The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sex Patrol w/Greg Stone & Anthony DeVito

Episode Date: April 23, 2026

Big Jay is in Nashville so Bobby has to host alone and runs into a 90's rap star in the hallway. Greg Stone enters the studio late and fully flustered. Hilarious comic Anthony DeVito tries to corral Greg because he mentally goes off the rails. | Greg pretends that he had a bag of action figures to gift to the crew but forgot them at home. Then he overshares sex tips that he uses on his wife. | Anthony once prowled his neighborhood looking for teens having sex in cars. He called his vigilante troop "The Sex Patrol." *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. He's like dancing from his soul. What's up? Everybody. A little gas face. Yeah, you love the gas face, Bob. I do, man. I love third base. No, you love gas.

I do. Oh, yeah. I get it. There was a little dig in there. I liked that. There was a little dig. I had terrible gas. yesterday, but I was sneaking it out.

You remember when you used to leave the studio and run out when you had to? Yeah, but I couldn't yesterday. Jay was in the middle of a story. I didn't want to be rude. All right, that's fair. That's fair. Jay was in the middle of a story and I snuck it out. It was like, and I piecemealed it. I could have done that whole thing all at once, which would have been terrible and maybe made a noise, but I let a little bit out and a little bit out.

You know, a little tiny bit and then a little tiny bit, and I held it for like five minutes. That is pretty thoughtful. I do have respect for you guys. And Jacob wasn't here. We just saw him, MC Search. Was it outside? No.

Outside, right? Yeah, search. Yeah, I used to love this band. This is my joint. Oh, my God, he's so fat. He's fat now, yeah. Everybody's fat now. It's the saddest part about life.

Everybody just gets bigger. Even if you're not fat, you just get big, like your head gets bigger. Your nose. Everything gets bigger as you get older and you can't help it. Unless you really just lose all body fat.

Even Tom Cruise is getting big. Trying to think it's still somebody who age didn't really affect and they still look very slim. Brad Pitt, I guess, but he's not as slim. He got bigger a little bit. This is that natural bloat. Yeah, just natural bloat in your face. It just happens. We just saw him outside, MC Search.

I was going to run up to him. Christine knows. I have no fear of celebrity interactions. To the point where me and Jay have crossed the street to get away from the way you're interacting with them. You guys walk away from me. You guys literally,

I heard you go, no, no, Bobby, no. You tried to stop me. Yeah, well, you were yelling, Jimmy Fallon was walking ahead of us and you were yelling Jimmy on the street. I know Jimmy. I know him. I know, no, the way that you're constantly.

Comority when you caught up to him. I was like, I would look at them getting along. I'll tell you, I was a little nervous because when I ran up to him, I was like, Jimmy, he had to look at me and remember who I was. And then he looked at. Hey, he did the hay. He didn't say Bobby. I had to say my name just to let you know. I was Bobby Kelly.

And he's like, Bobby, let's go. And then it all tumbled down. Well, from across the street, it looked like you guys were the best of friends. Well, we became best of friends again, again. This is one thing about celebrities I met him doing the Oh my head's itchy Oh God, why is my head itchy

That was weird That felt like just something Attacked my head That was weird What if I have a stroke right now And just die Um Greg Stone would be a perfect fit

You know, I think he's slipping into this chair real quick And then we'd have to talk about Action figures for two hours You guys would have to fight Five different comics I can do it You know I can't

You know, a lot of different comedians are getting in touch with me because Sebastian took over, is taking over raw comedy. I know one. Yeah, you did, right? Yeah. Rich Voss. Yeah, and also. Lenny. Who?

Lenny Marcus? I'm not saying, but I'm nodding. Okay. Well, that's weird. You made me say it, you piece of crap now. I have to tell everyone, he's not the boss. You know, he doesn't come into the office and take your comedy off the radio. I don't consider that.

I actually consider him on my boss now. Yeah, there he is. Ladies and gentlemen, Greg Stone and Anthony DeVito, the great... I call them a couple. I say comedy duo. You know, because you have one hilarious. You have the other one hilarious.

Put them together. It's an explosion of good comedy. You sound like you're pitching us, Bobby. I am. I'm trying to pitch you. I'm trying to get your show at Sebastian Station. You guys know Sebastian the new boss around here? Put your headphones on, so yeah Put you, you got them on.

Are they on? Hi, sweetie, how are you? Oh, look at this. What's going on? It's rushed, man. Buddy, you, you are going, you just letting it gray happen. I'm letting it go, man. Man, you really, you just let it go down quick, brother.

Wow. What do you do? What should I do a thing? Well, here's a thing you could do. And if I had hair, I would do it. I would use the medicine. Oh, okay. I would dye it out.

Oh, all right. Yeah, I would dye my hair. If I had hair, I would die it. I can't just dye a beard. I'd look whacked. Yeah, it always looks crazy. It looks a little crazy. It's so unsettling.

Yeah, it looked like a UFC announcer. UFC fighter announcer. And now, coming to the ring. But you have beautiful Italian hair. It's so beautiful. Please. And you could just dye that real quick. I could ruin this.

You could wash that gray right out of there, and nobody would know the difference. Look at your – here's why. Your eyebrows haven't gone gray yet. That is true. You got dark Ben Shapiro eyebrows. And his views. We share so much. Yeah, so you would go straight black with this thing.

I would go – I wouldn't go black. Okay. I would go maybe a lighter black. Like, you know, I'd wash it out a little bit. Yeah, wash it out. Wash it out. Because you have a young face. Greg?

Hey, buddy. Keep doing what you're doing. Absolutely nothing. Why do you look like you just ran here? Because. Anthony looks like he strolled here and got here 20 minutes early. I ran here. Okay.

And he got here 20 minutes early. No, actually, this is a classic Anthony Gregg situation. I am running late. Everything falls apart. I get here pounding in sweat. He's on the couch just like, we're good, man. you're good and then we walk in together

at the exact same time way two different energies yeah your energy is manning oh I'm gonna die it feels like you just killed a man Greg looks like Leslie Jones after our set

did you see this and then I came in running late freaking out I grabbed the microphone somehow I broke the microphone well you grabbed it you grabbed it aggressively and the mic was on

so it was just going through the airwaves so everybody was just hearing you go that's what that that was Greg It seemed too violent. 20 years into the business of show just grabbing the head of a microphone. You all right, dude?

Take a breath, dude. There's some water right there. You want to splash it down the back of your neck, cool down? Oh, man, yeah, I'm good. Well, I know. There's nothing worse, dude, when you're, you know, and I'm not, look, we're both a little heavy, right? We're a bit heavy guys.

You know, Anthony is one of those gifted little Italians that has an Al Pacino body. You know what I mean? Just always a little guy body. You know, and it's so funny because that chair is for little guy bodies. He's sitting in Jacob's chair. And, you know, we can put on a little bit here and there. Easily.

And there's nothing worse than a day like today when you don't realize how hot it's going to be. It feels nice. But if you have to run or do anything anywhere, that sweat just happens. You hear this? Also, this microphone is right into my nose. So all you're going to... Greg is going to die on air. I'm going to die.

I feel good. Sounds like you're wearing a CPAP machine. I'm not going to touch it, Lou. I'm very afraid. Lou's trying to help you out. Also, I brought, I didn't bring anything. You didn't bring anything? I had planned so many things.

I had a gift for everyone in this room. Ran out of my house with a bike, except Anthony. He didn't get one. I had a different action figure for every single person, including Jacob. And then I ran out of that house without him. Was Jacob smaller than everybody else's action figure? It was a one I swapped in the box. It's a G.I. Joe with a Barbie inside.

Because I think that's who he is. That is the greatest description of Jacob. I think I've ever heard. He's a G.I. Joe with a Barbie inside. Has anyone ever been out at his trans on the bonfire? I just more like, more the blonde and big titty than trans. More, you know, a beautiful woman. Yeah, he's hot.

He's hot chick inside. He's a tall hot chick inside. but a short man inside who's miserable. This is the thing, too. They say, like, this is my thing about trans. This is going to be horrible. No one's going to like this. I'm going to say it without even.

I'm glad we're getting into this minute one. Hear me out, right? Everyone's like, well, I'm a man on the outside. I'm willing on the inside. No, how about this? How about you just two things? I'm two things. I'm many things.

Are you coming out right now? I think this idea of being a thing. I'm a many things. I'm a man. I'm a child. I'm a dog. I'm a woman. I'm all the things.

What? I'm a many things. You're a dog? I'm the big dog What kind of action figure would you have? Transformer, of course Triple changer I'm a man, I'm a woman, I'm a train

Optimus Grime What am we actually Go ahead, Bobby, please No, it's all right No, please Bobby, you go Yeah, for God's sakes Bobby, you go Would you just fucking go already? My God

I'm trying not to fart in the studio right now The crew has me scared in my butt. They really, they fart-shamed me every day. No, I'm saying you came in, you're like, we got gifts. I got gifts for everybody. Don't you know that when you have gifts for everybody and you forget the gifts? You're not supposed to tell them about the gifts? Maybe this is the first day you've met me.

There's not a thing I can keep behind the wall that is my mouth. If it's there, it's coming out, baby. I can't cheat on my wife. She would know the minute I did. I'd call her like, I'm fucking somebody else, can you believe it? She'd like, no. Who? And how?

How are they doing it? Because I'd like to know. That's what my wife would say. Oh, bitch. I love her. She's great. I like coming in with his energy. The dog and you came out.

The dog, the train, the girl, and the guy. I'm on the rails, brother. What were the action figures you were going to give? You explained what you were going to give to Jacob. What were you going to give to everyone in the room? Yeah, please go. So some aren't so good, but some are pretty good. Christine has a X-Men, a retro figure, Rogue, because it was the only woman I had available.

Right. So I think that works. She's a woman and you're a woman. What did Rogue do? She would take her gloves off and she'd touch you and she'd melt you, brother. Oh, the one that you can't touch. Yeah. And none of us can touch her.

Jay would understand that. He'd J wears gloves. There's something there. I get it. Yeah, yeah. You, this one is not really so much as you because I had... Do me last. Do you last?

Do me last. That's what you say every time in the three-year. Yeah, that's why. I like a tired, I like a tired of you. I don't like this energy when you're doing me. Bobby is always the headliner. Black Lou, I like to just call regular Lou. I still will never be comfortable with that.

I'm so sorry. Can I say something? You can just call him Lou. But they told me. Who's they? Nobody said that. It's a trans community has been telling me to only refer to him as Black Lou. And I'm not comfortable with it.

Well, don't say it. Just call him Lou. response to both. You have a question, Anthony. Why is the trans community deciding that he needs to be black loo? You don't understand, Anthony. That's fine. That's fine. Yeah, you don't get it. I'm always behind the curve in terms of a thought. These white guys don't get it. They always just want to jump in. You two woke bastards. I'm on the phone with the trans community every night. I do a check-in and I do a close down. I call up, I go, what's up today? And they go, this was said, that was said, and I go and I do a close down. I go, good night trans trans community. And they're

Good night, Gregory. And I go to sleep. I love that you did the voice halfway through. Good night, Gregory. Not everyone can call me Gregory. But the trans community can. Of course they can. That's the only way they know to say it, Gregory.

So Lou's is a little crazy. When I'm going to say crazy, it was a GI Joe. I think his name is Heavy Duty. He has a full fucking anti-tank missile thing he's holding. And he has a backwards hat because in my head, I went, Lou, always has a blackwards hat on. A blackwards? A black words back. Wow.

He's a black word hat. The trans community also makes sure that Greg says that as well. They always say to me, they say, look, you can be transphobic as long as you're more racist. This way nobody knows this. I'm going to call it blackwood's hat from now on. That makes so much sense. So he has a backwards hat on it. And I was like, this is just like him because he always has a backwards hat.

I've never seen him with a hat. I say this. My producer, Adam, this guy, Prince Adam. He's great. He goes, I've never seen him. From England? from England. He lives there and he won't come back. After COVID, you know, people just stayed

where they were. All right. He's like, I've never seen him in a hat. I go, this guy wears a hat every time. And then I Google him, not a fucking day have I seen you with a backwards hat? But in my mind, you're a backwards hat guy. Early bonfire days, that was a backwards hat guy. Were you? Yeah, wore a Cowboys hat all the time.

Yes. So technically correct. Absolutely. You would have saw that figure and you would have had nostalgia. You would have been like, this is great. This is who I was. Thank you. Okay. So what about, you have to say DJ, though, because there's two loose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to say Black Lou, but you can say DJ, though. Yeah, yeah. Your is a little shitty, but I think you would have loved it most.

It was a Ken Danico figure that was abused to shit. Because in my heart, you're a devil's fan, but I believe you're actually a Rangers fan. I'm a baseball fan. Well, that was rough. The whole way was off. So you really would have been upset. How did you just feel this? No, because in my mind, I always see you in a New Jersey, Devil's jersey, and then I go, wait, he corrects me. that he says I'm a Rangers fan I want to know how you two are friends I mean it's two different personalities I think you're kind of seeing it in an action you just see you watch a wild dog loose and you know like that's hilarious it's so fun yeah and you just go back and pick up his dog shit when he's done exactly there you go that is really it so why why did you

think he was a hockey fan in my mind he is a New Jersey devil's jersey on every time I see him okay from New Jersey and I'm passionate so thank you yeah okay that's fair enough right look I'm trying You're doing great, man. My brain is fried. All right, what were you going to get me? Yours was a three piece. Oh, three piece.

Like the trans community? Okay, so I have a Mescoe Batman from the old school Batman because I swear to God you didn't have good toys growing up. What the fuck does that mean? He's spread into everybody's so wrong. It's so funny. First of all. You didn't have toys or a good child.

I had toys, Greg. You had sticks and lollipop, old lollipop. There was a period where my mom gave me a spoon for a year or so. Yeah. But that spoon had a name in the face. It was a high-end Batman figure from the old Batman, like the old school Batman. Like it's an old school one. Yeah.

But that was just because it's so fucking nice. But really what I also have you is it was two kingpin figures. Well, there hits you why. Wait for it. I know why. You don't know why. I do know why. You don't know why.

Because I'm chubby and bald. No. Why? Because you used to be chubby and bald. That's the same thing. No, because there was a big one. Okay. And then there's the Vincent Thanafrio one, which is significantly smaller.

And I wanted you to look at them and look at yourself and say, look how far I've come. All right. Well, listen, Vince DiNavrio is not my goal waste. But his figure is based, it's not really based on his body. But long story short, you didn't do any of this. Left it all in a red bag. Yeah. Santa comes to the tree and goes, fuck, I left my red bag, but I'll still take a nibble of a cookie.

So we're never going to see these. Yeah, next time. I'm always here every six months or a year, every six years. Every three and a half years? Yeah, let's look at the figures. So that's the Hawkeye. Wait a minute. That's not Hawkeye.

That's not Hawkeye. I don't know what your point on. That's not it. The ones that are all the way of the left. That's him. That's my kingpin. Yeah, significantly smaller. Hawkeye Kingpin.

Lose a lot of weight. It looks like me. I don't like that. That's still fat. That's why I got you, the Batman as a backup. Because you look at that, it's worth so much money. Why couldn't you get me like, what's the guy with the bulls-on? You were your bullseye?

Yeah, he was bald? When's the last time you've ever thrown anything? He's also not bald. Dude, I've been married. You know many things I throw at her? Bullseye doesn't throw stuff at his wife. He throws his enemy. He did, and she died.

And she did die. Yeah. I don't know if that's true, but I don't care. I like Bullseye. Bullseye is awesome. He hits everything. He does everything. Was Will Smith Bullseye?

No. No, who was he? Hancock. He was Iman and Hancock. No, but in the... I man. He was I man. He was I man.

You're going so fast. I gotta slow down. I can't. Greg, listen to me. Who was Will Smith in the last superhero movie he did where he hit everything? Hancock, Anthony said. No, it's not Hancock. He was like Superman. Oh, yeah, dead shot.

Dead shot. That's right. It's the same thing as bull's eye. Nope. But they do this. One is a black man. And race is everything. Okay.

If you see past race, you're not seeing who these people are and you're not acknowledging them. But in the superhero world, they, they, They mimic each other, right? No, no. Everyone's different. Well, one's bull's eye and one is dead eye? Dead shot. Dead shot.

Yeah, he could did everything. Like, well, you could hit anything he wants. Billsai could hit anything he wants, too. Yeah, but you eat, I eat. Those are similar things. We're not the same. That doesn't. I'm not a good co-host.

We're talking. Yes, and nothing. You're fantastic. You're fantastic. But why don't you want to, but one is a different, one is one comic strip and the other is a different comic. two different comic strips. They're not in the same universe. I don't know. World War 2 just happened and Bobby's got his Sunday papers. Dude.

That was okay. Thanks, I think. But Marvel and DC have very similar superheroes. Sometimes yeah. Right? Because they steal from each other. Yeah, sure. Is it? Isn't that? I hate when you just look at me. Yeah, just listen. I refuse to listen. I refuse to listen to me. Bobby's trying to connect with it. I can't stop running in my mind. do not listen to that little man. You just do what you do. I'm a medium-sized side.

I'm a two-sport athlete in high school, I've you know. In high school. Yeah, well, you know. Only guy in shape of the table. What sport did you play? Basketball and soccer. You played basketball? You're goddamn right, I did.

What position? All of them. What do you, the point card? You were the point card? Yeah. Rick said all of them. That's just not, we got to always stop the car a little bit just to, you know, let them know.

Yeah, I was a good. basketball player. You were. I was. Not good enough, though, right? Well, I, what are we talking? Like, you couldn't go to college. You didn't get, like, a scholarship. Well, no, I went to the University of Miami. That would have been, uh... You would have been the... You would have been the bullseye. I would have been the duffel bag. You'd still be pulling the pussy off your shoulders, brother.

Still. Yeah. 20 years later, get it off me. A Miami man. Right? Am I right or am I right or am I right or am I right? You're right, you're right, you're always right. You're always right. You didn't play sports, right? Yes, I did. You did not.

Yes, I was. I was an aggressive inline skater. No, you went. Yeah, I went to Woodward Camp. Was sponsored by a Cedar Grove. He definitely had the aggressive part, for sure. The idea of people. This is why I love hanging out with you. Every time I'm with both of you, I found out some weird new detail that you forget to mention,

even though you don't stop telling me stuff. What? Well, I'm going so fast. You're only catching about 10% of it. What did you say? What did you do in sports, really, in high school? I swear before the Christ, my savior, your savior, everyone's savior. I was one of the best inline skaters you've ever seen in your life.

What is in line skating, great? It's like a roller blade, but it's the same. And you jump on rails and you skate down them and you do some half pipes. Yes, Anthony, he's not going to, I'm not lying you. You were not an inline skater. You want to see a video? I'll pull a fucking video up and put it up your ass right now. They're proud.

Yes, Anthony. Their price is a video of you on YouTube skating, right? I think there's one. Okay, I think we could probably get that going. So you were like a professional skater. It was a Cedar Grove skate shop, and they just gave me free wheels once. But I was sponsored by them. You were sponsored by them.

So you were really good. I was very good. And I did not know that about you. That's amazing. I gained all this weight because that's how I used to stay off the weight. By skating? By skating. So when you quit skating, you gained all the weight?

That's the cause? Okay. That was the problem. And when did you pick up figurines? Figures. I only left figures for about three years. So I was a kid who was a child. who had toys. Then I went to high school. And I'd say about senior year, I went, I'm getting back

into the old toys. What was I doing without them? And I've been going strong pretty much ever since. And now you have your own channel that you sell and buy toys. I don't sell and buy. You make? Not so much anymore because times are hard. Okay. But with time, I don't have a lot of time. Does it cost a lot of money to make a, what is it called? An action fig? Action fig? Yeah. No, it just takes a lot of time. And I don't have the kind of time with all of my writing and crushing. But don't forget your children. You're not crushing pussy, dude.

Mommy and my wife are back, baby. Oh, you're back. You're crushing your wife's pussy. Back, baby. That's great. So she's getting it now. It's like crazy, dude. Really?

Crazy. And we stopped. For a long time. Because you had two kids. No, because she doesn't like to have sex with me, I think. So what changed? What changed? Well, U-Turin.

You do casually say the saddest things I've ever heard. It just comes out. It's like... It's unbelievable. Someone would, you know, labor on that for a while after saying a sentence like that, but not you. You're just, you're on to... You're the middle of the next thing already.

Now, he stopped. Yeah. I mean, I was, I knew whatever issues that was where they are and whatever, but when it came back. How to come back? One day she just said, I'm back. And I was like, here's what I did. Can I tell you this? I'll tell you this one.

We were back. And I'm like, I'm not wasting this. I googled how to make my wife come. Let me tell you this. When I was a kid, you couldn't Google it. Why are you whispering into the microphone? Because this is how you talk sexy, Anthony. Okay.

It looks like Anthony was going to say something. Anthony can't. I'm having a great time, by the way. I'm just a belitting, man. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. So I googled it, really? Because we couldn't Google it.

How many Google things came up? Did you just go the first one? 99% of it's porn. But you have to write in the word scientifically. And then it tells you the real deal. Oh, really? And turns out I've been doing a lot of things wrong for a long time. Like what?

I was licking the walls, brother. I was nowhere near the doorbell. I'm going to throw up. Why? Was that too much? What is licking the walls? Imagine you're looking for a doorbell. Oh, okay.

I thought you were opening her vagina up and licking the inside. No, that's dirty. That's dirty. Yeah, of course you would think that. No, this is a crazy metaphor. Yeah, man. Licking the walls, not the doorbell. Walk us through that, Craig.

Well, I'll tell you this. Are you honest with you or you want me to like be fine? We want you to be honest. We want you to be honest. I just said anything. Okay. Okay. Now be funny.

So the walls would be the labia vagina or the mon's pubis. Turns out, Mon's pubis, I thought that was who led the rebellion on Curisawson. No, it's a part of the vagina. What's a mom's pubis? It's a, you'll see, start Googling it. You're going to learn so much about the vagina. I can't Google that. I bet you, your wife is just sitting here going, thanks, Bobby.

She acts the same way when Max makes like a dinner on his, like, Play-Doh thing. Here, and he goes, oh, oh, that. That's so good, but they really didn't do anything. That's what a lot of men are doing. They're not pleasuring women the way they could be if you Google it. So, Greg, please tell us, because you Google it, you can pass on the information. Oh, we got a whole chart. Oh, that's right, brother.

The Bartholomew gland is one of my favorites. I hate the word gland for, I'm going to throw up. I always ask her, I go, baby, I'm going to go lick that gland. Which gland do you want? She goes, I'm glad you gland. What is the, what is it, the Bartholome gland? The Bartholin gland. Bartholin gland is right by the bun.

That's got no, you don't got to be around there. If you're in the Botafelowland, you're in the wrong neighborhood, brother. Now, the Bartholetland is at the bottom of the piece of bacon, right? The Bartholent gland is, imagine you're in Pennsylvania and you start seeing people with wagon trains, and you're like, this is not close with a gig, this is Amish country. Right. That's where you are. But you get almond butter.

Yeah, you've got to make your way after the clitters. And that's above the door. So we have the Bartholet gland. This is what you learned? Women have a clitoris? Your big takeaway? Want me to tell you learned? Sure.

So check this out. A lot of it, 90% of it, rhythm-based. They love a rhythm. But no science behind that because they didn't do any studies on this until 2018, which means we had a black president before people started studying making women come, which I think is unbelievable. I like this music. I'm going to talk like this for the whole show.

I'm going to go to the Barthal, New Blame. I'm sorry. You just made me toot. Fine. I apologize. I tried. I tried. Mama pubis.

Where's Mama pubis? I don't see Mama Pubis on this. She's outlawed in a lot of the current things. You have to use one of my old maps. That's how you find the goals. It's like an original pirate map. Yeah, yeah. It's been edited out because it's too powerful.

I get it. I get it now. So this is the upgraded woke map. You gotta go back to like the old 1960s map. When people were just guessing. Right. What is it called again? The Mubis.

Mons? Pubis. Moms. Pubis. Where would that be on the map? I believe it's all the way up. It's like all the way up, like almost near the chest cavity. It says it here. It's just really light.

Well, right, the pubic area. Oh, so the pubic area is just the pubes. Yeah, you're not doing up to anything up there. I'm just saying I didn't know it existed. Oh, you didn't know the pubes was called mom's pubis? No, I didn't know. Did you know it was pubes? The pubos.

You don't go up there, do you? Do you lick up there? I look everywhere, brother. Ugh. I pretend I'm trying to slide her into a tight pipe. I get her all wet. That doesn't even make sense. I'll loop up that body.

I leave up that whole body with my tongue. Oh. That's one of the funniest things I've ever said And everyone's looking down Is if I embarrass myself I love the Christine Christine brought up a black vagina Just to make it

Is it or is it just Or is it just I don't know that could be racist And I won't continue Thank you All right so where do you Now you start down at the The Bartholens gland

And then where do you go from there I go to the bladder opening And I just check it out Do it your voice Tell us in your voice And then I make my way over To the bladder opening I go Are you are you working clear

I do a little checkup. I go, this isn't sexual, but I got to know if she's clogged up at all. And then I find my way over to the outer lips. I do a little work down there. If I'm going to open the hood, I'm going to make sure the oil is working. You know what I mean? The outer lips is the part around the vagina. There's the labia, right? Which is the lip lips. The inner lips, is that what they call it, right? I'm going to give you a move right now. It's going to blow your fucking mind.

Okay, I like when you talk like this. When you're going downtown, Judy Brown, do a little blow in her butthole. go, how do you do it? Like you blowing out birthday candles? One candle, it's a one-year-old. It's a one-year-old. You're blowing out a one-year-old's candy.

Okay. Why's it weird? I just picture a one-year-old. Well, it's not, you're blowing it out like you would blow out a one-year-old's cake, but you're not having, the sex part remains over the... Could you have said I'm blowing out a cake with one candle? Could you have said it that way?

I could have definitely said that way. Okay, great. That's all I'm asking. I'm just replay and say it again? No, I'm just, I know where we are now. I'm on one side, your own. the other you know I'm blowing out a cake with one candle and you're blowing out a one year old's cake I want everybody at home listening right now tonight go down on your lady give her a little blow

in the but how is it and watch her you're changing it now you're going oh you're going oh so here's the thing that's what I'm telling you guys to do but what I do because this is my own secret I go so your machine gun it yep like a like a dastardly wind how do you do it like like is there a Paredo coming? Yeah, there is. And then what? What? You haven't thought past this.

What? What do you do after you go? Do you do once or do you do... Huh? Well, I like to do it every now and again. I come back down. I blow on a little bit. Pretend it's like one of those funny candles.

It won't go out. So you blow it and then you go back up and then go, oh, that thing's still going. And you blow it again. Okay, okay. So, yeah, go down first. Now, do you do it first or do you go to the... First is weird.

Okay. I don't just go, get down, baby. And she goes, what was that? I go, there was a spider. There was a spider. I had to blow him away. That's what you would do. Okay.

You'd blow a spider away. So you go over to the, the bothland gland first. Bethelamu gland. Is it Bothalemew gland? That's what I call it. And then you go over to the bladder opening. You do a little taste test. Not a taste.

I make sure it's running. You make sure everything's in order. You actually taste some. No, I ought to taste it. Well, what are you doing? What does it taste? You say taste. I look at it and I go, are you doing there, buddy?

You clocked up. You said the word taste. When I hear taste, I think the sense tongue. When you say you look at, I think eyes. We'll have to go back to the recording. I don't think I said taste. I think you said taste. I think you said taste.

I don't believe any of you. We can take a vote. There's five people. Did he say taste? I think he said taste. This is a real Berenstein Bear situation here because the past is changing. Okay. Okay.

So you go over there, you take a little taste or a look. Looksy. A looksy. And then do you go down and give the... Usually what I'm doing now is I'm looking at the beauty. I'm looking at, I'm, I'm, I'm, licking upon, usually around the clitoris in a nice, rhythmic air, arithmetic way. Is there any way you can, like, I'm blowing on the butthole, and I have both hands on her

boobies, and I'm checking for lumps, because that's what you get when I'm going down on you. Because you get a whole deal, you get the whole deal. When you know, when you bring your cars, the brakes to get checked, and they go, hey, man, I check the oil, too. I check the oil, I check the fluids. Right, but usually they're trying to pull a scam just to get you to do the oil. That's exactly what I'm doing. You're doing a scam.

What if you're fine? a lump what are you gonna do you gonna stop everyone I run you run I just run the hell out of there you run out of there I leave my family well that's just terrible I can't deal with that why why can't you help her through it it's so sad they can't cure breast cancer now not if they don't know about it yeah but you know about it you found out about it I ran away I know but don't run away is what I'm saying stay and say hey I FYI after I got done and doing all that stuff and you had an orgasm I found a lump on your breast that's the thing and this is why I like you because you know me and my brain you're my brain

your brain, my brain works the same. I don't know about that. Don't bring him in your brain. I feel like that's an insult. But yes. I mean, I love your brain, but I love it over there. Let me tell you what we both did in that scenario. We both came before we told her.

We didn't immediately go, hey, I feel a lump. We went, something there. I'll save that for after the sex is done. And then you bring it up. Have one good session. You don't want to bring it up. If you just run out of the room, she's going to be like, what the hell happened?

And then she might never check her brush. she might not get a check for you and then then it gets crazy i'll say this she might she might not i won't know i'll be in mexico brother name change i'm out of why are you going to mexico there's so many places you go to ruba you go to a nice place now they know me in aruba do they really yeah i killed so hard at aruba rays once they still talk about me how many times you've been back one time i've only there once you never have you back

you said you too dangerous bob it was too good for the island grand opening grand closing can't have you back again so you okay so you run out after you find the lump You're in Mexico. You can't go back to Aruba. But you come back eventually to tell her. That is what you said at one point. Tell her what?

That she has a lump. No, no. Well, you're never going to tell her? I can't handle that kind of... I can't handle that sadness, you know? I tell my kids to tell her. But it's not... That is the fucking meanest thing about her, Greg.

Tell your mother, she might have something. And they're going to go, what do you mean? What's a lump on the breast, Dad? They don't know. Exactly. They don't know. How old are your kids? I don't know, 30. No.

How old are your kids? Two and four. Do they speak? Why are you lying about this? By one year. No, that's right. You don't know how old are you? No, he is right.

I was wrong. Yes, I'm right about my own children. To be fair, you've lied about everything else on the podcast. And I'll continue to. It's not a podcast. It's a radio show. So stop lying. So you run down in Mexico.

And then you're going to call your kids. Do they know how to answer the phone? Do they have their own? Are they going to... No, I call my wife. Call you wife. And she goes, where have you been? I go, shut up.

Oh, really? Why are you so mean to her? She has cancer. She's going so... She says there and listens to me. If I have to talk to her for hours before I get the kid in the phone. Okay, so you say shut up. Shut up.

Okay. You know, I let to leave. I leave town. Put one of my sons on the phone. Oh, you do this. She knows. Every time something bad happens, I run. What?

Like, you spill milk and you just leave? I'll tell you this. Tax day? Is it 15th? Yeah. I'm out of here, brother. I forgot the fucking file. I don't know if I'm going home tonight.

Are you going to Mexico tonight? I might be. She told me, she said, did you get all your W-9s? And I went, yeah. I did not. You ever filed? No, we're fucked.

We're fucked. I'm fucked. I'm a dead man, brother. But you could just bring it to a like one of those places. Mexican are you going to say? No. Why are they playing that music then? Because you're in Mexico.

You're going to Mexico. He's trying to assimilate you into your new habit. Habitat that you're going to be living in tomorrow. Yes. All right, listen. You can just bring your taxes over to H.R. Hutton or some shit. HARTIN. Whatever it is.

I don't know what it's called. I like to go to H.R. Hutton. We do your taxes or some shit. Hang on. Yeah, she's dead. Why can't you just bring your taxes in? Just bring all your stuff. I could.

I know. They'll cost like 150 bucks, right? Did you do your tattoo? You did yours. Of course you did your nerd. Why how did you guys become friends? I don't understand it. You have your shit so together and you don't.

It seems like. We're the exact opposite and the exact same. Yeah. How is that? Explain that. He laughs at all the things I say are funny. Everything I think is funny. He thinks is funny.

Right. What about him? We both sense. Oh, he doesn't think is the funniest man who's ever lived. You think he's the funniest man I've ever met my life. You as well. Okay. You don't have to add me.

I appreciate it, but you don't have to throw it. I don't have to hurt him. You're not going to hurt my feelings. You can say that he's the hands-down, funniest person you've ever met. Yeah. You ever tell you some classic funny shit this guy's known? I would love to hear that. I love what this is the problem with Greg comes in hot, loses energy, his blood sugar goes down, and he's going to look at us at one point and go, I got nothing.

And it's on me and you. It's going to be crying. I hope we're going to have to pull into the pit stop, but we're going to have to put your tires on in a couple minutes. It's totally fine. Just get ready for a different speed. That's all. Wow. Listen, so yeah, I would love to hear a couple funny things that he did. Anthony was part of the Sex Patrol.

What? Sex Patrol? I don't know what the Sex Patrol was. They were people who had police the park in Bloomfield, New Jersey, looking for people to have sex to shine their high beams on them. What do you mean? A lot of people like to have sex in their car. Okay.

And then Anthony and his crew of mangy rascals would drive around the park. And they'd go sex patrol. And they'd high beam the people having sex. Are you? Did you really? You were a sex rat? It was a very funny thing to do that we would be on the Sex Patrol beat. Okay. This isn't like a, you guys didn't have outfits.

Like, you didn't have jackets. No, no. We didn't have that kind of money. We wouldn't have. I mean, it's not that much money to get a jacket. You're not wrong. I mean, Lou has a shirt. You can have a coat.

I say we get sex patrol shirts for you guys. I'll get it up and running again. I'll see if the boys still, you know, want to do it? Are you taking a group? Because me and my two sons would like to be there. I'm not going to elicit your two children for the sex patrol. They can't do a ride-along with the sex patrol? What the fucking wrong with you?

That's a show. Cops, but sex patrol, and it's a ride-along. With children. These dirty streets, they're looking for anybody at 17 years old trying to bang someone not in their parents' house. Hey, kids, you ever see two guys go at it in a Hyundai? Look over to the right. They're crying.

She's crying Yeah, sex patrol And you did have a Statue Liberty mask That I think you guys would wear Wait a minute, this is a real thing You guys, you and your, this is just a goof This is something you and your wife started

In the community I wish I'd love to get into something like that But no, yeah, we had a lot of masks at one point Why did you Why did you wear a mask? I don't know, Bobby A lot of it's a bit of a fog

What kind of mask did you wear? We definitely had a Central Liberty mask. Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman, that's right. Oh, that's frightening. It was horrifying. Well, this is a terrible thing that we did, which we thought was a hilarious prank. One of our friends was, I think it was a crime, actually.

One of our friends was getting money out of an ATM, and we thought it would be so funny. What if we go pretend like we're robbing her from behind? This is a woman alone. It's her. Yeah, this is a young woman alone. I'm going to tell you right now, fucking hilarious. If it was a guy, I'd be like, not so funny. That is a girl who's probably frightened anyways, hilarious.

You know a woman alone getting money at an ATM. A couple guys behind her in a Dennis Rodman and Statue of Liberty Mask going, give us your money. And she runs away horrifying. And what we thought was funny was we were both going to the same party. So then we showed up like 20 minutes later. She's shaking on a couch. And we're like, what happened?

That was our idea of a boy, my sensibilities changed over. time. Yeah. If you don't say, just kidding, it's me, then it was exactly what you thought it was. Exactly. Yeah. It would have been real funny if you showed up at the party with the masks on. Now, did you, do you, told her, of course? Yeah, we told her.

Did you? We told her, no, we did tell her, we didn't tell her, like, immediately because we were like, hold on to this. Yeah, hold on to this fucking awesome jam. She's shiverick. And then we were like, good news. It wasn't, it was your friends, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. Didn't you and I find someone's, like, VHS, like, video camera and then, like, record ourselves on a 50-yard dash, and it was, like, over their high school graduation? Yeah, that was a... What was that? Yeah, that wasn't a great move. It was somebody's high school graduation. Now, we were making, like, a... Like, some kind of movie or sketch, and we were like, ah, they don't need this piece of shit.

It was their graduation, and then it's just a Greg and I's stupid movie. But I don't know. We watched again. I don't think we did. I think we left the tape there. I wonder if she ever looked at it like, oh, I'm going to, hey, I want to show my child my high school graduation. And then it's just a 16-year-old Anthony and Greg doing sex patrol retakes.

Yeah, that's why we probably should have drank in high school. Yeah. You know? You guys need a show. You need to get all this creativity out because it's bottled up inside you, especially you. You need to get it out. We need to get you a show.

You think we should just get a show? I never thought about that. Yeah. I'm saying this. Yes. I say we just do one. What was the mall? What was the prank at the mall? Oh, one of my classic favorites of you. Well, I know. I was there both there. We both got dressed up.

How long have you guys been friends? About six months. Six months, did you say? Anthony, how long have you been friends? Since high school. Okay, great. Thank you. Jesus Christ. He blood sugar dropped. Ten minutes ago, he went to... Since high school. We were shot out of his face.

Then we tried to lick. my pussy. You should have seen. You should have to go back to before Greg came in the building, there's a bunch of people at the lobby, and Greg was so manic, and he was just shaking the glass doors. The people inside must have been like, oh, we're going to die. That was the Wu-Tang clan. He put fear into the hearts of the Wu-Tang clan. The security guy was like, you better sign. That's what Jay calls it when there's ever, like, six or more black guys in the lobby. He just calls it Wu-Tang. Which is pretty much every day here, it's here. This place is turning into an improv.

Well, all right, so tell me what happened, the best. Yeah, we were, for instance, high school. And I'm trying to, there was a prank at the, what was it at the mall? That's what I was trying to get to. So what we did was, this is pre-phones and people doing bits. This is pre-jackass, pre-all-that. You guys started it. We had a little camera, and Anthony and I got dressed.

We said, let's go to Macy's and dress like we work there. And we'll just help customers. and then we went to Macy's and I started reorganizing the comforters Anthony jumps behind the register he looks at the lady he goes hey you can go on break and then he just starts like smacking the keys and like trying to take customers telling people to take their break yeah and then I swear to God you guys filming this yeah oh good but the cameraman was like we can tell nervous he would turn the camera away this so the camera was our friend Darren and we were trying to hide the

camera, but we didn't think of anything through ahead of time. So one of us had a windbreaker, so he wrapped the camera around this windbreaker, and he looked so odd, because he just was like a normal-looking guy, but then he had this green windbreaker that he was just pointing around. Like an active shooter.

Yeah, he's looking at an actor shooter. Yeah. Yeah, and then we went to, I'm going to remember this. It's so funny, we all had the same bit, and you were going to get it out, I was going to say, and then Greg shot it, active shooter, and they looked at all this. I got it. That's mine. That's a Greg one. It's yours.

If you're putting the points up, Lou, that's a Greg won. Yeah, can we count the points, please? Greg has 75. You win. Have some more coffee. You don't, when you stop? Order. You don't have anything.

You don't have attention deficit. I have it. I just found out that I have ADHD. Just found out. All right. I found out a couple years ago. You found out when you were failing through high school. I could have told you.

They didn't have that in high school. I literally found out. I have adult ADHD. and I've been white knuckling my dumb life. I'm going to start taking something. 99% of comedians. Yeah, take it's great. Do you take it?

Oh, yeah. Well, I'm going to go back to this story. Is that what's happening right now? How many did you take today? Oh, I take them all. Did you take one? They give me a bottle. I go, I'll do the bottle for the month.

You know, like, I gave me a month. I take it one day, and I just ride it out. Like, you just, you take it all in one day. Yeah. Like, you put all the food down for your cat and he'll just have enough. I put that, but my belly. So that's something like 600 million. I just, I just go.

Like, today was an Adderall day. Today was the day you took a day. Thursday ain't shit getting done, brother. I'll be in the bed crying. I call it wet blanket Greg. It's like I got a wet blanket and I can't move. Your wife comes in the room, but what's going to happen with my Bartholomew, Glenn? Is no one going to lick it?

Oh, yeah, you can get a vibrator at CVS now, guys. Did you know that? Well, that's been for a long time. Wild. Yeah, I know that. You know what I used to use before that? I've said this before, electric toothbrush. If you bought one of those little electric toothbrushes and you put a little like a baggie over the end.

A baggie? Yeah, you don't have to. And you, because you want to use the toothbrush. You want to just throw it out. You put a little bag. Right on the clitoris. If you're ever in a jam. At a hand.

If you're in a jam on the road and you need to use a vibrator on the road. If you need to make your woman come in prison. That's why he's the funniest motherfucker around here. Give one. Give one to Anthony. Put a big one up. Let me tell you this. What you do is you take the toothbrush

and then you put it on the bottom of your throat, like one of those people who's like, how are you knowing? And then you go down on your lady and it makes your whole mouth vibrate. You electrify your own jaw. Have you never done that? No, of course I've never done that.

Why would I do that? You call the trap jaw. You make it, they don't call it the trap jaw. All right, you just did. You just made that up. That's not the thing. You say, sure. What's anything?

Well, I mean, certain things have names for reasons. They come up with it. Look up trap jaw. Can I ask you? It's going to be a disease. It'll show it. It's not going to show it. Please don't make Christine look up trap jar.

It's not going to come up. Also, feel free to disregard everything I say. No, don't do it. Actually, go with everything he says. Listen, so you put electric toothbrush on the bottom or you just see yet? Yeah, trapjaw from Heman. Yeah. One of my favorites.

I really just wanted to watch the new He-Man trailer. Take that off because he'll look at his 80s. Look this way. She's kind of raid him in. Look this way. Yeah, that's my way. Don't show Greg any TV. That's my way.

Stop looking at now. He's just looking at the TV. I'm very excited about the new Heat Man movie. Yeah, we were talking about that the other day. We had to go back to what the thing Anthony did that we 80-80ed right to hell out. You took us to Trapjaw and then He-Man. It's not us. Well, I'm going back.

Okay, we'll go back. We took our stop and the rest stop. Let's get back on my highway. Where were we? We were at the mall. At the mall. Okay. And when you did one of the funniest things, so we were doing that at Macy's.

Then we went to the Dippin' Dots, ice cream of the future stand, and you walked up to the, there was one person there, and you went, I'm from corporate here to help with sales. And the guy went, what? And then he just started scooping ice cream and looking at people going, he started rapping. He was like, it's the ice cream in the future, y'all. People were like, this guy's like, fuck it, man, do whatever you want. He just let him do it. Yeah, they were just like, well, he's from corporate. I mean, not for nothing.

You do have corporate energy. Yeah, put it to use, yeah. Yeah. Then we went to... You guys used to have a lot of fun. Oh, yeah. We really did. Yeah, this sounds like a blast.

Oh, remember we made a woman sign up for the three-way? Oh, yeah. This was great. This was our sexual period. Which I never left. I saw I'm staying for the rest of my life. So here's what we did for the three-way. We went to a TGI Fridays, and we just would approach women and we would say, listen, whatever you want, we would, if you would like to be a three-way, we would offer it.

Now, I get it. We're not great to look at. We have a sign-up. sheet over there. Feel free to, we had sign-up sheet. Feel free to sign up, but here's what we offer. Continental Breakfast. Natalie Merchant. That's right.

We will play 10,000 maniacs, Natalie Merchant. I'm in. Yeah. It's a great deal. I'm pretty sure Christine's in, too. Are you in? Does this offer still stand? It's always up. I think the side-up sheet's still there.

We will make you laugh. We will make you cry. We will make you want a little more. Anyway, we did approach a few people and they were all laughing so hard. People signed up. But did you ever do the three-way? No, we chickened out very hard.

That's what was great. There were people our age just having three-ways, and we were like, wouldn't that be hilarious? So you guys, you came up with a business plan. Yeah, we did come up with a business plan. It was a good pitch. Yeah, the three-way sign-up sheet. Is any of this on video?

No, it's on our head video. You didn't videotape. If you know if you videotaped any of this stuff, you guys would be huge stars right now. Let me tell you this. Yep. When you watch something that's on video. What happens next?

I'll tell you, don't answer. It goes to your memory. I need a tissue. You're making boogas come out. You go in so fast. My nose is running. You watch the thing on video. Then it goes to your memory.

Yeah. We cut out the middleman. We just tell you. And then that goes right to your memory. No need to see the video. But if you have, my point is this. You're seeing it live from our mouth. I agree with you.

But if you videotaped this and you had it on video with the way the world is now, these videos would be viral. And people would be like, oh, my God, these guys have to do more. And then you guys, as you look now, which I'm pretty sure it was pretty similar to what you look back then, I'm sure you guys didn't have any growth spurts. And you guys could go do more stuff. You'd be like famous now. Like Jackass videotaped it. Yeah.

Right? Jake Paul videotaped all these things. The guys from Impractical Jokers did all their videos. If you had this on video, we could have something here. Yeah. Okay. guys we didn't have cameras we don't have the camera i had a can i'm just sad i know dvm video cassettes those were the little little guys little tiny guys yeah right and then you'll be you'll be for

your time that's it yeah and then people didn't want to put us on tv because they they're because of the woke the woke media that's not that's that's that's i drag i'm sorry i don't have a time i do not think woke started in 2004 i'm pretty sure it was no i don't we were The cutting edge of being canceled for awokenness. No, I'm pretty sure. I was on Ope and Anthony at the time. Howard Stern was Howard Stern at the time. I'm pretty sure it was not woke.

Because back then, woke was the opposite of what you guys were doing. It was we were too nice. Woke was like, these guys are two not racist and too kind. Right, okay. And that was where bag of dick days, remember everyone said to bag a dick. Hey, look at guy, bag of dick, bag of AIDS. What? Everyone.

In 2001 to 2006, love to say the word bag of dick, bag of AIDS. I never heard that. I didn't know that. I think people were just being mean to you. Yeah, they were. Yeah, they were just calling you a bag of dicks and a bag of AIDS. Yeah, it wasn't a good time for my life. Oh, it's all right.

But I'm back. What if we stuck in my wife again? What? All right. Let's not go backwards. Let's not go backwards. I call her crazy things. Okay, what, like what? Deborah.

Debra. Is that her name? No. What's her name? Her name is some Asian shit, dog. I'm like what? Ping pan. Oh my God.

What are you doing? What are you doing? You can't be this guy anymore. You can call her pink pan. I know. Her name's not ping-pang. And it's not. That's not even close to Ty.

My wife is Ty. Yeah. But I'm afraid to give her name on the radio because people are going to look her up and masturbate to her photos on Google. Is she hot, right? Oh, she's hot as hell. Yeah. Ty, that's, it's so, yeah.

My wife's tithes are so big. She, her tithes enter the door before her body does. It's like, those don't seem like good tities. Dead long. She doesn't know how to walk. Okay. No, my wife's a great woman. Yeah, okay, we get that.

Yeah, but she's got big tities. Not really. Okay. All right. I don't know what to take here. It's all for Anthony. All of this is to make Anthony laugh. And Christine, too.

I don't look because when she laughs, I feel like it's a big one. But I don't look because I'm clocking them. You can hear when Chris is going to go. I'm clocking the Christine once. Right. Do you live in Wayne now? I should have said that.

Buddy, what the fuck is that? You just screamed out a random question. Buddy, listen to me. Look at me, Greg. Spatel look. Greg, Greg, you're good, man. It's good. What the fuck is happening?

What were we talking about? Scams? You're talking about the size of your wife's. Why was I talking about my wife? Because you brought up her tits. You said you had sex again. You having tits, and her tits are huge. They go out of the door before she gets there.

And then I said, are they big? And you said, no, they're not that big. And then you said, you live in Wayne. And then that was it. You can't tell people. That went back. What? Can't give out.

Do you? I can't hear you. You can't get around people's addresses. It's not the address. It's actually just a town. People will look. They'll go and they'll go here. Where is she?

I don't think they're going to go street by street. No, you just clock every Starbucks because eventually everyone gets Starbucks. Well, you're right. Christine, you want to find Christine. You go to the Starbucks at any point of the day. She might be there. But again, she mostly has it delivered. So you'd have to follow the guy to the house.

I'll say this, though. My wife's parents live in Wayne. I'm in Wayne like 80% of the time. You just said it. That is just weird. I'm sorry. You just tell me that. What's going on?

You just told everyone where your wife's parents live. Yeah, I mean, what are you doing? No, but they're fast as hell. They'll get away. Because they're tied. They're going to tie. You know, you know, his wife's parents, ping pong and boop-bip. Yeah, very close to robots.

Dope and top and fort. What? That got racist. I was trying to do a robot one. They did a fucking crazy Asian one. My God, Pumby, put a bullet in my head. You just went, you just were full races. Never seen a comedian try to make a right wing pivot, but can't do it.

So great. God damn it, Greg. I love him so much. It makes me so happy. Look at, he's fading, though. Look, he's staring at him. I'm just thinking about what would my wife say if she heard about any of this? She's not going to hear any of this.

No, she's not. She follows my career. I could give it to her. Good, sad. Good. She'll laugh. Yeah. My wife doesn't, he's so crazy.

doesn't watch anything I do. It's the best. It's the best. I love it. That is nice. I don't think my wife thinks I'm talented. Same. I think you're talented.

She doesn't even ask me how my sets are. Like, how was it that night? She just says, hi, hi. I just did four shows at the cellar. Nothing? You don't want to know anything? Nope. Just give me that money.

Do you get this one? My wife has the kids, right? She has the kids. I get home off the road. And she's like, take the kids, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, I was like, honey, I was just on the road.

road all weekend. And she was like, yeah, I was with the kids as if what I'm doing, I was just a vacation. Buddy, let me just say something to you. Yeah? Unless you Chappelle, you worked an hour. 40 minutes. No, I'm featuring. 25. All right, 25. You work 25 minutes. Sometimes hosting, 15. So you're in the room. You go get breakfast. You go get breakfast. And then you go back and nap. And then you watch TV. And then all day. And then you go back and take another nap after lunch and then you go to the show what around seven and then you do 25 minutes and then you're done no i'm sitting there missing my wife the whole time and that's a lot of energy i'm thinking about i'm missing my children i'm masturbating like a guy who's going to prison because they know they

won't let you masturbate in prison i've heard i've heard you can masturbate in prison that's the main thing you can do that's actually that's actually the preferred choice of you don't want to do the other thing in prison what's prison in your head what's prison in head what's my wife's my wife It's my marriage. I thought you loved your marriage. I thought you loved your life. Yeah, but it's a prison. It's a nice prison.

Okay. It's not a prison. You love being married. You love having kids. Oh, of course. Yeah. But that's not funny. You know, it's funny?

Doing almost racist bits about your wife, because you know she'll never hear it. What's your name again? I don't know. Sheen Yang? She? Sheen Yang? My wife has the same name as this like dance group that comes from China. I know he's going to...

BT. Shang Wang? Wait. Shang Wang? Not Shang Wang. If I wasn't married to Shang Wang. Yeah. I would love her.

He's the funniest guy on town. Does she have an accent? Does she have an accent in China? In Beijing. Yeah. A Shang Wang? My wife has an accent, but it's a gay accent, which he adopted through her gay friends. Your wife taught, what does he mean?

She talks gay. How does she sound, Greg? Go ahead. Athena? Yeah. Oh, my God, Greg. What are you doing with that? Get out of here, you bad boy.

Why do you sound like a gay man? This is who I am now. Your wife's a gay man Yeah, she's a woman who identifies as a gay man For fun She's the opposite Jacob Yes You're not married, right?

Yes Oh, you're married And is your wife Like Craig's wife? No, she's much more Asian Did you marry? No No, you're

Yeah, yeah What's your wife, Italian? She's Italian Jewish No, woof Yeah, she's a lot Trouble She is I mean,

Woof I love her, but it's a lot She can half cook Yeah That's actually yeah Do they get along? Do your wives get along? Yes Oh, they do?

Oh, shit Of course they do I'm just doing a bit No, they do Yeah, Julie, she can be a lot But, you know, once you get into her, you're like, okay His wife can be a lot

No Oh, your wife can be a lot Greg's wife is so easy Okay, yeah, well she has to be You can't have two a lotts in the house Yeah, it's very much the opposite The kids will die Give me a point

Give me a point. Yeah, put him on the board. My wife is a lot. It's a very, whereas Greg, you know, Greg sought someone out who, and he's more like me. I sought someone out who's more like Greg. We both got people that are us that we want to have sex with. So basically you, you married Greg and she married you. Yes.

Okay, I got it. That works. My wife is exactly like Anthony. She doesn't answer my calls. My wife is just like Greg. Really? She's, I don't think I've ever talked in our relationship. All right, listen, I'm so happy you guys came in.

Thanks for coming in. Is it over? No, it's not. We've got to take a break, though. This is radio. This is in podcast, man. This is actually radio. Let me tell you something.

That was a fast hour. Holy God. Greg Stone, he's got a new podcast all about toys, and all nerds need things called Yo Greg. Greg. Greg. is available at YouTube.com slash Gregstone comedy. literally one of my favorite people in this business

and one of the funniest guys in the business too and then of course what is this? We have Greg has a new special Nobody Presence. Oh no, read the one before that that's more important. What's that? Every Monday. Greg has a show every Monday night at the Dojo of Comedy in New Jersey Use promo code Stone Zone for deep discounts

And you have a new special out called Nobody Presents Greg. Three years old. Yeah, okay well you know what? I love I watched it. It was very funny. Hilarious. Do you still do the music thing? What was that called? Oh, yeah, Night cream. We're cream. Night cream. I love night cream. Have you guys seen night cream? Oh, God, I love it.

And Anthony, another hilarious guy. Anthony DeVito on social media at comedian Anthony DeVito and subscribe to his YouTube page, YouTube.com slash at comedian Anthony DeVito. And please check out Big Jay. He's away right now, but we miss him. I wish Big Jay was here for this. He fucking would. be great. He's going to be in Nashville

for Story Wars this week, April 15. Is that tonight? Tonight and tomorrow night. Make sure you check out that April 15th and 16. Then he's going to headline in Kansas City over the weekend, 17th and 18th. After that he's going to be in Las Vegas, Providence, Los Angeles, and Austin. For all tickets

and tour dates, go to bigjeecom and YouTube.com. Slash at BigJ. Ogerson, and just go to punchup. Dot live for all my dates. This weekend, I'm in a Mohegan Sun. So if you're around the area, come down Friday, one show, Saturday, two shows. And I'm in Stanford coming up.

I'm all over. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. We're going to take a breath. Hey, campers. Guess what? Skankfest X. That means 10.

I just learned that. Christine just taught me that. I don't like that Christine knew I was going to go X. Like X games? No, it means 10, but dummy. Skank Fest X, New Orleans is November 13th through the 15th at Mardi Gras World. Badges go on sale this Monday, April 20th at 2 p.m. Eastern Time at skankfest.com.

So make sure you get your tickets. It's going to sell out, so don't miss out. Skankfest X, New Orleans. Skankfest.com.