The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Shower Squat Prayer (feat. Bert Kreischer)

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

The Bonfire LA week ends with a blast! In front of a SiriusXM Garage studio audience, Bert Kreischer does not disappoint. He gets into it with Bobby & Jay about sleeping naked, Chappelle pumping him up before a roast, and songs that make him cry. Bert is headlining the Kia Forum this weekend. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now, live from LA for the Netflix is a Joke Fest, it's the Bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. I'm an avid cat, some say a dirty man. Oh, look at Bobby ingratiating himself. Hi, hi. I feel very... Hi, I'm the new guy. Hi, hi. This is too far away. What?

This is too far away. No, now we have a powerhouse guest in the middle of us. Did you just pick your nose? No, I did this. No, not when we have a powerhouse guest in the middle of us. Did you just pick your nose? No, I did this. No, I thought you did this. No, in front of all these people? Yeah, why not? I'm so insecure.

You're going to see me move like this 30,000 times because this chair is making me look fat. Really accentuate your belly. Yeah, I really got to pull. I got to sit like this. What's up, everybody? It is the Bonfire. Live. Coming to you from Los Angeles. Our

first live show ever in the garage at Sirius XM. It's good to have you here. I'm Big Jay Okerson. That is the great Robert Kelly. We got Jacob Patat right there. We got Black Lou. Christine Somewhere. DJ Lou's in the booth over there say hi to him DJ Lou do you have one of your fun little things you play DJ He usually makes a montage or some shit, but he's getting LA lazy out here Soaking up the Sun we had a nice prayer circle before we came out. Yeah, we begged every God to make this good. We threw a fucking lob out to everybody

in the fucking place, every God possible. We did, I think we've got Allah. Allah? That's not a popular one, sorry. Quiet down, Allah goes, not now. Not in these times. Oh man, you know what? We didn't talk about that yet. When we first came down here

to see the garage the last two days or so they were doing Megyn Kelly in here. And Bobby Kelly fawning over Megyn Kelly was one of the funniest things I've seen. He stopped her and he was like, I just want you to tell you I'm a really big fan of what you do.

I didn't even know who it was at first and then that square head looked up and I was like, oh shit. She's not of a square head. She has a very beautiful head and I'm a fan of Megyn Kelly. Why, because of her beautiful head? All she's been through.

What has she been through? She was subjected as a woman at Fox. To what? Money and power and fame. Oh, was she one of the ones that was like the guy was weird with her? She was the one that the guy was weird. He said, hey, keep picking up this pencil and then pick up this pen

and then just keep making her bend over and share. And then he made it turn around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did she do it? She had a show on nip. Did she do it? No, she didn't do it. Fuck. No, I think she did do it Yes You're such a piece of shit that no, no, I hope that guy goes away forever for the crimes he committed Well, I'm sorry. It does make it makes me move a little bit in the pants when I hear she did it Hey, pull your titty out. Oh man, what a tawdry situation.

That guy's a piece of shit, but thanks. We need those pieces of shit. I like Megyn Kelly. I mean, if the fucking bass player for Wasp, you would have fondled over him. Dude, I'm a big fan of your bass. I don't know any of the members of Wasp.P that make you feel good to throw WASP at me. I did.

I like the word WASP. You knew there's black people here and they're not going to get the reference and I'll have to jerk off in front of black people? Who the fuck is WASP? We always have, we have a drop on this show for years and years now. It may have been the bass player for wasp Who was an old? Decline of Western civilization documentary where they show all that took the hair metal guys in their prime

Yeah, I think it was the bass player for wasp who was sitting in a pool Floating on a floaty drinking vodka right out of the bottle full leather pants in the pool in the pool nice right out of the bottle, full leather pants. In the pool. In the pool. Nice. While his weird fucking chubby mom just sat in the back, I mean ripping Virginia Slims. And he's like, Ma, right, these are the days.

And he's like, porn thing. And she's like, I guess, baby. And they just, whatever you say, sweetheart. She didn't give a shit. And that guy now is like, selling his Camaro for like 200 bucks online. Those were the days, he was right. That was it.

In a mansion, so yeah. That said, don't know his name. And I'm not a fan of Wasp. But I also wouldn't fawn over Megyn Kelly. But again, I'm starting to feel like it's just her looks because you've said so far nothing, you like her. Yeah. And her beautiful, smart face.

Smart face. It doesn't have too many angles on it, you're right. I like her politics. What politics exactly? Common sense. Right, of what? About people. America.

Okay. And then what are those politics what does she think we should all a little more you don't know a goddamn thing about her I don't know but I know she's hot and blonde yeah and she was right there there it is that I'm okay with Christine gave him such a stink face after he said that to her. Of course she did. Oh really? I don't know why. Oh are we good here? Oh very very nice. We have a special guest today you guys are gonna flip out. Are you excited? This is the smallest crowd by I think a million people he's been in front of so

make it feel big would you? Yeah? Everybody joining us on the live show makes some noise for the Machine, but in one pleasure. Oh, Burt Kreischer everybody. What's up everybody? What's up? Thank you for being here. You've had quite a week. You are part of what I think they're saying now is the biggest moment in comedy in a decade. It was crazy I just feel like I feel like I went to Vietnam I told my sergeant I was gay he didn't make me fight in the war and I came home and I came home and everyone's calling me a word we just didn't bomb that's all we did Tom and I just didn't bomb that That's I mean we weren't fucking good. We just didn't bomb

How's me when I say we thought we were going to eat a hot dick? We were why first of all it's a three-hour fucking roast. Okay sure it's long Nikki. Okay, Kev destroys fucking destroys Drew Bledsoe fucking destroys that was a surprise that was the first love yeah kills Nikki fucking murders Jeff Ross fucking murders well except for that one moment yeah well he almost got murdered by Tom Brady I'll tell you what that moment when Tom Brady goes over and goes don't say that shit again when he talked about Bob Kraft, all the stuff I'm hearing on the internet

where people are getting mad about, well, they went at Giselle, and Giselle didn't deserve any of that, and Giselle shouldn't have been talked about like that. Tom Brady, every time a Giselle joke was made, he would just be like, whoa, wow. As soon as they were like, hey, remember your boss got jacked off by that Asian chick?

He was like, shut the fuck up, dude. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. He almost started kissing his son again to draw people away from that. Don't talk. But Jeff's face he was scared. We couldn't see it. Brady had a picture of the girl he was with 15 years ago. We couldn't see it on the dais.

Well, you couldn't really hear it. I was reading everyone's prompter the entire time. I know. Yeah, I know. Everyone's giving you too much shit for that. Tom was doing it too. Everyone was doing it. And the only person who exposed you all, unfortunately, was Tony. Because Tony chose Tony Hinchcliffe who killed amazing by the way he murdered fucking I mean uh so impressive he did

it different and he walked along the dais and roasted everybody so behind me to see everybody reading their own jokes about them you're trying to get to the pun sign to see how bad it's gonna hurt and his was a lot of reading for me it was like Rodney King, Liver King, Martin Luther King. Yes. And I'm doing this going, give me shit, I deserve it.

I'm a comedian, I'm not a fucking doctor. Like I'm sitting there enjoying the fuck, I'm drunk as fuck, and I just thought, I don't give a fuck, I read, I just read. There's a gray area of not doing that between doctor And what we are It's the Adam Sandler interview

It's the it's who I am. I'm a fucking idiot, but I but I think that's what people love about Yeah, I like it about me. It's what people love about you people bust balls about but it's You're still you're still deserve it. You're still have childlike whimsy about meeting famous people. You're very excited. Can I tell you, okay, so wait, I gotta tell you the best part of the roast you didn't see. So we didn't see, we didn't see the Jeff Bob Ross, or Robert Kraft thing.

My bad. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. I did see Jeff apologizing to Robert Kraft privately, like on the dais, like hey, you know, whatever Nikki goes up she fucking destroys Tom leans over to me Schultz is nervous and Tom's like we're gonna eat a fucking dick and I said really goes buddy. We're about to bomb really hard And by the way, we have nothing to gain out of this. We already have deals at Netflix So we have no we so we have, all we

have is shit to lose. Which is terrifying and all I, all anyone talked about on the fucking, on the day before was, do you remember the Emmet Smith roast where that guy Doug Williams bombed and it ruined his career? And I'm thinking, is that what ruined his career? I mean I don't know, was he on his way somewhere? He just, know he just Everyone made fun of him for the rest of his fucking life and Tom and I are like oh fuck That's about to be us our careers have just peaked it is fucking over right now. We're gonna eat a dick We go backstage They have the prompter in front of us the screen in front of us and I look at him and I go buddy if we die

We die together and he goes okay. I gave him a hug gave him a kiss we did fine right Sam Jay goes Hey, I'm gonna light you up, and I was like okay I don't know what she's gonna say now when we did run through I have my zins in my pocket And it was a circle in my pants, and they say hey, it's distracting you can't bring them on stage I was like I'm not gonna not do zins on stage, so I put them in a little plastic baggie I Pull out to take a zen and Tom goes, buddy that looks like fucking coke. So Sam Jay starts lighting me up. You're not even a real fucking rock star. You just drink. You don't do drugs. You only fuck your wife. And at the forum

I do this. And the fucking camera's on me and the place erupts They edited out and all they see is Schultz goes you have a fucking bag of blow on you and I start going yeah, baby That was the wildest shit Sam. Jay came over you have an eight ball on you. I was like no it's my zin Though after party you would be shocked who walked up to me first. Yeah, let get a taste of that. Oh I just I think you can probably guess. Rob Kraft. True blood so. The short list of people that walked up they're like hey man can I meet you in the bathroom? I was like it's Zen. And they go still. Yeah. Still whatever they should do something in the bathroom. It was a who's who man. I'll tell you cool behind the scenes stuff. We were really nervous. Everyone was very nervous. Everyone. I mean, Gronk wasn't. But Gronk was not. Because he's retarded. No he's not. He's my favorite man alive. You don't mean that. I love Gronk more than I love. Gronk said to me, at the after party,

he goes, I need to meet two people. Dave Chappelle and your wife and I was like Oh one's gonna let you down It wasn't my wife But little preachy for me We get before the before the roast starts we're everyone's nervous everyone's in the green room and it's really oddly silent and We got a knock on our door And it's fucking Chappelle. He's like I hang out party with you guys and we're like Fuck yeah, and Chappelle sat in our green room for an hour leading up to the ropes Just partying and fucking relaxing us. Oh you guys are gonna fucking kill you guys are gonna fucking kill man

You're the comics there, you know, like it really pumped Chappelle's the greatest guy in the fucking world He pumped us up and then when we got off That's not true. That's not true. You're saying that now. Yes, we were better people in this room along the bed. We're better than him. Fuck are you talking about? You're a better guy than Dave Chappell by far.

Yeah, we didn't even say anything about this outfit. This outfit, you love this outfit. I fucking love it. I know you do. Look at my hoodie. I thought love it. I know you do. Look at my hoodie. I thought we were wearing the same shirt. Bobby loves that outfit.

Bobby's dying to live out loud. He's getting there. The skinnier I get, the gayer I get. Me too. The day I started seeing my dick, I was like, I like looking at dicks. Yeah, I love dicks. When I see, have you ever jerked off like this and lost yourself? I couldn't do it when I was like I like looking at dicks. Yeah Have you ever jerked off like this and watch yourself I couldn't do when I was fat I just had to hope that's what I was pulling on

Now I'm like I stroke it and in a mirror I jerk off at myself in a mirror Do you do I do like like unnatural to do by yourself stuff just to show off sometimes I do like a push out base squeeze and then try to like two hand, there's no reason for it, just like two handed for a little bit, I go look at that, if I really push back on that ball back, I can get a two hand grip on this bitch. I play the game where I go one, two, you win. You were the first person I ever heard jerk off

and rub the head of your cock. Oh yeah. And I tried that a few times, it works, you gotta have to be patient. Yeah. Like it really is like digging a hole. Like you're gonna be there all day. Well no, you wait till the first Indian tear shows up.

And then you paint the head underneath the rim, and then it becomes your self-lubricating, it's a self-sustaining system. It's eco-friendly, I think it's green jerkin'. I have the same theory about jerking off as I do making my own bread. I was like, I just want it over. I'm not gonna sit and wait for sourdough to rise.

Just go to the store and get one. Really? I'm never gonna have bread at your house. I find myself having a different thing. I think, it's again the term I love, paralyzed by options, basically. I wish I could just get it over with jerking off. I have to do it infrequently because I'm like,

it's gonna be a 75 clip look today, you know what I mean? No, that's not it. No, that's not the one. Plus you have your girlfriend next to you sleeping. Also, Christine Storm was really fucking the dialogue up. Yeah. I want a website. I want, the porn I want is something to shock me. I want to go like, whoa, what the fuck is that? Like, first time I saw tentacle porn, I was like, okay, I'm

here. Have you ever watched that? You've watched tentacle porn, right? I've seen it. Do you ever go to to Jason Ellis's only page you want to be shocked Like lifting weights yeah, that's almost exclusively tentacle porn No, I know what I do bird I go on a reddit is my place to go reddit is the point I stay off reddit Jay No, no, I I tell him I tell you this I have I wouldn't even know how to find stuff about me on reddit or the negative I know it's there. Yeah, but someone said about porn on reddit and reddit porn is not my jerking off porn It's my smoking a joint or a cigarette dicking around on my phone the weird stuff. Yeah, so yeah within that I've seen a lot of a strange point, but it's not jerk. Yesterday I was showing Bobby over our morning coffee

at the Airbnb. I was showing him one of my favorite ones, big ass girls farting. And it's just video after video of just girls just cracking ass. I'll try to fart, let me see if the air. It's disgusting, don't do it, it's gross. I don't know how these girls,

every ass is a different instrument. It's like a fucking horn section at the Boston Pops. I was just on tour in North Carolina and like Alabama, I think, and they, on Pornhub, they've changed the laws. Yes. You have to create an account to prove you're 18. Yes. That will never happen.

I will never let you see what I jerk off to. I said that about Grindr. I was an early adapter to Grindr. Were you on Grindr? No, I signed Tom up. And I would hop on and dudes would hit up Tom and I'd be like, yo, I can't meet now, but I'll be at the Comedy Store later

if you wanna meet me at the Comedy Store, just, I like to pretend I like to role play, so pretend this happened, Denver happened. People would come up to Tom at the comedy store and be like, Hey, he's like, Oh, did you like the show? And they're like, I loved it. And then Tom signed me up for Grindr. I should have never started that war with him. He's dead.

That war ended poorly with me. You sucked a guy's dick? He was three dates in, he was expecting something. He was doing how to say no. I'm not a cock tease, I'll fucking give it to ya. I can't believe in, with all the rumors of what Hollywood is, I can't believe no one's ever tried to kiss me Like a guy like a producer. Yeah, I want a guy. You've never had a producer You'd be like, hey, I'll give you what you want, but you got to suck my dick

Never never never and I lean into it I'm like quasi sexual like I'm the same way with being Jewish people think I'm Jewish and I won't tell people I'm not Like I go I'll show up on yom kippur. That's a good meeting, you know, whatever. I don't even know if that's the thing Young Kippur. Oh, you're Jewish. Yeah. Yeah that whole fucking Israel Yeah, let's talk about that Yeah, no, it's good. I'm glad you brought it up. I was gonna say Gaza is It's a concentration camp Do you think it's like LA?

Like when they... We shouldn't do this. All right, good call. Do you vote Bert? Yeah, me either. Leigh-Anne votes for me. She gets my write-in ballot and just fills it out. Whatever she wants to just go sure. I go, oh we gotta vote.

She goes, honey, you already voted. I was like, who did I vote for? She goes, the right people. She goes, you just see, no, we're pro-life now. Yeah. We're super pro-life. I'm so scared to talk about shit like that, because all my opinions are ignorant. No, me too.

I'm not afraid to talk about it for that reason, is that I just go, man, it sounds like this. And they go, no, this is what's going. The Jews are wrong. And then I just go, all right. Yeah. I wish I could be that person. Wouldn't it be fun to be confident in your beliefs?

Oh, dude, Dave Smith. Dave Smith's become a beast with that shit. He's just jumping people. We went out with Kurt Metzger last night. Oh my god. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he flip flopped me 19 times. And I was just asking, I was like, what about the lasers in Maui?

He goes, no it wasn't lasers. They do have Jew lasers, but they didn't use them in Maui. I'm like, they have Jew lasers? Bobby, Bobby has been, we've been hanging up in a hot tub every night till like two in the morning, having a blast. We watched movies in the hot, every night's been great. Last night, we were in the morning having a blast. We watched movies in the hot, every night's been great. Last night we were in the pool with with Kurt and

somehow Bobby just drifted off into the pool into a corner and Kurt followed him over there. Yeah. And I kept looking over my shoulder and just seeing Bobby stuck in a thing. Yeah. Kurt also brilliant, hilarious. I could listen to him talk for 12 hours but I've known him since we were kids. You did last night. I did. I can go, but he tells you things and then laughs crazy at you.

Yeah, so we'll go, oh yeah, no, Hollywood wouldn't have a place where people are being fucked underneath. Ha ha ha ha ha. You're like, are you yelling at me? He talked for eight straight hours yesterday and it was awesome awesome, but Bobby at 930 p.m. Goes Guys, I've developed a crazy headache, so I Did I went to bed early

It was a single digits o'clock Bobby was like guys is anybody else overblown with information I But I went from me and you with farts. Oh Yeah, the world Yeah, it was too much speaking of which have you hung out with Rogan lately? No, he can fucking lose you she get high with him up in the fucking green room And he's like, you know, there's no seems in these alien ships. They found and I just look at my buddy I'm already not listening He knows who I am like he there's on a podcast

I was so fucking high and he was talking about simulation theory and in the podcast he goes you're not listening. Are you I went no I Don't even know I stopped I think I'm bad with those kind of conversations because he goes when he goes Do you know there's no seams in those alien ships they found? I go, I go, there's no alien ships. I walk away. I go, you're already saying about the details of the alien ships don't exist. You're two steps into this nonsense.

I had a bit I was working on. I wanted it to be in this special, but I couldn't get it. But like, Rogan- Government shut you down? No. Rogan fucked up, fucked up, stupid up stupid men. Because people listen to him,

and then they think they're smart. Like he gave us this confidence that we're all smart. And so then we're all sitting at dinner parties talking about cold plunges and saunas and alien abductions. Wait a second. Fucking vaccines. We didn't do the research, we just heard Joe's podcast. Are you saying that I'm possibly getting bad information from Professor Schultz and dr. Rogan? Wait a second

Because I've been taking like horse steroids to cure all my illnesses. Yeah, dude. I got a sauna in my house I got a two solace. I four bowler bludges. I stopped speaking to my biological father because he believes the moon landing happened. Do you think I'm overreacting? Because Brogan said it probably didn't. Well you see Chris Cuomo came out and said that Ivermectin really worked. Do you hear that? Like that was like a big thing on the news cycle yesterday. He said it did work. Yeah apparently ivermectin actually really fucking worked. For horses? No, no, no for covid it really fucking worked. We got one guy in the back

screaming of course it fucking worked. Yeah. All right relax. He's my example. We've listened to too much fucking roguin where now we think we're smart and we're gonna end up in a bar going dude let me tell you these pedophiles out in fucking LA. Dude, that's the kind of crazy thing you say while you're taking hand fills of like, like you know, all the Rogan title of like vitamins. It's always like, brain jizz. You know, memory cock.

It all sounds like a Dane Cook album. Dude, we were the test animals for those first vitamins. He was just trying on it on you? Oh, dude. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but when he started on it, he got all the pills and then he was like, yo, take these, tell me what you think. I remember Leann called him and was like, he's not allowed to take them anymore. Because he gave me alpha brain

and I didn't shut the fuck up. I talk a lot, I barely listen as it is. And he peed Ari just slipping into your drink. Yeah. Yeah. Well you guys don't know is for the last 10 years Ari's been slipping you guys omega brain libido blast. And all it did was was making take your shirt off

Remember I took like a fucking epic dose of 5-htp. Whatever that After Molly drug when Ari's let me Molly Rogan's like here you go, buddy I just here's this what I take and Rogan takes like fucking hunter s Thompson's amounts of these things And I remember taking I was like my head feels really tight. He's like that's not supposed to happen I was like I don't feel good. I feel really light-headed news like you should maybe lay down And I was like yeah, just by the way. I've taken five HGP. I also know it don't know what it is Yeah, people says people go go it's good after Molly

You go don't take it then Do you remember how hard it was to get vitamin D when Rogan said? Vitamin D is good for you, and I went to Rite Aid, and it was all fucking God Oh, it was just vitamin B and vitamin C staring at you like I fucked you I Watched I watched it happen with like certain things But not even the rogue and stuff, when they were just announcing it. One day they were like, Elderberry is doing an amazing thing and then it cleaned out of the shelves.

Then I mean, not three days later, they were like, actually we think Elderberry might exacerbate COVID, so don't take that. I read a book about Native Americans, cause he fucking, do you remember this book? No. Something over the fucking rising you know you read it too, and it's written by an old white man, so it's kind of racist He's he paints Native Americans in the same light that fucking mustard did

It's not Colonel musters from the death risk. She's a new Native American She's actually Native American She's actually Native American. Are you Native American? Yeah, look at her. She's not Irish. Oh, I don't believe it. That's her and her husband, Chief Ron Jeremy. For you guys at home, for you guys at home, we'll put a picture of him up exactly like an Indian Ron Jeremy. Holy shit, Jay.

Young Ron Jeremy, not that old creep we see. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash.. Holy shit, Jay. Young Ron Jeremy, not that old creep we see. Ron Jeremy before porn when he just ran a car wash.

Yeah, Ron Jeremy with a university degree. What do you do, dude? I'm an accountant for the county of Los Angeles. Wow, you're real boring. Holy shit. How is that not a Jew? How is that not a Jew? I wish Rogan would make pizza and pussy a thing

Dude you lose weight with pizza and pussy he counter digs itself The pussy if you listen too much don't make you feel bad about everything Yeah, he's like you could have a slice of pizza just know that it's murdering you a little bit every time to take a bite Don't talk to Huberman then. Huberman's like, he's like, he's like, well he's like Rogan, but he's a professor. And he's like at Berkeley or something. Rogan doesn't have a degree. No, but he's good friends with all these guys.

He reads the same articles. No, you're my pharmacist. Huberman, man, you talk to him about drinking and he just, he tells you all the stuff it does to you, and you're like, you don't sound fun. Like, I go, you don't ever like fuck, he goes, maybe I'll have a drink, and he goes, could you have a drink, Bert?

And I was like, why? Like, what am I just trying to fucking get some calories that I don't need? I go, I love when I drink red wine to stain my teeth. Like, I drink to fucking get drunk That's the and he just can't wrap his head around it. I understand that though I've never understood like hey just come out for like guys do a shot with me, and then that's it I'm like well from where to a shot like let's do a couple and get like buzzed

Yeah, but like and I would say buzz is what I guess you're considering drunk. I've seen you In all the years. I've known you three times ever where you were really like, I'm problem drunk. Three times in all the times I've been drinking with you. I like, I don't trust, I got really angry at guys who they bring you over to their house and they go, I love my whiskey. And you'd be like, oh cool.

And they show you their whiskey cabinet and you're like, let's get into a bottle. And then they have a glass. I go, bitch, you don't love whiskey. You're a fucking poser. Like, I fucking, drink whiskey at 8 a.m. on a fucking Delta flight. Drink a Double Jack on the Rocks at 8 a.m.

and have to put a mint in your mouth so you don't throw up next to the guy. Now, you've been there, right? I will, I'll tell you, all my drink, oh, I could talk about drinking. You love hard, dude. Oh, you love hard. Listen, I'll do, back in the day,

I don't do it as much anymore. Still did it the other day. The couple fucking Leann's over there and she's rolling her fucking eyes. Couple fucking vodka sodas before the plane. And then I'm like, all right, one more. And if I can get that down, I'm out. So what I'll do is I'll put salt on my hand.

Because early drinking whiskey at 8 a.m. Is rough You're not supposed to do it no one made you It's not a thing Yeah for two people, you know what happened I did that I did that fucking thing I don't remember really remember doing it on bar stool where I talked about why I drink and it went viral Do you know what has happened now? Every time I get on a plane, they have a double jack on the rocks

with lots of rocks waiting for me. Every time, they're like, we know what you want. And when I quit drinking for like, whatever, four months or whatever, people were, three months, when I thought, you know how I tell a story. When I quit drinking for nine months, I'm still not drinking that much.

My dark years. Go more, go more. I quit drinking and but I would they would be bummed when I get on a plane and they're like oh then I go I'm not drinking and they're like oh you know they do when I get on a plane they're like sir you're in comfort plus in the bag wait how much can I just say what since I lost weight how much do you love not getting a seatbelt extender? It's I literally every time I take a flight. I pull it and I hold it and I smile It's such a good feeling isn't it so fat that I couldn't get the meal because the tray Talk about a catch-22

I had to hold my meal. It's like when I blew out my tricep and I couldn't drink. It was bad. I just like hold the hot plate in my hand. No no no put it on my thighs. Guys, hey guys, I never needed a seatbelt extender. What? You guys were like, you were like, hey Bobby isn't it great losing weight not needing a seatbelt extender? You guys just had great losing weight, not needing a seatbelt extender? You guys just had a thing. I never had a seatbelt extender. You want to get inside baseball? I'll tell you what I did do, I never had a seatbelt extender, but for many, many years, if there was a chance I would need to ask for one at all, I just did the old like, put

them both and almost tuck them under your gut, the ends of the seatbelt, and be like, no, no, no, all you need to see is the side straps going over, and you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, now go sit down, ding bet. And then I would fucking. I had. That's exactly what we're looking for in turbulence. The largest man of tether. Just bouncing around like a fucking bowling ball

in fucking Anchorman 2. Just, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Just purr. Are you implying that it wasn't to protect me that belt, but to protect others from me? The plane lands safely, but everybody's dead. Jay comes out covered in blood and peanuts. That was a real flight. He goes, yeah, I don't know this fat guy. He just faked his seatbelt and then ponged around the place crushing skulls.

I actually was so fat I stole the seatbelt extender. I was going to call you out on that. I was just going to say that earlier. I was going to go, you guys want to know some inside baseball? You told me to steal at one time so you don't have to ask me. He traveled with his own seatbelt extender. But I changed from continental to delta and theirs is blue and mine was gray. So the flight attendant would look down and just give me a dirty look like she knew what I did.

There's things at a time of Fed Vibes would never commit to buy. Remember, how about the button extender? Is it big and tall? They would sell it. I'd be like, I'll just buy new pants or wear. I'd rather wear sweats to church than fuckers. I remember when Tommy was so fat he called me one time and he goes buddy I just figured out life I said what's that you go sweat

pants on a plane yeah and I fucking and he sent me his favorite sweat pants and I started I've never worn anything but sweatpants. But what were you flying in before? Jeans. Why the fuck would you ever fly? I'm OCD, so I had an outfit I would wear every time I flew so I wouldn't die. So it was the same, fuck off. I will creep you out with my OCD about flying. I bathe a certain way in the morning. What?

Leanne. She bathes you? Leanne can tell you, Leanne can tell you because she's seen me do it, and she gives me my space. I put soap on every part of my body. I have to have soap on all parts of my body. Leanne can tell you because she see me do it and it's she gives me my space I Put soap on every part of my body. I have to have soap on all parts of my body I squat down and I say a prayer. I Visualize my the plane getting there three times. I visualize it taking off three times from every direction I visualize that three times and then circle myself with love. I hit a spike in the top of my head

I circle one more time three times. I do everyone in my fucking family my head. I circle one more time, three times. I do every one in my fucking family. I circle this all one big time. I hit it, then I say a prayer, I kiss my medals, and I stand up and I'm done showering. You guys are plotting a crazy assistant. You just plotted he's losing his mind. It's mental illness. Good for you, Bert. That's awesome.

Listen, everyone's got their. Good for you, Berg, that's awesome. Listen, everyone's got their tricks to get through the day. You did just genuinely applaud a guy going like, I have a real problem. Yeah, oh, who the fuck is wrong with you? This is what's wrong with me is I tell people that. Like, I don't, I go, I share everything. I share, kids wake up, daddy's doing his

whacked out morning ritual. Yeah. He goes, why am I up so early? He's still doing his shower squat prayer. Shower squat prayer. SiriusXM.com slash bonfire support our show Don't be some jerk off just taking the free stuff. Let them know you want us to be here forever Oh, we won't or we won't subscribe Do you sleep do you sleep at home fully naked yes me and Bobby's over I still are you I'm Dressed essentially for action home fully naked yes me and Bobby's right I still I'm I'm dressed essentially for action when I go to bed in case in my mind I'm picturing I'm not fighting a

burglar naked oh yeah so he'll have killed so he'll be I mean doing Christ knows what to Christine well I'm just oh you're leaving no I'm not leaving but I go I'll be out a second and I go and I even go now I'm not those underwear oh these basketball shorts look pretty cool okay so I sleep in my outfit that I picture myself see what I do is different thing before I go to bed I put on an outfit I go in front of a mirror and see how high of a sidekick I can throw and shadow box and I vision myself I manifest visioning somebody coming through the door and the the damage I do to their bodies and then Christine watches me do a full cotta and then I get in the bed See I have a theory that the people breaking into my house were probably be homophobic

So I go full Eastern promises naked cock floating everywhere Tackle them, you know, they're like, can you take off me? I'll be like, that's what I'm looking for I I have to sleep with underwear. What? Because I get too, if I'm- Aroused? I get too aroused. One night I was in a dream and I was, I met the Indian girl on the butter

and she was watching clothes by the river. And then we started making out and I woke up and I was making out with my wife, and I was like, ugh. And then we had to have sex. I like to, the only time I do naked is hotel room, and then what I like to do... The one place where everyone else sleeps naked? Yeah. I go naked, and then I like to, I lay on my belly. I'm belly sleeper you know

and I tell me time yeah tell me tell me time and I open my legs up and I pull my wiener and balls from behind and then I like to have my wiener like pointing away from my body and my balls draped over it like it looks like an elephant from behind. It looks like a fruit bowl. It looks like an apple on a banana. I checked into a hotel in Vegas one time. I was doing whatever the club, remember the LA Comedy Club? Sure. And I was checked into a hotel, it was hot as fucking shit, and the AC wasn't on yet

in the hotel. So I got totally naked, and I was laying in bed, and the door opened, and a guy walked in with his luggage and he goes, hey man, I think you're in my room. And I said, you want this room? And he went, no actually I don't. And he shut the door. I love getting walked in on naked, I do.

It's because I don't care, I don't give a fuck. And I'll stand there. I got naked, let's just change up. I care, if a guy walked on me naked he'd be like, ugh. No but I'll tell you Bobby I got naked. Let's just change. I care I care if a guy walks on me they can be like no, but I'll tell you Bobby over the course this week What I've so the house we're staying it's in the hills the bathrooms were every reason both showers Go out into the hills all the other houses across the thing But there's no covering at all for these windows You're almost I guess expected to just share And I thought I would be much more like turning

like away from the window. I'm showering exclusively to the window because I don't know why it's not wicking me out for those people to see me, but it weirds me out more that Christine might walk by and see me like fucking like cleaning my ball bag or fingering my own asshole to make sure that's done. I wish, I wish I could get a video of someone seeing me

naked in a hotel room and post it. I just got a video yesterday. Of me? No. I was like, why would you share it? We were on the little terrace. This was great. And I was looking out and I saw a couple

by a pool in the distance like I was a Tiger hunter deep distance deep distance and I took my iPhone out and I got a little First he told me and I ran and got the tactical binoculars that they have Some reason at this place All the places in the hills have a fucking telescope. Yeah, and they it's cuz they look at other people Yes, a big fucking thing. This was binoculars and I was like, oh and I go these are here for one reason one reason Oh, yes to do what I'm doing

To look at other people's wieners and vaginas from the best the best one ever Bobby and I got it's gotta be 22 years ago went on a road trip throughout the southwest. Oh, yeah, and And we ended in Lake Havasu, was like our second to last night. We were on a bar by the pool, and next to us was a eight story hotel. And I'm sitting with Bobby Matt Frost and Vincent Nastry, and a girl comes out in a red sundress,

and she's on the balcony. And I look at her, she looks at me and she goes, she lifts her dress up, she's totally naked. She lowers it and she goes, I start going, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, there's a whore four seven, whore four seven, whore look at her, she goes, don't make it obvious, and Bobby's like, huh, where, where?

God, I think of that a lot, I tell you, could I tell you something even fucking crazier? Sure. I'm never gonna believe this. For some reason, there's this one mannequin I walk past that I think about all the time. I think she's so fucking hot. This mannequin was so, and so, in Portland, Maine, in Portland, Maine, I didn't remember where I'd seen this mannequin

But I thought of this mannequin in lingerie so fucking hot The other day we're in Portland, Maine and we eat at the restaurant we had eaten when we walked and as I walked past I said Hold on. This is the fucking place with the mannequin, but all the mannequins looked like sixes So I was like, you know, no heads no legs, you know Bullshit some I call them a perfect woman but and so I said hold on I gotta find out so I walked in the store with Cam Patterson was there Chris Porter was there my Peter was there my assistant and I said I wanted to record it they wouldn't let me record it's a lingerie

store I get it now if I go I said there's the mannequin that I think about probably once every two weeks That was at this store and the lady goes you mean the hot one And I said yes, she said we had to move her from the window and they still had her and I saw her she still Got it You know I should have bought her can I see her I Saw her I saw her we got a picture of her? Yeah, she's fucking hot. And she had a head. No head, still no head. Still no head. Just the body guy. Just the body. Well for a while in New York when those the apple-bottom jeans came out,

do you remember those stores that would just be like, it was just, it was half torso, fat ass ankles. I love, I love Target's plus size mannequins. I love those thick chicks that look like they pay field hockey. I love the, they don't do it for dudes. They don't, and all the dudes they shop at Target are fat. There's no skinny guy going,

this is where I'll get my workout gear. Did you watch Baby Reindeer? The thing I started watching. I couldn't watch it. Well the lady, why? I get bothered by that. What, trans? No, guy on guy rape?

I didn't see him get raped. Oh, you said the best part. Yeah. Spoiler alert, he gets butt fucked. Like when he followed her. He gets finger popped first though. For real? Yeah, they got finger popped, which is weird.

I never saw a guy finger banging another guy. I didn't think they'd do that. I thought that was pussy exclusive. But apparently they finger poked too. Far more disturbing than the butt fucking was when he just fingered his ass a little bit and then was just kind of like, you wanna get some food? He was shaking it off.

Oh my God. At that point, the butt fuck, you're ready for it. Just butt fuck, we don't do that, dude. And it was his shaking hand finger, too. Totally. I remember watching a gay porn with, I won't say his name. That's where you draw the line?

And Bobby knows who it is. I'm not gonna say his name. Okay. And we were in a hotel room. We're on video, dude. Oh, we are? Yeah. Yeah. His camera's all over you, dude.

Burn, it's OK. It was J. Moore. So we used to tour and be like, best buds. And we went to my hotel room, and he bought a gay porn. And I go, what the fuck you doing? He goes, that's showing up on your bill. And then we started watching it. And the dude, we just started watching. we sat on the corner of the bed and

The one guy fucked the other guy He laid him on his belly his back on his belly and fucked him that way and I had never seen two dudes Fuck that way and both of us were like what the fuck and then he's like, let's try it I think both of us are like our our dicks are getting hard, turn it off. It was like a game of chicken. We were fucking like, I remember one guy, I wrote a joke about it because one guy sucked this other guy's dick, and I was like, that's how it's supposed to be done.

Yeah, like a machine. Like a fucking pencil sharpener just... He was brushing his teeth with it. Guys do suck dick the way it's... I've seen gay porn a couple times. And when you see a girl, there's so much extra little... And the guys are like... I'm telling you, women, I don't think, instinctually eat pussy well.

But I think any one of us guys in this room, forget the shit that you're stopping yourself because it's gay and you don't want to do it. If somebody was just like, snap their fingers, you're attracted to guys, you'd suck dick fantastic immediately. First time, first time. Let's try it. First time he'd go, he'd go, you're really good at that. And I go, I'm just going to get better.

Yeah, that's my first one. And I agree, it was probably great. I'd never play with the balls. Fuck the balls, I don't need it. They pull up into the body anyway. I definitely play with the perineum I play with his anal like that little part and like make him think I'm gonna finger his ass, but tease him Yeah, yeah, and then yeah, oh, I need his ass. I'm gonna make him shower first. I'm not a pig Yeah, I would be fantastic yeah yeah sorry I stopped talking I drowned in my own I'm visualizing myself I go I would like to underneath stuff

all right give me give me give me one guy you'd love to suck his dick and then one guy you got to go celebrity Ryan Gosling oh you're not done yet go ahead and then one guy who is famous who isn't that good-looking but you go, I think I could fall in love with him. Okay, I hear you. Like obviously like a no-brainer is like, Brad Pitt would be a cool cocksuck. Yeah. Any of the Ryans, all the Ryans. I'm gonna throw one out there. Jensen Ackles from TV Supernatural. Now Amazon's The Boys. He's understated handsome,

but a gorgeous man nonetheless. And that's the one. The second one was what is that? The one who's not as attractive? Not as attractive, but you can see yourself falling in love with. Like Jonah Hill's a no-brainer. That was women doing that. We're not talking to you right now,

okay? When we want to hear about you fucking legislating your rights for your own body, we'll look at you. Jonah Hill seems a little clingy. He's gonna get mad that I'm hanging out with my whore friends. He's gonna start yelling at me for taking sexy pictures. Music is my life. I like hanging out with my horror friends. John C. Reilly. Yeah, but I'm telling you, I couldn't even... The great time I know I'd have with John C. Reilly would not be worth that kiss.

Those kisses, those eye closes, we're gonna end up smashing noses a bunch because I'm closing my eyes on that make out sesh way early. Yeah, I'd rather suck on Steve Buscemi's teeth than that. I'd do Leonardo DiCaprio but make him play Arnie from Gilbert Grape. Okay, now we're talking. You know he's so much of a better actor now that when he pulled off Arnie now as you're sucking it. Oh I can climb Gilbert. Oh dude that'd be great. And then when I'm done and then he leaves and burns the house down so I that'd be great. And then when I'm done and then he leaves

and burns the house down so I won't be embarrassed. That's a deep cut. I just watched that movie the other day. First time? No no I just watched it again. You cry? You cry for sure. Can I tell you that? You cried because I cry. I cry all the time. I cry. No no I know what I'm saying I know we had you last time we were out here a couple times ago we were out here in Sirius XM we played the time travelers wife just that scene and one of my favorite videos you fell to pieces I what mine was riding in cars with boys the scene where the dad leaves and it gets me but in that scenario that everybody in the room it's not gonna get me yeah and Burt sunk right we weren't

there he was having a he was falling to pieces. It was hilarious. I cried at Gran Turismo in a Delta flight. What? Yeah. It's a bit of racing with you. Oh, Gran Turismo, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When the father goes, I should have did more, son. I was like, you should have, dad.

I thought you were talking about Fast and Furious. It's a lot of shimmers, right? I was like, Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift. Dude, I cried, everything. My son, we go to the animation movies and he gets embarrassed because I cry at cartoons. Well, Up, that was the first one. Up is what got me and my ex-wife, when we took my daughter to see Up, we were in the first opening two minutes of the movie. Problematically you saw it. Oh, I got the worst one. We went to the

Sphere and they did U2. I'm a casual U2 fan at best. But you don't realize U2 is the soundtrack to your childhood. To like your high school and college days. And the fucking thing is overwhelming. And I started crying

so hard that my daughters, that David Copperfield actually left. He was like, what the fuck is this? This guy's, and David Copperfield got up and moved. I was, yeah, and my daughters just videotaped me and laughed. They were like, look at him, baby walrus can't hold it together. Oh, keep going, baby walrus.

Mom, look, and Leanne's laughing. Her friend Sandy's videotaping it and I'm just I'm a loud crier too. I just made a promise I would never cry again on So it's just I'm sorry about it's just taking you back because I know that that's they're interesting cries for different reasons I took my parents to go see Guns and roses at the garden and when they came out, and Guns N' Roses was the music that I liked, they didn't really know, and then through time they become classic rock,

and my parents loved Guns N' Roses, obviously. And I took them, and on that first line, Welcome to the Jungle, and I was just like, I'm just, I'm 11 years old again, just like, Bob, you're doing coke again? I'm gonna do a bump real quick. I, you said it though, it's the overwhelming. I went to Lion King and when all the actors come from, I didn't know they come from behind

in a giraffe thing and they, oh wumba! And I was like, ehh, ehh, e horrible one. So we're in Italy with the girls. We're all in Vespas. And it's the best memory of my life. Oh my god, this is Coke. And George is on her own Vespa. Leanne's on hers. Isla's with me. It's beautiful. It's in Tuscany. I mean, we're in the hills.

Sun is going back and forth in clouds. It starts raining. And I realize this is one of the few moments I I'm not gonna get a lot more of these with my girls, you know. And I'm gonna get emotional telling you the story. And I said to Isla, and Isla's grown up and she was a goofball as a kid, but she's grown up and I always missed the goofball part of her. And you get it every now and then. And Isla goes, we need music! And I'm like, oh the goofball's back. And I go, maybe there's no radio on a Vespa

She goes let's sing dad and I go what do you want to sing and she starts going? Ooga-chaka-ooga-ooga-ooga-chaka-ooga And at the top of her I can't but this Deep inside of me Tears are pouring down my face face she thinks it's rain and now if I hear that song which is a weird song to cry to. It really is. When you touch me in your arms so bright give it up girl. Ah, oom oom, get to the field and boom boom boom boom.

Having a weird song make you cry is a good, I've had them, remember having a good cry at Madonna's Oh Father on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge? Just going over that bridge, man. This is right, someone hurt him too. Someone hurt him too. I cry at country. At country music?

Country music makes me cry, because it's all about love and family and Hard work comes got that song about his brother moving to LA you know the coals What happened fucking amazing cut his wiener off and now he's a sister no He moves LA and it's a fucking moving song about his brother and his brother died. Oh you answered me married and now wasn't that That song got me teared up yeah, I was in the car, and I'm not a huge country fan but I've been getting into it lately it's like countries a new rock and It's just that we're getting old. Is that what it is? Yeah, that's why we cry Did you realize?

This is it well. It's also we get it the kids No, I think it's a lot of this. I think what's happening is is true We're fucking whores for this stuff and we want famous people to like us. For some reason the crossover with Nashville and Austin and everything is bringing country stars to become friends with comedians. So then it was like, I think I like country now. If I didn't know Jelly Roll, I would have never thought to one time put his music on. He's good. I'm not saying that at all.

He's very good, I'm just saying like, I wouldn't have even been drawn to Check It Out. People go, it's country. I go, I don't listen to Jelly Roll. I cried with Jelly Roll two days ago. Why? Aggressively. Did the fucking Arby's close early? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we used to be fucking assholes. We were fighting, we were racing to that one. I was going to use, I was going to say the buffet.

That's not bad, I don't feed him one more. That's the thing why Jay's funny is it's the word you didn't know you'd hear. We got the meats. GONG GONG GONG. Why did you cry? We did the 5k. Is that why you cried? And Jelly had been training for it for four months and he's down 80 pounds. And to be, I mean I don't know what he weighs, but probably 300 plus. And to accomplish a 5k is pretty overwhelming.

And we get to the end and his wife says to me, Bunny says, she's crying, she's like, you changed his life by putting on this 5K and then Jelly is, and then I start fucking crying. You changed his life and you saved hers. Yeah. Yeah, it was, yeah. She's getting underneath again, I heard.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have to hold my breath for three minutes. Being a fat guy on top, you don't realize that way.

A woman should appreciate more what you have to go through to be on top. The arm strength, kill her. The arm strength, you have like a gorilla. You have to hold yourself up. Oh. Oh, I've been there. What I love to say is, Leanne said the best part

about fucking me was she didn't have to like, seesaw over my belly to kiss me. Yeah. Yeah. She was straining her neck trying to get over it, like a dude sucking his own dick. Like. Was she on top all the time?

All the time. Like she was on an upside down canoe? Oh. Trying to. Oh. She could only kiss me when my dick was out of her. I'll tell you what, that's not a fat man's problem. An aggressive dick rider,

who you just live in fear the whole time you go, one of these you're coming off and you're gonna bash down on my dick, bend it in half, and it's so fucking scary. Calm down. That's a fact, I think, and a small guy dick thing, a small dick. I feel like the two go together.

You do get lots more cock when you lose weight. It's unbelievable. It really is, like, there was some in there the whole time. I was down to three fingers. I was gonna say three fingers. I would have to jerk off like this. Now I'm back to this. Bobby measures his dick in whiskey pours.

I mean three fingers of cock and I'm good. Can I use that? I gotta joke about that in my new special, but it's not that. I don't want to say it, but that's better. I hate that I'm not that good at comedy. And all my friends are better than me. I was with Mark Normand and he is so fucking quick that I'm like, I couldn't even keep up.

I felt like he was playing tennis against a wall. And I was just going like, like double Dutch. You remember like the fat kid would wait his his turn to get in yeah that was me. You're a West Philadelphia dude I did a lot of double Dutch I wasn't terrible at it. For real? Yeah I couldn't do like the like the black girl shit talking songs like yo mama big fat bitch, yo mama a crackhead, sardines and pork and beans. I think it was your mama wears army boots ding dong. There's a good thing ding dong. Your mama wears army boots ding dong. Everyone get in there. And then my brother.

Close your eyes and visualize a young Jay. Still dressed this way he dresses. No he dressed like a black guy back then. No way worse. No when I was younger I dressed that picture that I sent for you guys to use on the thing. It's literally I'm wearing a black shirt. I'm wearing a black shirt. I'm wearing a black shirt.'s dressed like a black guy. No way worse. No when I was younger I dressed that picture that I sent for you guys to use on the thing

It's literally I'm wearing that is the top of a short sleeve hooded zip up Purple and yellow short set I look like a fat probably got like a like a key grip on the set of DJ Jazzy Jeff summertime video We know what I was prepared for. We should tell everyone we will be out on tour for Fully Loaded this summer, in three weeks in June. It's me, you, Soder. Me, you and Soder on all of them, right? Every day, Sight the Sound. Me, you and Soder. This is how Fully Loaded has gotten, it was kind of cool, it's like I got a call from Jay and Dan like, yo we're in. didn't no offer. We're in who else is on it Yeah, I was like wait. What do you mean? And they're like well?

Let's just make it the boys this year so so we the whole list is like I do I do run as you'd add people You'd have to ask the group are they cool, and you and they never be like we're in there And they're in so it is just a bunch of fucking raging alcoholics and Bobby Lee. I'm gonna be I'm gonna be in Poughkeepsie this summer. During the... Not loaded at all tour. This slightly loaded? Slightly...

Slightly bloated. Fully bloated. Slightly bloated tour. Can I... I'm gonna put you... I'm gonna put the screws to you on the show here live. Could I say that the behind the scenes talk between me, DeRRosa and Dan me and Dan want to be on the Burt bus Yeah, the whole time and then Joe throws weekend. He's got to be on the bus, too Oh, yeah

because you're gonna want to be in that shit talk and Not part of that shit talk on another bus to run the best part Jay's always been on my bus and I just bought a brand new bus, right? And Jay and Isla would go in there and watch. Apparently they have the exact same fucking likes on YouTube. And they program- Farting videos? Yes. And fat people falling and- Kind of, kind of, FURIA hunts?

My whole bus is just Jay and Isla. Still, I don't know how to fucking change it. Yeah, just fucking, yeah, YouTube videos galore. YouTube videos. Black dudes get knocked out of the ball. Can I say something? You give the greatest gifts. Like your gifts are amazing. Like you're really generous and it's going to be your wife.

It's Liam. It's Liam. I mean you sent me a thing. Yeah. I wasn't even on the tour and you sent me a great gift. And you gave Rich Voss a fucking electric bike yeah he's 90 trying to kill did you receive a video of which was on the electric bike at fully loaded yeah he was one the fuck well no he go he gets on it and he does

it he can't get control because it's because well because this is you know a picnic wheels on it he's used to riding one wheel with a little wheel behind it. Penny Farthing? That was Leanne's move is when we first started the festival Leanne said two things she was like if this if this success move if this festival is successful we'll do 11 of them but we can only do 11 if we do two and in order to do two we can't make money on the first one and she goes and you need the comics To talk about it. You need the comics and she goes I know what you talk about and a gift bag like a nice gift bag is something a comic really appreciates Yeah, and it was all shit. I mean last year she gave Normatech boots to people. Those are like fucking $1,500

They compress your legs. She was like no really make things great yeah and because we don't get done we all Norma tech on the bus and if they're fucked they relax you they put all your lymphatic system back together and so Leanne puts together I'll put on a price point it's probably like $12,000 gift bags to every comic and then she shows it to you and then goes don't worry we're gonna ship it to your house this year can I tell you what you're getting oh no yeah wait whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa No, I don't want to hear it. I'm not getting it Bobby. I'll let you try it What I'm gonna say in the last night say what so

Rectech is one of the biggest smokers in the country and they're gonna throw a big party and make in Georgia and they're gonna Cater it for all the fans making barbecue for all the fans then Leanne's like yo What about the comics and they're like we mean she's like can they all get smokers? She's like yeah, so every comics getting a smoker ship to his house. He lives in a high-rise The gifts and the thing are funny for a person who's in an apartment it's things I have to like bang for the future It's like a Polaroid camera and then like vinyl siding for a house or something. I went, oh.

You know, Rich tried to sell me his bike for like $3,000 over the price, by the way. What a piece of shit. He's like, $5,000. Full supply on that machine. We're gonna take a break right now. We got the amazing Burt Crusher. I'm doing a tour so I can stay until 2.30. Check out the fully loaded tour. Everybody's on it this summer. It's one of the greatest tours out.

Wait, yes, also Burt Crusher of course doing the Kia Forum this Saturday. Saturday night. Come out. We just opened seats up on the floor today. So if you want great seats, and I almost guarantee there's a slash in prices considering every fucking comic in the goddamn world is here this week. I'm competing with Kevin Hart at Hollywood Bowl. Is that what's happening tonight? Everything. Everything. Shultz and Shan are at the Crit, Crito, Crypto Well if you need to sell tickets why don't you do like a cornhole competition with somebody famous The Dane Cook move, Dane Cook theory Dane Cook just keeps inviting famous people to his show on social media trying to get people to buy tickets He's like I'm challenging you Jake Paul to a cornhole game and then if you guys want to come get tickets over at Dane Cook's

Wait does it work? Yeah yeah I'll cornhole with Jake Paul to a cornhole game and then if you guys want to come get tickets over at Dave's what's up? Wait does it work? I'll cornhole with Jake Paul. I don't think it does but yeah it's gonna be fine I'm on that show with you else is on the show Saturday. Oh me you and Ian finance I tried to get Bobby to stay but he's got to go to fucking I want Bobby me and you and Ian I hit up Colin Quinn and I just texted him I said you went down Saturday and you were up Sunday oh cool and then he calls he goes what the fuck is that what the you don't just And Colin, I just texted him, I said, you went down Saturday and you were up Sunday, I went cool. And then he calls, he goes, what the fuck is that? What the, you don't just text me and go, what about fucking, what are you calling about?

So I went to listen to his voicemail and I accidentally called him and I thought it was his voicemail going, hello? Cause you know Colin, hello? Hello? And Lee goes, I think someone's on the phone. And I go, Colin? And he Hello? And Leigh-Anne goes, I think someone's on the phone. And I go, Colin? And he goes, the fuck are you doing?

And I go, ah, he just got my message, wow. We'll be right back. We're hanging out with the great Mark Chrysler. It's the Bonfire.