The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sketching Belichick w/Mike Finoia

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

Jay reveals that he was a cake artist and then demonstrates that he is an actual artist by sketching Bill Belichick nude. Bobby and Mike Finoia join in the artistic fun and Jacob judges which picture is most accurate. | Bobby's son Max was bullied by a teacher and gets advice on what next steps to take. | When he passes to the other side, Jay envisions a beautiful and naughty mausoleum that doubles as an inflatable party house. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @mikefinoia @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Campers, Skankfest, New Orleans, VIP tickets go on sale Monday, Presidents Day, February 16th at 2 p.m. Eastern on Skankfest.com. Bobby called me this weekend. This is a pre-record, so if you don't want to talk, this is fine. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it a good, I've told you a couple things this weekend. No, there's anything crazy. This isn't anything crazy. It's just funny. It's when I hear Bobby, like, best of intentions, and he's a great father. I don't like, first of all, I don't like when you have to say that. The preamble? That's a Lewis Gomez thing.

I'm a father. I'm weirdly, I'm weirdly, I'm weirdly, I'm strangely a father for like 10 more years than Bobby. So Bobby, I just hear him doing the thing. I just had a very different thing with Isabella for some reason. I pulled out. You didn't. Yeah, that's true. With Isabella, with Isabella, I always had a thing was like when they would come home and it would be like, you know, Isabella was like, this kid was bullying her.

She was like, yeah, I was being picked on and I blah, blah, so I did this or whatever. I'd always kind of have like, is that what happened? Like for sure that's what happened? Like, let me double check this. It was something you were saying about, I forget what it was. He was like, yeah, Max got in his teacher, called him a loser and said he blah, blah, blah. No, no, she called it.

She's fucking teachers, dude. He goes, he told Max that he was doing something. And if he falls asleep in class, he's a loser. And he's like, fucking teachers, dude, I'm going to let him stand from school for a week. That's not what happened. He didn't say that last part. That's not what I had.

What happened was. But it's stuff like that. It's so funny when you talk to you. Bought him another dog. When you talk to your friends about shit, they hear a totally different version of it. Yeah. What happened was he, look, he goes from six in the morning until five a night. He does wrestling five nights a week.

He's a fucking kid. That's tiring, dude. Stop it. That's tiring. He's a child. Dude, you fucking wake up at 11. No, I don't. Yeah, you do.

What time did you wake up today? Today I woke up at, what time I wake up today? Like 945. Yeah. Oh, all right. If you flip that upside down at 6. But here, my point is this. He gets tired in this one class.

It's our class. He hates it. And he got tired in it because they were doing this. And he was like, I just don't like doing it. I go, why you just ask the teacher if you can do something else? If there's any other version of this that you might like. But you can't fall asleep in class and you can't not do it. You have to talk to the teacher.

Just say, hey, is there anything else I could do? He's like, all right. So he went up to where he goes, I'm sorry for falling asleep in class yesterday. I won't do that anymore. But is there any other project I could work on or something else? I could do that would be, you know, that I could kind of get into. And she goes, no, finish that project. And if you don't finish it, you're a failure.

You said if you fall asleep in class, say you told to me. No, that's not what happened. And you said, you're falsely because you're a loser. No, she said, if you don't finish this project, you're a failure. That's what she said. Okay. That's what happened. Yeah.

Which I think. She's right. No, she's not. It's art. He doesn't make a macaroni phase and he's a fucking failure. I told my teacher to go fuck herself. I'm sitting right next to you, Tubby. I understand.

But she has to... But listen. Max is like, he's asking her to adjust it to him. Do you understand how it looks? No, he's not, you dumb, dumb. He's asking her for help. Can you... Is there any way you can help me?

Is that what he said? He's asking for help. He's saying, is there any other thing I could possibly do? But you could phrase it like this. You could be like, no, we got to finish this, but let me help you, if there's anything you need help with it. That's what the teacher's supposed to... But I think you're picturing the human up to me goes,

Please, Professor. Yeah. May I please? No, I did. I dress him like all. I fell asleep. He goes, he was,

he was a kid. He went, I dressed him like all of a twist. You didn't hear that part. I didn't tell you that part. I apologize. You called a teacher?

He had a tie that's like a knot. Yeah, he had a big hat. He had a shoe lace tie around his neck. Yeah, he had a bag. I gave him a big canvas bag. He goes, gay stuff makes me sleepy, ma'am.

He has his books in a belt like Valkehippartacamus. He said gay stuff makes me sleepy. Yeah. I can understand. And it doesn't make sense to me because our class is my favorite class ever.

And it makes you... Yeah, I love gay stuff. Gave stuff makes you happy. Can I make a macaroni penis again? Did I tell you... No. Stop making macaroni penises. Did I tell you?

I was going to art school. Before comedy, I was going to college to be an art teacher, right? To be an art teacher, I didn't know that. I was going to be, that was my whole dream to be an art teacher. I mean, with art school. I went to art school. I was going to transfer to Mass College of Art. I was two classes away from transferring to mass college of art.

And school burned down? No, no, I just fucking... I did stand up and I was like, I'm going to do this. The Great White, Great White tragedy happened? then uh but the whole my whole thing of being an artist was a lie my mother in second grade mrs julian her she loved art she was a bit but she was a twat everybody hated mrs julian um and but my mother for christmas had got me a uh charcoal kit like a big pat of paper and it comes with the charcoal but it also comes with how to draw like certain things so me i started drawing this

uh great dane and but my mother was helping me. Premonition. My mother, my mother drew it. She drew this dog. My mother was a fantastic artist. She drew the dog. She said, whether you'll be helped by a great Dane.

Get it? I got it. That was a great, that was a great Dane one. Slow burn there. I helped you, though. Thank you. I was like, come on. I was talking about it.

I was trying in the middle of the fucking thing. I'm sorry. No, it's all right. But she, we got it. Now it's enough. Now it's enough. It killed. Now it's enough.

Now you're acting like Dane. I'm an okay Dane. I'm an okay Dane. So I handed this piece of artwork in from my mother to Mrs. Julian. She lost her mind. She took me to every class with this calling me like a prodigy. But my mother drew it. And I just took it.

So literally through every class, I want everybody, Robert, he's a great ours. I want everybody to see it. So I went in every class holding this charcoal drawing of a great day. You knew you were behind the lie, too. Yeah. That's like, what's the girl? Gypsy Rose. Yeah.

Dude, I got caught in it. You're like Gypsy Rose's mom. First of all, I didn't know. Next thing you know, you're going, everyone thinks you have cancer. You're going to Disney World for free. They're building your houses. You're drinking silver. In my defense, I didn't know it was going to blow up.

I thought I was just going to get Mitch Julian. I know she's going to fucking take me to every class. Yeah, now you're the Baskiotian School. Bobby starts wearing berets to school. Sorry, guys. I'm an artiste. My whole thing was fucking, I'm an artist from that on. And I've never, I never really.

You're going to be an art teacher based on your mom's drawing. I got the book drawing from the right side of your brain. I was trying to tap into the right side of the right side of the right. I'll find it. I'll find it. Bobby's in his little kid room listening to Velvet Underground. Yeah, it was crazy, man. Did you ever, did you ever get busted for that fake art, though?

Did they ever go, like, draw something now? No, no. And you're like, the muse isn't here. That's funny. The next week, she's like, could you draw my dog for me? And I can't. It's just a fucking, it's a stick figure. It's like, I was like, draw, can you draw that same great day again?

He goes, Spear and Sperin's art coming through me today. I think my mother has it. I'm going to get it. I'll bring it in, yeah. It was perfect. I did a few of Isabella's projects to really make sure we took the prize on a few things. She took the credit. What was it?

We did, Christine, get those pictures. I have them, still some of them. I did a cake decorating thing with her. For Girl Scouts that I murdered. That he made her join. And then a picture. Explains the pink gloves. He goes, please join Girl Scouts.

Jay dresses like a fancy, like one of those new bakers, like an Instagram baker. Because his bookstore failed. Jay should be a baker slash like poet. Yes. Get your life soon. Oh, he's writing poetry. I had to do some of my parents' projects. What?

That's how dumb they were. Jesus Christ, dude. What to fuck? They really care, do my taxes. Oh, okay. Six, ma. My parents had me when they were 18. So you're smart.

Uh, in certain ways. Eh. Yeah. Not book smart. Jay goes, eh. Like, I'm very dumb at math. Really? But I'm okay in English.

You did taxes for your parents? No, that was a joke, by. Oh, sorry, buddy. I take everything you say literally, Mike, because of the way you look at me. He's fine, whatever. I look at me. Sexy. What's up, baby?

Big eyes. Yeah. Scary. It's like the same person. I like those glasses. Thanks, buddy. Try them on. There you go.

Oh, yeah. I want to show you the torture that I put Isabella through the artist that she eventually became. I can see really good with these Jake can you tell the difference Huh? We switched we switched heads Yeah Bobby looks smarter and you look more woodsy Thank you I don't want to be smart

I want to be woodsy Oh this is good stuff I want to be smart That infiltrated my outfit What if we just changed bodies Like a freaky Friday? You just go home to Lisa Yeah

Don's like why you fucking eat my pussy so much Whoa Italians love Gabagool That's what I call it You call the Puss Gaba Gould? Yeah, because it looks like a little rolled-up Gaba Gould. Like a little hand sandwich? And it's always, it's like hanging like a deli when you come.

It's got strings on it. I would not be with her if you had a hang and fwap. She had a speed baggett. Yeah, she had bat wings. I'm out. Oh, nice deli. You did it. You made a cake for, you made a cake for Isabella.

A cake. I just sent Christina a cake and a project that I drew for her also that she was supposed to draw. And killed it. Yeah. It would be funny if everything that Jay did, like, in art, even for his daughter, had, like, a drippy big penis on it. Always. It's always in there. No, no.

Here's what I do. You're going to look for it? Anything I draw. It's like the camel's cigarette pack. Anything I draw, I start with a drippy penis with a face holding a gun and balls with veins and hair. Then I build off of that. That's the skeleton of every drawing you see of mine. Whatever I'm drawing, it starts off as a cock with feet holding a gun.

I did Max's... Shooting jisms out of his head. Yes? I didn't own a max. projects this year I did he had to do uh you know those fires like the starting a with the stick starting um fire with the stick I I built him a uh uh thing to do it yeah the whole thing to do it bow we bit we did it together what if Bobby has to leave because he has to get in the chair to put his wig on so he can go wrestle for Max tonight max is home playing

video games and Bobby does all of his tournaments for him max come on you woke up for school today wrestling makes me sleepy Max you woke up for school today and you walked like from class to class dude you need a break Papa will go wrestle for you hi now wait so you're still carrying that backpack all day so here we go we're supposed

to she was supposed to make a cake you're such a good artist based off of this well this is the shirt oh that's not his it's a shirt it's a shirt you're supposed to make a cake those are all the girls jaded in his life and there's the cake we made oh that's pretty great it's the spice girls isn't it it's fantastic It's fantastic.

Buddy, that's really is. Can you zoom in, Christine? By the way, I made the black girl a fucking black jelly bean. You totally do. You can tell the Asian girl a yellow jelly bean. Wow. I made her a yellow jelly bean. This is racist.

This is fantastic. It's a yellow jelly bean, dude. Well, she's yellow in the picture. No, you did. You nailed it. You were accurate. She's got hell raise her face, dude. Why did you make the black girl mad?

because she is You made the black and the Asian Yeah, the ironic thing is my daughter's Girl Scout troops Were always 15 black girls in my daughter And you guys wonder why she talks like she does All the white girls are smiling And the black girl and the Asian girl have frowns I sort of do

The black girl looks mad at the photographer Diversity hires, dude How hard was it to do the eyes on the yellow one? Oh, it was actually pretty easy It was the least amount of frosting I had to use Wow, dude, you're such a good artist Now, can you go to the heart, picture of the heart?

I mean, come on. You drew that? Yes. I had to do the same project. Did you trace it or did you freehand that? Freehand. Yeah, dude, you're an artist. Look at my color. I mean, freehand off of, I was looking at the picture. There's a little bit of Jay in this. Watch. Look up at the wanted. Look at the wanted. There's bullet holes instead of the A

and the D. Why bullet holes? Because he's a badass constantly. He's an American story. One of the bullets. Because I never stopped being a badass, Bobby. You know why. He's an American story told. Those are actually bullet holes. Those are assholes with smoke coming out of them. By the way, those are freshly fucked shibbles.

Yeah, that's a freshly fucked asshole. It's on the A and the D, the ass and the dick. You're not going to be here, so I'm glad we're going in later for the live show. Oh, she is. It looks like a vagina there. What? Oh, heart pussy. Yeah, there's always a pussy.

It's like a heart pussy, dude. It's part of your heart. That's a heart pussy. You drew a heart. I think it's just part of you. To draw a heart pussy. By the way, there was a little clitoral hood action happening at the top of that.

No, not there. Right at the top of the slit itself. You resumed in, right? Right there, yeah. Is that really what the heart looks like? Nobody's drawn a heart with labia. Bobby, what would you do that heart pussy? Yes.

You can't fuck with the master. God, that's a good heart. Did you do the writing? Can I say something? Now, you remember the story of what I did with Isabella with her drawing when she was younger, the story when her mother came out. She drew something and said, oh my God, you're the best artist in the house, which I took exception to.

When she was about seven years old or so, seven or eight, she drew this picture. Her mom said, best artist in the house. I said this crazy thing to say. And then we did an art contest and drew the same thing, and mine was substantially better, of course. And then Isabella cried, and then I drew a picture of her crying. but Christine Short an artist's girl became when she was a oh look at their heart pussy

Pretty good I did on that heart That is a big old heart pussy I want to finger that heart pussy Now can we see where she got to? Look at that little kid just starry night Vincent Viengoo starry night Look at her Pretty fucking good, am I right?

What a sweetheart I mean it's all right I mean it's not Van Gogh It's almost as good as Starry Night the initial one I mean, it's close. Did she run out of paint up top? Yeah, I mean, why is there no paint all the way to the edge? Yeah, and what's that, a city down below?

She's not a finisher job? Like, is she not a finisher? Was there a power out of? I'm sorry, Jay. I can't do it. This is amazing. I'm sorry. Better than I can do it.

I actually dragged you into that and you back me up and I. Jay's little eyes, I can't do it. No, she's brilliant. I mean, Grand Gose is way better. But yes, it is close. Yeah. He didn't do it when he was eight years old. Yes, he did.

He actually, that was when he was eight. My point being is, Bobby, you can't take it easy on them. You have to bully your kids in the greatness. Do you understand? Right, believe me. And so, have you seen Isabella's art today? She's fantastic. I have not.

She's a great artist. Today, Isabel? You have stuff, Christine, right? She's also a, she's also a artist of the face. She's an esthetician also. Yeah. She does a bunch of crazy, wacky makeup on herself. That's what Dawn was.

She was the aesthetician for a long time. Can you have her bring in some, can you call her and have her bring in some shit for us? Can she do, like, a microderm abrasion? Yeah Yeah. No, can she do brings in a big Ziplock bag of duty?

I stepped in a human shit last night outside New York Comedy Club and my brand new sneakers. You got to throw those out, right? I'm so mad. Did you throw them out? No. And you want to know what I did?

Well, they're in my garage right now. You know what I did? I stepped on my weather tech floor mats. Oh, no. So I got in the car this morning and it smelled like somebody. They really hold the grit. Like a hot boxed my fucking car.

It smelled like someone farted in my car and shut the doors. You got to immediately throw that shoe out. I got in a snowbank and just getting your car. If it smelled like fart, it might be human shit. That's what I mean. It didn't smell like dog doo-doo. Oh.

It's not like... And it had a weird gooey consistency. Mondei. Fucking Moundani. It's probably Moundy's fog. Man, there's shit in snow. Fucking communist. They're just shit anywhere.

They love shit on the street. Dude, commies love shit on the street. I think he said that on the news. You guys, stay in if you can't stand shit on the street. He wrapped it on the news, I think is what happened. He goes, carry your goods shoes. Now, what did you do with that other cake underneath? it. That's not another case. Oh, is it? Maybe we made two in case it messed up. I think I just layered

it, honestly. Maybe it was brownies with extra batter. Are those gum drops, by the way? Yeah. Oh, do I love a gumdrop? Do you like a gumdrop? I do. I don't enjoy gumdrops at all. However, they are perfect for making a multi-ethnicity group of young girls. I think the worst candy is... It's like fondon. You don't really eat it. It's just good to make things, you know, make a cake look like a fucking gift box. Yeah, that's the parsley of cake. Did you remember Ribbon candy? Worst candy. Yeah.

Ribbon candy is pretty bad. By the way, that was like glue. I mean, since you guys aren't asking, I'll just tell you, because you're probably wondering, hey, what the hell are those dresses made out of? Fruit roll-ups.

Wow, dude. Did you think of that? Did you go, let's get fruit roll-ups for the dress? I thought Isabella to go take a siesta kid. You had a long day. What are you going to go to school, play, and then also make a cake? Come on.

Let that take some of that workload off. Sometimes I bobbyed. How much, how much, I like that little, like to get the end when you realized. Sometimes I would bobby. How much did you, did the place flip out about this? Did the people call you up? Oh my God, her cake was amazing? Didn't even ask a question.

I just send her off and I just, when she comes home, I expect, I go, we took it, right? And she goes, yeah. Wow. We took the prize, right? Do you have the ribbon or she still have it? I think this may have been how she won her bike. I never taught her how to ride. But she got it.

I helped her get that bike. What am I going to help you get the bike and then teach you how to ride it? That was the next cake was just her falling off a bike. Ack. He goes, all the blood, red fruit roll up. Why did you never teach you how to ride a bike? I forgot. How do you forget?

I forgot she didn't know how to ride one. She never really asked about wanting to, really. Does she know how to swim? Yes. Okay. Yeah, she took swimming lessons and she was a little kid. Right. Teaching a kid out of ride a bike is a pain of the ass.

Yeah, I would have been bad at it. Yeah. I took Max to a hill at the park, and I took it. just pushed him down the hill no you didn't yeah I did no pushed him down a hill we're on we're on the front lawn of my hill we push him and he would go and then when he got it and then when he finally kind of got the hang of it I took him down the park and there's a hill on grass because if he's gonna fall I'd rather have him fall on grass from the pavement and he went down the hill picked up some speed not like a crazy hill but nice hill went down and fucking and got it was it and then he

goes ride back up he goes I got a pedal he goes take a nap real quick then we went back to the house and we drive down I put him on the street and I pushed him and And he took off and he was gone. And I was like, oh my God, that's it. That's like the first time. How long until he came back? He went around the block. Did you have to massage his feet afterwards to make sure he was going to be okay?

No, we have these little things that he puts his feet in. And then John gave him a pedicure. A little salt bath. I actually have an agent later that comes over twice a week for Max. Max right now is like this being taken care of. He's like one of those puppies. He's got cucumbers on his eyes. When he comes home from school, I picture Dawn just dresses him up.

He's got to cut his nails all the time for wrestling. and Don was like, just go, we'll go get your medicure, a pedicure and a manicure. And he goes, no, I'm not doing that. That's gay. I go, I'm going to hang out with Jay for a week. Oh, yeah, Uncle Jay will bring you. Uncle Jay will fucking set you straight.

He's got a punch card. I'll show you how gay it is. Yeah. Wear your onesie. Is it gay when an old Asian lady comes and awkwardly massages your shoulders while your nails are drying? And you just go like this? You just stay like this while she rubs your shoulders.

Speaking to Asian ladies, did you see the troll that Belichick pulled at the Super Bowl? Yeah. How? Did you see it? No. It's pretty good.

It's fucking great. He had his child bride. Belichick. Yeah. He had his child bride wear a shirt of whatever was Eden spa, Eden Garden spa. You're kidding.

From Robert Kraft? The spa that Robert Kraft got busted in. But no jacket, nothing. Just a T-shirt. Do you ever find out of Isabella art? The fucking... That's hilarious. I mean, dude, that's crazy.

That's such like a come and get me. I want to get one of those shirts. Why not? I actually want to get it at the place. Yeah? Yeah, the right way. You wear a jersey. You wear a Patriots jersey.

You get 10% off. What is it? You wear a Patriots jersey. You get 10% off probably. That would be great. Promote code craft 10. Mike Calta was talking about it, and I was like, that's the greatest fucking troll ever.

Look at that. Dude. How funny. That's such a good shirt, too. He hates Robert Kraft? No. He just bust them balls? Belichick, I don't think they like each other.

Why, I wonder. Well, he got fired, and he didn't do... He was in for 700 years. Yeah, but he wanted to get rid of Brady. He wanted to get rid of Brady, and he wanted... Who's a guy that went to San Francisco? Good looking guy, too, that was a Garapolo. He wanted Garoppolo in, because that was the next...

That was it. Get Brady out. Bring him up. We save money on the... We get more players. He wanted to do what he does. and Kraft was like, fuck off. We're not letting that happen. There's the shirt. Yeah, there it is right there. I want to get one.

It was just, yeah, there it is. What is it called? Orchids of Asia. Orchids of Asia. Yeah, Orchids of Asia. Spah. Oriental Spa. It just has some Asian lady on top of a,

I think another Asian lady. They look like such a weird couple. Yeah. It doesn't even look like a couple. No, it doesn't. They don't even like they... It's a grown or granddad. Yeah, they don't even have like that kind of energy.

around each other. It looks like she's like his it's like in Landman. It's like Sam Elliott. It's like Sam Elliott and that prostitute they have giving him therapy. Yeah.

But it's what it looks like. Even Sam Elliott somehow more believable. Well, because they're not fucking also. He said he goes, yeah, whatever. Her car broke down or something. So she just stayed. Yeah, they just held her. She snuggled him, which I bet.

Even the show, like they don't even say for sure that she's not doing that going like this. Belichick looks like he's holding in Metamusel shit. Belichick's wearing like four shirts. Like old guys wear him. He's not even trying to look like, he doesn't even try to look like different for her.

It looks like my audience. He's got long johns underneath those fucking loos. He's got his hands in his pockets, a little gut hang out. Oh, you know for sure he's wearing white BVDs. And you know he's just like not even touching skin he's hanging underneath. He's fat too because the sweater elastic is actually bunched up.

Oh yeah. That's supposed to hang down a little bit. She puts his socks on. She's not that hot either. Like as she gets older, she's just turning it. She's not as hot as she was. She's got little tiny titties. Well, she'll be.

As she gets older. Here's a thing. She's hot like if she does. She's 26. She's like moldy bread. What I'm saying, when you like him young, you know, they get old quick. You're right. You're right.

Absolutely. Oh, yeah, dude. She's fucking browning on the vine right now. Yeah, exactly. She's like a full-time Asian massage girl. I mean, she's with him all at all times. Yeah. It really is.

That's her life. Yeah. Really. You're right. She has to. She likes him and rub him Some girls like that though There's a couple girls out there

That like old They call him silver foxes They're into old dudes No they'll be into old Like I understand the one being attracted to An old guy who's like in shape This happens you know what I mean A guy who's gray is what they're talking about

They're not talking about a decrepit Bill Belichick With his fucking comb over balding hair Yeah There's fucking scrunch phase all the time It's fucking rosation and fucking bold nose Yeah, she loves it. There's a comment, I'm not going to say the name, but is into Dadbaud, that dumpy Dadbaud thing. Girls are into, like, I don't know, it might be some weird thing, but.

Dadbot is different. He doesn't have Dad Bod. No, Belichick. He's got Eldon. He's got elderly. When he gets done, it's like, yeah, everything's like wrinkly and weird and hairy. Craft is in better shape than him. That was a fake picture, Bobby.

You believe everything the Internet shows you. Yeah, I do, dude. Do you know that were aliens built the pyramids, right? Shut up. I swear to God. Where'd you hear that? Dude, under the pyramids, there's a whole labyrinth of alien stuff going on. Oh, that's at Denver airport.

Yeah. That was Antarctica. She goes... An Antarctica, too, yeah. She goes, before we go to spin class, let me shave your ears. Yeah. Oh, the thing she... Oh, the nostril hair that she has seen moving when he sleeps.

Oh, yeah. And she's like, can I hang myself with that? He's at that fat where you... There's no size that fits you. No. He has to go either way big. Like, look at his shoulder. Yeah.

Do you have a medium? Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude, big and tailored. Yeah, look at that shoulder. That line is where his shoulder is supposed to be. Do you have a large wide? Yeah, dude. You have two mediums I could sew together sideways?

Yeah, I mean... It's fucking hilarious. Yeah, I don't think he's got like an old Adonis cock. You know what I mean? Like, he's not like packing some amazing... Dude, if I was him, multimillionaire... I bet he's got a heavy dongle. I would...

He's got a fat. I bet it's fat. I bet it's not big. I bet it's average, but I bet it's a fat piece. Hellich does seem to make the guy when he pulls his dick out, like a... a urinal like he does a lot of shoulder motion like he's gonna like yeah let's get this fucking guy out of here

yeah I bet I bet it's fat in the shaft and the head is small goes to like a point maybe yeah yeah it's possible you should I'll draw Belichick's cock I bet his dick's got ear hair I was a hard word to say you're here I would have never tried that one I know you're here it didn't come out right I would have fucked that up that was good no you pulled it other day pulled it off kid you know what I don't like the other day I was pissing at a urinal and I got like a like a like a

mist of not a miss but like a nose full of uh you know that fucking um urinal cake hot air and i'm like that can't be good did you know if you wouldn't mind i need uh oh i have a piece paper here thank you am i signing this or drawing we're drawing robert craft's penis but we're not robert crapp bellichick's penis right yeah yeah okay here we go i couldn't guess what robert careths look like i'm such a bad drawerer well you guys are really coming to my wheelhouse with this one here. I know. It is your wheelhouse. I'm thinking real thick. Up here, he's got some fucking awesome dangle.

His balls are probably a little... Oh, you're drawing the balls too, huh? Well, it's all part of the thing, kind of. I feel like it's very small up top. I think the width of it kind of messed up is... The helmet, you know what I mean? The helmet can't compare. Yeah, I know what you're saying exactly, but... Yeah. And I think there's some weird...

thick veins like like heart veins you know what I mean coming down the middle there might be some heart veins yeah like not peon it like a nice fat was it a ventricle or a order I don't know let's go back to the heart yeah yeah it looks like Jay's heart my heart not your heart in your heart but the one you drew Jay oh okay bimpin pump bum bum bum oh this is gonna be a good dick when it's done oh I'm almost done Yeah, I'm getting there I'm getting there I'm gonna say this out

I bet he could fit like a quarter In his Peehole Buhbba There you go I feel pretty good about this How it's coming along I'm good too I think I'm done

I think his hairs are probably He's probably too old For a lot of hairs You know what I mean So it's like sparse maybe I think yeah They gray too You're not gonna see him

But they do fall out As you get older I think his fucking Dick veins are insanely thick Yeah Are you, anyone, I mean, it's open to interpretation. Is anyone adding ball bag? I'm adding ball bag.

I did ball bag. I needed a place from my Tom Brady tattoo. Yeah, I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Yeah, I wrote Super Balls. That's good. That's good, Mikey. Yeah.

I was going to write the Flate Gate, but. That's a real good one, Mikey. I feel like he's closer to like Ari Shafir balls. Not as big, but because nobody's arm, but big. I think they're, I think there. There's a lot of wrinkles in him for sure. Yeah. A lot of rifle.

I'm actually thinking they're big balls and they fill up that sack. That's my best. Yeah, almost like a bulldog's face. I think he's got a sick, like a sick person's penis. Like flu cock. Here we go. You definitely get the, I agree with like the girth. Right.

It's fat. Okay. I'm done. But it's flaccid. Yes. I'm done too. I don't like. It looks like a very tired penis.

Yeah. It's a tired. Long day. This penis had a long day. Yes. This penis sat in traffic You did capture that When I look at it

It looks like it looks like a fat exhausted penis I think his vein looks like like a Like an oak tree from like game of throne You're a You're a Patriots fan So you're gonna give him this like mythic fucking I think I did good I think I treated him right

Bobby's drawing the iron throne of penis His penis is like fighting a centaur What was that tree with the head in it What was that tree That they all sat under? Yeah, your penis is fighting the sirens. Of course, Jay's is going to be all artistic. Well, Jay, because Jay's an artist.

I'm a dolphin fan that can't draw. No, we don't know that yet, though, and it's interpretation. So I got mine. I got mine. Okay. Mike, you want to go first? Mike, you're sure. Okay.

This is his sick, gross, old, hanging down, dork. I don't. I think that is. A really fine representation. of what it might be. And his balls are old and... Does he have two dicks and they're like doing like a 69? Yeah, what is that?

What's the other dick? That's the bag. That's the ball bag. Oh, it comes... What happens where it goes? What's the top? Is there a cap on his ball bag on one side? No, it's sideways.

Like, you're looking at it from like, his balls are so old. They like, they stick. Does it have a sock on it? No. What are you talking about? We're wondering what that thing on the, what's the lid on the ball bag? Yeah, what's the lid up top on the left. Oh, no, that's his tattoo that's his super balls.

Oh! You got to dark in them. Like, you don't have dark in your outline. This guy's not an artist at all. I didn't say I was. Can I say another? Yeah. I'm looking at it and it looks like a penis that's like resting.

Like his ball bag is like a worn-in couch. Like the spot he always rests on one. Yes. His favorite spot on the couch. It's his favorite recliner. Yes. And his dick is an old dog. Recliner balls.

That's just taking a forever nap on the. Yeah. Okay. Well done. Thank you. I think it's realistic. Um, my, uh, would you like, can go next, Bobby? I can go next. Um, no, let me go next. Because you're, you're, you're, you look, um, it's the wearwood tree. This is my representation. I feel like, Patriot fan. It's, it's very thick.

It is a tree. Is his dickhead made of two pieces? I, no, that's his whole is, he's got a big, uh, I think it's called uretha. Yeah, sure. I think, he's got a big uretha. It can fit like a quarter in there. Oh, crap. And I think the helmet is very small and thin because the shaft took over. a lot of it. But I think his vein is very prominent. The head looks like the little rascal's haircut. What the fuck's that guy's name? Alfalfa. Alfa.

Yeah, he's got alfalfa. Yeah, he's got alfalfa head. Bobby drew, though, I think you are a patriot. You drew like powerful veins. This is to size. This is not, it's powerful veins, but it's not a long one. It's like a roll of quarters. It's a fat one.

Like this is going to go in and it's going hard to pull out, but it's not going deep. That's a wine cork. It's not going deep. It's like a bear cat. A beer can. You know what I mean? This is, I'll, and then there you go.

Look at that. That's what I think it is. He's got a nice little fat one. Like if you look at the balls, it kind of looks like a dog's face if I was to draw a dog. Yes. You know what's interesting

is you drew it up and like pointing towards the future and I drew it sad and dead and decimated and just pointing towards hell. I think it's the representation of what the artist thinks. And that's what I think he's on his way up. I think he's on his way up in his life.

In his life. Not in his career. I draw in the moment. not the past of the future. I also think that he has skin cancer on yours. No, those are warts. Those are wards. Oh, Jesus.

No, but he got him burnt off, but the scars are still there. Like, he doesn't have it. I appreciate it. There's no separation from helmet from shaft. No. It's one. It's one big fat one.

And here, if you notice right here, there's a little woodpecker on one of the tree, the veins. Oh, yeah. That was what I thought was the tumor. That's a little woodpecker right there. Just, you know, a little bird in the tree. A little bird on a bird.

Yeah. I like it. It's open a small. So much interpretation. I want a little more how I think it's on the know. I think this is photorealistic, do they say? You're such an artist. It's called realism.

Oh, I'm sorry. So what I presented here, I know it's going to be hard because there's something behind it. Okay, okay. Now, if we can see here. Oh, my God. Okay. That's a gigantic penis. He's, I think he's got a big cock.

Yep. I'm sorry. Okay. I gave him a gut. Nah. A little bit. He's an older guy now. Legs are a little bit thick.

Now you'll see the cock coming down. Straight? Very, very straight. Tactile veins, raised, I should say. I'll put a little shadow on those before we put it out to the people. It looks like a snake. And then the helmet.

It does look like a cobra. It looks like a happy snake, though. Like a snake in a child's book. I know what's happening. No, I understand. No, you guys are having your giggles. Oh, no. No, because you guys think those are eyes on a snake's head.

Yeah. I got it. What you don't realize is those are tattoos of the Patriots logo. That's right, everyone. Oh. It's the pig head. It's a helmet. It's a helmet.

He got a helmet helmet helmet. I got it. And then he tattooed football seams on his ball bag up top. Right. With Brady's number on the bag. But you did what you did? You put a one on one bag and the two on the other bag. Yeah.

Does he have an elastic band around his fingertips? He does not have an elastic band around his fingertips. That is full. of his count them six Super Bowl rings. He has eight. Well, that's four of them. He has eight rings. Well, I only showed one hand.

Okay. Where's the other hand? Playing with the purse. Probably doing like this over here. Playing with a pussy? Playing with that young lady's puss. Yeah, right. Probably texting.

I tell you what. I gave him some stretch marks on the stomach. He's an older gentleman. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Belly button. Spar stick hair. It's a big dork. I like it.

And it doesn't get much bigger. He's more of a shower than a grower. He doesn't have a Shakespeare collar. No, no. I gave him a little bit of, there's a little bit of wrinkle. There is? A little bit of wrinkle right there. Bobby, you want to see that?

Make sure there's a little bit of wrinkle? Right by the helmet, right by where the helmet comes. I just saw a snake. If that was a roar shark, I'm like, that's a snake. No, he's got a, it's actually right here, a little bit of wrinkles. It's like one, two, three little wrinkles, which I really do. Let me see this one. I mean, Mike's is probably the closest to real.

It really being what it is. I wanted to do. Two dicks 69ing? A ying yang of cock. I, yeah. I like each one of your drawings has something

that really makes it unique Walk us through it Yeah walk us through it Well like I said I love the exhaustion That Mike captured in his It's hard fucking a young woman When you're 90

Yeah I love What I think is the close I actually think yours Looks closest to his penis Meaning there's no Separation from shaft And helmet Can I just say something

You're not gonna get a young girl With a regular dick You need something Bobby's looks like the flux capacity It really does You need something Weird and unique When you pull your dick down

As an old guy with a young girl She's gonna go Wow, I've never had one of those Yeah, that's a blue chew That's what I think this is She pulled that out And it's like wow It's a scary one

And I do think yours has the best interpretation The most accurate P-Hulk I think he has a massive P-hole Now the dickhead to me looks like When you would draw like a butler Like Butler hair Yeah Alfalfa

Yeah And Jays I just like the artistic freedom That he took with it He made a six in the belly It's not a six It's his belly button Mike I know that but you could have chose a zero

But you did a six Because he doesn't have Mike everything's calculated When you're an artist He doesn't have I know He doesn't have a circle belly button He has a belly button hernia

He's got a belly button It's like it's falling into itself A little bit My belly button My belly button's not a circle It's a fucking straight line up and down I feel like You have a dash

It's where my body collapses into itself. I've actually stored snacks in my belly button. Can you say art is the... One candy corn. Can I say something that nobody's commenting on? Sure. Stretch marks on his stomach. I said it, yeah, I'd say it.

Oh, you did? It's great. Yeah, I should have my stomach. A little bit underneath, too. Yeah, I see a little bit underneath. Yeah, he's got some stretch. I mean, the detail. You know what?

You know what I'm jealous of with Jays? I wanted to draw legs and I gave up. Look at, that's a leg. That's a leg. This is your problem with this. And I love the penis. I'm not going to, I'm just saying... It's two guys docking.

Yeah, it's like when you did this, it looks like this should have been down here. I know, I fucked up. Yeah. But then what am I going to do, scratch it off? Yeah, that's it. You start over again. It's called an artistic license. The bell rang.

Come on, guys. I'm a guest on your radio. Was there an official bell? Would you like mine? Would anyone like mine? You have to sign it. We're going to put it on. Yeah, Mike's the most simplistic, but you had captured the exhaustion.

I think he's an old piece of shit. The sun hasn't come out in weeks. That's me, I think, right now. She's finding of Isabella's artwork? Yep. Remember that whole? It'd be funny if it was all penises. That'd be great.

She only draws dicks, too. Only ex-NFL coach penises. It's all comics, you know? It's like David Telzcock. It's like the girl that does all the plaster caster lady who does all the famous celebrities dicks. That's Lewis. No one ever thinks about that if that's your daughter. My daughter makes cast of all the most famous cocks in the world.

Is that her art? Yeah. Yeah, she's great. She should be a tattooist. She's so good. Has she ever? That she's like pen shit. It's very, what do you call that?

Skankfest. Yeah, but what else am I thinking? What is that called? What's that called? Nourre. Ooh. Is that it? Like, yeah.

It is for us. Nobody's going to check. Not steampunk. No. What's it? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. You got it.

I don't. No, it's not gothic. It's beautiful. And that doesn't happen. Can I say what it is? Make her cry and draw a picture of her crying. She was busy riding a bike. Very Japanese.

Very Japanese. I don't know what direction I drove her to. I know she became a good artist. And you know why? Because they made her go to school every day. I think she followed that first girl on the cake. I think that inspired her. Dude, she's...

She's followed the yellow jelly bean. Yeah, she followed the yellow jelly bean in life. She identified... Or gumdrop. The yellow gumdrop. Actually, I think she followed the first two. Yeah, she talked like the second one. She's such a better artist than I could be now.

Actually, she followed every girl on that cake. She has a little bit of each girl in her cake. That's right. Every girl. You think she's better than you now? Yes. Oh, so you asked her, Jay. Buddy.

At art? Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But at what, though? Just drawing, like... Just making something to look real. Is it like the hands and shit you draw? She's good, man.

Yeah, you're pretty good, too. You are great, but that's really good. No, nothing I would draw should you get tattooed on you as, like a good piece of art. Does that make sense? You can get something tattooed on you that drew. It's funny. Unless...

You have things that you drew as tattoos. Unless you want to get that drawing you made last week on your afternoon. or on your belly button. Has anybody looked into that at all? Last week. I totally forgot about it. What you did you? Jay Drew,

came up a great concept. It's a great asshole tattoo that you should get. Not you, but you could. It's. So when you spread your asshole. Yeah. I don't think I'm getting this tattoo. Forget it then.

No, go ahead. No, no, no, no, no. Don't beg. Mike. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay.

Jay. Jay. It's not for him. It's for everyone. Maybe I buy someone a gift card for this. Jay. Okay. Holidays are coming.

I'll say it then. Okay, good. It's tattoo. Then when you spread your butthole, above your asshole, riding the actual, like, circle of it, would say looking. And then on either side of your asshole, on the left side you'd get an F. On the right side, you get an R. So the asshole is the O, looking for, and then on the curve underneath, Daddy.

Bingo. Looking for daddy. Now, I drew, yes, I drew it. I drew it as myself. Oh, yeah, you did. I made it as myself. Look at the calves. Yeah, I gave myself.

He loves his calves. He loves his calves. I got fantastic calves. I gave myself a pud and a big thump or two. But that tattoo. Very similar to Belichick's cock, by the way. We accepted. That's very similar.

We accepted that's a much thinner shave. I gave myself. Jesus, the depth of the O. That's from behind. That helmet is very similar. Where's your work? You got to fucking get that. You got to get that shit factory checked out.

Well, listen, here's the thing. You can fucking drop a kid down a well. It's fine. I know. Jay only dress one dick. That's the guy. That helmet is the same exact helmet. Well, there's no eagle's wings on mine.

You wear your gloves when you poop? I do in this picture. But this isn't pooping. This is just showing someone in my asshole tattoo that says looking for daddy. However, we also said we would accept somebody getting a tattoo. of the whole picture of me spreading my assholes as looking for daddy

and the asshole has to be their belly butt. Yeah. Oh, see, that's great. Hey, Jay, do you do me a favorite? When you do pass away, God forbid I hope it's when you're 100. It won't. Can you be open casket, asshole up? So that shows.

Buns up, wheeling, dude? I love it. I can make that a case, for sure. I don't want anybody to see my weird fucking dead makeuped, looks like a bunch of, looks like a piece of cake face. Yeah. I don't want that shit. I want you fucking.

I want a face down. with, I mean, frilly shit around, like really have it. And almost like a, like a school project volcano, my ass coming out. And then off the side of the casket to like fork things. Opening up. Yeah. Tension rodded that are opening up and presenting. So everybody can come pay their respects.

Yes? No, they, remember, you can do opposed funerals now where they present, they make your body. You, you, they can make your dead hands spread your ass. No, no, I know, I know, but I'm telling you, I don't think it's the thing. I think, I want you to remember. one thing about me. My asshole poking through the finery, the silk. You want nothing else showing? No, like a nice hat box.

Just that you just lift the top and there it is like a submarine. Can I just say something? You know? No, I thought it's going to be just lower part of the caskets open. No, no, no, you're dead. I'm dead. So I'm thinking underneath. I don't want anybody to see my face. It's always weird looking. This is a custom casket. This isn't the long one. This is a shorter one. You're in that position right there. But I think, yes, have the purple

frill, all, but having your little mittens show up, holding your hand, and that's it. Now we know it's you. That's you. Yo, what about like, holding it open? What about actually, like, it's one of those, like, domes that you can see through forever. That's your monument. That's your tombstone. Dude, and actually put, like, a chocolate fountain in it.

We could dip little strawberries in your ass. Or maybe you bury me only like a few feet down. Right. Have that come out. So always, you could see, you could look through the dome and see, looking for daddy. And the dome should be some sort of a magnified. Of course, and when you look in your butthole, it's like one of those picks or change-o things, and it's your life. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a submarine window. And the Beatles in my life plays. Like a cruise. Like a cheap room and a cruise ship. Yeah, like a cruise ship window. A bubble window. And we can watch. Me and Mike will split it up.

We'll make sure we go by and clean it. I was going to say, ask who maintains this. We do. You're going to have to get a service. No. Don't take that away from us. You're busy. I can't expect you to come out there and clean off my asshole looking hole.

Listen. Every day, I'll bring you a nice. shy. Talk to me. Hey, bud. I miss you every day. Me and Mike have two chairs in a tree like Rocky.

Randall Cunningham passed on. You just go read out loud to each other in front of my fucking thing. Yeah, we meet at the same time with Mike, Bob. Let's get this over with. And Bobby goes,

I think I'm getting it back on stage again. Still got some fire in the basement. You're going to go, what basement, Mike? He's go, yeah. Every time we leave, we'd kiss our fingers and touch your butthole. He touched the window. And then you have to squirt it and clean it also.

We're all still looking for daddy up here. I hope people don't desecrate it like G.G. Alan and start peeing and pooping on it. No, people are going to leave like guitar picks and cigarette butts and bowls. And mittens. They're going to live singhless mittens. Joints. People are going to put syphos on it.

Yeah. Yeah. They're going to leave a lot of cool stuff on there. What's your quote going to be on your, because there's a mantle right there. You know, like the quote's going to be. Looking for Daddy. No, no, no. That's there.

I found Daddy. Oh, Daddy's home with Daddy. Home with Daddy. Upstairs, you're home. Sorry, guys. Went home to Daddy. Bingo. That's your thing right there.

Yeah. Music. I'm gonna... What, you're right, dude. Let it go. Let it do it. That's a beautiful monument. Don't stop it, dude.

Don't. But if you always stop it right here, don't. Let it out. Let it feel it. I'm going home to dad. Let the wall down. Let it down. Let it down.

You're going home to daddy. I found him. You found him. And he's been with you the whole time. Those footprints, it wasn't just you. He was carrying you. I tattooed it on my asshole and then it all. You know how many people that are looking for daddy are going to see that?

Mike, let him feel this. Let him get there. He doesn't get there. But I want him to know. Let him get there. Let him get there. You know what? You know why this is important?

Because I still... Somewhere deep down, I still love you. Jay, Jay, you won. Guess what? Daddy's up there waiting for you. Go to him. And then the last scene is you guys just shows you guys getting teary out with your arms around each other

looking at that quote. Yeah. It says, first, it pans down. You're looking down the hole at the magnified, looking for daddy asshole. Right. Cruelhip hole. And then you pull up on the headstone.

It says, hey, found dad. Found daddy. Went home. Right. Went home. But it does have your asshole imprint on it. We got that. We'll pay for that.

Yeah. Where it's your asshole. You do that's going to be a chunk in marble. Someone's got to actually chisel my asshole wrinkles. I know a marble guy. We're going to talk to who's the guy's getting all your stuff? Glenn. What's his name?

Gil. Gil. Gil. Yeah. We'll just go to Gil and we'll have him sell some of your things. Gil will have the scratch to probably. I'm going to make a change to the will that says Gil has to make sure he pays for a tactile recreational recreation of my asshole.

It should be like coming off. Like some people would have like a got. tactile butterfly coming off or something or maybe like, you know, something etched like like an angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this would be tactile. And they're going to go, it looks like somebody shot this thing with like a BB gun. He goes, no, no, no. Each one of those wrinkles is crafted to look exactly. And then

you can look at the asshole and look down. We should have a picture. And be like, oh my God, that is. Right now. Each wrinkle is a decade of your life. A lot of times you go to an art thing, they have the actual art, but then they have the actual photo next to it with a little story in the description, so

the people who don't get it, can now get it. Now they'll get it. And we'll laminate it. Oh, of course. Well, we'll put it there. You know what we can even do, too, is like, you know those, like, where it's a picture of John Lennon, but it's a million pictures? We could all get, like, pictures and have them all, like, just drilled down, and those are the cracks. I love that we cut Christina out of your whole

funeral. She hasn't been involved in any of this. Well, I killed her before. I killed myself. Oh, she's dead. It's called murder suicide. Is there any way we could do something with her, too? Like, next to you? I don't think. Christine's cool enough to let you have her butthole on display forever. We could, we won't do that, but maybe we just put like a thing of sticks, like Blair Witch. Oh, yeah, we can make it look like hers is haunted.

Yeah. People don't go to it. We'll put a dream catcher in the tree above hers. A fleet of, maybe it says like it's like here like it's like here like Christine Evans. Rotten Piss was like a thing down there. That's pretty funny. No, it's like just a Fleetwood Mac Coke mirror that like you win at the fucking fair. You say rotten piss, but it should always have Christine's arm coming out of the bottom of it.

Rotten Piss. the fucking end of carry. Holding one of your cups that you gave her. That would be great. Yeah, dude, holding a fucking Ben Simmons rookie year. And a jewel pen in the other. Oh, that is so sweet.

I love this death for you. I love it, too. It's going to be beautiful. I can't wait. Now, where is it going to be? It's going to be in, not in Jersey. Yeah, fuck. That's a far place.

That's far for us to go. Why don't we do it in your backyard? You get room? I'm fine with that. Yeah. But then that means people. You put me next to the fucking, you put me next to the fucking Civil War vets.

They're buried up back of your house. Oh, one second. I do have a, I live on a graveyard. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather it be at your house. Closer to New York. If we did it in my, the backyard, in the graveyard. Oh, I deserve a soldier's burial. Can you believe that next to a bunch of Civil War,

brave men that gave their life for their country is just a looking hole to see them. I'm looking for daddy tattoo. Am I asshole? We'll fold a slip-knott flag. Put it over here. We'll find with all these things. We'll fold a Wu-Tang hoodie. Yeah.

And walk it towards you. Every day we put a new hoodie on his tombstone. Oh, even in the summertime? Even in the summertime. I wear hoodies in the summertime. Your tombstone will have a hoodie, the little hoodie. We'll go over and we'll go. The tombstone's starting to smell.

We got to spray jupe on it. We put spikes? I bought a bunch of spikes. Can we put spikes? That's already done. We talked about that. Of course. The whole thing is spiked around.

Because we don't want people to get in there, but we know we can push a thing on the tree that the spikes go down to let us walk over. No, no. I mean like, I'm in like the spikes. No, they're going to be everywhere. put spikes sick on my tombstone and stuff. I don't want birds landing on either, so it's dual purpose. No, well, let's keep the homeless people out, too.

I also want to keep bums away. Yeah, this is going to be in the suburbs. I'm not here for bums. Yeah, we don't want to love. This is the suburbs. We're going to keep the bums. One thing my comedy was never for? Bums.

Yeah, bums. Yeah, bums. They have homes. They have homes. It's shitty homes. Yeah, shitty homes. I go, went to be, he goes, found daddy, went to be home with him.

Stay off this thing, bums. He goes, back up, bums. Hey, Bums. He's looking up. And, well, pigeons are just skybombers. Those are metal. No, we want, we want mittens. I don't want that, though, because if we're going to have one of those where it's going to be a big tomb, I want you guys to be able to sit on it.

Buddy. Maybe, that's what I'm saying, the tomb has the looky hole. Do you ever go to the, what's that place, the Smith restaurant in the village? Yeah. Down there, you know, if you go to the bathroom, they got that cool thing. They have knots in the wood. Gloryhole. And if you look through the knot, there's a...

That's the other one we go to. There's knots in the wall And if you look through the knots They're playing old-timey porno In there Like flapper You know like naked girls Like dancing around

Stuff like getting black and white Which is kind of a cool little cheat So I'm thinking maybe something like that You relax on it And then you're like What's this like little There's like a weird cutout I didn't notice

When I was looking at And then you look down And then it's me fucking gaping I don't know I'm going to go that way There's a Thai restaurant Where the bathrooms Or two-way glass

So you can see out And they can't see in So while you're shitting, you're just watching people eat Thai food. Okay. Maybe we do that where we, how about the fog glass? Well, you have to solve a riddle and hit a button. And if you solve, like, almost like an escape room where they don't get to see you right away. And I'm encased in like a plastic, like a polymer.

A polymer. And so it looks like I'm floating holding my ass open if you see the whole thing. Well, you're dead. So it's like a, you know, it's a, it's a celestial. Well, no, no, no. You're going to have you demolition man frozen like that. If you solve the riddle, a little ball will shoot out and you'll get... Oh, my ass?

Yeah. It'll shoot out. Like Zoltan. And it comes out and it's a little asshole toy. Like rubber. Dude. Toy. Here's what we're doing.

Now we're involving the kids. Imagine, so we flip you up. We got to think about the next generation. We're hollowing you out, right? We're gutting you. All your everything's, all the innards come out. Guts are gone. Guts are gone.

I'm just a tattooed asshole and gloves on a hand. Nuts to guts gone, right? Now underneath this. We got to do it if we want to preserve you. Now, we look in. We look into your cinnamon ring, the O. And in there, we can do like a holiday scape. Like so during the holiday, we can do like a Christmas there.

Oh, miniatures. They do the miniatures, but do you blow it up and it looks huge. Exactly. So when you're looking in, it's like, so we can do like all types of things. I'll tell you what, you should probably put some way you can get to my asshole because seasonally you could make this thing a real attraction. Can I just say something right now? Yes, of course.

It's your show. We make it a snow globe where you. That's what I mean. Yeah, you can't be shaken though. You can't shake it, you know what I mean? How about you push a button and it shakes itself? How about you push a button and it does something where it pushes like on my, like it releases like a little condensed air that maybe there's a little tube going through this polymer

that goes into my mouth since I'm empty that puts like, that can make like little farts like come out of me? Wait, no, wait. What if you record before you die like, oh, hey, I didn't see you there or something. And it's just you talking from beyond the grave. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but not in spooky voice. No, it's going to be a comment. I'm going to go, solve my murder.

Just like that. Yeah. Avenge me. Just bring your voice. Solve my murder. How about it says... What if he's doing crowd work for people? How about if it's like that Louis episode where...

McDonald's employees don't wash their hands? Well, you push the button and it says something crazy, but every once in a while, the N-word comes out. Oh, but it's me saying it. Like the Louis show. Yeah, like a Louis show. Well, we do have that audio. We should do something with that audio. I feel like...

I don't want to be a dick here, and I know you're supposed to walk away from it once you do it, but I got to say I feel like that art is being treated like a fucking magazine we just found the floor. Look, it's just sitting there in the middle of it sits. You did say you wanted it. I do want it, but I'm going to give it to Jacob. I mean, Jacob's not really helping us with all these ideas. We're just kind of, me and Mike are doing. He's our museum curator.

Look at his energy. He's going to go put it in the, back with the archives next to his plasticable. I hope he's taking notes of all the stuff we just said. Yes. Okay, great. Can you pass that to Jacob. He's going to go, oh, my microwavable Johnny cakes are going. My Johnny cakes.

makeup just keeps you and jerks off to you in his little queen's apartment buddy i think that you you can live on forever you can do there's a lot that we can do that and i don't think that the suburbs is the right place can we have always an eternal flame coming out of the uh the oh the asshole yes do you want like alvis do you want eternal like alvis like the unknown soldier unknown so how about oh my god but we could always have a guard there yeah oh i was you guys not going to have guards No, we, no, I'm sorry. I didn't, I just, we, yes, we should. Always have a guard, but it has to be like a chick who works at, like, hot topics.

Yes. Like one of those shoes. But with the staunch, like, sticotiveness of Buckingham Palace guard. Right. They want to smile. They want to, she's just constantly there doing etchings of other tombstones. Right. A fact off girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she has a hoodie that she looks like she just made it with pants. Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. And her pants look like two giant skirts put together. Now, right, with a chain to nowhere. Chained to nowhere.

Chained to nowhere. Well, that's the ultimate homage. I mean, everybody has to wear that. We can call that the hanging brain to nowhere. Well, I beat the times. She smokes. She's always smoking cigarettes. This was set at the Super Bowl and many times in my life since.

I hung in there long enough that almost everything I do is a thing again. Wallach chains to nowhere. Huge right now. Every designer and stuff does that. Baggy jeans are back. Bisexual. Bicexie. sexuality big big comeback

asshole tattoos that proclaims some of your stresses hair gel hair gel back pomade back earrings in both ear back

big time well the dangly ear is the thing now a dangly earing and I can't do that as a guy I don't know why that one I mean I've always like the D's dangle but the single thing dangling is never well like a feather no guys are doing like whether it's a cross or something or a little just a little something but I don't like it. Being bald really takes a lot of fun stuff that you can do out.

What do you mean? I can't do a dangly earring. I'd look like Mr. Clean. You would. Any earring on you guys would look silly. No, we get earrings. We're just gay old men. Exactly. A couple of spinsters. Yeah. But you guys have a killer apartment for your gay parties. Yeah. Are we spitballing again? A dog is clean. Yeah. Um, dude, Mike and Bob sounds like a gay couple you go to their sick-ass apartment, doesn't it? I want to go to Mike and Bob. Please tell me Mike and Bob are doing the Super Bowl because I don't feel like cooking. Swedish meatballs Hey, I would love, I was thinking

to get into diamond earring. No. No? Is that too much? What's his name of the comedian up there? Is he wearing two? Diamond Deak. Yeah.

Trevor Wallace. Is that him? Yes. Yeah, I don't like that. But is he making fun of it? I'm not sure. Before we go into that, can we go back to this monument? Due to technology, Jason, we can play music at the,

what are a couple songs you want playing? All the time. repeating playlist at your monument when you come to visit what songs can I just can I make a suggestion because I think it's a great idea we have some type of button right let Jay pick the song

right it's like a random and then it's a random song but you go you tell Lou and crank it up what about something like that AI goes it seems like you would like something rhythmic but not too heavy the tubes she's a

beauty. Tink, think, think, think, think, dink, ging, ging, ging, gink, and the butt cheeks go like this. Stip inside. Don't be shy. More than a beauty. I think you should really do that. Yeah. There should be something where it's like, yeah.

I think that might be a thing I might want to, like, patent and do. I think my grave is going to take up a lot of space. No, dude. My backyard, it's, they removed all the other graves. You're going to be the only grave in the graveyard. Well, so you think. What they actually did was they moved the headstones, they never moved the bodies. They never moved the bodies.

bodies. What? What's happening? Buddy, you have no ass. It's going to be a small grave. Oh. You think? Yes.

No, I don't have a small ass. I know, but I feel like we're putting a lot of a kutrimon around this thing. Are we in an above-ground tomb? Am I underground still? It's going to be the size of like a large pizza from sallies. You should have a pharaoh's tomb. A tomb, a tomb. A tomb?

It's a fairy jack. We're not, we're not thinking this through because we're going to have so many people visiting. There has to be some type of, uh, drink or food or some type of beverage people are going to be hungry now we're in a mausoleum food truck i think at this point we have to be the thing in the middle now go to go to a mausoleum at a i think we should be buried with your hand well this is where i open up my smorrs your servants should be sealed in there with you yeah i'd like to be buried with my slaves i got it mike mike so christine's gonna be inside there with you yeah

constantly kept alive young dylan josh josh one of them jams now Now look. We're going to put Dean Del Rey in there just to fuck with you. We can call this. Bobby, now think of this. Have fun with this. You can put up a sign there. It says Club J.

Oh, you know what, Christine? Bring up on YouTube. Let me tell you what. This is too expensive. I've already got your solution. Bring up inflatable nightclub. Now, I look at this thing the other day. Yeah, dude, I've seen this.

This is bad shit. But I'm telling you, let's do this. Outback your house. All of this room dedicated to the grave. But, well, it is going to be a fun extravaganza. Yeah. Make a day of it. Yeah.

Come see my asshole. but make a day of it. Yeah, get to it. Bring the kids. Look at this bad boy. Bobby, you want these? Bobby, I shouldn't even show this to you. You're going to get this for real, for real.

What is this? It's an inflatable nightclub. I could have done this and instead of my fucking tiny house. Yes. You could have. I just lived out in your own yard. I just take it down in the fucking winter. Crank through it.

I bet this guy annoys the fuck out of his neighbors. Oh, you think so? And he kills his grass. Well. So fat. He's also so. He's also very fat. Was that my?

The voice in my head? No, no, that was Jacob. That was Jacob. But Jacob is the voice in your heads, like GPS. Dude, glass case it. That's what I said. Yeah, glass case it, like a fine piece of art in a museum. Should it make it really freaky?

Should we do a thing where it's like, do you ever see the movie The Cell, what they did with the horse? Like, I'm actually like the bodies exhibit. I'm splitting the 75 pieces, but I'm all together. And then when people come in, you just see me like, like, opposite ways, except, and right in the middle, looking for Daddy on the Assum. I mean, that's.

Playable Nightclub. That's where we're talking about. of the Capitol building. I'd like it to be shaped like. We might need a go-fund me. What? We have to stop. Are you kidding me? Really? All right. But Bobby, we were so close to my assholes. We got a lot of work done, but there's still work to do.

Keep smoking. Smoke up, Johnny. Mike Fennoia is going to be at the comedy dojo. Love that club in New Jersey, Saturday, March 8th for tickets and all the tour dates. Visit punchup.com. What's up? slash Mike Fenoya. And follow Mike at Mike Fennoia on all. social media. Thanks for

filling in for me this week too. And we got a lot done. We got a lot done today. We got so much done. Bobby Kelly Yeah. Although he was back yesterday and today. You just missed him on Tuesday. Or no, Wednesday. No, Tuesday. Yeah, then. Bobby's going to be in Cincinnati. Thursday, February, but tonight. That is tonight. That's why he's not here. That's right. The comedy attic in Columbus, Ohio, February 13 to 14th, that's

Saturday. No, Friday and Saturday. You're right? So Thursday, yeah, I'm doing good. I'm going Sunday this week. That's why I'm confused. Okay. After that, we're off work Monday. Yeah, we're not here Monday. I'm bummed out. I didn't know that.

After that, Bobby's going to be in Batavia, Illinois, Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut, Cleveland, Ohio, for tickets and all tour dates. Go to punchup. Dot Live slash Robert Kelly. Right, punch up, baby. And I have every Tuesday night at the Fat Black Pussy Cat Comedy Cellar. Yeah, that's right.

Big Jay is going to be in Fort Worth, Texas, this Friday, Saturday and Sunday. He's just adding shows. He's killing it right now. After that, he's going to be. in Nashville, San Antonio, and San Francisco. Those tickets are low, too. You got to get your tickets now.

If you're going to see Big J, go get your tickets. If you're going to see me or Rich Voss or Jim Norton, plenty of time. You know what, though? But even if you think it's sold, if you think it's going to be sold out because you didn't buy tickets, check it out of anyway. Yeah, check it out of it. For tickets on all the tour days, go to BigJ Comedy.com or punchup.

dot live slash Big J. Ogerson. I own that business. YouTube.com slash at Big J. Ogerson. We'll see you guys Monday. Tuesday. Tuesday. We'll be back. Tuesday. Have a great weekend. Happy President's Day. God bless. Tuesday sounds a lot like Jews Day. Think about that for the weekend.

Jacob.