobby's on there. Oh, that I want to see. Okay, we can. I'm a budget car budget. I'm a budget. I'm a budget gal too. Fast break. I love that. How great is that? Just walk out there. Oh, it's great. You guys are gonna do so good. You guys are gonna do so good. Sure. Doing all these adventures alone, it's gonna make you miss your carol and you're a still I miss my car 30% on every car until come on that's pretty good that's a good deal it's a fantastic to up to yeah don't be so negative well back in my day here's my AP card let me guess this gets me less than 30% off, because it's up to.

Yeah, back in your day they had horses. Oh, guys, book of the month, $12 on one book, you get another one for free. That's something. That's something right there. The book of the month is a curator of best selling and new hardcover books allowing you to select your favorites to be delivered to your home or on your schedule

Everyone gets the best new books at the best prices and free shipping But special offer one book Jacob. I'll tell you since you're asked one book normally costs $17. What do you think it cost now? I don't know $5 $5 I don't know. Like, $5. $15. $5.

That's five. Can't read your accent, it's going. Let me put my glasses on. And you can get an add on book every year and you get exclusive access to AARP's customer care. Christine, moving forward. Okay, next up is. Games, now this is good.

Every AARP games, it's got a little controller. This is gonna be pretty, it's got a little controller. This is gonna be pretty, yeah, it's probably, it's probably not scary stuff. Yeah, it's like, it's like a game. It's like a first person thing where you have to, like you walk out of your house and see if you can remember where you live.

God, this is hilarious what it is. What is it, Atari games? It is a, it says Atari Breakout. Shut up, shut up. Whether you like to do a daily crossword puzzle, it's got a PlayStation controller as the symbol. But the games they mean, you could do a daily crossword puzzle, you could do Solitaire. By the way, I play games on my phone like an AARP member.

These are all the things I do. You could access tons of free online games if you guys can figure out how to work the Fakata internet. Like... Including... U-Fee's a shit. tons of free online games if you guys can figure out how to work the Fakata internet including you piece of shit first of all I don't like how much fun you had this weekend thinking about this shit when they said that they have an AARP we were just watching I just heard the

thing I go and if you're over 50 you can start getting your benefits today I go 50s when that starts? I go oh my god all my friends can be in the AARP I mean Jacob qualify card carrying members dude Oh my god, all my friends can be in the AARP. I think in Jacob Qualify. Card carrying members, dude. Hey, from your cold dead hands, right? Take my AARP card. We can play games like Atari's Breakout and Pong.

Pong is like the very first game of all time. It's the first game. Yeah, it was an accidental creation of a program for something else. It's two lines knocking around one square ball. Yeah, we can what they like to each monkeys how to be more human. That's right. Playing that game. There it is. Oh my god. Think of the hours guys. It's like pickleball in your house. I did play. Maybe we could maybe we one loved it. We could have a little guy going around looking for a key getting chased by a dragon

Remember adventure Actually Like this is one of the promotional things by the way 30 plus games Exclusive to members only because they won't even let a young piece of shit like me play They won't even let me dig around with Pong them too young. They don't trust me with it yet. Your brain would explode if you bored them. They don't trust me with the technology. Can we go to the cruises? By all means, let's jump right ahead to cruises.

Okay, you can go once again with third party site Expedia where they will probably not honor your ticket and you'll have a whole problem when you get there. You'll say I bought a drink, you'll say I brought a whole drink package and they're gonna go, you gotta talk to Expedia about that We don't honor those I would never go

$50 off per person on cruise tours with a lady named Colette. What is Colette? That's a chick from Long Island She's a psychic Park time, but she does cruises. I'm gonna tell you guys This is the first time or I checked out and I say don't use your cruise benefits $100 an extra on-board credits with Expedia. That's very that's almost nothing. That's almost nothing anyway I want to see what Colette is. I want to see what luxury river cruises are river cruise. I would take a river I did a river cruise in Belgium. Okay canal cruises. It's like a canal type thing and I wouldn't mind doing one of those. Those are nice. Damn dude. Your lady is the sea. You really, you love your love of your lady is the sea dude. Patagonia. You doesn't matter what kind of cruise dude.

You are on board. I tried to talk you out of it, but you love it. Unmatch Patagonia Tour. Where the fuck is Patagonia? Oh Bobby you want to take a snow cruise that sounds awful How you can't go outside? Oh my gosh freezing and whipping wind constantly. I'm just watching icebergs fall apart Watch a crying polar bear on a piece of ice you can't get to Sad wild Look, it's a caribou who's stuck on an island of ice and can't get to its family. Guys, look at that pack of killer whales killing a sail trying to hide on an iceberg. Look, oh my god, penguins do grieve for their dead.

Okay. Well. I would say that, but Christine Christine what's vacations by rail Train that's a train the cruise really is nothing but Like it's a train companies. Yeah, you take a cruise on a train Cruise by train. Yeah, it's cruising. I'm cruising over. How you getting there? I do it. I would do train. I love train is my favorite way to travel by the way I don't know if you know that about me. I would take a train anywhere My name is Bob and I love the train. They got the dining card and sometimes they have a little three-piece quartet jazz

In the smoking car you head over in one skadoo in the smoking car you head over in one skidoo no take by yourself a Chester fuel from the cigarette gal tomorrow a nice walk up the cobblestone streets of London a bench in the hedges please thanks dame you got a nice rack on you you seeing somebody here you have any Chester fields look at the games on that broad nice stems dingbat. Why don't you meet me back in my suite.

Hey, why don't you take that filter off that cigarette. Stop being such a sissy. Yeah, a filter for what? They're good for you. Oh, there you go. Bobby, while all that's bothering you, you're cooking by on a fucking choo choo. Yeah, I would take a train. I love trains. You ever been on a fucking choo choo. Yeah, I would take a trip. I love trains You ever been on a like a train like that? Nope. Oh dude. I went from Milan to Rome on a train Who's grace? Did you jump on it? What do you make you shovel cold the whole time and to make it run?

No, it's it's a beautiful first-class train. I had a pork chop dinner. It was great Where do you smoke? Huh? Where do you smoke? Um, I don't think you can smoke. I'm out. I'm already done the whole thing. So no, but I think they do have smoking trains You can smoke they have a smoking maybe I might be wrong I must have one car they might yeah because Europeans smoke they don't know I know guys And it's like and the problem is here. It's these it's these goddamn teenagers that ruin everything. Yeah. Right? No. There's no teenagers on this thing. AARP Cruise is only guys.

Youngsters today. Only old men travel by train cruise. Only old men can go to sleep hearing, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I'll be honest with you probably only got about two more years to drive him before it's dangerous. What? Yeah, you know your eyes are closing you're getting shorter I got new boots of a little time. You're gonna be up here. You're gonna be up here. It's gonna be crazy Where's the beef lady? Teachers you gotta use a seat belt. Oh These new fangled seat belts these new fangled seat belts. What the hell is that? These new fangled seat belts. What is it?

These new fangled seat belts. What's a seat belt? What the hell is that? It's to save your life in an accident. And then we have the airbags in the front. Airbag? What? It's a bag inside my steering wheel.

Import. What you will learn on drive. You'll save up to $5 on driver safety. Pretty cool. It's a course, smart driver course, that'll help you refresh your driving skills and maybe just remind you of some things you probably forgot. You could take the course at a discounted rate in a classroom or you can do it online.

Pretty good. What's online? Is that that WWW thing? Yeah, it's the World Wide Web. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What you will learn in this driver safety class for older gentlemen. Yeah. Important facts about the effects of medication while you're driving. That is true. We do take them off. Like Jacob, I know Jacob you have to take your fucking Sunday Kratom drives,

but I don't know if that's okay. Do you take Kratom? Yes. What does that do for you? Well it depends if he snorts it, it makes him hyper. If he boots it, puts him down. Pain relief, it works well. I know, shit.

I swear about it. And the lyrics have been flowing. You can reduce driver distractions like that crazy phone you keep on ring. How to maintain the proper following distance behind another car because you have no idea. It's your depth perceptions all off because of your whack-ball eyes. It's supposed to be a half a car like right? Yeah, you don't know what that is anymore No, Bobby half a car length, but it's you guys are thinking those old big giant cars It's like a tank Proper use of safety belts airbags

anti-lock brakes and new technology is found in cars today. I keep yelling at the GPS McDonald's. It's not doing anything. You get techniques for handling left turns. You know, that's terrifying for you guys. All right. The right of way you want to find out who has the right of way. How to roundabout and roundabouts, which just, I know Bobby probably in Boston's been on one of those roundabouts for three full hours, not know where to get off. We call them Rotaries. Oh yeah? Yes. Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament.

And age-related physical changes and how to adjust your driving the compensate. There we go everyone. They're gonna say, it's okay to touch your forehead to the windshield if you really can't see what color the light is. This is gonna be big for you guys. How are you guys not ready to join?

I don't. How much are they making? Yeah, how much is it? Oh, you have to pay for this? Oh yeah. You think you're just gonna get 15% off at Denny's for free, Bobby? Yeah, okay. We'll just give you 15% off at Denny's then without anything for us.

And that gives us a little taste? Wait a minute. Is this the price? Perfect. Do me a favor, Christine, on my credit card, sign them both up for five years each. Each one five years each. Each one I want five years, each one I want to have an AARP card, please. I'll take it.

I don't have all the info. Huh? I'll take it. I don't have all the info I need. What, for them? Don't give it to you. Don't worry. I'll give it to you.

I'll get it on the break. But does this affect my credit? Effect your credit you kidding me dude. You're gonna be saving so much money You're gonna pay on every credit card you have Bobby. I'll tell you why it's only because you're not eating shit at Carrabbas anymore No, no, you're paying a fair price You're traveling away gentlemen travels by European train line The worst part about this bit is there's no way out of it for me. I can't go back in time.

If you said to anything about my looks, my weight. I'll change it. I'll change it. I won't be a part of this group. But you guys just are part of this group. I mean, Jay's four years off. That's a long way for you. No, no, this is definitely a hurt people hurt people thing The first striking thing was I was like, oh my god I'm only four years from doing that and I was like, oh, but I have so many friends who I could already ram this up their ass And then by the time it comes to me. I'm like, yeah, well, we're all a RP members

Do you know that rich boss can get regular retirement right now? Oh, yeah He can actually I think boss. Yeah, boss is three years past cashing in a 401k He can get everything at a discount right now. Oh that guy can go to any doctor he wants it doesn't matter There's people in homes and his age right now younger Absolutely, he's ruining some Canadian girls life Absolutely. He's ruining some Canadian girl's life out in Jersey right now. I bet she has side boyfriend and she goes, I'm just waiting for him to die. Hang on one second, boyfriends?

Have you seen her? She dresses like Magnum PI right now. That's true. She does have director outfits now. Her and Tig look exactly alike. By the way, I just want you to know, before you guys feel guilty that I'm buying this buying this for you I know that I am saving 21% off the annual rate for five years. I don't feel bad I'm actually gonna use mine and I'm taking you with me. Oh, please Let me let me show you the wonders of Alpax steakhouse. I hate we're going to pay

But you throw them thing Texas Roadhouse doesn't accept your membership Bobby Okay, it's gonna be loud there there there's gonna be all these things you don't like there's gonna be kids making noise please I just every restaurant you go to just be like is there an AARP discount here Texas Roadhouse has a it's very possible Bobby when we're on the road together I'm gonna I'm gonna want you to pull it out and when I have mine in four years and we're on the road I'm gonna go to places always like Hooters or like Twin Peaks or those kind of like tilted kilt

where it's just smoking hot chicks. And I go, he's gonna pay, but you could throw all my benefits, that'd be great. I always thought AARP was some sort of a government thing, but it's just an association. Somebody came up with an idea to get people to sign up and then they found a few restaurants that would go along with. Yeah but it's all these restaurants.

But just then yeah just giving you five percent off something which is 15 cents of some shit. I don't know if you saw the covers at that magazine but I don't think George Clooney seems to be complaining about that five dollars off. How do they get these people that never use their card? There's no. To be on guess, actors will be on the cover of any magazine? Why do they think they don't use their card? Maybe they just pull it out, man.

They're not members of AARP. I bet they have a complimentary lifetime membership. Why can't I, can we do this? Can we try to get me on the cover? Yes. A full push. And by the way, I'll be like, let's take a picture where you and Jacob are like hugging, holding your cards, and I'll be next to you like, I'm too young for it, and then maybe that'll be what they use. Just have a floor over your head.

By the way, countdown begins everybody. This is the initial price. Hit automatic renewal terms because I want to see how much they charge after. That's very ARP of you. I've never clicked the terms ever that's very JEW of you you mean shit um let's see as long as you remain enrolled yes and unless you contact them to cancel before January 22nd but that's you're never gonna figure out how to do that second but that's you're never gonna figure out how to do that not where's the number there's no way they make it there's eight numbers push what

what do I push do I yell the number or push it there's no way they make it easy for these oldies oh my god once you're on your honor this is this is so sad I can't read I have no I can't fight this at all because everything you're pulling. I can't read. I can't read. I have no, I can't fight this at all because everything you're pulling up, I can't see. Bobby, Bobby, Jacob, I'm over here. Bobby, Jacob, I'm over here. Guys, over here. Let me be your eyes.

I want to take care of my older friends. I'm trying to get into heaven too. It sucks. 16, ultimately $16 a year after that. But you guys don't have to worry about that. You'll have a year left on your membership when Jay's getting his. That's right.

And yeah, I'll jump right in with you guys. Don't worry. And then we're going the most Caribbean on me. We'll take you to your first most Caribbean. Oh, I can't wait. Can we take the tree? Discount most, no, nobody's going to mose. Outback.

We're going to take a break. Oh, we do're gonna take a break I gotta struggle through this read as an old man. That's okay. It's a brand new one. You'll be fine Hey, check it out Jay will be at my goobies joke house in Baltimore this weekend January 25th through the 27th That's a Saturday. He's gonna be Thursday through Saturday, and he'll be in San Antonio, Columbus, Chicago and Vancouver I love Vancouver dude for. For tickets and all other tour dates, please visit bigjcomedy.com and his special is on YouTube, Dog Belly for free. Go check it out. Two million views. Robert Kelly at the Comedy Connection Providence, one of the best clubs. That's this weekend everyone with a new show added on Sunday.

All the shows are sold out. I think sold out. Only left is Sunday. Sunday. Which is going to sell out, so get your out. Only left is Sunday. Sunday. It's it. Sunday. Which is going to sell out, so get your tickets. After that point, Pleasant, New Jersey, Comics, Mohegan, Son, Connecticut, Poughkeepsie, and Houston for tickets and all tour dates. Go to RobertKelleyLive.com and go to PunchUp.Live to watch a special and a bunch of fun content over there.

And check out our YouTube page, Brad- YouTube page, YouTube.com slash at the Bonfire Radio. We'll be right back. What? We'll be right back. What? We'll be right back! I didn't, huh? You didn't even sing, are you old coot? Yeah. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Serious XM radio show.

If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robertkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle.