The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sketching Emma (feat. Bert Kreischer)

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

Bert Kreischer and the crew show their artistic talents by sketching a trans, porn model named Emma Rose.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on... What is the SXM? Yeah, Series XM. You can say Series XM if you want. Thank you very much. For full episodes of the Bonfire you can listen on the SMX app. Say Series XM! You can listen on the serious XM app. Go to seriousexm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now the bonfire with Big J.O. Crescent and Robert Kelly.

Jay, we have the best job in the world. Trying to get you goose-duck man. I'm playing Boston kickass rock. We have the best job in the world today, baby. We really do. We have, of course, the great Berk Christchurch, the machine in theaters right now, sitting in with us. This new special razzle, dazzle. Also out right now on that Flix and of course the fully loaded tour happening all summer.

16 City, 15 City, 16 City, 26 Comics comics you know we added Bruce Bruce right I was hoping Bruce Bruce Bruce that was thinking me and him and the shows together no we know you're doing shows with Bruce Bruce no I know a couple of people on the tour I'm gonna show is that that's gonna be a fun hang how many people are on the show how many comics we put like nine a show ten show it was it three tour buses six tour buses I'm actually work as me and Tiffany Hannish have a lot of crossover material. Yeah.

We both have tracks in our albums called All Hellsnaught. Ha ha ha. And it's on me on the bus the first week. It's me, you Dan and Pete. Yeah. That's a good mix. Oh yeah. Everybody else is driving themselves like that. Telling get on a bus

Bossing get on a bus. I can I was someone forced yesterday I've already talked to him. He needs to get on the fucking bus. I'm not getting on the bus. I'll drive Fucking thing he wants to drive. I want to hear only six hours away from my house I'll be home that night I like to stick around so I have to see if Pete and Victoria the Ross and Rachel of the tour the will they want they have the summer Will they want they we should introduce our other guests would be in a little rude I want to give her a great intro. You should she's sitting right here. We're saying today's drawing day. Drawing day. This is art day.

It's art day. Well, like I was like hearing you say drawing with your accent. Well, that's just mean. If you want to say drawing. Um, I was a great tracer growing up. We were supposed to have Mr. Jim Norton here today. Uh, and he was going to be one of the artists, but he bailed. Oh, yeah, it's something.

You probably would know Jim from your DMs. Yeah. Or your Snapchat. It's like, it is trans adult film star, M.A.R.O.S. Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How many goals do you have under your belt? Oh, I think I'm cutting up on 100 now.

It's a lot, yeah. It's a lot. You are so much hotter than my biological girlfriend. Who's taking pictures of you right now? Yeah. Yeah. You know, so I want to drag my wife out of the house by her feet. Damn, Christine. Get your shit together. It's okay. We're on a Zampak. Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't you die your hair tonight. It's okay, we're on a Zampak. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Don, why don't you dye your hair tonight?

Get ready, a fuzzy root, honey. I'm a thank you for being here. Tell us a little about yourself here. You've been working in the business how long? Yeah, so I started in 2020. I am from Florida, originally. Where? I'm from Tampa.

Shout out to Tampa. Where'd you go to high school? I went to, no, I went to Haysity Highs, guys in I went to hate city high guys and poke County. I grew up on a farm Trash Didn't wait to get there. Have any hookups with Chandler Tating Tating no What about Mike Cald you have a blow my Caldda no Your poll count is like... How very ridiculous.

I used to fucking the woods all the time. It's the fucking woods? Yeah. Really? I want to hang a backyard growing up with woods. Well, it's temper. It's more jungle than looks. Oh, yeah.

Well, I mean, in poll count it was woods. Yeah, but... Tampa doing that. Tampa's dangerous. You got alligators and hawks and all kinds of weird bugs. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, in the woods. Boys and girls. Oh, boys. I'm boys now now I feel like I fuck so many girls

So in the woods anymore What is your main attraction lie? Oh my god. I just like everything I like being a unicorn So if I can get a couple that's just horrors. I love it. Oh, yeah Christine get there bang emma rose I'm gonna get you. Bang Emma Rose. I'm gonna get, you're like a polo from Boston with a shitty disposition. No, you're like a pre-menopause chick. Oh my God, I'm just like a... How about a chick who gets hot and cold while you're banging her?

Yeah. You can come inside of it, it's like throwing a penny into the grand canyon. Oh my God. It's happening in that way. I mean, as you like the smell of mustard and pennies. No! Sorry. I knew. Do you know how to play with someone's asshole? Of course. Oh my God. That way, yes, you like the smell of mustard and pennies

Do you know how to play with someone's asshole of course, oh my god, you show me No, it's the request I've gotten that I can show you a lot of a lot of Loub a lot of Loub patients and a prayer will make you go very far Say dude, that should be your merch What if you don't need a lot of Loub? Is that freak out? Oh, no, honestly, some spit will do it too. It's so funny, spit. When you spit on like a dating a chick, it's hot. When you do it to a married chick, they're like, what the fuck are you spitting on my face?

Yeah, I tried to do it. My wife, I saw this couple and he stuck his finger in his mouth. I tried to do the dawn, she was like, what are you mad? What are you doing? What are you doing? You're fucking. You're trying to put it by asshole. Do you ever pull your wife's hair and she gets mad? You know, I tried to do the cream pie. She was like on our sheets. DJ Lour, are you seeing what's happening here? Emma's so pretty. Everyone's talking a mile a minute trying to get things out. I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm a, hey, I'm over here. Um, I'm a, my wife, my wife's stupid.

She's so fucking stupid. I'm actually trying not to think of the boner I have right now. I'm so stupid. I'm a, uh, you are really fucking hot. Thank you so much. This is how it happens. That's my, I keep pointing out my, my favorite thing about the D'Alea. Things I keep putting out there of the text.

Is it- I love about James, I love it. Oh, he's a shit. I don't know what happened, I don't know what happened at all, but- Allegedly. Sure. Allegedly. But the problem is every one of them, every girl is like this is our back and forth.

At some point I didn't know where he just goes. Anyway, I gotta go. My stupid bitch wife wants to spend time with If you just didn't back on your wife in every day, I'm with I actually Emma. I love my wife to death But I would definitely hang out with you in a camp. I love husband's and what I love everybody I don't know I mean dead, dead serious. If like, say it was single, cause I don't, you know, say it was single and we met at a bar and we got back to a room and there was the unveiling.

I don't know at what point I'd be like, I'd just be like, all right, let's just see what happens. I know what point. It would be, what's that? Oh. Oh. Oh.

The amount of times I've been with couples and like the girl's just like, sucker dick. They didn't even just start and she gets so hot like Do you as rule do you as a rule like as anyone ever found out in the moment? No, I don't do that anymore like the very beginning of my transition I did because I was like so nervous, but now I'm like if you're not gonna suck my dick. I don't want to fuck you Yeah, yeah, that's my rule too

Josh had a mire's definitely sucked the trans dick before. Yeah, for sure. Well, that led you to. When you keep going with your interview, Jay, I like being part of this. Listen, I feel the same way. I'm definitely, I'm, I'm definitely going to suck your dick. Wait, who's better at sucking dick? Girls are boys.

Boys. Oh, yeah. Boys I bet. I was like, no, they know it's good. I think I've never had a guy blow me, but I've seen gay porn and it seems very Machine like they they're just doing it to get the person off girls do a lot of other Battle me right now I've got the best game where we play on radio that'll ever happen

I'm not so I know Emma I would like you to put your finger out. Okay. We're east gonna suck your finger Okay, that's how we do that. I don't think that's okay Yeah, we're not on a podcast Can't tell us who's got the best pull me dick out Now you can't you can't What's the thing if I suck in the stick right now? Feet are the mind fear the mind are we even sucking your dick? Sure sounds like it

This is a control experiment. Let me see what it sounds like to regular away on if we fake it. Christine, would you let me suck him as dick for a radio bit ever? Yeah, she really would. She's gonna shit. Oh my daughter said I can suck a new dick. Oh, you asked your daughter. What? I run it by the...

I don't think it's really. She said if I ever cheated on Leanne, she would never talk to me again. And then I said, what if mom cheated on me? She goes, I get it. And then I go, I get it. And she goes, you can probably hook up with the dude. I think that would be fine. And I was like, for real?

She goes, yeah, boys, though you're a little gay. So I probably started to lose a dick and then one guy. Do you prefer with a guy, do you prefer like a twinkish guy or more like a like, you know, masculine guy? I'm the masculine guy. I just love like, like, making them my bitch or like, I think them over. Like, but the tallest guy that ever fucked, like,

I talked with 6A and I felt like I was like driving on Harley Davidson. Nice. Can you tell us individually how you would attack me Bobby and Bird over there. It can't be the same each way Because like you're burly so it's like hard like Cuz I'm really small so like I have a very feminine like she is going on And I don't have a shlong and also I I was cast shaded way way back in 2017 so

Don't hang a song. It's she still has it. It's just she she can't like blinks. Yeah, blacks. Yeah, I can so I can oh yeah I so I have I don't balls but it's only deck and then so I I can still come I can still square it. Yeah, you just can't get Yeah, many of you praying it right? Yeah, yeah, no babies. Yeah, yeah So she can finish and sorry square it's yeah you just can't get yeah many of you progn it right yeah yeah no babies yeah yeah yeah so she get finished inside it well I love that you already do you saw the look on my face he got so disappointed when he's like nowhere's the dick he thought when you had a when he thought you had a wallet he almost cried like my bull master no she's hurt why do you think his Bobby took himself out of this I feel a little bit but why do you feel that Bobby took himself out of this? I feel a little bit, but why do you feel that you'd be really good at sucking dick?

What would your thing be? I know, because I know what I like. I think I'd be phenomenal. I think I'd be phenomenal. I think you two queens would be two. I think I'd be fine. I think I was wearing a scarf and a beret as he says that between last two.

When I think you don't think you'd be, I'd be probably the best sucking dick even like yourself, girl. Well, you got the best DSLs, dude. You suck a little ass. No, I think I would suck a dick. I think I would suck a dick, good. Would you swallow?

No. Do you have a gag reflex? No. Do you ever play the swallow game? I don't know if I do. Sugurn, I used to play it, okay? This is what you do. You take your water bottle and then Bobby puts his lips around it.

Yeah. And then he's got a time out, my orgasm. Okay. And then when I have my orgasm, I squeeze the water bottle. And then he sees if he can get it out of the water bottle in his mouth and swallow like a fucking gangster. You I believe he can. Ready Bobby?

No. No, I don't want video of that anywhere. I have a 10 year old son that just did puberty and I don't want that anywhere. I'll do it to you. I'll do it. I'm pretty good. You have a 10 year old son that just hit puberty and I don't want that anywhere. I'll do it to you. I'll do it to you. I'll do it to you. You have a daughter that thinks you're gay already.

So, I'll do it. Two daughters. I'll be crazy, dude. My daughter, my daughter, a 20 years old, so there were jizz in front of me the other day. It shut me down. Oh my god, no. And it was not anything about her life, right?

She was like, and I would go covered in jizz. Yeah. Yeah, so she goes, I guess she goes, hey, that's our, jizz. Emma, do you have a can I ask you a question? Yes. Do you have a boyfriend? Absolutely not. You don't.

I just got out of a year and a half relationship with February. And can I ask you a question? What nationality are you? So I am white and spaniards. Yeah. OK, can I ask you another question? Yes. What?

What? No, sadly I got circumcised late. I wanted to be, but I have like this little like extra tip on the, it's really sensitive. Time is two decades. I was, I thought we were fucking off. Could I just say, he just whispered into the microphone, I'm dying to see a drink. We're gonna draw the hope. We're gonna see it all.

It's exciting. I'm, so just you know, I can't see well So I gotta feel things out because a beautiful face natural breasts decent cock. I just can't to give up my glasses I'm like we're my friend I can dump it. What? What? Race of men do you find our most attracted to trans women? Honest we all But then again, keep in mind June 10th is Monday most attracted to trans women. Oh my God. Good question, bro. Honestly, all of them. Well, time out. But then again, my... Keep in mind, June 10th is Monday.

I was like, well, my ex is black. And so like he... Well, they made one that was six days. What do you think we were thinking? He was to bottom. And I'm like, I need someone who's going to take some dick in their ass.

Can I ask a question? Yes. I'm friends with Bailey J. You know, Bailey J. I love Bailey. Yeah, she's a good friend of mine. And she said that when she takes her home on, she becomes very feminine.

And she wants to be fucked. But when she doesn't take them, she just wants to suck dick. Is that a real thing? I think so. Well, I don't know if she's casherated, so I don't produce testosterone naturally. So I take my estrogen-murupurgestrone

and can like, ludosteroids, like, anivore and stuff like that. So I'm just always horny. But I love, I love verse, like I love flipping. I love fucking women and men. I have Paseola, I love her. DJ Luzza woman in LA. Depending on what side you flip them on.

Oh my God. Mm-hmm. What are you using for, baby? We're drinking, we're drinking. But definitely when you stop taking your home on, it's like I feel like I get, I don just wondering, what are you doing with baby? We're drinking, we're drinking. But definitely when you stop taking your hormones, like I feel like I get, I don't know, I feel like I just go up back and forth between wanting to just not get fucked

and by the way, on my hormones, I'm just horny with that. You jerk off at all. All the time. What are you watching when you jerk off? Okay, so first I used to love POV anal, like a big dick just fucking, like a biological girl.

It just hot watching a girl with a pussy get fucked in her ass. It's like it just seems so naughty. So now I've been watching like Cuckel porn where it's like, that's my life is making the good that her husband's like dick. I don't know like the first thing is like hot. Not those exact words. You talked about it. But Jay, you said that you're jammed.

I did. I didn't mean that. I feel alright. That's the couple one. You talked about it. But, Jay, you said that you're jammed. I did. I didn't mean that. I feel alright. That's my jam. That's my jam. Five Black Eyes banging a lowly housewife or a husband's phone. I like when the woman gets stuck under the bed.

She's like, can someone help me? And the stepson comes in. I'm a fucking my stepmom. Stuck porn. Stuck porn. Stuck porn. When they get down blousing. I like to spin.

I think it's stuck in a window that could definitely get out of the just pretending to be stuck in it. In the interest of time, we have these skedpads. Christine went to all the. What's going to be done? Seven. No, technically, 46. Yeah, so let's fucking you mind.

Gotta start sketching. Yes. So, well, Bobby made some things. I would like to play a game. Bobby was, is it, was an artist. He went to art school He says But he also said he saw an alien yesterday. I did go to art school Jay I was gonna be an art teacher and in the class. We did minute sketches where oh wow

You pose for a minute someone will time you and then you make a new pose after the minute So whatever pose you want already whatever you want to do so you can move that chair out of the way You can incorporate anyone in the room into your pose. Yeah, I would the bucket hat. Yeah, you can This is Victoria there They're my employees She said take this off as a please Pete Victoria if you guys are uncomfortable Laney please She can't help her out. You got it?

Yes, it's professional. Actually, at the end, I need you. I don't know. Holy shit, fuck. Guys, what are you running from? What's transphos? No, we just want to make sure there's you in the room.

I'm joking, I know. It's the cutest penis I've ever seen. I swore to God, by the way. It's not cute. I swore to God, she's so feminine. And even though she said it and described everything, I still was sure there was going to be a pussy. There's no balls in it. I want to take a's so feminine and even though she said it and described everything I still was sure there was gonna be a pussy There's no balls in it. I want to take a picture of the so bad

But they just hook up to my Alexa and I'll come on my TV while my kids walking watching Nickelodeon If he does if it just goes into that mode, I'm never I'm only looking at the dick. Yeah, it's such a little dingur It's because you're a goddamn man. That's why All right, are we ready? How are we ready? Because you're a goddamn man. That's why are we ready? We're adorable, too. Are we ready? Hold on, hold on. Okay, so I gotta, here's your drink.

No, no, thank you, thank you. There we go. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Can you strike, you gotta get it hard. Can you strike one pose so we can get, make sure we get it in. I love your hair, I'm gonna start with your hair. Do you need help? Okay, all right.

All right, ready? Here we go. We gotta keep talking, Bobby. Okay, yeah, well, we're drawing her right now. She's in a beautiful, seductive pose. I'm gonna do more of a postmodern thing. A postmodern, okay, Jay, I'm going, I'm going. So many microphones in my way.

Yes, she's so beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful hips. Very beautiful. Beautiful. Can somebody open my pencils, please know when you're pencils behind okay hard school you know I'll be really take a little bit bigger

yeah you make it as big as like yeah do you need help making it a little bigger I love that penis that's on the first book forward I don't know gonna draw that. I hope you hope you got that though Hope you get that My name is Mark Chrysler. I love that cock My name is Robert Kelly and I second that cock I feel pretty good about this. I feel great about this Jacob you I feel like you believe in me very much right about this. Jacob you I feel like you believe in me very much. I've seen your work. Yes I am if you feel the need to take one of these home you feel I mean you're gonna have

to judge who does the best actually. I would frame an authentic oak or see. Yeah you do it you would. Yeah you Jacob. I appreciate that actually. I appreciate it very much. You should have probably. Jacob go spit your hand please. Jacob, go lightly caress the top of a repeaters with your mouth please. Jacob, go gently with your mouth, Jacob please. You have to hold this out anymore, I'm good to do. I'm done with my picture.

Really? Are we done? Oh well you're so good. I didn't even sort of done it. Hold on. Wow. Bobby's good. I am not that great

It's got me smile I'm not done I like the pose changed a bunch. It's okay Yeah, it's getting hard now. Is it getting hard now? Yeah, it's getting hard now I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that.

I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that.

I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna say that. I'm gonna seen a woman get a dick hard like that. Like, what do I, my wife will be like, what do I slap it at the bottom? I don't, I don't like jacket because like the tip is really so good. No, no, no, no, here's kind of taking a show what I do.

I grab it at the base and then wag it like a dog's tail. Yeah, there we go. Oh my god, dick tips with Burk Riser. That's not, by the way, how big is your dick? When it's fully hard, it's only five inches. That's perfect. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

He has a Spanish half Korean. But it curves it curves so honestly like so when I fuck women I make him squirrel on time Oh my god. Oh my god Hey, are my employees comfortable? I mean the dick is different now Yeah, I didn't know we were doing this dick So why did you get rid of the balls? It's because I didn't want to have like testosterone I was taking testosterone blockers and causing you joint pains. I could be into a check with a dick.

It's not that bad, especially if you're a bigger than mine. I'd be upset. I think you're currently into a check with a dick. Hi. What do I mean? Not only could you. We're all kind of into it right now.

I didn't know we were going to work this hard on our pain. I think we're done. We gotta be done. We gotta go move on to an eye. Alright, let's, are we done? I was supposed to be changing every minute. Yeah, we're gonna change. We're gonna wait for Jay to be done. Jay, you almost done?

Yes, I'm almost done, Bobby. Alright, well, I mean, you get an extra time here, Jay. Yes, I know I take some artistic liberties. When you hooked up with the dudes in Paul County. Oh my God. How many of them were on the TV show, Cops? Were they like, Manly dudes? Uh, yeah cars? Do you think were they like manly dudes? Yeah, and do you think they liked you because you are a feminine side or do you think they like dudes?

I think that I was because those women inside and then I just like can we I don't know I feel like I have more time everybody just becomes a bottomless I want a top sub So I there has been some people that are like oh, I don't want to bottom and wrong. I'm like okay We should never again. Wait so see I like the top Oh really I mean I like to get fucked but mostly I feel like I topple you over orgasm like any fuck yeah Oh my god, I have like ass gasses and stuff so you can come like internally where it's like if you show me Show me on Bert I got weird friends day. I thought we were friends show me on Bert. I got weird friends, Jay. I thought we were friends. Show me on Bobby and Bert. Okay, I feel pretty good.

All right, here we go. You're ready for it. Let's reveal. Let's reveal to the, let's let the model pick, which one she likes, okay? Okay, well, describe yours, or I'll describe yours if you like. My brain, you wanna go from here?

Okay, I'm gonna go first. I'll go first. I'll go first. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,. Mine was more of like a modern. All right, this is crazy. Banksy taste. Yeah, sure. And what I did is, I don't know if you guys did this I incorporated the television.

Yes. And Christine in it. I thought it was an artwork, right in focus on one subject. I focused on the room. You also, it looks like you made your spread eagle with a pussy that you smeared. Yeah, you didn't get addicted. You didn't put it in the penis.

Where's the penis? He disgraced my penis. What is it? Yes. I left out the most important part of the body. All right. Where are you down the next morning? All right. Christine, no homo, could you move her penis please for me?

Are you ready? Here's mine. OK, here we go. Yes, you take a look at Bobby's. Here's a good. OK, that's not bad. That's actually really good. That's not bad. That's not bad It's a

Bobby yeah, I'm gonna do a hard dick. Bobby our drawing contest are gonna come down to something here. It's pretty soon I like that. That's good. You like that? Okay, okay? It's not bad right now. Here's I Did a similar thing. Oh, Jay! But I... Oh, Jay! Oh, Jay! That is so easy. You put Angel in his honor. It's an angel.

It's an angel. I, Jay, you... Those days up, Jay, as an artist, to an artist, I got... That was a good... I mean, yours is beautiful. Jay, yours is beautiful. You actually can draw.

A little bit. A little bit. And you got my eyes. You got the eyes where the dicks go in the wrong way no not not when I drew it all right can we have a another pose okay hold on I'm gonna really take this one here what what can we do I'll be like a backwards turn like yeah oh that works good for me because there's still some dinger poke and that's good that's good for my art

that's over like you dropped a key yeah that one all that's a great one like a fruit that can you move your you're fucking gin and tonic whatever uh... well okay that's what actually we're all going to be a little bit different angles, but that's fine. I'll work with Here we go. There you go. All right. There you go now we're cooking with gasoline

Now you can see it now you can see all the day now we're filling my pants up with jizz Now we're filling up the pants with She's doing a pose just for the people listening at home She has run leg up on the console and the other leg down and she's Kind of here Oh You can see my deck over there You're gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. Hold on, hold on. What's hold on, hold on. Birds freaking out.

I know it's happening. You're gonna get to dick this time. Bert, you're doing great, Bert. I'm sure what are you doing is fantastic. You're all right, Bert. You're doing great. Bert, there's no wrong answers on this. No, I'm just, I'm just, I go quick.

Ah, yeah. He's quick. Yeah, you go nice and quick. Foe show. Um, Kristi, you can already tell quick. Foe show. Christy, you can already tell us it's pretty fantastic, correct? Can you move your arms just to the side? There we go, no, lower. I wanna see the blue.

Oh, I don't know if you wanna see my butt, huh? I'm just perfect. I'm not gonna see your butt move forward, I'm gonna go corporate that. I mean, your butt hole, your butt hole is literally perfect. Thank you. I mean, I've never seen.

That's nice, that's nice to say. That's really sweet. My butt hole looks like an that's nice. That's nice to say that's really my but looks like an elephant's knee. Oh my god. Is that bad? I got my asshole micro-needle When I get it bleached for porn so it looks pretty Yes, Pete I can see your breath. I hope it's okay. I hope that I'm fine. It's natural, feel that way. It's kind of, I just got to do that.

When you see a beautiful woman, John. Okay. Am I going to need a little more consistency with that right on? Mm-hmm. Um, can you open your butt just a little more and just wink at me and go to King? Well, you can just call her, am her in. Do you have a wink? I'm going hardcore. That's the hardest one.

Thank you. Thank you, Em. Em, do you find me attractive? Who would you have to be? Wink with your asshole. Okay, who would you let fuck you in the ass and who would you want to be fucking the ass party? In the order.

I would top everybody. You fuck all of us? We deserve that. That's a we deserve for sure. I want you to look at mine and realize I'm more like a Jackson Pollock Okay, you have a really good angle. You have like a full I like to say I'm a lot when I do my thing I'm stunned by your artwork. Thank you One's not doing is good. This one's not doing is good. You got it. You got it God damn it Bobby!

What? Do you just give his dick a thought bubble? Shut up! It's... A thought bubble. I didn't even think about that. Alright, alright. Alright, we're done?

Yeah. Alright. I'm going so right, praying on this. This wasn't great. This isn't one of my best works. Not one of the best. I haven't seen my yet. I think there's a lot of angles. Yeah. I think I can do. All right, ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Here you go.

All right, here we go. We're going to go first. It's going first. The mine's more abstract. Wow. That is abstract. It looks like trees. That looks like a bunch of trees and a pool. By start making her, I didn't realize it. It's like a pot. More black face. It's right. Oh, I don't know what that is. It's like a pop. More black face. It's like I do. Oh, I don't know what that is. It looks like you trying to scribble out racist graffiti on the side of your house.

Yeah, I don't know. Where's the body? Where's the boo? Oh, can I see it? Can I see it? I can see it. I can see it. I can see it.

I can see it. I see the bottle. You saw the bottle, right? We pencils down. Are you still working down? I? We pencils down, are you? Are you still working down? I'm still working down. I can't pencils down.

I was just adding some little touches. A little detail. Is there a good Bobby? Yes, please go ahead. Okay, this is my drawing. Oh, my god! And I added me down the bottom. Oh!

Okay. I added what I felt, damn. That's really good. That's literally my dream situation with you is if you don't me and like you're you're a doctor and I have something wrong and like I need to put something in your mind But he played graduation music. Yeah, do you do? Yes, like some type of you know like you're a misogynist therapist Oh my I've been everything important. I feel like I don't know all All right, Jay. Let's see it. Oh my God. That's so good. Jay, I love what you did. Jay, you are really good. I think Jay, I really love your artwork. Thank you. Which like me to make a piece for your home.

I would like, actually, I want that piece for my home. I could you draw her piece? Just my my own. Just for my own. Yes. I mean, should we do one more? I think we should do one more. I think we should do a couple's pose. Oh, she's gonna do something sitting down. I'm thinking. What about, I thought it was gonna be spread eag.

Oh my god. Sitting down with a stair right up the barrel. This is tough one. I'm gonna need shadowing. I'm gonna need a napkin. This is the real business end. Okay, one more. could do this this position now you'll see you're giving them upper This position is a bending over on a chair full but hole

Classic position Dick and back good doggy down word doggy is Is this what you call boyfriend dick? What? Mine. No. How do you know terms? This is what you call.

Uh. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Spend yourself to me a little bit. Actually, five inches, I guess, is boyfriend dick, right? I guess so.

I see. Yeah. I got in trouble on a podcast on Ancetmay. Cock was small and feminine. Everyone is just like five inches of the average in America. And I was like, oh, that's a lot. That's not true. Five. How would it's the average in America? It's bigger than five. It's bigger than five and a half. Yeah, it's like almost six. I used to be six and a half and then when I cut my balls off, it shrunk.

Same here. Same here. Same here. Same about him. Creech to the choir bitch. Thank you, Jacob. Thanks for having me. I gotta be honest with you. As a girl, I would think that's not about Dick. It's so nice. And plus it curves up so it hits the G spot. And the prostate perfectly. So that's why I also got best top two years in a row

Christine one at three wait, which contest were you at? Are you at nationals? Were you nationals that year I didn't see you I you're done Don't you doing great your bird. I love your style bird. I'm so not you guys. Don't worry. You're doing great. You're burnt. I love your style. I'm telling you, this isn't a contest,

except it completely is. I have it. It's only a contest. Yeah, whoever does the best drawing, she's going to go home with it. I can't tell you that my one takeaway I will say. I've been concerned about the size of my dick my entire life. She's still this moment.

But now seeing here. And now you know that you have the penis of a beautiful woman. But I know, I'm a a bigger dick and but I go I wouldn't mind that dick. I was a girl Oh, man. It's so nice. It's a nice little dick and it's fun I even in porn. I feel like because I have this out of every chance grown to do porn I have the smallest dick, but um it's small but mighty I like to call it and um the way that everybody comes on the right hand, I'm like, is doing this job.

God damn right now. And that's all that matters. It's all the matters. You do have like a, like, did you always have this exact same body? No. She's has sincere jeez. No, no, no, I meant, I meant like your lower back

to your ass Like when you lived in Polk County, is that was that what it looked like even before I had like a big butt But then I had my I had my hips done okay, and then I've always been fit. I've always like worked out I've always lifted so I like do you play sports in College No, I was in dance and ballet dance and ballet. What do you do you play any sports at all? No, I was in dance in ballet. Dance in ballet? Did you say any sports at all, you know? No, not really.

I've paid sports with like friends, but then in high school, I did color guard. I have like every fucking thing. So to Christine. So to Christine. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard.

I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. I have no color guard. all this time. My wife was the bottom of the pyramid. Would you want your wife to have a big dick bobby or a small dick?

That dick I have. I always said if I'm gonna go transit I want a monster wall if I do. If we're gonna do it let's fucking rock. I don't wanna hurt. I think it. Let's see what I'm capable of. I want you to turn into your bro voice as you fuck me. Just the slong.

I'm gonna cheat. Be like, oh you like that, do you like that? Take that bitch. Is this how you love it? Huh. Hang on, I have to do a little more racing. I did something a little on the flat. Oh, it does a little on the flat.

And I would never do that to you. Yeah, it's a celebration bubblegum for after the draw. Got it. That's no good right there. These erasers aren't fancy. Do you know how much more I play with my balls if I didn't have balls in them? Oh my god I was so mad at skin is even more sensitive now that I don't have balls and then also my orgasms are different

So usually like you can come and then like you're like done So when I come I can just like just keep writing Digger keep biking and have back to back orgasms now. Well, we've been castrated tomorrow. Hahaha. Um, I think I'm ready. Ready? I took some artistic liberties with the chair.

That's your best one, Bobby. Uh, so this is mine. with the chair. That's your best one, Bobby. So this is mine. I just very, I went very minimalist. I look like it is the best one. So far, it looks like a vase. Yeah, what's up with the junk? I can't wait to see you again.

Bobby's best one I've seen. Okay, this is mine But I I drew my face as your penis That's me. I like that. I do like that I put my Instagram so you can follow me and there's my Twitter. I don't know what you do So Robert Kelly live I'm almost I have a million on my Twitter. I don't care about that my more I've honest to Graham and Twitter Robert Kelly just so if you you wanted to follow me and get one of these sent to your house Okay, you'll see I took some liberties with the chair

Jay Oh Wow, Jay Jay, you're covered in charcoal. I'm gonna say something about you Jay. I'm gonna say something about you You are sneaky We you are real artists and you snuck in here like you weren't you like hey, we'll see what happens you are an artist No, no turning Jay I believe you're amazing You're amazing you're, you're amazing. You're amazing. You're amazing. You're amazing. You're amazing. These stupid things.

Jay. That was great. Jay, I want that. I want you to put a sticker over the penis so I can bring it home and show my son. I can't just erase it. No, don't erase it. I want to use it. You write a sticker over. I want a horrible sticker.

I mean, Jay, if you see right here, I just, I made an angle that was never very flattering. I mean, you didn't deserve that. So I cut it down to give you your more proper dimensions You're a fucking fantastic artist You're amazing amazing Don't say that. I live in house with Christina always tells me I'm nothing Thanks, Bobbie, I think you're really good too Christine tells me all the time that I'm not creative at all We gotta take a break, Rembrandt

We gotta take a break Oh yeah, we do Cine very good Emma Rose, you can check it all over We gotta take a break, Rembrandt. We gotta take a break. Oh yeah, we do. CITERA. Rembrandt. MROs, you can check it all over stuff. Twitter, Instagram, at O It's MROs, OHITS, E-M-M-M-A Rows, O It's MROs on Twitter and Instagram. Absolutely beautiful, absolutely awesome. We're hanging out with Bert the Christcher. Bert the Christcher. Bert the Christcher is new movie, the Christcher. It's new movie, the machine, of course, the crash of the- The crash of the- The crash of the-

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But the crash of the- But the crash of the- But the crash of the- But the crash of the- But the crash of the- But the crash of the- But the crash of the- But the crash of the- You're weiner away. I've never been saddened to see a cock go away What's happening inside of me? I'll tell you it's not happening yet. We'll be right back everybody's the bonfire Everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show If you want the whole thing the whole damn, go to seriousxm.com slashbomfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.

I step down your crackle crackle, I stink. I'm ill-cow