The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Shame (Or Lack Thereof)

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

Dan Soder teaches Jay everything there is to know about the Lifetime Movie Universe, as he is a respected scholar of the LMU. Jacob inadvertently body shames Jay about his love of dipping sauces. Dan introduces Jay to the twitter feed of a woman who knows how to let loose.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hey, I'm Big J. Operson. And I'm Dan Soder. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF.

Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Crackle Crackle Campers, it's your boy, Black Tiger, Black King, Black Lou, and welcome to the Bond Fire Special of the Week. Dan Soder isn't just a respected comedian, he's also an expert on the LMU. Listen in as he breaks down the Lifetime Movie Universe for Jay. Enjoy. As we've talked about on the show, you're just now getting into it, but I have been throughout quarantine and a little bit before been dabbling in the LMU universe,

the lifetime movie universe, the LMU, the LMU, which, which Jacob, Jacob gets a lot of recommendations. He came over. In fact, I would say that Jacob got me into the LMU

with the Allison Page movie adopted it in danger. The LMU is lazy with their merchandising, by the way. The LMU client was the first one, thank you. That was the first, my killer client was the first LMU that I really, they're way behind their merchandising, Dan. I think you and Jacob should consider, in fact, making action figures for the characters in the movies

to sell because the LMU is missing out on a merchandising opportunity. If you tell me right now to make six inch, six inch articulate figures, I can sell, I can give you a line of fleece, not a dad, I can give you Christmas on wheels. There's a throwback, there's a Valerie Burton Elly and a Meredith Becster Bernie. Yeah, well, articulating artsy with black eyes. I think we're gonna do the, I think we're gonna do the the elite collection where you should be a thing, man. Also, Jay, the LMU is working on its roof of Avengers, which is going to be, it's a movie, a support group for all the women that have been through stuff, and it's called Strength and Numbers.

It's been a big lifetime. And they'll have to kill a fucking Campbell Scott and some other lifetime of Mario Lopez. I mean, the old school lifetime movies that we knew growing up were always women getting kicked around. It was having a movie with husbands. It was shut your fucking mouth or kill me. Yeah. It was fight or flight. Every lifetime movie was fighter flight. Now all they are is because we, you know, we've kept them on in this house when we smoke big joints, we like to smoke big joints and put on very bad movies. And lifetime is in the middle of a Christmas rush right now. And I can't recommend enough how shitty the movies they're putting out on that fucking television station because they're not about abused women anymore and they're

not about there might be they may be spiced up once a while now it's all about it's you're about your family right? yo it is all propaganda making women they do two things they tell women that don't have men you ain't shit you ain't shit unless you got a man And uh and number two if you're a man Shut up and know your role. You will be here to do exactly what the woman asked for it's fucking wild You watch three of these movies and you're like they are programming women to be idiots Yeah, who's the fucking you need to take it easy?

I'm cooking dinner tonight exactly you've got a lot going on with your blog slash radio shows slash business you're starting up And they all have some Himbo husband Dude Katie called it last night Katie called it last night. She was watching it. She goes. I figured it out the relationship Katie called it last night. She was watching it and she goes, I figured it out. The relationship everything has to be perfect before they kiss for the first time because to them on the life to in the LMU dude, that is straight raw dog sex is the first kiss. The first kiss in the LMU. That is like how you and there's a Wendy Williams. That's gauntlet. That's the gaunt. You would say the Avengers

What yeah, that's it. Yeah, the first kiss is that that's Thanos's glove is a fucking is a tongue kiss Snaps and half the people going but the Wendy Williams lifetime What they do is this is out of the regular lifetime LMU and this is kind of a special celebrity one. And this is where they just let a celebrity say exactly what they want to say in a way that is so egregious that any other company making this movie would be like, fuck you. It's almost, I want to say notorious, should have been a lifetime movie. Because it suck, because P Diddy sucked his own dick so much in that movie, that you're a damn that was close to being a lifetime movie.

It was so close. I just watched, I'm not gonna jump away from this trailer, or I'm just say I just watched the other night. It's on YouTube. Yes, this is why I brought that point up. Yeah, is the, is the saved by the bell one. It's the same thing, it's a story watch, like they made a movie about a story with no drama

at all in it like there's zero there's no drama in the situation so exactly there's there's never any real problems in a lifetime movie all it is is there's a slight lack of communication some mild some mild social discomfort and this just it's it's cleared up pretty quick with the least amount of anxiety in a situation Is there fucking end of act two for all of these movies where they're like I didn't think you could love again after your wife died From horrific cancer. That's every guy that they're following a love with You're very astute 12-year-old daughter seems to think we're a perfect fit and she somehow dealt with the death of your wife

With zero resentment Yeah, that's what I was gonna say I was gonna say isn't there also like a thing to it like there's a whole like Subgenre of those movies of like kids trying to get their parents laid yo Let me tell you what lifetime kids love. They're, they love women to fuck their dads. Like all, and they also, they also want their friends' parents to fuck their, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, we're best friends. Wouldn't it be great if my mom fucking blew your dad?

Yeah, do they're like children of the corn, just like, in, in, in, in, in, in fucking, they're like, oh, my friends mom, and then they like to set up clever situations so that they fall in love. Or like if you're a mom. At least not a dad, your mom could die and then your dad could be selling off her collection of toys and Mario Lopez could be the hot delivery driver. Dan made a fantastic point that I never thought about before about the LMU. Specifically Feliz Navidad, but I've seen it before.

Navidad. Thank you, Jay. Navidad. Feliz Navidad. There are always, yeah, the wife has died of cancer and the kid, and it's recent, the kid seems to have no issue. I'll tell you this right now, some of the... I mean, the mother should have passed away a year ago. And Christine can back me as both of us have lost parents as young kids. You don't grasp, you don't get it that much by the time that you're setting your dad up for

the fucking winter carnival with a lady that you met at a bookstore. That's not what happens. You resent the world, you get into nine inch nails and then you know, you find your way out. And then your dad starts dating someone you go you can just move on that quick yeah you have so what is mom's body's not even cold we lost for five years ago what do you want me to do Amber you want me to be lonely my whole it's not gonna bring your mom back it was Big James birthday on Monday but what should have been a joyous week for the birthday boy instead turned into a week of body shaming.

Listening as Jacob inadvertently shames J over his love of dipping sauces. I love dipping sauces, shaming all you want to. Jacob, when we were talking about pizza dipping, did you not- Did you not- You- Are you- You've never done it. Never, I've never dipped. I like I like you even eat. I'm a minimalist

Yeah, yeah, you're like one of those weird you're one of those weird you're one of those weird white guys that sleeps in those Japanese beds on the floor You're like all right. What's up weirdo? Do you see the I talk Do you see the beauty in a garlic dipping sauce for a crust i have a car blim it to me that's that that i got a lot of the jaygo grouts i eat light i always have i'd just love the way i eat so to me it sounds it's just i sound like an asshole no matter what i say here so i don't

it just sounds but what are you gonna say? I mean tread lightly, but what are you gonna say sounds? Sounds gluttonous Okay, can I say something cuz I feel like that's very hateful and I was just telling you that I don't mean it that way I just found like a good heavy you know what you just bring in your fucking right wing dip views, okay? I like an idiot. I get it. I'm not, I don't eat a lot. You eat like a bird. Say it.

You eat like a bird. You don't enjoy the sauces of life. I do think you would know. No, you're wrong. I'm not gonna say that. I actually love, I enjoy everything I eat. Jacob, I'll tell you this. I just never dipped. I'm not saying I'm wrong, right or wrong.

I don't, I don't, I know you're not, I just never eat heavy. So's stop calling me heavy stop stop Personally, call me heavy No, I didn't say that I'm taking your side here Jacob Do you go be just called Jay fat the address? Three times it's my birthday. I'm eating a bit this week. It's my birthday All right, I'm enjoying some cake so shoot these Louise I don't want to answer this quote. I didn't my mom sent an edible arrangement. I'm supposed to what ignore you birthday enjoy some cake Louise

my mom's in an edible arrangement i'm supposed to what do you know that we found this out very high last night do you know that edible arrangement owns edible dot com yet is what my mom said what a power move like edibles are now a very vying industry they'll be able to eventually sell that for a lot of money. Oh shit You think that's the long game edible arrangements are gonna start selling fucking weed animals in the states their legal Dan

That was a good this was a good detour to pull me in Jacob apart here. I'm sorry I had to break it up you guys were Jacob I'm gonna say I'm saying to you Jacob. All right from my fat opinion All right from my fat opinion Is that a little JT on how you eat heavy tell how you eat heavy I'm fixing my hair on this break J. You eat heavy To me everyone You eat I do all of you you eat heavy I know you're going for Jacob. It's just very I

Denime myself and I wish I could eat something but I'm the I don't feel like take pleasure in the way you eat but you don't feel like- No, you like take pleasure in the way you eat, but you don't like take pleasure in naughty food. I can't believe it. I was gonna say Jacob. I don't crave it. Your test, your taste conservative. Jacob, I understand that. All I was gonna say, Jacob, was if you were ever over here

and I was able to get you to dip some crust in the garlic butter sauce, and you tried it, you would come. I was going to say that and we were all going to laugh that that's in the world of humor. It was a purposeful overstatement. You're not going to come, but I think you will really enjoy the flavor of garlic butter on crust. For that, my payment as a friend to say I'd like to put this happiness into your life one day was to be called a Quotal quote heavy

He told me he told me I don't think of either one of you like I just never ate either one of you Me and Christina heavy are you saving a danner heavy neither one? Either one of you, me and Christina heavy are you saving a day or heavy? Neither one. They could be the guy fat. Damn, Jacob's over here body shaming a whole fucking crew. This is gonna be it. This is gonna help me. Ask me if I needed.

I just never ate it. So maybe I'm. I never was saying that I would like. I was saying I'd like. Hey, you two are the twins on those little tiny motorbikes. How do you guys eat? Obviously. Thanks, we're all of you are enjoying life a lot more than me. Well, Christine, we're fat, especially now. So you want to you want to get in a fat

food couple play where we just like warm out chili off each other's tits. Check it out, dude. I can't wait for you guys to be fucking remove the wall fat. You guys are guys we got back to studio. We're open as fucking doorway back. You've had another foot on that. You know what the real kicker in the ass is? This thing's attached to a fucking stud being. Support piece. I don't know. Christy knows what we're going to do here. I'm thinking it's maybe a window job. You know what? Best case scenario. We get him out the window,

so if we just blow it out. Jacob. I think I have to do with height. What do you mean? You guys? I'm black. Lou is black. Lou's blown away by this. What can you only taste garlic butter above five six? I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about anymore. Never. It's it's it Never. Jacob stop. It's okay. It's okay. I think you would really enjoy the Chick-fil-A sauce and the Polynesian sauce. Polynesian sauce.

I'll not. Braco Berriesque. Polynesian sauce is brought over. Jacob, when we get back in the same room together, can we try to convert you to the dip life? I want to make omelets with y'all. Absolutely. And then we convert you to it to the dip life? I want to make Omelette switch, y'all. I put in absolutely. And then we want you to join the dip set.

Come join the dip set. That's, that's all of us living that dip life. Also before that, like I came off a certain way here. I wasn't trying to, you know, I guess she's got. See if serious can provide me with a wider chair because I want to be comfortable. Jay, do you take up? Fantastic, I think you both look fantastic. I just don't. Jacob 2021, Jacob 2021, we're going to be doing some heavy,

heavy eating. Oh, heavy. We're going to live heavy. You're going to eat heavy with us. Time to live heavy. We've been eating heavy. Come join us, Jacob. We've been living that heavy life.

J's week of body shaming continued when a simple act of taking out the trash turned into a lesson in humiliation. We had some sweets, some old sweets. Yeah. That's somebody giving us that word just there. We didn't want to eat all these sweets. It was too much. So I took them out today and they were all packaged separately,

though, you know what I mean? It was like a slice of coconut cake and a slice of this and a slice of cheese cake and all. And a ridiculous amount of them. So I took them outside and I would empty the package of each and then put it in the recycling. I'd empty the cake into the garbage and then the recycling. And during that time, three or four women walked by

while I was doing it. And I just realized throwing out a bunch of sweets that wants as a fat person looks just as bad as just eating it in front of them. Like both, it's just extreme opposites of the thing. It's like, did she catch me after I've already gorge and I'm like, get out of my life, cake, you're killing me. Or, of course, I must've just eaten it, yeah.

I'm so all so good, I love it. Or is it day one of your new life if this was like in the montage where you're in the video? Yeah, exactly, yeah, that's what I mean. She seemed like turning it all around, so either way you just look fat, even throwing out a bunch of fatting and fatting foods, you look fat throwing at you,

I can't have it around me. I'm not strong enough. You getting drive by support from a random white woman who's hilarious if you throw it away. It's goes, you know what, you got a new least. You're gonna be a new person. And you know what? You're gonna do it, honey. You're gonna keep both your feet.

Oh man, it really, it felt as humiliating as if I was just eating five pieces of cake in front of her. Yeah, you should have just ate an entire cake in front of her. Whoever was more like a boss. Or you should have done a long dramatic funeral procession for the cake. Oh man. By the way, the worst thing is why I don't give like bokes of food like that to like the random homeless in the street Anymore is because they turn it down and that makes me feel fat or also. They're like no, I would need that Like is that what you eat? This is your you you have left over from this. Yeah Well, I know I understand it's looking at that

I look at it from the point of those homeless men know what's gonna make them a rubbed out of their asshole And they're like that chocolate cake is too rich I shit Seventh Street Hello, I'm DJ Lou and on this week's live lost tapes a camper tweeted at Dan a young lady who will have sex with just about anyone and Loves to get punched in the chops Check this out. Do you have the web-secret scene? A lot of these are not good examples right here But there's things like just a young pretty girl

Taking a dump like why is she agreeing to do this on video? I'm so Fascinated by it. Yeah, but then it gets into a deep thing where you're just like we got to go all the way back and find out Why you are here? It is funny and I found oh that just that came as one of those simply all things It's like it was an option of something. Yeah, and you go and and you go it's like oh I'll fucking take a look at that and I have but however interestingly enough with those videos then yes I know you're gonna search here but within those videos it is again only intriguing to me when it's like the super hot chicks or even like girl next door hot chicks doing it When it's a morbidly obese or like a very like slavvingly person doing it.

Yeah. It's completely again just like, oh, now it's not that I won't look at it for the same thing but I am more intrigued by beautiful people doing such heinous things. Well that cause you're like, you're beautiful. You could have gotten out of this. Why are you here?

Right. The girl that have to have to cut out of her house like she was gonna shit where she sat Anyway, yeah, she's like you're just happened to film it I guess some skinny weird pervert. That's like I want to pay you for it And she's like well of course you do you're a fucking weirdo. Yeah Yeah, they don't have to lie about it. My name's Ruth. Yeah shit where I sit you give me a fucking enough chocolate bars You give me a watch him a call it you can bathe in my shit

Come wherever you want. I don't care. Yeah, I don't wash myself. Christine's fucking she's on it We're scouring because this lady now for those of you who don't remember what we're talking about There was a woman that we watched a clip of her being double teamed by two gentlemen And they were punching her in the ribs as they were doing it like good rib shots I mean from the shoulder, from both ends. Christine found it. Bring it up, Christine. There she is.

Jacob, can I ask you something? Sexually, how intimidating is that? Well, I mean, I would never take part in this. Which part? I can't do this. No, Jacob, Jacob, this is the greatest answer. No Jacob. Jacob in this scenario this part is the greatest answer of all time. I don't think Jacob fully understands Jacob in this scenario you'd be one of the dudes on the on the side. You wouldn't be the late. Yes, I know, Jake. Oh, what?

You'd be the guy behind or the guy in front. You're not you know if you were when you're picturing this Jacob. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. None of us. None of us want to be none of us want to be in the middle of that. Christine Christine. Brian wants to be in the middle of that. I don't want to be the middle of that. Christine. I don't think Christine is looking to take body shots though. I mean, getting punched in the ribs during sex. I don't like my nipples touched. Yeah. I don't like my nipples touched either or my feet. Would you have the confidence to bang your girl with a very another very confident dude like that

depends on the situation dude probably not I think my days of uh I couldn't imagine now like banging a chick with a buddy anymore just because I feel so old and silly about that do you know I mean I said to be in great shape That's it. That's all. Thank you a great shape. I was a fucking tip top shape I mean me and just I mean me and Justin silver like hooked up with a girl sort of at the same time before and that was like, you know Justin's got intimidating body and hog Body hog Bony hog Well, this girl is this is this is this think she's looking at that shot, dude.

This guy is, but also he's given WWE shots. He's going with the inside of his hands, which I think I brought up the first time. Yeah, all right, but I mean, you know. She's a slugger. Yeah, her name's Subgirl. I love being used by random guys and all their friends, which is the same fucking profile I had for years on Twitter.

That's true. And they told you we're a hack. She also likes to buff a little bills. Which after Monday's night game, you know, I could watch her get beat up a little bit after watching the Niners lose the way they did. I just your average girl always looking for that next naughty adventure. I mean, so what's so she gets slugged sometimes but it's not always that. They just kept inviting their in and they just kept inviting their friends into use me. No, hang on a second. I might beat off to this before you leave, Dan.

I can't. I mean, why is it over? Why is it not playing? Is it? Why is it because God hates me? That's right. I didn't see you after that. Why can't we watch that? Why can't it? It's God hates me me okay, she seems to go tripod every time It's always well Dan. I don't know if she's looking for notes on production. Oh, I am. That's why I'm here Jay Christine you know I'll hear it in the hotel this weekend Christine reach out to her we have to meet her where she live buffalo dude, uh shit Can I be your snow bunny and she seems to only be with black dudes, so I don't know if

That is you know what they are but she did say she likes being used by everybody But I've seen some of these black dudes have been fat and not big dick I'll tell you that aside from my sweet sweet thoughts of Christine this girl will probably become my number one road jerk for a while really this is Sneaking the dorm rooms to just so college dudes could fuck that's just great. She's saving reckless abandoned. She's saving society. But god damn it dude can it be one white dude so I think there's a value to reaching out to you. There has to be trust me this lady. No man. This guy's got a shirt above his head the way I used to do as a joke as a kid What college is she fucking that Hillman? Yeah, I think it's a you know a story. Thank you, Lou. I think it's an HBC

It's got to be an HBC. Oh, dude George town maybe I'll get a little flick tits Christine. She goes to grambling. Oh She got you guys are gonna you might as well you guys are gonna be able to fucking kiss before your nipples touch Tongue joust oh man what a gaper She got a bills jersey on dude black dude shot off her wearing the bills jersey though getting railed in a jersey Oh black. Oh right in the shitter. Ashy Boah Christine. We got to get this girl Oh, we have to invite her over for your famous turkey meat for your turkey tacos Guys in full hoodie and snow hat. He's gonna be sweating. I'm telling you I can really put myself in these things

Look at this guys fucking in a hoodie the way I wish to start dude. This is your jam. This is your jam You finally found a lady getting fucked in a hoodie Christine I'm wrong. I told you even very recently, there's no one in the road I would want to leave you for. This might be her. You just found you. Christine's like unfollowed. Followed, unfollowed. Christine. So thanks, Danny Cash. You just broke up the bonfire. Christine, not me and Jay, we'll be fine. Christine, there's my, you're gonna have to this litter at being our lives Dude that's so funny is all of us there to go and here's our new producer subgirl 0831 With a full name

The Jacob's like hey, yeah, some girl. She's not listening to my notes And she just keeps like taking the company credit card and buying dildos. That's the one I was talking about Yes, she wrote I will literally fuck anyone in the it's a guy in a sling I will literally fuck anyone is hilarious I will literally do what a funny thing to tweet ever I will literally fuck anybody I'll tell you why that makes me feel bad also because he's not fat. He looks like he's actually in shape

and he's got a broken arm. That's where I would literally fuck anyone. So I'll tell you what, that tweet is really gonna fucking hit home. If I reached out to this person and said, hey, you should come hang out with me and my chick. And she was like, send a picture. And then we did and then she goes,

nah, I'm not really interested. You're like, you said you would literally fuck anyone. anyone like I'm saying how much more way it hurt you got to send that tweet back to her Look at this chubby dude This guy why don't you wear the tank let me tell you something never in a million years Would I go tank top up look? He's wearing a sports bra Rock the tank top pull it over the belly thought you're missing the entire point of tank top. She did say, look at that, Jay. She says, I love my big boys.

Of course, he wants bang this chick. And I'm not being presumptuous, but she said you'll fuck anybody. Jacob, what are you going to say? Right there. On that one. I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was gonna say it I was oh yeah god Jacob read it Jacob you read it for us. Jacob can you lose read it for us.

No why you want me to read. Of course. why you want me to read. Of course you don't. I don't want to read that one. Jacob, there's two cabs. I mean, I can't read it. Jacob, there's two cabs in here, which one are you speaking of? Christine, can you read this one? Just give me the one.

Oh, no way. Come on. This is someone who knows that whoever's reading this is getting an instant drop. We're all waiting for you to start reading so we can be silent. Christine, please. Jacob, please. No way. You're just reading something.

What's the biggest reading something? You're reading a quote. Jacob, you said, could you see that quote? What's your problem? You said you read that quote, but we're looking at two quotes. Which one are you speaking of? Oh, I didn't read the top one. your problem. You said you read that quote but we're looking at two quotes. Which one are you speaking of? Oh, I didn't read the top one. I'm oh, I thought you were gonna read the top one.

I don't want to read either one of those damn please. I'm gonna read the one you were talking about at first Jacob. Don't want to. You're come on. We're gonna have dead air Jacob. Jacob. Yeah, I'm not doing it. We're gonna be silent, dude No, no, come on the alarms will go off if you're going You gotta talk I mean that's You gotta talk for Jacob this is why you gotta be a voice guy because Jacob when you're a voice guy you can just go like this hey it's jam time let's go buffalo I'm offering my holes as a tribute if they win today I was gonna go listen get my voice to

it I don't give a shit it's probably funny but Jacob it would have been great if we had an audio of you saying if you're gonna fuck my ass make that shit hurt devil devil emoji And when she also want you know that her ass is missing some teeth and slap marks Christine she seems to be Hold on I'm gonna read this while taking my usual walk on lunch I was approached by this gentleman who stated he thinks we're friends on Twitter. After I confirmed he promptly took me back to his apartment, used my holes, come all over my face, and sent me back to work. I

happy girl. So this girl rocks. What a lovely lunch. What a lovely lady who lunches. This is what Jay would be if Jay were a woman. Oh man, yeah, you just open hole. Jay's Chase like guys. Do you guys want to hear about my afternoon? I was in target. Two of the stock boys. We're looking at me. I just say I just say with my sexuality though, it is an interesting thing that that like I don't

know if I could be quite this frivolous about it, but I mean like this girl she's doing it for I don't know how she's making money off this. She must in some way but like she just quees out a bunch of commoner landlords hand yeah only fans I got that was four dudes that I met today at the acme so yeah only fans I guess and just whatever but I'm sure these like sells videos or something but like either way oh there you go yes I will fuck anyone regardless of the age looks or race Yes, I am actively doing my best to fuck every single one of you

No, I do not charge for sex or have booking rates I get off on making people happy and seeing the enjoyment on someone's face when I let them use me It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. There is there is everywhere you come I'll tell you what it's so it's so void of shame But now I'm concerned That's something had terrible's happened to her that she goes oh no, no, I watch my whole family She fucks an employee in a tanning room. I mean these are things I look up These are past porn hub searches. No, you know like the fucking like like an actual like you know

Like like a made it a Travelodge like sucking a guy's cock in the room. Are you gonna be like? Are you gonna be on the flight to Austin? Am I being like did I weird science this lady into existence? Weird science What banging black eyes and cripples weird science science What? Banging black eyes in, cripples weird science. Science? Banging fat guys.

Banging fat guys in, dudes at lunch. Weird science. This is how I leg day. Who wants to put their stuffing in my turkey for Thanksgiving? See this girl's got a- Wow! I mean, she's showing you the inside of the bird right there. Yeah.

She's married up, there. Yeah. Yeah, she's married up too. Wow. Really? Wacky has to be like, not cool. What fucking rain shed is that guy? This guy. Yeah, everybody reach out and tell this girl her next mission.

Show her me with dicks. Show. I'm not broken. I just really like dick. All right. Guys, we're gonna see like she's answering my questions here And she's saying all the right thing. She writes her captions like a slutty hallmark. I told you my face was prettier with come on She's not wrong, dude. Happy Valentine's Day. She's fantastic video

Keep going so keep going so we can keep doing which birthday cards. What Jacob? Keep going so we can keep doing which birthday cards. What Jacob? He's such a funny writer. Yeah, I miss my belly button ring happy flag day Not bad for a hot wife that'll fuck anything with a pulse. Don't you agree? Yeah, I really do I'm just here to make you happy anyway. I can I go play video games with me. She goes that's not I don't do that man It's as my it is my goal in life to satisfy as many people as I can what is her husband do? You gotta be one understanding husband, huh? Does he videotape? No, it's definitely not understanding. He's understanding He's into it. No, the next tweet is the best tweet I've ever read of my entire life

Is the greatest read of ever read in my life, please read it Do you like the new hairstyle? I'm just asking to be destroyed while you shove your cock in my holes. Oh It's just asking to be destroyed. Do you like my new haircut? Oh, don't forget. I'm just a pin cushion Yeah, hold down. Let's not take shots at her. I'm not taking shots at her. I just celebrated. You know, before let me be your new girl crush. Look at that. Wait, we'll go up. It's her only fans is 150 plus full length videos over 600 pictures. No paywalls. Five bucks to this girl. What a bargain. She's the Kirkland of sluts. Go go go go down. Go down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Je's cranberry juice. I'm fucking going down.

She says some better husband. What I said, my husband, after he thinks he won an argument, a video. Oh, so he's in on it. Yeah, he's in on it. For sure. It's too. Oh, she is prolific, man. This is like, uh, this is like the air up there, but with, uh, with a massive slut. Yeah, and you're like Kevin Bacon. You're like my help. She could be the best.

Christine, you're an admirer of this work. You'll visit this again. I feel like I'm feeling one way. I'm feeling amazing. I just want to quote all of her tweets now. She's without the videos. I'm just gonna start stealing her tweets. She's smiting more nights like this. And they're like, what are you talking about, Soder? Her attitude is so perfect. As I look at her weird titties, I'm starting to think, maybe this is a trans. No, I saw it. Do you look at her pussy and butt?

There, let me tell you something. I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. There's so textbook that I'm thinking they might be man and made. No. By the way, this only goes back. I only went back to November 13th. This is And you've been scrolling the whole time. This lady stays putting out content. It's five weeks and a month, you know Jesus she gets it in always working

Will Jay happy birthday. She looks like she really enjoys it and that's the end of the day the thing that is It's all about the enjoy She's in I mean with those quirky right you'd hate to find out the husband's the one doing the writing No, I can see that now Oh writing of the tweets. Yeah, yeah, the tweets. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that would be weird What does her husband do that? I'm more my more things like what does he do that? It doesn't matter that his chick is like again like go you're thinking like co workers forget the work I get the

thing of like stranger seeing it is whatever but like that just could easily go to like accidentally to well 197,000 followers. Yeah. Think about how many followers you have we both have over a hundred thousand followers followers Some of those people that are following me our friends of mine since before I was a comedian Sure, right right people some of those people that are following her have to know her before she was this incredible slut Do you think they're like it goes? Have you seen Ileens Twitter feed it went off the rails? Do you remember that girl that we worked with? Summer in between sophomore and junior year at the beach restaurant? Yeah, you go. I follow her on

on Twitter and uh wow. I think I know who blew the kitchen kitchen staff. It like solves a mystery. I know the girl who blew the kitchen stuff. Do you remember that story that all the cooks were talking about that woman that they called her the cum slurp? Yes, she can just make you want to just makes you want to be a great father. No, we don't get a hold of her. Look at for. I am a good father. I'm relatively.

Great father. I'm relatively certain is a bell is not subgirl. 90210 doing this on the I'm certain this is not the direction she's going to head. It is funny that nobody like thinks you're like, oh, it really makes you want to be a great father. And this girl's off for rails, but like nobody thinks about that, a guy that like wants to bang two chicks. I would like to.

You lost them. Christine, you wouldn't let subgirl in our house. She loves them. I didn't say that. Okay, you said this girl's off the rails. It's so weird that she said. Hold on. I love how protective Jay is over subgirl now could be chill. He's like

You guys just need to fucking back up dude. She's my queen easy man Fucking chill the Lord's work out there. Christine. That's a missionary. Christine. I completely agree with you It's not the fact that she wants to bang two dudes. That's fucking great The thing is when she's like, I will be used by anybody at any time. Yeah. I am a cum receptacle and you're like, hey, so what's up? But I'm talking like, can you really throw in no lines? I think sluts are rad, but there's a level of slut where you're like, okay, so there's no barriers. Can we ask why there's no barriers?

Well, I can't tell you an answer. There might be something like this. I'll tell you why, because what she's doing is in many ways. I do believe the Lord's work. Again, wouldn't want it to be my child. That's the hypocrisy of it all. But I'm telling you exactly why is because for many guys, forget the obvious ones like the handy captor, though, whatever, and it shall fuck. Just the more, like, grotesque morbidly obese, which I'd have a little more sympathy for to understand, I'm saying like, that will be the hottest chick he ever fucks

if he just crosses a path and asks, she's saying, she will do it. And I'm like, wow, man, that would turn that guy's fucking month around. You miss every shot you don't take. And I'm not saying it. But she's doing the Lord No, I'm like, wow, man, that would turn that guy's fucking month around. You miss every shot you don't take. And she's doing the Lord's work a little away. No, she's the reason she's single-handedly is keeping cat calling alive because they're like, yo, nice ass. And she's like, why don't you suck your dick in your Toyota? Hey, you want me to fuck all you guys on the job? Say this. Oh, all right. So numbers game

apparently. All right. I can finish. I can come in and get in my tuna fish sandwich in before we go back to work on the side What if it if that girl you're right Dan if one story circulates throughout the world of construction That these guys called this girl and then she came in and let all seven of the guys working the job site fucker that day guys call this girl and then she came in and let all seven of the guys work in the job site fucker that day. Like how could you ever step cat calling you go it's gotta be a numbers game. Eventually a girl's gonna go I'll actually fuck every one of you guys right now. I mean that's like playing it's like playing a scratch off and winning the grand prize and you go like I got my scratch off the rest of my life. This is great. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's fucking yeah.

This is something to where it's like this girl comes off so real, right? Like she comes off like she's a hot wife. But like she's a hot wife. And this is what she does. But to me, I'm like, this chick's just like the new era of legitimate porn star. She's obviously a porn star. I don't know how you could hide. You can't hide like who you are like that.

Her face is there. That's what she does. And she has her only fans and she has her social media and that's her job. So it just seemed like this isn't just some, you know, housewife that's like, oh, I'm going to do an only fans like this is a new error. So the Christine, so the Christine's prepping us until she has an only fans. And that's why you got to do the big deal. You got to do a slow launch. So right. So friends and fans. We're do a slow launch. So right now, I have a slow roll out. So friends and family. We're doing the soft launch.

We're doing the soft launch. $3 right now for the whole month of December. And I full length videos. I just want to let subgirl know I'm coming for that ass. I'm going to be in a lot of weird situations with a lot of strange looking dudes. Full length videos open to interpretation too. What's a full-length video?

Just pop real quick three acts I'll be getting middle-edited in a crux hero and a hero You need a I don't know foil a foil. I would go with a I wouldn't even mind watching a nemesis I Agree to Christine. She's being a porn star basically, but I'm telling you that I'll fuck anybody thing is That's why I have no she should do it like a commercial. Oh Fuck anybody

People say that my pussy prices are in But I'll tell you I charge zero. It's a December do remember charge zero. It's a December to remember. First sub girl. I'll take come in the butt and the pus or the mouth. I don't get smiles until you come on my face. This flag day, I'm getting gang banged until the sun goes down.

And you're going to be there. I don't care if you've got a swing. If you're in a sling from a slip and fall if Maybe you have that bent dick Peronis thing if you smell like cheese Fuck you Yeah, this girl's awesome what an inspiration in these dark times she's a I mean she's just How prolific she is. Yeah, she's had a wiper pussy.

She goes, uh, it was crazy. How many? She was looking up. I got a band, I got a band band full of ladies. Not. I do. This girl. It's crazy.

How many guys are comfortable? Cause I, and who knows? Maybe she pays the guys to be in video and there's, she's like scouting pornsters, but she's so prolific. It's crazy. I think I'm in favor She do me favor let me live in the air these are shot and film so shotaly That please let me at least live in the thing these guys I believe are not paid. I'm saying these guys I think she will fuck anyone she should put out a promo video of all of those clips to push it to the limit Yeah, I'd be going to train her I want to come over

I want to sit up tonight. Just drop a medicine ball Ah, you put your hand over her mouth or nose and her mouth so she can't breathe. You're like that's like you're sucking a big weener. You think that dorm room of black dixas take is exhausted? You think they're exhausted? We're going to Alcorn State this week. Georgetown versus Howard this weekend. Yeah, let's train you for the famoo band. Florida. I am. You see that marching band competition that's coming to town is sleeping right now. We're gonna have you get your ass up. We're gonna have you drink more yogurt. If you're gonna suck off the drum line, we need you to drink this thing by the

hour. I got a Greek picnic. Yeah. Black fraternity's coming down. Do you think she I got a girl who's not trading to take all the black dick do you think she's done the Puccino speech from heat to her husband about why she's had a long day I'm sucking off three guys I needed a best one I drank there come I'm sorry if the chicken got dry. I'm giving a BJ in an exon bathroom. I Walk out. I forget the key inside. They go in there. The guy still got his pants down. I'm sorry if the chicken got Dry. I got a handicap guy that can't find the break on his wheelchair I'm rolling around crawling on my knees trying

to get his coming to my throat. So I'm sorry if the chicken got I got three black guys working me over in a dorm room. Three more guys walking. They tell me the cousins. They're all cousins apparently. So I'm a little late. So I have to chicken. Got he kept inviting in his friends. We could read her tweets. He came to inviting in his friends. I have to check all my holes are open. If the Buffalo bells win, so I have to check. So I have to check. Yeah, John, dude, she is the Rocky

Balboa. Christine further the tweets, please. She is the Rocky Balboa and Sluts where she's just like, come on, is that all you got? Who are you, you're so bad. You go, yo, she's getting killed out there. There he goes, nah, she's getting sweat, man. Yeah. She's getting throated.

From my big ass design to take repeated poundings, to my big hands, designed for you to have something all the hard to, and my pretty face made for you to have something to hold on to. And my pretty face made for you to have something nice to look at while relieving your stress. I really was created to be your perfect slut. So I'm sorry if the chicken got dry now. My DMs are open now, so feel free to inbox me. I've applied to everyone, I'll be glad to see my holes get used and for me to satisfy all the guys here.

Keep on supporting your new girl and subgirl, need this so bad, apologies if to. Cheers again, dry man. Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM. you