The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Snake Monster with Mike Finoia

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

America's favorite amigo Mike Finoia returns with a story of a gigantic serpent that chose to make a home in his backyard shed. Mike was on the phone with Jay when he first discovered this 10-foot reptile and Jay recorded the call. Jay plays the recorded call into the microphone so the listeners can hear the terror in Mike's every move. | Jay discovers that men lose their eyebrows as they grow older and compares young photos to Bobby now. Jay has fantastic eyebrows but cannot properly use his bidet and Jacob reprimands him for it. | Jay plays public domain music instead of copywritten songs because he claims the suits are cracking down on the Bonfire. Mike Finoia will be performing at Governor's @ McGuire's Comedy Club all weekend in Bohemia, New York. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the bonfire with Big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly. If you suck my pussy, baby, I'll suck your dick. I'll do it to your honey, till I make you shit. Oh baby, honey, do it all night long. Do it to me, papa. Do it to me, Papa. Do it to me, Papa. Bring me in and build a moroccan. Ba-bump, ba-bump, bum. Wow.

Lucille Bogan, everybody. That was fantastic. You know, the Bonfires moved on to purely public domain music. We do not access any of the Sirius XM library. Jacob. Jacob laughed, but he didn't want to. I'm always going to trust my funny instincts over Jacob's radio instincts. And that was funny.

Let's see if we join them together. You have funny instincts, his radio instincts. I think Jacob's instincts would say that was worth every second. We're not allowed to sing along and play more than 30 seconds of songs on Serious Faction 103. So we've now rewarded public domain. We can sing Happy Birthday for two straight hours if we wanted to Stop me. We signed contracts. It's too late

You got us for two years. Are you gonna pay us to sit home? What if we did that for two years? Does that count also Eddie Trump? singing guitar riffs whoa I asked that question and I asked that question, but and DJ Lou said no music unless it's live performance on Eddie Trunk. He don't play songs. No songs at all he just talks to guys. Yngwie Malmsteen. Yeah guys who are in the current versions of Great White. He just talked to Yngwie. Did he seriously? I believe so. He's never not talking to Inui Malmsteen. Oh, he's always here.

He lives on Park Avenue. What's his name again? Inui? Inui Malmsteen. Inui Malmsteen. Now he's bald now, right? Malmy? Is he bald?

I think he is. I think he's bald, which is not cool. Well, his long hair wasn't cool, but there was a time where it made sense. But that guy, did he make solo music? Why is his name known? I mean, I know the name very well, I know what he looks like.

What the fuck was Ingway Malmsteen in? Was he in bands? I think he was always solo. Just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was the Kenny G of fucking guitar rock. No way, is that what they call him? Yeah, the Kenny G of guitar rock. It was him, Joe Satriani, Blue Sarancino.

Oh, he was cool looking. Yeah, he had great hair. I was wrong. Lars, Johan. I thought he had awful curly, like tight poodle hair. I think that was Joe Satriani who had the curly, goofy hair. I don't know. Oh, that guy's the asshole.

Inge Wielstein rips. Inge. Is it Inge? What is it, Inge? I'm gonna go with whatever you say it is Robert Kelly. That's Robert Kelly everybody, the great Robert Kelly sitting across from me as always. I'm Big Jay Okerson.

This is The Bonfire. It's our last live show of the week. We have a great, a great pre-record for you guys tomorrow on Thursday. Sitting in with us, bleh, for the final show of the week, the final live show of the week everybody. He's gonna be at McGuire's in Long Island this weekend, May 16th and 17th, after that Chicago, Bloomington,

Mohegan Sun, all on deck. You can also check out his podcast, Are We Old? Anywhere you get your pods. You can follow him on social media, at Mike Fennoy. It is America's Amigo punch a mic Mike Finnolly Mike Mike you leaving today to get to your show on Friday at Meguiar's and mine as well Oh my father that's fucking dig would stress me out months ahead of time. Yeah. Well I have in a couple weeks

It's a good thing like there's a after this weekend, Cincinnati I don't have a flying gig for a couple weeks because one of the in-between ones It's a good thing. Like, there's a, after this weekend, Cincinnati, I don't have a flying gig for a couple weeks because one of the in-between ones I do have is Governor's Levittown, which isn't even that deep into Long Island. No. But Friday, it is going to suck shit so hard.

It's the worst. Saturday's gonna be a breeze. You have to leave, like, at noon. I have to leave at noon. You have to leave at noon, and here's what I do. There's a cigar lounge out there. You smoke cigars, right? Sure.

Don't assimilate, Michael. Nah, I go. I go for the, I go for the. I love you, dude. He doesn't, and there's not a chance he's gonna sit in the cigar lounge. Me and Mike are the exact same dude, by the way. Well, just with different stuff.

Yeah, different stuff and different tastes the way. Just with different stuff. Yeah, different stuff and different tastes in music. You'd be surprised. No, you guys have a lot of crossover. You generalize me into just being a deadhead. Yeah, I do. But I think that's just to keep you raging. I don't think you like the dead. I think it's the only thing that you found that kept your inner rage.

So you don't murder people. That is a fucking theory that I like to hear right there. Mike has listened to Jam Rock so he doesn't kill at will. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's right. Jam music is the only thing keeping him from falling down the entire fucking city. Yeah, he would have ripped out Estes Trachia years ago. Fucking Roadhouse style.

Yeah. Fucking three finger claw. All the club owners Choke Vinnie with his old phone cord. Hey, would you mind if we bump you for John Mayer? There's a new gay Indian who which wants to do a spot can I bump you for him Michael you host Monday Tuesday Wednesday More time to a spot? No spot.

Hrgh. Roadhouse. When I was driving my excavator this week, I listened to nothing but Van Halen. Oh, that's some manly shit. I'll tell you, there's something about doing manual labor that makes me wanna smoke cigarettes, eat sandwiches wrapped in deli paper,

eat Lay's potato chips. Not this fancy Hal's shit. I want like. You want grease. Or Utes. Utes. I want nice like. It's a whole shit.

You want your fingers to feel weird afterwards and your breath feels weird because there's a sheen of grease and butter coating your throat. Yeah, absolutely. Is it Utes or Utts? And I'm doing that. I thought it was Utts. I thought it was Utts.

I say Utes. You say Utes? You know what And I'm doing that. I thought it was UTS. I thought it was UTS. I say UTS. You say UTS? You know what? I don't know. I never knew it was. I'm not going to micro correct you. Let's go UTS. No one ever taught me how to say that name. It's UTS. It's UTS. It's a Pennsylvania company, I believe. They're fantastic chips. It depends. Their sour cream and onion are very good.

Let's go get American flag tattoos on our thighs together. All right. You got it. I'll get one half of the eagle and you get the other half. Let's get get American flag tattoos on our thighs together. All right, you got it. I'll get one half of the eagle and you get the other half. Let's get the constitution on I've missed cigarettes to two utes if I've missed cigarettes in the past five years and not smoking It was the past couple days excavate. I have in an excavator. I guess that cigars dude Even just to have one in my just to have a cigar would have been nice Yeah, stoke would do it just. Just chew it and suck on the... Just chew on a backwood.

But you're right, yeah. Not like one of those big fat-seize you smoke, Bobby. Like, one of the stick ones. They're called, yeah, they're called Italian cigars. Yeah? Yeah, it's a Clint Eastwood. Where you bite them all the time. They're like the Doc Hollidays.

Yeah. Right? Yeah, you bite it. Clint Eastwoods. They call them Clint Eastwoods because that's the one he used to use. Okay. And he would somehow light a match I'm younger than you so I go with Doc Holliday

Doc Holliday is actually older No, Doc Holliday as Val Kilmer is Doc Holliday Right, I get you You mean Clint Eastwood, my grandfather did watch those films. I'm aware of them. I know what he looks like Yeah, yeah, yeah There it is Buddy, I love that in a Western he would be in a windy windy desert, pull out a match, flick it with his thumb, and just light a cigar.

It's impossible. It's impossible. It's fucking impossible. Have you seen? What are they called? Can I have them? What, those cigars? They're Italian cigars.

Can I get those for my house humidor? Yeah, you can get them. You're getting a humidor now? I have a humidor. You have a humidor. You do. Oh, I mean like a box humidor. Yeah, a humidor. Yeah, big one. Yeah, built in. The company sent me. You do have a big one. You have a humidor. You do? Oh, I mean like a box. Yeah, humidor. Yeah, big one.

Yeah, built in. The company sent me. You do have a big one. Oh, the company. Are these the right brands? Yep, those are them. Those are the giants of us. Yep, that's them.

Those are real good. You know what the algorithm sent me the other day? This Forever Match. You see this thing? It's like a- Oh, they're like Jimmy and Nicky's podcast. You hear about this? You see this?

You see this thing? You see this fucking thing? Are you working on your monologue with this right now? So the algorithm the other day, look there it is. It's a once, you never need another match ever again. Yeah, I had one of those. Dad? Well I got into lighters for a minute,

one of my addictions. And I was a lighter slut for a bit. And no, they're really good, they're cool. But it's a- I kinda miss lighting things with a match. When you light a cigar with those, because it's butane, it fucks up the cigar. It's good, they're cool, but it's a... I kinda miss lighting things with a match. When you light a cigar with those, because it's butane, it fucks up the cigar. It's good to light a cigarette,

but when you light a cigar, you need it to be able to not have that shit go into it. There's butane in this? You don't light it with like, zippos? Don't you light cigars with a zippo? No, you can't. You're not supposed to. They do, some guys do, but you're not supposed to,

because the lighter fluid will go into the cigar and ruin the taste of the cigar. And that's the reason I don't smoke cigars at all because I have to Zippo everything I do. And then at my first puff, I have to take around my head like dice. Oh! And that's not gonna work out with a cigar.

Right, yeah. You can't fucking dice a fucking. They do it. Pwa, pwa, pwa, suck that big cock. They make a Zippo torch so you can get that. Oh yeah. I thought the torches were for cigars. Those aren't buting?

Yeah, but the way it comes out, you toast the cigar. It doesn't go into it. On the liquid, the liquid is coming out of the flint. I love Science Hour with Bobby. Yeah, the wick, actually there's a wick that goes into the thing and uses the flint, almost like a gun. Recreational chemistry with rubber. Yeah, you don a wick that goes into the thing and use the Flint almost like a gun recreational chemistry

Yeah, you don't want to use that. I only use lighters that I can open with my jeans Never that lighter. Yes, I can actually light a match off my asshole skin. No. Yeah what do it right now? I swear to God you get me a match. Why are you? Jacob, could you please run and and grab some Strike Anywhere matches? Some Ohio blue tips? That's how awful my asshole skin is. I watched a, like it's a reel this morning.

Yeah. Those are the things that will catch me and it was Phil Ansamo through the years, lead singer of Pantera. And it shows him at 22 to like 26, 28, 30 40s and now to what he is here and I will tell you what ages people a lot on their faces and I'm trying to look at it and all my friends now your eyebrows your eyebrows go when you're young yeah most people just have like a thick, regular, what I would

describe as my eyebrow. Mike, you still got, you still got, it's starting to happen. I bet if you look at a young picture of your eyebrows, your eyebrows are way darker and different. Mike, look at me. I have male pattern eyebrows now. Mike, your eyebrows are fine. They're fine. You can't go by fucking Sasquatch over here. His eyebrows are perfect. His eyebrows.

He gets them did. Yeah, you got, yeah, he's got. They don't add hair. You got Armenian eyebrows, no offense, Christine. No, they are hairy, gross people. You have rug salesman hair. My friend, I have my friend hair. Kahoot eyes.

Nobody can compete with Jay's eyebrows. My head hair's not very thick. Your head hair is, are you crazy? Buddy, it's fine. It's fine, but it's not very thick. Your head hair is, are you crazy? Buddy, it's fine. It's fine, but it's not very thick. It's thicker than ours. Thicker than anybody else's in this room.

Shut up. Yeah, shut up, Jay. We don't wanna talk about hair. Stop bringing up hair. Where are my eyebrows going? Dude, your eyebrows are fine. Your eyebrows are fine. Your eyebrows are fine,

and they still have the shape of eyebrows, but I'm telling you, the day might be coming. If you look at a young picture of you Mikey are your eyebrows substantially different? I don't know is it Now I'm fucking definitely gonna five minutes now that it's not that don't you gonna get fucking space wig for your eyebrows But you know this will probably work. Yeah, this will probably work look look at him there a nice thick well-designed eyebrow Look at that nice eyebrowsbrows, handsome guy. Look at those eyebrows, sultry.

Good looking fella. Then he started shaving the head, but the eyebrows were still there. Eyebrows starting to fade a little bit now, you can see. Things are getting different. Can't tell, it's too blurry. You can see now, this is a little all over the place. Yeah, it's not really going up.

Maybe it's because the rest of his head's fallen into his face. Yeah, maybe it's the eyebrows. And the eyebrows get lost. If you can get to it now, this isn't even good now. His eyebrows are so sparse now. Maybe it's the racism. Maybe it's all that yelling. Show me a young picture of Bobby Kelly.

I don't think that Jay cares about eyebrows. Jay's going to look like Mickey Rourke in 10 years. It's possible, it's possible. There's a propane grill accident. Dane Cook is gonna go, what the fuck happened to Jay's face? Guys, when the swelling goes down on these cheekbones, I'm gonna look great.

Yeah, you gotta stop, Jay. I'm not doing any work to myself. What? Like surgeries or anything? What have I done? Well, just, I mean, a couple things. I wish you could see this particular video I watched, because his eyebrows are, look at him.

Yeah, go over there to the blabber mouth thing on the right. His eyebrows are just. God, he looks horrible there. Yeah, that's a big bushy. He doesn't look good, but his eyebrows don't look bad. No, but they're changing substantially. I've never once given thought. The only time I give thought to my eyebrows

is when I got a fucking scraggler. I keep those. And I got a, cut it. I always have luck when I have a long eyebrow hair. Really? Yeah, dude, I get very superstitious. You look like a lunatic, though. I know, but I get things.

I manifest things when that happens. It's like an antenna to the universe? Yeah, it goes out into the world. Bring up a young picture of Mike Collier. Play with my butthole. Bring up a young Robert Kelly picture. My eyebrows had dreadlocks when I was back doing Fish Tour. Jay, you have muppet eyebrows. We can't compete.

I'm not asking you to compete. Jay, one time I was a best man at my friend's wedding, and I was home visiting from Denver, and I... Look at those fucking eyebrows. They're the same. Not even sorta kinda. Christine, back me up. They're lighter, no.

I think there's just different... I'm gonna say this, Christine. Thank you for your tone. Let me see, Bobby, turn around. I wanna appreciate your tone. His aggressive tone. Christine, look at those, back me up! And you went, they're lighter.

You called them exactly the same. They're exactly the same. Yeah, they're pretty much the same Your mind well where the middle is missing. What do you mean the missing middle? Do you do you take care of your unibrow? No, I don't I've never done anything to my own ever ever I do that. No Well, do they put zoom in on our they color correct in the movies? Yeah, they color correct Yeah, this is a color correction. That's it. That's actually a movie. This is a shape and size. That is a movie, they color corrected the movie,

the makeup they put on me. Is that stunt double Justin Silver behind you? Can we just stop right now? I was fucking smoking hot. You were an Adonis, dude. A lot of us don't get a chance in our lives to be an Adonis. Look at that hair. Look at my earring, I had a fucking,

I mean, I was, fuck, if I could've kept that, if I could've just stayed that. Everybody else in this room, by the way, has passed the time, will never experience that. None of us will ever experience that. I hate that loose collar. Yeah, I hated that outfit, dude. It really bugged me.

I hate the loose collar, too. I hate the loose collar, too, but I'll tell you what, I wouldn't think anything of it. If I saw you at a store doing something, I wouldn't be like, oh, look at the asshole's collar. I wouldn't wear a collar like that. Yeah, dude a store doing so I wouldn't be like oh look at the Asshole's collar. I wouldn't wear a collar like that. I'm on a motorcycle. They got me wearing a blouse Well when you got traps you show them. I did have traps So project no neck. That's a trap shirt. Look at that. Fuck. Look at that. Look at the upper chest. It's a thirst trap shirt

Fuck. God what happened? Why did God steal it? He took your eyebrows. Your traps are popping there I mean popping but now it's like first things first? He took your eyebrows. Your traps are poppin' there. I mean poppin', but now it's like. First things first, he trimmed your eyebrows down. Yeah. He fuckin' balded up your eyebrows. Buddy, my eyebrows are not. Bob, you know what's weird? I had beautiful, lush hair like that too.

And eyebrows. And eyebrows, still have the eyebrows. God damn it, Jay. Well, they're not the same though. You just saw it in ya. Do you think that God only gives us a certain amount of hairs with nice hair? You've never paid attention to that detail before, have you God damn it Jay. Yeah, I think they are as thick

They are just lighter. You're out of your goddamn mind. Can you turn to me? Yeah, they don't even go as long as they used to What's your DMV smile right now? I'm just trying to really enhance Honest to God, I just think it's lighter. Yeah. What are you trolling? I think it's going out. Are you gonna ask Bobby to borrow money? I agree with Jacob.

I bet. He has height. Um. Bring up a picture. Get him out of the movie shot. I bring up a picture of young Robert Kelly. If I colored his eyebrows in right now, you would say the same thing.

Can you not bring up all 17 fats I went through? I mean, what the fuck, man? That's not what I clicked on. What did you type in? Fatso Bob Kelly? Young Robert Kelly and I clicked on this picture and it took me to big Bobby Kelly. Jesus Christ.

Whoa. Come on. That's like one of those things that you just thumb through and it moves. I'm gonna kill myself, Christine, if you keep scrolling. No, look here. You look good here. Now go. Now zoom in on his eyebrows. I just threw kill myself, Christine, if you keep scrolling. No, look here. You look good here. Now, go.

Now, zoom in on his eyebrows. I just threw that jacket out, by the way. Oh, that picture's only $375 on Getty Images. You can buy it. Hmm. Well, if it ever comes up. Well, I guess it's removed. Um...

They removed it when the sales went down. Jesus, look at that picture. Oh, look at the meat one, look at that fat toe one. Man, it really is you and R. Kelly, huh? It always comes down to that. Yeah, but does. Scroll. There we go, there's a good one.

I'll tell you right now, you know what I was doing in that photo? Living with much thicker eyebrows. Well, that, you know what, I can't stand you. Yes. Go car, Amina Fortuna Coming at you coming number seven on this week's charts of royalty free Music your home a

public domain You guys fan of Conan the barbarian well listen up we got an hour of music for you 15th caller gets tickets to the Boston pop symphony Domain in the membrane domain in the membrane Mike's got such man hands The guy's been fucking look at that dude. Look at these fucking hands I know but let me tell you that man is around who did not have a good father Who's also very womanly like us because around it? Oh grab it. Look at that

No, no, Mike's got a lot of masculinity to him, but also lousy dad shit. So it's the, he's definitely got a lot of, and I don't mean bitch like pussy, I mean like chick in you as I have also. And Mike, but Mike goes for it. Mike this week, but the juxtaposition of this guy,

what he was doing this weekend, an excavate, he had an excavator delivered to his house so he could do the stuff. Digging up giant rocks and holes to plant trees and all this crazy shit. I almost bought one. Excavator? Yeah, on T-Mobile I think it is.

That's crazy. 800 bucks. Should do that. Oh, a thousand bucks. No, those things are like 100 grand if they work. Not that one. Well, you never know. But so, Mike, so very masculine.

I'm getting you one anyway. I'm going to buy you a fucking excavator. Take an excavator. I'm just going to get one. You're going to get one anyway. Mike, you want one? Yes. I'm going to get you one.

I got a leaf blower I'm pretty excited about. You got a backpack? No. I fucked up too. Why did you bring me fucking, I told you we could have went and get a backpack. Didn't need that. Don't need that. Can I stop you, Jay?

They're so fun, dude. I'm gonna tell you right now, I didn't get the backpack either. I was going to get the backpack. Mac was like, Mac, get the backpack, Dad. And I got bitched out of that, like I did today, the suit. Should've got the backpack.

Why? Because it has an extra battery, and it lasts forever. And when the leaves come down, and you're doing your backyard, you need your backpack. But I'm not doing my backyard. Extra battery, it runs on two cycles.

He doesn't do his backyard. Yeah, but even, anyway. We mow our lawns. It's worked wonderfully to blow the leaves away from the pool area, the way it needs to do. A backpack blower's fun, but thank you for. It is. But, so Mike.

We do man stuff. While he has like a, yeah, yeah, yeah. We do the. Oh buddy, I have an audio recording of how masculine Mike is. Oh God. Oh Jesus Christ, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh buddy, I have an audio recording of how masculine Mike is. Oh Jesus Christ, here we go. We, don't worry, make sure we got this. Here we go.

Mike sent me a picture that I could only have assumed was fake when he sent it to me in the morning that I woke up sick, this was the way this weekend, I was very sick that I woke up. Giant cock? Sorta. Almost. He sent me a text, but I woke up early in the morning and when I landed feeling like

shit I was sick all weekend on the shows. I came home feeling sick and I had to drive from LaGuardia all around things. So I'm on the phone, me and Mike kind of link up and I see this picture and then I call him when I get in the car because he goes, found this motherfucker in my shed today. I was on that chain. No, you weren't. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was.

Yeah, I was. Don't say no, I wasn't. You know, you just didn't answer. I was 100% on it. Oh, you just didn't answer. I didn't answer, because when he got it, I got it on the plane. And then I fell asleep. Ah, that's fine.

Yeah. Who cares? No, it doesn't matter. But I knew he was coming in on Wednesday. No, no, you didn't. Nah, it's fine. Who cares? Nah, it doesn't matter. But I knew he was coming in on Wednesday. No, no you didn't. Yeah I did. We figured that out yesterday. No, yesterday.

It was made official the day before yesterday. Yeah, I guess, no, but I knew that eventually he would come in on Wednesday. Okay, there, we can't argue that. I mean we can't. That one, Bobby, I don't have, I can't poke a hole in that. Well, I'll tell you what I did do,

I researched what the snake was. Well, now you've blown the wad. You've blown the wad. No one said the word snake. I fucked up. I fucked up. Nice storytelling, dude. Hey, watch this.

I'm gonna help this story. Should I mic off? No, put it back on. I really suck. He goes, this motherfucker was in my thing and he sends a picture to me, and I'll say what I saw to us, both of us, that I thought was a joke because I can't describe it as anything other than an escaped zoo snake at best. To be in this part of the globe, I would assume this snake needs to be displaced because it's an Amazonian Python or something that was Jacob you think you got problems with rats? Yeah buddy. This thing will solve them.

Yeah. If you got a problem yo he'll solve it. This thing okay so my shed has a door that there's two sheds and one of the sheds has a door that you unlock from the top and it comes down as a ramp that you would drive a tractor or a snowblower off of. Or a full road drive. So there's there's there's room on the either side for shit to get in and out and Lisa went to the shed to get some like pots and stuff to plant shit. Oh my god. Text your side boyfriend. Text your side boyfriend. Oh my God. Keep the dog away from here.

I go why? Her side boyfriend put that in there for Mike. Yeah. Bull, let me tell ya. Lisa's future side boyfriend, if you wanna get rid of me, this is how you fuckin' do it. I walked over to see this anaconda.

This fucking thing, Christine, do you have, look at the size of this fucking snake that was in my shed, dude. Yeah. This thing. That's not supposed to be in your yard. That thing is, I mean, just gigantic. It's long as fuck, okay?

Well, you saw it. Did you go, did you grab it? No. So your house, you're supposed to be a watsutsi or something. Honestly, that's like that thing shows up in ruins. Your Thai vacation. Right. Wow. Look at that thing. It's coiled around itself. Is that part of it on the left side? Yes, dude. Coming out of the shed. Yes.

Wow, dude, that's fucking huge. Gigantic. Look at the dude. That's fucking huge Gigantic look at the head. It's at least ten. I'd say at least ten feet. It could definitely eat Mike. Uh-huh completely Yeah, it's not poisonous. So it's a black rat do it again. Did I do it again? I know I call my fucking guy. I call my guy. You have a snake guy. I got a You know a man pest guy. Oh, you have a man. Yeah, I have a man friend I have a lot of I have a lot of street dads. I have a lot of street, dude I have a lot of street dads to cuz I might that yeah

Yeah, a lot of dudes my dad would have been like don't bet the dolphins. He would have told the snake Yeah, but basically what there was a thing in my fridge I couldn't open so I had to call my guy friend Paul G And he came and used his man hands and opened it. A jar? No, it was a thing in the back of the fridge, you couldn't get it out. You needed real big man hands to get it out.

We approach it and it just disappears. You and your cheeky fingernails. It goes into the... So I call my guy and I go, dude, I got like a fucking, like a cobra in my shit. Stop. And he goes, what? I got like a fucking like a cobra in my And he goes what and I'm like dude this fucking I sent him these pictures he goes it's not a cobra It's a rat snake. It's actually great to have it eats

rodents and rats and like so I assume the Bronx Zoo's Looking for this thing or anybody missing. I'm gonna look at Mike Tyson or something was? So funny that Mike has so many rats, this thing's eight feet long. I swear to God, dude, I'm like, what the fuck's in my yard? I'm like, is this thing eating dogs and shit? Like what? That's called a wolf snake, it eats wolves. I go, is this like a mid-transformation spell? Like is this a sorceress that like turned left at Halloween?

You think it's Harry Potter? Dude, so I'm talking to Jay the next day. Jacob Potter? Dude, so I'm talking to Jay the next day. Jacob's the next person. I'm talking to Jay the next day. You talk to Jay on weekends? No, this is weekdays. Weekends and weekdays. Okay, I just got nervous.

I thought you actually got phone calls from Jay on weekends and I got scared. Go ahead, weekday Jay. We could put a pin in that. Okay. Okay. Um, Sundays. Sundays are technically weekdays. Yeah, I mean. were never not on the phone who me and Jay. Yeah

It's just we got a lot to talk about you guys talk all the time. We never I mean I ain't nothing from you I'm gonna cue all weekend We what you don't what yes it is. I call you back and you don't answer. That's not true I always answer remember I facetime you that one buddy. It was one time. I was taking a shit No, you weren't you were on the regs. Oh I FaceTimed you that one time? Buddy, it was one time I was taking a shit. No you weren't, you were on the regs. Oh, is that what you call taking a shit? I like that. I like that.

I was taking a verbal dump. I'm on the phone with Jay the next day. You're on the phone with Jay two days in a row? No, no, no. Jay and I have been on the phone. No, let's not oversell. Let's not just try to make Bob be jealous. Wait a second.

We didn't talk Saturday. Okay. But Sunday we did. And Monday. Yes. Yeah. And fucking Tuesday. No.

Okay. We didn't talk yesterday? Nope. Oh, it's because I was too busy excavating. You excavated a little bit. Anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway. I tried to FaceTime you to show you how great of a job I did. He texted me excavating.

Did you see the excavating photos? I saw a face, we got to FaceTime me one time with some excavating. So listen to me. I tried to FaceTime you to show you stuff and you didn't care. I'm talking to Jay and I go, now this is like in a movie, I see the back of that fucking monster, okay, like this much of it sticking out of the shed, slithering into the shed. And I go, Jay, I see it, I see it. I go, stay on the phone with me.

This thing's 10 foot long, 10 foot long, and it's, I mean, thick as a fucking arm. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah, this thing is bigger in person. Unless I'm not seeing it right. No, no, dude, in person it's worse. I thought you were gonna have a little more description. You said thick as an arm, you got me excited, and you went, went arm. What I didn't know snakes like this existed just in the yard

Neither did I until fucking this this seems Amazonian if I saw this in my yard I mean, I'd be like, you know first the first thing you're like talking it's like the dog It looks like one of those snakes that they you get arrested for having an illegal snake those snakes that you get arrested for having an illegal snake or something. I know, exactly. They come in and it goes, oh my god, that's like the horn tooth, whatever thing. And what pisses me off is everyone I've showed it to that knows fucking anything is like, oh, it's good to have, dude. What are you, gay?

Go kiss it. I'm like, that thing's great. I go, what kind of rats do I have? You go, bonus. Oh, your house came with a rat snake? So I open up the, I go, Jay, I gotta get this thing out, right? And he's talking to me and he recorded the conversation. And I-

Well, I told him, I go, buddy, I go, because I hear him, we're just talking to the point, he's doing like, all right, dude, stay on the phone with me while I try to go get this thing. I'm going to try to go get it. And he starts going in and he's real shaky voiced and understandably so. And I'm never like- Can we stop before we do this? Mike, you came in today and you showed me

all your excavating stuff and you showed me all the things you do in your backyard. And I was like, wow man, fucking Mike is a, I saw your hands, I'm like, Mike is a man. I really love that you're, me and you were on the suburbs, we were doing stuff around. I was like, Mike's a man. Is this gonna change that when I hear this?

I mean, sure. Okay. If you think that me being petrified of that Satan. Bobby, what do you do to this thing? I have one up in New Hampshire in my woodpile. You bought it, you got it on purpose. I bought two. Dennis the snake.

Yeah, I bought two. Dennis the rat snake, come on. Yeah, I bought two for the woodpile, for the chipmunks. What do you mean you have? I have a snake, a big snake in my woodpile, but it eats for the chipmunks. What do you mean you have? I have a snake, a big snake in my wood pile, but it eats all the chipmunks. The chipmunks dig underneath my tiny house,

and they'll eat all the wires and shit like that. So instead of me picking them off with a BB gun and killing them, which it's totally more fun. It's better to have your house just be dominated by a gigantic tyrannosaurus snake. Well, I mean, if it was a snake that was venomous, it would be one thing. Can I tell you about these things? They squeeze.

They're constrictors. They constrict, and also they climb trees and they drop down from the trees. And they'll go up your ass, I think, and go through your whole body and come out of your mouth. They come out of your fucking mouth and face. Don't threaten me with a good time. Why do you think I bought two? Two please.

Two. Thailand for that. So I call. I'll have what he's having. I want one going in and one coming out at the same time. Have a kiss in the middle? So my plan was, my plan was to open the shed and I started banging on the side of the shed with a hoe

thinking, and he's going bang harder. Honey, that's your wife. Don't just say that. God damn it, I have one of the shed with a hoe, thinking, and he's going bang harder. He's just, yeah. Honey, that's your wife. Don't just say that. God damn it, I had one in the can too. Get over your hoe. I was trying to trick him between Puerto Rican or blackjack.

That would have been better. Nah, the wife thing was choice. This fucking thing was wrapped around my weed whacker like three times, and then it was going from the weed whacker up to. That's also, he means his wife. That's why I call Christine my weed whacker like three times and then it was going from the weed whacker up to. That's also, he means his wife. That's why I call Christine my weed whacker. My trimmer. Of Christine my weed whacker. Hey, why don't you whack my weed?

And then like, I love when comics is telling the story of these other two comics and we just keep zinging in. I know. I do know the frustration Mike's going through right now too, but it is just comedy radio help where I know. No, no, I'm not frustrated. I'm thinking more. My head's with the snake right now, and it was terrifying. Are you flossing as you're telling the story? It's a nervous thing.

Okay. Ever since I've excavated, I want to smoke cigarettes. So, you don't get cancer from that. What? Cigarettes. You can smoke. Go ahead. You're allowed to now? Yeah. Anyway, a lot of snake was then on the lawnmower,

coiled up and looking at me. Just turn the lawnmower on. You thought about that? Yeah, I gotta go by. You thought about that? I thought about it, but then what did I do? I grabbed the hoe and I go, I'm gonna pull the lawnmower.

You grabbed your wife? Yes, I got my wife's teeth around the lawnmower. No, I grabbed the hoe and I was like, I'm gonna pull the lawnmower out. Double hoe jokes. Classic. And- Commies and threes, one more is coming. Yep, so I had the hoe and I was like, I'm gonna pull the lawn mower out. Double hoe jokes. Classic. And- Cummies and threes, one more is coming.

Yep. So I had the hoe in my hands. What? Oh! You shoulda hit her. And the snake looked at me and it slithered up at me. No way. And I fucking ran away, I threw the hoe.

What do you mean it slithered up at you? It moved up the mower. But it didn't get up on itself like a cobra. You said it was. No, it was off the mower. So my mower's got the leaf collector thing up here, and it was like this, and then it went up like this. As I was pulling the mower towards me, and I went,

ah, and I screamed, and I ran. And I'm fine saying that. This thing's huge, and I don't like snakes. OK? Well, Santa Joe's didn't like snakes. They're right, and he's a man. You don't like snakes Have you ever held a snake? I fucking hate snake Oh, you just don't let you like one time on a like Indiana Jones type of hate. No. I hate them Okay one time on acid in my apartment in college my buddy had a like a bull python Yeah

and he put it out on the table, and it was slithering around, and I was tripping my balls off, and I was just like, I'm moving. And I went and packed, I never moved. Well, they say the ball pythons, they don't bite, and they're not. Max wanted a ball python.

I took him to the snake place, and I was holding the fucking thing, and it went to snap at me, it went to bite me. And I was like I was like I thought they don't bite he goes he must be hungry must be hungry This one's a bitch this thing was gigantic and scary this one has an attitude This one's actually really chaser. I didn't know that they usually pull So I'm talking to Jay through this which is hilarious because this is like two girls talking through a fucking break-in Is this on Sunday Monday? Oh, it's a Monday. OK. No, it's a Sunday, buddy.

Yes, you're right, because Mother's Day, Mother's Day, because I tried to call people to help and it was Mother's Day and nobody would come help me. All my the guys in my life were with their mothers. Come on, I was around. Well, I didn't know. Robert, I sent you the text you didn't answer. So obviously you didn't fucking care about this. I was doing the regs.

Oh, got it. You were with the other rattlesnake? Always doing the regs. Yeah, you're dealing with your own rattlesnake. You're dealing with your own snake. I was dealing with the fucking worst snake. That one is venomous. Yeah, exactly.

I don't get bit by either. It definitely constricts around your fucking nerves. So it- It squeezes down on you. Everything out of you. Then you get naked and you're like, all right, you win. It's different, it's different though.

This is different, this is good. This one didn't give me a podcast. So I freaked out and ran and it crawled down the lawnmower and into the shed where it now owns it. And I'm scared of it and I'm never going near that shit. Do you want me to come get it? Sure, dude. I would love that. I would love that because what no you're not what you'll go get a snake why not yeah I have a ten foot snake when I was a kid what are you

gonna do with it I would take it out and throw it in the woods tame it dude I'll take it up to I'll take it up with my other snake you can give your buddy Rebecca and then. I didn't know you guys. You called us this time. Did we snake, snake fest? Snake fest. Different reason you think. Snake fest. Different rebounds. Bobby, take it and see if you could train,

if you could learn for it to react to flute. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Maybe I should play flute to it. Can we play that song? Yeah, that's gotta be public domain, right? Do you have a burlap bag hanging around? Snake flute? No, but can I tell you what's now, Jacob, when I go-

Oh God, did you see all those eggs? It lays so many eggs. It lays so many eggs. No, no, no, no, no. Can I say something? Probably what it was doing was trying to find a warm place to lay the eggs. Oh, that's probably what it was.

Yeah, so it's in there- Snake eggs? Yeah, you're gonna have 15 snakes. Oh my God, you know what snake eggs means. Snake omelets. Yay! Bacon, snake, and cheese. 15 snakes. Oh my god, you know what snake eggs means. Snake omelets. Yay! Bacon, snake, and cheese.

You can get a moon's over my snakeys. I hate this thing. You can have it. When I was a kid, we used to go after school every day to the field and go catch snakes. Like garden snakes, little ones, big ones big ones, but these ones dude We caught ones like this big dude. We got big snakes this thing Austin. Yeah What Boston doesn't have like I didn't grow up where we would be able to go to fields and just find snakes Yeah, dude, I really in Medford. We had a field by us tough tough University had a big field you grew up rich

No, I thought you were a fucking tough street kid like me. That's why we didn't have snakes, our snakes were people dude. I grew up in a tough area, just was in poor. Yeah it was just a nice, a beautiful nice area with great things. Snakes. Yeah beautiful things and beautiful people,

it was a nice upbringing. Yeah. I think it's pretty cool. You can grab that snake. I went fly fishing, I took Ari fly fishing up to Roscoe, Livingston area. And we were in this beautiful river. First of all, we get there.

Ari Shafir. Ari Shafir. We get up there, and there's two acidic Jews doing a ritual. It's called a mikvah in the beautiful river about the fly fish. I was like, what are they doing? As they get to Mikva, 40 ounces of water, whatever,

they'll be done in a minute, and they did their little thing, which was annoying, that there was just two acidic Jews in the middle of the woods, splashing water on their balls. And so we get into the water, and I put him over here, upriver, so he'll, you know, and I'm over here, and then he's, he's over here, up river, so he'll, you know, and I'm over here, and then he's, he's over here,

snake, snake, there's a huge water moccasin coming down the river at him, and I'm just like, dude, just chill out, it won't even bother you. He's like, chill out. You stay in the water with it? Chill out. Are you wearing those boots? No, I was wearing water shoes, not my boots.

And what, shorts? Yeah, water shoes. So your legs were in the water and you were gonna let a monster go by you? Well, I said just slowly back out and he backed out and went right by all of us, it didn't even bother. Did you, have you ever watched Anaconda or Anaconda 2 Blood Diamond?

No, not two. Or Snakes on a Plane? I watched two. No, not. No, but look. I'm sure this thing is harmless and I'm sure that it doesn't want to. It's got its own religious beliefs. Fine, yeah, they look, I'm sure this thing is harmless and I'm sure that it doesn't want to. It's got its own religious beliefs.

Fine, yeah, they, them, fine. Whatever it wants to be. Look at that. It's stance on abortion is not what I share, but listen, to each his own, that's why we're a free country. I just don't, I don't like being surprised by. Oh, you showed me Christine the other day?

Yeah, I don't know if it's real. Okay, that's probably real. If I saw that snake, I would be scared. That's an anaconda. That's the first time you get scared? I would be scared of that. That's the real. If I saw that snake, I would be scared. That's an anaconda. That's the first time you get scared? I would be scared at that. That's the base size of a snake that scares you? I would be scared at a cobra.

Look at that. Or anything venomous. What else would you be surprised with, Bobby? Would you be afraid of a full-size dragon? No, no, again, you can train those. You can train them. Oh, it turns out you can train those. Yeah, dude, you can train them.

You never saw a peach dragon? Or you can train a dragon. Or how to train your dragon. There's actually a film that tells you how to do it. Yeah, dude, you just gotta have the same trouble with your family. And when the cops come, the cops come, he goes, ah, people are reporting you have a dragon here. He goes, I'm trying to train it.

Yeah, I got it. I don't think you can train your dragon. You go, well, tell it to DreamWorks. But mama, go back to that one, that's not real. That's not real. That's what she said, it was. There's no way that's back to that like that's not real. That's not There's no way it's real Wow, that's not real that snakes got a river on it. It's not 30 meters in length It's not that's not real That's fake. You know that I don't think it's fake. That was in my shed Robert

That's the one you want to bring to New Hampshire Is that one make sure there's no chipmunks under your tiny house that thing would eat your tiny house It's like fucking oyster crackers in a suit and maybe I could get my suit all right and my bag Can I just we know to go go with that bag? Oh, I want to be a suit slut in the ride slut if you come get that snake Maybe you could take out your shark suit with snake skin do that. I'm telling you right now that That snake is eating all the rodents and all the bullshit in your backyard. You're going to have such a... That's like having a big spider. I had an orb spider in my backyard. It was massive. They call it a banana spider. Pull up that.

I came out one day and that was a huge orb web in my backyard and I left it. It was right by my garden. It ate all the bugs. So we had no bugs in the backyard that year because it, it was right by my garden, it ate all the bugs. So we had no bugs in the backyard that year because it was just trapping all the mosquitoes, all the bullshit and eating them all. And I don't know anything about science at all, but I do believe if you come out of the house and you find that this anaconda in your shed

and you see that the inside the body of this thing is the outline of your wife. I do believe from following movie logic that if you can somehow cut the snake in the middle or coax it back out of her, I'm calling the snake her also, out of the mouth of the snake, she will survive, I think.

Because John Voight was dying, but then when he barfed him back out, the snake barfed him back, he winked, remember? Yep. Yeah. So I'm thinking like you could probably survive this. So you guys are fine. That's cause he's a Republican.

You know. The snake's gonna eat your wife before you. That's why I always look at it like that. If there's a monster in my house, it's going to kill Christine first. Look at the size of the spider. And I have time to get away, yes? Look at the size of that spider.

What about it, do you keep it? Yeah, I kept it in my backyard. If that thing was in my yard, I'd fucking kill myself. Me and Max took it, and we brought it up in the woods at the end of our house. We brought it and let it go up there. And now it's infested everywhere probably, and we all are gonna have those.

We're all gonna die now. We're all gonna die now. They're around, it's an orb. That thing is a COVID spider. It's not, it's an orb spider. Oh, you say that to one night when you were asleep and they start crawling out of your eyes and mouth. What if it eats your face?

Do you have a garden? I do. Yeah dude, you want that. Yeah, but I also like animals that have the right amount of legs. What? I don't like snakes. I don't like things that have no legs.

Because they have no legs? No legs at all. You like no legs and you don't like eight legs. Right. You like four or two and that's it. Yeah, it's just made of all inexplicable muscle, like fucking middle-leater. Damn, it's quiet and it's like, when are they,

you know those facts where it's like, spiders always around you? You know that fucking dumb shit? Yeah. I hate that shit. Like the thing where you eat nine spiders a year. Well here's the thing. I've now started turning the lights on outside,

out back of my house, when I go outside to smoke at night, I turn the lights on because what I'm telling you, the day that I see a possum just walk through my yard, I'm gonna crawl over the couch, I'm gonna crawl over the couch like this, like it's a horror movie, it's coming for me, it's gonna be walking by smiling, and I'm gonna go, oh no, it's coming for me. Well you know you're gonna see first in your backyard,

Skunk. Skunk. Skunk's gonna be in your backyard skunk. Skunk. Skunk's gonna be in your backyard. Your backyard, cause he has this, so he's gonna have that beautiful back and a skunk's gonna walk right past you, but do not freak out. And they're blind.

Yeah, do not freak out. We got exterminators to come stop. They don't exterminate, they can't kill a skunk. They don't kill it, they spray so these things will come around. Wow, they use coyote piss. But also. So you can actually go and get coyote piss

and put it around the edges of your house. Oh see, I've just been making Christine just fucking piss everywhere. You just bear against it, squirt. I go, Christine, go around and just fucking squat piss and everything, and she goes, Here. Eh.

Buddy, which piss? Here. Which piss? She laughs while she pees. Which piss is the same thing, Jay? Huh? Which piss is the same thing. Oh yeah, which piss almost cures everything Which we're all dear it'll deter dear but it detracts little kids like candy

She goes Mike look away or don't I gotta tell you one thing. I'm not enjoying as you're making that noise but we can get on this another time maybe for next week I shouldn't say I'm not enjoying I'm enjoying the action of it but I'm not enjoying the mental feelings I feel when I'm on this bidet that I have now learned and just sitting like this and just like really like yeah just like moving like this and just it looks like I'm trying to sensually like get it my ass, like I'm like, wait, hang on, oh there it is. Are you?

There it is, push full, push full now. And I'm still having to dig way up there. You supposed to let it run for the full timer, two minutes? I mean you probably should. I don't know what timer, I don't have a timer. I just have one nozzle. When I push a thing, it starts counting down from two minutes.

He has the Tushy, right? So it's a two minute spray? the tushy is way more powerful Yeah, it's just a blast it's a full blast one thing But the ones we have are the advanced ones where it's a little more gentle And you can height break and you can make it the pressure more and more and more well I have the pressure all the way up, but it's it as soon as you push it It starts a timer for like a minute starts a time. Yeah, so you should go the full timer As soon as you push it, it starts a timer for like a minute and 50 seconds. Yeah, so you should go the full timer.

Two minutes of having my asshole squirted. If you're a real man. How long are you spending afterwards? So many more than two minutes. So wait, have you gotten off the bidet and been like, oh shit, my asshole's still dirty? No, he goes inside his butt. Nobody does that, but he does. Well, I do.

I wipe like I'm trying to get wine out of a couch cushion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I scrub. It's this. It's a cheek open. Look at this, Bobby. I got my hands out, cheeks open from behind, right? You open your cheeks? Yeah.

Or use the... Oh, I don't do that. Don't you open it and then put it down on the seat so the seat keeps your cheeks open? I'm talking about after I've stood up already. Oh, okay. I've bedayed and I did my lift cheek wiping to make, the exterior's clean.

I kick a leg up on the towel rack. Before I stand up, exterior's clean. Now I stand up and first of all, you have to let things mellow out a little bit, dry out a little bit. That wasn't me, by the way. Okay, things gotta mellow out a little bit and then a butt cheek spread and I have have my hand fingers that are wrapped in toilet paper

like a mummy, and then I get in there, and I really, I open the hole, almost jiggly-pinkie pictures, with like side finger here, like I really get in there, and I do like a scrape down, like a scrape down and up, and if there's turds in there, it'll leave a little, it's like hitting the tip of a marker that's still up there. And that'll drive me nuts.

I'll live with that all day. I think I thought it was gonna happen when you moved to New Jersey happen. The exact opposite happened in every way. Like how, what do you mean? I mean, you kind of became more feminine. What the hell? The bidet is not doing anything I thought it was gonna life changing for you.

I like it, I like it a lot. I use it every day. No, but it's not functioning. I thought you were gonna give up all this old timey thing like wipes. Like you don't have to use. I don't use wipes anymore. But you're saying it's not doing the job.

I'm saying I still have to do, I get up in there for some aggressive wiping still and there's turrets on my butthole. Yeah, can I say something though? Look, your poop might be the problem. Maybe. You might have to change your diet a little bit to get a little harder poop so when it all comes out,

it comes out in one chunk like a dog. Well, if I stop smoking, my poops will be better. They will be. they will be. Also, I know you got this high-falutin bidet. I'm thinking maybe the tushy is more manly. Can I say something? Because it just blasts you around. A man who has both, I have both.

Max has the tushy down in Casa de la Max. Yeah, that's for a child's butthole. And I have the Toto bidet upstairs's for a child's butthole. And I have the Toto bidet upstairs. For a man's butthole. Max's cleans my... I'll go down. If I know I got a real one on me, I go down to Max's bathroom. Really?

Because the Toto, I mean, power washes your asshole. But the thing, the problem with the one where you go a minute or two minutes it is, I'll get up and it's putting water in my butt, so it's almost like an enema, and I'll get up and walk around, and be like, oh, I gotta sit back down, because I gotta release the water

that somehow got up in there. Oh, see, I like that. I do it, what I do is I bloom for it, so when I feel it hit the hole, I push out. That's the tushy. Yeah, and then I let it, and then I try to... That's called the brown lotus. And then I try to relax, yeah.

And then I try to relax it, called the brown lotus. And then I try to relax, yeah. And then I try to relax it so it takes it in with it a little bit. Why don't you treat your asshole like it's Charlton Heston? During warm months, during baseball season, maybe you should run outside and just, like, sit on a sprinkler. No. And just let it, like... You should change your diet a little bit.

Because if you... dogs take a shit, pinch it off, and then put their asshole on your face, there's nothing. It might be your poop. You might have to harden your poop a little bit, change your diet. So when you shit, it comes out, and there's nothing mushy up there. Maybe.

Well, it's also coming off of a rough weak stomach wash. You know how you present, you know how you open up your hole to mummify, to get in there with your finger? Yes. What if, what if you did that for the bidet? I do. Okay. You spread your butt hole open.

No, not my butt hole. I'm not getting down there until I get good wipes. No, but I'm telling you, believe me, the way you perch like this on the edge, you put a little perch like this, I know where it's lined up now, and it hits the hole and I get the hole, and you feel, almost like you're getting a colonic, you almost feel a little your belly,

a little something's happening in your tum tum. Yeah, it sounds like some type of Australian music. Wow. Didgeridoo. Wow. Wow. We gotta get to this before we go, I wanna hear Mike being manly. This just loaded, this was the one you sent me. Oh, that's the video. Yeah, did I have the audio?

No, J's got the audio. I want to hear the audio. Don't worry. Oh good. I got you. I'll play this I don't say anything that's gonna incriminate me Jason. Do I you do call it the n-word non-stop? What? Nocturnal I call it nocturnal. It's crazy. Look at that thing, dude I want to say something about this Nick now that I'm seeing this this seems to be more layers of it than I first saw I mean when I first saw it was a little ball, but now this seems to be no It's insane and in that so in my shed are these you know we just moved You know you could get a like a rake and pick it up that it's it's moving that black trash bag With its body. Oh, it out with like a hook. Yeah, just grab its tail and pull it out

Grab the little thin part and pull it you can make a nature look at look at look at it's alive, and it's moving That's eating every bad shed is yours now, that's what I did Sheds you it's his now. Oh, there's probably eggs in there now. He's probably going back to the eggs or she Christine or they might be pregnant Can you find out where your recorded phone calls go? Yeah, cuz that might be an issue here. It's in it goes into your photos photos Did you uh, did you go to your father? Jay, did you uh, did you? I think it goes with your photos. Jay, did you, uh, did you proof, did you, uh, listen to this?

I wanna write a song for you called Suspicious Eyes. Is this real? When I say something sometimes you look at me very suspicious. If there's anything that you think we might not be able to play, let's not, did I miss anything that's gonna, that's gonna. You what, well you don't say anything, you'd have to worry, if it was me you'd have to play, let's not... Is there anything that's gonna... That's gonna...

You what? Well, you don't say anything. You'd have to worry... If it was me, you'd have to worry, Jacob. Snakes? He's got some serious things he takes up about... China? Israel. Oh, Israel?

What side is he taking? I went off on the tariffs. It says they go on the notes app? Or voice notes? It says in the notes app, a dedicated call recordings folder. Can I look? Ah, got it. Ah boy.

Okay, here we go. Jacob's nervous. It's 17 minutes, we're not listening to all that. What are you concerned about, Jacob? I'm not, he just said that. Oh, oh. So now you're saying, so now you're assuming it's true. Yeah, I was just playing.

Oh, I think it's Jacob. I'm on a comedy talk show on serious Saturday radio. 103XM Faction Talk. Well, I was just playing. Oh, I'm gonna comedy talk show on serious Saturday radio 103 XM faction talk I thought you're saying she's getting worried that we're gonna sit like now. I was just joking I said anything I was just setting Jacob No, cuz then what? Oh my god it's trying to get to the other side. You can juggle in the fucking hoe into the woods. J's being serious. What if it stays attached? You know it's hanging? Like you know those toys when you hold the tail of the snake and it stays up on its own. Uh huh. It's doing that. Okay, I'm moving the mower.

I'm moving the mower. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Okay. I'm not moving the mower anymore. It's slithering off the mower.

Uh huh. Onto the door. You turned into a Long Island woman. No, no, no. You can't go that way. Why you gotta be so big? Oh God. Ah.

This sounds like the game parties! What's it doing? It's dipper in the shed! Is it moving faster? Yes, it slithered back behind all my shit! Oh no! Oh god! I can't, I, now It's in shed now

It's preparing for battle It's in shed now, dude It's looking for weapons in the shed now. It's in the shed now. It's preparing for battle. It's in the shed now, dude. It's looking for weapons in the shed. What do I do? I fucked up. I didn't move fast enough. Wait, I still see some of its body. What's it behind now? Ah, Lisa? No.

Um, oh God. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Okay, so it's behind this like, this... Oh man. Oh dude. Is it your shed? I have like a bunch of like umbrellas for like the... When you dance? Yeah. Do you do crazy umbrella dancing? Yeah. It's's my dancing shit It's behind there Dude, we gotta wrap it up We gotta wrap it up We talked about shit too long I don't know what to do I fucked up

I fucked up I fucked up, dude, when I pulled the mower You should have seen it It came at me faster than the mower was Mike Fennoy is gonna be be in the Goliath. Long Island this weekend. May 16th and the 17th. After that he's gonna be in Chicago, Bloomington. And Mohegan Sun.

For tickets and all the tour dates go to PunchUp.live. Slash Mike Fennoyer. And check out his podcast. We are all podcasts. Wherever you get podcasts. I will podcast. And follow Mike Fennoyer. At have Mike for no I on social media something that may be so funny I mean I'm just not really a man anymore while it's doing that make sure you check out big day this weekend big Jay is

gonna be shit this weekend he's gonna be at the Liberty Fund in Cincinnati, May 16th and 17th. Governors, the 6th and 7th, 11th, South, San Diego, Charlotte, bigj comedy.com and check out his special youtube.com slash bigjokers. And go to our podcast, god damn it. Check out our podcast. I'm at Parks Casino. That little podcast, Bobby's gonna be at Parks Casino on Ben Salem PA, May 22nd, one night only.

Yeah, I'm gonna burn it down in a second. Bend the dojo in Morris Plains, New Jersey. Maybe you should burn it, maybe throw fire in there, yeah. Portland, Maine, Rochester. For tickets and all tour dates, go to PunchUp.Live slash Robert Kelly. Have a great weekend, we'll see you on Monday. Enjoy the pre-record tomorrow, we'll see you on Monday.

Take us out with some public domain. Thanks.