The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Snow White of Desserts

Episode Date: July 31, 2026

DJ Lou visits The Sphere in Las Vegas for the first time to see No Doubt with his girlfriend. A wildly dancing Chola almost ruins the concert for the two lovebirds. Jay and Bobby go through their favorite attractions in Vegas and remember how big the Riverdance show was years ago. They try to purchase Michael Flatley's Riverdance on VHS. | Bobby discovers freeze-dried ice cream sandwiches and it's a dream for the former fat man. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big Jay O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Oh, fucking wait. Just hit the button. What happened? Fucking, I had my headphones on for 12 minutes. What do you own a Lou for? Because he's waiting for you to get into your whatever mode. My mode?

Lou's terrified of you. No, to turn on a microphone kills the studio speakers, and Jay was rocking out. Yeah, put the headphones on. You can still rock out. You're a bummer. You're a bummer. Don't get mad at me because you have it. It is nice and fun that have it loud in the room because we all like. This is why he's mad because he went to the sphere this weekend.

Why are you mad about that? Because he had to watch no doubt. He had to watch no doubt. Not really used the sphere that well? That's all I've heard. It's like there's no reason for it to be the sphere. But I'd rather see him in a smaller place. It gave me a bad impression of the sphere.

Like they didn't use it well. Hang on one second. Back up. I want to know about now you're going out there with your girl for her birthday. Yes. What is your,

are you lying to her telling you're excited, you can't wait? Are you making the fantasy for her that you're going to, oh, this is, we're going to have a good time or are you being?

Do you go, like Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton, the jersey? Yeah, are you doing that horse? No, I'm a casual fan.

I wouldn't say I'm a no doubt fan or a Gwen fan, but I like her. I know about five songs. So I'm game I've never been in the sphere I want to see what that's all about I figure no doubt you'd know maybe

7, 8 songs maybe I would say the first two albums Well no Gwen songs Just no doubt songs So she does her own stuff too She doesn't do her own stuff Only with the band So yeah

Looking back I probably knew about six songs But So as you go So you get there You get to the hotel You have a day before you're going Yep Mandalay Bay we were staying at She loves Vegas

We gambled Oh really? Did you win? I won, yeah. Would you win? I won a hundred bucks, but I was up a couple hundred, but I gave a rush. Yeah, I gave away most of my winnings, but like the rush of winning, I'm like, oh, I could be addicted to this in a second.

Yeah, you don't need to do that, Lou. I know. I took my money and ran. Yeah, you don't need to be addicted to that shit. So, so exciting. Just be you and Voss on the road. Yeah. All it takes, if you probably, if you, the next time you go, if you just lose out of the gates, it

might turn you around quick because I'm an addictive thing too but like it was back-to-back weeks my first two times was Kevin Hart after our shitty show in Atlantic City went to Caesars first time I turned like a hundred bucks into like 350 bucks at like a $5, $10 table. Yeah. And then we went like in a month later and tried it again and only $25 tables open and I took the $100 and just four hands just boom boom and I was like yeah Campbell's not really my job. I actually lost my gambling thing when I was doing colleges. Me, Frosty, and who's that dude?

Dave, he was on the real world. The first guy got kicked off Dave. Oh, Dave Edwards. Dave Edwards. We were doing a college together, and this is when Foxwood's first open. On our way back, we stopped at Foxwoods, and I sat at a roulette table, and he didn't even know what he was doing. He was like, what do you do?

And I was like, dude, you just take your money and you put it on whatever number you think. It's, you know, and I was trying to explain to him the game. I was all into it. it and it was a each chip was five dollars which i didn't know so i put a hundred dollars down and i always play 17 black and around 17 black so he puts chips everywhere five dollar chips hits wins 2,500 bucks out the gate all my chips it's the worst in roulette when they have they just go all of your bets they just sweep everything except one lucky douchebag and he wins so then i go to another roulette table, I look, we're about to leave.

No mind you, I made $1,000 at this college. I had no money in the bank. I had nothing. All right, big dog. And I just made $1,000 at a college to pay. And you're hanging out with the guy from the real world. Hanging out with the guy with the real world. Frosty's there, my agent.

I look over at the other thing, and on roulette, it said black came up. It was just all black. Like, red did not come up. So I'm like, dude, I'm going to take money and I'm going to put it. So I had like $500 left. and I took $100 and I put it on, I put it on 17 black. Nothing. It was all red and I was like black, 17 black.

I put it on black again. I put it on the black, all black. I lost all my money and the last hand was I think $100 or $50 on it. It was the last money I had and it came up, it came up again, red. It came up like 15 times just red. And it was like unheard of odds. And Frosty just said he heard me go, No!

And then he came over and he found me almost crying by the fountain. I was just sitting there holding my head. Like, I got no more money. Who'd you have to break bad news to after that? Who do you have to go home and be like, I don't have money. I was living at 97th Street at Billy's apartment. But Burr, so I'm saying you can even go.

But you might have to go to Burr and be like, fuck, buddy, I ain't got it this month. Frosty actually said, dude, I'm going to get you a gig this week. He's like, I'll get you a gig this week. Don't worry about it. I'll get you a gig, man. And he got me a gig that week. And I made the money back, and that's why I've never left him.

I called him in that kind of desperation before. He said, let me put you on hold for a second, and then I never heard from him again. Yeah, he's never liked you. He loves me. That's true. He's never, was never fond of you, Jay. That might be true. I don't know what it was.

I wasn't impressed with his basketball skills. That's what I got him pissed. I only do slots. I do slot machines, wheel of fortune, and that's it. I like slots. Slots are kind of fun. I just, if you could smoke a cigarette and I just bang the slots for, I'll go up up to $100 and then split.

I like when people play slots, but I like rub the button like it's a clitoris. I pretend the slot machine is a woman. I'm like, baby, you like this? That's why you get kicked out. You want a little rubby? Yeah. They put your fucking head in a vice if this was casino, buddy.

You know when you do the button where it's the Wheel of Fortune, the spin button? It's Max Bet. Baby, you want Max Bet, don't you? Oh, la la la la la la la. I hear when somebody's... Oh, hey. I hear when someone plays and they just hit the button.

button, ding, bang, it's just luck. I like to rub that. I do it all different ways. I do it all different ways. I'm sitting on a, for MGM grant, I'm sitting on a $250 credit voucher right now because I won that slot machines. On the phone? Hmm? On the phone or in the MGM? No, no, when I was in the MGM.

In between the shows I went to, I started slapping the slots for a little bit and I was up $250 bucks. Where is that little, where is it? Where's the little card? My wallet? Oh, you keep it in there. So when you go back, you're going to get that money. Yeah. Boy, I love that. Let's see.

Boy, I love that. You're right. There it is. Look at that. $201. Does it expire? No. Can't expire.

That's your money. Does it? Validation. No, it doesn't say it expired. Last week. Oh, wait. Yeah. Voucher void after 180 days.

Yeah. So it's expired? It's completely worthless. I mean, I don't know if it's worthless yet, but it's worth it. I mean, I find somebody's going to Vegas like next week. There's got to be somebody. So you went to Vegas, you won money, and then you go into the concert. Where you, like, going into the concert.

What were the type of people going in there? BTS was in town, so there was a lot of Asians. A lot of Pacos? Yeah, a lot of Pac-O's. A lot of every woman, almost every woman, was dressed up like Gwen Stefani in her different stages of different videos. Gross. So, yeah, that was fun and annoying.

A bunch of fat women in clam diggers. Half-tops. Yeah. We're in vans that the fat feet don't fit in. Just like Cholas with their fucking gos. with their fucking guts. Oh, there was a Chola sitting right next to us.

We were in Section 400. And she had a belly button like a straight line up and down? She was fat and sung to every song, almost every word, even the instrumental parts. So we paid $500 a seat

and this fucking... Did she go, bong d-a-dun-tuk-dun-took-down, bon-dink, b'-bap-bap. I'm like, shut the... I'm like, shim-just-a-girl. B'all-b-b-ch-down.

Chime just a girl. Was she dressed like a mechanic on her first day? No. She was drunk and her Spanish boyfriend was in a soccer outfit. Like they were a problem. They wouldn't let us pass. So we're trapped in there.

Couldn't go to the bathroom. Dude, blooded blood out, buddy. Yeah, dude, you should have killed them. My girl was going to fight. Really? Yeah. She could fight. I don't know if she can fight, but she wants to.

She can fight, dude. She's Indian and black. Of course, I forget. Dude, she could throw those. Listen, if my Indian fighting suits serves me, I believe Indian people have the ability to throw their arms like 10 yards out. Well, don't forget they also have seven arms. Seven arms.

And then I think her neck is can be really big and her feet too. And she can turn into an elephant. Now, Dalsam from Street Fighter, is the only Indian I've ever seen fight. But those were the powers he had. So maybe she's got that in her. Are these all the Gwen Stefani? Lou, what is this bitch doing over here? Who is this stupid chola who wants a piece?

Go on my purse, Lou, and get out my paprika. I'm going to spray it in her eyes. Hey, S. What's up, puto? I'm going to kick you in your cuddy, bitch. Where were you in relation to the stage? Far away in the middle. And so what was the light show?

It's not a light show. It's all immersive. So it's like a big movie that you're in. So the screen, the whole thing is one big screen. But the problem is you can't see the band. You only get to see what the director wants you to. and they want to make it a movie. So it's like a video.

There's cartoons. There's shit flying all around. All distractions, which I didn't realize the band sounded great. She sounded great. She looks great. She's running across the stage. She's 56, but she's acting like a young girl. It was fucking cool.

She's 56? Yeah, but I couldn't see any of this. They're like ants there up high, right? Yes, there were ants. And I knew great shit was happening on the stage. I wanted to be closer to it, but instead I'm subject to a, all this nonsense, this production that I got to stare at. You just went

to watch a movie on the ceiling. Yeah, for 500 bucks. 500 bucks a ticket? Yeah. Holy shit. But I was surprised how great they sounded, but the video is supposed to be an accompaniment to the music not the other way around. Like, the star was the visuals. And I don't need all this

bullshit. If you saw if they do tool there at the sphere, though, it'll be about, I mean, the stage will be borderline off. Right. And where I think would be great, Jay, if you can play your lightsaber video game in this sphere. How great would that be? The beat saber?

The beat saber in the sphere. That's what it looks like. It looks like a video game. Yeah. I don't need all this. But what it would be good for is a band like the Eagles, where you don't really want to look at them. And this is the replacement to that. Yeah.

I agree. I think Tool is going to be awesome. I think Metallica is going to be awesome there, too. I don't think you need it with Metallica. Like, I'd rather look at Metallica. No, but they do. But they do. did you ever see like the movie they did

not the one where they just like the concert video it was fucking great that was awesome it was fucking great it was an iMacs i saw that was so cool were you dancing were you having a good time were you up and you're because every time i've been to a concert with you you're up and dancing and having a good time i wanted to but i was trapped in these little seats sobriety sobriety no i were trapped in sobriety

yeah i'm really i'm asking you because i've only been to a concert where you trashed right and you are fucking fun you were having a blast until you were not there. And I don't mean that mentally. I mean physically. You would fucking vanish and then we'd all be worried about you and have to find where you are.

Yeah, fun until I fuck over all my friends and run away. Right. Why can't you find that fun part? Was it fun being there? No, but like I was cool and I was in the mood, but this chola Chola next to us was a problem. Yeah.

And we were squished into our seat, so there was no moving. That would have ruined my entire evening, man. There's always two fucking head. You fucking hate Cholas. dim with that has to ruin the concert. Yeah, he does hate chelas. I mean, it just, it's very triggering when he says that. Because I can tell you like three times when assholes...

The next concert, I'm going to let you wear my high-heel sneakers. You can take those. Well, for no one goes to see the fish there all the time. And the same thing is, like, I think he does, like, he loves seeing the show there, but he's, you know, his personality is very much annoyed by, like, everyone around, like, doing... And he said you're locked in pretty much. He's annoyed by every hippie... smelly fan. Except himself.

Just dancing. They don't care what's on the fucking ceiling. They're not even there. The music, man. Was your seat moving and stuff like that? It was. Yeah, which I hate. You should have wore sweatpants and no underwear, dude. You would have loved it. I don't need that. Don't fucking shake my ass for me. How do you feel about being surrounded by blue hound's tooth? How does it feel that your ass is so big the seat has no effect on it?

It jiggles it pretty good. How do you feel that the sphere wasn't made for that fucking thunds, bumper. Can't contain me. Are these your seat trying? They can't make a sphere that can contain that dumper. Lose seat was broken.

Hell yeah, dude. They weren't prepared for that trunk coming in. Not for that show. But I would see no doubt in any other venue, you know. They sounded that good. Yeah, they were great. They were impressive. I saw them in 1999, but they were great.

And the Coachella set looked amazing. The Coachella said they did looked a lot more fun than this. She should have sent Christine instead of you. She would have a blast. They would have had a good time. They would have been bothered by a chola. I was dancing in my seat a little bit. Really? Let me see.

Let me see how you were dancing. Yeah, turn it up and dance. Yeah, so let's see what you were doing. I want to hear it. I want to see it and feel it and hear it. Lou, dance. But you've got to be in your seat. Aw.

Aw. It looks like you're throwing a fit and want to leave. She's like, come on. There's two more songs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. To be fair, that is how you dance to spider waves. Lou's eyes and his mouth look exactly the same. And here's how Naila was dancing.

She was having a blast. Now you know it's funny? The Cholas were probably going, this fucking black Indian chick just kept swinging her arms left and right, ruined our whole night. It ruined our whole fucking night, fucker? Chola smacked me in the face with her hair a few times. I'm just like, oh, this is going to be bad.

Take that, Baldi. Why don't you dance, you fucking Boldie? Why aren't you dancing different? You're dancing all Blanco. Oh, you got a dumper, get up, and use it. Yo, you brought that wagon. You might as well write it around, yeah. That's the girl.

That's the chola. Sinfuri, you know she went home and had the best time of her life and did not give a flying fuck that she ruined everyone else around her. We were trying to get past her, and she wouldn't get up from her seat, so you got to fight around her knees and hurt her. And it was just...

I love that, though. I love when people do that in airplanes. I said, if you drop seat back on me, especially you drop that seat back on me before we take off, my knees are going to be really doing a number on your back. I mean, your seat's never going to stop moving until you move it back up.

But why can't you just do a little half stand up straight in your knees and let that person pass? No, no, no. I'm very courteous with that. I'm saying when people are uncourteous to me. Oh, I got you. I'm saying, yeah. You were sitting in a row?

They were next to you? Like to the left of you? They were the first ones on the aisle and then we were right next to them so we had to get through them. Right. And we pee a lot and we couldn't. I would have climbed up. I've been like, I move. I got to get out of the row.

Yeah, but that's you. Move, fucker. We're talking about sober Lou. He can't do that. He'll fucking kill himself. You should have called ICE. All the rage. And they take Nile away instead.

You should have called ICE and then just turn the phone to them. And so that's what you're calling. I go, oh shit. They had my location already. They're triangulating as we speak. But you had a good time? Yeah, it was fun. What did you do after the show?

Finger, sex stuff. Did you get any merch or anything? No. No merch, huh? Lou did tell me the two bathrooms, so he said he could make a duty in the room in the hotel room. You got a sweet. Yeah, we got a sweet.

I never heard of that. Two bathrooms. Yeah, when you get a sweet, Jacob, you get two bathrooms. a duty bathroom and then another bathroom so you can shower in it. Yeah. One for Duke and one for Luke and. We did have some time on our hands. We were going to go see Jabberwocky, but we didn't.

And we were going to go see the Titanic exhibit, but we didn't. Jabberwocky was fun. I think I saw, like, there were a little bit of an early evening show, so they were putting their oomph into it. I feel like they weren't. But Copperfield was dying. That was nice to watch. I want to watch the unraveling.

The only magic he couldn't figure out how to make his back straight again. He was really hunched over. He was so weird and uncomfortable. He saw Copperfield in Vegas? Yeah. Yeah, he looked like shit. But he always said he has that sexy.

He has that Dane Cook. No, he had. Look. It's over. Everything is sexy. He's an old man with like weird dyed hair, I think. This is when he was on, what is that, the Penn and Teller Show?

Yeah, Fool Us. Fool Us. he had comedians right for him right because he likes to do little jokes in between the tricks I think so yeah who Copperfield yeah I didn't see much joke he had such a boring narrative that he laid out what do you mean it was really a dull show where was it MGM MGM yeah is the Jabalakis's were I'm in easy I'm like I'm gonna go across the the walking bridge as far as I'm going I love it I love Vegas shows I saw O the water show um oh fucking one of the best things I've ever seen.

Really? And I didn't even want to go, but we went with, this is when Don's mom was still alive. You're a 70-year-old lady. She was in a wheelchair, so we got that VIP kind of action. It was almost,

we got in first, we got the seat before everybody because we had a lady in a wheelchair. And that O show, that water show, is one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. And then they had something in New York,

and Don was like, we should go to this show. It's another O show. And it wasn't. It was a knock-off. Circus Holley and it was just people on like trampolines in a small theater and it's sucked a bag of dicks we want to believe in halfway through yeah this yeah this is the yeah this is the I mean they have a they have a pool that whole stage becomes a pool and it sinks down into the into the floor and then

they they do this water shit that is nuts yeah the whole the whole stage is a huge pool what a stupid thing Oh, dude, it was really cool, man. I'm joking. It looks cool. It was really fucking wild. Oh, man. Look at that. They're just diving in the pool.

Oh, I hate the schicks in between, though. I like the sticks. I think any, like Vegas shows, though, they really are. It's been an hour long, right? It's really, they really can't be much longer. I mean, because no matter what, all of this, like, for an hour of this, you'll be like, okay. I get it, they're twirling in the hoops.

Yeah, this one was good. I saw Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance. Oh, you saw an Irish Steppieie? dancing at the hype of Irish step dancing? In like 98. That's the hype. And it was an hour long but a little too long still. Yeah. I mean it

wasn't a, it didn't go on and on. These aren't like two, three hour shows, I think. I don't know. The Cirque Day's Delays might be long. How the fuck did we ever get into Irish Step Day? How did that take over the country? Infomercial. I don't know why we went either, but we went. I don't know why that was a show of

picked. It was no channels on TV. Infomercial. Infomercial got you for For some reason, it was like you could order it. Yes. And it was the idea that it was like, for some reason. That's how we all heard of Michael Flatley. I couldn't tell you any of the reason why I would know of it. But it was late night program.

Always had the VHS sets. You can find a commercial. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty sick. Find a commercial for Lord of the Dance. And to me, too, it was always tap dancing, what tap dancing should be. Because tap dancing, any time they did that, you'd see somebody do a tap movie. Like, all right, it's cool, but it's only a little cool. Like, most of it's just shit, shit, shit.

Yeah, take that Gregory Hines and Sammy Davis Jr. You stole white culture yet again. It was the River Dance commercial. Yeah, they never moved their arms. And then that became... Well, he's the Lord of the Dance. Of course he is. Look at him right in the front.

Put this commercial up? He never moves his upper torso at all. It's just legs. Yeah, it's just... You ever see Mike Myers' parody of this on SNL? Oh, really? Does the River Dance? I'm pretty sure everybody can do the river dance

I don't know like that I would just go with the river dance Let's go Caitlin What happens if we try to order it still? We want to call? Yeah Let's see Yeah, let's call them

Let's see if we can get it Wait, I don't know if I can play that Can I play that? No I just realized I was like I don't know I can play the message The message just no we're on air We could still order

Michael Flatley's riverdance Well it takes you to pulseTV.com Oh I know what everybody's getting for Christmas this year. Fucking Riverdances. You get the VHS, River Dance. And I'll tell you what,

just because it's probably only going to cost me five bucks on eBay, I'll throw on a VCR wallet with it. It's already going to be in the VCR, Jacob, when I give you this. You know, we should get

the TV with the VCR, so we get the TV and the VCR, so you don't have to hook it up, just plug it in. I'll be honest, it's going to be hard not to find one of those. It doesn't have also a DVD player in it,

but don't use that. This is just for VHS. Yeah, you want the DVD. I'll get you the, uh, just the tip. the making of a CD, which is still available. I'm going to get you some weird, multicolored pornographic videotapes that you can also have a stack of next to.

People will know it's porn because why else would it be orange and red? Yeah, don't forget the thing that I think brought Comedy Central down, the DVD of the making of a CD from Robert Kelly. It was the ultimate decline. I'm going to tell you this, before my time again, before my time, think about that. I made a DVD of the making of a CD. So I made the whole thing up until the part where I should have started. Started the video, kept the video, just kept the camera rolling. And I would have had my special, just a tip, but I didn't.

I stopped it because vlogging. Where is vlogging now? Where is behind the scenes? Where is all the stuff getting there? Do the thing. Right. That's what we're paying him for right now. I was ahead of my time.

They should have, they were, if they were smart, they'd really. release the DVD of the making of a CD by Robert Kelly. Didn't Jack Vaughn ask you, why are you doing this? Why aren't you filming the actual special? He asked me that today, actually. He actually called me and said, hey man, you still owe us $70,000. But wasn't it being pushed? Isn't there an actual reason why?

At a time, the big push was going to be if satellite radio was playing your stuff. No. And if you can get it out there, like on the, not the streaming, but like the rip sites. it was better to have an audio. An audio would actually get you more money ultimately in the short term if you're doing yourself. My thing behind it was that I was into, there was MySpace,

I was into the video behind the scene stuff that nobody was kind of, nobody had a YouTube page yet. But not the actual special itself. Okay, I stand corrected, you were an idiot. But no. I was trying to give you benefits. I was an idiot at that time.

But if you waited a few years, genius. Nobody wants video now. Everybody wants video now. Everyone wants video now of the behind the scenes. The behind the scenes of something that they can't see ever. Well, no, they won't see it, but they'll get to the point where they can see it. And they'll have all that stuff, all the interviews with Colin and what's going into it, all the process. And then they'll get right to where we get to the stage.

And then you put the... That's like just watching behind the scenes of a porno. It's like watching just everybody showing up for a porno in the rest of. your street clothes and then leaving. And here's the thing. My favorite album that I ever made, just a tip, was my favorite. The actual crowd was electric. It was

probably the four best shows I've ever done in my life. Top 10 shows. And I, all they had to do is go, hey, just keep it rolling. And I went, we're done. And the guy left. I'm not paying you at these rates another hour.

I'm going to pay you for another hour, you asshole. but you know what I should do is I should go back. It would have taken more, Bobby, though, but you know, it would actually, realistically, it would have two more camera. It would take it a lot more shit. I mean, he did have three cameras. Oh, then never mind.

Bobby, I keep trying desperately to get you out of this, looking like you're pretty cool. I think I'm going to re-release. Just a tip? No, I'm going to re-release the DVD of the making of a CD, which, again, I have it. I believe ahead of my time. Do you have it?

Yeah, we bought it. Oh, you have it? Yeah, I have it. Can I have it because I want to rip it and I want to put it on my YouTube page. How much? What? But I can buy it off Amazon for 13 cents right now.

Really? Because I paid $4,600 for it. Yeah, well, you bought it when it could have been a thing. It's still in the rapper. Is it really? It is still in the wrapper. Go on Amazon, see if it's still there. It's not right.

Yeah, I bought it on it. Is it on Amazon? I wonder how much it is. I told you the time when my first album was Robert Kelly Live from the comedy stuff in Houston. or whatever. And I was having a really bad day and then I got a text message from Steve Byrne

who is probably the top three funny fuck-yused to me. Number one being when I was at the Hard Rock Hotel and I put a 20 in a nickel machine before they gave the tickets. You would actually have to have a bucket. And if you, I fucked up,

I had to go to the show so I had to push the, give me the money and get 400 nickels in a bucket. Then I had to wait in a line at the cashier with a bucket of 400 nickels. Steve Burns walks up to me and he goes, what are you doing?

I go, I fucking got four to nickels from that stupid man and he just smashed the nickels out of my hand. The sound of 400 nickels hitting the ground is almost magical. Everybody turned around in a fucking 400

foot radius to look at me. Steve walked away. I went to walk away. The security guy went no, no, no, no. Pick them up. I had to pick them all up. And then I looked at the last second I looked, the guy in front of me was bending down and I go, did you take my nickels?

Do you take some of my nickels? No. And then when I got the money back, it was $19. And 90 cents. The guy stole two nickels from me. Piece of shit. I walked around for hours

looking for this piece of shit. I wanted my nickels. Fuck. And then Steve Byrne. You couldn't walk away from that. You weren't allowed to walk away from the money. Well, he wouldn't let me disagree. But Steve Byrne also one day just sent me

I mean, I was having a bad day, and he sent me a text message. He went to a Salvation Army, and he bought seven of my CDs for 50 cents, and then he took them and threw them on the ground and stepped on them. Yeah, I like that. I like that. How's a good one? By the way, Bobby is an Amazon overall pick. Yeah. 4.7 out of five.

That's really great. Can we see the reviews, please? Well, I don't know if I want to be a part of this. I don't know. How much time do we have? I don't know. Do they all come with the DVD of the making of it? the CD or is that special edition?

Not only do you get the, no, you get the DVD of a making of a CD. See, I was ahead of my time. My first album, if you got it, it was actually you could put it in your computer and the Pist of Pants Monster would come out on your computer as a desktop pen. A little Bobby Cliffy. And the cover of it was, I had a competition on MySpace called Give Bobby Head

and you had to take my head and put it on things. So the whole cover was my head on weird little things. But this, because I was ahead of my time, You got the CD, just a tip, which was great. One of my favorite albums. I mean, favorite tapings ever. And then the DVD of the making of a CD that I don't know if a lot of people saw.

I don't think they understood it. They probably put it in a CD player. I was like, it's not playing. I think it deserves a re-release. This says, I give it two sporks just in case. You get more than just the CD. This is a review. Michael Di Famico.

You get more than just a CD, which is hilarious from, start to finish. Hmm. You also get the 30-minute DVD copy of his Comedy Central special. What? Yeah, we had to throw that in. And commentary from a number

of his comedic cohorts. A great purchase for any fan of the art of stand-up comedy. As good as the stand-ups, it is. I highly encourage everyone to go see Bobby Live as much as he kills. His recorded performance,

his live stand-up is much better than the crowd interaction with the crowd interaction and his ever-growing repertoire of material. Take my word for this by the CD-D-D-D. And treat yourself to a night of good-natured raw, self-deprecating, relatable, witty hilarity, and go see him live.

Bobby, never let him chum the waters. Hey, one second. Paco, next time you work with me, I want you to say all of this in front of me. Please. Go up, please now? The next one. This says simply,

fat body, weak knee, weak stomach, strong comedy. I'll take it. Okay. I mean, this guy's right on the fucking button. I like that a lot. The man who made the phrase, I broke my knee man, a pop culture sensation,

has finally connected with something other than a cheeseburger. Bob made puke in a drop of a hat, but he eats enough to make up for it. Cut him a break and buy this disc. If you enjoy raucous laughter, embarrassing stories and slightly miss time punchline delivery, you will not be disappointed.

Much funnier than his comedic pimp Dane Cook, who has undeservably enjoyed comedic to success, which should only be reserved for the likes of Bob and Lil Jimmy, of course. Dude, just buy it. and show comedy central. Signed. Don Kelly.

All right, these are all positives. Roll down a little bit. Oh, here we go. Anybody have a problem yet? We have a two. We have a two. Okay. Is it a three?

It's a three there. Is it three? Robert Kelly is certainly funny, but his material isn't particularly fresh. Just the tip is a high-energy jaunt that relies highly on the comedian's charisma and less on the strength of the material. Do the high number of dirty jokes, he tells.

Some of them are bound to fall flat, but there are plenty that and true. Kelly is entertaining, but I found myself generally unimpressed with his choices of punch lines. They too often sounded like a variant. Variations on jokes I've already heard

from the perspectives that are too easy. All in all, just a tip is a decent album. If you aren't looking for a new comedy, but want a few chuckles and cringes, you'll find him here. Ninja Superstar. There's nothing worse than her reviews. Chelsea Handler.

There's nothing worse than her views. that says no, there's nothing Correct. It's not right. It's not good, it's not bad. No, there's nothing worse than a review

from someone who is really reviewing it. Yeah. Yeah. He's supposed to be like, oh, it was funny. I had a good time. Yeah, but it's not a fan and it's actually somebody

who's like, no, I'm just going to really review this. Am I crazy that one of these bits I saw Bobby work out beforehand? Yeah, they're so technical about it. Do I have anything on Amazon that we can make fun

of a review of mine? Yes. Oh, wow. We're going to end on a bad one? Let's end on a good one. Well, I'm going to find a bad word of mine. Oh, let's find some good ones. We should do dance.

It's all five stars. Love the guy. Best thing ever. Voice is a great. What do I have? American storyteller. I wanted to give Bobby a five-star review for this weekend. Yeah?

He made my weekend. Who's influencing? Did you not see it, Jay? I don't know. Jay doesn't like anything I do. or follow anything I do, I always check to see if there's a Big J little heart or something.

I'm just looking for Big J. No one's ever seen that ever. I always, I like his stuff. Anytime I see it, I just automatically, hey, I love it. I don't know that. I do, I do. I believe you. I do.

Well, you could just tell your guy to every once in a while throw old Bob Kay a fucking thumbs up. All right. Dylan, thumbs up Bobby's, or heart Bobby's things, please. Yeah, all of them. All Bobby's things, exclusively and only. The worst part about comedians is that they don't like anything other comedians do. And if we all just liked our own shit, it would actually bring stuff.

You bring people. You get in the rhythm, dude. All right, go to my three-star. Go to my three-star. There it is. He's much better live. This CD's not bad, but not very good either. He's a much better live performer who works.

works the crowd well much of his material is lost on those above 30 oh I was for the young people back then that was 2008 what CD is it was reviewed in 2013 which what is it what is what is what is what is it what is what is it's what is it's what is it's what is it's just want to watch people shit on my go ahead go to it i don't give a shit i like i think the bad reviews are the funniest ones you guys but positive reviews are great for what you need but if i'm reading them i'm see someone and be like god what a waste of everyone's god damn time makes me laugh more what is this this is yours oh those are mine yeah oh scroll down and get another one of mine these are all goodies

get another hot one no they're all goodies no there's got to be a five star get out there's a one star so i've said no you have no one stars you have one three star oh oh All right. Yeah, three or four in the rest of five. Where's my reviews? It's not giving me access to them, even though I'm clicking on it. Well, well, well. People shut them off.

We shut them off. Yeah, I went this weekend. I was supposed to go, like you know, I was supposed to go up country with my whole family. And I had to drive myself. And I think I told you when I was leaving. I kind of bummed out that I'm going up by myself. Did you whack off a bunch? And you said, not a bunch.

You know why I feel weird whacking off up at the tiny house? Because they have floor to ceiling windows. Yeah. And I don't want to, I don't have curtains. And I feel like somebody's watching. They are. Why don't you have curtains? Well, because they're floor to ceiling windows and they're beautiful.

And at night you don't need them. And our house faces, when we put the house down, I didn't have it faced the street. I had the front of the house face the woods. So there's nobody in front of us. You can't, nobody. They'd have to be in my backyard. but I still feel like somebody's out there could be just watching me

wank it, you know? Ooh. Who's watching you now? The IRS? You know Jay when like D.L. Hughley's producer told everyone what you were thinking? Your inner monologue. Bobby tells you his inner monologue. That's what I loved about it.

I'm a fluencer. I was sitting there. I went there and got, I went to Walmart and they had, I almost panicked when I saw it. They had freeze-dried ice cream sandwiches, which I didn't know existed, by the way. I literally grabbed the back of the ice cream sandwiches and pushed all of them into my cart. I bought 10 ice cream sandwiches.

I bought them all. And I went home because I'm going away Friday overnight with Max to do the primitive camping. So you're going to need some freeze-dried ice cream sandwiches? It's a little snack. It's a little treat. You know a little treat at the end of the night after dinner. You know what I mean? You wet them?

No, you just put it in your mouth, dude, and your mouth wets them. Is it just a regular ice cream sandwich? It's a freeze-dried ice cream sandwich. You've never had an ice cream sandwich until you had to freeze-dried ice cream sandwich. The texture, when it hits your mouth, it's the lightest thing in the world, but then when it hits your mouth, the saliva in your mouth magically takes over the molecules, and then science happens, and then you fucking taste it. and then it goes back and it's almost magical. By the way, as you're saying this, I feel like you should be surrounded by cartoon birds and stuff,

just really loving you. You're like snow white of desserts. I had them, and I left them in the car, and then a storm came, and I was trapped in the house. And I was waiting for the storm to go away, and in four hours, torrential rain. And I was just, I want the ice cream sandwich. So what could he do?

He told us. He went live around him. But he videotaped it. I went out. This is in her struggle. He said, should I go out? It was like a spooky movie. It had everything.

He's sitting in the tiny house alone. It's dark. You can hear the rain. Should I put my raincoat on and go to the car and get my freeze-dried ice cream sandwiches? The car was 30 feet away from the house in a storm. I was riveted. Dangerous. How much do you want those sandwiches?

I wanted them bad. and I finally put my coat on. You could feel it. I walked out in the rain. Did you treat yourself to two because you did the walk? No. I treated myself to one. The joy on his face when he had it.

Jay? Jacob, please. He's breaking down a little bit. Jay? Look at me. One sandwich. One. I grabbed one.

Dude, it was torrential. It was raining, dude. Torrential. Why didn't you just bring in more? You brought in more than one. I just grabbed one. I brought them all in just in case

but when you have one you don't need another one the magic that happens it's almost like you you had sex with the woman of your dreams and you nutted inside her and you know she couldn't get pregnant because she had a hysterectomy

it's okay I love it I love it but like a young hysterectomy like she shouldn't have had to get one yet but she did she had to get one because it was like you know her family and her history

that's the dream yeah you're that the dream to be one of them Yeah, not one because she had a cystic size of a fucking grapefruit. One, because she just had to get it. Yes. Just fucking something happened.

Like, just get rid of this now and you become a cream pie pump. I'm going to bring it up. You want us to wrap up to show so you can suck our dicks, you said? Yeah. That's right. Okay. It is Monday. All right.

Well, this show went fast. Big J. Ocasin is going to be in Spokane. The Spokane Comedy Club this weekend, July 5th and 6th. Then he's going to be at the Pantage Theater in Minneapolis. June 12th. One night. Then he's going to the Egyptian theater in Boise, Idaho, June 13th. Again, one show.

After that, he's going to be in Buffalo, Harrisburg, PA, and Winnipeg. For tickets and all the tour dates, visit bigjaycom. Get those tickets. Our little Jay is blowing the fuck up. So if you get a chance to see him in the club, get those tickets now because that's all going to be gone. YouTube.com slash at Big J. Okerson. He goes live. I watched it on the way up to New Hampshire.

the whole time, and was putting stuff in the chat. Not one response. Were you? I didn't see that at all. Yeah, no, you didn't. I was fucking sitting there looking at you, screaming at you. Bobby Kelly's going to be governors in Levittale on June 19th and 20th. And then the comedy mothership in Austin, Texas, July 3rd through the 5th.

After that, Port Smith, New Hampshire, Saratoga Springs, and Brooklyn, New York. For tickets and all tour dates, go to punchup. com.com. Robert Kelly. Catch him every Tuesday night. Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge at the comedy cellar. 7 p.m. in fact. And of course, Bobby's YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy. Let's get them plaques.

I'm going to get that. I'm going to get that. Get that plaque. The DVD of the making of a CD up on my YouTube channel. That will get me my plaque. We'll be back tomorrow. Here's a good teaser on our list. It says Leslie Jones' recent stand-up clip. Yes. Yes, please.