The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sister Cantaloupe (feat. Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

It's the last radio broadcast of the year and Mike Finoia brings the Christmas cheer.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Don't understand if you really care, I'm only here at Nagan Island. And then... Just walked out of my life for the rest of the year.

I can still hear his dudes in my head. If you close your eyes. I gotta close my eyes and go there. I can almost reach eyes and go there. I could almost reach out and grab him. You guys hear that? Is he coming back? Kristi, look, is he running back? I'm a hallway to me. Sorry guys, I have PTSD from being left by radio partners. Post-traumatic.

Post-traumatic dude syndrome? Post-traumatic dude syndrome. Post-traumatic dude syndrome. I keep losing my dudes. What my dudes at? No for real. He's come back right guys. It was just, Max really does have a recital. It sounded like a lie.

You never say your boy has a recital. I have to go. Max is doing gay pornography. Yeah. I was in a car. I was at a pornography store. I was in at the bar. I was buying pornography. Yeah, yeah. Boy Bobby's got a Bobby's got those no pupil. He's got the dark like lifeless doll eyes too when he gets mad. Like, when he looks at you sometimes you're like, does Bobby want to kill me right now? Because he has small eye openings and so you don't fill his whole eye when he squints down. Like he looks at you sometimes and it's like, did I do something wrong?

Like he intimidates the fucking shit out of me sometimes but but then he goes, I love you dude. And I'm like, all right. He's the sweetest. I do believe me. He is, I do believe he's like an unlit firecracker. Seriously, he's ready to pop it anytime. It's filled with rage. Yeah, I would tell you about the first time him and I worked, he was one of those like Brad Axel, like, you know, whatever, like it's staking a giggle and Connecticut at some dumb place. And he was looking at the wall of all like the head shots and there was like, you know, the dude that like puts like balloons as fucking, of course.

You know, and magicians, and he turns and looks at me and he goes, you fucking listen to me. If you ever see my fucking head shot up here, I want you to come and shoot me in the fucking face. And I was like, deal, dude. He's like, all right. Who was Christine? See, if you can find that girl, I remember that was the name. When me and Christine went down to do this gig in Newport, News, Virginia, Cosys was the name of the club. I ended up having a great time. But I mean, what a, I mean, if that gig was thrown to me today, like the, the things you'd have to start complaining about,

that I was just like, sure. Remember they're like, you're staying at a lady's house? Oh my God, that's really nice. The condo was just at a lady's house. It was Lorraine. Lorraine. I remember you telling me about this. No, the house was Karen.

We were staying at Karen's house. Oh yeah. Lorraine was the owner of the club, but what was the point of that whole fucking thing? Headshots? Oh, yeah, yeah. When she, the first show, when she came in at the end and was like the other old lady who ran the bar for her or a bartender best friend, just didn't like what I was doing on stage.

But it was going great. It was a good show, very good show, which I'd be happy to tell you, especially removed as it is now, like I had a rough go. It was surprisingly really show very good show, which I'd be happy to tell you especially removed as it is now like I'd a rough go sure It was surprisingly really good. Yeah, I'm like this is great and Some fans even I've already had very little to time, but like there was some there and It was but she came up to me and started giving me a talking to After the show the owner who had not been there for the show, but she was like, I hear you're saying this and you can't. And while she's just chewing me out,

telling me that's not how comedy works and blah, blah, blah. I was looking over her shoulder. I just remember the one I kept staring at, the head shot. I'm like, I wonder if she talked to Cindy, the cantaloupe queen like that. It's something like the cantaloupe queen. The cantaloupe queen. Something like that. But it was just the cantaloupe queen. The cantaloupe queen? Something like that.

But it was just like so many names of those people, you know what I mean? It's like wacky Tom Zaney. Yeah. Lupi Tim was there. Hey. They always have like a fucking weird like prop in their in their thing.

It's me doing me again. Oh, I remember the old William Stevenson like sneaking into the picture. His little face sneaking into the picture. You're a press kid at the time. Oh, I remember the old Williams-Demonson like sneaking into the picture. His little face sneaking into the picture. Oh, that's the old press kit. Dude, we went through it on my podcast about our dumb headshots where I'm doing the one where I'm reading Carolex on the road while drinking Makers Mark out of the bottle. Go back to that, Chris Dean, actually. I want to see the one with the hood on in the middle. It's like, yeah.

Yeah. I remember all these. Beatocks, I know. I don't think it's not her file. It's a fucking ghost dog. You look like a laskin' bounty hunter. Looked no Instagram yet. No IG.

My space was bumping. If you clicked on that, is that still a thing? That'd be great. Holy fuck it is. Oh, look at my my space. Oh, my friends with that monitor. My space is like weird now. Keith Robinson.

What the hell is that? A picture of me and a girl with a black dildo. Oh, is that what it is? I forget her name. She was my friend Heidi who took the pictures like friend. Well, your friends are top 8. David Tell, Bill Burr, Keith Robinson, Dustin Schafen, already Fuqua, Dean Edwards.

Nice. Wow. All checks out. Still my top eight friends. Still my top eight friends. Wow. Still my top people. Billy Burr. Billy Burr. My face is so weird. You can't see like a lot of, I, I thought that I'd have like all my pictures. Do you think it's because it's like, uh, the formats like outdated? Yeah.

I think they changed the whole show. They made it more like music centric and can't be really. Now it's all code. Oh, let me look at that old picture. It's just a series of ones and zeros like Matrix background. It's just Oregon Trail. Oh, your old picture got dysentery. Did you get a chance to see the picture of Christine on the thing isn't the best?

Oh my god. It's amazing Yeah, when she had dental work when I have for face didn't work. We're all dental work people now. Oh, yeah One of these email threads I'm pitching dance so it hurts There's Lewis and Dave you're pitching Yeah, too lady with the house. It was at the house where they're like weird dolls and shit at the house I don't know. There was all the family's pictures from that lady who's but ladies on associate just a friend Are I think the club people the club owner owns the house? Uh-huh, and the ladies her tenant and part of the tenant thing is that like you know this house is yours like decorated as you see fit

But I guess every like once in a while It's the upstairs. She has like the whole deon stairs and the upstairs is two empty rooms for the performers. But you have to walk like when you go in at night, if she's not asleep yet, you're walking past her, watching TV with like a blanket over her lap. Oh my gosh.

You should lean to over be like, hey, she's very friendly. Hey, I'll be just still like, okay. I don't care how friendly she is. And you're walking by all the pictures of her and her family, and I still have it on my phone, the dead center picture, the biggest picture on the wall, grand children, children, all that stuff.

The biggest one in the dead center was the day, and I've never seen someone happier in a picture, was the day that she got to meet Ed McMahon at his signing for his new vodka or or something he was making and she has a She has one of those like bachelor at party cowboy head somewhere. It's like blinky lights and she's like, yeah She's so happy and it's just her Ed McMahon and a bottle of vodka That's the biggest framed picture on her wall of family pictures Her and Eddie McMahon had his own vodka. I guess for a minute. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. you had a condo above the playhouse, but you actually like had to, they go, we have a condo above the club, but it was a rickety old staircase that went up to like an attic that had just like an old mattress thrown in the corner. Was it the comedy barn or something like that?

It was somewhere. Where it was, you stayed above the showroom that was a barn. Yes. That's when I, I was in that upstairs barn bedroom, headlining that place when I was in that upstairs barn bedroom, headlining that place. When I found, I remember sitting in that living room and it going, George W. Bush going, we are at war. Oh, yeah.

It was like when he said we're at war with, it was 9-11, it was when he declared war in Iraq. It was pretty wild, like, oh wow. And then performing, that was also that weekend. I remember like, it was, it was realization you have in comedy, when you watch and you go, oh, I was guilty. Like, I don't like that in front of me now.

Yeah. And I'm watching it now, like, I used to do that. Yeah. When I used to get down to my underwear on stage, opening for people sometimes, or musical stuff, or whatever the fuck I would do, that was like gimmicky to get the laugh.

Yep. The kid who went before me, he also worked at the club, but he was like a dorky guy. And by the way, someone said they remember this because I think a few people have done a bit like this because this kid didn't become popular. There's no TV sets for this kid, I don't believe. But it was just like, I've learned a way for guys to learn how to dance with just the simple food moves from your, you can do it with all the grocery store. And it was like, wave high to a person you recognize

and he just does like a wave while he's pushing a cart. And then like, oh, grab the cream corn from the shelf. Grab the cream corn and like four or five other things. And then he goes, and you put it all together and it might go a Little something Like this and the fucking the house lights would drop out The lights went completely dark and then it would go back on and play like yeah, whatever this kind of song He'd be like, oh here we go guys like wave high and then the over exaggerates every movie goes grab the cream cone

And it's I was like what the fuck it? And then the over exaggerates every movie goes, a grab the cream cone. Grab the cream cone. Yeah. And it's, I was like, what the fuck? This is so shitty and bad. And it's happening right in front of me, and it's no worse than me taking my clothes off. Yeah, it's a bullshit. When you put that two and two together and you're like, oh Jesus Christ, that's me literally

with like fake nipple rings. How many openers, where how many headliners that were probably so nice to my face were probably like, this kid is fucking hard to do this stupid fucking pants off again. And you piece of shit. I've seen headliners undress and then we're in a room where there's no green room.

And they have to go, thanks, and pick up their clothes and literally take two steps off the stage, if you will. And then just get dressed again while the crowd is finishing their prime rib. And it steps off the stage, if you will, and then just get dressed again while the crowd is finishing their prime rib. And it's like, oh, I told you, Chips Coney, dude. That too, yeah. Yeah, that was the one when he came barrel into the room and I had two girls in the green

room, just friends. But like, they were sitting and I was going, oh, wait, I forgot to tell you girls, watch what happens when the show ends. And he just barrels into the room, holding a handful of tuxedo break away tuxedo by the way. He's got fake dukey in his short is underwear. He's got a pacemaker. Does he? Yeah. Is that real? No. It's hilarious. I don't remember that. I remember the garter belts for the socks and the socks. And he's elderly. Yes. He's an old man with like super gray hair and rickety and he comes in and has been bustin' open that door and just going like hot crowd out there, hot crowd.

Kind of like Dr. Emmett Brown. I mean like he had the big hair and everything. Oh, I told you when he was before his set the one night because he was doing like the old like he's featuring for me. And I'm probably maybe 30 probably late 20s at this point. And I'm like headline one night, one night or at this place. And I was like, you know, so he's getting a little like the who are you again? You know, he's like, what do you and all I didn't have any credits or anything really. I was just like, Oh, yeah, I just did just came off, I did David tell the last leg of his insomniac tour with him.

And he goes, oh yeah, he's touring around with him in clubs and I was like, no, it was like theaters. He had like these nice big theaters we were doing college camp of stuff and everything. And as he's tying his fucking cape around his neck in a mirror, he just goes, oh he goes, it tells him theaters, now he goes, good kid. Happy for that.

And he's like, now you're not. No, you're not. Always a nice guy. Chip's good. Yeah. I mean, I literally met him that one time only was my only interaction, but I thought that was so. Hot crowd.

Hot crowd. Just, oh, girls, I forgot to tell you real quick. Just the only ask questions, but a naked old man's about to bust in here with a handful of clothes and a fake turd and his ass. He literally had like a giant shit's diarrhea dookie streak on his underwear. And he would hit play and it was like CNC music factory.

And he would just like dookie butt dance on like a chicken in the front row. And they're just like, what are you guys? Wow! When nuts at that scrant and residents in or whatever the hell we were at, it was like that. Those those closers that are just like the bring that the guys just keep forever.

I said like a, leavey. Just did the sucking the blue cheese out of the girls ass. Oh, Jesus Christ. And it's like a, I mean, it never got turned down. I don't want to see me do a blue cheese out of some girls ass. And then like guys like, take my big wife. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'll put it in. You suck it out. Do you remember that story that? Do my slut piece of shit, wife?

Do you remember that story, Florentine told us about how when they all got an email from the cruise, that was like, listen, we're really trying to up the quality of the comedy. So no more of that, like, bring someone on stage and have them put their arms through yours. Oh, jeez. And like 13 people wrote back like, who's doing my closer? Like that's my joke. It's not hilarious. That's just like, people thought that was their joke.

Oh. But I say this place is sold out. There's just too many seats. Oh my god. That's my thing. I always say. I had a guy I worked with. That's what, but you know, when I did a comic view, the last time when Kevin Hart hosted it.

Uh-huh. And I said that guy, the guy who used to do deaf jam took over comic view for like that year at least. And I remember him going and giving us like the speech from what's it, any given Sunday, the Al Pacino speech. Oh yeah. He orin hell. And I can't do it for you.

But he was giving us such a speech about like they say black comedy's the bunch of guys putting in fake teeth and Fucking stools and having dumb outfits underneath their outfits and it's not about good joke writing and being the funniest you could be We're changing all that today Everything we're chit we're turning it around It's about that inch We're turning it around. It's about that inch. He gave such a speech. Everyone has to dress up,

which I didn't found that very late. They've been up letting me not, but I was the only person not wearing a suit or something. What were you wearing? Sweat shirt or whatever, this is what I would wear. You had long hair at the time, right? Was that long hair?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was long hair for sure. But it was like, yeah, they just let me wear whatever I wanted. But it was like a fucking ordeal to get to that because they were making such a big deal about the clothes being like nice clothes. Yeah. And then I think Kav actually was one of them,

I was finally just like, just leave it alone, it cares, let him wear whatever he wants to wear. And it didn't matter, but that speech was done. And I we walked out that I was like, yo, maybe this is, because I said I would never do comic view again, but then it was cave hosting. So I'm like, okay, I'll do it. And then they did treat us right and everything.

And that speech, I'm like, this might be different. To have after that speech, I mean, under an hour later, having to watch three or four people go out there and put in their fake teeth and a fucking stool and say DJ hit it. And give all the good. They just did exactly. And then by the way, they don't think they aired any of it and

they re-shot it again. It was like, it was so weird. That's so crazy. That always just was the thing, huh? But I mean, it's hilarious that you, you kind of like, I remember you saying that you like, you didn't know that you could go back and do those five minutes again, right? So you'd come in with like the nipple rings

around your neck but under your shirt. Oh, that was just once. But it was a- Did it once and you're like, I can't do this anymore. Well, because I was getting done in my underwear on stage all the time. Keith told me not to.

Keith Robinson and I was like, whatever. But then I was like, he got my head enough that I was like, I guess he's right, it's not really writing comedy, it's not really like saying something great, you're just being a clown sort of. I don't wanna be a clown, I wanna be a great, I'm a great comic.

Only Lane Bruce. So I started like not doing it and then realizing that I didn't have any, so by the way, still a problem, not having a closer. I have no check, when I say goodbye, I just give a good bye to the audience. I have no like, blah! I go, that's fucking my time, you piece as a shit!

Fuck you, I love you! Still explodes, I just go, I just go. I think I gotta go, so I love you guys. Thank you for listening to all my shit and everything. Yeah, you do a nice send-off for sure. I think that's cool. It's like a trademark thing. I don't think a lot of people do that.

You know? It's funny when you get to a big laugh and the middle of the show and you're like, oh, I should make that a clue. I should do that thing so I can go, good night. The problem is without having that in my head of what that is, I had it for years.

The big clue with the big clothes there was on things. They've all been on TV or something now, you know, at that time. But like now, in my newest stuff, like writing over the last few years, I just don't think in that tone at all. That closer mentality. Yeah. So it's like, I do a joke wherever it comes up.

And then it gets like a big thing and you're like, that'd be a good one to be like, good night, cock suckers. What? Drop the mic and eat. Just not my thing at all. You know why? Again, I think I'm so abrasive that I think it's good at the end of the show to go like,

nothing's all jokes. I think it's lame to it. I don't even do that. It's all joke. You bit with me enough. But it's just like, I appreciate you guys. A real moment of just like, hey guys, it's like, glad you enjoy me sitting here

shitting on you and making fun of your girlfriend and whatever like that. What's a moment of pure humility? And you're like, you know, man, I do this only because you guys are into it. And if you stop being into it, I'm in trouble. So please stay into it. That's basically what you say. Christine, I'm gonna text you a picture of,

that I showed Jay. Do you remember Jay I showed you this of my rainbow gathering fish picture that my friend sent me? That looked like the cult. That's from like fucking, I want you to, I want Christine to see it and fucking, this is ridiculous. I was watching it.

I was watching it. Literally looks like a picture from the garden. It was like when we were all, that's, it was me when I was 19 in like the Everglades at a fish concert. And it looks exactly, I was watching the garden and I'm like, dude, I wonder how many of my friends are like two clicks away from being like

in a cult. Oh probably. I mean fish is kind of, well look we found our own way of sustainable water supply. I got to suck them a Hirashi's cock. What am I gonna not shut them off Hir She's cocky braw me here where I can bathe in my own dirt and piss. Trina Jeffrey is known as a funny clean comedian throughout the world. She's along with her fictional character sister Canelo, but it's not what it is, but I do want to see sister Canelo be a clean Christian comedian. Oh, whoa. Is that her?

Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, she got married. Christmas knows here. She can be. Ha! Yes, she got married. Nice, fella. D'aw, dude. Oh, she got married. Christmas knows here. She can be. Ha! Yes, she got married. Nice, fella. Dog, though.

Yeah, we should access a ride bus, which is a hit or a drive across the station, take her out. Now, baby, he's doggin' in it. Let's just say the boys are doggy, but I shot him in the bullet. We'll come back and ask for a flash, right? Oh! Wow. I got ass full flash life. Wow. You have beautiful, black, beautiful, gorgeous black women,

our shitty comedians. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, I got a black. There's, I saw some video on Showtime or something the other day.

It was a black chick, dude. So hot, like hot, like wearing a sexy hot outfit and the whole thing, like she's going to a club and it's just like her comedy was atrocious, of course, because you're just like, this was on show time. It was so bad, I forget who it was. Man, but she was that, you know, and she's talking too much, that's what it is.

I don't think you're supposed to be getting these things when you're still talking the speech of just you and the generation below you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, you made the show time. So what do I know, I guess. But I think that's weird. Maybe I'm just becoming an old person.

That's an old guy. But when they're like, you go, and she said the club fire is a fire AF. So you know I'm about to get up in there and do my damn thing. And you you're like is this just for your close Immediate friends like I Think that's kind of a lot of like just all comics now, you know what I mean that whole kind of like No punchline, but changing it to like your does like a proclamation like you're like a constable in a dick

You know what I mean? So I went and got the milk and it's like, that's not a punchline, that's just you doing a thing. Your dad's still paying your rent so you could pretend your Charles Dickens for a little while. Oh, that's the, what's that? That's one of the great comedy formulas. It's something, something, she's gross, she's fat,

she's got one eye and she smells like shit. So anyway, we're on our third date and I go, yeah. Yeah, you can just see it coming a mile away. Look, this was us before the garden happened. And this before everybody else put Mike drink the Kool-Aid. Mike's like, I'm not thirsty. That's me second to the left right there in the... Isn't that crazy?

Christine, look at hippie Mike. This was the millennium New Year's Eve in the Everglades in Florida fish played From when the ball dropped until the morning No wilder this Mike on the left Second I did have long hair. This was my short hair phase. Okay. This was what but look at short hair short shorts Yeah, those were short shorts. Oh God those are like girls to see my knees Short shorts. Ah God those are like girls to see my knees. It was an orgy. No, it was we were all on fucking lots of drugs It was fish played over. That's the lamest thing that you got to take this picture and didn't have sex with five women in the picture You're supposed to fuck five of these girls Mike. No, they were all those are all couples and me basically

Mike was the 11th wheel I drove the bus while everybody else was fucking in the back fucking guys have fun back there Can't cancel their mic. He was like everybody doing it safe make sure everybody has electrolytes I'm too young to be a grandfather stop it up. Stop it in a red light everybody here juice up anybody wanted Miami subs light everybody here juice up anybody wanted Miami subs I'm driving through we went from this to Disney and one of the guys in the middle we were on it's a small world and we did Molly at Disney World on the way back and he was on it's a small world and he's sitting there all grumpy like this and the ride stopped and he just went whew! You're getting into the bug and it's a small world.

It's a small world. And they just sat back and watched it. They were a whore of like, kids were horrified. You have to stop it to small world. There's that and then you see the one recently where the guy just got naked. Oh, they're going through it to small world and they go, well here's clothes but where and then all of a sudden it's like,

BEE! It's naked guy, can you say that? He just lost his mind on that shit. Butterly was showing me a thing that like a guy lost his mind But wearing it all the sudden it's like BEEEzen caveman lawyer. Oh you can watch video of it Yeah, man who strip naked in Disney the video is fantastic Yeah, but the best the best part is fine is clothes first to go. That's weird. There's guys close everywhere This guy. Hi, I'm chin fat Is that Chris Christie? Oh That's my look.

You miss him. I really do. Who's weeners have you seen and who's tits have you seen there? Weeners. All of them. Maybe one or two. And then tits, yeah, tits, just, yeah, fish tits. Like three day dirty, you know, festival tits.

So, see there's some cute girls in the group there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that one. Which point is giving me a color? That one right there, yeah. Yeah. Kim Congdon. Nice.

Yeah, a lot Congdon. That was like fish Congdon. What Congdon? I would look Congdon. There was one time that I was at a festival and it was pouring out. So we're sitting one of those 10 by 10 tents, you know, and we're all just doing drugs because there's nothing else to do.

And one of the girls walked in with her boyfriend and sat right across from me. Indian style, but, but like loose Indian style. Sure. No panties and just a pus looking me directly in the tripping face. Shaved and out. No, no, no, no. Woofing. Woofing. Okay. A lot, lot. Wookies.

Yeah, but also I was just staring at it like it was like the, you know, the eye of the universe and I couldn't stop looking. So I had to go stand outside in the rain for a little bit. I don't know if you guys just go in backwards. Look at this. Yeah, yeah. Hey. I'm surprised this hasn't happened before

It may have Located in fantasy land it's a small Dude you've just seen a kid's wanger when you're you're you and your family are coming out of it's a small world Some guy just sitting there with his door. Yeah, it's a small dong after all. Yeah, hey Maybe it wouldn't be so small to small world this water wasn't so cold You just peeing like a chair of statue Hey, it never ends I don't know why it's so annoying, but I fucking love this ride. I love it Do you really want it?

Yeah, I mean I think I was just rising my childhood like when I would go Did you go to Disneyland a lot? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very close. Oh wow, but I promise you don't currently I would still probably feel very nostalgic about it Look at a little bit of carrying out like that. You see how they're carrying them. Yeah, it was nuts One time I was at a concert and this guy was losing a shit and they were carrying them out like that Well for context they were carrying them like one cup on each arm and leg and leg, but haven't fit but he's facing down right yeah exactly like they're gonna dwarf toss them like literally like they're gonna dwarf toss them they were doing that once they carried a guy out and he was screaming and yelling and he walked by us and he goes

wait can you can you stop and he sobered up for a second he looks at us and he goes neither of you would happen to be a lawyer would you we go no he's like whoo and then they just carried him back out to the pocket. They finished arresting him. Did you go to Disney as a kid? Was that ever a thing for you? Yeah, we went, I went twice. The first time I went with my dad took,

it was his wife and kids, but not my stepbrothers, not my halfbrothers, my first stepmother. Okay. And this is back when I was afraid of weather and bad weather. You were afraid of weather? Oh man, big, big time. I just did like noises of any kind.

Everything I was just uncertain of, I thought was the end of the world. It was crazy. It's not surprising that I got a panic attack disorder in 2011. It was in there. I must have just masked it from like, I think when my step-pop came around, I was like, all right, I got to like be more dutish now. He's such a pus. Such a pus. So I was like, I got to be more dutish now. So like, I just didn't kind of put

it away, but I still had like all of it. And I think it just came to a fucking pop at one point. But my dad, this came up. We were in with them in Cleveland. That's right. We went one day. If I guess we were going to like a one day pass or something. And we took the monorail, which I already did not enjoy that.

But that was terrifying. Way high up. Where's the track? I can't see it. It's only one rail, but... Mono rail. Mono rail? One rail. That sounds fucking crazy.

So, we did the monorail. Went in, my stepbrothers did the go-carts. There's a go-cart trick. This Disney World in Florida. Florida. It the go-carts. There's a go-cart truck. This Disney World in Florida. Florida. Yeah. It had go-carts. They had a go-cart thing they did. And then it started raining. And I had a skits out

until we left shortly after. Really? And then they were like, I was so, I remember the feeling of being, I don't remember it very vividly, but I remember the happiness of them going like, Alright, we're going, not even think about how I'm destroying this whole trip. I'm just like, okay, we're going, and they go, I guess, get back on the monorail and go back to them like,

Monorail! I guess it's a good one. I'm scared of that all over again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's like we're leaving. Can we leave a different way? Well, there's no radar moderates. Now we gotta get on a wet one rail. Dude, those two, I was so afraid of rides when I was young, that was the funniest. And I told you that, we have all my stepbrothers to the carnival.

And I thought the girl was gonna tell me she liked me. And she asked me if I was a girl or a boy, and then I was next on the ride and screamed like a girl for the entire time, begging them to turn the ride off. You're just screaming on the boy as a girl Turn it off this boy scared You know you didn't grow up in California like rains a lot in Philly. How did you were you just constantly terrified?

Oh when it rained yeah Was it just like any rain like no like if a drizzle No, no, no, no, no, like a sun shower. I was almost kind of like, okay, I'm telling you what I just, I don't know what I saw when I was a kid. Chop Christine. I don't know what I saw. We all weren't fucking a boot and fucking junk when we were 13 years old.

Always something interesting. Thank you very much. I didn't food anything. It was a snorted. But going what would happen was, I saw something when I was young. I must have. That was like an apocalyptic thing. And the apocalypse always has real cloudy skies and funnily cloud.

And then I'd start seeing on things about news, just for whatever. You know, Kansas City today, I'm living Philly. Yeah. Kansas City had a terrible tornado that whatever. And so when I saw just dark gloomy clouds, you thought it was it. I don't mean just like a great, gray sky would scare me enough to be like really panicky.

And like, but I knew how lame it looked. So I had to do a lot of like pretending it didn't bother me. Yeah. So what I do now with massive turbulence, I just put on a face, but inside I'm like, man this is probably it, that didn't feel normal. I thought I heard something, that noise didn't happen before. So I kinda keep that in, but I still have that in there.

But the, I'll give me back, I was just, the weather. Yeah, the weather, if it would be like, dark clouds, where it was like, you'd see the outlines of them and there's darker ones here. And like, I would just like, like lightning and then thunder, you'd get freaked out. It was just like this is happening.

This is the end of the world. You thought it was gonna open up. Wow. And fire and brimst, I don't know what it was, but I said everybody's gonna be like, Michael Jackson Thriller dancing down the street. It's why I coveted my friendship so much with my buddy John once in a military Because that was the year with the summer camp

Hunter's run day camp you come home at night, but we were us and I just like remember him He was just very friendly and started talking to me right away. Yeah, he was younger than him Yeah, and then he molested me and then But we were talking and then just kind of like having a buddy at least even to get on that thing like forces you to be like Well, I'm not gonna pay attention to that because he's not freaking out. I'm gonna look at a real weirdo. I'm happy I wasn't one of those kids. It was like I like you man. You're really nice. You're my new friend This rain's gonna take us Pack of fucking yeah pack of back back you and I almost had like a

Take a sip. Pack a fucking, yeah. Pack a backpack. You and I almost had a handhold freak out moment on the way to the airport when we were leaving wherever we last were on the road when that guy was driving 150 miles an hour at a corner and looking back at us and talking the whole time with his hands.

Do you remember that? I do. We freaked the fuck out. I don't know if this guy was fucking mega Italian or what, he's like, you gotta stonest sauce in the meat of all Grab the wheel please He was doing like 360 degree like exorcist head He sure he short-stopped several times. Oh, man, and it was early in the morning

And you were like you like we were both holding on to the center console thing in the back seat Oh, yeah, that was terrifying. I told you about when I was flying him turning around and these girls are always like, what the road, what the road, shut up bitches, bitches, am I right dude? Am I right dude? Sir! Turn around! I told you about when I was flying to Disney with my grandparents, I got locked in the

bathroom because I didn't know what vacant and non vacant meant. And I was sliding the thing back and forth and I was panicking. So like every time I panicked, I'd like try to slide the thing and people were banging on the door. Like they had no idea. I was yelling.

I was afraid I was gonna get sucked through the toilet and get like shot out of the plane. I thought vacant not vacant was the sign you were giving everyone outside about the status of your asshole. Are you serious? No. You gonna be great though.

You go, but you go, uh. Vacant. Vacant. Hold on, not vacant. Not vacant. We're not vacant. Fossil, I'm not vacant. There's a little more.

Vacant. There was one more marble stuck in there. All right, vacant now. Vacant. My grandfather was like, leave him in there. He's just drinking like bud cans that you pull the tab off of. I don't know vacancy to hotel,

but you can't shit there. Now, you can't vacate here, dude. No vacating. No vacating. What's that, Christine? You're gonna break me like a twig. You think so, break them off, something. You think so, bitch?

But we have to take a break here. I guess what we should start saying, like, yeah, we'll come back and say goodbye, is obviously, but let me give some plugs right now Mike Fenoy of course is new special don't let me down available at YouTube Com slash at Mike Fenoy with an exclamation point. No. Oh, that's just her saying it with excellent each point YouTube dot com slash at Mike Fenoyah on New Year's Eve Mike's gonna be headlining comics mohigan son How many shows Mikey two six o'clock and eight o'clock two shows one night for tickets and all tour dates Visit Mike Fen way up dot com and follow Mike Fen way on all socials at Mike Fen way up F-I-N-O-I-A Robert Kelly is gonna be in Fort Wayne, Indiana for New Year's Eve two shows one night only

After that Sarah Toga Springs, New York, Wisconsin, Chicago, all on deck for tickets and all tour dates. Go to robbercalilive.com, watch his special right now. During the holidays on a punchup, punchup.live, you go watch Killbox right now, Jacob, yes? I just want to plug one thing also. Joe list. I may. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This Christmas Eve, you can catch Joe Liston, Sarah Tullamash did a show for Uncommony Central Radio it's at 7 p.m. The Sunday or

PM West really funny very cool. May I thank you. Oh, no, I'll just do it real quick. I have to give I there's little Twits a twa weeks that I have to give to it. All right. I wanted you to you know, the tweets We'll come back in I'm gonna be in Pittsburgh New Year's Eve weekend, everybody that's next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, two shows a night, come ring in the New Year with me out there. After that, Liberty, Ohio, Salt Lake City, and Denver,

Colorado, where I'm going to be shooting my crowd work special. So there might be some tickets to be available for that. It's going to sell out quick. Get tickets right now. I say that's going to sell out quick, but it was not sold out now. It hasn't sold out quick So buy tickets For tickets and all my tour dates go to bigjcomedy.com watch my special dog belly on YouTube

DJ little what are you doing for Christmas? Going to my citrus house. Oh You get presents for all your nieces and nephews and whatever. It's just one nephew. Right. So I meant that one nephew. Yes His name we don't know. We've really not been a good friend to you You know this is drively right in a brother of some sort. Yeah, what do you have a pet duck? Yeah, something you got. I don't know. What am I a genius? Everybody, thank you so much for an amazing year listening to the show. It's been fantastic. We're coming back January 8th. We're back with live shows

again with you for the new year. They can't fire Bobby now unless they find out some real dark shit. Which I'm working on. Everything's good. Right now, Mike's digging. I'd want to say a huge thank you to all of you guys for welcoming me and having me here. I love you all so much. And to all the campers, you guys are the best. I love you.

They are the best. Mike Fionna loves you. From your old friend Mike Fionna. We love you. I love you guys. Thank you. Jacob, Blackloo, DJ Lou, Christine, you are the skeleton, you are our guts. Thank you so much for everything you do.

We'll be sending our Christmas presents, me and Bobby are sending our Christmas presents to the crew since everybody abandoned this this week and left town before finding out when the vacation was. Jacob, I'm not looking at you, but I'm looking at you. No you're not. Oh we'll probably have a vacation around this time. I'll just book it. You still got right at it. Merry Christmas Jacob and Lewis. Enjoy Christmas in flow rider. Black Lou you kiss that baby forest on the face. Christine I'll be dealing with you at home. And DJ Liu, congratulations with your niece,

I guess it is. nephew. Braden. Right, Brenda, your niece. Good luck in that volleyball match. BigJacombie.com, at Mike Fenoy, at Robert Kelly Live.com. Chris, let's go tomorrow.

I love you all. Chris, let'saud tomorrow everybody and remember Honestly Christmas is actually sometime in January they say It's all fake It's all fake everybody Trump's 24 Hey everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show If you want the whole thing go to serious xiusXM.com slashbomb fire for a special offer.

That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo!