The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sexy Scientist (feat. Dan St. Germain)

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Dan St Germain joins The Bonfire as they unfold a story about an unqualified rocket scientist sex worker!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson [e-mail] https://danstgermain.net

Make sure you check out Big J at the funny bone in Liberty Ohio August 5th and 6th and then helium comedy club in Buffalo, New York August 11th through the 13th. For tickets and other tour dates, go visit bigjcomedy.com. Dan Sotas is going to be in Oklahoma, Berktown comedy club August 4th through the 6th and then in Phoenix at Stand Up Live Comedy Club August 18th through the 20th. For tickets and all their tour dates, go to dansotor.com. Everybody make sure you check out our Pandora playlist of the week, which is Big J's Christine, turn that shit off now playlist. You can find all of our playlist on Pandora if you search Bonfire SXM.

And now the Bonfire with Big J Okerson and Dan Soder. Yeah brother! It was Hulk Hogan the basis of Metallica. Yeah dude Kogan, the bassist of Metallica. Yeah, dude, guys offered the bassist job of Metallica. Welcome back to the Bonfire Series XM Factor Talk 103. I'm Dan Soder, big jokerson out for the day. But he'll be back for tomorrow's episode, which you can listen to, uh,

a sitting-in for Big Jokerson. My old pal, Dan Saint Germain. Dude, I know that Hogan lied about like being offered the basis to Metallica, but how great would it be if he was good enough to at least keep up? That would have been awesome. It was just Hogan and Metallica. Did you know that was a lie that Hogan used to tell everyone?

No, first he got offered the basis job before Jason. It was after Cliff died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was offered that. He was offered the George Foreman girl, but he didn't pick up the phone in time. I saw another one of my favorites. So that isn't true. No. That's why he did this. He just did that to explain why the

post-a-maker, the Hogan Post-a-maker, failed miserably. He said he thought, he's suddenly fought like Ali to his standstill or something like that. I forget what it was. It was something crazy like that. That craziest one is just saying that you are offered the basis There goes listen brothers. I don't know if I can play. I got a steel cage. Maddler. Big John's done James had fields like yeah, that's what we need need a guy who could take a hair. I fucking chair shot dude He's what else did he he said so many shit That's just like immediately proven to oh he came out and said oh Bam Marjara miss you every day

Oh, and he was like I met Ryan done Dude, I love it and someone that I loved whole coconut when I was a kid and then you grow up and you're like damn, dude I really like the bed you listen to that that Nick Kogan call it's a little rough. Yeah he's like whatever you did God had a problem with him brother. 10 more outrageous lies. Whole Kogan is said and this is off of the sportster sportster brother. I get a lot of news from the sportster. That's why I'm stupid. Yeah. He was with Von Erich before his death. That's a dark one. Yeah. Carrie Von Erich shot himself. I think in the head. Yeah. In a car or something. He once fought pride fighters. No one in wrestling as a

person. Look at that. Rogan fucking hogan pick, dude. Dude, I'm going to give Rogan some props that he just went bald. Like, and he didn't try to like keep it going. You know, yeah. Well, you know, now he was asked a famous Hogan lies that he was asked to join the UFC in 1993. What's that? Dude, that's great. Dude, that would have been hilarious. Yeah, just some fucking Taiwanese kickboxer taking out his knee.

Brother, you're not supposed to kick him. He kicks him, that's not gonna work for me brother. Sorry brother, we're gonna let me get my shit in. Because you're working a little stiff. Oh, you're gonna kick me in my fucking knee knee everyone knows Hogan's epic that you're supposed to turn heel in 1990 most people are cool shit that wasn't true either the Japan shoot was that all of his oldest stories that he set on 2002 Hulk rules DVD yeah I got to get that DVD I got gotta buy Hulk rules 2002. Hulk was defending the WWE title on tour in Japan in 1985 and faced Tatsu Simei Fujinami.

Nami. According to Hulk, Fujinami, pushed by new Japan bosses, tried to shoot on him brother and steal the WWE. That means they tried to fight him for real. Forsing Hogan to fight for real to keep the belt. Yes, if that had happened, 95% chance that that guy can kick Hogan's ass if he wants to. Yeah.

Yeah, because I mean, a lot of those guys are all pan-cray, guys, you know? So they're like, actually, no. They can, yeah, they know. I mean, who knows? Maybe Hogan could, I mean, Hogan's a big dude. He's a strong dude. He was like six, what is he, six nine, like 300?

He's huge, he's absolutely huge. So he could probably toss you around if he was pissed. WWE, merchandise idea was his idea, which is like- Which is weird. That gets to a place where you're like, how do you argue? How do you even argue? It's a whole team of people. He got to make a wish kid to a show he wasn't on.

But these are the less famous one, I think. Do you know about this one? No, I didn't know about this one. I don't know. It doesn't seem what he gave him a free. Right? Yeah. Among Hogan's, he was in the United Kingdom before Summerslam meeting a wait, meeting old,

make a wish kid and making sure he had a front row seat to the show. You don't know if that's true. Yeah, a lot of these. He wrote his movie scripts. I know he's awesome. Yeah, do you see suburban commando? You know, that's the truth. I just had an idea for us, which I want to do this play. Apparently, Hogan and Vince did write the script to No Holds Bard in a weekend in a hotel together. Yes, if anyone, if you hadn't seen the movie No Holds Bard,

I don't know who you would put you would play Hogan, but we have to get events. It is, if you hadn't seen the movie no holds bar, I don't know who you would put you would play Hogan But we had to get events it is if you've never seen no holds bar You watch it get high and watch it and make fun of it because it is very far It's very nineteen nine. No holds bar does what I went and saw it with my dad in the theater and now I realized my dad was drunk when he went with me He was like, yeah, I'll go, but I'm gonna be fucking half in the bag Yeah, hooking kicks out jumps through a limo door I got worse hey that's a And then tiny zoo's list God dude, his body was sick though,

and he had me hitting sex. I'm not gonna, you know, I love a man's, look, I'm not gonna, I love a man's physique. A good man's physique, I know I don't have one. I appreciate it. I probably check out more guys than I do, girl. Even on the way here, my wife drove me in because she's borrowed, it's our car,

she's taking the car out. And we passed a guy who looked like, I was like, God, damn, we'll get that much work he put in on this. And my get How much work you put in? Like you can just see my wife's pussy drying like just like I thanks Dan I love that guy's dude. He's just damn dude look at that physique Watch watch no holds bar, but the fact that he wrote it in a weekend with Vince McMahon I mean how much uppers were in that room. Oh my god

Well, he said Vincent's a Renady prey. I can do as much uppers were in that room? Oh, my God. Well, he said, Vince said to Renady Prey, I can do as much cocaine as I want and not get addicted. Awesome. It's a ballerass lifestyle. He could have played for it. I did not know that he said this. Hogan did play baseball in Little League and then in high school. He was scounded by the Yankees and the Sincs in Addy Reds. That's what he said. Of course. The Undertaker almost broke his neck.

Yeah, I remember that. He lied about that. Takeer still pissed about that. Yeah, I watched that Undertaker documentary, and that's almost, that was almost the first, that was almost the first documentary where you could just see a guy's personal issue come up where he goes, I just,

can I say something for the record? Because like, the Undertaker was like, I made sure I didn't hurt that guy. I was a young kid working in the WWF and Hogan was the top guy. You didn't, you can watch the, watch the spot, it's so safe. Because when that documentary came out,

the network's still around and you could, you can bring up the paper view where it happens and his head is seven inches before touching the mat. It almost looks bad because the undertaker was being so safe. And then he said, undertaker said he hit the move and he heard Hogan go, like that. And he was like, shit. And he said the next day he showed up and Hogan was laying on the floor. And he's

like, my next hurt brother. And then they're like, we're going to put the title back on a hole on Tuesday. And he was like, fuck man. That's what he, yeah, that's Hogan. Those best, baby. Do you think they don't undertaker and Hogan? Do you think they don't talk when they see each other at these now they're old men? And if they're at these heavy weapons? I have no idea how that works. I mean, I'll know next weekend, you know? Why so? Well, no, I mean, I'll know like who's beefing

with who probably next weekend. I love the fact that he depends on flare ones to kill me after my rose set, which he may. So we'll see. What if he, dude, that's gonna be fun to find out which old men hate each other. It's like grumpy old men and fucking tights. Yeah, well the most interesting ones are the guy like Rick Martell's just out of the business.

He's like, yeah, I do real estate now. I don't want to talk to anybody. Wrestlers are like porn stars. They get out of wrestling and they get in a real estate. Yeah, I actually was on. They got, I can't do that cage match anymore, but I can show you two bedroom one bath that's absolutely gonna pin you. I got I got a I got a two floor walkup that's gonna slam you into that. We could we could call right now, but Steve Blackman has a bill bonds business in Pennsylvania. Great wasn't about wasn't Valvenous real sick. He's a weed guy. I think he's like security for we could probably seem in Vegas at skank fast

I think he works that dude that's did know that's Christine when you ask where I'm at at skank fest I met the weed shop meeting Valvenus Marking out for a guy that put a point star He's like very conservative so it must be like such a funny thing to like get high And then be like wife starts a conception You know ladies I control your body By 2016 oh and hogan what said he was the first to praise Kevin Owens. Who's our Jay look alike? Which is completely untrue, but also not that great of a like not that fun of a lie

These are the ones that we don't know. I think that's why comedy central barely acknowledged us when we were radio show there Yeah, you guys aren't associated with them anymore. No, we're on faction talk one of three. That's what you're listening to right now. Faction talk one oh three for all your talking faction. Yeah, it's a different kind of faction. Um, but comedy central would like show up maybe once every three months and ruffle our hair and be like good job guys. Even though we were at the time, the only original programming they had on the station. I kind of felt like, I said it felt like comedy central

with scared people were gonna find out about the show. We're side-bitch. Dude, I mean they did not. We were such a side-bitch for comedy central. They were just like, I think let's just keep this under the radar. For real shows. Trust me they didn't wanna put it on.

I know, I know. And they didn't want to fucking acknowledge us. Like, and then finally when they did that TV show, you know the live at the seller, they were like, we need bodies, because they learned that they ran out of comics quick when you do a fucking weekly show. Yeah.

And so they were like, hey guys, we actually need you to come on the show. And we're like, this is when you acknowledge us is now wait why about the comedy wait live at the comedy seller they wanted jennight go do sets cuz you do a set for that one or no we went on together and made fun of the fact the comedy central number acknowledges us uh... that's funny uh... but they

but a show that no one acknowledged i love that show me those guys you ran it were great but they the one cool thing they did the one acknowledged. I love that show, man, those guys you ran it were great. But the one cool thing they did, the one thing I'll give them credit is they, two things. They got us a bonfire dog dildo. Yeah, that was pretty cool. They made this like, packaged it and everything. Hey.

And it was a dog dildo. And then they made us a two-pack WWE action figure, Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, the best friend's angle, but they changed it to a bonfire. So it looked like- It was the faces? Different? No, it was Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens.

That was all Jeremy and Jeremy's fucking cool shit. Jeremy is cool. Jeremy is a man. There's a lot of good guys over there. It's just, I don't know, it's just, I don't know what happened with the model. But they made that and they brought it in and I was like, as a man boy, I was like, this is fucking awesome. Like, they totally used a Gary Playbook move where they're like, I don't show up for months, I buy you an action figure and you're cool. And I was like, yeah, dude.

Well, I'm confused because Comedy Central, like, are they still around? Because I just cranky anchors is coming is coming back like they still do have some They're doing test shows. I know like oh, so I mean I think they're still kind of around. Yeah, there's are they Jacob you still run it right? Yeah, I still run Comedy Central. You run Comedy Central radio. Yeah Oh, I thought you meant all of Comedy Central. That would be great. I go by the way this producer you just been sitting next to Yeah, I called all the shots at CC Big J. O.K.S. and Slive at Webster Hall playing next Friday. Oh, check it out. Channel 95. It's the only time I'll ever plug that channel again. Channel 95 for Big J. O.K.S. and Slive at Webster Hall.

Dan, don't forget, uh, Comedy Central took us to a dinner where Jacob met his future wife. Oh, the, and but you know what? It in true, in true side bitch fashion. It was the restaurant in the building. Yeah, it was it was it was sure It was don't frisk it was part it was one of the whole all cards Yeah, but they were I request the restaurant But they really were like yeah, baby. I know we don't go out. Let's go get dinner downstairs Black little being so smarty. What are the most expensive steak on the menu? Brilliant. I wish I'd done that.

Brilliant. They took us out to lunch and then J and I basically were like, hey, so you guys have a film crew that films us, like four hours a week. Yeah. She cut that down to like a half hour show on TV, like how her TV and put it on TV. And they just at the lunch went, no.

I feel it. I respect that. You know what, I got to say I do respect that. uh... tv and they just at at the launch went ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's really pretty good. For those type of the end studio kind of shows like that, and we both worked on those types of shows. It was one of the better. Oh, David Spade rules. Yeah, I'm not saying David Spade does a rule, but we basically told them. It was like an unknown David Spade project. David, no, what it was gonna be.

It was like David Spade's in. And we were also like, hey, we'll give you, we have a product you already make. Yeah, it's already produced. It's shot beautifully. Yeah, just put it on TV TV Sunday nights at 11.30 PM and they're like Clothes I actually think the model they're going for now

Is is is a good time for this show to be on What do you mean? Because I feel like they're doing these different different type of programming Comedy Central. Yeah, you think we should go back to them? No, your idea for a late night TV show plays better now. Yeah. They're new models. Absolutely.

It was just pretty crazy how fast they were like, absolutely not, that's not how. I mean, I don't even think my steak was cooled yet. By the time they came in. I think they only have like, I don't fucking know, man. I mean, like, now comment, if you look at like the rating, like the numbers were comedy the last decade,

they just keep going down, like they keep. Well, here's the thing, when you're listening to podcasts or radio shows, you're listening to people's genuine senses of humor, which sometimes doesn't translate to stand up. And so I get when people are like, I don't like stand up. And also stand up is like, it's used in a different way now. Where now people use it as more like, I can go make

money instead of making good. Yeah. Dude, we're just downstairs in Sean Donnelly. You had a great quote where he really didn't quote, he's used the analogy of like, he's like, yeah, it's like the wires, like natural polies. And you're like, yeah, there's not a lot of natural polies out there. There's a lot of people just doing stand up just to fucking take a check. But, um, 100%. Some people are getting a check. Monique landed a Netflix special. Remember that whole thing. What was her? She would, she sued them because they gave you a special? No, she, yeah, she did. She

sued them because they paid. It does that work? I guess. I think it fucking dogs. So I I'm in they've only offered her five hundred thousand dollars which is crazy that's twice as by the way talking about how people though we're getting like twenty million dollars because Amy shemer got a ten million and she was a movie star you know what I mean it's that's what he's the most decorated comedian of our time. Who? Monique. Yeah. Is that what she said?

Yeah. You know what? She was fucking an emergency saying, phenomenal and precious. Like that movie is kind of goofy, but she's amazing. And she's amazing. I never saw it. Well, she was mad that she wasn't getting ship hell money. Yeah, well, I mean, I mean, the Schumer, I think it was the Schumer paycheck that pissed

her off because Schumer got 11 million and she was like, she got 11 million. Yeah, and they were like, you're gonna give me $500,000, but what's so funny is, is whenever you see people do this, when they shit on something and then go to work, like, oh, it'll probably happen in the economy, central in seven years, when they rebound and I go, comedy central is your home for comedy. Uh, it totally, I get so annoyed when someone, when a comedy shows canceled and people are good, they think sucked, I was like, so it's good that 10 comedy writers are at a work now. It's also funny.

You're so fucking idiotic. I've seen people be like, when people danced on the grave of a lot of people at Comedy Central getting fired, it's like, you know, like three of those people went to Netflix and then those people are like, Netflix gets it. You're like, it's the same people.

Just the same people in a different company now. But I love when comics try to change their tune once they sign a deal. So Monique's like suing Netflix. And she's like, fuck Netflix, racist, old, misogynistic, now she's like, I've came back home. I've came back home to Netflix. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about?

You hated them. Just that turn that face, that turn of face is so fucking funny to me. She, for a while, she was doing all this prison reviews, we were like, she was like, my husband's a lot of fucking other guys. We got the girl, sorry. Oh my god, that was a funny slip because I was checking out that guy earlier. That guy fucking. Guy physics and some penises. Yeah, you're like, dude, that guy's body was so fucking hot that if, uh, does she say anything about suing in the article? Is she like, hey, sorry about all that. They're just dropping the lawsuit and, uh, the terms and the deal were not disclosed.

Yeah. How funny would it be if it's for like, you probably got a thousand, she probably got two million or something. We're not even, but like, what if it's for like three thousand? She probably got two million or something We're not even but like what if she got like 600,000? It's just doesn't done anything since precious as she I don't know that was the only she crushes though I will say like she for sure kills like well She just had a thing with DL Hugley where she closed and then she was like he was billed as the closer and I had to close and You know like she seems to be one of those people where it's like,

oh yeah, you kick up enough, you can kind of kick up enough dirt and people will be like, oh shit, all right. Yeah. So I just wanna say right now, economy central fucked me on my hour special. I'm suing them, I'm suing them for everything they fucking got. You just got exposure for that, I think. Yeah, they're like, we're just gonna pay you an exposure.

We're gonna pay you an exposure. On a fucking Saturday night with commercials. We're gonna put you on Larry Wilmore. Once. One time. I did that once. The only time I got invited to do it, I got invited to do an Asian panel and I'm like, well this is somewhat did not do their work here.

You look like a research. Yeah, considering you look like one of the guys that harassed Mr. Miyagi on the beach in the garage. He look like he's the one they're calling you like chop that bottle The suit said in comparison Netflix offered comedian Amy Schumer eleven million dollars in 2017 for an hour long special it added that the company signed a deal with Dave Chappelle worth sixty million in 2016 And Chris Rock was offered just by this lawsuit like no, I should be paid more it honestly, it's what gets you a Netflix special now. I guess.

Because I feel like the only way I'm gonna get one is if I try to kill a senator or something. You saw him trying to kill Mitch McConnell. Now watch him kill at the punchline. Dan St. Germain, he, it's funny because like I know, and I'm not, you know, we're pussy's and we don't name names, but some of my friends that are very successful, have very successful Netflix specials aren't getting offers anymore. Cause Netflix is spending all that big bucks

that they're just like, yeah, you make the special. Just a lot of million subscribers. You just lost a million, right? But they'll be like, you make the special and we'll pay you a very low fee and you can stream it on our on Netflix and then in a year from now we'll give it back or we'll give you half of it back and Also, we're not gonna let anybody know that it's on the network. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's no promotion. No marketing. No marketing or promotion

for like Major people I'm talking about friends of ours that are like fucking huge acts Yeah, and they're just like now we don't do that anymore. This is a new shift like what did that happen in the last six months? And they're just like, no, we don't do that anymore. This is a new shift, like, what did that happen? In the last six months. Just because of... Several comedians, I know, several doctors. Several comedians...

There's no hospitalians described this. Several comedians, I know, had to go film a special and then were paid a fixed fee to put it on Netflix, but Netflix is like, you gotta do the promotion. We're not gonna promote you. Netflix really ran the game, but with Disney Plus and HBO Max coming in, it's like, it's just kind of like a different thing.

I think all streaming services are just fucking hembringing money right now. There's gonna be, there's gonna be like four of them in 20 years. Somebody had told me this woman who used to, I think she still works the truth, but she was like, it's just gonna be like network.

They're all gonna eventually consolidate. And this is more important. Yeah, Katie was like, Katie went to her at home and she's like, I can't wait to watch so many bundle packages that they're just like eventually consolidate. Yeah, Katie was like, Katie went over at home and she's like, I can't wait to watch so many bundle packages that they're just like, it's cable. Yeah, that's all it is. Yeah, and then it's paper cable and you get all the channels you want.

I mean, Disney plus is making money hand over fish just because they got that UFC deal. And you know, I mean, that you have to get Disney plus to get UFC. Oh, you're talking about ESPN plus. Yeah, ESPN plus, I'm sorry, so because Disney owns ESPN plus. Yeah, it's like Disney owns ESPN and actually Disney fans are now this brings us to our next story Which Jacob said is straight out of the boys. Yeah, and it's true But Disney fans are outraged because fairy godmother is ditched for gender neutral titles at the park is ditched for gender neutral titles at the park. So you're not allowed to call them a godmother. Gender neutral titties.

Yeah, I was like, I think I have those. But you're no longer allowed to call fairy godmother. Is it just fairy god person? What is it? No, they didn't change it to fairy god person. They changed it from being considered a fairy godmother in training to now you're a fairy godmother's apprentice. So it opens up the door for boys.

Well, that's not as crazy. It makes sound like they were getting rid of fairy godmother. People just get really happy arms. Yeah, they're actually about this shit. It's also funny to think because my godfather used to bang my mom and I go, did a god person used to fuck my mom? Did my god person come and ruin my 13 to 16 year old life? Do you guys get along in the godfather?

No, at first we did when I was 13 and then as I started becoming like more of a teenager it just got real. It's such a weird position to be put in. I guess you just don't discipline, you just say nothing. Oh no, he like, he like, he like, to talk shit. What's the right move?

Just, you don't say anything, you just what the mom do, everything, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you like, you were like, you're basically just an assistant. Yeah, he was like, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna, I'm gonna really lay down the law. And he had never had a kid.

And so I was just like, you're talking to crazy shit, Joe. Yeah. Crazy shit right now. But yeah, the way that headline read was completely different. And I read the lead and I thought it was gonna be that. So they're just saying,

oh, you're a naprentiss. Wait, so Biden said he has cancer? Oh, you're going off the side ones. Oh, sorry. I just saw that earlier. And I was like, does he have cancer? Or what is going on here? Oh, he says he has cancer thanks to the oil industry,

but the White House says it was skin cancer years ago and it's solved. I think you have to say that. You can't be like, I got cancer in there. So this is just like a crazy thing he said. Dude, if you're one of Biden's handlers, you're just like dude come on me. Well the problem is they're fuck is they got Harris And they don't nobody in that team wants Harris, so he's just like okay, you watch up. I have cancer They got cancer my Abrams he would have stepped down by now because I have cancer in my lungs And they're like you can't say that out loud. We have to hide the aliens

They're fat there everywhere they want a lot of Elon Musk is a robot it is funny the last two presidents that we've had clearly don't want the job yeah I kind of like that yeah take a hotel manager that doesn't care how your stay was you goes very loud they go cool you don't stay here anymore right? And you're like well buy mother fucker Later dog Yeah, dude, well that story ended up being a bust But this story is all about busted an unqualified sex worker got a job at the Air Force In a top Air Force lab

Did the story well? I've seen plenty of videos on browsers with plenty of qualified Air Force pilots who take a break to fuck the shit out of you. Oh, you mean Mav Dick? Mav Dick. The new scene. It was an unqualified sex worker allegedly infiltrated a top Air Force lab. Well, that's a denti infiltrated it. And there's gets up for sure they infiltrated it.

A senior research scientist working on advanced propulsion technologies for the United States Air Force duped a contractor into hiring an unqualified sex worker he had paid using a government charge card because he thought she was so funny she thought she was really so funny dude that's so funny how awful trade she just got hired by this horny dude maybe don't have have holy dudes in charge of hiring It's a steady job she took it She's like I don't know I don't mind second dick

He's like how about testing rockets She's I could test her want me to test your rocket It's all sex It's just like dude you're too sexed up to be doing the hiring Demand then allegedly threatened to kill the sex workers It's all sex. It's like, dude, you're too sexed up to be doing the hiring. Demand then allegedly threatened to kill the sex worker supervisor and himself when the scheme fell apart. But not before shifting the bulk of the project's funding

elsewhere to pay for her salary at a different defense firm. Damn, that's got to be a good hooker. That's the new pretty woman. Do that, Lou. Yeah, no shit. Like, it's pretty woman me didn't figure. Dude, the new Pretty Woman. Do that, Luke. Yeah, no shit. Like, it's Pretty Woman, me didn't figure. Dude, I love it. Don't you understand?

She can suck us to the moon. I feel like, let's go. According to a newly unsealed search warrant application obtained by the Daily Beast, Dr. James Gore to highly decorated civilian air force employee of installing a 32 year old sex worker on a highly technical research project. Imagine like you're, it's your first day in the Air Force and you're like, finally gonna get to fly.

And that like, it's like, oh, one second, we have to, what's the mechanic come in here? Scroll with like, stiletto's with big tent bounces. I don't know what this does. This is, I'm gonna die up here. This is Sergeant Bamby. Sergeant Bamby. Sergeant Lexus? Sergeant.

She goes, you look like your balls are too full. Because that's the way I don't need you to do that. I need you to make sure I can fly this plane. You sure you don't want me to suck you off before you get in that plane? That's how goose died. No. He popped his load and then broke his neck on the eject button. The woman did not fully understand how to use basic

word processing software. And struggled to formulate coherent inter-office emails. Well, on the big fair, it's a lot easier than Microsoft Excel. Hold on, though, Dan. They're just saying that this chick was so stupid, she couldn't even write an email. That's what caught her, where she was like, do you think she was like a Russian hooker? I don't know. I want to meet this guy. This is this fucking boonhound. and write an email. That's what caught her, where she was like, do you think she was like a Russian hooker? I don't know, I wanna meet this guy, this fucking boonhound. Look him up, wait, is this the guy, that's the guy.

Oh yeah, there it is, that's a man who hires, that's a man who hires a hooker to be a rocket scientist right there. Do you not love this guy? That dead looking his eyes. He goes, you know what the military could use more of? Slots, pro slots. At the Bonfire, I think exam will tweeted out uh... dude

he fought he fought right or jayolk i think he's gonna get it he's gonna go to jail probably he got our hired at a fucking government defense firm he highly encouraged her to hire yet he like her or go up go up a little christine over her first few months on the job roi stated she was not timely with her expenses did not fully understand how to use basic word processing and document creation software and struggle to

formulate coherent in her office emails the war goes on she also failed to provide her college transcripts as requested she went i went to blow job stay. Oh no, I went to come on my tips and... University of 69. I was sumacoon loud eh? Dude, that's so funny. The inner office e-mails is the one where I want to read those.

Which is like, are you studs tired? And we were asking about the third quarter billing. I had $400 an hour at her previous job though it's just you got to make sure if you're gonna hire a hooker for the job it can't be a job that we need still do i mean yeah cannot be a rocket scientist do you still the women engaged in the acts of prostitution with other scientists from the air force research but for her man that's just

fucking second income stream. One, identified the filing under as Dr. I.K. paid the woman approximately 20 K a year to clean his residence in the nude and then perform oral sex on him. That's pretty dope. It's a weird, that's I.K. Clear apartment.

Clear apartment and get sucked off. That's pretty fucking cool. The topless Women in LA who queen stuff. I don't know. What is the thing? Is there a guy any guy here into that what watching tits jiggle or she Tits jiggle like you get that fucking a one sauce out of your coffee table or whatever? Man, you just have money to spend and the service is there. Why not at the top? Yeah, I guess if you're baseless, you're like yeah, I want you to have your tits out of your country.

Yeah, if you're gonna work for me, you're gonna do it like you're bagging up crack. I want you naked and fucking surgical gloves. L.A. is so awful too. Like I know a guy in L.A. and his apartment's decorated with like topless pictures of models that he took. Yeah.

Like just like that's the heart work of his home. He's like black and white. Yeah, it's like that. Black the artwork of his home It's like black and white. Yeah, it's okay black and white Can you can we find a picture of this woman? I just want to see what this one we have her name here with holding her identity Thanks Yahoo. Yeah, who's birthday's coming up next? Maybe we could hire somebody to clean this studio with the moobs out. Oh great 75. Oh, yeah her birthday is next week. We week. You want me to clean naked for you? Yeah, when you come in. St. Germain comes in. Move it. I'll wear the V for Vendetta Mass. That's it. French me out. Dude, just my giant balls and tiny

cock. It's crazy. Him hiring her. He basically like pimped her out. He was like do you want her to clean your apartment and suck you off? Pretty cool, right? I'm cutting his very upset that she cheated on him. Wish she was how? Everyone else in the world. She was howin' for $20,000. Yeah.

Because I thought that made job was up, I thought that was up and up. I thought that was earnest. I got you this job. You're going to suck off him? What the hell is that? Yeah, you can't put your foot down, right? And be like, look, you just fuck me for money.

You can't fuck him for money. Well, they say in the article that they that he said he was in love with her and she felt the same, but then it turned out that she was just fucking another dude. Can't do you can't turn a whole no housewife or into a top secret scientist. Yeah, I think housewife very possible. Top secret scientist is a little more difficult. I told Roy that he wanted her to represent special energies on official trips. Special energies. What's up, Secretize? It's a little more difficult. Told Roy that he wanted her to represent special energies on official trips. Special energies? There is a special honor. Oh, Spectrical. I don't know what that is.

Spectrical energy slot. I'm sure she didn't either. I'm Spectrical. Baby, you're a Spectrical. Spectrical energies. Powers your mission of, oh, it's all like Clearly something you should be doing. I mean like looking at this website. It's clearly Clearly a job the first thing is a is something I've never seen before it's the first picture is a picture of a fucking laser

It's in this girl was was working in this job quantum sensing systems Navigation position timing there's some people that could have got really hurt by this slut's actions. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no shit. You know who does love it all the time. Now we know what happened at Malaysian point. Yeah, dude, she goes, I don't know.

If it's going down, just suck it and get it wet. They got this work with propulsion. Look at the havoc she caused. Oh, dude. Dude, how annoyed were the fucking, were the gay rocket scientists and the female rocket scientists there? I could have brought my little love slave to Fire Island. He graduated from MIT.

He's the only one you can see through bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Stop it. I have a tiny little Asian love slave that's proficient. Who got glitter on the sweet greens? Who got it? Dude, her doing that and then just fucking hurting people is so fun.

You know who does love it? There's all the countries that we drone strike. Cause they're just missing and they're like, I'll press to Allah, have come through. It's like, that's just the story. They're missing with her without her. I mean, they're heading sometimes. But dude, her getting caught.

I think I accidentally blew up a wedding oh no I think that was a school in Iran Rajeeza plays I don't know I was touching my pussy and I actually took out a hospital oops oh no was that a refugee kid it turns out they weren't passing rockets. It's just produce. God, god, damn it, doctor. You just fry in half of our allies and she goes,

is it weird my pushies this way? And he goes, it is kind of weird. He fails at me. He's like, yeah, we'll just, you know, I'll just say it's ISIS again. I'll chalk it up. We'll chalk it up to some extrem it's group now come over here put those It was a t-shirt now come over here and put those tits in my face

I Never had hot Rocket size Just a hot hooker. Turn it in a ho in New York, it's like. This is where you can't let men have all the power. They just stuff like this. Means, more of you ladies, I have to say, you start putting your tits on a shelf. So we'll hire these unqualified sluts. We need more qualified sluts.

That's the thing that sucks. There's some fucking girl who went to like, Goddamn, eight years of school at MIT. Oh my God, dude. He's losing it to fucking It looks like they like cater off a research grant Crazy story I love it that some of my federal my income with the federal tax for the slut In one message he shifted the conversation to play time the warrant states

He first asked her to bring bring the screaming o which the warrant says is a request that she orgasm during sex then said that intimacy is very important to him dude this horn dog this horn dog running shit this guy was like dude and he wanted to slut to love her so bad so bad that he put our country security at risk. I was like he was caught with messages with 27 sex workers across the US. Damn, this guy's got a hooker addiction. Yeah. He got there's an Excel document. Damn, many of the 27 women listed on the Excel document were foreign nationals from countries considered US national security concerns.

from countries considered US national security concerns. It's just had a bunch of Russian hookers and like Yugoslavian sluts. She's like, do you want me to come into your office? And he's like, do you want to see what I'm cooking up? He goes this right here, it's a pretty sexy end. Yeah, pretty sure this hooker is Kim Jong-un. It's just Kim Jong-un What does that do That one goes that one right there monitors North Korea. It goes I suck you off you turn that off I could do that. Oh

Now we're playing my game You said that they would Kim Jong-un you like a had like his friend from board school Oh, now we're playing my game. I love this. You said that they would Kim Jong-un, and he had his friend from board school. He just picked him up randomly and flew him to North Korea so they could, they were friends in grade school. So they could just watch NBA smoke weed, and then he would like, flew him back.

Wait, for real? Where is the sky blue? I think somewhere in Europe, somewhere in Europe. See, that's crazy. There's some Frenchmen who's like, I was at the very exclusive boarding school in this fat little Asian boy. I was friends.

Because they just love the bulls. Yeah. Towns out is not a bad guy. He flies me in. There we watch a little basketball. I enjoy Woody Allen movies. I don't know. I did not want to watch.

Completely domestic data. We watched his uncle be tortured then, and then cut the six--year-olds game. It was pretty awesome. Dude. He did have his uncle eaten by dogs. It's a real black mark on the resume in my book. Can I tell you though, as someone that just went through some shit in the last year with his uncle, I get it. If I had a pack of myrtles that could eat my uncle, David, I'd do it. Yeah, you should never be too close with an uncle. Nah, man We're gonna take our last break dance ain't your main hanging out big J up in Montreal for just for laughs big J comedy dot com

He's hosting the nasty show Bure la Vive just laughs Robert Kelly Lisa Trager the man who sings out of these jokes just in my house He's is he'll just snap do do If you read Yahoo, you need to wear a dunce caps of people are aware you have no critical thinking skills bitches Such as like did she comment? I don't know why don't you fucking go take a dump dude? Why are you that? Do they realize to you that like this wasn't like an opinion piece?

It was just an aggregator like Yahoo picked it up from AP Fucking go take a dump, dude. Why are you that mad? Did they realize, too, that like this wasn't like an opinion piece. It was just an aggregator, like Yahoo picked it up from AP. Yeah, by the way, like the bear facts of the article, it wasn't like they were like, they had a take. I saw it as a tweet and I was like, that's a funny story. I love that this guy's like, you trust Yahoo's journalism integrity? Calm down, this is your therapy.

He's going through a lot. He's going through a lot, buddy Hey, it's okay, bud. This is our therapy Jesus our therapy. Hey, bud Just go take a walk guy. It's not your fault. Hey, bud. It's not your fault. Whatever you're going through What if what bud? You want you want me to tell you that my my stepdad? You should put cigarettes out on me It's okay. We want me to tell you that my my stepdad you should put sickle that's out on me It's okay. We're gonna tell you this surgery skies It's not your fault. Is that what you fucking want? We're just talking about a hooker that worked with national security

I don't know why you're so upset Dude this guy's gonna be like oh wasn't upset Fuck you Amanda Savino nice dude see you Thank you creeps dude Matthew. No, not a creep Matthew. Good job. That's what we wanted Thank you Matthew. We wanted to find out who we're gonna get a picture. I want to pick Dude I love dickily males like we'll keep you my wife favorite news favorite Okay, right give a shit daily male is like it's apolitical. It's like whatever's juicy. Whatever is juicy. We're gonna fucking

We're gonna spill the beans. Yeah, dude. I'm right or left. We don't care see if you can go to I'm gonna I'm gonna yell you like Jay right now Goddamn it Christine. Did you google her nude? Not yet. Well Jay's not here, so I have to make the request God you're probably extra pissing off Tizzas our therapy He's such a big fan. You could tell. Is that her? No. No. Second row. But if that's mirror, so Vino. Who's there? Who's there? So Vino now? She looks fucking great. Amanda Savino. I worked

with her. There's just a bunch of random chicks. All right. We'll look into it. We're going to take our last break. We just out this poor like mother of three in Kansas. No, she's a hooker. She's a hooker with level orange fucking clearance. I'm pretty sure she'll be all right. Hang it out, Dan Saint Germain. He's gonna be on the roast of Ric Flair. You can go get it on paper view.

Wait, where is it real quick? Oh yeah, on the TV. Fight on fight network. Follow them at Dan St. Germain on social media. Instagram baby. Yeah, we'll be in Tacoma this weekend. Thursday through Saturday Tacoma, com to club dancoder.com for tickets.

bonfiremurch.com for bonfire merch. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. I'm excited. And now back to the bonfire with Big J. Ocarus in and Dan Soder. Here's a airplane going by. Mmm. What is the personality of the hooker? Ah, no, that's great.

No, I think you're doing a lot of good work here. Sure does I do. Oh, so I mean, Tracey you're seeing a pretty good personality. I love that you come to the lab and lace. I think that says a lot. I think you gotta have a good personality if you're getting higher to be a fucking... Oh yeah, you don't need to bring up that assholes twitter. Not that guy.

You're a Jake Floor. I don't want to fucking see that loser. I was trying to find the video. Oh, if I'm eating his own cup. We're talking about it in the break. It's the Bonfire, C-6M. Faction Talk 103. I'm Dan Soder, Dan St. Germain.

On the Roaster Ric Flair, on the fight network. And with me and Tukomall this weekend, Thursday through Saturday, sitting in for Big J, who is in Montreal tonight. Through the end of the festival. So if you are going to Montreal, make Through the end of the festival So if you are going to Montreal, make sure you check out the nasty show Or check out the worst or check out both big jcomedy.com Yeah, man, I that sex worker one really made me laugh

I mean it it really is like I forget I think was it it Nick Moan had this bit about it was like something about like raising the girl, the stripper who got, I don't know, was Tristan Thompson's kid. It was somebody's kid. And then he ended up wifing her and she's like, man, they must be raising those queer shoes to the rafters. Like that is like the, that is the biggest accomplice stripper. That is a massive to fucking wifey and NBA player. I mean, that's crazy.

Dude, the NBA All-Star game, wherever whatever city is, that's like the host Super Bowl. We're like, I think Drake had a kid with a stripper. Good for her too. Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. What's that?

Oh, dude, she's your type too. Like Drake's baby mama is like, soda's type. Look how Drake's baby mama. But tooda's type. Look up Drake's baby mom. But she's happy also like worn hard you know what I mean? I kind of think I love a lady who's seen stuff. Yeah, she's like it's not it's it's not an on Janoo. But uh but Jacob was asking about the NBA all-star game and Jacob what happens is he's whatever city it is all these sluts converge to try to get these NBA players. Oh yeah, they have like a text through it.

Yeah, right? Do I know your type? Like just gigantic boobs, like 80s hair, like 80, late 80s pin up hair, but also like not young. You know what, like definitely not young. Also, you need to bring this up to my therapist. We're gonna talk about it.

But Jacob, we need to send you next NBA All-Star break. We need to send you to, we need to send you to wherever it is so you can interview all the sluts that are trying to fuck the NBA players. I'm gonna do that. Do you have to say they had to lock down the bubble and say that like only long-term girlfriends could come? Like, no, it was a grandfathers girl.

I was like Jimmy Johnson was just like fucking fucking the shit at us some girl and they had to feel like dude, it's too noisy in the bubble. Like it was like that. Like she was just like going and saying. Dude, that is pretty crazy. But for the NBA, what they do is that they're like, they go to be like, I'm going to have condom less sex with a guy that just got a fucking max deal. And they just want

them to, they's one slip. Yeah, you just bust. Well, that's the thing now. You know, the Tristan Thompson got some Chloe Kardashian's baby daddy got some other girl pregnant Swore up and down. It wasn't his kid But it is yeah, but they had already had an in vitro Serragacy pregnancy going on so there was like a new kid born But they found out after it was like implanted in her wait So they implanted the kid and then she found out that he fucked up personal trainer then there was just a baby planted the kid and then she found out that he fucked up personal trainer. Then there was just a baby. There's this.

There's this. I'll call you when did it the old school away. He's like, yeah, didn't made the deposit myself. I don't see a problem with this. You knew I was looking to make a child. So what is Chloe do now? She just has a kid that's half his. She's got two kids that are his and they have half brothers and sisters around the world damn dude

Tristan Thompson loves buss and then ladies and making babies through science Because I think he had another girl pregnant when they started dating so there's at least two other kids from two other Mom because we went on the show we went over the lady lady that he had the most recent one that he cheated on, Chloe Kardashian with. Jay and I talked about it, because I remember that. We like went through her pictures and shit. So when that was going on, they had a baby in vitro with another, with like a,

it just came out like this week that the baby's being born via surrogacy. But did she do it after he had this second kid? They implanted before that was found out. Damn, damn, if you're Tristan Thompson, you're like, so, remember how we played God? Well, so many to tell Tristan Thompson, he's not BB King, and he can't be like playing basketball at 60,

trying to pay for these kids. For real, he's maybe got two years left in the league. And then it's just, you better hope Chloe Kardashian picks up the fucking check on all of your kids. Yeah. He, I mean, dude, you have fucking two kids like that. How many kids do you have now? What's his total children?

Four. Three with a fourth on the way. Oh, that's doable. Not all about Tristan Thompson. Three kids with three different women. Not a fourth on the way. You know, he's like actually good looking. Like a lot of these athletes, they're just like athlete,

but I'm like, all right, I could see he's got a nice smile. I could see it there. This is like me coming out this entire episode. I love it. Find yourself, dude. By the end of the trip, I go dance act. Let me tell you right now. Very different.

It's very different very different God very get it's very vicious and it's it's cute meany with a beard yeah dance fears who's that guy look at that Dan holy shit we're gonna cock on that one oh we're just bringing up some steamy hugs for dancing to me right dude it's a hunk patrol Yeah, man, Tristan Thompson trying to talk her back in. It's just funny to know that Pete Davidson is sitting around listening to these conversations of clothes in the room. Is that trust on top of something? But they have their science baby. I thought that was quirky. He goes, oh, I don't know. Ricky Veluz is supposed to come

all over a small glance, but maybe we can look at just the tops on side of the fiber. He's thinking he's going to do it. Man. Oh, do Johnny Depp. There's a Johnny Depp shot. I know we don't drink. Three of us don't drink in the room. But a United States bar started selling a Johnny Depp shot for distressed men uh... feeling i would love it if it was from like the blood of johnny depth like he was at a big just to make it because please i was kept in jack sparrow uh... this is the cloy cloy card action interest in times and surrogate got pregnant after he allegedly tried to convince marlaya nicles marlady nicles to get an abortion in a month before his

paternity scandal broke. Yeah, so they did. She's not getting an abortion, dude. Wait, so now it's turning out getting an abortion. My kids are going to be fucking half sisters with the Kardashians. I don't know. She's going to try to hang out with them. That's going to be the funny.

She's like, look, I will not fuck Tristan anymore if I can get on the show. She's like, modern day rock avell, I will not fuck Tristan anymore if I can get on the show. She's like, uh, modern day rock avellers. Yeah, you're gonna be. It is. They are the modern. Well, sisters. Uh, but this, this article says that they did the in vitro after all this shit happened.

Uh, after he tried to convince her to get an abortion in a month before the scandal broke. Damn. That game. He's got, I mean, do you think it's all his way into anything after that came out he was yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that was bad So mad at you. I love you. I love you, but I'm willing to bend the rules of nature Baby she caught me in a spot baby just caught me in a spot like baby. I know we put all I know we put that baby into that fucking random Guatemalan lady. Well I see why he he went there. She's pretty good. Is he fuck with this

because is he paying any attention to this chick with Marley Nichols who's in matching PJs with her baby? No, I'm sure some pay for those PJs though. I don't think you dude I'm wondering if he's just deadbeaten it. Is that you're saying I don't think you could I don't think the character actually is wet if he's just deadbeatin it. Is that you're saying I don't think you could I don't think the Kardashians wet him. That's the thing is like the Christian back. No, you gotta take care of this shit Do you think they have hitman and shit? They have fixers like Ray Donovan for sure a ray Donovan has to go break a pregnant ladies in these Or like yeah see you're gonna the Kardashians are like the movie Michael Clayton

Yeah, there's do it all that shit according to the timeline Chloe and and Tristan Sergei was impregnated just weeks before, okay. Weeks before the scandal broke. Well, yeah, of course we knew that he knew. It says, but this means that Tristan was well aware of the baby already on the way. Is he playing his new, just, yeah, kind of like that, nose. Hey, he goes, he goes, do you wanna tell me anything? He goes, now I could go, dude, put that baby in that lady.

Oh, yeah. Shit, dude. We're GTG. Fuckin' not that lady. Oh yeah. Shit dude, we're GTG. Fuck it, that lady. You're sure he didn't fuck anyone else. Dude, I'm telling you right now, I'm looking down on my dick and been anybody else. Now that we're more savvy with social media, you can start seeing when photos are like Photoshopped and shit,

and you're like that lady above, right there, where she's like, damn, did you just put a filter on? Oh yeah, well, that's that Tristan filter. I like that you know. Are they saying that this woman was his personal trainer or just a personal trainer? Because she's an NBA. Yeah, that's so funny where he goes,

like she goes, what are you helping get trained on? He's like, my legs. I'm getting a leg. Yeah, dude, look at this. Well, these girls just look like just different Kardashians. You know what I mean? It's all the gigantic ass, black hair, and the pantomot. They all have sent our butts.

Yeah, they all have sent our butts. Yeah, they have sent our butts. I want a lady with some decent tits and horse legs. Dude, have you fun? All right, I got a weird thing to say. I want one that clipped clops into the room. I got a weird thing to say Oh, that's one that clip clops into the room. I gotta weird I gotta weird thing to say But I want I want I know you love dudes. We got it. This is even weird Big hot car have you found since like there's been so much emphasis on women's asses

Have you found horses asses more attractive? No, I'm just saying I look at him a little different. I don't want to fuck horses. Look at this. But like from, I mean, from a distance, a horse ass doesn't look. You're going to be the next guy caught by a horse cop. You can be like, he did slur. Where is he?

He's under. Yeah. He's under it. He's under the horse. He's sucking that big horse dick under this guy. Look at these humps. Oh my god. Yeah, let's get some horses

Wait, didn't wait Chloe Did he fucked around with one of her friends, right? He fucks around with Kylie's friends damn did this guy show it? Fuck yeah, I mean just keep these guys around like he's just a really he's gonna be at like I mean what a father. It's like he hasn't OD'd in the bunny ranch yet seems like a great guy to me He's doing all right. Hey, what's therunner of Pete having a kid with Kim Kardashian? He's gonna have one October they might already be implanted. I don't know and planted. Yeah, she's not having a baby herself Yeah, she's not a surgeon. She is hires a housekeeper just to fucking go through all the horrible shit It's only like $20,000 the way you said that don't announce it

the horrible shit. It's only like $20,000. The way you said that. They'll announce it with like a tattoo on it. This woman's just like, me scordashi, and I throw a blood in the baby. How's the baby? The baby fine. Shut up, Rosie. That movie way of the gun. We're surrogacy. So they were born another lady birthed them, but it was just Kanye and Kim's. Yeah. So they pull them, yeah, was just Kanye and Kim's. Yeah. So they pull them. Yeah, they implant them and they can pick whether they want a boy or girl, because they have the little egg. That's why the, that's a weird conversation about abortion right now is in vitro because those little egg things like the egg semen mixtures that get thrown out all the time. Dude, it's not how you use them.

Those are like, those are like those mixed cocktails now that you can just buy in a can. Well, they're like, you want a baby? I'll put the shit in here. cocktails now that you could just buy in a can Well, they're like you want a baby put the shit in you Pina colada in a can bro It's a baby. We just put it in your fuck you shoot it out of your pussy So they're just wrecking all these like South America ladies for utility doctor now just from that Furby Yeah, what's going on with your pussy? Come on, let's see it This is your pussy. Oh, it's tight

But not a funny I'm like I'm gonna grow your baby for you. That's crazy Dude we want to blow your lips out for 20k She's like oh can I do a C section? He's like no We want a natural birth in a bathtub. Do they do that? Do they demand like natural birds or like the women are like, I'm like an epidural. I mean, it's a price system. She's like, if you want me to do natural birds, it's this much more. So I'm gonna tell you right now, love opiates. Epidural. Yeah, for sure. I need you to epidural me so I can fucking not feel that shit. So then it is a job, man. I mean, that is a job being a surrogate. You know, you're pregnant for that month. So fucking futuristic and dystopian

that there's putting babies in people and they're like, you have to be. It's gonna go not forever, yeah. Really? Over a while, yeah. Chloe started freezing her eggs in April of 2020 and later revealed that she had chosen Tristan. I mean, this girl that I was dating once

was like, I mean, this is how crazy companies are now. She was like, yeah, my company is offering to freeze my eggs so I don't have a baby until this age. Like we just need that workout or something. Yeah, it was a tack it was tack so like they just wanted yeah they wanted a programming you bitch. Yeah that's it. I don't need you fucking make a kiss.

We can't have your that fucking pregnant stomach getting the way of control all to fuck you. Fuck humans do programs. Yeah I need you coding. So that's dystopian man. Yeah that's that's it's also funny that he's just out there fucking sluts the old fashioned way. Man, this is a good slut episode.

Oh, hey, we should say this to your listeners. If you're a reasonably attractive, if you're a seven or eight or above, there is a good chance you could fuck Tristan to come up with that a condom and be related to the Kardashian. Go get that money. Yes Yeah, I think anything above an eight. What do you think is seven or eight? Yeah, join that tribe. Yeah, yeah 7.5 go get it. Yeah, yeah dance nature main. I love you

You're gonna be on the road with me this week. I am excited man I'm gonna hold you then Michelle then Rick Flair what a weird what a crazy week to come a comedy club Dan Soder comm for tickets gonna be their Thursday through Saturday big J comedy It's Coma Comedy Club, dancoder.com for tickets, gonna be their Thursday through Saturday, bigjcomedy.com for tickets to the nasty show, and also tickets to the worst at Montreal. Big Jays also gonna be at Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo, August 11th through the 13th.

Oh, and the funny bone, Liberty, Ohio, August 56th, all tour dates, bigjcomedy.com, thebonfiremerch.com, make sure you go get a sweatshirt or whatever, and of course, get the podcast going, and don't forget, guys, Jesus Christ was our gift from God You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM

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