The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sit On Your Hands (feat. Robert Iler)

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

Robert Iler from "The Sopranos" and the "Not Today Pal" podcast stops by for the first time. Bobby auditioned for the Sopranos and it didn't go well. Nikki Dinki calls in to talk about acting with Robert and that does not go as planned. Everyone agrees that L.A. is an acquired taste and a few people in the studio have O.C.D. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly PJ Lou, this is a bad fun fact. We're gonna look like idiots. It's gotta be him We have an amazing guest is just a bonfire everybody faction talk series xm 103 Big Jay Okerson the great Robert Kelly. We are joined in studio. Very excited to have this guest in everybody. He's got a podcast with Jamie Lynn Sigler called Not Today Pal available on your mom's house network and available wherever you listen to podcasts. It is the great Robert Eyler everybody. How you doing man? Great man. How are you? Very nice to meet you. Do you prefer Rob, Robert? Whatever. All works. It's the worst name ever. You think so? Yeah, because I it's like a you Bob, you wanna hear your Bob? Whatever, all works. It's the worst name ever. You think so?

Yeah, because it's like are you Bob, you want me to call you Bob? I don't care. I never care. I don't. But then I've met a lot of people who care, which is just such a loser thing to care about when people like mispronounce your name.

I go by. There's an in-between there though, Bobby. You had a moment where you were not enjoying Bob. I think when Billy Burr stopped being Bill Burr and you were still Bobby Kelly, you took it for a minute where you snapped at me one time for me, but you always go, Robert Kelly. I'm like, okay.

I never did that. 100%. I snapped at you because I didn't like you back then. Yes, but that was the reason you gave. Because you went from rapper to rock guy and I didn't like it. It was a mid-aughts transition. It was a mid to mid aughts transition. It was, no, but it's like, I changed my name to Robert

because of SAG. I went in for Bobby Kelly and there was a guy, Bobby Kelly, some poet or some actor in New Hampshire had that name, so I went for Robert Kelly. My name in SAG is Robert Donlon Kelly, because I had to put my mother's maiden name because I couldn't have it, so then I got my way. Donlon's definitely sounds like a Highlander clan. Donlon Kelly, because I had to put my mother's maiden name because I couldn't have it. So then I got my way.

Donlon's definitely sounds like a Highlander clan. Donlon, yeah. The Donlins. It can only be one. Sometimes people introduce me as Robert and then I'm like, oh, hi Rob. And then they think that I had an issue with them saying Robert.

Then they think I'm an asshole right away. It's about your fault. Yeah, and they're like, oh, sorry. I didn't mean to say Robert. I'm like, it's the fucking same. Who gives a shit? Yeah, I don't even know what I said. Because De Niro, when people call him Robert De Niro,

but his friends call him Bobby. Right, right. Which bugs me. Or any extra who has ever had Sopranos calls him Bobby too. Calls him Bobby, exactly. That would drive me so nuts. There's a meme Eskimo used to do all the time where you're like, he goes, yeah, I saw a new Robert De Niro movie yesterday.

What's that? Robbie goes, oh, Bobby De Niro. Bobby. Oh, shit, okay. Bobby D, and then it goes to Bobby D. Oh I didn't know. Oh you call him, you must not have ever been sitting across a restaurant from him by accident once. Yeah.

Yeah, that's why I named my kid Maximus. I didn't want to have to go through stupid, but now people don't. You also thought Coliseum Fighting was gonna be coming back at some point. It actually is. It's coming, it's Slapfest, and then it's going back into Roman Gallatia.

You really did name your son to throw beer kegs over a wall like a strongman contest? Maximus von Magnussen? I told you my grandmother was kind of racist because I went out and we're gonna name him Max. She goes, that's a Jewish name. You can't name him Max because she's so Irish Catholic. So I had to, it's Maximus, and I had to find a Saint Maximus, and I had to bring the thing in where all his credentials is Saint Maximus, and show her, she goes, all right, I'm gonna call him Maximus then.

What do the saints have though, be great. I forget what it was. Pimple popping. Yeah, well they have a saint for everything, they have a Saint Jew, I think. Saint Jew? Yeah, Saint Jew. That's the kid's hospital hospital you son of a bitch

When you go I have to make my confirmation they basically tell you like there's every saint Yeah, go any of any fucking name you want to pick pick it. There's any any say but now I have a feeling black Lou's got some family that there's no saint names for Saint Jeremiah St. Jojo Yes, st. Jeff cool, so dude, it's goodcer. Yeah, St. Jeffkul. So, dude, it's good to have you in, man. Thanks for having me. I've seen your podcast. It's a great podcast.

You guys have been friends, you guys are best friends since you guys did the show, right? Yeah, it's been like 27 years. And that's odd on shows, because usually when you do a show, you're best friends on it, and then it slowly fades away after because, you know, someone gets a job, blah, when you do a show, your best friend's on it, and then it slowly fades away after because, you know, someone gets a job, blah, blah, blah, and it's like your surrogate family while you're filming, and then as soon as that filming's over, you know, you see them once in a while,

talk to them once in a while, but you guys stayed together forever. Yeah, I think, I don't know, it was all very strange experience, but like, me and her are the only people who understand what we went through, how fucking crazy that was. It was just kids going to auditions, and the next day it was like,

Billboard and Times Square, and everybody fucking loves Sopranos. A lot of those guys on that show were in their 40s, 50s, and they had been working their whole life for this, and we were like, is this what everybody gets? We didn't understand. Did you have a passion for acting at that time? No, I never did.

I hate acting. How old were you, I never did. I hate acting. How old were you? I was 12 when I started. Geez, 12. Well, is that, are you in that Marilyn Manson dope? No, somebody put that on my fucking, whatever that's called. Fucking Lou. Wikipedia.

You're an asshole. That's not me. It's not IMDB. People say it all the time. I should just start saying it. You should just start saying it to you. I know. We don't know that kid.

The kid's not coming out going, that's me. I should just say. God damn it. I'll get a cease and desist from him one day. DJ Lou is not, DJ Lou won't even look at me. I'm so proud of that fact. You're so exciting. Oh yeah, we were just talking before you came in about.

I was listening. Oh yeah, looking at the multiple personalities. Yeah, yeah. Do you think it exists? I mean, that's, when people act like that, obviously it's bullshit. Like I grew up in New York City, of course multiple personalities exist. Exactly. I grew up in New York City of course multiple personalities

Exist I grew up in a 40 story building that had like 40 apartments on each one I could tell you it exists, but none were like oh now I'm Bill like they were just like Eating cement one day, and they're like oh, that's the other guy like you know you had to name them Yeah, right. I lived in a building on 47th Street, and there was this, it looked like a German sex dude, and he would show up, some days, the nicest guy ever, come out, talk, and then some days, Next day sermon, German sex dude.

He would come out and just ignore me. I'd be like, hey man, what's up? And he'd walk by, like grumpy, and I was like, this guy has two different personalities, or it's twins, and I only see them I was thinking alcoholic I Don't know man. It was that's I definitely when I was drinking I had people who like you see them You think oh, what's up, and then you'd see them not drunk, and you'd be like hey Oh, that is an interesting thing too. That's yeah

I mean if you're talking multiple personals like that like Nate Bargatze You know we call him red state Nate red state Nate when they got hammered It was different person you were talking to. Oh my God, dude. Red State Nate, he would just start trashing everybody around him. Yeah. He was the best. Christine's got two personalities, sober and fun. I wonder who gave her those.

I didn't name them. Hey, this is fun. Yeah, you thought I was so fun. Until it wasn't name them. Hey, this is fun. Yeah, you thought I was so fun. Until it wasn't, yeah. I gotta be honest with you, man. I'm a fan of Sopranos. I love the show. I don't know if you know this, too. Oh, you're the guy. You hated AJ. I'm ready for it. No, no, no. Yes, I hated you when I watched it the first time.

Because I had a show on right after your show Torgasm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. You are leading. Yeah, which was you're welcome No shit good leading pal. Yeah, it was fucking nuts You're watching great be knows and then by then Bobby playing flag football with Gary Goldman and then Bobby playing flag football with Gary Goldman and Dan Cook. It was the fucking craziest programming ever. Because it went from the greatest show ever to fucking me, Dan Cook, Gary Goldman, and Jay Davis.

Dude, you're fucking around, man. You're fucking breaking the rules. It was crazy, but I remember, I hated you. I just fucking hated you, but I just went back now as a father and rewatched all the episodes in the last couple years. And I fucking love your character. I actually went back. I thought you were going to say you didn't hate.

I love him. I thought so. I, I, I, I, I, I. What's the shift? What's the shift in you that you saw different? He was Tony. He was his father. He was the exact same.

You watch the show now. The first time I watched it, you're watching it and just waiting for somebody to get whacked. And then you go back and you watch it now, and there's so much fucking crazy depth to this show. You were... He had the same shit you had. But he had the mafia. He had this family to join, other than his other family.

And you were given everything. You... It happens a lot too with people, families who have to struggle to survive, and then the next generation doesn't, and they wind up going to college and not doing anything because everything was given to them. In the show, Tony had to do what he had to do to survive, to make money,

so all his fucked upness went into that. You didn't have that. And you had the same shit that your father had in that. But they're just calling you stupid, idiot, fucking dummy. And you got everything, and you were just struggling in it to fucking survive. If he brought you into the family, AJ would have been a different guy.

AJ would have been like his father. AJ would have been like his father. AJ would have fucking killed a lot of people. AJ would have been the boss of the family if he brought you in, but he didn't. They were trying to send you to school. You weren't going to college. You weren't, you know what I mean? Bobby, your emotional behind this is so funny

to someone who played the character who was like, sure, and you're like, it's just the way, fathers and sons, man, the way. Am I crazy? No, no, no, but I also think that when you're broke, you have a lot less time to sit around and think about how you're depressed, you know what I mean?

And I think that's what I fucking hated about age. I grew up broke and watching him, and you see this kid who just like, doesn't get one thing he wants, and then he's fucking, can't get out of bed for a week and then you're just like, get the fuck out. We're like, like you said, Tony had to be doing all the shit where it's like he couldn't sit around and be depressed,

he had to go fucking, you know, put somebody's pinky. There was no therapy. Yeah, or like whatever. You were just stupid and you were dumb. So they went on the street and they fucking robbed people and did that thing. They had their own little,

their own little fifth, sixth family they called it in the show, right? All those guys. And you had the lap of luxury. And you went to therapy and they tried to fix you. Nobody tried to fix him. He had to try to fix himself, right? And I just, I looked back on it. I was like, AJ, I felt so bad for you

the second time going through it. That did you feel bad that you hated me so much? No, I mean, you're an asshole in the show. Yeah, you're brutal. That's the surprise ending. Bobby, you were the piece of shit the whole time. Yeah. Last season you become hysterically unlikable.

Yeah, yeah, extremely depressed. Yeah, but then business. Yeah, just a wet blanket. Like kind of a business douche at the end, which I loved. Well I'm gonna ask, away from, Yeah, just a wet blanket. Like kind of a business douche at the end with the, which I loved. Well I'm gonna ask, away from, I'm sorry, but away from the characters itself,

when you started doing, you lived in New York. Yeah, I grew up in this city my whole life, yeah. So was it crazy to your friends when you got something so big, or is it kind of like, it's not that wild I guess here in New York? Well that, no, it wasn't even a New York thing. Like adults in New York would go crazy.

But kids, I mean there were no, I was 12, 13, 14, there were no 13, 14 year olds like, oh, I watch HBO and like. But at some point did you find, because I remember there was a kid who did such low level acting stuff in South Jersey where I was growing up. And even in just a commercial or something,

I mean, it was like the coolest kid. But then also, in that level, that's just a commercial or something, I mean, it was like the coolest kid, but then also, in that level, that's just a commercial. On your life, did you find jealousy shit in schools? Or you just got homeschooled, or that worked? No, I went to school, I never saw that. The only, I talked about this before with Jamie and shit, it's like in New York, people kinda looked at acting as a thing that you did,

but they didn't really care as much. Where you go to LA, and it was like, you know when a toddler comes out after a bath and he's in his pajamas and everyone's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You go LA, any room you walked into, people would just like, they wanna be around you and talk to you.

And I don't know, that feeling was always gross to me. I love New York where, yeah, of one out of 10 people is like a little excited, but most people would be like, oh yeah, you're on that thing. They don't even wanna say the name of it, or people call it like a movie. They'd be like, you're on that movie. Where like in LA, it was like,

they're giving names to you and like all of this. Did you live out there for a little bit? Did you get a shot? No, I mean, I spent like a year out there, I spent COVID out there and just like, you're like, what the fuck is this? It's not for me, yeah. Me either. I'm a New York guy, I spent COVID out there and just like, you're like, what the fuck is this? It's not for me. I'm a New York guy, even though now I'm in Austin.

It's a weird thing because some people are LA. Like I have friends that moved to LA and they love it. I went out there for two years and I wanted to kill myself. I just don't, I don't get any, I mean like the weather's great, you can go anywhere and get good weather I guess, but like I just, nothing really about it. Like there's like good healthy food, I don't know.

Nothing. That's what made Jacob happy out there. Good healthy food. Yeah. He goes, really good healthy food. He loves it, there's a lot of couscous out there. Couscous, yeah, easy to find couscous, yeah. After the show, when it was done,

it was such a big moment in television history. How was it, how was the drop off after the show? Like was it, was it like, was it a hard thing or did you go right into something else or? I went right into drinking and doing drugs. Yeah, right in. Just no. Multiple personalities?

Yeah. Can you see the beast? Yeah, right. What if it was him? Show me the beast. Show me the beast. I, yeah, no, I honestly, you know, like James Gandolfini was kinda like the leader

around there and whatever his kind of feeling towards something was, we kind of all just, we're like, yeah, that's the feel, like, you know, because he was so great to us and, you know, everybody's heard the stories of him like giving us money and just like cutting us checks and taking us places and he wouldn't negotiate until we were done negotiating

because he didn't want it to be seen. Like he was taking the money. Like he did everything right. So I think he was ready to be done. I think David Chase was ready to be done. And then it just kind of trickled down to like, yeah, we're ready for it to be done. And then I was 22 and I had been working

since I was six years old. And I was like, I just want to fucking hang out. Like I just want to hang out with my friends. I went to Vegas for two weeks and came home 18 months later. Wow. Did you get, did you have friends you feel like took advantage? No, again, I don't know if it's like,

I got really lucky with like, my, so my best friend has been my best friend for about 34 years. I was just the best man at his wedding. And like, I just, it was always easy for me, you know? Like, there were the people who were like my family, my brothers, and then there were the people who were like, yeah, we party together, and whatever. But I never, you know? Like, there were the people who were like my family, my brothers, and then there were the people who were like, yeah, we party together, and whatever.

But I never, you know, there were a few people who like, you know, stole $500 from me, I don't know if I could pay like, you know, silly shit, but no, I was pretty lucky. But I'm saying that they look at you as like the cash cow in the sense that it's like, we'll go hang at his house, because they'll be stocked up with shit

and everything we need. No, because I lived in a one bedroom apartment, I didn't buy shit for anybody. Really? I never owned a car, I was always just like, I don't know, I think I was just happy to not, my grandfather was a super, and that's what I was supposed to be if I was lucky.

If I didn't fuck up, I'd be the super. Nice. And then to now be this, I was like, yo. You have to pay rent? Yeah, that was it. But I'm like, so now I was just like, yo, don't fuck this up, you know? So I was always,. You have to pay rent? Yeah, that was it. But I'm like now, so now I was just like yo, like don't fuck this up, you know?

So I was always, and even like, I think it was after Jim passed away, but James Gandolfini, I found out that he used to call my manager all the time and be like hey, is he all right? Who is he hanging out with? How much money is he spending? Is he this?

And he would tell him not to tell me, which is like the opposite of LA. You know, LA would be like, oh, I called your manager. And then my manager finally told me one day, he's like, yeah, I used to check up on you all the time. So did you, at the end of it, did you have a chunk of change? Yeah, yeah.

I was chilling, I was all right. And I really luckily made some good investments in Apple and Netflix. You invested in Apple? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, I bought things, I made like, not like an insane ton of money,

but just enough to where I was like, oh, I don't really have to like. I invested in Apple a month ago. I think I missed the boat. Ground level, dude. I'm hoping it splits again. I think you have some interesting phone stuff coming out. I got some fucking stupid Louis J. Gomez.

Took a thousand dollars. He bought a thousand dollars worth of crypto Louis J. Gomez took a thousand dollars. Bought crypto. He bought a thousand dollars worth of crypto on my phone. What a dickhead. Well you're down there in Rogan country, man. He's gonna get you doing all kinds of weird shit with money. Yeah, that's right.

You wanna start a vitamin farm? A vitamin farm? No, thank you. So that's good, man. You have some of that cash so you don't have to, so you didn't wanna go back in and do, cause you must have had a bunch of offers thrown at you to do something else after.

Yeah, I mean Scorsese wasn't knocking on my door, but like a lot of, you know, like I mean, you could scroll through Netflix for fucking seven hours. Like if I didn't really, like I remember, I would get a call to do jury duty like every few years and I'd call my manager and be like, I need a fucking job. Like I'm not going to this shit, you know? Cause I was taking like 15 Percocets a day.

I'm like, how do I sneak this shit past the metal detector and the guards and stuff? So they're just like- They're gonna see me snorting and crushing pills. That's how you sneak, you take it. Yeah. And then you go through. But I needed one every 30 minutes at that point, you know?

You, you at the end- You know, I need to go to the bathroom and pull something out of my butt real quick. I go for jury duty, I get seven years. So I'm not gonna. So you,. So you got fucked up at the end, you went on drugs and all that. No, not at the end. I started smoking and drinking when I was like 12

and I was like partying the whole time. On the show. Yeah, and then I forget how old I was, 18, 17. At some point we had a year off and I just fucking, from the day we stopped until the day we came back, I was just partying. Really? Every day, yeah, it was all I think.

Did the cast get involved ever, anybody on the cast? No, you know, I didn't. Because they would ask about you, did you feel something was happening? I didn't really let people see the third day of partying me or second day of partying. If we went out drinking at eight, at four a.m., I was chilling.

But did you feel like you were hiding it though? You were actively trying to hide it, or were you just like, I just do what I do and come to work? No, it knows more like once the like, you know Cocaine and stuff like that came out as guy put garbage bags over the windows Like, you know a room like this and you just stay in there for two days instead of like I wasn't the guy who was Like, you know, I want I want to do cocaine and go to 24-hour fucking after-hour clubs And it's like I did that you did drugs

Christine smiling She says she always told me she was younger she did coke and she always-up. Christine's smiling. She's like, right? She always told me, she was younger, she did coke. And she always says the scene in a movie that freaks her out the most, which is a hard time, was in Boogie Nights, when Heather Graham and Julianne Moore are on the bed and they're just going like, they're just doing coke and she goes, let's just stay in this room forever.

And I'm like, will you be my mom? I'll be your mom. And she goes, that's just her and her friends just in a room, like making plans to live in that room forever. We don't need more than this. I would see people who I've never, I'd be like, oh, they'd be like, how's your grandma? You know, I'm like, ask you these intimate questions.

I'd be like, what? And they'd be like, oh yeah, we had like a $13 conversation one night and like a darn like, fuck, you know? That's how it was. How dare you talk about my. Yeah, yeah. Dude, Vegas was, how dare you talk about my. Yeah, yeah. Dude, Vegas was crazy.

I moved to Vegas alone. Wait, did you look at a hotel? Did you have a house? So I was staying at a hotel. I was staying at the Rio for a long time. And then they make you. The fucking Rio? Home of the Comedy Cellar.

That's where the World Series of Poker was. So I was like, fuck it, I wanna be here. Oh, so you did professional poker. I was playing a lot of poker. So after 30 days, they make you I wanna be here. Oh, so you did professional poker? I was playing a lot of poker, so after 30 days, they make you leave and check out and come back in, because they don't want people starting fucking whorehouses and drug houses out of there, so like crack houses.

So every 30 days, they'd come knocking me, like, yeah, you gotta get out, because I would have to do not disturb them for 30 fucking days. And then they would come and be like, all right, you gotta get out of here. So I would leave and check in. And then finally, I did really well

at the World Series of Poker. And I was like, you know what, let me go on fucking Craigslist. And I looked and like the nicest building on the strip had an apartment that was insane for like $2,400 a month. And I was like, okay, like I'm just gonna move. Like I went there, I saw the lady and she was like,

do you like it? I was like, I'll take it. And I just fucking like had a suitcase and put it in there and was there for. How much money did you win at the World Series of Poker? So I entered the main event, which is, I think it was 7,000, 8,000 people, and I got 275th place.

It paid, like, 40-something thousand. Wow. That's great. So I was just like, oh, I'm just gonna chill and, like, have a good time with this. But then, you know, a year and a half, however long later when I went home, like, I opened my front door, and there was, like, a pole and spring open, like this,

just sitting on the couch. Like, nothing, there was just, like, dust. Nothing had gone on in this apartment. And I was like a pole and spring open like this, just sitting on the couch. Like nothing, there was like dust. Nothing had gone on in this apartment. And I was like, what the fuck? And like, I actually had to, you see people like carrying briefcases and suits. You're like, what is this? Like you have to get back into real life.

Cause Vegas is just like, there were probably like three month periods I didn't see a child. Like you just don't see, you know. I'd wake up at 6 p.m. I'd go play poker until 5 a.m. And I was just fucking taking painkillers. You didn't smile for six months. Right, yeah. Did you, or were you like you were good at poker

in the sense that like you think overall like you did really well on it, like to survive. Like enough to survive from beyond the year? Yeah, I think it's more not that I was so good at poker because I've been lucky enough to play with like some of the best in the world and you're like, wow, these guys are like, you know, you see that you're not that. But then I also know that like the guy who his wife lets him play once a month and I'm a lot better than that guy. Like that guy's in trouble.

Did you have like scams with other people? No, I remember like one of my first again, like growing up in New York City, I would just see like I think growing up in New York City, I would just see like, I think growing up in New York City, you're around the best scammers, and then I would see these like wax scammers in Vegas, and I'd be like, dude, you're not even doing it right. Like you know what I mean?

Like you're just like, you're like sloppy, and like I remember one guy came up to me, and he's like, don't ever, you know, let anybody in the city take advantage of you, there's gonna be a lot of people like, you know, asking you for this and that, and then two days later I saw him, and he's like, listen, if you ever want to talk about something,

we can go to Black Jack and you sit down with your money, but I'll tell you what to do and you'll win this. I'm like, you just told me to fucking stay away from you. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, you're no, but I'm like, yeah, yeah, sure. That's the pit move. There's a lot of dangerous guys out here. You're gonna need me to help you from that. Yeah, yeah, I was like, saved by the bell or some shit,

you know, yeah. to help you. Yeah, yeah, I was like saved by the bell or some shit, you know? Yeah. Hey, what's up? I'm BK Burglar, Bob Kelly, aka The Rooster. I'm Big Jay Okerson. I only have one aka. I'm a cowboy. Look, if you love the bonfire, which you know you do, this is just half of the show. That's right. It's the podcast version, everybody. So if you want to hear the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire to get the whole thing. Yeah, you get tons of other entertainment too. It's not just us, you got other shows

that you can go to after you listen to our show. You can go to all kinds of other shows and you know what, tell a friend. But most importantly, this show. Yeah, this show, just go to this show. Do something resembling anything. But most importantly, this show. Yeah, this show. Just go to this show. Do something resembling anything.

I actually auditioned for The Sopranos. I got down to me, this other dude, and who's that fucking old comedian New York guy, Pat something? Cooper. Pat Cooper. Oh wow. It was me, this other dude, and Pat Cooper.

To be the fat gay guy? No. I wasn't fat at the time. Just gay? Oh, it's just the gay guy. Let me tell you something, I feel bad for that fucking dude. Because that's the only,

when you think about the soprano, it's like, dude, you're the guy that blew people. I do feel, it's funny, one of my favorite restaurants in Long Island, Vincent's Clam Bar, and for a while he had like a residency there, like signing his book on Sundays, and it's just like, you feel bad, it's like it wasn't a big line.

Like, oh man, poor guy. Well that's what's weird, it's like, I was very lucky to be from episode one to the last one, but there's a lot of people who got their fame on that show and didn't make a lot of money, and it's unfortunate. The guy I was auditioning for was a guy who gets killed, which was a big, when you're auditioning for that show, to be somebody who got killed was a big thing

because that's what everybody loved, the murder. They were waiting for somebody to get whacked. And to be the guy that got whacked, it was the waiter that got killed by Chrissy and, what's his name? I forget. Paulie. They killed him out front. He came out for the tip or some shit.

Oh, okay. Pat didn't get it either, but he walked out and fucking did 15 minutes and just murdered in the thing. I go, fucking just let me go home. I remember I went in and I did the audition, but I was doing hands. I was so big and the lady took me, and the guy who wrote it was there.

David Chase? David Chase was there. So it's probably George Ann Walken, who's Christopher Walken's wife. Exactly who it was. She liked me, she was great. She grabbed me, she goes, can I talk to you for a second?

In the audition, she goes, sit on your hands. And I went, what? How do you recover from that? You don't! You don't! I didn't get it! The audition's over. She goes, sit on your hands, because my hands will flail out. And I went, I went, what? How do you recover from that? You don't! You don't! I didn't get it!

The audition's over. She goes, sit on your hands. Cause my hands will flail. Can you change everything about yourself? Yeah, exactly. You know everything you weren't done for the last three days thinking you were gonna be on Sopranos, just lose it. Did your parents push you into acting?

Can you take off two of your extremities please? Cause they're bugging David. David wants a guy not so many hands. Yeah. No, my parents never really pushed me. They, um... So I was six years old walking down the street in New York City with my dad,

and the guy who's still my manager today just stopped him and was like, hey, your son should be in show business, and that was it. It's amazing that it didn't end in him molesting you. I know, and he's a gay guy, too. That's fucking absolutely wild, that story. That's the one time that's worked out.

I know. Everybody, everything else ends in a mall bathroom finger blast. 100%. That would actually make me feel bad. I would actually go like, I'd go to your manager and go, why'd you never fucking molest me?

I should, I'm leaving you. I wasn't cute enough? You should go, can I ask you a question? It was because I started getting stuff right away because I feel like you were gonna molest me Right, and then you realize I was worth more unmolested there. There was no agency You did want me right? Your dad was like So you just kind of were like you just kind of did it cuz you were like walked into it basically

Yeah, and I think that's another, you know, thing that I'm super thankful for is like the, you know, standing on stage or people applauding never did it for me. Like it made me uncomfortable. Like I was like, I don't want to be up here. I shouldn't be up here. I don't deserve this. So we're like, you know, and there's a lot of people in show business who like

always want the, this attention and this where I'm like, I spent nine days out of 10 alone. Like I'm like, I don't, I don 10 alone. Like I don't wanna be around people. You have OCD, right? No, like I'm a light, like I have my things that like I take care of so then I'm good, but like I definitely, you know I got an STD when I was like 22, and ever since then I'm like everyone's dirty.

Yeah, we all, dude, that's the initiation. You don't have STD, you didn't do fucking. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody in here's got warts. Oh, that's also one of our favorite fun stuff. Yeah, unless you're gay. We have a friend of our show here, celebrity super chef Nikki Dinky, and we, one of her things, she did a handful of acting stuff, and one of them was a love scene with you and the Sopranos, where she, uh. Me?

Yeah, she's so hot. How adorable is that? She's an adorable mother of two. That was AJ, me? Yeah, cause I'm like, what? Oh yes, no, AJ is the character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have it, right? We have the part up there, but it's just a, it's just such a funny thing for her. She's just, she's such like a mom baker. Like her whole thing

is cooking. Candlestick maker. Yeah, yeah. Her whole thing is cooking like with vegetables and everything. So it's just funny that, and there's, and there's her in her underwear and bra and then she goes. I gotta find the scene, but this is her in her underwear and bra You remember she was 16 at the time so and we have to go love scene you remember Are you fucking with me? I Mean unless she's fucking with us. I feel like no I feel like she she seems familiar, but I don't remember a love scene Is it love scene is it love Like a limousine

Couch or something it was 2006 maybe you just screwing around He was only a kid in the show is not he's banging who's got her number someone call her Oh, you got a? Yeah, you have to dink We have all the wrong info on you. Yeah There is a possibility I don't remember everyone I made out with when I was 22 I'm just I don't I'm not saying it didn't happen. I'm just I'm not oh no one would blame you for this Million years ago, but she cooks vegetables. I like that. I'm into that now. Are you into vegetables? I'm into vegetables now. Yeah, an awesome cook really is how you like in Austin? Oh, you know, I'm into that now. Are you into vegetables? I'm into vegetables now, yeah. She's an awesome cook. Really? She really is awesome.

How are you liking Austin? You know, I'm such an opinionated guy and I kind of have no opinion about Austin. I'm like, yeah, it's cool. I would never still tell someone to move there or not move there. It is kind of how I feel about it too. I understand why, we have a bunch of friends that went,

but it was like tax, completely tax reasons, which I understand. Did you move there for the podcast to be closer? I went to, so I originally went to LA to start a podcast with Jamie. And then I was like, oh, I don't like LA, but then COVID hit and I was staying there and I was like, I wanna keep doing this pod.

And then I went to visit Jamie for her birthday and Tom and Christina, who had had me on YMH and they came on to do the pod I was doing with Jamie. And they were like, we want you to come do a pod for us. And the guys, so like some of the biggest poker players in the world opened up like a poker club in Austin and Austin had become like one of the biggest places

to play poker and I was like, I'll try a year here. And then I just, you know, I'm sober now and I'm trying to be healthy and like, that's a great spot for that. Oh, good for you, you got sober. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 11 years. Oh, good for you. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, 11 years. Oh, good for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's boring, but it's good. How do you keep gambling on problem calls where it just never was for you? Because I don't, if you're like, let's go play roulette, I'm like, no, I don't want to do that. But poker, to me, is different. It's a game of skill, it's a game of, To play a sport.

Yeah, it's a game of, I mean, yeah, it feels weird when people call it a sport. I know, but it's, sure. But it's the same, if, uh, to playing a sport. Yeah, it's a game of sky. I mean, yeah, it's, it's, it feels weird when people call it a sport. But it's like, you know, the same like, like if all of us in a room sat at a poker table right now and played once, anybody could win. If we play a hundred times, I'm winning every time. Like unless there's a great poker player in here, I don't know. But that's just, yeah.

You don't know this about me, Jay. I am a great poker player. Oh, oh yeah, I forgot. Massachusetts Kelly? Yeah, dude, my bluff, my bluff is huge. Oh yeah, Massachusetts Kelly. My wife thinks I'm straight. She's massaging me? This is crazy. She's massaging you.

You don't remember this? No. This makes me seem like a real piece of shit, huh? Nikki? Yeah. It's celebrity super chef, Nikki Dinky, everybody. Hi, Nikki Dinky of shit, huh? Nikki? Yeah. It's celebrity super chef Nikki Dinky, everybody. Hi, Nikki Dinky. Hey, how we doing?

We have Rob Eilers sitting in with us today. And uh... Wow, love it. He said he remembers the heat from your butt crack on his back. Yeah, this is the topic of the day. I love it. Well, we're trying to find ways to connect with our new friend Rob. And one of them was to be like,

hey dude, we're Eskimo brothers with you. Did you give him an STD? Wait, I, no. Are you the reason I have OCD? Are you the reason he has OCD? But yeah. You know, picking up this call though, I heard him say he didn't remember.

No, no, no, they were fucking with you. I don't remember. Nicky, he's a star. No, I'm not a star. I'm really not. I just don't remember. You don't remember the scene? He doesn't know every single fucking rhubarb brownie maker he fucks, Nicky. I never watch the show, but I'm super into the fact now that you make vegetables I'm soup. That's that's exciting What are we kindling

Nickies She's a fantastic cook. Oh, she's great. I never watched the show so like this happened And then I then it's been 16 years or whatever you don't watch the show because you don't want to To see than it's been 16 years or whatever. You don't watch the show because you don't want to to see James, right? I don't want to see James. I don't want to see me. Yeah, I don't want to, you know, it's just, you know, this I remember. But I can tell you something makes you feel any better, Rob. It's that she was a she was a celebrity chef

that was a regular guest on Wendy Williams. And Wendy Williams doesn't remember on, doesn't remember her. Didn't enjoy her food. Treat her like an all around asshole. And she's the sweetest lady I've ever met in my life. She's literally the nicest person I've ever met. I don't know how you can be mean to Nicky Dinky. I think also like these scenes were always awkward for me.

You know, there's like a hundred of your friends standing around while, you know, a woman you've maybe spent an hour with is then uncomfortable because she's naked around you. And it's just a whole not great. Yeah, and you're a kid. Yeah, and again, you're taking your shirt off in front of like 100 bros.

When we're on the set, everyone's like, you're outside smoking, and you're like, we're gonna go out drinking after this. Then you're taking your shirt off. Jay would quit the Sopranos. Oh my God, before I take my shirt off for a scene. This one's swimming, he goes, nah, this should be fucking in a cold,

somewhere in the cold, where I have a lot of stuff on. The only thing I ever said I wouldn't do was they wanted me to get in a Speedo and jump into a pool, and I said I wouldn't do it. Good for you. I didn't do that for Burke Chrysler either. The Speedo's where he drew the line. A hundred percent.

I was so, I was always fat and not. Well, the reason we got Nikki on the show is to let you know, Rob, she kept the baby and you never knew. His name's Robbie Jr. At least he's healthy. Yeah, and this kid has never had meat in his life. His iron levels are incredible. Who else is in this scene?

Who else is in this scene? Novicki. Oh, Nick Novicki. Oh, I know. Other people? I mean, it was a long time ago. Yeah, well, you remember this one. It was a midget.

His name's Nick Novicki. He's a comedian friend of ours. Look at that. Look at you massaging us. He was not really in that scene, was he? Yeah. See? His name is Nick Novicki. He's a comedian friend of ours. Look at that. Look at you massaging us Yeah, see she doesn't remember you don't remember a midget. Whoa, you can't get mad at Robert not remembering one of 75 people Thank you Nick Novicki looks he looks like he looks like the beast. He really does. I remember Nick Because he's a little person. Yeah, no massage from Nick and I remember Nick.

You don't remember the hot blonde on your ass? You remember the little guy with the perm? Yeah, I remember his lines. Nicky, in fairness, he is face down away from you. That's right. It could have been anybody. Maybe if, next time he comes in, maybe if you come straddle his back. He'll be like Oh Can we reenact the scene Well, Nicky

Would be lovely. I'm so glad you guys included me in this conversation Well, you know you I know you're being I think you're being sarcastic Hey next time we have three transsexuals on can you come in with cupcakes so they can eat? Oh God whatever makes them not talk. It was the worst I would have rather suck those trans dicks than hear them talk for one more second. You should have said that I should Nikki we have to have you on again real soon. So anything you want to plug? Oh My god, you know I just me you know What do you have only fans or something? Well, thank you for including me I'm sorry that I wasn't memorable no, don't you dare to me it's the it's the Xanax

Yeah, he's taking nine percocets a day. Yeah You know whole like like less than zero couple years before, since he's been back. So he remembers you, Nikki. We just looked at the video. I'm playing hard to get. I remember you. For what it's worth, we've all whacked off to it. What makes you feel any better?

We've all masturbated to it. Live in that. Thank you. It's really touching. I always appreciate your support. Live in that reality. And everything's going to be good. Love you, Nicky. Love you, Nicky Dinky.

Thanks guys, love you. What made you guys ask if I had OCD when I came in? Is that a thing of a- I saw the podcast you did with Howie Mandel. And I saw, well, it was a weird situation to be in because you were kind of going to him almost like, hey, I have this too and he was of kind of trying to get out of it a little bit make it funny and You were kind of it was a little it was a little uncomfortable wasn't as weird as people made it. I don't think Yeah, no, I think Yeah, again, I think it was just like we didn't buy but I think when I look back on that I think like

We're in such a weird time with like this old cancel coated this shit We're like when you say like, yeah he was kind of a dick, like all of a sudden this sparks this thing that everybody, oh my god this words like, no, we just didn't vibe. He doesn't respect your ailments or whatever. Right, yeah, it was just like no, we just did, you know, it was like okay, you meet somebody

and you don't vibe, like if he was at a dinner, I wouldn't have been talking about him a month later because people kept putting out videos about it and this and you're like, whoa. He did a couple shots though where he was like, I don't even know talking about him a month later because people kept putting out videos about it and this and you're like, whoa. He did a couple shots though where he was like, I don't even know who you guys are. But then also said he was a big fan. So you're like, what?

It was weird. It's like, first of all, you know who you guys are. Well, he was LA. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's LA, which is, you know, it's cool. Like, all good. But I just, you know, we, yeah,

I think it was just in general, like, we didn't buy, but because it's the fucking internet and the days were in it's oh my god You know, but it's not so because you were opening up about something that's so personal to you That people like you were trying to for people that are out there that have the same thing Here's another famous guy. We have the same thing. Do you have any advice? Do you have any of this and he was just kind of fucking brushing you off and it was kind of a dick move And then you know, I understand it got confusing, but you were actually being real and he was just kind of fucking brushing you off and it was kind of a dick move and then I understand it got confusing but you were actually being real

and he was being silly. Well do you have to fight it being debilitating? No, I think it's more so just like when I'm gonna eat, like my hands really have to be clean. Something about my home and my bed, like I need to be, like when I'm watching a fucking 90 day fiance and somebody puts their suitcase on the bed,

I almost throw up. Like these people are so disgusting. Never live with Christine. I am such a neat freak, Jay's lying. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that. Who am I talking to now? I'll throw a suitcase up on the bed in a second. Oh, I'm so gross.

Because I think about all of it. Like I think about, again, I spend a lot of time alone, which just has you thinking. And like you take your suitcase, you put think about all of it. Again, I spend a lot of time alone, which just has you thinking, and you take your suitcase, you put it on the fucking conveyor belt, it gets thrown with all the other suitcases, it's all in the thing, they throw it back out there, and then you're like, yeah,

I'm gonna toss this on my bed tonight. Well, it's funny, on different levels, I think it's just different things. Some people have that kind of broad spectrum. I have a certain, I'm not super big, like I said, swimming in lakes. Like to me, because everyone's like, it's man-made, it's fresh, clean water.

I go, it's on top of and surrounded by dirt and bugs and what I'm like, not clean is the weird word for it. So like I kind of have that too. My lake is clean, Squam Lake. Is that what you want to think? It's the cleanest lake in America. You don't even belong in the association. I am in the association, go fuck yourself.

You know who I am? Oh man. I'm sorry, I'm just reading. Bobby got chumped by a guy in his association I got simped. I really did get cucked right in front of my kids Oh a week ago you were you were hand fanning a transsexual in that very seat transgender. I've had a bad week Actual man almost beat you up in front of your boy beat me up almost Actual man almost beat you up in front of your boy beat me up almost Almost but yeah, though that that's whole thing that happened with you with him But it's like you know I know people who have OCD and stuff like that. I I don't give a shit

I've shitting the Dunkin Donuts. I've sat on the seat without wiping it shitting is the word. That's that's a big one for me I mean, that's actually a big big one for me. I can't. I just came back from the nightmare of that. That's the only problem with a tour. I was on Burk Kreischer's, fully loaded. And that is like, you're not going to the hotel right away. When you get up and you got to go, it's like backstage trying to find... By the way, I'll go in and lock the door on the multiple-stall bathroom and still just be like, you'll hear people ringing, and I'm just like, nope.

I'm just gonna act like it's not happening. I hate, and then yeah, the sitting on it, I hate public shitting. Is that bad with you too? I'm so, like, you know, I did an acting thing for Tom recently, Segura, and he's, like, I don't know what you're allowed to say, whatever. Like, the show got picked up by somebody, and they wanted to do more of it, and the first thing I think, and he's like, I don't know what you're allowed to say, whatever.

Like the show got picked up by somebody and they wanna do more of it. And the first thing I think of when he's like, you ready to do a few more episodes? I'm like, where do I shit? That's it. I'm like, I don't wanna fucking memorize lines, but also where do I shit?

Like when, cause the worst is like, so you know, I mean, everybody's talked about this before when you're an actor, but like, usually you have a PA following you around and they're like, yeah, Robert's here, Robert's here, Robert's here. And now when you're an actor, but usually you have a PA following you around and they're like, yeah, Robert's here, Robert's here, Robert's here. And now you're like, okay, I got to shit. So you have to tell them I have to shit.

And then they're standing outside of the door waiting for you to, that is my nightmare. The worst. It's the worst thing in the world. Stop telling people. Stop telling people and stop doing. Yeah, it's like, okay, Rob's done shitting now. Here he comes.

And then you're walking on the set and everybody heard, they call it like 10 22. And they're like, yeah, Rob was done shitting now. Like, here he comes. And then you're walking on the set and everybody heard, they call it like 10 22. And they're like, yeah, you, Rob was just 10 22. And like everybody fucked. They should just say Rob was shitting. If I, I've never woken up, I shouldn't say never, but very rarely, if ever do, I wake up in the middle of the night to take a shit.

If I have to go to the airport at 4.30 in the morning, though, to get ready to think, I still wake up at like four in the morning and just sit in the bathroom for 25 minutes no matter what, I'm like, please happen now and please don't happen when I'm there. Be a gamer. I hold my shit to shit in the Delta Lounge.

God, do I love the Delta Lounge. You're an animal. I love it. By the way, people with that personality is the reason why I don't shit in the Delta Lounge. Because someone comes in there and really makes a meal out of it. The confident farting in public bathrooms

weirds me out so much. Oh, I hate it. Standing next to someone in a urinal, and they're just, brr, and you're like, dude! I don't like hearing other people shit while I'm shitting, though. That makes me throw up. No, yeah.

When you hear just, brrr, brrr. Ugh, I hate it. I was, so the other day was the gay parade here, and I was walking on the West Side Highway, and I went into a bathroom the other day was a gay parade here And I was walking on like the West Side Highway And I went into a bathroom and there was a guy in like a fucking I wouldn't take a piss There's a guy in like a fairy wings And he's talked to some other like big dude and the guys like get they're just hanging out the guys like guess how old I am And he's like why like why would I guess hold him? Guess right? I'll give you five dollars the guy with the fairy wings

Goes show me the money I was like where the fuck am I? I need to go back to Texas. It's a strange thing happening right there. That's the first thing Texas is gonna change. Yeah, there's none of this in Texas. The men are men and the women are women down there. Yeah.

Fo sho. That's a weird gay game. Yeah. Make sure you listen to Robert's podcast. He hosts with Jamie Lynn Siegler. Not Today Pal, available on your mom's house network and available wherever you listen to is great to meet you man I come on again great to meet you. Yeah, I don't have no no CD Oh, I didn't shake your hand because I thought you're gonna know no no am I am I the Howie of we know what it was?

Was a body Bobby just watched the Howie thing recently when you came in I all thought we were so good cuz we walk well I was like nice to meet you I'm not that's not my thing. I think people I was holding my tits the whole show I was getting worried when I saw Bobby, as we all know from his acting days, handsy talking a little by your exposed knee. Hey, do me a favor Bobby. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Sit on those. Dude, it was great having you in man. Great meeting you. Thanks so much. We'll see you in Austin man. We'll be down in Austin pretty soon man. Yeah, thanks for having me. And we'll have to have you back real soon everybody. Robert Isler will be right back to say goodbye. It's the Bonfire. We'll be back real soon everybody. Robert Isler will be right back to say goodbye. It's the bonfire.

That was great. What a great guy. We're getting good at interviewing strangers. I'm gonna call him Bobby. I'm gonna stick with Rob. I'm gonna do Bobby. I like that. I think we're close enough to say Bobby. You could. Yeah. Um, we're getting better at interviewing strangers. Buddy, we're great. You know, I say this, Bennington, watch your back. We're coming for you, dog. We're coming for the fishbowl, baby. We're coming for the fishbowl. Ronnie B, the bonfire's on your ass.

Yeah, he was great. I wish we could be half as good as Ron Bennington. Oh, Jesus Christ. He was awesome, Great, great guy. Down to earth. Yeah. Love guys like that. I love guys who hate LA.

I don't know why. Oh, it tells me that you're like, especially if you hate it for the reasons that the things that I don't like about it, you're like, yes. Yeah. Right, that sucks. Everything's a scene.

Everything's a scene. Yuck. Fuckin' yuck. I really do like dantanas. What? I do like dantanas. I like LA with New York people. Yes. I don't like Dan Tanna's. What? I do like Dan Tanna's. I like LA with New York people. Yes.

I don't like LA with LA people. Oh, oh, oh, there's, listen. That house we get in LA that's now the second time we've got is so awesome to have. It's great. Great time with New York people. I remember I used to go to stupid clubs with Dane and he would walk in ahead of me and I'd get stuck

and the door guy would just stick his hand in my chest. Oh, not you. That happened to me at the comedy store. Jake kept walking and I got held at the door with Justin actually and I was like, okay, we just have to wait. And I'm like, Jake, can you fucking please tell them that we can go back to St. Crook ground? Ha, ha, ha.

You dained her. You fucking dained your girl. I shouldn't have gone back for her when this is how I was gonna do it, you know? Robert Kelly's gonna be doing the regs You dander you fucking danger girl shouldn't have gone back for Robert Kelly's gonna be doing the regs at the Gramercy Theatre July 10th after that Portsmouth, New Hampshire in San Diego, California Or you can catch him every Tuesday night much like tonight Down at the fat black pussy get lounge the Comedy Cell or 7 p.m. Show for tickets and all tour dates go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly where you can catch a bunch of his content There too a special yeah, it's gonna. It's a great and check this out anybody downtown tonight at the show

You want to come up and see Big Jay on YKWD come down bigjaycomedy.com Atlantic City July 27th Get your tickets funny bone the 12th and the 13th