The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Squishy (feat. Kurt Metzger, Tim Butterly & Mike Rainey)

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

Mike Rainey & Tim Butterly from the Dad Meat podcast and Kurt Metzger discover a comedian named Squishy! 

And I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to a full two hour long episode of the Bonfire on Series XM or with the SXM app. It's easy. Go to SeriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Welcome back to the Bonfire Series XM Facts Talk 103 on Dan Soder. That's Big J-Oaks, and Full Crew here, and we're joined by Tim Butterly and Mike Rainey of the Dad Meat Podcast. Mike Rainey's new book on perks, available at onperks.com, and you can check out Tim Butterly on Twitch, at twitch.tv slash Tim Butterly. Watch the play rock and leave a whole bunch of other shit.

Should we go to war? Not yet. You haven't got any new yet? Not yet. I'm one thing away from having the game come 100% complete. You know, it is my son's playing it. And I don't want to step on his toes. Good. I want to sit there.

I sit there with my son and go, please enjoy AAA gaming son. And this is our time together. I love it. I do what? What do you play? Call duty. Everything. I play everything.

Yeah. Last night we did call duty, but we were in proximity chat doing Down syndrome voice the whole time. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. It's pretty cool. It's probably the joy of the trick to Down syndrome voice the whole time? Oh, that's fun. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

It's probably the choice. You know the trick to Down Syndrome voice? You just have to touch the inside of both of your cheeks with your tongue at the same time. Oh, I'll get that. You have to have a song in your heart and marbles in your head. Yeah, that's right. That's really the end of the trick. Oh, that's very good though, whoa.

I have a quick way to that. That's what? And then you get very tactical and say, I have to talk about me in this building. I'm taking my corners. And it turns you to fill my table. That's what Milton do. Hey, guys, why'd you think I had to go get more so then? Hey, that's not pie.

We should plug in the podcast too. My greatest little stinkers podcast. Of course, stoner dads. I'm going to come down to Philly for the Sandusky one. Ooh, maybe I can't wait for it. We talked about Sand Dusky. We gave a little bit of a preview on that. And then I want to get in on all the little stinkers

because they go deep down. Yeah, you a Sand Dusky man. I mean, I love the story is great. I love the town. It's got a great place. I don't know the artist, love Peter Point. I love the work. Yeah, I like his work.

I'm buying the history, not the idea. point. I love the work. Yeah, I like his work. I'm buying the history, not the idea. I just watched a documentary on getting taken down that was also like Sandusky and him were boys too. Oh, we were just watching that. It would be Uncle Eddie from Philly. Yeah, Pizza Box was all, yeah, that's what it was. Uncle Eddie and Jerry Sandusky knew each other. You talked about that, you brought that up, you were all like, I didn't know that connection was that.

Would you have done that, Jay, if you find out there was a wealthy pervert? 100% yes, yeah. He'd still do it. I don't even get it out. You got like show, you got like, I would've done what I could do, by the way, I don't think I could have shitted in front of him, but I would have peed in front of him if I could.

I would have, I wouldn't have said this long call. I would have given my underwear for sure. I'd have been like, I'll cook you up something. Let me go home. Yeah, I see cook you up some. Let me go home. Yeah, I see you going for it. Let me go to the test kitchen. I think what I might do is, uh, let me do this. Let me bring some. We're spitballing. I might go take you silk underwear, fuck it, blow a load in it. I can come back and you can be your, I don't know, I can be your hanky. This is my take on diarrhea. It's iron chup, it's iron pervert.

And then please enjoy this box or short flambé. If he told me though, at that age that I could have gotten like 200 bucks, like multiple per hundred dollars, first shitting on his face, I would have figured it out. What is this clip? Blackwood said this to me, this is the... Got the lady? That's Ladycott? Oh, God, whatever. What's she doing? She's gangfests. Dude, you guys should have her. It's gangfests. Is she getting a flesh light for sure? Dude, I'm not lying. She better fuck a blind mic

She a little busty under that or is that just armor? She's fine. Here's the our bodies not even that bad I'll tell you the issue that Faces busted and I don't think she solved a crime in her entire cop career This girl there's no time. She was already a girl cops There's already behind the eight ball and stopping any sort of actual crime For drop gun incidents. I know it's a matter that I can smell the semen You know cops is coming back a little slowly, but surely I got as much as they're back I've been watching episodes again

Recently and whenever it's a girl cop now. It's always a girl cop problem It's like hey, you go talk to this bitchy teen runaway who is angrier your mom Yeah, it's go over and be like life's not always right what's up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's knowing you weapons But I but back in the day to the cops episodes these would be the girls are trying to dive in there and just Causing all kinds of chaos by being the way Now she's a hostage of that dog somehow We got a Pipple mix that's got a gun Dude, that's their new problems. They go you're acting weird

What is it female police? My hands are head are good on my knees. Do whatever you want. Why are you being like that? I need to carry you doing I'm sorry. Am I under arrest and she goes do you think he should be under arrest? Where are you taking me? I'm gonna go And then I mine reader? Well, I told you that was that episode of, where that show, I never remember what it's called, but Canadian cops.

Yeah. In, it's on Netflix. But I found that when I was in Canada, someone told me about it. And it's just the show cops, but far more violent, far more like kind of vicious crimes they're talking about, but one hundred percent of the time on everything they arrest.

And I mean, stabbing shootings of domestics. At some point, people covered in blood and everything. Eventually a cop goes, all right, let's get you home. A hundred percent of the time he goes, all right, we're going to get you home. Do you need a VPN to watch Canadian cops or can you just watch it straight up on regular Netflix if you know it's called something else, but it's not just the cops, but I mean they're dealing with such more, you know, because they have like a lot of a wild natives up there. They got some wild natives up there. So a lot of times you show

up to a real bloody like, you know, engine fucking street fight. Oh, man. And that's why I'm, but the Eskimo gang warfare looks like hilarious. Isn't the igloo reservation. That's all pickaxe violence. Just huskies beefing constantly. Let's get your home. I mean, they do. They showed a guy. I saw a video in World Started. They have a guy busting into a bedroom. Wall is wife is getting fuck doggy style and the guy comes, it's her husband comes in and stabs the dude a couple times and then stabs her 85 to it's crazy. She's fighting back for the first 60.

What is the ring doorbell? It's like a security cam. Yeah, it's so fast. Looking down over the bed, you can see like you saw it. You saw cam. Yeah, it's pretty it's so fast looking down over the bed You can see like you saw it burning out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It's wild, but I mean to go from like you pull it up To go from fucking to dying it's instantaneous because the video it starts so fast So you see him like all what's up?

Kermetsker jumping on the show Kurt Mike and Tim from Philly both like that's up. Kurt Metzger joined in the show. Kurt Metzger jumping on the show. Kurt, Mike and Tim from Philly, both Philly and Gatsacelle, buddy. Kurt Metzger, would you stop fucking if you were getting stabbed? Yeah, immediately. Mike, I think so. Yeah.

Kurt, we're getting ready to watch. I saw this, we're also a hip-hop video today. Mike has seen a two of a girl. A girl getting here. A girl getting fucked, doggy style, for a split second before her husband comes in and kills the girl and the guy. Now this is that Tennessee cop we've been hearing.

No, we just talked about that the whole episode. Man, she is, I said she's not attractive, we all agree, but she is a work gang bang. Seven? No one's even trying to gang bang. You tried eight early, I did not see. I think eight's the answer. Work gang bang seven. No one's in the way. When you try gang bang, you try it eight early. I think eight's the answer. Work gang bang.

I looked it off. I wouldn't get it. No, there's a two points. You know, then there's the FTX Adderall score. And you got another point. They're both of them look related. This is the way. Yeah, this guy is in the middle.

They are having such a good time until. Does the guy yell world star after that's why they put it up. If you do any crime in you, you know, world star, they have to put it on the website. It's the Boba Bowie of By the way, before I even say play this right now, I'm going to kill you, but real quick world star. You're like, oh, fuck. How are you going to do? Whoever's place this is, their cord management for their television is Subpar I don't like it at all. What's up above the doors in old detectives office? Yeah, that's what looks like Yeah, the little window. Yeah, that's a Murphy bed pulled down Because it was a Tuesday unlike any other two I like to think I'm living my life in a way where when I die if there is video of it

There's not gonna be any emojis on it Yeah, by the way the mode you like oops adoodle something bad about to happen Dude by the way check out the fucking outside plastic lawn chair that's right next to the bed You never know if you have to put a foot up dude you got a captain Morgan said how you go Why don't you bring the cookout chair inside take a nice smoke break? These people smoke inside for sure Whoops Came in like a house on fire. Oh

I mean he just go oh my god The face yeah, okay, oh man That's Steven Singer. That's Steven. I hear Steven. If you watch that, that's a road. Oh, Perry Winkle. The new car. Those sheets are now crimson red. Steven's new color. Dude, that guy used a full cotta That's brutal Steven singers new rose gold wife blood. Are they both dead? I look into what I'm gonna go. Yeah the girls definitely no, no, no, I'm asking about the guy I don't know because the guy because a couple shots and then go out of there I bet he's probably dead too because he took some full like

Even making attempt to help the jerk some full like I mean, I'm even making an attempt to help the chick He's like, bye, bye I was working out Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't mean interfering with your love Is he still, look, he's still covering his penis He's embarrassing with his penis And that's why he gets stabbed in the heart

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, fuck Don't look I was coming in here to find the chair Oh, that was the first one was so good But isn't it crazy? I bet he's alive Talk about a gutch. Yeah, talk about two reactions though This this guy comes in and murders her for sure and then murders the Murder's the boyfriend and the cop girl was just like her husband is just like

just like marriage Jedi Park Ranger dude This is story about a man named J show that but oh And Dicks were in her head I'm not good at it He was uh yeah that girl

You ever think about stabbing her? Yeah I don't know She says open marriage is not really working Honestly I would go for the knife shoot, have a gun. You don't bring a knife to a gun fight. Just like a digger to bring a knife to a digger. I, um, she was taken several at a time. I wanted to save this story for when Kirk hearings, and thought it was pretty easy.

Anna residents must now show I deed of you porn online. I didn't have online porn I was little, but if I did and you took that away from me, I would probably have to have a real sit down with my mom and be like, mom, I need you to put the ID thing into the thing, okay? Or else I'm gonna do something really bad in the world. Wait, so they're just gonna steal your identity? Yeah. Basically, I don't know if that's what they say.

To look at porn, I won't even pay money to look at porn I'm not selling my data to that's how they get you now now it's no longer the credit card Louisiana oh why even bother oh you can go outside and see a gate of rolling around and it's just us saying how about you just teach everyone to read first Redneck moron Everybody fucking down here Mole central to indices a nice huck fian You never hear about Louisiana though. Just think about how weird it's getting down there that this is something they're trying I did a watch back states that. The act states that pornography is a public health crisis

for younger viewers, signing that contributes to the hyper sexual, sexualization of teens and pre-pubescent children and may lead to low self-esteem, by the age of the disorders. You gotta do this. Increase in problematic sexual activities and younger age.

You know how they're doing like drag branch for kid I'm gonna do porn brunch it like the library I'm sure that's child beauty page in country. Yes, it is which is because remember when the tolerance tells us out That was all like why you're sexual putting makeup or John Benning these little girls and then now it's cool as long as you do it with a boy these little girls and then now it's cool as long as you do it with a boy. Yeah, you should, you also shouldn't be allowed to buy single male tickets to a child pageant. No, one please. Yeah, that's a bad sign.

A pageant with a lot of single ticket buyers. Yeah, take that technology to fucking the ID to not to porn, but to child pageants. You can't even go into Chuck E. Cheese without a kid accomplice. Down in Louisiana, they're John Bin Yang. Yeah. Oh. Oh, yes, dude. That's just John Bin Yang.

I can get it to you. I don't disagree even that it's like the hypersexualization and all that shit. And two young of girls are what in facial com shots and all that shit. However, you gotta do, then you're gonna have to get the next generation. You can't pull this from them now. It's a revolving. If you're 16 or 15, you think you have to wait three more years to be able

to get porn back on your phone or computer. That's you're gonna need. There's porn at the door. There's the number one. The number one hyper sexualization thing, being a broken shit in Louisiana, that's the number one thing that makes you fuck early. Sure. Okay. Then all the kids on doing regular point, they all go on Twitch and watch, like Twitch is all like porn for youngsters.

And Tim, I'm doing porn for youngsters, for sure. Yeah, every time I play a game that's just like a dating simulator with like an anime I'm getting these kids in the wild. They should show ID for anime if they want to get to the problem Like who cares if they're regular if the kids are just regular fucking like who cares like They're trying to stop from being furries. My daughter told me about an anime genre called like Harams And it's just like dudes with like a hundred girlfriends or something like that

And it's just like that's a a hundred girlfriends or something like that. And it's just like, that's a common setup for this shit. What? Yeah. There's an anime called Food Wars where people are basically just like fucking food all the time. Man, it's fucked up. And this is dude, this is the biggest shit.

The way I head out there. Kids are 100% in on gay and queer anime and like super sexual shit. That's what happens when you have so much fucking favorite KitKast. And you're crazy with all your different flavors. What is this? And like super sexual shit. That's what happens when you saw it. It's flavored KitKaz Crazy with all your different flavors. What is this new suicide for this flavor of peppermint? I'm tired of fucking try these new fucking octopus dick Twix. I'm tired like these japs are in a problem This is because they brought us karate and such

Morning, yeah, wait, are they serving? Oh? Actually, when you taste that ramen, what would you do? It brought more in there. Yeah, wait till they serve the food. Oh! Actually, when you taste that ramen, what would you do? It's called Crunchy Roll, dude. That's the name of this guy. What is it called? Ramen Hero? This is food wars?

Um, let's see her reaction. This looks boring to animate. What is it? Dude! That is! She's not here. to animate. What is it? Do you know what it is? She's naked. Why don't you eat? I don't know.

She ate her buck-ass naked. Wait, is this that Louisiana- This is the whole dish. This is the Japanese-style Hollandaise sauce, accented with use of salt and soy sauce. Then there's pork grilled to a crisp that's balanced perfectly With the light flavors of sheo kombu and sheo leaves mixed into the rice The star of the dish crispy tempura

Right to there on top of your toe. She's nude in her imagination. He must have Okay, so get now. Okay. It's happening. It's just that I try to put his dick in the That's the yoke is velvety. Well, this is fact that he was able to bread that Starlight that we used to watch this and Eternal fantasy squirt for I actually think this rules though. Do you like anime stuff? This kind of stuff. think is cool, yeah.

Dude, the anime I used to watch is awesome. It's all people getting chopped at half with swords and shit. Well, now they're coming their pants over fucking holiday sauce. This is why they have this reverse birth rate. Or the flip right. So I don't think eggs Benedict's perfect. Do you remember the South Park where we're a tweak and the other kid where they're making yawi,

and now he is like feminine boys kissing anime boys. They got me came super popular. Do you know what that is? Cause they're love stories. It's not gay, it's off of gay boys. It's for girls. They're so repressed that the girls don't even, they're not even in their own fantasy.

It's just too much. Just too boys kissing. They're sitting there, woo woo woo woo, why are they watching other people kiss? Yeah, dude. even in their own fantasy. It's just too much. Just too boys kissing. They're sitting there, whew, whew, whew. Watching other people kiss. It's the same as in-sell dudes at Lesbian porn, because there's no decks. It's just two girls.

Well, I think that's cool. They can't even be in the fantasy. Do you like Lesbian porn? Yeah, that's my OG. Is it really from back in the day? How strange is that all the time, too? No, I do not feel like I'm a kid. We saw him, he ended up.

I don't feel like I don't feel like I don't feel like as anything not straight about me for liking to what I'm watching the girls get fucked. Yeah, if you don't want to see a dick or if you're wigged out that you're going to see that's why I said everyone's ever said when it comes out and someone stands up out of the room and will like, oh man, come on on. Oh my god What's not a matter? What was the Tiger King to trick these Confused young tiger assistants White bit he goes now you I need a baby And I guess big Dixie just fuck him. That was so funny. He really was like a gauge had our mind trick

It's not a very good trick They must have been just because I like dude. It's not important that I blank it out It's important is the damage being done to the woman. Yeah Yeah, but when you show up for work like shirtless and cargo shorts every day You're probably not that far from just doing gay shit Let's do this something about tigers. They're the Porsche of the animal king It wasn't just him. It was every other but everybody's getting laid off having a tiger around. Yeah, some of them are petting the tiger. His rings me get off now. Why don't you

why don't you get up there and straddle that tiger and feel that baby per? Remember, Sibian, do you want to go back to my single wide and I can finger you after this? Remember the when I think it's back when you lived to your current at one point in Harlem they got a guy who had like four monkeys an alligator It's I heard but he bolt and used to have a joke about about the guy had a tiger an alligator is backed up And a tiger and when they arrested he's like that tiger's my brother And I believe him because he wasn't eaten by any of the animals in his cramp New York apartment Yeah, he must have been family. Yeah, he had an ace Ventura apartment and not a fucking did shit to him

You know what it is they I remember they took the animals out of the apartment and showed him like when they do a gun bust You know when they lay all the guns out all the monkeys Tiger saying I'm a man someone broke Jesus Christ a 425 pound tie. Did you might be having a hold your tigers collar while you're taking your pizza from the guy to the door You he's fine. No, no, no, he just makes a lot of noise Puddles No, he's good. He's good Did you get his animals back? I don't think he did. I mean that apartment had to smell great

Three kinds of animals shit in there. Oh, dude any sudden movements? And the lady, and I always, I'll tell you what. You gotta wear a mask of a human face in the back of your head today. Tiger, isn't it? Jump you from behind like a monster? You take your eyes off this thing. The most hilarious fucked up thing ever. The most hilarious is the lady. After she told all of her friends it was fine.

She had a pet chimpanzee. Oh. That she has to make the phone call. No, it's the phone call. That she has to make this tell everyone that her chimpanzee is destroying her friends it was fine. She had a pet chimpanzee. Oh. That she has to make the phone call. No, it's the phone call that she has to make to tell everyone that her chimpanzee is destroying her friends face. Well, you can get the camera. Wow.

Yeah, she has the monkey. Oh, God, he's ripping her face off. Really puts those pit bull chicks in perspective, doesn't it? Yeah. He's a pit bull. He's like, he's ripping his face off. Kill him! The most amazing person was like, you shouldn't have a monkey.

She goes, this monkey is my child now and I love him. Did you watch the Oprah, I think it's the worst that Oprah's a piece of shit for as well. Oprah has the monkey face bite woman on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a goddamn carnival barker. And which crazy is, it's not even that they, the reveal, but it's when she starts talking, will gives me the williest because she gets

When did you start speaking klingon exactly By the way, what what piece of shit doctors saved her life after that? I don't know, but it's also funny She was almost a Jesus. It's also the most pain is the most yeah, you're gonna bring her back It's not your time yet. Are you sure? He is Bring her back it's not your time yet. Are you sure? Please have the glory of God please There are no chimpanzees here my child. That's the kind of shit where you see someone's a P.O.P.

On no no the thing I hate about her being a piece of shit Oprah is that she goes over and that she Wants her face is is her face is 92% lips and she goes over and taps the corner of her mouth like Oh look out Which of the crazier is that there was a there was a cute tiny outfit stained in blood Like a little a little sailor outfit Man man Little man man He's a bubbler look at go guys

But that's it. That's an evidence lockers up. She's giving him xanax every day Really yeah, that monkey was addicted to benzo's like Jordan Peterson That's what Casey Anthony did Join Peterson bikes and women's face off Peter some bites of woman's face Because you can't keep them after they get to be like adults Dude, that's just he's doing Barz He would sleep in the bed with him and then after the attack he went up to his room and died

What do you mean? Well, he went up to his room and he was He's a console hard. Oh Wait, so he stabbed so the monkey did the mom the lady the monkey face lady charla stabbed him. Oh, to get him to stop. Jesus, but he was sure it wasn't car before the horse. Maybe she stabbed him. That's why he fought back. That's why he took back the night.

Dan Soder monkey lawyer. Why don't you reverse? Why don't you get his cancer reverse? Please eat your quake. I can get a car. How you doing? I thought I'd swing on over to let you go. And where are the scissors? Did you ever hear a thing called chain of custody?

He's the Matthew McConaughey of Monkey Lord. I want to tell you right now. Now imagine, you got yourself a little bit of a banana. No, imagine. Yeah. Now imagine he's a chimpanzee. Who am I? I'm the man in the yellow hat. They're going to son of a bitch.

This guy's hard to beat and core. He's good, dude. You got Lincoln loitered me. Dude, they did that sketch on. Fucking SNL was Malaney. That's a judge, it's really fun. It was really fun. Where Malaney played judge is really judge which was there was that where Malaney played a chimpanzee that was also a judge

and it was fucking it was one of the best sketches and playing for the table you know play for a minute but just even with Malaney the rule Chris

get tan was born to play yeah Chris get tan through a bottle of jack Daniels at the screen when he saw it wait do you okay Chris gets one of those guys in there but anybody who meets him that goes like I rules you you do fucking rules when he saw it. Wait, do you, okay? Chris, can't it's one of those guys in there, but anybody who meets him that goes, that guy rules. You go. You go.

Dude, fuck it, rules. You go over to say hi and get mulled. It's not right. Do you think we'll get a settlement? Just go forward where he's doing monkey bits. Look at him. Look at me get. I have decided to allow cameras in this corner.

However, if I see my image in the monitor, I will think it is a rival monkey and I will completely lose it. Also, let the record show that I'm fairly close to completely losing it. I'm not just a shape in the blue with the gray perceived. Thank you, Your Honor. My baby, I love when you were in Sessionally Delaish, you know, baby.

Judge Love Baby, you know, Judge does love baby. Judge loves baby. It's a great sketch, but yeah, dude, having a monkey, it's never gonna go well. Can I ask you guys, how much you know about Peter the Dolphin? Who's Peter the Dolphin? Well, funny story. Sounds like a hit man. Oh, I really, I mean, I'm not a hit man. It's me, Dijolio, Peter the Dolphin well funny. So I'm like a hit man. Oh I randomly I mean I'm not an ocean. It's me. Did you know what he did?

Dolphin you're gonna be like say his name when I'm done telling you so I ran him. Speak his name. Say his name. So I randomly was watching some Rogan clip where he's talking about these experiments they did with the guy John Lillie that was like the big Oh, yeah, and they had this so he was doing these experiments with a house with dolphins He has a house partially submerged as a lady with a dolphin, okay, and she sleeps in a bed and deals it and then it ended up The dolphin was just easier to work with if she jerk them off

And then they found out about and put a stop to the experiment. So that's all I heard. Did I met, I mean, joke, uh, in Cincinnati at that club, Gobanan is, and I was like, did you know, but this, this Dolphin, leave the jerk off, he goes, he has Dolphin killed himself. I go, what? What? How? I think you like jumping to like a big fan.

No, he drowned himself. He slams on the cabinet. He was born into the water. He slammed the bottle. He slammed the bottle. And he held water after they separate. And I was like, I can see that, because imagine, like... He thought that was his wife. Imagine like, okay, there's smart animals.

And like, so you have flippers, dude. Okay, you had no idea what you were missing your whole life. Oh, the grip? And then a fucking angel comes down from outer space. Yeah. Dude, and fucking shows you a whole new world and then just leaves forever Honestly, you're not gonna have a whole mythology about going to the He has to my dry wife. I just put my shit in his

It drives my dry wife the tall what also. Can you imagine being a human getting a handy from her where you go? She who are you dealing with she said she said it wasn't sexual for her, but it was sensual. Ah, but I was like, so it was NASA that NASA was doing these experiments. Cause you're like, what was these experiments for to live with a dolphin? They were trying to see if you could maybe communicate with extraterrestrials. If they came and I'd say they made a breakthrough. The spaceship lands in NASA parts and they go give her have her go to the cops and the cops The boy that you play people were like

There is gonna be a nice Internation they took the lactic language you're gonna pull off like a like a koosie. She keeps her hand in Because the aliens will you hear about them? They try to communicate by fingering your ass all the way to the end. They try to play you like a fucking organ. They go, no, that makes them mad. Yeah. So what's your holes they got to get down on?

Yeah, why are you guys going to get down on our holes? Do you think she plugged his blow hole to suffocate him? She actually, he didn't kill himself, but she just sang that night kill himself. He was bummed about me. Certainly, he wasn't need be in choke. I've got to think the core She said what it was is they had these other dolphins and it was like a hassle to transport them to go Fuggy the dolphins and they really wanted to get this important work done so funny And I know I know a lot of past relationships a lot easier to get things done if you jerk me She goes I am a scientist to go Helen come on

What you did for science? We know the scientist was doing he was taking like huge amounts of LSD and laying in a sensory deprivation tank and going I'm sure if I do this enough I can communicate with dolphins You know why was his wife jerked them off he was like success Was that the scientist wife she was like a Tennessee cop of dolphins? Yeah exactly what happened? Dude that's crazy Elon just did the same thing with the monkey that can type with his brain all the type is like snacks please

By the way, you know what's good? You think it snacks. They're going to hear it too. You would bother Adolfan if she's giving it like the first couple of times they were lookaways and it took too long and she's just like doing it and like doing something else. And he was like, they're very sensitive. He's like, no, the dolphin, the dolphin's a little bit pushy. He's a little bit of a, an Andrew Callahan. He's pushing his dick into her. I didn't look, we should look at this. Uh, yeah, that's a little bit of a problem. I want to see his, uh, the guy from this place rules, like he's got allegations against him.

Sexual misconduct. Now, what do you think that means? Well, let's read it. I made a joke and I go, oh, what? He wanted to fuck and he goes like, no, anyone. Come on. And literally he was saying, come on. Oh, my, I'll do a documentary about you.

And now he can't hang out with Tim Heiderker anymore. No, Tim Heiderker's like, you were too weird. Do I take a break? Did they come back to the announcement? Did they denounce him? Oh, of course. Like, if he was, and Jonah Hill,

if he wasn't put himself in that jurisdiction, that if you're in the jurisdiction of that douchebag fucking, whether or pretending like they're not the biggest pieces of shit like You're done. You think Joe the hills got one coming around the pike all his boys. I think he got eight of bitch He's got the decapiro row by think he's never had a big yeah Yeah, I think his his vice is probably not Like Franco is like a pussy guy. Yeah. Yeah, I see no Seth Rogen. I don't think it was a constant pussy thing. No. Seth Rogen is, I don't know. We'll find those things and we'll come back.

And we will check them out. Before we go, we got a little bit of show left. Everybody we're hanging out. Mike Rainey Tim Butterley, current Matt's here now joining the party. We'll be right back. Are we one? It's the bonfire. During the break, dude. We're talking, you guys were talking about, uh, was it not sit on the air at all? No, that was all important. No, not one point if it was.

Welcome back to the bonfire series XM, in fact, I talk 103. I'm Dan Soder, that's Big Jerkson, full crew. We also got Tim Butterley, Mike Rainey, anchor, Metzger, all hanging out in studio. Metzger was telling a story on the break about, uh, jokes on us in Kansas City, Kansas. Yeah, Stanford.

There's Stanford sons. Oh, not jokes on us. Not jokes, Stanford sons. With Craig, RIP Craig Glazer, a man and his dog. The funniest web series ever. Yeah, I don't say, I don't say rest in peace or rot in piss. I say rest in piss. Oh, that's funny.

50-50. But uh, Big J was telling the story about because a Kurt he found out that the reason everyone is being weird about Dave Smith was because it was said that we told the story. Yeah, what Vecchion's favorite story ever. Yeah, that J couldn't be alone. And then I freak out and then Dave Smith's the only person that can calm me down. You're not saying who was booking who was you're not saying who was booking this and telling them that right Oh Wayne yeah, yeah, that's what Wayne radio

Wayne radio. Yeah, absolutely. He called he goes. It's that was the coolest move. I was like hey man They said they already got like a host But I wanted like Dave Smith to come at me on this gig. It's like a lot was like a six day gig Yeah, you do Tuesday to Wednesday. Yeah, or Tuesday to Sunday Yeah, so I was like yeah, I want to bring a friend to this and my manager's the Steinbergs are like, we're not calling that guy. He's so hard to deal with, we're not gonna do it. So Wayne just called me randomly and I was like,

yeah, I'm bumming out, I was trying to get Dave to go and I'm leaving like two days for this trip and I don't want to do it. It's just gonna be long and lonely. And he goes, he's gonna try to call and see if I can get him the feature. I go, ah, the guy's a pain in lonely. And he goes, he wants me to try to call and see if I can get him the feature. I go, the guy's a pain in the ass. He goes, let me see if I can get it done.

And I was like, all right, I'll commission you on this if you get it done. He called me back in five minutes and was like, it's handled. He's hosting, he has to share room with you, which I was like, of course, he's gonna share room. Like, are you gonna make him have to go to a different room? What am I going to play with our toys all night?

A human PlayStation basically. Yeah, I'm like, uh, he better be there. Who am I going to play with? So you didn't know how he pulled off this miracle. I go, wow, right. I go, well, here's the thing, because my manager didn't try. So it wasn't like we got to know, right? He was just like, it's also, I was like, shit, dude, you just

calling it that easy that fast? Like sweet, dude, thank you. And then a couple shit dude, you just called me did that easy that fast? Like sweet dude, thank you. And then a couple weeks later, yeah, I guess it wasn't that close because you went. Yeah, so I did it before you. We're weird, yeah. Well no, Craig, we were going to, I don't break this or something and Craig was like,

hey, you guys are big J, like, does he have some kind of health problems? We can't breathe or something. And I was like, what? No. He's, what? I know what the hell he's talking about. Like he needs to have like a handler there to make sure he can breathe at night.

Or he doesn't. Dave's gonna come out when I go on stage and like, like, King Kong, he's got to like point at me. Look at him. He's a spectacle. I'm gonna tell you guys right now. I'm gonna get out of the room. I'm gonna let Jago, you guys better get out of his way. I have no idea what's talking about and I really blew up Wayne's apparent lies

He told them. I'm known J for a long time. I think I know if you anything like that He's like, okay, he just seem weird out. I didn't understand until you told me what what happened Dude, I didn't find out so it came because well that's what happened. I got there and that guy Dana a big You have a couple stories about that guy who picked me up from the airport. He was like their driver. They breathe And okay, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, weed before and told me his whole domestic problems, stories and stuff. So I like know him to some degree, and he's being quiet and weird. He's like, did you back here? And then puts it in the car,

and then we're sitting in the car, and he's not talking and I go, hey dude, is everything all right? I go, what's going on? What's going on? Are you gonna attack? I go, is this, what's going on weird here? And he goes, I'm glad you brought it up.

It's all, let's be honest, it goes, yeah, they said you were all fucked up and like coming off drugs and sick and like you need a friend to like make sure you're there to like not fuck up or or so you don't choke on your tongue when you sleep. It was like crazy. This thing I'm like, now I just want to play video games with Dave. He goes, yeah, sure, sure, sure, but he will want to play video games. And then Craig all week, like, took that as like, Oh, I was lied to. Oh my God. Well, so right after that, after I blew up your spot, your Wayne Raider spot,

beautiful house of cards that we should. He goes, he goes, so we think of the, so the my the future when I was there. And not by the way, I wasn't like doing great at this gig. Just fairness to this opener. He goes, we think a squishy man. By the way, I wasn't doing great at this fairness to this opener. He goes, what do you think is Squishy Man? The guy opening for me was named Squishy Man.

He was like a social worker or some shit. No, he's a therapist. Well, I'll try to be a therapist. And it's just Squishy now, it seems on the website. But he goes, well, so I thought you were supposed to, you know, now obviously squishy is a horrific hack. He's stole, he stole Gabriel Eglace's ax. The whole thing. He stole his bio. Yeah, yeah, I'm not fat. I'm fluffy. That, he says, I'm not fat. I'm squishy, which by the way, I don't even think he understands Gabriel's bit. Yeah.

Where you take fat and make it something not as bad as fat. You made it like the worst. I'm not fat. I'm a lard ass Yeah, don't call me fat. I'm a blob of shit So he had a whole persona goes that's when the squishy comes out of me So it was anyway, he got what I thought him like he's fine. I you know, I don't fucking and he goes well He told me he called me up Called Craig up because like I should've been here and what's going on with me in Kurt Mezger.

And he goes, well, he goes, basically I've been blowing him off straight every night. Probably I should be headlined. And he probably switches around. Just thought I'd call you and give you the heads up. Craig told me all this right away. That's what I told the saying. He was, I think Craig liked me better because I didn't

trash squishy. Yeah. It was like the wisdom of Solomon to him to put out hilarious because I couldn't even believe squishy besides that He's awful. I mean how was he as a person was he putting on the good like friendly enough thing or just a quiet Quiet green room. He seemed fine the second night after I knew about it. I might have like glad I go oh man you too dark for this Kansas sit and like Fuck up squishy man It is a creepy as thing that this like ambitious little fat fuck is Like a therapist and he's that underhanded of a piece of shit. Yeah, but I guess you drop man

There's a squishy now. No, no the video she just had said Squishyman. Oh, Squishyman. Squishyman. Squishyman. Let's just take a look at him. Educate and spire and educate. Educate. Inspire. Squishyman.

He's a weird too. He's splashing. Squishyman. Squishyman. Squishyman. He said Squishyman. Squishyman. Wow, actually, I take it back.

He did blow me off the, everything I've ever done. Does anybody have his comment? Yeah, do we have any comedy club videos? Look how it says PG 17 PG 17 isn't a thing, but do you see traveling therapist counselor? I don't see doctor in front of squishy. It's just squishy. That's what psycho therapist me. Oh, anyone's great celebrities with skit squishy do it squish celebrities he is not fat he's Oh my god that host committed suicide after giving an intro that's broad ripple

hello me squish him in Michael swill up I got a waterpeel. I got a waterpeel. Oh my God. My ankle's swilla. I got gout. I don't got gout, I'm squishy. You guys know, Mr. Squisherman, you have gout. I'm telling you. No, that's just squishy. Okay, I don't have to say, you have type two squishy. You have squishy beanies.

Or you can take the insulin, go back to bed. Can we hear his great comedy? I'm sorry, interrupt it. Yeah. Yeah, you have squishy beadies or you could take the insulin go back to bed Can we hear his great comedy? I'm sorry interrupt it. Yeah Fill it with the Yeah He's gay right I have no idea he might just be so there's like gay squishy Damn dude

Squishy will read game No, we don't want to go down the right side. Oh, yeah. Well, I guess that's about time. Oh, crazy, because you want to hear some crazy shit about me? Or you want to just talk about nothing at all? Nothing. Nothing.

Let's bring Johnny back up. You want to vote your pill pop loose, right? I guess y'all not getting squished. Oh, squishing can be with metal all women. I'm what they call jenna squishy We can't we can't judge Heavy in you window Stop something in a half dude. That's not true. Yeah, it is. If you keep your app, it's going to be half man, half stress ball.

Well, let me say I'm not cheating on my father with a stretch home stroke. Curriculum dates are going to be this weekend. The 20th and 21st at hilarities. Make sure you check out on perks by my grainy on perks.com. Check out Dad Meat Podcast, bigjay J comedy dot com for tickets to Sacramento punchline This Thursday through Saturday also he's gonna be in Connecticut and other places go to big J comedy dot com Dan Soder dance order dot com Sacramento is coming February 20th. Yeah, I said all of it wrong Dan Soder's coming to Sacramento February 2nd through the 4th after today is gonna be in Vancouver Salt Lake City in Toronto for tickets and all tour dates

Oh, I hope you have all your posters for all that Border crawls. Yeah, dude. I'm going crazy. Hey, Blackloo Cowboys Niners. We'll see each other Sunday night Eagles Giants Saturday while Jason Sacramento go Niners. Go birds. We love you guys. We got 15 seconds is hanging out. I keep looking for Squishy so late into the get I want to watch his whole act with you guys. I'm gonna have my- By the way, how about the host going? Uh, he asked me to tell you guys that he's not fatty, squishy, so welcome squishy. I'm gonna do a shot. He's behind the curtain, mouthing it. Thanks for listening. Don't forget that the bonfire is a radio show. A full show.

We got a studio and everything. You can listen to us on Sirius XM or on the SXMF. Thanks for listening. Don't forget that the Bond Fire is a radio show, a full show. We got a studio and everything. You can listen to us on SiriusXM or on the SXM app. It's basically the same thing. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer.